Grieving the Death of a Sibling

Understanding Grief / Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley


The other day I asked our Facebook community to suggest resources for people who’ve experienced the death of a sibling.  Although some were able to make recommendations, many were quick to point out their struggle to find help and support for their loss.  One reader even said she dubbed herself the “forgotten mourner” after finding sibling grief was so often overlooked in the support world.  Now, we can’t have that!

Obviously, this is just a post and it doesn’t substitute for dedicated organizations, movements, or other types of support – but it’s a start. Whatever you are able to contribute to the conversation in the comments and on social media, please do. The more voices we have speaking on the subject, the more supported and cared for other grieving siblings will hopefully feel.

This post is long, but the last thing we want to do is create another resource that is overgeneralized and unhelpful. At the end of the post, we’ll link to a resource page with suggestions for locating support locally and online.  Got it? Good. Okay, let’s talk about some of the reasons why the death of a sibling (at any age) is really stinking hard.


Feelings and Emotions

You may be experiencing grief over the death of your sibling if you feel any of the following –shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, isolation, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, increased or decreased appetite, fatigue or sleeplessness, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, isolation, questioning faith – to name a few.

Okay, so those things aren’t specific to sibling grief, however, they might be experienced differently by someone grieving a brother or sister. For example:

You feel guilty because…

…you are the sibling that survived.

…you knew your sibling inside and out and yet you didn’t know about the struggles or hardships that led to their death.

…you weren’t able to protect them.

…there are things you wish you had said, but didn’t

You feel anxiety because…

…you know how fragile life is.

…you’re worried you may die in the same way as your sibling.

…you’re worried others in your family may die.

You feel lonely because…

…although you’re surrounded by people, you miss the one person who you could truly be yourself with.

I could go on, but the important thing is to understand that your feelings are unique and important. Good, bad, or anywhere in-between, your relationship with your brother or sister was different than anyone else’s and so you’ll experience hurdles, triggers, and hardships that others may not.

Your parents, siblings, and other family members may grieve in many of the same ways that you do, but in many ways, their grief may differ.  It’s important to remember this because misunderstandings can arise amongst family members when people react differently in response to a death.  It’s also important for people supporting bereaved siblings to keep this in mind so they can help validate and support the griever’s feelings and experiences.

 

Overshadowed Grief

This is just a guess, but I suspect a lack of sibling grief resources exists because sibling grief is often overshadowed. People simply cannot fathom the out-of-order-ness of a parent having to bury a child, so when this is the case their thoughts and concerns often immediately go to the parent’s grief.

Parents themselves may not be able to effectively attend to their children’s grief and outside family and friends may be hesitant to step in and offer support or suggestions.  It might also be true that support and attention are first given to siblings who are younger or who are perceived to be more fragile. In a situation where any or all of these things are true, a grieving sibling may end up feeling as though other people’s grief is more important than their own.

This may be confounded by the fact that some people willingly allow their grief to go unnoticed by themselves or others. Raise your hand if you’re the sibling who feels like it’s your job to take care of and support the rest of the family.  After a death, some siblings might quickly step in to take care of their younger children and/or their parents because they feel it’s their role or duty. 

Sometimes this happens out of necessity, sometimes avoidance, sometimes expectation, and sometimes all of the above. It is important for all members of the family to recognize that no one’s grief should take complete precedence. Although family members might take turns supporting one another, at one point or another everyone’s grief deserves attention and needs to be attended to.


Changes in Family Dynamics and Support Systems

Families – functional or dysfunctional – often operate according to a set of norms, roles, traditions, and patterns. Each person has their place in the family system, so things can get thrown off balance when someone in the family dies. An important person is gone, and those who survive them are sometimes unable, unwilling, or disinterested in filling that person’s role(s) or carrying out traditions and patterns as they have in the past.

Shifting family dynamics can lead to the weakening of support systems. Parents and siblings who are grieving may be of less, little, or no help. If a person’s support system largely consists of family (which is often the case for children and teens), they may find they’re facing one of the hardest periods of their life without a safety net.

The support system may also be weakened if the person who died was an important source of support for surviving siblings. This may be true at any age, but if the death happens when the siblings are in older adulthood, the person who died may have been one of the surviving sibling’s few living family members

For all these reasons and others, it is common for people to have to reassess their support system in the wake of loss and to seek out additional help while coping with their grief.

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Comparisons and Expectations

You are special and you are wonderful (come on…you know you are). You have no one to live up to besides yourself, your goals, and your own potential.

Okay, I just wanted to say that as a reminder to anyone who feels like they’re living in the shadow of a deceased sibling. Feeling compared or overshadowed is common after the death of a sibling, and (although you may be hesitant to admit it) this experience can result in feelings of resentment or anger towards family and/or the person who died.

If this sounds like you, the first thing we recommend you do is to ask yourself, “Who is making me feel this way?”  If the answer is your parents or other family members, then the next thing you might do is try to communicate with your family about how you feel. This might seem like a scary task because you don’t want to rock the boat or make anyone feel worse in their grief. If this is the case, or if you think your concerns will fall on deaf ears, you might want to consider talking to a counselor about how to approach the situation or enlist the help of a family counselor to work with the family as a whole.

Now, you may find that you yourself are responsible for comparisons and expectations. This might happen for a number of reasons including insecurity, guilt, or the feeling that you need to pick up where your sibling left off.  If you think you might be the source of comparison, then some serious self-reflection is probably needed.

Acknowledging the truth of the situation is a good start, you’re in even better shape if you can identify why this is happening.  As you search for answers, you might find it’s helpful to spend time in reflection, journaling, or talking to a trusted confidant, support group member(s), or counselor.

 
 

Missed Opportunities

When a person dies, you are not only robbed of their physical presence in the here and now, but you (and they) also lose the chance to spend your tomorrows together. Your life after their death becomes filled with thoughts of “if only”, ” we would have”, and “I wish.”

This is obviously the case for missed opportunities in the future; the happy moments you wish you could have spent together like weddings, graduations, births, adventures, and family get-togethers. We talk a lot about how to handle these moments here and here and here. However, missed opportunities are also felt when people wish they could make up for all they didn’t do while the person was alive. For example, taking the chance to say “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” and “I care”. 


You miss the hell out of them

Sibling relationships obviously vary in their degrees of closeness, love, and amicability.  Some siblings may be thick as thieves, others wonder whether they’re even really related.  Regardless, siblings are our ties to family bonds.  They have known us the longest. They understand our history and are the people with whom we have the longest running jokes.

They are our bridesmaids and our groomsmen. They are our children’s aunts and uncles.  They bail us out when we’re in trouble, they loan us money, and then we loan it back.  They are the most judgmental people we know.  They are the most accepting and loving people we know.  Siblings can never be replaced and when they are gone we miss the hell out of them.


As promised, you can find help locating sibling grief support on this page. Please comment below and share your experience with the death of a sibling and/or recommended resources.

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1,240 Comments on "Grieving the Death of a Sibling"

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  1. Annie  July 1, 2020 at 9:47 am Reply

    Im from South Korea, and I lost my one and only older brother on 26th December 2019. He was 33 years old, and his name is Myunghyeon An. I was working in Uganda at that time. I still remember that day, my dad called me said you have lost your brother. He was found on the river ar 1pm with the freezing cold weather in my hometown.
    I flew back to Korea with the earliest flight after a call, and finally arrived at the funeral. I just couldnt believe anything, he said will see you after 7 months little one when we said good ye when i left korea. I still remember him as the nicest, coolest person. We miss him very much. He is just gone like this without saying one word, without anything left for his reason to leave. I still think about him a lot. I will remember him forever, until i die. The one and only one.

    Miss you so much my brother 명현.

  2. Pamela Zavala  June 30, 2020 at 3:03 am Reply

    First I lost my older brother about 6 years ago. He was almost to his 34th birthday. He aspirated in his lungs from a od on pills. That was October 2014. After that I moved with my mom to take care c if her so she wasn’t alone. Then February 2017 my younger brother was found with a gun shot to b his head. They ruled a suicide, but I know my siblings and he would have never done that. He just turned 33 in October. He left behind a twin brother who has a major drinking problem. We all thought he would go next. Last week my sister died at age 45 have a C-section. She bleed out and her heart stopped. In this day and age it doesn’t make sense. It’s rare to die from complications of child birth. She was there eldest. Needless to say, my mom is falling apart losing 3 kids. I’m trying to hold it together and keep her afloat through it all. All I can think is none of this makes sense and how long before my last sibling is taken from this earth. I thought one was hard, two was unbelievable, now this. I don’t get it. This isn’t how life was suppose to be.

    Anyways thanks for listening.

  3. April  June 19, 2020 at 12:29 am Reply

    I lost my brother Jason March 24 2020 they found him floating In his favorite pond the 28 of March 2020. I am lost without him me and him was two peas in a pod we screwed up together we straightened up together we always made sure we heard from each other no madder what . we lived with each other every time we was down we made sure we was ok fought over frozen pizza and cussed every now and agian. Always made sure mama and daddy was ok and not sad or tried too . Always went to the porch when anyone came over he played the guitar I sang . loved to grill loved the music loved our whole famliy! Every single one ! We where born and raised in Georgia I’m 37 years old youngest of two brothers don 45 Jason 40 and me 37 the only girl. I adopted out two of my oldest girls because I couldn’t do it I had my first at 17 I just couldn’t do it alone or so I thought . drugs was a big part of my whole entire family’s life except for my oldest sibling he really showed us all how we are soppost to live he became a preacher a couple years ago made us all so proud and gave us something to fight for . we all look up to him and was always scared to tell him the full truth . why ? Because we knew he couldn’t understand that his heart was and is to pure for the devilish ways we had lived we wanted to protect him . we loved him to much to keep breaking his heart. He is a true pure good hearted man that we all respect. I just can’t seem to face reality that my baby brother is gone . I can’t believe he swallowed meth and died drowned in water! I believe the law did it and was out to stop him and others involved with him I believe there is more to it than what the report says come on people you can fly helicopters over a city but can’t go looking for a man you heard scream in a pond splashing standing beside his abandoned truck you just ran down with a door open and keys in the ignition!!! Im not done with this by a long shot. !!! There is to much not adding up like my brother wouldnt swallow dope and he also can swim and knows that pond like his way to the bathroom at night! He can swim like a sailor and knew how to float and hold on to a stump many out there! Why was there only one bare foot print in the field my brothers size foot with boot prints following it! Also later after the so called investigation lol or what they called an investigation with no yellow tape out around scene the original people that found him call me to tell me they found one shoe these shoes where nikie floaters they don’t sink there was no mud on them there was dry clay in the print of the bottom of shoe the other shoe not found after the so called search even though he was completely bare footed. I went to ask for report of the incident they claimed they had none the state patrol did . that was a lie . I finally got one from the sheriff’s office two day after by email humm think they doctored it up????!! Don’t know but know something stinks and they hated him also there is more to this than I can even think of but I will go to any links to know what’s really going on am I over reacting ?

  4. Stephanie  June 10, 2020 at 11:55 pm Reply

    December 28, 2019, my beautiful sister died unexpectedly at the hospital. The day before she was rushed to the hospital struggling to breathe. They got her to the hospital gave her medication to which she responded to successfully. We all sat around her hospital room, my other sister, my children and my grandchildren. We laughed and joked….she was doing great! The doctor came in said everything was looking fine and said if all goes well she should be able to go home the next morning…maybe a day after that. Normally, we would never leave our love one overnight alone at the hospital but it was my husband’s birthday and though he had said he didn’t want to go out to eat unless she could go, we all went anyways because according to the doctor and to her, she was doing just fine. I awoke at 6something on the morning of Dec 28 to my daughter banging on the door “get dressed lets go something’s going on with Felicia” I immediately fell to my knees, then ran threw on clothes and slid down to the hospital (it was snowing). It was too late she was gone by the time I had made it. The doctor had no answers. He said he had no medical reason why she passed. He said she had an awesome night, woke up to go to the bathroom complained of a pain and died. I am so devastated, hurt , in pain. Trying to live life without her is unbearable as our family did everything together and I mean everything. Now the dynamics have changed…there is a puzzle piece missing, a piece of my life gone. I was told that she had told a cousin the night before that she didn’t want to die. She made that clear but yet no one of higher power heard or listened to her instead they took her from us. Now we are lost hiding behind out daily routines of life and suffering in silence. I have prayed for her to come to me in my dreams so that I know she is okay, but all the images I receive are of her crying, angry, upset, I have not received an image, dream, vision of her being settled or accepting. I need answers to why this is…….I’ve considered a medium because I need some answers. Thank you for allowing me to post my deep pain.

  5. Amy  May 28, 2020 at 7:08 pm Reply

    Yesterday. My brother died. He was only 25. He died in his sleep. It was a normal morning or so we thought. My mom was screaming all of the sudden to get my dad because she found him in his bed with his lips blue and not breathing. My dad performed cpr on him but it didn’t work. They were both screaming and I was hiding in tiny spots screaming bloody murder thinking this isn’t real this isn’t real. My sister and other brother were here with us too. I prayed to God so hard asking for a miracle. But he passed away in his sleep. I feel so empty. I keep crying. We all keep crying. I have anxiety, I have depression, I don’t know how I’m going to live a normal life after I lost my brother, my best friend.

  6. Idk  May 27, 2020 at 3:42 pm Reply

    It’s heavy. It’s heavy a lot and to tell you the truth, I have no idea whatsoever as to when it will become light again.
    He isn’t here anymore. My 22 year old best friend and brother Miles. He is gone. He died on September 21,2020 because the cocaine he took had fetanol in it. I ache for him. The pain in my parents eyes is almost unbearable but the roles must be reversed for a while.
    I’m lost and I don’t know when I’ll be found again.

  7. Ghazala Khan  May 24, 2020 at 6:47 pm Reply

    Hi everyone

    Are you all from USA as I noticed the time difference in the posts and most places mentioned as of USA. I am from UK

    GHAZALA

  8. Ghazala Khan  May 22, 2020 at 3:49 pm Reply

    My younger sister was 50 when she passed away from cancer just three months ago

  9. joel  May 22, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    I lost my brother, age 37, in February. He was addicted to meth for 20 years. He had a heart attack in his bed, and he was cold when his 12-year old son found him. He struggled with his addiction but he was a good father and loved his sons as much as any parent I’ve ever known. He was the funniest, most charismatic person, and he very rarely let his numerous problems show. He masked his pain with drugs, and was ashamed of his addiction to the point that it kept him from getting help. if you know anyone who is addicted to something like this, tell them that they should not be ashamed. they deserve help. people love them and would die for them.

  10. Cassie Wengler  May 21, 2020 at 5:40 pm Reply

    I lost my brother about 2 years ago in a motorcycle accident. I was helping a friend move in to her brothers house. Her brother happened to be my boyfriend at the time. I remember the call I got from my dad about my brother. I was in such shock I couldn’t speak. I arrived to the hospital with my aunt and grandma about an hour later. Before my parents had called me, they were at the hospital and were getting no answers. All the nurses were saying they didn’t have anybody in that name. Finally they found the floor he was sent to and they were able to call family with all the information. I remember walking through the doors of the waiting room with most of my family who were able to make it there before me just crying non stop. I had never felt the way I did that evening. My brother died a day after turning 23 and he died on the scene. Doctors and nurses thought they could revive them but he was already gone. We spent ours waiting for them to tell us something. Finally they called me, my parents, and my brothers girlfriend to another room. My dad stayed behind because he just couldn’t handle it by that point. I cried more than anybody there. I was drenched in my own tears practically. My mom and his girlfriend held it together enough to help me through it.
    After his funeral day (he was cremated so we just had a service for him) I had gone home and tried sleeping in his room to feel close to him. Worst decision I ever made. I was not ready for that. My best friend since pre-k ended up coming over at 1am to spend the night and share memories we had of him. It had helped me a lot and she still helps me in that way.

  11. Barbra J  May 7, 2020 at 9:42 am Reply

    I recently lost my sister 2 3 20 just seven months after I lost my mother at 68 years old my mother was my everything losing her I experienced grief however losing my sister at just 48 years old unexpectedly on a Sunday evening I got to talk to her earlier that day and that I love her good grief at times unbearable. I know now I could have health care in many ways it’s because I am a Pisces and I know things it it’s common knowledge to me and my entire life is not everyone understood and things like I did including my sister.
    And it’s true I never knew the struggle and she faced I’m a little girl she loved her girls so much they were her reason to live all these things I. Read of others grief I have experienced. My sister, my rock, best friend,mentore when I was in need she was there no matter.
    Never asking for help until my mom pass my sister and my mom were closest in any of the other kids a near each other inside and out never had a day without each other. And my sistr grieve my mother like I grieve my sister.
    Sadly I didn’t understand what she was going through until she was gone the fact that it was so quick and unexpected massive heart attack. Anyway I’m grateful it was quick but that night she connected with me I can smell her I feel her and I knew the moment of her transition.
    A moment my life my brothers lights my niece’s life as all the hearts ever touched by her heart and kindness.
    My sister Patty we never say no or to anyone down if they were in need.
    That was her gift to look past any and all outside shell and see the truth and the person within.
    Sis always saw the heart of those she encountered a gift as well .
    Recently before she passed she’s got to me about mom telling her and she saw with her heart we heart It mom said it was her gift she cherished that so so much.
    As with my mother and my sister what is a giver gifter always wanting to help give hope be helpful she was my angel. A grief so fresh deep with my heart unlike any emotion I have ever experienced or knew I could experience.
    Thank you for this opportunity to share this bit. Be blessed

  12. Liz  May 6, 2020 at 12:28 pm Reply

    My twin sister died 7 months ago after losing her fight against a rare cancer she had. She only lasted 4 months in cancer treatment and later had a multitude of strokes that led her to be paralyzed on one side. She was too weak for surgery and she never wanted to rely on a machine to live so we took her home with hospice, she died a week later. We were only 16, she wanted to work for NASA, go to a good college, and settle down. She had big dreams. From most of my time grieving I felt empty, I sometimes still do but after therapy I felt better. It doesn’t hurt to talk about her but I still miss her. What is the most heartbreaking, is that I hear my older brother cry alone at night, my other brother struggle to get psychiatrist drugs for the depression he developed, and my parents seeking all assistance from God. A God I no longer believe in after she was gone, they tear up often at church. My older sister is doing good she was the strongest but that means she suffered the most.

  13. Kathy  May 6, 2020 at 11:47 am Reply

    April 13th will be the five year anniversary of my big brother’s death. I still mourn him. I miss him. He killed himself. I don’t know why. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.

  14. Hayley  April 30, 2020 at 12:47 pm Reply

    I’m 40 this year, my brother was 36 when he was killed on New Years Eve 2019, he was knocked off his motorbike. This has completely crushed me, it sent me to a place of grief where I felt i was drowning in my thoughts and feelings. We had not been in touch for the last 5 years. But that wasn’t to say we didn’t love each other, we just chose different lives. This last year my brother was choosing to have a better life and I was ready to acknowledge his achievements and rebuild our relationship but sadly that chance was taken away. The shock of loosing my brother turned me inside out and my body seemed to want to shut down. Luckily I have had amazing support from family and friends who have helped me recover and get through this. I also lost my dear Grandma 18 months ago to cancer which shattered me and my family..She was the most amazing lady. I understand there are diseases and that accidents happen , which I believe God did not create.. we do. God doesn’t want us to suffer and so our bodies are able to deal with the 5 stages of grief at our own pace. Some days are harder than others and the harder days eventually start to reduce. Writing this today is a step forward for me. Life must go on and I will for my brother and Grandparents get back to enjoying the beauty and gift of life.

  15. Tarayna Gartner  April 29, 2020 at 9:55 am Reply

    I’m 17 years old and my brother was 23. He passed in a fire. He had no where to sleep so he went to an abandon building and it caught on fire in the middle of the night. His name was Brandon and he was an amazing person. He had his problems and a lot of them but it didn’t stop him from loving me. He was my rock, my home and now he is gone… I don’t know how to handle this because he passed April 5th, 2020, found out on the 11th and it is only April 29th, 2020. I live in a residential home and I didn’t really get to talk to him much cause I wasn’t allowed to talk to him and I didn’t have a phone at the time. I just want to say to everyone grieving for a loved one, you will get through it. It will be hard but you can do it.

  16. Tarayna Gartner  April 29, 2020 at 9:55 am Reply

    I’m 17 years old and my brother was 23. He passed in a fire. He had no where to sleep so he went to an abandon building and it caught on fire in the middle of the night. His name was Brandon and he was an amazing person. He had his problems and a lot of them but it didn’t stop him from loving me. He was my rock, my home and now he is gone… I don’t know how to handle this because he passed April 5th, 2020, found out on the 11th and it is only April 29th, 2020. I live in a residential home and I didn’t really get to talk to him much cause I wasn’t allowed to talk to him and I didn’t have a phone at the time. I just want to say to everyone grieving for a loved one, you will get through it. It will be hard but you can do it.

  17. Lori Barger  April 27, 2020 at 1:41 pm Reply

    My brother and I were 16 years apart. When I was seven years old he was out with a friend and he was killed in a car accident in 1972. I have memories of kindergarten and earlier of my parents…..but I have no memories of my brother. Someone once told me my mind probably created a mental block to protect myself???? I don’t know about that but, here it I am now 54 years old and I long to have my memories back. I lost my dad in October of 2015 and mom in March of 2016. I’ve talked to them and family members about my brother many of times but it was too painful for them to talk much about him. All I know from them is he was a great person and that he loved me. You would think that would be enough to know…..but I would love to have my memories of him. I miss them all so very much but I am also thankful that I have my children and Grandchildren.

  18. Lori Barger  April 27, 2020 at 1:41 pm Reply

    My brother and I were 16 years apart. When I was seven years old he was out with a friend and he was killed in a car accident in 1972. I have memories of kindergarten and earlier of my parents…..but I have no memories of my brother. Someone once told me my mind probably created a mental block to protect myself???? I don’t know about that but, here it I am now 54 years old and I long to have my memories back. I lost my dad in October of 2015 and mom in March of 2016. I’ve talked to them and family members about my brother many of times but it was too painful for them to talk much about him. All I know from them is he was a great person and that he loved me. You would think that would be enough to know…..but I would love to have my memories of him. I miss them all so very much but I am also thankful that I have my children and Grandchildren.

  19. Ellie  April 24, 2020 at 1:15 am Reply

    I lost my older brother when i was 11 and he was 25. He died in a motorcycle accident and a drunk teenager hit him and he died instantly. His wife didn’t charge the teen or have anything done to them and i don’t understand why. His 5 year anniversary is coming up

  20. Ellie  April 24, 2020 at 1:15 am Reply

    I lost my older brother when i was 11 and he was 25. He died in a motorcycle accident and a drunk teenager hit him and he died instantly. His wife didn’t charge the teen or have anything done to them and i don’t understand why. His 5 year anniversary is coming up

  21. A  April 19, 2020 at 6:19 pm Reply

    Thank you for giving me a space to put my story. My older brother and I were inseparable. We were only 18 months apart in age and we grew up in a troubled home and in poverty and we learned how to survive together. What I’ve told only a few therapists is that my brother began molesting me at a very young age up until age 12. I was never angry at him because we loved each other so much. When we got older I prayed and prayed that I would never have to face the issue of what we did when we were younger. Fatefully, I got my wish when my brother was killed in a car accident when I was 18 and he was 20. I was so crushed that I would spend nights sleeping on his grave in the cemetery. I had no family support and no one cared about my grief. Somehow I pulled myself together and I went to college and made something of myself on my own, but the grief from this experience has stayed in the back of my throat and has affected my life in so many ways–not just his death, but also the sexual abuse that I never really addressed. It took me years to not feel guilt when I call it sexual abuse, but that’s what it was. No one in my family knows and they all worship my brother in his death, but they never really knew him and I cannot get over it and be close with them and I also cannot tell them about these things because it would sully my brother’s memory. It is just a burden I have to bear alone–the abuse and the grief, forever. At times, it really overwhelms me. My family members are close to one another, but not to me and I know why, but I cannot fix it. I cannot just get over it like they want me to. They don’t know everything. Anyway, thanks for letting me put this all down.

  22. A  April 19, 2020 at 6:19 pm Reply

    Thank you for giving me a space to put my story. My older brother and I were inseparable. We were only 18 months apart in age and we grew up in a troubled home and in poverty and we learned how to survive together. What I’ve told only a few therapists is that my brother began molesting me at a very young age up until age 12. I was never angry at him because we loved each other so much. When we got older I prayed and prayed that I would never have to face the issue of what we did when we were younger. Fatefully, I got my wish when my brother was killed in a car accident when I was 18 and he was 20. I was so crushed that I would spend nights sleeping on his grave in the cemetery. I had no family support and no one cared about my grief. Somehow I pulled myself together and I went to college and made something of myself on my own, but the grief from this experience has stayed in the back of my throat and has affected my life in so many ways–not just his death, but also the sexual abuse that I never really addressed. It took me years to not feel guilt when I call it sexual abuse, but that’s what it was. No one in my family knows and they all worship my brother in his death, but they never really knew him and I cannot get over it and be close with them and I also cannot tell them about these things because it would sully my brother’s memory. It is just a burden I have to bear alone–the abuse and the grief, forever. At times, it really overwhelms me. My family members are close to one another, but not to me and I know why, but I cannot fix it. I cannot just get over it like they want me to. They don’t know everything. Anyway, thanks for letting me put this all down.

  23. ROBERT PAUL ROBERTS  April 17, 2020 at 6:21 pm Reply

    my sister was murdered on the 11/08/1978 i know poeple will say it was a long time ago and it was it is about 42 years ago but at the time of her death i was just 18 it hurt then and 42 years later it still hurts there isn’t a day that goes by with out me thinking of her what she would be doing now where she would be living and all of our family would still be together then in 1981 when i was just 21 my mother passed away i guess she died from grief now i have to try and cope with both of them gone i have tried going to see a Psychiatrist on many times i have tried talking to people about it but it doesn’t help i suppose i have coped with it all these years just just every now and then i hear a song or a smell or something else makes me cry and my grief starts all over again i suffer from depression and i take tablets for it when we was kids we used to say to my older sisters i wonder if i will ever catch up to you in age my sister was 25 when she died and now i am neally 60 if she was still alive she would of been 67 this year i miss her so much my heart hurts some times i wish i could get over her death and in other times i don’t want to get over her death there was 5 kids in the famerly 4 of them got married i didn’t i’m still single maybe thats why i never got over her death i have a woman friend who i can talk to about life and other friends as well and i think that keeps me going.

  24. ROBERT PAUL ROBERTS  April 17, 2020 at 6:21 pm Reply

    my sister was murdered on the 11/08/1978 i know poeple will say it was a long time ago and it was it is about 42 years ago but at the time of her death i was just 18 it hurt then and 42 years later it still hurts there isn’t a day that goes by with out me thinking of her what she would be doing now where she would be living and all of our family would still be together then in 1981 when i was just 21 my mother passed away i guess she died from grief now i have to try and cope with both of them gone i have tried going to see a Psychiatrist on many times i have tried talking to people about it but it doesn’t help i suppose i have coped with it all these years just just every now and then i hear a song or a smell or something else makes me cry and my grief starts all over again i suffer from depression and i take tablets for it when we was kids we used to say to my older sisters i wonder if i will ever catch up to you in age my sister was 25 when she died and now i am neally 60 if she was still alive she would of been 67 this year i miss her so much my heart hurts some times i wish i could get over her death and in other times i don’t want to get over her death there was 5 kids in the famerly 4 of them got married i didn’t i’m still single maybe thats why i never got over her death i have a woman friend who i can talk to about life and other friends as well and i think that keeps me going.

  25. C  April 12, 2020 at 11:20 pm Reply

    My sister died on Friday, April 10th 2020 after a long fight with breast cancer. She was 45. It hurts so bad inside, like my grief is trying to crawl out of me through my tears. She was my half-sister, and we only met once in the 90s when I was a little girl. Because our family has a lot of bad blood, we only were able to really communicate in the last few years, after she was diagnosed and I had cut ties with toxic family that had kept us apart. Turns out we had a lot in common, and I felt like I was finally getting to have her in my life. It was a bittersweet time. I was reluctant to let myself get too close, because my experience with our family relationships has not been very positive. But it has really hit me these past couple of days how much she meant to me, and how much I looked up to her. Our pain was shared, our love for each other and our other siblings was mutual. Even though the was a sixteen year gap between us, and we lived multiple states from each other, it felt like she had always been there waiting for the right time to tell me how much she cared.
    Now that she is gone, I feel gutted, but also guilty for being heartbroken when her mom, aunt, our brother and her daughter were with her through this whole process and I was not. They truly knew her, and have the right to mourn deeply. But I am not just grieving her death. I’m grieving the missed opportunities, the years of misunderstanding, the time that slipped through our fingers. I’m deeply aware that I’ll never get to make new memories with her, will never spend time with her in person, won’t get to say I love you and I’m sorry ever again. I’m so bitter, but trying to be grateful for the time we had.
    Anna, I love you so much. Don’t worry about me, I’m strong like you, it’s in our blood. In my heart you’ll always be the most beautiful woman my child eyes had ever seen. I’ll never stop admiring your courage. I can only try to honor your love by staying true to myself, no matter what. I still feel your love. Thank you for being my sister.

  26. C  April 12, 2020 at 11:20 pm Reply

    My sister died on Friday, April 10th 2020 after a long fight with breast cancer. She was 45. It hurts so bad inside, like my grief is trying to crawl out of me through my tears. She was my half-sister, and we only met once in the 90s when I was a little girl. Because our family has a lot of bad blood, we only were able to really communicate in the last few years, after she was diagnosed and I had cut ties with toxic family that had kept us apart. Turns out we had a lot in common, and I felt like I was finally getting to have her in my life. It was a bittersweet time. I was reluctant to let myself get too close, because my experience with our family relationships has not been very positive. But it has really hit me these past couple of days how much she meant to me, and how much I looked up to her. Our pain was shared, our love for each other and our other siblings was mutual. Even though the was a sixteen year gap between us, and we lived multiple states from each other, it felt like she had always been there waiting for the right time to tell me how much she cared.
    Now that she is gone, I feel gutted, but also guilty for being heartbroken when her mom, aunt, our brother and her daughter were with her through this whole process and I was not. They truly knew her, and have the right to mourn deeply. But I am not just grieving her death. I’m grieving the missed opportunities, the years of misunderstanding, the time that slipped through our fingers. I’m deeply aware that I’ll never get to make new memories with her, will never spend time with her in person, won’t get to say I love you and I’m sorry ever again. I’m so bitter, but trying to be grateful for the time we had.
    Anna, I love you so much. Don’t worry about me, I’m strong like you, it’s in our blood. In my heart you’ll always be the most beautiful woman my child eyes had ever seen. I’ll never stop admiring your courage. I can only try to honor your love by staying true to myself, no matter what. I still feel your love. Thank you for being my sister.

  27. C  April 12, 2020 at 11:20 pm Reply

    My sister died on Friday, April 10th 2020 after a long fight with breast cancer. She was 45. It hurts so bad inside, like my grief is trying to crawl out of me through my tears. She was my half-sister, and we only met once in the 90s when I was a little girl. Because our family has a lot of bad blood, we only were able to really communicate in the last few years, after she was diagnosed and I had cut ties with toxic family that had kept us apart. Turns out we had a lot in common, and I felt like I was finally getting to have her in my life. It was a bittersweet time. I was reluctant to let myself get too close, because my experience with our family relationships has not been very positive. But it has really hit me these past couple of days how much she meant to me, and how much I looked up to her. Our pain was shared, our love for each other and our other siblings was mutual. Even though the was a sixteen year gap between us, and we lived multiple states from each other, it felt like she had always been there waiting for the right time to tell me how much she cared.
    Now that she is gone, I feel gutted, but also guilty for being heartbroken when her mom, aunt, our brother and her daughter were with her through this whole process and I was not. They truly knew her, and have the right to mourn deeply. But I am not just grieving her death. I’m grieving the missed opportunities, the years of misunderstanding, the time that slipped through our fingers. I’m deeply aware that I’ll never get to make new memories with her, will never spend time with her in person, won’t get to say I love you and I’m sorry ever again. I’m so bitter, but trying to be grateful for the time we had.
    Anna, I love you so much. Don’t worry about me, I’m strong like you, it’s in our blood. In my heart you’ll always be the most beautiful woman my child eyes had ever seen. I’ll never stop admiring your courage. I can only try to honor your love by staying true to myself, no matter what. I still feel your love. Thank you for being my sister.

  28. Britney  April 10, 2020 at 12:12 pm Reply

    It is coming up on the 4 year anniversary since my big brother passed away. He was 34 years old and was taken by cancer. So many things in this article and comments have made me feel less alone. I do feel as though my grief and loss are less important than his two kids, aged 20 and 7 now, and his wife, and our parents, and even his other half sister because I felt like he and her were so much closer. However my grief and loss is real, too, and it hits me hard sometimes from some of the most random things. (Gosh just writing this has me in tears) I am left with feeling guilt that I didn’t call him more or go see him more. I feel guilty and selfish that I am upset that he wont be there to help me when our parents pass away. I know that I won’t be completely alone in that I will have my husband and amazing sister in law, but it’s not the same. I looked up to him for my entire life and thought he was the coolest person ever and now it kills me that he never got to meet my two kids, his niece and nephew. And I know it’s weird, but I then feel so guilty complaining about that when his sister wont get to have him at her upcoming wedding, or his daughter wont get to have him walk her down the aisle or see her graduation. His son was so little when he passed and is missing him through all of his years growing up. His parents shouldn’t have had to lose him. It’s just not right to have to go through the loss of your child. And his wife to have to lose her partner who would have shared their whole life together. It kills me inside how unfair it all is. But one thing that has helped me is that he isn’t hurting anymore. The last month or so he was in so much pain, all I wanted to do was take it for him. And I feel that the hurt I feel now is God’s or the universe’s way of granting my wish. I will gladly feel the pain of his loss for the rest of my life so that he can be without that pain. I wish I had told him how much he meant to me and how I admired and looked up to him. He was such an incredible and talented and kind and fun person to be around. I am so blessed and thankful that I got to have the time with him I did have. I am beyond thankful and blessed that he made me an aunt to those two phenomenal kids who I love with all my heart. They both keep him alive in being a part of him, and that’s a beautiful thing. He also gave me a big sister, who is just so amazing and strong and kind. She even through her own grief has helped me with everything in so many ways. She and her Mom made pillows out of some of his shirts and hoodies. She and my Niece got my two babies these beautiful wall hangings about how their uncle is their guardian angel. I am also so very thankful for the support from my husband who has been my rock through all of it. And he was grieving the loss of a brother as well. Like the article says, any loss strikes multitudes of people and we have to come together to support and console each other. Each and every one of us experience something different in loss, and we need to understand that. Hopefully someone will read my story and feel a little less alone, too. Hugs to everyone out there who needs one.

  29. Britney  April 10, 2020 at 12:12 pm Reply

    It is coming up on the 4 year anniversary since my big brother passed away. He was 34 years old and was taken by cancer. So many things in this article and comments have made me feel less alone. I do feel as though my grief and loss are less important than his two kids, aged 20 and 7 now, and his wife, and our parents, and even his other half sister because I felt like he and her were so much closer. However my grief and loss is real, too, and it hits me hard sometimes from some of the most random things. (Gosh just writing this has me in tears) I am left with feeling guilt that I didn’t call him more or go see him more. I feel guilty and selfish that I am upset that he wont be there to help me when our parents pass away. I know that I won’t be completely alone in that I will have my husband and amazing sister in law, but it’s not the same. I looked up to him for my entire life and thought he was the coolest person ever and now it kills me that he never got to meet my two kids, his niece and nephew. And I know it’s weird, but I then feel so guilty complaining about that when his sister wont get to have him at her upcoming wedding, or his daughter wont get to have him walk her down the aisle or see her graduation. His son was so little when he passed and is missing him through all of his years growing up. His parents shouldn’t have had to lose him. It’s just not right to have to go through the loss of your child. And his wife to have to lose her partner who would have shared their whole life together. It kills me inside how unfair it all is. But one thing that has helped me is that he isn’t hurting anymore. The last month or so he was in so much pain, all I wanted to do was take it for him. And I feel that the hurt I feel now is God’s or the universe’s way of granting my wish. I will gladly feel the pain of his loss for the rest of my life so that he can be without that pain. I wish I had told him how much he meant to me and how I admired and looked up to him. He was such an incredible and talented and kind and fun person to be around. I am so blessed and thankful that I got to have the time with him I did have. I am beyond thankful and blessed that he made me an aunt to those two phenomenal kids who I love with all my heart. They both keep him alive in being a part of him, and that’s a beautiful thing. He also gave me a big sister, who is just so amazing and strong and kind. She even through her own grief has helped me with everything in so many ways. She and her Mom made pillows out of some of his shirts and hoodies. She and my Niece got my two babies these beautiful wall hangings about how their uncle is their guardian angel. I am also so very thankful for the support from my husband who has been my rock through all of it. And he was grieving the loss of a brother as well. Like the article says, any loss strikes multitudes of people and we have to come together to support and console each other. Each and every one of us experience something different in loss, and we need to understand that. Hopefully someone will read my story and feel a little less alone, too. Hugs to everyone out there who needs one.

  30. Britney  April 10, 2020 at 12:12 pm Reply

    It is coming up on the 4 year anniversary since my big brother passed away. He was 34 years old and was taken by cancer. So many things in this article and comments have made me feel less alone. I do feel as though my grief and loss are less important than his two kids, aged 20 and 7 now, and his wife, and our parents, and even his other half sister because I felt like he and her were so much closer. However my grief and loss is real, too, and it hits me hard sometimes from some of the most random things. (Gosh just writing this has me in tears) I am left with feeling guilt that I didn’t call him more or go see him more. I feel guilty and selfish that I am upset that he wont be there to help me when our parents pass away. I know that I won’t be completely alone in that I will have my husband and amazing sister in law, but it’s not the same. I looked up to him for my entire life and thought he was the coolest person ever and now it kills me that he never got to meet my two kids, his niece and nephew. And I know it’s weird, but I then feel so guilty complaining about that when his sister wont get to have him at her upcoming wedding, or his daughter wont get to have him walk her down the aisle or see her graduation. His son was so little when he passed and is missing him through all of his years growing up. His parents shouldn’t have had to lose him. It’s just not right to have to go through the loss of your child. And his wife to have to lose her partner who would have shared their whole life together. It kills me inside how unfair it all is. But one thing that has helped me is that he isn’t hurting anymore. The last month or so he was in so much pain, all I wanted to do was take it for him. And I feel that the hurt I feel now is God’s or the universe’s way of granting my wish. I will gladly feel the pain of his loss for the rest of my life so that he can be without that pain. I wish I had told him how much he meant to me and how I admired and looked up to him. He was such an incredible and talented and kind and fun person to be around. I am so blessed and thankful that I got to have the time with him I did have. I am beyond thankful and blessed that he made me an aunt to those two phenomenal kids who I love with all my heart. They both keep him alive in being a part of him, and that’s a beautiful thing. He also gave me a big sister, who is just so amazing and strong and kind. She even through her own grief has helped me with everything in so many ways. She and her Mom made pillows out of some of his shirts and hoodies. She and my Niece got my two babies these beautiful wall hangings about how their uncle is their guardian angel. I am also so very thankful for the support from my husband who has been my rock through all of it. And he was grieving the loss of a brother as well. Like the article says, any loss strikes multitudes of people and we have to come together to support and console each other. Each and every one of us experience something different in loss, and we need to understand that. Hopefully someone will read my story and feel a little less alone, too. Hugs to everyone out there who needs one.

  31. Molly McGuire  April 10, 2020 at 11:04 am Reply

    Thank you for this article. I have felt alone in my grief a lot. I lost my sister 5 years ago. She was 51. We were very close. My parents were in their 80’s and died a couple of years after my sister. The part in the article about the need to build new support systems resonated with me.

  32. Molly McGuire  April 10, 2020 at 11:04 am Reply

    Thank you for this article. I have felt alone in my grief a lot. I lost my sister 5 years ago. She was 51. We were very close. My parents were in their 80’s and died a couple of years after my sister. The part in the article about the need to build new support systems resonated with me.

  33. Molly McGuire  April 10, 2020 at 11:04 am Reply

    Thank you for this article. I have felt alone in my grief a lot. I lost my sister 5 years ago. She was 51. We were very close. My parents were in their 80’s and died a couple of years after my sister. The part in the article about the need to build new support systems resonated with me.

  34. Susan  April 9, 2020 at 1:21 am Reply

    I lost my older brother a week ago, he went to sleep and never woke up, he was 44, I’m heartbroken and miss him so much. He was my best friend as well as brother. I wish there was something I could have done to help him get his health sorted out this might never have happened. I feel selfish for wanting him to still be here with me, it’s been hard for me to accept that He is gone, I can feel his presence, I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you

  35. Susan  April 9, 2020 at 1:21 am Reply

    I lost my older brother a week ago, he went to sleep and never woke up, he was 44, I’m heartbroken and miss him so much. He was my best friend as well as brother. I wish there was something I could have done to help him get his health sorted out this might never have happened. I feel selfish for wanting him to still be here with me, it’s been hard for me to accept that He is gone, I can feel his presence, I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you

  36. Susan  April 9, 2020 at 1:21 am Reply

    I lost my older brother a week ago, he went to sleep and never woke up, he was 44, I’m heartbroken and miss him so much. He was my best friend as well as brother. I wish there was something I could have done to help him get his health sorted out this might never have happened. I feel selfish for wanting him to still be here with me, it’s been hard for me to accept that He is gone, I can feel his presence, I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you

  37. Mary Mohammed  April 5, 2020 at 11:28 pm Reply

    I lost my brother to leukemia when he was only 16 years old, 2 years ago, and still can’t sometimes fathom that he is really gone, and will not see، talk, argue, fight or just being with him, it still breaks my heart when I think about him، see pictures or just anything that reminds me of him . I love him so much and wish that I can talk to him one more time, and ask him to forgive me if I have wronged him or saddened him or just anything, I love You so Much little brother and wish to only have a moment or two with, to tell you how much I adore, love and cherish you. Love You now and beyond xxx, I just watched your funeral and broke down by myself in the dark. I love you so much

  38. Mary Mohammed  April 5, 2020 at 11:28 pm Reply

    I lost my brother to leukemia when he was only 16 years old, 2 years ago, and still can’t sometimes fathom that he is really gone, and will not see، talk, argue, fight or just being with him, it still breaks my heart when I think about him، see pictures or just anything that reminds me of him . I love him so much and wish that I can talk to him one more time, and ask him to forgive me if I have wronged him or saddened him or just anything, I love You so Much little brother and wish to only have a moment or two with, to tell you how much I adore, love and cherish you. Love You now and beyond xxx, I just watched your funeral and broke down by myself in the dark. I love you so much

  39. Mary Mohammed  April 5, 2020 at 11:28 pm Reply

    I lost my brother to leukemia when he was only 16 years old, 2 years ago, and still can’t sometimes fathom that he is really gone, and will not see، talk, argue, fight or just being with him, it still breaks my heart when I think about him، see pictures or just anything that reminds me of him . I love him so much and wish that I can talk to him one more time, and ask him to forgive me if I have wronged him or saddened him or just anything, I love You so Much little brother and wish to only have a moment or two with, to tell you how much I adore, love and cherish you. Love You now and beyond xxx, I just watched your funeral and broke down by myself in the dark. I love you so much

  40. Elyse  April 5, 2020 at 3:37 pm Reply

    I lost my little brother on March 28, 2020. He passed away in our family home. Surrounded by loved ones. He was only 29 years old. My husband and I did CPR for 10 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive. EMT’s arrived and continued to try and get a heart rhythm back . I’m devastated at this loss. It’s not fair. I can’t fathom living life without him. His laugh, his voice… hearing his footsteps. I feel so guilty. I couldn’t do my only job as a big sister, I couldn’t protect him- I couldn’t make this better for him. I miss him so much.

  41. Elyse  April 5, 2020 at 3:37 pm Reply

    I lost my little brother on March 28, 2020. He passed away in our family home. Surrounded by loved ones. He was only 29 years old. My husband and I did CPR for 10 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive. EMT’s arrived and continued to try and get a heart rhythm back . I’m devastated at this loss. It’s not fair. I can’t fathom living life without him. His laugh, his voice… hearing his footsteps. I feel so guilty. I couldn’t do my only job as a big sister, I couldn’t protect him- I couldn’t make this better for him. I miss him so much.

  42. Elyse  April 5, 2020 at 3:37 pm Reply

    I lost my little brother on March 28, 2020. He passed away in our family home. Surrounded by loved ones. He was only 29 years old. My husband and I did CPR for 10 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive. EMT’s arrived and continued to try and get a heart rhythm back . I’m devastated at this loss. It’s not fair. I can’t fathom living life without him. His laugh, his voice… hearing his footsteps. I feel so guilty. I couldn’t do my only job as a big sister, I couldn’t protect him- I couldn’t make this better for him. I miss him so much.

  43. Heartbroken  March 15, 2020 at 1:46 am Reply

    I lost my brother, yesterday, 26 hours ago. I’m so heartbroken and lost. He was only 42 years old and didn’t have one enemy. He never turned his back on me even when others did. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him.

  44. Heartbroken  March 15, 2020 at 1:46 am Reply

    I lost my brother, yesterday, 26 hours ago. I’m so heartbroken and lost. He was only 42 years old and didn’t have one enemy. He never turned his back on me even when others did. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him.

  45. Heartbroken  March 15, 2020 at 1:46 am Reply

    I lost my brother, yesterday, 26 hours ago. I’m so heartbroken and lost. He was only 42 years old and didn’t have one enemy. He never turned his back on me even when others did. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him.

    • Kristy  March 16, 2020 at 11:26 am Reply

      Saddest news. I’m so deeply sorry. Your brother is a part of you forever. You will meet him again xox

    • Lonely One  March 27, 2020 at 3:38 pm Reply

      I know how you feel. My brother passed away March 24, 2020. I’m still crying. We were so close, talking on the phone or texting every day just to check in. How can he not exist any more?

  46. CheriJo  March 2, 2020 at 12:02 am Reply

    I didn’t know what I would find when I googled, “my brother died 40 years ago.” I found a place to put the incredible sadness I’ve felt all day. Some anniversaries are harder than others. This one has really thrown me. Today is Sunday, and it was a Sunday morning when my mom called and told me to come to the house. I was 21 at the time. When I arrived, I found out my brother had died in a car accident. He had been drinking and he was 20 years old. I really appreciated the article and the validation around feeling like my feelings weren’t allowed to be felt. My parents literally fell apart. It felt as though I not only lost my brother, but also my parents, as they closed ranks in order to survive. I was left to take care of the details that must be tended to when someone dies. My relationship with my parents, fractured and has been permanently changed. Every time we are together, the realization that my brother isn’t with us is palpable, although my parents seldom talk about him. As I get older, I miss him more. I feel an incredible longing for him. I’m so envious of people with siblings. Thank you.

  47. CheriJo  March 2, 2020 at 12:02 am Reply

    I didn’t know what I would find when I googled, “my brother died 40 years ago.” I found a place to put the incredible sadness I’ve felt all day. Some anniversaries are harder than others. This one has really thrown me. Today is Sunday, and it was a Sunday morning when my mom called and told me to come to the house. I was 21 at the time. When I arrived, I found out my brother had died in a car accident. He had been drinking and he was 20 years old. I really appreciated the article and the validation around feeling like my feelings weren’t allowed to be felt. My parents literally fell apart. It felt as though I not only lost my brother, but also my parents, as they closed ranks in order to survive. I was left to take care of the details that must be tended to when someone dies. My relationship with my parents, fractured and has been permanently changed. Every time we are together, the realization that my brother isn’t with us is palpable, although my parents seldom talk about him. As I get older, I miss him more. I feel an incredible longing for him. I’m so envious of people with siblings. Thank you.

  48. CheriJo  March 2, 2020 at 12:02 am Reply

    I didn’t know what I would find when I googled, “my brother died 40 years ago.” I found a place to put the incredible sadness I’ve felt all day. Some anniversaries are harder than others. This one has really thrown me. Today is Sunday, and it was a Sunday morning when my mom called and told me to come to the house. I was 21 at the time. When I arrived, I found out my brother had died in a car accident. He had been drinking and he was 20 years old. I really appreciated the article and the validation around feeling like my feelings weren’t allowed to be felt. My parents literally fell apart. It felt as though I not only lost my brother, but also my parents, as they closed ranks in order to survive. I was left to take care of the details that must be tended to when someone dies. My relationship with my parents, fractured and has been permanently changed. Every time we are together, the realization that my brother isn’t with us is palpable, although my parents seldom talk about him. As I get older, I miss him more. I feel an incredible longing for him. I’m so envious of people with siblings. Thank you.

  49. Somewhere far  February 26, 2020 at 8:25 am Reply

    It’s very hard for me to be open right now and share my story. Initially I had googled how to get over the anger of someone killing your sibling. And I stumbled across this website. But I felt maybe if I do I will feel better. I doubt it but it is worth a try. At the moment I feel lost and confused. I just feel sad and hurt. I feel nobody around me understand how I feel. I find it very hard to express myself because everyone is in a hurry. Nobody really makes to time to just hold a deep conversation so I never have a chance to really go deep. But I wish I could. I lost one of my brothers at the age of 16. I am now 24. This was just a year before I lost my father. So this was devastating. I’ll never forget being alone at my aunts. Scrolling on Facebook and finding out his death on Facebook. It kills me to even think about it but I have to. My brother was shot in the head along with his best friend. He was set up by his first cousin. He paid a person they both were close to at the Time to kill them both. Nobody has yet been arrested and I now understand no justice will be served. But it usually isn’t. I have a lot of anger in me that I hide. More so pain. I am hurt. Mainly because these were people we trusted. Slept in our home. They were all so close.
    And you set him up? I am heart broken. And till this day fearful that I may run into them. I have not yet recovered from that lost. Fast forward to a few years later at the age of 21 I lost my other brother to a accidental overdose. Fentanyl and alcohol. I had just saw him that morning and told him I’d see him when I get home from work. I never saw him when I got home from work. The hospital called my mom and asked her if she could come in the hospital and identify a phone. We knew what that meant. I’ll never forget actually driving to the hospital. I was on the phone With someone that worked there maybe a doctor I’m not sure. And I just remember asking over and over again. Please tell me if he’s alive. They said to just come in they wouldn’t tell me so I kept asking then they finally said he was dead. Just let Iike that “He’s dead” my body was in complete shock. I have no control over it. I couldn’t stop shaking. Heartbroken. I had to be strong for my mom in that hospital. On top of his gf being there faking as if she was pregnant crying and causing a scene and we believed it. We were vulnerable. and she knew that. Again heartbroken. On top of finding out he was with friends and they just dropped him off at the hospital and left him. Or that they could have called 911 and he could of been alive today. I have not yet grieved over any of those deaths. My dad nor my brothers. Now I am 24 and I just lost my mother to cancer 8 months ago. It is only me left. And right now in this moment. I just want to run away. I want to run away from this pain and life. It has been so so hard. And I just want one person to look at me and understand strong people get tired too. I am so tired. I appear strong to family and friends. The whole world. But only if they knew what lays beneath the surface. Only if they took the tome out and understood even though I’m acting distant I don’t need any space. Even though I smile and joke and laugh I am dying inside. Literally. I feel my heart dying. I am trying each day to do my best and make something out of myself. But I am losing hope. It may just be a weak moment because I know I can not give up. I want so much for myself. But I’m angry. I’m so so so angry. Anyone who reads this I know you don’t know me but I ask that you please pray for me. Because I desperately need it. I’m not sure what the universe has planned for me. I just will keep taking each day a step at a time. I can write a book about my life but I just wonder who would care enough to read? Or will I even be alive to finish the story. I’m not sure

  50. Somewhere far  February 26, 2020 at 8:25 am Reply

    It’s very hard for me to be open right now and share my story. Initially I had googled how to get over the anger of someone killing your sibling. And I stumbled across this website. But I felt maybe if I do I will feel better. I doubt it but it is worth a try. At the moment I feel lost and confused. I just feel sad and hurt. I feel nobody around me understand how I feel. I find it very hard to express myself because everyone is in a hurry. Nobody really makes to time to just hold a deep conversation so I never have a chance to really go deep. But I wish I could. I lost one of my brothers at the age of 16. I am now 24. This was just a year before I lost my father. So this was devastating. I’ll never forget being alone at my aunts. Scrolling on Facebook and finding out his death on Facebook. It kills me to even think about it but I have to. My brother was shot in the head along with his best friend. He was set up by his first cousin. He paid a person they both were close to at the Time to kill them both. Nobody has yet been arrested and I now understand no justice will be served. But it usually isn’t. I have a lot of anger in me that I hide. More so pain. I am hurt. Mainly because these were people we trusted. Slept in our home. They were all so close.
    And you set him up? I am heart broken. And till this day fearful that I may run into them. I have not yet recovered from that lost. Fast forward to a few years later at the age of 21 I lost my other brother to a accidental overdose. Fentanyl and alcohol. I had just saw him that morning and told him I’d see him when I get home from work. I never saw him when I got home from work. The hospital called my mom and asked her if she could come in the hospital and identify a phone. We knew what that meant. I’ll never forget actually driving to the hospital. I was on the phone With someone that worked there maybe a doctor I’m not sure. And I just remember asking over and over again. Please tell me if he’s alive. They said to just come in they wouldn’t tell me so I kept asking then they finally said he was dead. Just let Iike that “He’s dead” my body was in complete shock. I have no control over it. I couldn’t stop shaking. Heartbroken. I had to be strong for my mom in that hospital. On top of his gf being there faking as if she was pregnant crying and causing a scene and we believed it. We were vulnerable. and she knew that. Again heartbroken. On top of finding out he was with friends and they just dropped him off at the hospital and left him. Or that they could have called 911 and he could of been alive today. I have not yet grieved over any of those deaths. My dad nor my brothers. Now I am 24 and I just lost my mother to cancer 8 months ago. It is only me left. And right now in this moment. I just want to run away. I want to run away from this pain and life. It has been so so hard. And I just want one person to look at me and understand strong people get tired too. I am so tired. I appear strong to family and friends. The whole world. But only if they knew what lays beneath the surface. Only if they took the tome out and understood even though I’m acting distant I don’t need any space. Even though I smile and joke and laugh I am dying inside. Literally. I feel my heart dying. I am trying each day to do my best and make something out of myself. But I am losing hope. It may just be a weak moment because I know I can not give up. I want so much for myself. But I’m angry. I’m so so so angry. Anyone who reads this I know you don’t know me but I ask that you please pray for me. Because I desperately need it. I’m not sure what the universe has planned for me. I just will keep taking each day a step at a time. I can write a book about my life but I just wonder who would care enough to read? Or will I even be alive to finish the story. I’m not sure

  51. Somewhere far  February 26, 2020 at 8:25 am Reply

    It’s very hard for me to be open right now and share my story. Initially I had googled how to get over the anger of someone killing your sibling. And I stumbled across this website. But I felt maybe if I do I will feel better. I doubt it but it is worth a try. At the moment I feel lost and confused. I just feel sad and hurt. I feel nobody around me understand how I feel. I find it very hard to express myself because everyone is in a hurry. Nobody really makes to time to just hold a deep conversation so I never have a chance to really go deep. But I wish I could. I lost one of my brothers at the age of 16. I am now 24. This was just a year before I lost my father. So this was devastating. I’ll never forget being alone at my aunts. Scrolling on Facebook and finding out his death on Facebook. It kills me to even think about it but I have to. My brother was shot in the head along with his best friend. He was set up by his first cousin. He paid a person they both were close to at the Time to kill them both. Nobody has yet been arrested and I now understand no justice will be served. But it usually isn’t. I have a lot of anger in me that I hide. More so pain. I am hurt. Mainly because these were people we trusted. Slept in our home. They were all so close.
    And you set him up? I am heart broken. And till this day fearful that I may run into them. I have not yet recovered from that lost. Fast forward to a few years later at the age of 21 I lost my other brother to a accidental overdose. Fentanyl and alcohol. I had just saw him that morning and told him I’d see him when I get home from work. I never saw him when I got home from work. The hospital called my mom and asked her if she could come in the hospital and identify a phone. We knew what that meant. I’ll never forget actually driving to the hospital. I was on the phone With someone that worked there maybe a doctor I’m not sure. And I just remember asking over and over again. Please tell me if he’s alive. They said to just come in they wouldn’t tell me so I kept asking then they finally said he was dead. Just let Iike that “He’s dead” my body was in complete shock. I have no control over it. I couldn’t stop shaking. Heartbroken. I had to be strong for my mom in that hospital. On top of his gf being there faking as if she was pregnant crying and causing a scene and we believed it. We were vulnerable. and she knew that. Again heartbroken. On top of finding out he was with friends and they just dropped him off at the hospital and left him. Or that they could have called 911 and he could of been alive today. I have not yet grieved over any of those deaths. My dad nor my brothers. Now I am 24 and I just lost my mother to cancer 8 months ago. It is only me left. And right now in this moment. I just want to run away. I want to run away from this pain and life. It has been so so hard. And I just want one person to look at me and understand strong people get tired too. I am so tired. I appear strong to family and friends. The whole world. But only if they knew what lays beneath the surface. Only if they took the tome out and understood even though I’m acting distant I don’t need any space. Even though I smile and joke and laugh I am dying inside. Literally. I feel my heart dying. I am trying each day to do my best and make something out of myself. But I am losing hope. It may just be a weak moment because I know I can not give up. I want so much for myself. But I’m angry. I’m so so so angry. Anyone who reads this I know you don’t know me but I ask that you please pray for me. Because I desperately need it. I’m not sure what the universe has planned for me. I just will keep taking each day a step at a time. I can write a book about my life but I just wonder who would care enough to read? Or will I even be alive to finish the story. I’m not sure

    • Chantelle’s sister  March 27, 2020 at 12:34 am Reply

      I prayed for you tonight. Exactly one month later. I hope you are okay, whoever you are & wherever you are. I’m 25 years old and I lost my 30 year old sister 3 weeks ago. I’m so angry. I have dealt with loss before. Distant relatives and many friends. I thought I knew what grief was. I had no idea. I feel guilty every second that I’m not crying, which is rare. If I laugh or smile at something, I then think “how dare I laugh, my sister is dead”. Like somehow if I’m not falling apart for even one second of the day it means I don’t love her. Like she is going to think she’s not important to me. I avoided any pictures of her obituary for a few days. I was just afraid of the agony I would feel when I’m forced to see its real. She died of congestive heart failure. At 30 years old..3 kids and a husband left behind. She had an infection going on for years that no one knew about. So naturally I blamed every doctor she’s ever seen for her death. Because if I don’t have someone to blame then I blame god. I can’t help but be angry at god. It’s funny I always believed in heaven but now that my sister is gone it seems too good to be true. Because I want that for her so bad. I’m so afraid to get my hopes up that I’ll see her there one day. Reading these comments honestly helped me tonight, and so did writing this. “Somewhere far”, I hope you are okay tonight. & I hope somehow you get to read this.

    • Tammy Moore  April 7, 2020 at 3:39 am Reply

      There are no words for your pain. The only thing that will get you through this is your faith! First of all you need to remember you want to live, you just don’t know how to live with this pain! I promise you… if you sit down , close your eyes ( Let the tears fall) say to God even if you’ve never prayed. Lord, please heat my prayer. I don’t understand why or how but I am silent at your feet and put my pain in your hands.. please forgive me of my trespasses and carry me! Tell him you are nothing without his strength. Tell him how angry, sad, confused and questing life in general. The only relief you can get is my talking to God! He will carry you and ease the suffering or at least help you to know how to combat trigger feelings! You are very fragile, rightfully so! You need a team mate for those times it just needs to be heard. I can’t d rn day that anyone could understand your pain, this is a lot to endure one person. But, you must live!!! You must go on!! There is more for you I promise. You will never be able to breath deeply again unless you inhale the sweetness of God! 5 years ago started a series of bad events in my life as well! Suicide, betryl, stealing, all kinds of in fathomable events! I couldn’t cope but had a 10&12 year old and knew I couldn’t go anywhere! Felt like can’t live and can’t die, what the hell is this?? I did just this. And every time I start to feel a wave of emotion I confront it and speak to the Lird ( or whoever you have faith in) if aim I. The shower I close me eyes quickly and began to pray. Just talk like your taking to your best friend! It will start to trigger a feeling of being carried and trust. He will not let you down! You can never give up though! Lie is not what happens to us it’s what happens FOR us!!! Only you can help yourself dismantle these feelings and categorize your thoughts and feeling! Write them on a piece of paper!! When you confront your feeling and dismantle you can start to understand and therefore start to live again. You can do this.. I will pray for you and for your strength! All the best….

  52. Joseph Kerr  February 23, 2020 at 12:32 am Reply

    I lost my sister a year and a half ago. Today, I came across a photo of her on Facebook and it’s really messed me up. My sister had a long struggle with substance abuse, which I never judged as we were both raped/molested by an uncle. However, I left her. I needed to separate myself from the whole family so that I was okay. Looking back it may not have been the best decision but it is the only thing I knew how to do to be happy. You see my uncle who raped my sister and me was still around all of the time (my family told me that I should get over it, or what did I expect them to do since he was their relative too). Well, I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to be around her addiction and the family situation. Well, about 2 years old I was told by my mother that she was in jail, even though my mother did not visit her there. She was in jail for prostitution. I visited her there and wrote her a letter. She told me to make sure to take care of her kids for her. Well, she was released shortly thereafter (she was in jail for a few months) and she died of a drug overdose. I don’t know what state of mind she was in. I keep thinking about whether she was sad and lonely – and that she did it on purpose. That she was saying goodbye to me when I last saw her. I feel really sad and guilty. I wish I wasn’t so selfish and I could of told her that I loved her. This picture I found of her was during a time that I wasn’t talking to her. I wish I knew what her life was like then – was she happy? was she sad? was she alone? I don’t know but it kills me that she could of been sad and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so unfair that she had to go through so many awful things and I wasn’t there to tell her that I loved her. I don’t know if I will I will be ever able to figure myself. I just can’t help but think about my sister feeling like she was alone in the world and no one cared about her.

  53. Joseph Kerr  February 23, 2020 at 12:32 am Reply

    I lost my sister a year and a half ago. Today, I came across a photo of her on Facebook and it’s really messed me up. My sister had a long struggle with substance abuse, which I never judged as we were both raped/molested by an uncle. However, I left her. I needed to separate myself from the whole family so that I was okay. Looking back it may not have been the best decision but it is the only thing I knew how to do to be happy. You see my uncle who raped my sister and me was still around all of the time (my family told me that I should get over it, or what did I expect them to do since he was their relative too). Well, I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to be around her addiction and the family situation. Well, about 2 years old I was told by my mother that she was in jail, even though my mother did not visit her there. She was in jail for prostitution. I visited her there and wrote her a letter. She told me to make sure to take care of her kids for her. Well, she was released shortly thereafter (she was in jail for a few months) and she died of a drug overdose. I don’t know what state of mind she was in. I keep thinking about whether she was sad and lonely – and that she did it on purpose. That she was saying goodbye to me when I last saw her. I feel really sad and guilty. I wish I wasn’t so selfish and I could of told her that I loved her. This picture I found of her was during a time that I wasn’t talking to her. I wish I knew what her life was like then – was she happy? was she sad? was she alone? I don’t know but it kills me that she could of been sad and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so unfair that she had to go through so many awful things and I wasn’t there to tell her that I loved her. I don’t know if I will I will be ever able to figure myself. I just can’t help but think about my sister feeling like she was alone in the world and no one cared about her.

  54. Joseph Kerr  February 23, 2020 at 12:32 am Reply

    I lost my sister a year and a half ago. Today, I came across a photo of her on Facebook and it’s really messed me up. My sister had a long struggle with substance abuse, which I never judged as we were both raped/molested by an uncle. However, I left her. I needed to separate myself from the whole family so that I was okay. Looking back it may not have been the best decision but it is the only thing I knew how to do to be happy. You see my uncle who raped my sister and me was still around all of the time (my family told me that I should get over it, or what did I expect them to do since he was their relative too). Well, I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to be around her addiction and the family situation. Well, about 2 years old I was told by my mother that she was in jail, even though my mother did not visit her there. She was in jail for prostitution. I visited her there and wrote her a letter. She told me to make sure to take care of her kids for her. Well, she was released shortly thereafter (she was in jail for a few months) and she died of a drug overdose. I don’t know what state of mind she was in. I keep thinking about whether she was sad and lonely – and that she did it on purpose. That she was saying goodbye to me when I last saw her. I feel really sad and guilty. I wish I wasn’t so selfish and I could of told her that I loved her. This picture I found of her was during a time that I wasn’t talking to her. I wish I knew what her life was like then – was she happy? was she sad? was she alone? I don’t know but it kills me that she could of been sad and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so unfair that she had to go through so many awful things and I wasn’t there to tell her that I loved her. I don’t know if I will I will be ever able to figure myself. I just can’t help but think about my sister feeling like she was alone in the world and no one cared about her.

  55. Alanna  February 15, 2020 at 5:16 pm Reply

    This has been such a beautiful thread to read. I am so thankful for all of the stories and compassion. It is sad to be here, but what a beautiful community of people. So much love.

    I lost my little sister one month ago tomorrow. She passed unexpectedly on January 16th, around 10 30 in the morning, at only 21 years old. Grief is a feeling I could have never imagined. The full belly wail of a noise your body produces is frightening.
    I know I will have a lot to work through, and the idea of this sadness weighing my heart down for the rest of my life is overwhelming.

    There is guilt, anger, and regret. I cared for her in a way she felt my mother couldn’t. I was desperately trying to hold her hand and cheer her on while she threw herself full throttle into recovery – any kind of recovery – but she simply wasn’t ready to find in herself reasons to live and be happy. I think of all of the times we went to the hospital, to detox groups, to CAMH, the time I called the police on her. Her pain was so complicated. It was compounded trauma, abandonment, addiction, a never availing anxiety, sleep depravation. She got to the point where I don’t think she could make it through the morning without drinking. The what ifs are overwhelming.

    The hardest part about all of this is that she didn’t mean to go. Her heart simply stopped. I am sure it was due to the stress her body was under from her relentless substance use, but maybe it was also in part because of how much she had been able to eat that week, how much water she had been able to drink, how many hours of sleep she had been lucky to have. All we have gotten from the forensic scientists is “inconclusive”.

    Her anxiety riddled her with fears of dying. She often spoke about how she was afraid to fall asleep, or afraid of slipping in the shower. She often begged me to come keep her company. Of course life is cruel, and in the way of paying rent I wasn’t always available. I was tired. We had been working through this for a long time. I think a part of me thought she was invincible. My job as a front line worker also had me thinking that she was going to be okay – there was so much love and support, so many resources, so many services. She was lucky. We were all so lucky.

    The worst bit is that she was my best friend. Though I suppose this is also the best bit. I loved her so fucking much. We shot the shit together, she made me goofy, her smile was so incredibly infectious and her laugh was so beautiful. I hated how much she was on her phone, but now I am so thankful. I am so thankful to be able to watch clips of her laughing, doing “the floss” furiously, rollerskating with her friends, and even shoving me into the ocean after having tried to pose for a photo that never happened.

    I find myself really terrified of forgetting all of the little things that made her so beautiful. She was so annoying, the sort that made my eye twitch sometimes, but so loving and so kind. Her company was and is like nothing else in the whole world. Two summers ago we went to Peru together, hiked through mountains for almost a week, and finally arrived at the “money shot” spot in the ruins of Machu Picchu. It was overcrowded, loud, and full of all of the worst tourist types. And so we left as soon as we could. I have said to a few people when we speak about her that nothing quite says that you’ve lived more than hiking with blistered and bloody toes to a World Wonder only to leave early out of annoyance.

    I find myself talking to her a lot. I have spent a month hugging her shirt on the couch, ignoring the world. It is going to be weird trying to get back into a routine. Nothing quite feels worth it, nothing makes much sense. I just have to keep reminding myself how much she loved me.

    Again, thank you for all of these stories. It means more than any of you could know.

  56. Alanna  February 15, 2020 at 5:16 pm Reply

    This has been such a beautiful thread to read. I am so thankful for all of the stories and compassion. It is sad to be here, but what a beautiful community of people. So much love.

    I lost my little sister one month ago tomorrow. She passed unexpectedly on January 16th, around 10 30 in the morning, at only 21 years old. Grief is a feeling I could have never imagined. The full belly wail of a noise your body produces is frightening.
    I know I will have a lot to work through, and the idea of this sadness weighing my heart down for the rest of my life is overwhelming.

    There is guilt, anger, and regret. I cared for her in a way she felt my mother couldn’t. I was desperately trying to hold her hand and cheer her on while she threw herself full throttle into recovery – any kind of recovery – but she simply wasn’t ready to find in herself reasons to live and be happy. I think of all of the times we went to the hospital, to detox groups, to CAMH, the time I called the police on her. Her pain was so complicated. It was compounded trauma, abandonment, addiction, a never availing anxiety, sleep depravation. She got to the point where I don’t think she could make it through the morning without drinking. The what ifs are overwhelming.

    The hardest part about all of this is that she didn’t mean to go. Her heart simply stopped. I am sure it was due to the stress her body was under from her relentless substance use, but maybe it was also in part because of how much she had been able to eat that week, how much water she had been able to drink, how many hours of sleep she had been lucky to have. All we have gotten from the forensic scientists is “inconclusive”.

    Her anxiety riddled her with fears of dying. She often spoke about how she was afraid to fall asleep, or afraid of slipping in the shower. She often begged me to come keep her company. Of course life is cruel, and in the way of paying rent I wasn’t always available. I was tired. We had been working through this for a long time. I think a part of me thought she was invincible. My job as a front line worker also had me thinking that she was going to be okay – there was so much love and support, so many resources, so many services. She was lucky. We were all so lucky.

    The worst bit is that she was my best friend. Though I suppose this is also the best bit. I loved her so fucking much. We shot the shit together, she made me goofy, her smile was so incredibly infectious and her laugh was so beautiful. I hated how much she was on her phone, but now I am so thankful. I am so thankful to be able to watch clips of her laughing, doing “the floss” furiously, rollerskating with her friends, and even shoving me into the ocean after having tried to pose for a photo that never happened.

    I find myself really terrified of forgetting all of the little things that made her so beautiful. She was so annoying, the sort that made my eye twitch sometimes, but so loving and so kind. Her company was and is like nothing else in the whole world. Two summers ago we went to Peru together, hiked through mountains for almost a week, and finally arrived at the “money shot” spot in the ruins of Machu Picchu. It was overcrowded, loud, and full of all of the worst tourist types. And so we left as soon as we could. I have said to a few people when we speak about her that nothing quite says that you’ve lived more than hiking with blistered and bloody toes to a World Wonder only to leave early out of annoyance.

    I find myself talking to her a lot. I have spent a month hugging her shirt on the couch, ignoring the world. It is going to be weird trying to get back into a routine. Nothing quite feels worth it, nothing makes much sense. I just have to keep reminding myself how much she loved me.

    Again, thank you for all of these stories. It means more than any of you could know.

  57. Alanna  February 15, 2020 at 5:16 pm Reply

    This has been such a beautiful thread to read. I am so thankful for all of the stories and compassion. It is sad to be here, but what a beautiful community of people. So much love.

    I lost my little sister one month ago tomorrow. She passed unexpectedly on January 16th, around 10 30 in the morning, at only 21 years old. Grief is a feeling I could have never imagined. The full belly wail of a noise your body produces is frightening.
    I know I will have a lot to work through, and the idea of this sadness weighing my heart down for the rest of my life is overwhelming.

    There is guilt, anger, and regret. I cared for her in a way she felt my mother couldn’t. I was desperately trying to hold her hand and cheer her on while she threw herself full throttle into recovery – any kind of recovery – but she simply wasn’t ready to find in herself reasons to live and be happy. I think of all of the times we went to the hospital, to detox groups, to CAMH, the time I called the police on her. Her pain was so complicated. It was compounded trauma, abandonment, addiction, a never availing anxiety, sleep depravation. She got to the point where I don’t think she could make it through the morning without drinking. The what ifs are overwhelming.

    The hardest part about all of this is that she didn’t mean to go. Her heart simply stopped. I am sure it was due to the stress her body was under from her relentless substance use, but maybe it was also in part because of how much she had been able to eat that week, how much water she had been able to drink, how many hours of sleep she had been lucky to have. All we have gotten from the forensic scientists is “inconclusive”.

    Her anxiety riddled her with fears of dying. She often spoke about how she was afraid to fall asleep, or afraid of slipping in the shower. She often begged me to come keep her company. Of course life is cruel, and in the way of paying rent I wasn’t always available. I was tired. We had been working through this for a long time. I think a part of me thought she was invincible. My job as a front line worker also had me thinking that she was going to be okay – there was so much love and support, so many resources, so many services. She was lucky. We were all so lucky.

    The worst bit is that she was my best friend. Though I suppose this is also the best bit. I loved her so fucking much. We shot the shit together, she made me goofy, her smile was so incredibly infectious and her laugh was so beautiful. I hated how much she was on her phone, but now I am so thankful. I am so thankful to be able to watch clips of her laughing, doing “the floss” furiously, rollerskating with her friends, and even shoving me into the ocean after having tried to pose for a photo that never happened.

    I find myself really terrified of forgetting all of the little things that made her so beautiful. She was so annoying, the sort that made my eye twitch sometimes, but so loving and so kind. Her company was and is like nothing else in the whole world. Two summers ago we went to Peru together, hiked through mountains for almost a week, and finally arrived at the “money shot” spot in the ruins of Machu Picchu. It was overcrowded, loud, and full of all of the worst tourist types. And so we left as soon as we could. I have said to a few people when we speak about her that nothing quite says that you’ve lived more than hiking with blistered and bloody toes to a World Wonder only to leave early out of annoyance.

    I find myself talking to her a lot. I have spent a month hugging her shirt on the couch, ignoring the world. It is going to be weird trying to get back into a routine. Nothing quite feels worth it, nothing makes much sense. I just have to keep reminding myself how much she loved me.

    Again, thank you for all of these stories. It means more than any of you could know.

  58. Stephanie P  February 1, 2020 at 3:18 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother January 28, 2018 to a tragic and unexpected overdose in his own bedroom. Our older sister and mom found him. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He was 25 and I had just turned 27. We were only 18 months apart. Our entire childhood, we were inseparable. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on and trust with anything. We fought ALL the time but it was because we were so close. As we became adults we were still close, always lived under the same roof until I moved out because I had children. He would watch my kids so I could work, before I had daycare. I knew he was struggling about a year before he died with substance abuse. He had stolen from me when I was pregnant a few times and it killed me but I always forgave him. He knew the pin to my debit card, because that’s how close we were and I always trusted him up until he stole. His addiction happened so fast and my mom was in denial. She didn’t think her only son had a problem. He was her youngest and he could do no wrong. I work in substance abuse and mental health. My brother knew this. He just never had the chance to get help and I blame myself for not doing something about it. I was so mean and hard on him about his addiction but to clients I work with who suffer the same as him, I showed more compassion for. How awful is that?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. His death never leaves my head, not even for a minute. His 2 year anniversary just passed a couple days ago but regardless of that, it had never left my head. It’s all I think about. Even when I’m at work, watching tv, doing my regular mommy duties, or even when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it’s what I’m thinking about. This is not normal. I’ve gone to therapy but it’s been a while but I start going again in a couple days actually. I know my grief is different than my parents and my 2 other siblings. My mom has been a wreck ever since. Her and I share similar grief and she can’t help me because of how bad her grief is. She knows how bad I’m suffering but she feels helpless. Her and I even went and saw a spirit medium together to get some closure which did help because before that I was constantly worrying about where he was and if he was scared and alone. I knew my brother was afraid to die and it killed me not knowing if he was okay. My dad and brother had a complicated relationship and my dad feels a lot of regret but he seems to deal with my grief pretty well and my step dad acts like everything is fine. I never once saw him cry. He’s been in our lives since we were 9 and 10 years old. He’s been a huge part in raising us. It’s crazy how everyone deals with it differently and I’ve been hanging on by a thread for the last 2 years. I gave birth shortly after he passed and I already had a 5 year old and 1 year old. I was in a very fragile state. It’s almost like I’m obsessed with him being gone. When he died, it’s like he took part of me with him and I’m not the same person anymore. I’m lost and everyday I’m just living and carrying on with my daily routine of working and being a mom but I’m not happy and I know it’s because he’s gone and I feel an emptiness and I feel like I could’ve helped him more and I blame myself..

  59. Stephanie P  February 1, 2020 at 3:18 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother January 28, 2018 to a tragic and unexpected overdose in his own bedroom. Our older sister and mom found him. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He was 25 and I had just turned 27. We were only 18 months apart. Our entire childhood, we were inseparable. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on and trust with anything. We fought ALL the time but it was because we were so close. As we became adults we were still close, always lived under the same roof until I moved out because I had children. He would watch my kids so I could work, before I had daycare. I knew he was struggling about a year before he died with substance abuse. He had stolen from me when I was pregnant a few times and it killed me but I always forgave him. He knew the pin to my debit card, because that’s how close we were and I always trusted him up until he stole. His addiction happened so fast and my mom was in denial. She didn’t think her only son had a problem. He was her youngest and he could do no wrong. I work in substance abuse and mental health. My brother knew this. He just never had the chance to get help and I blame myself for not doing something about it. I was so mean and hard on him about his addiction but to clients I work with who suffer the same as him, I showed more compassion for. How awful is that?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. His death never leaves my head, not even for a minute. His 2 year anniversary just passed a couple days ago but regardless of that, it had never left my head. It’s all I think about. Even when I’m at work, watching tv, doing my regular mommy duties, or even when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it’s what I’m thinking about. This is not normal. I’ve gone to therapy but it’s been a while but I start going again in a couple days actually. I know my grief is different than my parents and my 2 other siblings. My mom has been a wreck ever since. Her and I share similar grief and she can’t help me because of how bad her grief is. She knows how bad I’m suffering but she feels helpless. Her and I even went and saw a spirit medium together to get some closure which did help because before that I was constantly worrying about where he was and if he was scared and alone. I knew my brother was afraid to die and it killed me not knowing if he was okay. My dad and brother had a complicated relationship and my dad feels a lot of regret but he seems to deal with my grief pretty well and my step dad acts like everything is fine. I never once saw him cry. He’s been in our lives since we were 9 and 10 years old. He’s been a huge part in raising us. It’s crazy how everyone deals with it differently and I’ve been hanging on by a thread for the last 2 years. I gave birth shortly after he passed and I already had a 5 year old and 1 year old. I was in a very fragile state. It’s almost like I’m obsessed with him being gone. When he died, it’s like he took part of me with him and I’m not the same person anymore. I’m lost and everyday I’m just living and carrying on with my daily routine of working and being a mom but I’m not happy and I know it’s because he’s gone and I feel an emptiness and I feel like I could’ve helped him more and I blame myself..

  60. Stephanie P  February 1, 2020 at 3:18 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother January 28, 2018 to a tragic and unexpected overdose in his own bedroom. Our older sister and mom found him. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He was 25 and I had just turned 27. We were only 18 months apart. Our entire childhood, we were inseparable. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on and trust with anything. We fought ALL the time but it was because we were so close. As we became adults we were still close, always lived under the same roof until I moved out because I had children. He would watch my kids so I could work, before I had daycare. I knew he was struggling about a year before he died with substance abuse. He had stolen from me when I was pregnant a few times and it killed me but I always forgave him. He knew the pin to my debit card, because that’s how close we were and I always trusted him up until he stole. His addiction happened so fast and my mom was in denial. She didn’t think her only son had a problem. He was her youngest and he could do no wrong. I work in substance abuse and mental health. My brother knew this. He just never had the chance to get help and I blame myself for not doing something about it. I was so mean and hard on him about his addiction but to clients I work with who suffer the same as him, I showed more compassion for. How awful is that?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. His death never leaves my head, not even for a minute. His 2 year anniversary just passed a couple days ago but regardless of that, it had never left my head. It’s all I think about. Even when I’m at work, watching tv, doing my regular mommy duties, or even when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it’s what I’m thinking about. This is not normal. I’ve gone to therapy but it’s been a while but I start going again in a couple days actually. I know my grief is different than my parents and my 2 other siblings. My mom has been a wreck ever since. Her and I share similar grief and she can’t help me because of how bad her grief is. She knows how bad I’m suffering but she feels helpless. Her and I even went and saw a spirit medium together to get some closure which did help because before that I was constantly worrying about where he was and if he was scared and alone. I knew my brother was afraid to die and it killed me not knowing if he was okay. My dad and brother had a complicated relationship and my dad feels a lot of regret but he seems to deal with my grief pretty well and my step dad acts like everything is fine. I never once saw him cry. He’s been in our lives since we were 9 and 10 years old. He’s been a huge part in raising us. It’s crazy how everyone deals with it differently and I’ve been hanging on by a thread for the last 2 years. I gave birth shortly after he passed and I already had a 5 year old and 1 year old. I was in a very fragile state. It’s almost like I’m obsessed with him being gone. When he died, it’s like he took part of me with him and I’m not the same person anymore. I’m lost and everyday I’m just living and carrying on with my daily routine of working and being a mom but I’m not happy and I know it’s because he’s gone and I feel an emptiness and I feel like I could’ve helped him more and I blame myself..

  61. Shawn's Sister  January 25, 2020 at 8:27 pm Reply

    12,965 days on Earth. When I live another tomorrow, it will be 1 more than my oldest sister did, and the next day another one more, and so on.

    It’s a milestone of grieving that I wasn’t sure exactly what would mean but I knew I hated it and dreaded it and was so compelled to triangulate it to the day. God I’m glad it’s finally here and over, I feel freed from the shackles of this arbitrary time limit I had imposed upon myself (and her). Up to this point I’ve been tracing my sister’s trajectory and ending at this sort of dead end where there’s no longer a precedent for a day in her life that I could traverse. I used up the last of her 12,965 days.

    It took getting here with no plan to devise a plan. So now I get to take her on my own path. Each day starting with 1 (tomorrow) is my gift to her, showing her what comes next and celebrating new milestones with her. I don’t have to live anymore behind a depressing, expiring clock. Now each day is fresh. I’m her host, and I take the lead with pride.

    I’ll never forget the 5,042 days (13 years, 9 months and 19 days) I lived without Shawn and being her baby sister. That’s the same amount of days she lived without me before I was born, so we’re equal now. And now I’m ready to continue on.

  62. Shawn's Sister  January 25, 2020 at 8:27 pm Reply

    12,965 days on Earth. When I live another tomorrow, it will be 1 more than my oldest sister did, and the next day another one more, and so on.

    It’s a milestone of grieving that I wasn’t sure exactly what would mean but I knew I hated it and dreaded it and was so compelled to triangulate it to the day. God I’m glad it’s finally here and over, I feel freed from the shackles of this arbitrary time limit I had imposed upon myself (and her). Up to this point I’ve been tracing my sister’s trajectory and ending at this sort of dead end where there’s no longer a precedent for a day in her life that I could traverse. I used up the last of her 12,965 days.

    It took getting here with no plan to devise a plan. So now I get to take her on my own path. Each day starting with 1 (tomorrow) is my gift to her, showing her what comes next and celebrating new milestones with her. I don’t have to live anymore behind a depressing, expiring clock. Now each day is fresh. I’m her host, and I take the lead with pride.

    I’ll never forget the 5,042 days (13 years, 9 months and 19 days) I lived without Shawn and being her baby sister. That’s the same amount of days she lived without me before I was born, so we’re equal now. And now I’m ready to continue on.

  63. Shawn's Sister  January 25, 2020 at 8:27 pm Reply

    12,965 days on Earth. When I live another tomorrow, it will be 1 more than my oldest sister did, and the next day another one more, and so on.

    It’s a milestone of grieving that I wasn’t sure exactly what would mean but I knew I hated it and dreaded it and was so compelled to triangulate it to the day. God I’m glad it’s finally here and over, I feel freed from the shackles of this arbitrary time limit I had imposed upon myself (and her). Up to this point I’ve been tracing my sister’s trajectory and ending at this sort of dead end where there’s no longer a precedent for a day in her life that I could traverse. I used up the last of her 12,965 days.

    It took getting here with no plan to devise a plan. So now I get to take her on my own path. Each day starting with +1 (tomorrow) is my gift to her, showing her what comes next and celebrating new milestones with her. I don’t have to live anymore behind a depressing, expiring clock. Now each day is fresh. I’m her host, and I take the lead with pride.

    I’ll never forget the 5,042 days (13 years, 9 months and 19 days) I lived without Shawn and being her baby sister. That’s the same amount of days she lived without me before I was born, so we’re equal now. And now I’m ready to continue on.

  64. Rebecca  January 22, 2020 at 7:27 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother 4 days after Christmas 12/29/19. We had so much hope for 2020 being the best year ever, little did I know he would never see it. He was my brother, my father. my best friend rolled into one. I am only here today because he always looked out for me and made sure we stayed together. We were moved from foster home to foster home to an orphanage and then adopted. I was 81/2 and he was10. They tried to separate us, but at age 6 he asked for an attorney and fought to keep us together. He was the closest person to me and I am beyond devastated. We survived a lot of things because we were together and now it’s just me, I can’t even process that. I always new everything would be ok as long as I had him. He came to my senior prom because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and didn’t want to go, he went with a friend of mine and we had a blast. He was in my wedding, god father to my children and I’m god mother to his. We were inseparable and now I have to live the rest of my life with out him. He was 46, I’m completely devastated and in shock. He was the strongest person I knew. Literally he carried a solid oak pool table up a hill by himself. I don’t know how to cope with this.

  65. Rebecca  January 22, 2020 at 7:27 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother 4 days after Christmas 12/29/19. We had so much hope for 2020 being the best year ever, little did I know he would never see it. He was my brother, my father. my best friend rolled into one. I am only here today because he always looked out for me and made sure we stayed together. We were moved from foster home to foster home to an orphanage and then adopted. I was 81/2 and he was10. They tried to separate us, but at age 6 he asked for an attorney and fought to keep us together. He was the closest person to me and I am beyond devastated. We survived a lot of things because we were together and now it’s just me, I can’t even process that. I always new everything would be ok as long as I had him. He came to my senior prom because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and didn’t want to go, he went with a friend of mine and we had a blast. He was in my wedding, god father to my children and I’m god mother to his. We were inseparable and now I have to live the rest of my life with out him. He was 46, I’m completely devastated and in shock. He was the strongest person I knew. Literally he carried a solid oak pool table up a hill by himself. I don’t know how to cope with this.

  66. Rebecca  January 22, 2020 at 7:27 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother 4 days after Christmas 12/29/19. We had so much hope for 2020 being the best year ever, little did I know he would never see it. He was my brother, my father. my best friend rolled into one. I am only here today because he always looked out for me and made sure we stayed together. We were moved from foster home to foster home to an orphanage and then adopted. I was 81/2 and he was10. They tried to separate us, but at age 6 he asked for an attorney and fought to keep us together. He was the closest person to me and I am beyond devastated. We survived a lot of things because we were together and now it’s just me, I can’t even process that. I always new everything would be ok as long as I had him. He came to my senior prom because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and didn’t want to go, he went with a friend of mine and we had a blast. He was in my wedding, god father to my children and I’m god mother to his. We were inseparable and now I have to live the rest of my life with out him. He was 46, I’m completely devastated and in shock. He was the strongest person I knew. Literally he carried a solid oak pool table up a hill by himself. I don’t know how to cope with this.

  67. Aina feyisayo  January 18, 2020 at 5:33 am Reply

    Today makes it 18 days i lost my brother, Dec 31st 2019. A straight bullet hit him where he was eating at a hotel in my area… I feel lost without him,i feel like i cant carry on without him, we two were d only graduate of my family and now he is gone and i feel like am all alone… Everybody keeps telling me u need to be strong but they dont understand that i dont even understand what strong is,i have to put up a strong look when am with my mum because everybody is so concerned about her but they dont underatand how i feel, they dont know that am dying inside… I hide in my room to cry, to hold his cardigan to my nose to smell his scent, i listen to our voice call that was saved on my phone everyday and i even still message him on WhatsApp to see may be he can still respond… Seeing my brother in a pool of blood is something i cant get out of my head, i feel more pain even when people send their condolences, it is like the wound keeps opening … I still cant believe he is gone , nothing is making sense in my life right now and i dont even know how to hear from this

  68. Aina feyisayo  January 18, 2020 at 5:33 am Reply

    Today makes it 18 days i lost my brother, Dec 31st 2019. A straight bullet hit him where he was eating at a hotel in my area… I feel lost without him,i feel like i cant carry on without him, we two were d only graduate of my family and now he is gone and i feel like am all alone… Everybody keeps telling me u need to be strong but they dont understand that i dont even understand what strong is,i have to put up a strong look when am with my mum because everybody is so concerned about her but they dont underatand how i feel, they dont know that am dying inside… I hide in my room to cry, to hold his cardigan to my nose to smell his scent, i listen to our voice call that was saved on my phone everyday and i even still message him on WhatsApp to see may be he can still respond… Seeing my brother in a pool of blood is something i cant get out of my head, i feel more pain even when people send their condolences, it is like the wound keeps opening … I still cant believe he is gone , nothing is making sense in my life right now and i dont even know how to hear from this

  69. Aina feyisayo  January 18, 2020 at 5:33 am Reply

    Today makes it 18 days i lost my brother, Dec 31st 2019. A straight bullet hit him where he was eating at a hotel in my area… I feel lost without him,i feel like i cant carry on without him, we two were d only graduate of my family and now he is gone and i feel like am all alone… Everybody keeps telling me u need to be strong but they dont understand that i dont even understand what strong is,i have to put up a strong look when am with my mum because everybody is so concerned about her but they dont underatand how i feel, they dont know that am dying inside… I hide in my room to cry, to hold his cardigan to my nose to smell his scent, i listen to our voice call that was saved on my phone everyday and i even still message him on WhatsApp to see may be he can still respond… Seeing my brother in a pool of blood is something i cant get out of my head, i feel more pain even when people send their condolences, it is like the wound keeps opening … I still cant believe he is gone , nothing is making sense in my life right now and i dont even know how to hear from this

  70. Amanda  January 13, 2020 at 12:47 am Reply

    I lost my older brother September 2019.
    To an accidental overdose. Mum and I were the ones that found him.
    He was 26 when he died.
    I’ve never spoken out about it really before but after reading all these stories, I know people are feeling what I’m feeling.
    He was only a year older than me. His birthday is.. I mean, was, tomorrow. He would of been 27.

    He left behind his two beautiful children, my niece and nephew. His daughter is old enough to know (6). His son will never remember him and that breaks my heart because Kyle (my brother) was the most happy go lucky guy you could ever know.

    Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days.
    I just miss my big brother ..

  71. Amanda  January 13, 2020 at 12:47 am Reply

    I lost my older brother September 2019.
    To an accidental overdose. Mum and I were the ones that found him.
    He was 26 when he died.
    I’ve never spoken out about it really before but after reading all these stories, I know people are feeling what I’m feeling.
    He was only a year older than me. His birthday is.. I mean, was, tomorrow. He would of been 27.

    He left behind his two beautiful children, my niece and nephew. His daughter is old enough to know (6). His son will never remember him and that breaks my heart because Kyle (my brother) was the most happy go lucky guy you could ever know.

    Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days.
    I just miss my big brother ..

  72. Amanda  January 13, 2020 at 12:47 am Reply

    I lost my older brother September 2019.
    To an accidental overdose. Mum and I were the ones that found him.
    He was 26 when he died.
    I’ve never spoken out about it really before but after reading all these stories, I know people are feeling what I’m feeling.
    He was only a year older than me. His birthday is.. I mean, was, tomorrow. He would of been 27.

    He left behind his two beautiful children, my niece and nephew. His daughter is old enough to know (6). His son will never remember him and that breaks my heart because Kyle (my brother) was the most happy go lucky guy you could ever know.

    Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days.
    I just miss my big brother ..

  73. Anna  January 7, 2020 at 4:40 am Reply

    My only sister who was 10 years older than me passed away on 12/19/19 she had a long cancer battle and spent nearly 60 days in the hospital. They removed a tumor that grew next to her sciatic nerve. She was finally released on 12/13 and things were looking promising. She was rushed by ambulance to the ER after a bad night and she woke up lethargic..sepsis had set in on the surgical wound from the 10/31 surgery. They started treatment and she was stable then suddenly her vitals changed and she passed that night. I spent many of the 60 days with her at the hospital as we never left her alone even 1 night. What we thought was our sacrifice to stay at the hospital was actually a gift. I cherish every minute I spent with her. We said beautiful things to eachother we laughed we extremely enjoyed each-others company. We once laughed thru several hours of chemo infusion..and thought wow how can anyone laugh thru chemo. I wanted to be her strength, to show her in every action that she mattered, she appreciated every action immensely, when in all actuality it was my honor… I don’t think we can ever not have some regrets..mine is I wish I could have stayed more days, it made her SO happy when I was there, the week she was released I brought my 86 year old mom and we stood 4 days sleeping on 1 cot for a total of 2 hours max the whole 4 days, I was exhausted and had to come home to San Diego & bring my mom home to rest too- we came home Friday and she was released Saturday. She was in Los Angeles & We did not see her until that Thursday when we got the call that she went to ER – I regret not staying that whole week – I miss her so so so much- we grew so close in the last 3 years after not speaking for over 5 years…we picked up like we never had stopped. I have to be strong for my 86 year old mom & my niece and 2 nephews but in all actuality Im falling apart- this grief consumes me, We used to text lots if pictures and GIFs and prayers we loved our Catholic faith together and now I don’t have anyone that can ever replace that relationship we shared, I feel so so lonely without her, she was my bestest bestest friend!

  74. Anna  January 7, 2020 at 4:40 am Reply

    My only sister who was 10 years older than me passed away on 12/19/19 she had a long cancer battle and spent nearly 60 days in the hospital. They removed a tumor that grew next to her sciatic nerve. She was finally released on 12/13 and things were looking promising. She was rushed by ambulance to the ER after a bad night and she woke up lethargic..sepsis had set in on the surgical wound from the 10/31 surgery. They started treatment and she was stable then suddenly her vitals changed and she passed that night. I spent many of the 60 days with her at the hospital as we never left her alone even 1 night. What we thought was our sacrifice to stay at the hospital was actually a gift. I cherish every minute I spent with her. We said beautiful things to eachother we laughed we extremely enjoyed each-others company. We once laughed thru several hours of chemo infusion..and thought wow how can anyone laugh thru chemo. I wanted to be her strength, to show her in every action that she mattered, she appreciated every action immensely, when in all actuality it was my honor… I don’t think we can ever not have some regrets..mine is I wish I could have stayed more days, it made her SO happy when I was there, the week she was released I brought my 86 year old mom and we stood 4 days sleeping on 1 cot for a total of 2 hours max the whole 4 days, I was exhausted and had to come home to San Diego & bring my mom home to rest too- we came home Friday and she was released Saturday. She was in Los Angeles & We did not see her until that Thursday when we got the call that she went to ER – I regret not staying that whole week – I miss her so so so much- we grew so close in the last 3 years after not speaking for over 5 years…we picked up like we never had stopped. I have to be strong for my 86 year old mom & my niece and 2 nephews but in all actuality Im falling apart- this grief consumes me, We used to text lots if pictures and GIFs and prayers we loved our Catholic faith together and now I don’t have anyone that can ever replace that relationship we shared, I feel so so lonely without her, she was my bestest bestest friend!

  75. Anna  January 7, 2020 at 4:40 am Reply

    My only sister who was 10 years older than me passed away on 12/19/19 she had a long cancer battle and spent nearly 60 days in the hospital. They removed a tumor that grew next to her sciatic nerve. She was finally released on 12/13 and things were looking promising. She was rushed by ambulance to the ER after a bad night and she woke up lethargic..sepsis had set in on the surgical wound from the 10/31 surgery. They started treatment and she was stable then suddenly her vitals changed and she passed that night. I spent many of the 60 days with her at the hospital as we never left her alone even 1 night. What we thought was our sacrifice to stay at the hospital was actually a gift. I cherish every minute I spent with her. We said beautiful things to eachother we laughed we extremely enjoyed each-others company. We once laughed thru several hours of chemo infusion..and thought wow how can anyone laugh thru chemo. I wanted to be her strength, to show her in every action that she mattered, she appreciated every action immensely, when in all actuality it was my honor… I don’t think we can ever not have some regrets..mine is I wish I could have stayed more days, it made her SO happy when I was there, the week she was released I brought my 86 year old mom and we stood 4 days sleeping on 1 cot for a total of 2 hours max the whole 4 days, I was exhausted and had to come home to San Diego & bring my mom home to rest too- we came home Friday and she was released Saturday. She was in Los Angeles & We did not see her until that Thursday when we got the call that she went to ER – I regret not staying that whole week – I miss her so so so much- we grew so close in the last 3 years after not speaking for over 5 years…we picked up like we never had stopped. I have to be strong for my 86 year old mom & my niece and 2 nephews but in all actuality Im falling apart- this grief consumes me, We used to text lots if pictures and GIFs and prayers we loved our Catholic faith together and now I don’t have anyone that can ever replace that relationship we shared, I feel so so lonely without her, she was my bestest bestest friend!

  76. Rachel Foster  January 6, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    This year will be 7 years and in 20 days I will turn the age my sister was when she passed. Everything about this puts me on edge….

  77. Rachel Foster  January 6, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    This year will be 7 years and in 20 days I will turn the age my sister was when she passed. Everything about this puts me on edge….

  78. Rachel Foster  January 6, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    This year will be 7 years and in 20 days I will turn the age my sister was when she passed. Everything about this puts me on edge….

  79. Lea  January 3, 2020 at 9:08 pm Reply

    on June 19th 2009 I lost my twin brother to an overdose. He was Bipolar and been fighting with his girlfriend about their daughter and he was so upset about it I told him to just wait for us we’ll be there in tomorrow afternoon to pick him up he can come over then stay at my other brother’s house. The next day I got up and was cooking breakfast and getting things together wondering if my older brother had picked him up yet because he had asked him to pick him up earlier than the afternoon. I get a phone call from my Sister In law. Hes in the hospital in ICU please come to the hospital thats all she knew they hadnt go there yet well it was bad he was in the hospital in a coma for almost a week hospital declared him brain dead and no chance of every waking up we pulled the plug and we let him we were 23 years old when he died and flash forward 10 years later its a few days after Christmas. Friday the 27th getting things done my nightly routine and cleaning up because my bro and sis in law are coming over in 2 days for our little Christmas party we have together with my 3 kids every year I get a phone call from my children’s bus driver also my brother’s next door neighbor theres an ambulance at your brother’s house she says. I call over there and get noone the phone rings back and its my sis in law frantically telling me Chris (my brother’s name) has gone into Cardiac arrest thats his name and they aren’t getting him back theres no heartbeat by that time I had to give the phone to my husband and he tells me they are rushing him to the nearest hospital we take kids to his mothers and race over to the hospital. Hospital tries everything and they never get a decent heartbeat or anything from him at all they call it. My brother was doing the thing he did every night after eatting dinner play on his phone and felt like he couldn’t breathe minutes later hes unresponsive. I am just so upset so sad so angry so numb I miss him so much and I also feel like with him went the rest of my family. My twin brother and Chris were all I had now they are gone. I don’t know how to feel I am trying to be strong for my kids who miss their uncle so much and for my husband so he doesnt worry. Because to me Family is everything THEY were everything. its now a week from when all this happened and 5 days since his funeral Sunday was the hardest day of my life he was supposed to be over to play with my kids and pick on me and now that will never be nor will it be again. It’s hard to go through something this its a rollercoaster. I am so glad I have found a place where ppl can understand how I’m feeling. I am peace knowing they are together now theres that and I know they want me to be happy but right now I think its just gonna take some time.

  80. Lea  January 3, 2020 at 9:08 pm Reply

    on June 19th 2009 I lost my twin brother to an overdose. He was Bipolar and been fighting with his girlfriend about their daughter and he was so upset about it I told him to just wait for us we’ll be there in tomorrow afternoon to pick him up he can come over then stay at my other brother’s house. The next day I got up and was cooking breakfast and getting things together wondering if my older brother had picked him up yet because he had asked him to pick him up earlier than the afternoon. I get a phone call from my Sister In law. Hes in the hospital in ICU please come to the hospital thats all she knew they hadnt go there yet well it was bad he was in the hospital in a coma for almost a week hospital declared him brain dead and no chance of every waking up we pulled the plug and we let him we were 23 years old when he died and flash forward 10 years later its a few days after Christmas. Friday the 27th getting things done my nightly routine and cleaning up because my bro and sis in law are coming over in 2 days for our little Christmas party we have together with my 3 kids every year I get a phone call from my children’s bus driver also my brother’s next door neighbor theres an ambulance at your brother’s house she says. I call over there and get noone the phone rings back and its my sis in law frantically telling me Chris (my brother’s name) has gone into Cardiac arrest thats his name and they aren’t getting him back theres no heartbeat by that time I had to give the phone to my husband and he tells me they are rushing him to the nearest hospital we take kids to his mothers and race over to the hospital. Hospital tries everything and they never get a decent heartbeat or anything from him at all they call it. My brother was doing the thing he did every night after eatting dinner play on his phone and felt like he couldn’t breathe minutes later hes unresponsive. I am just so upset so sad so angry so numb I miss him so much and I also feel like with him went the rest of my family. My twin brother and Chris were all I had now they are gone. I don’t know how to feel I am trying to be strong for my kids who miss their uncle so much and for my husband so he doesnt worry. Because to me Family is everything THEY were everything. its now a week from when all this happened and 5 days since his funeral Sunday was the hardest day of my life he was supposed to be over to play with my kids and pick on me and now that will never be nor will it be again. It’s hard to go through something this its a rollercoaster. I am so glad I have found a place where ppl can understand how I’m feeling. I am peace knowing they are together now theres that and I know they want me to be happy but right now I think its just gonna take some time.

  81. Lea  January 3, 2020 at 9:08 pm Reply

    on June 19th 2009 I lost my twin brother to an overdose. He was Bipolar and been fighting with his girlfriend about their daughter and he was so upset about it I told him to just wait for us we’ll be there in tomorrow afternoon to pick him up he can come over then stay at my other brother’s house. The next day I got up and was cooking breakfast and getting things together wondering if my older brother had picked him up yet because he had asked him to pick him up earlier than the afternoon. I get a phone call from my Sister In law. Hes in the hospital in ICU please come to the hospital thats all she knew they hadnt go there yet well it was bad he was in the hospital in a coma for almost a week hospital declared him brain dead and no chance of every waking up we pulled the plug and we let him we were 23 years old when he died and flash forward 10 years later its a few days after Christmas. Friday the 27th getting things done my nightly routine and cleaning up because my bro and sis in law are coming over in 2 days for our little Christmas party we have together with my 3 kids every year I get a phone call from my children’s bus driver also my brother’s next door neighbor theres an ambulance at your brother’s house she says. I call over there and get noone the phone rings back and its my sis in law frantically telling me Chris (my brother’s name) has gone into Cardiac arrest thats his name and they aren’t getting him back theres no heartbeat by that time I had to give the phone to my husband and he tells me they are rushing him to the nearest hospital we take kids to his mothers and race over to the hospital. Hospital tries everything and they never get a decent heartbeat or anything from him at all they call it. My brother was doing the thing he did every night after eatting dinner play on his phone and felt like he couldn’t breathe minutes later hes unresponsive. I am just so upset so sad so angry so numb I miss him so much and I also feel like with him went the rest of my family. My twin brother and Chris were all I had now they are gone. I don’t know how to feel I am trying to be strong for my kids who miss their uncle so much and for my husband so he doesnt worry. Because to me Family is everything THEY were everything. its now a week from when all this happened and 5 days since his funeral Sunday was the hardest day of my life he was supposed to be over to play with my kids and pick on me and now that will never be nor will it be again. It’s hard to go through something this its a rollercoaster. I am so glad I have found a place where ppl can understand how I’m feeling. I am peace knowing they are together now theres that and I know they want me to be happy but right now I think its just gonna take some time.

  82. Sad alone  December 20, 2019 at 10:09 pm Reply

    My older brother died. May 2019 not four months later my dad passed away. My brother was so loved by so many. I now have his friends needing my sympathy while i have zero energy for anyone or anything. Sad and grief have not come yet. angry and alone are my new normal. If i have one drink i have 10 or more so i now choose not to. Everything seems pointless

  83. Sad alone  December 20, 2019 at 10:09 pm Reply

    My older brother died. May 2019 not four months later my dad passed away. My brother was so loved by so many. I now have his friends needing my sympathy while i have zero energy for anyone or anything. Sad and grief have not come yet. angry and alone are my new normal. If i have one drink i have 10 or more so i now choose not to. Everything seems pointless

  84. Sad alone  December 20, 2019 at 10:09 pm Reply

    My older brother died. May 2019 not four months later my dad passed away. My brother was so loved by so many. I now have his friends needing my sympathy while i have zero energy for anyone or anything. Sad and grief have not come yet. angry and alone are my new normal. If i have one drink i have 10 or more so i now choose not to. Everything seems pointless

    • Christine  December 21, 2019 at 8:56 pm Reply

      My baby sis died 12/17/19 by suicide. She was 54 and truly one of the kindest, gentlest, most understanding souls I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. She just moved back home after being gone for over 25 years. But we were mostly always close aside from some typical sibling rivalry. She’s been suffering her whole life from Bipolar Disease but kept it under check until these past few months. She not only had some obvious mental issues but has suffered also from physical pain. She was a brilliant teacher and artist and worked with special needs kids. Even though she was in pain much of her life she gave more of her self than anyone else I know. We tried to help her to help herself but she was just too lost. My heart is broken and honestly i can’t know how I will live without her. Ironically ….she’s been gone much of her adult life and only came back home to be with family for the past 1.5 years but her loss is unbearable. Any advice? I don’t know what to do

      • Isolina Jackson  December 24, 2019 at 3:21 pm

        Today marks 30 years since the last time I spoke to or saw my brother. He committed suicide Jan 1, a week later, at 25vyears old. Grief is weird. It holds no boundaries or limitations, and it doesnt fit a set of parameters. It hit me out of the blue and I am sobbing. From someone who has lost a sibling, I am so very sorry for your loss. My way of coping is remembering the good, crying when I need to, and keeping his memories alive. There are no answers for us, just the breaking of our hearts. I do a suicide prevention walk in his honor. I tell my about him. And I live. I miss him every day. Life goes on without him, and I do my best to make him proud of me. Keep your chin up, and remember the good. It sounds cliche, but really does help. And don’t blame yourself for something you couldnt have helped. Hugs.

      • Cheryl  December 30, 2019 at 10:04 pm

        Christine, please go to AFSP.org and check out their resources, including support meetings for Survivors of Suicide Loss—a support group dedicated to those of us who have lost a loved one to suicide. My support group has been a safe place to talk about all things related to my loss to people who truly understand and also to support others in their grief journey. I lost my 51-year-old brother, Marty, to suicide on 8/21/18. He was my only sibling and his attempt to start over in a new place failed miserably, only heightening his sense of loneliness and increasing his depression. While many groups are hit or miss for sibling loss—many siblings are unaware of these resources, with many parents and adult children attending, just finding support for the survivors may well make a difference in helping you get through these early stages of grief. I’ve attended my group for just over a year now, and while I don’t make it every week, I’ve come to care very deeply about these friends.

        I have absorbed all of my brother’s life/death into my own life, and with the relocation of my only living parent, my mother, from across the country to 10 minutes away from my home, I now realize I need to put together a plan on setting boundaries with her for my own mental health.

        If you have access to a therapist, please contact one soon. I regret that I have not yet done that. Please, please, please take care of yourself and know that you matter—that you are much more than an administrator for your brother’s death (that’s how I frequently feel) and a caretaker to others. Suicide loss is so very different than other sibling losses, and you deserve to be heard by others who understand the trauma involved. My brother put my name and contact information on his body before he took his life, so he made certain that I would be the one to be contacted across the country by law enforcement, and that I would be the one forced to tell my 80 year old mom in person.

        My heart goes to you! Please be kind to yourself and try not to overextend yourself to your family. Feel free to say NO when you become overwhelmed. Telling my mom that some things will not get done is not what she wants to hear, but is critical to my mental health.

    • Cara  January 27, 2020 at 2:41 am Reply

      I feel your pain. My dad passed in August 2019, from a sudden heart attack, and my brother was found dead tonight at his home. Probably overdose/suicide. I am still processing my dad’s death……this is just too soon. I need to be strong for my mom but I feel numb and scared.

  85. emily  December 6, 2019 at 5:26 am Reply

    My sister lost her battle with cancer September 6, 2019 as I was on my way driving across the country so I could tell her I loved her one last time. I am active duty military and lived 2500 miles from my sister. I was driving home prior to being deployed and when I got there she had passed away less than an hour. 2500 miles, less than 5 hours of sleep I tried so hard to be there when she left this world. My older sister, Amanda, was the only person in the world who I knew would always be there for me. I was home for a week before I had to leave the country for work, and part of me feels like I have put grieving on hold so to say. I don’t even know how to begin to try and heal.

  86. emily  December 6, 2019 at 5:26 am Reply

    My sister lost her battle with cancer September 6, 2019 as I was on my way driving across the country so I could tell her I loved her one last time. I am active duty military and lived 2500 miles from my sister. I was driving home prior to being deployed and when I got there she had passed away less than an hour. 2500 miles, less than 5 hours of sleep I tried so hard to be there when she left this world. My older sister, Amanda, was the only person in the world who I knew would always be there for me. I was home for a week before I had to leave the country for work, and part of me feels like I have put grieving on hold so to say. I don’t even know how to begin to try and heal.

  87. emily  December 6, 2019 at 5:26 am Reply

    My sister lost her battle with cancer September 6, 2019 as I was on my way driving across the country so I could tell her I loved her one last time. I am active duty military and lived 2500 miles from my sister. I was driving home prior to being deployed and when I got there she had passed away less than an hour. 2500 miles, less than 5 hours of sleep I tried so hard to be there when she left this world. My older sister, Amanda, was the only person in the world who I knew would always be there for me. I was home for a week before I had to leave the country for work, and part of me feels like I have put grieving on hold so to say. I don’t even know how to begin to try and heal.

    • Kayla  December 15, 2019 at 9:07 pm Reply

      My big brother passed away from cancer August 7th 2019. and it was horrifying to watch. I couldn’t believe it. I was pissed as fuck. I probably always will be. He was this huge strong powerful generous human being funny as hell kinder than most. And cancer shrunk him into nothingness. tried to steal is happiness which it did I swear it. But he went away with the same sense of humor. Which I thought it would fade. Which all of him did slowly and that is what scared me the most. Was how SLOW he passed away. He had 3 days max to live. Fought for a whole month longer. Actually came home on Hospice when I brought home my newborn son. It was all just sad. Cancer is a disaster. Its cruel. And scary.

    • G  January 4, 2020 at 7:17 pm Reply

      My brother died of cystic fibrosis at 13 and I am 17. I was pissed. I am pissed. I will probably always be pissed. About how little time I got to spend with him. The very small amount of milestones I got with him. I feel especially pissed on special occasions and he is not here and never will be. It sucks.

    • G  January 4, 2020 at 7:17 pm Reply

      My brother died of cystic fibrosis at 13 and I am 17. I was pissed. I am pissed. I will probably always be pissed. About how little time I got to spend with him. The very small amount of milestones I got with him. I feel especially pissed on special occasions and he is not here and never will be. It sucks.

  88. Princess Grayson  December 5, 2019 at 1:13 pm Reply

    I lost my brother 2 months ago on September 29,2019 to Homicide. I have not been the same my heart hurts so bad I don’t want to face it! I keep telling myself everyday he’s in a better place but in reality I want him here with me. I need strength, understanding, justice. I pray for you all because I know the feeling you guys are going through

  89. Princess Grayson  December 5, 2019 at 1:13 pm Reply

    I lost my brother 2 months ago on September 29,2019 to Homicide. I have not been the same my heart hurts so bad I don’t want to face it! I keep telling myself everyday he’s in a better place but in reality I want him here with me. I need strength, understanding, justice. I pray for you all because I know the feeling you guys are going through

  90. Princess Grayson  December 5, 2019 at 1:13 pm Reply

    I lost my brother 2 months ago on September 29,2019 to Homicide. I have not been the same my heart hurts so bad I don’t want to face it! I keep telling myself everyday he’s in a better place but in reality I want him here with me. I need strength, understanding, justice. I pray for you all because I know the feeling you guys are going through

    • Tracy  December 23, 2019 at 1:25 pm Reply

      My brother was murdered on August 8th 2019 in Charleston SC. I don’t know why but your comment stood out to me. Probably because of the similarities in how we lost our brothers. I am going to check out the Facebook page now and hopefully connect with some resources and stuff. Thank you, Tracy Haman -Linton

    • Tracy Hama  December 23, 2019 at 4:28 pm Reply

      My brother Tim was such a rad person! He was such a electric soul. He was born deaf, and the first couple of years of his life were really rough. Spent in doctors offices and surgery after surgery. But he got his hearing back only to almost die at 3 after he contracted an infection from a 3rd degree burn he sustained from being a curious kid. My Grandmother was boiling water on the stove and she looked away for a second and he yanked the handle. He recovered from that a strong vibrant most say hyperactive kid. He was smart, smarter than most people ever knew. We grew up pretty normal, until my Mom developed a drug habit after our parents divorced. So it was me and him basically taking care of each other and our 2 younger siblings. He was the man of the house. Then he was involved in a horrible crime and ended up doing 13 months in prison. He was protecting and helping his neighbors wife as she was being assaulted by some gang bangers from the neighborhood we lived in. He ended up shooting the guy unfortunately and killing him. I was with him thru that whole struggle, as he tried to deal with the fact that he took another humans life. He was very depressed for a few years. He met a a girl and they ended up moving to Charleston SC where she is from. They had a little girl, and he was just moving them into his place finally. The night they were moving into his apt, is when this happened. Some kids started harassing her and even physically assaulting her. My brother was inside and when he heard the yelling and screaming came outside to find one guy on top of her and her fighting to get him off. When he came outside some words were exchanged, and they fought. My brother handed him his ass and the fight was done. He told the guy go home get out of here. As they were walking towards his front door the guy pulled out a gun fired 5 shots as my brother jumped on top of her so she didn’t get hit by bullets. Only one got him, but it was the once in a lifetime shot. It entered his right rib cage not harming any ribs, went into his lung, hit his aorta and exited the left side exactly the way it went in. The only comfort I have is knowing that he wasn’t in pain for long. Neighbors performed CPR on him but it was too late. There is a video of it that was caught on someone’s ring camera on their porch. That’s the only thing that caught the guy that did it. Stupid ass kid ruined 2 families lives in a split second. Sucks for him tho because he is gonna be doing a life without parole sentence.
      It seemed as if my brother had just reached a point in his life where things were looking good, stable, and he had everything in line. Then bam. That’s what gets me. He was the strength I always needed if I fell apart. The Uncle that let my kids climb all over him playing and who took his nieces to the Father Daughter dance because my husband was deployed. He gave the boy a hard time that came to take my oldest to her prom, and he celebrated with my oldest when she bought her first house. He encouraged my youngest daughter to dance at Pow Wows because she is a Cupeno Indian and it was part of her heritage. He bought my sons their first puppy and took them to baseball games. He basically took care of us all. I don’t even know how to feel most days except extremely sad and mad, lost and horrified my sister in law had to go thru watching him die. Its rocked our family to the core. I am so glad I found this. I feel as if there are people that have and are going thru the same things I am.

  91. Amelia  December 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister in 2011 she was only 1 month old i made a promise to myself to protect her i feel and will always feel like an older sister I Always wonder what it would be like if she was alive i miss her so much my brothers and mom don’t talk about her much or ever but i understand that but i just wish i could see her hold her be able to hear her voice and hear her say i love you sis.

  92. Amelia  December 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister in 2011 she was only 1 month old i made a promise to myself to protect her i feel and will always feel like an older sister I Always wonder what it would be like if she was alive i miss her so much my brothers and mom don’t talk about her much or ever but i understand that but i just wish i could see her hold her be able to hear her voice and hear her say i love you sis.

  93. Amelia  December 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister in 2011 she was only 1 month old i made a promise to myself to protect her i feel and will always feel like an older sister I Always wonder what it would be like if she was alive i miss her so much my brothers and mom don’t talk about her much or ever but i understand that but i just wish i could see her hold her be able to hear her voice and hear her say i love you sis.

  94. Audrey Cucullu  November 28, 2019 at 3:14 am Reply

    There’s nothing about losing a sibling or losing a sibling that you helped raise. I was not his mother and yet a month before he died I was the one waking him up from my couch while handing him leftovers on his way to work driving the semi that he has parked in front of my house. He’s lived with me in every house I have ever been in. He was my little brother. Now he’s gone and will forever be 32. Not only did I lose him but it was to homicide. I don’t understand and there is nothing out there for a sister-mom that lost someone to murder. Is there? Because if there is I can’t find it.

  95. Audrey Cucullu  November 28, 2019 at 3:14 am Reply

    There’s nothing about losing a sibling or losing a sibling that you helped raise. I was not his mother and yet a month before he died I was the one waking him up from my couch while handing him leftovers on his way to work driving the semi that he has parked in front of my house. He’s lived with me in every house I have ever been in. He was my little brother. Now he’s gone and will forever be 32. Not only did I lose him but it was to homicide. I don’t understand and there is nothing out there for a sister-mom that lost someone to murder. Is there? Because if there is I can’t find it.

  96. Audrey Cucullu  November 28, 2019 at 3:14 am Reply

    There’s nothing about losing a sibling or losing a sibling that you helped raise. I was not his mother and yet a month before he died I was the one waking him up from my couch while handing him leftovers on his way to work driving the semi that he has parked in front of my house. He’s lived with me in every house I have ever been in. He was my little brother. Now he’s gone and will forever be 32. Not only did I lose him but it was to homicide. I don’t understand and there is nothing out there for a sister-mom that lost someone to murder. Is there? Because if there is I can’t find it.

    • Tracy Linton  December 30, 2019 at 12:53 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. My brother was to homicide also. On Aug. 8 of this year. Its hard to find sibling loss support let alone the specific kind. I know frustrating it is to have someone else think its ok to choose when your best friend dies. As the oldest sister i too was the caregiver to all of my siblings. But he was the one I always did for. You can create one tho. I think that might be awesome actually.

  97. chris boykin  November 27, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    My little brother died on November 8, 2019. He was 21 years old for two hours. He wrecked his truck 5 miles from my house on his way to stay with me. He left a frat party at 2am in the morning after drinking all night. He wasn’t supposed to leave! But I guess he wanted to come to my house because we were leaving at 9 to go to our tennis tournament for the weekend. I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because I’ve made the same mistake so many times. He was my tennis partner, my cookout buddy, my best friend. I was the first person at the hospital. The lady at the ER wouldn’t tell me anything without our mom being there. I was just sitting there about to vomit, waiting to hear if my brother is okay or not. She finally told me the news that forever changed my life. My baby brother was in a wreck and didn’t survive. I can’t even describe what that felt like. It was like getting shot in the chest, I fell to the floor crying so hard I was losing consciousness. I hid in the corner when they told me that my mom and dad made it there. I couldn’t let her see my face. Ill never forget her screams echoing down the hallway. It took me only a few minutes to get the courage to go and face an instant fear, which was seeing my mom in agonizing pain. My dad adopted me and my little brother, I felt so bad for him. My brother was his only “blood” child. My dad did everything for him, all the ballgames (multiple sports) making sure the uniforms are spotless, ironing his clothes, making sure everything is together. My dad is lost, my mom is fighting to keep her sanity. I’m reliving that night every time I go and leave from work. He flipped his truck head over head in the middle of the highway. He was ejected from the vehicle and was thrown about 40 yards and landed in the turning lane beside the median. The blood stain finally washed away but the orange spray paint is still there. There is also a large set up skid marks from the 18 wheeler that found him. I miss him so much. Its unexplainable, I hope It gets better soon. We were so close and he was so young. He was so freaking excited about his 21st birthday weekend and us playing in the big tournament together. I was excited too. I have just recently been able to shake the images of his body on the table. When I made it to my mom, we cried and cried for about 15 minutes then they let us go see him. This is my first run in with death and it is an absolute nightmare. I lost my brother to a tragedy. I hope that I can regain confidence in my faith. I have to if I ever want to see him again.

  98. chris boykin  November 27, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    My little brother died on November 8, 2019. He was 21 years old for two hours. He wrecked his truck 5 miles from my house on his way to stay with me. He left a frat party at 2am in the morning after drinking all night. He wasn’t supposed to leave! But I guess he wanted to come to my house because we were leaving at 9 to go to our tennis tournament for the weekend. I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because I’ve made the same mistake so many times. He was my tennis partner, my cookout buddy, my best friend. I was the first person at the hospital. The lady at the ER wouldn’t tell me anything without our mom being there. I was just sitting there about to vomit, waiting to hear if my brother is okay or not. She finally told me the news that forever changed my life. My baby brother was in a wreck and didn’t survive. I can’t even describe what that felt like. It was like getting shot in the chest, I fell to the floor crying so hard I was losing consciousness. I hid in the corner when they told me that my mom and dad made it there. I couldn’t let her see my face. Ill never forget her screams echoing down the hallway. It took me only a few minutes to get the courage to go and face an instant fear, which was seeing my mom in agonizing pain. My dad adopted me and my little brother, I felt so bad for him. My brother was his only “blood” child. My dad did everything for him, all the ballgames (multiple sports) making sure the uniforms are spotless, ironing his clothes, making sure everything is together. My dad is lost, my mom is fighting to keep her sanity. I’m reliving that night every time I go and leave from work. He flipped his truck head over head in the middle of the highway. He was ejected from the vehicle and was thrown about 40 yards and landed in the turning lane beside the median. The blood stain finally washed away but the orange spray paint is still there. There is also a large set up skid marks from the 18 wheeler that found him. I miss him so much. Its unexplainable, I hope It gets better soon. We were so close and he was so young. He was so freaking excited about his 21st birthday weekend and us playing in the big tournament together. I was excited too. I have just recently been able to shake the images of his body on the table. When I made it to my mom, we cried and cried for about 15 minutes then they let us go see him. This is my first run in with death and it is an absolute nightmare. I lost my brother to a tragedy. I hope that I can regain confidence in my faith. I have to if I ever want to see him again.

  99. chris boykin  November 27, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    My little brother died on November 8, 2019. He was 21 years old for two hours. He wrecked his truck 5 miles from my house on his way to stay with me. He left a frat party at 2am in the morning after drinking all night. He wasn’t supposed to leave! But I guess he wanted to come to my house because we were leaving at 9 to go to our tennis tournament for the weekend. I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because I’ve made the same mistake so many times. He was my tennis partner, my cookout buddy, my best friend. I was the first person at the hospital. The lady at the ER wouldn’t tell me anything without our mom being there. I was just sitting there about to vomit, waiting to hear if my brother is okay or not. She finally told me the news that forever changed my life. My baby brother was in a wreck and didn’t survive. I can’t even describe what that felt like. It was like getting shot in the chest, I fell to the floor crying so hard I was losing consciousness. I hid in the corner when they told me that my mom and dad made it there. I couldn’t let her see my face. Ill never forget her screams echoing down the hallway. It took me only a few minutes to get the courage to go and face an instant fear, which was seeing my mom in agonizing pain. My dad adopted me and my little brother, I felt so bad for him. My brother was his only “blood” child. My dad did everything for him, all the ballgames (multiple sports) making sure the uniforms are spotless, ironing his clothes, making sure everything is together. My dad is lost, my mom is fighting to keep her sanity. I’m reliving that night every time I go and leave from work. He flipped his truck head over head in the middle of the highway. He was ejected from the vehicle and was thrown about 40 yards and landed in the turning lane beside the median. The blood stain finally washed away but the orange spray paint is still there. There is also a large set up skid marks from the 18 wheeler that found him. I miss him so much. Its unexplainable, I hope It gets better soon. We were so close and he was so young. He was so freaking excited about his 21st birthday weekend and us playing in the big tournament together. I was excited too. I have just recently been able to shake the images of his body on the table. When I made it to my mom, we cried and cried for about 15 minutes then they let us go see him. This is my first run in with death and it is an absolute nightmare. I lost my brother to a tragedy. I hope that I can regain confidence in my faith. I have to if I ever want to see him again.

    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:58 am Reply

      Chris, I can’t even begin to share your trauma. I am so, so sorry for the incredible tragedy your family is experiencing. Words can’t offer enough comfort. Be gentle with yourself and feel whatever you’re going to feel. When I lost my sister, I felt like I needed to be “strong” for my parents and it delayed my grieving. That became complicated later. I’m so glad to see you posting here and reaching out to others. Please know that you have my complete empathy and support. Here if you need a friend.

    • Diane Bisner  December 3, 2019 at 10:35 pm Reply

      Chris, My sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your brother. I am finding myself on this website as I just lost my younger brother unexpectedly on Friday, 11/29/2019 and looking for some kind of answer. Doubtful there will ever be one. The complete shock and utter denial is over taking us all. I have no words of advise as I just dont have any that I can follow for myself. The best I can say is keep reaching out, post/chat about how you are feeling as we are all here to support one another and try to take it one step at a time. I hope you may find some comfort and peace eventually and know that your brother is with you in spirit and watching over you. Im very sorry for your loss.

    • Jazmia  December 10, 2019 at 11:29 am Reply

      Chris, as you know there are no words to express how deeply sorry I am for your pain. I lost my brother on July 16, 2016, from him dying in his sleep. Still, to this day, I seek out articles, people, words, poems, books, anything to make sense of the agony I feel every day. I think it helps. But, grief is not structured. It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s specific as well as universal. And, just know what you feel at any moment, at any time of the day is valid and real. Anything I say will never soften the pain but one thing I will say that I wished someone said to me after my brother died: it’s gonna hurt very badly until it only hurts a little.

      And, you will see him again. What gives me some type of comfort on days like these where I seek out refugee to the pain, I think about time and how it must work between the earthy and spiritual plane. How so many years may past for me for before I see him again but for him, it may just be a blink of an eye.

  100. Lizbeth  November 27, 2019 at 2:43 am Reply

    My brother died on January 1, 2018 after a week in the hospital. He overdosed. This shocked me so much, words can’t even explain how much my world shook. I didn’t know my brother to be involved in that and it was horrifying knowing that I didn’t even know to help him. On Christmas Eve, me and my sisters got a call from a cousin stating that he was in the hospital and everybody was headed there. At first, I thought he had a little accident, nothing too big, but I got there and the air was unwelcoming, faces were dropped, the vibe was unexplainably sad. I think about him a lot. I have had nights where I cry intensely because I feel so guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t able to save him. He was only 25. He had his whole life ahead of him. Now, I feel as if its my duty to keep my brother’s memory alive for as long as I am. I miss him so much. I wish I could tell him I love him one last time, but life doesn’t work that way. It waits for no one. I hope to see him again someday. In everything I do, he’s there. In the back of my mind, inhabiting my heart. If he was suffering, at least I know that he isn’t anymore.

    • Carissa  November 27, 2019 at 6:45 am Reply

      Hi Lizbeth, I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away by overdose Dec 21 2018, aged 38, and it too has crushed my world. Life has changed but I try to stay strong for my family and my children, but it is hard some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love xxx

    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:46 am Reply

      Oh, Lizbeth….I am so sorry. There is just so much pain and grief with the loss of a sibling. I lost my only sibling, my older sister Jennifer, to Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2015. She was a priest and the best of us. I struggle daily with filling a role that I’m not prepared for as an only child. There is so much that sneaks up on us. Hugs to you.

  101. Lizbeth  November 27, 2019 at 2:43 am Reply

    My brother died on January 1, 2018 after a week in the hospital. He overdosed. This shocked me so much, words can’t even explain how much my world shook. I didn’t know my brother to be involved in that and it was horrifying knowing that I didn’t even know to help him. On Christmas Eve, me and my sisters got a call from a cousin stating that he was in the hospital and everybody was headed there. At first, I thought he had a little accident, nothing too big, but I got there and the air was unwelcoming, faces were dropped, the vibe was unexplainably sad. I think about him a lot. I have had nights where I cry intensely because I feel so guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t able to save him. He was only 25. He had his whole life ahead of him. Now, I feel as if its my duty to keep my brother’s memory alive for as long as I am. I miss him so much. I wish I could tell him I love him one last time, but life doesn’t work that way. It waits for no one. I hope to see him again someday. In everything I do, he’s there. In the back of my mind, inhabiting my heart. If he was suffering, at least I know that he isn’t anymore.

    • Carissa  November 27, 2019 at 6:45 am Reply

      Hi Lizbeth, I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away by overdose Dec 21 2018, aged 38, and it too has crushed my world. Life has changed but I try to stay strong for my family and my children, but it is hard some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love xxx

    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:46 am Reply

      Oh, Lizbeth….I am so sorry. There is just so much pain and grief with the loss of a sibling. I lost my only sibling, my older sister Jennifer, to Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2015. She was a priest and the best of us. I struggle daily with filling a role that I’m not prepared for as an only child. There is so much that sneaks up on us. Hugs to you.

  102. Lizbeth  November 27, 2019 at 2:43 am Reply

    My brother died on January 1, 2018 after a week in the hospital. He overdosed. This shocked me so much, words can’t even explain how much my world shook. I didn’t know my brother to be involved in that and it was horrifying knowing that I didn’t even know to help him. On Christmas Eve, me and my sisters got a call from a cousin stating that he was in the hospital and everybody was headed there. At first, I thought he had a little accident, nothing too big, but I got there and the air was unwelcoming, faces were dropped, the vibe was unexplainably sad. I think about him a lot. I have had nights where I cry intensely because I feel so guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t able to save him. He was only 25. He had his whole life ahead of him. Now, I feel as if its my duty to keep my brother’s memory alive for as long as I am. I miss him so much. I wish I could tell him I love him one last time, but life doesn’t work that way. It waits for no one. I hope to see him again someday. In everything I do, he’s there. In the back of my mind, inhabiting my heart. If he was suffering, at least I know that he isn’t anymore.

    • Carissa  November 27, 2019 at 6:45 am Reply

      Hi Lizbeth, I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away by overdose Dec 21 2018, aged 38, and it too has crushed my world. Life has changed but I try to stay strong for my family and my children, but it is hard some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love xxx

    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:46 am Reply

      Oh, Lizbeth….I am so sorry. There is just so much pain and grief with the loss of a sibling. I lost my only sibling, my older sister Jennifer, to Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2015. She was a priest and the best of us. I struggle daily with filling a role that I’m not prepared for as an only child. There is so much that sneaks up on us. Hugs to you.

    • Marie  December 10, 2019 at 3:03 pm Reply

      I lost my brother at exactly 29 and a half years of age back in May. I had no idea he was abusing alcohol to such an extreme degree that he managed to destroy all of his internal organs before even turning 30. I feel like he died doing a job he hated and having checked very little off his bucket list. I know his fiance will move on and the child he helped raise will know someone else as “Dad”. It is positively excruciating to see him vanish from the world like this.

      • Stacey  January 6, 2020 at 11:34 pm

        Marie, I am so unbelievably sorry —

        I apologize if my response comes out muddled — I still feel in zombie-mode or something . . . Communication is not my strong suit at the moment, but I connected so deeply with your comment that I felt it necessary to reply.

        I share your pain of losing a brother to alcohol.
        Jeffrey died September 10th 2019 — ultimately from an incredibly rare medical perfect-storm (DIC), but it was kicked off by alcohol abuse and essentially resulted in multiple organ failure. He was 31.

        Jeff didn’t love his job but he loved his coworkers —
        He had the biggest heart, loved animals, was an impressive chef and a terrific gardener…
        Heartbreakingly, he was also an amazing uncle and would’ve been an amazing Dad.

        My brother was my best friend, my confidant, my other half… We were two peas in a pod in the best and worst ways, and the statement you made about your brother vanishing from this world being excruciating …. Yes. Just, yes.

        Sitting next to his hospital bed, begging him to hang on while he lay in a coma (went into the hospital on Monday night, died Tuesday) . . . Those two days will probably always be the very worst days of my entire life.

        I have no idea when this fog will lift, but somehow the world feels a speck less lonely having found other people out there in the world, who truly know the indescribable hell I am doing my absolutely best to survive in.

        I’m so sorry for your loss and for your pain, Marie — I bet your brother was a rockstar.

  103. Anna  November 25, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    Holidays are the hardest. I never talk about my brother (which probably makes things worse). Just typing that made me emotional to the point I walked away for a minute. My brother passed away 10 years ago and I don’t think things have gotten easier. Whoever says “time heals all wounds” is definitely lying – or they have never lost someone close to them. If anything it makes it more real that you won’t spend another holiday with that person.

    Growing up it was just the four of us – my mom, dad, myself and Chris. We did everything together and Chris and I were very close. He had lymphoma and passed away May, 2009 and I have never been the same. He was 25. I try so hard to keep it together for my folks but behind closed doors I am just broken. I just miss him so incredibly much.

    I hope everyone can find some type of peace through your personal grieving journey and can replay many happy memories throughout this holiday season. I guess it is nice to know we are not alone.

  104. Anna  November 25, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    Holidays are the hardest. I never talk about my brother (which probably makes things worse). Just typing that made me emotional to the point I walked away for a minute. My brother passed away 10 years ago and I don’t think things have gotten easier. Whoever says “time heals all wounds” is definitely lying – or they have never lost someone close to them. If anything it makes it more real that you won’t spend another holiday with that person.

    Growing up it was just the four of us – my mom, dad, myself and Chris. We did everything together and Chris and I were very close. He had lymphoma and passed away May, 2009 and I have never been the same. He was 25. I try so hard to keep it together for my folks but behind closed doors I am just broken. I just miss him so incredibly much.

    I hope everyone can find some type of peace through your personal grieving journey and can replay many happy memories throughout this holiday season. I guess it is nice to know we are not alone.

  105. Anna  November 25, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    Holidays are the hardest. I never talk about my brother (which probably makes things worse). Just typing that made me emotional to the point I walked away for a minute. My brother passed away 10 years ago and I don’t think things have gotten easier. Whoever says “time heals all wounds” is definitely lying – or they have never lost someone close to them. If anything it makes it more real that you won’t spend another holiday with that person.

    Growing up it was just the four of us – my mom, dad, myself and Chris. We did everything together and Chris and I were very close. He had lymphoma and passed away May, 2009 and I have never been the same. He was 25. I try so hard to keep it together for my folks but behind closed doors I am just broken. I just miss him so incredibly much.

    I hope everyone can find some type of peace through your personal grieving journey and can replay many happy memories throughout this holiday season. I guess it is nice to know we are not alone.

  106. Srujana  November 20, 2019 at 9:08 am Reply

    I lost my sister on 23rd July 2019, whom I loved the most. She was just 30 when she died, I love her to the core, I don’t know with whom I can share this, iam so alone now, I used to talk to her in mobile daily for more than 5 times. Now my phone is not at all ringing. I miss u ra chinnu. Life is empty without u. No one can fill ur place. Not even my children.
    How can I talk to u now? Iam so alone …

  107. Srujana  November 20, 2019 at 9:08 am Reply

    I lost my sister on 23rd July 2019, whom I loved the most. She was just 30 when she died, I love her to the core, I don’t know with whom I can share this, iam so alone now, I used to talk to her in mobile daily for more than 5 times. Now my phone is not at all ringing. I miss u ra chinnu. Life is empty without u. No one can fill ur place. Not even my children.
    How can I talk to u now? Iam so alone …

  108. Srujana  November 20, 2019 at 9:08 am Reply

    I lost my sister on 23rd July 2019, whom I loved the most. She was just 30 when she died, I love her to the core, I don’t know with whom I can share this, iam so alone now, I used to talk to her in mobile daily for more than 5 times. Now my phone is not at all ringing. I miss u ra chinnu. Life is empty without u. No one can fill ur place. Not even my children.
    How can I talk to u now? Iam so alone …

    • Marie  November 20, 2019 at 10:28 pm Reply

      Srujana, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know who you are or your story, but in losing my sister I know I lost my everything. You are not alone – wherever you are in this world, I’m thinking about you.

    • Coreena Johnson  March 5, 2020 at 9:41 am Reply

      I can relate so well, lost my beloved sister almost five years ago, in Nov. We spoke on the phone at least four times a day. Her sudden loss, just put me in deep depression, then less than three months later, my aunt died and the worst was, nine members of my fathers family had died following my sister. We had horrible year following my sisters passing. My only comfort is, right before my mother passed away, she said she saw my sister standing next to me. That would be so typical of my sister, to be there for us. She was so sweet and loved all of us with her pure heart. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. She was my best friend and was the only one that actually got my jokes. She is in heaven with her husband that passed away three years prior. She was only 56, three years older than myself. I keep going because that is what she would have wanted. She was the pure one. Miss her always

  109. Bob  November 17, 2019 at 12:55 am Reply

    My brother Joe died October 2019. It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. He would go to the gym, go jogging, plus he was in the reserves. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I miss him so much. I come from a christian family. I have been away from the church for so long. I got in trouble with the law December 20 2018 and came back to the church December 22, 2018. The last time I went to church with my brother was over 30 years ago. Now that I go to church every weekend, I go to church Saturday afternoons because Sunday mornings I help my mom prepare dinner. My brother Joe, who went to church every week, would go Sunday mornings. One Saturday, it was sometime this past summer, I was in Church and it was about 10 minutes before start time. I was sitting there waiting for mass to start and here walks in my brother Joe and he sat right next to me. That made me feel so good. The last time we were at Church together I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. I am so happy I got to experience that before he died. I miss him so much. We miss you Joe and we love you. Thank you for everything.

  110. Bob  November 17, 2019 at 12:55 am Reply

    My brother Joe died October 2019. It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. He would go to the gym, go jogging, plus he was in the reserves. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I miss him so much. I come from a christian family. I have been away from the church for so long. I got in trouble with the law December 20 2018 and came back to the church December 22, 2018. The last time I went to church with my brother was over 30 years ago. Now that I go to church every weekend, I go to church Saturday afternoons because Sunday mornings I help my mom prepare dinner. My brother Joe, who went to church every week, would go Sunday mornings. One Saturday, it was sometime this past summer, I was in Church and it was about 10 minutes before start time. I was sitting there waiting for mass to start and here walks in my brother Joe and he sat right next to me. That made me feel so good. The last time we were at Church together I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. I am so happy I got to experience that before he died. I miss him so much. We miss you Joe and we love you. Thank you for everything.

  111. Bob  November 17, 2019 at 12:55 am Reply

    My brother Joe died October 2019. It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. He would go to the gym, go jogging, plus he was in the reserves. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I miss him so much. I come from a christian family. I have been away from the church for so long. I got in trouble with the law December 20 2018 and came back to the church December 22, 2018. The last time I went to church with my brother was over 30 years ago. Now that I go to church every weekend, I go to church Saturday afternoons because Sunday mornings I help my mom prepare dinner. My brother Joe, who went to church every week, would go Sunday mornings. One Saturday, it was sometime this past summer, I was in Church and it was about 10 minutes before start time. I was sitting there waiting for mass to start and here walks in my brother Joe and he sat right next to me. That made me feel so good. The last time we were at Church together I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. I am so happy I got to experience that before he died. I miss him so much. We miss you Joe and we love you. Thank you for everything.

  112. I miss my brother  November 8, 2019 at 9:04 am Reply

    My beautiful brother died 28th October, 2019 aged 33 years. No-one in the family could ever understand the bond we had. He told me when he was going through depression 10 years ago and I doubt he told anyone else but he got through it. Or I thought he did. He cared for our father before he passed away in 2017. He hadn’t been in a good place since and me, thinking I know him so well, told myself he just needs time and as I wasn’t there to see my father towards the end, have to just let him take as much time as he needs. I thought it was enough to just chat about this and that, but I never thought to really ask how he was. How his health was. If he needed to talk about anything that went on. He told me 2 months ago that he had lost a lot of weight and I so carelessly cut him off and laughed about how I had put on weight. I feel so stupid for naively thinking that I was doing enough to make him feel better. I have felt guilty since my father’s passing that I wasn’t there to help my brother. I felt I had no place in trying to change how my brother decided to cope afterwards. Now I feel guilty that perhaps my brother had to some extent gotten over dad, but then felt quite abandoned by me. Others probably thought we weren’t particularly close. I didn’t return my mother’s calls for a day, not thinking there was an emergency, so found out the day after his death. Seeing how he had been living up to his death broke my heart. He did not deserve to have a life like that. He told me he was thinking of an exciting career change. I thought he was making his way out of this dark chapter. Why was I so useless? He meant the world to me. I’m likely the only person he told certain things to and I did nothing. His dreams, feelings everything has died with me. I couldn’t bear to take anything just yet from his room and now I hear it’s been cleaned out and his clothes donated. I hope to have anything at all. I would cherish anything of his for the rest of my life. Thinking time will heal all wounds I had spent the last two years looking forward to a time where he has found his feet and we’d talk and laugh like when we were young, us two misfits trying to make our way in the world. Looking forward to Christmas together after being overseas for the last two. Waiting to be there for him when he was ready to get on with his life. But I ran out of time, he ran out of time. I had chances to jump in but kept letting time go by. Thinking he was ok. I have my own family but I feel so alone in the world now. I miss you so much and my life feels so empty. Every morning I wake up thinking about you and if it was just a dream that you’re gone. Then reality hits. I can’t bear not having you here. I can’t breathe, can’t fight back tears. My heart aches. I love you so, so much. I’ll never forgive myself for not truly being there for you and leaving you all on your own. I’m so sorry.

  113. I miss my brother  November 8, 2019 at 9:04 am Reply

    My beautiful brother died 28th October, 2019 aged 33 years. No-one in the family could ever understand the bond we had. He told me when he was going through depression 10 years ago and I doubt he told anyone else but he got through it. Or I thought he did. He cared for our father before he passed away in 2017. He hadn’t been in a good place since and me, thinking I know him so well, told myself he just needs time and as I wasn’t there to see my father towards the end, have to just let him take as much time as he needs. I thought it was enough to just chat about this and that, but I never thought to really ask how he was. How his health was. If he needed to talk about anything that went on. He told me 2 months ago that he had lost a lot of weight and I so carelessly cut him off and laughed about how I had put on weight. I feel so stupid for naively thinking that I was doing enough to make him feel better. I have felt guilty since my father’s passing that I wasn’t there to help my brother. I felt I had no place in trying to change how my brother decided to cope afterwards. Now I feel guilty that perhaps my brother had to some extent gotten over dad, but then felt quite abandoned by me. Others probably thought we weren’t particularly close. I didn’t return my mother’s calls for a day, not thinking there was an emergency, so found out the day after his death. Seeing how he had been living up to his death broke my heart. He did not deserve to have a life like that. He told me he was thinking of an exciting career change. I thought he was making his way out of this dark chapter. Why was I so useless? He meant the world to me. I’m likely the only person he told certain things to and I did nothing. His dreams, feelings everything has died with me. I couldn’t bear to take anything just yet from his room and now I hear it’s been cleaned out and his clothes donated. I hope to have anything at all. I would cherish anything of his for the rest of my life. Thinking time will heal all wounds I had spent the last two years looking forward to a time where he has found his feet and we’d talk and laugh like when we were young, us two misfits trying to make our way in the world. Looking forward to Christmas together after being overseas for the last two. Waiting to be there for him when he was ready to get on with his life. But I ran out of time, he ran out of time. I had chances to jump in but kept letting time go by. Thinking he was ok. I have my own family but I feel so alone in the world now. I miss you so much and my life feels so empty. Every morning I wake up thinking about you and if it was just a dream that you’re gone. Then reality hits. I can’t bear not having you here. I can’t breathe, can’t fight back tears. My heart aches. I love you so, so much. I’ll never forgive myself for not truly being there for you and leaving you all on your own. I’m so sorry.

  114. I miss my brother  November 8, 2019 at 9:04 am Reply

    My beautiful brother died 28th October, 2019 aged 33 years. No-one in the family could ever understand the bond we had. He told me when he was going through depression 10 years ago and I doubt he told anyone else but he got through it. Or I thought he did. He cared for our father before he passed away in 2017. He hadn’t been in a good place since and me, thinking I know him so well, told myself he just needs time and as I wasn’t there to see my father towards the end, have to just let him take as much time as he needs. I thought it was enough to just chat about this and that, but I never thought to really ask how he was. How his health was. If he needed to talk about anything that went on. He told me 2 months ago that he had lost a lot of weight and I so carelessly cut him off and laughed about how I had put on weight. I feel so stupid for naively thinking that I was doing enough to make him feel better. I have felt guilty since my father’s passing that I wasn’t there to help my brother. I felt I had no place in trying to change how my brother decided to cope afterwards. Now I feel guilty that perhaps my brother had to some extent gotten over dad, but then felt quite abandoned by me. Others probably thought we weren’t particularly close. I didn’t return my mother’s calls for a day, not thinking there was an emergency, so found out the day after his death. Seeing how he had been living up to his death broke my heart. He did not deserve to have a life like that. He told me he was thinking of an exciting career change. I thought he was making his way out of this dark chapter. Why was I so useless? He meant the world to me. I’m likely the only person he told certain things to and I did nothing. His dreams, feelings everything has died with me. I couldn’t bear to take anything just yet from his room and now I hear it’s been cleaned out and his clothes donated. I hope to have anything at all. I would cherish anything of his for the rest of my life. Thinking time will heal all wounds I had spent the last two years looking forward to a time where he has found his feet and we’d talk and laugh like when we were young, us two misfits trying to make our way in the world. Looking forward to Christmas together after being overseas for the last two. Waiting to be there for him when he was ready to get on with his life. But I ran out of time, he ran out of time. I had chances to jump in but kept letting time go by. Thinking he was ok. I have my own family but I feel so alone in the world now. I miss you so much and my life feels so empty. Every morning I wake up thinking about you and if it was just a dream that you’re gone. Then reality hits. I can’t bear not having you here. I can’t breathe, can’t fight back tears. My heart aches. I love you so, so much. I’ll never forgive myself for not truly being there for you and leaving you all on your own. I’m so sorry.

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  118. amanda  October 28, 2019 at 4:29 pm Reply

    In June 2013 there was 4 of us but now there is just me. I lost my oldest brother in 2013, he was 58. he died of a duodenal ulcer. He didn’t look after himself and had been on a bender. His boss came to check on him and he had died alone with no credit or charge on his phone. Less than 2 years later my younger brother was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (Malignant brain tumour), he died an awful drawn out death in August 2016 aged 54 (15 months after diagnosis). IN August 2017 whilst I was travelling in Cambodia (trying to make some sense of losing my brothers) I received a call to say my younger sister had died very unexpectedly too. She was 50. My parents had to watch 3 children die and then my mum joined them in May 2018. Now there is just me and my father. I don’t know how he gets up each morning but he does. I feel grief but very silently, I try and make excuses because people older than me lose siblings and they have to just get on with it….or do they, it just happened to me 20-30 too soon. I am so shocked, if I hear the name Michael, Timothy or Wendy at work my heart lurches. It still all seems so absurd. I now feel very hemmed in, trapped even as there is only me and my father and I have to care, with two young men still at home, its another to watch out for. I sound selfish but sometimes I am drowning.

  119. amanda  October 28, 2019 at 4:29 pm Reply

    In June 2013 there was 4 of us but now there is just me. I lost my oldest brother in 2013, he was 58. he died of a duodenal ulcer. He didn’t look after himself and had been on a bender. His boss came to check on him and he had died alone with no credit or charge on his phone. Less than 2 years later my younger brother was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (Malignant brain tumour), he died an awful drawn out death in August 2016 aged 54 (15 months after diagnosis). IN August 2017 whilst I was travelling in Cambodia (trying to make some sense of losing my brothers) I received a call to say my younger sister had died very unexpectedly too. She was 50. My parents had to watch 3 children die and then my mum joined them in May 2018. Now there is just me and my father. I don’t know how he gets up each morning but he does. I feel grief but very silently, I try and make excuses because people older than me lose siblings and they have to just get on with it….or do they, it just happened to me 20-30 too soon. I am so shocked, if I hear the name Michael, Timothy or Wendy at work my heart lurches. It still all seems so absurd. I now feel very hemmed in, trapped even as there is only me and my father and I have to care, with two young men still at home, its another to watch out for. I sound selfish but sometimes I am drowning.

  120. amanda  October 28, 2019 at 4:29 pm Reply

    In June 2013 there was 4 of us but now there is just me. I lost my oldest brother in 2013, he was 58. he died of a duodenal ulcer. He didn’t look after himself and had been on a bender. His boss came to check on him and he had died alone with no credit or charge on his phone. Less than 2 years later my younger brother was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (Malignant brain tumour), he died an awful drawn out death in August 2016 aged 54 (15 months after diagnosis). IN August 2017 whilst I was travelling in Cambodia (trying to make some sense of losing my brothers) I received a call to say my younger sister had died very unexpectedly too. She was 50. My parents had to watch 3 children die and then my mum joined them in May 2018. Now there is just me and my father. I don’t know how he gets up each morning but he does. I feel grief but very silently, I try and make excuses because people older than me lose siblings and they have to just get on with it….or do they, it just happened to me 20-30 too soon. I am so shocked, if I hear the name Michael, Timothy or Wendy at work my heart lurches. It still all seems so absurd. I now feel very hemmed in, trapped even as there is only me and my father and I have to care, with two young men still at home, its another to watch out for. I sound selfish but sometimes I am drowning.

    • Laura  October 31, 2019 at 7:34 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your losses and how much you are handling in such a short period of time. I agree that it seems absurd to have so much loss at once. You and your father are in my thoughts. My sister died 3 months ago in an accident, just 6 weeks after my mother had a stroke and was put on hospice care. I still can’t quite believe that I am dealing with two losses at once and that my sister died in the wrong order, just when I needed her most to help care for our mother. I am going to a grief group, and that has helped me a little. Also I am going to a counselor because I am so irritable and keep lashing out at people. This must be the “anger” stage. I’m trying to do things to feel more positive, for example I decorated a small cardboard box and each day write something I am grateful for on a slip of paper and put it in the box. I have become closer to my brother-in-law and my niece trying to support them. It doesn’t completely balance out the losses but it does help to keep me from spiraling downward during this time of multiple loss. My sister was 5 years older than me and someone I looked up to very much. She was very smart and successful and a very good person. The suddenness of her passing has made the world seem like a much more dangerous random place than it was before. Life seems so fragile. Siblings aren’t supposed to die before parents, anyhow that’s what I used to think, but now life seems so random. I’m trying to get to the place where I cherish each day as a gift, but right now the goal is to just get through the day.

    • Janice Jones  November 4, 2019 at 11:40 am Reply

      Hello Amanda, I am so very sorry for your colossal loss and it is obvious to me that you are suffering cumulative grief. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT ALONE in your grief. I too have lost family members and in a SHORT SPACE OF TIME. My dear sweet beloved father started the ball rolling when he died mid November 2016. Eight weeks later, my youngest sister died and that was SHOCKINGLY UNEXPECTED. My youngest sister was MY BEST FRIEND. Twelve weeks following my youngest sister, my mother died. Just under two years later, my middle sister died. There is ONLY ME LEFT and I am struggling to cope on a daily basis. Since that time, I take each day as it comes, I live for the moment and do not look into the future. I deal with my emotions at the time and that is all I can do. I am not the same person I used to be and the death of my family has destroyed my life. I am a shell of what I used to be. I wish you all the BEST and you and your father should STICK TOGETHER and support each other. I have nobody and have been like this now for 4 years this November 19th.

  121. Ava  October 26, 2019 at 3:00 am Reply

    I lost my only sister when I was 10 years old 4 years ago. She was 26 and she lived in a different state. It’s the hardest thing I have to deal with to this day it seems like the grief just gets worse instead of better. My mom thinks I’m not affected by the loss because I show no signs of grief but when it’s just me I can’t stop crying actually. My mom always compares me to my sister in the way that were totally different and I’m harder to raise kind of way which really makes me sad and a little triggered. I would do anything to see her one more time and I often find myself looking up at the sky trying to talk to her as if she’s gonna respond if she even hears me. I’m not sure if it’s just me that does this or what. And ever since the loss my mom is totally different which is expected but we always fight and I can’t help but think that if my sister was still here she could give me advice because I have no one else I feel I can talk to about it.

  122. Ava  October 26, 2019 at 3:00 am Reply

    I lost my only sister when I was 10 years old 4 years ago. She was 26 and she lived in a different state. It’s the hardest thing I have to deal with to this day it seems like the grief just gets worse instead of better. My mom thinks I’m not affected by the loss because I show no signs of grief but when it’s just me I can’t stop crying actually. My mom always compares me to my sister in the way that were totally different and I’m harder to raise kind of way which really makes me sad and a little triggered. I would do anything to see her one more time and I often find myself looking up at the sky trying to talk to her as if she’s gonna respond if she even hears me. I’m not sure if it’s just me that does this or what. And ever since the loss my mom is totally different which is expected but we always fight and I can’t help but think that if my sister was still here she could give me advice because I have no one else I feel I can talk to about it.

  123. Ava  October 26, 2019 at 3:00 am Reply

    I lost my only sister when I was 10 years old 4 years ago. She was 26 and she lived in a different state. It’s the hardest thing I have to deal with to this day it seems like the grief just gets worse instead of better. My mom thinks I’m not affected by the loss because I show no signs of grief but when it’s just me I can’t stop crying actually. My mom always compares me to my sister in the way that were totally different and I’m harder to raise kind of way which really makes me sad and a little triggered. I would do anything to see her one more time and I often find myself looking up at the sky trying to talk to her as if she’s gonna respond if she even hears me. I’m not sure if it’s just me that does this or what. And ever since the loss my mom is totally different which is expected but we always fight and I can’t help but think that if my sister was still here she could give me advice because I have no one else I feel I can talk to about it.

    • Ellen  October 28, 2019 at 4:19 pm Reply

      Hi Ava, I lost my brother when I was 10 also, and he was 25. He was my best friend. For a while I felt completely lost, my parents were so grief stricken I didn’t even know what to do to help so I stayed out of the road. We never ever talked about it. it wasn’t until I was in my 20s his name was mentioned more. It’s important to do something for your sister, like plant a special plant outside, like a pretty rose bush in her favorite color, or create a little collage for your room, or for your mom, something both of you can see and remember her by. It’s important to remember them but also to know that eventually the grief will pass, you’ll still remember her and life goes on. I am 60 now, my brother is long gone, but I always think of him, in a way that I remember funny things or just how kind he was as a person. You can talk to your mom, but she is hurting too still, so remember that, but I would do that. Grow up to be a kind and loving person and honor your sister by that. She would be proud of you for that.

      • Ava  November 9, 2019 at 1:29 am

        Thank you Ms. Ellen for reaching out and giving me advice. It is very nice to have someone that I can relate to, and thank you for sharing your story I’m going to try some of the things you said.

  124. Tish  October 20, 2019 at 6:03 am Reply

    I lost my older sister 2016 and 2018 lost my baby sister. I was always one of three and now it’s just me. I have brothers it’s not the same. In between my dad passed away too. Life will never be the same, my family will never be the same. It feels like I live my life waiting for my turn to die. And why did they get to and not me.

  125. Tish  October 20, 2019 at 6:03 am Reply

    I lost my older sister 2016 and 2018 lost my baby sister. I was always one of three and now it’s just me. I have brothers it’s not the same. In between my dad passed away too. Life will never be the same, my family will never be the same. It feels like I live my life waiting for my turn to die. And why did they get to and not me.

  126. Tish  October 20, 2019 at 6:03 am Reply

    I lost my older sister 2016 and 2018 lost my baby sister. I was always one of three and now it’s just me. I have brothers it’s not the same. In between my dad passed away too. Life will never be the same, my family will never be the same. It feels like I live my life waiting for my turn to die. And why did they get to and not me.

  127. CM  October 20, 2019 at 12:58 am Reply

    My sister died 39 years ago. She was killed in an accident when we were playing…I still have the horrific images in my mind. She was my only sibling. My parents split up and seemed to forget that one of us survived. No one talked with me about my sister or the accident – it was tough at 7 years old to try to deal with grief alone while everyone seemed to pretend nothing had happened, and I ended up just not dealing with it at all. I thought my parents blamed me for her death, and in my 7 year-old mind I figured that’s why they never talked to me about it. Perhaps this was because I blamed myself. After she died, I began to get excruciating migraine headaches, and only recently have they abated as I have faced the grief which I could not handle alone as a child.

    As the article mentions, I became the one who had to take care of everyone…no surprise that I became a physician. Mastering medicine also helped me fight that horrendous feeling of helplessness as I stood there watching her die, unable to do anything (even though I know now there was nothing I could have done). I became protective of my parents, I could see the raw pain and wanted to do what I could to keep from upsetting them, so I didn’t bring anything up about my sister. I also struggled to relate to kids my own age because what they saw as important, I saw as trivial.

    As I grew up, I kept my distance from everyone, just waiting for the next person to drop dead. As a kid I decided the only way to keep my heart and my life from being destroyed again was to not get close to anyone. And when my parents got back together and had another child a couple years after my sister died, I kept my distance from my new sister, assuming that she would likely die also, and I was going to be ready this time around. I went through life like this with a wall around my heart, unable to form deep, rewarding relationships. School and work became a great distraction from all the stuff I didn’t want to deal with. And I put so much pressure on myself — I felt like I had to live for the both of us since she didn’t get the chance to grow up.

    It has taken years of work to get to the point where I can even try to have close relationships, and it is still a constant challenge. But at least it is a possibility now. When the question of how will the death of a sibling affect a child later in life is brought up, I can answer that one. It all comes down to the quality of the child’s support network. Unfortunately, as this article discusses, the grief of the surviving sibling is often overlooked. But that’s not all – the surviving sibling can become completely forgotten as parents deal with their own grief.

  128. CM  October 20, 2019 at 12:58 am Reply

    My sister died 39 years ago. She was killed in an accident when we were playing…I still have the horrific images in my mind. She was my only sibling. My parents split up and seemed to forget that one of us survived. No one talked with me about my sister or the accident – it was tough at 7 years old to try to deal with grief alone while everyone seemed to pretend nothing had happened, and I ended up just not dealing with it at all. I thought my parents blamed me for her death, and in my 7 year-old mind I figured that’s why they never talked to me about it. Perhaps this was because I blamed myself. After she died, I began to get excruciating migraine headaches, and only recently have they abated as I have faced the grief which I could not handle alone as a child.

    As the article mentions, I became the one who had to take care of everyone…no surprise that I became a physician. Mastering medicine also helped me fight that horrendous feeling of helplessness as I stood there watching her die, unable to do anything (even though I know now there was nothing I could have done). I became protective of my parents, I could see the raw pain and wanted to do what I could to keep from upsetting them, so I didn’t bring anything up about my sister. I also struggled to relate to kids my own age because what they saw as important, I saw as trivial.

    As I grew up, I kept my distance from everyone, just waiting for the next person to drop dead. As a kid I decided the only way to keep my heart and my life from being destroyed again was to not get close to anyone. And when my parents got back together and had another child a couple years after my sister died, I kept my distance from my new sister, assuming that she would likely die also, and I was going to be ready this time around. I went through life like this with a wall around my heart, unable to form deep, rewarding relationships. School and work became a great distraction from all the stuff I didn’t want to deal with. And I put so much pressure on myself — I felt like I had to live for the both of us since she didn’t get the chance to grow up.

    It has taken years of work to get to the point where I can even try to have close relationships, and it is still a constant challenge. But at least it is a possibility now. When the question of how will the death of a sibling affect a child later in life is brought up, I can answer that one. It all comes down to the quality of the child’s support network. Unfortunately, as this article discusses, the grief of the surviving sibling is often overlooked. But that’s not all – the surviving sibling can become completely forgotten as parents deal with their own grief.

  129. CM  October 20, 2019 at 12:58 am Reply

    My sister died 39 years ago. She was killed in an accident when we were playing…I still have the horrific images in my mind. She was my only sibling. My parents split up and seemed to forget that one of us survived. No one talked with me about my sister or the accident – it was tough at 7 years old to try to deal with grief alone while everyone seemed to pretend nothing had happened, and I ended up just not dealing with it at all. I thought my parents blamed me for her death, and in my 7 year-old mind I figured that’s why they never talked to me about it. Perhaps this was because I blamed myself. After she died, I began to get excruciating migraine headaches, and only recently have they abated as I have faced the grief which I could not handle alone as a child.

    As the article mentions, I became the one who had to take care of everyone…no surprise that I became a physician. Mastering medicine also helped me fight that horrendous feeling of helplessness as I stood there watching her die, unable to do anything (even though I know now there was nothing I could have done). I became protective of my parents, I could see the raw pain and wanted to do what I could to keep from upsetting them, so I didn’t bring anything up about my sister. I also struggled to relate to kids my own age because what they saw as important, I saw as trivial.

    As I grew up, I kept my distance from everyone, just waiting for the next person to drop dead. As a kid I decided the only way to keep my heart and my life from being destroyed again was to not get close to anyone. And when my parents got back together and had another child a couple years after my sister died, I kept my distance from my new sister, assuming that she would likely die also, and I was going to be ready this time around. I went through life like this with a wall around my heart, unable to form deep, rewarding relationships. School and work became a great distraction from all the stuff I didn’t want to deal with. And I put so much pressure on myself — I felt like I had to live for the both of us since she didn’t get the chance to grow up.

    It has taken years of work to get to the point where I can even try to have close relationships, and it is still a constant challenge. But at least it is a possibility now. When the question of how will the death of a sibling affect a child later in life is brought up, I can answer that one. It all comes down to the quality of the child’s support network. Unfortunately, as this article discusses, the grief of the surviving sibling is often overlooked. But that’s not all – the surviving sibling can become completely forgotten as parents deal with their own grief.

  130. Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 12:07 pm Reply

    My older and only sister passed away on October 1, 2019 aged 53.

    She lived what I thought was a reckless life of chain smoking, nightly drinking, and starting a family with a womaniser. Her death was caused by a combination of factors: diabetes, anorexia, depression caused by menopause and empty-nest syndrome, financial hardship, spouse betrayals, and a weakened immune system caused by tobacco and nighty drinking.

    During all of our adult lives I criticised her life choices harshly and now I am overwhelmed by guilt for not helping her more to straighten her life rather than subtly pointing out her shortcomings. This guilt is increased by seeing how our lives unraveled so differently: I did well in most aspects of my life and therefore I live a comfortable life; she only did well at raising two beautiful children and providing for them even if that meant that she was neglecting her physical and mental health. Cherries on top: she always acted tough so nobody knew how gravely ill she was and since we live in different countries was on my way to see her after I got news that she passed, it took me one whole day to arrive to pay my last respects.

    The article is spot on, opportune, and exceedingly helpful.

    I wish I could tell her that I love her deeply; that had I know how serious her conditions were, I would have done ANYTHING to help; that I should have never judged her; and that as different as we are, she leaves a profound void in my heart and life. I have come to terms with my pain and guilt by accepting them as atonement for my inconsiderate and idiotic behaviour.

  131. Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 12:07 pm Reply

    My older and only sister passed away on October 1, 2019 aged 53.

    She lived what I thought was a reckless life of chain smoking, nightly drinking, and starting a family with a womaniser. Her death was caused by a combination of factors: diabetes, anorexia, depression caused by menopause and empty-nest syndrome, financial hardship, spouse betrayals, and a weakened immune system caused by tobacco and nighty drinking.

    During all of our adult lives I criticised her life choices harshly and now I am overwhelmed by guilt for not helping her more to straighten her life rather than subtly pointing out her shortcomings. This guilt is increased by seeing how our lives unraveled so differently: I did well in most aspects of my life and therefore I live a comfortable life; she only did well at raising two beautiful children and providing for them even if that meant that she was neglecting her physical and mental health. Cherries on top: she always acted tough so nobody knew how gravely ill she was and since we live in different countries was on my way to see her after I got news that she passed, it took me one whole day to arrive to pay my last respects.

    The article is spot on, opportune, and exceedingly helpful.

    I wish I could tell her that I love her deeply; that had I know how serious her conditions were, I would have done ANYTHING to help; that I should have never judged her; and that as different as we are, she leaves a profound void in my heart and life. I have come to terms with my pain and guilt by accepting them as atonement for my inconsiderate and idiotic behaviour.

  132. Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 12:07 pm Reply

    My older and only sister passed away on October 1, 2019 aged 53.

    She lived what I thought was a reckless life of chain smoking, nightly drinking, and starting a family with a womaniser. Her death was caused by a combination of factors: diabetes, anorexia, depression caused by menopause and empty-nest syndrome, financial hardship, spouse betrayals, and a weakened immune system caused by tobacco and nighty drinking.

    During all of our adult lives I criticised her life choices harshly and now I am overwhelmed by guilt for not helping her more to straighten her life rather than subtly pointing out her shortcomings. This guilt is increased by seeing how our lives unraveled so differently: I did well in most aspects of my life and therefore I live a comfortable life; she only did well at raising two beautiful children and providing for them even if that meant that she was neglecting her physical and mental health. Cherries on top: she always acted tough so nobody knew how gravely ill she was and since we live in different countries was on my way to see her after I got news that she passed, it took me one whole day to arrive to pay my last respects.

    The article is spot on, opportune, and exceedingly helpful.

    I wish I could tell her that I love her deeply; that had I know how serious her conditions were, I would have done ANYTHING to help; that I should have never judged her; and that as different as we are, she leaves a profound void in my heart and life. I have come to terms with my pain and guilt by accepting them as atonement for my inconsiderate and idiotic behaviour.

  133. BB  October 14, 2019 at 3:01 pm Reply

    My older brother (Andrew, 29 years old) suddenly passed away on October 20th, 2018. The upcoming anniversary is causing me so much anxiety. It feels scary to think about the day being here. It feels like a day ago and also ten years ago that I got the phone call he passed away. Grief is such a strange and confusing cycle.

  134. BB  October 14, 2019 at 3:01 pm Reply

    My older brother (Andrew, 29 years old) suddenly passed away on October 20th, 2018. The upcoming anniversary is causing me so much anxiety. It feels scary to think about the day being here. It feels like a day ago and also ten years ago that I got the phone call he passed away. Grief is such a strange and confusing cycle.

  135. BB  October 14, 2019 at 3:01 pm Reply

    My older brother (Andrew, 29 years old) suddenly passed away on October 20th, 2018. The upcoming anniversary is causing me so much anxiety. It feels scary to think about the day being here. It feels like a day ago and also ten years ago that I got the phone call he passed away. Grief is such a strange and confusing cycle.

  136. Cathy  October 13, 2019 at 1:43 am Reply

    I just lost my brother suddenly on Monday. I knew when I saw the caller ID this was going to be very bad news…and it was. I screamed NO! Please God no. But he is gone and I feel so alone and so scared and so angry. It was very sudden. He died in his sleep. He looked peaceful. One day we are here walking upright and the next we are gone. Boom. Lights out. I am so depressed. One week off from work is not enough. Thanks for listening.

  137. Cathy  October 13, 2019 at 1:43 am Reply

    I just lost my brother suddenly on Monday. I knew when I saw the caller ID this was going to be very bad news…and it was. I screamed NO! Please God no. But he is gone and I feel so alone and so scared and so angry. It was very sudden. He died in his sleep. He looked peaceful. One day we are here walking upright and the next we are gone. Boom. Lights out. I am so depressed. One week off from work is not enough. Thanks for listening.

  138. Cathy  October 13, 2019 at 1:43 am Reply

    I just lost my brother suddenly on Monday. I knew when I saw the caller ID this was going to be very bad news…and it was. I screamed NO! Please God no. But he is gone and I feel so alone and so scared and so angry. It was very sudden. He died in his sleep. He looked peaceful. One day we are here walking upright and the next we are gone. Boom. Lights out. I am so depressed. One week off from work is not enough. Thanks for listening.

  139. Adasha  October 10, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with us being the forgotten grievers. My little sister died 8-24-19 and tomorrow would be her 47th birthday. I am 5 years older. We had a bad childhood with numerous stepfathers (nine) and instability, leaving us as the two against the world. I was her protector when I could be. When she was 16, she was sent to live with me. I put her in school and finished raising her so it was like I was her mom, too.
    On August 22, my mother called me saying she had just left in the ambulance on life support. I drove the 90 miles in 45 minutes and never left her side for 3 days.
    I drove home empty.
    Since then, the support has been to her husband of 25 years and our mother, who I blame. But I was with her for 46 years. We knew EVERYTHING about each other. We grew up just the two of us alone. And at the end, it was the two of us alone until I went and got her husband.
    I did holidays with his family because she always invited me. Now I don’t know what will happen. I feel this overwhelming need to step into her shoes and help with her 4 boys, but I can’t. I can’t even go to her house. It’s too hard.
    But yes, sibling grief is never thought of. It’s like losing a child to me. The loss of the past and future memories is so hard. Thank you for this article.

  140. Adasha  October 10, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with us being the forgotten grievers. My little sister died 8-24-19 and tomorrow would be her 47th birthday. I am 5 years older. We had a bad childhood with numerous stepfathers (nine) and instability, leaving us as the two against the world. I was her protector when I could be. When she was 16, she was sent to live with me. I put her in school and finished raising her so it was like I was her mom, too.
    On August 22, my mother called me saying she had just left in the ambulance on life support. I drove the 90 miles in 45 minutes and never left her side for 3 days.
    I drove home empty.
    Since then, the support has been to her husband of 25 years and our mother, who I blame. But I was with her for 46 years. We knew EVERYTHING about each other. We grew up just the two of us alone. And at the end, it was the two of us alone until I went and got her husband.
    I did holidays with his family because she always invited me. Now I don’t know what will happen. I feel this overwhelming need to step into her shoes and help with her 4 boys, but I can’t. I can’t even go to her house. It’s too hard.
    But yes, sibling grief is never thought of. It’s like losing a child to me. The loss of the past and future memories is so hard. Thank you for this article.

  141. Adasha  October 10, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with us being the forgotten grievers. My little sister died 8-24-19 and tomorrow would be her 47th birthday. I am 5 years older. We had a bad childhood with numerous stepfathers (nine) and instability, leaving us as the two against the world. I was her protector when I could be. When she was 16, she was sent to live with me. I put her in school and finished raising her so it was like I was her mom, too.
    On August 22, my mother called me saying she had just left in the ambulance on life support. I drove the 90 miles in 45 minutes and never left her side for 3 days.
    I drove home empty.
    Since then, the support has been to her husband of 25 years and our mother, who I blame. But I was with her for 46 years. We knew EVERYTHING about each other. We grew up just the two of us alone. And at the end, it was the two of us alone until I went and got her husband.
    I did holidays with his family because she always invited me. Now I don’t know what will happen. I feel this overwhelming need to step into her shoes and help with her 4 boys, but I can’t. I can’t even go to her house. It’s too hard.
    But yes, sibling grief is never thought of. It’s like losing a child to me. The loss of the past and future memories is so hard. Thank you for this article.

  142. Sandy R  October 9, 2019 at 3:07 am Reply

    One of my older brothers passed away due to a homicide on May 8th, 2016, it was a Mother’s Day. One of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through and I’ve lived through some stuff. He was 25 years old. I really appreciate this post because I live through the overshadow of grief as a sibling and the responsibility of our family (his daughters and my parents). Being a support system to his daughters has been a challenge especially trying to maintain myself during my grief as well as their own, protecting them, teaching them about life, and trying to prove myself to them that I’m here to stay as long as I am alive and that I will always be there for them. My parents grief has been a big responsibility as well, being their shoulder to cry on while they continuously grief for my brother who passed. I will say financially too. My brother lives on through us and often times I wish I would’ve said more I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I’ll always be here for you. It’s been 3 years and although I’ll say it’s gotten easier, that little empty hole in my heart remains.

  143. Sandy R  October 9, 2019 at 3:07 am Reply

    One of my older brothers passed away due to a homicide on May 8th, 2016, it was a Mother’s Day. One of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through and I’ve lived through some stuff. He was 25 years old. I really appreciate this post because I live through the overshadow of grief as a sibling and the responsibility of our family (his daughters and my parents). Being a support system to his daughters has been a challenge especially trying to maintain myself during my grief as well as their own, protecting them, teaching them about life, and trying to prove myself to them that I’m here to stay as long as I am alive and that I will always be there for them. My parents grief has been a big responsibility as well, being their shoulder to cry on while they continuously grief for my brother who passed. I will say financially too. My brother lives on through us and often times I wish I would’ve said more I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I’ll always be here for you. It’s been 3 years and although I’ll say it’s gotten easier, that little empty hole in my heart remains.

  144. Sandy R  October 9, 2019 at 3:07 am Reply

    One of my older brothers passed away due to a homicide on May 8th, 2016, it was a Mother’s Day. One of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through and I’ve lived through some stuff. He was 25 years old. I really appreciate this post because I live through the overshadow of grief as a sibling and the responsibility of our family (his daughters and my parents). Being a support system to his daughters has been a challenge especially trying to maintain myself during my grief as well as their own, protecting them, teaching them about life, and trying to prove myself to them that I’m here to stay as long as I am alive and that I will always be there for them. My parents grief has been a big responsibility as well, being their shoulder to cry on while they continuously grief for my brother who passed. I will say financially too. My brother lives on through us and often times I wish I would’ve said more I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I’ll always be here for you. It’s been 3 years and although I’ll say it’s gotten easier, that little empty hole in my heart remains.

  145. anglina  September 18, 2019 at 9:35 am Reply

    I lost my little brother Casey Gene Bone on July 11, 2010. i feel like i should have done something to save him. I mean i dreamed the night before that he would drown in the exact way that he did. i have hated myself ever since.

  146. anglina  September 18, 2019 at 9:35 am Reply

    I lost my little brother Casey Gene Bone on July 11, 2010. i feel like i should have done something to save him. I mean i dreamed the night before that he would drown in the exact way that he did. i have hated myself ever since.

  147. anglina  September 18, 2019 at 9:35 am Reply

    I lost my little brother Casey Gene Bone on July 11, 2010. i feel like i should have done something to save him. I mean i dreamed the night before that he would drown in the exact way that he did. i have hated myself ever since.

  148. Tess Barker  September 13, 2019 at 11:05 pm Reply

    On September 13th, 1989, 30 years ago today, I lost my youngest Sister of 29 who had an unknown heart murmur. She has spent 30 years in Earth time in her eternal home with God. She knows all of the secrets of passing on. She speaks to me through the beauty of purple flowers which are her favorite.

    I keep her alive in my heart by the beautiful memories I keep of her. She brings me peace and comfort in a way only she can bring and time cannot erase.

    “What we keep in memory is ours unchanged forever”.

  149. Tess Barker  September 13, 2019 at 11:05 pm Reply

    On September 13th, 1989, 30 years ago today, I lost my youngest Sister of 29 who had an unknown heart murmur. She has spent 30 years in Earth time in her eternal home with God. She knows all of the secrets of passing on. She speaks to me through the beauty of purple flowers which are her favorite.

    I keep her alive in my heart by the beautiful memories I keep of her. She brings me peace and comfort in a way only she can bring and time cannot erase.

    “What we keep in memory is ours unchanged forever”.

  150. Tess Barker  September 13, 2019 at 11:05 pm Reply

    On September 13th, 1989, 30 years ago today, I lost my youngest Sister of 29 who had an unknown heart murmur. She has spent 30 years in Earth time in her eternal home with God. She knows all of the secrets of passing on. She speaks to me through the beauty of purple flowers which are her favorite.

    I keep her alive in my heart by the beautiful memories I keep of her. She brings me peace and comfort in a way only she can bring and time cannot erase.

    “What we keep in memory is ours unchanged forever”.

  151. Cee  August 30, 2019 at 7:06 pm Reply

    I lost my 37 year old sister to bowel cancer in mid July 2019, she had only turned 37 four days prior to her passing. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed but I think only now is the realisation that she isn’t here anymore is beginning to take hold. I honestly don’t know how I feel, numb, sick to my stomach, angry and down right sad. But most of all I miss the daily contact, the numerous text messages or phone calls I had every day, I will cherish those memories in time but for now I feel like I’m drowning in silence.

    I have deep regrets about not seeing her when she was in the hospital, she was never expected to pass away and she didn’t want anyone fussing over her. Now I am eaten up by the guilt that I allowed her to keep me away from her bedside. Moreover, the day she died I got a phone call to say she was gravely ill and to get to the hospital and despite the mad rush to get there, I never made it in time. I never got to say goodbye, and I think that haunting fact will consume me for the rest of my life. I just hope to God that she knew how much I loved her and how much she is now missed. I don’t think I will ever get over it

  152. Cee  August 30, 2019 at 7:06 pm Reply

    I lost my 37 year old sister to bowel cancer in mid July 2019, she had only turned 37 four days prior to her passing. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed but I think only now is the realisation that she isn’t here anymore is beginning to take hold. I honestly don’t know how I feel, numb, sick to my stomach, angry and down right sad. But most of all I miss the daily contact, the numerous text messages or phone calls I had every day, I will cherish those memories in time but for now I feel like I’m drowning in silence.

    I have deep regrets about not seeing her when she was in the hospital, she was never expected to pass away and she didn’t want anyone fussing over her. Now I am eaten up by the guilt that I allowed her to keep me away from her bedside. Moreover, the day she died I got a phone call to say she was gravely ill and to get to the hospital and despite the mad rush to get there, I never made it in time. I never got to say goodbye, and I think that haunting fact will consume me for the rest of my life. I just hope to God that she knew how much I loved her and how much she is now missed. I don’t think I will ever get over it

  153. Cee  August 30, 2019 at 7:06 pm Reply

    I lost my 37 year old sister to bowel cancer in mid July 2019, she had only turned 37 four days prior to her passing. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed but I think only now is the realisation that she isn’t here anymore is beginning to take hold. I honestly don’t know how I feel, numb, sick to my stomach, angry and down right sad. But most of all I miss the daily contact, the numerous text messages or phone calls I had every day, I will cherish those memories in time but for now I feel like I’m drowning in silence.

    I have deep regrets about not seeing her when she was in the hospital, she was never expected to pass away and she didn’t want anyone fussing over her. Now I am eaten up by the guilt that I allowed her to keep me away from her bedside. Moreover, the day she died I got a phone call to say she was gravely ill and to get to the hospital and despite the mad rush to get there, I never made it in time. I never got to say goodbye, and I think that haunting fact will consume me for the rest of my life. I just hope to God that she knew how much I loved her and how much she is now missed. I don’t think I will ever get over it

    • Soc  September 1, 2019 at 3:24 pm Reply

      I lost my sister to suicide last year, she was only 3 years older than me, 27. She had a very hard life with both physical and mental hurdles (uncontrollable physical deficiencies, compounded traumatic experiences and drugs) . I was in absolute shock when I got the news (I was sheltered from most of her hardships). I was numb, with intense crying at night. However, a week later after the burial I felt “normal” again, and decided it was time to move on. The crying stopped, I felt at peace (or so I thought).

      Fast forward a year later and I’ve become so work and school-obsessed that I no longer know how to relax. The stress and anxiety builds and I begin to have panic attacks, followed depressive episodes and near-constant anxiety and fear.

      It was only a few weeks after my first panic attack did I realize I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I began seeing a therapist, who made the very obvious observation: “You don’t get over grief, you get through it.” I realized, I was still numb and was holding on to that numbness, afraid of the emotions I might encounter by allowing myself to grieve. Eventually, my mind and body had had enough, and threw it all back at me in the form of panic, disconnectedness, fear and a complete lack of motivation. To force myself to grieve, I opened up my text messages to my sister, and was hit by a wave of emotions so hard I could barely breathe. I realized all of the anxiety was festering; although I thought my grief was gone, it had been waiting for me all this time. My shelteredness made my mind build these monstrous scenarios, that if she couldn’t handle her issues I couldn’t handle mine.

      I was terrified of going crazy, thinking I’d be next. When in fact, I realized I’d never truly suffered. I never experienced true depression, the type of depression where every little thing seems meaningless. Or true anxiety, where a what-if scenario is capable of making me dizzy, lightheaded and looking for the nearest exit.

      Thankfully, forcing myself to grieve instantly alleviated many of the symptoms. With time it became less constant, coming in waves instead of feeling like an ocean of preoccupation and fear. I learned what my triggers are. But mainly, grief literature, changing my approach to sleep (a proper schedule and routine), meditation and getting closer to my father and learning about his spirituality alleviated the symptoms enough for me to grieve in controlled bursts. Sure, sometimes a thought will come up that brings me to tears when at the gym, or a song comes up from my period of numbness that eradicates my stomach. But feeling like I’m “normal” in that there is a way through, and feeling like I’m more in touch with my emotions than ever has helped tremendously. My sister was the person i loved the most in the world. I still love her dearly, however dealing with the subsequent fear her death caused has made it a complicated relationship.

      My main takeaway has been this: for every weird and scary feeling, there is a source of pain. Running from it, fighting it or numbing it does not address it. Letting it in, as scary as the feeling is, and trying my best to observe it without being afraid, allows it to pass so much quicker, and on the other side I always feel so much better than if I’d fought it or numbed it.

      I hope this helps anyone who suddenly feels like they’re “broken” and have no idea why. Allow yourself to feel the good and the bad, you will come out of each moment glad you did.

    • Grievingsister  September 4, 2019 at 4:43 pm Reply

      I lost my younger brother who was 31 last summer. I’m still grieving him. I’d always miss him. Some days I feel at peace but some days I feel angry, sad and hopeless and that’s my anxiety kills me. I’ve been on and off. I’ve learned to accept that. I just feel lien id never be whole again. He took a huge part of me with him.

  154. Shameeka  August 27, 2019 at 2:06 am Reply

    I lost My 1st Oldest Brother Gregory on July 6,2019
    He was only 28, he died a week after his birthday
    June 29, my heart immediately fell after I actually witnessed the people taking my dead brother out the building in a body bag out my mother apartment. I will never I mean never ever forget that moment my my mother had called me from work crying couldn’t barely talk saying “Gregory”….. I replied “Gregory what????”
    From that moment it was really bad cuz from my mother voice it’s a hearing you never wanna imagine especially seeing your 1st born son lying in the bed unresponsive with white foam coming out the mouth ..I ain’t wanted to see the pictures after the medical examiner took pictures of him checking him out how he lying down on his back & stuff ..seizures doesn’t in my family so I’m not saying it’s not a possibility we’ll never know until the actual blood test & other deep testing for examination coming back in September… until this very moment I still think about my 1st oldest brother I just saw him not long ago ..the thought of him not living as a human being crushed my hole world I wanted to share & talk so much more with my brother it just didn’t feel right at all.. I never also forget I keep calling my mother phone the day he died cuz I felt something wasn’t right ..she ignored it coupled times after I called numerously & sent 911 there as if I knew somebody died there ..911 called me back saying “YOUR MOTHER SAID LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE DOESNT WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SHE HAS A ORDER PROTECTION AGAINST YOU ANYWAY & HOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLING & TEXTING HER IN THE BEGINNING “ after they told me that I was sad not only I can’t & couldn’t know what else was going on in there that I July 6 my mother called me After I got off the phone with what she told 911 to tell me … she called me & that’s when she was crying about my brother being dead …I just feel regret in my heart everyday I live a day on this earth . My 1st oldest brother had a heart of gold he did everything a parent could ask for in a son …that was him . I really miss him I really do I don’t know how else life would be knowing he’s in the after life but one thing I have to understand is we’re all gonna die one day our bodies have a expiration date weather it’s from an accident or not anything can happen & go wrong .

  155. Shameeka  August 27, 2019 at 2:06 am Reply

    I lost My 1st Oldest Brother Gregory on July 6,2019
    He was only 28, he died a week after his birthday
    June 29, my heart immediately fell after I actually witnessed the people taking my dead brother out the building in a body bag out my mother apartment. I will never I mean never ever forget that moment my my mother had called me from work crying couldn’t barely talk saying “Gregory”….. I replied “Gregory what????”
    From that moment it was really bad cuz from my mother voice it’s a hearing you never wanna imagine especially seeing your 1st born son lying in the bed unresponsive with white foam coming out the mouth ..I ain’t wanted to see the pictures after the medical examiner took pictures of him checking him out how he lying down on his back & stuff ..seizures doesn’t in my family so I’m not saying it’s not a possibility we’ll never know until the actual blood test & other deep testing for examination coming back in September… until this very moment I still think about my 1st oldest brother I just saw him not long ago ..the thought of him not living as a human being crushed my hole world I wanted to share & talk so much more with my brother it just didn’t feel right at all.. I never also forget I keep calling my mother phone the day he died cuz I felt something wasn’t right ..she ignored it coupled times after I called numerously & sent 911 there as if I knew somebody died there ..911 called me back saying “YOUR MOTHER SAID LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE DOESNT WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SHE HAS A ORDER PROTECTION AGAINST YOU ANYWAY & HOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLING & TEXTING HER IN THE BEGINNING “ after they told me that I was sad not only I can’t & couldn’t know what else was going on in there that I July 6 my mother called me After I got off the phone with what she told 911 to tell me … she called me & that’s when she was crying about my brother being dead …I just feel regret in my heart everyday I live a day on this earth . My 1st oldest brother had a heart of gold he did everything a parent could ask for in a son …that was him . I really miss him I really do I don’t know how else life would be knowing he’s in the after life but one thing I have to understand is we’re all gonna die one day our bodies have a expiration date weather it’s from an accident or not anything can happen & go wrong .

  156. Shameeka  August 27, 2019 at 2:06 am Reply

    I lost My 1st Oldest Brother Gregory on July 6,2019
    He was only 28, he died a week after his birthday
    June 29, my heart immediately fell after I actually witnessed the people taking my dead brother out the building in a body bag out my mother apartment. I will never I mean never ever forget that moment my my mother had called me from work crying couldn’t barely talk saying “Gregory”….. I replied “Gregory what????”
    From that moment it was really bad cuz from my mother voice it’s a hearing you never wanna imagine especially seeing your 1st born son lying in the bed unresponsive with white foam coming out the mouth ..I ain’t wanted to see the pictures after the medical examiner took pictures of him checking him out how he lying down on his back & stuff ..seizures doesn’t in my family so I’m not saying it’s not a possibility we’ll never know until the actual blood test & other deep testing for examination coming back in September… until this very moment I still think about my 1st oldest brother I just saw him not long ago ..the thought of him not living as a human being crushed my hole world I wanted to share & talk so much more with my brother it just didn’t feel right at all.. I never also forget I keep calling my mother phone the day he died cuz I felt something wasn’t right ..she ignored it coupled times after I called numerously & sent 911 there as if I knew somebody died there ..911 called me back saying “YOUR MOTHER SAID LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE DOESNT WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SHE HAS A ORDER PROTECTION AGAINST YOU ANYWAY & HOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLING & TEXTING HER IN THE BEGINNING “ after they told me that I was sad not only I can’t & couldn’t know what else was going on in there that I July 6 my mother called me After I got off the phone with what she told 911 to tell me … she called me & that’s when she was crying about my brother being dead …I just feel regret in my heart everyday I live a day on this earth . My 1st oldest brother had a heart of gold he did everything a parent could ask for in a son …that was him . I really miss him I really do I don’t know how else life would be knowing he’s in the after life but one thing I have to understand is we’re all gonna die one day our bodies have a expiration date weather it’s from an accident or not anything can happen & go wrong .

    • Melissa  August 27, 2019 at 7:48 pm Reply

      I lost my brother on July 6th as well. I can’t talk about it yet. He was 41. My heart goes out to you. We loved him beyond words.

    • Marcia  September 15, 2019 at 6:42 pm Reply

      I lost my brother suddenly on July 6th as well. It was my worst nightmare losing a close family member, especially my only brother. What was supposed to be a fun summer day with friends ended tragic very quickly. I keep replaying the phone call I received notifying me of his death over and over again. Sometimes I simply cannot belief he is gone forever. He was just here. How quickly life can change. I loved him dearly and miss everything about him. I see his face and smile and just keep wishing he was here. I sympathize with everyone that has lost their sibling. Reading your messages has brought comfort knowing that there are others struggling as much as I am with my loss.

  157. Autumn  August 26, 2019 at 2:20 am Reply

    Well… I’ll tell ya one thing. Losing my sister has lead me to do and say some crazy stuff.. which lead me to this. I am so happy It did. Despite how sad and heartbreaking everyones stories were to read, they did help me. On May 15, 2019 I lost my older sister Shay in a car accident. It’s been a little over 3 months and I’m as numb as I was the day I got that horrible call. She had gone out to meet up with friends and have drinks. She never came home. We dont know if she was avoiding a deer or if she fell asleep. She just went off the road and plowed through a cedar tree. Around 5am I had gotten the call from our mom, shay had been in a car accident and was on life support. I rushed to get her smaller kids who were at home asleep alone, and I swear I wasnt breathing the entire ride there and to the hospital. She was on life support for 12 hours and then she was gone. I was so heartbroken and mad. Mad at her , mad at myself. Mad at her childrens fathers who left her with such a huge responsibility alone. I wanted someone to blame, and sadly I still do. Alot of days myself. There is 3 of us. 3 sisters. We have all three been thick as thieves. My younger sister being 28, myself 32, and Shay being 33. My sisters are my best friends. We worked together, we raise all our kids together, we live down the street from each other. We do EVERYTHING together. Losing part of our trio has been shattering. I know I will never be the same. To see our little sisters hurt and let’s not even talk about the look i see on my parents face every.single.day. it kills me. I worry constantly about my daughter who cries every night bc she misses her aunt. Or all my nieces and nephews who cry over their aunt who was a huge part of all their lives. My sister Shay left behind 4 kids ranging 6-13 ..between my depression stress worrying about my family and all the kids and trying to prepare for my big wedding day without my sister/my best friend this upcoming weekend, I feel like I haven’t even been able to start grieving. Thank you all so much for your stories. Let’s all keep one another in our prayers❤

  158. Autumn  August 26, 2019 at 2:20 am Reply

    Well… I’ll tell ya one thing. Losing my sister has lead me to do and say some crazy stuff.. which lead me to this. I am so happy It did. Despite how sad and heartbreaking everyones stories were to read, they did help me. On May 15, 2019 I lost my older sister Shay in a car accident. It’s been a little over 3 months and I’m as numb as I was the day I got that horrible call. She had gone out to meet up with friends and have drinks. She never came home. We dont know if she was avoiding a deer or if she fell asleep. She just went off the road and plowed through a cedar tree. Around 5am I had gotten the call from our mom, shay had been in a car accident and was on life support. I rushed to get her smaller kids who were at home asleep alone, and I swear I wasnt breathing the entire ride there and to the hospital. She was on life support for 12 hours and then she was gone. I was so heartbroken and mad. Mad at her , mad at myself. Mad at her childrens fathers who left her with such a huge responsibility alone. I wanted someone to blame, and sadly I still do. Alot of days myself. There is 3 of us. 3 sisters. We have all three been thick as thieves. My younger sister being 28, myself 32, and Shay being 33. My sisters are my best friends. We worked together, we raise all our kids together, we live down the street from each other. We do EVERYTHING together. Losing part of our trio has been shattering. I know I will never be the same. To see our little sisters hurt and let’s not even talk about the look i see on my parents face every.single.day. it kills me. I worry constantly about my daughter who cries every night bc she misses her aunt. Or all my nieces and nephews who cry over their aunt who was a huge part of all their lives. My sister Shay left behind 4 kids ranging 6-13 ..between my depression stress worrying about my family and all the kids and trying to prepare for my big wedding day without my sister/my best friend this upcoming weekend, I feel like I haven’t even been able to start grieving. Thank you all so much for your stories. Let’s all keep one another in our prayers❤

  159. Autumn  August 26, 2019 at 2:20 am Reply

    Well… I’ll tell ya one thing. Losing my sister has lead me to do and say some crazy stuff.. which lead me to this. I am so happy It did. Despite how sad and heartbreaking everyones stories were to read, they did help me. On May 15, 2019 I lost my older sister Shay in a car accident. It’s been a little over 3 months and I’m as numb as I was the day I got that horrible call. She had gone out to meet up with friends and have drinks. She never came home. We dont know if she was avoiding a deer or if she fell asleep. She just went off the road and plowed through a cedar tree. Around 5am I had gotten the call from our mom, shay had been in a car accident and was on life support. I rushed to get her smaller kids who were at home asleep alone, and I swear I wasnt breathing the entire ride there and to the hospital. She was on life support for 12 hours and then she was gone. I was so heartbroken and mad. Mad at her , mad at myself. Mad at her childrens fathers who left her with such a huge responsibility alone. I wanted someone to blame, and sadly I still do. Alot of days myself. There is 3 of us. 3 sisters. We have all three been thick as thieves. My younger sister being 28, myself 32, and Shay being 33. My sisters are my best friends. We worked together, we raise all our kids together, we live down the street from each other. We do EVERYTHING together. Losing part of our trio has been shattering. I know I will never be the same. To see our little sisters hurt and let’s not even talk about the look i see on my parents face every.single.day. it kills me. I worry constantly about my daughter who cries every night bc she misses her aunt. Or all my nieces and nephews who cry over their aunt who was a huge part of all their lives. My sister Shay left behind 4 kids ranging 6-13 ..between my depression stress worrying about my family and all the kids and trying to prepare for my big wedding day without my sister/my best friend this upcoming weekend, I feel like I haven’t even been able to start grieving. Thank you all so much for your stories. Let’s all keep one another in our prayers❤

  160. Darlene  August 21, 2019 at 8:18 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on June 24th, 2019. She was only 51 years old. She had diabetes. She was sick for a very long time. She had her toes amputated two years prior. Her kidney function was failing and they put her on dialysis. Her heart was weakening also, so she was given 6 months to live back in March of 2019. My sister began to have fluid overload and refused the dialysis. For weeks on end I kept bugging her to go to the hospital to get that fluid off of her. She could barely walk, and she was so short of breath. Her legs felt like they were as hard as concrete. I kept getting in her for weeks on end begging her to go to the hospital. Finally she was in so much pain, she agreed to go. By the time she got to hospital, she was disoriented and confused. She was in so much pain she couldn’t take it anymore. Finally convinced her to do dialysis….. They had to put a new port in her and she could have her session of dialysis begin again. They finally got her through the dialysis, she complained of pain that evening. She was confused and disoriented again. It was like she was fine one minute and confused the next. That same night we got a call from her daughter that the hospital called and said her heart stopped beating 20 min ago. We ran up to the hospital and of course she was gone. I never felt so guilt in my life. I bugged her to death to go to hospital and get back on dialysis. She finally agrees and after her session she does that night. She had a heart attack and complete kidney failure. She was just too far gone not doing dialysis like she should have. She told us that she never wanted to do dialysis again…. that her quality of life was terrible. I was trying to keep her from dying….. but… I think she was just tired and worn out and couldn’t fight anymore. I have 3 other sisters. They are dealing with this in their own way I guess….. I feel a lone at times. It’s like people don’t know what to say when you do talk about it…… I don’t know…. I’m heart broken, I can’t get her face out of my head when I saw her laying in her hospital bed after she died. I close my eyes and I still see her face….. will that vision ever go away? Its been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through.

    We had a celebration of life for her…. her granddaughter asked if she could hold my hand—- she said my hands reminded her of her nanas hands………..She left behind three daughters and 5 beautiful grandkids. My heart breaks for them all.

  161. Darlene  August 21, 2019 at 8:18 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on June 24th, 2019. She was only 51 years old. She had diabetes. She was sick for a very long time. She had her toes amputated two years prior. Her kidney function was failing and they put her on dialysis. Her heart was weakening also, so she was given 6 months to live back in March of 2019. My sister began to have fluid overload and refused the dialysis. For weeks on end I kept bugging her to go to the hospital to get that fluid off of her. She could barely walk, and she was so short of breath. Her legs felt like they were as hard as concrete. I kept getting in her for weeks on end begging her to go to the hospital. Finally she was in so much pain, she agreed to go. By the time she got to hospital, she was disoriented and confused. She was in so much pain she couldn’t take it anymore. Finally convinced her to do dialysis….. They had to put a new port in her and she could have her session of dialysis begin again. They finally got her through the dialysis, she complained of pain that evening. She was confused and disoriented again. It was like she was fine one minute and confused the next. That same night we got a call from her daughter that the hospital called and said her heart stopped beating 20 min ago. We ran up to the hospital and of course she was gone. I never felt so guilt in my life. I bugged her to death to go to hospital and get back on dialysis. She finally agrees and after her session she does that night. She had a heart attack and complete kidney failure. She was just too far gone not doing dialysis like she should have. She told us that she never wanted to do dialysis again…. that her quality of life was terrible. I was trying to keep her from dying….. but… I think she was just tired and worn out and couldn’t fight anymore. I have 3 other sisters. They are dealing with this in their own way I guess….. I feel a lone at times. It’s like people don’t know what to say when you do talk about it…… I don’t know…. I’m heart broken, I can’t get her face out of my head when I saw her laying in her hospital bed after she died. I close my eyes and I still see her face….. will that vision ever go away? Its been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through.

    We had a celebration of life for her…. her granddaughter asked if she could hold my hand—- she said my hands reminded her of her nanas hands………..She left behind three daughters and 5 beautiful grandkids. My heart breaks for them all.

  162. Darlene  August 21, 2019 at 8:18 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on June 24th, 2019. She was only 51 years old. She had diabetes. She was sick for a very long time. She had her toes amputated two years prior. Her kidney function was failing and they put her on dialysis. Her heart was weakening also, so she was given 6 months to live back in March of 2019. My sister began to have fluid overload and refused the dialysis. For weeks on end I kept bugging her to go to the hospital to get that fluid off of her. She could barely walk, and she was so short of breath. Her legs felt like they were as hard as concrete. I kept getting in her for weeks on end begging her to go to the hospital. Finally she was in so much pain, she agreed to go. By the time she got to hospital, she was disoriented and confused. She was in so much pain she couldn’t take it anymore. Finally convinced her to do dialysis….. They had to put a new port in her and she could have her session of dialysis begin again. They finally got her through the dialysis, she complained of pain that evening. She was confused and disoriented again. It was like she was fine one minute and confused the next. That same night we got a call from her daughter that the hospital called and said her heart stopped beating 20 min ago. We ran up to the hospital and of course she was gone. I never felt so guilt in my life. I bugged her to death to go to hospital and get back on dialysis. She finally agrees and after her session she does that night. She had a heart attack and complete kidney failure. She was just too far gone not doing dialysis like she should have. She told us that she never wanted to do dialysis again…. that her quality of life was terrible. I was trying to keep her from dying….. but… I think she was just tired and worn out and couldn’t fight anymore. I have 3 other sisters. They are dealing with this in their own way I guess….. I feel a lone at times. It’s like people don’t know what to say when you do talk about it…… I don’t know…. I’m heart broken, I can’t get her face out of my head when I saw her laying in her hospital bed after she died. I close my eyes and I still see her face….. will that vision ever go away? Its been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through.

    We had a celebration of life for her…. her granddaughter asked if she could hold my hand—- she said my hands reminded her of her nanas hands………..She left behind three daughters and 5 beautiful grandkids. My heart breaks for them all.

    • Melina Stewart  December 11, 2019 at 8:40 pm Reply

      . I’m so sorry for your loss, Darlene. My eldest sister died today. She stopped dialysis last week. I live an ocean away from my whole family.
      My husband has Aspergers so he doesn’t do well with sympathy. He just leaves me in my own.
      I feel isolated, numb, but in physical pain at the same time.
      So here I am, on the Internet in the middle of the night, reading your story, and everyone else’s, and weeping .
      If nothing else, it let’s me know that there are people out there who empathise.
      Thank you.

  163. Boston  August 19, 2019 at 5:43 am Reply

    I lost my little brother March 16th 2019 at the age of 26 to a car accident. There were no other cars involved.. he got lost out in the middle of no where on a very dark road and lost control of his car . He hit 5 Orange trees before being ejected out of the car and was almost be headed after being thrown into a tree head first. I live in Atlanta Ga… so I got that call at 3:00am .. the worst day of my life. I’m the oldest out of five I raised him from a newborn..so I lost a brother but a son. My life will never be the same.. I cry and feel so alone . I planned his service.. picked out his clothes.. and signed his death certificate. The hardest thing I ever had to do . I look at life differently now. He left two beautiful daughters behind.. it break my heart that they asking for him … asking their mom to wake their daddy up. Those girls was his world.. now I have to make sure they’re taking care of like he took care of them. I’ve always been the strong one… I’m learning that it’s ok.. to NOT be ok. ? R.I.P. Brother/My Baby ? ??

  164. Boston  August 19, 2019 at 5:43 am Reply

    I lost my little brother March 16th 2019 at the age of 26 to a car accident. There were no other cars involved.. he got lost out in the middle of no where on a very dark road and lost control of his car . He hit 5 Orange trees before being ejected out of the car and was almost be headed after being thrown into a tree head first. I live in Atlanta Ga… so I got that call at 3:00am .. the worst day of my life. I’m the oldest out of five I raised him from a newborn..so I lost a brother but a son. My life will never be the same.. I cry and feel so alone . I planned his service.. picked out his clothes.. and signed his death certificate. The hardest thing I ever had to do . I look at life differently now. He left two beautiful daughters behind.. it break my heart that they asking for him … asking their mom to wake their daddy up. Those girls was his world.. now I have to make sure they’re taking care of like he took care of them. I’ve always been the strong one… I’m learning that it’s ok.. to NOT be ok. ? R.I.P. Brother/My Baby ? ??

  165. Boston  August 19, 2019 at 5:43 am Reply

    I lost my little brother March 16th 2019 at the age of 26 to a car accident. There were no other cars involved.. he got lost out in the middle of no where on a very dark road and lost control of his car . He hit 5 Orange trees before being ejected out of the car and was almost be headed after being thrown into a tree head first. I live in Atlanta Ga… so I got that call at 3:00am .. the worst day of my life. I’m the oldest out of five I raised him from a newborn..so I lost a brother but a son. My life will never be the same.. I cry and feel so alone . I planned his service.. picked out his clothes.. and signed his death certificate. The hardest thing I ever had to do . I look at life differently now. He left two beautiful daughters behind.. it break my heart that they asking for him … asking their mom to wake their daddy up. Those girls was his world.. now I have to make sure they’re taking care of like he took care of them. I’ve always been the strong one… I’m learning that it’s ok.. to NOT be ok. 💔 R.I.P. Brother/My Baby 🌻 🙏🏾

  166. Crystal Campbell  August 18, 2019 at 9:43 am Reply

    August 1st, 2019 I lost “My Person”, my big sister Michele. Only information I can get was that it was a motorcycle accident with no other vehicles involved. I live a few states away from “home” so it has been hard to get any details about her accident. Unbelievably heartbroken. She was my everything. My Mom, Dad, big sister, best friend, mentor, all wrapped in one amazing woman. My world crumbled after receving the news. Like I have read in a few of the previous posts no one seems to be concerned how the sibling is doing. Not that I need or want a million people calling me or at my door step but I feel as if I was forgotten or my feelings/grief don’t matter. Our parents weren’t really available growing up and left me in the care of my sister even when I was an infant and she was only seven while they went out doing whatever it was they did so all we had were each other from day one. So, I truely don’t know how to go on with her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Even smells send me into an emotional mess. I found a voicemail I had saved that I listen to over and over almost torturing myself. She was only 42 years old she had so much life left to live. So angry. Never have felt pain this deep in my life. “They” whoever “they” are says there are seven levels of grief and i swear ive been through them all seven of them a hundred times or more in the seventeen days I’ved lived on this earth without “My Person.” I dont’ know how to get pass this pain. Although, after reading everyone’s heartbreaking stories of loosing their siblings has opened my minds eye to the fact that I am not alone in my pain. I hope that by sharing my story that someone else can come to the same conclusion that I have. And that no matter where you are in your level of grief that its ok to feel those feelings and no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel or grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. We just have to remember not to get lost in our grief that our sister/brother would want us to heal. Thanks for taken the time to read my story. RIP “MY ANGELEYES!”

  167. Crystal Campbell  August 18, 2019 at 9:43 am Reply

    August 1st, 2019 I lost “My Person”, my big sister Michele. Only information I can get was that it was a motorcycle accident with no other vehicles involved. I live a few states away from “home” so it has been hard to get any details about her accident. Unbelievably heartbroken. She was my everything. My Mom, Dad, big sister, best friend, mentor, all wrapped in one amazing woman. My world crumbled after receving the news. Like I have read in a few of the previous posts no one seems to be concerned how the sibling is doing. Not that I need or want a million people calling me or at my door step but I feel as if I was forgotten or my feelings/grief don’t matter. Our parents weren’t really available growing up and left me in the care of my sister even when I was an infant and she was only seven while they went out doing whatever it was they did so all we had were each other from day one. So, I truely don’t know how to go on with her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Even smells send me into an emotional mess. I found a voicemail I had saved that I listen to over and over almost torturing myself. She was only 42 years old she had so much life left to live. So angry. Never have felt pain this deep in my life. “They” whoever “they” are says there are seven levels of grief and i swear ive been through them all seven of them a hundred times or more in the seventeen days I’ved lived on this earth without “My Person.” I dont’ know how to get pass this pain. Although, after reading everyone’s heartbreaking stories of loosing their siblings has opened my minds eye to the fact that I am not alone in my pain. I hope that by sharing my story that someone else can come to the same conclusion that I have. And that no matter where you are in your level of grief that its ok to feel those feelings and no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel or grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. We just have to remember not to get lost in our grief that our sister/brother would want us to heal. Thanks for taken the time to read my story. RIP “MY ANGELEYES!”

  168. Crystal Campbell  August 18, 2019 at 9:43 am Reply

    August 1st, 2019 I lost “My Person”, my big sister Michele. Only information I can get was that it was a motorcycle accident with no other vehicles involved. I live a few states away from “home” so it has been hard to get any details about her accident. Unbelievably heartbroken. She was my everything. My Mom, Dad, big sister, best friend, mentor, all wrapped in one amazing woman. My world crumbled after receving the news. Like I have read in a few of the previous posts no one seems to be concerned how the sibling is doing. Not that I need or want a million people calling me or at my door step but I feel as if I was forgotten or my feelings/grief don’t matter. Our parents weren’t really available growing up and left me in the care of my sister even when I was an infant and she was only seven while they went out doing whatever it was they did so all we had were each other from day one. So, I truely don’t know how to go on with her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Even smells send me into an emotional mess. I found a voicemail I had saved that I listen to over and over almost torturing myself. She was only 42 years old she had so much life left to live. So angry. Never have felt pain this deep in my life. “They” whoever “they” are says there are seven levels of grief and i swear ive been through them all seven of them a hundred times or more in the seventeen days I’ved lived on this earth without “My Person.” I dont’ know how to get pass this pain. Although, after reading everyone’s heartbreaking stories of loosing their siblings has opened my minds eye to the fact that I am not alone in my pain. I hope that by sharing my story that someone else can come to the same conclusion that I have. And that no matter where you are in your level of grief that its ok to feel those feelings and no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel or grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. We just have to remember not to get lost in our grief that our sister/brother would want us to heal. Thanks for taken the time to read my story. RIP “MY ANGELEYES!”

  169. SadwithoutMyBrother  August 13, 2019 at 7:26 pm Reply

    I lost my kid brother on July 4th, 2019. It has not been an easy road without him. Everyday I think of him and think of ways I could have prevented his death. Some days, I just cry alone.

    It’s true that the death of a brother as an adult is often foreshadowed by people consoling the parents of the child. During my brother’s funeral, my dad insisted that he was the only one that speaks, neglecting the fact that my other brother and I wanted to speak as well.

    Sometimes, I picture myself and my brother as kids again and remember our fun childhood. The time I would give him rides from point A to point B when I got my license. He was too young to go. He was 33, and I’m 15 months his senior.

    I miss my little brother, words can’t describe how much I miss and love him. Sometimes when my phone rings I think it’s him. I don’t even know what to do in a world without my brother anymore. I’m no longer happy with him not around.

  170. SadwithoutMyBrother  August 13, 2019 at 7:26 pm Reply

    I lost my kid brother on July 4th, 2019. It has not been an easy road without him. Everyday I think of him and think of ways I could have prevented his death. Some days, I just cry alone.

    It’s true that the death of a brother as an adult is often foreshadowed by people consoling the parents of the child. During my brother’s funeral, my dad insisted that he was the only one that speaks, neglecting the fact that my other brother and I wanted to speak as well.

    Sometimes, I picture myself and my brother as kids again and remember our fun childhood. The time I would give him rides from point A to point B when I got my license. He was too young to go. He was 33, and I’m 15 months his senior.

    I miss my little brother, words can’t describe how much I miss and love him. Sometimes when my phone rings I think it’s him. I don’t even know what to do in a world without my brother anymore. I’m no longer happy with him not around.

  171. SadwithoutMyBrother  August 13, 2019 at 7:26 pm Reply

    I lost my kid brother on July 4th, 2019. It has not been an easy road without him. Everyday I think of him and think of ways I could have prevented his death. Some days, I just cry alone.

    It’s true that the death of a brother as an adult is often foreshadowed by people consoling the parents of the child. During my brother’s funeral, my dad insisted that he was the only one that speaks, neglecting the fact that my other brother and I wanted to speak as well.

    Sometimes, I picture myself and my brother as kids again and remember our fun childhood. The time I would give him rides from point A to point B when I got my license. He was too young to go. He was 33, and I’m 15 months his senior.

    I miss my little brother, words can’t describe how much I miss and love him. Sometimes when my phone rings I think it’s him. I don’t even know what to do in a world without my brother anymore. I’m no longer happy with him not around.

  172. Lyssa  August 1, 2019 at 1:51 am Reply

    My boyfriend of over 4 years just lost his older brother in March by suicide. I didn’t know him much but I still feel a lot of the pain. My boyfriend sometimes just has a very hard time and I try to help him but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says that I help him see a different perspective and then sometimes he says he just doesn’t want to talk or think about it. I tell him not to keep everything bottled up that he needs to talk about it now and then. I was thinking maybe he should he someone but I have no idea what to do or how to help him in the right way. I try to be there and talk with him when he needs it and he says it helps but I just feel so so bad and I don’t know what to do.

  173. Lyssa  August 1, 2019 at 1:51 am Reply

    My boyfriend of over 4 years just lost his older brother in March by suicide. I didn’t know him much but I still feel a lot of the pain. My boyfriend sometimes just has a very hard time and I try to help him but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says that I help him see a different perspective and then sometimes he says he just doesn’t want to talk or think about it. I tell him not to keep everything bottled up that he needs to talk about it now and then. I was thinking maybe he should he someone but I have no idea what to do or how to help him in the right way. I try to be there and talk with him when he needs it and he says it helps but I just feel so so bad and I don’t know what to do.

  174. Lyssa  August 1, 2019 at 1:51 am Reply

    My boyfriend of over 4 years just lost his older brother in March by suicide. I didn’t know him much but I still feel a lot of the pain. My boyfriend sometimes just has a very hard time and I try to help him but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says that I help him see a different perspective and then sometimes he says he just doesn’t want to talk or think about it. I tell him not to keep everything bottled up that he needs to talk about it now and then. I was thinking maybe he should he someone but I have no idea what to do or how to help him in the right way. I try to be there and talk with him when he needs it and he says it helps but I just feel so so bad and I don’t know what to do.

  175. Brandon Sim  July 31, 2019 at 10:00 am Reply

    I lost my brother July 1st, 2019 18 hours before his birthday. I wish I would have contacted him sooner. Whether to arrange a day to celebrate his birthday or just to see how he was doing. It would be nice to hear him one last time, but instead I never contacted him until the day of his birthday in which I sent him a simple birthday text. Only to find out 10 days later he was killed the day prior to my text. What bothers me so much is the fact that he never received the text…

  176. Brandon Sim  July 31, 2019 at 10:00 am Reply

    I lost my brother July 1st, 2019 18 hours before his birthday. I wish I would have contacted him sooner. Whether to arrange a day to celebrate his birthday or just to see how he was doing. It would be nice to hear him one last time, but instead I never contacted him until the day of his birthday in which I sent him a simple birthday text. Only to find out 10 days later he was killed the day prior to my text. What bothers me so much is the fact that he never received the text…

  177. Brandon Sim  July 31, 2019 at 10:00 am Reply

    I lost my brother July 1st, 2019 18 hours before his birthday. I wish I would have contacted him sooner. Whether to arrange a day to celebrate his birthday or just to see how he was doing. It would be nice to hear him one last time, but instead I never contacted him until the day of his birthday in which I sent him a simple birthday text. Only to find out 10 days later he was killed the day prior to my text. What bothers me so much is the fact that he never received the text…

  178. Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 8:48 pm Reply

    In one week it’ll be the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. I’m not sure how I will feel or how to feel, not that there’s any right way to feel. I have trouble taking about it with friends and family, I don’t know why. My brother was the most positive and appreciative of life and family. In his last voicemail to me which I still have, he used the word “appreciate 6 times.” I remember he was calling me back because I had wished him a happy birthday.
    I’ve been looking this past year for support groups or another way to connect with others who have gone through something similar. Like this article mentioned, there is not much to be found on that front, but I’m glad I found this page. So to get to what I’ve been avoiding thinking or taking about: My brother was the kindest, most persevering and most appreciative person that I know. Knew? He was always there for my sister and me with a smile and encouragement, he never brought too much attention to what he was going through. I’m the youngest in the family, at the time I was 30, my sister was 33 and my brother was 36. I wish I would have talked to him more about what he was going through. At age 14 he was diagnosed with diabetes, then in his mid-20s he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which he was able to beat! He still had complications with his diabetes and I remember one day picking him up from the hospital when I was 27 after he had lost one of his toes. He told me news I wasn’t expecting..he told me his kidneys were at 80% failure and he’d have to start dialysis soon. I remember tears coming to my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. He was being so optimistic I didn’t want to bring him down. So I made up the excuse of needing to get a snack from the cafeteria and asked if he needed a drink. On my way to the cafeteria I stopped and leaned against the wall and I cried and cried. I texted my best friend about what was going on, fathered myself up again and went back to his hospital room. I took him home and made sure he was comfortable and talked to him..of course he only wanted to talk about what was going on in my life so I talked to him about that.
    For the next year and a half he worked towards getting cleared to be on the kidney transplant list . Health insurance did not make it easy and even before that point it felt like our family was forever struggling against health insurance companies and policies. Another issue that makes me really angry, but won’t get into right now.
    During that time I also was tested to see if I was a match. I wasn’t, but I looked into the kidney donor match program. I want to say I was ready to do it without any question, but that isn’t true. I struggled for half a year with deciding what to do should he become cleared for a transplant. Something I can’t help but feel guilty about now, despite knowing I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. Needless to say I have survivor’s guilt, and I also just wish half of what he went through I could have gone through instead. He didn’t deserve it. Before he could be cleared for the transplant list, my brother passed away in his apartment. Alone. And I hate knowing that. He went through so much and was the most positive person I knew. I try to stay positive for him, but a lot of times it’s hard to know how to feel or how to respond. I don’t know how to conclude writing something like this. I just hope others who have gone through losing a sibling, know that there are people who can relate and who do want to talk, even if they aren’t sure how.

  179. Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 8:48 pm Reply

    In one week it’ll be the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. I’m not sure how I will feel or how to feel, not that there’s any right way to feel. I have trouble taking about it with friends and family, I don’t know why. My brother was the most positive and appreciative of life and family. In his last voicemail to me which I still have, he used the word “appreciate 6 times.” I remember he was calling me back because I had wished him a happy birthday.
    I’ve been looking this past year for support groups or another way to connect with others who have gone through something similar. Like this article mentioned, there is not much to be found on that front, but I’m glad I found this page. So to get to what I’ve been avoiding thinking or taking about: My brother was the kindest, most persevering and most appreciative person that I know. Knew? He was always there for my sister and me with a smile and encouragement, he never brought too much attention to what he was going through. I’m the youngest in the family, at the time I was 30, my sister was 33 and my brother was 36. I wish I would have talked to him more about what he was going through. At age 14 he was diagnosed with diabetes, then in his mid-20s he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which he was able to beat! He still had complications with his diabetes and I remember one day picking him up from the hospital when I was 27 after he had lost one of his toes. He told me news I wasn’t expecting..he told me his kidneys were at 80% failure and he’d have to start dialysis soon. I remember tears coming to my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. He was being so optimistic I didn’t want to bring him down. So I made up the excuse of needing to get a snack from the cafeteria and asked if he needed a drink. On my way to the cafeteria I stopped and leaned against the wall and I cried and cried. I texted my best friend about what was going on, fathered myself up again and went back to his hospital room. I took him home and made sure he was comfortable and talked to him..of course he only wanted to talk about what was going on in my life so I talked to him about that.
    For the next year and a half he worked towards getting cleared to be on the kidney transplant list . Health insurance did not make it easy and even before that point it felt like our family was forever struggling against health insurance companies and policies. Another issue that makes me really angry, but won’t get into right now.
    During that time I also was tested to see if I was a match. I wasn’t, but I looked into the kidney donor match program. I want to say I was ready to do it without any question, but that isn’t true. I struggled for half a year with deciding what to do should he become cleared for a transplant. Something I can’t help but feel guilty about now, despite knowing I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. Needless to say I have survivor’s guilt, and I also just wish half of what he went through I could have gone through instead. He didn’t deserve it. Before he could be cleared for the transplant list, my brother passed away in his apartment. Alone. And I hate knowing that. He went through so much and was the most positive person I knew. I try to stay positive for him, but a lot of times it’s hard to know how to feel or how to respond. I don’t know how to conclude writing something like this. I just hope others who have gone through losing a sibling, know that there are people who can relate and who do want to talk, even if they aren’t sure how.

  180. Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 8:48 pm Reply

    In one week it’ll be the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. I’m not sure how I will feel or how to feel, not that there’s any right way to feel. I have trouble taking about it with friends and family, I don’t know why. My brother was the most positive and appreciative of life and family. In his last voicemail to me which I still have, he used the word “appreciate 6 times.” I remember he was calling me back because I had wished him a happy birthday.
    I’ve been looking this past year for support groups or another way to connect with others who have gone through something similar. Like this article mentioned, there is not much to be found on that front, but I’m glad I found this page. So to get to what I’ve been avoiding thinking or taking about: My brother was the kindest, most persevering and most appreciative person that I know. Knew? He was always there for my sister and me with a smile and encouragement, he never brought too much attention to what he was going through. I’m the youngest in the family, at the time I was 30, my sister was 33 and my brother was 36. I wish I would have talked to him more about what he was going through. At age 14 he was diagnosed with diabetes, then in his mid-20s he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which he was able to beat! He still had complications with his diabetes and I remember one day picking him up from the hospital when I was 27 after he had lost one of his toes. He told me news I wasn’t expecting..he told me his kidneys were at 80% failure and he’d have to start dialysis soon. I remember tears coming to my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. He was being so optimistic I didn’t want to bring him down. So I made up the excuse of needing to get a snack from the cafeteria and asked if he needed a drink. On my way to the cafeteria I stopped and leaned against the wall and I cried and cried. I texted my best friend about what was going on, fathered myself up again and went back to his hospital room. I took him home and made sure he was comfortable and talked to him..of course he only wanted to talk about what was going on in my life so I talked to him about that.
    For the next year and a half he worked towards getting cleared to be on the kidney transplant list . Health insurance did not make it easy and even before that point it felt like our family was forever struggling against health insurance companies and policies. Another issue that makes me really angry, but won’t get into right now.
    During that time I also was tested to see if I was a match. I wasn’t, but I looked into the kidney donor match program. I want to say I was ready to do it without any question, but that isn’t true. I struggled for half a year with deciding what to do should he become cleared for a transplant. Something I can’t help but feel guilty about now, despite knowing I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. Needless to say I have survivor’s guilt, and I also just wish half of what he went through I could have gone through instead. He didn’t deserve it. Before he could be cleared for the transplant list, my brother passed away in his apartment. Alone. And I hate knowing that. He went through so much and was the most positive person I knew. I try to stay positive for him, but a lot of times it’s hard to know how to feel or how to respond. I don’t know how to conclude writing something like this. I just hope others who have gone through losing a sibling, know that there are people who can relate and who do want to talk, even if they aren’t sure how.

    • Kenny  September 2, 2019 at 3:35 am Reply

      My brother died at age 44 alone in his apartment too. The kindest person with the biggest heart ever. All of the good ones are taken way to soon. Prayers that both of our brothers are resting in peace.

  181. Windy Hernandez  July 29, 2019 at 6:44 am Reply

    I lost my sister in October of 2013, she was 17 years old. I feel so mad at the world still. I have a great family and I feel my mother didnt deserve this. She has always been the best a mom can be. I feel like my word came crashing down that day and everything after that is done out of habit. I get up in the morning do what needs to be done like everyday cause i have to. I m here but im not here, if that makes sense . I just dont know how to stop being so miserable, and how do i help my mom and 2 other sisters whenever i cant even help the way i feel.

  182. Windy Hernandez  July 29, 2019 at 6:44 am Reply

    I lost my sister in October of 2013, she was 17 years old. I feel so mad at the world still. I have a great family and I feel my mother didnt deserve this. She has always been the best a mom can be. I feel like my word came crashing down that day and everything after that is done out of habit. I get up in the morning do what needs to be done like everyday cause i have to. I m here but im not here, if that makes sense . I just dont know how to stop being so miserable, and how do i help my mom and 2 other sisters whenever i cant even help the way i feel.

  183. Windy Hernandez  July 29, 2019 at 6:44 am Reply

    I lost my sister in October of 2013, she was 17 years old. I feel so mad at the world still. I have a great family and I feel my mother didnt deserve this. She has always been the best a mom can be. I feel like my word came crashing down that day and everything after that is done out of habit. I get up in the morning do what needs to be done like everyday cause i have to. I m here but im not here, if that makes sense . I just dont know how to stop being so miserable, and how do i help my mom and 2 other sisters whenever i cant even help the way i feel.

    • Ashwini Pillai  July 31, 2019 at 6:34 am Reply

      I lost my brother on July 1 2019, he was 25 years old.
      It was a sudden cardiac arrest , he died all alone in ICU.
      Till the moment we could reach the hospital he was dead,
      Its getting worse day by day , all I wish is to meet him again.
      I had not talked to him for two weeks and suddenly he is gone forever.
      The gulit is too much to bear.

      • Susan  September 2, 2019 at 6:45 am

        I’m sorry… I lost my brother unexpectedly a year and half ago … I still wake up crying/ missing him almost every day .. probably not much help for you to hear but I know how you’re feeling , Susan

  184. Arthur  July 28, 2019 at 2:22 am Reply

    I havent talked about the way I feel to anyone but here we go. I lost my brother a few years back. We lived together up until his death at the age of 24. He got in a motorcycle accident on his way home. A car hit him head on and he passed away in the ambulance. He was an amazing person, and accomplished so much. The star quarter back of the football team at Serra high school, he broke tom Brady’s record there for yards thrown. He was basically an all star in every category not to mention a complete ladies man. He also worked hard and smart, started a business at the age of 21 while still in college and he had accumulated close to a million by the time of his death. He shined bright to say the least. I always looked up to him (more than my dad) and was never jealous but always happy for his success. I bragged that he was brother to all my friends. After his passing I can’t help but feel like it should have been the other way around. My family has basically fallen apart since he passed. I’ve always been there for my parents to help support them. But nothing I did seemed to really matter to my dad, he was deteriorating and there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward two years and we don’t even talk anymore, my mom divorced him and he convinced me to put all my money into a business with him and than proceeded to kick me out of the business for profit. I’m not on the llc and there’s basically nothing I can do about it. I’ve always had this lingering feeling that if it were me and not my brother that had passed none of this would have happened. I almost know so. Anyways just needed to get this off my chest, thank you to anyone that took their time to read this.

  185. Arthur  July 28, 2019 at 2:22 am Reply

    I havent talked about the way I feel to anyone but here we go. I lost my brother a few years back. We lived together up until his death at the age of 24. He got in a motorcycle accident on his way home. A car hit him head on and he passed away in the ambulance. He was an amazing person, and accomplished so much. The star quarter back of the football team at Serra high school, he broke tom Brady’s record there for yards thrown. He was basically an all star in every category not to mention a complete ladies man. He also worked hard and smart, started a business at the age of 21 while still in college and he had accumulated close to a million by the time of his death. He shined bright to say the least. I always looked up to him (more than my dad) and was never jealous but always happy for his success. I bragged that he was brother to all my friends. After his passing I can’t help but feel like it should have been the other way around. My family has basically fallen apart since he passed. I’ve always been there for my parents to help support them. But nothing I did seemed to really matter to my dad, he was deteriorating and there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward two years and we don’t even talk anymore, my mom divorced him and he convinced me to put all my money into a business with him and than proceeded to kick me out of the business for profit. I’m not on the llc and there’s basically nothing I can do about it. I’ve always had this lingering feeling that if it were me and not my brother that had passed none of this would have happened. I almost know so. Anyways just needed to get this off my chest, thank you to anyone that took their time to read this.

  186. Arthur  July 28, 2019 at 2:22 am Reply

    I havent talked about the way I feel to anyone but here we go. I lost my brother a few years back. We lived together up until his death at the age of 24. He got in a motorcycle accident on his way home. A car hit him head on and he passed away in the ambulance. He was an amazing person, and accomplished so much. The star quarter back of the football team at Serra high school, he broke tom Brady’s record there for yards thrown. He was basically an all star in every category not to mention a complete ladies man. He also worked hard and smart, started a business at the age of 21 while still in college and he had accumulated close to a million by the time of his death. He shined bright to say the least. I always looked up to him (more than my dad) and was never jealous but always happy for his success. I bragged that he was brother to all my friends. After his passing I can’t help but feel like it should have been the other way around. My family has basically fallen apart since he passed. I’ve always been there for my parents to help support them. But nothing I did seemed to really matter to my dad, he was deteriorating and there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward two years and we don’t even talk anymore, my mom divorced him and he convinced me to put all my money into a business with him and than proceeded to kick me out of the business for profit. I’m not on the llc and there’s basically nothing I can do about it. I’ve always had this lingering feeling that if it were me and not my brother that had passed none of this would have happened. I almost know so. Anyways just needed to get this off my chest, thank you to anyone that took their time to read this.

    • Denise Howard Grissom  September 6, 2019 at 11:01 am Reply

      Arthur, I felt the same as you. I want you to know we are all worthy of the love and deserved to be loved. Many times when we think we are not deserving we can’t find happiness. I do not know your beliefs, but being a Christ follower helped me know I am worthy. I loved my brother most out of 4 brothers. He was fun, took me on dates with his girlfriend(s), took time to be my big brother. He was murdered, and nothing and no one was ever arrested and no justice was ever served. To make matters worse, my brother had decided to stop taking drugs and get his life back together. He was going to turn in some big drug people in, among those he trusted was our first cousin. My family know in our hearts he was primary in my brother’s death, but had no proof. As a follower of Christ I have been able to let it go and give it to God. I know justice will be served either the killer(s) will turn their lives around for good or they won’t.
      Please find a way to love yourself and others will follow. You deserve better than you are getting. Grab life, have good clean fun, and laugh. This what your brother would tell you to do. Find a great woman that loves you unconditionally. Start a family and let them all know how much you loved your great brother. Tell your brother your sorrows and your joys. I still do even though it’s 50 years since his sudden death. By the way, I was 12 years old when my brother was murdered, and was 20, almost 21. It took me 7 years before I could say his name out loud without crying. His death has made me more compassionate, empathetic to others experiencing health problems and death. I’ve done everything I can to help others. In a sense he lives in me still to this day. I hope this may comfort and possibly help you see others going through similar experiences you are. Grief will not go away, because we got to have our loved one in our life. What a blessing of such great memories! Cherish those great memories and do what you can to make the most of your life so they would be proud.

    • Nosipho  September 14, 2019 at 12:01 pm Reply

      I know the feeling. My sister recently died from a car accident. Since her death my mother blames me for not being in hospital on time. She blames me that she died in a car accident whilst going to work, she used to work in my business. My mom would cry for my suster and ask God why her and not me. It didnt bother me at first but the comparison had always been there. I cry a lot for my sister, she was my rock, my everything. But as for my family, they still wish I die. But in all that I have learnt that God is with me, it is not by human that my destiny will unfold but by God. I buried my sister, i couldn’t believe paying for mortuary fees, her cascette, and everything else. She was only 29 years old. I miss her a lot. Reading your post helped me to feel better. I have also realised how much my family hated me, my late sister would always warn me about them but I never wanted to accept it. Now that she is gone, ive learnt that its all about me. She left a 4 year old boy which I love dearly, my family also took him as I was his primary caregiver even when my sister was alive. Its been tough but I believe God is keeping me alive for a reason.

  187. Charlotte Banks  July 19, 2019 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I lost my brother Monday. He had end stage liver disease. It was unexpected as he didn’t tell us the extent of the disease and he knew he had days to live but didn’t tell us. I have spent almost every day with him for 8.5 weeks. He was only 40 and spent his 40th in hospital. He died a traumatic death, 12 hours of vomitting blood and he was looking around the room frightened. He cried out that he was dying a couple of times. He didn’t deserve that awful death. He didn’t want to die and fought so hard. He wanted to live and at times I haven’t so it feels the wrong way around. Life will never be the same.

  188. Charlotte Banks  July 19, 2019 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I lost my brother Monday. He had end stage liver disease. It was unexpected as he didn’t tell us the extent of the disease and he knew he had days to live but didn’t tell us. I have spent almost every day with him for 8.5 weeks. He was only 40 and spent his 40th in hospital. He died a traumatic death, 12 hours of vomitting blood and he was looking around the room frightened. He cried out that he was dying a couple of times. He didn’t deserve that awful death. He didn’t want to die and fought so hard. He wanted to live and at times I haven’t so it feels the wrong way around. Life will never be the same.

  189. Charlotte Banks  July 19, 2019 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I lost my brother Monday. He had end stage liver disease. It was unexpected as he didn’t tell us the extent of the disease and he knew he had days to live but didn’t tell us. I have spent almost every day with him for 8.5 weeks. He was only 40 and spent his 40th in hospital. He died a traumatic death, 12 hours of vomitting blood and he was looking around the room frightened. He cried out that he was dying a couple of times. He didn’t deserve that awful death. He didn’t want to die and fought so hard. He wanted to live and at times I haven’t so it feels the wrong way around. Life will never be the same.

    • Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 9:44 pm Reply

      I appreciate you sharing your experience. I had a similar one with my older brother (he was 36) and had renal failure, among other health issues he faced. I remember wishing even when he was alive that I could have taken on some of his issues, because I was the one at times who didn’t want to live and experienced deep depression. My brother never made it about him though and I don’t think he liked to tell us when things would start to get bad or when he couldn’t afford medication (insulin for his diabetes). He had the best spirit though and was always optimistic, I try to remember that and live that. Sorry to talk a lot about my experience, but I hope in a little way it can help you feel like you’re not alone. Losing my brother brings up feelings I can’t articulate so I look for others to help me relate sometimes, I hope my sharing helps you too.

  190. Brenda H  July 16, 2019 at 7:51 pm Reply

    Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something like this for a while. I have noticed in the responses that it is very maddening to hear “you need to be strong for your parents.” Honestly, I feel better now that other people have felt the same anger as I have; every time I hear that, I want to yell their heads off. I lost my one and only sister on May 14, 2019, two days after her 41st birthday and a month shy of her second year wedding anniversary. It was a brain aneurysm, sudden and without prior warning.

    I feel the guilt that many do. She was perfect. She was thin, vegan, active, she sang and danced and had a little etsy store where she sold dog sweaters. She was in a student film, she got to sing at the house of blues; and she got to have the most beautiful garden wedding, something she had been planning ever since she was 8 years old. The only thing she needed was the groom, and after so many horrible boyfriends, she finally met her Ken.

    But I also feel something else, and this I shared at her service. She may have been a great friend, an awesome aunt, the best bestie, coworker, and the love of her husband’s life, but in the end she was MY SISTER. No one, on this good earth can even begin to understand the bond that we had. We were not best friends, we didn’t even text to each other that much. I am the exact opposite of her; but the bond that we had was stronger than any other bond save the bond with her husband. Our relationship was special, it was unique and it was just for me. It’s true, we had the longest running joke, and that belongs just to me. It is a good feeling. She gave me that, mi big sis.

  191. Brenda H  July 16, 2019 at 7:51 pm Reply

    Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something like this for a while. I have noticed in the responses that it is very maddening to hear “you need to be strong for your parents.” Honestly, I feel better now that other people have felt the same anger as I have; every time I hear that, I want to yell their heads off. I lost my one and only sister on May 14, 2019, two days after her 41st birthday and a month shy of her second year wedding anniversary. It was a brain aneurysm, sudden and without prior warning.

    I feel the guilt that many do. She was perfect. She was thin, vegan, active, she sang and danced and had a little etsy store where she sold dog sweaters. She was in a student film, she got to sing at the house of blues; and she got to have the most beautiful garden wedding, something she had been planning ever since she was 8 years old. The only thing she needed was the groom, and after so many horrible boyfriends, she finally met her Ken.

    But I also feel something else, and this I shared at her service. She may have been a great friend, an awesome aunt, the best bestie, coworker, and the love of her husband’s life, but in the end she was MY SISTER. No one, on this good earth can even begin to understand the bond that we had. We were not best friends, we didn’t even text to each other that much. I am the exact opposite of her; but the bond that we had was stronger than any other bond save the bond with her husband. Our relationship was special, it was unique and it was just for me. It’s true, we had the longest running joke, and that belongs just to me. It is a good feeling. She gave me that, mi big sis.

  192. Brenda H  July 16, 2019 at 7:51 pm Reply

    Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something like this for a while. I have noticed in the responses that it is very maddening to hear “you need to be strong for your parents.” Honestly, I feel better now that other people have felt the same anger as I have; every time I hear that, I want to yell their heads off. I lost my one and only sister on May 14, 2019, two days after her 41st birthday and a month shy of her second year wedding anniversary. It was a brain aneurysm, sudden and without prior warning.

    I feel the guilt that many do. She was perfect. She was thin, vegan, active, she sang and danced and had a little etsy store where she sold dog sweaters. She was in a student film, she got to sing at the house of blues; and she got to have the most beautiful garden wedding, something she had been planning ever since she was 8 years old. The only thing she needed was the groom, and after so many horrible boyfriends, she finally met her Ken.

    But I also feel something else, and this I shared at her service. She may have been a great friend, an awesome aunt, the best bestie, coworker, and the love of her husband’s life, but in the end she was MY SISTER. No one, on this good earth can even begin to understand the bond that we had. We were not best friends, we didn’t even text to each other that much. I am the exact opposite of her; but the bond that we had was stronger than any other bond save the bond with her husband. Our relationship was special, it was unique and it was just for me. It’s true, we had the longest running joke, and that belongs just to me. It is a good feeling. She gave me that, mi big sis.

  193. Gail A Bartlett  July 6, 2019 at 8:56 am Reply

    Patty and I were 3 and 5 when our baby sister Susan died at 14 mos old; she was precious and sweet and always happy. No one ever talked to us about her death..she just never came back from the hospital. We were sent to stay with different families and as an adult…I believe it was during the funeral and for several weeks after. We were not well behaved. We would cause trouble every night-jumping, laughing,singing…once we threw everything out the window; pillows and blankets, a few scatter rugs, whatever was not to heavy for our little hands. When the Adults swung open the door to yell…my mind plays it out as Charlie Brown adults..wahwahhwahwahwa. Patty and I stood together…and she with her hands on her hips she bent forward and yelled”hey..we don’t have to listen to you…you are not our parents.” And I stood 5yo tall and said “yeah” shaking my fist.
    Where were they anyway…our parents? Not sure …but I would think they were so filled with pain…they couldnt imagine life without their sweet baby…and couldn’t take care of us. Where was our little sister? It was sad , lonely and oh so confusing for us all. Patty and I had each other. For all our growing up..then she got cancer and died too. We were adults now with other younger sisters too. But I remeber the huge pain in my chest as my heart broke again..No no not another sister”.❤❤

  194. Gail A Bartlett  July 6, 2019 at 8:56 am Reply

    Patty and I were 3 and 5 when our baby sister Susan died at 14 mos old; she was precious and sweet and always happy. No one ever talked to us about her death..she just never came back from the hospital. We were sent to stay with different families and as an adult…I believe it was during the funeral and for several weeks after. We were not well behaved. We would cause trouble every night-jumping, laughing,singing…once we threw everything out the window; pillows and blankets, a few scatter rugs, whatever was not to heavy for our little hands. When the Adults swung open the door to yell…my mind plays it out as Charlie Brown adults..wahwahhwahwahwa. Patty and I stood together…and she with her hands on her hips she bent forward and yelled”hey..we don’t have to listen to you…you are not our parents.” And I stood 5yo tall and said “yeah” shaking my fist.
    Where were they anyway…our parents? Not sure …but I would think they were so filled with pain…they couldnt imagine life without their sweet baby…and couldn’t take care of us. Where was our little sister? It was sad , lonely and oh so confusing for us all. Patty and I had each other. For all our growing up..then she got cancer and died too. We were adults now with other younger sisters too. But I remeber the huge pain in my chest as my heart broke again..No no not another sister”.❤❤

  195. Gail A Bartlett  July 6, 2019 at 8:56 am Reply

    Patty and I were 3 and 5 when our baby sister Susan died at 14 mos old; she was precious and sweet and always happy. No one ever talked to us about her death..she just never came back from the hospital. We were sent to stay with different families and as an adult…I believe it was during the funeral and for several weeks after. We were not well behaved. We would cause trouble every night-jumping, laughing,singing…once we threw everything out the window; pillows and blankets, a few scatter rugs, whatever was not to heavy for our little hands. When the Adults swung open the door to yell…my mind plays it out as Charlie Brown adults..wahwahhwahwahwa. Patty and I stood together…and she with her hands on her hips she bent forward and yelled”hey..we don’t have to listen to you…you are not our parents.” And I stood 5yo tall and said “yeah” shaking my fist.
    Where were they anyway…our parents? Not sure …but I would think they were so filled with pain…they couldnt imagine life without their sweet baby…and couldn’t take care of us. Where was our little sister? It was sad , lonely and oh so confusing for us all. Patty and I had each other. For all our growing up..then she got cancer and died too. We were adults now with other younger sisters too. But I remeber the huge pain in my chest as my heart broke again..No no not another sister”.❤❤

  196. Kath  July 6, 2019 at 4:12 am Reply

    I have 3 brothers (older than me) and 1 sister (younger) and we are a dysfunctional family and have not had a lot to do with each other during our adult years. On the 23rd May 2018 I lost my middle brother aged 57 to end stage COPD, we did not even know he was sick he did not want us to know as he did not want any of us to worry about him. I was at work when my nephew called me several times to tell me that the Hospital had called him to tell him he had hours left to live. He had instructed the hospital not to tell any of his family, he only let the hospital call us when they told him there was nothing more they could do for him. By the time we got to the hospital he was in a coma, and he passed away on the following day. His funeral was on the 30th May 2018 and in the early hours of that day my Step-father passed away with stomach cancer and heart failure. needless to say we were devastated.

    Now this week I prepare to say goodbye to my other brother who has just turned 57 to Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the liver, to his credit he stopped drinking as soon as he was diagnosed approx 3yrs ago. My mother and I have been watching him get progressively worse over the last 3 months to the point that I took time off to start taking him to his appointments as he was becoming too weak to drive himself 300-400 klms to his appointments. He too has not been fully up front about how sick he is until I talked to his doctors and they suggested to him to be admitted to hospital and he refused and wanted to delay it for 1 week. I had to loose my temper at him the following day and very loudly pointed out to him he was dying and was being very selfish by making us watch, well by the end of my tirade he agreed to go to hospital that day. I scared him by being so very blunt. Seven days after being admitted to hospital he has been moved to the ICU due to being severely malnourished, muscle waste and with encephalitis he can barley keep his eyes open and cant even hold a cup, the Doctors advised they will not be able to do any life saving measures to save him as they would have an adverse effect on his failing body.
    He only has days left and I feel so very helpless and angry at the same time… all the thoughts of why didn’t I step in sooner. Why hasn’t his own family stepped in.. Why has it taken till 2 days ago for them to be involved and why cant they see he is dying … I feel they are delusional they think he is going to recover!!! there is only 1 cure and that is a liver transplant and he can’t have it as he is too far gone and too frail and the surgery alone will kill him.
    I am heart broken my only consolation is that I have had to privilege to spend time with him and provide some minor assistance to him for 2-3 weeks

    thank you for listening

  197. Kath  July 6, 2019 at 4:12 am Reply

    I have 3 brothers (older than me) and 1 sister (younger) and we are a dysfunctional family and have not had a lot to do with each other during our adult years. On the 23rd May 2018 I lost my middle brother aged 57 to end stage COPD, we did not even know he was sick he did not want us to know as he did not want any of us to worry about him. I was at work when my nephew called me several times to tell me that the Hospital had called him to tell him he had hours left to live. He had instructed the hospital not to tell any of his family, he only let the hospital call us when they told him there was nothing more they could do for him. By the time we got to the hospital he was in a coma, and he passed away on the following day. His funeral was on the 30th May 2018 and in the early hours of that day my Step-father passed away with stomach cancer and heart failure. needless to say we were devastated.

    Now this week I prepare to say goodbye to my other brother who has just turned 57 to Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the liver, to his credit he stopped drinking as soon as he was diagnosed approx 3yrs ago. My mother and I have been watching him get progressively worse over the last 3 months to the point that I took time off to start taking him to his appointments as he was becoming too weak to drive himself 300-400 klms to his appointments. He too has not been fully up front about how sick he is until I talked to his doctors and they suggested to him to be admitted to hospital and he refused and wanted to delay it for 1 week. I had to loose my temper at him the following day and very loudly pointed out to him he was dying and was being very selfish by making us watch, well by the end of my tirade he agreed to go to hospital that day. I scared him by being so very blunt. Seven days after being admitted to hospital he has been moved to the ICU due to being severely malnourished, muscle waste and with encephalitis he can barley keep his eyes open and cant even hold a cup, the Doctors advised they will not be able to do any life saving measures to save him as they would have an adverse effect on his failing body.
    He only has days left and I feel so very helpless and angry at the same time… all the thoughts of why didn’t I step in sooner. Why hasn’t his own family stepped in.. Why has it taken till 2 days ago for them to be involved and why cant they see he is dying … I feel they are delusional they think he is going to recover!!! there is only 1 cure and that is a liver transplant and he can’t have it as he is too far gone and too frail and the surgery alone will kill him.
    I am heart broken my only consolation is that I have had to privilege to spend time with him and provide some minor assistance to him for 2-3 weeks

    thank you for listening

  198. Kath  July 6, 2019 at 4:12 am Reply

    I have 3 brothers (older than me) and 1 sister (younger) and we are a dysfunctional family and have not had a lot to do with each other during our adult years. On the 23rd May 2018 I lost my middle brother aged 57 to end stage COPD, we did not even know he was sick he did not want us to know as he did not want any of us to worry about him. I was at work when my nephew called me several times to tell me that the Hospital had called him to tell him he had hours left to live. He had instructed the hospital not to tell any of his family, he only let the hospital call us when they told him there was nothing more they could do for him. By the time we got to the hospital he was in a coma, and he passed away on the following day. His funeral was on the 30th May 2018 and in the early hours of that day my Step-father passed away with stomach cancer and heart failure. needless to say we were devastated.

    Now this week I prepare to say goodbye to my other brother who has just turned 57 to Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the liver, to his credit he stopped drinking as soon as he was diagnosed approx 3yrs ago. My mother and I have been watching him get progressively worse over the last 3 months to the point that I took time off to start taking him to his appointments as he was becoming too weak to drive himself 300-400 klms to his appointments. He too has not been fully up front about how sick he is until I talked to his doctors and they suggested to him to be admitted to hospital and he refused and wanted to delay it for 1 week. I had to loose my temper at him the following day and very loudly pointed out to him he was dying and was being very selfish by making us watch, well by the end of my tirade he agreed to go to hospital that day. I scared him by being so very blunt. Seven days after being admitted to hospital he has been moved to the ICU due to being severely malnourished, muscle waste and with encephalitis he can barley keep his eyes open and cant even hold a cup, the Doctors advised they will not be able to do any life saving measures to save him as they would have an adverse effect on his failing body.
    He only has days left and I feel so very helpless and angry at the same time… all the thoughts of why didn’t I step in sooner. Why hasn’t his own family stepped in.. Why has it taken till 2 days ago for them to be involved and why cant they see he is dying … I feel they are delusional they think he is going to recover!!! there is only 1 cure and that is a liver transplant and he can’t have it as he is too far gone and too frail and the surgery alone will kill him.
    I am heart broken my only consolation is that I have had to privilege to spend time with him and provide some minor assistance to him for 2-3 weeks

    thank you for listening

  199. Meg  June 25, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

    My brother and a group of his friends all went to help their friend change a tire. Three of them, including my brother were hit by a drunk and high driver. My brother and one of his friends did not make it. It was hours before my birthday. None of us will ever get over it. February 19, 2018 is the day that my world came crashing down and my family has never recovered.
    I play down my own emotions because I wasn’t his friends who were there that night. I’m not Dustin, who has to live with the fact that he survived while his friends didn’t. I’m not my brother’s girlfriend who was there and his stepson who misses his daddy. I’m not my parents: my mom who made it in time to ride with EMS or my dad who was in the emergency room as they tried to resuscitate him. I wasn’t even Jonah’s sister, who had an actual bond with him. Me and my brother barely tolerated each other as we got older.
    My brother was the popular one, I was the annoying crybaby who never really bonded with anyone. He was the one who was healthy and into fitness, meanwhile I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. My brother was the one who was going to be married, had a job he loved, and friends who were ride or die. I was/still am the one who struggles to even find employment and have decided to becoming an old maid. At his funeral, sign wavings, anything that is for them, I have people walk pass me and find my parents, or his friends, or his girlfriend. My parents and his girlfriend’s faces were plastered all over the news, while I stood to the side awkwardly trying to not cry. I had a well meaning cousin look me straight in the eye and tell me to. ‘take care of my parents.’ My mom who tries to come off as caring, mentions the fact that I have had several breakdowns to the rest of my family.
    I want to scream at people. I want to be selfish and tell them that they don’t get it because they didn’t have to hear their brother on the phone in pain. That they didn’t go from being excited for a new job and a birthday to then pleading with God for their brother to be ok. They weren’t the ones who came home first to close up my brother’s room because they didn’t want their parents to be upset when they came home. They’re not the ones who sat in the living room numb as their birthday creeped in. The sorrow I feel when my parents decide to watch the slideshows I made for my brother and the fury I have to swallow down to not scream, “I shouldn’t be the one doing my brother’s slideshow at 26.” That I shouldn’t have lost my brother at the age of 23. The horrible thoughts that tell me: It should have been you. No one would have cared if YOU were the one dead. Daniel had a job and a family, you? You’re just a failure. You can’t die now though, why put your parents through the hell of losing BOTH their children.

  200. Meg  June 25, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

    My brother and a group of his friends all went to help their friend change a tire. Three of them, including my brother were hit by a drunk and high driver. My brother and one of his friends did not make it. It was hours before my birthday. None of us will ever get over it. February 19, 2018 is the day that my world came crashing down and my family has never recovered.
    I play down my own emotions because I wasn’t his friends who were there that night. I’m not Dustin, who has to live with the fact that he survived while his friends didn’t. I’m not my brother’s girlfriend who was there and his stepson who misses his daddy. I’m not my parents: my mom who made it in time to ride with EMS or my dad who was in the emergency room as they tried to resuscitate him. I wasn’t even Jonah’s sister, who had an actual bond with him. Me and my brother barely tolerated each other as we got older.
    My brother was the popular one, I was the annoying crybaby who never really bonded with anyone. He was the one who was healthy and into fitness, meanwhile I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. My brother was the one who was going to be married, had a job he loved, and friends who were ride or die. I was/still am the one who struggles to even find employment and have decided to becoming an old maid. At his funeral, sign wavings, anything that is for them, I have people walk pass me and find my parents, or his friends, or his girlfriend. My parents and his girlfriend’s faces were plastered all over the news, while I stood to the side awkwardly trying to not cry. I had a well meaning cousin look me straight in the eye and tell me to. ‘take care of my parents.’ My mom who tries to come off as caring, mentions the fact that I have had several breakdowns to the rest of my family.
    I want to scream at people. I want to be selfish and tell them that they don’t get it because they didn’t have to hear their brother on the phone in pain. That they didn’t go from being excited for a new job and a birthday to then pleading with God for their brother to be ok. They weren’t the ones who came home first to close up my brother’s room because they didn’t want their parents to be upset when they came home. They’re not the ones who sat in the living room numb as their birthday creeped in. The sorrow I feel when my parents decide to watch the slideshows I made for my brother and the fury I have to swallow down to not scream, “I shouldn’t be the one doing my brother’s slideshow at 26.” That I shouldn’t have lost my brother at the age of 23. The horrible thoughts that tell me: It should have been you. No one would have cared if YOU were the one dead. Daniel had a job and a family, you? You’re just a failure. You can’t die now though, why put your parents through the hell of losing BOTH their children.

  201. Meg  June 25, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

    My brother and a group of his friends all went to help their friend change a tire. Three of them, including my brother were hit by a drunk and high driver. My brother and one of his friends did not make it. It was hours before my birthday. None of us will ever get over it. February 19, 2018 is the day that my world came crashing down and my family has never recovered.
    I play down my own emotions because I wasn’t his friends who were there that night. I’m not Dustin, who has to live with the fact that he survived while his friends didn’t. I’m not my brother’s girlfriend who was there and his stepson who misses his daddy. I’m not my parents: my mom who made it in time to ride with EMS or my dad who was in the emergency room as they tried to resuscitate him. I wasn’t even Jonah’s sister, who had an actual bond with him. Me and my brother barely tolerated each other as we got older.
    My brother was the popular one, I was the annoying crybaby who never really bonded with anyone. He was the one who was healthy and into fitness, meanwhile I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. My brother was the one who was going to be married, had a job he loved, and friends who were ride or die. I was/still am the one who struggles to even find employment and have decided to becoming an old maid. At his funeral, sign wavings, anything that is for them, I have people walk pass me and find my parents, or his friends, or his girlfriend. My parents and his girlfriend’s faces were plastered all over the news, while I stood to the side awkwardly trying to not cry. I had a well meaning cousin look me straight in the eye and tell me to. ‘take care of my parents.’ My mom who tries to come off as caring, mentions the fact that I have had several breakdowns to the rest of my family.
    I want to scream at people. I want to be selfish and tell them that they don’t get it because they didn’t have to hear their brother on the phone in pain. That they didn’t go from being excited for a new job and a birthday to then pleading with God for their brother to be ok. They weren’t the ones who came home first to close up my brother’s room because they didn’t want their parents to be upset when they came home. They’re not the ones who sat in the living room numb as their birthday creeped in. The sorrow I feel when my parents decide to watch the slideshows I made for my brother and the fury I have to swallow down to not scream, “I shouldn’t be the one doing my brother’s slideshow at 26.” That I shouldn’t have lost my brother at the age of 23. The horrible thoughts that tell me: It should have been you. No one would have cared if YOU were the one dead. Daniel had a job and a family, you? You’re just a failure. You can’t die now though, why put your parents through the hell of losing BOTH their children.

    • Jessi  July 14, 2019 at 5:41 pm Reply

      I just wanted to say thank you for posting your experience. I was 21 when my brother suddenly passed away in a car accident. He’s my only sibling. As hurt as my parents and I were/are, I (thought) it was my responsibility to take care of them. After all I was the older one who was in grad school for my Master’s in social work. I was the one who knew what songs he would want played at his funeral. He was my absolute best friend.
      My best friend (and some times my only friend) who would make sure he spent time with me after each of my serious brain/spine surgeries before going out with friends on a Friday/Saturday night. Again, I was left to wonder why it was him and not me as I was the sick one.
      Fortunately my parents were aware of this and made sure to always check in on me as much as I would check in on them. My brother died on July 15, 2011 and it still doesn’t always seem real. I still occasionally go to grab my phone to text him either something funny I heard or a new song from a band we both liked. The worst is when I hear part of a joke or see/hear something similar we liked because no one else gets it. You can explain it as much as you want to other people, but it just isn’t the same. <3

    • Jazmia  December 10, 2019 at 11:58 am Reply

      I feel the exact same way. I feel as if I should’ve been the one to die. I should’ve gone to sleep and not have woken up. My brother died three years ago and my family feels it every day. If it was me, it wouldn’t have been this way. He was better than me in every sense of the word. Even though I know my family would be sad, it wouldn’t have been like this. Now I have to live.

      • Fenella  December 15, 2019 at 6:22 am

        Ditto to every word. My brother died on 3rd Dec 2019. He got hit off his bike by a car fleeing police at high speed. 8 days in a coma then taken off life support. He was superman. Successful, fit and sporty, driven and generous and kind, had a great career, wife and son who he adored. He was the useful one. I’m the burden, single mum with health issues, no career to speak of. And now I can hardly bare to be in the same room as my parents because the pain is staggering. The loss is staggering. I can barely get through the day myself, let alone support anyone else. I’m so angry with him for leaving me.

  202. Nathan  June 25, 2019 at 12:32 am Reply

    My sister is not here anymore. And neither am I.

  203. Nathan  June 25, 2019 at 12:32 am Reply

    My sister is not here anymore. And neither am I.

  204. Nathan  June 25, 2019 at 12:32 am Reply

    My sister is not here anymore. And neither am I.

  205. Kellyn  June 12, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    As a fellow bereaved sibling (my sister died in August, 2017), I very much agree that we are forgotten mourners.

    Case in point – my dad died in 2004 and afterwards, I considered myself to be fairly knowledgeable on how to support people in grief (I wasn’t right, of course, but because I was the first of my friends to lose a parent, peers often turned to me when terrible things started happening to other people).

    A high school friend who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation lost her sister…and I learned about it about 6 months after the fact. I wrote a card to her parents with this really beautiful memory of their daughter, but NEVER CONSIDERED sending a card to my old friend (seriously, WTF!).

    For sibling out there looking for community – there is a story sharing group on instagram group for brothers and sisters. You can find it here:

    https://www.instagram.com/survivingoursiblings/

    I think there is a lot of power in writing your story with your sibling – and a lot of comfort in reading the stories of others.

  206. Kellyn  June 12, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    As a fellow bereaved sibling (my sister died in August, 2017), I very much agree that we are forgotten mourners.

    Case in point – my dad died in 2004 and afterwards, I considered myself to be fairly knowledgeable on how to support people in grief (I wasn’t right, of course, but because I was the first of my friends to lose a parent, peers often turned to me when terrible things started happening to other people).

    A high school friend who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation lost her sister…and I learned about it about 6 months after the fact. I wrote a card to her parents with this really beautiful memory of their daughter, but NEVER CONSIDERED sending a card to my old friend (seriously, WTF!).

    For sibling out there looking for community – there is a story sharing group on instagram group for brothers and sisters. You can find it here:

    https://www.instagram.com/survivingoursiblings/

    I think there is a lot of power in writing your story with your sibling – and a lot of comfort in reading the stories of others.

  207. Kellyn  June 12, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    As a fellow bereaved sibling (my sister died in August, 2017), I very much agree that we are forgotten mourners.

    Case in point – my dad died in 2004 and afterwards, I considered myself to be fairly knowledgeable on how to support people in grief (I wasn’t right, of course, but because I was the first of my friends to lose a parent, peers often turned to me when terrible things started happening to other people).

    A high school friend who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation lost her sister…and I learned about it about 6 months after the fact. I wrote a card to her parents with this really beautiful memory of their daughter, but NEVER CONSIDERED sending a card to my old friend (seriously, WTF!).

    For sibling out there looking for community – there is a story sharing group on instagram group for brothers and sisters. You can find it here:

    https://www.instagram.com/survivingoursiblings/

    I think there is a lot of power in writing your story with your sibling – and a lot of comfort in reading the stories of others.

    • Kim  July 6, 2019 at 4:00 pm Reply

      I cannot thank you enough for sharing the information on the Instagram group. Finally, I feel connected to others experiencing the same kind of pain. Thank you!

  208. Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm Reply

    On April 29th, 2019, I lost my younger brother. He was 19 years old. Mother’s Day was May 12th, and his birthday was May 31st. The grief is overwhelming at times. I am the oldest, while the brother I lost left behind a twin. I feel as if my grief isn’t as important as the twin, or even my parents. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone else, while my parents, especially my mom, are unable to take care of me. I’ve lost two grandparents before this, and neither of them felt this horrible. I know it is still fresh, but it’s making me feel crazy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. He was the “youngest” and I feel responsible for not taking care of him like I should have, even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I hope one day I can become a “normal” person again, but until that time, I’m a former shell of the person I once was.

  209. Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm Reply

    On April 29th, 2019, I lost my younger brother. He was 19 years old. Mother’s Day was May 12th, and his birthday was May 31st. The grief is overwhelming at times. I am the oldest, while the brother I lost left behind a twin. I feel as if my grief isn’t as important as the twin, or even my parents. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone else, while my parents, especially my mom, are unable to take care of me. I’ve lost two grandparents before this, and neither of them felt this horrible. I know it is still fresh, but it’s making me feel crazy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. He was the “youngest” and I feel responsible for not taking care of him like I should have, even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I hope one day I can become a “normal” person again, but until that time, I’m a former shell of the person I once was.

  210. Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm Reply

    On April 29th, 2019, I lost my younger brother. He was 19 years old. Mother’s Day was May 12th, and his birthday was May 31st. The grief is overwhelming at times. I am the oldest, while the brother I lost left behind a twin. I feel as if my grief isn’t as important as the twin, or even my parents. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone else, while my parents, especially my mom, are unable to take care of me. I’ve lost two grandparents before this, and neither of them felt this horrible. I know it is still fresh, but it’s making me feel crazy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. He was the “youngest” and I feel responsible for not taking care of him like I should have, even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I hope one day I can become a “normal” person again, but until that time, I’m a former shell of the person I once was.

  211. Briana  June 4, 2019 at 2:09 pm Reply

    I lost my younger brother May 12, 2019. He battled cancer for 4 years, including one relapse, and he would have been 20 on May 21st. May 12 this year happened to be mother’s day and that just really sucks. I feel like my grief and feelings have been overlooked the whole time he suffered with cancer, but especially after his death it feels like I don’t matter. People keep telling me that they’re glad I was home to take care of my parents like I was unaffected. Who was supposed to take care of me? My parents have been great, but even they constantly talk about how parents should never bury their children and how hard it is. I is very hard, and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children, but at 22 years old I shouldn’t have had to bury my 20 year old brother. My best friend for 20 years. The only thing that comforts me is that my last words to him we’re “I love you”, but I still wish school and work hadn’t prevented me from coming home to see him as much as I wanted.

  212. Briana  June 4, 2019 at 2:09 pm Reply

    I lost my younger brother May 12, 2019. He battled cancer for 4 years, including one relapse, and he would have been 20 on May 21st. May 12 this year happened to be mother’s day and that just really sucks. I feel like my grief and feelings have been overlooked the whole time he suffered with cancer, but especially after his death it feels like I don’t matter. People keep telling me that they’re glad I was home to take care of my parents like I was unaffected. Who was supposed to take care of me? My parents have been great, but even they constantly talk about how parents should never bury their children and how hard it is. I is very hard, and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children, but at 22 years old I shouldn’t have had to bury my 20 year old brother. My best friend for 20 years. The only thing that comforts me is that my last words to him we’re “I love you”, but I still wish school and work hadn’t prevented me from coming home to see him as much as I wanted.

  213. Briana  June 4, 2019 at 2:09 pm Reply

    I lost my younger brother May 12, 2019. He battled cancer for 4 years, including one relapse, and he would have been 20 on May 21st. May 12 this year happened to be mother’s day and that just really sucks. I feel like my grief and feelings have been overlooked the whole time he suffered with cancer, but especially after his death it feels like I don’t matter. People keep telling me that they’re glad I was home to take care of my parents like I was unaffected. Who was supposed to take care of me? My parents have been great, but even they constantly talk about how parents should never bury their children and how hard it is. I is very hard, and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children, but at 22 years old I shouldn’t have had to bury my 20 year old brother. My best friend for 20 years. The only thing that comforts me is that my last words to him we’re “I love you”, but I still wish school and work hadn’t prevented me from coming home to see him as much as I wanted.

    • Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:33 pm Reply

      I lost my brother shortly before you lost yours, and they were only 10 days apart in age. I understand your loss, and I wish you well, even though life may suck right now.

  214. Kala  May 30, 2019 at 5:47 pm Reply

    After reading some of the posts on this site, I felt compelled to share. I lost my younger (and only) sister, along with one of my childhood friends 3 weeks ago on May 9th, 2019. We grew up in a small, isolated town in Alaska and went to high school here. My sister and I had an age difference of nearly two years (I’m 18, she was 16), and she was my absolute best friend. She was in her boyfriends truck with our friend. They were driving on a mountain when he lost control of the truck near the cliffside. He managed to jump out and survive before it tumbled down a 900 ft steep ravine and broke into pieces. It was fatal. My sisters body was found 700 ft down the ravine, and my friends body was 400 ft down the ravine. It was unexpected and unnatural. There was no warning, no time for me to tell her how much I love her, and how much I care. Our future is destroyed. She never got to go to prom, or see me graduate high school. She’ll never be able to meet my children or attend my wedding. I’ll never be able to hug her and talk about silly things again. Without her in my life, everything feels dull and I’m completely lost. I don’t want to be alone, but I know she’ll always be in my heart and would want me to live my life to the fullest. I’m not mad or hateful towards her boyfriend, as I’ve known him my whole life, and I know that my sister loved him very much . My family and I have been talking to a counselor, but I have so many questions that no one can answer… I just wish I could have protected her from this.

  215. Kala  May 30, 2019 at 5:47 pm Reply

    After reading some of the posts on this site, I felt compelled to share. I lost my younger (and only) sister, along with one of my childhood friends 3 weeks ago on May 9th, 2019. We grew up in a small, isolated town in Alaska and went to high school here. My sister and I had an age difference of nearly two years (I’m 18, she was 16), and she was my absolute best friend. She was in her boyfriends truck with our friend. They were driving on a mountain when he lost control of the truck near the cliffside. He managed to jump out and survive before it tumbled down a 900 ft steep ravine and broke into pieces. It was fatal. My sisters body was found 700 ft down the ravine, and my friends body was 400 ft down the ravine. It was unexpected and unnatural. There was no warning, no time for me to tell her how much I love her, and how much I care. Our future is destroyed. She never got to go to prom, or see me graduate high school. She’ll never be able to meet my children or attend my wedding. I’ll never be able to hug her and talk about silly things again. Without her in my life, everything feels dull and I’m completely lost. I don’t want to be alone, but I know she’ll always be in my heart and would want me to live my life to the fullest. I’m not mad or hateful towards her boyfriend, as I’ve known him my whole life, and I know that my sister loved him very much . My family and I have been talking to a counselor, but I have so many questions that no one can answer… I just wish I could have protected her from this.

  216. Kala  May 30, 2019 at 5:47 pm Reply

    After reading some of the posts on this site, I felt compelled to share. I lost my younger (and only) sister, along with one of my childhood friends 3 weeks ago on May 9th, 2019. We grew up in a small, isolated town in Alaska and went to high school here. My sister and I had an age difference of nearly two years (I’m 18, she was 16), and she was my absolute best friend. She was in her boyfriends truck with our friend. They were driving on a mountain when he lost control of the truck near the cliffside. He managed to jump out and survive before it tumbled down a 900 ft steep ravine and broke into pieces. It was fatal. My sisters body was found 700 ft down the ravine, and my friends body was 400 ft down the ravine. It was unexpected and unnatural. There was no warning, no time for me to tell her how much I love her, and how much I care. Our future is destroyed. She never got to go to prom, or see me graduate high school. She’ll never be able to meet my children or attend my wedding. I’ll never be able to hug her and talk about silly things again. Without her in my life, everything feels dull and I’m completely lost. I don’t want to be alone, but I know she’ll always be in my heart and would want me to live my life to the fullest. I’m not mad or hateful towards her boyfriend, as I’ve known him my whole life, and I know that my sister loved him very much . My family and I have been talking to a counselor, but I have so many questions that no one can answer… I just wish I could have protected her from this.

  217. Nichole  May 28, 2019 at 4:11 pm Reply

    Hi My name is Nichole
    I just lost my brother suddenly due to a heart attack age 44.we had just lost our father 2 years ago.i am completely lost.my best friend is gone.he is my middle brother. I am the oldest 46 and my youngest brother 40.i have not been the same since may 5th 2019.i don’t know how to feel.

  218. Nichole  May 28, 2019 at 4:11 pm Reply

    Hi My name is Nichole
    I just lost my brother suddenly due to a heart attack age 44.we had just lost our father 2 years ago.i am completely lost.my best friend is gone.he is my middle brother. I am the oldest 46 and my youngest brother 40.i have not been the same since may 5th 2019.i don’t know how to feel.

  219. Nichole  May 28, 2019 at 4:11 pm Reply

    Hi My name is Nichole
    I just lost my brother suddenly due to a heart attack age 44.we had just lost our father 2 years ago.i am completely lost.my best friend is gone.he is my middle brother. I am the oldest 46 and my youngest brother 40.i have not been the same since may 5th 2019.i don’t know how to feel.

  220. Lisa  May 21, 2019 at 3:02 am Reply

    My older sister, and only sibling, died on May 21, 2016. She was diagnosed with AML (a form of Leukemia that is fast moving) she was almost 59 years old. She fought hard to beat the AML. I was her 100% match for a stem cell transplant which we did on May 26, 2015. Her doctors told us I was her best chance. All went well with the sure cell transplant, and no cancer was in her blood as of September 2015! We all breathed a huge sigh of relief…. Then her numbers began to crash again by Dec, and they didn’t know why. We had to wait 1 year to the date to do another stem cell transplant… By February she was back in the hospital, and was back to getting infusions and transfusions… She stayed there in the hospital until The 15th of May. I kept asking if the Stem Cell Transplant had failed. I was told her blood was still clean, no cancer present in her blood. Then before sending her home around May 10th or 12th… We were told that although there were no cancer cells in her blood, the AML cells had formed tumors in her esophagus and lungs. She was not strong enough for more chemo, and another SCT couldn’t even be tried until the 26th… And because the cancer had formed cells outside the blood system it wouldn’t help. My strong, brave, fighter of a sister lost her battle on May 21, 2016. I miss her and mourn her daily 3 years later. I can’t find my footing and get back on my feet. I was once very social… Now going out doesn’t interest me, I no longer very daily, but at least 1-2x a month when alone I will break down. I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and it is devastating! (I am not selling diagnosing, I went to counseling for 3-4 months at some point during the first year without her b/c my husband and daughters thought it would help, and that is what my counselor said I was suffering from) I agree with the counselor…I honestly love daily with the regret of my stem cells not being good enough to save my sister. I hate today and transplant day (May 21st & May 26th) every year! I cut off all contract, go dark in social media and just hide away for the day!

    My sister was more than my older sister, she was my best friend, my confidant, & my partner in crime! We had so many inside jokes… And now it’s just me… When she gained her wings her pain ended… But sadly my pain started. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of missing her, and I’m tired of being the ” strong little sister” that handles everything and manages her grief well!! Guess what!!! I don’t handle my grief well… I’m a friggin basket case… And have totally lost myself!! I need to find my feet again, and I know I need to move on… But along with there being very few grief support groups for siblings… Try finding one for siblings who have donated from their body to save their sibling and it failed! That is the group I need? SCT failures unite… There is honestly no group out there for us!

  221. Lisa  May 21, 2019 at 3:02 am Reply

    My older sister, and only sibling, died on May 21, 2016. She was diagnosed with AML (a form of Leukemia that is fast moving) she was almost 59 years old. She fought hard to beat the AML. I was her 100% match for a stem cell transplant which we did on May 26, 2015. Her doctors told us I was her best chance. All went well with the sure cell transplant, and no cancer was in her blood as of September 2015! We all breathed a huge sigh of relief…. Then her numbers began to crash again by Dec, and they didn’t know why. We had to wait 1 year to the date to do another stem cell transplant… By February she was back in the hospital, and was back to getting infusions and transfusions… She stayed there in the hospital until The 15th of May. I kept asking if the Stem Cell Transplant had failed. I was told her blood was still clean, no cancer present in her blood. Then before sending her home around May 10th or 12th… We were told that although there were no cancer cells in her blood, the AML cells had formed tumors in her esophagus and lungs. She was not strong enough for more chemo, and another SCT couldn’t even be tried until the 26th… And because the cancer had formed cells outside the blood system it wouldn’t help. My strong, brave, fighter of a sister lost her battle on May 21, 2016. I miss her and mourn her daily 3 years later. I can’t find my footing and get back on my feet. I was once very social… Now going out doesn’t interest me, I no longer very daily, but at least 1-2x a month when alone I will break down. I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and it is devastating! (I am not selling diagnosing, I went to counseling for 3-4 months at some point during the first year without her b/c my husband and daughters thought it would help, and that is what my counselor said I was suffering from) I agree with the counselor…I honestly love daily with the regret of my stem cells not being good enough to save my sister. I hate today and transplant day (May 21st & May 26th) every year! I cut off all contract, go dark in social media and just hide away for the day!

    My sister was more than my older sister, she was my best friend, my confidant, & my partner in crime! We had so many inside jokes… And now it’s just me… When she gained her wings her pain ended… But sadly my pain started. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of missing her, and I’m tired of being the ” strong little sister” that handles everything and manages her grief well!! Guess what!!! I don’t handle my grief well… I’m a friggin basket case… And have totally lost myself!! I need to find my feet again, and I know I need to move on… But along with there being very few grief support groups for siblings… Try finding one for siblings who have donated from their body to save their sibling and it failed! That is the group I need? SCT failures unite… There is honestly no group out there for us!

  222. Lisa  May 21, 2019 at 3:02 am Reply

    My older sister, and only sibling, died on May 21, 2016. She was diagnosed with AML (a form of Leukemia that is fast moving) she was almost 59 years old. She fought hard to beat the AML. I was her 100% match for a stem cell transplant which we did on May 26, 2015. Her doctors told us I was her best chance. All went well with the sure cell transplant, and no cancer was in her blood as of September 2015! We all breathed a huge sigh of relief…. Then her numbers began to crash again by Dec, and they didn’t know why. We had to wait 1 year to the date to do another stem cell transplant… By February she was back in the hospital, and was back to getting infusions and transfusions… She stayed there in the hospital until The 15th of May. I kept asking if the Stem Cell Transplant had failed. I was told her blood was still clean, no cancer present in her blood. Then before sending her home around May 10th or 12th… We were told that although there were no cancer cells in her blood, the AML cells had formed tumors in her esophagus and lungs. She was not strong enough for more chemo, and another SCT couldn’t even be tried until the 26th… And because the cancer had formed cells outside the blood system it wouldn’t help. My strong, brave, fighter of a sister lost her battle on May 21, 2016. I miss her and mourn her daily 3 years later. I can’t find my footing and get back on my feet. I was once very social… Now going out doesn’t interest me, I no longer very daily, but at least 1-2x a month when alone I will break down. I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and it is devastating! (I am not selling diagnosing, I went to counseling for 3-4 months at some point during the first year without her b/c my husband and daughters thought it would help, and that is what my counselor said I was suffering from) I agree with the counselor…I honestly love daily with the regret of my stem cells not being good enough to save my sister. I hate today and transplant day (May 21st & May 26th) every year! I cut off all contract, go dark in social media and just hide away for the day!

    My sister was more than my older sister, she was my best friend, my confidant, & my partner in crime! We had so many inside jokes… And now it’s just me… When she gained her wings her pain ended… But sadly my pain started. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of missing her, and I’m tired of being the ” strong little sister” that handles everything and manages her grief well!! Guess what!!! I don’t handle my grief well… I’m a friggin basket case… And have totally lost myself!! I need to find my feet again, and I know I need to move on… But along with there being very few grief support groups for siblings… Try finding one for siblings who have donated from their body to save their sibling and it failed! That is the group I need? SCT failures unite… There is honestly no group out there for us!

    • Kelly Dubois  June 11, 2019 at 3:38 pm Reply

      Let’s make a group !!!!
      I lost my little sister two years ago today June 11, 2017. She is no longer in any pain but I too feel like my pain started the day she left😢😢
      I feel exactly like you do
      I relate to everything she was my whole world. 13 Months apart and we spent 36 years together. As she was 36 when she passed away. She had diabetes that led to a very bad kidney and heart disease. She had her toe amputated and was devastated that she couldn’t work anymore. I’m so angry that the doctors didn’t give her dialysis for her kidneys. She called me on Saturday and told me she couldn’t walk that her ankles look like elephant ankles they were so full of water. The hospital released her two days ago because I asked her why are you not in the hospital Keri?!?!
      I still can’t believe the hospital released her 2 days before she passed! I’m so angry I’m so upset I have so many emotions all of them! I am completely broken

    • Kate  June 15, 2019 at 8:19 am Reply

      I donated my stem cells to my brother. 13 months older than me. He died on Tuesday. (2 months post transplant.) Desperately need to join a group of people who have experienced the same. Survivors guilt, just utter devastation, anger….all sorts of emotions coming up.
      He was 42. It’s his birthday next weekend…. I have never known life without him. All the photos are killing me. We were always together.
      So sad.

    • Miranda Clayton  August 24, 2019 at 1:08 pm Reply

      I lost my youngest sister also, she too was my BEST FRIEND, MY CONFIDANT, MY COMPANION, MY ADVISER and I lost her. I made so many many many mistakes at the time she suddenly fell ill and within 3 weeks she was dead and I was DEVASTATED. It was like being hit by a high speed midnight express train and I have NEVER RECOVERED FROM THIS and I am lost without her. She died three and a half years ago, but to me, it seems LIKE YESTERDAY and my mind keeps reliving the HORROR, THE DRAMA, THE TRAUMA. I will NEVER forgive myself for acting upon the advice of that EVIL GENERAL MEDICAL PRACTITIONER and he CAUSED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED starting on Christmas Eve morning at 10am in 2015. My father had just die ONE MONTH EARLIER and we were ALL still grieving and that was the LOUSIEST CHRISTMAS I had ever had in my whole life. Now I HATE Christmas and it makes me feel sad, distressed, lonely and GUILTY. Twelve weeks following my BEST PAL’S DEATH, my mother died. And last year, I lost the LAST SURVIVING MEMBER of our family which was our MIDDLE SISTER, he death too was sudden. She died Christmas last year 2018 on the 27th and she was dead before she hit the ground. So now I am left all alone on a hostile planet, with NO family, NO real friends and plenty of enemies and stalkers.

  223. Alain Beaudoin  May 11, 2019 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I lost my youngest sister on my very first Father’s day.
    I mention that because I was 57 years old and my son was 8 months old. Yes my wife is much younger and we also have a 13 month old little girl who will never know her auntie.
    I can tick off most of the grief feelings listed. However, the guilt I feel feels insurmountable. Back in 2006 my sister took me in while I tried to recover from a nasty divorce. I had taken a 3 month medical leave . I lived 2000 kms away from my sister and eventually I sold my condo, gave up a lucrative job and started my life over surrounded with her love and understanding. Today I have a great wife, kids, large house and have travelled around the world. I owe her more than I can ever say….her patience, understanding, her efforts guiding me through the divorce as my proxy, care and love etc.….when she went to the hospital in spring 2017, I was unavailable due to work, moving, and young family issues plus she was 3 hours away. Her new husband kept us in the loop but in retrospect I had no idea what the hell was going on. At the end, I was at her bedside the same way we were together at our mother’s in 2001. We always had a special bond with me being the oldest and her the youngest. We understood each other.
    I went to therapy to work through my issue but nothing alleviated the guilt. Triggers are everywhere and I compartmentalize. I will start therapy again, it’ll be two years this June. I was disappointed in the lack of information and studies regarding sibling loss. My personal relationship with my wife is suffering. Unless you experience sibling grief you have no idea how profoundly it affects your thoughts, your behaviour, your soul.
    My other sister is made of sterner elements. I am not. It’s as if I want to self-flagellate with the pain I feel.
    Shortly after passing, , my x- brother in law told me my sis used to wake up and say she dreamed her dying was a nightmare and she’d wake up relieved it was a bad dream and then she would actually wake up and the opposite would be true.
    That kills me every time I think of it.

  224. Alain Beaudoin  May 11, 2019 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I lost my youngest sister on my very first Father’s day.
    I mention that because I was 57 years old and my son was 8 months old. Yes my wife is much younger and we also have a 13 month old little girl who will never know her auntie.
    I can tick off most of the grief feelings listed. However, the guilt I feel feels insurmountable. Back in 2006 my sister took me in while I tried to recover from a nasty divorce. I had taken a 3 month medical leave . I lived 2000 kms away from my sister and eventually I sold my condo, gave up a lucrative job and started my life over surrounded with her love and understanding. Today I have a great wife, kids, large house and have travelled around the world. I owe her more than I can ever say….her patience, understanding, her efforts guiding me through the divorce as my proxy, care and love etc.….when she went to the hospital in spring 2017, I was unavailable due to work, moving, and young family issues plus she was 3 hours away. Her new husband kept us in the loop but in retrospect I had no idea what the hell was going on. At the end, I was at her bedside the same way we were together at our mother’s in 2001. We always had a special bond with me being the oldest and her the youngest. We understood each other.
    I went to therapy to work through my issue but nothing alleviated the guilt. Triggers are everywhere and I compartmentalize. I will start therapy again, it’ll be two years this June. I was disappointed in the lack of information and studies regarding sibling loss. My personal relationship with my wife is suffering. Unless you experience sibling grief you have no idea how profoundly it affects your thoughts, your behaviour, your soul.
    My other sister is made of sterner elements. I am not. It’s as if I want to self-flagellate with the pain I feel.
    Shortly after passing, , my x- brother in law told me my sis used to wake up and say she dreamed her dying was a nightmare and she’d wake up relieved it was a bad dream and then she would actually wake up and the opposite would be true.
    That kills me every time I think of it.

  225. Alain Beaudoin  May 11, 2019 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I lost my youngest sister on my very first Father’s day.
    I mention that because I was 57 years old and my son was 8 months old. Yes my wife is much younger and we also have a 13 month old little girl who will never know her auntie.
    I can tick off most of the grief feelings listed. However, the guilt I feel feels insurmountable. Back in 2006 my sister took me in while I tried to recover from a nasty divorce. I had taken a 3 month medical leave . I lived 2000 kms away from my sister and eventually I sold my condo, gave up a lucrative job and started my life over surrounded with her love and understanding. Today I have a great wife, kids, large house and have travelled around the world. I owe her more than I can ever say….her patience, understanding, her efforts guiding me through the divorce as my proxy, care and love etc.….when she went to the hospital in spring 2017, I was unavailable due to work, moving, and young family issues plus she was 3 hours away. Her new husband kept us in the loop but in retrospect I had no idea what the hell was going on. At the end, I was at her bedside the same way we were together at our mother’s in 2001. We always had a special bond with me being the oldest and her the youngest. We understood each other.
    I went to therapy to work through my issue but nothing alleviated the guilt. Triggers are everywhere and I compartmentalize. I will start therapy again, it’ll be two years this June. I was disappointed in the lack of information and studies regarding sibling loss. My personal relationship with my wife is suffering. Unless you experience sibling grief you have no idea how profoundly it affects your thoughts, your behaviour, your soul.
    My other sister is made of sterner elements. I am not. It’s as if I want to self-flagellate with the pain I feel.
    Shortly after passing, , my x- brother in law told me my sis used to wake up and say she dreamed her dying was a nightmare and she’d wake up relieved it was a bad dream and then she would actually wake up and the opposite would be true.
    That kills me every time I think of it.

  226. Karen Nicole  May 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm Reply

    These stories are eye opening. I wish I had read them sooner…. although, I don’t know what else I could have done to support my boyfriend who lost is brother. My boyfriend whom I loved very much, lost his brother a year and a half into our relationship. Prior to the death, we had an amazing bond and love for each other.

    I’m speaking in the past tense because a few months after the death….. things changed dramatically. He completely changed. He was unloving, mean, dismissive, hurtful, unkind, sarcastic, and turned against me. I was suddenly the enemy.. He saw a grief counselor for one visit and decided that was all he needed…. and apologized to me and blamed the change on his brother’s death…… and then shortly after that the behavior started again and became worse.

    At this point, I can see that he is very intentional in the pain that he is inflicting on me. We were so close… and now we share nothing. We were best friends who had a very intimate bond… Soulmates. …. We shared everything, and now, we share nothing. He completely shut me out… I used to trust him – now he lies all the time.

    So now, I am also grieving, because the man that I loved, is a monster that I do not know. I thought I was being supportive to him… but I guess it wasn’t enough. As much as I was in love him; I had to cut the cord. The emotional abuse is off the charts. Now, I have to take care of myself. He is a 30 year sober recovering alcoholic and addict. Whether he is pushing me away so he can use… or if he has already started using again – I can no longer be a part of the destructive road he is on. My heart is broken – but the situation was getting even worse. He turned into a liar, a gaslight, and a womanizer,

    Can anyone tell me what I was missing, or if there was anything I should have been doing?

  227. Karen Nicole  May 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm Reply

    These stories are eye opening. I wish I had read them sooner…. although, I don’t know what else I could have done to support my boyfriend who lost is brother. My boyfriend whom I loved very much, lost his brother a year and a half into our relationship. Prior to the death, we had an amazing bond and love for each other.

    I’m speaking in the past tense because a few months after the death….. things changed dramatically. He completely changed. He was unloving, mean, dismissive, hurtful, unkind, sarcastic, and turned against me. I was suddenly the enemy.. He saw a grief counselor for one visit and decided that was all he needed…. and apologized to me and blamed the change on his brother’s death…… and then shortly after that the behavior started again and became worse.

    At this point, I can see that he is very intentional in the pain that he is inflicting on me. We were so close… and now we share nothing. We were best friends who had a very intimate bond… Soulmates. …. We shared everything, and now, we share nothing. He completely shut me out… I used to trust him – now he lies all the time.

    So now, I am also grieving, because the man that I loved, is a monster that I do not know. I thought I was being supportive to him… but I guess it wasn’t enough. As much as I was in love him; I had to cut the cord. The emotional abuse is off the charts. Now, I have to take care of myself. He is a 30 year sober recovering alcoholic and addict. Whether he is pushing me away so he can use… or if he has already started using again – I can no longer be a part of the destructive road he is on. My heart is broken – but the situation was getting even worse. He turned into a liar, a gaslight, and a womanizer,

    Can anyone tell me what I was missing, or if there was anything I should have been doing?

  228. Karen Nicole  May 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm Reply

    These stories are eye opening. I wish I had read them sooner…. although, I don’t know what else I could have done to support my boyfriend who lost is brother. My boyfriend whom I loved very much, lost his brother a year and a half into our relationship. Prior to the death, we had an amazing bond and love for each other.

    I’m speaking in the past tense because a few months after the death….. things changed dramatically. He completely changed. He was unloving, mean, dismissive, hurtful, unkind, sarcastic, and turned against me. I was suddenly the enemy.. He saw a grief counselor for one visit and decided that was all he needed…. and apologized to me and blamed the change on his brother’s death…… and then shortly after that the behavior started again and became worse.

    At this point, I can see that he is very intentional in the pain that he is inflicting on me. We were so close… and now we share nothing. We were best friends who had a very intimate bond… Soulmates. …. We shared everything, and now, we share nothing. He completely shut me out… I used to trust him – now he lies all the time.

    So now, I am also grieving, because the man that I loved, is a monster that I do not know. I thought I was being supportive to him… but I guess it wasn’t enough. As much as I was in love him; I had to cut the cord. The emotional abuse is off the charts. Now, I have to take care of myself. He is a 30 year sober recovering alcoholic and addict. Whether he is pushing me away so he can use… or if he has already started using again – I can no longer be a part of the destructive road he is on. My heart is broken – but the situation was getting even worse. He turned into a liar, a gaslight, and a womanizer,

    Can anyone tell me what I was missing, or if there was anything I should have been doing?

    • Lili  June 5, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply

      Your friend is grieving in his own way, be it destructive to himself and others. I suggest you let him go. He will continue to grieve in this manner until he realizes that his brother would not want him to continue in life in a destructive manner.

  229. Esther  May 10, 2019 at 4:45 am Reply

    My brother was killed 2 years ago on Thursday, May 11, 2017 by a drunk driver who crossed into his lane head on and killed him instantly. One block from his work, which he commuted an hour to daily. I was woken up with a phone call telling me he was gone. I was still half asleep when they told me and I sat right up in bed and my world came crashing down. I still have nightmares about it and the pain was and is still so unbearable so much of the time. We were a year and a half apart. Extremely close. He was my best friend my entire life. He was everything to me and now he is gone. I feel that the second year has been far worse than the first year, because the first year you are just trying to endure it. Then the second year, there are no more firsts and it sinks in even more that this is forever and it hurts even more. He was 41 and had 4 young kids, 7, 9, 11, and 15. The guy got the minimum- 4 years jail time when he already had a previous dui, was driving on a suspended license, in a car that wasn’t his, that had no insurance on it. He had numerous arrests his whole adult life and was a well known drug dealer in the area but knew how to play the system. He was being followed by a police officer that witnessed the entire accident. I always wonder why he didn’t pull him over. He was 3 times over the limit. I feel like people just don’t get it. Like at 6 months people think you should be over it already. It’s been 2 years and it is still a struggle and I still can’t sleep or concentrate so much of the time. And I feel like I have no one because most of my friends haven’t even lost a parent yet, much less a sibling. I lost my Dad a year and a half before that.
    I also feel like everyone downplays your grief as a sibling. At the funeral and right after, (even now they still do this), everyone would ask me how my mother was doing, or how my sister-in-law was doing. They never asked me how I was or how I was doing. It was always about my mom or my sister-in-law. Like it didn’t matter what I was going through. I just wanted to scream what about me? Why don’t you ask me how I am doing? Not that it wasn’t hard for my mother or his wife. But you are completely overshadowed and no one seems to get it that you are in pain also and are oblivious to the destruction the loss of a sibling brings to YOUR life. Yes, it destroys the life of the spouse and mother who loses their child and the kids he left behind, of course, but it also destroys the life of you – the sibling. Forever. I just feel like no one gets it. They trivialize sibling losses, when they are in fact, significant and tramatic to those that are close to their siblings. You lose your past, your present, and your future because all the family history with your sibling- no one else knows or will ever understand. I had all these inside jokes with my brother that were just ours alone. I could be myself with him and be stupid and silly and he accepted me 100% in a way no one else does or could. I have memories of growing up together that no one else has because it was just the two of us together. I have other siblings but we were the ones closest in age to each other and were each other’s constant playmates and companions as children and as we got older, our bond just got stronger. I was robbed of a future together because of the irresponsible actions of someone else. I am indifferent to the guy to a point most of the time but also angry that he lived and my brother didn’t. It should have been the reverse. And yes I just said that. It’s always the innocent people that die in drunk driving accidents most of the time. My brother never drank in his life and the irony of it is stifling. Just wanted to share my story.

  230. Esther  May 10, 2019 at 4:45 am Reply

    My brother was killed 2 years ago on Thursday, May 11, 2017 by a drunk driver who crossed into his lane head on and killed him instantly. One block from his work, which he commuted an hour to daily. I was woken up with a phone call telling me he was gone. I was still half asleep when they told me and I sat right up in bed and my world came crashing down. I still have nightmares about it and the pain was and is still so unbearable so much of the time. We were a year and a half apart. Extremely close. He was my best friend my entire life. He was everything to me and now he is gone. I feel that the second year has been far worse than the first year, because the first year you are just trying to endure it. Then the second year, there are no more firsts and it sinks in even more that this is forever and it hurts even more. He was 41 and had 4 young kids, 7, 9, 11, and 15. The guy got the minimum- 4 years jail time when he already had a previous dui, was driving on a suspended license, in a car that wasn’t his, that had no insurance on it. He had numerous arrests his whole adult life and was a well known drug dealer in the area but knew how to play the system. He was being followed by a police officer that witnessed the entire accident. I always wonder why he didn’t pull him over. He was 3 times over the limit. I feel like people just don’t get it. Like at 6 months people think you should be over it already. It’s been 2 years and it is still a struggle and I still can’t sleep or concentrate so much of the time. And I feel like I have no one because most of my friends haven’t even lost a parent yet, much less a sibling. I lost my Dad a year and a half before that.
    I also feel like everyone downplays your grief as a sibling. At the funeral and right after, (even now they still do this), everyone would ask me how my mother was doing, or how my sister-in-law was doing. They never asked me how I was or how I was doing. It was always about my mom or my sister-in-law. Like it didn’t matter what I was going through. I just wanted to scream what about me? Why don’t you ask me how I am doing? Not that it wasn’t hard for my mother or his wife. But you are completely overshadowed and no one seems to get it that you are in pain also and are oblivious to the destruction the loss of a sibling brings to YOUR life. Yes, it destroys the life of the spouse and mother who loses their child and the kids he left behind, of course, but it also destroys the life of you – the sibling. Forever. I just feel like no one gets it. They trivialize sibling losses, when they are in fact, significant and tramatic to those that are close to their siblings. You lose your past, your present, and your future because all the family history with your sibling- no one else knows or will ever understand. I had all these inside jokes with my brother that were just ours alone. I could be myself with him and be stupid and silly and he accepted me 100% in a way no one else does or could. I have memories of growing up together that no one else has because it was just the two of us together. I have other siblings but we were the ones closest in age to each other and were each other’s constant playmates and companions as children and as we got older, our bond just got stronger. I was robbed of a future together because of the irresponsible actions of someone else. I am indifferent to the guy to a point most of the time but also angry that he lived and my brother didn’t. It should have been the reverse. And yes I just said that. It’s always the innocent people that die in drunk driving accidents most of the time. My brother never drank in his life and the irony of it is stifling. Just wanted to share my story.

  231. Esther  May 10, 2019 at 4:45 am Reply

    My brother was killed 2 years ago on Thursday, May 11, 2017 by a drunk driver who crossed into his lane head on and killed him instantly. One block from his work, which he commuted an hour to daily. I was woken up with a phone call telling me he was gone. I was still half asleep when they told me and I sat right up in bed and my world came crashing down. I still have nightmares about it and the pain was and is still so unbearable so much of the time. We were a year and a half apart. Extremely close. He was my best friend my entire life. He was everything to me and now he is gone. I feel that the second year has been far worse than the first year, because the first year you are just trying to endure it. Then the second year, there are no more firsts and it sinks in even more that this is forever and it hurts even more. He was 41 and had 4 young kids, 7, 9, 11, and 15. The guy got the minimum- 4 years jail time when he already had a previous dui, was driving on a suspended license, in a car that wasn’t his, that had no insurance on it. He had numerous arrests his whole adult life and was a well known drug dealer in the area but knew how to play the system. He was being followed by a police officer that witnessed the entire accident. I always wonder why he didn’t pull him over. He was 3 times over the limit. I feel like people just don’t get it. Like at 6 months people think you should be over it already. It’s been 2 years and it is still a struggle and I still can’t sleep or concentrate so much of the time. And I feel like I have no one because most of my friends haven’t even lost a parent yet, much less a sibling. I lost my Dad a year and a half before that.
    I also feel like everyone downplays your grief as a sibling. At the funeral and right after, (even now they still do this), everyone would ask me how my mother was doing, or how my sister-in-law was doing. They never asked me how I was or how I was doing. It was always about my mom or my sister-in-law. Like it didn’t matter what I was going through. I just wanted to scream what about me? Why don’t you ask me how I am doing? Not that it wasn’t hard for my mother or his wife. But you are completely overshadowed and no one seems to get it that you are in pain also and are oblivious to the destruction the loss of a sibling brings to YOUR life. Yes, it destroys the life of the spouse and mother who loses their child and the kids he left behind, of course, but it also destroys the life of you – the sibling. Forever. I just feel like no one gets it. They trivialize sibling losses, when they are in fact, significant and tramatic to those that are close to their siblings. You lose your past, your present, and your future because all the family history with your sibling- no one else knows or will ever understand. I had all these inside jokes with my brother that were just ours alone. I could be myself with him and be stupid and silly and he accepted me 100% in a way no one else does or could. I have memories of growing up together that no one else has because it was just the two of us together. I have other siblings but we were the ones closest in age to each other and were each other’s constant playmates and companions as children and as we got older, our bond just got stronger. I was robbed of a future together because of the irresponsible actions of someone else. I am indifferent to the guy to a point most of the time but also angry that he lived and my brother didn’t. It should have been the reverse. And yes I just said that. It’s always the innocent people that die in drunk driving accidents most of the time. My brother never drank in his life and the irony of it is stifling. Just wanted to share my story.

    • Kim  July 6, 2019 at 4:30 pm Reply

      I lost my only sibling about 9 1/2 months ago to a massive heart attack. It’s still so hard to fathom. She was my best friend. We had been through so much together. Our mom died when we were young (I was 15, she was 20). She, being the older one, took over the mother