Grieving the Death of a Sibling

As a general rule, we hesitate to write about different types of loss.  To clarify, I am not referring to types of grief, which we’ve written about extensively.  Instead, I am referring to loss in regards to the type of relationship, such as the death of a parent, spouse, child, and so on. Allow me to share two reasons for our hesitancy:

1. Although commonalities often exist amongst people who have experienced a certain type of loss, grief is as individual as the person experiencing it and their relationship with the person who died.  Although some people might be able to relate to aspects of another person’s grief, no one can completely understand how anyone else feels. On a whole, we recommend you learn what you can from your commonalities with other grievers, but take differences with a grain of salt.  And please, don’t try to compare.

2. For some types of loss, like the death of a spouse or child, an abundance of really great resources already exist. Not only that, but some of these resources are maintained and/or provided by people who can speak with greater authority on the subject than we possibly could.  We know when we’re not needed, people.

That being said, there are some types of loss where few good resources exist. The other day I asked our Facebook community to suggest resources for people who’ve experienced the death of a sibling.  Although some were able to make recommendations, many were quick to point out their struggle to find help and support for their loss.  One reader even said she dubbed herself the “forgotten mourner” after finding sibling grief was so often overlooked in the support world.  Now, we can’t have that!

Obviously, this is just a post and it doesn’t substitute for dedicated organizations, movements, or other types of support – but it’s a start. Whatever you are able to contribute to the conversation in the comments and on social media, please do. The more voices we have speaking on the subject, the more supported and cared for other grieving siblings will hopefully feel.

This post is long, but the last thing we want to do is create another resource that is overgeneralized and unhelpful. At the end of the post, we’ll link to a resource page with suggestions for locating support locally and online.  Got it? Good. Okay, let’s talk about some of the reasons why the death of a sibling (at any age) is really stinking hard.

Feelings and Emotions

You may be experiencing grief over the death of your sibling if you feel any of the following –shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, isolation, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, increased or decreased appetite, fatigue or sleeplessness, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, isolation, questioning faith – to name a few.

Okay, so those things aren’t specific to sibling grief, however, the way they are experienced by someone grieving a brother or sister may be. For example:

You feel guilty because…

…you are the sibling that survived.

…you knew your sibling inside and out and yet you didn’t know about the struggles or hardships that led to their death.

…you weren’t able to protect them.

…there are things you wish you had said, but didn’t

You feel anxiety because…

…you know how fragile life is.

…you’re worried you may die in the same way as your sibling.

…you’re worried others in your family may die.

You feel lonely because…

…although you’re surrounded by people, you miss the one person who you could truly be yourself with.

I could go on, but the important thing is to understand that your feelings are unique and important. Good, bad, or anywhere in-between, your relationship with your brother or sister was different than anyone else’s and so you’ll experience hurdles, triggers, and hardships that others may not.

Your parents, siblings, and other family members may grieve in many of the same ways that you do, but in many ways, their grief may differ.  It’s important to remember this because misunderstandings can arise amongst family members when people react differently in response to a death.  It’s also important for people supporting bereaved siblings to keep this in mind so they can help validate and support the griever’s feelings and experiences.


Overshadowed Grief

This is just a guess, but I suspect a lack of sibling grief resources exists because sibling grief is often overshadowed. People simply cannot fathom the out-of-order-ness of a parent having to bury a child, so when this is the case their thoughts and concerns often immediately go to the parent’s grief. Parents themselves may not be able to effectively attend to their children’s grief and outside family and friends may be hesitant to step in and offer support or suggestions.  It might also be true that support and attention are first given to siblings who are younger or who are perceived to be more fragile. In a situation where any or all of these things are true, a grieving sibling may end up feeling as though other people’s grief is more important than their own.

This may be confounded by the fact that some people willingly allow their grief to go unnoticed by themselves or others. Raise your hand if you’re the sibling who feels like it’s your job to take care of and support the rest of the family.  After a death, some siblings might quickly step in to take care of their younger children and/or their parents because they feel it’s their role or duty. Sometimes this happens out of necessity, sometimes avoidance, sometimes expectation, and sometimes all of the above. It is important for all members of the family to recognize that no one’s grief should take complete precedence. Although family members might take turns supporting one another, at one point or another everyone’s grief deserves attention and needs to be attended to.

overshadowed grief

Changes in Family Dynamics and Support Systems

Families – functional or dysfunctional – often operate according to a set of norms, roles, traditions, and patterns. Each person has their place in the family system, so things can get thrown off balance when someone in the family dies. An important person is gone, and those who survive them are sometimes unable, unwilling, or disinterested in filling that person’s role(s) or carrying out traditions and patterns as they have in the past.

Shifting family dynamics can lead to the weakening of support systems. Parents and siblings who are grieving may be of less, little, or no help. If a person’s support system largely consists of family (which is often the case for children and teens), they may find they’re facing one of the hardest periods of their life without a safety net.

The support system may also be weakened if the person who died was an important source of support for surviving siblings. This may be true at any age, but if the death happens when the siblings are in older adulthood, the person who died may have been one of the surviving sibling’s few living family members

For all these reasons and others, it is common for people to have to reassess their support system in the wake of loss and to seek out additional help while coping with their grief.


Comparisons and Expectations

You are special and you are wonderful (come on…you know you are). You have no one to live up to besides yourself, your goals, and your own potential.

Okay, I just wanted to say that as a reminder to anyone who feels like they’re living in the shadow of a deceased sibling. Feeling compared or overshadowed is common after the death of a sibling, and (although you may be hesitant to admit it) this experience can result in feelings of resentment or anger towards family and/or the person who died.

If this sounds like you, the first thing we recommend you do is to ask yourself, “Who is making me feel this way?”  If the answer is your parents or other family members, then the next thing you might do is try to communicate with your family about how you feel. This might seem like a scary task because you don’t want to rock the boat or make anyone feel worse in their grief. If this is the case, or if you think your concerns will fall on deaf ears, you might want to consider talking to a counselor about how to approach the situation or enlist the help of a family counselor to work with the family as a whole.

Now, you may find that you yourself are responsible for comparisons and expectations. This might happen for a number of reasons including insecurity, guilt, or the feeling that you need to pick up where your sibling left off.  If you think you might be the source of comparison, then some serious self-reflection is probably needed.

Acknowledging the truth of the situation is a good start, you’re in even better shape if you can identify why this is happening.  As you search for answers, you might find it’s helpful to spend time in reflection, to journal, or to talk to a trusted confidant, support group member(s), or counselor.


Missed Opportunities

When a person dies, you are not only robbed of their physical presence in the here and now, but you (and they) also lose the chance to spend your tomorrows together. Your life after their death becomes a filled with thoughts of “if only”, ” we would have”, and “I wish.”

This is obviously the case for missed opportunities in the future; the happy moments you wish you could have spent together like weddings, graduations, births, adventures, and family get-togethers. We talk a lot about how to handle these moments here and here and here. However, missed opportunities are also felt when people wish they could make up for all they didn’t do while the person was alive. For example, taking the chance to say “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “I forgive you” and “I care”. 

You miss the hell out of them

Sibling relationships obviously vary in their degrees of closeness, love, and amicability.  Some siblings may be thick as thieves, others wonder whether they’re even really related.  Regardless, siblings are our ties to family bonds.  They have known us the longest. They understand our history and are the people with whom we have the longest running jokes.

They are our bridesmaids and our groomsmen. They are our children’s aunts and uncles.  They bail us out when we’re in trouble, they loan us money, and then we loan it back.  They are the most judgmental people we know.  They are the most accepting and loving people we know.  Siblings can never be replaced and when they are gone we miss the hell out of them.


As promised, you can find help locating sibling grief support on this page. Please comment below and share your experience with the death of a sibling and/or recommended resources.

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April 10, 2019

547 responses on "Grieving the Death of a Sibling"

  1. I lost my brother, yesterday, 26 hours ago. I’m so heartbroken and lost. He was only 42 years old and didn’t have one enemy. He never turned his back on me even when others did. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him.

    • Saddest news. I’m so deeply sorry. Your brother is a part of you forever. You will meet him again xox

    • I know how you feel. My brother passed away March 24, 2020. I’m still crying. We were so close, talking on the phone or texting every day just to check in. How can he not exist any more?

  2. I didn’t know what I would find when I googled, “my brother died 40 years ago.” I found a place to put the incredible sadness I’ve felt all day. Some anniversaries are harder than others. This one has really thrown me. Today is Sunday, and it was a Sunday morning when my mom called and told me to come to the house. I was 21 at the time. When I arrived, I found out my brother had died in a car accident. He had been drinking and he was 20 years old. I really appreciated the article and the validation around feeling like my feelings weren’t allowed to be felt. My parents literally fell apart. It felt as though I not only lost my brother, but also my parents, as they closed ranks in order to survive. I was left to take care of the details that must be tended to when someone dies. My relationship with my parents, fractured and has been permanently changed. Every time we are together, the realization that my brother isn’t with us is palpable, although my parents seldom talk about him. As I get older, I miss him more. I feel an incredible longing for him. I’m so envious of people with siblings. Thank you.

  3. It’s very hard for me to be open right now and share my story. Initially I had googled how to get over the anger of someone killing your sibling. And I stumbled across this website. But I felt maybe if I do I will feel better. I doubt it but it is worth a try. At the moment I feel lost and confused. I just feel sad and hurt. I feel nobody around me understand how I feel. I find it very hard to express myself because everyone is in a hurry. Nobody really makes to time to just hold a deep conversation so I never have a chance to really go deep. But I wish I could. I lost one of my brothers at the age of 16. I am now 24. This was just a year before I lost my father. So this was devastating. I’ll never forget being alone at my aunts. Scrolling on Facebook and finding out his death on Facebook. It kills me to even think about it but I have to. My brother was shot in the head along with his best friend. He was set up by his first cousin. He paid a person they both were close to at the Time to kill them both. Nobody has yet been arrested and I now understand no justice will be served. But it usually isn’t. I have a lot of anger in me that I hide. More so pain. I am hurt. Mainly because these were people we trusted. Slept in our home. They were all so close.
    And you set him up? I am heart broken. And till this day fearful that I may run into them. I have not yet recovered from that lost. Fast forward to a few years later at the age of 21 I lost my other brother to a accidental overdose. Fentanyl and alcohol. I had just saw him that morning and told him I’d see him when I get home from work. I never saw him when I got home from work. The hospital called my mom and asked her if she could come in the hospital and identify a phone. We knew what that meant. I’ll never forget actually driving to the hospital. I was on the phone With someone that worked there maybe a doctor I’m not sure. And I just remember asking over and over again. Please tell me if he’s alive. They said to just come in they wouldn’t tell me so I kept asking then they finally said he was dead. Just let Iike that “He’s dead” my body was in complete shock. I have no control over it. I couldn’t stop shaking. Heartbroken. I had to be strong for my mom in that hospital. On top of his gf being there faking as if she was pregnant crying and causing a scene and we believed it. We were vulnerable. and she knew that. Again heartbroken. On top of finding out he was with friends and they just dropped him off at the hospital and left him. Or that they could have called 911 and he could of been alive today. I have not yet grieved over any of those deaths. My dad nor my brothers. Now I am 24 and I just lost my mother to cancer 8 months ago. It is only me left. And right now in this moment. I just want to run away. I want to run away from this pain and life. It has been so so hard. And I just want one person to look at me and understand strong people get tired too. I am so tired. I appear strong to family and friends. The whole world. But only if they knew what lays beneath the surface. Only if they took the tome out and understood even though I’m acting distant I don’t need any space. Even though I smile and joke and laugh I am dying inside. Literally. I feel my heart dying. I am trying each day to do my best and make something out of myself. But I am losing hope. It may just be a weak moment because I know I can not give up. I want so much for myself. But I’m angry. I’m so so so angry. Anyone who reads this I know you don’t know me but I ask that you please pray for me. Because I desperately need it. I’m not sure what the universe has planned for me. I just will keep taking each day a step at a time. I can write a book about my life but I just wonder who would care enough to read? Or will I even be alive to finish the story. I’m not sure

    • Chantelle’s sisterMarch 27, 2020 at 12:34 amReply

      I prayed for you tonight. Exactly one month later. I hope you are okay, whoever you are & wherever you are. I’m 25 years old and I lost my 30 year old sister 3 weeks ago. I’m so angry. I have dealt with loss before. Distant relatives and many friends. I thought I knew what grief was. I had no idea. I feel guilty every second that I’m not crying, which is rare. If I laugh or smile at something, I then think “how dare I laugh, my sister is dead”. Like somehow if I’m not falling apart for even one second of the day it means I don’t love her. Like she is going to think she’s not important to me. I avoided any pictures of her obituary for a few days. I was just afraid of the agony I would feel when I’m forced to see its real. She died of congestive heart failure. At 30 years old..3 kids and a husband left behind. She had an infection going on for years that no one knew about. So naturally I blamed every doctor she’s ever seen for her death. Because if I don’t have someone to blame then I blame god. I can’t help but be angry at god. It’s funny I always believed in heaven but now that my sister is gone it seems too good to be true. Because I want that for her so bad. I’m so afraid to get my hopes up that I’ll see her there one day. Reading these comments honestly helped me tonight, and so did writing this. “Somewhere far”, I hope you are okay tonight. & I hope somehow you get to read this.

  4. I lost my sister a year and a half ago. Today, I came across a photo of her on Facebook and it’s really messed me up. My sister had a long struggle with substance abuse, which I never judged as we were both raped/molested by an uncle. However, I left her. I needed to separate myself from the whole family so that I was okay. Looking back it may not have been the best decision but it is the only thing I knew how to do to be happy. You see my uncle who raped my sister and me was still around all of the time (my family told me that I should get over it, or what did I expect them to do since he was their relative too). Well, I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to be around her addiction and the family situation. Well, about 2 years old I was told by my mother that she was in jail, even though my mother did not visit her there. She was in jail for prostitution. I visited her there and wrote her a letter. She told me to make sure to take care of her kids for her. Well, she was released shortly thereafter (she was in jail for a few months) and she died of a drug overdose. I don’t know what state of mind she was in. I keep thinking about whether she was sad and lonely – and that she did it on purpose. That she was saying goodbye to me when I last saw her. I feel really sad and guilty. I wish I wasn’t so selfish and I could of told her that I loved her. This picture I found of her was during a time that I wasn’t talking to her. I wish I knew what her life was like then – was she happy? was she sad? was she alone? I don’t know but it kills me that she could of been sad and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so unfair that she had to go through so many awful things and I wasn’t there to tell her that I loved her. I don’t know if I will I will be ever able to figure myself. I just can’t help but think about my sister feeling like she was alone in the world and no one cared about her.

  5. This has been such a beautiful thread to read. I am so thankful for all of the stories and compassion. It is sad to be here, but what a beautiful community of people. So much love.

    I lost my little sister one month ago tomorrow. She passed unexpectedly on January 16th, around 10 30 in the morning, at only 21 years old. Grief is a feeling I could have never imagined. The full belly wail of a noise your body produces is frightening.
    I know I will have a lot to work through, and the idea of this sadness weighing my heart down for the rest of my life is overwhelming.

    There is guilt, anger, and regret. I cared for her in a way she felt my mother couldn’t. I was desperately trying to hold her hand and cheer her on while she threw herself full throttle into recovery – any kind of recovery – but she simply wasn’t ready to find in herself reasons to live and be happy. I think of all of the times we went to the hospital, to detox groups, to CAMH, the time I called the police on her. Her pain was so complicated. It was compounded trauma, abandonment, addiction, a never availing anxiety, sleep depravation. She got to the point where I don’t think she could make it through the morning without drinking. The what ifs are overwhelming.

    The hardest part about all of this is that she didn’t mean to go. Her heart simply stopped. I am sure it was due to the stress her body was under from her relentless substance use, but maybe it was also in part because of how much she had been able to eat that week, how much water she had been able to drink, how many hours of sleep she had been lucky to have. All we have gotten from the forensic scientists is “inconclusive”.

    Her anxiety riddled her with fears of dying. She often spoke about how she was afraid to fall asleep, or afraid of slipping in the shower. She often begged me to come keep her company. Of course life is cruel, and in the way of paying rent I wasn’t always available. I was tired. We had been working through this for a long time. I think a part of me thought she was invincible. My job as a front line worker also had me thinking that she was going to be okay – there was so much love and support, so many resources, so many services. She was lucky. We were all so lucky.

    The worst bit is that she was my best friend. Though I suppose this is also the best bit. I loved her so fucking much. We shot the shit together, she made me goofy, her smile was so incredibly infectious and her laugh was so beautiful. I hated how much she was on her phone, but now I am so thankful. I am so thankful to be able to watch clips of her laughing, doing “the floss” furiously, rollerskating with her friends, and even shoving me into the ocean after having tried to pose for a photo that never happened.

    I find myself really terrified of forgetting all of the little things that made her so beautiful. She was so annoying, the sort that made my eye twitch sometimes, but so loving and so kind. Her company was and is like nothing else in the whole world. Two summers ago we went to Peru together, hiked through mountains for almost a week, and finally arrived at the “money shot” spot in the ruins of Machu Picchu. It was overcrowded, loud, and full of all of the worst tourist types. And so we left as soon as we could. I have said to a few people when we speak about her that nothing quite says that you’ve lived more than hiking with blistered and bloody toes to a World Wonder only to leave early out of annoyance.

    I find myself talking to her a lot. I have spent a month hugging her shirt on the couch, ignoring the world. It is going to be weird trying to get back into a routine. Nothing quite feels worth it, nothing makes much sense. I just have to keep reminding myself how much she loved me.

    Again, thank you for all of these stories. It means more than any of you could know.

  6. I lost my younger brother January 28, 2018 to a tragic and unexpected overdose in his own bedroom. Our older sister and mom found him. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He was 25 and I had just turned 27. We were only 18 months apart. Our entire childhood, we were inseparable. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on and trust with anything. We fought ALL the time but it was because we were so close. As we became adults we were still close, always lived under the same roof until I moved out because I had children. He would watch my kids so I could work, before I had daycare. I knew he was struggling about a year before he died with substance abuse. He had stolen from me when I was pregnant a few times and it killed me but I always forgave him. He knew the pin to my debit card, because that’s how close we were and I always trusted him up until he stole. His addiction happened so fast and my mom was in denial. She didn’t think her only son had a problem. He was her youngest and he could do no wrong. I work in substance abuse and mental health. My brother knew this. He just never had the chance to get help and I blame myself for not doing something about it. I was so mean and hard on him about his addiction but to clients I work with who suffer the same as him, I showed more compassion for. How awful is that?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. His death never leaves my head, not even for a minute. His 2 year anniversary just passed a couple days ago but regardless of that, it had never left my head. It’s all I think about. Even when I’m at work, watching tv, doing my regular mommy duties, or even when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it’s what I’m thinking about. This is not normal. I’ve gone to therapy but it’s been a while but I start going again in a couple days actually. I know my grief is different than my parents and my 2 other siblings. My mom has been a wreck ever since. Her and I share similar grief and she can’t help me because of how bad her grief is. She knows how bad I’m suffering but she feels helpless. Her and I even went and saw a spirit medium together to get some closure which did help because before that I was constantly worrying about where he was and if he was scared and alone. I knew my brother was afraid to die and it killed me not knowing if he was okay. My dad and brother had a complicated relationship and my dad feels a lot of regret but he seems to deal with my grief pretty well and my step dad acts like everything is fine. I never once saw him cry. He’s been in our lives since we were 9 and 10 years old. He’s been a huge part in raising us. It’s crazy how everyone deals with it differently and I’ve been hanging on by a thread for the last 2 years. I gave birth shortly after he passed and I already had a 5 year old and 1 year old. I was in a very fragile state. It’s almost like I’m obsessed with him being gone. When he died, it’s like he took part of me with him and I’m not the same person anymore. I’m lost and everyday I’m just living and carrying on with my daily routine of working and being a mom but I’m not happy and I know it’s because he’s gone and I feel an emptiness and I feel like I could’ve helped him more and I blame myself..

  7. 12,965 days on Earth. When I live another tomorrow, it will be 1 more than my oldest sister did, and the next day another one more, and so on.

    It’s a milestone of grieving that I wasn’t sure exactly what would mean but I knew I hated it and dreaded it and was so compelled to triangulate it to the day. God I’m glad it’s finally here and over, I feel freed from the shackles of this arbitrary time limit I had imposed upon myself (and her). Up to this point I’ve been tracing my sister’s trajectory and ending at this sort of dead end where there’s no longer a precedent for a day in her life that I could traverse. I used up the last of her 12,965 days.

    It took getting here with no plan to devise a plan. So now I get to take her on my own path. Each day starting with +1 (tomorrow) is my gift to her, showing her what comes next and celebrating new milestones with her. I don’t have to live anymore behind a depressing, expiring clock. Now each day is fresh. I’m her host, and I take the lead with pride.

    I’ll never forget the 5,042 days (13 years, 9 months and 19 days) I lived without Shawn and being her baby sister. That’s the same amount of days she lived without me before I was born, so we’re equal now. And now I’m ready to continue on.

  8. I lost my big brother 4 days after Christmas 12/29/19. We had so much hope for 2020 being the best year ever, little did I know he would never see it. He was my brother, my father. my best friend rolled into one. I am only here today because he always looked out for me and made sure we stayed together. We were moved from foster home to foster home to an orphanage and then adopted. I was 81/2 and he was10. They tried to separate us, but at age 6 he asked for an attorney and fought to keep us together. He was the closest person to me and I am beyond devastated. We survived a lot of things because we were together and now it’s just me, I can’t even process that. I always new everything would be ok as long as I had him. He came to my senior prom because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and didn’t want to go, he went with a friend of mine and we had a blast. He was in my wedding, god father to my children and I’m god mother to his. We were inseparable and now I have to live the rest of my life with out him. He was 46, I’m completely devastated and in shock. He was the strongest person I knew. Literally he carried a solid oak pool table up a hill by himself. I don’t know how to cope with this.

  9. Today makes it 18 days i lost my brother, Dec 31st 2019. A straight bullet hit him where he was eating at a hotel in my area… I feel lost without him,i feel like i cant carry on without him, we two were d only graduate of my family and now he is gone and i feel like am all alone… Everybody keeps telling me u need to be strong but they dont understand that i dont even understand what strong is,i have to put up a strong look when am with my mum because everybody is so concerned about her but they dont underatand how i feel, they dont know that am dying inside… I hide in my room to cry, to hold his cardigan to my nose to smell his scent, i listen to our voice call that was saved on my phone everyday and i even still message him on WhatsApp to see may be he can still respond… Seeing my brother in a pool of blood is something i cant get out of my head, i feel more pain even when people send their condolences, it is like the wound keeps opening … I still cant believe he is gone , nothing is making sense in my life right now and i dont even know how to hear from this

  10. I lost my older brother September 2019.
    To an accidental overdose. Mum and I were the ones that found him.
    He was 26 when he died.
    I’ve never spoken out about it really before but after reading all these stories, I know people are feeling what I’m feeling.
    He was only a year older than me. His birthday is.. I mean, was, tomorrow. He would of been 27.

    He left behind his two beautiful children, my niece and nephew. His daughter is old enough to know (6). His son will never remember him and that breaks my heart because Kyle (my brother) was the most happy go lucky guy you could ever know.

    Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days.
    I just miss my big brother ..

  11. My only sister who was 10 years older than me passed away on 12/19/19 she had a long cancer battle and spent nearly 60 days in the hospital. They removed a tumor that grew next to her sciatic nerve. She was finally released on 12/13 and things were looking promising. She was rushed by ambulance to the ER after a bad night and she woke up lethargic..sepsis had set in on the surgical wound from the 10/31 surgery. They started treatment and she was stable then suddenly her vitals changed and she passed that night. I spent many of the 60 days with her at the hospital as we never left her alone even 1 night. What we thought was our sacrifice to stay at the hospital was actually a gift. I cherish every minute I spent with her. We said beautiful things to eachother we laughed we extremely enjoyed each-others company. We once laughed thru several hours of chemo infusion..and thought wow how can anyone laugh thru chemo. I wanted to be her strength, to show her in every action that she mattered, she appreciated every action immensely, when in all actuality it was my honor… I don’t think we can ever not have some regrets..mine is I wish I could have stayed more days, it made her SO happy when I was there, the week she was released I brought my 86 year old mom and we stood 4 days sleeping on 1 cot for a total of 2 hours max the whole 4 days, I was exhausted and had to come home to San Diego & bring my mom home to rest too- we came home Friday and she was released Saturday. She was in Los Angeles & We did not see her until that Thursday when we got the call that she went to ER – I regret not staying that whole week – I miss her so so so much- we grew so close in the last 3 years after not speaking for over 5 years…we picked up like we never had stopped. I have to be strong for my 86 year old mom & my niece and 2 nephews but in all actuality Im falling apart- this grief consumes me, We used to text lots if pictures and GIFs and prayers we loved our Catholic faith together and now I don’t have anyone that can ever replace that relationship we shared, I feel so so lonely without her, she was my bestest bestest friend!

  12. This year will be 7 years and in 20 days I will turn the age my sister was when she passed. Everything about this puts me on edge….

  13. on June 19th 2009 I lost my twin brother to an overdose. He was Bipolar and been fighting with his girlfriend about their daughter and he was so upset about it I told him to just wait for us we’ll be there in tomorrow afternoon to pick him up he can come over then stay at my other brother’s house. The next day I got up and was cooking breakfast and getting things together wondering if my older brother had picked him up yet because he had asked him to pick him up earlier than the afternoon. I get a phone call from my Sister In law. Hes in the hospital in ICU please come to the hospital thats all she knew they hadnt go there yet well it was bad he was in the hospital in a coma for almost a week hospital declared him brain dead and no chance of every waking up we pulled the plug and we let him we were 23 years old when he died and flash forward 10 years later its a few days after Christmas. Friday the 27th getting things done my nightly routine and cleaning up because my bro and sis in law are coming over in 2 days for our little Christmas party we have together with my 3 kids every year I get a phone call from my children’s bus driver also my brother’s next door neighbor theres an ambulance at your brother’s house she says. I call over there and get noone the phone rings back and its my sis in law frantically telling me Chris (my brother’s name) has gone into Cardiac arrest thats his name and they aren’t getting him back theres no heartbeat by that time I had to give the phone to my husband and he tells me they are rushing him to the nearest hospital we take kids to his mothers and race over to the hospital. Hospital tries everything and they never get a decent heartbeat or anything from him at all they call it. My brother was doing the thing he did every night after eatting dinner play on his phone and felt like he couldn’t breathe minutes later hes unresponsive. I am just so upset so sad so angry so numb I miss him so much and I also feel like with him went the rest of my family. My twin brother and Chris were all I had now they are gone. I don’t know how to feel I am trying to be strong for my kids who miss their uncle so much and for my husband so he doesnt worry. Because to me Family is everything THEY were everything. its now a week from when all this happened and 5 days since his funeral Sunday was the hardest day of my life he was supposed to be over to play with my kids and pick on me and now that will never be nor will it be again. It’s hard to go through something this its a rollercoaster. I am so glad I have found a place where ppl can understand how I’m feeling. I am peace knowing they are together now theres that and I know they want me to be happy but right now I think its just gonna take some time.

  14. My older brother died. May 2019 not four months later my dad passed away. My brother was so loved by so many. I now have his friends needing my sympathy while i have zero energy for anyone or anything. Sad and grief have not come yet. angry and alone are my new normal. If i have one drink i have 10 or more so i now choose not to. Everything seems pointless

    • My baby sis died 12/17/19 by suicide. She was 54 and truly one of the kindest, gentlest, most understanding souls I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. She just moved back home after being gone for over 25 years. But we were mostly always close aside from some typical sibling rivalry. She’s been suffering her whole life from Bipolar Disease but kept it under check until these past few months. She not only had some obvious mental issues but has suffered also from physical pain. She was a brilliant teacher and artist and worked with special needs kids. Even though she was in pain much of her life she gave more of her self than anyone else I know. We tried to help her to help herself but she was just too lost. My heart is broken and honestly i can’t know how I will live without her. Ironically ….she’s been gone much of her adult life and only came back home to be with family for the past 1.5 years but her loss is unbearable. Any advice? I don’t know what to do

      • Today marks 30 years since the last time I spoke to or saw my brother. He committed suicide Jan 1, a week later, at 25vyears old. Grief is weird. It holds no boundaries or limitations, and it doesnt fit a set of parameters. It hit me out of the blue and I am sobbing. From someone who has lost a sibling, I am so very sorry for your loss. My way of coping is remembering the good, crying when I need to, and keeping his memories alive. There are no answers for us, just the breaking of our hearts. I do a suicide prevention walk in his honor. I tell my about him. And I live. I miss him every day. Life goes on without him, and I do my best to make him proud of me. Keep your chin up, and remember the good. It sounds cliche, but really does help. And don’t blame yourself for something you couldnt have helped. Hugs.

      • Christine, please go to and check out their resources, including support meetings for Survivors of Suicide Loss—a support group dedicated to those of us who have lost a loved one to suicide. My support group has been a safe place to talk about all things related to my loss to people who truly understand and also to support others in their grief journey. I lost my 51-year-old brother, Marty, to suicide on 8/21/18. He was my only sibling and his attempt to start over in a new place failed miserably, only heightening his sense of loneliness and increasing his depression. While many groups are hit or miss for sibling loss—many siblings are unaware of these resources, with many parents and adult children attending, just finding support for the survivors may well make a difference in helping you get through these early stages of grief. I’ve attended my group for just over a year now, and while I don’t make it every week, I’ve come to care very deeply about these friends.

        I have absorbed all of my brother’s life/death into my own life, and with the relocation of my only living parent, my mother, from across the country to 10 minutes away from my home, I now realize I need to put together a plan on setting boundaries with her for my own mental health.

        If you have access to a therapist, please contact one soon. I regret that I have not yet done that. Please, please, please take care of yourself and know that you matter—that you are much more than an administrator for your brother’s death (that’s how I frequently feel) and a caretaker to others. Suicide loss is so very different than other sibling losses, and you deserve to be heard by others who understand the trauma involved. My brother put my name and contact information on his body before he took his life, so he made certain that I would be the one to be contacted across the country by law enforcement, and that I would be the one forced to tell my 80 year old mom in person.

        My heart goes to you! Please be kind to yourself and try not to overextend yourself to your family. Feel free to say NO when you become overwhelmed. Telling my mom that some things will not get done is not what she wants to hear, but is critical to my mental health.

    • I feel your pain. My dad passed in August 2019, from a sudden heart attack, and my brother was found dead tonight at his home. Probably overdose/suicide. I am still processing my dad’s death……this is just too soon. I need to be strong for my mom but I feel numb and scared.

  15. My sister lost her battle with cancer September 6, 2019 as I was on my way driving across the country so I could tell her I loved her one last time. I am active duty military and lived 2500 miles from my sister. I was driving home prior to being deployed and when I got there she had passed away less than an hour. 2500 miles, less than 5 hours of sleep I tried so hard to be there when she left this world. My older sister, Amanda, was the only person in the world who I knew would always be there for me. I was home for a week before I had to leave the country for work, and part of me feels like I have put grieving on hold so to say. I don’t even know how to begin to try and heal.

    • My big brother passed away from cancer August 7th 2019. and it was horrifying to watch. I couldn’t believe it. I was pissed as fuck. I probably always will be. He was this huge strong powerful generous human being funny as hell kinder than most. And cancer shrunk him into nothingness. tried to steal is happiness which it did I swear it. But he went away with the same sense of humor. Which I thought it would fade. Which all of him did slowly and that is what scared me the most. Was how SLOW he passed away. He had 3 days max to live. Fought for a whole month longer. Actually came home on Hospice when I brought home my newborn son. It was all just sad. Cancer is a disaster. Its cruel. And scary.

    • My brother died of cystic fibrosis at 13 and I am 17. I was pissed. I am pissed. I will probably always be pissed. About how little time I got to spend with him. The very small amount of milestones I got with him. I feel especially pissed on special occasions and he is not here and never will be. It sucks.

    • My brother died of cystic fibrosis at 13 and I am 17. I was pissed. I am pissed. I will probably always be pissed. About how little time I got to spend with him. The very small amount of milestones I got with him. I feel especially pissed on special occasions and he is not here and never will be. It sucks.

  16. I lost my brother 2 months ago on September 29,2019 to Homicide. I have not been the same my heart hurts so bad I don’t want to face it! I keep telling myself everyday he’s in a better place but in reality I want him here with me. I need strength, understanding, justice. I pray for you all because I know the feeling you guys are going through

    • My brother was murdered on August 8th 2019 in Charleston SC. I don’t know why but your comment stood out to me. Probably because of the similarities in how we lost our brothers. I am going to check out the Facebook page now and hopefully connect with some resources and stuff. Thank you, Tracy Haman -Linton

    • My brother Tim was such a rad person! He was such a electric soul. He was born deaf, and the first couple of years of his life were really rough. Spent in doctors offices and surgery after surgery. But he got his hearing back only to almost die at 3 after he contracted an infection from a 3rd degree burn he sustained from being a curious kid. My Grandmother was boiling water on the stove and she looked away for a second and he yanked the handle. He recovered from that a strong vibrant most say hyperactive kid. He was smart, smarter than most people ever knew. We grew up pretty normal, until my Mom developed a drug habit after our parents divorced. So it was me and him basically taking care of each other and our 2 younger siblings. He was the man of the house. Then he was involved in a horrible crime and ended up doing 13 months in prison. He was protecting and helping his neighbors wife as she was being assaulted by some gang bangers from the neighborhood we lived in. He ended up shooting the guy unfortunately and killing him. I was with him thru that whole struggle, as he tried to deal with the fact that he took another humans life. He was very depressed for a few years. He met a a girl and they ended up moving to Charleston SC where she is from. They had a little girl, and he was just moving them into his place finally. The night they were moving into his apt, is when this happened. Some kids started harassing her and even physically assaulting her. My brother was inside and when he heard the yelling and screaming came outside to find one guy on top of her and her fighting to get him off. When he came outside some words were exchanged, and they fought. My brother handed him his ass and the fight was done. He told the guy go home get out of here. As they were walking towards his front door the guy pulled out a gun fired 5 shots as my brother jumped on top of her so she didn’t get hit by bullets. Only one got him, but it was the once in a lifetime shot. It entered his right rib cage not harming any ribs, went into his lung, hit his aorta and exited the left side exactly the way it went in. The only comfort I have is knowing that he wasn’t in pain for long. Neighbors performed CPR on him but it was too late. There is a video of it that was caught on someone’s ring camera on their porch. That’s the only thing that caught the guy that did it. Stupid ass kid ruined 2 families lives in a split second. Sucks for him tho because he is gonna be doing a life without parole sentence.
      It seemed as if my brother had just reached a point in his life where things were looking good, stable, and he had everything in line. Then bam. That’s what gets me. He was the strength I always needed if I fell apart. The Uncle that let my kids climb all over him playing and who took his nieces to the Father Daughter dance because my husband was deployed. He gave the boy a hard time that came to take my oldest to her prom, and he celebrated with my oldest when she bought her first house. He encouraged my youngest daughter to dance at Pow Wows because she is a Cupeno Indian and it was part of her heritage. He bought my sons their first puppy and took them to baseball games. He basically took care of us all. I don’t even know how to feel most days except extremely sad and mad, lost and horrified my sister in law had to go thru watching him die. Its rocked our family to the core. I am so glad I found this. I feel as if there are people that have and are going thru the same things I am.

  17. I lost my little sister in 2011 she was only 1 month old i made a promise to myself to protect her i feel and will always feel like an older sister I Always wonder what it would be like if she was alive i miss her so much my brothers and mom don’t talk about her much or ever but i understand that but i just wish i could see her hold her be able to hear her voice and hear her say i love you sis.

  18. There’s nothing about losing a sibling or losing a sibling that you helped raise. I was not his mother and yet a month before he died I was the one waking him up from my couch while handing him leftovers on his way to work driving the semi that he has parked in front of my house. He’s lived with me in every house I have ever been in. He was my little brother. Now he’s gone and will forever be 32. Not only did I lose him but it was to homicide. I don’t understand and there is nothing out there for a sister-mom that lost someone to murder. Is there? Because if there is I can’t find it.

    • I am so sorry for your loss. My brother was to homicide also. On Aug. 8 of this year. Its hard to find sibling loss support let alone the specific kind. I know frustrating it is to have someone else think its ok to choose when your best friend dies. As the oldest sister i too was the caregiver to all of my siblings. But he was the one I always did for. You can create one tho. I think that might be awesome actually.

  19. My little brother died on November 8, 2019. He was 21 years old for two hours. He wrecked his truck 5 miles from my house on his way to stay with me. He left a frat party at 2am in the morning after drinking all night. He wasn’t supposed to leave! But I guess he wanted to come to my house because we were leaving at 9 to go to our tennis tournament for the weekend. I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because I’ve made the same mistake so many times. He was my tennis partner, my cookout buddy, my best friend. I was the first person at the hospital. The lady at the ER wouldn’t tell me anything without our mom being there. I was just sitting there about to vomit, waiting to hear if my brother is okay or not. She finally told me the news that forever changed my life. My baby brother was in a wreck and didn’t survive. I can’t even describe what that felt like. It was like getting shot in the chest, I fell to the floor crying so hard I was losing consciousness. I hid in the corner when they told me that my mom and dad made it there. I couldn’t let her see my face. Ill never forget her screams echoing down the hallway. It took me only a few minutes to get the courage to go and face an instant fear, which was seeing my mom in agonizing pain. My dad adopted me and my little brother, I felt so bad for him. My brother was his only “blood” child. My dad did everything for him, all the ballgames (multiple sports) making sure the uniforms are spotless, ironing his clothes, making sure everything is together. My dad is lost, my mom is fighting to keep her sanity. I’m reliving that night every time I go and leave from work. He flipped his truck head over head in the middle of the highway. He was ejected from the vehicle and was thrown about 40 yards and landed in the turning lane beside the median. The blood stain finally washed away but the orange spray paint is still there. There is also a large set up skid marks from the 18 wheeler that found him. I miss him so much. Its unexplainable, I hope It gets better soon. We were so close and he was so young. He was so freaking excited about his 21st birthday weekend and us playing in the big tournament together. I was excited too. I have just recently been able to shake the images of his body on the table. When I made it to my mom, we cried and cried for about 15 minutes then they let us go see him. This is my first run in with death and it is an absolute nightmare. I lost my brother to a tragedy. I hope that I can regain confidence in my faith. I have to if I ever want to see him again.

    • Chris, I can’t even begin to share your trauma. I am so, so sorry for the incredible tragedy your family is experiencing. Words can’t offer enough comfort. Be gentle with yourself and feel whatever you’re going to feel. When I lost my sister, I felt like I needed to be “strong” for my parents and it delayed my grieving. That became complicated later. I’m so glad to see you posting here and reaching out to others. Please know that you have my complete empathy and support. Here if you need a friend.

    • Chris, My sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your brother. I am finding myself on this website as I just lost my younger brother unexpectedly on Friday, 11/29/2019 and looking for some kind of answer. Doubtful there will ever be one. The complete shock and utter denial is over taking us all. I have no words of advise as I just dont have any that I can follow for myself. The best I can say is keep reaching out, post/chat about how you are feeling as we are all here to support one another and try to take it one step at a time. I hope you may find some comfort and peace eventually and know that your brother is with you in spirit and watching over you. Im very sorry for your loss.

    • Chris, as you know there are no words to express how deeply sorry I am for your pain. I lost my brother on July 16, 2016, from him dying in his sleep. Still, to this day, I seek out articles, people, words, poems, books, anything to make sense of the agony I feel every day. I think it helps. But, grief is not structured. It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s specific as well as universal. And, just know what you feel at any moment, at any time of the day is valid and real. Anything I say will never soften the pain but one thing I will say that I wished someone said to me after my brother died: it’s gonna hurt very badly until it only hurts a little.

      And, you will see him again. What gives me some type of comfort on days like these where I seek out refugee to the pain, I think about time and how it must work between the earthy and spiritual plane. How so many years may past for me for before I see him again but for him, it may just be a blink of an eye.

  20. My brother died on January 1, 2018 after a week in the hospital. He overdosed. This shocked me so much, words can’t even explain how much my world shook. I didn’t know my brother to be involved in that and it was horrifying knowing that I didn’t even know to help him. On Christmas Eve, me and my sisters got a call from a cousin stating that he was in the hospital and everybody was headed there. At first, I thought he had a little accident, nothing too big, but I got there and the air was unwelcoming, faces were dropped, the vibe was unexplainably sad. I think about him a lot. I have had nights where I cry intensely because I feel so guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t able to save him. He was only 25. He had his whole life ahead of him. Now, I feel as if its my duty to keep my brother’s memory alive for as long as I am. I miss him so much. I wish I could tell him I love him one last time, but life doesn’t work that way. It waits for no one. I hope to see him again someday. In everything I do, he’s there. In the back of my mind, inhabiting my heart. If he was suffering, at least I know that he isn’t anymore.

    • Hi Lizbeth, I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away by overdose Dec 21 2018, aged 38, and it too has crushed my world. Life has changed but I try to stay strong for my family and my children, but it is hard some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love xxx

    • Oh, Lizbeth….I am so sorry. There is just so much pain and grief with the loss of a sibling. I lost my only sibling, my older sister Jennifer, to Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2015. She was a priest and the best of us. I struggle daily with filling a role that I’m not prepared for as an only child. There is so much that sneaks up on us. Hugs to you.

    • I lost my brother at exactly 29 and a half years of age back in May. I had no idea he was abusing alcohol to such an extreme degree that he managed to destroy all of his internal organs before even turning 30. I feel like he died doing a job he hated and having checked very little off his bucket list. I know his fiance will move on and the child he helped raise will know someone else as “Dad”. It is positively excruciating to see him vanish from the world like this.

      • Marie, I am so unbelievably sorry —

        I apologize if my response comes out muddled — I still feel in zombie-mode or something . . . Communication is not my strong suit at the moment, but I connected so deeply with your comment that I felt it necessary to reply.

        I share your pain of losing a brother to alcohol.
        Jeffrey died September 10th 2019 — ultimately from an incredibly rare medical perfect-storm (DIC), but it was kicked off by alcohol abuse and essentially resulted in multiple organ failure. He was 31.

        Jeff didn’t love his job but he loved his coworkers —
        He had the biggest heart, loved animals, was an impressive chef and a terrific gardener…
        Heartbreakingly, he was also an amazing uncle and would’ve been an amazing Dad.

        My brother was my best friend, my confidant, my other half… We were two peas in a pod in the best and worst ways, and the statement you made about your brother vanishing from this world being excruciating …. Yes. Just, yes.

        Sitting next to his hospital bed, begging him to hang on while he lay in a coma (went into the hospital on Monday night, died Tuesday) . . . Those two days will probably always be the very worst days of my entire life.

        I have no idea when this fog will lift, but somehow the world feels a speck less lonely having found other people out there in the world, who truly know the indescribable hell I am doing my absolutely best to survive in.

        I’m so sorry for your loss and for your pain, Marie — I bet your brother was a rockstar.

  21. Holidays are the hardest. I never talk about my brother (which probably makes things worse). Just typing that made me emotional to the point I walked away for a minute. My brother passed away 10 years ago and I don’t think things have gotten easier. Whoever says “time heals all wounds” is definitely lying – or they have never lost someone close to them. If anything it makes it more real that you won’t spend another holiday with that person.

    Growing up it was just the four of us – my mom, dad, myself and Chris. We did everything together and Chris and I were very close. He had lymphoma and passed away May, 2009 and I have never been the same. He was 25. I try so hard to keep it together for my folks but behind closed doors I am just broken. I just miss him so incredibly much.

    I hope everyone can find some type of peace through your personal grieving journey and can replay many happy memories throughout this holiday season. I guess it is nice to know we are not alone.

  22. I lost my sister on 23rd July 2019, whom I loved the most. She was just 30 when she died, I love her to the core, I don’t know with whom I can share this, iam so alone now, I used to talk to her in mobile daily for more than 5 times. Now my phone is not at all ringing. I miss u ra chinnu. Life is empty without u. No one can fill ur place. Not even my children.
    How can I talk to u now? Iam so alone …

    • Srujana, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know who you are or your story, but in losing my sister I know I lost my everything. You are not alone – wherever you are in this world, I’m thinking about you.

    • I can relate so well, lost my beloved sister almost five years ago, in Nov. We spoke on the phone at least four times a day. Her sudden loss, just put me in deep depression, then less than three months later, my aunt died and the worst was, nine members of my fathers family had died following my sister. We had horrible year following my sisters passing. My only comfort is, right before my mother passed away, she said she saw my sister standing next to me. That would be so typical of my sister, to be there for us. She was so sweet and loved all of us with her pure heart. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. She was my best friend and was the only one that actually got my jokes. She is in heaven with her husband that passed away three years prior. She was only 56, three years older than myself. I keep going because that is what she would have wanted. She was the pure one. Miss her always

  23. My brother Joe died October 2019. It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. He would go to the gym, go jogging, plus he was in the reserves. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I miss him so much. I come from a christian family. I have been away from the church for so long. I got in trouble with the law December 20 2018 and came back to the church December 22, 2018. The last time I went to church with my brother was over 30 years ago. Now that I go to church every weekend, I go to church Saturday afternoons because Sunday mornings I help my mom prepare dinner. My brother Joe, who went to church every week, would go Sunday mornings. One Saturday, it was sometime this past summer, I was in Church and it was about 10 minutes before start time. I was sitting there waiting for mass to start and here walks in my brother Joe and he sat right next to me. That made me feel so good. The last time we were at Church together I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. I am so happy I got to experience that before he died. I miss him so much. We miss you Joe and we love you. Thank you for everything.

  24. My beautiful brother died 28th October, 2019 aged 33 years. No-one in the family could ever understand the bond we had. He told me when he was going through depression 10 years ago and I doubt he told anyone else but he got through it. Or I thought he did. He cared for our father before he passed away in 2017. He hadn’t been in a good place since and me, thinking I know him so well, told myself he just needs time and as I wasn’t there to see my father towards the end, have to just let him take as much time as he needs. I thought it was enough to just chat about this and that, but I never thought to really ask how he was. How his health was. If he needed to talk about anything that went on. He told me 2 months ago that he had lost a lot of weight and I so carelessly cut him off and laughed about how I had put on weight. I feel so stupid for naively thinking that I was doing enough to make him feel better. I have felt guilty since my father’s passing that I wasn’t there to help my brother. I felt I had no place in trying to change how my brother decided to cope afterwards. Now I feel guilty that perhaps my brother had to some extent gotten over dad, but then felt quite abandoned by me. Others probably thought we weren’t particularly close. I didn’t return my mother’s calls for a day, not thinking there was an emergency, so found out the day after his death. Seeing how he had been living up to his death broke my heart. He did not deserve to have a life like that. He told me he was thinking of an exciting career change. I thought he was making his way out of this dark chapter. Why was I so useless? He meant the world to me. I’m likely the only person he told certain things to and I did nothing. His dreams, feelings everything has died with me. I couldn’t bear to take anything just yet from his room and now I hear it’s been cleaned out and his clothes donated. I hope to have anything at all. I would cherish anything of his for the rest of my life. Thinking time will heal all wounds I had spent the last two years looking forward to a time where he has found his feet and we’d talk and laugh like when we were young, us two misfits trying to make our way in the world. Looking forward to Christmas together after being overseas for the last two. Waiting to be there for him when he was ready to get on with his life. But I ran out of time, he ran out of time. I had chances to jump in but kept letting time go by. Thinking he was ok. I have my own family but I feel so alone in the world now. I miss you so much and my life feels so empty. Every morning I wake up thinking about you and if it was just a dream that you’re gone. Then reality hits. I can’t bear not having you here. I can’t breathe, can’t fight back tears. My heart aches. I love you so, so much. I’ll never forgive myself for not truly being there for you and leaving you all on your own. I’m so sorry.

  25. Get PSC Result 2019

  26. In June 2013 there was 4 of us but now there is just me. I lost my oldest brother in 2013, he was 58. he died of a duodenal ulcer. He didn’t look after himself and had been on a bender. His boss came to check on him and he had died alone with no credit or charge on his phone. Less than 2 years later my younger brother was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (Malignant brain tumour), he died an awful drawn out death in August 2016 aged 54 (15 months after diagnosis). IN August 2017 whilst I was travelling in Cambodia (trying to make some sense of losing my brothers) I received a call to say my younger sister had died very unexpectedly too. She was 50. My parents had to watch 3 children die and then my mum joined them in May 2018. Now there is just me and my father. I don’t know how he gets up each morning but he does. I feel grief but very silently, I try and make excuses because people older than me lose siblings and they have to just get on with it….or do they, it just happened to me 20-30 too soon. I am so shocked, if I hear the name Michael, Timothy or Wendy at work my heart lurches. It still all seems so absurd. I now feel very hemmed in, trapped even as there is only me and my father and I have to care, with two young men still at home, its another to watch out for. I sound selfish but sometimes I am drowning.

    • I’m so sorry for your losses and how much you are handling in such a short period of time. I agree that it seems absurd to have so much loss at once. You and your father are in my thoughts. My sister died 3 months ago in an accident, just 6 weeks after my mother had a stroke and was put on hospice care. I still can’t quite believe that I am dealing with two losses at once and that my sister died in the wrong order, just when I needed her most to help care for our mother. I am going to a grief group, and that has helped me a little. Also I am going to a counselor because I am so irritable and keep lashing out at people. This must be the “anger” stage. I’m trying to do things to feel more positive, for example I decorated a small cardboard box and each day write something I am grateful for on a slip of paper and put it in the box. I have become closer to my brother-in-law and my niece trying to support them. It doesn’t completely balance out the losses but it does help to keep me from spiraling downward during this time of multiple loss. My sister was 5 years older than me and someone I looked up to very much. She was very smart and successful and a very good person. The suddenness of her passing has made the world seem like a much more dangerous random place than it was before. Life seems so fragile. Siblings aren’t supposed to die before parents, anyhow that’s what I used to think, but now life seems so random. I’m trying to get to the place where I cherish each day as a gift, but right now the goal is to just get through the day.

    • Hello Amanda, I am so very sorry for your colossal loss and it is obvious to me that you are suffering cumulative grief. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT ALONE in your grief. I too have lost family members and in a SHORT SPACE OF TIME. My dear sweet beloved father started the ball rolling when he died mid November 2016. Eight weeks later, my youngest sister died and that was SHOCKINGLY UNEXPECTED. My youngest sister was MY BEST FRIEND. Twelve weeks following my youngest sister, my mother died. Just under two years later, my middle sister died. There is ONLY ME LEFT and I am struggling to cope on a daily basis. Since that time, I take each day as it comes, I live for the moment and do not look into the future. I deal with my emotions at the time and that is all I can do. I am not the same person I used to be and the death of my family has destroyed my life. I am a shell of what I used to be. I wish you all the BEST and you and your father should STICK TOGETHER and support each other. I have nobody and have been like this now for 4 years this November 19th.

  27. I lost my only sister when I was 10 years old 4 years ago. She was 26 and she lived in a different state. It’s the hardest thing I have to deal with to this day it seems like the grief just gets worse instead of better. My mom thinks I’m not affected by the loss because I show no signs of grief but when it’s just me I can’t stop crying actually. My mom always compares me to my sister in the way that were totally different and I’m harder to raise kind of way which really makes me sad and a little triggered. I would do anything to see her one more time and I often find myself looking up at the sky trying to talk to her as if she’s gonna respond if she even hears me. I’m not sure if it’s just me that does this or what. And ever since the loss my mom is totally different which is expected but we always fight and I can’t help but think that if my sister was still here she could give me advice because I have no one else I feel I can talk to about it.

    • Hi Ava, I lost my brother when I was 10 also, and he was 25. He was my best friend. For a while I felt completely lost, my parents were so grief stricken I didn’t even know what to do to help so I stayed out of the road. We never ever talked about it. it wasn’t until I was in my 20s his name was mentioned more. It’s important to do something for your sister, like plant a special plant outside, like a pretty rose bush in her favorite color, or create a little collage for your room, or for your mom, something both of you can see and remember her by. It’s important to remember them but also to know that eventually the grief will pass, you’ll still remember her and life goes on. I am 60 now, my brother is long gone, but I always think of him, in a way that I remember funny things or just how kind he was as a person. You can talk to your mom, but she is hurting too still, so remember that, but I would do that. Grow up to be a kind and loving person and honor your sister by that. She would be proud of you for that.

      • Thank you Ms. Ellen for reaching out and giving me advice. It is very nice to have someone that I can relate to, and thank you for sharing your story I’m going to try some of the things you said.

  28. I lost my older sister 2016 and 2018 lost my baby sister. I was always one of three and now it’s just me. I have brothers it’s not the same. In between my dad passed away too. Life will never be the same, my family will never be the same. It feels like I live my life waiting for my turn to die. And why did they get to and not me.

  29. My sister died 39 years ago. She was killed in an accident when we were playing…I still have the horrific images in my mind. She was my only sibling. My parents split up and seemed to forget that one of us survived. No one talked with me about my sister or the accident – it was tough at 7 years old to try to deal with grief alone while everyone seemed to pretend nothing had happened, and I ended up just not dealing with it at all. I thought my parents blamed me for her death, and in my 7 year-old mind I figured that’s why they never talked to me about it. Perhaps this was because I blamed myself. After she died, I began to get excruciating migraine headaches, and only recently have they abated as I have faced the grief which I could not handle alone as a child.

    As the article mentions, I became the one who had to take care of everyone…no surprise that I became a physician. Mastering medicine also helped me fight that horrendous feeling of helplessness as I stood there watching her die, unable to do anything (even though I know now there was nothing I could have done). I became protective of my parents, I could see the raw pain and wanted to do what I could to keep from upsetting them, so I didn’t bring anything up about my sister. I also struggled to relate to kids my own age because what they saw as important, I saw as trivial.

    As I grew up, I kept my distance from everyone, just waiting for the next person to drop dead. As a kid I decided the only way to keep my heart and my life from being destroyed again was to not get close to anyone. And when my parents got back together and had another child a couple years after my sister died, I kept my distance from my new sister, assuming that she would likely die also, and I was going to be ready this time around. I went through life like this with a wall around my heart, unable to form deep, rewarding relationships. School and work became a great distraction from all the stuff I didn’t want to deal with. And I put so much pressure on myself — I felt like I had to live for the both of us since she didn’t get the chance to grow up.

    It has taken years of work to get to the point where I can even try to have close relationships, and it is still a constant challenge. But at least it is a possibility now. When the question of how will the death of a sibling affect a child later in life is brought up, I can answer that one. It all comes down to the quality of the child’s support network. Unfortunately, as this article discusses, the grief of the surviving sibling is often overlooked. But that’s not all – the surviving sibling can become completely forgotten as parents deal with their own grief.

  30. My older and only sister passed away on October 1, 2019 aged 53.

    She lived what I thought was a reckless life of chain smoking, nightly drinking, and starting a family with a womaniser. Her death was caused by a combination of factors: diabetes, anorexia, depression caused by menopause and empty-nest syndrome, financial hardship, spouse betrayals, and a weakened immune system caused by tobacco and nighty drinking.

    During all of our adult lives I criticised her life choices harshly and now I am overwhelmed by guilt for not helping her more to straighten her life rather than subtly pointing out her shortcomings. This guilt is increased by seeing how our lives unraveled so differently: I did well in most aspects of my life and therefore I live a comfortable life; she only did well at raising two beautiful children and providing for them even if that meant that she was neglecting her physical and mental health. Cherries on top: she always acted tough so nobody knew how gravely ill she was and since we live in different countries was on my way to see her after I got news that she passed, it took me one whole day to arrive to pay my last respects.

    The article is spot on, opportune, and exceedingly helpful.

    I wish I could tell her that I love her deeply; that had I know how serious her conditions were, I would have done ANYTHING to help; that I should have never judged her; and that as different as we are, she leaves a profound void in my heart and life. I have come to terms with my pain and guilt by accepting them as atonement for my inconsiderate and idiotic behaviour.

  31. My older brother (Andrew, 29 years old) suddenly passed away on October 20th, 2018. The upcoming anniversary is causing me so much anxiety. It feels scary to think about the day being here. It feels like a day ago and also ten years ago that I got the phone call he passed away. Grief is such a strange and confusing cycle.

  32. I just lost my brother suddenly on Monday. I knew when I saw the caller ID this was going to be very bad news…and it was. I screamed NO! Please God no. But he is gone and I feel so alone and so scared and so angry. It was very sudden. He died in his sleep. He looked peaceful. One day we are here walking upright and the next we are gone. Boom. Lights out. I am so depressed. One week off from work is not enough. Thanks for listening.

  33. Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with us being the forgotten grievers. My little sister died 8-24-19 and tomorrow would be her 47th birthday. I am 5 years older. We had a bad childhood with numerous stepfathers (nine) and instability, leaving us as the two against the world. I was her protector when I could be. When she was 16, she was sent to live with me. I put her in school and finished raising her so it was like I was her mom, too.
    On August 22, my mother called me saying she had just left in the ambulance on life support. I drove the 90 miles in 45 minutes and never left her side for 3 days.
    I drove home empty.
    Since then, the support has been to her husband of 25 years and our mother, who I blame. But I was with her for 46 years. We knew EVERYTHING about each other. We grew up just the two of us alone. And at the end, it was the two of us alone until I went and got her husband.
    I did holidays with his family because she always invited me. Now I don’t know what will happen. I feel this overwhelming need to step into her shoes and help with her 4 boys, but I can’t. I can’t even go to her house. It’s too hard.
    But yes, sibling grief is never thought of. It’s like losing a child to me. The loss of the past and future memories is so hard. Thank you for this article.

  34. One of my older brothers passed away due to a homicide on May 8th, 2016, it was a Mother’s Day. One of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through and I’ve lived through some stuff. He was 25 years old. I really appreciate this post because I live through the overshadow of grief as a sibling and the responsibility of our family (his daughters and my parents). Being a support system to his daughters has been a challenge especially trying to maintain myself during my grief as well as their own, protecting them, teaching them about life, and trying to prove myself to them that I’m here to stay as long as I am alive and that I will always be there for them. My parents grief has been a big responsibility as well, being their shoulder to cry on while they continuously grief for my brother who passed. I will say financially too. My brother lives on through us and often times I wish I would’ve said more I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I’ll always be here for you. It’s been 3 years and although I’ll say it’s gotten easier, that little empty hole in my heart remains.

  35. I lost my little brother Casey Gene Bone on July 11, 2010. i feel like i should have done something to save him. I mean i dreamed the night before that he would drown in the exact way that he did. i have hated myself ever since.

  36. On September 13th, 1989, 30 years ago today, I lost my youngest Sister of 29 who had an unknown heart murmur. She has spent 30 years in Earth time in her eternal home with God. She knows all of the secrets of passing on. She speaks to me through the beauty of purple flowers which are her favorite.

    I keep her alive in my heart by the beautiful memories I keep of her. She brings me peace and comfort in a way only she can bring and time cannot erase.

    “What we keep in memory is ours unchanged forever”.

  37. I lost my 37 year old sister to bowel cancer in mid July 2019, she had only turned 37 four days prior to her passing. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed but I think only now is the realisation that she isn’t here anymore is beginning to take hold. I honestly don’t know how I feel, numb, sick to my stomach, angry and down right sad. But most of all I miss the daily contact, the numerous text messages or phone calls I had every day, I will cherish those memories in time but for now I feel like I’m drowning in silence.

    I have deep regrets about not seeing her when she was in the hospital, she was never expected to pass away and she didn’t want anyone fussing over her. Now I am eaten up by the guilt that I allowed her to keep me away from her bedside. Moreover, the day she died I got a phone call to say she was gravely ill and to get to the hospital and despite the mad rush to get there, I never made it in time. I never got to say goodbye, and I think that haunting fact will consume me for the rest of my life. I just hope to God that she knew how much I loved her and how much she is now missed. I don’t think I will ever get over it

    • I lost my sister to suicide last year, she was only 3 years older than me, 27. She had a very hard life with both physical and mental hurdles (uncontrollable physical deficiencies, compounded traumatic experiences and drugs) . I was in absolute shock when I got the news (I was sheltered from most of her hardships). I was numb, with intense crying at night. However, a week later after the burial I felt “normal” again, and decided it was time to move on. The crying stopped, I felt at peace (or so I thought).

      Fast forward a year later and I’ve become so work and school-obsessed that I no longer know how to relax. The stress and anxiety builds and I begin to have panic attacks, followed depressive episodes and near-constant anxiety and fear.

      It was only a few weeks after my first panic attack did I realize I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I began seeing a therapist, who made the very obvious observation: “You don’t get over grief, you get through it.” I realized, I was still numb and was holding on to that numbness, afraid of the emotions I might encounter by allowing myself to grieve. Eventually, my mind and body had had enough, and threw it all back at me in the form of panic, disconnectedness, fear and a complete lack of motivation. To force myself to grieve, I opened up my text messages to my sister, and was hit by a wave of emotions so hard I could barely breathe. I realized all of the anxiety was festering; although I thought my grief was gone, it had been waiting for me all this time. My shelteredness made my mind build these monstrous scenarios, that if she couldn’t handle her issues I couldn’t handle mine.

      I was terrified of going crazy, thinking I’d be next. When in fact, I realized I’d never truly suffered. I never experienced true depression, the type of depression where every little thing seems meaningless. Or true anxiety, where a what-if scenario is capable of making me dizzy, lightheaded and looking for the nearest exit.

      Thankfully, forcing myself to grieve instantly alleviated many of the symptoms. With time it became less constant, coming in waves instead of feeling like an ocean of preoccupation and fear. I learned what my triggers are. But mainly, grief literature, changing my approach to sleep (a proper schedule and routine), meditation and getting closer to my father and learning about his spirituality alleviated the symptoms enough for me to grieve in controlled bursts. Sure, sometimes a thought will come up that brings me to tears when at the gym, or a song comes up from my period of numbness that eradicates my stomach. But feeling like I’m “normal” in that there is a way through, and feeling like I’m more in touch with my emotions than ever has helped tremendously. My sister was the person i loved the most in the world. I still love her dearly, however dealing with the subsequent fear her death caused has made it a complicated relationship.

      My main takeaway has been this: for every weird and scary feeling, there is a source of pain. Running from it, fighting it or numbing it does not address it. Letting it in, as scary as the feeling is, and trying my best to observe it without being afraid, allows it to pass so much quicker, and on the other side I always feel so much better than if I’d fought it or numbed it.

      I hope this helps anyone who suddenly feels like they’re “broken” and have no idea why. Allow yourself to feel the good and the bad, you will come out of each moment glad you did.

    • I lost my younger brother who was 31 last summer. I’m still grieving him. I’d always miss him. Some days I feel at peace but some days I feel angry, sad and hopeless and that’s my anxiety kills me. I’ve been on and off. I’ve learned to accept that. I just feel lien id never be whole again. He took a huge part of me with him.

  38. I lost My 1st Oldest Brother Gregory on July 6,2019
    He was only 28, he died a week after his birthday
    June 29, my heart immediately fell after I actually witnessed the people taking my dead brother out the building in a body bag out my mother apartment. I will never I mean never ever forget that moment my my mother had called me from work crying couldn’t barely talk saying “Gregory”….. I replied “Gregory what????”
    From that moment it was really bad cuz from my mother voice it’s a hearing you never wanna imagine especially seeing your 1st born son lying in the bed unresponsive with white foam coming out the mouth ..I ain’t wanted to see the pictures after the medical examiner took pictures of him checking him out how he lying down on his back & stuff ..seizures doesn’t in my family so I’m not saying it’s not a possibility we’ll never know until the actual blood test & other deep testing for examination coming back in September… until this very moment I still think about my 1st oldest brother I just saw him not long ago ..the thought of him not living as a human being crushed my hole world I wanted to share & talk so much more with my brother it just didn’t feel right at all.. I never also forget I keep calling my mother phone the day he died cuz I felt something wasn’t right ..she ignored it coupled times after I called numerously & sent 911 there as if I knew somebody died there ..911 called me back saying “YOUR MOTHER SAID LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE DOESNT WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SHE HAS A ORDER PROTECTION AGAINST YOU ANYWAY & HOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLING & TEXTING HER IN THE BEGINNING “ after they told me that I was sad not only I can’t & couldn’t know what else was going on in there that I July 6 my mother called me After I got off the phone with what she told 911 to tell me … she called me & that’s when she was crying about my brother being dead …I just feel regret in my heart everyday I live a day on this earth . My 1st oldest brother had a heart of gold he did everything a parent could ask for in a son …that was him . I really miss him I really do I don’t know how else life would be knowing he’s in the after life but one thing I have to understand is we’re all gonna die one day our bodies have a expiration date weather it’s from an accident or not anything can happen & go wrong .

    • I lost my brother on July 6th as well. I can’t talk about it yet. He was 41. My heart goes out to you. We loved him beyond words.

    • I lost my brother suddenly on July 6th as well. It was my worst nightmare losing a close family member, especially my only brother. What was supposed to be a fun summer day with friends ended tragic very quickly. I keep replaying the phone call I received notifying me of his death over and over again. Sometimes I simply cannot belief he is gone forever. He was just here. How quickly life can change. I loved him dearly and miss everything about him. I see his face and smile and just keep wishing he was here. I sympathize with everyone that has lost their sibling. Reading your messages has brought comfort knowing that there are others struggling as much as I am with my loss.

  39. Well… I’ll tell ya one thing. Losing my sister has lead me to do and say some crazy stuff.. which lead me to this. I am so happy It did. Despite how sad and heartbreaking everyones stories were to read, they did help me. On May 15, 2019 I lost my older sister Shay in a car accident. It’s been a little over 3 months and I’m as numb as I was the day I got that horrible call. She had gone out to meet up with friends and have drinks. She never came home. We dont know if she was avoiding a deer or if she fell asleep. She just went off the road and plowed through a cedar tree. Around 5am I had gotten the call from our mom, shay had been in a car accident and was on life support. I rushed to get her smaller kids who were at home asleep alone, and I swear I wasnt breathing the entire ride there and to the hospital. She was on life support for 12 hours and then she was gone. I was so heartbroken and mad. Mad at her , mad at myself. Mad at her childrens fathers who left her with such a huge responsibility alone. I wanted someone to blame, and sadly I still do. Alot of days myself. There is 3 of us. 3 sisters. We have all three been thick as thieves. My younger sister being 28, myself 32, and Shay being 33. My sisters are my best friends. We worked together, we raise all our kids together, we live down the street from each other. We do EVERYTHING together. Losing part of our trio has been shattering. I know I will never be the same. To see our little sisters hurt and let’s not even talk about the look i see on my parents face it kills me. I worry constantly about my daughter who cries every night bc she misses her aunt. Or all my nieces and nephews who cry over their aunt who was a huge part of all their lives. My sister Shay left behind 4 kids ranging 6-13 ..between my depression stress worrying about my family and all the kids and trying to prepare for my big wedding day without my sister/my best friend this upcoming weekend, I feel like I haven’t even been able to start grieving. Thank you all so much for your stories. Let’s all keep one another in our prayers❤

  40. I lost my sister on June 24th, 2019. She was only 51 years old. She had diabetes. She was sick for a very long time. She had her toes amputated two years prior. Her kidney function was failing and they put her on dialysis. Her heart was weakening also, so she was given 6 months to live back in March of 2019. My sister began to have fluid overload and refused the dialysis. For weeks on end I kept bugging her to go to the hospital to get that fluid off of her. She could barely walk, and she was so short of breath. Her legs felt like they were as hard as concrete. I kept getting in her for weeks on end begging her to go to the hospital. Finally she was in so much pain, she agreed to go. By the time she got to hospital, she was disoriented and confused. She was in so much pain she couldn’t take it anymore. Finally convinced her to do dialysis….. They had to put a new port in her and she could have her session of dialysis begin again. They finally got her through the dialysis, she complained of pain that evening. She was confused and disoriented again. It was like she was fine one minute and confused the next. That same night we got a call from her daughter that the hospital called and said her heart stopped beating 20 min ago. We ran up to the hospital and of course she was gone. I never felt so guilt in my life. I bugged her to death to go to hospital and get back on dialysis. She finally agrees and after her session she does that night. She had a heart attack and complete kidney failure. She was just too far gone not doing dialysis like she should have. She told us that she never wanted to do dialysis again…. that her quality of life was terrible. I was trying to keep her from dying….. but… I think she was just tired and worn out and couldn’t fight anymore. I have 3 other sisters. They are dealing with this in their own way I guess….. I feel a lone at times. It’s like people don’t know what to say when you do talk about it…… I don’t know…. I’m heart broken, I can’t get her face out of my head when I saw her laying in her hospital bed after she died. I close my eyes and I still see her face….. will that vision ever go away? Its been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through.

    We had a celebration of life for her…. her granddaughter asked if she could hold my hand—- she said my hands reminded her of her nanas hands………..She left behind three daughters and 5 beautiful grandkids. My heart breaks for them all.

    • . I’m so sorry for your loss, Darlene. My eldest sister died today. She stopped dialysis last week. I live an ocean away from my whole family.
      My husband has Aspergers so he doesn’t do well with sympathy. He just leaves me in my own.
      I feel isolated, numb, but in physical pain at the same time.
      So here I am, on the Internet in the middle of the night, reading your story, and everyone else’s, and weeping .
      If nothing else, it let’s me know that there are people out there who empathise.
      Thank you.

  41. I lost my little brother March 16th 2019 at the age of 26 to a car accident. There were no other cars involved.. he got lost out in the middle of no where on a very dark road and lost control of his car . He hit 5 Orange trees before being ejected out of the car and was almost be headed after being thrown into a tree head first. I live in Atlanta Ga… so I got that call at 3:00am .. the worst day of my life. I’m the oldest out of five I raised him from a I lost a brother but a son. My life will never be the same.. I cry and feel so alone . I planned his service.. picked out his clothes.. and signed his death certificate. The hardest thing I ever had to do . I look at life differently now. He left two beautiful daughters behind.. it break my heart that they asking for him … asking their mom to wake their daddy up. Those girls was his world.. now I have to make sure they’re taking care of like he took care of them. I’ve always been the strong one… I’m learning that it’s ok.. to NOT be ok. 💔 R.I.P. Brother/My Baby 🌻 🙏🏾

  42. August 1st, 2019 I lost “My Person”, my big sister Michele. Only information I can get was that it was a motorcycle accident with no other vehicles involved. I live a few states away from “home” so it has been hard to get any details about her accident. Unbelievably heartbroken. She was my everything. My Mom, Dad, big sister, best friend, mentor, all wrapped in one amazing woman. My world crumbled after receving the news. Like I have read in a few of the previous posts no one seems to be concerned how the sibling is doing. Not that I need or want a million people calling me or at my door step but I feel as if I was forgotten or my feelings/grief don’t matter. Our parents weren’t really available growing up and left me in the care of my sister even when I was an infant and she was only seven while they went out doing whatever it was they did so all we had were each other from day one. So, I truely don’t know how to go on with her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Even smells send me into an emotional mess. I found a voicemail I had saved that I listen to over and over almost torturing myself. She was only 42 years old she had so much life left to live. So angry. Never have felt pain this deep in my life. “They” whoever “they” are says there are seven levels of grief and i swear ive been through them all seven of them a hundred times or more in the seventeen days I’ved lived on this earth without “My Person.” I dont’ know how to get pass this pain. Although, after reading everyone’s heartbreaking stories of loosing their siblings has opened my minds eye to the fact that I am not alone in my pain. I hope that by sharing my story that someone else can come to the same conclusion that I have. And that no matter where you are in your level of grief that its ok to feel those feelings and no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel or grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. We just have to remember not to get lost in our grief that our sister/brother would want us to heal. Thanks for taken the time to read my story. RIP “MY ANGELEYES!”

  43. I lost my kid brother on July 4th, 2019. It has not been an easy road without him. Everyday I think of him and think of ways I could have prevented his death. Some days, I just cry alone.

    It’s true that the death of a brother as an adult is often foreshadowed by people consoling the parents of the child. During my brother’s funeral, my dad insisted that he was the only one that speaks, neglecting the fact that my other brother and I wanted to speak as well.

    Sometimes, I picture myself and my brother as kids again and remember our fun childhood. The time I would give him rides from point A to point B when I got my license. He was too young to go. He was 33, and I’m 15 months his senior.

    I miss my little brother, words can’t describe how much I miss and love him. Sometimes when my phone rings I think it’s him. I don’t even know what to do in a world without my brother anymore. I’m no longer happy with him not around.

  44. My boyfriend of over 4 years just lost his older brother in March by suicide. I didn’t know him much but I still feel a lot of the pain. My boyfriend sometimes just has a very hard time and I try to help him but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says that I help him see a different perspective and then sometimes he says he just doesn’t want to talk or think about it. I tell him not to keep everything bottled up that he needs to talk about it now and then. I was thinking maybe he should he someone but I have no idea what to do or how to help him in the right way. I try to be there and talk with him when he needs it and he says it helps but I just feel so so bad and I don’t know what to do.

  45. I lost my brother July 1st, 2019 18 hours before his birthday. I wish I would have contacted him sooner. Whether to arrange a day to celebrate his birthday or just to see how he was doing. It would be nice to hear him one last time, but instead I never contacted him until the day of his birthday in which I sent him a simple birthday text. Only to find out 10 days later he was killed the day prior to my text. What bothers me so much is the fact that he never received the text…

  46. In one week it’ll be the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. I’m not sure how I will feel or how to feel, not that there’s any right way to feel. I have trouble taking about it with friends and family, I don’t know why. My brother was the most positive and appreciative of life and family. In his last voicemail to me which I still have, he used the word “appreciate 6 times.” I remember he was calling me back because I had wished him a happy birthday.
    I’ve been looking this past year for support groups or another way to connect with others who have gone through something similar. Like this article mentioned, there is not much to be found on that front, but I’m glad I found this page. So to get to what I’ve been avoiding thinking or taking about: My brother was the kindest, most persevering and most appreciative person that I know. Knew? He was always there for my sister and me with a smile and encouragement, he never brought too much attention to what he was going through. I’m the youngest in the family, at the time I was 30, my sister was 33 and my brother was 36. I wish I would have talked to him more about what he was going through. At age 14 he was diagnosed with diabetes, then in his mid-20s he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which he was able to beat! He still had complications with his diabetes and I remember one day picking him up from the hospital when I was 27 after he had lost one of his toes. He told me news I wasn’t expecting..he told me his kidneys were at 80% failure and he’d have to start dialysis soon. I remember tears coming to my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. He was being so optimistic I didn’t want to bring him down. So I made up the excuse of needing to get a snack from the cafeteria and asked if he needed a drink. On my way to the cafeteria I stopped and leaned against the wall and I cried and cried. I texted my best friend about what was going on, fathered myself up again and went back to his hospital room. I took him home and made sure he was comfortable and talked to him..of course he only wanted to talk about what was going on in my life so I talked to him about that.
    For the next year and a half he worked towards getting cleared to be on the kidney transplant list . Health insurance did not make it easy and even before that point it felt like our family was forever struggling against health insurance companies and policies. Another issue that makes me really angry, but won’t get into right now.
    During that time I also was tested to see if I was a match. I wasn’t, but I looked into the kidney donor match program. I want to say I was ready to do it without any question, but that isn’t true. I struggled for half a year with deciding what to do should he become cleared for a transplant. Something I can’t help but feel guilty about now, despite knowing I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. Needless to say I have survivor’s guilt, and I also just wish half of what he went through I could have gone through instead. He didn’t deserve it. Before he could be cleared for the transplant list, my brother passed away in his apartment. Alone. And I hate knowing that. He went through so much and was the most positive person I knew. I try to stay positive for him, but a lot of times it’s hard to know how to feel or how to respond. I don’t know how to conclude writing something like this. I just hope others who have gone through losing a sibling, know that there are people who can relate and who do want to talk, even if they aren’t sure how.

    • My brother died at age 44 alone in his apartment too. The kindest person with the biggest heart ever. All of the good ones are taken way to soon. Prayers that both of our brothers are resting in peace.

  47. I lost my sister in October of 2013, she was 17 years old. I feel so mad at the world still. I have a great family and I feel my mother didnt deserve this. She has always been the best a mom can be. I feel like my word came crashing down that day and everything after that is done out of habit. I get up in the morning do what needs to be done like everyday cause i have to. I m here but im not here, if that makes sense . I just dont know how to stop being so miserable, and how do i help my mom and 2 other sisters whenever i cant even help the way i feel.

    • I lost my brother on July 1 2019, he was 25 years old.
      It was a sudden cardiac arrest , he died all alone in ICU.
      Till the moment we could reach the hospital he was dead,
      Its getting worse day by day , all I wish is to meet him again.
      I had not talked to him for two weeks and suddenly he is gone forever.
      The gulit is too much to bear.

      • I’m sorry… I lost my brother unexpectedly a year and half ago … I still wake up crying/ missing him almost every day .. probably not much help for you to hear but I know how you’re feeling , Susan

  48. I havent talked about the way I feel to anyone but here we go. I lost my brother a few years back. We lived together up until his death at the age of 24. He got in a motorcycle accident on his way home. A car hit him head on and he passed away in the ambulance. He was an amazing person, and accomplished so much. The star quarter back of the football team at Serra high school, he broke tom Brady’s record there for yards thrown. He was basically an all star in every category not to mention a complete ladies man. He also worked hard and smart, started a business at the age of 21 while still in college and he had accumulated close to a million by the time of his death. He shined bright to say the least. I always looked up to him (more than my dad) and was never jealous but always happy for his success. I bragged that he was brother to all my friends. After his passing I can’t help but feel like it should have been the other way around. My family has basically fallen apart since he passed. I’ve always been there for my parents to help support them. But nothing I did seemed to really matter to my dad, he was deteriorating and there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward two years and we don’t even talk anymore, my mom divorced him and he convinced me to put all my money into a business with him and than proceeded to kick me out of the business for profit. I’m not on the llc and there’s basically nothing I can do about it. I’ve always had this lingering feeling that if it were me and not my brother that had passed none of this would have happened. I almost know so. Anyways just needed to get this off my chest, thank you to anyone that took their time to read this.

    • Arthur, I felt the same as you. I want you to know we are all worthy of the love and deserved to be loved. Many times when we think we are not deserving we can’t find happiness. I do not know your beliefs, but being a Christ follower helped me know I am worthy. I loved my brother most out of 4 brothers. He was fun, took me on dates with his girlfriend(s), took time to be my big brother. He was murdered, and nothing and no one was ever arrested and no justice was ever served. To make matters worse, my brother had decided to stop taking drugs and get his life back together. He was going to turn in some big drug people in, among those he trusted was our first cousin. My family know in our hearts he was primary in my brother’s death, but had no proof. As a follower of Christ I have been able to let it go and give it to God. I know justice will be served either the killer(s) will turn their lives around for good or they won’t.
      Please find a way to love yourself and others will follow. You deserve better than you are getting. Grab life, have good clean fun, and laugh. This what your brother would tell you to do. Find a great woman that loves you unconditionally. Start a family and let them all know how much you loved your great brother. Tell your brother your sorrows and your joys. I still do even though it’s 50 years since his sudden death. By the way, I was 12 years old when my brother was murdered, and was 20, almost 21. It took me 7 years before I could say his name out loud without crying. His death has made me more compassionate, empathetic to others experiencing health problems and death. I’ve done everything I can to help others. In a sense he lives in me still to this day. I hope this may comfort and possibly help you see others going through similar experiences you are. Grief will not go away, because we got to have our loved one in our life. What a blessing of such great memories! Cherish those great memories and do what you can to make the most of your life so they would be proud.

    • I know the feeling. My sister recently died from a car accident. Since her death my mother blames me for not being in hospital on time. She blames me that she died in a car accident whilst going to work, she used to work in my business. My mom would cry for my suster and ask God why her and not me. It didnt bother me at first but the comparison had always been there. I cry a lot for my sister, she was my rock, my everything. But as for my family, they still wish I die. But in all that I have learnt that God is with me, it is not by human that my destiny will unfold but by God. I buried my sister, i couldn’t believe paying for mortuary fees, her cascette, and everything else. She was only 29 years old. I miss her a lot. Reading your post helped me to feel better. I have also realised how much my family hated me, my late sister would always warn me about them but I never wanted to accept it. Now that she is gone, ive learnt that its all about me. She left a 4 year old boy which I love dearly, my family also took him as I was his primary caregiver even when my sister was alive. Its been tough but I believe God is keeping me alive for a reason.

  49. I lost my brother Monday. He had end stage liver disease. It was unexpected as he didn’t tell us the extent of the disease and he knew he had days to live but didn’t tell us. I have spent almost every day with him for 8.5 weeks. He was only 40 and spent his 40th in hospital. He died a traumatic death, 12 hours of vomitting blood and he was looking around the room frightened. He cried out that he was dying a couple of times. He didn’t deserve that awful death. He didn’t want to die and fought so hard. He wanted to live and at times I haven’t so it feels the wrong way around. Life will never be the same.

    • I appreciate you sharing your experience. I had a similar one with my older brother (he was 36) and had renal failure, among other health issues he faced. I remember wishing even when he was alive that I could have taken on some of his issues, because I was the one at times who didn’t want to live and experienced deep depression. My brother never made it about him though and I don’t think he liked to tell us when things would start to get bad or when he couldn’t afford medication (insulin for his diabetes). He had the best spirit though and was always optimistic, I try to remember that and live that. Sorry to talk a lot about my experience, but I hope in a little way it can help you feel like you’re not alone. Losing my brother brings up feelings I can’t articulate so I look for others to help me relate sometimes, I hope my sharing helps you too.

  50. Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something like this for a while. I have noticed in the responses that it is very maddening to hear “you need to be strong for your parents.” Honestly, I feel better now that other people have felt the same anger as I have; every time I hear that, I want to yell their heads off. I lost my one and only sister on May 14, 2019, two days after her 41st birthday and a month shy of her second year wedding anniversary. It was a brain aneurysm, sudden and without prior warning.

    I feel the guilt that many do. She was perfect. She was thin, vegan, active, she sang and danced and had a little etsy store where she sold dog sweaters. She was in a student film, she got to sing at the house of blues; and she got to have the most beautiful garden wedding, something she had been planning ever since she was 8 years old. The only thing she needed was the groom, and after so many horrible boyfriends, she finally met her Ken.

    But I also feel something else, and this I shared at her service. She may have been a great friend, an awesome aunt, the best bestie, coworker, and the love of her husband’s life, but in the end she was MY SISTER. No one, on this good earth can even begin to understand the bond that we had. We were not best friends, we didn’t even text to each other that much. I am the exact opposite of her; but the bond that we had was stronger than any other bond save the bond with her husband. Our relationship was special, it was unique and it was just for me. It’s true, we had the longest running joke, and that belongs just to me. It is a good feeling. She gave me that, mi big sis.

  51. Patty and I were 3 and 5 when our baby sister Susan died at 14 mos old; she was precious and sweet and always happy. No one ever talked to us about her death..she just never came back from the hospital. We were sent to stay with different families and as an adult…I believe it was during the funeral and for several weeks after. We were not well behaved. We would cause trouble every night-jumping, laughing,singing…once we threw everything out the window; pillows and blankets, a few scatter rugs, whatever was not to heavy for our little hands. When the Adults swung open the door to yell…my mind plays it out as Charlie Brown adults..wahwahhwahwahwa. Patty and I stood together…and she with her hands on her hips she bent forward and yelled”hey..we don’t have to listen to you…you are not our parents.” And I stood 5yo tall and said “yeah” shaking my fist.
    Where were they anyway…our parents? Not sure …but I would think they were so filled with pain…they couldnt imagine life without their sweet baby…and couldn’t take care of us. Where was our little sister? It was sad , lonely and oh so confusing for us all. Patty and I had each other. For all our growing up..then she got cancer and died too. We were adults now with other younger sisters too. But I remeber the huge pain in my chest as my heart broke again..No no not another sister”.❤❤

  52. I have 3 brothers (older than me) and 1 sister (younger) and we are a dysfunctional family and have not had a lot to do with each other during our adult years. On the 23rd May 2018 I lost my middle brother aged 57 to end stage COPD, we did not even know he was sick he did not want us to know as he did not want any of us to worry about him. I was at work when my nephew called me several times to tell me that the Hospital had called him to tell him he had hours left to live. He had instructed the hospital not to tell any of his family, he only let the hospital call us when they told him there was nothing more they could do for him. By the time we got to the hospital he was in a coma, and he passed away on the following day. His funeral was on the 30th May 2018 and in the early hours of that day my Step-father passed away with stomach cancer and heart failure. needless to say we were devastated.

    Now this week I prepare to say goodbye to my other brother who has just turned 57 to Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the liver, to his credit he stopped drinking as soon as he was diagnosed approx 3yrs ago. My mother and I have been watching him get progressively worse over the last 3 months to the point that I took time off to start taking him to his appointments as he was becoming too weak to drive himself 300-400 klms to his appointments. He too has not been fully up front about how sick he is until I talked to his doctors and they suggested to him to be admitted to hospital and he refused and wanted to delay it for 1 week. I had to loose my temper at him the following day and very loudly pointed out to him he was dying and was being very selfish by making us watch, well by the end of my tirade he agreed to go to hospital that day. I scared him by being so very blunt. Seven days after being admitted to hospital he has been moved to the ICU due to being severely malnourished, muscle waste and with encephalitis he can barley keep his eyes open and cant even hold a cup, the Doctors advised they will not be able to do any life saving measures to save him as they would have an adverse effect on his failing body.
    He only has days left and I feel so very helpless and angry at the same time… all the thoughts of why didn’t I step in sooner. Why hasn’t his own family stepped in.. Why has it taken till 2 days ago for them to be involved and why cant they see he is dying … I feel they are delusional they think he is going to recover!!! there is only 1 cure and that is a liver transplant and he can’t have it as he is too far gone and too frail and the surgery alone will kill him.
    I am heart broken my only consolation is that I have had to privilege to spend time with him and provide some minor assistance to him for 2-3 weeks

    thank you for listening

  53. My brother and a group of his friends all went to help their friend change a tire. Three of them, including my brother were hit by a drunk and high driver. My brother and one of his friends did not make it. It was hours before my birthday. None of us will ever get over it. February 19, 2018 is the day that my world came crashing down and my family has never recovered.
    I play down my own emotions because I wasn’t his friends who were there that night. I’m not Dustin, who has to live with the fact that he survived while his friends didn’t. I’m not my brother’s girlfriend who was there and his stepson who misses his daddy. I’m not my parents: my mom who made it in time to ride with EMS or my dad who was in the emergency room as they tried to resuscitate him. I wasn’t even Jonah’s sister, who had an actual bond with him. Me and my brother barely tolerated each other as we got older.
    My brother was the popular one, I was the annoying crybaby who never really bonded with anyone. He was the one who was healthy and into fitness, meanwhile I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. My brother was the one who was going to be married, had a job he loved, and friends who were ride or die. I was/still am the one who struggles to even find employment and have decided to becoming an old maid. At his funeral, sign wavings, anything that is for them, I have people walk pass me and find my parents, or his friends, or his girlfriend. My parents and his girlfriend’s faces were plastered all over the news, while I stood to the side awkwardly trying to not cry. I had a well meaning cousin look me straight in the eye and tell me to. ‘take care of my parents.’ My mom who tries to come off as caring, mentions the fact that I have had several breakdowns to the rest of my family.
    I want to scream at people. I want to be selfish and tell them that they don’t get it because they didn’t have to hear their brother on the phone in pain. That they didn’t go from being excited for a new job and a birthday to then pleading with God for their brother to be ok. They weren’t the ones who came home first to close up my brother’s room because they didn’t want their parents to be upset when they came home. They’re not the ones who sat in the living room numb as their birthday creeped in. The sorrow I feel when my parents decide to watch the slideshows I made for my brother and the fury I have to swallow down to not scream, “I shouldn’t be the one doing my brother’s slideshow at 26.” That I shouldn’t have lost my brother at the age of 23. The horrible thoughts that tell me: It should have been you. No one would have cared if YOU were the one dead. Daniel had a job and a family, you? You’re just a failure. You can’t die now though, why put your parents through the hell of losing BOTH their children.

    • I just wanted to say thank you for posting your experience. I was 21 when my brother suddenly passed away in a car accident. He’s my only sibling. As hurt as my parents and I were/are, I (thought) it was my responsibility to take care of them. After all I was the older one who was in grad school for my Master’s in social work. I was the one who knew what songs he would want played at his funeral. He was my absolute best friend.
      My best friend (and some times my only friend) who would make sure he spent time with me after each of my serious brain/spine surgeries before going out with friends on a Friday/Saturday night. Again, I was left to wonder why it was him and not me as I was the sick one.
      Fortunately my parents were aware of this and made sure to always check in on me as much as I would check in on them. My brother died on July 15, 2011 and it still doesn’t always seem real. I still occasionally go to grab my phone to text him either something funny I heard or a new song from a band we both liked. The worst is when I hear part of a joke or see/hear something similar we liked because no one else gets it. You can explain it as much as you want to other people, but it just isn’t the same. <3

    • I feel the exact same way. I feel as if I should’ve been the one to die. I should’ve gone to sleep and not have woken up. My brother died three years ago and my family feels it every day. If it was me, it wouldn’t have been this way. He was better than me in every sense of the word. Even though I know my family would be sad, it wouldn’t have been like this. Now I have to live.

      • Ditto to every word. My brother died on 3rd Dec 2019. He got hit off his bike by a car fleeing police at high speed. 8 days in a coma then taken off life support. He was superman. Successful, fit and sporty, driven and generous and kind, had a great career, wife and son who he adored. He was the useful one. I’m the burden, single mum with health issues, no career to speak of. And now I can hardly bare to be in the same room as my parents because the pain is staggering. The loss is staggering. I can barely get through the day myself, let alone support anyone else. I’m so angry with him for leaving me.

  54. My sister is not here anymore. And neither am I.

  55. As a fellow bereaved sibling (my sister died in August, 2017), I very much agree that we are forgotten mourners.

    Case in point – my dad died in 2004 and afterwards, I considered myself to be fairly knowledgeable on how to support people in grief (I wasn’t right, of course, but because I was the first of my friends to lose a parent, peers often turned to me when terrible things started happening to other people).

    A high school friend who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation lost her sister…and I learned about it about 6 months after the fact. I wrote a card to her parents with this really beautiful memory of their daughter, but NEVER CONSIDERED sending a card to my old friend (seriously, WTF!).

    For sibling out there looking for community – there is a story sharing group on instagram group for brothers and sisters. You can find it here:

    I think there is a lot of power in writing your story with your sibling – and a lot of comfort in reading the stories of others.

    • I cannot thank you enough for sharing the information on the Instagram group. Finally, I feel connected to others experiencing the same kind of pain. Thank you!

  56. On April 29th, 2019, I lost my younger brother. He was 19 years old. Mother’s Day was May 12th, and his birthday was May 31st. The grief is overwhelming at times. I am the oldest, while the brother I lost left behind a twin. I feel as if my grief isn’t as important as the twin, or even my parents. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone else, while my parents, especially my mom, are unable to take care of me. I’ve lost two grandparents before this, and neither of them felt this horrible. I know it is still fresh, but it’s making me feel crazy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. He was the “youngest” and I feel responsible for not taking care of him like I should have, even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I hope one day I can become a “normal” person again, but until that time, I’m a former shell of the person I once was.

  57. I lost my younger brother May 12, 2019. He battled cancer for 4 years, including one relapse, and he would have been 20 on May 21st. May 12 this year happened to be mother’s day and that just really sucks. I feel like my grief and feelings have been overlooked the whole time he suffered with cancer, but especially after his death it feels like I don’t matter. People keep telling me that they’re glad I was home to take care of my parents like I was unaffected. Who was supposed to take care of me? My parents have been great, but even they constantly talk about how parents should never bury their children and how hard it is. I is very hard, and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children, but at 22 years old I shouldn’t have had to bury my 20 year old brother. My best friend for 20 years. The only thing that comforts me is that my last words to him we’re “I love you”, but I still wish school and work hadn’t prevented me from coming home to see him as much as I wanted.

    • I lost my brother shortly before you lost yours, and they were only 10 days apart in age. I understand your loss, and I wish you well, even though life may suck right now.

  58. After reading some of the posts on this site, I felt compelled to share. I lost my younger (and only) sister, along with one of my childhood friends 3 weeks ago on May 9th, 2019. We grew up in a small, isolated town in Alaska and went to high school here. My sister and I had an age difference of nearly two years (I’m 18, she was 16), and she was my absolute best friend. She was in her boyfriends truck with our friend. They were driving on a mountain when he lost control of the truck near the cliffside. He managed to jump out and survive before it tumbled down a 900 ft steep ravine and broke into pieces. It was fatal. My sisters body was found 700 ft down the ravine, and my friends body was 400 ft down the ravine. It was unexpected and unnatural. There was no warning, no time for me to tell her how much I love her, and how much I care. Our future is destroyed. She never got to go to prom, or see me graduate high school. She’ll never be able to meet my children or attend my wedding. I’ll never be able to hug her and talk about silly things again. Without her in my life, everything feels dull and I’m completely lost. I don’t want to be alone, but I know she’ll always be in my heart and would want me to live my life to the fullest. I’m not mad or hateful towards her boyfriend, as I’ve known him my whole life, and I know that my sister loved him very much . My family and I have been talking to a counselor, but I have so many questions that no one can answer… I just wish I could have protected her from this.

  59. Hi My name is Nichole
    I just lost my brother suddenly due to a heart attack age 44.we had just lost our father 2 years ago.i am completely best friend is gone.he is my middle brother. I am the oldest 46 and my youngest brother 40.i have not been the same since may 5th 2019.i don’t know how to feel.

  60. My older sister, and only sibling, died on May 21, 2016. She was diagnosed with AML (a form of Leukemia that is fast moving) she was almost 59 years old. She fought hard to beat the AML. I was her 100% match for a stem cell transplant which we did on May 26, 2015. Her doctors told us I was her best chance. All went well with the sure cell transplant, and no cancer was in her blood as of September 2015! We all breathed a huge sigh of relief…. Then her numbers began to crash again by Dec, and they didn’t know why. We had to wait 1 year to the date to do another stem cell transplant… By February she was back in the hospital, and was back to getting infusions and transfusions… She stayed there in the hospital until The 15th of May. I kept asking if the Stem Cell Transplant had failed. I was told her blood was still clean, no cancer present in her blood. Then before sending her home around May 10th or 12th… We were told that although there were no cancer cells in her blood, the AML cells had formed tumors in her esophagus and lungs. She was not strong enough for more chemo, and another SCT couldn’t even be tried until the 26th… And because the cancer had formed cells outside the blood system it wouldn’t help. My strong, brave, fighter of a sister lost her battle on May 21, 2016. I miss her and mourn her daily 3 years later. I can’t find my footing and get back on my feet. I was once very social… Now going out doesn’t interest me, I no longer very daily, but at least 1-2x a month when alone I will break down. I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and it is devastating! (I am not selling diagnosing, I went to counseling for 3-4 months at some point during the first year without her b/c my husband and daughters thought it would help, and that is what my counselor said I was suffering from) I agree with the counselor…I honestly love daily with the regret of my stem cells not being good enough to save my sister. I hate today and transplant day (May 21st & May 26th) every year! I cut off all contract, go dark in social media and just hide away for the day!

    My sister was more than my older sister, she was my best friend, my confidant, & my partner in crime! We had so many inside jokes… And now it’s just me… When she gained her wings her pain ended… But sadly my pain started. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of missing her, and I’m tired of being the ” strong little sister” that handles everything and manages her grief well!! Guess what!!! I don’t handle my grief well… I’m a friggin basket case… And have totally lost myself!! I need to find my feet again, and I know I need to move on… But along with there being very few grief support groups for siblings… Try finding one for siblings who have donated from their body to save their sibling and it failed! That is the group I need? SCT failures unite… There is honestly no group out there for us!

    • Let’s make a group !!!!
      I lost my little sister two years ago today June 11, 2017. She is no longer in any pain but I too feel like my pain started the day she left😢😢
      I feel exactly like you do
      I relate to everything she was my whole world. 13 Months apart and we spent 36 years together. As she was 36 when she passed away. She had diabetes that led to a very bad kidney and heart disease. She had her toe amputated and was devastated that she couldn’t work anymore. I’m so angry that the doctors didn’t give her dialysis for her kidneys. She called me on Saturday and told me she couldn’t walk that her ankles look like elephant ankles they were so full of water. The hospital released her two days ago because I asked her why are you not in the hospital Keri?!?!
      I still can’t believe the hospital released her 2 days before she passed! I’m so angry I’m so upset I have so many emotions all of them! I am completely broken

    • I donated my stem cells to my brother. 13 months older than me. He died on Tuesday. (2 months post transplant.) Desperately need to join a group of people who have experienced the same. Survivors guilt, just utter devastation, anger….all sorts of emotions coming up.
      He was 42. It’s his birthday next weekend…. I have never known life without him. All the photos are killing me. We were always together.
      So sad.

    • I lost my youngest sister also, she too was my BEST FRIEND, MY CONFIDANT, MY COMPANION, MY ADVISER and I lost her. I made so many many many mistakes at the time she suddenly fell ill and within 3 weeks she was dead and I was DEVASTATED. It was like being hit by a high speed midnight express train and I have NEVER RECOVERED FROM THIS and I am lost without her. She died three and a half years ago, but to me, it seems LIKE YESTERDAY and my mind keeps reliving the HORROR, THE DRAMA, THE TRAUMA. I will NEVER forgive myself for acting upon the advice of that EVIL GENERAL MEDICAL PRACTITIONER and he CAUSED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED starting on Christmas Eve morning at 10am in 2015. My father had just die ONE MONTH EARLIER and we were ALL still grieving and that was the LOUSIEST CHRISTMAS I had ever had in my whole life. Now I HATE Christmas and it makes me feel sad, distressed, lonely and GUILTY. Twelve weeks following my BEST PAL’S DEATH, my mother died. And last year, I lost the LAST SURVIVING MEMBER of our family which was our MIDDLE SISTER, he death too was sudden. She died Christmas last year 2018 on the 27th and she was dead before she hit the ground. So now I am left all alone on a hostile planet, with NO family, NO real friends and plenty of enemies and stalkers.

  61. I lost my youngest sister on my very first Father’s day.
    I mention that because I was 57 years old and my son was 8 months old. Yes my wife is much younger and we also have a 13 month old little girl who will never know her auntie.
    I can tick off most of the grief feelings listed. However, the guilt I feel feels insurmountable. Back in 2006 my sister took me in while I tried to recover from a nasty divorce. I had taken a 3 month medical leave . I lived 2000 kms away from my sister and eventually I sold my condo, gave up a lucrative job and started my life over surrounded with her love and understanding. Today I have a great wife, kids, large house and have travelled around the world. I owe her more than I can ever say….her patience, understanding, her efforts guiding me through the divorce as my proxy, care and love etc.….when she went to the hospital in spring 2017, I was unavailable due to work, moving, and young family issues plus she was 3 hours away. Her new husband kept us in the loop but in retrospect I had no idea what the hell was going on. At the end, I was at her bedside the same way we were together at our mother’s in 2001. We always had a special bond with me being the oldest and her the youngest. We understood each other.
    I went to therapy to work through my issue but nothing alleviated the guilt. Triggers are everywhere and I compartmentalize. I will start therapy again, it’ll be two years this June. I was disappointed in the lack of information and studies regarding sibling loss. My personal relationship with my wife is suffering. Unless you experience sibling grief you have no idea how profoundly it affects your thoughts, your behaviour, your soul.
    My other sister is made of sterner elements. I am not. It’s as if I want to self-flagellate with the pain I feel.
    Shortly after passing, , my x- brother in law told me my sis used to wake up and say she dreamed her dying was a nightmare and she’d wake up relieved it was a bad dream and then she would actually wake up and the opposite would be true.
    That kills me every time I think of it.

  62. These stories are eye opening. I wish I had read them sooner…. although, I don’t know what else I could have done to support my boyfriend who lost is brother. My boyfriend whom I loved very much, lost his brother a year and a half into our relationship. Prior to the death, we had an amazing bond and love for each other.

    I’m speaking in the past tense because a few months after the death….. things changed dramatically. He completely changed. He was unloving, mean, dismissive, hurtful, unkind, sarcastic, and turned against me. I was suddenly the enemy.. He saw a grief counselor for one visit and decided that was all he needed…. and apologized to me and blamed the change on his brother’s death…… and then shortly after that the behavior started again and became worse.

    At this point, I can see that he is very intentional in the pain that he is inflicting on me. We were so close… and now we share nothing. We were best friends who had a very intimate bond… Soulmates. …. We shared everything, and now, we share nothing. He completely shut me out… I used to trust him – now he lies all the time.

    So now, I am also grieving, because the man that I loved, is a monster that I do not know. I thought I was being supportive to him… but I guess it wasn’t enough. As much as I was in love him; I had to cut the cord. The emotional abuse is off the charts. Now, I have to take care of myself. He is a 30 year sober recovering alcoholic and addict. Whether he is pushing me away so he can use… or if he has already started using again – I can no longer be a part of the destructive road he is on. My heart is broken – but the situation was getting even worse. He turned into a liar, a gaslight, and a womanizer,

    Can anyone tell me what I was missing, or if there was anything I should have been doing?

    • Your friend is grieving in his own way, be it destructive to himself and others. I suggest you let him go. He will continue to grieve in this manner until he realizes that his brother would not want him to continue in life in a destructive manner.

  63. My brother was killed 2 years ago on Thursday, May 11, 2017 by a drunk driver who crossed into his lane head on and killed him instantly. One block from his work, which he commuted an hour to daily. I was woken up with a phone call telling me he was gone. I was still half asleep when they told me and I sat right up in bed and my world came crashing down. I still have nightmares about it and the pain was and is still so unbearable so much of the time. We were a year and a half apart. Extremely close. He was my best friend my entire life. He was everything to me and now he is gone. I feel that the second year has been far worse than the first year, because the first year you are just trying to endure it. Then the second year, there are no more firsts and it sinks in even more that this is forever and it hurts even more. He was 41 and had 4 young kids, 7, 9, 11, and 15. The guy got the minimum- 4 years jail time when he already had a previous dui, was driving on a suspended license, in a car that wasn’t his, that had no insurance on it. He had numerous arrests his whole adult life and was a well known drug dealer in the area but knew how to play the system. He was being followed by a police officer that witnessed the entire accident. I always wonder why he didn’t pull him over. He was 3 times over the limit. I feel like people just don’t get it. Like at 6 months people think you should be over it already. It’s been 2 years and it is still a struggle and I still can’t sleep or concentrate so much of the time. And I feel like I have no one because most of my friends haven’t even lost a parent yet, much less a sibling. I lost my Dad a year and a half before that.
    I also feel like everyone downplays your grief as a sibling. At the funeral and right after, (even now they still do this), everyone would ask me how my mother was doing, or how my sister-in-law was doing. They never asked me how I was or how I was doing. It was always about my mom or my sister-in-law. Like it didn’t matter what I was going through. I just wanted to scream what about me? Why don’t you ask me how I am doing? Not that it wasn’t hard for my mother or his wife. But you are completely overshadowed and no one seems to get it that you are in pain also and are oblivious to the destruction the loss of a sibling brings to YOUR life. Yes, it destroys the life of the spouse and mother who loses their child and the kids he left behind, of course, but it also destroys the life of you – the sibling. Forever. I just feel like no one gets it. They trivialize sibling losses, when they are in fact, significant and tramatic to those that are close to their siblings. You lose your past, your present, and your future because all the family history with your sibling- no one else knows or will ever understand. I had all these inside jokes with my brother that were just ours alone. I could be myself with him and be stupid and silly and he accepted me 100% in a way no one else does or could. I have memories of growing up together that no one else has because it was just the two of us together. I have other siblings but we were the ones closest in age to each other and were each other’s constant playmates and companions as children and as we got older, our bond just got stronger. I was robbed of a future together because of the irresponsible actions of someone else. I am indifferent to the guy to a point most of the time but also angry that he lived and my brother didn’t. It should have been the reverse. And yes I just said that. It’s always the innocent people that die in drunk driving accidents most of the time. My brother never drank in his life and the irony of it is stifling. Just wanted to share my story.

    • I lost my only sibling about 9 1/2 months ago to a massive heart attack. It’s still so hard to fathom. She was my best friend. We had been through so much together. Our mom died when we were young (I was 15, she was 20). She, being the older one, took over the mother role and did the best she could. She married and was so unhappy. He was and is such a jerk. I helped her through as best I could. She helped me in the struggles (which are continuing) of my being married to a pastor. My grandmother (we were very close to her) died Sept 30, 2017 (on my birthday-how cruel is that!?). My sister and I were with her when she took her last breath. But we were going to be okay. We had each other. Then, I got the call on Sept 23, 2018. It was the absolute worst day of my life. My sister had died of a massive heart attack. My husband says the scream he heard come out of me was something you only hear in horror movies. I was in total and complete shock. I’m angry, so freaking angry! She left behind 2 kids, 20 and 11. Her husband treated her horrible. And now, he’s playing the grieving husband. I know how you feel. Because it should have been him that died…not her. Her kids need her, not the father they have been left with. I help as best I can with them, but I can barely function myself. I fear losing someone else. I’m so sick of death! I fear dying myself, but at the same time, I just want to go on. At least there would be no more pain.

  64. Hi, my name is Hailey and i am only 11 years old and at age 8 i lost my older sister and she was only 14 years old, my sister died from a brain hemmerage and i am the youngest of 7 children, i feel horrible because i could not save her and i will never see her again and possibly never hear her voice again, it is very hard because my friedns are kids so they don’t get it AT ALL!!!

    • Hayley I’m sorry for your early loss . I can only say that keeping the good things, let go of the horrible things and allow yourself to randomly smile at sweet memories will be lifelong but the strength you’ve got to express your feelings is fabulous. Sadly there are no why, your sister ,answers but only that you were the special person to become her sister. Keep close to your family.

    • Hailey,
      I’ve carried a pain similar to yours for a very long time. When I was 10, my little sister passed away at 17 months old. When you go through the loss of a sibling at that age, devastating isn’t a strong enough word to describe the struggle. I had feelings I couldn’t explain, not even inside my own head. I felt guilty if I was to talk to my parents about my pain, because I knew they had to be going through a pain worse than mine. I remember the thoughts that crossed my mind that as an adult, concerns me more than when I was a child. I remember thinking to myself if I just hold my breath, I could see her again. As an adult, I still can’t bring myself to tell that to my parents. It would only bring them guilt of being fooled by the kid I was trying to be, the kid that was okay, the kid they didn’t have to worry about because they had enough to deal with. To this day, I have never seen my parents so lost. But I was lost too. We all were. But I thought I couldn’t let them know because it would only make it worse. I have realized that isn’t true. I should have told them what I was experiencing but I didn’t because I didn’t want to break them and they seemed so broken at the time. My older sister was 12. She told them everything and showed them all her feelings. I saw them cry because of what she told them and I took it as she was hurting them more. That wasn’t true. They were crying with her because they were feeling the same as she did. Sometimes crying together helps. It makes you feel not so alone. Truth be told, my older sister came to accept my little sisters death before I did, but that’s because I bottled it up inside and grief doesn’t go away when you do that. Grief has to be faced, which is so incredibly hard when you feel so empty. I wanted to stay sad because I thought she deserved it. I cried so much that I still believed I cried all the tears out of my body. It was like I felt my eyes pushing out the tears, but I was shocked when they didn’t come out. I also just wanted to feel happy again, like a child should at that age. That also made me feel guilty for ever wanting to be happy without her. Even though I knew she would want me to be happy. None of my friends understood. I didn’t feel comfortable talking with them about it because they were too young to know what to say, and I always would end up feeling embarrassed by causing the awkward feeling. The only person my age I could talk to was my best friend who missed my baby sister very much too. We cried together many times. For many years. Because grief is not something you get over but something that makes you stronger, because you have no other choice. I would never want a child to experience that pain and I am so so sorry that you have. I wish more than anything that you didn’t. It hurts in ways that words can’t explain. What did help me was a bunch of little things. Find a journal. Write to your sister. No need to catch her up on what’s happened because she is watching every day. She is living life through you. She will get to experience the fun memories to come because she is watching you. And as an older sister, I’ve wished so many times to have been able to take her place. That is a very normal feeling. Without a doubt, I know how much a big sister deeply loves her baby sister. Trust me. It’s a painful love I’ve lived with and would choose to continue to live with so she can live life through me too. I have to admit, it’s hard to read comments about people who lost their siblings after so many years of being able to live life with them. It’s hard because I’m jealous. Being so young, my memories are not very clear and that’s really really hard when you feel that is all you have left of your sister. I remember kissing her pacifier many times after she died because it was the closest I could get to kissing her again. Grief makes you do some things that people who haven’t experienced it would see as strange. I remember talking to a friend at school about kissing her paci, and she looked at me like I was very strange. And I looked at her like she just didn’t get it because she didn’t have to carry such pain. It does get easier. Your sister will let you know she is still with you, and I can only explain it as you will feel her hugging your heart. The day will come. Stay strong. Talk with your other siblings if they are wanting to talk. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking with them, you have a sister who is in Heaven listening always. Talk to her. Mine gave me goosebumps when I would talk to her. That’s how I knew she was listening. You will feel happy again. As big sisters, we want our baby sisters to know that we will never forget them or ever leave them. They stay with us in our hearts. I used to think my heart hurt so much because she had to climb inside where I couldn’t see her anymore, but when I would think of her, I would feel her hugging my heart. And it was hard at first because I wanted to hug her back so much. Now I take the hug with a big smile on my face because she is reminding me that she is still watching. This past year has been a hard one. She would have turned 18. Moments when I find myself being sad at what we didn’t get to do together, I then talk to her about what I think it would be like. I joke about things and how much of an overprotective big sister I would have been. Many people who know me now, don’t realize I am a big sister. And that’s ok, because she knows I am. She is with you sweetheart. Give her time and she will show you that. You don’t have to say goodbye to her. I like to think of my sister as being like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it… Just like I can’t see her but I can feel her. It gets better. I promise with all my heart, it gets easier and better. And no matter what any of your classmates might say, she is still your sister. Ignore the kids who just don’t understand. It’s not their fault they don’t know. And it’s not your fault that you do.

  65. I miss him.

    I should have spoken to him more often.

    I feel so much guilt.

    I hope he knows I loved him and continue to do so with every breathing moment.

    • Exact same feelings. I still miss my brother.

    • He knows. He’s still in your heart like he was before he died. Dearh didn’t break that bond. My sister died 8/31/2016 and is still in my heart. I’ve heard that writing letters is effective.

  66. My sister passed away May 23, 2017. My mother had 5 children within 6 years. My sister was the oldest of the five and she died at the age of 54 of a heart attack. On our side of the family, she leaves behind a spouse, they were married for ~30 years, 5 children, 4 girls and a boys, 1 grandchild, twins on the way, her mother, 2 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 nieces, 4 nephews and several relatives on both sides of the family.

    The most difficult thing about her death at this moment for me, is that there is not a lot of communication between my sister’s children, her spouse between my mother, my siblings and me.

    I lost a sister, my kids lost their aunt, my mother lost her daughter, my brother-in-law lost his wife and so on.

    In my mind, I thought we were close as family. I thought my sister’s children would reach out to me for comfort, share their grief with me, tell me stories of my sister that would comfort me. Everyone grieves differently, that is for sure.

    We got together for holidays, my sister and her husband and children, we would call each other on our birthdays, holidays etc. My mother is saddened, because she did not receive calls on her birthday from all her grandchildren or family members. Are we all too busy to communicate with one another. Is it grief that draws us further apart from one another.

    My mom was always there for all of us. I miss the closeness. I see and feel time passing me by, and becoming further from family than ever before. This article has explained a lot of why this is happening. The dynamics of all changed. My sister used to run the “show” she was the captain of the ship. She is gone. I pray that we will all be connected once again, but also know we will all be together again some day.

    I miss my sister terribly, she was my life line, my children’s life line, he loss is felt even more so by the woman who gave birth to her.

  67. Wow. I always felt alone. I lost my mom and dad by the age of 21,within 2 years, but losing both sisters was so completely different. I thought was alone in my feelings that I had. I became a different person when my sisters died. I wish I could be the happier version of myself, but the reality of life, the innocence of youth was lost when my oldest sister died. I had remorse, I had guilt and even now, almost 20 years later, I would give anything just to see or hear her. She was my best friend, my everything and I realized I am not alone in this depth of despair and grief. Thank you to all who share their stories and thoughts. I realize I am not alone in this battle with loss. We hide it everyday because no one understands and no one can understand the loss we have endured. May we all find something to remind us of who we were, who we will never be again and who we must attain to be years later. Even if it doesnt fit the narrative of what others expect. Somehow we can overcome the grief. Somehow.

  68. Man… I don’t even know where to begin. I just lost my older brother, John, (37 years old) on Friday, March 30th, 2019 but he was taken off the respirator a couple days later on April 2nd… It was a very tragic and sudden event and I’m at a complete loss of words and don’t even know exactly how the events unfolded completely as I’m hearing it all 2nd hand b/c I live in another city. John was the most courageous person you could ever meet. One of those tough as nails guys on the outside – a former 173rd Army Airborne (1 of 2 Airborne units in the Army, the other being the 82nd Airborne) soldier that fought in Iraq and saw some pretty crazy stuff to put it succinctly to people who don’t have relatives in the military. He came back with PTSD and some substance abuse and unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot of help for military members suffering issues/injuries that aren’t as visible. He was also one of the kindest, caring people you’d ever meet; completely unselfish and willing to give you the shirt off his back if you needed it – completely fearless as well. Just to give you an idea, he reached a high degree in Judo and one time in high school someone came at him with a K-bar knife and he neutralized him swiftly using a Judo throw that he learned when we lived in Japan where my dad was stationed for the Marines; but hated to hurt people even if they were threatening him – that’s just the type of person John was and now I don’t have him. I feel completely at fault – I hate myself so much – I’m extremely angry at God and myself and my family for not more readily recognizing the signs. One thing that really irks me is that he was sent to the ER room 3 months prior for a similar incident but the next of kin wasn’t notified – which I’m still unable to answer as to why as I thought it was required by law to notify next of kin? The event that happened 3 months ago; he was revived and became conscious and supposedly told the hospital not to contact my parents but I thought it was required… I guess not. I’m angry about it as that could have been a ‘signal’ to us all slapping myself and my family in the face to wake the hell up and get him some serious help instead of just rolling with the punches and assuming things will be fine – no they weren’t and I’m upset at myself the most about it. I’m also angry with the handling of his final moments. The paramedics did a terrific job getting his heart beating again – knowing the warrior John is he was stabilized but considered brain dead as he was found without breathing for up to 12 minutes so the damage to the brain was just too much – how can the person (his so called girlfriend) have been with him but not know he wasn’t breathing for 12 minutes? I have so many unanswered questions and am upset he wasn’t given a few more days (at least a week minimum) on the respirator just in case a miracle were to occur as there are several cases of people being declared brain dead who have made full recoveries. The hospital system works in an surprising way that I didn’t know until now. The team that works on reviving you is different than the team that declares brain death and subsequently organ donation. There are incentives for the 2nd team that declares brain death to quicken the process of organ donation as they’re telling potential receivers that there “may be an organ available”… Well when they say this quote, this means they have someone on a respirator and they’re just trying to convince the parents to stop the respirator so that they can “legally” take the organs after the heart stops beating b/c otherwise it would be a homicide.. I get it, they want to save other lives – but this is MY BROTHER, they’re HIS organs. HE HAS NO OBLIGATIONS TO ANYONE ELSE. I didn’t like being made to feel like cattle prodded along b/c of the entrenched interests of the donor team that doesn’t care 1 iota about my older brother. Disturbing way to handle someone’s final moments when science doesn’t even understand a millionth of a percent of human consciousness or where the soul goes on a subatomic level when in moments of comas or brain trauma. There are cases of people being declared dead (boy in Alabama) and other cases of people officially flatlining on a heart monitor who came back to life – She (Kim Clark) described she saw their body on the operating table, looking at the team of doctors and nurses and then their soul rising to the top of the hospital and seeing a blue shoe at the top. Then when they came back to life she told the attending nurse of the shoe that was found exactly where they saw it, on the 3rd floor ledge. You can watch that on youtube here: … my point of saying all of that is that even though to our eye they look like they may be not with us or in a coma , their soul, their consciousness, is very much alive…. this is what I believe is spoken of in the New Testament that can not be destroyed.

    Regardless, I just wish John was given a week minimum. It’s difficult for me but ultimately even though I’m in the beginning stages of healing and am angry at God, I have to trust God is doing the right thing and that John is in a better place where his warrior spirit is running free…. Please pray for me and my family.

    • First, I am so sorry for your loss, what a horrible experiences you have had. I really feel for you. I am to interested in whether the hospital has to contact the next of kin. My brother passed a couple of days ago, we don’t know exactly when as he was found asleep. My brother had many admissions to hospital and non of the family were notified, I feel so sad because of we were notified we might have been able to help. I am really sorry for your loss. What a tragedy.

      • Thank you Elyse for your kind words as I’m sorry for your loss as well. I really wish there were some kind of law requiring next of kin to at least be notified. It just doesn’t make sense as the hospital knows whatever brought them there is serious enough for loved ones to know in order to prevent it from happening again. I get that they’re trying to privacy but when a family member is at risk they may not be quantifying that risk properly and it needs attention and care to be identified and dealt with properly – at least given the chance to do so. I hope the days to come bring a new understanding about life to us and everyone here – it’s never easy going through something alone and I am thankful for this website and for everyone sharing their thoughts. May peace be with you.

    • Daniel, I know exactly what you’re talking about…the anger at God, the anger of not being there to help. My sister died of a massive heart attack. According to the coroner, she was dead within seconds. No one was home. Her 11 year old daughter found her. I’ve been a Christian all my life. My dad is a retired pastor; I’m married to a pastor. But I can honestly say, this is the single most hardest thing I have ever experienced.

      I blamed myself for her death (that’s a whole other long story). My mother passed when I was 15, my dad kinda lost his way during that time and my sister and I were pretty much left to take care of each other. Then, I lost my grandmother and now sister within a year of each other. I refused to pray. The only reason I went to church was because it was expected of me. I wouldn’t sing or bow my head to pray. I was hollow (still am in a lot of ways). I was having panic attacks and meltdowns on my kids. I’m still a mess, but I finally prayed…just this week actually. And I can’t explain the peace.

      I’m still having my meltdowns and panic attacks, but I know I’m not alone. Anyway!!! I say ALL this to say that I draw comfort from Psalm 139:16. God knew before we were born when we were going to die. I still miss her terribly. I want to hear her laugh, see her getting to my house late (as she always did), go to concerts together, share secrets with her. But in it all, I’m comforted in knowing that God knew when he was going to take her home. I hope this doesn’t upset you. I’m just determined to try and help others and accept help myself. Because honestly, it’s the only way I feel like I will survive this. Praying for you and your family.

  69. I lost my little sister at 21 on the 16th of March this year. She would be 22 on the 12th of April (this Friday.) We learned 6 years ago that she had been suffering from seizures in her frontal lobe when she had a grand mal seizure on the school bus. Only having 3 total ones in her life we thought the medication was working and we didn’t think much more about it. She had just started her first job and though she hated it, she loved making money. We were best friends only being 3 years her senior we have always done everything together. My mom and I found her in the morning trying to wake her for work… she never woke up. She had a seizure in her sleep. We learned later that day she had been forgetting to take her pills. The pills she was afraid not to take, she would come home from work so tired and fall asleep on the couch and forget them. I can’t help but be so angry at her, why didn’t she ask for help remembering to take them. Why didn’t we notice the bottle and that she wasn’t taking them. It hurts so bad that I lost my best friend! We were just planning a trip to Africa in a year. Now my mom and I are going with out her,,, and are ganna spread her ashes in the land she loved so much with out ever going…

  70. It’s been just over 3 months since my younger brother Matthew died on January 1, 2019, he was 22. I’m older than him by 9 years (31) and 6 years older than our sister (she’s 25), so I always felt like I had to be their protector because I’m older.
    He was camping with friends and got separated from the group while riding ATVs (4Wheelers) and when trying to make his way back to their campsite his 4wheeler hit a ditch filled with water on the side of the road and flipped on top of him, pinned him underneath and he drowned.
    I’m struggling with the thought of having to attend a New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day celebration this year and the years to come, as they will always be the anniversary of his death.
    And I know that life moves on, but I’m still at the point where every day I think of “what might have been” and the things my sister and I will both miss out on without him in our lives anymore.

  71. I lost my brother in June 2018. With work and everything else going on, I’ve been in survival mode ever since. The shock is finally going away. I feel so angry, guilt, sad, and frustrated at the same time. I try so hard to shield my mother from how I feel and only tend to her needs. When does this feeling go away? Does it ever go away?

  72. I lost my sister a yr ago today to ARDS @ 340p!
    We were very close! I haven’t been able to deal with it fully! A part of me died as she took her last breath! I miss her TREMENDOUSLY!!
    After our mother died in 03 to ALS, SHE WAS THE GLUE THAT HELD OUR FAMILY TOGETHER!
    I miss u T!

  73. Last night i figured out that My mom had lost out baby that was still in the womb. I am only 13 years old and experiencing this is really hard for me. I have been very depressed lately and did not want to wake up for school. My mom had a doctors appointment today and they confirmed that the baby is gone. My mom and I are really sad because I am the only child in the family and we were very happy to find out that she was pregnant.When the baby passed my mom was only 6 weeks pregnant. If you have anyway to make this work please E-mail me.

    • Wow, that’s crazy. Im 13 almost 14 and my mom lost my baby sibling who was still in the womb 3 weeks ago. I know exactly how you feel. I had wanted another sibling for years and when I finally had another sibling, they were taken from me. Its so hard.

      • My boyfriend left me. I seek for help no one could do anything towards my condition not until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine Robinson.buckler. I contacted Robinson.buckler @{{yahoo}}. com he assured me that my boyfriend will come back to me. I took his words with faith and today my boyfriend is back to me as well all within 24 hours after i contacted him. If there’s anyone out there that needs his help should get in touch with him now

  74. Its been a year, today, since she died and I am still unable to accept it. I am angry more then anything, at God, at her, her husband, life. Its a big old mess. I thought this would break me but it hasn’t. I don’t know what will, maybe I am broken but unable to see it. I have felt broken before and you just continue, resign yourself to the pain, mistrust. I think I thought this loss would be different, too much.I don’t know how I feel honestly, or what to show to others. Showing strength isn’t always the best- it’s okay to feel shaken and want to be held. I am who i am and no one is going to tell me how to feel, judge me, call me selfish right now- not even my family, friends. I feel I am wearing a mask and holding so much already in, so if I crack a little it’s alright. I’m not superwomen. I can’t explain my emotions or calm them down. I think I could fill a while notebook trying to explain this heartache I feel. Anyways, it’s come and past and it has to be acknowledged. I am not grieving too much- something profound and life altering happened- and you can’t put that behind you. Its something we will have to learn to live with everyday.

  75. In 2 days it’ll be a year my oldest sister will have passed away. She was only 37 and died of cancer throughout her body. It happened fast, or rather- was ignored and then happened fast after she couldn’t ignore it anymore. I am struggling. I don’t seem to be grieving the same as my family. Every month has been hard, lots of crying. I can’t get over how fast everything changed and yet nothing changed- life goes on, and I don’t understand that… Why did this happen?! I’ve lost a lot of people, and I wasn’t even close to this sister- but she was My sister! She wasn’t just anyone, she was someone who knew me since childhood. I am still struggling to process the timeline, the last months she had, the details that bring anger and bitterness. Mostly just the fact that she is permanetly gone and I’ll never get that chance to be close to her. And she seemed okay with that. I am struggling not to talk about her too much but also to not let myself talk at all. People act like it didn’t even happen- they did 2 months after! I am okay, I will be fine- but I don’t think I’ll ever be the same Again, my family won’t quite recover. Its too much baggage. Right now I seem better then I have any of the previous months, but it’ll hit me. I am afraid of how I’ll be when it does.

    • Reading your post I relate so much. My brother, 42 was diagnosed 17 months ago with advanced colorectal cancer. And as it happened with your sister it was ignored by him probably by at least a year or so. Everyday he is with us is a gift, right now his tx is palliative, due to the extension of the tumors is not curable. He is not coping well either and most of the time is in pain. As you I haven’t been close to him prior to dx because he didn’t wanted me to. I’m the youngest by 3 years and I work in healthcare so I have tried everything to keep him alive. I know the end can come in any moment and although I have been resilient till know and don’t know about tomorrow.

  76. I’m going too kill myself when my older Sibling did this to me now. She’s been bulling us to long that Her Lawyeers take Her side . So I’m going to kill myself to make it better for her. She’s been abusing by taken Her Alzimer Parents Money to bias a big House & a big bran new big car wow it’s big. All from Her Parents Money not her own. She didn’t have a job.

    • Betty, please do not kill yourself!! Your life is precious! Please get help with your feelings from a counselor and also maybe a pastor who is good at counseling. Suicide is never the answer. You can get help to rise above the difficult situation. Even though it can feel differently sometimes, there are people who care, and Jesus cares. He experienced sorrow and betrayal, and he cares. You can talk to him, too. I hope the best for you.

  77. Fade to black, this is me now. A mere shell, a ghost. My beloved Sister, Tracy, is now gone. She had a cardiac arrest, brought on by severe allergic reaction at 58. Her sick lungs not able to breathe. She survived a week onlife support, in a coma. I held her hand till it was ice cold. I am devastated. It’s been almost a year.
    She was taking care of my elderly Mother. She neglected herself to her own death. She was my Sun and my moon. My Family was dysfunctional before her death, now , I fear it it is beyond repair. They expected me to be her, to take the whole enchilada on of caring for my Mom, without my input or feelings. There is much more to this story.
    I knew my Sister was struggling with my Mom’s care, and I gave her little to no help. My reasons, my own. I knew of her unhappiness . I feel ashamed. We hadn’t spoken in months, I was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. My grief now all consuming. My husbands patience waining. Why can’t you snap out of it? Booze numbs the pain temporarily. Then it returns with a vengeance, taking my to the dark side. I cannot taste my food. I do not want to get out of bed. My adult children cannot understand, at all. I am angry at everything and everyone. I cannot move forward.
    No one understands how I feel, only Tracy could and did. She was my best friend, my Sister, my keeper, my Mother, my ass kicker, my world , my everything. She was the family glue. The only comfort I have, is that she is free. When I think of her now, it is as a Wild Horse, running free. I miss her with every breath I take, and will, until I breathe no more.
    Thank You for listening. 🌹

    • We are a small family and I feel so alone now in the world nobody knows me like she did anyway I just want to say that everything you said resonated with me so much thank youMarch 21, 2019 at 9:00 pmReply

      Your comment touched me so much. I lost my oldest sister a month ago. She was also caring for my sick mother. She was the glue. She was my best friend. She was divorced and I never married. Being the free spirited artist that I am never wanted to be tied down. I’m 55 and she was 57 were so close she died waiting for an organ transplant. We are a small family and I feel so alone now in the world nobody knows me like she did anyway I just want to say that everything you said resonated with me so much thank you

  78. I just lost my brother to a Heart Attack yesterday afternoon. He was only 53 years old and it was a shocked to all in the family. I am grieving extremely hard. Everything that is listed on the home page is all true tohow I am feeling. See on March 1st my brother was in a bad car accident the resulted in his vehicle rolling over and now it is totaled. At the time of the accident, we were unsure as to how it came about, while in the hospital we found out it was his heart that was bad. My brother is very stubborn, he is married to a woman who has been hateful to my family for years. My brother waited on her hand and foot, never was concerned about his health always hers. I wanted him to stay in the hospital to get better, he insisted on going home to take care of his wife( who is a double amputee), now because of all this my brother is no longer with us because of her selfishness. I have offered to help her in anyway I am able to do, but she and her daughter ( my brother’s step daughter)has refused help and basically has not called about anything. I am upset that I may not hear anything and that my mother and me and family will be left out. Right now, I have so many unanswered feeling, regrets, loneliness, etc.

    • You may be left with unanswered questions. How ever I know for a fact that no one denied any help that you offered. Yes he had heart condition that no one knew about till the accident. I’m the DAUGHTER in our home we did not use step. When I called to tell you that the ambulance was called again to the house the day he passed you said “what the hell you want me to do” . He took care of his wife like another spouse would care for a loved one. And then you impersonated my husband wife on the phone to his work to try and get his life insurance policy. Then when you found out that his wife chose to have him cremated. You decided to call me every name possible (I will forgive because we all were very upsetandgrieving)and to tell me that you wished my mother died instead of my dad (which I will never forgive or forget). So please prior to posting make sure everything is correct.

  79. This article is one of the only relevant things I can even find. Thankyou
    I am 24 yo Ashlea. Oldest girl sibling of 4. Parents Sharon&jon still married 27 years later. Very very close knit hard working family.
    On the 7th of January my baby sister Leah only 19 was on her way to work as she did multiple times a week. A farmer had illegally left mud all over the country road that she often used. She suddenly twitched and fishtailed in the mud. Her dash camera footage shows her in control and then her fiat 500 traction control took over and launched her in to the path of an oncoming transit van. Passenger side impact, her car looked like it was hit by a train. Only one of her passenger airbags went off, even with the force of the impact. If her curtain airbags had gone off she would still be alive. How ridiculous that the car doesn’t think to protect the driver, who will evidently be thrown towards her window and hit her head so hard she had brain bleed and a skull fractures. Her bleed was minor and she could have recovered if not for an air embolism which caused a stroke. She was pronounced dead at the scene. The ambulance took 30 minutes to get to her, she didn’t stand a chance. The road had been reported multiple times that morning. They had 3 hours prior to this accident to close the road and they ignored pleas from public that the road was lethal💔
    I keep replaying in my mind getting a phone call from my 21yo brother josh. He was home alone at the time as he was on a break from university when police knocked on the door, and told him he needed to contact everyone and get them here ASAP. On the phone I was desperate to know because I had to know.
    When I said.. is it Leah. He said yes. I said is she alive? And josh said no. I erupted in to screaming and choking and actually threw up twice. I was at my boyfriends house when I found out, most of the day is a blur but not that phone call. It keeps haunting me over and over again. When I arrived my mom had just gotten home from work. She already knew in her gut what was going to be said to her but she broke down. My dad took another hour to arrive as he drives all over for his job. He was my first guess for why the police were there.. evidently not.
    We kept my littlest sister Emily, 17 at the time. In the dark as long as possible, she has autism and she was at college. I was supposed to pick her up but I couldn’t. She loved Leah so much, as did I. Leah was both of our best friends, being the middle child she always bridged the age gap between me and Emily and we had such a laugh together all the time.
    She was the glitter and the glue, the life and soul of the 6 of us. We would always have fun if Leah was there. Everything feels flat and boring, we are missing the very heart of our family. She was my angel and probably the closest person in the whole world to me. I am completely destroyed and broken.
    I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t know what is normal anymore. It has barely been 2 months but it feels like yesterday still.
    I cannot get the sounds of my mom screaming when she and my dad went in the room to identify her body. I really wanted to go in but I wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t in a good way, she was left as she was on the road because it was a crime scene. She belonged to the corroner. They were not considerate of us at all. I said to myself I will see her in the chapel of rest.
    When we did see her, she looked nothing like herself and I will regret not seeing her before that. I can’t un see her in that coffin. I don’t think il ever be able to view anyone else again. We even took Leah’s dog to see her, a little girl shihtzu called coco. She was Leah’s baby and she is missing her terribly. We can tell that she is pining for her. I really understand true heartbreak.
    My parents wanted to see everything, her car. The dash cam footage. I couldn’t bring myself to see either of those things. I later saw photos of the car but not in the flesh. It was covered in blood everywhere and it was half a car. We are lead to believe the other driver wasn’t speeding but I can’t believe that given the damage. Leah was going at least 25mph below the limit for the road due to mud. Pretty slow when she could have done 60.
    Now we have to wait months for an inquest. We can’t even register her death properly until then.
    Permanent limbo.
    Youngest sister turned 18 on the 23rd of January. We had all been waiting for Emily to be legal drinking age in the UK so we could go out together. We didn’t even get to do that together. Her birthday was a sad and ruined day of watching Netflix, crying and passing out on the sofas.
    Leah’s birthday is in a few days time, she should have been 20 on the 9th of March. No one should die a teenager. To make matters worse my brother josh is 22 on the 11th of March. His birthday will also suck because even though they were 2 years apart they always celebrated their birthday together because they were 2 days apart. Everything is ruined and I can’t imagine anything ever being okay again.
    We will probably visit a reputable Spirit medium to see if we can speak to her.
    I can’t imagine why sibling grief is overshadowed. Yes my parents are utterly destroyed. My mom can’t sleep and cries multiple times a day, sometimes all day, my dad is drinking and sitting at his computer all night looking for other crashes in fiat 500’s. Obsessing and researching.
    I almost forgot to mention the love of my sisters life Jareth. She lived with him and she worked near where he lived. They were meant to be, they were saving up for a house together and he adored her. He treated her like a queen. I couldn’t have picked a better person to love her. I fear he might not want to keep in touch with us eventually because it will be too painful but he would help us stay connected to her. We need him right now.
    To make matters even worse, jareths parents had a serious accident 10 years ago. On the very same road! It is an accident black spot! This left his mom with a broken back and she is unable to walk properly or move even to this day. His childhood was ruined already by his mom being disabled. She was in a coma for months as well. And then he looses his true love on the same road. I am worried about him so much.
    I know I have written a lot, people might not even read this but it helps me to get it all out and tell the story. Utterly tragic and I can’t believe that it’s happening to me. She was supposed to be with me when we are old. I needed her to be my bridesmaid, and me hers. I needed to hold her hand when I give birth, and hold her hand when she had her babies that she had already chosen names for.
    I am so angry that this has happened, if that farmer had cleaned his shit up then she would be alive.
    He will be prosecuted. And sued. This will do nothing for us except give us the satisfaction that someone is at fault.
    I struggle to sleep over it all. It’s 6:11 am and I haven’t slept yet. I have good dreams of her, then I have nightmares of her. I have grabbed a bottle of water while I was asleep and poured it over myself. I did not wake. Only later on when I woke and realised I was soaked and actually did soak myself. And it wasn’t a dream that I did it.
    I grabbed a carton of milk which was for my dog, next to me. Full of doggie vitamins, and I drank it in my sleep. I woke up and the carton was empty. I don’t know why my subconscious has a fascination with the liquids that I keep next to my bed.
    I’m worried I may try to drink something more harmful while I sleep. I have moved the mouthwash and the makeup cleansing water. Just in case..
    just don’t know how I will go on with the rest of my life without her. She was literally everything to me, I spoke to her every day. I have lost my best friend, one of the people I loved most in the world. Precious and irreplaceable. Beautiful angel. She was amazingly talented with makeup and had her own YouTube channel and lots of followers on Instagram. Lots of friends. Her funeral was bursting at the doors, everyone she met loved her. She made everyone’s day better and was truly a good person. I don’t believe in god but I hope with all my heart that she is still there and I will see her again. The alternative is too painful to contemplate.
    Thankyou to anyone who read this, and also sorry because like me you wouldn’t be here unless you had also lost a sibling too soon. 😭

    • I am so, profoundly sorry for your loss. I know that there will always be a before, and an after, and that life will always be a bit diminished in the after. I know that the future without her is devastating to consider. I know that the present is almost physically unbearable. Someone told me that grief is something like a box with a buzzer attached to the inside…when it is fresh, the ball is large and fills the box, and the buzzer (the anguish) is pressed constantly. Over time, the ball becomes smaller and smaller, but still moves about the box randomly and hits the buzzer at random times ( a song, a smell, a memory that comes out of nowhere, a milestone in life without your loved one). I think this is true. That is what makes this survivable. Please remember that the ball is shrinking, but never your love or your memories. I hope that you will cling to one another and hold one another up, until it’s easier to float on the surface. You don’t have to do anything right, you just need to survive this. For her. So much love to you and your family, you all sound like beautiful people.

  80. I lost my sister on March 9, 2016. She was hit head on in traffic and killed instantly. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and that very tragic day. I had to tell my mother and my children. While I have found happiness and am learning to live a life without her, the heart ache never leaves me. There is a void that will never go away. I have learned that there is a fine line between faith and understanding. I will never understand why my sister was not granted surviving that accident, but I trust God will be glorified daily from the seeds that she planted while on this earth. I have no doubt where her spirit is at this very moment and it is that faith that has allowed me to go on and learn to live a life with out her presence. I miss her laugh and random phone calls so much. I want so badly to dream of her, but for some reason my mind will not allow me to do that. I do not know if anyone else does that, but that is a real issue for me. If I could dream of her, I could hear her voice, her laugh and her wit!!!!

    We planned on how we would take care of our parents, what we would do if something happened to my husband, but I never planned a life without her. Yes, the dynamics of my life changed on March 9,2016. My faith was tested and I truly understand how depression feels. I learned that the death of a sibling leaves you feeling very empty. Sometimes you feel really guilty. There are many reason that make you feel guilty. I really depends on how long you have been grieving, the time of the year, and your season of life. I cried so much for the first 6 months that I didn’t think I had any more tears. Eventually, I quit crying every day, but I still shed tears. I may be watching a movie and it hits me. I may be driving and it hits me. I go through her journals and I shed a tear.

    Thank you for allowing me to post my scattered thoughts and real pain. I miss my sister so much! She was my true friend and an amazing woman! I thank God that I had the time with her that I did; and I thank Him for the counseling and witnessing she gives me from the life she lived and journaled. While I do pray for myself and my family daily, I will be praying for those that find this page.

  81. This article has helped me tremendously and I can’t wait to read it over and over again. I feel for each and every story of loss written in the comments and pray that healing finds your hearts and you grieve. When I was 5 (36 years ago), my brother was killed in a car accident-he was 18. He was my best friend. He loved me so much. But I have just begun grieving his death as of this past weekend. At the time of his death, I cried in a bush for a few minutes, wiped away the tears and became the strength my family needed. I immediately accepted he was gone and that my life would never be the same, but my 5 year old mind went into action believing that I needed to be a support system and/or just take care of myself–I didn’t want to be a burden. My parents weren’t much help because they were grieving. I remember sitting on a chair by myself while everyone was whirring around the room tending to my grieving mother and grandmother. My dad was busy accepting guests and there I was, sad, but not able to show it. Throughout my life I had underlying anger and resentment because I felt like, I’m here, why do you have to talk about him. When people called me an only child, I let them because if my mom was around she’d say, No, she’s not, she had a brother but he was killed in a car accident which would take the attention off of me. But, this past weekend, I had my heart broken by a man I was falling in love with, and I realized in a peaceful moment after he relayed to me that we will just be friends, that I MISS MY BROTHER. Immediately, I realized that I never allowed myself to grieve. My heart was broken wide open in that moment and it felt so good and terrible at the same time to cry my eyeballs out because his love for me was perfect. I’ve been looking for that type of love since I was 5 and no one has come close. So, even though it’s 36 years later, the wound is fresh and I’m processing all of this emotion. What’s amazing is that the day after this revelation, a friend of mine asked me if I was the only child and I PROUDLY stated, No, I had a wonderful brother but he was killed in a car accident when I was five. That is the first time I acknowledged him in that way without hesitation. I’m proud to be his sister and his perfect love lives on in me. Now, that I’m working on myself (self-love), I know the love I desire from a significant other is soon to follow. And, if it isn’t I know that my brother’s love resides in my heart and is an irreplaceable gift!

    • I kind of understand. My brother died 28 years ago in a car accident when he was 19 and I was 14. I always thought there was something wrong with me bc I still miss him. He was an athlete, attractive, funny, charismatic and popular. He could have cared less about the popularity. He was confident and didn’t seem to care what people thought of him. Opposite of me. He drove me nuts but would beat up anyone who bothered me. I overheard someone ask my mom after it happened how I was doing.
      My mom said I was doing ok. Not even close. I’m still dealing with the grief. A couple years ago I realized that I hadn’t really dealt with it. I tried to take care of my parent’s bc I wanted to make up for his death. I tried to follow in his footsteps. But I’m not my brother. I’m not as good as him and I never will be. Survivor’s guilt, 28 years later. I’m sorry for your loss and for what you have been dealing with. I pray you find peace. Take care.

      • I was 15 when my 19 year old only brother died instantly after missing a curve on a random road. We never got along growing up and he constantly pestered me and I hated him for it. He’d been out of the house for over a year and I’d not seen him or spoken to him in almost that much time. I don’t have any memory of what our last conversation even was. It completely ruined my parents, who went on to divorce bitterly and will never speak to each other again. I’ll be 39 in a few months and I’ve started to realize how incredibly angry I still am at every single one of the hundreds of adults who had found out about his death hours before me and swarmed our house. After being pulled out of class in a shocking manner to be called to the principals office and find my father there in hysterics with the news, I couldn’t wait to get to the safety and privacy of my home. As the complete stranger driving my father and I home turned the corner on our street and I saw our large yard filled with scores of cars I couldn’t effing believe it. I know they were in shock too, and some of them did try and interact with me but I went right back to school the very next day to escape the absolute circus my house had
        turned into. All the adults had completely lost their minds and I felt like I was the only sane person left in the world. Over 200 flower arrangements were delivered to our 1700sq ft house in the first 24 hours. We had a stock hundreds of 2 liter bottles of soda people had dropped off that lasted for YEARS after he died. It’s been 24 years and I’ve just realized I’ll never forgive them for allowing me to be one of the last to be informed and invading my home while virtually ignoring me the entire time. I interact with very few of my family members very infrequently now. Lately my gut feeling is to estrange myself from my entire family by officially asking them to end all contact.

  82. My brother tragically passed away on the 15 August 2018 in a helicopter accident. He was 33 years old, a Wildlife Veterinarian in South Africa. I was the one that had to tell my family, organize flights, deal with the finances and his estate. Words cannot describe the devastation. It feels as if we are left with a world of emptiness. I still dream that he’s alive. God has been with me every step of the way, but somehow I just keep wishing for him to come back. I just want everything to be like it was. My mom is a wreck and it’s killing me. The pilot survived but they have made no attempt to contact our family, we still don’t know what exactly happened. I was the only one in the family with whom my brother shared his deepest secrets, it just feels wrong. My sisters is the oldest, she struggled a lot in dealing with his death, but had the time to do so while I was keeping everything together. Sometimes it just feels like everyone is dumping everything on me because I know what to do and I want to help, it’s just too much. I feel like moving far away from everyone and forgetting it ever happened. My dad doesn’t talk about it anymore. My brother’s wife is also going through a rough time and my heart breaks for her. I’m trying to organize everything for her as well so that she doesn’t have to deal with that as well. I’m tired and sad and angry. And honestly I do wonder what God was thinking when he took my brother, I don’t quite see the purpose of His plan yet, although I know He is good and loves us dearly. I just wish my mom would get better maybe it would all be easier to deal with.

  83. Hello & prayers to all mourning siblings. I lost my older brother Reed, age 54, on Monday January 14, 2019. He suffered a LAD heart attack while driving. He was courageous & strong and fought for his miracle for 10 days. I was utterly shattered, no living will at hand, and having to make the most difficult decision on his behalf. Reed was a free spirit, gregarious, funny man and lying in a bed, unconscious for the remainder of his days would go against everything his life represented. So the hospital chaplin said an extended prayer, we sang, laughed, told stories leading to a final goodbye. He would depart on his own terms,proving the Doctor’s weren’t know it-alls by surviving another 81 hours when they estimated 30 minutes. I have been haunted by how his life ended, him lying there and all that entailed, and having to make decisions on his behalf. I cannot seem to reach him by dreams, or feel him near wondering if he is angry at me. So this is just my story, a love for a brother taken too soon and too tragically.
    I pray for each of us to find comfort and loving hugs to embrace our pain.
    God Bless

  84. Hi, I was looking for a support group for losing my twin sister. Isaw this site & honestly hesitated to even type a word. I still struggle to even use the words loss or grieve. I’ve lost my everything, the other 1/2 of me. I’ve had not 1 person to say, “this is part of my support group “. I moved to a new area & into an apt. Complex, with great hope of finding just 1 person to call “friend” & I haven’t succeeded yet. I’m very friendly & outgoing, yet (tbh) very frustrated & tired of being alone, so after some time, i started looking to find a group of people that can relate. I’ve read some of your stories on here, each 1 breaks my heart, but it’s nice to see support & kind words shared. My life has changed in every single part. I know the 3 phrases that bring feelings of anger are, it’ll ” get better with time”, & ” I understand what your going through ” & the people that are not in my life now since that day, if I unfortunately run into 1 of them, I’ll get the ” so how ya doing”? I refrain from saying what I’m wanting to say. Thank you & God bless you all, Sincerely

    • Hi Michele. I can relate to your loss of a twin as I lost my twin brother two weeks ago and literally feel as if a part of me has gone too. All of my life I was a protector of my sweet brother because he was intellectually disabled and I needed to make sure he was not bullied. To find him dead in his room two weeks ago will forever be marked on my heart. It was bad enough that God had to make his life more challenging than his twin but to take him earlier did not seem fair as well. He was a much happier person than I was despite his challenges. Please be strong and know there are others out there in the universe who know what you are feeling. No one can understand the bond of a twin and the thought you will not be seen as a single person leaves an emptiness inside. I have my doubts about God sometimes but need to believe my brother is being looked after somewhere just like your sister. Good luck on this journey going forward.

  85. Before my story I would like to thank everyone for sharing their’s! Your story has helped me and Thank You!
    My Eldest Sister Passed this Morning at 3am EST. We have 5 total siblings, 2 sisters and 3 brothers, I am the youngest Brother. My sister passed from a long cancer battle and is now not suffering. She is now the Sunshine upon my face that warms this dark day. She is the light to pull me through my many tears of restless agony of not visiting her prior to her death. I will wrestle with this forever. My relationship with the facts will be the foundation of my survival and knowing how strong our family is will build my peaceful temple of memories. May the coming days allow me to exist, function, create a lovely mosaic of thoughts. Cry on and remember we can only control what we can. I write this to pull myself up and be the best Father, Husband, Son and Brother I still need to be.

  86. Thank you for this thoughtful piece. I endured the loss of two brothers, 3 months apart from accidents. Since I am a reader I attempted to find articles or books on sibling loss. I needed to identify with someone who had been down this path. Nothing – and I mean nothing. I came across two autobiographies which skimmed over sibling loss but lacking in the experience I needed to identify with and in that feel less alone.

    This prompted me to write about siblings deaths and how they impacted me. A professor at NYU read it and felt strongly about the need for this heartbreak to be circulated. She told me she submitted it to the Thanantology Association. Years later I was prompted to write about adult sibling loss. I have worked internationally as a psychotherapist serving the military. As a result I came in contact with many and began doing interviews with those enduring adult sibling loss. I am currently continuing with interviews for a book I feel is needed and wanted.

    I also offer workshops which have not been overflowing with participants but rich with connection. Articles like this help bring awareness to the heartache of sibling loss.

    • Hi Veronica!

      My older brother died in October (I am 27, he was 29). I too have been searching for literature and have come up empty. Reading helps me understand things and I was hoping to find comfort in reading about someone else’s experience. Did you find any literature that you found helpful? I am obviously still very new to the grieving process and would love any input you have!


    • I lost my big brother two weeks ago to cancer. He was such a caring person and he was part of what made our family so “good”…we all could always count on him to be there for us any time. Now that he’s gone, I would usually turn to my mom for support, but she is dealing with losing her child, even if he was 54 and I’m almost 50. I just miss him so much and knew my family would never be the same; it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.

  87. It has been almost 2 years since my younger brother’s suicide. The fog has lifted. The pain isn’t as strong. I will never stop loving him. He has my heart until the end. I realize that he was just human, so I forgive him for whatever he was able to do or not do, during his life. I forgive his sins and omissions, and I forgive mine. I forgive myself for whatever I was able to do or not do during the time we had together. We both did our best, given the circumstances and the information at hand at that time. I know that he would want me to carry on with my own life. I think he would be proud that I will always remember his best qualities, attributes, and achievements. This is my job, as his big sister, and this is what I am going to do. Nobody can take that from me, ever. I will carry his memory in my heart and in my mind for as long as I will be able to, wherever I will go, for the rest of my days. I am hopeful that somewhere, wherever he may be, that he feels my love, in its truest form. The kind that never ends. I know he wishes me love, as well. Until we meet again, when it is my proper time, and not a day before, I wish him love.
    I wish all of you love, as well. You are not alone.

  88. My eldest brother has just commited suicide, he was only 35 and had so much to live for. I keep running in circles in my mind of how much pain he must’ve been in, I sleep in his bed every night where he did it and just keep picturing him dying alone with no one by his side telling him they loved him. It was with pills and I just pray to god he didn’t experience any pain and he peacefully fell asleep. I keep going back and forth now of whether I should do it myself because I don’t want him to be alone and I can’t handle living without him, but I’ve seen what suicide does to a family and I don’t want to hurt more people. I just want him back so bad and to never let go of him again.

    • I to have lost my baby brother to suicide on Jan 7, 2019. I am feeling all of those feeling you have, my brothers name was Ken, he hung himself in the shop that he loved so much. It is Feb 18th, 2019 and it is still so real I can’t even work I feel paralyzed with grief. I loved everything about him, his zest for life, his smile, his dimples, his humor, his passion, I loved the ground he walked on. I feel for you!! His wife gave me one of his sweaters and I swear every time I hold it close to me I feel him. Do you have something like that?? My sister talks to him all the time , like he is right beside her. I wonder if this helps! I am still struggling with feelings of not being here, and going to keep him company. We will try to keep strong, right???

    • My younger brother committed suicide by jumping off a bridge on January 14th, 2019. He was 29. I thought of him the morning he did it and hoped he was okay since he was struggling with depression and drugs. I brushed it off thinking nothing bad could happen.

      I was close to him growing up, but I grew apart from him because of his addiction and mood swings. He was difficult to talk to at times. I was mad at him.

      Now I feel so stupid. I’m a doctor and I couldn’t be there for my brother. He died alone in the freezing winter water at 5:30 in the morning.

      I power through work and let it be my distraction. At times, I feel dissociated and numb. At times, I want to scream.

  89. Hello everyone, I too lost my brother to cancer on Dec 22, 2018. He was 43. The cancer took him so quickly. He left behind a loving wife if 9 years and 2 small children. It is heartbreaking. I struggle every day with trying to make sense of how this can happen. It helps to read all if your stories and know that I am not alone in my grief. Thank you.

    • Jennifer, I am sorry for your loss. Your story sounds very familiar. I lost my only sibling, my younger brother, to cancer on November 12, 2017, 4 days after his 42nd birthday, and 10 days after the birth of his youngest daughter. It is tragic all the way around. I have had an especially tough time dealing with self-imposed guilt about the struggles of my sister-in-law and her two young babies. It has also caused a real issue with my extended family members, as I feel very isolated in my grief. I hope you are continuing to allow yourself space for healing.

  90. “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just Love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just Love with no place to go. “ Jamie Anderson.

  91. Hello my poor suffering friends. I have read so many of your heartbreaking stories and I feel your pain. We lost my beloved brother to cancer on December 5, 2018. He was 65. We were so close. I find myself going around still talking to him. It hurts so much everyday. My whole family are devastated. All I can say is to try and take good care of yourselves by eating healthy and be as active as possible. You can’t let your mind endlessly dwell on your loss all day long. It’s torture. You need the mental break. Bless you all.

  92. I lost my little brother August 21, 2018. He was 17. Jojo had Just graduated high school and I was making plans to have him move to the USA for a better life and education.
    It’s hard I keep pushing myself to stay busy and not think but then it hits me that something very important is missing “ the text messages encouraging me to be better, him seeking advice from me and telling me what he would like to study in college”.

  93. Here we are in the midst of the holiday season once again, a season I dread. I lost both of my parents when I was young. My mom died at age 50 the day before my 14th birthday, my dad died at 58 when I was 21. We were a family of six girls but I have already lost three of my sisters at relatively young ages and a fourth sister is now battling stage three ovarian cancer. This is why I cannot stand the holidays but my husband just does not understand. His mother is 90 and though he did lose his father a few years ago, he lived well into his 80s. My husband has one sibling and every year I get into an argument about not wanting to go to his family’s homes for Christmas. But each year I am denied the right to just stay home and get through the days. I have two sons and would like to just relax and be with them without a lot of stress. They are young men now and don’t live in the same city. My youngest sister died one year ago, November 8th, 2017. Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of another sister’s death on Dec. 19, 2013, and my other sister has now been gone for 11 years. She died Oct. 27, 2007. I have tried to always put my best foot forward and work through the grief but it has actually gotten worse rather than better. There are so many days when I am so depressed I can’t concentrate. I do everything to make myself feel better from exercising each day to working on projects in my home to getting together with friends, etc. I set up as many distractions from the grief as I can but losing a sibling is so painful. Bad enough my parents missed decades of my life and I theirs, but losing my three sisters with another very ill is truly killing me. Anyway, I am sorry for all of the losses of the many people who wrote on this site. I truly get it and I do feel your pain. It’s just like mine. Happy New year to one and all. May we all fell better.

    • I can completely relate with your story I lost my dad when I was only 18. I lost my older sister to cancer in 2011 she was 52 and it was a quick and sudden death. 2016 my 5 year old dog suddenly got cancer and died less than a month after his diagnosis my younger sister was diagnosed with cancer that October she took a stroke in January 2017 passed away April 23 a day after my 50th birthday she was 47. backing up to January 2017 my 22 year old nephew hung himself. In the midst of all of this my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer July 2015 she had previously had breast cancer in 2004 so she had done chemo and had surgery and more chemo. My mom passed away in March of this year. I dislike the holidays last year was the worst ever to get through my younger sister and I were best friends we talked every day lived close did lots of things together losing her really wrecked me I used to like Christmas and I hope some day I will again but it’s a hard time for me and my husband doesn’t understand either I don’t have a good support system. I was in counseling after my sister passed away haven’t been in a while I went after my mom passed away. It helped a lot and I do want to go back sometime soon.

  94. Hi All, I have found all your losses extremely sad, I lost my Older Brother 2nd December 2018. It was unexpected and he was only 51 yrs young. The feeling of emotion at times over whelms me. I just turned 46 so 8 days before my birthday he passed of a heart attack. I have now tried and stopped talking about him in the passed tense as I believe he is with us always. He is the eldest Brother I have a Sister and younger Brother. What really helps me is keeping up communication with my other siblings, Talk of the good and laugh at the silly stuff. No point in entertaining the If’s and the Buts, The should of, could of, or would of’s, We are here for the time we are here. How lucky I feel to have an older Brother like Dave. He is the best. I truly wish you all the best and hope your Christmas and New Years can be as happy as possible.

  95. Im 20 and my sister recently got killed in a fatal car, on site.. with my 7month old neice in the car, a week that week she also passed away while in the hospital. My sister’s name was Anjelika lynn Holland and my neices name Arista star Holland. My grief of her never seems to fade away. It feels like yesterday still and it she died on September 24, 2018. I’ve never gone this long without hearing her voice or seeing her face. She’s gone and I only see her now in pictures and recordings. The saddest part is I found out before my mother and I had to pick her up to go to the hospital. She died aorund 8-8:30pm. Traffic slowed down heavly and she was going the speed limit and didn’t see it coming. Ahead of her on the I-90 freeway. She was on the way to drop Arista off with my mom before going to work. Its hard to think about that there’s only 2 days in your entire life that aren’t gonna be 24 hours long. That night before anyone knew about what happened I was sitting on my couch and had this abnoral erdge to stand up and walk to the window, when I did I looked up and I saw the moon. That night it was so beautiful, It was so big and bright. I remember staring at it for a good 5 ish minutes and I’ve never felt so peaceful and free while looking at the moon but for some reason I felt so comforted from it. 20 minutes later I get a call from my aunt crying over the phone and told me ” It’s your sister, there was a car accident. She is no longer with us. Arista is in the hospital in critical condition” in that moment I knew. Here on Earth everything’s will be different, everything good is gone. And I’m so sad. My mom told me that night in the hospital, anjelika had came to her while she was sitting alone in a conference room and said to her “Mom, I’m taking my baby with me. But im lost, I’m in the dark and I don’t know what to do.” My mom told her “Its okay baby, take your baby and go to the light, we love you and we will always love you. Go be free be happy and safe. Arista is waiting for you” and ever since that night we stopped getting any kinds of signs from her, I got sad and asked my mom if that was a good thing. She just shook her head and yes. Because she’s up in heaven enjoying herself always and forever and she will always be looking down on us. But she will always be there. I miss her. And it seems like I’m the only one who’s having trouble moving forward in my life. Veeryone keeps doing what they do every day and it seems like it doesn’t effect them. I can’t eat, I can’t work. I’m breaking down and cry every single damn night, scilent tears so my boyfriend doesn’t know. I have this werid survivors guilt even though I know I wasn’t there. Its going away now kind of, but I keep having nightmares about what she saw in her last breath. Breaks my heart every time. Because it was so tragically and she was founds many feet away from her car when the wreck happened and we had to cremate her because there was no way in hell anjelika would want us to see how she died and what she looked like in an open casket. It was auful. And to add in to it, Arista is the baby of a deadbeat father who wanted nothing to do with her when she was born.. he’s benefiting $50,000 from aristas death. And took her off life support to get the money faster. And theyre family doesn’t like us either. Arista and anjelika were supposed to be cremated together but the family made it to where that didn’t happen and we can’t even be there for my neices funeral. We get a half a teaspoon of her ashes splitted between me and my family. And I know death brings out the worst in people and money is the route of all evil. How do I learn to live with this with love instead of hate and anger.

  96. I lost my brother when I was 18 years old and he was 20. He was my only sibling. Our father passed away two years prior which caused both of us to go down dark paths. On Christmas morning I found his body in our office. He had accidentally overdosed. A couple hours before, I thought I heard him on the phone so I quietly snuck back to my room. I didn’t want him to bother me with something stupid, but now I’d do anything for him to bother me! I feel a crazy amount of guilt, if I just opened the door he might be alive today. Since he passed on Christmas, the holiday season sucks for me. Everyone is so happy and “jolly”. People post count downs till Christmas and all I see is a countdown to my brothers death. My family is very small and they chose to ignore it all together (for the most part) but it’s different for me. I have no support group. My friends only feel sorry for me and my husband rather not discuss it. Christmas time is supposed to be the best time of the year, but all it is to me; is a reminder that I am basically alone in this world. I’m slowly trying to like Christmas more but I don’t know if I will ever be in the “holiday spirit” again. I’m 24 and have lost my brother, dad and grandfather. I am hoping to find a Support group, but most I have found are for older people.

    • You aren’t alone.

      Our stories are very similar.

      My mum found my brother (15 mos older than me) dead in his bathroom a couple of days before Christmas, with no known cause of death, two years ago. This happened four weeks, almost to-the-day, following the death (by heart attack) of my best friend, who understood me better than anyone, in-exception for my bro.
      Neither my brother or my best friend lived past 31 and I just turned 32 last month.

      My dad died suddenly when we were 15 and 16; He was 49.

      My Fiancée is struggling with my grief and is understanding/supportive, but doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the concept that she won’t know the hardship I’m experiencing until she has to experience it herself.
      Just as the articles mention, with the loss of my brother, it sometimes feels like I’ve lost my mother, as well. The relationship changed almost instantly. This is to be expected, though.
      My friends are growing increasingly unavailable, despite the offerings to talk anytime.

      Have you tried therapy? My fiancée really thinks that it will help immensely, although I have coping strategies, it’s a matter of creating habits and putting them to use. Execution? Beyond coping strategies, support groups seem like a more effective form of “therapy.”
      Just because someone did school work on grief counseling doesn’t mean they’ve experienced the grief and know the mechanisms they preach will actually work.

      Time, I find, is the only thing that fixes loss. Or, at least, the loss over the past 17 years of my life.

      Why don’t you just join a group of old folk? I would give almost anything to not feel disconnected and misunderstood at this point.
      Good luck.

    • Hello Madeline, I don’t know you, but I lost my older brother almost 3 weeks ago, he was my only brother, he had a car accident. Our father died 3 years ago , we were very close to him , so we had a very hard time going through it 😢
      My brother and I grew up together, and we had an amazing relationship, I was trying to find people with similar situation as a way to help each other.
      I hope you can rext me back

  97. i’m seventeen years old and i lost my brother almost either years ago this upcoming february, which is also my birthday month. it’s been a long time and i can’t understand why it still feels as if it was yesterday. my story is a little different than others because my brother is still alive. because of a car accident and the incompetence of the nurses my brother is now a traumatic brain injury victim. he can’t walk, talk, or control his limbs very well, along with the mental capacity of a child. he no longer looks the same. he no longer smells the same.. it feels as if he died, as if it’s not the same person. i miss him more every single day. i don’t know how to move on or have a normal life. i expected so many tomorrow’s, so many i love you’s, and many more hugs. i’m starting to forget what his voice sounded like, what he smelled like. and many other things. i havent felt this distraught in a very long time.

  98. My brother, Charles died 1 year ago tomorrow (12/4/2017) just a few days after his birthday, turning 58. I am 50. I have some similar health issues and cant help to wonder will i die in 7 to 8 years. Our dad died 3 months later (3/6/2017) and i was living and caring for him for a few months until he took his last breath. My brother was in hospice, which i do not support and only visited once before the morphine juicing and slow death began!
    I just lost my 14 yr old dog 11/8/2018. I have lost a total of 5 people and 1 beloved pet in a year. The pain i feel daily bounces from one person to another to the dog. I question the universe on why this all happened at once? Will they see each other?
    The rest of my family- my mom, sister and another brother (i am the youngest) has fallen apart for me personally. I dont have the connection with them. I feel anger, resent, sadness and feel i am being judged when i communicate with them like my grief is “taking to long to get over it”. I honestly never want to go to my mothers house again where my brother was so sick and his empty recliner sits. I also dont want to speak to these other two siblings that moved when i was young and know nothing about real life here in town or about me at all. My life has changed forever. My Dad at 87 was expected and natural progression, the dog as well. My brother was not! Wont even go into how the wrong handling of estates afterward has affected even my ability to speak about it or share any grief at all. Now holidays are ahead. I skipped a family reunion and Thanksgiving and plan on working on Christmas. The family structure is gone for me. Like what was written my safety nets are gone. I am so grateful to be my age and have a career, son and my own life to help hold me up! I have tried to tell my Mom these things. She is losing more than my brother. She begs not to lose the family connection but she fails to admit there really wasnt much of one to begin with. To those of you that wrote comments: I read your posts! You are not alone in this sad complicated world! You may be right next to the grieving at work, in a store, at school and never even know it. My new mantra in life is just be kind to people you may never know what they are going through. Love.

  99. I was 12 when I lost my sister. She was 14. She was sick, but it wasn’t expected. I’m now 37, and I’m more sad and more angry about her not being here than when we were younger. I miss her every single day. So many things I wish she could have seen, and people she could have met (my daughter, for one). Sometimes I feel like I’m still that 12 yr old little girl and I can’t get passed there. ? She left me an only child, and it’s not fair! I’m so mad hurt confused. .and although it isn’t constant like it once was, it is still debilitating. I find myself avoiding my parents and friends and family. I see my friends or cousins and their sisters, and those feelings rush back and take over. Why did They still have each other? How come They got to grow up to adulthood together? Why did They get nieces or nephews, or get to be aunts? They have each other to be there for the other one. I get so jealous. It’s not fair at all.

  100. my elder brother died when i was only 1st grade q-q.
    i ended up suffering from personal borderline disorder and others. i also have no friends.

    since i was only so young, i hav nu idea wat happened dat time.
    We went swimming and came back to shower. After that, he suddenly started to say that his head hurts and parents brought him to hospital. Few days later, he past away. When I asked how or why, they’ll say he wants to return to God’s side…. . . . . . . .

  101. My eldest brother shot himself 14 years ago in his early 40’s while on a drunken binge. It shattered my mother who was already an alcoholic. My second eldest brother who lived a few hours away came back to Johannesburg in a state & from that moment I have had to be there for him through thick & thin. My mother died 2 years ago. Last week after years of hell & trying to help him we put him into a rehab clinic. I was so sick & tired of all the drama by this stage (And trying to work) I did not visit him. After 6 days the rehab phoned to tell us he needs to go to hospital for a drip – he is not doing so well. I phoned the hospital (an awful state hospital as he never had medical cover) they wouldn’t give much info but said they would call me if there was a problem. They did not call. We phoned early the next morning to be told we should get there quickly. By the time my younger brother (also an alcoholic) and I arrived he was in a coma with multiple organ failure & sepsis from pneumonia. His heart stopped minutes after we got there. The grief & guilt & remorse, regret & absolute despair that I feel is indescribable. I feel I failed him and he died alone and afraid & stranded on an island of despair & insanity with no comfort. I cannot work, eat or sleep. Nothing has rocked me to the core like this. The death of my eldest brother was agony but I don’t recall it being as painful and debilitating as this grief. I feel I will never recover.

    • I guess it always happens like this with troublemaking siblings huh?
      Just when I distanced myself from my sister’s self – inflicted drama she gets admitted to the hospital and she’s gone in two days. Regret and guilt can’t even describe the numb and empty pain nested permanemtly in my core. Thank you for making me feel less alone with your story.

  102. I am a former hospice RN. I helped people face thier impending death without pain or fear. I helped the family members through the shock and distress that occurs regardless of the fact that the death was anticipated for some time.
    My brother was a paramedic and a hospice RN. This should be easy. It isn’t (or I wouldn’t be here.) My brother died 4 days ago after being given Humira for ulcerative colitis.
    It doesn’t matter how much you know about grief. It still hurts and I want to be numb. I was doing a good job of keeping the truth of his death in a quiet corner of my mind, until I got the small black ribbon pinned over the heart. It is always there, a constant reminder. I don’t want to think. I also don’t want to remove the ribbon. Ritual is important. My sisters and I have been sharing songs. Music is very important right now. I have been playing Elton John’s, “Daniel.” and “I Guess it never hurts to Hurt Sometimes.” By the Oak Ridge Boys.
    Music and rituals and writing. Just putting it all on paper is helpful, but I am not ready for that yet…..although I am here writing. Laughter is good. Sharing the funny memories with other family members is like getting a bit of fresh air after being shut up inside for a long time.
    I was a nurse for several years before my brother became a nurse. I had more nursing education and experience than him; but my parents were all about the sons. The girls didn’t matter much. It was most evident when every hour spent with my parents was spent on praise of the brother. HE was an RN, but I just, “Worked in a hospital” according to my father. It rankled. One night after I had driven for 7 hours to visit them my father insisted I go to my brother’s house rather than spend the time with him, (talking about how smart and well educated an RN is, and how brother was the best nurse ever.) I left, but after hours of listening to them sing his praises, I was NOT happy about being sent to him. My young grandson was with me. He asked where we were going. I blurted out, “To see Saint David, the All Knowing.” Of course as soon as David opened the door the little one asked, “Are you Saint David the All Knowing?” David burst out laughing, and we had a great visit.
    That’s all I know about losing a brother.

  103. My older sister died 3 weeks ago and it was the hardest thing ever. I mean I’ve went a house fire, having to say goodbye to a foster baby sister (that felt like my actual sister) for stupid reasons….But it was okay, because I still has ALL of my family with me. Me and her were super close and when I got to the part in the article that said “you’re surrounded by people, but you’re not with the person you could truly be yourself with” I felt that so much. I’m 16 and my sister was 22, but she was….well I mean this might sound kinda corny or something but she was in a way “everything”. She was/is my favorite person, and even though I feel like I’m coping okay with this, I break down at randomn times. I can barely be alone because then I have too much time to think. And when I think, I think about my sister. I was literally talking to her that day before she died. We found out in the middle of the night. 2 cops were knocking on our door and my parents were the 1st to know (She moved to florida last christmas btw and we had to call the chief down there to find out what happened to her) Then they woke me and my brother up to tell us what happened. I was in denial for a long time. It didnt feel real!!! How the hell could my sister be dead.We had so many plans, and I wanted her to be there when I graduate hs, get married. But I’m not gonna see her in the stands cheering me on, or saying how my head looks big or elbows look ashy or something *lol* I know there are a lotta people on here that lost a sister or brother but in a way it feels good to write this. I can talk to my friends/teachers/adults but so far none of them have gone through this. And with the comparing…Ya, that happens a lot. And with my mom mixing our names together, or my other sister…it’s hard. I’m gonna try to be everything I want to be, and who I was when I was with my best friend/ sister, because even though a part of me wants to just do nothing and be with my sister…I have others that need me (my mom, dad, brothers, etc.). I still want to do things in life. Ya, I’m just writing what’s on my mind right now>>> after my sister died I was actually considering dying with her, I’m not gonna lie. Or even dying at 22 (like sge did). Maybe that’s normal, idk but it took about 2 weeks before my mind went back to being optimistic (in a way). Gosh! I’m pretty sure my sister’s death made me even more emotional when it comes to movies too. I cried so much at “Meet the Robinsons”. Like, is that even a sad movie to anyone else??? This probably won’t be read, but if you did read this mahalo

    • I read your entire comment, and I think you worded perfectly some of what I’m currently going through. I just lost my sister on November 24, 2018. Heart failure and septic shock from a bad case of pneumonia. I was at her side in ICU, and held her hand as she passed, and even seeing her die, seeing her body, I am still in a bit of denial. Because really, HOW could she be dead? Just how? She was only 29! This doesn’t happen to people that young!
      I am really so sorry you have to feel this type of heartache at such a young age. Your sister was so young too. It’s just senseless.
      I also understand when you said she was “everything”. I have uttered these very words multiple times over the last two weeks, because simply, Robyn was everything to me. We were extremely close. Grew up referring to each other as “twin”, though we have two years between us.
      I really only came here to see if my grieving is “normal”, whatever that even means. I think just in a way it’s comforting to know that someone out there in this world knows exactly the feeling in our broken hearts.
      I hope with time you find some peace, and your heart can mend as best as it can without your sister. I know for sure I will always carry an emptiness without my “twin”, but I will also do my best to carry her with me wherever I go in life. I also have the duty of never letting her very young children (one being a premature newborn) ever forget her.
      Sorry if I am rambling. Just know, your comment really spoke to me, and you are not alone in your feelings. I totally understand and wish you peace, love, and healing.

  104. My sister passed July of 2014. She was 44. She never saw it coming. She was doing laundry and just passed out of the clear blue. When they got there they said she was the only person they ever saw that was smiling as if she was laughing right before it happened. This should make me feel better but it doesn’t. This has devastated my world. I can’t go a single day with thinking of her. It hasn’t gotten any better. I miss her so much my heart is literally broken. I have decal on the back of my truck in rememberance of her and guys at work will ask me about it and I will just break down. I miss that my daughter didn’t get to meet her. I can’t get over it. I can’t move past it. All I want is to hear her laugh one more time. Watch her order haddock at a restaurant bc she knows I hate it and she would just do it on purpose to try to make me sick. I never thought it would be this hard. Everyday is a challenge and most days I just want to give up
    She was my friend and I don’t know where I am anymore. I feel lost even though im right where I’ve always been. I’m 44 now and I’m a single dad working and providing for my family. I put on a good show but inside I’m broken and I can’t move on. I have faith that I’ll see her again and that is what pulls me through everyday when I just want to end the hurting. Sad, lonely and lost in NH. Goodnight.

    • Doug, I believe you’ll see her again. Wherever she is, my younger brother Thomas is there too. He was 22.

    • In October 2016 I lost my only sibling, my best friend, the only one who shared my same blood, grew up with the same parents and everything. I miss him so much! I am not scared anymore of death, I will embrace it when that time comes because when that time comes i will see him again, i will get that big hug I’ve been waiting for and I’ll hear him laugh again. Stay strong because one day we WILL see them again!

  105. Yesterday or today don’t know exact day but I lost one of my good friend who is very respected to me and to all and very innocent he was l u brother ………………..

  106. I lost my sister on 12th of July 2018. She had gone to sleep like every day on the 11th and had just never woken up… a friend went to her place to check and eventually he called the police, together with another friend… Tomorrow, 27th of October we will pick up her ashes and right now I can’t sleep. I cry every day and I feel like a piece of me died with her. I am not complete anymore. I am 24 and she was 22, we don’t know what happened, they couldn’t find anything in the autopsy so it’s very hard to accept. We had a very tough childhood and were taken from our homes by childcare after our dad left us. And we didn’t have the best relationship for a long time and lived 3 hours by train away from each other, but I went to study in a city where she would also go to study two years ago and she even moved in the same student building and we got so incredibly close. We knew pretty much all of each other’s friends because sometimes they would hang out at one of our places and we would always invite each other to those “parties”. We didn’t say “I love you a lot” but for some reason I sometimes did it anyway and she was like: yeah whatever kbai but the last time I saw her (also at one of those spontaneous parties at hers) she came to me and said: I might be not sober now, but I still mean it!!! I love you too.
    It’s like a memory from a fairytale but it shouldn’t have to be the fucking last. I miss her so much.
    I know rationally that I have things in my life that give me purpose but it feels like my life has no purpose anymore.

    I do have another younger sister, she’s 18 but she’s not so interested in talking with me. She was supposed to come to the same city for studying this september as well but she quit after 3 weeks because it was too much. I love her just as much, but unfortunately I will have to wait, I know we will become closer in the future but it’s hard like this. The bond between my deceased sister and me was so strong and I don’t know how to go on without her. But I’m trying. I made a little place for her in my room, with pictures and candles… but nothing can take this pain away…

  107. My sister died on February 21,2010. she’s on her last year of highschool. She’s a year older than me. Even though we’re sibling, we have different hobbies…. you can say that I’m the straight forward type and she’s the reserve one. I like her though annoying her on a daily basis is one of my hobbies. After she died, i always get compared to her like “why can’t i be like her?” I don’t understand because we both do good in highschool. she’s actually rank 1st in highschool and 3rd on my year. Even her friends have the guts to talk to me straight to my face that my sister is so much better than me. one time though, this “friend” got told by my bestfriend that she would so tell good things about this “friend” when she’s also 6ft under. Can’t believed that even after 10yrs i’ll still hear others comparing me to my sister… i got used to it but sometimes I’m asking myself if i ever do something wrong to them. they can see me always ignoring them but i hope they know that deep inside I’m still hurting. It affected me psychologically that’s why I become introvert and have few (but real) friend in the present-day. I love my sister and i always think that what i beautiful world it would be if i’m the one who left and not her.

  108. My baby sister, Jen, passed away May 20, 2015 from a brain injury. A year later on the same exact day, I was hit by a tractor trailer and sustained the same exact injury. She died, I survived. My grief and guilt are unbearable at times. I’ve done therapy and know it’s life and nothing we can do about it but grief doesn’t have logic. At this point I’ve realized that the grief will never go away but the guilt has subsided and I’ve realized I have a 2nd chance at life and should use it to celebrate her every chance I get. My father died, then my mother, then my sister. I have 3 brothers, who I adore, but I’m lonely for my girls.

  109. I lost my little Brother of 19 years old in a car accident. I am still in total shock. I am in denial. Its too painful.

  110. Cyndi Pleasants-ScottOctober 21, 2018 at 8:57 pmReply

    My only sister died on May 14th, 2018. Just 4 months after our dad died and almost 11yrs to the day that our mother died. She was my past, present and future all in one person. She was my anchor and my everything, My life will never ever be the same. She was the only person who knew me the way she knew me. She knew all my hopes, dreams, fears, and heartaches. She not only knew them, but she lived them with me. She was the 1st person I told anything to. I can never trust anyone the way I trusted her. I have no one to share any of my emotions with. I have no one to check myself with. So I just go through life holding it all in and praying that God takes me home sooner than later.

    • Hi Cyndi, so sorry for your loss.
      Everything you said is me, 4 years on. Sorry, but its hard, they say time is a healer but it ain’t. She was my world, she was me. Six years between us, me being the older, now 50. When she died she took most of me with her, not sure what I’m trying to say here but it hurts , still hurts bad. Sorry, can’t write any more, to tearful xx

  111. Im an Identical twin. My Brother Keith was older than me by 5 mins. Oct 21st 1993-Dec 16th 1993. He got sick and passed away a few days short of 2 months old because we were born 14 weeks early premature, he spent his short life in an incubator. So i never met him in person after birth. To this day i feel guilty for being the twin to survive, ive heard rumors growing up that with each pair of twins either identical or fraternal there’s a good and evil twin, i feel like i am the evil twin and so Keith would’ve been the good twin. I feel that way and i dont know how to get rid of the guilt. i feel like maybe i did something in the womb to cause this to happen to him so i could survive but i have no idea. Our 25th birthday is in 2 days and i want to do something special in his memory but i have no ideas.

  112. My younger only sibling Samantha passed away this July aged 51 only 7 weeks after her cancer diagnosis. It is still so raw . I have 3 daughters who miss her terribly. And she too has a young daughter. I sometimes…. not forget she’s gone. It’s more like I suddenly remember. Then i get hit by another wave of grief . I wake in the night sobbing for all the things that we won’t now share.

    • Hello, Carol. I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my brother who was 57 years old (I’m 61). He walked into the hospital on November 12, 2018 and died two weeks later. He was an urgent walk-in, diagnosed with stage IV esophageal cancer that had spread to his spine and abdominal lymph nodes. He lived in Florida for many years and the rest of our family lives in Pennsylvania. I had to call my 85-year old father and younger siblings to tell them that we had to get an emergency flight to Florida. My brother never knew we were there as he was “brain dead”. We let him go 48 hours later. I’ve been a total mess, trying to work my nursing job. All I see are sick and helpless people. I wish you and your loved ones all the best, and hope God gives you the strength to get through each day.

  113. My younger sister was 23 and died in a car accident in 2012. Every since then I have tried to take care of my parents and try to make them smile once in a while. It wasn’t long before I realized my mom was already gone, and my dad is just keeps himself occupied. My dad can cope a lot better than my mom. My mom just isn’t the same person anymore. My younger sister was her joy and now its gone. I always felt overshadowed by my sister when it comes to my mom, but never mentioned it. I loved my sister so much it hurts, because I don’t have a friend anymore. Its even worse now. I know if my sister was here both my parents could go on. I can’t get excited about anything that goes on in my life because it is met with indifference. My mom just wants to sit in the house so no one will see her. When she does go to the store she is paranoid she’ll see someone she knows. All it takes is a conversation or something she sees to go into a rant. It breaks my heart because she believes she is the only one who is grieving. I prayed for my sister to come back but my faith failed.

  114. I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage the loss of my brother. I just miss him SO much, and it hurts too much. I wasted the time I had with him. He lived quite far away and I never made the effort to see him. I spoke to him on the phone but I would always tease him, and I just wish I’d made more of an effort with him. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I lost him, but it feels like a whole other life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again, I just feel numb and empty inside. I have this hurricane of sadness and it keeps tearing at my heart, making it hard to breathe. Everywhere I look I just see memories of him, and I hate that he died so young. I’m never going to get to be an auntie. And he’s never going to get to be an uncle. And I can’t just give him a ring when I want to hear his voice, and although I have so many memories of him, they’re finite. I’ll never get another moment with him, and that really, really sucks. I just want him back, and I feel like screaming, or crying, but instead I’m just cold and empty. I miss him, and I miss the person I used to be too.

  115. I lost my brother on 9-29-18(35). He was on a motorcycle and someone turned right into him from a flashing yellow light. No charges will be brought against the driver at fault. But now my brother is gone and family and friends are shattered. Our relationship was very unique since I was put into an orphanage at 12 years of age. He was left with my mom after our parents divorced and our father left us to never be seen again.

    We kept in touch as children and eventually reconnected and lived together as young adults through our mid twenties. We had a lot of struggles to overcome but we did it together, and I felt he was in a good place just before he passed. I saw him the day before it happened. I was happy to see him and felt like he was doing well. Which makes it harder now that he was finally figuring things outs and suddenly he is gone.

    I went online seeking help with my loss and I realized that it helps me to talk about him. I do it a lot now. I don’t know how this will effect me long term but I know I will never be the same. I will do my best to be happy eventually but I don’t think this sadness will ever go away.

  116. I lost my brother December 2,2017 to gun violence he was murder he was 28 years old with two boys he wasn’t even a gang member he was targeted because when he was younger lived in a different town I miss him so much I miss his smile his voice his presence

  117. My sister, 38, was murdered in a mass shooting at church just over a year ago. High profile, all over news, still awaiting trial. I still after a year feel so lonely and like a piece of my heart is gone. Add violent crime to the grief and it is so much to deal with.

  118. On December 3/2005 my father died . I was 18 years old little did I know my life was in for a major major major turn around… for the worst. I didn’t realize how precious family was I was being selfish and only thinking of myself and always going out and not spending my time with the people who I loved most. I continued this life style till I found a guy who swept me off my feet and I eventually moved with him to another town away from my family who was still on this earth. On January 28/2012 my sister committed suicide. She was 17 years old I was her older sister and I wasn’t there for her. I had to leave again and just handle this on my own because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my sad life. I should have just stayed with my family and spent more time with all of them. But I didn’t ….. On August 28/2014 my brother who was a year younger than me killed himself in my mother’s washroom. This is where my heart felt like it literally broke in two. I honestly don’t think I will ever recover from losing him. I miss him so much … I’m sorry we lived the lives we lived and I’m sorry you had to go through that last little bit by yourselves. I should of been the big sister I was growing up. But I wasn’t . I just wanna say sorry and I love them .

  119. Back in June of this year my brother was murdered. Only 24 years old and now he’s gone. He was an uncle to his two nieces who love him so. He was my other half considering we been through everything together. 24 out of 27 years of my life with him in it…now he is gone. I cant put words on here to describe the pain. I miss him so much and never even got a chance to say goodbye. How does one learn to live with this…help!

  120. I lost my sister who was only 30 years old a couple weeks ago to pneumonia after her beating cancer two different times. I am so angry and hurt that she is gone after fighting so hard to stay with her three little girls who are 8 years, 5 years, and 18 months old. She was my only sister and we talked all the time. I miss her so badly.

  121. Lost my Mom,lost my Dad, and just lost my Brother. Wow. Who knew he would be the most difficult?? Feels very different and very…. different. Sucks.

  122. I lost my baby sis 9 months ago to brain cancer. She was only 8 and had her whole life ahead of her. The guilt of being the surviving sibling is so real. And what makes my suffering even worse is watching our whole family in pain. And there’s nothing I can do to help them or help myself.

  123. I lost my brother to liver failure 4 weeks ago. Even though I’m married and have 3 kids, it is the loneliest feeling in the world. It changed everything. He was going to move in and take care of my dad when he can’t take care of himself anymore. Now I’m the only one left.

    Lost sibling resources are few and far between.

  124. I am sorry for everyone’s loss. It is not an easy thing to go through. When I need somewhere to turn or someone to talk to, I use It’s The Compassionate Friends. They have support groups, you can post online etc. It’s a great site. Not sure how nationwide it is.

  125. In late April of this year the youngest of my two older brothers lost his fight with cancer. I spent time with him the day before he passed for which I am grateful. That visit was beyond painful for so many reasons. I was witness to his wife of almost fifty years say to him why are you leaving me to which he replied ‘I have no choice’. As a child he and my oldest brother and I were like the three musketeers having adventures together. Just yesterday I learned my much younger sister has cancer my heart hurts beyond description.
    I come from a very large extend family growing up in a small town with grand parents, great aunts and uncles, a great grand mother, cousins as I would say by the dozen. I have known death for many years. I helped bury my parents. Not long ago I lost a cousin. As painful as those were the loss of my brother and perhaps my sister is almost to much. I have searched for a support group but have come up empty handed. I am in therapy which helps a lot but I know what I need is to share this with others who have gone through this same loss. I have been trying to be grateful that I have an older sister with whom I am very close to and an older brother who always has protected me.
    I have read a number of posts, would love to read them all but the writers pain is my pain. I would like to respond to all who have opened their wounds to share for it helps me to understand the feelings I am dealing with are not unique to me.

  126. The worst feeling ever to lose a sibling. I lost my sister almost three months ago. Life has never been the same.

    • I woke up August 14 to find out my sister had died in a car accident. Her back left tire blew out.
      It has been 3 & 1/2 months and I still hurt like It was today. I am 4 years older than her and she and and called each other and had a good loving relationship. I miss picking up the phone just to talk and tell her the little things and the big things. I love you for ever sister.

      • Donna, I lost my younger brother August 14th as well. He died suddenly and unexpectedly at 29. He was my only sibling, my best friend and my partner in crime. As his older sister I feel like I failed at looking out for him – even tho I know that’s not true. I have my own family and thankfully he didn’t have a family yet (I would hate him leaving behind a wife and kids). It’s now February and I still think about him SO MUCH it hurts. It physically hurts. Each sibling relationship is different, but just know there are others trying to figure out how to navigate thru losing their brother/sister. It’s okay to grieve.. but how much longer will it be SO painful.

  127. Just yesterday night my mom got a call from my cousin saying my uncle aka his brother had pass away she started screaming and crying later we came to my grandmas house I was only able to go upstairs with all the other kids there were polices all over the block and surraundeing the house.since my mom has lots of brothers and sisters the house was packed. We stayed there for the whole day. Today my mom and my aunt went to go check for places for his funeral

  128. I don’t really know how to say this, it only feels like life is playing cruel games on us. I had only recently lost my nephew who was 27 this December 2017 to suicide. Before we could have done it was too late. It wasn’t even as if we weren’t aware of his mental health. The entire family was aware of his delicate mental state. We tried everything ever since we got a hint that he is capable of doing something harmful to himself. But we couldn’t save him. My heart aches for all the children around his this young who go through such difficult time, as time went on through his suicide note and old suicide it become clear that nothing could have changed his mind. One thing that was very evident that he continually felt gulit of leaving his mother and his sister behind, and as well as our daughter. They both were incredibly close ever since they were young with only four year gap between them. It was clear very his passing had affected our daughter severely, than it had to us. She was devastated. After he left it was like the daughter I knew was lost. She became a complete person. They were in very ways similar, after a month of his death I started getting concerned about her. As she was just numb. After two weeks of leave from the college she started going to her college, but something that she enjoyed just become a chore to her. It was as if she was living just because she didn’t have any choice. My daughter also suffered from mild depression and it became worst, there were numerous times when she would just sit and stare at nothing for hours. Just as much I was concerned about her life, I believed her enough that she wouldn’t harm herself. As one more month passed she seems getting better, as march came by it was my daughter had in a way made ammends with the situation, as she started seeing a therapist and was doing fine. And for the rest of the family we all were again going back in our daily lives. What came for us in April was the worst nightmare for all, it was as if god was testing us in the worst way possible, we had only recently started to heal from the loss of one family members death. That we received a call from the hospital at 3 in the night that she was in a critical condition and had gotten in a car accident with one of her friends while returning from a frat party. My daughter didn’t drink and neither did her friend who was who was driving. It had rained heavily that day and accoring to the police investigation they had somehow lost the control of the car on the highway and the car flipped. My daughter suffered third degree spinal injury and her friend was lucky who only suffered form a boken hand and jaw. My daughter died due to excessive internal bleeding during the operation. There was nothing they could do to save her. She died just a day after her cousin’s birthday. And just two days before his birthday she went to visit his cemetery because she missed him. Even that day after she got home after her visit from the cemetery, she cried endlessly in my arms on how she blamed herself on her brother’s death, and that she couldn’t do anything to save him m knowing his mental condition. Or how she missed his call for the last time when he called her before the night he died.

    And the biggest irony was that my nephew’s suicide note was found in his car, right on the front passenger seat. Was this some sort of sign? I don’t know.

    When I think of it, I can’t really make sense of anything. Not as a mother nor as a aunt. Being the exceptionally religious person I was this has made me question everything. My entire existence. What in the hell was this? Could I have done anything differenr to avoid, both the deaths. I don’t truly know what I mean to say by this, but I miss them and my god it hurts.

    I’m just a parent trying to make sense of it all so that I can move on and be at peace. But I cannot seem to find any asnwer.

    My only question to God is that the both one them do to deserve this ? What did we as a family do to deserve to loose not one but two of our children?

    • Listen guy, congrats on writing a FICTIONAL story on loss – but how dare you come onto this forum and hawk your book left and right under damn near every post of people who ACTUALLY lost siblings for your monetary benefit cloaked in worry and compassion. It’s EXTREMELY clear you’re here to sell your fake story to people with post after post after post.. you’re only making it worse. A fake story doesn’t even begin to compare to what we are all dealing with. Get lost.

  129. My baby sister, just passed away on July 19th. I am still in total shock, she was my best friend in the world. She had been diagnosed with leukemia in 2016 and had beat it. It came back this year and came back while she was still on chemo. She fought so hard, but her heart gave out on her. I feel so lost and keep telling myself this is some god awful dream. I can only hope the pain becomes more bearable as time goes on. I know deep down it wont.

  130. I lost my brother back in June 23 i’ve been nothing short of being lost right now . His death was very unexpected I remember getting a That phone call like it was yesterday . When I was told that my brother died of a drowning my life Stopped. I’ve been trying so hard to find the good memories. I was on the phone with my sister-in-law this big beautiful red cardinal staring at me in the face. I knew it was brother my brother never liked to leave me alone . We always talked on the phone three times a week it feels weird not being able to talk to him . Everyone tells me I should think of the good times I had with him. It’s so hard not to miss him so much he meant the world to me.

  131. I have some resources for central Mass. My daughter lost her 18 month old brother when she was almost 5. It’s been a long road in and out of counseling. As her mom, it is so hard to watch her struggle with her emotions.

  132. Hello my name is arin. I just lost my 11 year old son this past March 2 2018 . He was my bestfriend . I miss him so much . He was killed in a horrible way .

  133. I lost my twin brother a few months ago, no answers no known anything and I am his twin sister and he died a month after our 20th bday. I dont know what to do or how to describe what I am feeling. Can anyone help.

    • I lost my twin brother in January, 2015. He had a heart attack and was gone before he got to a hospital. I can’t believe he is gone. It has blown up my life. He was the only one I knew loved me and was my rock, my safe port in the storm. Why is he gone and I’m still here I will never know. We were 61 when he passed. Love and miss you so much Billy

  134. I cant even fathom the rest of my life without my baby brother and if this feeling in my chest and stomach is ever gonna go away..its only been 4 months since he passed after being shot in the chest on 3/3/18 by some POS coward and fighting for 8 long hard days in ICU with all of us pushing for him to pull thru… He finally gave up the fight on 3/11/18 in the hospital with all of his family by his side still fighting , but now for eachother because we were all so confused and destroyed by this.He was young, only 24 and strong and just an all around good hearted young man.. We knew he would fight thru it as he did every obstacle he had not only in his everyday life but ever battle or issue he fought thru in the ICU.. We knew he would fight for his kids.. All 5 of them, 2 his biological and 3 who he stepped in and took over that father, and financial role and never thought twice about it.. I miss him so much.. I am the oldest and only girl of the 3 of us and he is the youngest, our baby that was 6’1 and gave the most gentle, soft loving hugs.. He was stolen from us over nothing, an argument he was just trying to diffuse and and head home… I don’t know what to do most days…

  135. I lost my brother in 1979 and it wasn’t until just recently, after the loss of both my parents, have I realized how I was affected by his death. He was born very sick, we didn’t think he would live 3 months, but he lived 5 years because we cared for him at home. I was the oldest of my sisters and having a brother was something we all wanted. I remember having to be the strong for my sisters, helping my parents as best a 16 year old could, but all the while, keeping my grief to my self. For years, when asked how many siblings I have I would say two sisters, but I now say two sisters and one brother who passed. I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, but for so long I just hid my grief and now I speak openly about it. Your blog is always a great source of comfort and I find myself quoting things I have read here. Keep up the great work.

  136. My older brother was killed in a bike accident a few weeks ago. He was hit by a lady, who was drunk, on the 8th of June and was pronounced brain dead on the 12th, just two days after my birthday. It was just the two of us. He was 39. I just turned 38. We were very close, didn’t talk every day but we were there if we needed each other. He was my back up. I would do anything for him and would follow him anywhere. I had to plan his funeral and sort out all of his affairs because my parents couldn’t. I am not coping very well, I miss him so so much. I cry every day and it is just really tough. My husband just can’t understand what I’m going through. I try to carry on with a form of “normal” but I don’t feel normal. I feel like there is something missing all the time. I know it will get better but for now it’s just extremely difficult.

    • I literally feel your pain. My only sibling, my younger brother (39) was hit off his bike by a car fleeing from police on the 25th Nov 2019. We withdrew life support 8 days later and he died on the 3rd Dec. I find myself shaking my head, it cant be real. It can not possibly be real that my big little brother could be gone. He meant the world to me. We didnt talk every day, we were quite different but we knew we had each others back. He believed in me when I didnt. He was my superman. How does life go on. How is it I still have to make meals, and drive my kid to school and pay my bills. I’m walking nimbly through days and stumbling through wet blurry swollen eyes at night. How do we find the strength to survive our own grief let alone support others through theirs.

  137. I lost my two years older brother many years ago when he was in his mid 20s. He was a few years out of the Air Force and was killed in a single car accident that may or may not have been suicide because no one can figure out why he crashed. He was my only sibling and for many years, the closest person in my life.

    Our father had been divorced from my mother since I was two and he started a life with another woman and never tried to get in contact with us again. Our mother was in a romantic relationship with her boss and wouldn’t come home several nights a week. My brother and I only had each other by the time I was 7 or 8 because our mother effectively turned over the responsibility of taking care of me to him by then. He was the one who would cook dinner for us, help me with my homework, walk me to school, read to me, etc. He was the only person who was paying attention to me. I was bullied at school until my brother almost got expelled for hitting the kids who were doing that until they left me alone. In short, he was the only person I felt actually cared about me, so he was my entire world for a long time.

    He was also a very shy and lonely boy who didn’t really have friends I don’t think. He was friendly with some people at school, but no one who was his friend I don’t think. Unfortunately, this led to us getting too close and we started doing sexual things together. Not full-blown intercourse, but if I hadn’t put a stop to it when I was starting junior high school, I have no doubt that would have happened. I kind of liked what we were doing, but it scared me at the same time because I knew we shouldn’t be doing it. I was mostly doing it to make him happy because he wanted it. After I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore, he was sad, but he never treated me badly or ignored me after that. In fact, it was the other way around. I made friends and spent more time with them. As I got older, I saw him more as pathetic than anything else. I had a couple of boyfriends and was sexually active with them when I was 15, which I think is why he would occasionally try to get me to do stuff with him about once or twice a year, but I refused.

    After he graduated from high school, he did a year at community college and worked part-time before our mother said he needed to move out because his grades were not good. So he enlisted in the Air Force before I graduated from high school. I saw him perhaps four times before he died after that. He was cremated and his ashes were scattered. I now sometimes wish he had been buried instead so I could have a grave to visit. I was quietly sad that he died for a long time. But it wasn’t until about 15 years after his death that it really started hitting me hard. I had a boyfriend who had a son from a previous relationship and he reminded me of my brother in many ways. He was quiet, responsible and withdrawn. He had few if any friends and seemed starved for affection, but shied away if someone tried to get close to him. He didn’t have any siblings, or I would have been really concerned if he had a younger sister. Eventually, his father and I broke up and I never heard from him again. But it brought all these feelings I had about my brother to the surface. Despite what I have been told by the few people I told about what my brother did, I don’t believe he was a bad or abusive person. I just think he was lonely and depressed. I think he felt I was the only person who would love him. I guess our mother loved us, but it was an indifferent love and we were pretty much an extra responsibility for her because of a choice she made when she was young that didn’t work out. I call her on her birthday, mother’s day and she calls me on my birthday and Christmas. Our calls last less than five minutes and we primarily email each other if something comes up and send or Khols gift cards for birthdays and Christmases.

    Anyway, I miss my brother. I miss him reading to me. I miss the same stupid five main dinners he used to cook for us because he didn’t know how to cook anything else more complicated. I miss him holding me on the bed or couch and snuggling. I even sometimes acknowledge that I occasionally miss the erotic feeling of his smooth, bare flesh on mine and him kissing and sucking my breasts (to make them grow). I miss that feeling that I could come to him about anything that I didn’t understand and even if he didn’t know it either, would work with me to try to figure it out. I wish he was alive and married with kids I could spoil. I wish he were alive for just two minutes so I could tell him that I loved him because I’m probably sure that he died believing I no longer did.

  138. I feel crazy most of the time because I was supposed to have anew older brother but he died before he was even born so I never got to meet him and all I’ve wanted since I was little was an older brother. when I finally found out it hurt so much and the reason I feel crazy is because I feel like I was so close to him (i still feel close to him, I sing up to him sometimes at night) and it hurts so much even tough we never met. is this normal?

  139. Thank you for the article and to everyone who has shared their stories of losing a sibling. Sibling loss really is very different than any other. Our siblings are our first teachers of real-world relationships with others, and those sibling relationships are complex and fraught. My sister Karen died December 2015, leaving behind 2 young adult sons, 2 stepsons, and a step-grandson. She loved them all so much. Her husband, though, is one of the worst people I have ever met — abusive, vulgar, a psychopath — and it breaks my heart that she had him in her life. Karen was the only person I have ever met that fully accepted and loved anyone and everyone she ever knew or met. I will never have such a generous heart. She had a difficult life because of the abusive psychopathic husband, always having to move as he lost jobs and fell out with neighbors. But she had a brilliant sense of humor and could make fun and laugh in any and every situation, no matter how desperate it seemed.
    We used to text during early AM mornings when neither of us could sleep. Even now, 2.5 years later, I want to text her, to hear her voice and often cannot sleep until dawn.
    After she passed away, about 3 months, her eldest son committed a horrible crime, a murder. This would have broken my sister’s heart completely, so I am glad she is not here. She also would have stood by him and defended him to the end. I have tried to replace her but of course I cannot. I despise the crime and my heart breaks for the family who lost a beloved daughter and sister themselves. For no reason other than selfish desire, drug use, and the fog of his own grief. After my sister Karen passed away and her son was jailed for murder, stories and facts started coming out of things my sister had hidden from us. Her son’s mental illness and violent thoughts and tendencies. Another possible murder he may have committed that she may have covered up. It is so conflicting to love someone so much and also be so furious at them and the decisions they have made.
    When Karen passed away, she was in a ‘coma’ in hospital for 2 weeks. I say ‘coma’ because I sat and slept at her bedside for that entire time and could see her face — physical pain registered there, joy when her sons visited, even when she tried to mouth the words to a song we sang. But right before she died, she opened her eyes and looked at me. Such unbelievable love came across her face. It was as if I was looking into the face of Jesus. 2 other people were in the room, including her abusive psychopathic husband, but didn’t see the love that I saw. There was no longer pain nor fear nor sadness nor stress. Pure love came through her face and eyes and it was a look that I had never seen on her face in 50some years. That was her gift to me and I am so thankful. Because now for 2.5 years I have been trying to love her sons as best I can and deal with the abusive psychopathic husband.
    I am so sorry to all of you who have lost a loved sister or brother and hope that you have such a moment to remember, somewhere in your time with them, as a cornerstone to hold your love, when things get hard and you feel so alone.

  140. My brother died at the age of 14. My parents were so wrapped up in their own grief that they couldn’t be bothered to remember they had another child that was still dependent on them for child rearing. I quickly learned not to rely on them for anything and started earning my own money as soon as I could so I could move out of a very unfriendly ‘home’.

    I occasionally receive pathetic attempts at contact from so-called ‘parents’ who apparently have finally remembered they had a daughter as well, but I neither want nor need anything from them and can only hope they are miserable in their declining years. I don’t blame my brother but his death certainly showed me who was the ‘important’ child of the two of us.

  141. It’s been 14 years since my little sister was killed in a car accident at 23. She was the youngest of the four of us, and I’m the oldest. I was 11 when she was born, and I fed her and rocked her, and read her stories. We shared a room and a big double bed when we’re were both at home. She’d met a boy and moved to Northern Ireland to be with him. She was a nurse and was going to work in the hospital there. She’d only been there two days when the accident happened. A stupid turn onto the highway, at a level intersection that has since been turned into a proper interchange.

    The night before she left she called me and said she was feeling nervous about going. I gave her the standard big sister encouragement about just being nervous, but it was going to be an adventure…
    I always wondered if I’d sent her the email i said I would, would that extra minute to read it have made enough of s difference in timing that the two cars would never have met?

    I always felt cheated because although we were close when she was small, I had left home by the time she was in high school. So it was my youngest brother who was closer to her then. And when she graduated from nursing she shared an apartment with our other brother for a couple of years. So he knew her as an adult. I never got the chance to know her well as an adult.

    Now that I have children, I miss the chance to share that with my sister, like my mom and my aunts when we were growing up.

    It’s a rainy drizzly day here, unusual for the prairie, but common on the coast where I’m from. Even after living here for decades it’s days like these when I feel homesick a little, and lonely and miss my sister so much.

  142. I lost my big brother in 2016 the day before my 16th birthday. I have several other siblings but the two of us were always close. He was my best friend, the only person I could tell everything to. It’s been over two years now and I cry every single day. I tried to commit suicide on my birthday this year because the one person that I wanted to see I couldn’t. I would give anything to hear his voice or see his smile. I miss him so much, I know I’m letting him down by how I have been dealing with my depression. I’ve been told it gets easier with time but how much time do I need?? Everyone seems to have moved on with their lives except for me.

    • Please make your brother proud and don’t harm yourself.
      The pain doesn’t go away, we all just have to learn how to deal with it. It does get easier, just hang on and get help. Trust me.

  143. I lost my baby brother on January 1st 2018 he was only 30 years old he was the youngest of six, he died in a car accident hitting a telephone pole, I miss him and think about him everyday of my life and will forever, I know now what the feeling of having a broken heart feels like. I car across this site because I do strongly believe losing a sibling some just don’t understand and think you should after just a short while move on and in lack of better words get over it, me and my siblings are so close we are all close in age and we’re just raised to love one another,we grew up into adulthood as each others best friends, only friends acually. I never thought something like this would happen to my family but it did, and all I know is it has taught me how precious life is and to be great fun for each day because tomorrow isn’t promised, I still just can’t wrap my head around how one day someone is here and poof they are gone forever, I just can’t accept my brothers death I can’t. Grief is a roller coaster that I don’t want to be on, days that I feel ok I feel guilty for feeling ok , it just makes no sense. I just want my baby brown eyes brother back. His presence is no longer here and we all feel it, it just sucks😪 I just pray one day it gets easier.

  144. My little brother Emilio had just turned 21 , he was so excited about his new job he just wanted to make more money so that he could spoil my son, his only nephew. Emilio left work on April 21st 2018 and was hit and killed by train while walking home. He told me that he would often walk along the tracks late night after work because he felt more safe claiming that no one takes that route so he never worried about being robbed or bothered it was a straight walk home… I told him to just call me and I would pick him up whenever he felt that way but he lost his phone the day before and he couldn’t reach me I didn’t know, I would have been there for him . I was the person who had to decide whether Emilio was going to have an open or closed casket. I walked into the room hoping that someone else would be laying on the table hoping that they somehow made a mistake that it wasn’t my only brother, I opened the door and Emilio was laying dead on a table, his whole body was broken and bruised his left side of his face was smashed in. Immediately I started screaming uncontrollably, I collapsed on the floor next to my brother I couldn’t stop screaming my whole body was shaking and I was just so confused I couldn’t understand why… he was just a baby only 21 he never wronged anyone how could this have happened I protected him my whole life and when it really counted I wasn’t there. I stood up and grabbed my brother’s fragile body and held on to him, it took 3 workers to pull me off of my brother’s body I didn’t want to leave him there alone . Emilio was all I had as a kid , we grew up in foster care it didn’t matter how many different homes and beds I slept in as long as my brother was nearby I was happy. I’m a single mom but my brother always made sure I didn’t feel that way he was my biggest help, my biggest support, my best friend, my family. I feel like I lost my first child, it’s an agonizing excruciating pain I love him so much and I’m not ready to accept that he’s gone. I don’t want to live in a world that my brother no longer exists in, when he died I died too.

    • Dear Valerie, I’m so very sorry fort your loss. Your account of the facts is just heart -wrenching.
      My spiritual beliefs say we gotta keep up for the living and fight with the cards we’re dealt. Please shower that baby with the love it needs from you.

  145. I lost my younger brother Feb. 17th after he endured a 12 year battle with early Parkinsons and Multiple systems atrophy. He was only 46! What a miserable disease~ watching him suffer was unbearable and in the end even worse. I sat with him every day during his last week in hospice. There are 3 sisters left…we re all riddled with grief, along with our parents. It comes and goes randomly and I have changed drastically…I just can not accept I will never see him again~ I pray there is an afterlife and like to believe we will all be together someday. I miss his gorgeous smile, his sense of humor, our great “hanging” out sessions and someone that was a constant reminder of my past and someone who really understood who I am and why I am the way I am. I feel like my family is broken ( we are not) no fighting or anything like that~ just sadness and a void. One of our pack is gone…Mothers day was horrible, I dread Fathers Day…grief is so hard to explain, you just feel it. I do get random reminders from him..a red cardinal once, and weird signs of the numbers 1419, which was the street number of our family address., that has happened several times. It brings me a sense of peace, but also episodes of sobbing. My personality is dimmed, I cant find myself really laughing anymore and I feel constantly annoyed or irritated over little things. I feel like I need to give myself a few days in solitude to remember him, cry as long as I want and not have to answer to anyone here. I also feel a sense of detachment from something, not my family, but from life itself. I worry about my parents dying soon, they are not the same either. We let his ashes go last weekend at the beach as a family,that was heart wrenching, but he loved the ocean and the beach,so we feel like we set him free…and can visit as often as we wish. Losing my brother has been life altering…..something I was not prepared for~ I miss him so much. I hope he is watching me right now….I was lucky to have him by my side for 46 years, for that I am blessed.

  146. Just want to say Thank You so very much to everyone who wrote about their loss. I too have lost a baby sister August 16, 2017. She was pronounced with esophageal stomach cancer when she was 59. Just watching her slowly die was just devastating. I never want to lay witness to seeing another one pass from cancer again. It is almost a year and I am still grieving – Just can’t seem to get past it. It has calmed my spirit just by reading everyone’s message. A blessing to know that I am not alone in trying to cope with my grief. Thank you all so very much and God Bless each and everyone one.

  147. I just lost my last sibling May 2nd, 2018. He died at on hospice care in my home after being diagnosed Feb 20th of this year with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, metastatic to his bones. He was 59, I am 58. He had not spoken to for a year due to my mother’s will, I was her caregiver and she left me a larger share. I am grateful that I was able to be there for him, and we worked things through, got to say I love you, I forgive you, I am sorry, and please forgive me to each other. But, I would rather he be alive and hate me, then be dead. I was one of 4 children, as my mother would say when people asked, “Is this the baby?” Her answer was always “She’s the last one thank God.” I never felt wanted. Well, mom, I am now officially the last one. And I’m not thanking God. We, my siblings have died in birth order. My brother Jim May 25th, 2009 (Memorial Day) at 55 suddenly, we found him dead on his apartment floor, from complications of diabetes, a heart attack. He had a good life despite being in a wheelchair. Got around in his van, was out the night before. I felt guilty as I always went to the shore with him every Memorial Day for Fried Clams. I cancelled that day. Would it have made a difference? Would I have been there when he had his heart attack? My only sister died July 3rd, 2012 at 54 in her sleep. Her cause of death was deemed SUDEP. Sudden unexplained death in an Epileptic. She had a very minor seizure disorder. She lived in another state. I begged the paramedics to do CPR, get her on life support solely for organ donation purposes. She was very healthy and wanted to be an organ donor, they refused. It seems her husband waited a half hour after she died before calling 911. Nice of him. He died alone in Feb 2013. Karma. He had a heart condition, Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome…sudden cardiac arrest. My sister had taken care of him and saved his life many times. So here I am. The last one. Devastated. Wondering when my day to die is. By the way I am helping to raise my nephews stepsons. Their mom, his wife Julie died May 19th, 2015 after a 5 year battle with cancer. I took care of her while she as on hospice. His stepsons, my great nephews not only lost their mom, their dad died Father’s Day 2014. I realize I am fortunate, that life can always be worse. I appreciate this opportunity to tell my story, act totally my siblings stories. Rest in perfect Peace Gerry on your 1 month anniversary. R.I P. Jim, Jayne, Julie. I love you all, miss you like crazy. Send me signs. I watch for them. 💔

  148. I lost my sister recently due to a health crisis in my country, she had a form of epilepsy and at times it was exceedingly difficult to find her meds, she was mother of my incredibly adorable nephew whom i love as a son, one Monday morning she woke up and started seizing it never stopped, we hospitalized her and they had to get her in a sleeping state to stop the seizing after a very worrying week of somewhat hopeful news (she’s getting better, her scans are amazing there’s no damage on the brain she’ll pull trough, she’s been waking up here and there… she will be discharged very soon) I got a call form the hospital where i was informed she died of lung failure. i was always the type to pride myself on remaining calm and stoic during emergencies but nothing ever prepared me that kind of news, my baby sister with only 29 years old whom i thought would be around for years to come suddenly left us and due to the nature of my job i couldn’t even be with her to comfort her my reaction was just visceral my legs failed me and i collapsed on my knees on teh phone repeating you’ve got to be kidding me, please tell me it was somebody else and after they confirmed it I had to break the news to my parents It felt awful as though i was the one causing them pain directly instead of the horrible tragedy that was unfolding…

    We had a beautiful service, neighbors who loved her and mourned with us and dear friends that went out of their way to make sure i was doing alright since for some of them it was even the first time i publicly cried and whaled over the loss of someone… a week has past and my grieve is still ongoing I do my best to rationalize what happened and how it couldn’t be helped and i find some solace on the thought that she is on a better place, but often times pain hits like a truck i take breaks to break down and cry her loss at work when i’m able to smile and feel better even for a moment just right after her image flashed in my head and an overwhelming gilt sets in as though is not fair for me to feel “good” while she’s gone, as though i’m forgetting about her as though i should be in constant pain to honor her memory this guilt has been the hardest thing to work around of in addition to the fact that i’m helping my parents the best i can to get in a better palce emotionally, which in turn has left me putting my feelings aside to take good care of them and my nephew… I’m well aware of the horrible pain my parents are in right now… i mean it was their baby girl! the apple of their eye, the one who made us laugh so often the cheery one in spite of her disease she was very up beat even tho as the closest person to her without a word from her i could see the light on her eyes bleak a little while facing mistreatment or even special treatment for having a medical condition… she always made sure to try and convince everyone that she was functioning person in spite of everything and there’re so many more little things, secrets jokes we shared… we were 5 years apart in age and she was always my weak point, i defended her, went to her aid, gave her as much comfort as i could, helped her study which really wasn’t her strong suit but she made it trough college and became a teacher i think i was even more proud than my parents because they always saw her as someone who needed protection, but in my eyes she was just normal and perfectly capable often times i think of how unfair the whole thing is for us the ones left behind… i often times feel as i would trade my own life just to have her back.
    my words will probably be forgotten in this post but i guess my point is for the ones reading this: your parents’ grieve is not more important than yours nor yours is more important than their’s remember you lost (depending on how close you were) one of the people who knew you the best, who understood you and accepted you with the good and the bad even when they couldn’t understand so it’s okay to reach out… it’s okay to cry and break down and eventually heal don’t make the mistake i did and compartmentalize your grieve because you think you’re parents need all the help they can get… you are in pain too and what makes it worse is that by avoiding your own grieve when you’re alone or at night or when you’re buying groceries during a normal day all these feelings will come to you full force and the depression that comes with it is not easy to overcome.

    • Hi I have just read your post, apologies if this brings back heart felt feelings but I just wanted to let you know your words have made me feel like I’m not alone.
      My sister was ill in hospital and we thought she was going to be ok and all that you said in your post is how I felt or what I’m having to deal with it just comforts me that I’m not going mad.
      I hope you have found your way to deal with the grief now and have the support you need.
      I’m still very much supporting everyone else and having the wave hit me when I’m cleaning or shopping, we still have the funeral to face it’s been a month since she passed so it’s been hard playing the waiting game.

      Just thankyou


  149. I lost my older sister on Jan 25 2018. She had cancer. I begged her to not leave me alone. She was my person whom I was the closest to. We told each oher everything. She was my best friend. We went through divorces and having kids and raising them. I had cancer and struggled to survive for 5 years. She simply fell apart afraid I was going to die. now 10 years later she gets cancer and does die. I am left alone with parents in thier eightys and 2 brothers that I love but am not close to as I was with her. I am not doing well at all. We were suppose to live together as older women. MY sister was 56 and I am 53. My sister cancer was not caught when It shoud have been. Her Doctor really dropped the ball. She came and lived with me for about 7 or 8 months until she died. Now I have no peace at home all I see is her, hear her voice , hear our laughter, hear our tears, and miss her to the point of wondering what I am here for. I dont want to think of a future without her. I feel so lost and alone. I am told this is grief. I am sure it is. My life has changed in a way that I cant even descibe to anyone. I go to work, church, see friends and family and put a smile on my face and act ok. Inside I am very far from ok sometimes I can barely breath from my missing her so badly. I dont know how people don’t just cry all the time when a person they are that close to dies. I do cry all the time. I just want my sister.

  150. I lost my mom Jan 2015. My dad Aug2017. My older brother feb 2018 and my younger brother may 2018. My grief is beyond anything any article I can read. I miss them like hell was the closest I could find. We all got together June of 2016 for moms memorial. We were going to get together in June for dads. Then the older died and now last month my younger. What do I do for any of their’s memorials. I have no one….

  151. I lost my Sister on May 8, 2018. She died suddenly and unexpectedly of leukemia. She was diagnosed in May 7, 2018. It was too late and the cancer was very aggressive. Losing her has changed me. It’s been so hard to understand. She was an amazing Sister and person. I hope one day the pain of losing her eases. I love you Stacey!!

  152. Please, if there is anyone out there reading this that can relate to me…My sister was killed February 19, 2017 (supposedly hung herself with a bedsheet), was brought to Tomball, TX Regional Medical Center until February 21, 2017 when she died, while on life support.) Her organs were donated because that’s just who she was…always giving until the end. She worked out twice a day. NEVER showed any signs of depression, AT ALL! Christina had friends/acquaintances that committed suicide. And these friends/acquaintances had children. Christina was devastated to find out that her friends did this and that they left their children behind. She would NEVER! She started all over after leaving Dan , the father of her first daughter, Paris, now 23 years old. He was a bit abusive and Christina wasn’t dealing with it any longer. Paris was 4 years old. Christina and Paris moved in with my parents in Poydras, LA…Lind’s Trailer Park. But, in the house in the front of the street, not a trailer. That lasted a few months until my mother and Chris got into an argument about curfew and shit, and Christina and Paris moved in with me in my trailer a few doors away from my parents. I had just kicked Jimmy out a day earlier. That lasted a few more months, Chris met Mark Surmik and Christina got an apartment in Chalmette, on Jean Laffeate, right behind J&R’s Grill. They dated for a few years then got married in 2004. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill. Got divorced in 2005-2006. They built a house together in the mean time but Chris didn’t want any part of it after the divorce. Mark will testify on Chris’ behalf. He gave me his current number and address as of 2018. So, after all of this in Christina’s life, she did not ever speak of suicide. She just kept on keeping on! Hurricane Katrina happened and Chris had just gone through a divorce (or was still going through one) and she met Zeid Amarri. They truly loved each other. They were together for over 5 years. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill and she wanted to be married the next time she had a child. Zeid and his family are from the country of Jordan and have a strong faith in Christianity. In his family’s eyes Zeid and my sister could never marry because my sister had a child out of wed-lock and was already married and divorced. They do not believe in this. Chris decided she could no longer spend her days with Zeid knowing she could never marry him. His family wanted him to have a wife and children and Christina was not going to be a part of that. She took a job offer in Houston to make more money and to get her mind off of Zeid. This is where she HIM (DP). 10 years younger than she was. She realized early on in the relationship how much of an asshole he was and ended it. But he only moved in 2 doors away, with some friends he had made when he was with Chris, in her condo. How can you avoid an ex when he lives 2 doors away. DP knew this. This is why he moved in…with Janie and Moises Rodriguez, in their condo. He eventually weaseled his way back into my sister’s life. 2-3 months later, she was pregnant. Before she got pregnant, she told me that when she would go to take a birth control pill, it was already gone. She knew she didn’t already take it because, like she had been doing for the past 20 years, she had an alarm set to remind her to take her pill because it was most effective if taken at the same time every day. She told me her method and I was doing the same thing. Well, she called me several times before she got pregnant saying that her bc bill was missing before she would take it….therefore, she was always skipping pills….which is how you get pregnant if you are taking birth control pills! Although, at first, she was upset and taken back by her pregnancy, she soon became overwhelmed with joy at the thought of her having another baby! We all were excited!!!!! She had 2 baby showers…one here in LA and one in Houston. DP attended both. (He didn’t attend her funeral here in LA, though…because he had work) She saved the money all on her own to have the baby while DP saved his money to upgrade his truck that he traded in just after Mila was born. He had it lifted, leather interior, sunroof…..all while Chris was saving for her hospital bills for the baby. Her doctor visits were ridiculous because she was considered high risk due to her age. He gave her grief and stress all throughout her pregnancy, going out for 12 hours to a bachelor party in another city while she was 8 months (high-risk) pregnant and would not answer her phone calls! Keeping her awake because HE is trying to adjust to his nighttime schedule, so, he is watching basketball games and playing playstation in bed while my sister is trying to sleep because she had work in the morning (it is after midnight) and she is 7 months pregnant!!! She had to go downstairs to sleep because he refused to leave or turn off the tv! She also purchased all of Mila’s furniture on her own and even picked it out without him! He was a burden to her. I am her sister! It was just her and I…no other siblings. I know her best. She left for Houston in June 2012. Met him in 2014 and started dating him. Figured him out in 2014 and kicked his ass out. He weaseled his way back in 2014. She announced she was pregnant in December 2014, during her baby girl’s baby shower. Paris had her baby girl in January 2015 and Chris had her baby girl in July 2015. She was head over heals!!! She just kept working hard, saving money, trying to get that dream house of hers. She worked from home when she needed to, because she was sick or the baby was sick, DP was no help with anything….but she did it alone, just like she always did. Worked a full-time job, worked out twice a day, took care of her baby girl and brought her every where with her, including pedicures, grocery shopping, hair salons, etc. All her and DP did was fight and she told me and all of her friends that she would be better off without him, he was just a thorn in her side. He did not help at all with the baby, he did not help financially, he did not help with duties around the house…he was just there to complain every time my sister asked him for any help. They fought tremendously the week before her death and her friend heard much of this over bluetooth in the car. My sister was fed up with having to do everything on her own, like DP wasn’t even there. Mila was 19 months old. That is more than enough time to get adjusted to having a baby. Oh, I did not mention that they just moved into my sister’s brand new $300,000 home! YEP! Only in her name! We are from Louisiana and we do not recognize common law here. Christina and I’s parents were together for 26 years and then split up….unmarried. Christina was a planner and planned for everything. Had she known that TX practiced common law, she would have made sure she had something legal to keep DP from trying to take everything, just in case of divorce. She never imagined death! Which is why she did not have a beneficiary. She wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. Her birthday was 2/24/17. She would have been 41 years old. She called and made an appointment on 2/19/17, Sunday, to have botox done for her birthday on 2/24/17, that upcoming Friday. Texted her friend that was visiting family in California to tell her the news of the botox. They first had a brief discussion about whether or not DP was in the house, wherein my sister replied, “Yes. I’ll fill you in later.” This meant that Chris would talk to her later about what they had spoke of the week before, when that same friend heard all the arguing on the car bluetooth. Chris wanted DP out of the house. The house that he bragged about so much to all of his friends. Her gay friend, David, spent the weekend at her newly built house and arrived Friday evening. They hung out in the newly installed heated swimming pool and hot tub outside of my sister’s home. They went and had pedicures and wine and just enjoyed each other’s company while DP FINALLY watched Mila. The first time since she was born….19 months! He knew Chris was at her wits end, so he was trying to butter her up. David left Chris’s house at approximately 4:13pm. Chris called Paris and spoke with her until approximately 4:43pm. David texted Chris that he made it home safe and Chris responded at 4:48pm “Ok love.” Meanwhile, Mila, just 19 months old, is playing around inside the house where DP and Chris are. Now, remember, Chris and Mila are ALWAYS together. Chris made so many sacrifices for Mila and to have Mila in her life. Now, Chris takes a bedsheet and hangs herself in Mila’s closet, not even an hour after her friend David leaves. She’s not even elevated. She is able to kneel and manages to asphyxiate herself with a bedsheet right after her friend leaves, she talks to her 20 year old daughter, and her 19 month old daughter is playing RIGHT THERE!?!? Oh, she just got a promotion that Friday, February 17, 2017, 2 days before she “hung herself.” But when the police arrived to her house they were greeted by DP who told them that she was severely depressed, stressed out with work and had a drinking problem. Here it is, 5/22/18, and the police still have yet to call me and ask me any questions. Even though we were there in TX, at the hospital when she died, 2 days later, we told the ME that she needs to treat this as a homicide because we know my sister did not commit suicide, even though we called the cops, the DA, anyone we could think of in Harris county to notify, we notified that this was a homicide. They all told us that it was just heresay. They ruled it as a suicide. What about what DP told the police? Wasn’t that just heresay? I have been researching online and everywhere else that police have to treat a suicide as a homicide until they can prove suicide. No one ever called my sister’s friends or family to question any of us on my sister’s mental health, her behavior or anything! They just took DP’s word! The day after my sister’s death, DP went to an attorney and claimed to be my sister’s common law husband. He emailed paper work to Paris, my sister’s 22 year old daughter, with instructions to sign and have notarized ASAP and if she had any questions she could call him or his attorney. She called me instead, THANK GOD! He was trying to have her sign over all her rights to anything of her mothers and give 75% to him and she and Mila split the remaining 25%. Mila is his own child! Now, not only do we have to plan a funeral, but we have to hire an attorney to fight for Paris and Mila! Chris’s friends had a funeral in Texas, DP had to pay nothing. He attended that funeral. We had one here in Louisiana, where my sister was born and raised and where all of her family and most of her friends were. DP did not show because he said he had work. He, still to this day, has yet to speak to my Papa, and has only spoken to my mother once….the day my sister passed away. He does not let us have visits with Mila. He blocked all of Chris’s friends and family from her facebook page…..and the list goes on and on. Guilty activity!!!! If anyone has any advice for me, please reply. I am so desperate and tired!

  153. I was 5 years old when I lost my 14 month old brother. There was no explanation given to me then or over the years. It was never talked about, never discussed. When I would bring it up for discussion, I was told there was nothing I could do … just let it go. The one thing I was never able to recover was that the loss of my baby brother blew up our family and every thing I knew about safety and security. As the years went by and more siblings arrived, I felt less and less important and valuable. This has crippled me in ways I am unable to convey. The family was never a tight unit, because the younger children were being raised in an environment where the heaviness of the loss was palpable, or at least it was to me. As I grew into a teenager, my mother insisted that I wanted attention, was spoiled and acting out when all I really needed was to figure out how to process this feeling of not really being here. In my late 30s I was brave enough to bring it up to each of my parents separately by letting them know that I came to the realization that if I was feeling this pain, I believed that every time they looked at me, I had to be a reminder of the loss of John and that was why the family I once knew is unidentifiable. My father acknowledged this, my mother dismissed it. I have always had a difficult time with relationships my whole life and if this is why we’re here, then I’ve really missed out on long term enriching relationships. No matter how much I know that I am worthy and deserving, there is no emotional pain that hurts and inhibits you more than the feeling that you really aren’t present and accounted for.

  154. I lost my brother on April 19th, 2018. He committed suicide after struggles with anxiety. He was 16 and I am currently 13. I miss him so much. We used to play Call of Duty: Black Ops 1 together and troll people on Zombies. He was always so good at making me laugh. It just hurts so bad. He was always so protective of me. I miss you Kyle. I want to be with him so badly.

  155. I lost my sister almost a year ago. It is an unbearable loss because we are so close in age. It is hard, damn hard to go on. I do it with a lot of prayer and still a lot of tears. Loosing a sibling is different than a parent or grandparent. I planted a garden from flowers my sister had given me. It keeps me close to her. Also, I do not have children, she had 2 and has grand children also. The kids are close to me to keep that connection with their Mom. It’ OK to miss her and cry but try to remember that it’s also OK to miss her and laugh.

  156. I tried to write about my sister but gave up. The whole point is, I thought we would be little old ladies together. Now I will be alone. Damn you to hell cancer

  157. I lost my sister (37) four weeks ago after a nine week battle with terminal cancer. I really truly and genuinely do not believe it and cannot begin to begin to fathom how on earth I would begin to begin to get over it

  158. I lost my sister in January of 2016.. She was one of eight siblings.. I thought I was doing quite well in my grieving process in spite of the tremendous anger I felt and often still feel for my brother-in-law who was just a couple months after her passing asking other women out on dates.. Just 8 hours after her passing his daughter called my sisters and asked us to please get over to their house because he had pulled a dump truck up to their house and was literally filling it with her belongings that he felt needed thrown away.. My sisters and I loaded her clothes in the cars to donate to Hospice.. It was so weird and I truly chalked it up to him loosing it, after all they had been together for 35 years.. As the weeks passed he continued with taking all of her crystal, teacup collection and even the furniture out of the house and leaving it outdoors in the elements to get damaged.. He was so careless about everything that he broke beautiful pieces that we had gotten her as gifts throughout the years.. He even went as far as gutting the entire house.. There was not a wall or piece of flooring that he did not change in that house in some way.. We don’t even know where half of her stuff went.. He was desperately chasing a women in another country just a couple months after my sweet sister died.. He was engaged in a matter of months and even went as far as temporarily moving to another country to secure his relationship with this person he barely knew.. He left his own daughter and grandchildren to pursue this other relationship just 1 week before Christmas.. My nieces children felt totally abandoned and even said they felt like they lost both their grandparents.. My siblings and I were confused but had no choice but to accept the changes taking place.. I feel that he disrespected my sisters memory and I don’t believe he has properly grieved.. 3 weeks ago after being stuck in another country for over a year because the women he married didn’t have a visa he moved back to the states with his new wife.. We have met her and she seems nice.. I thought I was going to be okay and that I was much farther into my healing process than I now
    realize I am.. I am in so much pain seeing him all happy and moving on the way he did.. I don’t want him to be unhappy but his presence along with hers causes me grief and suffering.. Why did he handle everything so horribly and why hasn’t he apologized to us for it? Where are my sisters memories in that house? When his daughter and the grandkids go over their where is her memory? The one place I get to be with her daughter and her grandchildren each week is church and now he and this new women are going there, even though he promised to go to another church.. I just knew he would let us down.. Why can’t they find another church to go to.. My sisters brothers and sisters go to this church.. Doesn’t he ever think about anyone but himself.. I have had confusion about all of this from day one and slowly have been getting anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, the list just goes on.. I pray and God does grant me peace but every time I think of him and this new women together I hurt so much.. I know the circle of life all too well and I know life is for the living.. But I’M HURTING and it seems that everyone thinks it’s all about him and his pain..

  159. Your article has really helped after over 30 years of missing my older brother and only sibling, every day. I was a teenager when he died of cancer and I was always treated as if my grief was worth less, so I don’t think I’ve ever truly let go. He was always the one I could rely on and looked out for me. I have felt without an anchor ever since but didn’t know how to verbalise it. Thank you.

  160. I also lost my youngest brother suddenly when he was 27, I was 35. Over the past 3yrs I have learned a lot about myself and how to work through grief personally and with my husband and 2 daughters. I remember feeling like a shadow on the 2nd Mother’s day that passed, wanting my Mom to appreciate spending time with me- saying to myself “I am still alive, let me celebrate with you.” I also remember feeeling shocked one night waking from a nightmare where my surviving brother had died and I was terrified to be left alone without a sibling- a fear I had not had consciously to that point. Thank you for honoring this grieving process and the unique often overshadowed grief of a sibling loss; I especially resonated with the missing them paragraph. Keep talking everyone, much love.

  161. The only person who ever gave a S#!+ about me just died. Rest in peace mom. My dad left when i was a little kid, I have no brothers or sisters, I never married and have no children. My relationship with my mother was strained at best, she was physically and emotionally abusive most of my childhood but i just marked that up to her being a kid when she had a kid (me) she was 20 years old when I was born. I was put into the foster system when i was 13 for 3-4 years 4 different families. I didnt have any contact with my mother for 30 years until the last 7 years of her life when i moved in with her and her partner out of necessity. Now I am stuck here with her partner who doesnt like me but will allow me to stay here out of commitment to my mom (this will not last). I do not know what do.

  162. I lost my brother 3 years ago. He was my older brother, closest in age, with two other brothers much older. We fought, we got along, he was the only one of my brothers who was overprotective of me…he was also a recovering alcoholic when he passed. He had been clean about a year and was found with one puncture mark from heroin overdose. I practiced “tough love” with him in my own way: just disappeared him from my life. Didn’t pick up when he called collect from jail. Didn’t write letters back–even though sometimes I meant to. I had three young kids, newly married, living several states away, but I’d cut him out before that. Today I don’t know why. Today I know he was self-medicating for whatever mental illness comes out in your 20s. No matter what he was on, he never stole or treated us badly. He was kind and cried, full of shame a lot. He gave everyone whatever he had. He had a dog named “Chance” because he got my brother outside and active again and was his chance at a fresh life. He was always, always good. He was one of the people for whom the world was too much. His heart was too full of love, and ached too much with pain he couldn’t block out. I am the one ashamed, now, that I didn’t walk through his dark night with him.

  163. This article helped me more than words can say. My big brother, my only sibling, passed away suddenly two years ago at the age of 58. Since that day, I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I have a great circle of friends and extended family but often find myself dreading spending time with my friends or cousins and their siblings. I suppose that is another layer to the guilt. The guilt over feeling resentment toward people enjoying time with and even arguing with their siblings.
    I recently lost my Mom and although I didn’t think it was possible, I miss my brother even more now. As hard as it is to lose my Mom, I knew she wasn’t going to live forever and I know I was blessed to have her as long as I did even though it never would have been long enough. However, when my Mom was gone, I was supposed to have my brother.
    I am aware that I was also blessed to have a brother that I loved and liked enough to miss and grieve for this deeply and on good days I can actually feel badly for people who have siblings that cannot fathom missing them. Anyone who believes that their is an expiration date to grief has never lost a piece of their heart and soul.

  164. I lost my baby sister alostv9 months ago on July 30th, 2017. She took her own life and I know I will never get over it. She was 26 years old. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. I recently found out that she won an award for her work with the local youth, I can’t label all the emotions that I felt since the announcement. I appreciate this article, I knew I was the only one out there dealing with this type of grief but this is another good reminder.

  165. I lost my baby sister March 20, 2018, she was only 49 Years old. She had knee infections over 2 Years and was on antibiotics so many different times. Cuz of that she had got another different infection in her stomach called C-Diff and within having c-diff for only 3 month it slowly took her life. She wasn’t just my sister she was also my best friend. We would always talk to each other every day and now I feel that it’s was tooken away from me. Love and miss you my baby sister so much

  166. My little sister age 19 died in a fatal car accident due to speeding and not wearing a seatbelt. I am. 8yrs older than her bit she was my light. We bonding because our older sister was bossy. I miss her beyond words and I don’t know how to deal with this pain. I feel like a peice of me is missing.

  167. I was 11 he was 21 my older brother was my everything and I feel as though everything is worthless. its been almost 3 years i need him in my life i need him to say something again. i need my Noah.

  168. My older sister died after a long battle with cancer. My brother in law has been creepy and inappropriate for the last twenty years, making comments about marrying the wrong sister and rubbing himself on me at every family function. I didn’t get anywhere telling him to back off repeatedly or avoiding his special style of hugs, so I asked my sister for help and she told me to deal with it myself. She did not protect me. I stopped seeing her when I told her that I wouldn’t see him any more and she said they were a package deal, if I wanted to see her I had to see him.

    First, I’m really angry that she brought this predatory pervert into my life.
    Second, I’m angry that she died and he didn’t because that means he’s still a factor at family functions.
    Third, I’m angry that I even have to decide not to go to her funeral because the pervert will be there.
    Fourth, I’m angry that someone in my family gave him my phone number because he’s calling and my phone doesn’t have blocking capability.

    The family has protected him and made me to feel like I’m the one at fault (“will you be civil?” “Don’t make a scene”) So I feel some guilt at walking away but I’m not okay with keeping this predator in my life.

    I guess if they are a package in life so too in death. I’m staying home.

  169. My younger brother killed himself on February 8, 2018 and yesterday would have been his birthday. He would have been 22. When he was alive I always felt like we were very close, but sometimes his suicide and the way he hid his pain from me and the family makes me feel like I didn’t even know him at all. I go through my day or week and everything will seem ok, but then I see his picture or some random song will play in a store or on the radio and I will feel a lot of pain. I miss him and I wish I could see him again. I don’t understand how this could have happened but it’s slowly becoming clearer as the days go by, I guess. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like he’s dead, it just seems like I’ll never see him again. I feel like everyone else just wants me to move on. I don’t want to talk about him to other people because I feel like talking about his suicide robs his memory of who he really was. He wasn’t a (seemingly) “depressed” person or someone who “had a serious problem” like other people try to explain to me now. I wish I could give his importance and significance to others but I don’t think anyone else wants to know about it.

    • Oh Lizard, what you talk about punishes my soul every day. My sister also was depressed and nobody around her knew she was living her darkest hour. That attitude robbed us from the opportunity to help and we feel guilty. I also feel guilty because when I try to move on, I feel I’m betraying her memory. Living with this on my conscience is heavy 🙁

  170. I lost my brother, two years my junior, to suicide over a year ago. I was in a complete fog for months. I knew he had issues, but never did I think it would get so bad. I feel a lot of emotions, including guilt and sorrow. I did not get a chance to say good-bye, I’m sorry, or I love you. I think he must have known that I loved him deep in his heart, given a life-time of memories together, but I fear that he was also in a fog and felt all alone at the end of his life. I did not call him, and I will have to live with that. My other siblings have moved right along as they did not love him quite as much as I did. My mother is a mess and although I have tried to help her in her time of grief, she has turned blame upon me. She tells me that she no longer cares about anyone or anything. She blames others for times they hurt him during his life. She does not acknowledge the depth of my grief. My husband and kids and in-laws don’t get it if I am “not myself”. They think it is over now. It will never be over and I am not the same person. I had thoughts of my own death–one for all and all for one–early on. I know that this is not a good plan. I have my own life to live. I know he would want me to live it fully, even though he could not. He did not mean to pass on his pain to us, and I forgive him for that. He was not thinking clearly and could never have known the depth of the pain he would cause us for the rest of our days. I could not have known either. Love comes at a great price when you lose it, but I would still love again. I will hold him in my heart forever, even when most others forget, even if I grow to an old age. He believed, and I believe, that he and I will meet again. I hope that all of you come to some level of peace with the deaths you are experiencing, cherish the memories and love you shared with the person you lost, and come to see that we will all die some day. Maybe that realization will help you to live your own life to the fullest before it is too late. We always think there will be more time, but sometimes there isn’t. Love and death are a part of life, though some kinds of deaths are more tragic than others. Please love yourself every day, and love those who are still around you while you still can. Life has many great things to offer still, if you don’t give up.

    • Dear J,
      Your experiences resonate so much with mine, specially all around how you did not have the chance too say goodbye, etc.
      Your post has helped me and brought me peace.
      I love the way you are handling it despite everyone around you not understanding.

  171. My brother just passed away on March 10th. He was 26 and was in his way to the ER to see his best friend who had collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. I believe that he still made it and was by his friends side as an angel. His last phone call was made to the hospital and then he passed in a car accident. I don’t know how to do life right now and I feel as though I am going crazy. I miss him every second.

  172. I’m sorry for everyone’s loss I too lost a brother to sudicide Jan 30 of this year he was found dead but he was missing a few days before but they put the day we found him dead as if he died on the 30th he was 32 and I’m 31 it’s so hard for me me and my brother fought so much but I guess that’s how he showed his love in the one who found him hanging from a tree he left a note but still don’t help w my pain my sister told my parents I wish I knew how Laura is taking our brother death so well but I’m screaming inside and falling apart but I have to try to help my family cope threw this they have no clue that the guilt I feel I can’t stop thinking what if I was a better sister to him then maybe he would have confined in me instead of him feeling like he has no one yes he made me mad enough that I wanted to kill him and I never thought losing him like we did would Tear me a part Like it is . It’s like he made me who I am today by showing his live the way he did made me strong and could say no to any drug or to anything I was against now that he’s gone it’s like I lost myself I don’t no how to live anymore how to love again I don’t know how to be the mom my kids need so much cuz the day he died I lost my rock and it just shattered in to millions of pieces now everything I was against on I’m doing now cuz I would do anything to stop the pain to do anything to not to fall asleep or close my eyes cuz every time I close my eyes I see him hanging and all I want to do is try so hard not to hate him and to ask him why u wanna do this to us in ur note u said all u do is hurt us and its best to make one sin than to make more I want to yell at him cuss him and tell him what we’re u thinking u don’t want to hurt us anymore what the hell u think u are doing now Danny this is the worse hurt u can do to us yes we fight but that means we love each other . I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m falling apart till there is nothing left of me and I know not sleeping is not helping me at all but the same night I found him I finally fail asleep and I had a nightmare in the nightmare it was like I was spiritiually in his body and he went up the tree and I saw him jump and when he fail my whole body jumped and it woke me up my sister said he wanted me to no since I found him that way that it didn’t hurt him he was showing me he wasn’t in pain but ever since that day I turned to the main drug I was against my whole life refuse to try it and I awlays dish the people that did it was stupid but look at me now I lost someone that I thought was gonna be the worse painful death that I could ever go threw w but I was wrong my brothers death is the worse I was wanting to tell my sister that I’m not taking it as well as she thinks that I may look ok to u but that’s only cuz I’m trying to look ok around my family but when I’m alone at night when everyone is asleep I fall hard like I can never get up I been talking to god it helped just a tad but not enough for me to want to go to sleep I don’t care about life no more I can’t feel love no more I don’t want to push my husband away but I do and he don’t deserve what I’m putting him threw he’s to good I feel like I should leave so I wouldn’t hurt him like I am now I feel like my kids deserve someone who is able to give them attention cuz I don’t no how right now and it’s braking me cuz I want to so bad to snap out of this but how when every time I barley close my eyes I see him that way and mom and dad and the family is really falling apart so I have no one I can’t bring myself to talk to my kids or my husband about it cuz there all hurting to so what do I do I’m lost I got to stop but how?

  173. My little sister passed away in July 2009 she was 17 yrs old I was 23 she had an asthma induced heart attack she was found on her bedroom floor by my man and dad. I never felt overly close to my parents growing up. My sister was always so sick and in and out of hospital. I had to grow up quite fast and learn how to look after myself. I find it very hard every year on her anniversary and birthday I get really bad anxiety and can’t be around a lot of people my mam drinks quite a lot and gets very bitter and upset (she has been the same since before my sister passed away) she likes to take her annoyence out on the people around her. Every year she plans a huge get together to mark my sister’s anniversary and birthday and no matter how many times I tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with big groups of people she gets irate and screams and shouts. I thought when she lost her sisters to cancer that she would somehow understand a little how i feel but no she still has 7 surviving sisters I lost my 1 and only sibling and every year it gets harder and harder to deal with it

  174. My brother Jim died December 10th of cancer. Sadly he seemed to be fighting his battle and didn’t think he was done fighting, but suddenly things quickly changed and the battle was done. I felt guilty for not being there more to help him, he never asked for help, thought he was doing fine. I’d see him weekly, he was miserable with chemo and mean and crabby (can’t blame him) but at times was hard to be with . Man I miss him every day, we did things all the time. We fought too – that part wasn’t great, my dad died when I was 17, he was then in charge (9 years older)… not always great. But I miss him and just hurt so much. I keep waiting for my memories to fade so I don’t feel sad, wishing I could bring him back to have helped him more and when I was tired I would have made more time. Damn just thought he was battling it… not losing the battle.

  175. I lost my older brother 2 years ago today. He was shot by an officer while resisting arrest. He left behind 4 kids, only one of which I get to see. My mother acts like she was the only one to lose anyone and that mine and my other brother’s feelings just don’t matter because we haven’t lost a child. My brother was 33 and I was 29 when he died. I was his emergency contact and they failed to contact me. My brother died all alone in another state in SICU. That’s what hurts the most. He was alone. Myself and my surving brother are the “forgotten mourners”. Our mother doesn’t care and truthfully has never cared about what we are going through. She didn’t raise us and had nothing to do with my brother before he died because he was always in trouble. It angers me the way she acts. And of course, the pain of losing my brother is hard, we were so close. Of the 3 of us, we were the closest.

  176. I lost my only sibling in 1999. After all these years without him, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was my hero.

  177. I am stuck. I lost my younger brother in the early hours of March 19th, a few days ago. A day that also happens to be my birthday. A day that I can’t see myself celebrating ever again. The amount of guilt I feel is so consuming. Its my fault. We were out celebrating my birthday (by celebrating, I mean hanging out at my fiance’s parents house and playing/learning to play Dungeons and Dragons with my fiances siblings). It was late, whn I decided that I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. My brother had ridden his motorized bicycle out there. Its about a 45/50 minute car ride. He decided he was going to go home as well. He lived with my fiance and I. I stayed behind him for like 10 minutes, and then went around him because I had two cars riding my butt. I made it home. He never did. He was struck by a truck and killed on his way home, a hit and run. At some point after the first incident, he was struck again, and that is what prompted the 911 call. My guilt is consuming me, and I dont know how to escape it. I have a lot of anger as well. Anger at myself. Anger at the driver who hit him. For hitting him AND for not stopping. Our parents will be here tomorrow, and I have done all I can do. Figured out arrangements. Reached out to people. Having to make that phone call to my mom and then to my dad was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do. How am I supposed to move on?

  178. We lost my big brother on December 20, 2013.
    They did knee surgery on him about a month or so before that day. He’d had a skateboarding accident and shattered his knee so bad, so they had to operate and try to repair it. He was also bipolar and it was not always easy with him. Well long story short he was having problems sleeping and night sweats and they didn’t catch that he had an embolism which killed him suddenly. I came home from my job and saw him just moments before his death. The whole family was surrounding him and the ambulances came to help. They tried but they couldn’t save him.

    The autopsy revealed he was developing heart disease as well.

    I worry about my younger brother. He’s not doing so well, has no friends and stays in his room or in the house pretty much every single day.

    He needs a friend, some type of physical activity, but he’s very “oppositional defiant” -always has been. On top of that, he’s prone to horrible outbursts and hates to do anything for himself, expects my mom to just bring him food and wash his dishes, and really just has no clue about life experiences. When my older brother wasn’t manic, he’d warn my younger brother not to keep being this way. Sadly now my younger brother is nearly 27, has little education, terrible communication skills, and a very difficult temperament— nobody in the family can help him.

    I’m just hoping one day he will snap out of it. I’ve tried to help but it always backfires on me.

  179. I’ve been lost for the last 3 weeks. On Feb. 23 my 34 year old sister had wrist surgery. Her heart stopped during surgery, but was revived. The Dr said because of her age they saw no reason to keep her for observation, they sent her home. The next day my mom got a call from her husband saying she was in the hospital because her heart stopped and she was shocked 6 times. She spent the last 3 weeks on a ventilator. It was removed yesterday. She hasn’t passed yet but she could anytime. Out of all my other 5 siblings I was the one she talked to the most. I know the last year we didn’t see much of each other but she’s my little sister. On top of losing her I know we won’t get to see much of her 3 kids either. So I’m kinda grieving for all of them

  180. It’s been a year and a half since my brother was murdered. He was 19, I was 16. As children we were best friends but we grew distant in our teenage yeats. I always wonder if things would have turned out different if I had made an attempt to keep in touch with him after he moved out. I miss him endlessly, it still haunts me.

  181. 25th August 2014, I lost my brother in a car accident. The car got into a lake, so he drowned. He was only 11 (I was 20), but he knew how to swim. I once taught him. Maybe not good enough.. The thing is, unlike almost everyone here who can say confidently that their sibling was their best friend, I can’t. I was the only child for 8 1/2 years before he was born, so I think that got me this selfish and immature character. My relationship with my brother started okay, I was actually kinda close to him. I forgot exactly when our relationship was strained, I guess when I got into my 3rd year in Senior High School. Since then, I stopped playing with him. I barely spoke to him, and when I did, I didn’t do it nicely. I often ignored him. I often gave him this nasty look. We fought often. And I never said that I love him. But, inside, we care for each other, he looked up to me, and I cared about his school and all. Sometimes I would teach him, and I would always got him something for his birthday. But those nice moments are small and rare, the bads drown them easily. 1 week before he died, we got into this nasty fight. Not even a fight, I was furious at him out of jealousy, he totally did nothing wrong. When he died, the guilty feeling was overwhelming. The dream that one day we would live in a perfect harmony was over. What’s worst about it, is that I can’t grief. My parents were devastated, and me-griefing wouldn’t help the situation. Besides, everyone knows how nasty I was to my brother, it leaves me no right to grief. So, even until now, no one knows how much I was devastated over his passing. I went through all of it alone, I don’t permit myself to grief in front of others, not even my parents. It’s hard, and it doesn’t get easier even after 3+ years.

    • Sarah, listen to me, my older sister (nine years older) and older brother (12 years older) were exactly the same with me as you were with your little brother!
      And you know what, I did not hurt me or made an impact in my life because everyone was an adult around me (I was a surprise, unplanned kid) and behaved similarly except my mom, so it was the norm for me. I remember more the happy moments instead. Seriously, don’t feel bad, is super normal. Promise? I swear to you that for such an age difference its really hard for teenagers to relate to younger children. That young child is telling you from her own experience 😉

  182. I see a bit of myself in all the comments posted. My sweet sweet younger sister dies from medical negligence and being a doctor myself I can’t get past the guilt of not being around to set things straight for her. I feel responsible for her death. She was many years younger than I but we were very close, we were still making plans the week before her passing. I have been totally devastated and not bothered to try to be strong. Everyday I pray to God to turn time back to the. morning before she went to the hospital so I can call her and prevent her from the events that led to her death. It’s comforting to know that my grief is normal. It’s sad to learn that the feeling of missing something will never go. I feel like someone stole something from me.
    Somewhere in the book of Corinthians in the Bible talks about not grieving as though we have no hope. There is a hope of resurrection and this encourages me that though I won’t see my beloved sister in this dispensation, I look forward to the resurrection when Christ returns.

  183. I am very sorry for anyone who has experienced the same as I did and shared their story here. I remember how desperately I searched attention and a community after my brother died and how overwhelming my feelings were.
    My brother died almost 3 years ago, I was fifteen and he was twelve. I still have another brother, his twinbrother.
    I was the last person he spoke to, before he fell out of the window of his bedroom.
    I am convinced this is the deepest pain I can possibly feel and am sure this will kill me one day. I am too soft to handle this reality. Yes, I grew as a person because of this incident. But that fact is like scratching a wound with a needle.
    I can’t smile with my eyes anymore. Strangers that observe me a little immediatly get the sense that something drags me down. They notice how apparant my feelings are before I do.
    All I wish for is this to stop. I can’t handle it. It feels like I will never be able to escape this dilemma.
    I wish you all the best

  184. I lost my older sister on February 12, 2018. She had gotten into a car accident in January and knowing how she is she wouldn’t tell us how and what happened. Eventually she admitted that she was drinking, luckily no one else got hurt. She had hit a barrier/ guardrail at a high speed. Honestly my sister’s life was spiraling out of control her drinking, eating and impulsivity. I remember being the last person she saw when she was in the rehab facility she had broken both of her ankles, her sternum, and had to get surgery on her face from the air bag deploying. Oddly enough she never says I love you but she did that night. The next day I get a call saying that my sister passed away. It’s a fucking nightmare that I have every night. Running in there and feeling how cold she is. I had to shield my parents from seeing her body being put in the van by the coroners. It turned out that my sister passed away from a blood clot that traveled to her heart. So much emphasis is put on my parents and I’m constantly being told to be strong for them but where does that leave me? My sister and I were thick as thieves but I hated how stubborn she is and I realized she didn’t want treatment for anything but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s my sister and I love her. It’s hard for me to get out of bed and I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I’m not in constant pain. I miss her, I miss calling her and just going out with her. A part of me is mad at her for being stubborn and finding out she had a double life. If there’s any support groups out there help would be appreciated.

    • Oh Erika, I can relate so much. My sister’s life was also out of control and that just makes it harder because I will always feel guilty my life turned better and because I wish I would have helped her more. :,(

  185. I dont even know how to start…. I lost my sister on the 5th of March from Aneurysm.. she was 25.. i was 23….. she died in my arms.. tomorrow is a 3 year of bullshit life without her… those who say that it will pass.. it wont.. I will never understand we were watching tv shows… she fell asleep and bam.. shes gone.. my parents got lost in the moment.. i had to be the strong one for them that night.. so i was. And after that night.. i got lost.. me and my sister .. we are soulmates.. when ever she was feeling bad.. i had that feeling right away.. Even the symptoms you suppose to have before the aneurysm makes the chaos, they were transferred to me.. like someone is playing games with us, she didnt even had a sign of something wrong going on.. and i had a dream about her… i should known better.. I dont even deserve this sister is my everything….she is the most peaceful person i know.. she never argues .. she will remain calm and smile at everything.. its like she isnt even real.. i dont understand how could this happen to a person like her.. i wish no one never ever experiences this… this is a hell of life.. i cant go at her .. i even ignor everything.. i get drunk and then hell starts.. i guess alcohol gets out all of the pain.. and i know its not a way.. but it helps in some way.. the bottom line is that this is hell, and if u want to yell at someone do it.. if u can cry .. cry.. cos i cant.. and trust me not being able to release your own anger and sadness or just the missing part of not being able to listen to her voice again or seeing that magnificent face , its a mess … this is so much painful to even write it down .. my days started with her, and ended with her.. so when she was taken from me.. who ever took her, took my life away too..

  186. Im 17 years old and my brother (21) was killed in a hit and run incident on February 24 2018. I dont know what to do and keep picturing how he died all alone at 2 am in the darkness. What he was thinking or how he might have felt. When an officer came to my door I was alone at the time. He spoke to me and said they couldnt tell by looking at him who he was (he was “unidentifiable”) but he had his ID. My brother was 6 foot 4 and had a swimmers build. So when the officer said he was a “big boy” and was wearing a wooden thumb ring as well as a bracelet he gave me and my sister to match on Christmas. I knew it had to be him. He was killed in san diego on I-5 freeway and the hit and runners have not been found. Every night i cry myself to sleep and have the same vivid nightmare of him getting hit and regrets of not saying i love you frequently (as well as painful headaches). I was hoping writing it out would help even just slightly. His dog had also just died from diabetes and i cant help but to think death is much more closer than i thought possible. I thought crying was supposed to help you not make you want to cry more.

    • I just lost my brother. He was also 4 years older than me. He was my only sibling, he always took care of me. I miss him so much. He died alone in a car accident. I don’t know how I can adjust to this and go back to ‘normal.’ I can’t stop seeing his wrecked car. I just want to be in an alternate reality.

    • Bri,
      I also lost my younger brother, on the same day. He was 25. And he was more than a brother, he was a piece of my soul. i know your pain. The deep sadness and despair. It is strange how the rest of the world just carries on when you hurt so much. Stay strong, dear girl. I keep hearing this and i know how hollow those words are and how nothing anyone says can make the pain lessen. Just know you are not alone

  187. My 31 year old son lost his 33 year old brother Jan. 2017. He was present when the accident happened.
    David was going to help Chris move into his first home and Chris was looking so forward to showing his brother what he bought. I think it was good that Chris was with David because I told him to lay next to David, hold him, tell him it would be ok and of course I love you. He and Davids girlfriend were both holding him in the end. It was a terrible phone call to receive from my son about my other son but God was in this in every way possible. I made to the hospital and knew right away David was dead. I’m sure Chris knew that too but he didn’t tell me. I was more concerned about my elderly parents and Chris.
    I’ve been around death a lot working in an ICU, was I better prepared? I think I was more prepared than anyone else in my family because I had seen so many different deaths and grieving of other family members over the years. I was numb but we all were.
    I worried about Chris as much as he worried about me. You see I lost a husband and Chris lost a father 16 years before to suicide. We’ve been through a lot together and know we’re the only 2 left out of our family of 4. I still have my siblings and parents who are in their 80’s. My job prepared me for death and I prepared my sons as much as I could for it as well by telling them I love them and hug them before they leave me and to always treat each other as if was the last time they’d see each other. I still worry more about Chris and I have to outlive him so he’s not the last of our family to go. I’m so sorry for all your losses and families who get caught up in their own grief and forget about you the sibling and in many cases you the best friend like my sons were..

  188. Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 62 days and i wish i could bring her back everyday.

  189. Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 92 days.

  190. I lost my only sibling, my older brother, on June 29, 2016, at the age of 53 to a heart attack. I’m still grieving. He was my best friend, although we were 9 years apart. I still tear up every time I think about him. He was such a proud uncle to my 4-year-old son, and he was planning to do so much with him. He’s left a huge hole in my life that I cannot fill. We lost our father suddenly in 1995, also to a heart condition, and my brother was who I always looked to for advice — the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever known.

    • I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my big brother, my only sibling, my hero, my conscience, my mentor, my friend in August 2017. He too was a wonderful uncle to my two pre-teen kids…. I understand your devastation and don’t wish it on anyone. I find myself trying to steal time from some elusive future moment when things don’t hurt so much. Sometimes this helps… sometimes I think I’ve lost my mind. His death was unnecessary, and that doesn’t help. I am truly so sorry for your loss.

  191. I lost my younger sister 10 years ago. It never gets any easier. I went from being the oldest child, to being the only child. Still having a hard time coping with this transition and family dynamic. It only gets worse as I get older. Does anyone have any suggestions for me , how to cope with this or how to help improve my relationship with my parents? I miss my sister deeply and I still have a hard time discussing this loss.

    Thank you.

    • Hi Tina… Am in the same boat. Lost my sis more than 20 years ago…Feels like yesterday. She was 16, I was 10. She was sleeping. I was in a bed next to hers, reading a book. It was morning. She started making some funny sounds, like heavy breathing…I didn’t wake her up though as she hated that.. the sounds stopped soon. Then mom came to wake her up..And she never did. Oh..I dealt with all that fine enough.. had lost my dad at the age of 4.. but still I did ok. But since the last 4-5 years, something happened. I can’t even bear thinking of my sis without tearing up. Any reference to her or thought of her and the tears don’t stop flowing. Even if I want to tell someone about her, or the fact that I used to have a sis, I can’t. And I don’t like crying in front of others, so it’s hard. I have to avoid such topics. I don’t know why this is happening after so so many years. What the trigger point was.. but am struggling. I tell myself it’s ridiculous. And yes, the guilt is there too. No one knows yet I heard her make some noise. Why didn’t I just wake her up then and there? Did I kill her? I can never tell mum. The survival guilt is there too as she was honestly far more deserving of life than me… Seriously. Pretty, loving, full of life and more. You know, nowadays I read about people freezing their eggs and sperm etc. I even imagine if somehow I had her eggs… I would make sure I impregnate myself with them and give birth to another form of my sis. So many ‘what ifs.’ what if I had woken her up that day
      Sorry, but am clueless how to deal with our grief, Tina…. Even as I type, I have to keep wiping the tears off and my nose is stuffed. But this site has already helped by making me feel am not the only one dealing with such issues. Am glad someone somewhere is reading this…for I can never let out my feelings so much in person to anyone. Meanwhile, I can only hope my tearing up phase stops one day magically.

      • I do hope you can find a way to talk about it. my brother just passed and it is all i think about. it is all i want to think about, i feel like moving on is forgetting him and i too have delusional thoughts about how to bring him back. i also keep trying to find a meaning in it all. like somehow this was his destiny and it was chosen. but, even that does not ease the pain.

  192. I just lost my best friend….my brother. He died Jan 12, 2018. I’m having trouble just getting through a day. I’ve lost both parents, and the emptiness, is just overwhelming.

    • Hi K Harmon,
      I feel your pain I just lost my only sibling sister Jan 20, 2018.. I watched her die she should never have died from having a couple of lymph nodes removed from her neck..she was suppose to go home the next day..that turned into 9 days ..I am having so much trouble grieving over her death because he daughter is just making trouble with my sisters husband and myself..( mind you this daughter never visited her Mother in3 years) all the family had offered plane tickets so she could see her mom but the dog was here excuse! (Husband son daughter friend all could have cared for the dog..just saying… she thinks I want all her mothers stuff..I don’t ..I like a single keepsake ..I don’t see a resolution to this and to top everything my husband has dementia and I can’t leave him..
      thanks everyone for listening Ive really needed to vent…

  193. I came across this site on Pinterest while I was looking for things about sibling loss. It helped to read this. To know my pain counts. I lost my little brother on May 18 th 2017 to a massive heart attack at age 48. I got the call at 2:30 in the morning from my sister in law that he was not responding to hurry there. I live less than five minutes away. U see my brother was a diabetic and I’ve had these calls before and left knowing I would fix this and he would be ok. But when I got there and saw two ambulances and police cars I knew something was bad wrong. Within ten minutes of being in my brothers home with his wife and kids. They came out of his bedroom room and asked where my parents lived I remembering saying why why do u need to go there. That’s when he said I’m sorry he’s gone. I had the hard task of going to my moms house first at 3:00 in the morning to tell her her son was gone. Then to only go to my Dads house to do the same and then the task of calling my two other brothers who live out of state that whole day is a blur. I’m miss him more and more as time goes on. I feel that I left him down that his Sissy as they call me didn’t fix this for him. I just can’t wrap my head or heart around the fact that he is really gone. The feeling of wanting to know WHY him WHY now. I’m the oldest I’m suppose to go first. This pain is too hard to bare. My parents have shut down. My Dad has become quite and not wanting to leave his house. And my mom has become angry and needing to blame someone for his death. Neither will talk. I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying very hard to keep our family together. Because family was everything to my little brother 😢😢 no one for me to talk to because I just may be the sister but my brothers are my world and I don’t know how to deal with this missing piece to our puzzle I call family

  194. Nobody to Write Home aboutFebruary 9, 2018 at 7:59 pmReply

    lost my brother on November 13, 2018. He would have been 44 this past December.
    we were close as kids, but grew apart, and he moved far away and married someone who is not nice to me. pretty much treats me like i do not exist. our family is very dysfunctional. i had an uncle who abused me, well he was invited to my brother’s college graduation AND his wedding. my brother knew i could not be in the same room with my ex uncle. he invited the uncle anyway so i stayed home. maybe that’s what caused his bitterness towards me? he also had a kid with a total psycho, (not his wife, this was before he met her) and once called and exclaimed “you’re an Aunt!” to which i declined. heartless? maybe, but i never have liked kids, never wanted them and after being abused by an Uncle and Aunt, did not want to be an Aunt. he might have held this against me too. but, regardless, emotional distance between us grew. he was always very critical of me, he reminded me a lot of my mother who died too, a few years back. he told me he misses Mother, well, Mother was abusive towards me too, very emotionally abusive, I was never good enough and on top of that, she had adopted me…anyway, my brother got Cancer (they say anger, guilt and resentment can cause it, wonder if any of that factored into it) He acted angry and bitter. We were both adopted. He never wanted to find his birth parents but I did and my birthmother ended up rejecting me all over again by not wanting to have anything to do with me or meet me. She died. So my birthmother, brother and adopted mother are all dead. And people wonder why I have no interest in having kids, or being near them, and I wonder why I have serious intimacy issues and only involve myself with emotionally unavailable men. In a way I’m relieved two of the most critical people in my life (mother and brother) are gone. adopted father is still here but he’s not a father. i can’t talk to him about anything deep. he is distant, unloving, and anti social. I cried when my brother died and now, all I feel is numbness and jealousy towards those who have close, loving family members. i’m never going to know what that feels like. 🙁

  195. I lost my 19 year old brother May 7, 2016. He was my very best friend, as we are only three years apart. We were arguing that night because my mom told him to bring her car home by midnight and it was an hour past. I just knew something was wrong when he never made it home so I jumped in my car and drove down the road to find him in the woods and the car in the trees about a mile from our home. I started CPR as I called 911, but he was already gone. Now 21 months later I am still a complete and total wreck. My parents are the same. I am the only child left. I don’t even know how to express my depression or anxiety. My heart hurt so badly. All I want us to have him back. I have read all the books I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist every week.. nothing can take this pain away. I can’t function daily anymore, my mind is gone. I’m not who I was at all. I was so confident the leader and now I know nothing, nothing at all..

    • Hello Kayla, I wanted to express my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your brother. I lost my best friend, my brother, on October 27, 2017… he passed away from colon cancer at the age of 23. It is painful to realize that not many people can truly understand your pain, and especially when you lose someone that was so important to you in your life at such a young age. I can’t comprehend my future without him, we used to talk all day long about how successful our lives would be, but I truly believed he had a chance of having a great life. There’s this overwhelming guilt of “why couldn’t it have been me” and there’s nothing to soothe the pain. The pain hasn’t gotten any easier over time. I wanted to reach out and say how sorry I was and that the two of us are on the same road travelling the same journey without our beloved brothers. I hope that we can both find some solace some day and time in the future.

    • Kayla, I want to say so sorry you are feeling this pain. I just lost my brother January 13, 2018. He was only 24 and it was sudden. He was murdered. It has been the hardest time in my life. I live in pain everyday. Pain when I look at my mom who lost her only son, pain for my 4 year od niece who doesn’t have her daddy, pain for my kids who were so close to their uncle. It hurts so badly. I have lost the one person i grew up with, who I remember mom being pregnant with, watching him as mom had to work, I was suppose to watch him grow more as a person. I feel my heart can’t take no more. I feel so many thing at this point. Regret is one I struggle with daily. Prayers to you and thank you for sharing your story.

      • My sister also passed away at age 24 last early march. She was a nurse in Beverly Hills and was headed home and got into a car accident. She had a very bad brain injury and the nuerosuregons were saying there was no chance, it was a catch 22. We kept on praying for a miracle but they weren’t being answered. I sometimes go on Microsoft word or google docs and just sit and write to her. I also put on our favorite music that we used to listen together and meditate/say positive things and think of our favorite memories that we shared. I smoke weed (CBD) to help me and it has been helping me, sorta. I had a very vivid dream recently of me and her singing. The feelings that you get from dreams with your siblings are like nothing else. One thing that she told me was to always live here in the present moment, to live your best life, and always put my mom first. That has inspired me so much and I see a lot of these comments and would like to pay it forward and tell you to think about the things your sibling has shared with you that you can live by. My sister has helped me to live through her and help me with my entrepreneurial ventures. Everyone has a different way of experiencing grief and I hope this has given you some kind of value to cope with yours. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Don’t pray for an easier life pray for to be stronger.

        P.S- Studying stoicism has helped me get out of depression! I would recommend it to anyone especially if they are in the business world as it is very competitive and could use the additional emotional fortitude.


  196. This is such a great thread, and it’s really helping me, reading all these comments. I lost my brother 3 months ago to an aggressive cancer that took his life in 10 weeks. We thought he’d have six months, so we were shell-shocked after it was over, albeit grateful that the lingering painful death of many pancreatic cancer sufferers had been avoided. He was 61, never married, and had lived with mum for the past 20 years. I moved in with mum for 6 weeks to help her get used to her new life of living alone, and yes I was the sibling out of the remaining three who took charge and sorted everything out. Now that I’m home, however, I still can’t seem to grasp that my brother is gone. When I see photos of him or he comes into my mind, I hear my own voice in my head saying “Where are you?” as if he’d gone on a holiday and I wasn’t quite sure where he was. I guess this is the denial phase of grief, but frankly I’m not sure how to move past it. I didn’t see him die, so I hoped for closure at the funeral, but that just felt like a dream I was experiencing. I’m the executor of his estate and dealing with paperwork and talking to people about his death each week so I should “get” it, but as time passes and I can’t seem to accept what happened, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Will I never accept his death? My father died 30 years ago and I had no trouble believing he was dead. Ditto my grandma and other family friends. My brother’d death, however, just won’t sink in.

  197. My twin brother died at 5 month old and i just found out about him 2 or 3 years ago. it is painful

  198. My little sister was murdered january 14 2018 I cant focus at work I feel guilty i was to busy notice she was in a abusive relasonship now its too late I keep looking at are messages on facebook she is my little sister shes given me advise on setting a example for my kids and being the bigger person she is so smart since this happen to her my mom not answering her phone and didnt come to her funeral im not mad her

  199. I lost my oldest brother, Jeff, to suicide on March 3, 2015. I have never been so shocked it my entire life. He was 47 years old. No one suspected he was suicidal, even his best friend cant believe it to this day. I then lost my other brother on August 17, 2017. I was at home and the police came to my door and informed me that he had passed away. Well, second major shock of my life! He was 48 years old. They did an autopsy and we are still waiting for the results.
    I am the youngest of the 3 of us and I have always been the care taker. So that is what I have done ever since my brother Jeff died is care for others, my mom, my niece, my sister-in-law, my brothers best friend! I dropped everything in my life to make sure that things got handled where he lived, making funeral arrangements and decisions that others weren’t willing to make.
    Then my brother Jamie passed away unexpectedly as well. Same things happened, I put my life on hold to make sure things were handled, dealing with the coroner, funeral arrangements etc…
    It is the most lonely feeling in the world to know that my two older brothers who I championed, looked up to and detested but loved so much are no longer on this earth. They knew me and they got me, They would hug me when I needed it and they would let me know when I was being a bitch!!!! I miss them both so horribly!
    I am really having a hard time in the last week or so and I am wondering if the reality is finally hitting me. I do really feel that sibling grief is overlooked because I am very rarely asked how I am but am almost always asked how my mom is! This is so hard for me because I don’t know how to respond because she wont talk about it with me. She thinks that crying is weak and she just keeps it to herself.
    And it is sad that people don’t see what a loss it is to lose a sibling! I have spent more time with my two brothers than mostly anybody. They were a safe place for me and now they are gone.

  200. How to deal with this ? I found my brother dead in bed on Christmas Day 12/25 17. 68 yrs old almost 69 on 1/13. My nephew in law had to break into the house. He saw my brother first, and it was his father n law too. I walked into room afterwards and was shocked and just couldn’t believe my eyes, I still can’t believe he is dead. We were close. After I saw my brother, my neice (goddaughter) arrived and that was her dad, my brother. Then a few hours later my brother’s son got to the house. My brother there Dad looked so peaceful . How does one work this out as I am the aunt/Godmother as well as a sister to the deceased. WE are close. But being that he is my brother, they have only experienced the death fo their father. I sometimes am at a loss of words and my grief is different as a sibling then a dauther/son. I miss my brother immensely since he was my true support in life then my other 5 siblings. He was always there for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

  201. I have to agree the overshadowed grief has to be the hardest part of losing a sibling. When I was 11 my 6year old brother was killed in a tragic car accident. (We lost my aunt as well— October 1997) My parents couldn’t function for years and so being the oldest, I was the one who had to care for my younger brother and sisters. For years I just wanted someone to acknowledge my grief, my loss and tell me everything was going to be ok. So I learned how to cope and adjust to being ignored. I’ve heard some much about my mom’s loss, but I didn’t lose just my brother that day, I lost both of my parents too. They’ve never been the same. Just as I was adjusting and accepting that I will never be asked if I’m ok, we lost my sister last year to an overdose. Today was the anniversary of her death, no one thought to ask me how I was doing. My mom told me before Christmas that I didn’t even care that my sister was dead. I’m raising her child, who is one of the biggest blessings in my life, but I apparently don’t have get to grieve. It was so nice finding this site and knowing that I’m not the only one.

  202. I lost my Brother on the 3rd of December 2017. He was 44 years old. I am Roy’s only sibling and 20 months older. We are yet to find out why.. I am broken and living day to day in a haze switching from extreme heartbreak to denial that’s he’s truly just no longer with us. I feel part of me has gone and I am forever changed. My brother was a loving and caring soul and we always looked out for each other .. Christmas and New year came and went I’m hiding away from the real world and struggling to speak to anyone that knows me. I have 3 grown up children who I feel I am failing terribly as I usually look after everyone else but I’ve crumbled and if I’m honest I don’t want to feel any different as if somehow that would mean I love him any less.. My partner has been very understanding and is helping me but nothing is ever going to change what’s happened.
    I feel my future lies empty I miss his love laughter and loyalty he will always be my best friend.
    It’s so sad to read so many others are going though the same pain .. love to you all

    • Hi Marie,
      My name is Karen and before I go on please except my deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. I too lost my brother in December, December 14 after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. He was 47 years old and had been fighting this Horrible disease since March of this year. The doctors were so optimistic with his progress he was scheduled to have the tutor removed on Dec 17th but on the 14th he went in to cardiac arrest and passed away. Like you, my brother was my only sibling. I have also lost my mother and my father to cancer. I tota like you, my brother was my only sibling. I have also lost my mother and my father to cancer. When reading your feelings about your brother, I felt like I was reading my story! This horrible feeling of being alone so prevalent it’s scary! I just wanted to reach out and say how sorry I was in that the two of us are on the same road travelling the same journey without our beloved brothers. I hope that we can both find some solace knowing that our brothers for special people and they are now looking after us.

      • Hi Karen and Marie,

        I cannot believe this. I too lost my brother in December (13th) 2017. He was 46 and died of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was very aggressive and the doctors were unable to find it. I didn’t find out until the day of his wake. This whole situation does not seem real. I keep asking myself how could this happen. I keep thinking he is coming back. I lost my sister 10 years almost to the day and she too was 46. I am alone now with just my father who is 81 and lives on the other side of the country. No words can truly express the pain inside. .

  203. I was adopted as a small child and my adopted parents always were open with me about it. 8 years ago my mom helped me try to find out any information about my biological background, but we were unsuccessful. I lost my momma 2 and a half years ago and my desire to learn more about my biological background became very important to me. With persistence and help from momma and the good Lord above I was finally successful. I finally located two half brothers that I never even knew existed, not knowing there were more siblings out there. The one who answered my first email with a phone call changed my life. His name was Randy. Randy responded to me with a phone call that resulted to contact on a daily basis. After we first talked we couldn’t get enough of each other. I was the big sisters he dreamed of and he was my baby brother I totally fell in love with. We communicated on a daily basis through hours of messaging or phone calls. I couldn’t get enough of him and his knowledge and acceptance. I yearned for the relationship we had gained. We were counting down the days til we were scheduled to meet. We were 6 days and 13 hours away from the biggest and best day of our lives, when we would be able to hug and look into each others eyes for the first time face to face when the worst nightmare possible came true. I sent him a message and he didn’t respond so I figured I missed him, I had a gut wrenching and confused feeling as I sent him a second message telling him I love him and would catch up with him tomorrow. Then I got a message from my sister in law telling me to call her, first thought was a bad accident and that he was in the hospital or something like that, not that he had died of a heart attack. We had our week together all planned only a week away, I felt so robbed and broken. Going down to Tennessee was Not the trip I had planned, it was supposed to be a joyous trip . Life has not been the same since. Yes there are other half brothers but I am scared to death to get to know them even though they said they accept me out of fear of going through this pain again. Randy was the baby, I am the oldest, my children are grown up and he had young children to home. I felt so robbed and guilty because their daddy is gone and I am older and still here. This happened September 6th ,2017 . I don’t know how to get past the biggest loss of my life, he was my baby brother and I love and miss him so much.

  204. Hello ,

    Well I had to speak to someone who knows this horrible feeling I am sorry for all of us who are in this grief group it’s a terrible place to be.
    So I lost my sister Nov 5 , 2017 at 57 years old to cancer she suffered for a year . And I can’t believe she is gone she helped me my whole life always protected me always had all the answers for me
    How am I suppose to go through life without her ?
    All the major life events that she won’t be apart of why did this have to happen… why did God take my sister she also died the same day as our Dad did 14 years ago and how did I get through that I had her .
    Now I have crazy anxiety worry about everything scared of death and what’s to become in life .
    I hate to even write this on New Years part of me wants to forget 2017 but I feel sad that was the last year I had my sister in my life .
    Thanks for listening

    • I lost my Brother on the 3rd of December2017 he was 44 and healthy. We are yet to find out how. I am broken and in some kind of horrendous haze. I am still waking every morning to the realisation that it’s true. I feel like part of me has gone we were so very close i looked after him the whole of my life as I am 20 months older.. I have always supposedly been the stronger one as Roy was such a fun and loving soul. But he was my rock the one who could always make me smile someone I could trust like no other.. We where a team and this was not suppose to happen. We had plans for the future he was going to spend Christmas at my daughter’s house and had planned holidays I spoke to him daily I have so many wonderful memories of him yet I want more.
      In the first couple of weeks I just wished I’d of gone with him as I can’t imagine a future without him. I never ever realised that so much pain was possible.

    • Cammy I am so sorry… I too lost my sister 9/25/17… I feel like I died with her… I miss her so so much and even more terrible she had lost her son a few months before in June…. I only have a younger brother left.. my mom and dad died young at 54 and 59 13 months apart and my oldes brother died 10 years later of a brain aneurysm at 40…. I cry all the time and just want her back so badly…. she was always getting sick a
      I think it was stress from taking care of her son who contacted encephalitis at 6…. she had open heart surgery 3 Times ; most of her colon removed; diabetes and them a kidney disease so in 2016 I started doing my annual testing so I could donate my kidney but what happens they find out I had breast cancer: luckily stGe one but I could not give her my kidney right after they decided she couldn’t have the transplant surgery anyway because of her heArt… all kinds of issues with her kidneys after that and then complications and she passed away… I was with her and I thought I was having a nervous breakdown and her poor husband and other son losing both of them… I just don’t know how I can live without her… she was my best friend too… I am sorry for your loss because I can only imagine if u feel as I do.. my heart is bronen hugs to u my friend!! I hope u see this!

  205. Hello All, My first post on this site was July 27, 2017. At that time I was facing the reality of loosing my baby sister. On December 7, 2017 at 0226 I lost her. I prayed that she would be able to make it to Christmas for the kids but she just couldn’t hold on… I talked to her several times everyday and seen her at lest 1 time a day…. what am I going to do without her? She was my best friend, my baby sister. What do I do with all this time I have on my hands? How do I cope. I do spend time with her kids as much as I can but they spend a lot of their time with their friends. I just miss her so much, I often read the messages she sent me. My poor hubby don’t know what to do with me because there is nothing he can do to help me, I do feel bad for him because he has to deal with my break downs, mood swings and my utter craziness. People say I understand, I have lost my Mom and Dad, well NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, TRY LOOSING A SIBLING!!!!! I is NOT the same. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with her and her children, oh how I loved that day… I planned on doing the same for Christmas but our time was cut short. I hated Christmas this year, it took me 3 days to put a stupid tree up, I didn’t want to listen to Christmas music and I did all my shopping In 1 day and I love Christmas. I had lunch with her kids today and it made me very happy to see them. How do you stop crying? I just miss her so much, I love you Racheal.

  206. My brother passed on the 25th of december 2017.He fell off from a 2nd floor building after his friend pepper sprayed him when they were fighting..He couldnt see and he was feeling dizzy resulting in his fall.On the 19th of february 2016 l lost my father.Life doesnt seem to give me a break.lm broken,lm lost.l feel like l have lost the battle,the pain is too much to bear.l have lost hope in God.l feel like he doesnt exist

  207. My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother. He was quiet, and gentle, and funny, and so so weird. He once pretended he was Canadian for six months. When we were kids, he got mad at me for the way I played video games.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

    • I know exactly how you feel. My brother was killed the day after yours in a tragic car accident. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I feel so many emotions especially guilt when I catch myself laughing at something. Please know that you are not alone and take all the time you need to heal. It is really hard I know, but I have found that resuming my regular activities like work and such has helped me a great deal. I have also found solace in surrounding myself with people who are not involved whatsoever. I find it easier to talk and open up about how I am feeling. Right now things aren’t better for me, they are different. Thinking of you!

      • Hi Tracy

        I am extremely sorry for your loss. May you find peace soon.

        I too lost my 39 yr old brother on 28 Jan 18 who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can’t put it in words.

        Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit.

        He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn’t revive him.

        I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn’t have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can’t accept that he’s gone.

        I’m in a mess right now..don’t know if I even want to come out of it. Feel overwhelming guilt for being alive. I was with him on a boy’s night out the day before. I can’t get his lifeless face out of my mind.
        We look similar and sound exactly the same which comforts his friends but makes me miss him even more.

        I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can’t take it. I loved him so much.

        What should I do? I choke sometimes just thinking of him. Where do I get solace???
        May God give you peace and please keep him in your prayers.

      • I also feel awful about laughing or enjoying anything. It feels disrespectful to her memory.

    • Jason, I am so sorry to read your post. I see a lot of similarities with the loss of my sister, with how you have dealt, with the christian/atheist thing. The first year is the worst. And I thought it got easier or better. The ten year anniversary just came, and it’s like the wound is now bleeding fresh blood. Worse than before even, as if my survival had to kick in and the real pain had no space. It gets easier. And then it gets harder. Christmas will never ever be the same for you. She died two days after my birthday, so that’s always forever stamped. But. It isn’t always horrible. You get used to it. People help you grieve sometimes when it feels impossible to understand the weight (and therefore you hold it like water off a duck’s back.). I returned to Australia this Christmas and New Year to really talk to my family about it, to talk about her, and her loss, and what that wretched Christian memorial did to me, and how dishonoured she was at it (she was gay, and my dad’s best friend minister said she was going to hell). But family around this sort of thing is like a dark Scandinavian film. There is no depth, no real talk. We grieve separately and differently. I don’t know what to say to you, only that I am so sorry for your loss.

  208. My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

    • So sorry Jason for your loss
      My 54 year old brother passed away 10 days ago. We found out he had cancer and passed within 7 weeks. Just aweful. No words. We just buried him last Thursday. I have avoided all the Christmas everything. I feel like I’m in hiding. I only see who I know know how I feel. Unreal. Still can’t believe it. He is my only brother, my mothers only son. Killing me. 1 day at a time. I keep saying 1 day at a time. I started therapy. Family has been very kind in leaving me alone, and waiting for my ques. But I don’t like to leave the house. I was in bed for days after.

    • I am sorry, I lost my sister on Dec 20th 2017. as well, she had a fatal heart attack on Dec 16th and we found out she was full of cancer , she never regained consciousness we had to remove her from life support due to all her organs shutting down , it all happened so fast and I still cant wrap my head around it and I feel lost and miss her so. my family kind of did the same thing we had a get together for Christmas, I guess it helped her kids to be around the rest of the family. I cant say anything is helping me right now all I think about is how much I want to tell her one last thing and how we will not grow old together and all I have is this gut wrenching feeling and want to burst out into tears constantly

  209. My youngest sister died of a gunshot wound to her forehead on October 15th 2017, she was killed by her boyfriend. No matter what happens to him, whether he goes to prison, gets death or they set him free, none of that even matters because my heart, my family and all of our lives will never be the same. I’m 47, about to be 48 this month, I have never in my life experienced such pain, loss, sense of loneliness, feelings of sheer “scatteredness”. I’m up now because today has been “one of those days”. Her insurance billing ,of that day, arrived through the mail today, I took them so my parents won’t have to see them. I called the insurance company and asked them to please stop that from coming to their home in the future and had to explain why. My faith in God can never be shaken, I trust Him completely, even with this, but my heart is so broken…never knew feelings like this existed. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU LINDA💔

    • I am so sorry to read this about your sister. There are no words, Life as we know it will never be the same. Everyday is a struggle. Loosing my brother 10 days ago has been the closest person time ever to have pass away. I have all alone. No one understands until they lived in our shoes. Just know I’m sory. And I hope we all can find whatever we need to make it til tomorrow and then the next day

  210. I have lost my older brother November 25th 2017
    It’s amazing how grief can take over your entire life in a split second: shock, numbness, anger, regrets, guilt, sadness, emptiness, disbelief, and many more emotions in single pack, how do we continue with our lives?
    My brother was 52 just little over a year older than me, my younger brother is 50 and my sister is 55. Me and my sister took a lead in helping our parents and our younger brother to grieve. Our brother can’t accept the reality and refuses to let go , they were inseperable living in same house their entire life. My younger brother is not married which makes even more difficult to deal with situation. I’m every day at their house trying to play a role of collected and strong one but when I get home and any chance I’m alone I cry and cry. I can’t sleep I worry so much about my parents and brother I feel as it’s my responsibility to make sure they find the reason to live. Both me and my sister are married with kids and we know we have to go on, but trying to help parents and brother. We don’t know the reason of his death, he never had health issue and he was home with wife and daughter when they found him lifeless sitting as if he hadn’t had a chance to even move. We still waiting for autopsy results. I had brain shunt placed and living with brain tumor for over 15 years , I have had some serious back issues and surgery 2 years ago. I have delt with extreme pain and I don’t know much more I can handle. I had anxiety issues before all this now I’m in shock I’m just afraid that I might wake up one day and realize that I can’t take it anymore. The truth is that none of us know how strong we really are until we are put to test. I have read many of grieving stories and I am truly sorry for everyone’s loss. May we all find strength and reason to live on until it’s our time to go. It’s vicious circle of life, sometimes it’s good but it always ends. The only thing we can agree is that faith prevails. And we all hope that life will get better!

  211. My older brother, the oldest of 5 siblings, died in August 2017. He was found dead in his apartment on August 14th by his old roommate and his the landlord. But the last time he was heard from was the afternoon of August 11th, when he called in to work complaining of a stomach pain that was so unbearable he could hardly move. Reports state that his death was on the 14th, but he could have very possibly been dead since the 11th. He lived 2 hours from where he, my family and I have lived our whole lives, and it took 3-4 days for his body to be transferred here, and a total of 10 days till we got to see him, for the last time, on August 24th at his viewing, and before his cremation over the following days. Today is December 18th, 4 months and 4 days since that unforgettably horrific night when my family and I got the call that forever changed us all, and we still have no idea what happened to him. The night we were told that he had been found, we were told his death was of natural causes. He was 34 years old… And an autopsy showed no obvious signs of anything natural. And so for over 4 months my family and I have sat here, waiting for a reason why my brother is gone from our lives. And toxicology reports can take 6-9 months, or even longer, to be complete. It’s been the hardest part of all of our lives and I know it will only get worse before it gets any better. I am the second oldest of my siblings and have felt like I have a new set of responsibilities to handle, but have felt like I cannot handle even my own. My brother is dead and i couldn’t do anything to help him and i can’t do anything to bring him back and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t. I can’t believe any of this is still real. I don’t… It’s not….I can’t comprehend it all. I don’t know what happened to my brother. I’m losing my mind.

    • My brother passed away May 3, 2017. He was also 34. It will be 8 months in January and I would love to tell you it gets better but it doesn’t, it does become different. Right now it is probably just really sinking in and the reality of what has happened is heartbreaking. I had so much guilt and still do to some extent because it wasn’t me, I still can not wrap my brain around why him? The only advice I really have is focus on his life and not his death. I can talk about his life all day long but talking about his death seems redundant and is upsetting. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel grief unfortunately is a path all your own, no two people grieve the same. You and your families life will never be the same but you will get through it. Even though you feel like you won’t or that you don’t want to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I pray a lot. Pray for my brother and my family. ❤️

  212. My baby sister passed away on Friday, December 15,2017 at 11:26am. My heart physically hurts and I don’t foresee it ever getting better. I sob and have horrible anxiety. She was sick on Monday, went to the hospital on Wednesday, ended up with sepsis and died on Friday morning. She was super tiny, but was 5xs her size when she passed. Her body was so swollen from the organ failure. It was horrible to watch. I talked to my sister everyday and saw her5-6 times a week. She was38 and I’m 41. We have a younger brother who is 36. My sister always did so much for us and our children. My brother is paralyzed with grief. I don’t know how to go on. The pain is real and heavy and empty all at the same time. I have never in my life felt pain like this. My heart goes out to all of you and I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

  213. My Dad just lost his sibling (who committed suicide) and I came here to try to understand how he is feeling.
    If anyone has advice or wants to share, please comment.

    • I can give you some advice to maybe get him more support and help… things I would like to have myself. Understanding. Support by helping him do things around the house unless he likes doing that still. Little things like spending time with him. Also look up some books about grieving the loss of a sibling “surviving the death of an adult sibiling” it’s on amazon and super inexpensive . Also be understanding if he isn’t excited or happy. If the loss is recent like you say… then he needs time to cope and deal. Ultimately seeing a therapist is a good idea. Out of my whole large family… only my two grandmothers have experienced loss of a sibling. But neither of them seem to know how to support me. It’s definitley a difficult situation for most people. They just don’t know how to help. This article or entry is definitely helpful for me. I just want more. I need more support. I feel like nobody really knows what it’s like to lose their sibling until they do.
      You’re a good kid and you’re already being supportive by looking at things like this. Sending love your way to you and your dad and your family.

  214. Thanks for those who shared their stories and I say to every one that we will always remember, as there is nothing worth sharing and remembering as the love of a sibling, and a part of us feels dead with the loss of some one so close, but we also keep a part of them alive in us.

  215. 5 years ago my sister Wendy went to work and died at 35 of a major heart attack November 19th 2012. On Wednesday my dads brother died in surgery thought it was the most painful week. With both deaths we then had a very sad thanksgiving. My other sister and I started seeing cardiologists my sister Sarah died 89 days later in her sleep even after having a normal ekg on that Friday she was 33. It started the next 5 years of sadness and loss my dad lost his 2 brothers and his sister within a year my father went into complete kidney failure and lost that fight May 26th 2016. Have not had a good nights sleep in 5 years. I’ve done therapy, grief counseling and psychiatrists still sleep about 4 hours with ambien and seroquil.

  216. I lost my only sibling on October 9, 2017, my brother. He went to the hospital September 17,2017, from a gun shot wound. The doctors said he would make it, because of his age! He was healthy, but he suddenly passed three weeks later from being in ICU. Everything was unexpected, my brother was my bestfriend. So, it’s like I lost 2 people in 1. 🙁

  217. I lost my brother upon arrival at the hospital on September 1st 2017, it is the most painful thing i have ever experienced and i am still struggling with it. Everything seems empty, i even developed anxiety attacks, the only thing that keeps me going is the Rosary and booze.

  218. My brother passed away 3 weeks ago after committing suicide at the age of 21. Firstly, I am still in a complete state of shock and have forced myself to pretend nothing ever happened. I still refer to him in the present tense, and there are so many traces of him all around me. I feel so bad because he never told our family about any of his problems, but he had been acting unusual for the past few months. I am in my first semester of university, and I only have class 3 days a week. He was in his last year, and went to school every day, but I had been seeing him at home every day I had off. I confronted him about skipping classes, and he said it was no big deal. His life was always none of my business, and that was OK. All of his friends, though, knew he was suffering from mental illness. A friend even told my parents after his death that my brother had been hearing voices in his head, and another friend said he had been talking about suicide a lot. I blame them for his death, and I wish nothing but the worst upon them. I genuinely hope they die a terrible and painful death, and suffer the wrath of God in the afterlife. Everyone in my family is hurting. My older sister, who was only 11 months apart from him, is very angry about his death, so she never wants to talk about it. She has also been getting out of the house and hanging out with friends often, something she used to not do. My younger sisters are taking it hard. One had a complete meltdown at school yesterday. The youngest one, his favourite sister, only says she feels sad when I ask her how she feels. She’s only 7, so I don’t think she has the words. She has also been feeling angry and getting frustrated with herself easily. I just feel so bad for my brother, and it is unimaginable that I will have to walk through the rest of my life without him. When the rest of us will be getting old, having children, and growing up, he will forever be a beautiful 21 year old. And it is also crazy to me that even though I have spent so little of my life with him if I live into old age, he will have had a profound effect on my life, but nobody else will care about him except for us. I wish he would come banging up the stairs again, slam my door open, and call me all sorts of names for thinking that he was actually dead. Please come back.

    • Hi Allie,

      I know how you feel I am still angry to this day that no one helped my brother, and honestly I blame myself too. Honestly, it is normal to feel the way you do. I still do he was my only brother. It is so hard to think about your future without him, but he is always with you, and wants you to LIVE. I hear that a lot, I am a mom of 2 children, and my brother was an amazing Uncle. I am so sorry that this happened. It’s been 2 years for me, and honestly I struggle still. I am having a hard time right now with just the holidays I hate that anyone has to go through this pain. Take your time, and grieve and try your hardest to be strong. I will be praying for you.

  219. I loved my sister I pray she is out of pain and wrapped in Gods loving arms. Suzanne was loved by her family and the church family at Mt Zion she blessed many children there. My little sister went to heaven November 28, 2017
    She was found by her neighbor outside yesterday face down unresponsive. 59 yeas old my baby sister. My mom is is 83 and she was crying oh lord of lord. My dad is in he beginning stages of altimeters one week ago exactly m daughter was sentenced o prison. I’m raising her son and led god help me Christmas is coming. I’m broken

  220. My sister is in a care home in the last stages Alzheimer’s. Watching her deteriorate with this terrible disease is killing me. I can’t help her or do anything to relieve her suffering. A few days ago she lost the ability to swallow. We tried everything to get some food into her. Then she had a stroke in the middle of the night and now she is lying there with a drip in her arm unable to move or communicate. We know it’s only a matter of time now. All I do is cry. I have family support but this grief is so bad I can’t get any rest from it. My sister is the kindest person I know. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. Watching her suffer is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I sit with her and hold her hand and tell her how much I love her. She has her own family and we are all grieving. Nothing anyone says helps me. I keep trying to find a way through this and I’m not succeeding.

  221. I lost my 46 year old brother to a hemmorraghic stroke after 36
    days in a coma. We were the only two kids in my family. We had to make the decision to withdraw his care which was a decision that I never in my life would have to make with our family. I was so strong during the initial emergency and hospitalization, even during his funeral services. It has been five months since it all started and now I am feeling the loss. Physical and emotional feelings are happening daily. I am on an antidepressant and antianxiety medication. I know
    this is all part of the process but it is tough. I have a strong faith. I guess I am looking for suggestions that might have worked for others.

  222. Hello, everyone. Today is Thanksgiving day and I am still in a state of shock after losing my younger sister, Nancy on November 8th, 2017, just two weeks ago yesterday. Nancy was the baby in our family of six girls, no brothers. We were all very close growing up and had wonderful times together. We also had amazing parents but they both died young. Mom at 50, dad at 58. Maybe that is why we had such an incredible bond through the years. We shared life’s ups and downs and held each other up, but Nancy suffered the most because she was so young without our mom and dad. But Nancy was resilient. She had guts and determination. She managed to get a good education all on her own and she became a very successful businesswoman. What makes me so sad today is, not only do I miss her tremendously and everything about her, but she is the third sister our family has lost in recent years. Nancy was given a deadly cancer diagnosis on September 22. She was told she had stage 4 adenocarcinoma and it had spread through her entire spine, hips, neck, stomach and liver. The pain I watched her endure for six weeks will never leave my mind. But she never lost her sense of humor, her infectious laugh, her determination to keep fighting (even though her case was hopeless) and she never lost her faith. I am heartbroken that I can’t call her today and spend the holiday together. I can’t believe we will not be able to hang out anymore, enjoying movies and TV shows we loved to watch together, take gorgeous rides through the country, talk for hours about the news of the day, just everything. I will never meet another person like Nance, she was an original. Nancy, I know you are out of your pain. Please, pray for Anne ,Mary Grace and me that we gain the strength to carry on without you. Have fun with our sisters, Pat and Carole and mom and dad. I hope to see you again someday and we can laugh together in heaven. I love you, sweet Nancy.

    • Catherine I am so sorry that you have lost Nancy, I lost my baby sister and best friend 8 years ago and I miss her so much. Nothing I can say will ease your pain but remember that your love for each other will never die. Someday you will be able to think of her without the pain tearing you apart and you will remember all the happy times, for now just be kind to yourself x

  223. Hi, my big Brother died on 28th July 2016, some 16 months ago of a GBM4 brain tumour, he was 46. He was my only Brother and meant everything to me. We lost our Mother some years ago to hideous cancer too, and since then became even closer. He was absolutely my best friend and totally looked out for me always. Our Dad is still around and I know he loves me but I feel very alone in my grief. I am lucky that I have a great support network of true friends and do not know how I would have coped without them. I miss my Brother more than I can say, and I cry a lot still. Sometimes I wonder if that’s normal because the hurt I feel is as bad as the day he died.

    He left behind a Daughter of 3 at the time (my beautiful niece), and of course her Mother who has a mental illness so is difficult to deal with. I sometimes feel overcome with it all. That said, I still manage to function, go to work and do things I enjoy, but when the feelings of missing and yearning come over me I feel so alone in my grief. Thank you for letting me post this.

  224. Hi everybody,
    I am so sorry for everybody’s lost . I also lost my beautiful ,younger and only sister on June 12 . Her ex partner of 7 years, murdered her .
    This happened Mexico City, so as you know that country is very corrupt . Cuauhtémoc, ( the murderer), was able to pay lawyers, and even the judge and he got out of jail . Since then, I have been fighting to bring justice for my little sister …and every day I’m losing hope . I feel profoundly angry, sad, depressed , powerless, hopeless and disgusted with that man whom I knew and with the justice system in Mexico . I also feel that my sister still had a lot of dreams, plans and time to live. But this evil, envious, ambitious person, decided how, where and when my little sis was going to die. It is not fair !! this piece of garbage is out , still fighting for everything that my sister worked hard for . He is a piece of trash as I am concern , and I feel that I don’t have control over everything that its happening .
    I had to hire a criminal lawyer and I have been also trying to defend my sister’s estate . But I am fighting a criminal, a disgusting justice system that it is completely rotten in Mexico …and I feel that my life , my heart and my soul also went with my sister ,. I don’t have my parents anymore as they died in 2011 and 2013 and I don’t have any other family member . I have some good friends , but they have their lives . This has been the worst and most painful time of my life !!!

    • I also wanted to say that I truly HATE the man who murdered my sister . He is living like nothing happened . He has his family and friends supporting him, while I have lost my beloved sister .

    • I am so sorry for your loss. It makes grieving all that much more difficult when you are dealing with the fact that someone else was responsible for taking the life of your loved one. The hospital my 19 year old sister was at neglected her severely which led to her passing. The last most she happened to watch was with our mother and it is called “The Shack”. We have watched it over and over as it’s a great movie to watch to help deal with some of that anger and terrible greif. I suggest it to anyone who is dealing with loss, especially that of murder. Not sure if you are someone who believes in God but this movie consists of faith and dealing with it after loss. Hope you can find rightful justice for your sister.

  225. I lost my brother on Oct 29,2017. Which was 22 days ago. He died of a heart attack. They did an autopsy on him and found his heart was abnormal. What was shocking to us is that he was only 23 yrs old. I can’t forget how I saw him laying there in the emergency room. I cried and cried along with my parents and brother and sister. He wasn’t only my brother, he was my best friend. What more can I say? I’m gonna miss him so much and waiting for the day that I can look at his picture without suffocating. I send my condolences to whoever lost a loved one.

  226. Thank you for writing this.

  227. It’s amazing reading everyone’s sharing, and how closely we relate in our pain and experiences despite the differences. I lost my sister on July 27, 2017, a week after she was hit in a pedestrian accident. My sister had survived cancer and gangrene at an early age, and yet it was one careless driver that ended her life. For years, she took the same afternoon walk for simple reasons of health and fitness, one day wasn’t as lucky as the others. She was struck by a driver who claimed the sun was in his eyes. I live in the memories, in the wondering of what could have, would have, and should have been. I question the episodes of the day, time and time again, and rearrange the events in my head to how the whole thing could have been avoided. I can’t help but wonder what were the final thoughts in her head. Did she hear us the week she lay in a coma? The doctor’s confirmed she was brain dead, but our faith held us to believe otherwise. I, of all my family, had the hardest time “pulling the plug,” such a horrible phase you hope to only hear in movies and stories from strangers. Something we never imagine living for ourselves.
    Three months have past and on most days I’m still very near to wear I was that night of the call. That night, our lives changed forever. An officer called minutes before midnight to indicate that a phone had been found at the scene of an accident. He couldn’t give me any details other than the phone number of the phone in question. My whole way to the hospital I tried to imagine every possibility that could explain why my sister’s phone was at the accident location, and she wasn’t. After all the person I was going to identify at the hospital couldn’t be her. It couldn’t possibly be her. We had lived together our whole lives, and we had so many years left to live. We were experiencing the love of a daughter for the first time. My sister who could not have kids of her own, had rejoiced for the last year the joy of being an aunt to my own child. My daughter who is only one, continues calling her “tia” to this day. We were stolen, stolen of years and memories, that can’t be replaced.

  228. My elder brother was shot and killed o the 5march 2017, we were not really close but we did speak from time to time, loved him to bits, he was a very funny guy. I received a call at about 1am that he had been shot and when I got to the scene his lifeless body was laying on the ground. I can’t take the picture out of my mind. I immidiatly got into projects that mode, organizing that his body gets transported home and arranging the funeral, I didn’t want my mom to deal with all the stress or any of my siblings to see me cry. Felt like I have to be strong for them so I don’t think I actually ever cried. I speak about him a lot but I’m always so calm don’t it as if he is still alive. I feel bad that I didn’t cry for him at his funeral and that I kept postponing going to visit him. Now tears creep in whenever something happens like a simple bad day, I cry myself silly. I don’t know how I feel really

  229. hie…i lost my sister on the 26th of December 2015..i cant seem to be able to move on from the pain…the wounds are sooooo fresh seeing two siblings chat or walk together actually affects me now,i get jelous and wish and wish if only my sister was still around too…iv only just begun to find courage to accept that i have a problem hence iv started looking for solutions on the internet..more like therapy…upto now in family we have not yet sat down and actually shared our grief together…i really want to but somehow i feel like i might arouse more grief on my parents….

    im hoping this page helps me…because i need help

    • Hi there

      You may have to grieve by yourself. My only sibling passed away on October 2015 but every time I get emotional in trying to talk about her my mother stops me and closes it down. I understand to cry all the time about her daughter is painful but I need/needed to do it outwardly sometimes. So I have to be sad by myself and accept she has other ways to grieve. For her it is prayer that has kept her for the last two years.

  230. I lost my younger brother on May 22, 2017 in a car accident. He was 15. I’m 19. I have not felt the same since it happened and on the worst days all I can imagine is the sound of my parents crying and screaming as they identified his body at the funeral home. I chose not to see him because I didn’t want that to be the last time I saw him. Five months later and I still cannot recall the last thing I ever said to him but I do remember one of the last conversations we had and how it was about him wanting to name his future daughter after me. One of the worst parts following his death was definitely the backlash from the media because the minute they realized three teenagers were in a car together, it automatically meant they weren’t being safe. My brother was riding passenger and wearing a seatbelt and the only peace I get is knowing that he died immediately on impact and didn’t feel anything. I miss him so much and I’m really looking forward to the day I can look at pictures of him without feeling like I’m suffocating. Thank you for this post. It’s the first time I haven’t felt alone since it happened.

    • This article is dedicated to Robinson.buckler(@) yahoo. com. My boyfriend left me. I seek for help no one could do anything towards my condition not until a friend of mine from high school directed me to this genuine Robinson.buckler. I contacted Robinson.buckler he assured me that my boyfriend will come back to me. I took his words with faith and today my boyfriend is back to me as well all within 24 hours after i contacted him. If there’s anyone out there that needs his help should get in touch with him now

  231. Hey there. My sister died about 2 weeks ago in a car accident along with the love of her life at the age of only 18. I am 16 years old and have just lost my best friend. She was in her way back home in a car with her boyfriend when they sister fought in icu for 3 weeks before she died. They where planning to leave about 2 days ago on a plane to the no phi phi don islands in Thailand to start there career as scuba diving instructors and travel the world . I feel like every time something funny is said or I get exited about something I just get brought back to the fact that I don’t have my best friend with me anymore. I don’t have her advice which I’ll need. Her name give up everything I have on this earth just for 5 seconds with her.

  232. My heart is heavy reading all these comments, but sadly comforted in the fact that others feel the same excruciating and immobilizing pain that I do. My younger sister Kate was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on Valentine’s Day, and after a cancer journey that felt like lifetimes, she died 5 months later. It’s been almost 3 months since her death and I still find myself going to text her or walking in to her room to tell her something, only to find an empty space where she should be. While I believe that Kate was created to only live her very full 13 years of life, I can’t help but dwell in all the things she won’t get to experience – and all the things I was supposed to help her with as her older sister. I know that I will learn to live with this grief, but it still physically hurts to be without her. Hopefully someday it won’t hurt like this.
    Much love to all those who know this pain.

  233. Thank you for this post. Last Friday, 9/29/17, I lost my little sister in a car accident. She was only 21 years old and so full of life. She had so many opportunities ahead of her in life and none of this makes any sense. She was my very best friend and just knowing that there are so many things that she will miss out on in the future hurts so bad. I know that God needed her more than we did, but it just wasn’t enough time. These past few days have been almost unbearable, but my family and I have had so many people reaching out and praying for us so I know we will get through this, it’s just going to take time and a lot of healing.

  234. I lost my brother almost 2 years ago November 20th not even 2 months after his 40th birthday. He was the most loving person you could ever meet. He was my very best friend. Someone I could talk to about anything. Him and his wife and my nephew live beside me so me and him were inseparable. We did everything together. Unfortunately him and his wife were having some problems so he was staying with one of our friends. He was devastated. He had only seen his son a few times since he had left home. The last time he seen him was his 40th birthday and they had a ball together. The day he passed was the weekend to get his son. As a suprise our friend picked his son up and when they walked in to suprise him he was dead. My nephew was 14 years old. I cant imagine the hurt that came over him. They were each others world. When I hot to the house I ran in to see what was going on. Only to see my brother lying on his bed with dried up foam in his mouth. That is the image I have when I close my eyes. He was my protector, my big brother and now he’s gone and I am so very lost. I still cry. Im still greiving even after almost 2 years. Watching them put my best friend in the ground did something to me. It broke me. A piece of me died with him that day and im not the same person I was and I don’t know how to get me back. Im so lost abd lonely and depressed. I feel like everybody has moved on and im stuck in the same place I was that day.

    • I am so sorry. Truly. I don’t have the words to comfort you but just want you to know I’m sorry. My brother is 39, he is alive but was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer and has been given 3-5 years. It’s unknown. I try not to think of the future without him but I’m scared. He is the only person that truly knows me and I struggle to think of my life without him. I don’t have a lot of true friends. I don’t feel like people understand when I tell them my brother is sick. He’s not just my brother, he is more than that. Anyway, I am so sorry you are in this. I started to say “going through this” but it feels wrong somehow.

  235. I lost my only brother in March this year after a six-year battle with cancer and already I agree with so many points on this post. He was only 17 at the time and I was 19 and I really struggle to comprehend what’s happened because it’s just so unfair. This feeling of unfairness has overshadowed most of my life and I really see what you mean how we experience ‘missed opportunities’. I feel this so deeply because although I now grieve that I never got to share his 18th with him, or hit adult milestones with him, I still grieve about all the things he never got to do when he was alive, because he was so sick. It brings feelings of guilt to a whole new level, especially how you mentioned we feel guilty for being the one that survived, I still feel so guilty for being the healthy sibling. You are right, there aren’t many support recourses for siblings but for once I find myself agreeing with most things on this post, because its so honest, you don’t try and play down the harsh reality of sibling death.

  236. I found two months ago that my baby brother died. He was gone two weeks before I found him at the medical examiner’s office. They had identified him but didn’t care to notice because he is one of the many who have been dying to overdosing on heroin mixed with other drugs. He was born when I was 16 years old and he was always like my own. I tried to give him a long leash after our mom died and he went to live with his dad. His dad basically started him in this lifestyle. Now that we have the death certificate, I have to stop denying that he’s actually gone. He will never bug me again. He will never call and say Hey sis- sorry I haven’t called. I miss his ladies man smile. His laugh. His passion for helping others. What will I do this year without him to serve the needy on Thanksgiving? He was 24 short years old.

    • Wow I’m so sorry for your loss
      Like you I too found my baby brother and only sibling who was 9 yrs younger than me dead from the same horrible drug that was laced with deadly fentanyl on Aug 2nd this yr
      He was just 24 yrs Old and I miss him so much
      My heart aches deeply he had been clean and relapsed
      My children also are grieving as he would come stay with us to stay away from that group of people
      I seen him the night before he passed and wish I would have said so many things I’ve been told I’m grieving to much and should be moving on by now but my heart just can’t

      • No one can tell you how, or how long to grieve. Each one of us are different. It takes time. You never really get over, you just learn to deal with it! So, you take all the time that you need. We laugh, we cry. Just pray and try to carry on……..within your own time!! Be bless

      • Reading your post, I thought I was reading my own story. My older brother passed away August 3; because of the same; heroin laced with fetnal. I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss. My brother was supposed to go to rehab the next day. I remember having to wait for the autopsy to come back to find out that it was laced. As angry as I was, I found relief in this; knowing that he didn’t overdose. He had a history of attempted suicides. It was just before his 32nd birthday, we are only four years apart. I didn’t have that close of a relationship with him, that’s the one thing that I find I struggle with the most right now. That and that he never got to meet my baby boy born a week before he passed. I wish we were closer, I go to the cemetery to see him and talk to him to try and keep that relationship. He had a 13-year-old son, who I am just devastated for but have no idea how to help him.

  237. I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results, to give some insight as to how public the tragedy was. My life and family changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to extend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a hole in your heart in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla

  238. I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results. My life changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to lend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a broken heart, in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla.

    • Hi kyla,

      I lost my 22 year old brother on the 3rd March 2017 unexpectedly and I’m 25. I have not found anyone who could share in what I’m going through. If you feel the same , feel free to get in touch . Xx

      • Xenye,
        I can relate to you as my sibling was younger than I and we were about 2.5 years apart. It’s very hard at times. Some days I don’t even believe my brother is gone. How are you doing today?

  239. Good afternoon everyone. It has been one week today that i lost my younger sister 51 to a massive heart attack. It is still a shock to me and im still having a hard time dealing with it. We have had some differences, and was getting our relationship back on track. We had been estrange for 7 years, and i saw her for the first time in August again and we were just starting to talk again. I had even invited her to my daughter in law and feature daughter in laws baby showers in Oct. When i saw her in August at my ex-husband house, she was here with her husband, i broke the ice and started the conversation first. And the same 2 weeks later. I planned her furneral, and it was on Wednesday Sept 13th, and then my birthday the next day. Her 4 children are still in shock, so that is why i took on the funeral planning. I never dreamed that i would be burying my little sister. We have a older brother, who i had not seen since 1988, so i feel like right now, my sister is all i had. And now with her gone, i have no siblings. Alot of people that have never lost a sibling, don’t understand how we feel. Like a tell everyone, loosing a mother, father and grandparents, the feeling is alot different from loosing a siblings. It hurts, and with me, it like when she died and drew her last breath, part of me went with her. Even though im here and Im still alive and i wish i could have at least told her that i love her, a part of me is gone too. It will never been the same again. My husband has lost a sibling too, so he knows where im coming from, but like i told him, he didnt have to plan a funeral. My mom died in 1970 when i was 12 and she was 4. My grandmother (my mom’s mom) took us and raised us, untill i got married and then my sister came to live with me after i got marrie at 10 years old, and lived with us untill she got married and moved out. I was there for her, through the birth of 4 beautiful children. And im glad that they had their mother into adulthood, and that my sister got to see her 1st granddaughter. There will always be a big hole in my heart that i dont think will every heal. And some i of the suggestion that hat have suggested on here, i have been there, as far as the feelings and emotions. And yes i wonder why im the surviving sibling, and yes i have thought am i going to go the same way she did, and yes i am afarid that im going to loos another family member. I know she is in a better place and she is with family and friends that have gone on before us and she is having a wonderful time. Her birthday is coming up here in a couple months, and it know its going to be hard on me.Like i said its been a week today and i thinking she will come through the door. Loosing a sibling is hard, cause they are a part of you and now she ‘s not coming back.

    • Barb, your story sounds so much like mine. My younger sister went into the hospital August 14th. ( Our mothers birthday) She was at work and she collapsed at work. She came around and told a co worker to call mom. My mother arrived at her place of work as they were putting her in the ambulance. My mom asked her to help find her health card. She did as mom could not find it in my sisters wallet. They took my sister to a local hospital and at this point my sister became unconscious. They told my mom it looked like an aneurysm and it didn’t look good. They started prepping my sister to airlift her to another hospital.
      My mother called me with all this information as I live 4 hours away, and I was instantly thrown into a daze. My son picked me up and we drove to the hospital. Without going further into too much detail they did an operation and my hopes were lifted only for a short period of time. My sister never regained consciousness.
      They called my sisters death August 19th.
      We were suppose to go on a wine tour this weekend. She was suppose to come to my new place for a visit. She was suppose to attend my sons wedding next month.
      So yes I am still in disbelief by this. I feel the anxiety, worry, and cry off and on when I think about certain things.
      The group that were going on the wine tour wanted to know if we should cancel. I told them “No” My sister would have wanted us to go and enjoy it as she would have. I’m trying to move forward with life but at times feel guilty. I know it is a normal feeling. It that it is still so fresh in my mind.
      I will miss my sister.

  240. our oldest son took his life last november. he jumped from a 200-ft bridge while away at navy school, where he was working to be a machinest. my husband and i have an 8 and 9 year old, both boys. our oldest was 18. we have not told them what really happened, just that there was a terrible accident. today, while eating lunch with the boys at school, my youngest told me that he was writing a book about his brother, about how he knew awesome yoyo tricks and went to the navy, among other things. he also told me that he is writing about how no one will tell him how he died. after much deliberation, i said i would talk to daddy, but that i didn’t want to lie to him, the truth of how he died is just quite scary and im not sure he is ready for it. he told me he was ok with that, but now i wonder if i really should tell them the truth. he was such a good boy, and a wonderful big brother. he had a lot of issues at his birth moms house (i am his step mom, ive been with his father since he was 3). my husband and i feel that he loved her so much, he didnt want to dissappoint her. she has had many problems of her own, and he handled that life, but he shouldn’t have had to. we spoke to him the night he died, and everything was fine. if i am correct, which i believe i am, he spoke with her after us and he confessed he was failing at school (a common occurance, which is why he attended so many different schools). i realize that some of these points seem irrelevant, but i wonder if they contributed to his suicide? i cannot imagine he would have willingly jumped. he NEVER would have done that to his dad, our boys, even his mom. i feel like we dont have any answers, and we never will, and it scares me to share with the boys.

  241. thanks for doing this page. i lost my older sister 2 years ago to breast cancer when she was 28 i had an op 2 days before she passed away so i didnt get chance to say goodbye..and i miss her soo much there was only 4 years between us but we was always togethor weither at each others houses or on the phone. i feel like i cant really show my grief to my mum as she lost her child and she was only my sibling and your expected to be just be strong for them so the forgotten morner does come into play on that i feel guilty whenevr i do and funnilly enough i felt the guilt of why wasnt it me at the time? my son talks about her all the time which is as expected cause hes only young but it breaks my heart and itll be her 30th birthday on friday the 15th of september so its feeling like im grieving all over again.

  242. My brother Tom Pottebaum at the age of 22 took his life on February 18, 1989. He died 2 weeks after i was supposed to pick him up from college in Ames, Iowa. He didnt want to go home with me that night because i got there tok late!! I felt for years …if only i could havw brought him home that night he would still be alive today…talk about survivors guilt for years. I was the last one in my immediate family to see him alive. It took a lot for me to realize that…he would have done it anyway regardless of what i did that night…i dont think you can stop a suicide unless the victim tells someone…essentially – it’s up to them to go through with it or not…just my thinking…this comes from a personal experience from attempting suicide myself…

  243. Wow. Reading these post and seeing just how many people have lost their sibling(s) literally makes me weak. It’s heart breaking. I lost my only sibling 26 years ago. My brother was 18, three years older than me. He was my best friend, my idol, my everything. It was a total shock to me. I can remember listening to a song on the radio and then turning it off and then just laying on my bed in silence for a while. Sometime later my phone rang. There was a voice on the other end saying, your brother just got shot. I can’t remember what else they said. My response was “No he didn’t, stop playing on my phone. ” and I hung up. They immediately called back and said it again. I repeated, “No he didn’t” and they said “don’t you hear the ambulance?” They told me they were at the high school sock hop. I denied a final time and hung up. Laid back on my bed again and cried. I had to gather myself enough to go tell my mom without breaking down , which was inevitable. After watching her fall apart in disbelief we put ourselves together enough to make it to the hospital. I don’t know which part was the worst, waiting to see him, seeing him with his eyes taped shut and a breathing tube down his throat, or being told he was recovering and sitting on the floor in the hallway waiting for him to come out (seemed like an eternity. Just to be sent to another room full of dying people on life support machines following my mom who could tell which body was my brothers from the bottom of his sockless feet. I can replay the entire day like watching a horror movie. From the time I was in school that day and talking to him on the phone after contemplating going home because my zipper broke. I got to tell him I love him , but I should’ve gone home. That way I would’ve seen him before he left or been able to stop it from happening somehow. (his death). Like I was saying my brother was the best thing to ever come into my life. Next to my maternal grandparents. My grandmother and my brother we’re my support system. Paw paw passed when I was 9. My grandmother passed 16 years ago. She my brother and I were like the three amigos. Always telling jokes, making each other laugh, providing each other with moral support and hanging out shopping, just enjoying life. Anyhow sad to say I haven’t been the same person since brothers death. (Cutting short my life story)
    I still haven’t gotten over it. I found this website because I am trying to find out how to let him go, how to let go of my pain and confusion and anger. Because it’s caused me to not be able to love anyone and I do mean anyone Completely. If I don’t push people away then I find ways to hurt them and that’s not what I want to continue do. I want to be able to give and receive love, the way I was taught to and not go bazerk when someone does something I don’t understand or like.
    I’m a loving person but I just feel used and unappreciated because out of all the kindness I’ve shown to people ( one being my mother) who I always wonder why I was left here with because she was and is nothing like my brother and grandmother. My support and loyalty and genuine love has never been reciprocated without her knowing she would receive something in return.

  244. My brother drowned 47 years ago. He was 8 and I was 9 at the time. I loved and still love my brother very very much. I feel so guilty though because I was not always good to him. I didn’t want to give him a hug as he left for summer camp because I was too shy in front of my friends. I was anxious for him to leave so my friends and I could go swimming at the pool. God how I wish I could hug him now. That still haunts me to this day and just breaks my heart. No matter how many years pass by, you’ll always, always miss your sibling.

  245. Both my brothers passed away on the 8th of August 2017 due to drowning.

    I was back in my home country when that happened. They passed away in foreign land.

    I still cannot believe I have lost 2 brothers (14 and 16 years old) when I am bearly 18.

    The process of waiting for all sorts of reports so that the body can be transported back was the most disturbing

    • I am so sorry to hear if this tragedy in your life. Your two brothers at the same time. I encourage you to get support professionally like through hospice. It would be very very hard to go through this alone. Prayers to you.

  246. Hi all. I lost my little brother 1 week ago. He is my best friend too and only 15 years, while im 21 yo. I live on different city because i have to go to college and only go home every 5 months. He passed away 7 days after i arrived home. During the 1 week before he died., i always hang out with him. Waitung until 2.30 when he came from his school and planned to eat and finding every fancy olace to go. On 12 August, 1 day before he passed away, i took a long tri pi with him. We go to several food stores and he loves it so much. He said hes very happy. And i still cant believe hes not here anymore. He drowned due to swimming practice on 13 auguts 16.30. Its very hard. It hurts the most. I also cant let tears fall down because my parents will sad. I m feeling alone because i cant tell anyone here at home since i dont want my parent to feel sad too.

    Please pray for my little brother and my family

    • I can totally understand your feeling.
      Both my brothers were drowned too, recently.
      It was shocking, considering they were young.

      Will pray for your brother.

      • I find it hard to believe all these drownings one week away. People making up these stories need help! But not on this forum.

    • Im sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel my sister died in march this yr. Its hard to talk to my siblings about it bc they become upset so I keep quiet. Feel better! I also lost a brother in 911. He was my best buddy! He was 39, and he was older than me by 2 years…he taught me so many things. I get it but in time you will learn to cope. Be well and safe!

  247. My sister passed away July 26 2017 a week ago she was 39 years old with 2 children 4 and 6 they don’t know exactly why she passed gotta wait for autopsy results my grief is unbearable I’ve lost my best friend my right arm we are only a year and a half apart we did everything together I had a child at 17 she was there and walked with me through all of it I just don’t know how to deal with this my heart is so broken now I have 6 kids whom witch they love there Aunt so very much and now I have 8 kids because I could never be without my niece and nephew

  248. My sister passed away July 26 2017 a week ago she was 39 years old with 2 children 4 and 6 they don’t know exactly why she passed gotta wait for autopsy results my grief is unbearable I’ve lost my best friend my right arm we are only a year and a half apart we did everything together I had a child at 17 she was there and walked with me through all of it I just don’t know how to deal with this my heart is so broken

  249. I’m 21 and my sister is 16. We have different dads, but our mom has had custody of us our entire lives and my sister and I are very close. Yesterday, her 2 1/2 year old brother on her dad’s side drowned in the backyard pool her dad and stepmom had. All I want to do is protect my sister but I don’t know how. She shouldn’t have to deal with this at her age. I don’t know what to do, I love her so much, and my entire family is grief stricken.

  250. My 31 year old sister died unexpectedly on July 24th, 2017. She was the mother of 3 young kids, 2 boys and 1 little girl. I am overwhelmed with sadness, hopelessness at times, numbness, fear and more sadness. She was working at a nursing home, outside about to lead an aerobics class for some of the patients. She was fatally struck by a car being driven by someone who mistook the gas for the brakes. My sister pushed some residents out of the way, saving them with her own life. She is a hero. I wish she never would’ve gotten that job. I wish she wasn’t walking outside at that time. I wish she wouldn’t have pushed the others out of harms way. I have so many resentments and am consumed with worries about her children. I wish I could have them but it’s not an option right now due to their living parent. I want the memory of my sister to live on forever. She was a bright shining soul who was never unkind to anyone. She was the best mom I ever saw. She was absolutely gorgeous. I hate that this happened. I want my sister back.

  251. I have a different situation. My sister and I were seperated when I was about 5 and she 8. I never got to know her. I met her again when I was 40 but it was hard to bond. It was nice having a big sister though. Now 20 yrs later she passed away yesterday and I dont know how I feel. I am named in the obituary as a sister. I dont know if I am suppose to grieve or what. I could cry when i think about her being gone but we werent really together. can anyone relate

  252. I sit here reading all the posts, I feel for all of you. I am not yet in your shoes but will be soon. My baby sister Racheal who is 48 years old has small cell lung cancer that has metastasized to her liver and now they think her brain. The Dr. has already told us all we are doing now is giving her a little bit more time with the chemo but as soon as the chemo stops the cancer starts to grow again and more spots are found. Soon the chemo will stop working. I have 3 sisters, 2 older 1 younger. The 2 older ones are very close and me and Racheal are very close. Both our parents are gone and I just don’t know how I am going to deal with it when she leaves me. I am the one to go to all the Dr. visits, scans, chemo and radiation. We are very close. She has 3 children, 2 sons and 1 daughter. They are young adults. Her oldest son is in collage, he wont take a break because he wants his mother to see him graduate before she dies so he has doubled up on his courses so she can see him. She has asked me to love and hold her grand Children for her because she will not be here when they are born, she has asked me to be with her daughter and sons when they get married because she wont be here. I don’t know how to feel about all this, I still have her and it is killing me, how will I be when she is gone? I love her so much and she is my best friend… How will I deal with this when she is gone

    • Hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and it’s got to be hard to know that her life is drawing to an end. I don’t usually reply to comments but I think a higher power is at work here. I happen to be watching Dr. Oz, today and I don’t really often but wifi was down for a few hrs. The segment of cancer breakthrough in which involves precision medicine w/ immunotherapy for cancer patients have been unbelievable successful even in patients that have had chemotherapy and unsuccessful. If there’s a chance i encourage you to never lose hope. I will add the link below for you. God bless You, Your Sister, & Family.
      What You Need to Know About Immunotherapy:

    • Hi Becky – my little sister died July 19, 2017. She had colon cancer. She was diagnosed in 2008 – fought for almost ten years. She turned 41 in June. It hasn’t been two months since she died and I can tell you at the beginning it’s an hour by hour thing, and it’s starting to work into a day by day thing. There are three of us – brother 3 years older than me, and my sister was 6 years younger. She and I have sons 4 months apart – her son is in jail right now. There are so many layers to my journey, and I hope yours is much more straightforward. She spent her last ten days in a hospice pain-management facility. She didn’t have a will or POA, so it’s been a real mess dealing with everything. I have no regrets where she is concerned. I made sure to tell her everything I could think of that I wanted to tell her, or that I thought she needed to hear. I always did the best I could for her. So I have that, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough. You’ll be in my thoughts. Give your sister a hug for me. <3

    • Oh Becky, your post hits so close to home. I lost my younger sister and best friend last April from breast cancer that has metasticized to her liver. She was diagnosed as Stage 4 about 18 months before she passed at age 53. Her daughter (my Goddaughter) was engaged at the time she was diagnosed, planning her wedding for a year later. The dr told my sister she had better move it up a year. We threw ourselves into planning a wedding and reception within a 4 month time period. My sister LOVED babies and children, and took care of my daughter as well as several other nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, etc. Once my niece was wed, she and her husband tried soooo hard to get pregnant so that my sister could meet her grandchild before it was too late. My niece miscarried twice, then couldn’t get pregnant at all. One month after my sister passed, my niece became pregnant. She is due in February. I’ve been planning a shower for her, and it’s so bittersweet because my sister would have loved helping me with this. I feel like such a baby sometimes, the loss is so overwhelming. I’m dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas. She and I planned Thanksgiving every year. She knew me better than anyone. My advice to you, if I may, is to spend as much time with your sister as you can. Be there for her whenever she needs you. My sister really appreciated that, and I have no regrets because I know I did all that I could for her. God, I miss her. God bless you and your sister, Becky.

  253. I lost my brother, my best friend, 3 weeks ago to lung cancer. I feel like my life has shattered in to a million pieces, that I have lost a part of my heart and my soul. We were supposed to retire together. I want to call him, to text him and I can’t. I was the one who told them to stop resuscitating him at the end, and although it was the right thing to do, I feel awful and I can’t get the images out of my head. I tried everything to advocate for him, I attended all of his appointments, helped take care of him when he was really sick. I tried so hard to get him healthy again. I would never wish him back in the state he was in, the best thing that I could do was let him go. I know it will take time, but I am just so, so sad. We did everything together. How do yo move through this kind of grief?

  254. Hi,
    This article was a great read. I lost my 33 year old younger brother (as well as only sibling) on March 8, 2017. I have experienced every emotion, and then some die to this tragedy. My brother and I were very close. We lost our Dad in 2014, and our Mom is very sick and doctors said her time left is limited. We don’t have a large family and hardly ever see our extended family. Therefore, once my mom passed it would just be my brother, myself and my son left. He also was very close with my son as well. Therefore, when I got the call from my mom that my brother had passed….my world turned upside down. We were prearranging everything for my mom……yet my brother passed. It was all backwards. I can’t even put a word to what I felt the first month or so. I was in denial….this wasn’t real. He had dropped me off at my house after a great dinner not to long before his death. Due to an argument between my brother and his girl, my brother was alone when he passed. His girlfriend at a hotel close by. So by the time his landlord found him, he had been gone for days. The funeral home said we had to have a closed casket service. That makes it so much more hard for me to process he is gone, because I was unable to view his body and let my brain process that he was dead. Anyway I am currently a list soul…still expecting him to knock at my door. I feel that the grieving of my brother is so different from when my dad, grandparents, etc. Passed. Very different and no one understands that. I wish there was a place I could go to find support in the grief of my brother. General groups won’t do the truck because of how different I feel. His death has changed me and my entire look on things. I will never be the same person I was before. I’m just taking one day at a time….trying to see what my purpose is. Before I had a clear plan and outlook. Its like I’m a high school senior all over agai n trying the world on my own for the first time.

    • Hi jen, I just lost my brother who was only 26 unxepectedly too, May 14, 2017. situation similarly I just left him home and he was not speaking to his girlfriend at the time. Finding him in his room two days later keeps coming in my head. I don’t know what to do at times and I think Im going to lose my mind. I need some kind of help to get past this stage of grief.

      • My brother, aged 33, and also my only sibling, passed away suddenly in May. The official “date of death” is May 19th, 2017, however we were told he was deceased for days before the police found him, at the prompt of his landlord and my father, because he had not paid his rent. We were able to have a “private visit” with his body at the funeral home, however it didn’t look like my brother, it didn’t feel real. He was a fiercely intelligent yet humble, funny, kind-hearted human being who we were all incredibly proud of, working in the Canadian federal government straight out of college. We had an amazing childhood. He quit his job in January 2016 due to conflicts with managers, and other things he never shared with us because he felt like he had to “spare” us from everything negative in his life. His mental health began to deteriorate and he was unable to find work, isolating himself from everyone, feeling like he let us down. We tried to help him as much as we could, but he would never accept it. The police tell us it was a drug overdose, mentioning the fentanyl crisis, white powder they found near his body. Besides dabbling in marijuana, he showed absolutely no signs of abusing drugs, ever. It will take 5-6 months for toxicology results to come back to us, which will provide some kind of answers, as his autopsy just established that he was physically healthy when he died. My parents (very fervent Catholics) are viewing his death as an accidental overdose, while I believe he acted to end his own life. I have struggled with mental illness myself in the past and I understood him on this level, saw the anxiety, mental anguish and exhaustion he was going through. He would degrade himself when I saw him, saying that he should be married at his age, with a good career. Every time I told him it was the disease in his head, we all loved him as he was and would do anything for him, and things would get better in time.
        It tortures me to think, which I very often do, of what was going through his head the night he died, isolated from everyone in his lonely apartment. The feelings of guilt at myself for not reaching out more, and anger at the world for how it moulded him and made him see it as unbearable, are overwhelming.
        My brother was the smart one, the one who had his life together. It makes no sense to me: how I feel like I have gone through his same struggle at a different period in my life, and somehow I made it through and I am still here, while he is not.

  255. I recently lost my younger sister, while I was very sick. My health is improving with medical care.
    I will always remember her and carry the memories in my heart. She was always caring when I
    would become ill and would help me. I hope she knows how much I miss her with love.

    I appreciate and thank you for this website.

    • These posts are helpful, it’s going on a year and a half and I’m still hurt, angry, lifeless at times because I lost my beautiful baby sister unexpectedly. I feel like I should have been the one because she left a beautiful 10 year old behind and it kills me to hear her and my nephew asking where she is. I’m not myself and I isolate myself from other people and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t sleep and all I can hear is that phone call over and over. I’m just trying to get my life back just a little. It’s not the same in any way. I miss her so much

  256. I grew up with two sisters (I was the middle child, my older sister was 2.5 years older than me and my younger sister is closer to 3 years younger). My older sister was raped by a friend’s mother’s friend during a sleepover at 15 years old. My older sister was beautiful, popular and one of the kindest people – she never bullied and always stood up for others who were vulnerable, she brought people together: I was an overweight bully who excelled in academics. We loved each other without question and in all are differences were very alike (and butted head and knew how to push each other’s buttons). We never had a older sister/younger sister relationship – we were always peers to each other. After the rape, my sister rapidly declined starting with bulimia and anorexia and then alcoholism and drug abuse. By 20 years old, my sister already had significant liver disease and my parents had remortgaged their house twice to send her to treatment. She was 5’3 and weighed 64 pounds with ascites and when you hugged her, you could feel the bones in her back bend with fragility. After witnessing years of denial, fear and absolute insanity from my parents and my older sister, I left on a scholarship that college 8 hours away. Prior to that, I had witnessed my sister disappear for months without explanation, locked my younger sister in the bathroom and threw my older sister across a room in panic when she was chasing us around the house in some kind of altered state with a butcher knife, watched my dad physically take down
    My older sister and pin her to the floor to control her out of desperation, found my sister passed out in slum houses, tried to keep up with my sister in drinking just so I could be around her, begged my sister to stop if she loved me and being filled with anger when I thought she wouldn’t stop for me, watching my parents in absolute dispare all while having way to much freedom for a teenager because though I was internally completely hopeless, depressed, practicing self-harm and alcoholism, I wasn’t dying and my sister was so my problems were not even acknowledged let alone a priority. During college, I made multiple midnight drives to hospitals near my hometown when I was advised my sister was dying from end stage liver disease. I acknowledge years prior my sisters case my pretty hopeless and she was dying, my parents were in denial until the end. My sister always pulled through somehow however there was no chance of recovering in her condition so it was only a matter of time (patients with liver disease due to chronic alcoholism are not on the top of the list of a transplant list). My sisters last stent in the hospital was bad. Her skin on her legs was literally rotting away, she couldn’t walk, she was almost green in appearance and couldn’t control her bowels. She was 22 years old. I stayed home that summer to care for her in a hospital bed in our old bedroom. I helped bath her, wipe her and cooked for her. Eventually she was able to walk again and when she could, she left my parents home to a trailer park with a man I had never even heard of. I felt so angry, as I got older I realized that was really deep depression. I didn’t see my sister for at least a month when I came home (completely drunk) from a fishing trip with friends. There my sister was in the living room, I was shocked and again, had a deep sense of anger. My sister told me she loved me and I gave her a dirty look and walked out without responding (I was 19). I blacked out that night but fortunately woke up at my parents. As soon as I woke up, all that was in my head was guilt about how I treated my sister. I remember thinking she was dying and I need to go speak with her now and tell her I love her. When I went downstairs I saw her on my parents couch sleeping (both my parents were at work and my younger sister was out getting haircut). I nudged my sister and her whole body rigidly turned. She was dead. All I could remember was a buzzing sound and fullness in my ears and I walked outside in a daze. My sister was not in that house, it was just a lifeless body. In all my numbers, I started hearing a whimpering and felt a warmth on my left leg. I looked down and there was my dog who meant so much to me attached to me. She never left my side and she snapped me back to reality. I remember thinking in my head that I needed to go back inside and take the opportunity to say goodbye to my sister without anyone else around. I went over to the couch and sat at the coffee table in front of it. I told her I loved her and kissed her forehead. I still can’t remember everything and never have been able to. That was in 2004. I called my mom and said briefly, “mom, it’s ______”, my mom must have heard something in my voice because that is all I said and my mom was on her way. I hung up and called my dad who was strangely nearby and told him Kenzie was dead and I had already called mom. My mom got there first and I watched as my mom found her daughter dead. She was yelling so loud and was on top of her body. My dad came in next and I watched as he shrunk into a chair and saw the life literally drain from his body. I think seeing my parents see there daughter dead for the first time was more traumatic then finding her dead initially. I left the living room and went to the phone, I remember knowing I had to wait before calling 911 to give my parents time but I eventually did call and watched as they took her body from the house. My younger sister did not arrive until my older sisters body was gone. To this day, no one really acknowledges what happened that day. Only two years ago, a little over ten years since her death did my mom’s sisters know I found Kenzie dead. I can’t talk to my parents about it and when I try they get very defensive in that they did everything to shield us from what was happening with our older sister so I have stopped trying to talk about it. I have seen a variety of therapists since then, some that specialize in PTSD. I have gotten in significant legal problems due to alcoholism myself after the event. Luckily, I was put in rehab within two years after her death for four months instead of jail, it saved my life and I wish my sister would have had the same opportunity. I am a RN now and work in the substance abuse field. My sister’s suffering was not in complete vain, through the experience, empathy and passion learned throughout this ideal, I have been able to help hundreds of other people struggling with addiction but I still struggle myself. Especially around this time of year. I wish I knew where to start to work through this or find peace in that I never fully with. Or control the way I feel and my impulsive around the anniversary of finding her dead. Every year, I think I am going crazy and don’t know why until I am reminded that on 6/30/2004 at 19 I woke up to an empty house to find my sister dead and then witnessed my parents finding her dead all while remaining completely calm and taking control of the situation because I knew I had to.

    • Bethany, I can relate to your experience.I am so very sorry for your loss.My younger sister just drank herself to death in a 20 month period, after her youngest son shot himself while away at school. She truly believed that she could “find him”.I was with her when she died, and it was a horrible thing to watch.It was July 8 of this year, and I learning to live my life without her in it.It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I must say though-when her spirit left her body, she was the most at peace that I had seen her in since her liver and kidneys failed her…(actually, technically she failed them). I am happy that you went on to help others and that you are taking care of your own addictions. If you wound up with liver disease, it’s like her life will have been in vain.I decided to stop drinking after my sister died, even though I don’t drink a lot.

  257. I lost my 3yr old little brother on May.29.16. We were at my aunts house who had a swimming pool. Next thing I know I am standing at the hospital and everything looks like a blur. We had adopted him and even though I only had him for 3 years it felt like the candle of joy in my heart had just died. I felt guilty and I felt like I missed opportunities and I felt angry at god and at myself for not looking after him. One thing that this article didn’t put in is that a child watching mother lose her baby is the worst thing in the world. Watching her smile just fade everyday is the worst. It’s almost been a year and it’s harder and this article wrapped up almost everything that I have been dealing with.

  258. I lost my big sisetr on the 27th of December 2016. She died during Labour n her little girl died a few days later. Pain and hurt can not begin to describe wt I hv bn feeling. I relied so much on my sister she took take of me since we were little girls. I was looking forward to receiving our new angel planning a baby shower for the 8th of Jan 2017. We were living together but on 20th of Dec 2016 i travelled to be back in two weeks. While I was away on the 25th she went into Labour she was at the hospital for 2 days n gave birth on the 27th that’s when she bled to death. While I was waiting 4 The call to say the baby is here I receive a call saying the only friend n sister had been snatched from this earth. I haven’t gotten over the shock and guilt of not being with her in that moment. Growing up I ws the weaker sister always sick but her I can count the number of times she was sick, I managed to hv 2 kids bt her being as strong as she was could not survive having 1. I have lost my Faith I am failing to understand what kind of God would put us through this. I see my sister in my dreams telling me I should let her coz she hasn’t moved on, I am trying to bt it has not been easy. I didn’t jus loose a sister but I lost a best friend, confidant, my strength, my adviser n a shoulder to cry on. The biggest thing has bn that the one who would hold my hand thru everything is the one that’s gone.

  259. On the 23rd it will be 6 months since I lost my baby sister Olivia who was 20 years old to a tragic accident. All I can say is that God is getting me and my family through, we’ve had numerous signs and visions of my beautiful sister in heaven. A few months ago my mom went to go hear this preacher and he went up to her and said they say goodbye from heaven, he had no idea we lost someone. Keep faith and keep on pushing because there is an afterlife where you will be reunited with your siblings, I can’t wait for that day, until then I have peace in knowing my sister is cheering me on to make it to the finish line. I recommend this book called, “within heavens gates” by Rebecca Springer…life changing. God wants to use our grief for grace so that others may make it by our stories. ❤️

  260. With high density of sorrow in my mind due to the demise of my younger brother at his 45 years on 08.06.2017. It is an unexpected event in my life. He was a lever patient and suffering from a couple of diseases. On the fatal day, he joined with his parents in heaven at 5.00 pm. I was so shocking; I couldn’t even understand that. Where is he now? Today evening, I had a haunting memory of him. I couldn’t resist the feeling. I didn’t know what to do. Where is he now?

    • Hi Shibu, I am with you here. it’s now 17th October 2017, and I lost my 41 years old brother on the 20th Sep 2017, no even 1 month ago. And I cannot find myself in ‘this world’, this is not ‘the’ world I was living in a month ago. I cannot find my brother in it. I have a folder in my laptop with his name and I have been writing him letters each other day, as a way to do something with my pain and see his name.

      I still haven’t come to terms with him not existing. I saw him deceased, I attended his funeral, there should have been closure, but there isn’t. I am still trying to know what to do with myself in this kind of parallel reality that doesn’t feel real at all.

  261. My younger brother died unexpectedly on April 28th 2017. No one had heard from him for 9 days so we called the police. After a few hours the police came to our house to tell us that my brother has passed away at his home. Foul play and suicide were ruled out. The cororner and pathologist are involved in my brother’s death as an autopsy did not show cause of death. A special blood test had to be done to look for a cause. We r still waiting for the results. My life will never be the same. There is a hole in my heart where my brother was. I am very traumatized and cannot wrap my brain around it.

    • My younger sister passed the same unknown way. She was alone nearly two weeks. It’s so horrible to think about. I wish I had answers

  262. Three weeks ago today I lost my older brother. I’m 17, he was 18. He committed suicide. Everyday I feel so sad because we used to talk about everything to each other and he never mentioned that he was not in a good place and never reached out to me for help. I know it’s not my fault, but I just can’t believe none of my family realised anything was wrong. I feel so sad thinking about all the things we would have done together in the future and I still feel so much pain realising that I will never do these things with him. I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away but I miss him so much it hurts. I just feel so sad thinking that his final moments must have been so horrible. No one that I know closely has ever lost a sibling so it’s so hard to talk to my friends because they don’t understand, and I don’t expect them to. It’s just so hard watching the world carry on around you and see people carry on with their normal lives meanwhile my life has been changed so dramatically forever. I’ve been finding it really hard to accept his death because I miss him so much and my mind keeps wandering, thinking maybe it didn’t really happen and maybe there is some way you could go back in time and change things. I know it’s not a healthy way to deal with things and I know I need to accept that he’s died and I will never see him alive again but it’s so hard to imagine it because I have the rest of my life ahead of me, and so far he’s always been a part of it and now suddenly he’s not. I know i’ll be okay eventually even though I know I will always miss him forever, but I’ve just been reading peoples post and it’s so reassuring knowing there are others out there who understand the pain I feel and who have experienced it before and have said that it will slowly become easier over time.

  263. I lost my big brother April 18, 2017 He was 64 years old. He died from Glio Blastoma (brain cancer). Tragically, his wife had already been diagnosed with the exact same thing almost two years ago. She died March 15, 2017. I am my brother’s trustee so was left to plan two funerals, try to console his two sons (one of whom is emotionally challenged), and sell his home and manage the assets. I feel completely empty and alone right now. He was the only person that always truly understood me. We were a lot alike, still fought sometimes, but always there was intense love and support between us. He would vent to me and I would vent to him. I just don’t know where to go from here. We were supposed to retire together and buy a couple of town homes in the same area and live out our retirement lives together (with my husband and his wife). We were in constant contact every day via text or telephone. I look at my phone now and there’s nothing…no texts from David anymore. Just so incredibly sad.

    • I feel the same. Lost my 54 year old brother to cancer18 months ago. We texted every single day and he was my only sibling. I have no one that understands me like he did. He was my rock. I don’t know how to go on but somehow do. I feel like a limb has been amputated.

  264. My big and only sister 47 (7 years my sister) fought stage 2 breast cancer and come end of September 2016 we thought she had beaten it. She had a month where she was ok and then things deteriorated. At first we thought she had belspalsy as her face dropped and speech was affected but after a few weeks her balance went and she had to walk with sticks, kept falling then within 2 weeks she went completely deaf. I couldn’t sit and chat to my best friend anymore and she couldn’t hear her 6 yr old daughter laugh and sing. December 10th I had to get her an ambulance as she was in so much pain. Brain scans showed nothing but she continued to decline. I spent the next 11 days pretty much with her as my mum was also in hospital at the same time and my dad looked after my niece. My sister started hallucinating and her personality slowly faded away into someone else. Occasionally she would shine through. I watched her deteriorate in front of me eyes. Then we were told the cancer had spread to the lining of her brain. They wanted to try treatment but by then she was so agitated they couldn’t move her. They made her comfortable and good and fluids stopped. I slept beside her at the hospital and only left her for 10 minutes at a time – I didn’t want to leave her alone. Her daughter came in with my mum and dad on the 21st December so that my niece could say goodbye. My sister was heavily sedated now. They left and I stayed with my sister – I wouldn’t leave until she did. Later that afternoon she died and my world collapsed. My heart broke and I don’t know how it will ever heal. Ive lost my best friend and sister. We were supposed to grow old together. I’ve not had much time to myself as had to arrange everything as my parents couldn’t, my mum is destroyed by this. I’m now mum to my niece and had no children of my own. My work had to change to more suitable hours in a different department. I now live in my sisters house with my niece and currently fighting her absent for 5 years Turkish dad and as after he heard of my sisters death decided he wanted my niece (and her money).
    This isn’t my life, I don’t want this life. I want my sister back. I’d switch places with her if it would bring her back. I can’t forget how much she suffered and I couldn’t do anything to help her but hold her hand and cuddle her. There were times I had to restrain her when she got agitated and tried to pull out her tubes and I hated myself for having to do that. I miss her so much and the pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’d rather not be here anymore, I’d rather be with my sister but I can’t as she wanted me to look after my niece and it would kill my folks. I’m forced to live a life I don’t want and isn’t mine and everyday miss my sister and despite people around me I just feel so alone. I also look at my family and at the moment I couldn’t care less if everyone else died – it’s like my facility to love my family is no longer there. I feel nothing – I don’t know why but I feel nothing for them and everything for my sister. I’d give up the rest of my family to have her back. I know that’s horrible but it’s how I feel. My life is forever changed and I hate it.

    • Alina your post broke my heart. My brother was my best friend. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and moved in with me to die. He lasted 7 months. I value that time we had but it was horrid to watch and deal with. I miss him every day and can’t imagine life without him. It’s been 18 months and although it’s “better” I still want him back and would do anything to have him back. We texted every morning over coffee and at night too. We lived together most of our lives. Siblings are so overlooked when grieving. People always ask how my mom is doing…what about me? Thanks for sharing as it makes me feel a little normal

    • The amazing thing about what you said is that I totally got you . You don’t need to apologize for saying it . It’s THAT painful ! I felt like when you were describing your relationship and love for your sister you were talking about my brother Ricky and I . Amazing Amazing friendship ! Nothing even close and I have two amazing Best Friends !
      But Ricky was my biggest fan and I was his . Always there to say something kind to me or anyone and make them smile with a silly one liner or something . He was cool ! I miss him , he passed on May 22, 2017. Unexpectedly from multiple myeloma . I love you Ricky your sister Amber

  265. I lost my only sister a few months ago down to Sudden Death Syndrome. I have had no idea how to be able to grieve properly as I am only 20 years old so this type of life experience is new to me. With the death being sudden and completely unexpected, it took us 2 months after the death for us to be able to find out the cause therefore we couldn’t have her funeral until we knew the cause. Those two months were the hardest, being stuck in limbo whilst trying to grieve at the same time. But like I said I still have no idea really how to address the fact that my sister is no longer with me. I am sad yes but I think I am more confused and lost than anything and to be honest I am a little worried if the grief is going to hit me later on in life like a brick wall.

    • I was also 20 when I lost my sister – that was 7 years ago now. She was 18 and it was also sudden, for her the cause was SUDEP (Sudden unexpected death in Epilepsy). I feel for you and your uncertainty about the way to grieve. I can’t say I have the answer but I completely relate to that- at 20 I had no friends who had experienced anything like it, and most people’s thoughts and attention were with my parents. I didn’t know what to do. She was my only sibling. Looking back I wish i’d done some more soul searching… I think i was in such shock that I repressed my feelings rather than address them. I wish you all the best.

      • Hi Jenny,

        I lost my sister to SUDEP nearly 7 years ago too. She was 36 and apart from epilepsy which was mainly under control she was healthy and lived a very full life. I had some counselling last year and I found it impossible to talk about her death without crying. The counsellor realised I had never dealt with the shock of that day and was still stuck in the trauma, it was really helpful to talk about that day and work through it and I am less panicked about it now.
        I miss her everyday and know I will never not think about her, every time something good or bad happens I want to share it with her.

  266. I lost my elder brother 40 years ago, on 3 June. He died in a dreadful car crash and seemed to take my future with him. He was highly intelligent and quite good looking; certainly girls seemed to like him. Back then there was no grief councilling, or if there was it hadnt reached the north west of England, where we lived at the time and though our little brother was given a lot of leeway I certainly wasn’t. I had to grow up and comfort my parents and brother. It was very difficult and in many ways stunted my emotional development. I was 17 for years and even now, getting on for 60, the affects of his abrupt disappearance still resound for little bro and I. We don’t ever expect any relationship to last and I am convinced that something awful will happen to people I love. I wonder if I will ever really be free of that car crash and the damage it did all of my family.

  267. My brother Patrick died two years ago of a drug overdose. The last 10 years of his life were filled with turmoil and pain. The last 4 years of his life were in-survivorable. His substance abuse started in his early teens and so did his emotional and physical abuse of others. Patrick managed to maintain and create new relationships despite the fact the most important ones in his life were either crumbling or destroyed. Like most drug addicts, Patrick was able to be codependent and carry the role of caregiver. He would cook and clean for others to survive without working. Until the very end our mother had faith that Patrick could survive. It got to the point where he knew if she stayed with him in his last weeks alive she would either find him dead or would find him holding onto life and would take whatever measures required to keep him on this earth. He forced her to leave his side so he could embark on the end of his life alone.

    Patrick died one day after his 36th birthday. He was two weeks sober, having spent time in the hospital. Upon his birthday he reconnected with his dearest and oldest friends. He ate well, told old stories and was hopeful of his own road sobriety. Patrick experienced a natural high, a feeling one isn’t accustomed to feeling after a decade of hard drug abuse. The next morning, that feeling was gone. And the fact was he knew it would take too much to feel that good and that loved. Patrick lashed out at those around him that morning. Started arguments, insulted those around him and holed himself into a room and came to the conclusion he was going to use. He didn’t know that would be his last bad decision. He didn’t know that last cocktail of heroin and meth he shot into his failing body would kill him. He didn’t know he was destroying his family. That he would be killing part of his little sister, his little brother or his parents. He just knew he wanted to feel better.

    Two years later, we remain the same. Withdrawn, isolated and as siblings the original set has been broken. There’s a missing part of the our trio. We resent our parents for not doing enough. We are angry when our mother says “I’m Patrick’s Mom”. We are utterly furious he could be so selfish, so mean and narcissistic as to leave us here with all of the pain. The truth is he experienced far worse pain, every minute of every day. Until that last moment when the pain was gone.

  268. I lost my baby brother and only sibling on the 20th of November last year. It’s nearly 6 months and the grief I feel consumes me.
    The thing is I never wanted to live and now I’m stuck living a life I hate and feeling so alone and lost because my parents have already lost a child and don’t know how I could do that to them.
    So I’m stuck.
    In limbo.
    Not able to end this life of mine I hate so much.
    But merely existing.
    Thom deserves to be here more than me. He died of a brain cancer which left his body wasted but his brain conscious of everything happening around him. It was gut-wrenching

    • Libby I am sorrow struck to hear this.. I am crying for what I would feel for my brother if he had to endure that. Please think about how he would want you to carry on in his place.. i am sure you already thought about that a million times in 6 months. My brother killed himself just a few weeks ago Libby… all I can think is how crushed he would be if I did that too… for their sake we gotta keep going till one day.. please one day let it get easier. Libby stay tough… be in the world he was denied, what would he have wanted to do? Travel to Thailand or surf or…. is there something you can do in his memory? I hope you find strength to do what he would have wanted for himself and or for you. We must choose to live Libby.

    • Libby, I understand how you feel. I lost my baby brother almost 8 years ago. Sometimes it feels like a million years ago and other days as though it was yesterday. No one seems to understand the pain of losing a sibling and they act as though there should be no pain. The pain is so overwhelming at times it feels like an ocean and I feel like I’m drowning. A part of me died that day. Even though I was 44 at the time (he had just turned 38) another part of my childhood also died. We were friends, we were enemies, we hated each other and yet we loved each other. We felt like killing each other at times, but yet no one else should ever mess with the other one. His anniversary would have been June 10. As I walked down the aisle as one of the bridesmaids I looked at him and he winked at me. The tears began to flow and they didn’t stop. The night he left us after an almost 5 year battle with rectal cancer, I promised him once again that I would take care of him by making sure our family would be ok. My prayer is that I haven’t disappointed him. My prayers are with you Libby.

  269. Reading all of these posts has helped me because I realise that Im not alone in the way that I’m feeling. I lost my sister, who was my soul mate, mum and best friend nearly 21 yrs ago. I miss her so much. I struggle with an eating disorder as a result. I constantly beat myself up. I wish that it had been me that died in the car accident instead of her. I’d of hoped in that way it would have been easier on the family. I’m nothing compared to her. I am destroying my own life as a result yet I achieve so much….nothing is good enough. I long to have one last hug with her. I relate certain foods to her and don’t eat them as a result… It’s too painful. Yet again I find myself seeking help. I hope that it will help me to live my life for her as I have that opportunity… At the same time I feel guilty though. I hope that by eating the foods I associate with her I’ll be able to let go and move on to a healthier and happier life.

  270. I am sorry for the losses that you all have decided to share. I have recently found myself grieving the loss my twin sister. We are 44. I am her brother. In a way it still doesn’t seem real. But I am feeling the void, the twin connection I had with her. I am sad that I was not able to do and say more to her. I am sad that I will not be able to do and say more to her. I just can’t properly express my feelings right now, it’s only been less than 2 weeks since I lost her.

    • I am so sorry for your loss. I am not a twin but I lost my older sister a little over a month ago. She was 49. It was sudden and unexpected. My mother had been trying to call and text her all morning and I went to her house to check on her two dogs and I found her dead on her sofa. She had died the night before. The autopsy report said she died of a heart attack. It hurts so much. I miss her so much.

  271. I lost my brother 25 years old on 25th April 2017 it was such a horrible day. A car accident we could do nothing at all. Just pray for him he shall always live in my heart people pass away but memories always remain.

    • Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my younger brother on the 11th of June 2017 from a tragic accident, he was just 18. After staying with him unconscious for almost 4 hours they had to then the machines off. I hate living without him I just know this isn’t going to get any easier. There’s so many unanswered questions I have. Where do you to from here? I believe his tried to let me know his still here but I want him back

  272. My baby sister died on the day she turned a month old 1 month and 2 days ago from SIDS I wish I could of protected her.She didn’t live long I could’ve spent more time with her thank you for this post it has helped me understand more.Alot of my friends don’t understand so its good I can read this and know what else is happening.

  273. I lost my older sister when I was 15 and she was 18. She was murdered while working an overnight shift at her job. It’s been almost 5 years and it hurts more now than the day it happened. I miss her more than anything. She was my best friend.

  274. I lost my big brother 4 months ago. He was a 16 year cancer survivor that caught pneumonia for the last 6 months of his life in both his lungs and his lungs shut down. Throughout the years we never lived together but always kept in touch. He was about 12 years older than me. we had the same father, and along with him I have 2 other older brothers, the youngest of the 3 died 18 years ago, the oldest is still alive, but neither of them meant as much to me as the one I just lost 4 months ago, as terrible as that sounds. Frank was the only one who reached out to me from time to time, who made any effort to try and see me or be there for special occasions. Frank was the glue to my other family members, and now that he’s gone I feel like I lost more than just my big bro, but that I lost the rest of my family. Family meant everything to him, and he tried to always get everyone together while he was alive. I feel like I took the time for granted while he was here because he survived for 16 years when he was first diagnosed with cancer and the doctors only gave him 1 year, maybe I should have made more of an effort to see him more, or be there for the good times, and not only when I got a phone call that he was sick and or in the hospital. And now that he’s gone there’s no getting that lost time, lost opportunities back…. and its eating up inside of me. The other family members that I no longer speak to I’ve tried to fix that and try to be in there lives, but I feel like its only me trying, only me reaching out, and it gets tiresome. Its bad enough that I lost the most important man in my life, but them too… but then I say to myself… they weren’t really there while he was alive, so I really only lost the best big bro ever. No matter what I do, no matter what I try to do… its never gonna bring him back or get the lost time back, but I’ve been finding it hard to be happy, and move on with my life and continuing to live and keep him alive within me. I’m so depressed. I don’t know how to let him go. I will be 40 years old this year and it will be the first time I don’t get a HBD baby sis from him, no more text messages, no more calls… and its a hard realization.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss – losing a brother is so hard. My older brother, by 15 months was my rock, I still miss him all the time but I’m thankful that he was so
      Important to me- many people go through life never experiencing the bond we were blessed with. He’s been gone 5 years and there’s that part of my heart that never stops aching. There are days now that I can laugh (and cry) at some of the memories. The memories become such a treasure. Wishing you good memories …

  275. I lost my little sister 2 months ago. My sister was only 19 and she was my best friend. She was born with health issues has over 5 open heart surgery and had so many other health battles that she had won in her short life. This last health battle was so unexpected she was in the ICU for 3 weeks we still don’t know what caused her to get so sick but this would be her final battle. She started recovering and getting better then it all went down hill and was gone. We never expected something like this to happen so suddenly with my sister. She was my everything I saw her everyday and hung out for a few hours a day. I pretty munched raised my sister I feel like I have lost my child. I can’t even explain the pain my whole body aches I even feel it in my bones. I cry everyday I visit her grave 2 or 3 times a week. I can’t imagine life with out my little sister. I feel like I have gone an eternity without her already and it’s only been 2 months. I’m ready to see her again I just want to be with her so bad. How am I supposed to move on from this? The pain is so miserable I don’t know how much longer I can take it. How do you continue to live life with such pain?

    • Dear Autumn,

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my sister 8 months ago. She was 33 when she passed, and I know she was much older than your sister, but I had always considered her my baby sister. She was 2 years younger, and when we used to fight, I would always remind her that “Even when you are 100-years-old, I would still be 102 and older.”

      My sister died quite quickly from end-stage stomach cancer. Our family didn’t have any history of cancer. Both our parents passed away more than 10 years ago, so my sister was all the family I had. Even though I was the older sister, she was the one who was more matured and more grounded. She was my rock. When she passed away so suddenly, I was in alot of shock and denial.

      All the body pains that you are describing, I had those as well. I had chest pains, back pains, pains in my legs, wrist, bones (I even thought I might have bone cancer), tightness in my throat for 3 months, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I did alot of blood tests, utrasounds, scans, and they all came back fine. I have been having headaches on my left side, numbness in my left arm, irritation in my left eye for more than 2 weeks now. Everyone tells me it’s due to stress and grief. I don’t know when my life would go back to normal.

      I am not in your exact same shoes, but I have some idea of what you’re feeling. You have to take good care of yourself, because your sister (and other family members) would want you to be happy and continue to live life. Our sisters are no longer suffering and I believe my sister is in a better place. We miss our sisters, but the love, memories and good (and bad) times that we have had with them will never disappear.

      I don’t know if you have a religious belief. Someone once shared this story with me. Suppose you and your sister went to a party. For some reason, your sister had to leave first, but she told you she would see you at home later. She wants you to stay at the party and continue to have a good time. In this case, would you cry or miss her? Some religions teach that we will all re-unite after death.

      I tried to find answers online about “Why” did it happen to my sister, and found the below articles quite helpful. I read everything, whether religions or non-religious and would like to share them with you. I hope you will give yourself time to heal, and do whatever it takes to help you get better and move on.


    • Dear Autum, I lost my youger sister almost the same way she was going into her 5th open heart surgery. There was complications and within 2 weeks she passed, I watched my sister get better and get worse. I know the pain you are going though because i had the same. Not being able to help her, I watch her grow up as I grew up. At the time my sister was 12 and this year she will be 14. the pain never goes away only become mangable

  276. I lost my 54-year old brother on Monday to bone cancer. He has always been and will always be my best friend and the person I have cherished most in my life. The giant hole ripped from my heart will always miss him badly and it will not be filled until we are together again in the hereafter as we were in this life. He was 21 months older than I was and so we shared pretty much everything together – bedroom growing up, our friends, a few girlfriends(!), life’s dreams and downfalls, and our triumphs and tribulations. I am totally and simply lost in extreme sadness. My body and mind keep reminding me of the loss of my brother no matter what I do, and while I am trying to think of all the good and wonderful times we had together as a celebration of his life, I remain paralyzed in frozen sadness. I just can’t stand the emptiness and loneness I am experiencing. I am broken.

    • George …

      Thank you for sharing.
      I lost my best friend my brother on the 26th April 2017 and he was 54 years old.
      I have no idea how I am suppose to keep going. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
      We did so much together and I just don’t know how to go on.
      I can’t believe that someone so precious can be suddenly taken away, no warning, just gone.
      The shock and the emotional rollercoaster I am on feels like this is what it will be like until I am with him again.
      He was my big brother and I am devastated,. I can’t imagine how to get through his funeral…………
      I can’t imagine anything without him
      Its only 4 whole days and it feels like forever already……:-(

  277. Back in the days I was afraid to die. I was terrified I was unable to go sleep without covering my body from head to toe with a sheet.
    Now after I lost my only brother my baby brother my everything the one who supported the one who looked after me. I feel like nothing matters to me. My brother and I grew up together and he went through hell we grow up without our parents living with relatives , but my pain is not our past life or being rejected from our parents; my pain is the death of my
    Baby brother and words cannot describe how much love I feel for him moreover how much I miss you. Can’t wait to meet again manito . RIP Fernando Ortega 10/292015

  278. Thank you for sharing ?

  279. My brother Matt died on 07/15/16. He was only 39 years old. Him and his wife were coming home from a Harley-Davidson bike night. A truck pulled out in front of them. Matt was killed instantly, his wife was life flighted and is still recovering in a facility. I miss him like crazy. So many years ago when Mom brought him home after giving birth, I was convinced she had brought this precious little boy home just for me. We became best friends, built a trust like no other, got in trouble together, never told on one another. As our childhood grew into adulthood we still gave each other hard times and also true loyal compassion. We talked openly. We kept in contact daily, even during challenged timed. What I wonder is WHY my spouse will not let me grieve? Why does he think that my life will EVER be the same? How can he even think about intamacy right now, AND truly want to have relations? That is the last thing on my mind. My life will never be the same since this beautiful and unique man left my life. He was my brother.

  280. I am so glad to have found this site. I just lost my older brother two days ago and am devastated…..I held his hand and hugged him for 26 hours while watching him die. He had no wife or girlfriend, no children. I had no idea he was so sick; he kept on working up until two weeks ago w/no complaints. Not only am I devastated but I feel so guilty that I was not more supportive of him. I had jealousy issues w/him over the years because our mother really loved and doted on him and did not have much time for me. And I let that jealousy affect how I viewed him sometimes. So now I’m going through this stage of beating myself up for this. I’m glad though that he had that love from our mother all his life. Having that love made him the wonderful person he was.

  281. I LOST MY MOM IN AUG 2012 THEN LOST MY DAD 13 MONTHS LATER , I have a really big family as you no we was all distraught , l have 7 brothers & 3 sisters we all live separate got our own family’s we were all so close , but September this year my brother was killed in a motor bike accident he was married with 1 sibling & 2 step sons was on married 12 months , but I’m so angry I have fell out with half my family even the wife of my brother don’t really want to go in to to much detail , let me just say she’s gone back on her word some days I don’t feel angry but I have had argument with most my brothers even the 1 brother I’m really close too & I don’t even feel guilty about the rows iv had either , because what iv said I feel is true to me it’s like no one as listened even if I shouted it from an hill top

  282. Hi. Today 22 years ago I lost my eldest brother to a heart attack he was 21 and I 12. I was the one to find him. He was my all. My heart is still very much torn. 4 years ago I lost my last brother he 32 and I 29. I feel totally lost. I often feel angry and that unfairness. Try to be a soldier but boy it is hard. Questions like I’m not the one supposed to take care of my parents and to do their funeral arrangements Ect. My whole life is over. Folks live with me I take care of them financially and physically. Dad had a stroke a year ago leaving him like a todler. I’m 34 and no where to go. Won’t be able to live my life eva.

  283. I am so devastated. My baby brother died 3 weeks ago from today at the age of 19. I call him baby because he was special needs, unable to speak or hear, and I was his caregiver for the past 6 months while my parents were working. He was my favorite person in the world, he had such a pure innocent heart and such a wonderful personality. He was always smiling and laughing, regardless of how many surgeries he had gone through. He was the person I spent the most time with and vice versa. We were extremely attached to each other. I don’t know what to do without him here anymore. It felt like he was my purpose in life and I had always pictured my future with him in it. He made me a better person and I am so sad I will never be able to see him or feel him again. I would do anything to hug him one more time. He stopped breathing in my arms after an epilepsy attack and he then passed away in the hospital as I held his hand. I keep reliving his death and I don’t know how to get the horrifying memories and feelings out of my head. His presence in the house leaves a large void and everyone is heartbroken. We all feel like something is missing and it leaves us all depressed. I hope I can get better but the pain is the same as the day it all happened.

  284. My big brother passed away on Friday and I’m a broken man 🙁 He was my pillar and the person I could always go to for advice.It feels like a part of me died and life without him would not be the same. I cannot sleep and just burst out in tears when I think of him. I’m just glad I had a chance to say goodbye and I will never forget our last handshake. I keep asking myself why it wasn’t me ?? He has two beautiful boys and they need him and I have no family of my own and I would do anything to change places. I suffer from depression and I’m in a dark place at the moment but I know I have to get myself together as I promised I will always be there for the boys and be the man in their lives. Thank you for the article

    • Hello Phil,
      As I’m on this site looking for support, guidance, just anything to help. I came across your post and feel pretty much the same way. Last week I unexpectedly lost my older sister. She has one daughter and I just feel that if someone had to go it should of been me. Her daughter needs her, my parents need her. But being the sibling I feel left out and not so much needed. Sigh maybe it’s just too new. I can’t think and I cry at just about anything. I noticed you posted a few months ago now, Does it get any better? Is there something that you’ve found that helped? I don’t really have many friends so I am struggling here.

      • Min, don’t go this alone!
        Find help! To me it has made a world of difference to go to counseling, an spiritual leader, and grief groups, a WORLD of difference.

  285. There is a wonderful book. “Surviving the Death of a Sibling” T.J. Wray

  286. I’m glad I came across this article. I lost my younger sister to a heroin overdose in March of this year. Every day since has been a roller coaster. I can really relate with a lot of the things written about- survivors guilt is a big one, even though I’ve never done the drug and am not worried I will pass in the same manner– it’s just a question of why her, why then? I grieved her passing before she was physically gone because of her lifestyle, and came to terms with the fact that choosing to live her life the way she did was a risk, and she knew that. When she passed away, it was during her longest stretch of sobriety in her adult life. I had no idea she was back into using. Even though I know there was nothing I could have done… I’ll always question–what if there was? Looking forward to checking out the support groups mentioned.

    • kaityin im so sorry for your loss. i understand what you’re going through. my brother passed away last year. that was the day i stopped living. he had a very bad substance abuse problem and pain pills. he fell down his stairs. it was a couple of hours before anyone found him. not a day goes by that i dont think about him i miss him so much. i wish so badly that we could have got him help. i blame myself i didnt try hard enough. he was my best friend

    • I just posted above about my older brother John that I lost on March 30th to a substance abuse problem (meth and sleeping pills). I too had the same feeling that he lived his life a certain way and it was a risk but I came to accept it over time… I’m now completely angry at myself as I sit here and think constantly of “what if I had my brother come live with me and just learn to invest (I’m a finance guy) and workout and go to the beach everyday while I work then come home in the evenings” …. I never envisaged myself doing that while he was here but man oh man had I known the danger he was in would I do that in a heartbeat…. I keep thinking that this is all some crazy dream and that I will wake up and John will be here, then I realize this is reality…. I keep asking “why God?” “why not allow him to survive this but give me and my family a chance to correct things once and for all with a major wake up call”… You have to know there is a reason and purpose for everything that our human minds can’t quite comprehend on earth in our limited dimensions. The Book of Job describes some serious loss of sons and daughters (siblings to them) and how he was made to even feel better and given more success and more enjoyment. I know that sounds weird having lost children, but God does make a promise to us not to hurt us but to love us.

      I’ve also done a great deal of research since the loss of John and it is comforting knowing that death itself seems to be a “welcome home experience” as weird as that sounds. There are several well known NDEs of people who like Dr. Mary Neal who was underwater not breathing for over 30 mins and she described that she wished she didn’t come back b/c of the complete feeling of being at “home” and the complete love that enveloped her and the spirits of other people that she knew surrounding her. Death to our human senses is a very traumatic experience but it is comforting knowing that for those that pass to the next life – it is the ultimate in peace.

      • Thank you for saying your frustration about rehashing the past and your frustration for not helping more. My experience exactly. Reading your words made me feel less alone.

    • Oh Kaitlin, my sister died of a different substance abuse (tobacco and booze plus neglect). I also had no idea of her state.
      Nothing helps mitigate my guilt and pain for not reaching out, I just have accepted them as atonement and I’m trying to get close to other family members and support them.

  287. I blogged about my loss of my identical Twin sister at the age of 13. It may be of use to someone else.

  288. My older sister died in a snowboarding accident on December 7th, 2015. I will always be a little bit lonely without her and although life may be good at times, I know it would be even better with her here. It saddens me that people (strangers, friends, family-to-be) will never meet her, for she was one of a kind. I miss everything about her, even the way she yelled at me when she was angry. I am lucky to have the most supportive parents, but at times still nothing helps and I know that my grief is a burden I will bear forever. I have tried counseling but it all seems redundant and there is no ‘fixing’ to be done. I simply wish I could talk to her, hug her, hear about her new adventures, meet her new friends and loved ones. My parents and I have a saying that helps sometimes “we may be broken, but we are still good” we use this quote to help us realize that we must still stick together. My sister died instantly at age 23. I was 20 at the time. Now I’m 21. I’m so scared for the day I turn 23 because I don’t want to be older than her. sharing and receiving love are the only things that help me through. I try to live my life as if she is guiding me.

  289. Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. My younger sister died when I was seven and I’m still coming to terms with it, partly because I had no counselling or other support (other than my loving family). I’m writing a book about it. I’d be happy to talk to anyone who’d like to share their experience too. Thanks for all the wonderful work you do, WYG.

    • I think thats wonderful that you are writing a book. Our daughter was 5 when our son passed away from brain cancer at age 3. They were only 20 months apart and she lost her best friend. I noticed that there aren’t many books at all on sibling loss. Its a shame and it would be nice if there were more.

  290. My brother was killed in a car wreck March 24 2016 i don’t know how to handle it well i think about it constantly everyday it’s hard for me to sleep and i stay depressed my heart was ripped to shreds on that horrible day.

  291. My younger sister died 3 months ago. She was one of my best friends and I miss her every single day. I had a few very bad days, when getting out of bed was a challenge. But I went to see my former therapist and that helped. I think the worst is over but I know I will mourn for my sister until I die.

  292. My only sibling, an older sister, died 5 months ago. Both our parents are deceased. I also agree there is not much information available that addresses adult sibling grief. Most people do not even acknowledge your grief. I received few sympathy cards or calls. People who I thought were friends have fallen away. After her death, I volunteered to send out the thank you notes for my brother-in-law and helped him with discarding some things at their home. This kept me busy for several weeks. But now I am feeling the extreme loss of her death. I tell myself that I had over four years to prepare for her loss but you are never prepared for that final day. I have taken a grief recovery class which helped very little and have read a variety of books on grief. Keeping busy helps for the moment but find I have many “memory embraces” that leave me in tears or sobbing. This loss of my sister has affected me much more deeply than either the loss of my parents. She was part of my history and even though we were six years apart in age, she was always there for me. She was a strong individual and seemed to be able to handle almost all type of crisis, even stage four cancer. I know I will get through this but don’t see it happening in the near future.

  293. As a grandmother I watched as my grandsons siblings grieved as their brother battled through his cancer journey
    They were with him as he died and spoke at his funeral all at the tender ages og 13, 9 and 4

  294. I lost my older sister 3 weeks ago, it was unexpected. She died on the operating table during a surgery that was supposed to save her life, not end it. There were 26 years between us, so she was an aunt as much as a sister. We always used to scheme and surprise our dad with something big and epic on Father’s day, like a new set of tools or a room full of worlds best dad equipment. Crazy maybe but in addition to doing something nice it was our chance to bond. Flying solo this year I just feel lost and wish I could drag her back down from heaven to remind me what this year’s plan was. All I do when I’m alone is sit and listen to ‘Sissy’s Song’ by Alan Jackson miss her and cry

  295. I am 27 yrs old, my younger brother was 25 when he passed away two months ago now. I don’t know how or even what I feel yet other than pain and sadness almost every day. He was in a sudden car accident where he died very quick. I wish I could comprehend what’s flowing through me right now, the feelings, the rush of air leaving me when I think of him, the tears that suddenly flow when I type this. I hate that I feel so much pain and it angers me at times when I think about not being able to see him and or share our futures together any longer. I truly hate accepting his death and I’m not sure how to come to terms with it, I just want to be able to go a day without losing my breath and not being able to stop my tears no matter where I am. Half of me was suddenly stripped away from me and taken forever without warning, he was my guardian as I was his, and it’s extremely hard to shake the feelings of complete loneliness. I need help, I know I do.

    • Corey: I am so sorry for your loss. My sister died in March. Although she was 67, it’s still difficult. I remember feeling like my heart was breaking and wondering if my chest would explode because the ache was so severe that day and all I could do was hug a teddy bear and sob. 61 years old! But thst bear helped comfort me. We just take each day momemt by moment. Hopefully, the pain will lessen.

  296. having lost my older sister recently whom i was her carer suddenly and having no other relatives to count on nobody seems to understands my grief as i found her dead in bed in the house we shared feeling lost and alone now its 6 months and i still miss her and sometimes don’t feel like getting out of bed just want to be on my own people just don’t understand how i feel they want me to get out and meet people get a job but i can’t do it

  297. I lost my sister 42 days ago. She was the middle one, i have an older sister of 45, I’m 36 and my sister who died was 42. She gave birth to twins 5 months ago and on 24 April 2016 she.just. died. Her husband and I tried to resuscitate her but we didn’t realise at the time that she had suffered a quick death and that whilst I was blowing my air into her lungs, she was gone already. It’s 42 days later and i miss her every day. People support me but im amazed at the uncomfortability people feel when you grieve. My cousin in her innocence told me last night wow! You are really grieving for your sister. I thought to myself, what do you mean? Of course! My heart is broken, i MISS her, my life will never be the same again. We lived in the same gated community and i went to her every day. We chatted every day, we sat next to each other and sang silly songs, i told her my secrets.. and my eldest sister lives in the Netherlands so I have become the manager of everybody’s feelings. I help where I can, i comfort everybody. But even though I have friends who listen to me etc, i feel alone in my grief. I’m sad and i miss my sister so much.

  298. this is so hard to talk about. i still cant believe my brother is gone he was my best friend. he was 47 when he passed away. he had a substance abuse problem and we had tried for years for him to get help but he wouldnt . the night it happened he fell down his stairs and died of positional asphyxia . he suffered for a couple of hours before he passed. i feel like im going crazy i wake up every morning hoping its been a horrible nightmare then realize its not.. i try so hard to be strong for my parents and my kids but its so hard. i feel like i have to cry alone. i know life will never be the same ive lost part of me. i just dont understand how this happened no one is ever prepared to lose someone. we were so close we talked everyday when my phone rings i still think its him. i dont know anyone who has lost a sibling or have a support group where i live so im glad to have someone to talk to that understands.

  299. Great post on the subject! Even though it’s been a long time since I’ve lost my siblings, the subject is very much in my experience recently. A dear friend of mine just lost her sister. We felt it is important to talk about the subject. So we’re going to do so on If anyone wants to watch or join us, you’re welcome to with open hearts. You can go to and look for the scheduled blab called Processing Sibling Grief is a Unique Journey on April 24th at 5:00 pm EST ♡

  300. I commend you on the post. It’s true there are not many resources for sibling loss. If I may, I would add a few points based on my son’s experience after his brother’s passing.
    Especially with small kids there is fear (could this happen to me or someone else in our family), guilt (for those times they weren’t nice to their sibling or jealous of them). With children their grief evolves as they grow as they begin to process and understand death, love, what it means to have a sibling or not have one. In a way they relive the loss as they mature

    • Yes, there is fear, guilt, sadness, and the overwhelming feelings that you can’t make things better for your parents or the children left behind. What makes it worse are the words left unsaid. I’m on rollar coaster and can’t get off….

  301. Thanks for posting about sibling grief my eldest brother was killed 3 years ago I was expected to support everybody and when I tried to grieve was told by my parents I was selfish so I didn’t grieve until last year when I had a breakdown and ended up trying to take my own life my family no longer talk to me as iam the bad one the one who should’ve died not him even though no one could’ve saved him that day and I wasn’t even there is have been vilified and had all my parents anger and bitterness directed at me until I finally said enough I’m done and refused to have anything to do with them my brother was I years older than me and was like a father to me he was my hero and I looked up to him so losing him felt like the end of the world and being told by my father that he had no kids anymore as the only one that mattered was dead hurt me even more siblings are overlooked in grief I know I have but I have now got support through doctors cruse bereavement and my partner and my baby who I was pregnant with when my brother died was born with ginger hair just like my brother so I will always have that reminder it never gets easier you just learn to live with the constant pain and heartache

    • Kristi, i am truly sorry to hear about such cold rejection: parental rejection is cruel. My Mom experienced this as a young baby girl. The damage can devastate one’s future relationships … even though you know it is wrong for the parent to have been so cruel, even if you forgive them and see them as the child they act out. I am glad you recognize this and even though you cannot be 100% … 100% of the time you have a head start on many people when it comes to understanding authority and love. Try if possible to see the gifts you have which you would otherwise not know if you had not experienced such pain from you father, of course, layered with the pain of loss of your brother. You are special and there are people who need the gift of understanding in you. I hope you try to reach out to people and help them. My Mom grew to become an empathic loving person through her pain… I hope you find the gifts within you that stand along side your pain then transform them into tools to help others and counter the damage upon your heart by bringing love and light to others, (no matter how small, or how unnoticed, an act of kindness is a seed that grows), sending you love

  302. My sister and I are the only siblings in our family. I’m 4 years older than her and she died in a car accident 30th December 2013. I’ve never known life without her…apart from the first 4 years of my life we’ve been there for each other, so being without her is a very alien existence. My parents don’t talk to me much anymore. ..they don’t visit me and it’s as though the grief of her death is all theirs. ..they have never comforted me and they don’t let me be involved with anything pertaining to her…this sounds harsh. ..and it feels harsh for me because it was never like this when my sister was alive…but on reading this article I now relate and understand why it is like this. ..I have tried talking with my parents and visiting them weekly and hoping that love from me could change. ..but it’s making no difference. I’m having a break from them to get my head together because I thought I was going crazy…my adult children and husband have always been there for me and I have to remind myself that this is a wonderful thing. ..but I miss my sister terribly and existing without her is pretty empty and a huge challenge for me daily. ..I have had some counseling but it was only telling me the obvious. .that I miss my sister and time will help. ..your article has helped me more identify and understand the loss of a sibling. …x

  303. I’ve lost two sisters in three months. I am devastated beyond words. I cannot accept that they are gone. I never got to say goodby. I miss them both so much.

    • That is a lot of loss in a very short period of time. I’m so sorry for everything you must be going through. 🙁

    • I am 82 years old and grieving the loss of my brother who passed away at 78 years very recently. My younger brother passed 22 years ago. There is nothing to compare to the loss of a sibling..very different from one’s parents passing..even though that is painful. I truly feel for all who are going through this unique pain.

      • Anne, I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard to imagine adjusting to a world without a person who has been part of your life for 78 years. I hope you find some support here on our site. Take care.

  304. My only sister died in 1953 at the age of 12 from a kidney disease. I was 4 at the time. I have memories of her. I remember seeing her look at me and wave through the glass of a window in her hospital room. I was not allowed to see her. Within 2 months she was dead and I remember seeing her in her casket and asking my mother why was my sister sleeping there? My mother could not answer me and told me to go to my father, who said nothing. Over the years I had asked questions, but very little information was given to me. My aunts talked with me in later years about “things,” and how “fragile” my mother was. Even now, I feel like the left out one. I miss my sister and the times we should have shared. A couple years ago I did put together a scrapbook of what pictures I had of us together and I wrote little notes along with the pictures. Healing….maybe. My parents are both gone now and life was never the same after my sister died. It was a sad household. My father would sometimes talk about my sister (about something she may have done) and my mother would look at him with knives in her eyes. The conversation stopped. And so it went…………………..

    • Oh Joanie, I feel so sad for you. I feel sad for your parents as well, but I can only imagine what it must have been like to be 4-years-old and to have so many unanswered questions about your sister’s death. I’m sure you also had questions about her as a person as you grew older, but it sounds she wasn’t a topic of conversation. Although it sounds like you have looked for ways to grieve her and remember her in your own way, you unfortunately never had the opportunity to freely share, remember, and grieve as a family. This had to be tough 🙁

  305. I had 2 sisters in my family, my younger sister was murdered in Florida in 1980. My older sister died in 2009. I lost my only child, a daughter in 2005. I do have a younger brother in California. It’s really hard for me

  306. Other than my older sister, my brother knew me longer & better than anyone. When he died, I felt like many memories died too. He helped me remember things I had forgotten.

  307. Thank you for this post. I am actually writing my dissertation on unexpected adult sibling loss. I really struggled with the literature review in terms of finding sibling specific resources. Everything you said is spot on and helpful to this kind of loss. I feel as if you interviewed my participants. Everyone loss was unique, but the patterns are similar. I am so grateful that someone else is trying to shed light on the loss of a sibling.

    • Hey Robyn,

      I’m shocked how little there is for supporting people through the death of a sibling. You’d think there would be more, considering how many people leave behind one sibling at the very least. I’m glad to hear you’ve been looking into this, everything helps!


  308. My sister was killed in a tragic car accident 39 years ago today… was Easter Sunday. I was nine years old and I still suffer from this loss. This past week I have been struggling to just be……missing work, staying in bed and reliving the horrific event over and over. My brother was 11 and he too suffers but bottles up his pain but I know him so well. We were kind of just pushed aside….I’m sure folks thought because we were “just kids” we would be fine…neither of us have ever been fine. I have sadness creep up on my suddenly when I least expect it and sometimes it lasts for days and days. Just today a close friend asked me if I have ever considered grief counseling… first I thought it was a crazy idea because it was so long ago and then I thought maybe I can find some help with this sometimes unbearable pain. So here I am….looking for help and maybe some relief from this never ending pain.

  309. We are definitely the forgotten grievers. My sister had been terminally ill for 11 years, she died 3 years and nearly 3 months ago, she had just turned 20, I was 3 weeks from my 17th birthday. I was forgotten about almost straight away, even by friends…always the question ‘How’s your mum?’, even my mum has forgottten, we argue a lot and she always throws in my face ‘I’ve lost a daughter’…yeah well I’ve lost my sister but you don’t seem to care about that? The guilt, anger, regrets are all there of how I treated her, I did get a chance to say ‘I’m sorry please forgive me’ and ‘I love you’ before she passed as she was in a hospice for a week receiving palliative care so I knew she was going but she wasn’t able to respond but I feel she knew and I sat by her bed all day and night that week,keeping her company and telling her it was all okay and she was going to stop suffering and get to see her dad again. I can’t comprehend what losing my sister has done to me and I know no one I know will even ever slightly understand because of the way I come across…like I’m not bothered and that I’ve forgotten about her because I don’t like talking about her but that’s only because it’s too painful. I recently turned 20 so I am not officially the age she never got past, I find that so weird and struggled on my birthday to deal with that, I tried talking to my friend but felt like I was bothering her so I changed the subject. My whole life has been changed/affected by my sisters illness and then death…my family is not a family, we are far too damaged and broken now. I will never forget my sister and I love her to bits, sleep easy Rachel and party hard up there with grandad and your dad…and the other family we have up there <3

    • I’m glad you found a forum where you can express yourself and not feel guilty. Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to get them out. I don’t really have any advise for you, as my own grief has changed my life irrevocably. But I am thinking of you and I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep in touch.

    • I hope that by sharing my story I can also help the way your story has helped me. I feel all you say and wish you whatever you need to acjieve peace.

  310. It was nice to find this site, I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I can start with my sister died suddenly, almost as if it was a bad dream. We spoke on the phone and she had a horrible cough. I had begged her to see a doctor. The next evening, her husband had called me and told me she was dead. She was 46 and left behind two young children with two different fathers. She left behind my parents and me….no warning….no time to express our love. A year or so has passed. I have spent the last year trying to hold everything together, my parents health and grief, the blending of my niece and nephew and their new family dynamics which is forever altered. I have realized that my own grief has been pushed aside. I have so many regrets and words that were left unsaid. As the world keeps going forward, I have to keep moving as well. Although, there are many days that I would like to curl up in a ball and simply replay my memories of my beautiful, older, only sister.

    • Stefanie,

      I’m so sorry for your pain and the stress you’ve been under. I worry so much about the person in the family who everyone looks to to hold things together, because this is often the selfless person who seldom gets a chance to focus on his or her own feelings. Now that you’ve realized this, I hope you find some time to really acknowledge and work through some of your own grief. And I know we all have to do what we have to do in life to get through, but you deserve a day once in a while to feel sad and to remember your sister. Please let us know how we can help.


  311. Thank you for writing this. I have read many articles on grief but only now realize it’s the type of loss (sibling) and with whom I was closest to of all my siblings – because of that I feel terribly lost. My true confidant and literal soul sister died almost a year ago. I find myself crying a lot again after months of bottled up tears. I suppose as the anniversary approaches I am reflecting on the final weeks & days with much clarity. I miss her. My other sister has tried to fill that void and I do love her deeply and she’s here but it doesn’t change the fact that my deceased sister is not. You would think I’d embrace the living sister the same but that seems shallow and false and I suppose could mean I hurt less. I also feel passionately that the deep pain I endure proves my love and loss is real. We should be honored to feel so much, however debilitating it is. It’s ours, we should embrace it with fullness and intensity.

    • Maria, I am so sorry for the pain of losing your sister. The reality of losing someone is that they can never be replaced. Though new relationships might form and grow, though perhaps it may even bring you and your other sister closer, that will never fill the void. Those new or strengthened relationships can be a huge comfort and support in grief, but it is important to know that we should embrace those relationships for what they are and what they can be, not to replace something/someone.

  312. My eldest of 5 Sister’s whom I was closest to passed unexpectedly in 2014. Being the oldest Sibling now I felt a sense of responsibility to keep it together snd coordinate the final plans, I did not want to burden my parents, other siblings or the children, nieces. nephews. I was surprised at how alone I felt in my grief. I did find one book on sibling grief but did not find it helpful. The first 6 months were a secret nightmare for me, I think I suffered a nervous breakdown. Had I been able to turn to s support group I think I would have survived the immediate grief much better. I will be checking out Mourning our Brothers snd Sisters on facebook as a previous post suggested. Thank you for this post

    • Mari, I am glad you found this of some help. I am so sorry for the pain you have been though over the last couple years. Out of curiosity, what was the book you read? We are always looking at grief books and wanting to know what people found helpful or unhelpful and why, as it helps us guide others. Please share if you happen to have a chance.

  313. This is a great post and has hit on almost all of the emotions and issues that I have dealt with since the loss of my sister and her husband in a plane crash over 30 years ago. Many times time does not heal, but we learn to deal with over time. When the accident occurred there was not a lot of resources available for siblings.
    With all the issues that were going on with the loss as well as grandparents decline in health made it even harder for my parents to deal with their emotions as well to be a support to myself.

  314. Thank you for this post, it always helps to be reminded that we are not alone out here in this world. I was 24 and my brother was 29 when he was KIA in 2006. Being a military brat growing up my brother was a big support for me and always stepped in when my parents were gone at work, busy with friends, or out at a bar. He was who I went to when School got extremely hard for me and I wanted to drop out and just give up. When I lost him it tore my heart out and I felt like I was lost at sea because my father acted like my sister and I didn’t exist or need support. It became all about his “widow” (who my brother hadnt even known that long before he married her). I was left floundering having so many questions and not knowing who to ask or go to with them about what happened to him. When I turned 29&30 were 2 of the roughest years after I lost my brother because all I could think about is why do I get to make it past 29 and his life was cut short. Without the help of TAPS ( Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) being there when I needed them I dont think I would still be here. I believe that more people need to realize that sibling grief is real and painful as well as other types of grief.

  315. Two days ago was the 6 year anniversary of my little brothers death. I can never seem to find words to explain what losing a sibling was and is like. My brother was KIA in Afghanistan by an IED and even now I still try to wrap my mind around the fact he is never coming home. I tell my self it wouldn’t hurt so bad if it wasn’t so tragic or if he had been sick and we had expected it but the truth is nothing would make it better. I want to let you know though. For siblings, parents, children and spouses that lose someone in the military there is an amazing program called T.A.P.S. ( Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) they have so much to offer and get you linked up with people going through the same things. It doesn’t matter if your loved one was KIA or as a result of PTSD they offer help for everything. I encourage you to check it out. I know it really helped being around other siblings that knew how I felt.

  316. This poem by the author of the Sibling Connection, for me, expresses perfectly how to embrace one’s grief rather than try to push it away:


    She rises out of nowhere, like a wave from the sea,
    Slowly at first, silently, then crests and peaks;
    Still I have a choice
    I can turn away, go to work, watch a movie, play a game…
    But I know sorrow well.
    Though I turn away, she will wait,
    Perfectly patient,
    Until I am still,
    Then crush me with all of her accumulated power.
    Once I had angry walls to shut her out,
    But her incessant pounding tore them down.
    So now, when she rises,
    I turn to her and say,
    Here I am, I know you, sorrow.
    She crashes on my shoreline,
    And sorrow and I are one
    Until, trailing frothy whitecaps,
    She sweeps away.

    by P.G. White

  317. Oops, sorry for some of the jumbled sentences in my previous post, can’t edit. “…socializing when other people your age don’t get it…” “It covers the complex expectations…”

  318. Hi, I lost my sister when she was 19 and I was 18. Many, many hard years later I finally found this website on sibling loss, which helped tremendously:

    It is extremely thorough and so on target, covering the issues that arise for loss of a sibling at different stages of life, if you are a child, a teen, a college student, or older. Issues such as challenges with socializing when there people your age don’t get what you’re going through, or when your parents are needing you emotionally so you neglect your own needs to become an independent adult. It covers are the complex expectations around being the surviving sibling. It also amazingly covers a lot of the stupid things people say to people who have lost a sibling. This site helped validate what I went through at a college that had no services for bereaved students. It also clarified for me how to accept my grief in a society that has a cultural habit of keeping mum or denying grief. I highly recommend it for anyone who has lost a sibling. I only wish I had come across it much earlier.

  319. My only sister died on 4 October 2015. I miss her so much and I am not sure where my future is going without her. Naturally she looked after me when I was a baby and was my biggest supporter, my confidant and my mentor. She helped me so much with many of the issues in my life and as an older sister she guided me too. Before she died I felt the pressure of stepping into her shoes as I felt I wouldn’t know what I had to do to help and support out widowed elderly mother. I am doing what I can for our mother now as I have to. I’m hoping she will guide me into making the right decisions and choices for our mother.

    Already I am getting a sense of people thinking I should be over the grieving period. It’s so hard especially at this time as Christmas approaches.

    The only beautiful thing that exists in all of this is that I was with my sister when she passed away, I held her hand and she gave me the job of informing others who were there also when I realised her breathing was changing and death approaching. She seemed to hand the reins over to me. X

    • Esther,

      I’m so sorry about the death of your sister; I am sure you miss ever all day every day. I am glad you can hold onto the beautiful final moments that you shared. I am sorry you’re feeling subtle pressure to move on. People don’t know what the right thing to say is and they want you to feel better because it makes them feel better…just remember though that they aren’t right. Grief takes time, it’s something that we cope with little by little every day. You can and should continue to feel the pain of this loss for as long as you need to.


  320. Thank you for addressing this issue. My brother died unexpectedly and suddenly a number of years ago and for some time, I felt as though I was the forgotten mourner. It felt as though others didn’t recognise my grief as being relevant or as important as the grief of my parents. I distinctly recall being approached by friends and family after the death and asked, “How is your mother? How is your father? It must be so hard for them”. This question/statement was repeated time and time again. It was rare for anyone to say, “How are you? This must be so hard for you” – and in the meantime, my heart was broken. I’ve slowly worked through the “if onlys”, “I’m sorrys” and other “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” as I like to call them. It has taken time and required me to be vulnerable and ask friends for help and support but I now feel that I’ve waded through the immediate grief, have pulled myself up onto the shore and can now breathe and look forward to the future. I know that my grief journey would have been made a lot easier if sibling grief was recognised and appropriate resources had been available.

    • I just discovered this site this morning, and was profoundly affected by several of the posts. I’d like to have my children read several of these comments, but they’d realize how much of a failure of a mother I was when their brother died. Roger was the oldest son; right in the middle of 7 children. He had asthma all his life (as did several of the others, but none quite as bad as Roger) and spent a year at the Children’s Asthma Research Institute and Hospital (CARIH) in Denver when he was 10. He was supposed to be there for 2 years, but we missed him too much. That was probably wrong of us also. Parents aren’t supposed to have a “favorite child” but he was mine and his siblings knew it and didn’t resent it (at least outwardly) because he was their favorite sibling also. Everyone who knew him thought he was a fine young man; a great friend, a good athlete (in spite of the asthma) and a shining example to others. When he died from an asthma attack at the age of 17 (35 years ago) from what we thought was just a routine trip to the emergency room, our whole world fell apart. My husband and I went to grief counseling, but he wasn’t comfortable with it.I went once without him because I DID get some comfort. I don’t think we even knew about any sibling counseling. They say some couples divorce after the loss of a child, but we knew we had to go on for the sake of the other kids. Unfortunately we really didn’t know how to HELP them cope, although we did try. We even moved to another state (for 5 months) to attempt a “fresh start” with the three other boys, but that was a disaster. I’ve said several times over the years that our family wouldn’t be as dysfunctional as it is if Roger had lived, because he wouldn’t have allowed it. Now I realize that we should have tried to do more to help them cope instead of letting our OWN grief overwhelm us, but it’s 35 years too late. My husband died 14 years ago, and I’m still dealing with that. At least he and Roger are together in Heaven, breathing free.

  321. Thank you for this. I recently lost my 26 year old little brother and, six months later, my 30 year old big sister. My sister died of an overdose but I think her heart was already broken. When my brother died it felt like losing a limb. I stilldon’t feel like a whole person anymore, and even when I’m around friends, I often feel lost and lonely. I don’t understand how everyone else can just carry on as if nothing happened. I think they are tired of my grief, they think I should be better now. I don’t think I’ll ever be better, because parts of me are gone.

    My siblings were my closest friends, and now I find myself without many others. It’s hard to figure out how to be close to people, to make new friends. I don’t talk about them around others because I know it makes people uncomfortable, but it’s always on my mind. It colors everything I do. Losing a sibling is unimaginable and I wish that no one else had to feel this.

    I haven’t found many resources or any support groups in my area, but I did buy a book called “Angel Catcher” that I have found helpful at times. It’s a journal with helpful prompts and supportive ideas and quotes. I bought one for a friend who lost a sibling and for my youngest brother, who I know is having a hard time of it all too. I’m grateful for this website and I listen to the podcast often. Thank you for putting all of this out there.

  322. All I can say is I just love this article it really hit home. Me and my brother WERE thick as thieves. I also couldn’t protect him and I didn’t get to say I’m sorry. Also, I knew him inside and out, I knew his heart, but I didn’t know his struggles, I thought I did but it was more than I could comprehend. It was way over my head. I thought I knew but I didn’t even after. I still don’t know. All I know is that I miss him horribly every day.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. My brother passed away less than three weeks ago, and I am still in shock. I had no idea how sick he truly was, and never got to say I was sorry for not realizing his pain. Diabetic and in renal failure, he passed away suddenly and at 38. I was naive about his health and his quality of life, and regret minimizing his struggle. He was my best friend and I can’t believe he’s just gone. Your comment hit home with me and I had to write. I am sorry for your brother’s passing.

      • My brother passed away less than three weeks ago, and I am still in shock. I had no idea how sick he truly was, and never got to say I was sorry for not realizing his pain. Diabetic and in renal failure, he passed away suddenly and at 38. I was naive about his health and his quality of life, and regret minimizing his struggle. He was my best friend and I can’t believe he’s just gone. I had been approved to be his kidney donor; he just didn’t get healthy enough to have the operation. I should have taken a more active role in his care and maybe he would still be with us. Life for me will never be the same. Knowing he is gone.

  323. My brother died almost 3 years ago and so much of me died with him. In fact, the family sort of fell apart. Who knew this wonderful man was what held us together in so many ways?

  324. I only know one person who lost a sibling and she never says anything outside her family about it.
    I’m a member of a club nobody asked to be in; the ‘People who know relatives and friends who died by homicide’ group. Her brother was murdered at Columbine High School in the library. That’s where most of them were killed but not Daniel Rohrbough. He was killed outside and laid there for 3 days before anyone would claim his body. I never understood that but oh well.
    Christine never says a word about it beyond helping with gun safety and keeping firearms away from absolute lunatics like Dylan Roof, who killed 9 people in a Charleston, South Carolina church.
    The only comment she’s made is was to say that certain comments from so-called well-meaning people make her crazy. The ones who say things without having any idea that their words might be construed as insensitivity of the speaker.

  325. These comments are very hard to read because they resonate so much with my own feelings and experience. In 1974 our mother died of an overdose, the last of multiple attempts. My brother was 13, my sister 9 and I was almost 15.

    From about the age of 8 or 9 I knew what was happening when our mother went into
    hospital and became complicit in keeping her depression and suicide attempts secret from my younger siblings. I knew what the warning signs were which indicated that she was sliding into depression and also the subtle hints she gave before taking
    another overdose. More than once I had to accompany her to the local hospital and wait while her stomach was pumped out. When she was in a local psychiatric hospital (a horrible former asylum with naked old people wandering around screaming and faeces smeared on the walls) we would visit her and I don’t think my brother and sister ever questioned why she was there or why (as a result of ECT) she often forgot our names and appeared to think we were her siblings.

    I discovered my mother’s body beside my sleeping father and had to wake him and phone for an ambulance. I had to tell our neighbours who took my sister back to their house before the ambulance and the police arrived. I had to tell my brother and try to comfort him while my father dealt with everything else. I became a very poor substitute for my mother at the age of 14. My father was obviously grief stricken and was subsequently prescribed antidepressants which triggered epileptic seizures and again I ended up taking a parent to hospital and wandering if they would be coming home but not knowing what would happen to us if they didn’t.

    My brother became very angry and withdrawn and my sister just wanted to be comforted because she wanted her mother back. We became very close but our relationship with our brother was never the same again.

    We all survived and went on to marry and have children but my brother’s 2 marriages broke down, mine ended after 12 years and eventually my sister’s did too. She developed a severe depression and sadly in 2009 she hanged herself in her garage, knowing that I would be the one to discover her body and deal with everything, from telling her ex-husband to phoning my poor brother with the news. My brother was very angry with me for not telling him she’d become so ill and the fact that she’d begged me not to tell him was, in his eyes, unforgivable. He remains quite distant now, but we do sometimes talk and he was very supportive when I became depressed in 2011. He has also experienced depression himself since that time.

    When my sister was initially diagnosed with depression the team treating her suggested that her reaction to her marital breakdown was as a result of the huge sense of loss she experienced when we lost our mother and her extended family who blamed my father for my mother’s death. He was very distant from his own family so we felt very much alone, just the four of us of whom now only my brother and I survive. We became estranged from my father about 10yrs after my mother’s death because his new partner was a very domineering person who preferred to keep my father to herselfmand he would meet us in secret but the meetings were very brief and he was never able to spend time with our children, she didn’t even tell us he was ill, I saw his name in the “Death Announcements” in our local paper and once again I had to tell my siblings of the death of one of our parents. Shortly before she died my sister managed to track down both my mother and father’s families and sadly we were all reunited at my sister’s funeral.

    I’m sorry this is such a long post but what I really wanted to say was that you can overcome such loss, it takes a long time and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I am so grateful I had my beautiful mother and baby sister for as long as I did. The love we all shared didn’t die with them, I carry it with me always.

    • Your post conveys a very sad and poignant story. I feel like the untimely death of my mother, and then of my sister, have been quite significant in shaping my adult life.
      My mom took her own life at the age of 55, by carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage of our home. She had run away from home twice and tried to overdose on sleeping pills in nearby motels when I was a senior in high school. She was in the psych ward at St. Anthony hospital for a few weeks. She killed herself on the day I came home from my first semester at college and I believe she wanted my father and me to find her.
      I am still angry that she bottled up and would not talk to the family about her troubles and discontent, and that she didn’t leave a note, which might have shed some light on her despair and dissuade some of our guilt.
      My angelic older sister died of advanced leukemia at the age of 33. She was petite, popular and charming, and also fragile. She lived 9 months after her diagnosis, leaving behind an immature needy husband and a very bright 2-yr-old son. The husband remarried a jealous wife, who tried to murder my sister’s son for insurance money. She left him with permanent brain damage and multiple other injuries. It is up to me to provide for and love my beloved blind and bed-ridden nephew, and I know my sister is his guardian angel.
      Had my sister survived her son would never have been injured. He would have enjoyed a normal life and have been able to be an independent person.
      I have most of all missed not having had an adult relationship with my sister. It must be a wonderful thing to go through life’s seasons with the one person who knows you best, your sibling. I will always miss Cheryl.

      • Oh my goodness Patti, I am so sorry for everything you (and your family) have been through. That is a horrifying story about your nephew. It’s hard to believe such evil and greed exists in this world. I’m glad your nephew has you, although I know being a caregiver can be stressful at times. I hope you have people around you for support.


  326. Thank you for talking about this subject our siblings matter there is a bond there no one can fill, I to have suffered the lost of both my brothers , back in 1981 my brother Mike was playing with a gun in front of his friend it went off and killed him he was only 13 died on May 13 I was 14 yrs old and my other brother Bobby was 15 yrs old it was hard but to young to really understand everybody pushed us aside family drifted away our school friends helped us get through it and really they dident even know they were helping us by just wanting to hang out is what we needed cuz we just weren’t getting it from the family now looking back on it in a adault point of view everybody was just broken and so were me and my brother me and him always vowed to never fight again and we never did we loved each other and only us two knew we had each other and we both understood were we have come from and what we have been through well 3 years ago when Bobby was only 47 he got colon cancer and he passed on Aug 13 at 47 years old i now was faced with losing my soul my brother my only sibling left I was and am still broken I had to watch these two young healthy strong brothers die on tragic deaths and I am sick inside people think your crazy but they don’t understand everything you have endured and everything that goes through your head like why am I still here watching them die killed me watching them being so young it takes you back to your child hood you handle it then and you as children I felt like I was still a child watching my brothers die and they were my brothers dieing . Another for me they both died on the 13 I’m scared every month the 13 th day comes up , I go through every day alone knowing I will never grow old with them watching my mom broken burying two children also again what little few family left watching them disappear you get scare what do you who is going to help take care of me if something is to happen all kinds of things that go through your mind . We need more support with cancer hitting the world as hard as its hitting there are going to be more of us out there and when it hits you at a young age you find ways to bounce back but when Bobby died 3 years ago I got hit hard with mikes death to from 1981 . Please we need to have people focus on this subject and I would love to help in anyway I can . Please anybody reading this love your brothers and sister cuz once they are all gone your childhood is gone . Parent are not suppose to bury there children and siblings aren’t suppose to go through it alone .

  327. Thank you for so much time put into this. My younger sister passed about three years ago and I have yet to see anything like this out there ! Keep it up id love to see where this can go in the future!

    • How long did it take. It’s been only 3 days for me. I lost my baby sister and she left behind a beautiful smart 9 year old and every time I see her I see my sister. I break down one day the next I feel calm. I don’t know how to handle it.

  328. My brother shawn died on August 2 2015. We were so close and I miss him with all my heart and soul. I do feel siblings are the forgotten mourners and we feel as though we have to support our parents more than ever. Which isn’t a bad thing but I would like some support too as I get weak and saddened behind closed doors and just fall apart. Siblings may feel they need to protect their parents sense it is the first time they ever see them helpless and lost. It’s a difficult time. My brother was amazing the bible has helped me so much with comfort.

  329. The forgotten grievers. I lost my half brother 5 years ago, he was 12, I was 23. He had a freak accident. We didn’t live together, and I think because of that my sisters and I were totally forgotten. Friends of my dad and stepmum’s family would write condolence cards without mentioning my sisters and I. It was always oh your poor parents, never how are you coping. I was coping shit. But no one asked, it seemed no one cared. And I felt guilty for the times I called my dad because I needed him, but knew I was taking him away from my brothers mum when they needed each other.
    There was no help or support from anyone, they and my stepbrother had councilling while my sisters and I had nothing. I now admin a Facebook group with a lovely small community of brother and sisters. Everyone is friendly, everyone helps each other, and I am grateful that I along with the group members am able to offer the support and advice to other bereaved siblings, that I needed so much.

  330. Thanks for sharing this great article. It’s been five years since I lost my brother, KIA in Afghan. He left a wife, a son at 5 mos. (now 5yrs.), my mother and younger sister. I’ve been and still are the backbone of this family, never having the time to deal with my own grief. It’s hard to care for yourself when so many people depend on you. Just because you seem to keep things together and functional for everyone else, they forget that you’re torn inside and also grieving. I was close to my brother, we were only a year or so apart, it’s been hard for me to keep my own personal life together. It’s true, Guilt is something that never leaves you, from wishing to have protect them to remembering the last hug or good bye. Surprisingly a lo of support systems, including military, are for spouse, parents, or children of the deceased. Siblings for some reason are always forgotten …

  331. Thank you for talking about this…my brother was not expected to live when born and lived five wonderful years…his death, although, expected was still very hard. It is something, that honestly I have finally started to really grieve 35 years later. Knowing that my parents are reunited with him is what keeps me going. Thanks for the great blogs.

    • May I ask how old you were when he passed? I worry about my other children since their sister died. We go as a family to grief counseling since her passing.

  332. My husband lost his sister when they were in their teens. His entire family still grieves over her but he really can’t even talk about her. It’s been 23 years. I have watched his parents go from not celebrating holidays to embracing them and enjoying them. They are able to talk about her and share stories about her. They are gradually working through their grief but he is not at all. When our children ask questions about her he can’t talk about it. I encourage them to refer their questions to their grandmother (I never met his sister) because it causes him pain to even mention her. I truly believe he could benefit from a sibling loss support group.

  333. It is horrible that people forget about the friends of the deceased. Friends are important in our lives

  334. Wow, you covered it extremely well, I can relate to so much of this. My only brother was 5 years younger, we lost our dad about a year before him. I already felt that patriarch role falling on me after Dad passed, but I had my bother to share it with. After he died I had his wife, kids, my Mom, my sisters and others coming to me. At least that’s how it felt. (which is okay) There was a tremendous out pouring of support for his wife & kids and my Mom. Which was great, but I kept looking around for my support and it just wasn’t there. I eventually found your site and a couple of sibling loss on-line groups but nothing local.
    Thanks for this post.