When Your Best Friend Dies
/ Types of Grief and Loss : Litsa Williams
We got an email last week from someone who lost a friend. Not just any friend died, her best friend died. The kind of friend that is family. You know the kind of friend I mean. Here is a little clip from her email:
I have had a terrible time finding anything online about losing your best friend. She was my closest, dearest friend for 25+ years. We lived less than a mile apart. We were like Oprah and Gayle best friends, you know? We vacationed together, etc. She was never married and I’m divorced, so we didn’t have the distraction of families. I have a son but she was childless and loved my son like her own. He’s grown, though, so we were able to hang out daily as best friends often do when they’re younger, before marriages, etc.
Do you have any suggestions for me? I can’t be the only person dealing with this.
Of course she is right, we know she is certainly not the only person dealing with this. Yet off the top of my head, I couldn’t remember reading many articles specifically on coping when a best friend dies. This, of course, inspired me to do a Google search to see what’s out there. That turned up a few sites on losing a pet (your other best friend) . . .
What struck me most was the simultaneous lack of information on the topic, coupled with an overabundance of vague, generalized crap grief advice. Articles that are so broad and empty that you could title them “dealing with the loss of _________”, fill that blank in with just about anything, and have it work. I don’t know why that continues to surprise me – it was the whole reason we started What’s Your Grief – but it does.
The articles I found gave the same advice you might give anyone grieving: don’t avoid the pain, remember you aren’t alone, remember all your great memories . . . blah blah blah. I mean, it isn’t that those things aren’t true; they are. It’s just that, let’s be honest, in the midst of your despair and confusion related to a very specific grief experience, hearing the same old broad, vague advice, again and again, is just frustrating. And finding a post called “How to Get Over Losing a Best Friend That Passed Away”? Well, that just shouldn’t even be allowed because, really? How to get over it? Oh, okay. Sure. Are there 7 easy steps?
Alright, sorry. Rant over.
Anyway, all of this is just to say that this post is not going to be about all the general ways to deal with grief. We have a zillion other posts on coping with grief in a zillion different ways. All types of loss have their unique challenges and this post is going to be about what makes dealing with the loss of a friend uniquely difficult. Ready?
Aristotle described deep friendship saying, “What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies”. Plato reflected deeply and extensively on the nature of friendship and love. Thousands of years later, psychologists are helping us understand why friendship is so important.
We know from a review of 148 studies on friendship that there is a 50% increased likelihood of survival for participants with stronger social relationships. Yup, people with good friends live longer and are healthier! Spending time with friends actually reduces stress in women by increasing their oxytocin levels, friendship has been linked with lower rates of hypertension and heart disease and women with breast cancer who had close friendships were found to live longer than those who did not.
I can throw all this friendship data at you, I can share the CS Lewis quote I love, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art…. it has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival”, but at the end of the day it is something that feels impossible to describe.
Friendship is deep and powerful and amazing, but it is hard to really explain why. If you have a close friend you just know what I mean. No surprise, when a friend dies, like when a family member dies, we don’t “get over it”. We learn to live with it. It may get different, it may get easier, but it is always with us.
What is it about losing a friend that is particularly isolating? Why are there so few articles? Why aren’t more people talking about it?
First, society doesn’t recognize what a big deal friendship is.
You know that your friend is family, that you love them as deeply, maybe even more deeply than your brother or your mom. Plato and Aristotle knew. But society in general? That is another story. Society often values family relationships over friendships. There is a weight given to your relationship with your parents or siblings or grandparents or spouse that comes from the title alone.
Somehow talking about your bestie often doesn’t feel like it carries that same weight. Ironically, your relationship with that friend may have been as, if not more, important. This can feel especially crappy when a friend dies and those around you don’t give you the same support and validation that they would have had it been a family member.
Along with that, your friend’s family may not welcome you or get how close you were.
This isn’t always true, but if you didn’t know your friend’s family members they may not understand the nature or depth of your friendship. This could be because they didn’t know you, your friend didn’t talk with them about you. They might not get it for some of the same reasons society doesn’t.
You may want to connect with them, share memories, and be part of memorial events. Unfortunately, they may not be as welcoming as you imagined. This can make an already impossible time feel even harder. You’re left wanting to scream “I loved her as much as you did!!!!” at them.
It brings up our own mortality.
This one always feels weird or self-involved to talk about it, but it is a fact so let’s all just get over it. When people die it brings up our feelings about our own death. This can be especially true when it is someone who is “like” us and our friends are often “like” us. Research proves it – we are often friends with people who are similar to us in age, health, socio-economic status, education, and who are even genetically similar to us. For real! When they die it is a reminder that we will die and, who knows, it could be soon.
It can change your relationship with other friends.
This is a complicated one because the reasons this can happen are broad. But it is important because when you are grieving it is often the time that you need support the most and, in some cases, it is the very time that support from other friends can feel hardest to come by for many reasons.
Your other friends may not know how to handle your grief, so they distance themselves. Or, you may all be grieving differently and are struggling to support each other. It is also not uncommon to feel a sudden need to distance yourself from your other friends.
No matter what the reason, it is important to think about how you can make efforts to maintain relationships or seek other support, so you don’t fall into unhealthy isolation. A good place to start is assessing your support system.
You think you will never have another friend like them again.
And you know what, this is true. You will never have another friend exactly like the person you lost. Your friendship was as unique as the two of you. But this doesn’t mean you won’t have other wonderful, meaningful friendships.
When we grieve, there is often a pervasive fear of losing that connection to the person we lost. We worry that if we start to feel ‘better’ it means we are forgetting that person or moving on. With friendships, there can be a feeling that, if I let new friends in, I am forgetting or replacing the friend I lost.
Keep in mind, no one is ever going to replace your friend. Ever. You will have new friendships, they will be unique and close and amazing in their own way, but they will never be a replacement for the person who died. That said, opening yourself up to other friendships is a really good, really important thing.
Your friend is who always got you through the tough stuff.
When I think of my best friends, they are the ones I go to when life gets tough: breakups, divorces, financial troubles, school problems and job problems, illnesses, deaths, whatever. When life gets tough your bestie is often your go-to person. So when that person is gone you feel especially alone. You feel desperate, lonely, and devastated and your instinct is to call the one person who is no longer there to support you.
So what can you do?
Well, I am not going to run through all the general grief coping stuff here because you can check out the tons of other posts we have on that – take care of yourself, find ways to continue bonds, figure out your coping style. But I will mention a couple of things to keep in mind.
First and most importantly, when others around you are making you feel like you don’t have the right to grieve the loss of your friend in the way or time that you need, remember that you absolutely deserve the space to grieve. Work probably won’t give you bereavement leave, others may not acknowledge the depth of your relationship, but it is important you remember that you have every right to the grief and devastation you feel.
Something that can help with that is connecting with others who have lost friends. This can be tough because often support groups are for the loss of a spouse, parent or child. Even if it is a general support group, you find it is filled with people who have lost a family member, not a friend.
Look for a local support group on the death of a best friend. Many local hospices and grief centers are willing to place people in groups with individuals with shared experiences. So, talk to your local grief center or hospice and see if they may offer a group that would be a good fit for you.
Music, music, music
Lastly, look at music. I know, this seems like a big shifting of gears. But as I was thinking about friendship and the nature of friendship, it got me thinking about music. Though many parts of society don’t validate and talk about the loss of a friend, musicians seem to be the exception. There are a lot of amazing songs about losing a friend that get at the depth of those relationships and the devastation of the losses.
We have a huge list of songs about the death of a friend here.
We wrote a book!
After writing online articles for What’s Your Grief
for over a decade, we finally wrote a tangible,
real-life book!
What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.
You can find What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss wherever you buy books:
bababhuvaneshus April 14, 2023 at 9:15 am
I love how you simplified such a complicated subject into points that are clear and straightforward.
Anna February 24, 2023 at 10:45 am
Thank you so much for this – there is so little support on this.
My best friend died suddenly in September 2022. We had been best friends for almost 40 years. We met at college in ’84 and saw each other through our first marriages, having children, separation and our many failed romances :). We were always there for each other and often joked that we would always have to be friends because we knew each others secrets. The week before she was taken to hospital we had made a pact to see more of each other as we had got lazy over lockdown and tended to facetime more than actually physically see each other. She was taken to hospital suddenly and was in ICU, but expected to recover. I couldnt visit and waited for updates from her family each day. I am so fortunate in that her family and I are very close and they knew how much we meant to each other so i was very much kept in the loop. But it is very different, the support you get when a family member dies as opposed to a friend. I am lost without her. She was my go-to, my cheerleader, my safe place. And I was hers. I am grieving for myself but also for her – she loved her daughters so much and i know she will be devastated that they have been left without her. I keep worrying that she spent her time in ICU panicking that she was going to leave them and my heart hurts for her.
As you also stated, it can have a strange effect on other friends. I have another best friend that i have had since 16 and i havent heard from her since the day of the funeral = so in essence, I lost two best friends. I cant bring mysefl at this moment in time to reconnect but miss her too.
Sadly two weeks ago, my ex sister in law died suddenly. Although she wasnt officially related any more, we were also friends from age 16 (we are all 54 now), We had our kids together and spent most of our twenties and thirties together
Although on the surface, i appear to be managing, i feel lost. And also feel like no-one really can understand the depth of my grief. I am also experiencing anxiety and thinks its to do with my own mortality. I had a very similar lifestyle/personality to them both and think, if they can go that suddenly, then so can I. Neither of them were ill – both deaths were out of nowhere.
There is no specialised support out there – just generic grief support and although this will help, i dont think the depth and breadth of a friendship is recognised.
I wish all of you on here lots of love, And if it helps, remember, grief is just love with no place to go.
Jay January 31, 2023 at 3:14 pm
Today is January 31,2023. I lost my best friend, my brother, my everything on December 9,2022. I dont know why im posting this. Maybe it will help me feel better in some type of way but I doubt it. My best friend Marc and I have been friends/family for almost 30 years. Him and I moved to LA when we were younger to attend college. We found a place to live , became roommates and continued to be roomies for 26 years until this past December when he passed.
We were on vacation (out of the country ) w/ his parents when he had a tragic accident and he passed away. 5 of us left on vacation but only 4 of us came home. Him and I did everything together from vacations ( as i mentioned ), hung out, went to concerts, dining out, grocery shopping, split the rent and bills and just enjoyed being around each other and our group of friends. My siblings considered him their brother. My aunt considered him her nephew. We were both like-minded in our future, our finances, our political beliefs…etc. He was there for me when I lost my grandparents and my mom. We have been there for each other from the highest of highs and lowest of lows. But no matter what either of us were going through, we knew we had each other to have our back. We talked about every subject from life and death. We always told each other that each of us would want to pass away firs because the pain of living without the other would suck. Now with Marc gone, who is there for me to lean on! To talk to? To just hang out? Our apartment is quiet and lonely without him. I no longer hear his shuffling around. I no longer have my brother to talk to and bounce ideas off of or get his opinion on certain subjects. Every day is a struggle to come home and face the reality that its just me, myself and I. I cry every day. Time doesnt make missing him any easier. I have been going about my day as a “walking zombie” just going through me motions because I still need to work and get a paycheck and have a roof over my head. I dont know how im going to get over him not being around. Not being able to see him smile or laugh when we joked is killing me. He was beneifical to my every day well being. I worried about him and he worried about me. Although he is gone, I still worry about him. Why? IDK WHY? I just want to make sure he’s okay.
Life changed in an instant. I carry this sadness that weighs on me all throughout the day. The loneliness sucks. I still have my other friends and my family but nothing will compare to Marc.
Kim January 31, 2023 at 10:01 am
I lost my best friend of 45 years in car accident September 30th 2022. Devastating for so many reasons. She had addiction issues and I only saw her once in the last 5 years but we spoke every couple of weeks. She lived nearly 500 miles away and I kept hoping for her to get well, engage in the world, meet somebody and fall in love and she was just gone. There was a lot of hurt and things unresolved but I always wanted the best for her. I sought grief counseling which was very helpful. The counselor asked me if my friend ever asked for help to get better or ever said she wanted to get better. She didn’t and it may be realize I was wishing so much for her but she couldn’t want it for herself. She left a sin in college and she was divorced. I miss her everyday.
GL January 19, 2023 at 1:52 am
I do not post on the internet, nor have a presence, and neither did my friend. My friend died quickly of glioblastoma. About 6 months after his diagnosis. A “butterfly glioblastoma” is what they called it I believe.
I still call him an asshole for dying first.
I miss my friend so much. No matter what we did right, or usually wrong, we had each other. From high school, to, well he didn’t make it to 40 by a couple months, but we were there for each other. Across continents, a divorce, and significant weight gain, we were always there for each other.
I call him a selfish turd for dying so young. We had actual plans. As friends, but also our families. I was there when he died. I was grateful to see him pass after so much pain, same as my father(another story). But my friend is still a lizard turd in the desert sun for 6 hours for leaving me.
I accept he died, that I could do nothing but be there for his family, and love him even though he could not respond. But why am I so mad at him for leaving me?!?
He’s just, not here. Can’t text. Can’t call. He’s in the Blue and Green.
Because he is my best friend, my brother, this hurts more than any family member. I include my father that I was exceptionally close to, and watched die of Pancreatic cancer. Hell, I was the last person he saw.
But my best friend was supposed to retire with me. Have grand kids around the same time. NOT DIE.
I’m grateful. Fate happened. Our planned trip had to change to a road trip at the beginning. I’m not religious, but I was blessed with a week long road trip with my best friend. Less than 4 months later hes was given 6 months to live.
Joe is my best friend. Joe may be gone, but Joe IS my best friend. And I’ll cope as best I can.
Ann Reilly November 18, 2022 at 7:40 pm
Hi. Lost friend of 24 years to cancer 9/22/22. Almost 2 months now. Have people friendly with but no friends really. I have some challenges as was
in auto accident and hit head on windshield. I also hurt spine on job and live with chronic pain. It says when I have done enough daily.
I have 3 cats. As I lay here in bed commenting on your shares,they have surrounded me. They are well for the most part. Well fed,watered,
sheltered,hydrated. Since no room mate to split rent, I pay it myself. Get fixed income,qualify for subsidy but landlord won’t accept it.
I have some savings,applied for senior housing,waitlisted. It is a tough time to say the least. What I do and suggest is ground therapy. It is
used with people who are traumatized. Some don’t speak. It is a way of communicating,getting it out,dealing. Art,painting,playing
music like an instrument,singing,moving like tai chi,dancing,writing,journaling are some examples. I think when one is
very close like 2 sides of a coin,making one,you never recover,move on. Instead,they are always with,as are a part of us like
an arm. We wouldn’t want to live without it. I was blessed to have him in my life. We helped each other when we stumbled in life. We
accepted each other completely. He would say to me no one’s perfect. If I said what someone said of me or thought about me,he’d say I don’t
care what anyone thinks about me. Let it,them go he’d say. I’d say why are they this way? Character defects he’d say. Every day he began with
the serenity prayer. He was himself..Also he accepted others without judgement. His mind wasn’t cluttered with nonsense or
resentments. These are some things I try to take away from being with him. It is said that we have no friends but teachers. If that is the case,he
was a great teacher. I hope I was an apt student,learning what needed to to not move but go on despite. God bless you fellow travelers in this
thing called life. Remember we are blessed to have been able to love so completely another. Many never get that! 🙂
called life
Sophie September 20, 2022 at 12:46 pm
I’m twelve years old, and my best friend died yesterday, on her birthday. She had a cardiac arrest in February and has been recovering since. Or, at least we thought. She was more Ill than any of us knew, and was waiting for a heart transplant. Sadly, there was nothing available, and last night she collapsed, it happened again, and this time she could not be resuscitated. I didn’t know what to do, i felt, still feel flat. So I looked online and came across this sight. Honestly, this helped a little more than I was expecting, so thank you.
Patricia Cole October 27, 2022 at 10:50 am
Hi Sophie,
I would first like to start by saying my heart goes out to you in the loss of your best friend. The unexpected loss of a friend at such a young age is incredibly difficult and I hope our page has brought you some support and comfort. This is most likely a confusing and overwhelming time for you and please know that our team and page is always here to offer a safe space and support. I have included a few links below to other posts and resources that I hope will provide more support.
30 Quotes About the Loss of a Friend
Five Tips for Living With a Grief Monster
Warmly,
Patricia
Jonathan November 1, 2022 at 6:43 am
Hi Sophie and everyone searching trying to understand if there thoughts and emotions are proper in a time of loss i just want to say to you all and especially to you Sophie, I lost my best friend of 14 years when I was 18 , im now 31 and ill be honest with you it does get better although the pain and memories never fade and always remain , I personally struggled a few years after thinking I could replace or find someone like thenkne I lossed and I was so wrong , this pain you feel is perfectly normal and what makes you the loving caring person you are, my advice is reach out talk to someone you know or ask someone you know to accompany you while you talk to a grief counselor , I personally went through many of years of struggles and still do but knowing your never alone because in a time of such feelings thats when your friend that passed is with you watching over you , go to a place you and your friend used to hang out often or a place of one of your fondest memories with such friend , close your eyes and speak your thoughts to your friend you’ve lossed , at this time its not about religions or feelings you’ve been told you should feel its just about you letting your dear friend you lossed whatevers on your mind and how much there in your thoughts . Always remember there’s no wrong way or any time limit to grieve, the best way of keeping your friend with you always is yourself talking about how much the amazing person that was such a important person In your life was there for you and the good times you shared , reflect any pain on thoughts of how the person that recently passed was there for you always , and be there to others you cross paths in life with , and never forget sharing your stories In your time of hurt will always keep that bright star you dearly missed with you as well as your story will help others like it did myself tonight , stand tall keep that chin up high ,be there for friends and family like your best friend was for you , and most importantly every year go to that place you shared a memory you’ll never forget with the treasured friend that’s passed recently and speak , it may take a few talks but if you believe and keep that loved ones memory going you will see a sign one day there watching over you, when the day comes it will scare the crap out of you at first! But a day or two later you’ll feel the warmth in your heart knowing no matter what comes next in this life that persons with you watching over you today and you will see them again
Amanda August 18, 2022 at 11:53 am
My best friend was hit by a truck at 26 years old 2 weeks ago. We were friends for 5 years. I know it doesn’t seem like a long time, but I’d call him all the time. And we’d sing karaoke and dance and listen to music together. He’d make me laugh out loud and when I felt shit about myself, he’d spin it around and make me feel awesome. He had so much energy and it just doesn’t feel right that the world is moving on without him. I don’t want to do this life without him. I thought we were gonna see this world together. Everyone keeps saying I have to live on for him, but it just feels stupid. He was supposed to do that himself.
Litsa February 7, 2023 at 9:59 am
Amanda, I am so sorry and I am sure these months have been so incredibly hard without him. I know if can feel impossible to live in a world where that person is missing, just as I am sure it is hard to believe that you had years of your life before him. In the earliest days of loss it is hard to feel like there will ever be any other feeling other than the deepest and most painful grief. Please know that, though the loss will always be with you, with time you will learn to hold and carry it differently. If you are struggling to find purpose and an ability to move forward, please know there is always help. You can call 988 at any time if you are thinking of hurting yourself to be connected with support in your area. You can also always contact a grief counselor in your area – often you local hospice will have counselors or can direct you to grief therapists in your area.
Kate A July 30, 2022 at 3:54 pm
I lost my best friend 4 weeks ago to cancer. It was very sudden though and not expected so I feel so sad I never got to say goodbye or just see her one last time. She was my best friend for 11 years and she was just 35 years old. She was the sister I never had and I honestly feel broken. Ours kids are the same age and it just breaks me knowing her child won’t remember her or will grow up without a mum.
I’m so scared that this sadness won’t go away and to be honest since the day she passed I’m not the same. My family don’t get how I feel and know I’m sad but think they just assume that as time goes ok I should be ok. But I’m not and don’t know how to feel normal again.
Poppy kats July 22, 2022 at 5:07 am
I lost my bestie 5 months ago to breast cancer. I lost the person who I shared my deepest thoughts and fears with. I have no desire to be around people and socialising, but I have to! I mask my feelings, drinking a bit of alcohol to get me through social settings. I just want to stay home, but I know I can’t do that! My friends family have adopted me as their own, which I’m grateful for, but when I’m around them, I miss her even more. I’m angry that this disease ripped us apart. She was only 47!! Miss her every single day! 😢
Kate A July 30, 2022 at 3:58 pm
Aw Poppy I feel for you. I’m week 4 into losing my bestie from the same and like is just awful.
I’ve been around her husband lots and seen her family but it hurts more after. I know they need me and I need them but it would be easier to stay distanced a bit.
Hope you are doing ok. I feel broken but knowing a few of us are in the same situation helps a little. Sending strength x
Judy R September 10, 2022 at 4:50 pm
I lost my best friend March 18th of this year. We were friends for over 50 years. I could tell her anything and she could do the same. We didn’t even live in the same town anymore, but she was so important to me and we talked almost every day. She was 63 when she died, way too young. I just feel so angry and just mad at everybody. I’ve always thought of myself as being a really sweet person. But my daughter told me this morning that I was being hateful to her and my other family members. And they wanted to know why? I didn’t even realize it was coming out. Now I’m so ashamed I just want to hide in my house and not see anybody 😢
Litsa September 12, 2022 at 2:27 pm
Please don’t feel ashamed – it is normal to feel anger in grief – angry she’s gone or angry at God/the universe or angry that it isn’t fair and sometimes that anger gets displaced, unfortunately. Simply being honest and apologizing will allow others to understand more of what you’re going through. They love and care about you and often are just confused, but can actually be more supportive once they understand
GBaby July 9, 2022 at 11:19 am
Its true, all of it. I lost my friend of 20 years, 5 years ago. I miss her everyday. I dont think my family and those around me understand how much. She had no children but not from a lack of trying. I had 4 and she loved them and they loved her. I’d always say to her, that once all my babies were grown , We’d live like we were 20 again. Now, my kids are grown and well she isnt here. I never imagined getting old without her and that reality its tremendously hard. I feel stuck with no effort of making more meaningful relationships. I have family and they are great but a BF thats a relationship sent from the Gods and that connection I miss so much.
Lee July 12, 2022 at 2:39 am
“Now, my kids are grown and well she isnt here. I never imagined getting old without her and that reality its tremendously hard. I feel stuck with no effort of making more meaningful relationships. I have family and they are great but a BF thats a relationship sent from the Gods and that connection I miss so much.“
I feel this deeply and am so glad you found words for it. Thank you. I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what else to say aside from the fact that I. Understand. ❤️
Cheri November 19, 2022 at 6:07 pm
Hello I feel like I can relate with you alot of situations you talk about. Is there away you can get back with me so we can cha
A June 24, 2022 at 2:53 am
I am so thankful for this site, and have been spending a lot of time here reading the articles and comments.
This piece is especially important to me. There are many grief articles about losing spouses, parents, children. Extremely traumatizing events that i could never comprehend. I have been feeling lost in the grief spectrum. Or whatever you want to call it. I am caught in the fog of losing my best friend. Tomorrow will be 2 months.
It wasn’t just an ordinary friendship, or kindred spirits. He had 21 years on me; he was a man, I am a woman. It was not simply platonic; we were intimate. But there was so much more than that. We could do just about anything together. There was so much fun and laughter. We loved to cook together. Enjoyed a lot of the same music. He introduced me to music I hadn’t heard too. He would teach me random Spanish. We liked little spontaneous road trips. Planned some trips and events that will never happen.
I knew, or thought that our life paths would ultimately diverge and one day we would no longer be together. For instance, if one of us found a steady significant other. I even, as we got closer (we had been acquainted for less than 5 years) started to feel a slight heartbreak when he would leave me….ironically, it was like a type of pre-grieving. But nowhere near the pain I feel now. I could accept him finding a serious partner. But not the finality of death and losing him forever…….
Many times, these days, he’s the only person I want to talk to, and he’s absolutely not there. It’s so disappointing when that permanent reality hits.
There were many people I met through him; friends or work clients that were closer to his age, and his kids, and I met 2 out of his 4 siblings. But he was the link to all of that. Once he disappeared, there really hasn’t been a reason to stay in touch with most of these people. Some of them understood that we were close (and my parents eventually realized that also), and checked in on me sometimes. But I don’t think anybody truly understood how close we were, how important he was to me, how much we had been together. Sometimes all I want to do is talk about him and remember him. But there’s nobody I can do that with. I am all alone in my grief. It’s a strange place to be. I feel hollow, and lost a lot of the time.
Tracy Fillip June 30, 2022 at 1:22 pm
Thank you so much for this article recognizing the impact of losing a best friend. I lost my best friend six years ago and still struggle at times when I need her advice or to just to talk through some feelings. No one new me like she did and she always provided the best counsel. I feel like I lost a part of myself. Thanks again.
Trinity February 26, 2023 at 11:59 pm
I get this complex layered grief. I lost one of my best friends but before we were that, we were a couple. It’s hard to find a grief niche that fully fits and gets the best friend loss and the more intimate layer too. This is one of the hardest griefs I’ve ever had to navigate and though we were friends for years at the end away from the romance, I miss him and I miss all of those memories from before too.
lili May 16, 2022 at 4:19 am
It is approaching the one year anniversary of my best friend’s death. She was only 17 and had so many more years ahead of her. We were best friends since we met, for six years and then one day I get a phone call saying that my best friend has taken her own life. At the funeral, I was only an after thought and no one could fathom that I was a million times closer to her than she ever was to her family. My school teacher would always say that he was thinking about her family. But what about me? I had to sit in every class with an empty seat next to me, a hole in my heart every minute of every day, and constantly missing that one person who truly understood me and loved me for who I was. I felt utterly heartbroken, and I still do. I thought this pain would go away, but its the same. I’ve become a different person but all the new people I meet never will know that, they’ll never know what I was like when I had her in my life. Every single day I think about her, and it feels like only yesterday that I lost her. I can’t talk about her. It hurts too much and I can’t get out a single word without crying. My new friends don’t even know her name. They didn’t even get a chance to know about the best person that ever existed in my life. She meant everything to me. I only wish she told me her feelings, or a least said goodbye.
Alyssa April 16, 2022 at 4:30 pm
I have an interesting issue i am struggling with, that is two fold…over the past 12-13 years I have been passively searching for an old friend. I looked for her on social media, white pages, even used a paid service and came up empty as the phone numbers were all out of service that i was given. I even looked online for obituaries and found nothing. One day I was out with a friend who is a lawyer and her private investigator was with her, I casually asked him if he could find someone for me and how much it would cost. He told me I can do it for free and it would only take me 20-30 minutes. Ok cool maybe now I can find my friend…he did find her…she passed away in June of 2002…I was floored..so the next day I looked my hometown news paper for her obituary and I indeed found it…since she passed in 2002 it was not in the computer…..so there is that grief…the ps to this is that..the more I looked at her obituary…a memory slowly came back…i did see it back in 2002…I was at work and recall being outside in the break area…looked down and there was the newspaper..and saw her picture and then saw it was her obituary. I recall now being distressed about it and in disbelief…but i don’t recall talking to anyone about it or anything just that I was in shock as she was only 36 years old. Now I am racking my brain trying to understand how i could have completely forgotten that my friend passed away and that i forgot it so much that I asked a private investigator to help me find her…since then my parents both died within 10 months of each other in 2009/2010 and went through a divorce in that same time frame so I am wondering if that trauma caused me to push away the memory of my friend passing..i dont know so now I am grieving about her and at the same time trying to understand how I could have forgotten. Had I not found the obituary then I firmly believe I still would not have remembered that i did see her obituary back when she did die in 2002.
Litsa April 19, 2022 at 6:43 am
Memory is a very tricky thing and our brains will absolutely block out certain distressing memories. I would not beat yourself up about this – our brains are complicated. It may well be that it was simply something you couldn’t take in and process at the time. Ironically, sometimes people worry when this happens that it means they didn’t care enough when sometimes it is that they cared so much that they pushed the memory away because it was so much to cope with.
Quinn June 1, 2022 at 3:40 pm
My best friend died over the weekend of May 21-22. We met 16 yes ago, but became close the past 8 yrs. We hung out nearly every week, with friends or just the 2 of us. During the pandemic it was online mostly since our parents are seniors.
But I checked up on him, always asked how his week was, listened to his amazing story concepts, and supported him while he was dealing with addiction and coming out. I offered as much encouragement and support as possible.
He was there for me during becoming disabled and my father’s funeral. We gamed, laughed, watched movies, and hiked (before I became disabled). He was an amazing friend. I have such a hard time trusting anyone and it felt amazing, comfortable, and uplifting to be around him. He gave me the most valuable gifts: time, acceptance, and friendship. It’s only been a week and miss him terribly, but also it still doesn’t feel real. Crying or numb… I’m so forgetful and either time is moving too quickly or I’m too slow. My chest is torn open. The pain feels impossible to survive. It’s difficult to talk to anyone without tuning out or crying. Some depressed part of me hopes the grief kills me because I can’t imagine a world without his kindred spirit. Doing what I can to make sure he will always be remembered and not forgotten. The cosmos is empty without him.
James April 11, 2022 at 5:07 pm
Oh man, here’s what I needed. I lost my best friend (let’s call him Patrick) in an incredibly stupid accident in October. We’d known each other since we were six (we were both 31 when he died) and he was the true definition of “not blood but a brother”. Patrick was a brilliant engineer who was curious about nearly everything with this great dry sense of humour. He loved video game LAN parties, good whisky, watching and playing Canadian football, and more than anything but one thing skiing, that one thing being the amazing woman he was engaged to.
We were completely compatible and comfortable doing anything and everything around each other. I’ve struggled a lot with depression during my life and he was nothing but understanding and kind to me when I’ve occasionally leaned on him. We’d text on and off each day and during the pandemic lockdowns we almost always had an hourlong chat every Friday evening, which was nice as I’m single and live alone. We at least got over our repressed Canadian socializing near the end and started saying “I love you” to each other once in a while, which I’m really grateful for now.
I suppose I’m over the acute stage of grief as I’m not crying my eyes out first thing in the morning or obliterating myself with booze every other night (I’ve quit for the time being). I’ve grieved the good times Patrick and I won’t have together and treasure all the hilarious and fun memories of him. But what I can’t get over is that he brought out the little kid in me and it feels like that kid died with him. Now my heart just aches constantly and everything feels heavy and scary and joyless.
A June 22, 2022 at 8:34 pm
That’s heartbreaking. True good friends are really hard to find. It’s sweet that you were able to share your true emotions before he passed. I can totally understand how valuable that expression of love is. It was similar with me and my friend who passed 2 months ago. We were awkward about expressing it with the “L word”, but in the last several months, like maybe half a year, we did start saying it. Sometimes in a joking way. But the last time I talked to him on the phone, I firmly expressed “I love you,” and even though I was worried and sad at the time, I am so glad I did.
James February 2, 2023 at 4:47 pm
Thanks A, I hope you’re doing better too. I am a bit, but I really haven’t had a lot of fun since then and I may never really again. I have other good friends but nothing like that very old bond. It also helps that I became friends with his fiancee before his death (not in a romantic sense at all – we aren’t each others type) and we remember him together.
Google had fun with me last week – it pulled up a picture someone took of me, Patrick, and a bunch of friends of ours from high school from the last annual ski trip we took together before the pandemic. I look like a completely different person. 15 pounds lighter, barely any grey hair, huge smile. I wonder if I’m ever going to be fit and happy the way I used to be.
Sunny March 30, 2022 at 12:10 am
I lost my best friend 3 yrs ago. We had been friend since 10 yrs old. It is so true that you are not really included because you are not family! I was very hurt that no one checked on me or even cared after she passed. It broke my heart even more!
I can’t get over , I have tried therapy, meds, & just trying to go on.
No one wants to hear. I was with her the last 2 yrs of her cancer if she was in hospital every night. No thank you from the family! They did not respect her wishes that she had told several. I guess the money was more important!
We loved each other dearly, I helped make her will and knew exactly what she wanted after passing.
I thought it would get better, it has not, I have no one left, we knew everything about each other and our families. I am left with no one to talk to every night. and no one really wants to hear my loneliness without her. And don’t understand!
What do I do , I’ve tried but now am a different person because I hurt so bad and can get no relief. Life is nothing without her in it. If it was not for my sister, who has to have caregiving. I don’t think I would be here! Very little joy or anything in my life anymore.
Thank you for letting me express my feelings .
Sally hart March 27, 2022 at 2:31 am
RIP my best friend Brad passed away August 12th 2021 unexpectedly I miss my Best friend /Boyfriend we were not exactly a couple more so Best friends but the connection we had was so wonderful We knew everything about each other and never had fights I loved him so much I just feel so empty inside without him and no one gets it I don’t think we ever truly get over it as they say I think about him every hour of every day he meant so much to me ..my life will never be the same without him. I use to be scared of death and dying now I think to myself If I knew I could see him again I would die in a heart beat …There is so much on my mind that I just can’t let go of the fact that his death was most likely preventable…I feel that the hospital killed him and there is nothing I can do to dig deeper on the matter because I’m not his immediate family …I feel like they are getting away with murder and it’s a very unsettling feeling ..not to mention he did not have a will he was 54 years old ..so his family cremated him which I don’t think he wanted .. he was also a vetran who did not get his gun salute or anything for that matter his family did not even have a service for him ..that breaks my heart there was no closure in anyway for anyone but I went ahead and made a eulogy for him and tried to have a celebration of life in which no one really came to …I went to visit him in hospital the night before his passing and they made me feel like he was ok and going to pull through only to get a call from his daughter the next morning to tell me of his passing I was at work and the news was deviating I walked around talking to myself I think In complete shock and disbelief I could not focus I had to leave work ..That was the worst day of my life I never even got to tell him goodbye and tell him how much I loved him although I think he knew I just feel like the worst person . He died alone in the hospital it was not his time I miss him more then words can describe …I’m sorry to everyone out there who has these feelings of grief I would not wish my worst enemy to feel this way …My heart is forever broken all i can do is take it day by day …
Sue June 5, 2022 at 9:16 am
I feel your pain and grieve with you Sally. I lost my best friend (first love) almost two years ago and although I am happily married, I am still overwhelmed with grief at times. I wasn’t invited to the funeral but I do visit his grave now and then. I wish I believed in a life after death but I don’t. He is gone forever and I must accept that. One day I will be gone forever too but until the day I die, I know he will forever remain in me as a memory and I this brings me some comfort. Treasure your memories. Learn to feel comforted by those memories. Hopefully one day we will both find peace.
J January 30, 2022 at 3:35 am
My friend died. I drank until I couldn’t feel anymore, until I couldn’t make a coherent sentence. When I “came to”, the emptiness was still there. I cycle between sobbing about them being gone and laughing/crying replaying all the moments we had.
Kevin January 19, 2022 at 4:15 am
My best friend and roommate died unexpectedly a week ago today. He went to visit his mom and just never cane home. I am completely heartbroken and devastated and don’t know how to start picking up the pieces. He was the one person I could trust with anything about me and i know he felt the same. Our lives were so interconnected that everything seems impossibly hard to do without him. Even just having dinner and him not being here. I’m just so lost without him and don’t have any other friends to go to for support. I feel completely empty inside.
Beverly January 30, 2022 at 12:39 pm
This happened to me, too. Kind of backwards. My best friend/roommate passed away super unexpectedly in his room (heart failure due to COVID) while I was away visiting another friend to help her through a hard time she was going through. He passed away on Christmas Eve 2021 and with all the things going on with flights, I was barely able to make it home in time for his funeral.
It’s all so surreal. It’s like when I left and came back, I stepped into another reality where he doesn’t exist anymore, just his memories and his stuff. And his stuff is… Everywhere, and his family is asking me to leave it as it is until they are ready to go through it, but it’s really holding me down in a way that is making it really difficult for me to process. It’s like he just stepped out for a while and he will be back.
But he never comes back.
And I really don’t know how to grieve at all.
Aleg May 2, 2022 at 8:57 pm
I am devastated. I lost my best girlfriend a week ago to a liver cancer. She got married with the best friend of my former husband, we were very young then. We also traveled together a lot. She had a son and I am childless so I loved her son. her house was like home for me. She was in fact like a sister to me. Yesterday I had a dream where I was calling her with no answer. I am so so sad…..It´s nice that I can write this. English is not my mother tongue.
Charity January 11, 2022 at 3:57 am
My bestfriend is currently on life support, but the only thing still alive is his body. He has no brainwaves and hasn’t for a few days now. I don’t even know what to think or feel- I mean I’m an only child, yet this person has been my brother for 8 consecutive years. Where am I suppose to go after this?
Heather February 6, 2022 at 7:06 pm
My best friend of 23 years passed away yesterday. She succumbed to her mental illness and committed suicide. I am completely lost and shattered. When i say she was my best friend…she was really my heart and soul, my rock, my everything…idk how im gonna do it without her…cuz i honestly never have.
Heather April 9, 2022 at 7:50 pm
My best friend of 8 years is passed away. He was on life support as well before his passing. I truly feel hurt reading your comment, because it relates to my situation.
It’s been almost 2 years now. It hurts. If the worst happens, do whatever you can to keep their memory alive. Let yourself feel whatever it is in the moment & it’s ok to cry A LOT. I have pictures, items of his the family allowed me to keep, all over my home. It helps to talk about him too, even though it also hurts.
I hope you can find healing.
Nick December 31, 2021 at 11:48 pm
14 years ago my Best friend passed away. It was so unexpected! I seen him just the day before. He went into the hospital for a spider bit and they sent him home. Shortly after he fell into a diabetic coma (he didn’t know he was diabetic). I couldn’t force myself to visit him in the hospital. I felt destroyed on the inside. This man saved my child from Drowning. He was always there for me and family. For some reason I couldn’t be there for him when he needed the most. I’ve lost all willing of life. The guilt one can hold is Darkening. I lost all Self-esteem knowing what I have done. I feel like I deserve nothing in life an I’m left here to suffer. I don’t think I’d ever commit suicide but I have zero fear of death. I do stupid things without worry. Everyday I put a smile on to deal with Daily life. But once I’m alone it’s sets in again. I feel I’ve lost the Ability to love and avoid friendship like the plague. If you ever have that deep friendship in life. Do whatever it takes to be there know Matter how big or small. You will lose a huge part of you if not.
Litsa January 23, 2022 at 10:10 pm
Nick, I am so sorry for your loss and the immense pain and guilt you have lived with. Please know that when someone dies, it is natural for us to focus on our regrets about the things we did or didn’t do at the end. We feel like that defined the relationship, when it did not. What defined the relationship is the thousands of moments the two of you had before the end. I’d ask you to stop for a moment and imagine if the situation had been reversed and, after your wonderful friendship, it had been you in the hospital and he had not been able to come in because the emotions had just been too overwhelming. Imagine that he was living with the guilt, darkness, and self-blame that you are living with. What would you tell him? Though I don’t know you and I don’t know him, I imagine you would tell him that you knew how much he loved and cared about your from all the moments of friendship you had shared and that not being there in the end did not change any of that. I imagine you might tell him that because your friendship was so good and important, that you understood why that made it even harder and more emotional to face seeing him in the hospital. And I imagine if he could tell you something today, it would be something similar. We all do things we regret in life. What becomes important is whether we let that regret or guilt keep us stuck, or do we let is push us forward and do something with it. I think you may find it helpful to check out these two posts of self-forgiveness and making a “living amends”
https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-and-forgiveness-part-two-12-tips-for-self-forgiveness/
https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-grief-living-amends/
And I know you said you don’t think you would ever hurt yourself, but just in case, please know that there is always hope and always support. You can reach someone by phone or do an online chat at this suicide helpline 24/7 -https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or call 1-800-273-8255
Ana January 31, 2022 at 12:43 pm
I am deeply sorry to hear about your loss, Nick. I lost my best friend almost 4 years ago and I guess I understand the kind of guilt you feel because I have a lot of regrets too. My friend died unexpected in a car accident, so I never had the chance to go to the hospital. But I am sure I could have been a best friend the last month she was alive. I remember the last time we meet (I was a bit rude because she asked me for a favor I didn`t want to do), I remember our last text message (she asked for more attention and I replied I missed her, but I couldn`t meet her that week because I had so much work to do). Beyond all the emptiness and sadness, I realized one of the most difficult things about grief is that we have to learn to live with ourselves without the chance to say sorry or to beg our friends to forgive us. But Litsa is totally right when she says we tend to focus on the bad things. It`s like what happened in the end were the only things that really count… But that`s not true. You only feel guilty because you loved your best friend so much and that`s what defines your relationship. The fact that you couldn`t go to the hospital doesn`t change all the things you did for each other, it doesn`t erase all the love you felt nor all the things you said and did together. That little moment is nothing compared to everything else. Despite that, I don`t feel comfortable telling you not to feel guilty, because I know, for experience, it`s something that doesn`t go away easily, not matter how hard we try. But I truly hope you learn to live with it and that you realize one mistake doesn`t change who you are and the type of friend you were during all your friend`s life. All the best for you!
Ana January 31, 2022 at 12:52 pm
I am deeply sorry to hear about your loss, Nick. I lost my best friend almost 4 years ago and I guess I understand the kind of guilt you feel because I have a lot of regrets too. My friend died unexpectedly in a car accident, so I never had the chance to go to the hospital. But I am sure I could have been a better friend the last month she was alive. I remember the last time we met (I was a little bit rude because she asked me for a favor I didn`t want to do), I remember our last text message (she asked for more attention and I replied I missed her, but I couldn`t meet her that week because I had so much work to do). Beyond all the emptiness and sadness, I realized one of the most difficult things about grief is that we have to learn how to live with ourselves without the chance to say sorry or to beg our friends for forgiveness. But Litsa is totally right when she says we tend to focus on the bad things. It`s like what happened in the end were the only things that really count… But that`s not true. You only feel guilty because you loved your best friend so much and that`s what defines your relationship. The fact that you couldn`t go to the hospital doesn`t change all the things you did for each other, it doesn`t erase all the love you felt nor all the things you said and did together. That little moment is nothing compared to everything else. Despite that, I don`t feel comfortable telling you not to feel guilty, because I know, for experience, it`s something that doesn`t go away easily, no matter how hard we try. But I truly hope you learn to live with it and that you realize one mistake doesn`t change who you are nor the type of friend you were during all your friend`s life. All the best for you!
Barbara December 27, 2021 at 11:36 pm
I think the reason friendships are not considered ‘important’ is that these days, whoever you’re with at the moment is your best friend forever.
To me yes, I had (I just broke it off) a BEST friend (on my side anyway), then I have good friends, etc.
Relationships are so transitive that even ‘friend’ is tossed around just as casually as ‘Love’. :Shes so much fun. I just loved her!” (Although I dont even know her last name).
Anyway, that’s my 2 cents.
Ana February 1, 2022 at 11:41 am
Barbara, we can tell by all the testimonials that each person here had really deep friendships. Please, if you just broke off a friendship, don`t post comments on a topic called “when a best friend dies”, because you certainly don`t understand the type of pain we are talking about. I find it really disrespectful when people seem to compare this kind of stuff to death.
Litsa February 1, 2022 at 5:34 pm
Ana and Barbara – We are big believers that death and nondeath losses of friendships are both deep forms of grief, sharing some similarities and many differences. In the last 5 years I have experienced the deaths of two good friends along with the loss of my oldest and best friend to estrangement. It is impossible to do the pain of either loss justice with words. Just as those who have only lost a friend through estrangement may not know the pain of a death loss, those who have lost a deep friendship only to death may not know the pain of estrangement loss, which has different challenges because of it’s nature as an ongoing relational stress loss. Comparing the two doesn’t get anyone anywhere, as they are simply different experiences. We share much on this site about ambiguous loss (grieving someone who is still alive) because of it’s unique complexities. These articles are a good place to start:
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ambiguous-grief-grieving-someone-who-is-still-alive/
https://whatsyourgrief.com/ambiguous-grief-part-2/
And this one is specifically about friend “break ups”/estrangements:
https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-happened-to-best-friends-forever-grieving-the-loss-of-a-living-friend/
Ana February 2, 2022 at 9:39 am
I am sorry If I were rude. I didn’t intend tO say losing a friendship for other reasons than death doesn’t cause pain and suffering. I understand that there is no point on comparing this kind of stuff. Despite that, when people come to this topic talking about other type of losses, It hurts. It feels like these people do not respect bestfriend’s grief, which it’s the whole point of the article. So, in my opinion, this people should post their comments on other places.
D November 7, 2021 at 8:31 am
My friend died a week ago today. It was unexpected and everything happened so fast that I could not get a flight up to the service. I guess that only adds to my guilt of all the usual regrets when dealing with loss. I’m not sure I would been any help to anyone because I’ve never been good at handling death. He could. He’s the one I’d talk to about it. I still want to contact him to find out what is going on and then I remember. Friends for 35 years. The only person I could talk to about anything without censoring the conversation. Not sure how to get over this one.
J December 13, 2021 at 6:18 am
Know your friend would not wish this terrible feeling upon you. Guilt is a terrible burden to carry with a loss of someone close.
Please understand these feelings will take time to reach some healing but your friend loved you and wishes you the best on the rest of your journey
You may not see them feel them or hear them but they are around in things you do and in memories you made. Please try to smile knowing you had a friend like them.
Roger Lynn Chaffee September 22, 2021 at 9:13 pm
It’s really painful right now cause my dad died last year than my mom this year and now my beautiful wife Tina Lynn Chaffee is dying from cancer and she won’t even talk to me about anything it’s like it’s my fault or something I’m so lost with ou
Marcelle November 30, 2021 at 8:55 am
I am so sorry for your pain
Please email me I would love to listen
Marcelle
Jamey January 17, 2022 at 10:42 am
Roger – I was looking for answers on how to deal with my own grief. Hope you are doing ok.
Lisa August 22, 2021 at 10:51 am
My best friend died 12 years ago. The grief is not as raw as it was: for a long time, it felt like I had a raw, gaping hole in my chest that no one else could see but me. It physically hurt at times. I didn’t know a person could cry so many tears. The first months were the hardest: things in my life were happening that I couldn’t share with her. It felt like I was on a boat in a river, and she was standing on the bank. The current was taking me further away from her, and I could no longer share my life with her.
I still miss her. It’s still hard to talk to others about it. Twelve years and I still cry. I don’t have any other friendships that are so close, and I don’t know that I ever will. But I’m glad she was in my life for those years.
I have a group of mutual friends and we still get together to see each other every couple of months. Part of the intense grief I went through at first was the thought of losing these people also, because we all kept in touch through my friend. I decided that wasn’t going to happen, so I round them up every so often and we really enjoy seeing each other.
But losing a close friend, like the article above states, is different. You don’t get your name in the obit, you aren’t mentioned in the eulogy, you aren’t sitting on the front row. You aren’t acknowledged in any way. I saw her family members on the front row at the funeral, who had never visited her, sent a card or picked up a phone, who lived not even five miles away, and I wanted to scream at them. I slept on the floor next to her hospital bed for the last few months of her illness. I was with her when she drew her last breath. I was the person who kissed her forehead and told her I loved her and thanked her for being my friend. It still hurts so much.
Julie October 17, 2021 at 9:48 pm
Lisa,
Reading your words was like hearing some of my own thoughts. I lost my best friend 2 years ago in February. I had the privilege of sharing life with her for 37 years.we met in 3rd grade and other than a couple of years of her living out of state, we were inseparable. We had a sleep over just about every month. And I was by her side when she took her last breath. I am thankful for every single moment I had with her. Even the hard times. But I am also thankful she is not in pain any more.
Thank you for your honesty and sharing your grief, and your friend.
Dave v December 6, 2021 at 12:56 pm
I lost my best friend of 50 years last Nov. From cancer he was like my brother I took care of him the last few months of his life. U will never totally get over it l understand that nor will I find a best friend like him but I think of good times we had from grade school all thru the years and if there is a heaven I know I will c him again
Heather January 22, 2022 at 3:03 am
Thank you for sharing this.
One of my best friends died 2 weeks ago. We were friends for 26 years. Your words describe it so well. Like I am walking around with a huge hole in my chest that surely other people can see…
I am grateful she was in my life for so long. And I am thankful for every minute.
I have a lot of art she made, and gifts & photos… and I am fortunate that her family is including me in the planning for her memorial.
The greatest gift she left me however was the way she was always there for me. She attended several events with me as a support over the years, where I felt like I didn’t fit in and wasn’t welcome. One time she even drove 10 hours to get to me because I was in a city far away. These things made it undeniable how much she loved me… and my heart just aches.
How lucky I was to have such an amazing friend… and how hard to imagine my life going forward without her.
It feels good to hear others speak of this.
I miss her so much I ache. I am glad her pain is over. But do I ever miss her.
Chelsea Kipper February 22, 2022 at 12:14 pm
Lisa, if you happen to read this, I would love to have someone to talk to. My best friend has stage 4 cancer, and I’m feeling many of the things you mentioned… please email me if you feel like it… [email removed for privacy – contact site admin]
Priscilla August 22, 2021 at 9:01 am
So many on this site have lost a best friend of the opposite sex. I have had a really hard time getting ANY support because of this fact. People assume things about the relationship, don’t understand how I could have a male soul mate and yet be married. How losing this person blew my world into pieces but left the day to day grind of my life intact but empty. I finally found something that helped me so I thought I would share. Do some googling of “soul mate vs life partner”. It helped me clarify things so much. For those of you who find yourself in the same place it might help you too.
Rollina Joint August 13, 2021 at 3:00 pm
It has been almost a year. Karen leaves such a
footprint. And yeah, I think of you always. I am quite sure that will remain so. I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!
With that said, I received a letter from Karen. It was at least four months after her passing. HOW?
Her sister found that in her effects. Forwarded to me.
Today I share two sentences she wrote.
“Help me to be kind,soft-spoken and sensitive and really listen to those I encounter today so I
will know their needs and pray I will respond in a helpful way. Let my words be few. “
😢💭👌✌️
Anon July 31, 2021 at 7:51 am
lost my bestfriend 3 weeks ago, she was my next door neighbor, my ride or die, and we did everything together. It’s so fucked up and surreal. She was only 15- I hate how the world moved on without her, hate how the people she knew seemed to go on with their lives . It made me realize how little our lives matter in the big picture.- But even so, i feel like that’s what makes life so worth living. -no ones going to care in the long run so being able to make the most of life and experience people and everything should be the whole point of life right? But honestly, that’s the optimistic part of me saying that, it hurts so fkn much but taking time to talk to close friends and family helped a ton. I hope to whoever is seeing this that’s lost someone knows that you’ll get through the tough part eventually. You’ll miss them a ton and go crazy thinking about them, but just take care of yourselves before anything. Live life to the max and and tell the people you love that you appreciate them. You’re so strong and I’m sorry for your loss. Hope everyone knows that they’re not alone.
Daii July 28, 2021 at 12:42 pm
Sorry for your loss. I lost my friend 2 months back to COVID. We met when we were 9yrs old. She was 41 when she died. Am still grieving, almost had a mental breakdown. I have sisters but she was also like a sister to me. We were so close even though she got married but no kids. We talked weekly, had get-together almost every months. We was my guide, my guarding angel , always solving my problems. Now I don’t know how to cope with the loss as I miss her everyday and everything reminds me of her.
MC July 4, 2021 at 6:12 pm
I lost my best friend 12 years ago. I actually found her which was traumatic. We met at school when we were about 7 years old. She was 42 when she died. We would talk every day and meet up at least a couple of times a week. We were always there for each other no matter what. We knew each other inside out. I have never gotten over it and still find it hard not having her in my life. Even though I have sisters, I trusted her more than anyone. She was kind, considerate, thoughtful, just a really beautiful person etc and the best friend anyone could ever wish for. I feel truly grateful that she chose me to be her best friend. No matter who I have made friends with since or friends I already had no one comes close. I have a constant void and think of her every day. Some days/ weeks are better than others. I always wondered what I’d ever do without her but didn’t realise the extent of the grief I would feel all these years later. People say time is a great healer but in some cases it isn’t.
Ana July 6, 2021 at 9:00 pm
I am so sorry for your loss, MC. I lost my best friend three years ago. She was 32 when she died and we had been friends for more than 20 years. I am pretty sure time will never heal this pain. I feel a constant void in my life too and I think of her every single day. Don`t get it wrong but it`s actually a relief finding someone who truly understands that this is not something that goes away with time.
Daii July 28, 2021 at 12:28 pm
Sorry for your loss. I lost my friend 2 months back to COVID. We met when we were 9yrs old. She was 41 when she died. Am still grieving, almost had a mental breakdown. I have sisters but she was also like a sister to me. We were so close even though she got married but no kids. We talked weekly, had get-together almost every months. We was my guide, my guarding angel , always solving my problems. Now I don’t know how to cope with the loss as I miss her everyday and everything reminds me of her.
Kim watt January 16, 2022 at 11:40 am
I am sorry for your loss of your dear friend. I too lost my best friend. My confidant, my ride or die. We were best friends for almost 30 years. We were like sisters, closer than our own. She passed almost 5 years ago and I have such a huge void in me. I trusted her with my deepest feelings, without any resistance or fear of betrayal, I would talk to her, go to her in need and do the same for her. She had cancer and we knew it was to come. After her death her family (whom some where present throughout her life and other very distant) most treated me like a stranger, rudely even, including her significant other who I also have know. All these years. He claims that I had did something terrible to her and won’t speak to me. Her family confirms she expressed that had did something to her. Her sister finally explained that she told them I had borrowed money and didn’t pay her back. She had told me her significant other was a drunk and they were to be evicted and that her family would be no help but then spoke no more of it, so I assumed he handled it somehow. Come to find out , she borrowed from her family and used me as the scapegoat for why they had no money instead of accusing the significant other. I’m confused , what she told the significant other and where the mo ey really went. 🤔 I will never understand what happened. I realize she never intended for these things to be repeated to me and needed a scapegoat and that she meant me no harm , but I am still very hurt by all this. There’s days I am mad at her for this and that makes me mad at myself. I still love her and miss her dearly though. I hope for healing one day for us all. I just wanted to tell you I get how you feel , the loss is deep. And although your friend didn’t do something in the end like this, you still expressed “your person” is gone and I feel the void that you do. God bless.
Tomas May 17, 2021 at 1:02 am
I lost my best friend and my father last month. My friend was like my older brother, I have known him my whole life since our mothers are really close friends too. His family are like my family. He had 22 years old and died from sudden death. He always supported me, and bringed laugh and joy to my life.
My father died from Covid 19, three weeks later. We had a complicated relationship. I made a lot of mistakes and he did it too. But i loved him. Is too much pain and i just wanted to share it.
KC May 14, 2021 at 8:45 am
I lost my best friend of 20+ years to covid he went so quick that I still can’t believe it, even though I saw him in a casket it still feels surreal. I feel like it was a dream and that he’s not really gone. Since he passed I haven’t felt like myself. For the past year before he passed I had this feeling of no inspiration just something felt off. I think in a way I already was being prepared because the feeling was like something was coming but I didn’t know what. Never in a million years did I think I would lose my best friend. The hardest things are accepting he’ll never pick up his phone again, text back, or just sit and laugh together again. I remember him so vividly in my mind realizing that’s all I have left breaks me. I send prayers to all that will feel that void their whole life. A huge part of us left with them.
KC May 14, 2021 at 8:54 am
This song “Sometimes it snows in April” by Prince reminds me of my best friend who passed from covid
Tracy died soon after a long fought civil war
Just after I’d wiped away his last tear
I guess he’s better off than he was before
A whole lot better off than the fools he left here
I used to cry for Tracy ’cause he was my only friend
Those kind of cars don’t pass u every day
I used to cry for Tracy because I wanted to see him again
But sometimes, sometimes life ain’t always the way
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending
And all good things, they say, never last
Springtime was always my favorite time of year
A time for lovers holding hands in the rain
Now springtime only reminds me of Tracy’s tears
Always cry for love, never cry for pain
He used to say so strong, unafraid to die
Unafraid of the death that left me
Hypnotized
Now staring at his picture I realized
No one could cry the way my Tracy cried
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad
Sometimes, sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last
I often dream of heaven and I know that Tracy’s there
I know that he has found another friend
Maybe he’s found the answer to all the April snow
Maybe one day I’ll see my Tracy again
Sometimes it snows in April
Sometimes I feel so bad
So bad
Sometimes I wish that life was never ending
But all good things, they say, never last
But all good things they say, never last
And love, it isn’t love until it’s past
Daii July 28, 2021 at 12:34 pm
Sorry for your loss. I lost my best friend of 33 yrs two months back to COVID. I also don’t know how to cope with the loss. Everything reminds me of her.
Heather April 12, 2022 at 6:52 am
I relate so strongly to your post. My best friend died of Covid as well. August 2020, he caught the first wave. He spend 3 months in and out of a coma and on life support. I partially perpared myself for the worst. It was the hardest thing ive ever went through to date. I hope you’re doing as ok as you can.
Crazy Love January 7, 2023 at 7:32 am
Tina Lynn chaffee I’ll always love you and I miss you so much more remember when I told you that I was going to do if u stopped breathing well it’s to late for me to stop now my love I love you and miss u so much it’s to late for me the damage is not fixable just remember that I love you and that’s y you are still free
Magdalena Acta April 20, 2021 at 12:56 am
I’m glad I found this article while searching “How to grief the loss of a best friend in his 20s”. I lost my best friend and brother (He was pretty much family) due to an unexpected death on Feb 25th, 2021. My life has changed ever since, and I just know I won’t ever find someone like him. We’ve known each other for over a decade, but that still wasn’t even time. I cry every single day and ask myself many, many questions. He was a funny, loving, intelligent young man who was currently going to premed at Columbia University. He had big hopes and dreams in become a doctor one day, and also bring more awareness to mental health. He impacted the lives of many, including mine by always putting others first. He had a great sense of style, music, and food. He could make you laugh within seconds and gave really good advice. He understood me so well and we talked almost every single day. We went to high school together, he was my neighbor, we went to each other’s college graduations, but it was only the beginning of our lives, and it’s just unfair that his life was cut short. We talked about living together and turning 30 together. He was and is my non-romantic soulmate, and I miss him as I’ve never missed anyone before. Life is too short.
Grieving is the price we pay for loving someone. I miss his voice, smile, hugs, and jokes. My life is forever changed.
I love you forever Mattie. Until we meet again sunshine <3
Priscilla August 22, 2021 at 8:48 am
I can relate very much. I lost by best friend, my soul mate, just 2 yrs ago. It was sudden, and he was only 46. He was about to be able to finally start a life for himself after decades of being in a miserable marriage. I am struggling so much with “what more I could have I done” knowing there wasn’t a thing else more I could do. I miss him so much and having trouble moving on. Just wanted you to know you are not alone. <3
Jordan April 8, 2021 at 7:46 pm
Chris, I wish I spoke to you when I last saw you, but it broke my heart seeing you like that and I didn’t know what to say. I’m writing this this now because I never had a chance to say goodbye and find you popping into my thoughts often. I love you mate, goodbye.
sabrina morken April 3, 2021 at 1:17 pm
I lost my friend two months ago. Im 13 she died in a car crash. She was the only one who didnt survive. I had no clue since she was my online friend and I thought she ghosted me and I kept calling for months. One month ago I called her and somebody picked up I thought it was her and I said hey. But it wasnt her it was her mom she said she died in a car crash, it felt like everything stopped I didnt want to beleive it. Her mom cried on the phone for twenty minutes I was speechless I didnt know how to respond and eventually she ended the call. I went on my days like nothing happened because I just wanted to beleive that she was alive and this was a prank and she was going to call me back and say hey sabrina this was all just a big prank. I realised yesterday that she really is gone. I spent all those night thinking about her and wondering when she was going to call me. Shes gone for ever. It hit me like a bus now I cant stop crying I told my parents. It feels like a part of me was ripped. I loved her so much, to the point where I was falling in love with her, now shes gone.
Jackie March 25, 2021 at 11:22 pm
Thank you for this article! I feel like you read my mind! I lost my best friend of 20 years to breast cancer almost 5 years ago. She was my person. I’m not going to lie, it still hurts at times as much as it did 5 years ago. The times that seem to hurt the most are the happy times when you have something great happen and they’re the one you pick up the phone to call, yet you suddenly remember you can’t. That still happens once in awhile. It’s like a punch in the gut. Or when a crisis happens in your life and they were the one who always helped you through and you feel so alone. It’s like a constant void in your life that you have no choice but to learn to live with. It seems to come in waves and hits me when I least expect it. Not as often as the first few years though. The best way I describe it to people is you learn to live with it, I really don’t think it’ll ever go away. I’m so grateful that she was my best friend and I will always miss her. We always said it’s quality over quantity that matters and I’m very grateful to have had such an amazing friend. Sending positive thoughts and hugs to everyone missing their best friend ❤️
Magdalena Acta April 20, 2021 at 1:00 am
Thanks for sharing your story, Jackie. I feel the same way about having the urge to call them. It is so painful to know that they won’t answer. Sounds like you two had a beautiful friendship.
She will always be your best friend.
Thinking of you.
Magda
percyfied@aol.com May 12, 2021 at 1:38 pm
Today is the 4th anniversary of my best friend’s death and it feels like it just happened. (This site is so helpful; I read here every once in a while. I do love your comments about music. ) We were born the same month and would have turned 65 together this year. What happened to our retirement plans??? We met when we were 19. She was my satellite. Her boyfriend’s family called me her right arm. She was the family my family never was to me.
I”m just so sad and weary today. I kept a journal during her illness and death. I don’t want to forget what people said to me, or the eulogy I gave. Or the letter she wrote before she died but never got to mail. In some way, that helps me prepare for the anniversaries.
There are no easy answers here. Just feelings, as you all know. I honor her every summer by growing her favorite flowers. It’s not enough. Nothing is enough because nothing can replace that empty space.
Hang in there, everyone. You are loved.
jaxe March 8, 2021 at 9:25 am
Thank you. I lost my best friend yesterday and have no idea how I’m “supposed” to cope. I’ve had other friends pass but this is my BEST friend. This article really helped me. Thank you.
Malia March 17, 2021 at 11:50 am
I lost my best friend in the whole world almost seven months ago and I haven’t been able to find anything to help before this so thank you. She’d be 13 in two months. I miss her so much but we will be together again someday ❤️
Nathan March 7, 2021 at 12:38 am
Very deep article. I lost my best friend in July, he was murdered in front of me and I fought the gunman while he was trying to shoot me. Someone shot the gunman just as he was about to shoot me in the head. We were best friends since we were 12, 25 years 😔 I struggle daily with the loneliness, he was closer than a brother and an uncle to my kids. He pretty much lived with me and my wife and was actually the person who introduced me to her. God has carried me through this season and I continue to rely on Him but it’s still so hard, the dreams and constant reminders are maddening at times. Watching him get executed in the middle of the street with no way of getting to him in time really messes with me. Anyway, if I could give any advice it would be to lean on God, He literally is my only source of strength through this
Lauren March 4, 2021 at 4:59 pm
I lost my best friend , family, person who was my saviour and I don’t know how to deal with it !!!! I need her so much , she was there through everything , how am I supposed to live without her ? The answer is … I can’t !
Magda Acta April 20, 2021 at 1:06 am
I completely understand your pain and it is truly devastating. Time doesn’t change a thing. You start to realize that life is about the wonderful people you create a meaningful connection with.
Close friends (practically family) and family are what make life worth living.
Thinking of you Lauren.
ben February 3, 2021 at 7:03 am
I lost my best friend only slightly over a year ago, I was 16. It has deeply affected me because it’s just someone you don’t ever plan on happening at so young it’s so hard having so many childhood memories of mine becoming sad ones before I even became an adult. She was literally my first proper friend, first friends house I went round and first friend to stay round mine. I honestly have no clue how to deal with it, even over a year later and I still feel like I haven’t been able to deal with it.
Isabelle Siegel February 4, 2021 at 10:46 am
Ben, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. It’s completely normal to feel stuck, even a year after a loss. Grief knows no timeline… I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/myth-grief-timeline/ Perhaps you should seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. Please know that, no matter what, you are NOT alone. All the best to you.
Holly January 20, 2021 at 7:17 pm
I said goodbye to my best friend of 35+ years yesterday afternoon. We were married two weeks apart, our husbands are best friends, we raised our kids together and took family vacations as one big family. As our kids grew up, we traveled the world together. She was my friend, my confidant, my unbiological sister. Right now is is hard to imagine life without her. Thank you for this article. It was the only resource I found on dealing with the death of a best friend. 💔
Isabelle Siegel January 22, 2021 at 10:44 am
Holly, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. I’m glad this article was even a little bit helpful. I recommend you check out these articles as well: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-grief-feel-like/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-things-about-grief/ All the best to you.
Michelle January 18, 2021 at 6:50 am
Thank you 💔
K December 26, 2020 at 5:57 pm
Thank you for this
Rollina Joint December 25, 2020 at 10:50 am
Indeed Christmas. My thoughts
now center on Ghosts. Time just
stands still and the world keeps
turning. Such a dismal time.
I recall that today is my father’s
birthday as well. I will visit his grave.
Karen, my best friend will be
there, though in spirit. She also
left in August.
I hear things from time to time,
advice and such.
Do not think that really helps.
Time is just that.
In time I will pick up the pieces
and move along.
Anyways
Soon enough
Time will tell
IsabelleS December 28, 2020 at 1:54 pm
Hi, thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your perspective. I’m so sorry for the many losses you’ve been forced to endure. This article may be of some help to you: https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/ Time is such a powerful thing. You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/deal-with-grief/ For now, allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel. All the best.
Penny Higgins December 11, 2020 at 2:09 am
Hi Litsa,
I loved all the tips you have shared, you are right when you said When Your Best Friend Dies. This article was informative that I can’t wait for your next blog.
Please see my blog,
Nothing Makes Us As Happy As Having A Best Friend. Friendship Goals: Why Having A Best Friend is Good for You.
Hope this will also help, Thank you!
Cara December 10, 2020 at 11:33 pm
On November 07th, 2019 I got the phone call that my best friend was dying. He had been in the hospital for over 7 months battling a very rare blood infection that had spread to all his major organs. He was told by his doctors that after completely the stem cell transplant that unfortunately it wasn’t enough. The doctors told him that he could continue to stay in the hospital and might get a couple more weeks… months.. etc. Or he could go home but ultimately the outcome would be the same. In that phone call I had to hear his parents tell me that he wanted to “come home” and had to realize what that meant. I’ve known Hunter since I was 8 years old. We were next door neighbors and to this day I look at him as my first friend ever. We completed a lot of life’s biggest milestones together … I just never thought this had to be one of them. The first day I found out I drove straight to the hospital. I was greeted by all our old friends some of them I hadn’t seen in years. You sit there and reminisce on the good times… but no matter what the reason on why your all there is present. I had to hear his parents for the first time in person utter the words “he’s not going to make it.” I had to witness the doctors come in his room and say how remarkable Hunter is and how sorry they were that they couldn’t save him. I spent every day at the hospital until he got the all clear to come home. I remember praying that he just makes it home. I followed the ambulance to his home. I helped carry him into his home. I never left his side. I watched as friends came and went saying their goodbyes, I watched as family did the same. I had to watch my own parents say goodbye because they looked at Hunter as one of their own. I’ll never forget how my dad kissed Hunter’s forehead as he said, “See ya later Kid” like he always did. I was there when Hunter took his last breath. He lived for 3 days while at home and the most messed up part was watching him get worse and realizing that it wasn’t like in the hospital when he had bad days he would always just get better after and they were just that, bad days. But this… this was different because there was no getting better. I had to watch the person I love, my best friend, fade. But I wouldn’t change it for the world because I know I would regret every moment I wasn’t with him. He passed away on 11/14/2019. Day before gun season of hunting. Which, was something Hunter loved. I mean, his name said it all. It was something he always did and was apart of his families livelihood. I would have never imagined at the age of 25 I would have been speaking at my best friends funeral. But again, even though it was tough to do, I know he would have done the same for me. It’s been over a year now and I have my good days and my bad days…. but the reason I’m reaching out now… is tomorrow I am watching his house for his parents while their gone. It will be the first time I’m there … alone since his passing. I just know it’s going to be so tough. I just miss him so much.
IsabelleS December 11, 2020 at 10:03 am
Cara, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. Hunter sounds like an incredible person who will be missed dearly. I’m glad you can acknowledge that watching his house alone will be tough. Simply acknowledging that is a good way to prepare yourself. Allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel, doing your best not to judge yourself. You are so strong. All the best to you.
Shelly December 8, 2020 at 5:31 pm
My dearest and most treasured and closest lady bestie died quite tragically and with next to no warning on Thanksgiving day 2020.
We literally closer then family. And I met her at the same place I met the love of my life. At the same thrift store.
I’m an artist and, being madly in love with another artist, (who’s also a Gemini), in a relationship fraught with obstacles, she not only would listen to my woes and compliants, she did so enthusiastically and never told me to,”Get over it”.
She loved Paris, loved flea marketing treasure hunting, baking, crafting, dressing up, traveling, dancing, watching burlesque shows, going to the beach, artists…allllll the things I love and am!
She was 6 years older then me but perhaps looked more so years older due to the loss of her husband to Huntington’s disease, the loss of her once best friend Genna, whom she told me lots of delightful stories about. She really embraced people she cared about with a passion unlike so many.
Before I met her I was new in my city and since I had no relatives there and since my birth family are not exactly of the same spiritual path or politics…she became like a best friend, mom, counselor, vacation partner, life coach, partner in crime burrito! She was all those things to me and more. She was my number one go to on this earth.
Plus this lady was more fun then ALL THE PEOPLE I KNEW PUT TOGETHER! She was super spontaneous and would see that I was feeling blue and just whisk me off on some big day trip adventure. She knew LA like the back of her had and we’d go deep into the fashion district to find treasures, notions, rich fabrics.
She’d encourage my painting and tell me to embrace my life as an artist. It didn’t matter where she was, if there was music she just dance like nobody was watching which was so lovely about her and made her more of an ethereal creature…when my lover and I did our big, huge flea markets, hauling allll kinds of amazing treasures and vintage clothing to the market in the wee hours of the morning, she’d come and help out all the entire day long! She LOVED it! Afterwards when we spent hours on end packing up. (Always the last to leave), she wound stay and keep us company until the last box was shoved into the truck. This went on for years.
We would, ourselves, take some days to hit some secret flea markets out of town that lots of people didn’t know were really good and find incredible treasures! Sometimes flipping $5 into $50 or more! Sometimes finding something simply too wonderful to have the heart to sell thus adding to our own fantastic personal trove. Before each of these treasure hunting expeditions, we’d be filled with great excitement and she would enthusiastically say,”We are two gypsies”!!!! Or the three of us would laugh at how possibly addicted we were to this junk gypsy lifestyle. We spent so much time together that we three were a tight little family, much closer then our own natural families.
Twice she took me on a great, WONDERFUL surprise adventure to Mexico…for my birthday, lobster and margaritas on the beach with mariachis playing happy birthday in the festive Mexican way! And our group was the most charming and fun group of all. Even the sunset on the way home felt sublime and surreal. I never would have dared to go on this type of adventure alone and knew nobody else who would have gone with me.
So many more wonderful details about this I wish I could tell but that would take much more time. It was all very magical….crazy sometimes! But just a magical many years…
Then Covid came…and during the pandemic she was helping to care for a relative she loved who had cancer. She was just very sad for her cousin whom she adored.
Also she was very disheartened over the state of the world and politics and feeling rather depressed because we were not able to do our markets when so much was being closed down. She THRIVED on socializing!
We still visited once a week but I noticed a change in her disposition. As if preoccupied.
But the last time I saw her she came over so I could give her a haircut. We had a really fun time, listening to gypsy jazz and I cut her hair in a fabulous French bob, (she was so into everything France)!!!
She said she was going to attend her cousins funeral who had finally succumbed to cancer after a long battle. But she and I had made plans to cheer things up by decorating the lobby of my apartment building when she returned. We were going to invite my darling and make it a party.
But then something really dreadful happened. When she went out of town to attend her cousins wake, it wasn’t as she expected it to be. She had imagined she would arrive at a small funeral home where her cousin would be laid out lovingly in her most pretty dress, with a peaceful and restful look on her face, surrounded by a small group of caring family in a room filled with flowers and she had suggest a mariachi to play a special song…but to her horror, when she arrived at the address it was a crematorium, where her poor cousin whom she deeply loved, was laying in a hideous morgue box, undressed except for some weird looking plastic like cover over her and the most hauntingly miserable expression on her face that literally traumatized my friend so deeply that at first she was too troubled to even share with me. And she said she could feel the heat from the furnace and her cousins husband and two teenage kids and a couple others where there before she was to be shoved into the inferno.
It was absolutely the most terrible and terrifying thing she had ever witnessed in her life and over the phone to me she wailed with absolute misery and a sorrow like I’d never seen before with her. She was so mortified that she at first was afraid to tell me but as her closest friend I told her, “You MUST tell me because this sounds to terrible to keep to yourself or carry alone.
Basically she was so traumatized that she went home to lay down in bed, and didn’t know that she was having a stroke.
We texted and talked on the phone and she sounded so terribly weak. I pleaded with her to please go immediately to the hospital but she said to me,”No I’m really just very very tired and need some rest”. But I knew something was wrong.
When me and one of our other close mutual friends tried to find her to urge her to get to the hospital she did what some cats do when they’re dying, she went off and literally hid from all of us. Instead of being home where we could rescue her she hid away at one of her empty rental properties where nobody knew she was. Finally she realized she was in trouble and somehow drove back to her mothers house where her oldest son also lives to let them know the seriousness of her condition…before they took her to the hospital she
called me and said to me on the phone,” I don’t know if I’m going to make it…but I’ve really lived! I’ve traveled, I’ve loved! I’ve made a family and have such lovely friends and did what I love to do, I love you”, I said’”I love you”…it was a very sacred moment of the only person besides my lover, who ever REALLY knew me, who ALWAYS cared about me when everyone else failed me…telling me she loved me and saying goodbye.
When she hung up the phone .
Her songs rushed her to the hospital where she went into a coma for two days and passed away on Thanksgiving day.
The next morning she was already removed from live support as was her request and had to be since there was no more brain activity.
I never really saw it coming except right before she died. It seemed like depression but it was depression, and literally being shocked by what she witnessed with her cousin and also not getting the self care for some health issues she was making lite of.
I’m still wrapping my head around how much my life will change from this. It has brought me closer to our mutual acquaintances and friends. And the man I care most for and I have sat in stillness recalling how precious and really special she was and even what angelic qualities she had, what great fun she was and how magical.
I don’t believe that people die and simply turn to dust. They live on in ways our human minds cannot comprehend. They find a way to burrow deep into our hearts and they find ways to still be with us. I knew this after my father died at only 50 years old right before my sweet 16 birthday after battling colon cancer for 5 years…
He was an antique dealer and he brings me the most magical pieces…it doesn’t matter what anyone else think they know about life and death, I know my dad still has a role in my life, as will my dearest and most fun bestie.
We are still two gypsies…❣️
IsabelleS December 9, 2020 at 11:07 am
Shelly, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your friend sounds like a truly incredible person who will be missed dearly by you and by others. All the best to you.
Maureen January 22, 2021 at 2:06 pm
Dear Shelly, thank you so much for posting your story which I found this morning, the day of my best friends funeral as I was trying to find some words of comfort on how to deal with this incredible empty space. I don’t believe in accidents. I believe things happen for a reason and I was meant to read your story. It is so similar to mine that it is almost eerie. I met Toni 30 years ago as she was my husband‘s best friend and he needed her “approval” :). After meeting me she told my husband if he did not marry me that she would. A few months after we met I was engaged and called her excitingly describing my wedding gown. After a brief pause she said you bought my exact wedding gown take yours back and wear mine. And so I did. It was a perfect fit. No alterations needed. And was the beginning of a friendship that lasted 30 years.. She had the biggest spirit, so full of life it filled a room when she walked in. She was fierce in her beliefs and her love of family and friends. She brought people together. She was always up for an adventure- hiking with llamas, shopping trips to NY, and in the end finding the perfect wig, watching hours of British TV series, and sneaking a glass of wine here and there. She was someone who was always there for me and always made me feel like I was so special. My family was always included in her big Italian family celebrations. . We were the only blondes in a room of dark Italians. 2 1/2 years ago on July 4th at 3am I received a text saying I’m in the hospital and have a brain tumor. She far outlived the 3 months they gave her. She fought it with everything she had with both traditional and nontraditional treatments. She was able to see her daughter get married and was able to meet her first grand child. After her second surgery this past November she never fully recovered and spent the last few weeks of her life in hospice. She could not walk or move or speak but she communicated with her eyes and an occasional smile. I was so lucky to be able to visit her twice given the current covid restrictions. We smiled together cried together and when I told her how much I loved her and through tears that I could not imagine my life without her tears rolled down her cheeks. I know those tears were for me because she knew how hard this was going to be. I am not one with friends galore, I figured I did not need many as the few that I had were so incredibly special and filled my life it would almost be selfish to want more. I am so sad for her family and so over come with grief for my own personal loss. I don’t think we get people like that in our lives very often. I consider you and I the lucky ones who got to experience this selfless love. I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. She sounded lovely and so much fun. I wish I knew where you lived. We could meet for lunch and share our stories. I don’t think many people understand what this feels like. We don’t receive cards of sympathy. We don’t receive flowers that say we’re so sorry for your loss. Yet my heart aches. I am so sad. Like you this is not the first loss in my life. My father passed away from a heart attack when I was 16. And like my best friend Toni he was this amazing person whom I still miss every day but whom I was so thankful for. Again, I consider myself one of the lucky ones to have somebody so special in my life. His funeral was standing room only in a huge church in Colorado where I grew up. He was a teacher and a coach and often times when we visited his grave site there were flowers left on his tombstone that were not brought by us. Many of his students would visit just for a chat. I hope you read this and know that somebody is thinking of you And can honestly say I know how you feel and I am so sorry. ❤️❤️
Barbara November 27, 2020 at 9:49 pm
My forever friend jumped off a high rise building in downtown St. Louis, Mo. ,falling from his office on the 11th floor on 10/26/2020. I have our Heavenly Father to talk to about this, some people have no one. His family & friends loved him. I never imagined he would take his own life. He was talented in so many ways, played guitar you name it…. God be with us all, closer then ever, help comfort the family & friends until we can all be together in heaven….thank you for this site where we can share our pain/ struggles.
IsabelleS November 30, 2020 at 11:15 am
Barbara, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story. It seems as though the way your friend passed is particularly difficult for you. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/struggling-with-how-a-loved-one-died/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-suicide-death/ Best of luck to you!
Allegra December 8, 2020 at 4:26 pm
I found out that my friend Selena died. She was only 56 and had a heart attack. I feel so sad and also I feel guilty that I hadn’t spoken to her or seen her for 2 yrs. This wasn’t because it’s the way we wanted it to be. She had a controlling husband who she needed to get permission from to be with her friends. After so many yrs. Of dealing with feeling like I had to struggle to get time with her and be in the middle of her and her hubby, I let go of the friendship. For this, I am very saddened as I lost the last couple yrs. We could have interacted. She was a very special being. She was from Alabama and boy, did it show!! She loved to talk and she loved flowers and she grew a beautiful garden. I miss her and hope she is free as a bird now. Now she doesn’t have to do everything for everyone else as she was the go to everything for her family. She didn’t take care of herself. Now, she’s free. Now, she’s with her mom and grandma. Tell your best friend you love then today as you may not be given the chance to ever again.
IsabelleS December 9, 2020 at 11:09 am
Allegra, I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I understand that you feel guilty for letting go of the friendship. Please take comfort in the fact that guilt is so normal and valid during the grieving process. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ Please be gentle with yourself… You did your best to be a good friend. All the best to you.
A. Dowell November 23, 2020 at 4:52 am
My best friend was killed 2 weeks ago. She was my everything, first thing I did in the morning was text her, also the last thing I did before I went to sleep. We hung out 3-4 times a week. We’re sophomores in high school right now and we cannot drive yet. So a few weeks ago we were walking near a local shopping area when we were attacked and stabbed by a total stranger who thought we were a couple. When I woke up in the hospital, my sister was there, and the first thing I said was “where is ____” she told me she was dead when the paramedics got there. Its been like 2 weeks and I just started going to school again. Its half online because of covid. But I think i’m still in shock. I check my phone at least 15 times a day to see if she texted me. Not sure what to do, My mom says I should talk to people at school. But there is no one. She was my best and only friend. I don’t really leave me room. I don’t want people to look at me like that anymore. Like i’m broken. I probably am, but that sure as hell doesn’t help.
IsabelleS November 23, 2020 at 12:39 pm
I am so so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are going through. I wish I could say something to take the pain away… My heart goes out to you. Have you considered seeking the support of a counselor trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/? I also recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Grief-Covid-Document.pdf All the best to you.
Sue Ryan November 28, 2020 at 11:43 am
At least somebody looks as if something is wrong. I have had people be rude about My Best friend who was murdered by the mafia. I miss You Roxy.
Priscilla November 23, 2020 at 8:35 pm
For reals that is sad my best friend died in his sleep it’s been even my. A year. I know how you feel sorry for your lost
Steve November 22, 2020 at 9:41 pm
My ex wife became my best friend, and I her’s. For about 20 years we spent weekends, New year’s eves, many many hours, together. Recently, days ago, we found her dead in her condo. She was 56. I still am not sure what caused her to die. Something I have always thought is that death causes death, not some disease of tragic event. Death itself takes us all sooner or later, so it is death itself that is the cause of our limited time here on Earth. I cry every day, especially when I talk about things she used to do, like cooking for me or little cute ways she behaved. One thing for sure, I have changed. Things will never be the same.
IsabelleS November 23, 2020 at 12:47 pm
Steve, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I want you to know that what you are experiencing is normal and valid. The feeling of having changed after a loss is so common. The fact that her passing was unexpected must be making this even more difficult for you. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/struggling-with-how-a-loved-one-died/ My heart goes out to you.
Lindy K November 12, 2020 at 7:24 pm
My best friend of 55 years died suddenly August 8 2020. She was diagnosed with lung cancer. She passed away 2 weeks after she was diagnosed. She died on the day of my daughter’s wedding. She was my daughters Aunt who she knew since birth. We met when we were 8 years old, she made it to 63 years old. I’m still here. My best friend was the gatekeeper of my life’s history. And I hers. There are no words. Only a vast sense of emptiness.
Lee July 12, 2022 at 3:06 am
Your life’s keeper of secrets.
What a way with words you have. I’m soooooo sorry for your loss. Profoundly sorry. I break daily over my short friendship and while I know it’ll be hard, I know you’ll get through it. You’re loved by someone with wings now – how lucky!
Kristine M Nielsen October 28, 2020 at 12:59 am
I lost my bestfriend of over 23 years 1 year ago she was murdered, they didn’t find her body right away it was the worst thing to sit through i screamed i couldn’t even function. She was my everything. I also lost a daughter at birth then her dad died this was years ago but i feel so lost so stuck i don’t know what to do or where to start. Im on 2 different antidepressants and still sometimes i feel pike i want to just give up. Seens like nothing in my life can go right.
Lee July 12, 2022 at 3:04 am
Things will get better. I promise you.
Liz October 18, 2020 at 6:54 am
This is brilliant!
My friends are my chosen family due to being adopted, so they mean the world to me literally, as I’m not that close to family.
Thank you so much for sharing, as this makes sense even on an everyday setting, let alone when you lose a friend.
So well researched and written.
Miguel September 23, 2020 at 12:23 am
I just found out my best friend has a heart condition that could kill him by the time he’s 21 or around there, He as a hole that goes through his heart, and progressively gets bigger each year, his doctors say there is nothing they can do for him. He’s only 17, I just turned 18. I have known him since we were in pre-school, We’ve been friends for years, We’re both in our senior year of High School, We both agree we’re basically brothers, but now I’m faced with the idea of him passing away, now I’m not a very emotional person but I started to cry instantaneously, I’ve known him my whole life, I can’t even imagine him leaving it, It’s just so unbelievable. Now I know that if he were to see this he’d call me a little bitch, but I don’t care. Insult me or laugh at me all you want, I don’t care. I’m just to sad, I don’t want him to die. All I know is that when he dies. I won’t be far behind him.
IsabelleS September 23, 2020 at 9:46 am
Hi Miguel,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I am so sorry for everything you are going through. I know it feels unbearable, but what you are experiencing is all normal. You may want to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the national suicide helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
wayne September 30, 2020 at 6:37 am
Hi i know its hard when u lose a friend, Iv lost many in my life at the age of 55, but I heard a saying that makes a lot of sense, “Death isnt the end of life its part of life” we all end up in the same place but some sooner than others. its like when ur born u never know the date it will happen and death is the same, I always try and think of the situation in reverse, If I was the one that had died or was dieing i would not want my loved ones to wallow in sorrow for to long, i would want them to live their life to the max and get on with it and remember the fun times we had, The friends i have lost in years past I no longer feel sad but always feel privileged I had them in my life for a period of time and understand better why they have gone…
Lee July 12, 2022 at 3:03 am
I promise you that it will not be easy but I also promise you that you’ll get through it. We all need you in this world in your friends absence we need you even more!
Melissa September 22, 2020 at 12:45 pm
September 15. 2020. A day I will always remember. Lora, my best friend, Lora, is gone. The pain of your loss is still so raw. I can’t stop the tears. They come suddenly, without warning. After 34 years of sharing everything, you are no longer here. Who is going to help me hold it together, when you were my strength? I drove 1200 miles trying to make it to you in time. I was an hour too late. I trust that you are ok on the other side. As much as my heart is broken, I can’t wish you were still here. I told you I didn’t want you to suffer. The saying of, “you can’t take it with you”, is very true. But, you have taken a part me, and everyone else who loves you. I will miss you forever and a day.
Grief touches us all September 22, 2020 at 2:50 pm
Melissa, that is so so so rough and My heart goes out to you. My best friend left this plane in July of this year and it has been a rough road. It will be hard, but you can do this. BTW, I don’t think there is really closure when grieving. You lost a precious beloved part of you and it hurts, but the pain becomes easier to bare over time. I wish upon you Peace.
Sue September 24, 2020 at 8:21 am
Oh I know exactly how you feel Melissa. I lost my best friend on 19th August 2020. Because I am not family it took me 48 hours to find out he died suddenly from a blood clot that lodged in his lung. I wasn’t allowed at his funeral. I visited his grave two days ago in order to say goodbye. It was heartbreaking. We had known each other for 40 years. I now keep searching the internet, Facebook etc, looking for him. I am still sending him messages on Facebook. I feel absolutely devastated. His family just don’t understand how much we meant to each other. He was always there for me and I was his rock too.
Ann Tancred September 14, 2020 at 8:00 am
I met my best friend 21 years ago. There was not a day we never heard from each other. I always felt safe and my bestie was always there for me. Her name is Mary. I always called her my Mary. It has been 1 year and 6 months without her in my life and there is not a day that I dont think about you. My world feels empty without you and I miss you mary. I can’t call you on the phone anymore because you never answer any more and I can’t come to your house because somebody else in living there. I walk the streets looking for you and cant see you. I listen for your voice and cant hear you. I miss you so very much. I shout out your name and you don’t answer. My world is lonely without you and I want you to come back.. i love you my best friend and will miss you for the rest of my living years.
Rollina Joint September 14, 2020 at 11:42 am
Good Morning Ann
??
18 months geez
Two weeks and indeed
I find I do the same things
as well
So many things I will always
remember
Each day recalling something
I meant to share
But can not now
Hope things will
make sence
Each day will be brighter
It is so hard
I can not even
begin explain it
or make it easier
Just know I relate
and hope you find joy
I will try too
?
Sarah September 7, 2020 at 11:59 am
Thankyou all for sharing ; hearing makes me feel not so alone.
My best friend Hugh died on 6 March, 6 months ago after a short illness. We had been friends for 37 years : I met him when I was 14 and through all the years since he has seen me through so many adventures and heartaches and the deaths of all my family and an old University friend. He was my big brother, my Dad, my Uncle as well as my funny , witty, intelligent kind and generous, warm best friend. He always had a welcome home for me. I feel so utterly bereft without him and wonder how now I am to find an anchor. But I must and I know I am blessed to have had him
For so long. I shall always miss him and hope one day we can sit and drink tea and laugh together as old. Thankyou Hugh. Please
Give
Me strength to carry on and keep your memory alive.
Much love to all you out there who are similarly living with the grief of a best friend.
Gail Bastas November 18, 2020 at 9:34 pm
I lost my best friend suddenly on November 6. It has been heart-wrenching and she was my person, the one I complained to, the one I shared good and bad news with. Her family has been wonderful and have included me like I am party of the family. My family and other good friends have been calling me every day to check on me. I truly appreciate all of them, but nothing can replace her. I sit her wishing we could have our two-hour long talks we had during Covid. She understood me better than anyone else and put up with my goofy personality. I am trying to dwell on the good times – but so darn hard. I have lost my parents, my brother, brother-in law and my beautiful dog within the last four years. I grieved and was upset and miss them terribly, but there is something about losing my best friend that is different. How have you all dealt with it?
IsabelleS November 19, 2020 at 11:23 am
Gail, I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope this community brings you some comfort and shows you that you are not alone.
Lee July 12, 2022 at 2:59 am
Gail, I am unsure why the loss of a best friend feels worse than any other. It feels weird to even feel that way but I want you to know that I understand. A best friend loss, it seems, is the worst of all.
Yuna York September 4, 2020 at 8:23 pm
I was just notified of a childhood friend of mine who has died of brain cancer…My wounds are still pretty fresh, but I am going to her memorial not for the others but for her and myself-The whole school hates me and so does the mother but like I said I am not going there for them I am going there for her to remember her, do the same for your friend
Jade September 2, 2020 at 4:40 pm
Whenever i’m in particular pain, I find myself back on this page, knowing that I’m not alone and seeing a community of so many people reaching out to share their heartbreak. I just want to tell you all how amazing you all are. Even though you don’t think or feel it- how amazing you are all doing. To write it down and share is one step to being able to live with the consent hurt of not having your person with you.
I see lot’s of comments saying ‘I don’t know how it’ll get easier’ and it doesn’t. At least not quickly. It’s been a little over a year since my best friend passed away and recently I saw a comment which summed my own grief in a way I’ve never seen.
It said, “Grief is like this; There’s a box with a ball in it and a pain button. In the beginning the ball is huge. You can’t move the ball without hitting the pain button. It rattles around on its own in there and hits the button over and over. You can’t control it- it just keeps hurting, all the time, sometimes completely unrelenting.
Over time, the ball gets smaller. It hits the button less and less but when it does, it hurts just as much as before. Its better because you can function day to day more easily. But the downside is that the ball randomly hits that button when you least expect it. For most people the ball never really goes away. It may hit less and less and you have more time recover between hits, unlike when the ball was still giant.”
For me it’s been 15 months today and the ball is still really big some days, but some days it’s just there bouncing around hardly noticeable. When the pain is fresh, if the death is recent this concept can be hard to grasp, because everything hurts so much, you don’t know if it’s ever going to get better. But I hope for some people this can help, or at least give you hope that it never gets easier, but the ball does begin to hit less over time.
David September 8, 2020 at 1:24 pm
Thank you for this. I just lost my best friend of 20 years a week ago today to heart disease. She was only 35. I was going to ask her to marry me once she got home from her bypass surgery. The surgery was unsuccessful and they had to put her in a coma to see if the right side of her heart would recover enough to insert a pump that would act like the left side of her heart because it stopped working. 5 days into her coma and she didn’t improve and on that 5th day she passed away. It’s the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I have never lost anyone so close to me so it makes even even harder because I’ve never had to cope before and I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. It’s been really hard on me and like you mentioned, right now I feel like I will never recover from this. Everyday is a bad day and rely on my family to help comfort me because I have no other friends, it was just her, she was my everything. I know things will eventually get better, but never go away. Just right now, I don’t know how I’m ever going to recover because everyday I feel like I can’t live without her in my world. She was my world, we did every single thing together from the time we woke up, we would be in constant contact until we could hang out. Now I feel so alone because she was in everything I did from day to day. I hope your box and ball theory is true and thank you for posting it because it helps me to see that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.
Jade September 16, 2020 at 12:04 pm
David, I’m so sorry for for you loss. It really does take time and the process is different for everyone. Just go with the grief and let yourself feel what you need to. I was so grateful for my family and friends as they too carried me, and continue to carry me through it. It will be hard, but it will get better. Although at this time it seems like it never will. Don’t let anyone tell you what you should be feeling, it’s different for everyone.
Sending lots of well wishes
Rollina Joint August 31, 2020 at 9:27 pm
Karen passed yesterday. I am
told around 4am. Aug 30 2020.
Look we are like glue.
In many ways a couple
Someone that could remember
my birthday
Sounds simple
Goes deeper thou
Karen had a bone cancer
the name of it does not matter
Could be anything
We knew her mortality
as well as say my own
She never had a bad thing
to say
Was a the most positive person
I will ever know
She would do things
Like make a Christmas
Go a buy a few things
Maybe markdowns
after Christmas
Sure sounds funny
But my mother
Disabled from a stroke
Just there for a visit
After Christmas
Not expecting this
How do you
Thank her
I did
She made mine
I can not even
Remember what we did
on Christmas
She puts flowers on my
Dads grave
Called me texted me visited
me. Surprized me
Showed up
Loved me without exception
Frustrated me
God knows I frustrated her
We talked, walked, laughed
Together
I mean she was my life
Thing is
We knew one another
So well
I feel in retrospect
I took this for granted
I might say I love you
all the time
I might have been plain stupid
nasty.
And I am a nice person
I might take things
Her for granted
I am understating the
sheer beauty of her soul
I am
Karen this wonderful
person
Struggled daily
I knew this
Sometimes I was there
for her
Not enough
Really.
I admit this
Wishing I had
We spend some time together
Friday before last
I took her to the hospital
for some tests. A transfusion.
Picked her up.
Really and regretfully was
fustrated filling a prescripton
that day
Thing is I put her underwear
on her that day
Wiped her feet
Put her shoes on her feet
Held her as she used the
bathroom
Made dinner
Watched tv
Slept
Then drove her home
Helped her into her home
Kissed forehead
And left said I love you
Called next day
Worked
Called texted
the following day
worked
Talked breifly
On the phone
Anyway
Someone a aide
took her to emergency
that night
I do not know why she
did not call me
Yeah I get tired closing
my shop
She would often be there
eat with me as I cleaned
up
I treasured her company
Anywhere
From emergency was admited
locally to the hospital.
Transfered to a another
Finally to hospis care in less
of the week
To weak to answer calls
May have replied to all
my texts. Twice. Too weak
Who knows. I wish I knew
Because this covd crap
No real guidelines
Arbitrary rules
Stupid nonsense
Non caring
She my dear friend Karen
Passed yesterday
No real family loving
here in Az
I was not permited to visit
Hold her hand
Died by herself
This perfect soul
I can not forgive
Myself
I am in pieces
A person religated to
Hospis
Died alone
Why
I will always love you
Karen
Forgive me
Julie September 2, 2020 at 6:26 pm
My beautiful friend died on Monday 31st August. I loved her so very much. She was terminal but it was sudden, took us by surprise. She’d had a rough couple of weeks but I’d had a txt chat with her on Sunday and she was feeling a bit stronger and was hoping to get to chemo this week. It’s heartbreaking, I’m so angry I feel like I can’t breathe.
I’m so very sorry for your loss, for all our losses.
D’Anna August 25, 2020 at 1:53 am
My best friend Mindy died in a car accident a week ago. We are both 37 and only 2 weeks apart. I’ve known her since I was 4 years old. Her mom was my aunt and my mom was Mindy’s. I feel like this isn’t real. I’ve cried and screamed so loud and so much I barely have a voice to speak. She was my everything. My soul. She was the first person I saw the morning my dad told me my mom died, two weeks before Christmas when I was 7. She was like an angel just standing there. Her presence gave me such peace. No one understands. I love her on a level I didn’t know existed until she died. I scream in agony each time I realize this is really happening. She’s gone forever. Forever. My Mindy is dead.
Madeleine August 9, 2020 at 5:56 pm
I suddenly and unexpectedly lost my dearest best girlfriend a month ago today. It’s difficult to read the shared experiences through tears and feel it’s comforting to know others understand the devastation of loosing a special friend. Beyond the extreme sadness and large void left (40 yr friendship both in 60s now) I hope to feel more of the gratitude for having been blessed with such a wonderful friendship. Bless us all?
Lingeshram July 27, 2020 at 12:55 pm
15 years relationship stopped forever in fee seconds. We both were talking in the car I applied break for the speed breaker car lost control it pulled left side I can hear only sounds but within few seconds he left me alone in this world. Yes he past away on the spot. he was just 30 year old having 3 year old daughter and his wife is pregnant too. July 4th morning around 12.30 2020. I can’t explain how close we were. Now friends, family are thinking he died because he came with me. I can’t able to share my feelings about his loss to anybody.
We both met bike accident 8 years back January 25th night 10.30 2012. That time my left hand was broken, He got mild injuries. I went unconscious for 15 minutes but I felt I was dreaming in my dream I felt somebody is crying and disturbing my dream then I woke up. I realised my friend is crying thinking that I died. After that I realised my hand is broken. I am feeling now he cried for me 15 minutes. But now he make me cry life long.
Miss you Saila…
Sharon July 19, 2020 at 5:17 pm
I lost my best friend on the 4th of July. We are in our mid 70’s, and it’s not so easy thinking about a new Best Friend at my age. In fact, I feel there will never be another.
We were a perfect fit, and had known one another for many years before we realized we were the perfect compliment to one another. She was very measured and thought things through. I am impulsive and tend to take chances.
I am struggling with the upcoming memorial. It will make her death final. I just keep waking up in the middle of the night and thinking it wasn’t supposed to be this way. My mind is so scattered.
I feel right now that time may make it less raw, but no less painful. I will miss her compassion, love, laughter, serious side for the rest of my life. I thank God we were both Christian, because I know that I will see her again and in not the too distant future.
I have other friends, but none that I will connect with like her.
And if one more person tells me that it was fantastic she died in her sleep I think I will punch them in the nose. She would not approve, but smile just the same.
Hailey July 17, 2020 at 1:59 am
My best friend died exactly 6 months ago today, on January 17, 2020. She was walking to school when she was hit by a car. She was only 16. That entire week is a blur for me. I can’t remember the events but I can remember the feeling. Because I have felt that feeling for 6 months now. It has not gotten easier. I don’t think it will. I don’t understand how the world has continued to spin or how i have somehow continued to live without her. I’m filled with regret because we were fighting when she died. I couldn’t get to the hospital to say goodbye to her either because the weather was so bad and the roads were covered in ice. When I spoke at her funeral, I couldn’t hold it together. I was bawling my eyes out as I read a letter to her. I will never understand why this happened. And I’m tired of hearing “itll get easier.” Because, let’s be honest, it won’t. It’s been 6 months and I still have to convince myself that I’m not gonna wake up in the morning to her knocking on my door with taco bell apologizing for being gone so long. I’m tired of leaving her texts and voicemails she’s never going to get. And that whole “it’s a part of gods plan” crap is stupid. How could this be a part of gods plan? If I want to visit my best friend I have to go to her memorial on the side of the road. I will never understand how or why this happened or how I’m supposed to Move on. And I’m currently crying while reading These comments because I suddenly don’t feel as alone. And I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or not. Because I hate the idea of anyone ever understanding what this feels like but at the same time it’s good to know I’m not alone.
Z July 19, 2020 at 10:06 pm
I’m so sorry, Hailey. I lost my best friend this June, on the 7th, and I feel the same way about the phrase “it gets easier.” She was only 20 and her birthday was in 2 weeks. There’s very little to say other than “it’s hard” and “we will miss them forever.” I’m sending you well wishes, though. <3
A grieving best friend July 25, 2020 at 5:57 am
Hailey and Z, thank you both for posting your comments. My best friend was 32 and died last Saturday, and it is the early morning of the next Saturday as I write this. Your comments really resonated with me especially about you guys fighting when your friend was killed. My Best friend and I just had sorted out some things a few weeks earlier but at the same time she was getting angry with Me for other stuff as I was with her. (maybe angry is not the right word, more like very irritable.) I ask myself, did she die knowing how much I loved her? Everyone tells me of course she did since we spoke all the time and had been super close in the time we had known each other, but a person dying while you are in a quarrel can be very very hard since you want them to be at peace.
I also want to say I am glad someone else texts friends that have died too. We were huge daily (most days) FaceTimers and often texted lots too. I have been texting her like its just another day but all about My sadness and grieving, and I find it so comforting. It makes Me feel like she can get My texts even if she can’t respond. The comments the two of you have posted here I found really resonated with Me, and were helpful.
Chris June 29, 2020 at 4:10 am
I am 28 and 5 years ago my best friend of 20 years died. I appreciate the comments about how the support system is slim, the fear of pushing other people away, and the overall death of your other half. There is something that hasnt really been mentioned, though. I find it harder as time passes, because when he first died, things were still the same in a lot of ways. Now that it has been a few years, I have new interests, worked on new projects, and have become a different person(Id argue a less loveable one.) I think about what he would think of these aspects of my life that he isnt a part of, and what he would be into if he was still here. Would he have gotten me into new things I wouldnt have anticipated otherwise? 5 years later and I speak to none of our “mutual” friends, I hate his family, and if I ever talk about him, Im feel like the dude talking about the dead guy again. Not sure what advice to give, but neither does anyone else. All I can say is that you people get it, and there truly is a comfort in that. Im sorry for your losses, and even if no one reads this, it was some what cathartic for me to write this.
Z July 19, 2020 at 10:21 pm
Chris, I read your post and I understand and I’m so sorry for your loss. My best friend passed away in June, and she was only 20. I think often about what you described—changing and what my friend would have changed into. I get upset most when I think about what she missed out on in life, and how all of my big events that would have included her will now have an empty space. You’re right—it’s so hard to find advice to give, because there really is none. It’s just finding your own way to cope. I’m getting a tattoo that my friend was planning to get, so I can honor her that way, and I think it will help. I hope that you can find more people to talk to about your friend and find support, because it’s awful to feel isolated from a lost loved one in that way, but I am also here if you want to talk. <3
Lingeshram July 27, 2020 at 12:53 pm
15 years relationship stopped forever in fee seconds. We both were talking in the car I applied break for the speed breaker car lost control it pulled left side I can hear only sounds but within few seconds he left me alone in this world. Yes he past away on the spot. he was just 30 year old having 3 year old daughter and his wife is pregnant too. July 4th morning around 12.30 2020. I can’t explain how close we were. Now friends, family are thinking he died because he came with me and my driving style. I can’t able to share my feelings about his loss to anybody.
We both met bike accident 8 years back January 25th night 10.30 2012. That time my left hand was broken, He got mild injuries. I went unconscious for 15 minutes but I felt I was dreaming in my dream I felt somebody is crying and disturbing my dream then I woke up. I realised my friend is crying thinking that I died. After that I realised my hand is broken. I am feeling now he cried for me 15 minutes. But now he make me cry life long.
Miss you Saila…
Holly M Young June 27, 2020 at 2:44 pm
My best friend of 50 years has been diagnosed with lung cancer and her prognosis is not good. I don’t know what I will do without her in my life. She has been THE person I go to for everything – spouse problems, children getting on my nerves, work situations, etc. She has been the person who has lured me into doing things I normally wouldn’t do – with out her in my life my life would have been blah. I want to be there for her and her daughter and grandson. I want to do all I can, but I’m so unsure of how to word things. She is a strong person who has always taken care of herself and others. I don’t want to make her feel unstrong – if that makes sense.
Michaela August 13, 2020 at 6:32 pm
Hi Holly,
I recently lost my best friend to cancer. She was diagnosed 2 years ago and put up a great fight. I relate to how you are feeling. The diagnosis was devastating and sent me into a tailspin of emotions. The next 2 years were filled with highs and lows (mostly highs) and I felt concerned at first at how to be and what attitude to have around my friend. I gave myself a good talking to and decided to just be myself and to support my friend with positivity and making happy memories as that’s what she wanted to do. It wasn’t always easy as there were times I just wanted to crumble but I took my lead mostly from my friend. She wanted to stay positive and make the most of her time rather than dwell on the negative – I did my best to support her in this.
It’s important to be yourself and get as many happy times as you can. Also allow yourself time to breathe and process what is happening. In many ways the initial diagnosis was the biggest blow. Knowing that death is coming still doesn’t prepare you for the event itself. It still feels sudden and it’s a huge loss. However, life is brutal in that it continues, nothing stops so you get up and continue to live your life. My friend was a powerhouse of a person who always had my back. It’s hard when I want to call her or meet up, but it is possible to feel the pain and keep on living. My friend and our friendship will always remain even though she is not here in person. It takes time and there are days when I cannot get my head around it and days when I feel more accepting. It’s a crazy rollercoaster. Having good friends nearby helps for sure.
Mark Chirhart June 25, 2020 at 4:47 pm
I lost my very best friend on Monday, three days ago. I already suffer from periodic episodes of anxiety and fear, and he was the one who would help me, even during my fears with this Covid crisis. We hung out. Texted. Laughed. Drank beers. Watched ball games together. We were as tight as could be. And now he’s gone. To make matters worse, I’m the one who found him on Monday night in his home. I am a wreck. I don’t know how to get rid of the shaking, the anxiety, the fear of never being able to find another friend like him. My other friends have been great, but how long will they put up with my grief? I fear losing them, too. I fear that this anxiety is now my life, and this discomfort and pain and fear will be with me forever. I cannot deal with this if it lasts forever.
Cathy July 16, 2020 at 5:08 am
It wont last forever. Hang in there. Your feelings are a testament to how much he meant to you. I understand your fear of never having another friend like him but remember before he became your best friend you didn’t know how good a friend he would become. So, don’t push it or rush it just spend time with the friends you have maybe make some new ones. Don’t try and replace him, people can’t be replaced, it also can’t be forced but with time you may find another friend that becomes your best friend. It’ll happen with time and without you realising it’s happening just like your friendship with him did. When you start feeling scared and anxious distract yourself by doing something you enjoy or by spending time with your friends and family. Grieve, yes, remember the good times with him, you don’t want to forget him but try not to focus on the fear.
Dee July 30, 2020 at 10:51 am
I just found out my best friend died in her sleep last night. She was only 34 years old. She was like an older sister to me. I don’t know what to do and it doesn’t feel real or right.
Lou November 29, 2020 at 5:53 pm
Hi , what a helpful thread.
I lost my very best friend 6 years ago now . She was only 34. I still miss her very much , every day in fact .
I just wanted to tell you that things do become easier, all be it through the passage of time.
I just had my 40th birthday and know my bestie would have made a huge fuss for me.
I’ve had a few sad moments this weekend , when I think of how things should be different , but whilst also feeling grateful to be making it to the grand age of 40 .
Very hard loosing a best bud . Stay strong everyone x
Jessica Figueroa June 24, 2020 at 6:35 am
I lost my best friend. My soul mate about 3 weeks ago. It all seems like a blur. Mornings are so hard. I can’t believe she is gone. And I will never be able to see her or speak to her again. Thank you for this article. As it’s true. Her family has no idea. Now I’m feeling. We have been close for the last 20 yrs. We just brought a house together. She was never married and don’t have children. She was like a mother to my daughter. My daughter is 4 yrs old. And when she looks downstairs at her window and saids I miss you. Please wake up. Or mom are you sure she’s not coming back. Maybe she will. My heart breaks into even smaller pieces. And the pain consumes my entire being. I try my best to be strong for her. And tell her it’s ok to be sad. Then she saids. No mom. I’m happy. You make me happy. And she would want me to be happy. I cry and laugh. Because I know she would want to see me happy too. There are moments. Where I don’t feel the emptiness. There are moments where my entire being trembles with pain and fear. Of having to love my life without my best friend. My person. My soul mate. My world. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t have a choice. There’s nothing I can do to change this. I am grieving. I will forever love and miss my friend.
karen weiss June 23, 2020 at 8:15 pm
Holy Moly — A for Google on this one. I searched “My best friend died and I’m angry at the world” and up popped this site. Who knew??
My best and most beloved friend M died by suicide over Memorial Day Weekend. Somehow, the world has continued to spin and life, as others knew it, goes on. Other friends — dear friends, smart friends, emotionally evolved friends — reached out. They told me how sorry they were, and offered to help in any way they could. And then they disappeared. The next time they called or texted, they didn’t mention anything about my friend or ask how I was doing. They just chatted away about this and that, and I just chatted right back at that. All the while feeling sad and angry and resentful inside. But not knowing what to do about it.
I understand now why there was a time when people in mourning would dress in black. I want to wear black. I want people to see me and realize that I am in mourning. I am broken hearted. See me. See my broken heart. Be with me and help me hold my sadness, even for a little while.
I don’t know how to tell people what I need. I’m angry that I even have to. I worry that they don’t want to give it. I want to push all my friends away and say “forget it!” I want to pull them close and say “help.”
I am so glad to have found this site . And so very very sorry for all of your losses. A best friend is one of the most precious things in the whole wide world.
Z July 19, 2020 at 10:33 pm
Karen, I’m so sorry for your loss. I have had the exact same thoughts about wearing black—it’s been absolutely awful listening to people complain about banal things or even just chatting at me sometimes, and I just want to scream “my friend died, I can’t muster a single atom of me to care that you can’t find the remote!” I will be sad one day and a family member will have the gall to ask what’s wrong as if it hasn’t been only a month since she passed, as if the cause isn’t obvious, so I will have to say it every time. It’s so frustrating. But there are people (unfortunately) who understand, and I agree that that’s some comfort, though I wish none of us were going through this and that none of our friends had passed. I am thinking of you. <3
Nita June 23, 2020 at 5:44 pm
I lost my best friend 2 days ago. He was my person, my soulmate. We met when were 8 years old and we’re now 35. Over the years thoughout life’s changes, our communication fluctuated but our connection did not. We had a love that transcended beyond any romatic or familial relationships. He was always there. ALWAYS. At the drop of dime no questions asked. He was my happy place and got me through all the hard stuff. He was funny and gave the best advice. I feel lost without him and the pain is utterly unbearable. Especially because this is the type of situation that would send me running to him. We had so many plans, he had so much left to do. The worst part of my day is waking up and being crushed all over again by the realization that my friend is gone forever. I feel like I’m living a nightmare. I don’t know that I can survive this without him.
Alexis June 23, 2020 at 1:33 am
I lost my best friend about 3 weeks ago. We met almost a year ago on June 27th, 2019 and before I met her, I would question how someone could be “best friends” with someone else in such a short amount of time but it was our relationship that finally taught me that time doesn’t define a bond, especially one like ours. I feel like we were more than best friends. She was my soul mate, my family, my motivation, my everything. She was something to me that I can’t fully describe in words. Losing her feels like I lost a large piece of my soul and now I am feeling quite lost in this world.
Jade June 2, 2020 at 5:02 pm
I lost one of my best friends a may 2019. We’d known each other a very long time but it wasn’t until later we became close. Separately we both had different lives, friendship groups, but we were always there for each other and we spent a lot of time together. She was my person, always there to go out with, to meet up with, if I needed someone she was always there, vice versa. I have a very clear memory of one night getting a text from her because she’d got in a fight with her mum and driving in the rain to pick her up. We sat for hours that evening with a takeaway and a movie on just ranting about life and we ended up falling asleep at like three in the morning. That was just one occasion. Then 4 months before she died we fell out, it didn’t really end sourly but we didn’t speak for a long time. I missed her friendship even though I wouldn’t admit all the time. There were other friends but no one had the same personality as her. I was going through some tough times at home at this point so really didn’t have the emotional capacity to fix the friendship on top of everything else. It was about ten days before she passed when we spoke again, she’d texted me and we were planning to meet up, to talk about everything over a coffee, to put things back to normal. When I found out about her death I was heartbroken, we were never going to be able to have that conversation, I felt guilty, I’d spent so long wondering what if I’d have just made up with her sooner, if we’d have talked it out after the initial argument, could thing have been different? Would she still be here? It hurt so bad all the time, I’d lost family that year but it felt nothing like losing her. It was a different pain, to lose someone suddenly at such a young age. A year later and I still miss her like crazy, every song seems to remind me of her and I’ll have pictures popping up all over the place bringing back the memories and emotion. I’d always feel bad like I shouldn’t be hurting because there’s people who were closer to her or her family who have to learn life with out her. Only now a year on have I really started to tell myself it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to miss her. At the end of the day your connection to someone and the love you have is a personal thing that two people share. What ever happened in the end she was still one of the closest people to me, in a particularly difficult time of my life, and I’ll miss her like mad every day.
Marion D. Percy June 3, 2020 at 1:09 am
Jade, please be gentle with yourself. We can’t determine our circumstances. Love is love.
My bff died three years ago. I can’t believe I’ve gotten along this long without her. She was my satelite.
Just when I was beginning to feel comfortable without her, not feeling guilty when I didn’t feel sad, not beating myself up when I found something funny & laughed, not wondering why I hadn’t thought of her, and felt confident in my life without her and the coronavirus came bringing all kinds of other stresses. It’s taken me weeks to adapt that to how we live now with masks, social distancing and all.
I bought a different plant for my garden this year. A lily similar to what she grew but yellow instead of orange. What do you think I felt when it bloomed orange like the ones she grew?
We’re all in this together.
Be well.
Kara May 27, 2020 at 12:04 am
It has one week since my friend passed away. She was my person. I have never been as close to anyone as I was with her. She was the only person that I really shared my true self with. I come from a very abusive family so I cut all ties with them. Jen was my family. I love her more than my birth family and I am devastated that she is gone. I feel grateful to have had the opportunity to say good bye to her and to tell her how I love her but the pain that I am feeling feels impossible to move through. I have a great husband and two wonderful children but there is a hole that feels like it will never be filled again. I find myself getting so angry that I want to scream. I check my texts every morning to see if she text me and maybe this was all a bad dream. It feels like I’m going crazy. I catch myself going to call her and then realize that I can’t. I want to be strong and carry on in her honor but at the same time, I want to collapse within the pain. I have been through so much in my life but this I feel is something that I can’t get through.
Angela Taylor May 15, 2020 at 8:54 am
My Friend died 2weeks ago in a fire at her house her son and daughter in law lived with her
And as far as I know they all got out it was like 4am in the morning
But she ran back in to get the little dog and both died of the smoke I still can’t get my head around it that I won’t see her again she would come to my house often and we would sit in the garden in the summer and have a glass of wine or sometimes I would take my young grandsons
To her lovely home with a pool it was the worse shock ever when her oldest son came to my house that day to tell me since then they have not told me how it happened apart from her daughter in law spoke to me and said what day she was getting cremated otherwise nothing
Miss her so much the laughs tears we shared over many years I knew her we are both the same age 72 we both looked after ourselves makeup hair nails so had so much in common
I have my wonderful husband and my kids and grandkids her husband died 12 years ago with a heart attack but I can’t get my head around I will never see her again in this world anyway it’s so hard R.I.P my lovely friend Marie
Amanda Lindley March 22, 2020 at 5:53 pm
My aunt died about 4 years ago. She was my everything. My confidant, me best friend. She made me feel safe and not like a loser. I didn’t have many friends growing up. She had vibrant energy and was so funny. I miss her so much and I try not to think about her too much because the pain and anger was so overwhelming. She was 49 years old and needed a new heart, liver, and kidney. I would have given her an organ but i couldn’t have given her my heart (I wouldn’t have been able to see her ). I miss her so much and everyday is hard. Life is hard and she made life less hard. It hurts so much when you cry and you are trying not to make a sound because you don’t want anyone to hear. I ever got a tattoo of her. I loved her with every fiber of my being, I am angry she had to die but she was in so much pain and I visited her in ICU. I don’t even remember the last time i saw her before that when she was awake and feeling better. It’s scary because i don’t want her to be forgotten or to feel like she was never here. I love her so much . I have so much love to give and it just sucks. This virus sucks and it makes you appreciate your health so much more. She made me appreciate my health. She died way to young for such a big heart and a big caring person. I can’t let her go.
Emily March 20, 2020 at 7:54 pm
I lost my best friend August 2, 2016. He was 14 and i was only 11. I’ve knew him my whole life, he was my brother. I didn’t have the best life growing up, but he always made sure i was smiling no matter what. He had autism, but he loved the water. One summer i watched him almost drown, and the next summer he did. He was never afraid of the water because he didn’t know how dangerous it really was. I found out August 3, 2016 at midnight that he was lost in the Mississippi River, he was with my biological mother and she was off doing drugs. He got lost around 7:50 on the 2nd, she just didn’t want to tell my dad. I couldn’t sleep or eat, and i blamed her and i still do. His body was found on the 4th. It was all over the news and where i lived everyone new almost everyone, and that was so hard. The hardest part is not exactly knowing what happened because my mother made so many stories about that night.
Vanessa M Feliz March 16, 2020 at 9:37 am
i just lost my best friend this weekend. she was only fifteen and it was at my birthday party. im still in a state of shock, waiting to wake up from this terrible dream
Kylene March 11, 2020 at 6:36 am
I lost my best friend in November 23, 2019. She passed away in her sleep with sleep apnea and alcoholism mixed in her body system to shut down. She is only 33 years old, know her for about 28 years. I miss her very much and everyday, I had dream about her being missing to keep search for her to get her back and I woke up I was brawls out of my eyes because I want her to come back to alive, My depression and greifs is getting worse but I know she doesn’t want me to be suffers with depression. I have to keep focus on myself to needs get out of my depression to do somethings on my own things and be happy. It’s is so hard to be happy because I’ve dream about her for pretty often of times. I want talks to her and to hugs her so badly. I’ve hosting a special event for the memorial sky lanterns on her birthday, June 6. It’s will be very special to honor for her on our friends and family’s heart.
Cassie,
I’m truely miss you very much and I’m hope I will meet you again in heaven. I love you with all my heart, love your BFF ~Kylene~
Laura Nowak March 4, 2020 at 7:44 am
I lost my best friend of 34 years to cancer on February 11, 2020. She was only diagnosed with cancer in January of 2018. She was the woman that could do anything. She was a lighting designer for some of the top theaters in the country, then shifted gears and worked for the government, and in her free time volunteered for The Center For Missing and Exploited Children. She ran marathons, she climbed Mt Ranier, she studied Aikido in Japan. She was the biggest prankster, she could make you laugh until you cried, she would help anyone with their problems, despite her truly being a genius, she NEVER looked down on ANYONE! She would have turned 52 on February 29th. Although she would have said she was turning 13 because she was a leap year baby. I can’t imagine not having her in my life anymore. It’s so hard to stop the urge to call her or text her. I HATE CANCER!!!
Linda L March 8, 2020 at 11:15 pm
I want to share a couple of lines from a book by Laura Berg (After You) that capture how I feel about losing my best friend. It’s been nearly 4 years. I miss her every day. “When someone mattered like that, you didn’t lose her at death. You lost her as you kept living.” So many experiences have gone by in those years and she was not part of them and she should have been. The other line is this:
“ The history of who I am — the accumulation of a million memories from a 40 year friendship, the knowledge that at least one person in the world could see me, that at least one person would always know me —has been washed empty.” Only someone who has lost a best friend will understand the depth of sadness in these words.
We always thought there would be more time. She cannot be replaced.
For all here who are grieving, I’m so sorry . I get it. A time comes when you’re no longer a sloppy mess on a daily basis, but the missing doesn’t go away and don’t believe anyone who tells you you’ll get “over” it. And why should you? Having your friend for the time you did was worth it all. These relationships are gifts. I am sad but grateful. I wish you peace.
A grieving best friend July 25, 2020 at 6:17 am
Thanks Linda. That second Berg line about “being washed away” really touched Me deeply. I made all these plans with My best friend for the future about travel and visits that we were both looking forward to. The feeling that all these wonderful adventures we were going to have together are now never going to happen really makes Me so so so sad.
I found your post helpful. Thanks.
AR March 2, 2020 at 2:59 pm
I lost my best friend in a car accident in 2018. I miss her every single day and nobody seems to understand how much it hurts. It seems like her other friends have overcome her death, which makes me feel even more lonely and uncomfortable with my own pain.. I can have good days, but even when I am happy or when I am supposed to be happy, I feel a part of me is missing. It`s like nothing will ever be the same and I know it won`t. I feel desesperate because the only person who could really understand how I feel is my best friend, who is no longer here. So, sometimes, I find myself trying to justify my grief to other people, as If I didn`t have the right to suffer as much as her family… People often make me feel guilty for suffering, they want to fix a deadline for my pain, as if it were that simple..
Judith Maloney January 29, 2020 at 2:23 pm
I have just lost one of my oldest & dearest friends. We met back in 8th grade. We lost contact for many years after high school but had reconnected on FB and it was like no time had passed. I could count on her for anything. Heidi was only 49 and passed in her sleep. We had plans the day before she passed to have dinner and exchange gifts from Christmas. Unfortunately she wasn’t feeling well and slept the day away. I found out on FB of her passing and I was completely devastated. I still am. I don’t think I will ever get over this loss! Heidi is one of many friends I have lost. Anytime I consider someone a best friend they die. I think I am destined to be alone. At least when it comes to having close friends. I am trying to be positive as I am having surgery in a couple weeks. Hoping I get past this.
Nancy Dunbar February 26, 2020 at 9:28 pm
nkd213@hotmail.com Judith, I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dearest friend on Feb 20th. The grief is overwhelming. I wake up at night with tears streaming down my face. I know it will get better. I am determined to remember my friend by sharing her amazing spirit with others in my life. I owe that to her for all of the unforgettable joy she brought to me over the years.
Cristian January 21, 2020 at 8:56 pm
Dear all,
I didn’t read your stories, I’m pretty sad at this moment,so i don’t have enough power to to it.
My little story starts in 1995 when I met my girlfriend Maria for 1 year at that time. We broke up soon after but in a strange way we became friends and I married my now separated wife , who is actually the cousin of Maria.
I loved her all these years , but in the admiring mode, and think she cared also for me.
I told her I married the wrong person , her cousin, who I never really loved 100%, however we have a beautiful daughter together.
Through the following 25 years we continued to speak through phone and and met several times all three of us or separately , went out, raised some glasses and had some good time at the end of our youth, eventually , we are now in the mid fourties.
Maria told me one year ago that she is serious ill with her lungs, and these january 2020 she died after a terrible fight with with cancer.
I will contact her mother in a few weeks to express my great sorrow.
RIP Dear Maria, my dearest friend.
Kiran Kumar January 17, 2020 at 5:02 am
Glad to see this site, it’s helpful for everyone who lost amazing friends and to know we aren’t alone in this difficult phase.
My friend was just 38 and passed few days before because of cancer. We had known for 2 years on online only since we stayed in far countries. We wanted to meet but couldn’t. Eventhough we didn’t meet physically, he was my big brother and a great friend. We talked almost everyday of everything. We were there for each other in good and bad moments of life.
Just few days before he said he had never been so happy in life and grateful to God. He visited Church on sunday with his family and friends and talked to pastor and said he was at peace and next day he slipped to coma and passed away. Can’t express the feeling of losing him suddenly and it hurts like anything else I have experienced before.I know it hurts even more for his beloved family and friends.
But he was in more physical pain and he fought very hard for long time and inspired everyone around him. I am proud of you Renato – my friend, my brother and will cherish you until my last day here and we will meet again soon.
Life will never be same but I will stay strong and I am grateful to God to have known him.
Hope God gives strength for everyone in these tough times. Take care all.
Jade December 28, 2019 at 4:39 pm
My best friend george died in November 2019 a week before thanksgiving break from a drug overdose. I found out through our mutual friend from high school and was lucky that my boyfriend was there. We had just talked two days before his passing about me coming home after graduating from college. We met freshman year of high school and were best friends ever since. He had just gotten engaged to his boyfriend a week or two before he died and passed with his fiancé and parents by his side at the hospital. Being home is incredibly rough, especially since he’s not here and my boyfriend lives a couple hours from me on the other side of the state. The worst part of losing someone is all of the things they’ll miss out on. We talked about raising kids together, going on family vacations, being in each others weddings (he was a wedding planner and actually went dress shopping with me for my birthday for fun), and growing old in nursing homes together. He turns 22 in January and being an only child and so successful it hurts to know he’s gone. His parents left all of his social media and phone number and I want to call it everyday just to update him but out of respect for their grieving process I don’t feel comfortable reminding them that he’s gone. It’s definitely a process trying to live everyday without him. Most days are good and distract me but then there are times when it hurts too much to breathe. But reading all of these comments really helped to show that I’m not alone in this and I thank each and everyone of you for sharing your stories and my heart goes out to everyone whose lost their best friend.
Nicholas December 21, 2019 at 7:24 pm
I lost my best friend Jeremy, of almost 5 years this past November 30 2019. Of course he wasn’t just a friend but an older brother to me. In fact he was the sibling that I never had. When we first met it was more like an acquaintance, but within a year we started getting to know each other more and I helped him through a rough breakup. We started getting to know each other and talking about politics, religion, sports, work, everyday life. They say your best friend is someone who finishes your sentence, and that was what we had. He helped me through alot of personal problems I had at work, and honestly I’m not sure I would have made it without him. His loss is so bitter for me take because he was only 41. I experienced other losses in life, but nothing has affected me more than this. It makes you question your mortality. What’s even harder is the speed and viciousness of life, all of 5 to 7 months ago we were talking about every day life, and trips we were planning. Then in November I get his text that his health is deteriorating, and he was hospitalized. Prior to this we would all talk about aches and pains of life, but this time it was different. He said he wasn’t getting better, and just working to get better. In spite of the bad news he was still thinking about getting better and recovering. I got to tell him what a great pal he always been, and we’d talk all about it after the holidays. Then silence. I found out about his death due to heart disease on social media, then confirmed his obit. When I got the text that unknown address, I felt like falling down. How could life be this cruel seemingly so fast and with young people?Of course we will always cherish the memories of those close to us, but American society doesn’t honor friendships the way they do other relationships. We are told to move on pretty quickly, people dont even know what to say when it comes to friendships the way they do with other relationships. His last texts will always haunt me, but I am glad I at least got to talk to him near the end. Others did not, as he was very private with people other than his family. I still wait for his texts or phone calls about current events etc. I know that day he died he took a piece of me with him.
Maria December 21, 2019 at 2:04 am
On November 26, 2019 at 12:05am I lost my close friend Alison in a car crash. Nothing could had prepared me for this considering she was the last person I envisioned losing. We met in AP human geography in 2017. It was her freshman year and my senior year. One way or another we had become very close, and even after I graduated I took college classes with her and our friendship grew from there. I could not even name the number of adventures we went on, from movie dates to the excessive amount of sushi dinners. Our personalities worked well together even though she was a artsy, bubbly type person while I’m more of a not so aesthetic, disorganized person. We both shared the same values of wanting to be positive influences to others. She was the friend I could go to if I was feeling down in the sense I knew if I was around her I inevitably will cease to be upset. Somehow life continues to go one without her.
I read through some of the comments and saw so many touching stories about grief of a close friend, and feel a sense of comfort in that others may be experiencing similar situations, especially during the holidays. I came to this article after watching dozens of tedtalks and ultimately finding nothing that made me feel at ease. It’s difficult finding time to deal with grief, I’m a full time university student along with having a job. I broke down the other day when I saw someone who looked remotely like Alison, and all I could do is worry about that happening again when I did not have a car to go cry in. Soon it will be a month since her death, and I’m still haunted by the phone call my sister made to me at 10:46am that day Alison not only got in a car crash, but was also dead.
Although my friends have told me I’m being strong by going out and continuing to live my life, I still have my occasional bad day of wanting to lock myself in my room with my cat and cry until my eyes eventually flow out of my eye sockets. I think I’ve come to realize that everything will be okay, and that the beauty of life continues to exist through laughter and love of others I encounter everyday. Also that even though Alison is gone, the memories and spirit are still with each and everyone she touched.
I’m sorry for each and everyone of your loses, and am glad I found this article because I know now I have to be proactive in my own health and well-being so I can continue living a full life?.
Joanna Brown February 18, 2020 at 12:28 am
Maria,
I am SO very sorry! I lost my best friend of 10 years November 22nd in a horrific automobile accident..
She was 2 days away from turning 29….her brand new husband was bring her home to indiana from their place in Florida, for the holidays she was to see me that week while she was here…. I was the last person she messaged on her phone…. 40mintues before the wreck. ?
I’m so lost with out her…. She was closer to me then my 5 sisters.
Forever in my ❤
Jacinda LuRhe Stetler
November 24, 1990 – Nov 22nd 2019
Robert Bailey December 14, 2019 at 1:21 am
On December 2, 2019 at 8:30am I went to check on my best friend Tony. I have known him for 41 years and lived next door the last 10. I found him kneeling over his laundry basket, I thought he was puking in it from the Tequila last night. It was a tall basket and it looked like he could have slept like that. I poked him on the back, calling his name, he didn’t move. I reached my hand down to shake his shoulder and the back of my hand brushed his cheek. the coldness of his body hit me like a lightening bolt. I knew he was dead but refused to let myself believe it. I had preformed CPR once before while working as a Police Officer years ago, so i went into automatic mode. Tony was half my weight, we had been referred to as “The Skipper and Gilligan” many times, so it was easy for me to pull him over the basket and on the floor. I was afraid he would hit his head and remember thinking it was odd that I didn’t hear it hitting the floor. I quickly realized that it didn’t because rigor mortis had started to set He looked like he was sitting at a table with his head facing down, so on his back, his head didn’t touch the floor. I did CPR as best I could with him in this awkward position. I stopped when I couldn’t see through my tears and realizing that I was screaming at him, calling him a bonehead and other choice foul words. I was angry that I just lost my Gilligan.
Marjorie Tiner December 30, 2019 at 11:08 am
When we incorporate someone into our lives the way that you did Gilligan, it is just awful. I can’t imagine what these past few weeks have been like for you. Adaptability is one of those things that humans can be good at. It will be hard, but I know that you will adapt.
Cec_ad December 12, 2019 at 8:16 pm
I lost my childhood friend on the 28th November 2019 after he died in his sleep earlier that morning .We’d been in school together. Played in each other’s houses and all sorts. Then I moved out of the country and we lost touch for some years until I found him again on Facebook in 2011. By that time we were both 16 and he had just lost his mum. Our friendship and bond grew stronger and even though over the years work and studies made it difficult to keep up, he’d always try and stay in contact with me , check in on me , motivate me when I had a challenge. He’d always ask when I was coming to visit . Little did he know that I was planning on surprising him in December and would tell him once I had my visa which I was applying for that very day. I was excited the night before and desperate to call him or text him but not wanting to spoil the surprise or disturb him as he’d let me know he’d be offline a few days to focus on studies that same week. The news tore me . I was only weeks away from seeing him. From surprising him and reuniting with him after all those years. I’m just thankful that even though our friendship was largely online , he didn’t care for distance or boarders . Once I was his friend , I’d always be his friend.
Daniel Alonzo Matos Chavez December 9, 2019 at 2:15 pm
A great friend of mine passed yesterday on December 9th 2019. I don’t know what was the cause of death but what i found out was that he died in his sleep and his mother and father found out and called the school and his close friends. I will miss very much and all i can remember is him smiling whenever I did something stupid, I saw him smile when he was with his girlfriend. I just remember him being one of the happiest people when he talked about his girlfriend, if something great happened to his family or him. Now it is just not one of those times and myself, his family, and so many others will miss him. Rest in peace Guadalupe Fernandez. Fly high man, you won’t be forgotten for all the amazing times everyone had with you.
Rachel December 9, 2019 at 10:47 am
I just lost my best friend 5 days ago. It came out of no where. She passed away in her sleep from an asthma attack. She has a 7 month old baby girl. I can’t even explain the emptiness I feel. She was my person. And now I feel so alone. I have other friends and an amazing boyfriend but she was the one I called when something in my life was going wrong. And I was the person she called. It was a special friendship. When we first met we actually hated each other but within a week we were best friends and have been inseparable since. My heart breaks for her daughter. Although I know I’ll be able to tell her stories of her mother, it won’t be the same. She will never get to see how truly amazing her mother was. Sabrina had the biggest heart. She was always trying to make the lives of everyone around her better. For those of us who knew and loved her she was our light. I will say my family has been the least supportive which hurts the most. They can’t understand and have made comments that she was only a friend. It breaks my heart. She wasn’t just a friend. She was my sister. And I loved her very dearly.
K December 9, 2019 at 4:33 am
Lost my best friend in a tragic accident this summer. She had just turned 27. There are no words to express the heartbreak. Kinda feels like our friendship was too good to be true. Prayers to all of you reading this
Lezli November 29, 2019 at 3:48 am
My best friend took her life on on Tuesday.. she was only 24 and the closest person to me. I loved her the most in this world. We were quite literally two peas in a pod from the moment we met. The pain inst like anything I’ve experienced and I don’t know how to carry it.. I miss her so much. I feel like the world is all wrong without her in it.
Angie November 24, 2019 at 12:21 am
I lost my best friend of 22 years a month ago. It was all so sudden, she had a heart attack, and she was only 47. I still grieve and I have no idea how to go through each passing day. Everywhere I look, there’s something that reminds me of her. We’ve been through thick and thin, good and bad days. We could talk about anything under the sun. Our problems were easier to handle because we supported each other. When she lost some of her loved ones, I was there for her and when I lost mine, she was there for me. We have talked about death and we’ve accepted that no one can live forever. But I did not expect that it would happen so soon. We have talked about getting old together, that our friendship will be as strong as ever.
Now that she’s gone, it’s like there’s nothing I could hold on to, There’s not a day I don’t cry even if I try to keep myself busy. Sometimes I wish that I was just numb emotionally and not feel the pain. I try very hard to still sleep and eat normally because I know she wouldn’t want me to get sick, especially now that she’s no longer around.
Most people around me don’t seem to understand the difficulty of moving on after the loss of a friend. They think it’s not as difficult as losing your parents. Thank you for the article. The comments are also especially helpful. I find it comforting in a way that there are others who went through/are going through the same thing. May we all find comfort and be able to go on with life even if our best friend is no longer there for us.
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” — Alfred Lord Tennyson
John Fortdham November 9, 2019 at 4:11 pm
My best friend died on the 17th of August 1985. He was 19 and I helped his father and uncle bring his drowned body to the shore. I have never met anyone as important to me as he was. We knew each other for just 11 months. The first time I saw him, it was as though I already knew him. I grieved for five years and even now I have the occasional nightmare when the grief that dogged me for so long comes back to torment me. I have never allowed anyone get so close to me since, though I have several very good friends and am close to my sister. Time has been the only thing which has relieved the pain. Music and animals have also helped. Some people say they feel the presence of their dead loved ones – I never have, not once.
Lottie November 6, 2019 at 7:13 pm
I am so grateful to see this website and it’s heartbreaking to read so many stories and feelings that I can totally relate to. I lost a best friend 3.5 years ago to cancer, at the time there was very little on the internet to relate to how painful losing a best friend is, and how it’s not so understood in society. How good to read the tips given and for people to be able to share the monumentous grief we suffer. I find myself looking now, some delayed grief maybe, not sure, thought I’d cried enough rivers and talked it over enough at the time but no, it hit me with a brick out of the blue 3.5 years on! My friend was the sort of best friend never replicated, just as you all describe yours, until you experience that kind of friendship you don’t know, Sharon was as close to me or perhaps moreso than family. She was my age, only 43, otherwise healthy devastation and despair was my world for a long time. A new, different life emerged but I’ll never fully recover, it felt worse than losing my parents at the time. The double grief of losing someone younger, the grief of losing them full stop but the grief of what could or should have been is pretty unbearable. Thank you, this has helped immensely.
Helen December 10, 2019 at 6:59 pm
Sending love to everyone in pain. Such a cruel thing to lose a friend. My best friend died in May 2016 and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and the wonderful 20 years of friendship. She was 37 and died of secondary cancer and it was all So sudden in the end after she had initially got the all clear earlier that year.
I set myself a cycling challenge (20 laps around Lake Geneva) after she died to raise money for a cancer Charity and to celebrate our 20 years of friendship. The physical exercise and support from friends who sponsored me and cycled with me helped my head to try and process to immense loss and shock.
My outlook of life has drastically changed and I don’t see the point of people getting upset about minor things or stressing about work. My best friend dying has left a huge whole in my heart and mind. I put on a brave face but feel that part of my soul went up to heaven also on that day. Xxx
Lilly November 4, 2019 at 2:21 pm
I have lost two best friends on the last 2 months. One passed away last nite. The grief is painfully drowning me…
Megan November 20, 2019 at 6:41 pm
I am so sorry. My best friend died last week and I can relate to the drowning feeling. I can hardly get out of bed.
Stephanie Morris October 29, 2019 at 1:54 pm
My best friend just passed last night after suffering from 3 strokes back to back after she fell and hit her head. She was only 42. She has dealt with so much physical pain throughout her life(seizures, blood clots in her lungs and had a leg amputated), but despite it all she still was able to push through the pain and keep me laughing. I have had many close friends throughout the years, but she has been my absolute best friend. I am so grateful that we were able to talk for hours the day before her health rapidly deteriorated. I am also going through so many emotions right now. I’m hurt, angry, and confused. I am constantly checking on her sons(22 and 18 years old) to make sure they are coping the best they can. I am not quick to cry but I have been bawling my eyes out off and on and I don’t know how I’m going to manage, especially since I’ve just started a new job and can’t take off work. She was the ONLY friend I could tell anything to and now she’s gone. I’ve been listening to our old voice messages on Facebook just to hear her crazy jokes and laughter. I’m gonna miss making her laugh but above all I’m going to miss her.
angel October 17, 2019 at 5:17 pm
my best friend died on October 12 2019.i was friends with him for 12 years.he died before he could even turn 14.i am only 14.he got shot in front of me and i was so scared.i told him it should have been me and not him.his last words to me was that he loves me and i am his sister.i will miss him forever.i will not forget him.i love him with all my life.he is my number one best friend/brother.
Chihuahua October 5, 2019 at 1:54 am
okay so the thing is, she didn’t exactly die, but she left me. She was my teacher, but I loved her like a Best Friend. She was the type of teacher that was really strict at first, but after we warmed up, she was really nice, caring and funny. I know the article says that best friends are typically around the same age, but we were about ten years apart, but that didn’t stop me from thinking of her as my Best Friend. She opened up to me about her struggles and for the first time in like, forever, I felt that I could too. Then, one day, she said that she would soon stop teaching full-time as it was affecting her health, and I was like “if you aren’t up to it, its fine. your health comes first.” I knew there was a possibility she’d stop teaching me, but she must have known what I was thinking as she said that even if she stopped teaching full-time, she’d still teach me, and I was contented. Then just last week, I went to class and she was gone. She had resigned. I knew it was due to health implications but I felt so betrayed because she promised she wouldn’t give up on teaching us. Now, the new teacher is changing whatever she taught me and I feel that, no matter how good she may be, my best friend’s place in me will never be replaced by her.
AR March 2, 2020 at 2:38 pm
My best friend died in a car accident in 2018… I am sorry you feel lonely, but I find really disrespectful when people want to compare death with the kind of stuff you described. The resignation of a teacher, even if she were you best friend, is definitely not the same. Your comparison only shows you have no idea of how much it hearts to lose someone forever.
AR March 2, 2020 at 3:01 pm
My best friend died in a car accident in 2018… I am sorry you feel lonely, but I find really disrespectful when people want to compare death with the kind of stuff you described. The resignation of a teacher, even if she were you best friend, is definitely not the same. Your comparison only shows you have no idea of how much it hurts to lose someone forever.
Megan September 25, 2019 at 7:39 pm
I lost my best friend to cancer 2 weeks ago and I can’t even put into words the pain and heartache I feel. When I think I’m doing okay (more like the shock state I’m in) it hits me, she’s gone and never coming back. Never going to reply to me, never going to go on holiday again, I’m never going to hear her voice or hear her laugh, she’s not going to be next to me on my future wedding day or be the Auntie to my future kids. She was my rock and I just feel like I’m falling to pieces. I know she wouldn’t want that and I pray she gives me the strength to make her proud. But sometimes I just can’t find it in me, I’m broken and I will never get over this, there’s just no way she was like my big sister. On top of it all I feel so alone, my other friends don’t understand, my family aren’t a great support. How is life this cruel? She was only 33 and just had a baby. I’ve never experienced loss of a loved one, but this is unbearable. I hope everyone else who has lost a best friend or loved one can find some peace, as this feels like a living nightmare.
Mary November 19, 2019 at 3:27 pm
Hi Megan, my best friend died last month. She was 37. I also have found it hard to find support from family. My other friends don’t seem to really get it and that just makes me miss her more. I hope you are feeling a little better. I just wanted to say I think I know what you are feeling.
B. Mac September 22, 2019 at 7:33 pm
I just lost my best friend in the entire world, I feel compelled to add that because I want this world to understand just how much I have lost. I don’t know what to do with myself, we shared everything, how will life ever go on without my Bud. My heart is so broken its beating in pieces. I stumble upon this website and this message board, here I am writing this. I’m sorry for those who are going through this, all of the pain and heartache, to the one who wrote this, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my broken heart, for understanding this loss to some degree and thank you for having a place I could once again type my feelings out one of the biggest things I will forever miss is my typing out letters and messages to my best friend, I don’t have that anymore, suddenly the world feels dark and black to me.
Emily December 19, 2019 at 12:41 pm
im so sorry for ur lost.. i had a best friend and she was the best of best friends, no one could beat her but on the 20th (the last day of school) she gave me a call.. i was watching a movie at the movies so i didnt awnser and i put my phone on silent so i didnt pay attention on what she said, when the movie ended i check on what she said ill never forget ´´i cant anymore i just cant, my life is done and no one can do anything about it, i love u bestie but i dont think i can do this anymore my life is like a broken picture that will never get back togheter´´ ´hello call me im scared´ ´EMILY I CUT MY ARM RE´´ thats it she didnt finish the word cuss she only had timeto send it.. as soon as i saw that my heart drop down with my full on tears . they kept asking if i was okay and i would just say ´the movie was just sad heh´ but all i could see was black , my haule world crashed and i know it wasnt a prank since she would never joke around with soemthing serious like that.. and now i found out that my other friend we where not as close as me and chanelle but still close enough her name was isabelle but she got in a car crash, it jus broke me down like 3 in a row what next cuss im starting to give up.. i cut myself alot ever since but i tried stoping still am trying to stop. but its hard -Emily
Janice M Levarity September 12, 2019 at 9:42 pm
My best friend of 46 years died September 4th 2019. She was 49 years old and laid down on Wednesday afternoon to take a nap and never woke up. I am absolutely lost without her. I have been friends with her for so long that I don’t remember meeting her. We have been there for each other for every major event in each other’s lives. The births of each other’s children, the deaths of our parents, grandparents, friends. She was my rock, my sounding board, my voice of reason. I feel like I lost my spouse. Or part of my heart. I wasn’t expecting to not be part of our “couple” this soon in my life. I knew we wouldn’t live forever, but she wasn’t sick, and we spoke every single day. I tell people that my best friend died, they offer their condolences, and move on. I want to scream “I’ve had this woman in my life for 46 years!” Going to work is so hard because people aren’t grasping her significance. I don’t know what life will be like without her, right now it sucks!
Emily September 16, 2019 at 6:22 am
I’m so sorry, Janice. I’m dealing with a 25 year loss. We always joked about the kind of little old ladies we’d be together. I have a huge void I will never be able to fill, just like you. A void where once there were daily chats and heart-to-hearts. A void that used to be filled with laughter and compassion and worry and support. It’s devastating, and I don’t know what to do, either.
Kim Teitelman October 6, 2019 at 6:57 am
Hi Janice,
I lost my best friend of 41 years on Aug. 4, 2019. Her name was Shari Rodmaker, and I talked to her almost everyday. I took care of her at the end of her year long fight with cancer. Like you I’m so sad, but no one understands. I try to keep busy, but still find myself crying over things that remind me of her. I’m a substitute teacher and the other day two high school girls told me they were best friends, which made me cry right in class. I just want to say I understand what you are going through, and I know our sadness will fade over time, and hopefully we will be left with happy memories that will make us smile more than cry. I would be happy to talk to you anytime, because like you, I just need another person who understands the loss of a lifetime friend that can’t ever be replaced. Here’s my email: teitelmankim@gmail.com. I’m from VA.
April Agler October 25, 2019 at 8:32 am
I’m so sorry Janice. I know first hand what you’re going through. My best friend of 40 years died in a awful car accident in October, 2018. She had just turned 59. We met in our senior year of high school, she was my matron of honor in my wedding, and our kids were the same age. I lived in Ohio, and she in Michigan in the later years, but we visited a few times a year. We became first time grandma’s at the same time, and texted pictures and stories daily of our grand babies. When I got the news she was killed, I was in shock for a day or so. All I could say was “Not Lynda! I just can’t believe it! Not Lynda”. One of the hardest things was not being able to talk to her , and ask her what happened. I can just hear her response, and it would go something like “Oh gez April……crap! Well I went to the store real quick to pick something up, and it was a especially dark night….”. My friend died instantly at the scene, and her injuries were horrific. I was beyond devestated, and so heartbroken she died in such a violent way. The first 4 months, I think I cried every day. You couldn’t tell, and she looked the same at her funeral. But I’ll never forget the shock of seeing her and the disbelief of seeing her. I’ve lost many people in my life, including my parents whom I was very close. But this was different. I feel a part of me died with her. Whenever she and I were together, we were 17 again. In my eyes, she was the same teenage girl who I knew from 40 years ago. I loved her like a sister, and there will never be another Lynda in my life. I grieve for her, and the tragic way she left this world. She didn’t live long enough to she her 3 boys get married . We were supposed to grow old together, even though I’m married, we would send each other funny memes of old ladies who were friends and say “This is going to be us”.
Emily December 19, 2019 at 12:45 pm
a year ago I had a best friend chanelle, but she wasn’t a normal best friend she was my best friend like I cant explain how amazing she was to me cuss I would do anything to thank her! She was just so nice and she was the only one that really understand me the most.. so when it was two weeks the break that we had she arrived at are school, then we became friends but everyday I noticed that she would always be there for me no matter what would of happened at that time, I wish I would of talk to her more but anyway, we became closer and closer every day and one day that would be tomorrow she left.. I knew at that moment that the two weeks she stayed ment NOTHING!! She just wanted to have other friends, but the other day I found out that after she left MFB she went at that bouctouche school but after that two weeks she left again.. im just asking myself where is she, is she okay? Why does she only stay two weeks at a school then leave… she has many Facebook accounts and just made another one, also I don’t think she noticed that there so many people that love her or miss her, shes a lucky girl she has many friends and her dad is nice also her mother too but I only know her dad. If I could tell her one thing right now it would be that I miss her so so much and I know she hates me cuss she block me off all her snapchat story ´s also she made up an excuse that its just cuss she has no wifi, but then why did she not text back in past 5 months so what now what do I fucking do
Emily December 19, 2019 at 1:00 pm
a year ago I had a best friend chanelle, but she wasn’t a normal best friend she was my best friend like I cant explain how amazing she was to me cuss I would do anything to thank her! She was just so nice and she was the only one that really understand me the most.. so when it was two weeks the break that we had she arrived at are school, then we became friends but everyday I noticed that she would always be there for me no matter what would of happened at that time, I wish I would of talk to her more but anyway, we became closer and closer every day and one day that would be tomorrow she left.. I knew at that moment that the two weeks she stayed ment NOTHING!! She just wanted to have other friends, but the other day I found out that after she left MFB she went at that bouctouche school but after that two weeks she left again.. im just asking myself where is she, is she okay? Why does she only stay two weeks at a school then leave… she has many Facebook accounts and just made another one, also I don’t think she noticed that there so many people that love her or miss her, shes a lucky girl she has many friends and her dad is nice also her mother too but I only know her dad. If I could tell her one thing right now it would be that I miss her so so much and I know she hates me cuss she block me off all her snapchat story ´s also she made up an excuse that its just cuss she has no wifi, but then why did she not text back in past 5 months so what now what do I fucking do orget about it cuss that wont happend, 3 in a row dosent just go away u know it will stay with u for the rest of ur days so forever in my heart and mind, its like a forever scar that will stay forever. -emily
Lee September 5, 2019 at 1:10 pm
My best friend died 6 months ago. The last time we spoke was 6 months and 1 day ago. We’ve talked every day since we were freshman in HS. 15 years of daily communication. 15 years of support, sisterly bickering, disagreements, laughs, inside jokes, adventures, memories, stories, unwavering loyalty, unconditional love, and 15 years of plans… lots and lots of plans. Plans for what our dream homes would be like, where we’d settle down. Plans for what our rings would look like when we got engaged and what our weddings would be like as each others MOH. Plans for vacations and must do’s and work goals and family goals and life goals. We’d already met our friendship goal – we’d been by eachothers sides for 15 years. 15 whole years of our 28 year lives. That always felt like a huge win for us – we hit the jackpot. She was the person that I never had to recap anything to; if i mentioned a name, she knew it… an ex, she knew him and what he did and probably yelled at him for it. How’d we get so lucky to meet our soulmates so young? Everything I did, she knew about it. I always had her.
In January 2018 we went on a trip to Scandinavia because we always planned to and what were we even waiting for!? We spent 3 days snowmobiling in the Norwegian fjords where Norway meets Sweden meets Finland; a place where the sun doesn’t rise over the horizon for 6 months but the moon is brighter than any sun I have *ever* seen and the sky is decorated with the oh-so-magical Northern Lights. It was truly spectacular. Much to her distaste, I had never gone snowmobiling before, but she’s gone weekly in the winter with her family since she was 4 years old so I rode on hers. (She brought me all her old gear and I looked like a page from a 90s REI magazine while she looked like she was headed for a photoshoot lol.) I screamed in her ear the entiiiiire time we rode because, seriously, “WHAT KIND OF RACE ARE WE IN THAT WE NEED TO GO THIS FAST!?”
She died in a snowmobiling accident just over a year later. I don’t really know WTF happened. She was on a well-known trail her dad made on the lake that went directly from a restaurant to their home – it was lit up and she’d been taking that trail for years. Even *I* know it well: she’d say “it’s the best you just turn right after the parking lot and take the trail straight; it’s like 5 minutes door to door.” But she never made the right. She kept on straight, hit a dock and flew 200+ feet. Her tracks never changed… she didn’t speed up or slow down or try to turn at the last minute or even swerve away from the ravine that was less than a foot from her skis – she just slowly, casually, went right into the dock. Her tox reports were clear of alcohol or any drugs that I didn’t know about. There was nothing in her system.
We’d been chatting that night as usual – she was having dinner with her dad and ran into some friends, so she stayed behind for an hour and he skied home. I fell asleep before she sent her last message to me at 11:08 PM: “i think i’ve spent 16 birthdays with you lol” Her 29th birthday was in 2 days but she never made it.
Since she’s left me, I got engaged, landed my dream job, moved into an amazing apartment with my now-fiance, and booked a wedding date/venue in Italy. I did all the things we talked about and planned to do together except she isn’t here. When I’m not completely broken, I am uncontrollably crying. When I’m not crying, I am in disbelief and utter shock. When I’m not in shock, I am fighting these strong urges to call her, text her, tell her all about my fiance and my ring and my venue and my new apartment and the dumb thing my fiance just did that broke our brand new lamp. Fighting the urge to tell her: my girl, I am getting all that I have ever dreamed of except you’re not here to share it with me.
I feel like my life is going so fast. This has been an unbelievably transformative year for me and I just can’t believe I am doing it without her. I feel an overwhelming sense that something is missing. There is a noticeable absence and hole in my heart and not an hour goes by where I’m not thinking of her. I feel such deep sadness and despair at times that I have a difficult time concentrating on anything except how profoundly heartbroken I am.
And then see ya’lls stories… 20 years, 30 years, 50!! years!! and all I can do is thank God I had her for 15 years. If you made it here, thanks for letting me get this out. I don’t feel better, but I know I will one day. Until then, I’ll miss her incessantly and continue to wish she were here.
K December 9, 2019 at 4:21 am
I am so sorry for your loss and appreciate you sharing. My best friend of 15 years was killed in a motorcycle accident a few months ago. We met the summer of 5th grade and she was in my wedding last year. I am 27. It’s terrible. I’m sorry your friend is not here with you to see all you’ve accomplished. Sure she’s so proud and would want you to be happy. You are in my prayers and not alone in this grief. Our hearts will never be the same but at least we got to experience 15 years of soul sisterhood
Lee August 27, 2022 at 12:39 am
Hi. I always look back at your comment. How are you doing??
Alwi September 3, 2019 at 4:06 pm
I just watched a closed series and one ep was about this guy who lost his best friend in college. It got me thinking about the best friends I’ve been so lucky to make over the years. A feeling of dread and fear crept in as a I realised I too will lose them some day. Or they will lose me. But this article comforted me in way, knowing I’m not the only person who will ever have to deal with something so painful and scary.
Btw, a song about losing a best friend is Spring Day by BTS. It beautifully conveys the feelings of grief through the metaphor of winter and spring.
Kara Davis August 24, 2019 at 6:27 am
I’m losing my best friend Jayde of 30 plus years any day now. She has stage 4 ovarian cancer and is on hospice care. I’m lost. Jayde has been my ear my eyes my go to person. Having to help care for her and watching her die has been hard but I’ve loved every minute. I know I’ll be lost and I’ll never have a friend like her again but I promised her I’ll wouldn’t give up on life and I’d stop complaining. Lol inside joke. I’m so glad I stumbled upon this article for it helped me. There’s nothing like losing a best friend.
Lee September 5, 2019 at 1:46 pm
Kara, I am so sorry. Just really, so so sorry. That is so hard and I applaud you for staying by her side. I know for sure she appreciated every minute. I hope that she hasn’t, but if she has passed, I pray that she did so peacefully and that you have found solace and peace somewhere. I hope you are holding up OK and your friend’s family is OK too. I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and wishing you and your best friend well until you meet again.
Cathy Tanner April 30, 2021 at 5:29 pm
Kara
I periodically read back over what I wrote at the loss of my best friend. I like you helped her die the way she wanted. She had stage 4 colon cancer and battled it bravely for three + years. I still miss her so much but was so privileged to be there with her when she passed. She was able to be in her home and not in some sterile room. I hope you are doing ok and remembering the great gift you gave your friend by being there for her. Blessings to you.
Cathy August 23, 2019 at 10:44 pm
I lost my best friend this past June. I miss her every moment of every day. I feel many of the same feelings all of you have expressed. She was my sister, my friend, my protector, the person who showed me unconditional love all the time, and always looking out for my best interests. We had so many fun times together, laughing and building memories that only we shared. I must navigate life without her now which seems impossible. I know that it is not because all of you are doing it, but I know it will never be easy to keep moving on without her. Her life has been enfolded into mine which can never be undone. I am fortunate to have had such a friend because most people on this earth do not experience such intimate and involved relationships. I know she is in heaven which is the habitation of God’s love for His children. Whatever is ahead for me, I know I will see her and all those I love again. I must finish my travels here, and with the Lord’s strength I will. Thank you for letting me express my sorrow and my hope.
m August 22, 2019 at 2:45 pm
I lost my best friend who was like no other on April 25th 2019 to a tragic car accident the night I was with her just minutes before! It sucks everyday. The most hurt I have ever felt. Emptiness and everything just sucks now. She always told me and my husband that she loved us more than anyone else. How much more close she felt to us out of anyone else when we were together and always told us ho much she loved us! This sucks….its always going to suck.
Tyavia August 16, 2019 at 6:05 am
I lost my best friend, Nautica, last month. She was only 21. She spent the night at my house and slept on the couch because my bed isn’t the most comfortable when my cat, her and I try to share it. I woke up in the morning to my mom telling me that my friend wasn’t waking up. My first response was that she’s just a heavy sleeper, because she had the loudest alarm and it never woke her up. I had to go downstairs to find her lying half way off the couch. I went up to her and felt her face, then her side. It was clear to me at that moment that there was nothing there. She had passed from a seizure in her sleep. It hasn’t been a month yet and I feel completely lost. Our friendship only lasted 3 years, but we created the deepest bond I’ve ever had. Her family is so sweet and acknowledges the relationship we had. I felt like I was treated as family during her going away ceremony. My family has a little memorial of her in our living room. I have her picture everywhere. She’s my phone wallpaper, she’s on my lanyard and I wear a necklace of a picture of her and I. I still don’t know where I go from here. It’s good to know that I’m not alone and the grief I’m going through is valid. Reading everyone else’s stories really touches my heart. Losing a best friend has no different feeling from losing a family member. It may even be harder.
Lisa Mancuso August 7, 2019 at 1:19 am
I hope this works the way I think it will. First, I think it’s very special that the post before mine lost her friend Michele (1 L). My best friend was also Michele. She passed January 6, 2018 from small cell carcinoma. It was quick. She was diagnosed at the end of May & gone 8 months later. We were friends since high school. 37 years. There wasn’t any thing I wouldn’t tell her & Visa versa. I don’t understand it. She had 2 children and the possibility of grandchildren. Why her? Why not me? I would switch places with her faster than you can blink.
I live in Florida and she lives in our home state of Connecticut so we didn’t see each other much, but we definitely burned up the phone lines.
It was mentioned earlier about music. Music is a little tough. She and I were die hard Led Zeppelin fans. Last month was the first time I put a Zeppelin CD in the car. There’s certain songs I can’t listen to. That’s crap, there’s a lot of songs I still can’t listen to.
When I would call her she would pick up the phone and say “hey man”. We’ve said that since I’ve know her. I still hear her voice saying it all the time.
There’s one great thing that came out of this. I chat with her mum all the time. We don’t usually get sad, we’ll tell silly stories from high school.
Well, that’s all for now since I don’t even know if this will go through. Here’s to hoping – Lisa
Lisa Bratengeyer August 6, 2019 at 5:19 am
I lost my best friend Felix 3 days ago because of a car accident. I got to know him through my boyfriend, who is also his bestfriend. Even though I only knew him since two years, i still felt we were connecting somehow. He was legit my soulmate. On August 4th, my boyfriend called me as I was driving and asked me if I heard something from him, because he noticed that Felix hasn‘t been available almost a day and there was an article in local newspapers about a car crash in Felix‘ hometown. The crashed car actually looked like his as it was a very old and rare car without airbag. I didn’t believe him until the parents of Felix confirmed his death. He was so young and aspiring. He was such a good friend and human and so many people are influenced by his sudden death. It will take a long time until all of us really get that he‘s dead because he was just torn out of life without any warning. I will never forget him
Kris J August 6, 2019 at 10:24 pm
I lost my best friend and partner of 21 years on May 10, 2019. Lauri was 65 years old and was diagnosed with glioblastoma in September 2018. She died of cardiac arrest on May 10. We worked together since 1998 as teachers and became very close friends. We helped each other throughout this time and became partners too. There were many obstacles to our living together, but I always loved her. Lauri retired in 2014 and decided to be with her family 3000 miles away. This was heartbreaking for both of us but it is what she felt she must do. She always said she would come back to me but steps were just not taken. I visited her many times and continued to hope we would be together some day. She gave me the news of the diagnosis in September. She had a seizure and they found the tumor in her brain, giving her 9-16 months. She lived 8 months. I wanted to see her but she didn’t want people feeling sorry for her. I understand that but I never saw her again. The last time we saw each other was 2016, but we spoke on the phone frequently. I have tried many times to reach out to her family throughout her illness and after her death. They would not return phone calls. Her family did not post an obituary claiming it was too much money. There was no grave marker or anywhere to visit her. There was no service for her. I let her family know I was posting an obituary in Lauri’s memory. Her own mother did not understand why I would do this. I explained to her that it was as if Lauri never existed. Lauri was alone out there with her own family. She had so many friends here in California that loved and appreciated her and would have taken care of her. I just feel devastated that she went through this basically alone out there. I think of her all the time and will always love her. Love you Lauri…
Tamer Rousseau July 23, 2019 at 7:40 am
Hello everyone,
I’m so sorry, as I’ve read several heartbreaking stories in regards to losing your best friend. I lost my best friend, Simone March 18, 2019. Simone was more of a sister, literally I considered her a sister. When we were children, Simone’s mother passed away from cancer. I was in the hospital room, and so were my parents and Simone. We were like one happy family. After the passing of Simone’s mother, my parents took Simone in. Simone was the product of an affair, so she could not go live with her father. Fast forward to 2018, Simone became pregnant. We were all so excited, especially my mother because she was thrilled to become a grandmother. My mother planned her entire baby shower, and it was set to take place on March 2nd. March 1st she was admitted into the hospital, and was told she had to have the baby that night. Her platelets were only at 6,000 ( an average count is anywhere from 100,000-200,000) The doctor ordered some, and we had to wait for them to be delivered by the Red Cross. She had a beautiful baby girl named, Madison. Madison was premature but she wasn’t in a life-threatening situation. Simone, however was in ICU. We found out she had an extremely rare blood disease. She was transferred in the middle of the night to a different hospital that was about 2 hours away. She was receiving a treatment very similar to dialysis, and one day she went into cardiac arrest. She was out for 19 minutes. It came time to make a decision, and before anyone had to Simone passed on her own.
The terrible part of this is Simone’s “boyfriend” has blocked my entire family, and Simone’s only blood relatives, an aunt and a cousin. We don’t have access to baby Madison. She lives 10 minutes away. I feel like that is a BIG piece of Simone that I could have. I am so unbelievably heartbroken, and have contemplated suicide. I feel as though I could literally die from a broken heart. I feel lost, angry, sad, crazy, and confused. We have been together for almost 30 years. She died at the age 33. 33 years old. I go to therapy, and it has helped but only temporarily. Everything seems to be temporary these days. I’ll have a good day, and then I’ll have 5 terrible days in a row. I cry every single day, multiple times a day. Sometimes in mid sentence while talking to someone. Simone was the closest person to me in my life. I don’t even remember life without her. I don’t look forward to anything, because I know she won’t be there. My birthday is coming up in August, and I’m dreading it. I don’t know a birthday without her. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and so on and so forth. I’ve heard it never gets better, but it gets easier. I just hope I see a light at the end of the tunnel. One day. ?
Christian July 13, 2019 at 5:50 pm
My best friend was also my cousin. We became extremely close during one of the lowest points in my life. She saved me when I was so lost, and gave me a safe place to belong. We spent 3 years of craziness together. We were looking for a place to live as neither of us had a significant other or kids.
She tragically died in a car accident right down the road from our family street at the age of 24. I don’t have 25 years of friendship, but this post hit a cord in me. She died 2 years ago, and I still feel it every single day. It still seems so impossible, and I find it almost suffocating when thinking about it.
Felt that I should share that.
Thank you for the article.
LA from LI July 11, 2019 at 10:03 am
I lost my Best Friend of 20 years suddenly and unexpectedly on March 25th. She was the Lucy to my Ethel, the Louise to my Thelma. We did everything together and finalized an august road trip on Sunday, and Monday morning she was found dead of an apparent hear attack.
I am so angry with her!!!! It took months of nagging to get her to a cardiologist. She had become severely overweight with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. She talked about her weight loss and how great she was doing for three years and in that time managed to gain another 40 lbs. She would not listen to anyone and claimed she ate like a bird, and it must be her metabolism.
She never followed through with anything, and I always cleaned up her messes. She had quite a bit of money from an accident settlement and for years, and up to two weeks before her death I urged her to go onto Legal Zoom and create a simple will. As usual, she’ll do it tomorrow. She’s been estranged from her Sisters for years because she treated her very badly. Her Nephew who lived with her and did everything for her was the beneficiary she wanted. She never did that simple will, and now the Sister she hated has walked off with everything, buried her in a quick over-nighter, and the Nephew has been asked to move out! “I told you so” really sucks when the person dies and you watch their worst fears happen.
I am lost without her. I’ll never get over it but I’m told I’ll get used to it. I am resigning myself to the fact that she’s gone, and she lived her life on her own terms. If she wanted to lose weight and be healthy, she would have. If she really wanted her Nephew to be taken care of, she would have. In the end I was able to pull her out of all the messes she made but I couldn’t save her from herself. I am grateful to have had this close a Friendship. She was my Sister, a Soul Sister. Some people never get to experience this. I know God has something amazing in store for me. Day by day and more and more, I’m embracing the love and memories.
I wish all of you Peace!
Stephana July 8, 2019 at 6:42 pm
One of my best (of my handful of )friends died without warning on June 23rd. Our birthdays were the same day though she was 7 years older. Though a friendly person-I don’t make friends easily….It takes a while. I’m 64 so I’m feeling a little empty right now.
We met in New Orleans as neighbors …and had been friends for 22 years. though we lived 5 hours away from one another we kept in touch regularly, chatting on the phone or visiting a few times a year. I am numb inside because it was so immediate that I didn’t have a chance to communicate with her. She was planning a birthday visit to see me where I ‘ve lived for 11 years. She loved it here but just wished it were closer to New Orleans. New Orleanians LOVE their home…As someone who lived there for 11 years I can understand why. Last year she had a show of her work at our gallery and did well. We were both artists(she a photographer…me a painter/collagist) We also worked in mental health though I gave it up over 20 years ago…She was still seeing clients 3 days a week. She was such a force…Kind and strong, giving to so many..and beautiful..like a lioness.
It is still hard for me to imagine life without her…We were both crazy cat ladies and took care of many who were abandoned.
I hope her spirit appears before me ….I miss her voice,humor,nerdiness and comfort.
Amber July 10, 2019 at 10:57 pm
I am here reading this article because I have experienced great loss recently but as I got to the bottom of this article I started to read the comments and yours was the first to appear. The best friend that passed also did so unexpectedly and also on June 23rd. I’ve been feeling so alone without her to call on but reading your comment somehow felt like a nudge as if to say “you’re not alone, there are others feeling just as you do and you will get through this” so I only felt it right that I should give you a big virtual hug and tell you that I don’t know if you’ll ever feel “full” again but that you are definitely not alone.
Lana July 12, 2019 at 10:01 am
I, too, am sitting here reading and while I hate you all are going through this horrible loss, I am grateful to not feel quite so alone. My best friend of 20+ years passed very suddenly Monday night/early Tuesday July 8. I’m sad, totally lost, angry with her. Angry because she was in bad health because of bad habits and she knew better. I’m angry that she left me. I’m angry that I can’t pick up the phone because the person who understood me best has up and died. She had just turned 55 July 1. She was (WAS?!) family to me. I don’t have siblings, I swear we were separated at birth. I feel as if she was “just a friend” people expect me to already be moving on. Even my own mother used the “you have your memories” line. Seriously?! I’m sorry, I am ranting. It’s just all so…fresh. I barely even recall what her husband said to me when he called with the news. I do remember my scream and my poor husband rushing to my side. Horrible, it’s just all so horrible.
Lana Shivers July 12, 2019 at 10:21 am
I, too, am sitting here reading and while I hate you all are going through this horrible loss, I am grateful to not feel quite so alone. My best friend of 20+ years passed very suddenly Monday night/early Tuesday July 8. I am totally lost, unbelievably sad and very angry. She was only 55, her bday was July 1. She was in bad health because of bad habits and I’m furious with her for leaving me. Who am I supposed to turn to when I feel like this when the person who “got me” up and died. I have no idea how to even breathe at this point. And it is true, because she was (WAS?!) “just a friend” I feel as if I’m supposed to already be moving on. Even my own mother used the “you have your memories “ line. I can’t think of one thing she didn’t know about me, and vice versa. I barely even remember what her husband said to me when he called to give me the worst news of my life thus far. I remember screaming and my poor husband rushing to my side. I keep expecting her to text me and I have checked my phone hundreds of times since I got the news. Sorry, I am ranting. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. But “getting over it” is not an option
Jo June 25, 2019 at 3:08 pm
I lost my best friend of 20 yrs suddenly last month. It still doesn’t seem real at moments. I want to text her or plan our next adventure together. I don’t know what to do with out her we had some many plan that we had not gotten to do. We always talked about how when we retire we would snowbirds and go south for the winter and travel to different islands. Our kids are the same age and we were always doing things together. It is hard going to things and her not being there and seeing others with their friends laughing and joking. We used to be able to give each other a look and know what we were thinking. I have no one to text or call when I want to vent or just tell someone about something. We had so many inside jokes and truly understood each other without judgement. I miss that so much.
It is also hard as I lost a very important person in my life and everyone seems to not acknowledge what I lost. It seems people think she was just a friend, not my spouse or mom/dad. I shouldn’t be grieving or taking it so hard. My life is moving on because it has to but it is hard to enjoy things like I use to. I am constantly thinking of her, trying to help her husband and kids. As I feel its my duty to take care of them since she isn’t here anymore. I wonder why god takes good people from this earth at such a young age.
Candy Longe July 5, 2019 at 3:00 am
I just lost my best friend june 13th 2019 right now the pain is so severe I can’t imagine what it’s like to be without her
Karen July 11, 2019 at 10:11 pm
I lost my best friend of 30 years and I have been looking for online support but other than comments on this article I haven’t found anything. I have thought of starting one but don’t know hoe to begin. When Lisa was in her final months (she had cancer), it got close to her husband and kids, and now that she’s gone it feels like I should stay in touch, but also wrong. When we were together sharing the time with her we were all there to support her and ended supporting each other in the process. Now I feel like it’s not appropriate to spend time with them, because she was the missing link. It’s been almost 5 months but I can’t believe she’s gone forever. She was the only one who I talked to about so many things, the only one who “gets it”. My husband doesn’t really understand the kind of support I got from her, so different from what I get from him. During of the last good visits we had I told her that I can’t imagine life without her, and sadly it’s worse than I had briefly thought about.
Trae January 14, 2022 at 8:40 pm
I KNOW YOU HURT BC I HURT TOO. I KNOW YOU CRY BC I CRY TOO I KNOW YOU SCREAM BC I SCREAM TOO A WAS MY BEST FRIEND 35 YEARS HE WAS MY BROTHER MY FRIEND I HURT SO DEEPLY I FEEL IT WILL NEVER END UNTIL I JOIN HIM ONE DAY AGAIN ALWAYS A…ME. 4 EVER
Priscilla September 22, 2020 at 11:45 am
My bf passed at 31 he was skinny most his life the last year of it he gained over a 100 PCs he died of a heart attack due to hypertension I am beyonddd heartbroken the pain is excruciating for me I get suicidal as well
IsabelleS September 22, 2020 at 2:41 pm
Hi Priscilla,
Thank you for taking the time to comment. I can’t even begin to imagine the unbearable pain that you are experiencing right now. It is so normal to feel hopeless at first. I would recommend you check out this post: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-death-spouse-significant/ If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the national suicide helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ If you feel like you need more support, try looking for therapists trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. I am so sorry for your loss.
JoAnn Johnson June 15, 2019 at 4:23 pm
I lost my friend of over 25 a week and 2 days ago and although there was a 30 year difference in our age we had so much fun respect and love for each. She helped me when my parents died and was right there when my husband died. We got to travel together a lot and had a annual Vegas trip for her birthday (10 years). She was a very lively 95 year old lady always on the go and could drive a car like a truck driver!. We talked to each other at lest 5 times a day so now when the phones ring I think it’s her. The one one time she went on a trip without me she got sick and died out of state. I wish I had gone with her now, the outcome would have been the same but we would have been together.
My best friend blessed me with her friendship, so many things we shared basketball, arts and crafts, dim sum, new foods. music so much.
Right now I can’t even think, I lost all my interest in doing anything.
Jami June 9, 2019 at 4:01 pm
My best friend from elementary school died. We didn’t see each other after high school, but through the years, we always sent birthday cards, anniversary cards and Christmas cards with letters and pictures to each other. This continued for 30 years. She died – and the way I found out was through my high school class notification. The only person who would have let me know in person was her – and she was the one who died. She was already buried. It just breaks my heart.
She’s gone.
Joy Smith May 22, 2019 at 3:26 pm
Wow look at this huge string spanning 2 years. Crazy! My good friend and lover who I almost married past away. We were in a long distance relationship and were perpetual travelers, so we met up in a lot of exotic places. We didn’t meet up much at home but when we did, we didn’t stay very long chatting with each others’ friends. We just wanted to spend time together. So consequently, his family and friends don’t know me well. I feel as though I can’t talk to many if anyone about him. It’s crazy rough. We spent over four years of our lives sharing a soul, daily messages and phone calls. I feel as though I know everything about him. Anyway, still looking for someone to talk to besides him which I do often … into the wind. I’ll fly to the memorial in a month. I’m hoping I can connect with someone there. Brutal.
Nan May 28, 2019 at 6:28 pm
I lost my best friend 2 years ago. We met in 1991 and have been buddies since then of course our friendship became stronger over the years. I am alone and no I have not found anyone to replace him. I am pretty isolated. It would be nice to find a good friend from deep conversation toss ideas around. I even have a companion buddy pass that I have no one to use it for. And it expires July 1st. Can you figure this out? LOL what a life.
Dawn May 17, 2019 at 2:47 am
I lost my best friend of 26 years suddenly the day after my youngest son’s birthday. Our friendship did not start off as a friendship. We were going to fight, because of ” he said, she said rumors”. Once we talked it out, we became inseparable.
I was 12 years old and she was 11 . We took on many adventures together with each others support. Through the ups and downs we were by each others side. When I fell, she picked me up, gave me a hard time and then supported me to try again. I did the same for her. People use to say that you never saw one of us without the other around.
We saw eachother through divorces, the births of our children, loss of people in our lives. There was nothing that we could not overcome when we supported eachother.
It has been 3 and a half months since she passed. Each day is hard for me not to think about her, about our memories and adventures that we had together. I get sadden about the thought that we will not have this any more. Everyone keeps telling me that my grief will get easier over time and that I will be able to continue to move forward. If this is true, then I do not want to look forward to the day that I will ever be Ok without my best friend by my side.
I avoid going on Facebook, because I get depressed with the memories that pop up or the memories that her boyfriend posts. I kbow that everyone deals with grief in their own way, but I find it very difficult to be on social media when he is posting so many feeds about how much he misses her. I know that she is gone and I would give anything to bring her back, but I can’t. I have yet to figure out how I will be able to cope with this loss. I just hope that I will be able to remember her and our memories together without crying my eyes out.
She was not just my best friend, she was my family. I found a quote that really meant a lot to me.
” True friends are, difficult to find, harder to forget and impossible to forget”.
Jeannette Esparza May 31, 2019 at 2:41 pm
I lost my best friend of 18 years March 16th of this year. And I feel everything you are saying , Dawn. I just don’t wanna “move on”. I don’t know how to live in a world where she’s not here with me. I keep going to text her, forgetting she’s gone. It’s just devastating.
emily June 5, 2019 at 9:52 am
i had my best friend… i cant say hr name cus il cry.. but here is my grif.. so it was christmas eve and she said i have a suprise for u tmr..i was os exited cuss i had a suprise for her too untill..i get a email saying.. hi its the parent of.. and im so so sorry.. she died.. i threw my phone on the floor and started cryng i still a to this day.. i wonder if killing herself was chrismas gift… she was 14.. im 12 right now its been a kinda long time like 148 days.. it was her birthday yesterday.. of 15..
Kevin P May 11, 2019 at 1:24 am
I lost one of my closest friends 6 months ago unexpectedly. I remember him reaching out to me a few days before he passed on Snapchat ready to hangout when I got home from college for Christmas break. I wish I could have spoken to him one last time. We didn’t see each other as much as high school but it still pains me to this day that I can’t call him and talk to him about anything. RIP Buddy you aren’t missed by many.
Kevin P May 11, 2019 at 1:25 am
Are missed by many*
Khanyisile April 23, 2019 at 8:13 am
I lost my best friend 3 weeks and 3 days counting now. For the life of me I cannot seem to stop crying,thinking and remenicing on all the good, bad, exciting, funny, sad and fun very fun moments we experienced together.
He was my brother, sister, lover at first to the end and my truth. He is the one I’ve never had to pretend and lie to, he literally knew my secrets and thoughts (considering the fact that I am an introvert and very private person). I am now left with voicenotes and plenty of pictures to fill the void that is within me.
I have only one question, how do I deal with this experience? I am having difficulties letting go (I am looking at his pic and crying my soul out because it hurts so much).
Please help
Khanyisile April 23, 2019 at 7:17 am
I lost my best friend Bongani Boyza Biyase 3 weeks and 3 days counting now. For the life of me I cannot seem to stop crying,thinking and remenicing on all the good, bad, exciting, funny, sad and fun very fun moments we experienced together.
He was my brother, sister, lover at first to the end and my truth. He is the one I’ve never had to pretend and lie to, he literally knew my secrets and thoughts (considering the fact that I am an introvert and very private person). I am now left with voicenotes and plenty of pictures to fill the void that is within me.
I have only one question, how do I deal with this experience? I am having difficulties letting go (I am looking at his pic and crying my soul out because it hurts so much).
Please help
Alison April 19, 2019 at 5:35 pm
My best friend died 3 years ago and I still can’t accept that she’s gone. We grew up together from the age of 10 and we knew each other for 36 years and I feel so lost without her. She was always my go to,my ally, they say time is a healer but I disagree, I think you just learn to deal with it a bit better. I hate that I don’t have any one that close to me anymore that I can talk to anything. It hurts my heart so much xxx
Denise Bell May 2, 2019 at 5:50 pm
Alison, so sorry for your loss. I know exactly what you mean. My bff died unexpectedly 6 weeks ago. We were best friends since we were 12. We would have celebrated 50 years as bff’s this September. Susanne was my confidante, my go to person, always listening, never judging. I’ve told her things that I haven’t told anyone else. I’m lost without her. The shock was like being hit over the head with a two by four. I’m also struggling with anger towards her husband for not calling an ambulance. I have no answers, only pain. I fell apart when it happened but I very been numb since then. I know she’s gone but I’m not ready to accept it. So sad for both of us. Take care.
I April 19, 2019 at 8:59 am
My BEST friend of 50 years who I had known since 4th grade suddenly died in her home alone last month. She was 59 and had only turned 59 in October. We had talked in January and we had a good talk and she told me you know what Linda, you and I have known each other almost our whole lives and I said yes we have Karen…yes we have. And we giggled over it. It was all good! In February she emailed me saying she was freezing up there in Ohio due to the polar vortex and that she was hibernating. I laughed about it and replied. Did not hear back from her. March 19 I wrote to her. Nothing. Ok, starting to get worried and the day I was gonna call her I then all of a sudden had a response to my e-mail from her Monday, April 15, but it was not her, it was her brother telling me that Karen had passed away sometime the latter half of March alone in her home. I just could not believe what I was reading and started freaking out screaming NO NO NO NOT MY KAREN! I just could not believe what I was reading. I still cannot believe it. I know it happened, but I cannot believe it. She never married or had kids so she was found alone in her home with her kitty cat who survived. Seems her mail carrier noticed junk mail piling up and asked her neighbor if anyone had seen Karen. No. The neighbor tried to contact her via text. No reply. The neighbor went over and knocked. No reply. Police were called for a wellness check and her body was found on the floor of her bathroom and she had been dead at least two to three weeks…or more. Nobody is sure exactly when she died or why she died. She was planning to sell her home and move south to Tennessee where the family was from. She was making plans to go and was even having repairs on her home done so she could sell it. She was looking forward to the move. Sadly, she never got to do that. She was cremated and her book of life is now closed. Done. She is gone. I am still not able to wrap my head around it. I am gutted. Devastated. Not sure how I am gonna go on without her. I cannot think, or eat, or sleep and I cry all the time and have since I found out. I feel empty, lost, confused, and angry, upset, and I am even having that survivor guilt of why was it her and not me?! I do not know how to deal with this loss. Half of me feels dead now. My heart aches. I never lost a close good long time friend. EVER. I keep thinking this is a bad bad bad bad dream and it will end but it is not a bad dream. Oh, it is a bad dream yes, the worst one would want when losing their dear friend. It is a horrible dream. I just want her back. I just want my best friend back. I even called her number of all things coz I wanted to hear her voice again! I do not think I will ever get over this. I know I won’t. It is all so raw that it hurts to the bone. I loved her so much…my baby girl. My best friend. Life will never be the same for me again. Without Karen I am lost. I find no joy in life now. I was so blessed to have had my best friend in my life for 50 years….god I miss her so much.
samantha April 17, 2019 at 3:09 pm
couple years ago i lost my best friend , my safe heaven , my rock she was the most silly person ever she was like a sister to me my protector from everything that was happening at home she would always make sure i was straight she would make sure i had my homework done and always made sure i had that best grades in class, she was the best sister i prayed i could have…… one day she started to changed she wasn’t smiling anymore she wasn’t happy she always try to fake it but i knew something was wrong she would go days just been in bed she would only try to get up to help me with my homework that never changed she was a great person i remember knocking on her door after school, her mom said she hadn’t gotten up i opened that door to find her with blood on her wrist and a note that said i wasn’t good enough i wasn’t that same after that i became angry , at the whole world i don’t know i will never understand why she did it or what she meant by she wasn’t good enough , her birthday is coming up and i wish i could tell her how much she deserve to be here ….
Z April 15, 2019 at 12:10 am
I am 16 years old and I lost my best friend recently. When my parents broke the news to me I was devastated as this was my first real death I’ve had to deal with and it was not just a peer but my best friend. What helped me a lot and still helps me is mutual friends. I sometimes get in contact with her mutual friends and it makes me feel better as I have someone I can talk to who was as close as I was to her. Another process that helps me but may not help other people is a photo. For instance I have a picture of my friend on my nightstand and as my lock screen so I can think of her everyday. Also let’s never forget about talking and letting it out, talk to your parents, counselor, or other close friends they will be your biggest supporters during this time. Another important thing is though you may not want to try to keep your life normal, go out with friends have a good time it will help. I know what you are going through trust me and all I am gonna say along with what has helped me grieve is always remember the good things about your best friend, he or she would never want you to be sad over her. I know this is easier said than done but trust me even trying it helps. To anyone who is reading this and is grieving just know you are not alone, there are always plenty of other people that know exactly what you are going through. So deeply sorry for your loss.
Jaydee Almond March 18, 2019 at 11:44 am
My best friend died two years ago and I miss her every day. We started our mornings with a “how are you” text and saw each other often. I met her at work and we clicked as she was a Brit like me and had grownup just a few miles from me in England. She really understood where I was coming from and I her. She had been a widow for many years and had a wonderful support circle of friends. Her death was so unexpected. Of the two of us she was the healthier one. She was vegetarian. She was full of energy and life. Her death was a huge blow to me and I’m still hurting so much.
She was always there for me and supported me through the deaths of my mother and my husband ( he passed 4 years ago) Without her to turn to life would have been intolerable. She was always ready with a hug and a glass of wine! We liked the same things, travellled together, went out together. Now at age 74, I stay home a lot. I don’t have another friend to fill the hole she left in my life and I’m finding it so hard to do things by myself. I was an only child And she became the sister I never had. She was a lovely lady and I was blessed to have her in my life for over 40 years.
Felicia March 31, 2019 at 1:39 am
I’m really sorry to hear about your friend. Your story really touched my heart. I just wanted you to know that someone is thinking about you.
Michelle Jarrell April 18, 2019 at 5:46 am
Jaydee,
I just wanted you to know that your story has really touched me in a way that no other grief story has. This is the 1st “friends” grief post I have found but your story is quite similar to mine. My best friend died a few years ago and although we were both only about 40 we had been close best friends since we were 15/16 years old. She was the stronger of the 2 of us and the more stubborn by far but she gave up and committed suicide a few years ago. I have yet to even attempt to deal with my own grief of losing her. My daughter got close to her for a time and keeps her memory alive on a regular basis but as far as my grief I have put it on a back burner to help my kids deal with the loss of someone so dear to us due to suicide. I dont even know how you cope or deal with my own emotions or the psychology therein. It was hopeful to see that even though we have a little age difference our stories aren’t too different. I somehow doubt I will find a story quite like mine that’s any closer but I will keep looking and hopefully find a way to deal with the 3 year old loss. Sorry for your loss and good luck
david acuff March 9, 2019 at 10:01 pm
I lost my sister, Mary back in September and 4 days later lost my best friend , Carol who was bedridden with parkinsons and also a broken hip. I was devastated and still have tears in my eyes often. I was a caregiver for Carol the past 3 years and was with her for a total of 11 years. She made my life complete We went to school together and the pain of losing her took a toll on me as for the first 2 months after her passing I wanted to join her. I was with her at all dr, appts, surgeries, emergency room stays as well as nursing home stays not to mention sorting and arranging all her meds she was taking every day. Being a caregiver is not easy, but I would do it again if she was here. She meant the world to me. I made peace with her and had closure just before she went on to Heaven as I told her that I would never leave her and would do anything for her; afterwards she kissed my arm. The precious memories I have of her are indeed precious. I called her “sweetie”, and she loved it.
Jenni March 6, 2019 at 9:32 pm
It’s been 7 1/2 years, we were best friends for 10, and I still am not over losing him. Bobby was such a huge part of my life, starting in high school, and ending too early. Now, I face true adulthood without him, and always imagined him in it, with me. Simple things, like songs or movies, make me want to reach out to him, but he’s not there. I feel his loss like there is a hole in my chest, and if I focus on it too long, I’m lost. I don’t know what can assuage it, but time hasn’t worked, so far. I’m not sure what I’m looking for on this message board, but it feels good to at least say something, even after all this time. Losing your best friend is a little like a soul mate. He’ll never be replaced, no one could even come close. Love to everyone out there that has lost theirs. <3
Joshua Leffler March 6, 2019 at 6:30 am
I forgot to add it didn’t help that the whole time I was going through this my rental office was Harassing me. I had mutual acquaintances coming to visit to check up on me all the time. One of them has a friend that is a detective in the county that I live in. they told them that my rental company was trying to find a way to get me kicked out and arrested because they thought I was selling drugs. Because of the constant visits of people that was trying to show concern towards me. So, I had to push everyone away just so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. There actions led me to the state of mind that I’m in today because things might have been different if I still have people checking up on me. So, now I am just dreaming of the day I get away from it all. Wish me luck, and send prayers my way. PS, I am not a drug addict. I actually do not even drink. Oh well screw Colony Management.
Joshua Leffler March 6, 2019 at 6:10 am
So, in 2014 one of my best friends died in Feb and 3 months later my grandmother died and then 3 months later my great aunt died. Was a really bad year. Then Feb 2015 my other childhood best friend died. I didn’t make it to the funeral because I couldn’t stand going to another one. Then something snapped in me and I started to hangout with some people I barely new and it wasn’t a good environment. I felt I was in a better place, but I was just ignoring my grief. Then in 2016 my last childhood friend died. I then went back into a depressing state and looked around me, and was like what am I doing here. So, I left and started to try and keep my mind occupied because I didn’t know what else to do. I even tried starting a business with my friend. But, when it was time to renew the business license I was left out. So, I left he got into trouble with the employment commission, so it might of been for the best. Then in 2018 my elderly neighbor passed away. I was always helping him out in bad weather and bad health. He always told me he was a dj for a radio station, but I never believed him. But, he was. Then looking over the obituaries in 2018 I ran across my childhood best friend’s father he also died. He used to lecture us as kids to being better men and he also gave me a free Ford focus. Today, the realization of my best friends and my closest family members are gone is setting in. I wish I could give good advice on what to do, but I cannot. I am scared to meet new people because I am just afraid they will die. But, if you have loved ones hold on to them.
sonia February 28, 2019 at 7:48 pm
This morning I lost my best friends of 30 years. She was my soulmate friend. I know I will never find someone like her. She was diagnosed with cancer 4 years ago but told me that now she was ok and on the way to recovery. I’m devastated.
Toni Townsend March 13, 2019 at 10:00 pm
Sonia, I lost my best friend soul mate to suicide this past Friday. When you said soul mate I know what pain you’re in. I’m so sorry for your lost.
Sammy February 24, 2019 at 10:55 pm
I lost my best friend a week ago, it still feels so unreal. She was only 44 and full of life! It was so unexpected, no warning signs whatsoever, she worked in hospital last Sunday her 12 hr shift just like she did for past 15 years, she went home and went to gym with her son, stopped by grocery store and even posted video on her Instagram only an hour before her son found her on bathroom floor. As soon as I got phone call from her son I rushed to her house just to see ambulance leaving so I grabbed her son and drove like a maniac to hospital, never did I thought that we would get news after 15 minutes of being in Er that doctors couldn’t save her and that she passed away from cardiac arrest. My heart shattered into million pieces, I screamed at doctors to bring my friend back, I screamed at her to come back, that it couldn’t be true because I just talked to her hours ago. We talked every day and now idk how to go on without her, I pick up my phone to text her so many times just to remember that she will never answer me back. Life goes on but pain in my chest is getting stronger with each passing moment without my best friend!
Lynn March 2, 2019 at 10:59 am
Sammy, I cried when I read your post. I just lost my friend of 34 years 5 days ago and I feel like I’m living in a surreal zone. I identify with the agony expressed in this post and want to wish you well. May we find peace and life return to normal eventually for us both. God Bless, Lynn
Chris-Ann Stephens April 11, 2019 at 3:32 pm
I lost my bestfriend last week Wednesday similarly. We spent Tuesday together at my house. Chatting and laughing. Got her a cab after 7 in the night. Her brother found her on the floor in her bedroom after 3 the Wednesday morning and they pronounced her dead after 4. She was only 23 years old, the pain I feel is unbearable, it’s like my heart has been stabbed a thousand times and placed right in the center of my chest. I don’t know how to cope and it feels like I am going crazy without her.
Christopher February 13, 2019 at 5:06 pm
Hello everyone,
I read your posts and in feeling so devastated. I keep being told the same ol remember the Good times. Hold on to memories. My bestfriend and I have been in each others lives for 10 years. During this time I was deployed with him to Iraq and Afghanistan. Went through all that together. I was shot and almost died and went through my year in the hospital and rehab together. I had him to talk to and be there during my divorce and at times my life got extremely dark. Now this will throw a twist and I hope none of you get offended but, this friend. Was my service dog. You may say it’s not the same. But I assure you it is. He was my working dog we were together every minute of every day. He saved my life many times. He was the reason I made it through being shot and learning to walk again and then he was the reason I was able to reintegrate into society. My PTSD was very bad. No one could understand me and eventually I was to much for them. I lost a lot of people but not him. He was there through the nights I wanted to commit suicide. Was there when I was alone in a corner not knowing how I would get better alone in an empty house. I turned to the bottle for years, a bandaid. I moved away I only had him and over the last 4 years he helped me become myself again. But I can remember him being there every minute. Everytime I was afraid or when a PTSD/anxiety attack would come on he would warn me and be there I could hold him and they would stop. Nothing else worked. Not psych meds. Not therapy. Def not alcohol or drugs. My dog was my best friend. My healer. My family. My brother. My protector, and even though some say dogs dont understand words. This dog k e me so well it didnt matter the pitch of my voice, common words or sounds. He literally understood everything I said when people saw it they said you’re so bless I have never seen a human animal relationship like this before. It’s one of a kind. He was a guardian angel sent to me. I lost my dad on my birthday march 5th of last year (2018) and exactly one month before my birthday February 5th this year I lost him. I dont know what to do. I cant remember who I was before him it’s been so long and what feels like many different lives or phases. He was my only constant and he is gone now. I have his ashes and picture and service vest, and keep shakes on my dresser next to my bed. But I fear I cant get over this.. he was the best friend I have ever had. He was my last family left… More than a pet. I have had dear pets lost and that absolutely sucks. This however being my working and then service dog. I can explain the loss I’m feeling. In 2014 I lost the love of my life Ashlee to a car wreck. This dog was my last thing I had to hold onto. he made me whole. I dont know what to do without him. I’m afraid to go through life without him. That I wont ever have a friend human or otherwise who loves me like that ever again.. I’m devastated and my he as r is shattered. I’m supposed to be tough being a ex combat soldier. But this has by far crushed my soul.. I am numb, sad, alone, the only thing that helps me is finding others in pain and helping them.. because my soul I feel is beyond repair with the amount of loss I have had. He was the last but of what was important to I had left and he is gone. I am passed the suicidal phase of distress. I wont do that but I fear I may never know love or true friendship again.
Michelle March 13, 2019 at 12:03 am
Hi Christopher,
First off, thank you for your service to our country! It is hard to lose someone you spend every day with, whether it’s a person or an animal. You are allowed to grieve and feel loss for you best friend even if he was a dog, there is still a soul bond there. I’m sorry for your loss and I wish you all the best in life, you deserve it!
I found this site because my best friend drank herself to death at 36 years old. She was such a funny, vibrant person as a teenager. But life got to be too much and the alcohol took over. She tried to quit but didn’t succeed until a month before her death and it was too late. I now have to face an unknown number of years without my partner in crime and I hate that thought! But I will try to live life for her.
Michelle Jarrell April 18, 2019 at 6:58 am
Wow Christopher to say the least I am blown away because of the depth at which your post has reached with me. I doubted that i would find anyone that understood the loss I felt let alone that it would be an ex-service member and his “pet”. And i said it that way because I know exactly how dear and loved service animals or rehabilitation animals can become as I also deal with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. These animals become so much more endeared than just a regular family pet because they seem to understand us on such q deeper level, don’t they? Anyway my story 8s not so different from yours aside from a few tweaks. Cristel and I were cousins that should have been twins. We became best friends when we were 16 got married both to our prospective high school sweethearts, our 1 born children were 3 weeks apart, we both sacrificed our own careers for the sake of our kids and ultimately got a divorce later in life when it was too late to change our career paths after being stay at home moms and house wives most of our adulthood. We didn’t keep in constant contact there were some gaps of years we didn’t even talk but we always stayed as close as we were when we were kids. We were like 2 people cut from the exact same cloth. And then a few years ago the half of us that had always been stronger gave in to suicide after multiple serious attempts. My daughter had gotten really close to her due to a time when she and I were sort of trying to be there for each other and keeps her memory alive on a regular basis even though she has been gone for over 3 years and I have yet to face my own grief of her loss. I tell myself I can’t face it yet because my daughter still hasn’t healed but I wonder if she ever will truly heal from such a close to the heart suicide when she’s barely begun her 20s and Cris passed when she was in her mid-late teens. I know this doesn’t equate to your beloved service dog and the bond u had with him but Cris and I were there for each other through quite a bit of emotional and psychological shit with as well as the death of my dad and her half sister both of which hit us extremely hard. So the bond was there like the one u shared with your best friend. We had been best friends for over 25 years so the lasting memories and history was there as well. Funny how now that I dont have her to turn to as my rock I am struggling to be the rock everyone else needs. I dont even know how to face her death without her to help me.
Michelle
Carol February 13, 2019 at 5:04 pm
I lost my best friend half year ago, to this day I´m not able to see him in photos without having a panic attack.
He was the best friend I could have ask for . He was beaten in his childhood by his own father, he started to live with his grandparents from his mother side shortly after he lost her to Leukemia, despite all that he was the most caring and kind person you could imagine, he got top grades just to achieve a scholarship and help his grandparents financially and all this before even turning 15 y/o.
We met by chance when I was loner, I was bullied, not even my family cared about me, but he did, he was my first friend, and my whole life changed thanks to him, he gave me the courage to open to people and make friends, and to stand up by myself.
I met him when I as 12/yo and 12 year later I would lose him to the same disease his mother had. Praying until the very last second that he would wake up, but he never did. Months have passed and I can´t believe he isn’t here anymore, and I´m scared, scared of forgetting him, forgetting his smile, his voice, his face, sacred by the fact that I won´t be able to hug him anymore, and the worst part is that despite knowing he didn´t have much time left I was hoping for a miracle without accepting the truth, if I had accepted it back then I would have been able to thank him for everything.
Now the void is still there, and it hurts just like when I received the cold call saying he wasn´t here anymore, and it will hurt probably forever BUT even if it hurts I´m glad I met him, I´m glad we were friends and for all our memories together, I can´t see his photos without broking into tears but I can still look up at the sky and pretend he is still there somehow, laughing at how weak I am without him, and wanting me to continue living my life. Losing a best friend is painful but I was blessed to have one.
Gillian Pitt February 6, 2019 at 9:17 pm
My friend died yesterday.
I felt it was going to happen soon(as she had only been given several months to live following cancer diagnosis) , I was hopeful she would come home from hospital.
We shared many things & I feel a deep loss.
Though I am grieving I cannot bear to think how her spouse, children,parents & siblings are feeling.
We spoke the truth to each other & discussed probabilities of death but its happened & it is still a shock.
Losing a close friend when you know it is inevitable is shocking , sudden loss for unexplained reasons must be 100 fold worse.
We shared a unique relationship, I am so glad we did. There are many wonderful memories which I will cherish as I move through this trying time.
rolly February 4, 2019 at 4:14 am
I lost my bestfriend just a few weeks ago. We are so close even we defer in age, we treat eahc other as a brother and a family I treat him as my younger brother, we go almost every night hangout at the bar, watch movies etc. when I have problems I can easily talk to him and open everything , same also him on me. We talk almost everything, we make plans where to go or what place to visit
Denise January 26, 2019 at 8:55 pm
I met my Bestie 56 years ago. We lived on the same street, went to the same schools, Elementary, Jr. High, and Hisg school and we were closer than siblings. She got me, I got her. We were each other’s support systems in everything. In the mid nineties she moved to Florida but we still spoke regularly. Around that time she was diagnosed with M.S. She was tough though, she was so determined. I visited her there and she came up before the M.S. got bad. When her fiancé passed away 2 years ago her cognitive abilities declined and I knew I was slowly losing her. She could still talk to me though and I’d call her regularly. Her brother called me Christmas Eve saying she was on the way to Hospice. She passed away from sepsis the day after Christmas (2018). I sobbed so hard I felt I was losing a part of myself. I felt as if my childhood was disappearing. I still want to pick up the phone and talk with her but I can’t. The finality of it all is so unbelievable. Nothing feels the same. Yes, it does make you think of your own mortality but moreso the empty space in my heart just aches and I miss her so much. I will never have another friend like her. It’s only been a month I know but it feels like I will never be the same without her.
AGH January 29, 2019 at 9:29 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s hard losing your best friend. It’s two years this week since I lost my best friend. It changes you, you will never be the same person again. I’ve found my new normal, but life without her will always be somewhat empty and not as much fun. I still talk to her though and I have pictures of her. And tons of beautiful memories.
Denise January 26, 2019 at 8:47 pm
I met my Bestie 56 years ago. We lived on the same street, went to the same schools, Elementary, Jr. High, and Hisg school and we were closer than siblings. She got me, I got her. We were each other’s support systems in everything. In the mid nineties she moved to Florida but we still spoke regularly. Around that time she was diagnosed with M.S. She was tough though, she was so determined. I visited her there and she came up before the M.S. got bad. When her fiancé passed away 2 years ago her cognitive abilities declined and I knew I was slowly losing her. She could still talk to me though and I’d call her regularly. Her brother called me Christmas Eve saying she was on the way to Hospice. She passed away from sepsis the day after Christmas (2018). I sobbed so hard I felt I was losing a part of myself. I felt as if my childhood was disappearing. I still want to pick up the phone and talk with her but I can’t. The finality of it all is so unbelievable. Nothing feels the same. Yes, it does make you think of your own mortality but moreso the empty space in my heart just aches and I miss her so much. I will never have another friend like her.
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Jessi January 21, 2019 at 3:02 am
I’m 41yo, my best friend had just turned 47yo in May 2018. She battled cancer in previous years, and managed to kick it in the rear. This go round was worse, and could not be fought. She died July 13, 2018 – the day after my 41st birthday. We met through the Welfare to Work program back in 2003. We had both fallen on hard times, had younger kids, and couldn’t find work. I was in a brand new city & state, and I literally knew no one (minus the friends who convinced me to move here & were friends of my ex, the kids’ bio dad.) She started up a conversation one afternoon during our program, and it was all downhill from there. She was kind, funny, loving, and had this infectious smile that never saw a single stranger. We stayed friends long after we each left the program. We had family dinners, went on camping trips with each other, birthdays, barbecues, 4am text message sessions to talk when we couldn’t sleep. We talked about everything from kids, to jobs, to spouses, to sex. There was no topic off limits between us. Her first grandbaby was born on my youngest daughters birthday. He is now 4, and she is now 16. We turned to each other for kid problems, sibling problems, parent problems, husband problems, and every problem in between. We talked, we confided, we were each others sounding boards and life coaches. Now she is gone, and I am finding that I am completely lost without her. I was devastated when she passed. Her funeral was one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. There was a minute during her service when someone’s phone went off and the ringtone was the Twighlight Zone theme song. I’m sure people thought I was insensitive & completely nuts when I burst out laughing. But I literally heard her voice in my head, “well isn’t that a fitting song for this occasion!” It was like she made that phone go off at that exact moment on purpose! We had a lot of inside jokes and laughs. Flying burritos, falling key lime pie, bears in the woods, muddy slip n slides. Things that only she and I thought were funny, and often reminded each other of, in order to make the other smile or lighten the mood. The “funeral laugh” was like her last ditch effort to make me laugh. But here I am, 6mos later, and I am in a really dark place. I need my friend. I am so lost without her. I have no idea how to move forward without her. There are so many things I want go talk to her about, share with her, get advice for. But I’m stuck. My heart aches, and everything is falling apart without her. I almost don’t even want to be here without her. I have no idea how to get passed this.
Lynn January 21, 2019 at 10:39 am
I just read your post and I had to reach out because I feel exactly the same way. The description of your friend is exactly what I would have written to describe my friend. My best friend passed away 1/19/19 at 11:30 p.m.. I feel so alone. She was my person. One soul in two bodies as the article said. Who will I share my secrets with? Complain about my husband to? Share the most amazing mother/grandma moments with? I have family but my best friend held me tight in confidence and support, whether she agreed sometimes or not. She talked me off the ledge many times without judgment. I love her so and I’m happy she is no longer in pain but I miss her terribly. Sending prayers.
Linda January 23, 2019 at 11:18 pm
I too lost my best friend, my soulmate, my rock almost 3 months ago. My person in life. He made everything in my life better. We laughed beyond joy and talked to depths that I have never experienced with any other person. We were each other’s lives for 37 years. We dated very early on and realized that we lived too differently to make a go of it. But the true love, respect, adoration and bond that we had would never permit us to let go. It only got stronger and stronger over the years. We talked every day, sometimes twice a day. I moved back east, he lived in Denver. Nothing we would do in our lives ever happened without us talking about it first. We were always ok. We were pure soulmates. I was on a business trip to Denver the very end of October 2018 and I had seen him every evening that I was there. I called him the morning of Nov. 1 to firm up our dinner plans. Later that afternoon I got a call from his next door neighbor telling me my friend was getting on the phone. He was unable to dial it himself and ran to the neighbors house to tell him to call me. He didn’t sound right and I told him I would get there ASAP. He didn’t want to do anything until I got there. I raced over from downtown and he was ill. I called 911 and I followed the ambulance. He knew I was there but it wasn’t too much longer that he became out of it and slept. Some type of stroke. They expected him to awaken after a few days of rest and sleeping. He never really did. I can hardly write these words. I loved him and miss him more than there are words. This website is helpful as I know others truly understand my relationship and how deep the attachment and bond was. And always will be. It doesn’t take away the pain but it is something we all have in common.
AGH January 29, 2019 at 9:42 am
I’m sorry for your loss, it hurts to lose that one best friend, who meant the world to you. I lost my friend two years ago. I was completely lost without her.
My way forward included three things:
1. Everything I wanted to say to her I wrote down in a book, well actually two.
2. I found a good therapist, who helped guide me through the grief. I was able to move from all tears to remembering all the good times.
3. Time. Time does heal. Take it one day at a time.
There are times when I want to be where she is, so that we can be together. But she would want me to have a happy life, so I try to be happy and enjoy my other friendships. We will have plenty time to be together in the afterlife. Our time on earth is, in comparison, very short.
Matt January 6, 2019 at 1:45 pm
There is nothing more comforting than a post directed exactly at people in your situation.
I lost my best friend and soul mate about 6 months and haven’t really been able to come to peace or terms with it. I’m 26 now, she died a week before her 26th birthday, we met freshmen year of high school. She shared her lunch with me when I didn’t have money for it. I knew that day me and her would be friends but never imagined we would have such a deep connection as we grew up.
We were both in theatre/musical theatre, her mom was our theatre teacher and together we became like I family. Her mom is like a mom to me, and they both have been driving forces of inspiration for me to pursue my love and passion which is performing and music.
We aren’t very open about sharing our demons with people or even creating close friendships easily, but we both trusted and loved each other enough to share without fear and that unconditional love was never broken. We both have had depression, anxiety and possible BPD and have self medicated with drugs/alcohol. She got into a lot more than I did, but none the less that’s how we coped in our teens and early twenties.
I eventually grew out of it a couple years ago and unfortunately she continued to decline her health and still function properly in law school and campaigning. She came to visit as we’ve been living in different places for a while now, and I was just shocked by how far gone she was. She couldn’t go an hour without drinking something and for the first time, she wasn’t able to “function” like I remember her doing. It scared me. I would tell her I couldn’t meet her at the same level anymore and she was okay with that, but never really stopped.
We had some deep talks in that week, occasionally, some even about death. She mentioned how she cuts, which I never knew. She also got into some heroine while she was here with a friend and I remember asking, “thats not good or healthy long term, why do you do it?” And she said jokingly “I don’t really plan to live passed 35 so.. fuck getting old lol” we’d both had this same mindset before but I felt like I was in a different place now.
She ended up taking some sleeping pills I need to stay on a schedule and took them all in one night. I said, nope after this, I have to cut her off. She has to know this isn’t okay and I cannot enable her to continue to slowly kill herself.. maybe by doing this she will finally listen and seek help, because I’ve been trying to help her actually for years now.
We hadn’t talked in 6 months. I wanted to so badly tell her I missed her and I hoped she was doing okay. I’d hear a song I knew she would love and want to send her it because that was our thing, but I never did either. I almost did one day but refrained, I thought it’d be too soon. A few days later her mom sends me a text that, she knew we had some issues but wanted to let me know she passed. I was at work and my stomach completely sank into the floor. I calmly walked to the bathroom, opened up a stall, and bawled my eyes out. I could not believe the amount of pain I felt in my soul and still do. Her mom says she passed after some seizures that were related to her epilepsy. I haven’t asked if she induced it somehow.
I still have yet to speak with her mom in person and I’m absolutely terrified of it. We’ve expressed that we love each other and have to talk but just aren’t ready yet. It’s a tragedy. There is no reason in my mind this incredible soul, talented, hilarious, genius almost could be taken so soon from people who loved and needed her. She has two little brothers 5 and 8. She had such potential to live a fulfilled life and will never get the opportunity to do so. The person I shared my darkest thoughts and highest dreams about life with, is no longer living. I’m terrified inside, but continue with my day to day life with a protective shield on.
No one will probably read this entire comment, but it feels nice to contribute to something that’s been effecting me for a while in the hopes that maybe I or someone will benefit from it. God bless to everyone who has lost anyone, I’m not sure what to say on how to deal with it, I’m learning, but I can say I will do everything in my power to keep her memory alive through art and be the person she knew I could be. Maybe that’s all we can do. Much love from New Mexico, USA.
Sonya January 7, 2019 at 3:40 pm
Hi Matt,
I appreciate you sharing your pain. I, too, lost my best friend and soulmate. The craziest thing is, his name is Matt. He is my older brother and lifelong best friend. I lost him in May of 2017 when I was 21 and he was 23.
I know what you mean about having someone to tell you dreams to, your secrets to, to complain with but also to joke with. What do you do when that’s gone? I would think of jokes I could tell him, but I couldn’t even laugh knowing he wasn’t here to share it. I know I will never meet a soul as deeply connected to mine as his, but I have also realized that as we age, we do grow out of our past ways that made us fit together so perfectly. I’m glad you had gotten clean on your own beforehand, and I am sorry for the circumstances surrounding her passing. I have not been able to stop what I used to do, and sometimes I use it to feel closer (i know its unhealthy). He would also say he never saw himself growing older. But now I’m like well fuck why do I have to do it now without you?
I liked your last line and becoming who she knew you could be. I’m really excited to do the same for myself and turn things around.
Sending love.
April January 2, 2019 at 12:34 pm
My best friend past away yesterday from a lung disease she have been fighting for years even though I knew she might pass & tried to prepare I’m still unprepared…however I do appreciate another close friend/sister sent me a link to this website I truly feel better knowing it’s people out there that took the time to create this website for ppl like us…whew no it won’t be another friend like her…but im grateful to have known her,travel,live, & laugh…Love you always Rosalyn Collier
Steve Meadows November 25, 2018 at 7:40 am
My friend of 38 years passed recently. He was the brother I never had, and had ridden along side with me on this crazy ride of life. 🙂
I met him when I was 14 and pretty much talked to him every day. He never married himself, but had great advice for me when I went through 2 wives. He somehow managed to stay single, and never had kids. He was the only one that I could call at any hour and talk about anything, or nothing at all. We’d belly laugh pretty much everyday, and about the craziest things,
He taught me how to drive stick-shift when I got my first car which we subsequently drove around for what seemed like a million miles in our teens. Double dates, road trips, traffic tickets, trips to the auto parts store (we were piss-poor at the time) to make repairs to this “chariot”.
He was an avid football fan, and pretty much had the stats, names of players, teams, divisions, football trivia memorized like a human hard drive. I used to tell him that if he used his brain power for something other than that wasted information about sports, he’s be a millionaire :). I was was other extreme end of sports knowledge….I knew how the game was played, could name only a handful of teams, players etc. I remember busting his balls when his favorite team, the Redskins played. I would tell him that they will lose because the opposing team had “that new guy”….(there’e ALWAYS a new guy) which would spawn him to start naming players I never heard of. 🙂
I pulled this on him more times than I could count, and often wondered why doesn’t he just just tell me I’m full of Sh** and stop engaging me on this subject, after all this went on for years (at least twice every football season). I just realized after his passing that he obviously enjoyed the banter between us as much as I did even though it was totally unproductive, rhetorical dialogue.
When we were in our early 20’s, my friend got into some legal trouble and ended up going to prison for about a year or so for a property crime. I was working as a police dispatcher / 911 operator at the time, and remember being questioned about my friendship with my friend. I can remember telling my supervisor back then that “who I associate with is MY business, not theirs”. In hind site , and looking back as a 53 year old man, that response was probably not the best :). Luckily, they didn’t fire me, and I left that profession a few years later, but if that statement would have caused my termination, I would have been ok with it without any regrets.
A few years ago, he developed diabetes, and high blood pressure which unfortunately went untreated for some time. He started taking meds for it but the disease was far along already. I would drive him to the eye specialist monthly so he could receive eye injections to treat his diabetic retnophay and keep him from going blind. He wasn’t in the best of health for sure.
On a Saturday morning this past August he calls me and tells me he has food poisoning and he’ in the hospital. When I hung up the phone I had a weird feeling …..I cancelled my appointments last minute and drive to see him in the hospital. When I got there, he was in bed complaining that he can’t move his right arm so well, and he had a headache. We talked for about a half our or so, even joking about dying , I said “Don’t die on me blonde” quoting an old Clint Eastwood spaghetti wester, and we laughed :). He even rolled his eyes at me displaying his approval of the attractive nurses that would come and go as we spoke. 🙂 He was in good spirits.
I stayed with him for several hours while he slept, and woke up periodically. He didn’t have a family of his own, and he wasn’t particularly close to his mother, or sister. I didn’t have their contact info, so I took his cellphone as he slept, and looked in his contact list. I made a call and left them that he was in the hospital and the location. I stayed with him for an hour or so more. When I was leaving I told him that I would be back later, and to just relax and take it easy.
After I turned to leave my friend says “Steve” I turned back and he says” Thanks for coming to se me bro” I replied ” Of course man, you’re my friend, that’s what friends are for” “get some rest” 🙂
That would be that last time I saw him conscious, that night he had a stroke and was in ICU for the next 9 days. His mom, and sister didn’t get a chance to see him before he had the stroke that put him in ICU. I’m glad I decided to go see him when I had that weird feeling. I’m thankful for that 🙂
We used to discuss which one of us would go first. I would say I would, and he would say he would (i guess he was right) 🙁
RIP Willy
Barbara Christiansen November 17, 2018 at 11:48 am
A song that Jesus is using to minister to me I thought might help others . I am not alone by Kari Jobbe
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Thomas P. Timlin November 2, 2018 at 12:38 pm
I have an older friend I just lost…brilliant music teacher and later music retail CEO with whom I played music in a big band and played bad golf together as well, although all we did was laugh about it. When I was down, unemployed, he was there to [icl me up off of th grond and help, like a big brother. Music helps heal you and does not have to be about death necessarily. My suggestion for your song list is Empty Chairs by Don McClean. Death is serious business for those left behind, should not be taken lightly, like a damned party, and I would be careful selecting appropriate music that will heal a person.. Refrain from angry rap filled with obcenities, heavy metal, auto-tuned pop, policital songs, or boring symphonies etc.. Think it through carefully. Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door may be a favorite tune, but absolutely stupid and insensitive to use at a funeral unless tha’s what the deceased requested, or even for yourself. even then others like relatives from out of town may not appreciate the selection and be alienated, and the deceased will not be there to explain or hear it. My friend and I were trumpet players but also both sang in front of the band. He used to sing My Way, and I have been asked and honored to sing that at the service in his place. He was 80. I am 62.
Harleen October 30, 2018 at 12:21 pm
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5TTz51KxnQ
Missing Myfriend October 29, 2018 at 11:52 pm
I miss my best friend too. He died back on 7/28/2018 suddenly and unexpectedly for all of us. We were told it was a heart issue but there is tons of speculation. It’s hard watching those close to him struggle through it. Watching the house he established through all the hard work empty and sell and the daughter he lived for sad she misses her daddy just crushes my heart. What could we of done differently to perhaps extend the time? I am doing all I can to fill time but the thing I miss the most is just having someone to talk to. Not just anyone, but having someone that knows me almost as well as I know myself is what I miss. That is the part that’s the hardest for me. I have tried to look for it in others but there always seems to be a barrier that was just not there with my best bud. I’ll keep searching but when you are a 39 yr old man it’s kindof tricky to just walk up and ask, hey any chance you are looking for a new best friend? Mine just died and I’m looking for a new one…
Brenda November 27, 2018 at 2:29 pm
I hear you, loud and clear. Your best friend is the person who “gets you” and it feels impossible to find that again. I also ask, how do you make another friend like that? I wish there was a way to “match” to find a new best friend – like the dating websites do.
I lost Sandy three years ago to cancer and I feel like I’m getting worse. I’m also finding myself feeling more guilt for not doing “more” for her while she was dying. If I knew then… all that stuff. Eats me up.
I did therapy for almost two years, and I’m doing all of the suggested items to cope. But the loss is just so BIG some days…
Joseph October 16, 2018 at 10:39 am
I miss my best friend every single day since he transition on 9/17/2017 . He was like a brother for the last 11 years , his passing is such a huge loss in my life. I think often , often of his last week in his place , the pain that cancer cause him.
I miss him in the physical , what will never ever be again. The old normalcy is gone, now this new normalcy /reality. It makes me sad , a lot of times anger watching those cancer treatment center commercials , nothing could help him, save him.
We just know our ending to our journey, how it will play out. No one ever thinks they will be bedridden , on they deathbed . Life has a way of changing on a dime.
I thank God for our friendship, stick closer to you like a brother type of friend. My ride /die friend who was a good man who always thought , believe that he didn’t deserve that bad 2017. May he RIP , see him again in the future. Love you my friend.
L October 15, 2018 at 5:58 pm
I miss my best friend so much. He committed suicide just under a year ago. its hard. it comes in waves, sometimes im fine and sometimes im so broken.
M_Gret October 6, 2018 at 12:17 am
I met my friend almost 25 years ago. She died just over a week ago. We had met at one of those 20-something aspiring future leader workshops. Turns out neither of us had any such aspirations.. but there were other common interests and a shared humour we discovered over a bottle of red whilst hiding out in a far away dorm, doing our best to avoid the other A-Type participants. It went from there. We stayed in touch year to year, all the time following each other’s lives, loves and losses. We visited one another, traveled on occasion and could go 1-2 years without even speaking, but it was always easy, pickup where we left off. Usually 1-2 days filled with laughter and red wine as we brought each other up to speed on what life had been doing since last time. But then 3 years ago, I had a crisis in my family, and then with my health. And she was there, coaching me along. Then it was her turn, her marriage broke down, then she was diagnosed with cancer. We lived in different states, but for the past two years as she’d battled her losing fight – all the while going through a marriage breakdown – our talks become every other day. She talked to me about her dying, her fears and her joys. She had many, many other friends from her other walks of life, and she kept me separate to those. I’d attended her wedding (20 years ago) and saw her children a handful of times. Most times, when we got together, there was only the two of us. Occasionally I met her mum or her step Dad. And once or twice I met her Dad . She would introduce me to other visitors to her hospital room, characters I’d heard of in the cast list of her life…. Just as they’d heard of me…. But I wasn’t one of them; the ‘school mums’, uni friends, or professional associates.. And I always sensed they found my presence just a little curious… “so, how did you two meet..? was a common question…. But throughout it all, she was a constant… and as her cancer grew worse, often she would ring me, just to talk about anything other than the cancer. To vent about her mother, her friends or her kids.. Or others she felt were judging her choices in treatment, and general approach to succumbing to a terminal illness. And sometimes, she’d rage just at the very unfairness of it all.
But now that she’s gone, the silence is deafening. And outside my husband and daughter (who met her a handful of times), I find I’m not close to anyone who knew her. Not part of any family or her other friendship groups where I might otherwise be able to share her memory.. Even her funeral will be thousands of km away. I’ve tried contacting her mum, but don’t want to pester a woman who’s just lost her child. And I’ve reached for the phone a couple of times thinking I could call my friend, just to ask ‘wtf is going on?’. But then it hits me..and I feel that terrible loneliness.
Alyssa September 25, 2018 at 8:22 am
His name was Mason. And I grew up with the guy. My first memory of him was when we first got an award for something together in kindergarten. We were in the same class in 4th grade and 5th grade, as well as the selective gifted program together for 3 years, as some of the same classes in 7th and 8th grade. While in 7th and 8th grade, he was very intelligent and had no qualms letting everyone know. He played the trombone in band, and was definitely acted like a band kid. And then I moved away. I didn’t see him again until I came back to visit almost two years later. I was lucky enough for him to come. It was then when my entire view on him changed. He’d matured, emotionally and mentally, and had become an amazing, happy person. I decided to keep in touch with him when I could. He ended up being an amazing friend, and we had great conversations together over the next year or so. We’d talk about a lot of things, such as getting older and growing up (or not wanting to), being seniors in high school. being choir nerds, and whatever else. We were even imagining fake plans to search for the Fountain of Youth so we wouldn’t have to grow up. I talked to him about whenever I visited my old town where he lived, whether it be for family trips or our middle school principal’s memorial… Little did I know that the next memorial I’d be attending… would be his. We talked after his first day of school, I was asking how it went, and he was telling me he was ready to graduate. I told him I was ready too but wanted to enjoy senior year, and he agreed. That was the last conversation I had with him. A week ago Sunday, Mason was in a fatal car crash. I didn’t even know until Monday afternoon when I found out on Facebook. It’s been a struggle to even wake up and live life with all the pain because I realize I won’t see him for a long time. Saturday was a beautiful service… but I can’t stop thinking about him. He was so full of life, and he didn’t deserve to die. If I had more time with him… I am 100% certain I would have fallen for him. It’s been a week and two days now… And my heart’s still beating, although broken. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully heal completely… But until then, I have to trust God, as hard as it may be, and try to assure myself that Mason has found his Fountain of Youth.
anony mouse September 16, 2018 at 6:23 pm
i spent the day of the 14th of june with my bestest friend. we were completely inseperable, and like aristotle described it was as if our souls were one. i remember the day as if it were yesterday. i had an exam booster and she facetimed me whilst i was still in the class, i called her back and she invited me to her house. i spent most of the day there packing up her stuff as she was moving the following weekend, it was just a normal day, we listened to music and pratted around. we went for a breakfast at our favourite cafe and after seing her boyfriend she met me at the park where we sang our favourite songs including american pie which quotes “this will be the day that i die”. the sound of her voice singing that line will echo in my voice forever as nobody knew how true that line would become. she had to be in at 7:30 and i vivdly remember watching her walk away from me towards her house, i had no clue that it would be the last time and gave her a casual “see you tomorrow” as we had a physics exam the next morning. she then went home and ate her pesto pasta and after snapchatting me at around 10pm she went to sleep, happy and healthy. the day before i had left my bag at her house and had arranged to pick it up from her house that morning. so i got my mum to drop me near her house and as i approached i was greeted with ambulances and police cars, lots of them. my heart dropped as i broke into tears trying to make up a million excuses in my mind as to what could be going on. i called countless amounts of times and still to this day i reread the messages that i sent her that morning: im coming to get my bag… wtf why is there so many police and ambulances?!… i love you so much and i hope youre okay. i didnt know what to do. i didnt want to walk in because i was terrified of what i might find. so i started walking to my exam, on the way i found another close friend of hers who i explained what had happened too and she told me to just wait it out and see if she turned up for the exam. sitting there in that hall was the most painful experience, i watched the examinor walk up to her desk and take her paper and name card away as they realised she was not going to turn up. everyone had been trying to get hold of her but nothing. i spent the day praying and trying to distract myself and it wasnt until around 4 that another close friend of hers called me and broke the news to me that she had passed away in her sleep. my whole world fell around me as i sat in the middle of the street sobbing. i couldnt breathe let alone explain to my family that the reason i was crying was because the other half of me had died. she was sixteen and she was so healthy and happy and to this day no one has a clue why or how it happened. i often wonder if there was anything i couldve done to stop it or if it wouldve happened had things been different. i had asked her on that day to stay at my house and i wonder about what that wouldve been like had she not woken up next to me. her mum and family were so so supportive and welcomed me in and i am so so thankful for that. i will defintley never be the same after this. its been three months and my heart still longs for her. i hear her voice sometimes and i talk to her all the time. its so unfair and ill never forgive the world for taking her. this post helped alot as alot of things i read are so generalised and it feels as if im not understood by anyone. would just help alot to be able to talk to someone going through a simlar experience.
Anonymous December 15, 2018 at 12:54 pm
Itll be a whole year next week since the day i lost my best friend and one whole year since ive talked to her for the last time tomorrow. She was more than a best friend. She was my family, my sister. She moved to australia a few years ago but she came to pakistan to surprise me and stayed with me and my family for 3 whole months. Her moving away brought us even closer. We had a kind of friendship people used to admire. My parents loved her like their own daughter. She was such a compassionate, funny and a mature person. One of a kind. She was beautiful. She would call me everynight during her late night work shifts and we would talk for hours and remember our school days and all the fun times we’ve had together. I would tell her how much i loved her and missed her everyday. I was planning to visit her this summer and we had so much planned! I just miss her so much everyday. Im okay some days but some times its so hard and suffocating i dont know what to do and who to tell. I try not to cry in the bathroom and come out like nothing ever happened. I think im still in denial. I just want to visit her grave so that i can talk to her for the last time and maybe then itll be easy to accept her death. I dont know what ill do on her first death anniversary. I dont want that day to come. I just want to hug her and talk to her. I want her to answer the phone when i call her and i just want her to be alive again….
Jack September 13, 2018 at 1:01 am
Dear Kristen, I read your post concerning the death of your best friend and my heart goes out to you. As a 20 year old young man I experienced the death of my best friend who was only 18 years old at the time of his death and I was left confused and felt abandoned by the people around me that underestimated the grief I felt inside. I was also scared and it feel so unreal that it took me a few days to acknowledge his death. We were suppose to be the kings of youth and immortality, we were not suppose to die, but this was my awakening that yes, we do die and we do not have to be old to die. If it were possible I know I wished a thousand times to understand why and now? Of course I would never know, but I, just like anyone was hurt and felt because of my youth that it was a minimized by others. But that is not so , its been 41 years ago and I still wonder at times what his life would have been like. Your pain is real and sometimes when people have not experienced what you have gone through ,cannot see beneath the young heart. I truly do not remember how long it took me to adjust, I think it came about in stages and if there is any good that came out of it I could say that the pain and uncertainty help me to be a more compassionate person for those whom hurt. I hope and pray that your heart will continue to heal and that you find that peace and understanding to live happily and know you were a dear friend to them also, thank you for sharing your story.
Kristen September 11, 2018 at 2:45 am
On December 11th, my best friend will have been dead for 2 whole years. Insane. Jaymie was in grade 10 and I was in grade 12 the year it happened. Our families were friends so of course we naturally grew up as automatic best friends. I remember the first day we spent together at a family event and begged our parents to let us set up a tent and sleep in the backyard. From that moment we became weekend best friends (my parents were split and I went to school in Etobicoke while she lived a few streets away from my dads house in Brampton) this was the best set up for our friendship. Every weekend we would wreak havoc at dads house. Every summer we went on family vacations together. I saw her like a little sister and I knew I had a responsibility to be a good older friend she could look up to. At the same time we were equals! in grade 10 end of the year, I was kicked out of moms to dads. TERRIBLE! Except for one great new opportunity to go to school together (something we always joked and dreamt about) she was going into grade 9 and I was 11th grade. We had sleepovers and went to school together or would skip class to make it to mcdonalds for hash browns before they changed to lunch. She died a year later beginning of her 10th grade year and my senior year. An A student like me barely passed. Didn’t even care about graduating, prom or whatever else senior students care about. I felt the stares of “ou that’s the girl who’s best friend died”. I felt the eyes of all my teachers. I felt all that multiplied by 1000 at her funeral, speaking in the service. Then I took a year off school once I finally made it through my senior year (aka hell). I couldn’t consider post secondary the applications were due right after her death!! I felt the need to apply I mean that’s what you do next right? But how could I? My year off was spent working full time, grieving in waves and being an 18 year old. I finally applied that year and made it into humber. So here I am my first year of college. She would be graduating this year! She would be excited about prom! Sending me all the dress ideas while I scramble to get my final papers in. I hate how this loss is belittled by so many people. We called each other sisters. We cried together, laughed together and just sat in each other’s comforting presence. So how do I go about starting college lugging this baggage with me? how do I relate to all the innocent naive students who have never experienced loss like this? How do I go to any other friend for comfort without making them feel lesser? After almost 2 years it becomes scary to say hey I need you again I swear I’m not back at square one with the grief but I’m feeling those feelings again, please don’t be afraid of me or weirded out just be here for me. It gets tiring after a while almost frustrating to get that emotional tidal wave when you swore last week it was getting better. I’m glad this post exists all I ever see on google is “dead pet” or “dead family member”. just as there’s a closeness between a freaking animal that deserves a post, there’s a closeness between best friends that deserves a post as well. I hate worrying that my sadness or grief seems “exaggerated” because “it’s not like they were related to you”. How could I sit in a grief group with someone who lost a family member and be taken seriously for my loss? How to explain to friends that I’m still me but I’ve got a little bit of the grim reaper inside me too.
Robert September 10, 2018 at 11:27 pm
Its been 2 1/2 years now since my best friend died and when the fall season of the year begins to draw close I remember him and all the times we spent in the outdoors. I have never put a time constraint on when or how long it would take me to adjust to him being gone. I knew the day that he passed away I would never be the same again as our friendship spanned over 45 years. That is a lot of years to be close friends and I still miss him to such a degree that I haven’t yet found that place where I find the memories to be sweet or precious. I know we often hear how we should cherish the memories and maybe one day I will feel that, but what they make me feel right now is lonely. I know in my heart that some healing has begun as I move forward and continue living, but there are some things that are simply gone forever. He will never be forgotten and I am being as patient with myself as possible because it is my belief that God has an intended purpose for all of us to be upon this earth for his intended reason. I believe I will see my friend again in heaven, but until that day I want to live for my intended purpose and I believe that by the grace of God and his healing love I will continue to heal , be it all slowly. I am truly grateful to everyone on this thread/ site because as I read these stories you all give me a hope in the sense that I am not alone and I do not want you to feel you are alone either.
Joseph September 7, 2018 at 1:37 pm
I loss my best friend in September 2017 to cancer. We were like brothers the last 11 of our 24 years of friendship. His loss aches so bad even now despite the fact I know he is pain free, in heaven. I think back to last year at this time , how much it pain my soul the memories of him in pain, just a shell of himself. I miss him so bad , I think of him every single day since he transition over to the other side. I know he will say to me Joe just live your best life. Our time on this earth is so short , I think because of his passing I am not scare of my own mortality. I know I see him again , all lost love one’s in the future. It hurts so much , the loneliness is sometimes unbearable however I just learn to just take one day at a time.
Alisha b September 6, 2018 at 8:56 am
Thank you so, so much for posting this article and all the comments. Errin O. Posted a comment earlier asking if there was anything specific for those who lost a beat friend to suucide… I couldn’t figure out how to respond directly to her but I’ve experienced the exact same loss.
My best friend, my soul sister, the only woman I trusted 100% passed October 3rd 2017 from what was ruled a suicide… almost a year… and I still cry everytime she comes to mind. My heart literally aches so deep inside it feels like nothing will ever be ok again.
She hadn’t been feeling well at all and was very depressed after her grandson passed in December 2016 and her husband (my ‘bobber’ since her grandson loved fishing bobbers and my ‘Subby- for secret hubby) passed in Februar 2017, just a few months before. We were both still learning to navigate without them and to be honest she gave up. Her heart was broke and now mine is.
Sometimes I get angry at her. Sometimes im so mad she left me here alone. Im 36 and I have to go the rest of my life without part of me because of her choice… but sometimes… I miss and love her so much I just want to hear her voice or ANYTHING that will help me feel her close.
Her death has changed my life in every conceivable way. I started living for ME! I realized how short life is and my priorities have done a 360. The changes in my life since her death have been horrendous and hard without her here being my cheerleader and sometimes I feel guilty saying my best friends death changed me in a way that had made my life spiritually amazing. Who says that? Why couldn’t I change with her here? Both her and I believe strongly in God and Jesus and I know He had a plan here but why her? Why did she have to leave me?
These are just some of the thoughts I struggle with daily. Not to mention she’s in all my Facebook memories and that brings tears and makes my loss fresh regularly. I too feel lo ike people think I should just ‘get over it’ and she wasn’t my spouse or family and because wed argued a bit before shed passed and her family knew.
All I know is that I am so grateful I had a love like her in my life. And I am so grateful to have been loved the way she loved me. But I’m still so incredibly heartbroken and am not sure how to face the anniversary of her passing in a few weeks.
Faith August 15, 2018 at 4:48 am
I just lost my life long best friend of 33 years on Saturday August 4th. It was a tragic car accident. A lady was driving under the influence hit her head on she died instantly. Her husband and 14 year old daughter were in the car with her. I can not imagine what that baby is going through. I can not cry not really I start shaking all over and I’m broken on the inside, but each time I start to cry it’s like I’m
Suddenly numb. I am having chest pains, nightmares, panic attacks it’s driving me crazy trying to learn how to cope with this loss. She was such a huge part of my life I feel like part of me went with her.
Amanda July 28, 2018 at 10:49 pm
My best friend has been gone for 22 years and 5 days. I still miss her every day. It still hurts. But the world doesn’t stop just because your soul has been ripped in half. Whether you want it to or not, the sun will rise tomorrow.
When her father died last year I was jealous. It was not my proudest moment, but I was so angry and upset that he got to see her, and I still can’t. I still want to scream and cry at the world. It’s still as raw and fresh as the years right after she left. All I can do is hold onto the hope that I will one day get to see her again.
Errin O. July 18, 2018 at 5:46 pm
My best friend died on Sunday at the age of 23. She tried to hang herself on Saturday night, and she succeeded, but her boyfriend found her and cut her down and called the police. She was already in a coma by the time I’d found out and rushed to the hospital Sunday morning. After the 4th time her heart had stopped and been resuscitated, we were told that her body was sustaining too much trauma from it, and the next time she crashed, we would have to say goodbye. We played her songs and talked to her (since hearing is the last thing to go) and I sang to her too. She always loved my voice. She starting crashing during “Hey Jude”. She loved the Beatles. We were all begging her to stay with us and keep fighting, but when her pulse dropped to 50-60, we just started telling her over and over how much we loved her. I told her I wasn’t mad at her and that I’d just miss her a lot and I just wanted her to find peace and be happy. I told her I loved her so, so much…over and over. I held her hand, squeezing as hard as I could without hurting her. She looked so delicate. I was there until her last breath.
It’s Wednesday now already, somehow. All of this still feels so surreal. She’d texted me at 11:04pm Saturday night. Her boyfriend found her at 11:30pm, then called the cops at 11:39pm. I know not to blame myself, but I still can’t help but wonder what I could’ve done to help her. I miss her immeasurably. I’m only 22. She’d just earned two Bachelor’s degrees. We each just adopted a puppy a few months ago and now our dogs are best friends. We joked that it couldn’t be any other way because we were such good-such best friends.
I’m glad to find an article about losing your best friend, but is there any advice out there for those who’ve specifically lost their best friend to suicide? It’s so hard to move on from because it feels like it could’ve been prevented. I myself used to struggle with suicidal thoughts until a few years ago (and she knew this) and I was somehow able to piece myself together and move on. I’d hoped she’d feel close enough and comfortable enough with me to tell me that something was so wrong.
I can’t seem to gather the rest of the information I need to piece this together. It’s like everyone got a puzzle piece, but none of the pieces we got are to the same puzzle and nobody has all the pieces to any one puzzle anyway.
Aimee July 13, 2018 at 2:33 pm
I lost my best friend of 35 years in 2017. It was unexpected. It became increasingly obvious that she was sick and I along with others, tried to get her to see a doctor. I have an immense feeling of guilt over this. Should I have dragged her to the doctor myself, forced her to go? Would she still be alive if I had?
Her death rocked mr more than any before. She was the one person on the planet who knew everything about me, good and bad, yet never judged me. It is with her I shared mental telepathy at times and have never laughed so hard or often with anyone else. It has been a complete paradigm shift for me. How am I supposed to live the rest of my life without her? The whole she left behind is enormous. I never got to say goodbye.
I have been blessed with many friends and family, but no one with whom I have this same connection. I have no sisters and she was that sister to me. I wish there was a support group for folks who have lost a close friend and that there would be a realization of the loss felt.
Shu July 6, 2018 at 9:22 am
I lost a friend in a car accident two months ago. I had known him for four months which I know is a short time but knowing him was the best thing that happened to me. Before I met him, I was unhappy and had anxiety attacks but then he changed all that. He made me feel loved and also made me love life again because he was always happy and made everyone else around him happy. His death was so sudden that I still can not accept he is gone. I miss him so much because he is the reason I kept moving even when I did not feel like it. What hurts most is that no one knows how special he was to me and how deep our friendship was. I think of you everyday because everything I touch or say reminds me of you. I really miss you and I will forever love you.
MTHUNZI THWALA July 2, 2018 at 3:37 am
I lost my best friend on the morning of the 15th of June 2018. he woke up too early for some reason and went to attend ISQBT training.
The thing it was just too early for him to leave. He left at 6:15am according to his wife and died at 6:25am.
We had been friends for over 20 years and known each other over 30 years. our friendship was that of Timon and Pumba kind and craziness. I am loud,short ,fat and dressed like a lumberjack he was tall and elegant and always dressed like GQ model. I would tell people exactly what I thought of them and he would always look to create peace and harmony. I drove my car like crazy idiot that I am and always teased him about his driving as he drove like a 70 year old grandma.
ON that morning 3 Fridays ago we just a call that he was involved in an accident and didn’t think much of it as the wife said the Paramedics when attending to him, I just dismissed it a as nothing big however after having this nagging feeling I decided to call his wife just to check if all is fine. I WAS NEVER READY to hear the screams on the other side of the line …I knew he was no longer with us. It felt like I had been punched in my gut and my heart had been ripped out of my chest .
I have seen this guy get married, and having a son, a doughter , buying his first car , buying his first house . We pursued our life goals together. He was my sound board for every major decision I was to make. He listen and did not need to answer all the time, sometimes that look would be enough. For the past 3 weeks I have struggled to listen to GREGORY PORTER as we loved that voice together. I have no one to share weird jokes with anymore.
The worst thing about the last three weeks is that I have become a living symbol of his death everywhere I go, you see we were inseparable and attached to each other so much, we shared same passions , worked in the same company, went to the same church and socialised together. When people see me alone they would ask about his whereabouts and vice versa. Now when people see me they seem to feel sorry for me or they avoid making eye contact. I have become the ghost of his being and symbol of his death.
On the day of his memorial a book he ordered from amazon arrived and it was the weirdest thing we have ever experienced. The talked about “The memoirs of love and loss” talking about a woman whose husband died in an accident and left her with two kids.
Then the next thing was when I came back to the office I wanted to tidy up his desk and collect his personal belongings only to find that he had cleaned his desk and all the drawers where empty. The question is Could his Spirit have known that he was about to die?
I feel so robbed of his life and wish I could raise him from the dead and give him slap.
A girl May 29, 2018 at 11:27 am
Hello there. I had my best friend’s life taken from her at her birthday. I am really upset and not sure what to do. I am feeling suicidal myself. Your article is really helpful. Thanks for it.
My advice would be for anyone going through a horrible experience like this, is not to be alone and to stay sober. Drinking, and taking drugs will not make it go away, in fact it makes it harder to deal with it.
A girl May 29, 2018 at 11:27 am
Hello there. I had my best friend’s life taken from her at her birthday. I am really upset and not sure what to do. I am feeling suicidal myself. Your article is really helpful. Thanks for it.
My advice would be for anyone going through a horrible experience like this, is not to be alone and to stay sober. Drinking, and taking drugs will not make it go away, in fact it makes it harder to deal with it.
Barra May 26, 2018 at 12:14 pm
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Barra May 26, 2018 at 12:14 pm
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Matt May 24, 2018 at 12:05 am
The first year of losing my bestfriend is coming up, he passed away last year june 24 in a car accident.
He struggled with addictions off and on. He lost his lover back in 2012. Someone i introduced to him..a friend of mine.
I have always felt alot of thinfs are my fault. I still think hes messing with me, waiting for him to text or some crazy signal showing hes still out there.. he had just graduated college for physics and engineering. He was brilliant way way way smarter than me. Yet he wanted to hang with me. I was such a dick leading up to the end.. i didnt realise how i always came up with excuses to not be able to hangout.. or always doing what i want to do. He always did what i want more than what he wanted, the past few times he offered to go out to eat or hangout ,i blew him off woth ,i would man but im so tired from the baby and i gotta get up early.. im such a fool for doing that. Time with everyone you love is important,i should have fpubd a way to include my family with him more. But now i struggle woth spending time with my family too.. i am so unhappy, but i try to be positive and take care of responsibilties for my family and myself. I feel though, i wont be around much longer. I have no one to talk with late at night,or early mornings when i feel the most down.. i love life . And i dont want to die,or ens up insane..
Matt May 24, 2018 at 12:05 am
The first year of losing my bestfriend is coming up, he passed away last year june 24 in a car accident.
He struggled with addictions off and on. He lost his lover back in 2012. Someone i introduced to him..a friend of mine.
I have always felt alot of thinfs are my fault. I still think hes messing with me, waiting for him to text or some crazy signal showing hes still out there.. he had just graduated college for physics and engineering. He was brilliant way way way smarter than me. Yet he wanted to hang with me. I was such a dick leading up to the end.. i didnt realise how i always came up with excuses to not be able to hangout.. or always doing what i want to do. He always did what i want more than what he wanted, the past few times he offered to go out to eat or hangout ,i blew him off woth ,i would man but im so tired from the baby and i gotta get up early.. im such a fool for doing that. Time with everyone you love is important,i should have fpubd a way to include my family with him more. But now i struggle woth spending time with my family too.. i am so unhappy, but i try to be positive and take care of responsibilties for my family and myself. I feel though, i wont be around much longer. I have no one to talk with late at night,or early mornings when i feel the most down.. i love life . And i dont want to die,or ens up insane..
Madeline May 22, 2018 at 1:50 am
I lost my best friend Sandra on 13 June 2016. She committed suicide. She had what I later learned was a severe bipolar disorder. I had no idea, whenever I saw her she was pretty close to perfection. Never sad, always positive, always a breath of fresh air. Always strong, so completely true. When I learned of the true cause of her death, I hated her for for months, I never thought I would forgive her. Of course that changed, I accepted it, grieved, and went on remembering all that was good about her, every single memory over 30 years of friendship, every laugh we had, trip we took, men we dated – the good ones, the bad ones and those difficult times in our lives we helped each other through. I went on. I was fine. Or so I thought. There is a terrible feeling of loss that I feel now more than when she first died. It is not always present but when it comes it is sudden, but profound. I have other wonderful friends but I feel like no one really “gets me”, as she did. She was a lioness defender, always in my corner, closer than a sister I think would have ever been. I was blessed to have known her, few have such a good soul in their lives. I guess I’m posting now because I am trying to understand why the grief has presented itself this way, now.
Madeline May 22, 2018 at 1:50 am
I lost my best friend Sandra on 13 June 2016. She committed suicide. She had what I later learned was a severe bipolar disorder. I had no idea, whenever I saw her she was pretty close to perfection. Never sad, always positive, always a breath of fresh air. Always strong, so completely true. When I learned of the true cause of her death, I hated her for for months, I never thought I would forgive her. Of course that changed, I accepted it, grieved, and went on remembering all that was good about her, every single memory over 30 years of friendship, every laugh we had, trip we took, men we dated – the good ones, the bad ones and those difficult times in our lives we helped each other through. I went on. I was fine. Or so I thought. There is a terrible feeling of loss that I feel now more than when she first died. It is not always present but when it comes it is sudden, but profound. I have other wonderful friends but I feel like no one really “gets me”, as she did. She was a lioness defender, always in my corner, closer than a sister I think would have ever been. I was blessed to have known her, few have such a good soul in their lives. I guess I’m posting now because I am trying to understand why the grief has presented itself this way, now.
marion May 15, 2018 at 9:05 am
Saturday, May 12, marked the 1st anniversary since my closest friend died. I was very anxious and depressed as the day approached. I wanted to do some kind of ritual, but couldn’t think of anything. I wanted other friends who knew us to reach out to me, they didn’t. I used to always initiate; I don’t have the motivation to do that any more. My children knew how I was feeling. I have tried to tell them the various “phases” I’ve been going thru because some of them were destructive.
I slept very late that day, maybe my subconscious was protecting me. I made some tea and cried. I took out the journal I’ve been keeping since she died, re-read what I’d written. Cried some more. Wrote some more. Lit candles. Sat quietly. A few hours later, I took a bath in epsom salts and lavender. That calmed my emotions.
She was my satellite. My confidante. She knew me better than any friend. Our families were similar, there was never a need for explanation.
What can I say to help you others “move on”? I don’t really have a solution. I have been candid with people when I was having a hard time, whether at work or out socially. Keep it simple. Don’t be afraid of the emotions.
I found grief counselling very helpful. I gave myself 3 sessions, since I don’t have insurance for it. It was VERY difficult, but gave me new awareness of where I stand now.
Laughter and joy comes back slowly. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t express it.
I joined Weight Watchers because I was eating and drinking so much just to fill the hole from my loss. It has given me direction I couldn’t find for myself. I drink way less and have lost 20 pounds.
Be gentle with yourselves and thank you for your stories.
marion May 15, 2018 at 9:05 am
Saturday, May 12, marked the 1st anniversary since my closest friend died. I was very anxious and depressed as the day approached. I wanted to do some kind of ritual, but couldn’t think of anything. I wanted other friends who knew us to reach out to me, they didn’t. I used to always initiate; I don’t have the motivation to do that any more. My children knew how I was feeling. I have tried to tell them the various “phases” I’ve been going thru because some of them were destructive.
I slept very late that day, maybe my subconscious was protecting me. I made some tea and cried. I took out the journal I’ve been keeping since she died, re-read what I’d written. Cried some more. Wrote some more. Lit candles. Sat quietly. A few hours later, I took a bath in epsom salts and lavender. That calmed my emotions.
She was my satellite. My confidante. She knew me better than any friend. Our families were similar, there was never a need for explanation.
What can I say to help you others “move on”? I don’t really have a solution. I have been candid with people when I was having a hard time, whether at work or out socially. Keep it simple. Don’t be afraid of the emotions.
I found grief counselling very helpful. I gave myself 3 sessions, since I don’t have insurance for it. It was VERY difficult, but gave me new awareness of where I stand now.
Laughter and joy comes back slowly. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t express it.
I joined Weight Watchers because I was eating and drinking so much just to fill the hole from my loss. It has given me direction I couldn’t find for myself. I drink way less and have lost 20 pounds.
Be gentle with yourselves and thank you for your stories.
Mark May 2, 2018 at 3:21 pm
Okay, I’ve been lurking on this site for a little while, having experienced the same loss most others here have as well. I’m writing this more for me than for the world as this is my form of necessary therapy. Thank you for bearing with me.
Kelly, my best friend, died in my home on March 12th. She was 36 about to be 37. She was also an IV drug user and hid this from me until her death.
My name is Mark (I’m 44) and we dated for a couple of years before coming to the realization we made better friends. Since she had her own health issues and nowhere to stay, she moved into my spare bedroom. While we did date others, we were like an old married couple, without the marriage or coupling. I took her on doctor appointments, hospital visits, bought cigarettes, took her shopping anything and everything…not as a co-dependent, but as a friend. I believe you’re born into your blood family, but create a second family along the way in life through friends and Kelly was part of my second family. I’m a loner by nature without every having many close friends, so this was unusual…for me. But it really was something special to have my best friend around at 11pm at night to talk to about anything. We honestly cared for each other and even shared company of her cat.
She had a lot of health issues, many from well before I met her. I knew she used opiates as a way to deal with her pain, but as time passed, their use increased and she eventually reached out for harder drugs to kill her pain. I admit, I saw all the signs of a worsening problem and I challenged her about it. But for as smart as I believe I am, she successfully fooled me while I successfully fooled myself that she could handle it. I offered help, many times, over the years, some of which she took. When her mother unexpectedly died 8 months ago, she fell into a depression and increased her use. I’m not into pills or injecting, though she was. Opiates gave way to herion…and her health got worse. I had no idea how bad things were until I cleaned up her room after her passing.
With hindsight, I can now see the sepsis she caught was from using impure drugs. The month before her death she spent in the hospital after a drug induced seizure in my home helped her recover…but the same weekend she was released from the hospital, she tried using and while I made lunch, she slowly was dying in her room. When I checked in if she wanted lunch, I found her breathing shallow and it just didn’t seem right. I shook her, even slapped her across the face to wake her up, get a response, but I got nothing. Called 911 and to their credit, arrived moments later…but to no avail. My best friend died in my arms and there wasn’t a goddam thing I could do by then.
This happened over a month ago and while I now take care of her cat and have the support of my family (folks), I still go through my day, feeling like I’m an actor just playing a part. And I’m not a good actor.
I don’t have answers on how this situation resolves. If I was a better friend, maybe I could have done more. Maybe I should’ve realized a speech about getting off of drugs is useless without action. Maybe if I was more cognizant of her own inner pain, I would have had known what to do. But I didn’t. And that’s just the way it is.
All I can tell you is that I’m happier having known her than to have avoided knowing her at all. Even though her ending sucked, for many years she was my best friend and I appreciate having had her be that in my life. And I feel satisfied knowing that I was that in hers. In that respect, the ending matters less than the joy we shared. I miss her, expect I always will…and if there is an afterlife, I’m looking forward to catching up 40 years from now.
Mark May 2, 2018 at 3:21 pm
Okay, I’ve been lurking on this site for a little while, having experienced the same loss most others here have as well. I’m writing this more for me than for the world as this is my form of necessary therapy. Thank you for bearing with me.
Kelly, my best friend, died in my home on March 12th. She was 36 about to be 37. She was also an IV drug user and hid this from me until her death.
My name is Mark (I’m 44) and we dated for a couple of years before coming to the realization we made better friends. Since she had her own health issues and nowhere to stay, she moved into my spare bedroom. While we did date others, we were like an old married couple, without the marriage or coupling. I took her on doctor appointments, hospital visits, bought cigarettes, took her shopping anything and everything…not as a co-dependent, but as a friend. I believe you’re born into your blood family, but create a second family along the way in life through friends and Kelly was part of my second family. I’m a loner by nature without every having many close friends, so this was unusual…for me. But it really was something special to have my best friend around at 11pm at night to talk to about anything. We honestly cared for each other and even shared company of her cat.
She had a lot of health issues, many from well before I met her. I knew she used opiates as a way to deal with her pain, but as time passed, their use increased and she eventually reached out for harder drugs to kill her pain. I admit, I saw all the signs of a worsening problem and I challenged her about it. But for as smart as I believe I am, she successfully fooled me while I successfully fooled myself that she could handle it. I offered help, many times, over the years, some of which she took. When her mother unexpectedly died 8 months ago, she fell into a depression and increased her use. I’m not into pills or injecting, though she was. Opiates gave way to herion…and her health got worse. I had no idea how bad things were until I cleaned up her room after her passing.
With hindsight, I can now see the sepsis she caught was from using impure drugs. The month before her death she spent in the hospital after a drug induced seizure in my home helped her recover…but the same weekend she was released from the hospital, she tried using and while I made lunch, she slowly was dying in her room. When I checked in if she wanted lunch, I found her breathing shallow and it just didn’t seem right. I shook her, even slapped her across the face to wake her up, get a response, but I got nothing. Called 911 and to their credit, arrived moments later…but to no avail. My best friend died in my arms and there wasn’t a goddam thing I could do by then.
This happened over a month ago and while I now take care of her cat and have the support of my family (folks), I still go through my day, feeling like I’m an actor just playing a part. And I’m not a good actor.
I don’t have answers on how this situation resolves. If I was a better friend, maybe I could have done more. Maybe I should’ve realized a speech about getting off of drugs is useless without action. Maybe if I was more cognizant of her own inner pain, I would have had known what to do. But I didn’t. And that’s just the way it is.
All I can tell you is that I’m happier having known her than to have avoided knowing her at all. Even though her ending sucked, for many years she was my best friend and I appreciate having had her be that in my life. And I feel satisfied knowing that I was that in hers. In that respect, the ending matters less than the joy we shared. I miss her, expect I always will…and if there is an afterlife, I’m looking forward to catching up 40+ years from now.
william May 2, 2018 at 2:18 pm
my best friend died today by suicide and it hurts a lot. im thankful for this article because without it i would never have been the same thank you so, so much
william May 2, 2018 at 2:18 pm
my best friend died today by suicide and it hurts a lot. im thankful for this article because without it i would never have been the same thank you so, so much
Virginia Mariposa Dale May 2, 2018 at 3:07 am
My dearest friend died of cancer on Friday. I knew she was dying; she had called me and asked me to just tell her I loved her, which I did. Then the facility she was in, she had become spastic and unable to care for herself because she’d taken so many drugs to combat what was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia, called and left a detailed message about her death on Friday. I had hoped I’d never get this call; she and I met at age 15 in Hawaii; we were Navy juniors attending the same high school and became fast friends with two other girls as well. My father was passed over for captain, so my family moved to Los Angeles from Hawaii, and I went through some lonely times, but I’m outgoing and eventually found someone with my absurdist sense of humor and life went on. I graduated from college, got a job, worked, saved money and bought a one-way ticket to Madrid to learn Spanish, which had been my minor subject. Kathy, my friend, went to art school, painted, drank, smoked like a fiend and did everything with the obsessive passion that ran in her family. When she was 22, her parents gave an art exhibit for their wealthy neighborhood, and Kathy had to come through. She painted till the wee hours and was a nervous wreck by the time of the exhibit, which wasn’t her idea as she was a sensitive introvert. When a neighbor made a nasty remark about one of her abstract paintings, she jumped over the third floor bannister and broke her pelvis plus was considered crazy. All of my friends have lived on the wild side and so have it. We reconnected at the age of 40 when her father looked up my father’s phone number in the Annapolis year book. They connected me to Kathy and I was horrified to hear of the immense pain, attempted suicides and the chasm of hell she’d fallen into. She was a goofy but happy girl when I knew her in Hawaii. We talked and wrote and she came to visit me in Santa Barbara (which I find utterly boring) where we spent a magical day wanderlusting through town. I read “Ode to a Skylark” by Percy Shelley to her in my backyard. She bought a statue of the Virgin Mary as it was Jesus who brought her out of the asylum they put her in after the leap over the bannister that changed her life forever. We were closer than ever and she saw a piece of art I’d done in a class and encouraged me to paint, which I did, sending her pictures of my attempts. I had just married a much younger Mexican man (he was 26; I was 40) who dropped me when I didn’t get pregnant. I had loved him and thought it was forever, so I had a nervous breakdown as I’m also sensitive and far from shallow. Kathy and her mother would take desperate calls from me in the wee hours of the morning and then I would feel reassured, loved and be able to sleep. They saw me though the worst years of my life. Now I’m 75 and most of my artist friends have died of alcohol abuse or just freezing to death in a car, homeless. These people had been famous in their fields, especially John Hutnick, a Toyota car designer among other things. I’ve had novels published and am also passionate, but no longer about men or women. I would like to lead a fairly simple life at this point, although my novel, Rich White Americans, is coming out in a few months. Getting a cat or dog won’t suffice to fill the voids left by these friends, and losing Kathy, to whom I could tell anything and I have a lot to tell, seems to have broken me. I am a host mom for international students, which gives me interesting people to cook dinner for and exchange ideas, sympathies, but it’s not enough. I’ve led a rich life and am in good health, but I can’t sleep.
Jennifer November 13, 2021 at 9:46 pm
Hi Brody
I miss you so much You were such a great dog friend to me all these go in the 15 years of my life with you how do you subscribe wasn’t as my best friendlYou were such a great dog friend to me all these go in the 15 years of my life with you how I
Love you so much
Your
Friend
Jennifer
Virginia Mariposa Dale May 2, 2018 at 3:07 am
My dearest friend died of cancer on Friday. I knew she was dying; she had called me and asked me to just tell her I loved her, which I did. Then the facility she was in, she had become spastic and unable to care for herself because she’d taken so many drugs to combat what was diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenia, called and left a detailed message about her death on Friday. I had hoped I’d never get this call; she and I met at age 15 in Hawaii; we were Navy juniors attending the same high school and became fast friends with two other girls as well. My father was passed over for captain, so my family moved to Los Angeles from Hawaii, and I went through some lonely times, but I’m outgoing and eventually found someone with my absurdist sense of humor and life went on. I graduated from college, got a job, worked, saved money and bought a one-way ticket to Madrid to learn Spanish, which had been my minor subject. Kathy, my friend, went to art school, painted, drank, smoked like a fiend and did everything with the obsessive passion that ran in her family. When she was 22, her parents gave an art exhibit for their wealthy neighborhood, and Kathy had to come through. She painted till the wee hours and was a nervous wreck by the time of the exhibit, which wasn’t her idea as she was a sensitive introvert. When a neighbor made a nasty remark about one of her abstract paintings, she jumped over the third floor bannister and broke her pelvis plus was considered crazy. All of my friends have lived on the wild side and so have it. We reconnected at the age of 40 when her father looked up my father’s phone number in the Annapolis year book. They connected me to Kathy and I was horrified to hear of the immense pain, attempted suicides and the chasm of hell she’d fallen into. She was a goofy but happy girl when I knew her in Hawaii. We talked and wrote and she came to visit me in Santa Barbara (which I find utterly boring) where we spent a magical day wanderlusting through town. I read “Ode to a Skylark” by Percy Shelley to her in my backyard. She bought a statue of the Virgin Mary as it was Jesus who brought her out of the asylum they put her in after the leap over the bannister that changed her life forever. We were closer than ever and she saw a piece of art I’d done in a class and encouraged me to paint, which I did, sending her pictures of my attempts. I had just married a much younger Mexican man (he was 26; I was 40) who dropped me when I didn’t get pregnant. I had loved him and thought it was forever, so I had a nervous breakdown as I’m also sensitive and far from shallow. Kathy and her mother would take desperate calls from me in the wee hours of the morning and then I would feel reassured, loved and be able to sleep. They saw me though the worst years of my life. Now I’m 75 and most of my artist friends have died of alcohol abuse or just freezing to death in a car, homeless. These people had been famous in their fields, especially John Hutnick, a Toyota car designer among other things. I’ve had novels published and am also passionate, but no longer about men or women. I would like to lead a fairly simple life at this point, although my novel, Rich White Americans, is coming out in a few months. Getting a cat or dog won’t suffice to fill the voids left by these friends, and losing Kathy, to whom I could tell anything and I have a lot to tell, seems to have broken me. I am a host mom for international students, which gives me interesting people to cook dinner for and exchange ideas, sympathies, but it’s not enough. I’ve led a rich life and am in good health, but I can’t sleep.
Gerard May 2, 2018 at 1:23 am
You see, my best friend of 35 years passed away last Saturday (we have know each other since nursery and kindergarten).
This was terrible news. My wife called me Saturday morning April 28 (as I was in a business group) informing me that the youngest sister of my best friend called her regarding the condition of my Best friend. He was in critical condition and in a coma in the Intensive Care unit of the Hospital. Upon hearing I picked up my wife at home and immediately proceeded to the Hospital. I was still able to see him and talk to him (his mother said to talk to him in his coma since he could still hear). He was in very bad condition an just the machines keeping him alive.
To cut the long story short, he passed away that day. And I was able to witness this till his final moments. This really affected me and I have been trying to keep things calm, going about my usual weekday at work, But I found it really difficult. Honestly I went to work today with a heavy heart even though yesterday I spend some happy time with the family and kids.(it was a holiday here May 1) I’m questioning myself if what I am feeling is normal. Of course I don’t want to distract myself and I want to focus on my work. But the past few days have been difficult. Tonight will be the last day of his wake and tomorrow will be the burial rites. I took a leave tomorrow for this.
I don’t know anyone from my network who has gone through this situation
I really would like to hear how you were able to go through (and move on) after an event like this
Gerard May 2, 2018 at 1:23 am
You see, my best friend of 35+ years passed away last Saturday (we have know each other since nursery and kindergarten).
This was terrible news. My wife called me Saturday morning April 28 (as I was in a business group) informing me that the youngest sister of my best friend called her regarding the condition of my Best friend. He was in critical condition and in a coma in the Intensive Care unit of the Hospital. Upon hearing I picked up my wife at home and immediately proceeded to the Hospital. I was still able to see him and talk to him (his mother said to talk to him in his coma since he could still hear). He was in very bad condition an just the machines keeping him alive.
To cut the long story short, he passed away that day. And I was able to witness this till his final moments. This really affected me and I have been trying to keep things calm, going about my usual weekday at work, But I found it really difficult. Honestly I went to work today with a heavy heart even though yesterday I spend some happy time with the family and kids.(it was a holiday here May 1) I’m questioning myself if what I am feeling is normal. Of course I don’t want to distract myself and I want to focus on my work. But the past few days have been difficult. Tonight will be the last day of his wake and tomorrow will be the burial rites. I took a leave tomorrow for this.
I don’t know anyone from my network who has gone through this situation
I really would like to hear how you were able to go through (and move on) after an event like this
Kristi May 1, 2018 at 11:57 pm
I lost my most best friend in the entire world 3 weeks ago on April 10th. She and I had been friends since my family moved into our neighborhood over 18 years ago. We shared everything including each other’s family.. we were sisters. When we went to collage she went to Pittsburgh and I went to Ohio. Even tho we were miles apart and didn’t have to talk everyday, we were still thicker than glue.
She had came home to visit an attend a funeral of a relative the weekend of the 6th . Tuesday the 10th I get a txt in the morning saying she was going to walk up to come see me, I got the coffee started. She came up, I was showing her the house because she hadn’t seen it since we redid it.. we walked out on the back deck just chatting and laughing like we do.. she sees the big pine tree in the backyard and it’s like she was drawn to it.. growing up we Always climed trees, it’s what we did! We were monkeys, everyone who knew Jennifer knows shes crazy and energetic ..So it wasn’t long before she climes into that great tree, laughing and having a great time just like when we were younger.. on her way down I heard a little “yulp” and then the fast russling of the branches followed by her body and a big “thump”. The unspeakable had happned, she fell out of my tree. I run to her side ( I was watching her from the deck while drinking my coffee) She didn’t move, and it took her a second to start breathing, I call 911 and go get my fiancee, I call her brother and mom to come to my house NOW. It felt like hrs waiting for the squad to arrive. My fiancee was trying to keep her brother and mother calm. We just knew for some reason it wasn’t good. She die a few times on the way to the hospital. While at the hospital they worked on her for a long as they could. But God had already took her. There wasn’t a scratch on her.. all internal. She was 28years old. And would have been 29 on May 13 mother’s day this year.. she went out of this world doing what she did best,… being herself, living life, being carefree and so happy. I just found out im pregnant, we had been trying for the last few months.. I can’t help but think she in heaven had something to do with it.. it brings me comfort in thinking so. Jennifer was my other half, she was the only person in my life who I truly shared Everything with. I look out my windows and see that tree everyday. But I tell myself and others around me that she wouldent want us to be sad and dwell about what happned.. she would want us to be happy, like she was. So the tree is a happy place for me now. She’s with me when im there, I feel her with me all the time. I’ll miss her Everyday for the rest of my life ??
Kristi May 1, 2018 at 11:57 pm
I lost my most best friend in the entire world 3 weeks ago on April 10th. She and I had been friends since my family moved into our neighborhood over 18 years ago. We shared everything including each other’s family.. we were sisters. When we went to collage she went to Pittsburgh and I went to Ohio. Even tho we were miles apart and didn’t have to talk everyday, we were still thicker than glue.
She had came home to visit an attend a funeral of a relative the weekend of the 6th . Tuesday the 10th I get a txt in the morning saying she was going to walk up to come see me, I got the coffee started. She came up, I was showing her the house because she hadn’t seen it since we redid it.. we walked out on the back deck just chatting and laughing like we do.. she sees the big pine tree in the backyard and it’s like she was drawn to it.. growing up we Always climed trees, it’s what we did! We were monkeys, everyone who knew Jennifer knows shes crazy and energetic ..So it wasn’t long before she climes into that great tree, laughing and having a great time just like when we were younger.. on her way down I heard a little “yulp” and then the fast russling of the branches followed by her body and a big “thump”. The unspeakable had happned, she fell out of my tree. I run to her side ( I was watching her from the deck while drinking my coffee) She didn’t move, and it took her a second to start breathing, I call 911 and go get my fiancee, I call her brother and mom to come to my house NOW. It felt like hrs waiting for the squad to arrive. My fiancee was trying to keep her brother and mother calm. We just knew for some reason it wasn’t good. She die a few times on the way to the hospital. While at the hospital they worked on her for a long as they could. But God had already took her. There wasn’t a scratch on her.. all internal. She was 28years old. And would have been 29 on May 13 mother’s day this year.. she went out of this world doing what she did best,… being herself, living life, being carefree and so happy. I just found out im pregnant, we had been trying for the last few months.. I can’t help but think she in heaven had something to do with it.. it brings me comfort in thinking so. Jennifer was my other half, she was the only person in my life who I truly shared Everything with. I look out my windows and see that tree everyday. But I tell myself and others around me that she wouldent want us to be sad and dwell about what happned.. she would want us to be happy, like she was. So the tree is a happy place for me now. She’s with me when im there, I feel her with me all the time. I’ll miss her Everyday for the rest of my life ??
iushnt May 1, 2018 at 12:57 am
I lost my friend on 28th April, 2018. She was fighting with secondary breast cancer in brain for two years. She was just 28 and we had a close bonding of friendship since the past 9 yrs. I still don’t want to believe that she is no more. Though she was very strong through the time after her diagnosis, she would be weakened mentally time and again. However, she never let anyone know how weak she gets at times.
I had so much to gossip with her, had made plans to gift her some really cute stuffs on her birthday, i.e June 16. I so much regret for delaying to gossip and giving her gifts. It is killing me inside. Now after her death, I was going through certain articles to know how to deal with someone fighting with cancer, I learnt that I was doing certain things wrong. I should have read it much earlier and I could have made her more happier in her final days.
I have been crying time and again alone since a year expecting to lose her soon. But when I actually lose her, I have so much confusion, regret and sorrow in me. I have been crying much louder and don’t want to do anything else rather than recalling my past memories with her. I am thinking how she might have been feeling on the final days, trying to assure that she was not in much pain and trying to analyze if she had a good life overall.
I pray to god to rest her soul in peace.
iushnt May 1, 2018 at 12:57 am
I lost my friend on 28th April, 2018. She was fighting with secondary breast cancer in brain for two years. She was just 28 and we had a close bonding of friendship since the past 9 yrs. I still don’t want to believe that she is no more. Though she was very strong through the time after her diagnosis, she would be weakened mentally time and again. However, she never let anyone know how weak she gets at times.
I had so much to gossip with her, had made plans to gift her some really cute stuffs on her birthday, i.e June 16. I so much regret for delaying to gossip and giving her gifts. It is killing me inside. Now after her death, I was going through certain articles to know how to deal with someone fighting with cancer, I learnt that I was doing certain things wrong. I should have read it much earlier and I could have made her more happier in her final days.
I have been crying time and again alone since a year expecting to lose her soon. But when I actually lose her, I have so much confusion, regret and sorrow in me. I have been crying much louder and don’t want to do anything else rather than recalling my past memories with her. I am thinking how she might have been feeling on the final days, trying to assure that she was not in much pain and trying to analyze if she had a good life overall.
I pray to god to rest her soul in peace.
Lee C April 29, 2018 at 8:20 pm
I lost the love of my life March 26. after being in the hospital for a week after a motorcycle wreck. he was going to lose his leg, which he may have been emotionally okay with.. who knows? I gave up our relationship as lovers 25 years ago because I could not live his lifestyle. but i never gave up on him, nor did i ever stop loving him… i never loved again. i went thru the motions of long term relationships, but always felt that my heart was with him. We remained Loves, but not lovers. We were true loves. soul mates. We were always there for each other. we may have taken 2 different paths but our hearts were still as one. We loved each other unconditionally for ever and ever. No one could ever break our bond.
Lee C April 29, 2018 at 8:20 pm
I lost the love of my life March 26. after being in the hospital for a week after a motorcycle wreck. he was going to lose his leg, which he may have been emotionally okay with.. who knows? I gave up our relationship as lovers 25 years ago because I could not live his lifestyle. but i never gave up on him, nor did i ever stop loving him… i never loved again. i went thru the motions of long term relationships, but always felt that my heart was with him. We remained Loves, but not lovers. We were true loves. soul mates. We were always there for each other. we may have taken 2 different paths but our hearts were still as one. We loved each other unconditionally for ever and ever. No one could ever break our bond.
Linda December 15, 2018 at 5:04 pm
Lee, I felt the need to write to you because I had the EXACT same type of relationship for 37 years with my soulmate who passed away unexpectedly 5 weeks ago. I don’t think we have ever gone more than 3 or 4 days without speaking with each other, visiting, later in through Skype and many times we’d talk 2-3 times a day. We never got married because we lived too differently and didn’t ever want to risk losing what we had by getting married. I moved back east where my home was and he stayed in Denver where he was from. The distance never did one thing to lessen our bond. We were meant to be together and lived our lives with joy, and the utmost of joy, laughter and sharing. I had gone on a business trip to Denver to see him and without any notice or warning he developed severe pain and sickness. Spent 6 days in the ICU and passed away the 7th day. There is a master plan for all of us. I was meant to hold his had as he left this life and will forever be grateful that I was there. I miss him with everything I am and am not sure it has even fully hit me yet. Since your post was from quite a few months ago I doubt that you will be seeing this. But out of everyone’s post, yours really hit me. I understand and know the beauty you shared with your soulmate. I hope time is helping you.
Linda January 23, 2019 at 10:49 pm
I understand your relationship so incredibly. I too had that kind of relationship. He was my soulmate. My forever soulmate. For 37 years. Nothing kept us apart even when we didn’t live physically as close to each other. We talked twice a day. Emailed. Skyped. We just couldn’t live with each other – we lived too differently. But we completed each other. I lost him 3 months ago. I don’t know how to begin this new life without him.
WordPress Gallery Extra April 27, 2018 at 9:50 pm
Hi, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your website in Firefox, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
Other then that, amazing blog!
WordPress Gallery Extra April 27, 2018 at 9:50 pm
Hi, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
When I look at your website in Firefox, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
Other then that, amazing blog!
Dc April 25, 2018 at 1:45 pm
My best friend has taken his own life 3 weeks ago, through years of depression and Mental Illness. We had been best friends for 25 years, yet the last few years his struggles led him to be paranoid and believe I was trying to ruin his life. He convinced himself and his parents nobody liked him, in fact people hated him. This couldn’t be further from the truth, so many people loved him!. He was funny, intelligent, someone I always aspired to be like. I tried to help him so much as did many others but his troubles always got the better of him. It got to the point where he pushed me away so much and I helplessly walked away as everything I did and said seemed to make him only worse. He was sectioned, and spent some time in a hospital but was never really the same. He came to my house many times shouting and screaming about how angry he was with me for no logical reason. Talking nonsense. I just wanted to put my arms around him and comfort him. But I couldn’t, it was liked he hated me and all our years of friendship were just gone. He was taken to the hospital many times by his parents after confessing to them he wanted to die, and then one Sunday night, a public holiday weekend his Dad took him to the local hospital where he told staff he son was suicidal and threatening to kill himself, again. He was told to come back the next day as they did not have the staff to cope with the particular situation as well as being a public holiday. There was no tomorrow for my friend Chris. That night he took his life!.
I can’t let go, I’m so angry with him but so sad at the same time! I’m so upset that he suffered so much and couldn’t reach out! It’s such a cruel confusing world. I feel like I now feel his pain, the pain he felt which led him to do what he did. Yet I feel relieved that he is no longer enduring what must have been an insufferable pain which lead him to do what he did. The emotions are just too much most days.
Dc April 25, 2018 at 1:45 pm
My best friend has taken his own life 3 weeks ago, through years of depression and Mental Illness. We had been best friends for 25 years, yet the last few years his struggles led him to be paranoid and believe I was trying to ruin his life. He convinced himself and his parents nobody liked him, in fact people hated him. This couldn’t be further from the truth, so many people loved him!. He was funny, intelligent, someone I always aspired to be like. I tried to help him so much as did many others but his troubles always got the better of him. It got to the point where he pushed me away so much and I helplessly walked away as everything I did and said seemed to make him only worse. He was sectioned, and spent some time in a hospital but was never really the same. He came to my house many times shouting and screaming about how angry he was with me for no logical reason. Talking nonsense. I just wanted to put my arms around him and comfort him. But I couldn’t, it was liked he hated me and all our years of friendship were just gone. He was taken to the hospital many times by his parents after confessing to them he wanted to die, and then one Sunday night, a public holiday weekend his Dad took him to the local hospital where he told staff he son was suicidal and threatening to kill himself, again. He was told to come back the next day as they did not have the staff to cope with the particular situation as well as being a public holiday. There was no tomorrow for my friend Chris. That night he took his life!.
I can’t let go, I’m so angry with him but so sad at the same time! I’m so upset that he suffered so much and couldn’t reach out! It’s such a cruel confusing world. I feel like I now feel his pain, the pain he felt which led him to do what he did. Yet I feel relieved that he is no longer enduring what must have been an insufferable pain which lead him to do what he did. The emotions are just too much most days.
Nori April 18, 2018 at 9:03 am
My best friend AND god sister was killed a few years ago, and I still feel like my heart is broken. Of course, I made other friends sinse then, but many people don’t understand. One girl was talking about Pretty Little Liars, and was joking around saying, ” What would you do, If your best friend was killed?” I really don’t want to tell anyone what happened, but then I was about to scream, “SHE WAS!” I totally am thinking of all of you who went through what I went through. I am still very young and lost my freind when she was only six and I was five, but that dosen’t delute the pain I still feel today.
Nori April 18, 2018 at 9:03 am
My best friend AND god sister was killed a few years ago, and I still feel like my heart is broken. Of course, I made other friends sinse then, but many people don’t understand. One girl was talking about Pretty Little Liars, and was joking around saying, ” What would you do, If your best friend was killed?” I really don’t want to tell anyone what happened, but then I was about to scream, “SHE WAS!” I totally am thinking of all of you who went through what I went through. I am still very young and lost my freind when she was only six and I was five, but that dosen’t delute the pain I still feel today.
Savannah April 17, 2018 at 9:45 am
I am not good at getting close to anyone really…my best friend was killed over money or drugs or both i keep tryin to figure out why and the why is something he had nothing to do with. three years before he died on jan 11, 2018 he swore arian nation was gonna kill him for somethin he didnt even do. and sure enough it seems like they have. and some of who are involved were his close friends…he was my only friend when he died cuz all my other friends shut me out for bein his friend and refusing to give up on him cuz even though he was a shitty friend he was honest about it and always made it up to me by giving me his time and friendship…from stealing 200 dollars from me to leaving me stranded numerous times his catch phrase was “stay mad or get over it, we are still friends.” and we were cuz despite all that if he called i was right there except the day he died. i had gotten where i couldnt take anymore emotionally and mentally and abandoned him to go to crossville where my granny lived when i didnt wanna stay there by myself i spent two days tryin to get my ex who was also his brother to come get me on jan 10 i got frank to meet me in cookeville and bring me home but the next day it was too late to make up too late to make sure he was ok too late to save him. i never got to say sorry for leaving or for breaking his heart i never got to show him all the things i wrote to and about him that he never knew i wrote. the foundation of our friendship was silence and getting lost when our families seemed to hate us…he was always the realest friend i had made sure i knew i was a good girl and deserved the best but i never cared i was in love with him and he felt the same but our friendship always came first so we just stayed friends mostly cuz im sure im psychotic and he could only handle me in doses when we were around other people but when it was just us you would think we were friends who grew up together cuz we werent afraid to tell eachother the truth even when it hurt thats why he was my best friend cuz he made sure i always knew the truth and he was one of a kind cuz i never had another friend like him and now i lost him and now i dont have anyone to telll me im trippin or to go to rehab cuz im so bad off i cant write him when hes in jail anymore im never gonna get that call where i drop everything to rush to make sure he is safe and not stranded. he will never walk through my door again doin the dishes for us my mom will never have that one kid she took in as hers and the song what ifs by kane brown that he said described us perfectly is goin to haunt me the rest of my life…….
Savannah April 17, 2018 at 9:45 am
I am not good at getting close to anyone really…my best friend was killed over money or drugs or both i keep tryin to figure out why and the why is something he had nothing to do with. three years before he died on jan 11, 2018 he swore arian nation was gonna kill him for somethin he didnt even do. and sure enough it seems like they have. and some of who are involved were his close friends…he was my only friend when he died cuz all my other friends shut me out for bein his friend and refusing to give up on him cuz even though he was a shitty friend he was honest about it and always made it up to me by giving me his time and friendship…from stealing 200 dollars from me to leaving me stranded numerous times his catch phrase was “stay mad or get over it, we are still friends.” and we were cuz despite all that if he called i was right there except the day he died. i had gotten where i couldnt take anymore emotionally and mentally and abandoned him to go to crossville where my granny lived when i didnt wanna stay there by myself i spent two days tryin to get my ex who was also his brother to come get me on jan 10 i got frank to meet me in cookeville and bring me home but the next day it was too late to make up too late to make sure he was ok too late to save him. i never got to say sorry for leaving or for breaking his heart i never got to show him all the things i wrote to and about him that he never knew i wrote. the foundation of our friendship was silence and getting lost when our families seemed to hate us…he was always the realest friend i had made sure i knew i was a good girl and deserved the best but i never cared i was in love with him and he felt the same but our friendship always came first so we just stayed friends mostly cuz im sure im psychotic and he could only handle me in doses when we were around other people but when it was just us you would think we were friends who grew up together cuz we werent afraid to tell eachother the truth even when it hurt thats why he was my best friend cuz he made sure i always knew the truth and he was one of a kind cuz i never had another friend like him and now i lost him and now i dont have anyone to telll me im trippin or to go to rehab cuz im so bad off i cant write him when hes in jail anymore im never gonna get that call where i drop everything to rush to make sure he is safe and not stranded. he will never walk through my door again doin the dishes for us my mom will never have that one kid she took in as hers and the song what ifs by kane brown that he said described us perfectly is goin to haunt me the rest of my life…….
caitlyn mayrand April 10, 2018 at 8:59 pm
Last year lots A frind that save my life when I was a baby he was a Emt that save my life I was Rally cloess to
caitlyn mayrand April 10, 2018 at 8:59 pm
Last year lots A frind that save my life when I was a baby he was a Emt that save my life I was Rally cloess to
Diana April 9, 2018 at 4:56 am
It’s been almost two months that my best friend died. We’ve been going to church, I am not a religious person but just her family have been very kind to me, I can’t let them down just because I don’t believe in any god. I know them for so many years and I feel they are the only ones who understand my pain. I wanted so bad to dream about her, after her accident I wasn’t able to do it until last week, she kind of made fun of me because I told her I have been crying so much, she looked just like the last day we spend time together.
I had to go to therapy and he asked me to let her go and I know I have to do it but at the same time I don’t want to, it’s like realizing she’s actually gone. I’ve cried every day and it’s not like I want to, it just happen.
I keep messaging her as often as I can and it’s sad to accept that she won’t reply ever again.
I miss her so much!
I will always need her in my life and I don’t know how to face the fact that I won’t see her again.
Te extraño, te quiero y te necesito ITA.
Diana April 9, 2018 at 4:56 am
It’s been almost two months that my best friend died. We’ve been going to church, I am not a religious person but just her family have been very kind to me, I can’t let them down just because I don’t believe in any god. I know them for so many years and I feel they are the only ones who understand my pain. I wanted so bad to dream about her, after her accident I wasn’t able to do it until last week, she kind of made fun of me because I told her I have been crying so much, she looked just like the last day we spend time together.
I had to go to therapy and he asked me to let her go and I know I have to do it but at the same time I don’t want to, it’s like realizing she’s actually gone. I’ve cried every day and it’s not like I want to, it just happen.
I keep messaging her as often as I can and it’s sad to accept that she won’t reply ever again.
I miss her so much!
I will always need her in my life and I don’t know how to face the fact that I won’t see her again.
Te extraño, te quiero y te necesito ITA.
Joshh April 7, 2018 at 5:22 pm
Hi, i’m reading all of those stories and crying from the pain. I lose my friend in 3 March 2018. He was fighting with one kind of tumor for two years and i did’t know. I know him form high school and we talked one time too much for 3 years. We have sympathy in each other but because of our family we couldn’t be together. Still he was my best friend even we were so different. He always told me everything about his family even that i never meet them and we share to many secrets. He wrote me in this September and after i ask him how are you he did’t replay to me. I’m dying from the pain and my family don’t understand that. I went today to his parents but my pain is growing everyday. I feel to much regret and this is killing me. I really love him even i’m not good with words and i never told him. Everyone here thinks that i’m overreacting but saying the truth i’m dying inside .
Joshh April 7, 2018 at 5:22 pm
Hi, i’m reading all of those stories and crying from the pain. I lose my friend in 3 March 2018. He was fighting with one kind of tumor for two years and i did’t know. I know him form high school and we talked one time too much for 3 years. We have sympathy in each other but because of our family we couldn’t be together. Still he was my best friend even we were so different. He always told me everything about his family even that i never meet them and we share to many secrets. He wrote me in this September and after i ask him how are you he did’t replay to me. I’m dying from the pain and my family don’t understand that. I went today to his parents but my pain is growing everyday. I feel to much regret and this is killing me. I really love him even i’m not good with words and i never told him. Everyone here thinks that i’m overreacting but saying the truth i’m dying inside .
rabbit April 7, 2018 at 5:10 pm
My best friend died suddenly 11 days ago. The grief I feel is very strong. He was my confidante, my buddy, my rock, my everything. I still can’t believe I will never see him or talk to him again. Part of me thinks this is a bad joke and he will text me tonight. I miss him so much. It is very true that others don’t recognize the loss of a friend as they do other losses. His death has hit me harder than other deaths I have experienced and I’m not sure why.
rabbit April 7, 2018 at 5:10 pm
My best friend died suddenly 11 days ago. The grief I feel is very strong. He was my confidante, my buddy, my rock, my everything. I still can’t believe I will never see him or talk to him again. Part of me thinks this is a bad joke and he will text me tonight. I miss him so much. It is very true that others don’t recognize the loss of a friend as they do other losses. His death has hit me harder than other deaths I have experienced and I’m not sure why.
Karabo April 7, 2018 at 12:15 am
My best friend died November 2017, it’s been 5 months and the pain still cuts deep. However on the other side people feel like you taking too long to grieve, can’t you be over it? People don’t realize that family is not just blood. My friend was like a sister to me. She was my kids’ Godmother and good at it. She was my rock, my pillar of strength and my confidant. No other person had my back and believed in me like she did, not even my family. So the hole that she left in my heart in my life is just too big. I’m attending a Group Share session at church but I feel it’s not reaching to me. It’s too family centric about death and not really reaching to me and what I’m going through. I just wish grieving for a friend was not overlooked like currently is. I wish people understood exactly how it is like, and don’t rush me to finish grieving, I wish they could be more supportive instead of rushing me to get over it
Karabo April 7, 2018 at 12:15 am
My best friend died November 2017, it’s been 5 months and the pain still cuts deep. However on the other side people feel like you taking too long to grieve, can’t you be over it? People don’t realize that family is not just blood. My friend was like a sister to me. She was my kids’ Godmother and good at it. She was my rock, my pillar of strength and my confidant. No other person had my back and believed in me like she did, not even my family. So the hole that she left in my heart in my life is just too big. I’m attending a Group Share session at church but I feel it’s not reaching to me. It’s too family centric about death and not really reaching to me and what I’m going through. I just wish grieving for a friend was not overlooked like currently is. I wish people understood exactly how it is like, and don’t rush me to finish grieving, I wish they could be more supportive instead of rushing me to get over it
Beaty April 6, 2018 at 1:31 am
I lost my best friend to sickle cell anaemia last year. He was the only one I could talk to. And I mean the only one who took me through my tough times. My heart still hurts, I still send him messages whenever I need someone to talk to, I still tell him how my day went and rough patches I go through. Life is never the same without you Isaac. I am torn apart and unsure of many things. You were my strength, my advisor and a shoulder to lean on when things got too tense. I love you and hope to see you someday.
Beaty April 6, 2018 at 1:31 am
I lost my best friend to sickle cell anaemia last year. He was the only one I could talk to. And I mean the only one who took me through my tough times. My heart still hurts, I still send him messages whenever I need someone to talk to, I still tell him how my day went and rough patches I go through. Life is never the same without you Isaac. I am torn apart and unsure of many things. You were my strength, my advisor and a shoulder to lean on when things got too tense. I love you and hope to see you someday.
Jennie April 3, 2018 at 8:32 am
In March 16 th my soul mate and best friend died very very unexpected. She had a form of leukemia that is very subtle and had no symptoms and hemmoraged in her brain. I am in a weird state of emotion. Like I am in a bad dream. She was a part of my soul and I want to call her and say , guess what happened! But I can’t cuz it was her it happened to!
I think I am still in shock and it is so hard to process. I don’t know what I will do without her. She was my other half. I feel overwhelmed and empty at the same time.
Jennie April 3, 2018 at 8:32 am
In March 16 th my soul mate and best friend died very very unexpected. She had a form of leukemia that is very subtle and had no symptoms and hemmoraged in her brain. I am in a weird state of emotion. Like I am in a bad dream. She was a part of my soul and I want to call her and say , guess what happened! But I can’t cuz it was her it happened to!
I think I am still in shock and it is so hard to process. I don’t know what I will do without her. She was my other half. I feel overwhelmed and empty at the same time.
Just me April 1, 2018 at 3:06 pm
I lost my friend,been together for 50 years,since infant school.Can’t get over it,miss him so much. Part of the family,kids and grandkids loved him.Did everything together,Football,motorbikes and loads of drinking.My phone has never been so quiet.
Just me April 1, 2018 at 3:06 pm
I lost my friend,been together for 50 years,since infant school.Can’t get over it,miss him so much. Part of the family,kids and grandkids loved him.Did everything together,Football,motorbikes and loads of drinking.My phone has never been so quiet.
Kevin F March 31, 2018 at 7:11 pm
Hi Everyone,
I have been reading a lot of your comments recently and share many of emotions that are affecting you all. They’re all heart breaking to read, most of you share very descriptive/positive memories that you cherish. Some of you are suffering very recent losses (Len, Diane, Chelsea) while others (Manette) have had more time to reflect and heal a little. Let me take a moment to give you a background about how I found this website.
In early January I found out that a childhood friend of mine passed away, we had lost touch in recent years but from time to time we would reconnect and play basketball etc…. He died the night he returned from a new years trip to New York to visit his sister’s family. He returned home from his flight, went to sleep and didn’t wake up. His cause of death is still very unclear.
After I went home from attending his funeral, I reflected on my past 6 years. Since 2011, I have lost 4 friends from the ages of 25-31. Two of those friends I was very close to and two of those friends committed suicide. Needless to say, I have been to way too many funerals lately for friends who passed away way too young.
I can tell you all that I have cycled through the devastating feelings that most of you are enduring right now. You are so emotionally damaged that your heart feels miles away, you feel like nothing matters and no matter what anybody says or does for you, your heart sinks deeper and deeper everyday.
This is all very normal and it is something that will subside over time. YesI know, the pain is unbearable right now. It hurts to look at pictures and read past messages (I would still do it if I didn’t switch phones), when you do, the floodgates open. One step that everyone here has done for their grieving process is find this site. It is very important to talk to someone about your feelings, this website is a very public forum yet this thread is very specific to our needs at the moment. Keep posting here and sharing how you feel, no matter how brief it is. Another step you can take when you’re ready is talking to someone verbally. You can talk to a friend, family member or even a therapist if you .
Your broken heart will start to repair over time, it doesn’t seem that way, but I promise it will. However, you will never heal completely, but this is NOT a BAD thing. You see, the death of a best friend will NEVER be forgotten (as it should not), this moment in your life has been cemented in your life. As time passes and we build on current and new relationships, our heart will mend, the hole in our heart will get smaller. It may take a year or many years, but one day you will look back on your time with your best friend and feel joy over sadness. You will get misty eyed when you recall all the fond memories you both had, but that just represents the strong bond that you both had. Personally, I still feel a combination of guilt and ungodly sadness when I think about the losses I have had recently (in particular two close friends), it is a process. But I know and I assure you all that things will get better if you let it. Slowly reach out when you’re ready. It’s okay to break down wherever and whenever because we don’t know when or where we will be when we see or hear something that reminds us of our best friend. Even though none of us know each other, I feel like we are all connected to each other, I’m here for you guys.
I hope this post helps some of you,
Kevin
Kevin F March 31, 2018 at 7:11 pm
Hi Everyone,
I have been reading a lot of your comments recently and share many of emotions that are affecting you all. They’re all heart breaking to read, most of you share very descriptive/positive memories that you cherish. Some of you are suffering very recent losses (Len, Diane, Chelsea) while others (Manette) have had more time to reflect and heal a little. Let me take a moment to give you a background about how I found this website.
In early January I found out that a childhood friend of mine passed away, we had lost touch in recent years but from time to time we would reconnect and play basketball etc…. He died the night he returned from a new years trip to New York to visit his sister’s family. He returned home from his flight, went to sleep and didn’t wake up. His cause of death is still very unclear.
After I went home from attending his funeral, I reflected on my past 6 years. Since 2011, I have lost 4 friends from the ages of 25-31. Two of those friends I was very close to and two of those friends committed suicide. Needless to say, I have been to way too many funerals lately for friends who passed away way too young.
I can tell you all that I have cycled through the devastating feelings that most of you are enduring right now. You are so emotionally damaged that your heart feels miles away, you feel like nothing matters and no matter what anybody says or does for you, your heart sinks deeper and deeper everyday.
This is all very normal and it is something that will subside over time. YesI know, the pain is unbearable right now. It hurts to look at pictures and read past messages (I would still do it if I didn’t switch phones), when you do, the floodgates open. One step that everyone here has done for their grieving process is find this site. It is very important to talk to someone about your feelings, this website is a very public forum yet this thread is very specific to our needs at the moment. Keep posting here and sharing how you feel, no matter how brief it is. Another step you can take when you’re ready is talking to someone verbally. You can talk to a friend, family member or even a therapist if you .
Your broken heart will start to repair over time, it doesn’t seem that way, but I promise it will. However, you will never heal completely, but this is NOT a BAD thing. You see, the death of a best friend will NEVER be forgotten (as it should not), this moment in your life has been cemented in your life. As time passes and we build on current and new relationships, our heart will mend, the hole in our heart will get smaller. It may take a year or many years, but one day you will look back on your time with your best friend and feel joy over sadness. You will get misty eyed when you recall all the fond memories you both had, but that just represents the strong bond that you both had. Personally, I still feel a combination of guilt and ungodly sadness when I think about the losses I have had recently (in particular two close friends), it is a process. But I know and I assure you all that things will get better if you let it. Slowly reach out when you’re ready. It’s okay to break down wherever and whenever because we don’t know when or where we will be when we see or hear something that reminds us of our best friend. Even though none of us know each other, I feel like we are all connected to each other, I’m here for you guys.
I hope this post helps some of you,
Kevin
Len March 19, 2018 at 8:16 pm