Grieving the Death of a Spouse or Significant Other

Death, regardless of the details, is capable of devastating those it leaves behind.  Brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, or father – all losses are significant.  Although commonalities exist amongst people who have experienced a certain type of loss, individual grief is as unique as the person experiencing it and their relationship with the person who died.

While we are hesitant to categorize and careful not to compare, we do acknowledge that there’s merit in recognizing commonalities.  Shared experiences tell us, if nothing else, that we are not the only ones. And if other people have had struggles similar to our own, then maybe our grief isn’t as crazy as it sometimes seems.

Today we want to discuss some of the reasons why grieving the death of a spouse, fiancé, girlfriend, boyfriend, or significant other is difficult.  We aren’t going to tell you how to grieve these losses, because we don’t really believe ‘type’ of loss dictates a certain way of coping. However, we do know that these types of losses can present very specific barriers, stumbling blocks, and secondary losses.

Of note for people who don’t regularly read WYG: we have linked some of these to past posts which go much further in depth on the topic.  Also, we are going to use the term ‘partner’ and ‘significant other’ for the purposes of this article because they apply broadly, that’s our thought process and we’re sticking to it.  Thanks to our readers whose input went into writing this article.

 1. They were your best friend

We recently wrote a post about grieving the death of a best friend.  Afterwards many people commented that their partner was their best friend, which made their loss feel two-fold.

2. They were your go-to support person

Who was the first person you’d call when something happened?  It didn’t have to be a big something, like an emergency, it could have been a small something, like someone annoying you at work. For many of you, your significant other was the one person who knew how long to let you vent and how to calm you down.  In fact, there are times when you still pick up the phone to call them after a terrible day, only to be reminded that they are gone.

3. They provided you with unconditional love

Love may not be blind, but it is often very accepting.  Your partner may have been the one person knew how deeply flawed and crazy you were, but chose to love you anyway.  The world can feel dark when it seems like there is no one in it who will accept and love you for who you truly are.

4. They were the only person who really truly knew you

Perhaps your partner knew how you took your coffee and how you liked your eggs.  Maybe they knew your weaknesses and fears; where you came from; and what you’ve been through. It can be comforting to be ‘known’, but this kind of ‘knowing’ is not easy to come by and takes a long time to build.

5. They looked out for your needs and your well-being

Although they may have been selfish from time to time (who isn’t?), overall they probably thought of your needs and wanted you to be healthy and happy.  After having someone like this in your life, not having it can feel very scary and isolating.

6.  They were your source for physical intimacy and comfort

I’m not sure much needs to be said on this matter.  As a human you most likely crave some level of physical comfort.  It may be that you’re open to intimacy with someone new, but haven’t found anyone.  Or perhaps you long for intimacy, but can’t imagine that kind of closeness with anyone but your deceased loved one.

7. Your living space feels empty

You miss their mess, their snoring, their talking, their singing, and their TV blaring.  Your bed is half-empty when you go to bed at night, and again when you wake up in the morning.  Your home is incredibly lonely and way too quiet.

8. Logistics and secondary losses

After the death of a partner, there are endless logistical considerations like household chores, the loss of primary or secondary income, childcare, paying bills, paperwork, estates, dealing with their belongings, the loss of identity, and so on.  You can check out our post on secondary loss here.  Regardless of what you’re dealing with, trying to balance life after the death of a partner can come with a lot of responsibility and pressure.

9.  You feel pressure to do right by them

If you were your partner’s next-of-kin, the responsibility fell (falls) on you to make decisions on their behalf. Perhaps you knew what they wanted in terms of end-of-life care, funeral arrangements, estates, and belongings, but if not, you are left to guess. Hopefully, you have the support of your extended family, but in some instances it can feel like you’re fighting against everyone to do what’s right.  Sadly, guilt and regret over decisions made at the end of a person’s life can have an ongoing negative impact on your grief.

10.  You’re single again

A return to single status is hard for a hundred reasons.  To name a few, #’s 11, 12, 13 & 14.

11. You sometimes feel like a third wheel

Many people say they feel like a third wheel after the death of their partner, which can be awkward and alienating.

12. Pressure to start dating

People often push you to move on well before you’re ready

13.  Dating

How long have you been out of the dating pool?  Long enough to fear jumping back in?  Some people love dating…many do not. Although you may feel ready for a new relationship, you may simultaneously dread the thought of dating (we don’t blame you).

14. Your next relationship might not “get it”

We receive a lot of email from people who are dating while grieving and who are dating someone who is grieving.  Our anecdotal impression – it takes a special girlfriend/boyfriend to (1) understand death does not end a relationship, (2) allow the deceased’s memory into their life, and (3) understand that you can love a person in the present, while continuing to cherish a significant other who has died.

death of a spouse

15.  They were your co-parent

Parenting is hard; being a single parent is harder; being the single parent of grieving children is one of the hardest.  When your co-parent has died, all responsibility falls on you to keep your children safe, clothed and loved.  Parenting is difficult after a death for a hundred reasons, including #’s 16, 17,& 18.

16.  You have to watch your kids miss out

Every time a milestone happens – father/daughter dances; mother/daughter sleepovers; proms; weddings; drivers licenses – you have to live with the knowledge that your child’s excitement may be somewhat tempered by grief over the absence of one of their parents.

17.  You are the keeper of your loved one’s memory and family history

You may feel as though it’s your responsibility to keep your significant other’s memory alive in this world, especially for the sake of your children.  You are the link between your children and their deceased parent and so it is your job to help them stay connected.  This may feel like a lot of pressure, but it’s also a wonderful way to continue your bond with your loved one.

18.  You mourn all the things your significant other will miss out

You may grieve for everything your partner will miss (has missed) out on.  Special moments, having children, having grandbabies, retirement – these are things your significant other would have loved to experience.

19.  You mourn all the things you will miss out on now that your significant other is gone

After someone dies, it is normal to grieve the past as well as your hopes and dreams for the future.  Since your loved one has died, you will mourn for all the things you had dreamed of sharing with them.

20. Death is a threat to your identity

Are you a husband?  A wife?  A widow? A widower?  For so long your identity, in some way, was a reflection of your relationship with your significant other.  Now that you have to live on your own, without your partner, your identity may need to shift and change.

21.  You live with unresolved guilt and regret

It is common for people to feel guilt and regret about things that happened in their relationship with the deceased, even if these thing occurred years before the person died.  Perhaps you wish you had treated your partner better, perhaps they never forgave you for something, maybe you regret something you said, maybe you regret not saying enough, or maybe you feel guilty for the fact that you survived and they died.  The battlefield of love is fertile ground for the coulda’s, woulda’s, and shoulda’s that are typically seen in grief.

22.  Your relationship with their family and friends is changing

Sometimes, despite the best of intentions, people grow distant and they lose touch. There are a lot of caveats as to why this happens, but for the purposes of this post, it’s most important to acknowledge that in losing a significant other, sometimes your overall support system is cut in half.

23.  Special Days

You not only miss being able to spend special days with your significant other but now these days have become a minefield of reminders and grief triggers.

24.  You miss the thoughtful little things they used to do

Notes, oil changes, special dinners, birthday cakes, surprise lattes, gifts for no reason, compliments, inside jokes, letting you rest – whatever it was, it was unique to you and your loved one. Nothing can replace the joy they brought you.

25.  You miss the things that drove you crazy

To be honest, you also miss the things they did that drove you up a wall.

26.  Being on your own is hard

It’s hard to go from having a partner in life, to doing everything on your own.  It’s not that you can’t cope with life on your own, but you got used to the security and comfort of having someone at your side.

27.  You worry about being truly alone

You were supposed to grow old with your partner, and perhaps you worry that you will spend the rest of your life alone or lonely now that they have died.

28. You have to live the rest of your life without them

And without them, this feels like a really really long time.


Listen to the WYG Podcast

May 16, 2018

239 responses on "Grieving the Death of a Spouse or Significant Other"

  1. Last week marked one year of his death. His loss to me is an open wound that keeps getting nudged, hit, or rubbed up against. It is not a deep gash or hole rather more like a severe brush burn, you know the type, where your skin is missing, it is bright red and even air touching it hurts like hell.
    That is how I feel every moment of every day! So here I am a year later – and nothing has changed.

    Originally, I thought that most people (certainly no one in my life) understands how I feel, Looking back over the year, I have come to realize, they don’t understand because within minutes of talking about it, suddenly people are projecting on to me how they want me to feel or dismiss my feelings and change the subject.

    Frankly, I’ve stopped explaining it and justifying it. So I have packed up and shipped out. I moved to a town across country where I know no one and I can finally find peace in solitude. It’s just the two of us here – just the way it should be.

    I know all of you here are hurting too… I hope you find your reason to get out of bed in the morning.

  2. I lost my boyfriend suddenly while we were talking on the phone. It was not an expected death. He died on Dec. 2, 2018. We had so many plans and we loved each other to pieces. He said I was his soulmate. We had so much in common and I am missing g him so much. All I want is to hear his voice just one more time and for me to tell him that I lived him unconditionally. I know he lived me without a doubt. All I want is to know that when my time is up on this earth and I go to heaven will he know who I am and will we just so in love as the day he died. I am empty and so lonely. I also write to him and talk to him everyday. Does anyone have and idea of when I will feel peace again and stop reliving the last moment of when and how ge died?

  3. I lost my boyfriend in August 2018 to a house fire. we had only just celebrated 2 months together exactly a week before. It felt like longer though. It has nearly been 4 month and we would have just celebrated 6 months. i write in a journal to him every night. i start crying at random especially at night. my mum says i can go to her no matter what time but she doesnt know. my best friend (well ex best friend now) decided to spread rumours about me the week after his funeral. Im just wondering if anyone know if any support groups in Western Australia for people who have lost their partner or significant other as i feel others don’t necessarily get it. i mean yea they may have lost a family member or friend but it just isnt the same

  4. Sitting here trying to sleep and reading all these comments about the lost of there loved ones breaks my heart💔
    My husband Jordan was everything and more to me. We got married on 05-05-18 & he passed away 05-26-18
    We were only married a few weeks but we were together for 6years. He was killed in an ATV accident and now I can’t even go around his four wheeler without shaking. It gets easier but never better. The only reason why I’m still standing is because the lord had filled the emptiness I had when he took my husband home. With his love and all the blessings he had but before me in my life. Missing my husband until I see him again is the worst part about grieving but knowing he’s okay gives me peace ❤️ My husband will never leave me and he was and always will be my strength❤️ I pray that everyone reading this will find peace and strength! And that we’re not meant to stay here forever! So we will see our loved ones again someday !

  5. My husband of 32 years passed in October of 2017. I truly ‘lost’ him -or at least the vibrant man he was five years prior when he was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer. Our roles changed, and our life would never again be the same. I cherish those last years just as much though, even while reminiscing is painful, remembering his struggle-anger, fear, sadness, pain, and acceptance. I thank God I was the one to comfort him, be his voice, and help carry him.
    He lived a beautiful life, and he died well. He never lost his faith and our love just grew stronger. Now that he is gone, and even after a year, the grief is just as overwhelming. I find myself thinking of him when he was healthy, strong, and my protector.
    I think about our family traditions we started with our 3 children. The strong bond we all shared.
    Now our kids tell me they want their mom back. They say that they want me happy again, they are worried about me.
    I am trying, I go to work, I put on a smile, but then I come home, to an empty quiet house that has him everywhere. I have no motivation to do the things I told myself I’d do , I go to church and feel isolated, yes like a third wheel, and I’m so lonely. I don’t want to date , I don’t drink, and I pray, but can’t seem to get relief. My husband was ‘bigger’ than life in our small community, highly thought of , very much loved, and while I’m so proud of that , and thankful for all the kindness shown to him and our family, this too haunts me as I see the faces of people with pity because I am mostly known because of him and because I was his, and because we were the envied, ‘beautiful’ couple. Friends and family have forsaken me, even while they havent. All this has aged me , yet at 54 I see my future as long and sad, not wanting to die, but not particularly wanting to live. I don’t know how. I don’t know what to do. I lost my soulmate, my partner, my lover, my best friend. I miss him, and I miss us, and the grief , I know, will always be my constant.

  6. I lost my spouse 09/18/18. He was my best friend my soulmate it’s been 3 months and i cry every day going to work and driving home from work. I’m to myself at work and have no interest in talking to anyone I’m not in the mood for X mas or any other holiday. Just feel so alone I ask God why… I know that for his though are not ours. I just have to believe that God is with me through this and is comforting me. Just miss my babe like crazy. 🙁

    • MARLY,

      I get it and understand 100%. Been almost a year for me. I still do the same. Most difficult thing I’ve ever dealt with.

    • I am feeling the same lost my beautiful husband 7 weeks ago I can’t eat sleep don’t want Christmas I miss everything we did together it’s so very lonely without him i really hope I feel better again one day but just now it’s the worst pain I know he wouldn’t want to see me this way but how do you control the pain.

      • Hi Cherie
        I have just lost my soul mate 5 months ago,we only met 7 years ago but he was my sweetheart in life and I’m am really finding it very hard to live a life at the moment xxx

  7. I lost my fiance, my soulmate, my best friend on 10/31/2018. I miss her so badly and I am afraid. I dread going through my days without her. I meet everything on this list with the exception of the dating ones. I can’t even begin to think about that. We had a unique relationship. We fell in love every day. We were always looked at as a power couple. We got through things most ppl would not make it through. She was such a significant part of my life. We were 1. There was no her, there was no me. There was us. I am going on 3 years sober, 12/11/18. I somehow managed to maintain sobriety through all of this. I don’t know how long I can go on like this. I don’t necessarily want to die, but I don’t necessarily want to live either. How do you go on without half of you.

    • I feel your pain to my soul.
      I lost my husband 10/3/2018
      Everything you described is exactly how I am feeling .
      I am so lost without him, without us.
      I go on with my day like a robot almost and every night I pray that he comes and gets me so we can be together again.
      There is nothing to say to people who are grieving this loss. It’s too devastating to your heart and soul.
      My prayers are with you .

    • I lost my husband of 32 years on October 31, 2018. I can’t imagine my life without him. He was my best friend, my soulmate and my strength. I miss him so much it hurts. I can’t stop crying. My friends are there occasionally, but I’m the first to lose a spouse. I only get invited out to lunch during the week. I don’t want Christmas this year. And people don’t get what I’m going through and say the wrong things. My daughter isn’t very supportive and tells me I’m selfish if I need her to be with me sometimes. My sister hasn’t been in touch with me since the funeral. I feel numb and in shock.

  8. I lost my husband on 16/09/18 very suddenly. I had slept with our youngest child the night it happened( 2 young children) I got up in the morning and went into my room to lay with him and cuddle and he was already gone. I called for an ambulance and tried CPR but it was in vain. I’m so angry sad and confused there are many big choices that I have to make. I relocated to another country for him and now he is gone I only have the children in this country should I go home to my family? Or stay here? I’m confused and lost without him. He was taken before his time at 36 years of age.

  9. I lost my Husband on 10/22/2018 He was murdered by his ex with a few man helping her ! She somehow had gotten a key and was poisoning his foods and waters He was in Germany at the time but was getting ready to come back to the States Unfortunately that did not occur
    Let’s just say I was Blessed to have spoken to him for the last time but he sounded so bad ! Anyway I received a phone call within a few hours after A few days later at the same time she sent me the pictures of him totally and violently assulted So I totally lost it I was under Dr’s care and drugged which only contributed to my broken in heart thinking how he suffered I cry everyday I have stopped contact with all my friends I don’t leave my room for hardly anything The worst part is he in Germany I was so bad I coulnt even go plus the money wasn’t there It’s horrible ! But I do have my furry little one who I truly believe has been the reason I try to go on The holidays for me are gone as the anniversary for my Mothers passing is quickly approaching 12/03/2000 My Father 12/09/2015 and now my Husband 10/22/2018 . I live in a nightmare ! So my prayers are for all of us That we somehow survive this horrible thing called death
    Will I ever get over this ? I truly doubt it ! I no longer want another person in my life !
    Blessings and Prayers going up for everyone 🙏🙏🙏

  10. I lost my husband 11/11/18 he went to sleep early that Sunday Morning and I woke up and he was gone. I attempted CPR and once the paramedics got there they tried but nothing. My husband and I were together 16 years and married 13. He left me with 7 children from ages 18 to 1. I feel so alone, afraid, hurt, and angry at God! Lord I don’t know how me and my children are going to make it! We are taking things one hour at a time.

    • Dear Terra,
      I just come across this website trying to find some answers about my own grief. I read your comment and it broke my heart. I pray that you have family to support you and your kids. I didn’t and I think it’s made it harder to heal and move forward. Honestly, I haven’t… I felt and still feel all the things you described. It’s been almost 5 years and there’s still a hole in my heart. I’m sorry for your loss and I’m praying that you are able to heal and be whole again. God understands how you feel and He’s waiting on you. Take care…

    • I lost my son on 2/19/18 and it happened the same way you just said, he went to bed on Sunday night and Monday he just didn’t wake up, when we realized something was wrong it was like 4 hours after he dead, we can’t do nothing. I miss him so bad. He was 10 years old, he was a very kind child, he always had a big smile in his face, sometimes i feel like i never going to be the same, but the only thing i can tell you, is to give your pain to God, put your trust in God and He Is going to heal your heart.

  11. Just found this site. I lost my dear wife a month ago (19/10/2018). She was aged 56. I feel so empty and lonely. It is reassuring to read your post and subsequent comments. I can see I am not alone.

  12. Hello All,

    First let me say, I love this Blog and enjoy reading everyone’s crushing life experiences (Not in a bad way, but I relate)

    I’ll do my best to keep this short, as like most our attention spans shift quickly & I won’t bore everyone with details of losing my Swee Swee\Pudge\Angel Cakes, aka my wife, nearly a year ago.

    Regardless of the time vested together & circumstances, all of our pains are similar but different. Mine, involves bad company that manipulated her kind soul by using evil practices, drugs and alcohol. I’d say that was her only flaw, “Trusting” (If you could even say that was), everyone was kind like her. She grew up believing evil didn’t exist.

    Being an analytical thinker, things need to make sense but all this doesn’t. I struggle daily with my anger, and can’t stand that those people are even walking on earth. I have lots of speculation but no proof. Almost like knowing your neighbor is up to no good but can’t prove it. I wish I could have saved and rescued her as I have our whole lives together. I always protected her. I actually have saved her life several times. Like racing to the store to get allergy medication for her weird onion allergy, because she couldn’t breathe, to rescuing her from the oceans title waves while on vacation.

    I miss my teammate that hustled for us, that would take on the world for me. I miss taking care of her, I miss her laugh, stank farts and seeing her on the recliner binge watching all her favorite movies and British shows. Like Willy Wonka she was my “Golden Ticket” and didn’t realize it till now.

    P.S – My life has changed drastically from reading self-help books, to videos to help with my heart ache to even therapy. I strongly suggest therapy. God Bless you all.

    • All these life stories are so heartbreaking. I lost my husband on 22/09/2018.
      He wasn’t just my husband he was my best friend. I was third time lucky. My first relationship lasted five
      years and we shared a child . My second relationship didn’t make it past 2 years as he thought i was his
      punching bag even during my pregnancy, At 7 months pregnant I got the courage I needed to walk out of
      the relationship. I met my husband when my second son was only 6 months old. He accepted the 3 of us as a
      package. We met 27 January 2005 and had our first child 28 February 2006. We weren’t married yet. That same
      year he got sick and the doctors battled to find the problem. I watched my fiance deteriorate in front of my eyes.
      Day by day he got weaker. By November 2006 I got a shock when I found out that I was pregnant again. In January 2007
      my husband couldn’t talk, walk or feed himself. He didn’t know who I was , he didn’t even recognize his own son. By the time the doctors found the problem my husband had lost more than 20kgs as all he could eat was baby purity and I had to feed it to him.
      The horror to hear that he had a Brain Tumour measuring 8 x 8cm. He was rushed to a specialist hospital that evening. I was sent home with his aunt. The next day me and his aunt went to go and visit him in hospital. When we walked into the ward he was in, both of us froze as he was sitting up and feeding himself. I couldn’t stop crying and just stood there watching him. He turned and looked at me then he said “Hello my Lovey” he knew who I was. After a long stay in the hospital we were informed that it would be better for us to wait until the baby is born before they remove the Tumour. As it could go both ways during surgery. My husband was released from hospital with a shunt in his head to drain the excess fluids. We then decided to get married before the baby was born. As we didn’t know how far I was we had to get married soon. So we saw the Pastor and he gave us 2 Options. Either 23 June or 29 June. My Husband and his Aunt said maybe 29 June would be best as it would give us 3 weeks to plan the wedding. I disagreed and said we will get married on the 23rd. So we got married on the 23rd and our baby girl was born on the 29th. 🙂 So that year 19 September 2007 my husband’s brain tumour was removed successfully. The Doctor said it will take up to 2 years for my Husband to fully recover and walk without a walking stick. He showed them that their science doesn’t apply to him ans he did it in 2 Weeks, his yearly check ups according to the Specialists was perfect. In August of this year my Husband started getting terrible burning sensation in his stomach. The hospital sent him home with ulcer medication and with his check up at the hospital 2 weeks later he wasn’t any better. So they booked him for a scope on the 11th September. On the 10th of September my Husband was in so much pain that I called an ambulance. He was taken to hospital that evening and admitted. I visited him everyday and on the 13th of September I was told to come in early the next day to see the Doctor. On the 14th of September my life changed. I was informed that my Husband had Liver Cancer. I was shattered and in total disbelief as he wasn’t a drinker and only 39 years old. I waited for the Doctor to tell my Husband that he doesn’t have an ulcer but he has Liver Cancer. On the 20th of September I went and told my Husband myself as it was his right to know. When i told him i was in tears and he took my hand and said ” Lovey don’t cry I am going to be fine” He passed away 22 September 2018. He would’ve been 40 in November. I miss him and it feels like the pain will never go away.

  13. I have read many of these posts. I am deeply sorry for everyone’s hurts. I lost my husband on 11-2-18. I am an empty shell and so sad and knotted up deep in my soul. May God hold us all in his arms and give us peace.

    • I lost my husband on Feb 16 2018 to lung cancer. I spent the last two weeks by his bedside and I was with him when he died. For the past months I have felt like my heart would break in two.

    • I lost my husband on 11/2/18 as well. Never woke up and was on life support😢 Numb, crushed & devastated is putting it mildly. 💔💔

    • I lost my husband 10-20-18 and we have 2 small kids too. It still takes my breath away sometimes. My heart is broken.

    • I also lost my wife on 11/2/18. She passed away quickly, less than 12 hours after collapsing in our home. All the friends and family came in for the funeral, it was wonderful. But all that is over and everyone is gone. I am so alone. 59 years old is too too young.

  14. I was married 13 years to my wonderful, kind, caring, loving husband; his Alzheimer’s got worse; everything went south after he fell on his head twice January 2018. We met in 2005, 10 months after my first husband died; My 2nd husband was my biggest support system. I felt so connected to him mentally, emotionally and spiritually. He died mid October 2018. There are financial issues now; I felt like I not only lost a husband yet a best friend. My first marriage was good yet different and that was for 19 years. Of course no two relationships are similar. Yet now I’m at the point with my own health issues is it better just to work out struggling on my own the rest of my life. This is a lot of pain to handle. I lost my mother end July 2017; there was role reversal when my husband’s dementia worsened mid 2017; what a strong, independent man who was there for both my mother and myself for years. It was a rough year; yet kept telling myself no matter how bad I felt physically this is your husband and he needs you and it was not easy. There was violence; he had been placed in two mental health hospitals in the last two months before he went into an Assisted Living facility for about 2 weeks; he could not help it of course; tough as others too who have gone through being care giver know as you are grieving ahead of time knowing that things are probably not going to get better for your loved one. It was determined he would live another 6 months to a year; Dementia/Alzheimer’s can get ugly and well seems no cure and just starting to get more support and research. Yet many do not know who do not go through it that the loved one can stop eating and drinking due to their mental state, and there are behavioral changes too for some; it is not just a memory and confusion thing for everyone and a lot of times there is nothing you can do to change things. Over the years we ate well, exercised, he did a lot of reading and word search puzzles daily; and even with all the great supplements and minimal medications (as I was like the medication police), his mental status still changed; I blame those falls on his head partially that changed things for him significantly in 2018; we had a very special marriage. He was also loved by so many; he also was a few years older than I yet until mid 2017 he probably had more energy and life in him than me as no one ever knew his age; and even with people saying he lived a good long life, his work here on this earth is done and other things that people say to try to comfort you, makes no difference; nothing said helps yet of course I try to be open to positive input; there is a mourning period which no one can put a time limit on it and everyone handles grief differently; now with losing a lot of loved ones over the years, is it getting easier?; no; my husband and I were together all the time; I went to college later in life, then had health issues, taking care of my mother who was in facilities 7 years yet I was there almost daily, and we were home together a lot as he was also retired…. No one was more encouraging and supportive; I have friends I can talk to ; I have a Christian counselor who specializes in Grief Counseling too; yet my family well there is not a major support system there and even with living further away that support was not there prior when I lived closer by these family members. So it makes it even more difficult. I do feel lost; my husband, my support system; gone; yet somehow with this challenge I will get by in time and knowing that my wonderful husband would want to see me live life and not be so sad constantly; easy, heck no; all I can do is try and pick myself up and allow the bad days too as not every day will be good; even with keeping busy doesn’t mean that the pain goes away. It just cannot be swept under a carpet. It never is the same after loss at least for me anyway; only different after long periods of time. Gone yet not forgotten; thank you my dear husband for being in my life all these years and for what you did for me and May God Bless you and that you are now with the Lord.

  15. I just lost my boyfriend last night. Nov. 6, 2018. I dont know what to do with myself. I cant stop crying and I cant stop wishing i was there for him better. I am very young, still in high school actually, but I think he would have been my forever and always. We promised each other that we would get married one day. We promised each other that no matter what we would make it through all the hardships of life. But now he is gone. I feel like I cant talk. I cant breath without crying. I really hope that one day this feeling will bury itself deep down inside of me because if it doesnt i think I will go insane. I miss him. And this feeling is like a dagger going through my heart over and over again. I think it hurts worse because it was a suicide. I am trying to stay strong but my heart is so broken and shattered that I dont know what else to do besides cry. I know since me and him are both so young, most of you will read this and laugh or roll your eyes. But, this is real. I am really broken. This just shows young love isnt always fake. Thank you for taking your time and reading this. I hope whoever you lost will rest peacefully.

    • Hey, what you said was beautiful and touching, I identified on all aspects of what you just said. I’m 18 and lost my fiancé of 2 years out of nowhere a few months ago but haven’t gotten much better, if love to talk if that’s ok, you’re just the only person who I think can relate to my situation and me the same to you. I essentially have no one who cares and am pretty pathetically looking for anyone to talk, I hope you are doing ok and I wish you the best.
      Sincerely, Stephen

    • i just lost my boyfriend a few days ago to suicide. his funeral was yesterday and i couldn’t handle it. i’m still very young too. i’m only 16 and in the 11th grade and i don’t think i’m ever going to be able to live without him. i loved him and now hes gone. i cant believe hes gone. i wasn’t able to get to him in time and now i feel like its somehow my fault and maybe i could have saved him if i would have gotten there earlier. i somehow feel like i’m to blame. i know what you are going through. it hurts so freaking much. if you need to talk i’m here .it helps to vent to someone

  16. I lost my wife to cancer on Oct 5 2018. She was 55 yes old and married for 25 yrs. I am doing ok because I have be griefing for the last few yes knowing how this was going to end. We were in love to no end and had less than four bad arguments during our marriage. She was a fighter to the very end and did not suffer any. She told me to move on in my life and I will. Don’t get me wrong I cry often but the days are getting better. Sleep is my only problem right now. I have not bad memories in our marriage which gives me only good ones in my heart. I found if you will force yourself to get up get out and do things it makes each day easier. Connect talk to family about the death and what happened hit it head on. I am changing my home to a mans home instead of our home since I am widower now. You can grieve yourself to death which is not what they want or you can accept it and try to move on. It is about you now abd no one else. Nobody can tell you how you feel unless they have suffered the same loss. I ask myself each time I make a decision what would my wife say. She always gives me the answer. I loved my wife more than abything in this world but I know she is in a better place and she would not want me to lose my mind over her death. We honored each other as one person in our marriage. I had the opportunity to tell her I love her and goodbye before she passed. It has been only one month but by the grace of God and friends and family I know I will do what she told me to do. Go on with your life.

    • Josephine Anne Zuniga-Banks"November 26, 2018 at 12:55 amReply

      Thank you very much for writing what you did. It is very encouraging. I lost my boyfriend to lung cancer 11.08.18
      My heart feels like it is stuck with razor blades but I have to keep going. I am fifty three and my boyfriend was sixty eight. I feel lost because he did not marry me. I know he regretted this too in the end. But things happened so fast once he got the diagnosis. I am not a widow. At his funeral I was just his “special” friend. That hurt a lot. Everyone just thinks it was nothing because I wasn’t married to him. Anyway, I’ll stop complaining. I just want to say that it is true, if you try a little bit everyday the day seems to move a bit quicker and then you get to sleep. I know I will hurt every single day for a very long time — if not forever. But I want to honor his memory and everything he taught me while we were together. I will be strong for him — and of course for me. I’m not saying that I will not fall apart tomorrow – again – I just want to say that people who are going through this or have gone through this are wonderful people. Their heart is broken but they still reach out and give you a helping hand. It is amazing! My very close best friend left me because after a week, I wasn’t over my boyfriend’s death. She said she needed a break. I was devastated. Now she posts on Facebook how she gave her all and nothing was given back to her. Can you imagine? The thing is, she lives in a rainbow and unicorn world where she wants nothing to disturb it. She always gave me hell because I fell in love with my boyfriend and went to live with him. She was angry that I fell in love with him. She said he was beneath me. Well you know what, he was the most extraordinary man and even though I am in massive pain now – I would give myself totally to him all over again — even knowing that he would die right in front of me. Thank you for letting me express myself. I am sorry that you too are grieving. I will keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers.

  17. I just lost my girlfriend, my ever love one. A 9 year and 9 months of investment of life. For the past month we’re ready to set our lives in a new phase. Getting married by December and having a child by April next year. She was pregnant and there was a malignant cyst on one of her ovaries, the operation went well. We lost her after 2 days the day we are billed out of the hospital we are almost home the everything went wrong. As you know Philippines don’t have it all even the most well known hospitals. She died because of thrombus embolism. All the happiness and joy we set became a mountain of grief and sadness, still I thank God for the peace I have in my heart even still it is heavy as of today.

  18. Mine. 47 years old, battled cancer since 2015. Just had a celebration of life this afternoon.. He passed 10/18. Today I just kept looking for him in the crowd. I am have just been comforted by him by my side, even being ill, that it just felt unnatural. But, I saw something about being mad at God. Please know that souls are infinite. We all have the ability to connect with our loved ones after passing. It is turned off by what we were taught, or not taught while we grow. I was raised as a Catholic. I did CCD.. All that comes with. No one in my family practices as a Catholic now days. Not a planned thing, we just all became Spiritual rather than religious without plan. Like it was an unspoken evolution of us all. You can open yourself to the spirit world if you want to. I know some religious followings frown on that and you might feel like you are doing something to damn yourself. Just remember, religions have been the way to control society forever, not control your soul. Me, I had the ability as a child, but it scared me. I shut it all down. Working on to restore that beautiful gift. My love was done, he has other things to work on, other tasks at hand. Remember the saying? “Only the good die young”? He was a light worker in his own way. I miss him all the same as everyone does though. It does not seem fair, no it doesn’t. But, I want to offer HIM comfort in his new journey. I hope everyone of you heal in your journey.

  19. When I read the list I couldn’t help saying “yes thats me” i lost my wife of 16 years on August 3rd. she was 43 years old and had an respiratory arrest caused by asthma that stopped her heart. I gave her CPR but after 9 days in the hospital it was determined that her brain had been to long without oxygen for her to recover. The respirator was removed and she passed 57 minutes later. Reading this helped a bit with the feeling of isolation. Like many of you have explained it feels like the world has been pulled out from under me and I have regret, guilt, all of those. Does this get better…ever?

    • Chris,
      First of all, let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband in May of 2001 and to this very day i break down in tears, hysterically whenever I think about him. Not to sound negative, but does it get better ever you ask? They say time heals all wounds. It doesn’t heal them, you just have to fake it till you make it. I still have a difficult time even looking at his pictures after 17 long years. My son was only 9 years old when his Dad died. I am looking forward to meeting him again up in Heaven. I will pray for you and your healing Chris. God bless you. Try to stay busy and find a hobby. It’s what she would want for you. I am here if you ever need someone to talk to.

  20. need help in getting your ex lover back.. I know how devastating it was because I’ve been in such a situation until i got in touch with and he made my relationship glow like never before..
    you can reach out to him on his email:[email protected] and he’d be willing to listen to all your problem.

  21. Hi Macbattle. I lost my wife of twenty years to brain cancer on September 17th and I’m experiencing a lot of what you are currently dealing with at the moment. I decided to seek out a grief counselor, even though I am finding ways to cope on my own with every passing day. I think the one thing that gives me strength to carry on is the knowledge that my children need me now more than ever. I must be strong for them so I snap out of it quickly every time that part comes to mind. Maye if you focus more on what you have control over and things that will memorialize your wife’s life you might find some peace as time goes on. I find that those sort of things are very helpful to me. I hope some of what I’ve said here will be useful to you, even if only in a small way.

  22. I have read a lot of the responses left here and I realize that I’m not the only one devasted by the loss of a loved one. I lost my wife of 15 years to Cancer on 11Sep18 and about three days after her passing I started crying several times a day. It has become so bad that I rarely go anywhere, knowing I will begin to cry. Friends and family offer their condolences and prayers but I can’t seem to remove the painful last few weeks of her life from my memory even though we shared so much happiness together as a couple. I know I can’t go on sequestered in our home and avoiding life like this but I am at a loss as to how to proceed through this period of grief. I’m leaving this comment here because I think I need help dealing with this. I don’t know how to solve this on my own and if anyone has a comment to share that they think would help I would appreciate it.

    • I am sorry for your loss. I’ve been through it too—I also struggled with overwhelming feelings of grief that made it hard to leave my house, see friends, etc. I found a therapist who specialized in grief, loss, and bereavement and it really helped. She was able to help me find ways to express and integrate my grief. I hope you’ve found some ways of coping. I won’t say that it gets better…but with time it starts to feels differently.

    • Hi i lost my husband of 28 years on June 29,2018. I feel the same way. I go to work and function as best i can but i am heartbroken and still cannot believe he is gone sometimes. I don’t think we are supposed to feel any different because we loved them so much. You can always email me if you would like. It is definitely the hardest thing ever and i still cry a lot

  23. THANK YOU for making the point that not ALL of us are looking for a replacement…I have no desire to ever be with anyone again! I simply cannot care about someone else as I did my spouse. I thought we were forever….I still think of him as here and I’m in a bad nightmare, hoping to wake up. I don’t want to ‘cheat’ on him. I think that ’till death do us part’ means BOTH of us! BUT….I am MAD at GOD for taking him from me. WHY would he do that? Then I wonder ‘ why are we told that we will be reunited in death? b/c on the other hand you are told ‘rill death do we part’ so we PART in death? I thought we were reunited….it all sounds like bullshit. I just want the truth. At my age (55) men just want someone to take care of THEM! that does nothing for me. I don’t want to take care of anyone.

    • Tuffy
      I lost my husband last December. I didn’t ever take care of him. He took care of me and I regret that. I’ve been crippled with grief and now fully realize how much I love him.
      If you need someone to talk to, I wouldn’t mind.
      [email protected]

    • My partner was 45 when he commited suicide last year. I’m 55 yrs old. I have gone from shock to crying rivers and a tear on I still cry rivers. I look for his signs and appearance all the time. I keep as long as I can my eyes open at night hoping to see him . I’ve gone from a hard working women to having no interests whatsoever ever. The tv I have never watched so much. I get angry at god too but my partner too.
      I don’t want any one else and no amount of tablets or counselling will ever interest me.
      I feel even thought I have grown up kids I live myself with absolutely nothing to look forward to especially at the weekends.
      I get fed up hearing get out enjoy yourself. If my deceased partner which a medium told me he said move on have fun. How could my dead partner say that? That makes me sad and furious too

    • I lost my wife on Oct 29, 2018, and I feel exactly the same as you do except I am not so conflicted about the “death do us part” business. I think that is just something that some guy made up. I have no interest in entertaining another relationship. No marriage is perfect and my marriage is no exception. But there was some permanence to it that survives her death. I am heartbroken and having kind of a hard time. She was ill and had some disability from cancer but when people say, “she’s in a better place,” I just want to say “screw you” to them. Maybe they mean well and intend it as a condolence., however, I don’t know that she is “in a better place” and to me, there is no better place than for her to be at home with her kids and me. I will never say “she’s in a better place” to anyone ever.

  24. I lost my boyfriend of 5 years. He was 23 years old. He was my everything. What hurts the most was all the unecessary petty little fights we had. I regret so many things. Like the last time I saw him, we fought. Over something so stupid. I ask myself everyday why I couldn’t just let it go. If I would’ve called him, maybe he’d still be here. And now I have to live with the guilt of my last words being “have a good day.” In a mad tone versus an “I love you.” I was at work when he died. I never thought he would go to a bar that night specially in a such far away place with a so called friend and get severely intoxicated. It just doesn’t sound like him. Our fight was so little and petty. It was nothing huge. I should’ve let it go and there’s not one day I regret not calling him that night to forgive and forget. The thing is he went to a bar. Got drunk to the point he had no idea what he was doing. He punched a random window bc according to everyone he was mad that he couldn’t get inside the bar again. His friend gave him a shirt to wrap around his arm instead of taking him to the hospital. He claims my boyfriend didnt want any medical attention. He was too drunk to make any decision on his own! I don’t understand. I never thought his friend would leave him, take my boyfriends car back to his house and leave my man there to bleed to death. He claims my boyfriend didn’t want to leave. But everyday I ask myself why there being so many people no one called 911. Had I been there, this would have never happened. Had I been there, he wouldn’t gone to drink that night because he’d be at home with me after work. I feel in a way I let my boyfriend down. I loved him dearly. And I regret so much not being able to be there to save his life. My life has changed. My life is over. Life will never be the same. We had so many plans. We had plans to get engaged. Have kids. He had even picked out a boys name already. He had just gotten a really good job. Everything was perfect and then this happens. By far the worst thing that has happened to me. Everyday I cry. I hear his voicemails he’s left me so I can atleast hear his voice. I look at our pictures. At 21 years old, I never thought I’d lose my future my hopes and dreams. Never thought I’d walk into a funeral home with his mother and pick out his casket, his ceremony dates. Or have to go to the cementary to pick his burial site. I’m young and I always hear I have to move on. But he was my everything. We had so many plans. Our life was just about to start together. I never saw the day I’d have to be without him. I hope he rests in peace. I hope to see him again. There’s days when I don’t want to live anymore but I know that’s not the way to go. I don’t wish to cause anyone the pain I feel by ending my life. I believe there’s a reason why this all happened. I want to believe god has a plan for me. I believe his “friend” will pay for what he did. He will have to live with his conscious. Leaving him there with strangers and taking my boyfriend car back to his house. I mean who does that? We all know you never leave a friend behind. Specially someone in need of medical attention. This could have been preventable. Had Anthony gotten medical attention, he would be here. And that’s what hurts the most. Had someone called 911. My Anthony would still be here. I can’t believe people now a days. I can’t believe myself how it didn’t occur to me to call him. I can only imagine bleeding out for 2 hours with so many people around and no one calling 911. How do you not notice the blood? I have so many questions. Questions I’ll have the rest of my life. But no matter what I do now, nothing will bring my Anthony back. Nothing. For the rest of my life I will go on thinking and longing for him and all of our hopes and dreams. The day he left, he took me with him. I’m dead on the inside and alive on the outside. May he be in heaven with god and watching over us. I just want to know he’s ok and happy. One day I’ll see you again Anthony. And I can’t wait for the day I can hug and tell you I love you again. You were such a big part of my life. So much I learned from you. Things I’ll forever incorporate into my life from now on. I love you and I always will.

  25. My jsband (spouse) of 54 yrs of marriage was entered in hospital and a 25 day stay and developed end-stage renal disease/kidney failure and heart problem during the course, after dialysis was started. Patient has previous arrhythmias but not dynamic and was not given pills until last 3 months before ER admission for bad laboratory findings on two values. The nursing and other services in the hospital were excellent and the speciality doctors would show up initially but nothing else was reported even after they did their evaluation and tests. The wife was not informed of anything and if question came up to the Nurses on duty, they would call the hospitalist, who never came during the day time visits to the hospital by the spouse. Finally the spouse thought her husband was getting better and then he started failing fast. Still no explanations were given until the hospital ordered Hospice care and prepared him for transport. Only the last hour was the spouse informed of the details of the transport only. Spouse has worked in medical field and things have changed./ I am angry and decided to write the Staff of the hospital to get answers.. Wife

  26. My husband died ten days before his 68th birthday. He was sweet, sensitive, kind and helpful to anyone in need. I used to get upset because he helped so many people and sometimes I felt left out. He loved his Dodge Ram and it sat for 17 years because he couldn’t drive it any longer. I had to shovel the snow from it as well as my own car. Now I shovel out other elderly people’s cars because I miss doing that for him. He loved Roy Orbison and I’d sing along with the songs. He would say don’t ruin it (just in fun). For over two years I could not listen to a Roy Orbison song. I cried. We went camping – I still have the camping equipment. He was such a nature lover. I travel as much as I can and work full time just to keep my mind off the loss. It’s lonely but I try to fill my time. After he passed I found a coupon for a locket that he was looking at. He probably was going to buy it for me for my birthday on Dec. 4th. So I bought it and have worn it since the day he passed. My girlfriend gave me a teddy bear which I hug in his name when I feel down. He died the day before thanksgiving. I buried him on my birthday. I cried for months on the train to work. The pain is still there after 5 years but has lessened a little. I can listen to Roy Orbison now and not cry. I’ve wished I could just join him but as each day passes I get stronger and I will fight this with all my might. I visit his grave often. I talk to him. He will always be with me. I don’t want anyone else. Love never dies….

  27. It’s a good article BUT please don’t assume that everyone who has lost a significant other wants to ‘date’ or even
    considers themselves single. Not a ‘one size fits all’ sort of thing. Some of us STAY married for eternity.

  28. My common law husband passed away April 3 2017 our one and only an had just turned 3 years old….we got together in high school. I was 17 and he was 18…never had i loved someone so much. He made me happy. I trusted him and loved him and couldn’t imagine life without him….we were together 10 years. He battled a chronic illness of kidney failure and seizures…he always had a smile on his face no matter what. I saw him almost time numerous times….watching the person you love the most getting put through hell and back over and over..knowing no matter what you did you couldn’t save them…he did dialysis before I met him..very young…we were together a whole year before I even knew he had got a transplant in 2006. We got together 2007 and I would have never knew…he almost died in 2008 because his transplant was rejecting…this man changed my whole life. I will never understand why things ended the way they did….he had a stroke oct 2016…we lost our home Nov.2016…that’s when things got worse. My anger had took over me and I took it all out on him. He was sick and I was in denial I couldn’t see the big picture. He completed I am 28 years old..a decade with the one i Ioved the most just gone…. I can’t forgive myself for how I treated him telling him I hate him and repeatedly telling him to get out get out of my cousins where we were temporarily staying. I pushed him away then was mad as he’ll at him for leaving. He passed away one month after moving into his cousins. I am thankful for the years we had but I do not want to live without him I try to fight for our son but the truth is I am not happy I eat her be dead. I was 27 and he was 28 when he took his last breath. Iwasn’t there when I should have been. My anger got the best of me and took over….all he was trying to do was love me and I couldn’t see that not he is gone I feel like I cut his time short…I never stopped caring but did he know that…I cared for him more than I cared for myself and he made me happier than I have ever been in my life I lost sight of that and instead of cherishing him I was making his life harder than it already was. He was back on dialysis for a year before he died…he kept passing out and waking up on a vent during dialysis I was so lucky to have him there were so many times he pulled through and all the trauma no time to recover my heart broke for him everyday o wish I would have hugged him instead of cussed him

  29. I lost my husband on April 25th. We had been together for 30 years and married for 29. We have a daughter who is 15. Over the past month I have been doing everything that I can to take care of her, and get her through school. I have just now had some time alone to really begin to feel my own pain and it is awful. I still can’t believe he is gone. I’m muddling along living by lists and trying to figure out what I need to make it through the rest of my life without him. Focusing on my daughter to help her become safely independent and get her focused on college and her future. She will adjust but I feel like I am abandoned and don’t know what I want my future to be – when he died I died too … I will deal with the good days and sad days – the hardest part is he died suddenly and the shock is still there and it is so hard to accept.

  30. Not only spouse but the death of any person with whom we share a bond of love is hard to lose. The pain of having no more the company of them who used to be for us, the hope that is not present, the happiest of the moments you spent together which will never be there again, the voice which will never be heard, the laughs which will never be shared are all the little things which make the life harder and harder. The little things on which they used to spend upon each other and its conversion to an empty space is unbearable. You can read one of such appealing story to know way better at After a beautiful marriage of 30 years, I wonder if I’ll ever be able to cope with his loss (

  31. If anyone is under the misguided impression that when you are older and have been together for nearly 54 years, or more for some, it gets easier to loose them. IT DOESN’T . I hate this empty life he was my everything, my all, the breath I breath, the life I led. Now I empty, lost and have no will to carry on. People tell me I am lucky to have had so long with him, to have wonderful sons and grandchildren and I know I am but I can find no comfort in anything just now five weeks ago my reason to live died in my arms and all I want is to have him back. Much of what you have written makes so much sense and is so right but it is overwhelmingly intense. How do people go on living? Am wallowing in self pity? YES I AM but how do I stop, feel too old and tired .

    • Pam, I feel your pain. We were married 47 years. That’s more than MOST of my life. I don’t know ‘how’ to live without him. He was the one that complimented this old 68 year old face and body. He was the one that loved me despite my imperfect ways. He was the one that listened and agreed. He was the one that understood. Mostly, he was the one that shared all the past memories I have…the same memories. There is no one else that knows but me and him. I’ve always seen Srs that lost their long-time spouses, but never understood that it’s most certainly VERY hard. I want to remember him with a smile instead of a tear. I hope you can too. ~I believe I will see my love again when I join him in the forever. Meanwhile I have to live without him and I’m trying to be happy.

  32. Just lost my husband of 35 years on 4/22/2018 he was 60 years old, I am 57. He was a 100% disabled veteran and had contacted Hep C in the service when he was given a blood transfusion. He lived with the hep C and was doing well. In March of 2017 he was put on Harvoni. Dr’s told him he was cured. He died on 4/22/2018 due to complete liver failure. He was my everything,, My soulmate, protector, provider, best friend, support and a great grandfather.
    I was left without nothing, lost my apt, income and I am now forced to live with my daughter. I am made to feel like I am a burden, and just upset everyone. I cannot say a word about anything good or bad because I am told I am trying to cause drama.
    Now on top of my severe grief I am severely depressed. I can not find employment despite having a B.S. and great references. I am finding each day a severe struggle. I know I can’t go back but I do not want to go on either.
    I am upset because everyone has this perception I am not suppose to be sad or depressed by being so I am being negative and unappreciative. They do not understand how much I am hurting and try to make it seem like I have no right to feel this way.
    I will be attending a grieving support group and one on one counseling to try and get through this but I know I will never ever be the same person I was. Just do not know if it is possible to continue on.

    • Kathy I’m so sorry for your loss! You take as long as you need to grieve the loss if your loved one. Don’t let anyone tell you how to grieve. No one knows what you are going thru unless they have lost a spouse! My husband just passed away in August 2018 & he was a disabled veteran. You mentioned your husband was a disabled veteran. They should have given you his last VA disability check, funeral expense money & you need to apply for spousal support because he was 100% disabled did you do that? Don’t know how long he was 100% disabled but they will let you know if & how much monies they will give you. Hope this helps. If you have any questions please feel free to email me.

  33. My husband Nick died 04/07/2018 we were our only friends,we went and done everything together.Married 40 and knew each other a total of 43 years.Nick was sick must of his life,do to a child hood bully who pushed him unto a steel gate and end up a life time of infections and pain and in and out of hospitals with lots of pray he would also come home.Back in October 2017 Nick got sick with runs
    and ended up in a hospital that did not know what was wrong with him.(2 times) I called his hospital where he always went and they tested him and found a t-4 tumor in his bladder that has pierced his lower intestine.Cancerous) it took a few months to get him in and we
    were constantly in pray that this was not going to spread.He came out with no cancer,but lost a lot of his organs.After a few weeks he came home,had a hard time eating,lost a lot of weight,I was feeding him food I thought would digest.He went to the dr for follow up.Dr says he was doing fine.Home nurse came a few days later and he was ready to go for final visit to the wound dr.Doing the week he says to me because of you I lived to be 62 and another time,please don’t leave me,I told him I will be with him to the end and do not die on me that I needed him.He gets up and say he wants sime pancakes ,stays up to 12pm and then goes to bed to rest and gets at 2pm and I ask him want he wants to eat,fix him a peanut&jelly sandwich an a shake with peanut and choclate.I went to the bedroom to clean some clothes an he coughed will bad and I ask him if he was alright,ask if he had pains in his arm orchest He says no,so in about 7months we were ready to retire and finally has some rest and time and was planning to go on a cruise for our 41st anniversity and was talking about the fun we were going to have.He says to me,honey I feel weird,I ask for he had pains .He said no.How do you feel?
    I feel like I can’t breath,I though it was nerves caused by the cough.I told him drink some water,which he did.He looked alright and I asked him if He wanted to watch tv? I turn my head to set the tv and when I turned back to him,his eyes went up and I ran over thinking he fainted and he went limp.I called 911 and starting breathing in his mouth waiting for the ambulance.when they came they did everthing to revive him and nothing worked.I got in the truck and followed the ambulance to the hospital.I called my pray partner to agree upon Nick his heartbeat started and prayed and the ambulance stop at the emergency and I asked if they got Nicks heart beating.They said no.I preceeded to take him to a separated home and I waited,expecting to hear he.s dead.About 10 minutes go by the dr come in and tells me Nicks got a heatbeat {20 minutes later)I believed if God brought him back then he gave my husband a miracle that we were praying for.Did all the routine procedures,was getting little reaction from his brain.My son says to me wait Dad may recover from this.Well come 4/01/2018 Easter and my birthday,My son was holding his hands and My love looked and me with love and squeezed my hand tightly as if he was saying its alright. I changed hospitals because their drs told me with exrays or any to let him go.We went back the the hospital we went to most of nicks life and got all kinds of exrays and finally got the info that Nicks right brain was damaged and he would be in that state the rest of his life.When Nick and I were younger we promised we wouldn.t each other be in that state,So i stood in the room with my husband till the end and told him to go into Jesus;s arms.I am so sad,I felt possibly
    did some or didn’t do something to prevent this.We been Christians most of our life(teens) I am now 61 and the money My husband worked so hard for will never be used for the plans we hard.How do you start again? I faith has been damaged and I do not want to live this life alone and will never persue another relation? Any one can suggest how to cope?If not please pray for me.Love.Linda

  34. I lost my husband on October 29, 2017. I woke up around 3 am to use the restroom and got back in bed and that’s when I realized. I hollered for all my kids. He was an alcoholic and the doctors had been telling him for years that if he didn’t stop he would be lucky to make it to 40, he had turned 40 just a month prior. I have gone through so many different emotions. I have taken trips to run away from my life to just breaking down randomly in the middle of the store because of a song that was playing. I appreciate my boss so much because at times when I felt down and didn’t want to talk she would pull me into her office and she would talk to me, I didn’t have to say a word and she knew what was going on in my head. I try to talk to my friends but I feel like just a downer breaking down to them, like I’m a record stuck on repeat. I have found someone that I feel comfortable talking to. I’ve been talking to him for the last about 4 months. We actually text not talk because we live 2 hours away from each other. I’ve known him since I was younger and I started reaching out to old friends and found him. At times I feel guilty talking to him because he’s engaged but he’s been through something similar and he doesn’t let me keep things bottled inside. He’s been a blessing. The loneliness though is what gets me still. I have friends and family around but I still feel lonely. And I find it difficult to be around couples. I feel like an awful person saying that but I see them all happy and jealousy takes over. Jealousy of something I once had and don’t have any more. And at times feel like I won’t have ever again. I’m really struggling at finding a way to stay happy being around couples, it doesn’t matter if its friends or family.

  35. I lost my wife in Feb 12, 2016. She was my soulmate, and I’ve known her since 1989. I am past the grieving stage, even looking forward to getting on with my life. For whatever reason, since she died, I’ve been unable to ever get a good night’s sleep. Prescription sleeping pills don’t work, Melatonin doesn’t. No matter what time I go to bed, I never can stay in bed past 7am, have problems even taking a nap during the day, and wake up almost every hour or 2 during the night. Clonazepam, which I used to use for anxiety is about the only thing that seems to help. I’ve tried too many sleep aids to count. I am at a complete loss as to why I still can’t sleep well.

  36. I lost my girlfriend from depression. It only took 30 mins for something to take my half. We been together for 5 years. And she’s only 22. The person who i’m with almost everyday. The person i felt invincible with and the places and the tings we go and do together are haunting me. It’s been a weak now and i’m dying. Not feeling any hope and myself. Crying most of the time calling her name. regrets everywhere. Hope i could have done this, have dont that… But words cannot get her back. Still hoping that i will not follow her sooner or later. Still feels like a joke. Still waiting for her to knock on my door with her gorgeous smile. I hope someone could help me from this. I cannot take this for long. Working in a hospital is killing me as well. Anybody thinks can help me please don’t hesitate. My name is Lars and i’m from the Philippines.

  37. I lost my girlfriend from depression. It only took 30 mins for something to take my half. We been together for 5 years. And she’s only 22. The person who i’m with almost everyday. The person i felt invincible with and the places and the tings we go and do together are haunting me. It’s been a week now and i’m dying. Not feeling any hope and myself. Crying most of the time call her name. regrets everywhere. Hope i could have done this, have dont that… But words cannot get her back. Only hoping now that i will not follow her sooner or later. Still feels like a joke. Still waiting for her to knock on my door with her gorgeous smile. I hope someone could help me from this. I cannot take this for long. Working in a hospital is killing me as well. Anybody thinks can help me please don’t hesitate. My name is Lars and i’m from the Philippines.

  38. I grew up in an abusive home, and when I was 12 I met a boy who saved me. We fell in love. I stayed at his house for years and we were the best of friends. He helped me through everything and was the light of my life. The most positive and giving man I’d ever met . He helped his mom pay the mortgage by doing odd jobs and errands for neighbors starting at 10 years old. There was NEVER a dull moment with him. He saved my life. He was an angel, too good for this world. At 17, our senior year, he got hit by a fellow classmate and was killed. Here I am now, almost 5 years later, aching for him. I still don’t know how to live without him.

  39. Well , I’ve had the great misfortune to experience the grief of losing my wife Jean almost 7 years ago , then last August I lost my beautiful Teresa who I’d been with for 5 years . Jean was diagnosed with cancer back in 2003 and was told she would probably only have about about 18 months to live with or without treatment . She undertook treatment anyway and responded well and our 2 children and I were blessed with nearly 8 years of her love and presence in our lives . It was only in the last 6 months or so that the inevitable would become reality and after being told she might only have 6 weeks , she slipped from our grasp after 9 days , at home with me and the kids beside her . We were crushed , she had fought so hard to remain with and now she was gone . In those last few months , she told me , in the event of her passing , she’d hate to think I was lonely and I should find someone…ridiculous, I’re not going anywhere.
    Anyway , nearly 12 months later , while helping to organise a school reunion , I met Teresa whom I went to school with but hadn’t seen in 35 years . Well…the spark was there and so began such a beautiful and loving relationship as one could imagine . A mutual love of music had us going to numerous concerts , something she hadn’t done in years and was so excited to do . My children , after a period of awkwardness , grew to love Teresa dearly , particularly my daughter . They became very was beautiful to see .
    Fast forward to the beginning of 2017 , and the health of Teresa’s elderly mum , whom Teresa was the primary carer , began to deteriorate , and she stated to spend an increasing amount of time in hospital . Teresa had been run ragged by bureaucracy , trying to organise in house care , and her own health took a beating from the stress . Anyway , in mid August , Teresa’s mum passed away , and Teresa was consumed by grief..she and her sister fought so hard for their Mum . A couple of days later , Teresa collapsed while picking up a friend and was rushed to hospital . I went to see her in the ED and she was quite ill , though we were told she should be ok in 2 or 3 days . I went and saw her the next day where they put her in a general ward..still in pain and heavily sedated . I spent time with her , comforting her and talking to her . When I left , I gave her a kiss , said ” I love you , I’ll see tomorrow , sweetheart ” , went home , went to bed after a couple of hours . Thirty minutes later , Teresa’s brother in law rang , ..” Max , she gone ..Teresa’s gone …” We still don’t know why
    My beautiful Teresa is gone and I am crushed . Most people get to spend 30 , 40 , ..50 years with their partner ..well into their 70s or 80s before their passing . I’m not 60 yet and in the space of 6 years I’ve lost 2 beautiful wife and mother of our wonderful children , and my gorgeous partner , who filled my life with love and happiness other people could only dream of . 8 months on , some days are bearable , others ..a song , a memory , a picture .. and the tears and sorrow come like a flood . I miss Teresa so much…the thought of loving and losing someone again is so hard to even consider . Sorry if this is a bit wordy , but finding this site and reading other people’s experiences just bought it out . Be kind to yourselves , don’t let anyone tell you to get over it…it’ll take time..if ever . Peace

  40. Louise McOrmond-PlummerMarch 24, 2018 at 7:10 amReply

    Richard, how horrifying the circumstances of your love’s death are for you. My darling husband, Ken, died of cancer, but I cannot imagine having had to witness a partner burn to death. You have my utmost compassion.

    People are constantly at me to find somebody else, and a few days ago, I though just like you – it would be like a band-aid over a spraying vein.

    You say that you wish there was a way to communicate with your partner. I have no wish to push any belief on you, but after the loss of Ken, I was desperate for some sort of communication with him. I was aware that I could fall victim to wishful thinking, and so very cautiously began to research the question of an afterlife. I have discovered that there is strong evidence that points to that reality — one in which our loved ones truly are always with us, and we’ll see them again. If you are interested in pursuing this for yourself, could I please recommend that you look up an online course designed to ground the grieving in the evidence for an afterlife, titled “Love Never Dies” by Dr. Piero Calvi-Parisetti?

    I truly believe your love is with you; she will be for the rest of your life. Do you talk to her?

    I hope you have support for the terrible hurt you’ve experienced xxoo

  41. I lost my one true love in a bad car accident. She burned while still alive, and was unable to get out of her van. I’ve never gotten over it and most likely never will. I watched her burn until there was almost nothing left. That is a vision that I cannot unsee. If I could change reality, I would trade places with her. If I didn’t have a daughter, and some rescued pets to take care of, I wouldn’t give a flying shit about being here. People say it gets easier with time. To a certain extent, that’s true, but the pain never truly goes away. Every day has that potential to make you hate life. All it takes is a stray, unrestrained memory, to randomly show up, and massive depression can instantly take over. To those who haven’t been through the loss of your life mate, you can give advice, but don’t see yourself as an expert. Since her death, my life has been a day to day struggle. Finding someone new helps somewhat, but that is like a bandaid on a severed carotid artery. For now, I just continue the fight. Things might be easier if there was at least a way to communicate with her. If I believed in ghosts, I would try to find one, and ask it to relay a message for me. Losing her literally makes my heart hurt. When she died, my world fell apart. Besides losing her, I lost my job, my home, all of my cars, and almost everything I owned. I’ve since recovered a large portion of my loses and started working for myself. I would gladly give up everything I own and start over again, just to spend one more day with her. I now know what unused love feels like. Love becomes poison, bouncing around inside you, looking either for a way out, to a recipient, or else a way to torment you from the inside. Just like taking too much of a good thing, and dying from it, too much love inside you, is just as bad. I think I would much rather deal with trapped anger, than love with no destination.

  42. I’m so glad I found this website! I had been divorced 25 years and met a wonderful man on a Nickelback FB page who was going to the same concert last summer. He only lived 1/2 hour from me. He had lost is wife of 25 years 4 years ago. We talked everyday in March, had our first date in April and was inseparable after that. I had finally found my soulmate! All of my friends and family were surprised that this forever single gal had found a great guy! We had literally everything in common. I was falling in love with this man. We spent every weekend together and he moved in with me at the end of September and we had plans for our future. It was great to be in a relationship finally, I remember the morning he told me he loved me and he said, I don’t say it that much cause when I do, something bad happens. I told him I loved him and nothing bad is gonna happen. I’m not going anywhere! I got up every morning to find messages he had sent me when he got to work, he messaged me on his lunch break everyday. I got up on Halloween morning 2017 like any other day. Flipped open my laptop and saw he had not been active on FB in 14 hours. That was NOT like him. No message from him. Had a weird feeling then. I was scrolling FB and saw a local news station had posted about a 3 car accident that happened that morning on the road he took to work. I commented what time did this happen? Someone wrote 6:30. Checked back to see if he had seen my message, still nothing..not active on FB. THAT very moment I had a feeling in my heart and gut something was wrong. I just knew it. I wrote him again, I called his phone 2x..voicemail. Checked on the page that told about the wreck, it had been updated that air care had left without the patient, one deceased, two taken to hospitals. I’m not knowing what to do? Who do I call? He has a grown daughter who was at work. I can still remember and feel that panic..I just knew something wasn’t right, I was ready to start calling hospitals, I was ready to go wherever to be with my sweets! Then the noon news came on, it was breaking news, they were on the scene of this wreck and I nearly fainted….there was Randy’s car on its side, mangled. They said the person in the car died! My world was spinning…no! This can’t be right! I’m looking at his car on TV! Then a couple minutes passed and I hear a ding on my laptop, a message from his daughter, asking my #. She didn’t have my number but we are FB friends. She called and asked if I had heard about Randy and said those words…she was hysterical. I just slid to the floor crying. Since his license had his old address on it, the sherriff went there, which his where his daughter and boyfriend lived and informed his family. Then her boyfriend had to drive to her work and break the news to her. It took hours for me to find out. The driver of a big Ram truck fell asleep at the wheel and crossed the center line and hit him head on at 65+ mph, the car rolled, he was trapped in the car. I had 2 people tell me that day that he probably went instantly, didn’t feel anything. All I could do was cry, rock back and forth like a baby and cry some more. This can’t be happening?! The next day, his daughter came here to pick out clothes for the funeral, she thanked me for making her Dad so very happy…it was terrible…the loss. She had lost her Mom and then her Dad. She included me in going to the funeral home to take the clothes, I wanted to see him, to touch him, rub his hand. We all knew he was trapped in the car, but not for how long? He did wear his seatbelt everytime he drove. Then we found out the crash happened at 6:22 a,m, not dispatched until 6:33, EMS arrived at 6:42, In my mind I am screaming! WHY? Why did it take so dam long? I was so upset and still am. A nurse had jumped out of her car to go check things out and she said he was alert, saying he couldn’t feel his legs. That haunts me and will forever. I wonder if he went into shock? How bad did he suffer? What was he thinking during all that time? He was alive in the car close to 1 1/2 hrs, he passed away the minute they removed him. He held on that long with 2 broken legs, all broken ribs, blood filling his lungs and who knows what else! I cry everyday still..It will be 18 weeks this coming Tues. I dread Tuesdays, getting up and reliving that day all over again. It’s so hard to go to bed at night. remembering our evening before…how he said I love you baby, I told him I loved him too and then snuggled up against him, arm around me, falling asleep not knowing that was our last night. I’m thankful if you can word it that way that the last words we said to each other was I LOVE YOU. At 54 yrs old we found love and I feel like I was robbed of him in a tragic way. Our time together was too short but I have so very many wonderful memories I cherish. It feels so empty and weird here, his daughter came and packed up all this clothes and belongings 2 weeks afterwards and all I could do was cry..I remember him bringing it all in just a month prior. I did get to keep a few things of his, a few pieces of clothing I loved, I sleep everynight with the shirt he wore to bed the night before, his cologne that I open and smell ever now and then, still where he put it. We are still waiting on the court date for the idiot who killed him. He had Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valenties day with his family, while I missed out on all of those firsts we should have had. I’m so glad to have found WYG. I have nobody who really understands how bad off I am over this that I can talk to. His daughter and I still keep in contact, she keeps me updated on whats happening with everything and we have met for lunch, we vent to each other. Thanks for listening to my story. Hugs to all!

  43. I lost my fiancé 2/20/18 to a horrific sudden death. It’s so hard without him. I miss him so much . I cry more and more every night. I can’t sleep I don’t eat. I’m depressed, mad, heartbroken, lost, upset, empty. He was my everything. Everything’ I ever wanted in life was with him. He will forever be in my heart 😓😔😪😢💔 R. I. P. Daddy(Babe)

  44. I’ve been with him not more than few months.
    I act like a bitch and build walls around me so nobody could hurt me.
    I met him fall in love with his beautiful green eyes..
    He say all my crazy flaws and still decide to love me.
    Saw through all my bitch facade and hugs me until i melt.
    no matter how hard how fucked up the day is,
    i know that he will be at home waiting for me.
    he would pull me in his arms and i will instantly feel safe.. calm..
    and now he’s gone.
    22th February 2018.
    my love Damien is gone.
    leaving me broken to pieces.

  45. I lost my boyfriend on 10th feb 2018. It still feels surreal I lost him to a motor accident suddenly and violently. No one seems to understand how I feel. He was the love of my life. I was with him the night he died. He drove out and never came back. Some days It feels like the grief is about to consume me. Am in law school and I can’t concentrate. We had our whole lives planned out.

    • I lost my beautiful girlfriend Jan 28 in a car accident. I am more than devastated after thinking she was more than the right one for me. I have cried everyday and I can not even begin to think or want any other love to ever replace the love she gave me. I was the luckiest man in this world to have met such a beautiful that loved me how she did. She was 32 and I told her how I was looking forward to so much more of her time that I could not get enough of. I am shocked, more than devastated, and lost without her amazing and beautiful personality! It took me 40 years to meet her which was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

  46. i lost my man january 14 2018 after having stents put in
    he was fine.
    Thursday i checked on him sunday .10 am he was gone i am devastated
    But being christian believing in god christ and the holy spirit helps immensely
    i believe i will see him again god keeps promises.
    And its ok to cry our fathers weeps to
    I will pray for us all to have comfort
    Blessings to you all

  47. I have read all posts my heart breaks for you all .I lost my man january 14 2018.It is still so raw
    He was having chest pains off and on for a bit got so bad he went to emergency found out he had heart attack
    night before .kept him set up appointment for st marys in kitchener apptment wednesday.
    stents needed performed wednesday afternoon.
    home thursday did a cpl errands saturday.
    After dinner said he was tired went to bed at 9pm.
    i fell asleep on couch got up myself at 10am.
    thought maybe he was havin morning coffee in dinning room not there went to bedroom to check on him
    And he had passed. i love him and miss him everyday .But i to am christian and believe we will one day be together again.
    I pray for strength and love everyday from jesus and our heavely father and holy spirit.
    With all three i am totally blessed i will pray for us all

  48. Please watch ———-
    Living Without the One You Cannot Live Without
    This video is by – Dr. Natasha Josefowitz,
    My husband has moved to heaven.
    I am so thankful I found this video.
    I searched and searched, for help, thank God I have been guided to this video.
    She is saving me.
    She address my loss, my pain. She is someone who cares, which I need so desperately.
    I will be doing ok for a moment, then I run to the computer to watch the video, I thank her for the love she shared.
    I am sure she has saved many lives? Or at least restored to more then just existing, ——– to a point where they may be able to share a day with a friend.
    I hear people saying that time will come, I don’t see reaching that point, but I do so thank Dr. Natasha Josefowitz’s for her video, it helps with the gut wrenching pain, at least for a little while.
    God does have a plan, I wish we could understand.
    Please God hold us close and send your peace.

    • Thank you for pointing us to the video. I just finished viewing it, and Natasha Josefowitz hits on everything that will come up in your (our) life in the grief period. Very true for the emotions and thought process.
      I pray for your emotional healing. Sending hugs, take care.

  49. My name is Anthea (47) and I just lost my fiancé Edward (57) after a four year relationship on 29 December 2017. We were supposed to be married on the 14 February 2018 which makes this even harder. One moment we were spending an awesome day together, braaing, listening to music and laughing and the next thing I knew he was gasping for air and passed away in my arms. The hardest thing for me is waking up each day and having to go on as if things are normal when in fact it isn’t and not having the right support structure is even worse. I can find myself laughing one moment and crying the next, its as if im living in a different world, a world I cant seem to find myself in or understand. Im angry and im hurt and im frustrated and I just want my Edward back but he isn’t coming back and that is something I cant seem to deal with. He was my everything. He used to wake me in the morning with a cup of coffee and biscuits and cook supper for me and rub my feet when im tired. This is a loss I cannot begin to explain and the pain for me personally is of such a nature I sometimes want to end my life but then I realise that if I were to do that I wouldn’t get to be with him. I miss him holding me and telling me how much he loves me. When you lose a life partner, your best friend, you lose a part of yourself because I have learnt that no matter how hard you try life will never be the same ever again. All I want to say is that I loved this man with all my being and I don’t know if I could or would ever get over this pain im feeling. Thank you for this blog….. I appreciate reading others experiences and being able to share mine…God Bless

    • I think I speak for all of us, when I say, its a long lonely road to travel. Some days better then others.
      Hang in there, God has a plan.
      Sending hugs.

  50. I lost my love of just one short year on January 5, 2018. He died very unexpectedly and I just can’t stop crying. We had so many plans, both short and long term, and I still can’t quite believe we won’t be able do all the things we planned. I have fallen into a spiral of despair. Everyone tells me that it will get easier with time but at this point I just can’t see it.

    • The same happened to me but we were together for only four months, its so unbelivable, people tell me it was only 4 months I should be ok soon, but its just getting worse, never thought I could love so intensely, I send you a big hug, light and strenght!

  51. I never knew I could love so much. She is/was my world. God put us together!!!. She divorced in Alaska, moved back to Florida, divorced there and moved to her brothers in Maine. Then years later drove back to Alaska , to have the kids to be around their natural father., The natural father rented an apartment under me. None of us knowing whim the other was. Within 3 months of being neighbors , I proposed!!
    This was both of our third marriages!!!. She and I both had custody of our children, ( Yes ( MR MOM). Both of our ex’s had cheated on us. I can be of blame for #2!, She said she’d marry me only if nether of my parents were born in the month of MAY. ( Her birthday was MAY 1St, ( MAY+DAY MAY DAY. ) Why she said this , I still don’t recall. The look I gave her , Shocked her!. she just said, your are kidding? right?, I said dad’s is May 3rd and mom’s is May 30th. She said yes, I’ll marry you. I asked her why? She said.”I hate to date”!
    We where going to get married in March, But decided, Lets get married on New Years eve>!!This way since we are together, we will have a nice tax break for our family. ” Oh, so you are marring me for a tax break? :)) Well, she stayed with me for 25 years. until God had to call her home, on Dec 22, 2016. We sold our business in Alaska in May 2015, we sold the house in Aug 15 and she retired from Anchorage School district in Sept 15. She was a special needs bus attendant, and loved all her kids on the bus , year after year, was her extended family. we left Ak ( I had been there 63 years. she was a Floridian. When I first saw her, I said WOW she’s how and looks as though she could be a real BITCH. I was right in both cases. When she got mad, ohhhh. One day about 22 years later, she looked at me and said, you better leave for about 4 hours, Go see your friends. I DID NOT ASK WHY, I left, of course questions what I HAD DONE>, but again, no questions I asked, I left. Called her 4 and a 1/2 hours later, and asked if it was safe to come home, she said yes, and that She loved me. What ever, it was, I never asked!! We where madly in Love!! We anticipated retirement. we had a limo service, so almost every Friday and Saturday, was the business, and after Friday she was tired from all week at the school bus. When we would get together and do something special, we called it ” ( date night) even if it was a mexican restaurant for Fajitas for 2 and a couple Jack and cokes. we nicknamed it “Our watering hole” so for years we would frequent about every 2-3 months. We bought a timeshare in Mazatlan, we enjoyed it. We went to Florida many times, (That was her family) we never visited mine in Missouri, always hers.
    Most the time a coupke of kids would come, always the youngest!. HE got to do everything. ( he’s the baby!) he’s 28 now, still the BABY. We moved to North Georgia in Oct 15′. found a cute apartment a month later. In March of 16, we went back to Anchorage , ( we had kept a summer cruise line employee transportation contract. She got bored in July so, The man I originally drove limo for, asked if she’d go to Florida and drive up a rental car he had just bought. So SHe did, and went by Georgia and got the baby we had left there. He did not like the heat, he was raised in Alaska. So when she returned in July, she had a cough. She had driven through thunderstorms, and had AC on , so we thought may be pneumonia. went to family practitioner. After 3 weeks it didn’t get better. So he decided to order a CT scan. They found a spot on her lung. decided to do a biopsy. Now this is July 2016! 9 DAYS later, the office called and said her biopsy was benign. we hugged each other and cried with happiness!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you Lord Jesus!!!!!!. The VERY NEXT DAY!!!, the office called back and said, “We made a mistake, we looked at your biopsy from your breasts reduction in 2014. It’s malignant. we just looked at each other, NO A WORD SPOKEN!!!!), IN TOTAL SHOCK. So next a PET exam and found out she had 4th stage lung cancer, in nLymph nodes and moved to the brain. Had NO CLUE!!!!! I got a appointment at MD anderson in Houston, The #1 facility in the world. Nothing but the BEST for my love. She went though chemo then got pneumonia, beat that !. we did radition next for two weeks. We walked in on a Monday, and said, your heart beat is 224bpm. we need to keep you here for about 4 days and give you some herat medication, monitor it and then you should be able to go home and take this for about a month and possibly the rest of your life. This was on a Monday. At 5:30pm on Tuesday, she crashed in her hospital bed and the doctor came out a 1 1/2 hours later and said we got her breathing again, with the tube in her chest but I advise you to call family members. She was conscious during the day in and out, and I /we could talk to her. She would acknowledge with a node our raise her eye brows. we arrived on DEC 12 when they admitted her. I called the kids, We raised, some decided to come, others wanted to remember her as they last saw her. On dec 22 , I had to order the morphine to let her pass, as her organs where starting to falter. She died 4 hours and 20 minuted later after she was breathing on her own, SHE HAD A strong heart physically and mentally. 9 days before our 25 anniversary on New Years EVE. I was planning on proposing to her again. We moved into he daughters house in Houston. I paid 200 a month towards electric to help out for the ceiling fan and o2 machine. In Nov, she said that her husband and her decided that they did not know how long we where going to be there, but felt we should pay $400 a month for the room!. needless to say, we are not non speaking terms. Now for the after life YOU Need to know this. She comes in my dreams and I thank her for visiting and reassure her of my ever lasting deep devoted love. I had to take our BABY 28 TO jACKSONVILLE airport to fly home to Alaska, because I had driven directly to her sisters home the day after she passed. The day I took our son to the airport was NEW YEARS EVE, Dec 31 the day of our 25th anniversary. I NEVER hardly listen to the radio., SO On the way from the airport I turned on the radio, and of all the songs in the WORLD playing, It was by “Little River Band” HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, I almost crashed from the tears flowing form my eyes, She was talking to me from Heaven, It’s been just over a year, we lost her life insurance policy when we moved, Mine was paid, but hers lapsed,.A attorney is working on it. the doctors figured she had cancer for at least 10 years and We NEVER HAD A CLUE until the cough in July. So many memories make me cry every day! they were all great. I listen to Hall and Oates, ” Baby come bacK” etc. Its all those memories that keep me crying. I’ll be in the casino and I’ll just start crying. we had some many plans and its like all those years of running a business and working, just seem to disappear. I’m forcing myself to move on. We were going to the hospital one day and we had stopped and a flock of birds were on apower line. I told her, Look honey, Birds on a wire, she said, Looks to me more like a party line. So every time now I see birds on a wire, she’s there. I so miss my wife.

  52. My beautiful way passed away on January 23, 2018. She died of kidney cancer. I feel so lonely and sad. I wish I could be with her. Blessings.

  53. I just somehow found this site on the internet & I can relate to the article so much. I just lost my husband of 42 years on 12/9. He fell while walking our dog and hit his chest (not his head), and he was gone 2 1/2 weeks later. There was no brain injury, no stroke – but somehow the fall brought on Lewy Body Dementia full force. He had been showing what I thought was early signs of possible dementia or just aging (he was older than me, 77). He was never the same after the fall & he died from pneumonia & bacterial infection. He went from the emergency room to a nursing home & back to the hospital again. I am so devastated and feel like my heart is broken, and it is so hard to cope with. I cry every day. Thank God at least I have my son. It was so hard to see him change so much, and I guess the only positive thing is that it did happen so fast. I know he would not have wanted to live the way he was. I will be reading and re-reading your article. Thank you for writing it.

  54. I can’t believe I stumbled on this site. My husband of 36 years passed away in our home on January 1st 2018 at 8 p.m. one minute he was fine and the next my daughter was doing chest compressions and I was standing there screaming. Mind you my daughter and I are nurses and I couldn’t think what to do. He passed from a heart attack and I am not sure how to go on. I wish we could have saved him and I wonder we could have done better

    • Deborah SnellAnzaloneNovember 7, 2018 at 9:59 pmReply

      This was my experience. I thank you so much. I ask myself did I do it right? Could I have done more? Your message has comforted me. Thank you.

  55. I want to just say thank you to all of you who have posted on this site. I read this article and realized that what I am feeling is natural. I lost my wife, on Nov 26 2017.of 30 years after a 19 mo battle with small cell lung cancer. Some may say well at least you had time to say goodbye. but believe me, I was with her every day of that 19 months and it doesn’t help , nothing can prepare you for the loss of your best friend, your soulmate, someone who knew what I wanted before I could express it. I can’t remember a day that I did not tell her “I love you” for the 30 years we were together. But I still want to say it again and see the smile on her face as she says I love too! I walk through my house and each room is empty, just like me. I feel so alone and I know that I will never be the same. There is no way to prepare for this. I have my faith in God, but I have no focus in my life. I can only pray that I will see her again some day, on the other side of this life.

    • I really believe this is will be the case Bob. I too feel as you. My rooms are also empty, but at the same time full of lots of my Basia’s personality. She is still here and the home we shared and still share. I am thankful that I still have this sanctuary to go back to. Sometimes you may feel as if the most important thing has been taken from you, but in truth, no one can ever take that love you shared away. I am trying to use the love I was given and still being given to find some form of focus. It will come in time and your soul mate will be behind you at every step. We have to keep moving and I am sure that this is what they would want us to do. God bless Bob and thanks for sharing here.

    • I too, lost my husband to small cell lung cancer after a 16 month battle. We were married for 26 years.

      I share your sense of loss. It seems impossible to have a full life again. The time that we shared we told each other everyday that we loved each other and supported each other through numerous health crisis both his and mine.

      My house is empty and I’m so sad that he is gone and not here with me. It all seems so unfair. I know that death is part of life. But still it does not make his loss any easier to bear.

      I wish you peace and that we both one day will find happiness.

  56. To everyone here…
    I know not everyone here may be a believer in God or an after life, but one of the few things that has given me any comfort is my faith that my partner is somewhere safe, free from pain and together with her family who had already passed.
    You may think this is crazy, but there have been enough stories in my family of other family members whom have passed. My own experiences with these family members have convinced me this is the case. My Mother told me her father said to her in hospital before he passed; that she should never be afraid to die and that he was not as he had seen the other side.
    When my partner passed recently; things have happened in my home. I still feel her presence. Despite being depressed and lost; I still feel her strength pushing me on.
    I could blame God for taking her away from me, but I have to accept that I am still here for a reason and that reason will come to pass and may make sense in time. But I know that one day, we will be together again. I feel this in my heart.
    Some are taking too early, but in the end, we all go to the same place. One of the most important secrets I was ever told related to “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live”. We all need to learn how to die in order to live again. But while we are alive, we need to live life.

    • Hello Simon,
      You are absolutely right in believing and having such strong faith, I too have faith.
      For those who have a hard time believing in a life after this one, there are so many books at
      the library that give you insight into this. eg. if I am allowed, An invisible thread by Alex Tresniowski,
      Waking Up in Heaven by Crystal McVea and Alex Tresniowski, Miracles from Heaven by Christi
      Wilson Beam. Those are just a few.
      My husband and I were soul mates, people cannot understand how I have been able to be so strong.
      I am not always as strong as I appear, but my strength comes in knowing that I will be with my husband
      again one day as I have faith in the promise of God. As God said, “Whoever believes in me, shall not
      perish but have ever lasting life”.
      As our outer bodies waste away, inwardly we are being renewed day by day. Do not fix your eyes on what is
      seen, but rather what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal.
      Corinthians 2
      God Bless you all with His grace and give you His peace.

      • Thanks Sylvie for your reply. I think it’s important to share with others our believe in the power of our human spirit. I am not a reader of the bible, but always had faith from a young age. I think in some ways this was shaped by the experiences I had with family members whom had passed. The most important thing I’m learning in this world is love. To give love and receive love from others is the greatest thing we can experience in life. If there’s one thing I’m certain of; it never dies. God bless and thank you for pointing me to some interesting reading.

  57. This article just hit me like a tonne of bricks. I lost my partner and father of my two young daughters on the 17 Nov 2017 a month after our youngest baby was born. He went in for a liver biopsy at the hospital that night he had internal bleeding and passed on during the night. I still can’t believe it. One minute we were talking the next he was silent. I miss him dearly, I’m lonely, I don’t work, I’m suddenly a single mom, I miss his laugh, hugs and kisses, his voice, the random drives he used to take me on etc. I’m devastated. I just wish for everyone here and myself to take comfort in the Lord.

  58. My handsome husband, Justin was diagnosed with AML on 7/10/17 with P53 mutation and complex cytogenetics. Justin was and still is a miracle though, and not just because he’s put up with me for the last 12 years. Just kidding. During his 7+3 chemotherapy, he suffered a brain bleed, unexplained high fever for over a week and was intubated, amongst other anomalies. What he went through was incredible, to say the least. He came out of chemo, weak but fighting harder than ever. His BMBX showed he was considered in remission. Because of the tribulation that he suffered at the hospital, he was not strong enough to withstand the chemo treatment that was required before receiving a BMT. I agreed, as did his cancer doctor. He then was placed on maintenance outpatient chemo, Decitabine to keep the leukemia away. It worked at first, but then we found out at the beginning of December that his last BMBX showed 5% leukemic blasts which meant that his AML had returned. Justin went in for routine labs and we went to meet with Mayo to get a plan together to get him into remission asap and get his BMT scheduled and completed. He went through his last cycle of Decitabine and he also went to the hospital a week ago due to extreme pain in his chest. He had to call an ambulance because the pain was so unbearable. While at the ER, they ran all kinds of tests to see what was causing the chest pain. They did a CT scan and it showed that his cancer had moved to the lymphnodes. We were made aware of this but had an appointment to discuss these findings with his cancer doctor the next day. They also diagnosed Justin with bilateral pneumonia. He went home on more medication to help fight the pneumonia. This past week he’s been so lethargic and out of it. I watch his lab work closely and I noticed his platelets dropping more than usual. I know chemo causes platelets to drop but not usually that fast. It also didn’t make sense why his platelets would drop but his white blood cells would increase. I noticed over the weekend that his injection site for his blood thinners was getting worse as far as bruising so I called his cancer care coordinator and expressed my concern about him not having enough platelets and she sent orders to the nearest hospital for him to have labs drawn and blood given, if needed. He went yesterday and his labs showed that his white blood cells went from a normal 11 to to an astonishing 40 and he had no platelets. White blood cell counts that high indicated that his leukemia returned with a vengeance, unfortunately. With this horrible news being said, he passed away on 1/5/2018 at 3 AM in my arms and in his mother’s arms. My husband is a true warrior and he fought harder than I’ve ever seen anyone fight. He’s a superhero and always will be, just like he will always be my husband. Forever. Oh, one last statement… FUCK YOU CANCER.

  59. I’m glad I found this article. This is the first time I’ve actually had the strength to actually write this out. My husband of 12 years and best friend of 17 passed away November 25, 2017 on my dad’s Birthday. He died suddenly outside of our home, from cardiac arrest and we are still waiting on results to find out how. My love was the most in shape person I knew. He went to the gym 3-5 days a week and was a personal trainer. He was helping so many young athletes and so many people looked up to him. Our marriage wasn’t perfect but he tried so hard. When he died I was in so much denial that it didn’t really hit me. He was 35 and I felt like there was no possible way this could be happening. We also had two services for friends and family and both services were completely packed and one needed police patrols. He was such an influence in our community and an icon. I have two children of his one girl and one boy and he also has an older daughter who is 16. It still seems so unreal to me, one moment I’m playing with him on the couch and kissing him goodbye, only to never hear his voice again. There are so many regrets I have about our final month together. I was really hard on him. I’m a tough wife. I miss him terribly and find myself retracing our last text messages almost daily. At times I try to trick myself into thinking he was a figment if my imagination, but he wasn’t! He was real and I miss him, but I don’t like feeling pain so my kids and I avoid discussing the manner of his death and even the fact that he’s truly gone. It feels like a sick practical joke. My faith is strong, and I know God has a purpose and plan for all of us. I pray for the strength and peace for all of you on here. It’s humbling to see so many people expericing similar grief.

  60. I lost my Wife, of 35 years , suddenly on Oct. 14 2017 . She was fine at 6pm and gone by 4 am . I think about her every minute of every day . I had to get a part time job , to keep my mind occupied . I still can not talk about her to others . Because I will get choked up . I really miss her .

  61. My boyfriend passed away last July 11, 2017. He just sleep that night and never wake up. He’s my best friend, my everything. I don’t know how did I live as for today. I miss him everyday.

  62. My husband, my sun and moon, the light of my life, my hero, passed away on Dec 21 2017. He was 47. He fought so hard against cruel, awful cancer. His service is 3rd Jan…happy New Year. I fought side by side with him, 2 1/2 years…we were best friends, inseparable. We got married 12 Dec, 9 days before he died. His wedding present is the coffin I needed to choose for him. The horror in my soul is agony…nothing matters. NOTHING MATTERS.

  63. I lost my wife on 3rd December to sudden, unexpected death and I still can’t believe that she is gone. We were married for 11 years and were trying to have a child for quite some time now. Finally she conceived this year and our beautiful baby boy was born on the morning of 2nd December and she was so happy. There was no problem with the delivery and she was kept under observation since it was a caesarean section. Suddenly on 3rd December morning she developed breathlessness, collapsed and never recovered. The doctors say that it is a rare case of pulmonary embolism (blood clot) in the lung that caused a cardiac arrest. Even the doctors are shocked.

    I can relate to a lot of points mentioned in this article. May God give all of us strength and serenity to cope with our loss

  64. I lost my fiancé suddenly a week ago. We were going to be married in 9 months. We were together for almost 4 years. I am so heartbroken and feel like a part of me died. It’s so hard and I dont know how to cope. I cant sleep or eat.

  65. I lost the love of my life at the end of October 2017. We were together for 10+ years and it was the happiest I’ve ever been. We had a hard battle together with my partners cancer, but we took ever step together and thought we would still have more time despite know this may happen. I never thought I would leave my partner to get her some shopping and come home to her gone. She called me to let me know something was wrong and we had an alarm in the home which she triggered, but the ambulance was too late. I have had 2 services/funerals in 2 countries for friends/family and now that I’m back home, back at work and it’s the Christmas and a milestone birthday on the horizon… I’m lost. Everyone has been great, but no one really understands how I feel. I trying and doing well, but it feels like the end of the world and I afraid of time passing without her. It feels like I’m sitting in the blast crater of a bomb and when I look down, there is a huge whole where part of the world was. She was that missing jigsaw piece and I really don’t think I’ll ever fill it again. Not sure I want to. Only time will tell I guess.

  66. Some points on this article hits really hard I lost my boyfriend three days ago he was murderd shot 28x we was supposed to go to longhorn on Saturday he was the sweetest man alive I ran out of tears to cry I just sit here now looking at his photo not sure of how to feel , we wasn’t by far perfect but we was perfect for each other I love and miss him so much it’s like a constant pain I’m scared I’m gonna live with for the rest of my life no one will love or know me like he did

  67. This article and all the points are spot on. The guilt of why i survived- to live for what. Will be 7 years on feb 26 when i lost my husband. Over a period of less than three years lost my mum, my dad and finally my life partner. My parents deaths paled in comparison. Still block out the memories, cannot see even his pictures etc as get panicky. Loosing your life partner is the worst thing that can happen. Life looses its meaning. Our daughter needs me and sometimes i feel i fail her as am still so caught up in my grief and no will to live. I thot working hard and keeping busy is the answer but of late realize its not a good escape.

  68. I lose my fiance November 1st 2017 we were together for 12 years and we have 11 year old son and a 7 year old son and I third son will be born December 28th 2017. He was a hard worker a great father and he was good to me. It hurt me to see my boys like this I’m trying my best to be strong so I want go into early labor. When my boys cry I cry this is so hard for us our life just change…

    • I am saddened to hear of your loss. .may God give you strength to endure…you are blessed to have your children and they live on with you.

      Take care.

    • Dear Ciara..I know the devastation. I lost my husband on 21 Dec, 2017. Hugs and blessings to you, my dear. No one understands the gaping hole that is your heart. 💔🖤

    • Ciara, I hope that you had a safe delivery of your 3rd son. I have just lost my.husband, and I have lost the light in my soul. Please know there are people who know your pain.

  69. I can completely correlate with this article – it is just like reading my inner feelings. Just lost my wife after a 21 years’ relationship, being high school sweethearts. She just collapsed in my hands, leaving our two kids without a mother. I only wish no one else had to suffer my experience.

  70. I completely relate to this article. I lost my boyfriend of 2 and a half years to addiction unexpectedly almost exactly 7 months ago. He was 23 and i was 20 at the time. Although we are young we knew in our hearts that we would end up spending the rest of our lives together and talked about marrying young. I got that feeling in my soul that our hearts just knew it was meant to be. I have tons of love letters and messages from him. I’m am very lucky to be so close with his family and visit often. It’s hard to explain and most people my age haven’t dealt with this great of a loss. I feel alone a lot. He was my rock and loved me unconditionally. I was lucky to have experienced such a love that is so rare these days. My heart aches everyday but i carry on for him. I have no choice but to be strong and i also have voicemails from him reminding me i am beautiful and loved. If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that life goes on and that we all grieve at our own pace. Many have tried to force me to let go but i can’t. At least not yet because i know he would have never let go of me

  71. hi i lost my husband of 34 years 31st may this year im so sad .he was 56 .had kidney cancer 12 and half years .terminal for 7 and a half.people say but you fought a long time and yoh have had time to get use to it.But no you fight all that time to survive him dieing never came into the equation .Its not being in denial its fighti g to survive.But we are so in love and ive just found this post and everything that you guys have said is so very true .Im trying to get through this for my sake for our kids and our Grandies and also as i promised my husband .but its such a hard deep process. I lost my brother at 25 to cancer in 1988 .and also we lost our wee Grandson in March this year .so at least i know He and My Husband are together ..

    • My dear, I have been a full time carer to my beautiful husband that I adored on 21 Dec 2017. I completely understand about not giving up. I have lost my best friend and the only man I felt safe with. My heart aches for you. Bless us. Xx

    • My dear, I have been a full time carer to my beautiful husband that I adored who passed on 21 Dec 2017. I completely understand about not giving up. I have lost my best friend and the only man I felt safe with. My heart aches for you. Bless us. Xx

  72. I lost my partner/boyfriend this year 12 April 2017, it’s funny when we met he quoted that he had admired me for 20years and always wanted to go out with me, however, I had been busy raising children and being married thought this is what I was meant to do. Meeting my partner of 3 and a half years was the best thing I ever did because I have never had a man protect and stand by me through thick and thin, however he kept his sickness a secret and when he found out in Feb 2017 it was aggressive, I felt so confused, cheated, lied to, but this never stopped me from loving him until the end, however he pushed me away when I found out about his cancer and called upon his ex-girlfriend to be by his side until he left this world. His whole family turned on me including our friends, to this day I don’t associate with them. But there was one thing he said when I visited him for the last time on my own, he was so confused and didn’t know what to do. I already knew what he was going through as I research all that was happening. These months have been so hard including returning to work, still running our family and paying bills, I miss him so much that somedays I don’t feel like moving on but I have to for the sake of the kids and grandchildren, people tell me to move on including some of our friends, I tell them to first experience how it feels and then tell me how to move on!

  73. Hello. I just lost my wife this past Friday, Nov. 3. We were married for 3 1/2 years, but were best friends for 20 years. She was my rock…my best friend…my soulmate…my cheerleader…my everything. I am so lost without her. All I want is to still be with her. The thought of spending my life without her is unbearable.
    I’m not a religious person, but all I can think of is whether or not we’ll be together forever in heaven. I have to think that we will…thinking we won’t is not an option and something I can’t even fathom.
    I just don’t know what to do…I am so lost without my love.

    • Michael,

      I do not know who you are, where you live and or anything about you, but I understand your pain, I just lost my husband and we were together 34 years. I am lost, I have been thrown into an emotional place I don’t know I can survive, He died October 24 of a massive heart attack, suddenly. I feel numb, sometimes crazy, it hurts to breathe, and I have no path. My life is not the same, and I know it will never be. I have lost my soulmate, the person who was my other half, this is the most traumatizing experience and I am sad 24/7. I am writing this with tears. I wish you luck on your journey, may you find a place of light and warmth and peace that is all we can hope for. All of my best.

      • Sitting here looking at my tablet out of all I read, your story for some unknown reason stuck out the most to me. Now I know you or anything but feel compelled to write this to you. See I lost my wife on February 14 2016. Oct 2 would of made 7 years together. One day I came home from work and laid down to take a nap with her and when I woke up she had already passed away right beside me. It’s no secret that I lost it and definitely went over the edge into a place where every kind of negativity was at. I felt robbed anger anxiety everything one person could feel all at once. For a year and three months I was just a empty shell and I have walked a very long lonely road on my own basically. I still fight with depression everyday. But on that lonely dark road there is a light at the end of it. People find different ways to deal with there grieving myself I went back to my roots and went back to my bible. There is days that I wake up and have no will to do anything. But what I have learned is that our loved ones who ever they may be wouldn’t want us to stop living all together. They would want us to live life to the fullest. I was only married 6 years but it seemed like a life time. No one could ever take her or there place again who ever they may be in our heart but they would want us to on. I write this to you but also I hope and pray that it helps others as well.

      • Anne, I am so sorry for your loss and can relate. I was married to my husband for 31 1/2 sweet years. I found him dead of cardiac arrest on the morning of Nov. 10th, 2016. I cannot function as a complete person anymore because it was he who made me complete. I cry every single day as I have since that awful day he was taken from me.
        Grief is a lot like fear. The tiniest problem or worry that I have or anticipate makes me want to call out for him. He was quiet and stoic and never feared anything. He was always able to sooth away my concerns. I was told it takes a year for grief to go through its cycle. I see no end in sight. If anything I miss him more each day. I hope my life is a short one now. I am 79 and too old too be resilient.
        I know this message is not one of comfort to you, but perhaps knowing others share the same level of grief that you do can help give you courage in some way.
        May we all in time learn how to stop crying, stop feeling the ache in our hearts and be able to laugh and mean it. My understanding and my sympathy is with you. Know that I understand as I carry the same heavy burden.


    • I wish i was close enough so that we could just cry together. The loss is unbarable, i know. But life goes on and we both have no other option than to live this through.

    • I understand completely. On the 23rd of October 2017 I lost the love of my life. We had been together off and on for 11 years. And he was the sunshine in my day and the fire at night that kept me warm. Even though it is so fresh I don’t know how to deal with it the way I should. I’m coming to these sites to find a little information on how I should be feeling. We were separated for a little while and I move back into town on the 18th of October and on the 23rd he was killed in a motorcycle accident. This was the man who can complete my sentences he’s the man who knew me better than anyone else. I’ve been married in the past and I’ve never had this type of love before no do I ever expect to feel it again. The only thing that gives me peace is that we will be together in heaven one day. Sometimes I wish those days would hurry the hell up so I can finally be happy again. On the upside I have a 22 year old daughter and a 12 year old son also a two-year-old grandson. And I know that going to be with him sooner than I’m supposed to is out of the question. I realize everybody is different in the grieving process I lost my father last year but this happening so tragic and suddenly I’m caught in it Shockwave of the should have could have would have.

  74. My husband died May, 24,2017. He had a stroke 3 yrs. ago. Then, 9 months ago, he started falling all the time. He’d been in & out of assisted living & nursing homes; from using a walker to using a wheelchair. It was so hard to see him going downhill all these months. He was diagnosed 6 months ago with having congestive heart & kidney failure. This last April, We were told he needed to go into hospice. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. After he went to the hospital may 21, I watched him dying till he took his last breath. We were married 43 years and I’d known him for 52 years ever since we were Jr’s in high school. I miss him so very much and feel so lonely ; I can’t believe he’s really gone I’m crying all the time and wish I was with him in heaven

  75. I lost my boyfriend very suddenly at the end of March, we hadn’t been together long only 6 months, we hadn’t got to spend all the precious years together but we had it all planned. We saw each other every day from the night we met. The night before Dan was taken ill was just like any normal night we had tea, and went for a walk together before bed, there were no signs other than he said he had some pain in his arm. I said we should go to the hospital and he laughed it off as growning pains…at the age of 28! The next day he got up and left for work as normal, on his way to work he Messaged me to say he wasn’t feeling well and would I pick him up, however I was too late on my way to pick him up he had a massive heart attack and was down for 50minutes with no heart beat. The ambulance passed me while I was sitting in traffic. He was taken to ICU for 2 days before being declared brain dead, the following day he donated what organs he could. I look back at those 3 days and can’t really remember it’s all a blur other than just sitting holding his hand praying for him to wake up.

    I wish I could have forced him to go to the drs or hospital the night before, it might have all been ok and still here with me if I did. The guilt consumes me, it’s like a contact weight on my shoulders that I could have saved him, could have prevented this from happening.

    Everyday I force myself out of bed and to work with my best fake smile, but underneath I’m a complete broken mess, with no sign of the light

    • I know how you feel, me and my fiance have been together for 10 months and on thursday oct. 26 2017 we got into a car accident. On the 29th he passed. The guilt still overwhelms me. I miss him and i love him every single day.

      • I’ve been told the guilt never leaves you; just gets easier to live with. I still cry for him Daily, miss him more than I thought it was posible to miss someone. I’m very sorry for your loss and must still be very Raw, i hope you are doing as well as you can be at this time, i think the hardest thing for me is that people think because we weren’t together very long that is be ‘over it’s by now, or that I don’t have a right to be as upset/heart broken as i am x

    • Your post stuck out to me, I know how you feel me and my boyfriend were only together for 1 year 2 months however I knew he was the one for me and he treated me like a queen, the way any woman would want to be treated he was the best boyfriend to me, and someone took him away from me last week by a senseless act of violence I don’t understand why and I can’t help but to think maybe if I was with him or even on the phone with him it wouldn’t had happen thoughts have my mind going crazy and I miss him so much it’s crazy, I’m still in disbelief it still doesn’t feel real, it helps to know I’m not the only one though and everyone on here is in my prayers ❤️

      • Hi, Please email me as i am going through the same kind of horrible thing right now…. my bf was taken away from me by a violent random act. I need to talk to someone that understands, so would be nice if you could contact me? 🙂 even if it’s a while ago it happens to you.

        Love Sabina

  76. We were together for 6.5 yrs. We were married April fool’s day 2017. She suddenly fell I’ll with a breathing issue. Visited the ER 5x in 20 days. Always treated for asthma
    She turned 27 on Valentine’s day.
    She collapsed on April 28 th of cardiac arrest. Was on life support until May the 3rd. Had to remove life support sue to quality of life issues.
    Our baby girl turned 3, two weeks later.
    It’s been almost 6 months and I’m still a wreck. Our daughter seems to be doing fine.
    I’m so lost.

    • So terrible sorry for your loss.
      I’m too having trouble with my fiancé’s passing, just want someone to understand, I would appreciate it so much xx

      • Ngaire…..I understand. I married the love of my life on 12 Dec 2017. 9 days later, I became a widow. No one understands the devastation. I am holding your hand, my dear. I do understand.

    • Wow I almost felt as if you were telling my story. My fiance started having trouble with breathing about 2 months prior, and we had went to the ER 3 weeks to the day before. I asked him that night if he wanted to go back, because he was out of his inhaler, had just done his last breathing treatment and it was midnight on Christmas so I knew that would be the only way to get any more meds. He said no because we don’t have insurance, and it really didn’t seem that serious, not nearly as bad as the weeks before when we did go to the ER. He said that he wanted to go outside to get some air, I agreed and went to talk to my mom about it, I told her I would give him 30 minutes and if he wasn’t breathing better I would MAKE him go. Well less than 30 minutes later I went outside to see how he was, and he was gone, I did CPR until the emts arrived, and then they tried for another 45 minute. But it was too late. I knew he was gone the second I saw him laying on the ground. But I STILL can’t accept it. My brain won’t let me accept it. It makes no sense. He was only 39 years old, and so FULL of life just minutes before. He was so excited for Christmas morning. I struggle every day to even get out of bed. How are you making any sense of it?

  77. I just lost my beautiful wife on my birthday, 9/12/65 unexpectedly. We were married 3 years and were together 6. I found her laying on our bed in the morning – she passed away from an aortic dissection that burst (aneurism). My 6 years with her with the best of my life, hands down and will miss her terribly. She was the love of my life, best friend, partner, lover and a huge giver to humanity. The world lost an Angel. The grieving process sucks but you have to deal with it and move on. It’s hard to understand why the Great Spirit would take someone who was so good to everyone away. This article is spot on. Thank you.

    • Peter, I’m so sorry! The loss of a loved one is truly indescribable. I hope you are doing okay?
      I lost my fiancé of 7 years (he was 32) but he was
      My bestest friend, my true soul mate. We don’t have to talk about it, but if you want someone who at least understands, feel free to message back xx

  78. I recently lost my wife roughly 2 weeks ago. We had been together for 10 years married for 4, both of us 27 years old. The day it happened I had come home from a 13 hour shift to find her already gone on the floor of our apartment, I had spoken to her maybe 2-3 hours before it happened around 12 pm. She passed due to a pulmonary embolism and I know that even if I had been home nothing could have been done, the coroner and everyone I know with medical backgrounds have all said the same thing that she was likely gone before she even fell down. There was so much I wanted to give for her still, I lived my life for her so I could be someone she was proud to be with and give her the happiest life I could. I feel guilty that I wasn’t home to be with her up until the end, and it hurts looking back that this was all the time we were to be given from the start.

    • I lost my common law husband around same time… Sept 8th, 2017….
      Even though we weren’t married. We never spent a day/night apart.
      I was right next to him when his death occurred due to a horse accident. I was supposed to save him… I know you wish you were next to your wife to say goodbye… It’s still not easy being in that situation….
      I am now a widow at 26…. he did everything for me. He was my teacher, shoulder to cry on, my strength, my best friend, etc etc… He was my WORLD.
      Anyways, Thanks for sharing your story being young.
      Find strength in the love you both shared.

      • Aimee, I’m so so sorry for your unexpected loss, horrific news.
        I wasnt married but my fiancé’s of 7’years passed suddenly in the early hours of the morning, I too woke up, failed at reviving him
        Which has been an ongoing battle for me 5 years later. Would you care to connect?

    • I am so sorry Justin i am going through the same my fiance died4weeks ago from a brain aneurysm i found him at home on the floor Drs said he wouldn’t have known anything and nothing that i or anyone could have done he was 47 and we had been together for8yrs i can’t accept im not going to see him again he was my best friend we did everything together now i can just about manage to get out of bed but then just sit on my sofa lost and empty i don’t know how to continue life without him! Wish we could all meet up to talk and help each other! Great article very true!

    • Hi there,

      I lost my Fiance suddenly on October 20th 2017. We live in Florida, but my Fiance was in Ohio for a business trip. The night before he told me that he was going to workout at 5 AM as he always did and then leave for his meeting at 7:30. I woke up out of my sleep at about 6 because my heart just knew something was wrong. I contacted his coworkers to get into his room to check on him and when they found him he was already gone. We still don’t know the exact cause of death because it will take 12 weeks for us to receive the toxicology report, but they do believe that his heart gave out after his workout.

      My Fiance, Logan, and I have been together for 3 years, but it feels like we’ve been together for an entire life time. We just bought a new home in August and we planned to be married in April 2018. There isn’t a second that goes by where I don’t think of him. I find myself questioning why? Why would God take a 28 year old man that had so much life and love left to give? Although, through all of this pain I’ve tried to find a positive light at the end of the tunnel. I have to believe that God put us together for a reason because that man really helped shape me into the woman I am today. During our relationship I learned that I love to travel, make people laugh, cook, be outdoors and cherish every moment in life. Together Logan and I were able to experience true, unconditional love ( a love that people search their entire lives for). I whole heartedly believe that my fiance lived out his purpose in life, but I recognize that there are more plans for me. Right now it feels like moving on with life is impossible because our partner isn’t physically with us, but they will always be with us in spirit. Continue to do what makes you happy and live every day for your loved one because one day you will see them again.

  79. Man…… the grief and pain are ….no words… Feb 7 2017 ….I lost my soulmate… BESTFRIEND…… We were to get married in March…now I am a single mother….this hurts…..

    • I to lost my fiance ‘ hardest thing next to seeing my children in the hospital following a car accident.
      We were to be married June of 2017. First date picked that didn’t work for our families was June 10th… second pick June 30. Had everything all set and ready, then a sudden shift in plans. A car accident 3 days after putting flowers on my grandma’s grave for memorial day, May 26th. Left him in a coma, his kidneys and liver began to shut down, that weekend while on life support. Upon releasing toxins into his brain the doctors told his parents they needed to make a decision. They took him off the ventilator and he was gone before 8 am June 9th. Worst pain I’ve ever felt, not being able to make that call, not being able to be his wife, and losing his family as in-laws before it even began.

    • Renjy I’d be happy to connect? There is a light I promise

  80. I loss my Everything! After 23 blessed years together, the love of my life passed away about 5 months ago. We were best friends and he was the best man I have ever met! My family is of no support and I have no friends… He truly was everything to me! I loss my Dad, son, brother and children’s father all year after year and he was there for me. He did everything for me and I mean everything… Shopping, cooking, cleaning and went everywhere with me! We were inseparable and now he’s gone! I wake up to find, at only 63 yrs. old, that he’s gone! What a shock and oh what pain! My family has been of no support and his family now does not speak to me for they will not even let me have his ashes, which I became upset. I could not even go to his “Celebration of Life! He was my only friend! I am completely and utterly alone! My son, 30 yrs. old, committed suicide Sept. 2, 2014 and the following year my brother, 53 yrs. old, died in his sleep of possible heart attack. Now March 16, 2017 the man I loved died too! What am I to do? I had a heart attack, Dr. says due to his loss. Then I had to have major heart surgery. Now I am trying to find why I am I left alone with no one to care if I am even alive?? He helped me with all the others death’s, especially my son’s but no one is here to help me with his! I mean I physically have family but they are of no help for they have their own lives and live in another state. No one knows what it is like until they are completely alone, which I now am. I have begged my family to help me but al for nothing!. I am just more alone then I have ever been in my life and don’t know where to go or what to do…

    • Look up Griefshare or some other group that helps people deal with the loss of loved ones. The group has a workbook and meets for several weeks. I went for my first time after the loss of my husband and met others who are suffering too. You might meet some new friends.

    • I am so sorry for your lost . I also lost the love of my life.i know how you feel and I am 61 and lost my wife in July. I don’t know what to do,or how to go on without her.she was my everything and now I am doing the same thing you are. I am going through this alone. I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know your name but mine is mark.if you need to talk I will listen.

    • if you need some comfort and support, I recently lost the love of my life on nov 16,2017 due to a clot in his lung after neck surgery. Im dead inside.520 304 6358

  81. Four months ago I lost my husband of 41 years. We had known each other for 51 years, since I was 15 and he was 17……basically all our lives. He had been ill for a year, but he was on a transplant list, and we had every reason to believe he would once again be well. His health worsened quickly, but his death was still unexpected. I had left the hospital to run home, take a shower, and feed his beloved dog. He went into cardiac arrest while I was gone, and he was revived once again after I got there. The doctors still thought he might make it. It was not to be.
    Every single point on your list is absolutely true. Reading all the comments is somewhat comforting because I see that I am not alone in how I feel. I don’t expect to ever “get over” the loss of my best friend and the love of my life. I’ve barely started to accept his death. I feel lost, empty, devoid of hope for any joy to come. I am thankful for my faith, my children, and for our little dog. Thank you all for bearing your hearts and souls here. It helps. God Bless.

  82. I, too, lost my significant other ‘Fiancé’. Unfortunately, we didn’t share years together like the rest of you, but we had planned for it. He died 2 weeks ago, and I’ve never cried daily so much in my ENTIRE life. He was 29 and I’m 27. I know there’s people encouraging me to take my time, but eventually move on and everyone is saying “He would want that!” Assuming what he’d want, but yes, he’s the type of guy that always wanted to see me happy. Moving on is the least of my worries, it won’t happen anytime soon whatsoever. I waited my whole dating life to find a man who is compatible with me and most of all a CHRISTIAN. He was everything that I prayed for and more. He had a sudden death, but I’m very aware that he did have health problems such as a blood clot and a seizure. He was also under a lot of stress and that complicated his health more, but then again this was apart of God’s plan and I have to accept that. My life feels upside down, cause we wanted everything together in life and in the blink of an eye it’s gone. I felt regretful, because days before his death I noticed he started breathing heavy. I inquired and he kept saying “Probably, just need to lose a little weight” which I disagree with. He was muscular but not overweight. Anyway, I still supported him on that as I just wanted him to do his best to be healthy. There were so many things he wasn’t able to do because of his health, he wasn’t even supposed to be taking hour walks but he did. I still believe God wanted him back and I am hurting but I can’t be mad. By the way, all that’s grieving please just pray to God for healing. I know there’s a lot of people claiming to be Mediums and Psychic. We all want to hear from our loved ones, especially significant others cause if you’re like me you feel like you serve no purpose, thats the devil that wants you to feel useless. God still needs you to do his will, before you can leave this Earth. Do not contact those Mediums and Psychics they are not your loved ones, those are dark spirits and right now you all will be an easy target in a vulnerable moment. God Bless!

  83. Last week I lost my husband of 31 years. His death was sudden and unexpected. My heart goes out to each of you who have lost your spouse. I cry for myself, for my children who lost their father, and for those who never had the chance to know him. He was my world, the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, my mentor, and an unending source of joy in my life. I don’t know how I will cope without him. I want to be with him so badly. I miss him so much.

    • Hello Christina
      Your so not alone, I lost my lovely partner and mum of our 4 year old boy in October 2016, I’m going through a very torturous time at the mo, constantly thinking about her and all the happy times we had as a family, now it’s just me and my boy, trying to bring him up as she would have wanted, and it hurts so much to see him playing happily and not really knowing where she is, especially as he going to start Primary school this year, a date I know my partner was so looking forward to seeing.
      Still so very painful, and I can’t really accept she’s gone even though I know she has.
      It would be nice if all who have posted could get together for one big comforting group hug !

  84. Last week I lost my husband of 31 years. His death was sudden and unexpected. My heart goes out to each of you who have lost your spouse. I cry for myself, for my children who lost their father, and for those who never had the chance to know him. He was my world, the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, my mentor, and an unending source of joy in my life. I don’t know how I will cope without him. I want to be with him so badly. I miss him so much.

    • Cristina,
      The love of my life and my best friend was gone a years down a hard ago and I am still missing her everyday. We started as high school sweet hearts and we were together for 42 years. I am still struggling relaunching my life but that is what she wanted me to do, living and maybe finding happiness again. Good luck, breath deep and a step and a day at a time.

  85. I lost my husband unexpectedly 15 days ago. I waited 46 years to find my soul mate, my first marriage, and now my life is completely upside down. I know I will miss him for the rest of my days and will always love him, but does it ever get easier? I’m 50 and I feel like my life is now over. I have read so many blogs and websites about losing a spouse or soul mate, and hardly any seem to give me hope that I will ever love again or have any meaningful relationships. They are all doom-and-gloom. I know we are all different, but is there anyone out there who has gone through this and has had any sort of positive outcome in their life? PS: I don’t have children ( 2 older step sons who pretty much have their own lives), and don’t have a close-knit family for support. I just feel lost and hopeless about the future. My husband was my world.

  86. I recently lost my wife suddenly on June 21, 2017. She had a small stroke on June 17 that was successfully treated in the emergency room with a clot buster medication. We were told she would spend a few days in the ICU step down unit and then come home. On June 19, she had another stroke that was massive. She was put on life support. I was shocked. Three years ago, we completed healthcare directive forms were we made clear our wishes in the event of a catastrophic illness or injury. if there was to be no quality of life then we did not want any advanced life support procedures performed. On June 21, after reviewing the CT and MRI scans with the doctors, I asked them to shut off the ventilator. She passed away two hours later. We were married 20 years. I feel as if my heart has been ripped apart. I have worked as a fire department paramedic all my life, so death is no stranger to me. The grief I am experiencing right now is being belief and comprehension. I feel as if I cannot go on.

  87. I lost my husband 8 months ago and am still trying to come to grips with the reality of losing him. He spent the last few years in hospital, and I was with him every day after work, as well as the weekends. I am lost without him and one of the most agonizing things for me, at the moment, is the feeling that I can’t “protect” him anymore, or make sure that he is comfortable, as I was constantly advocating for him while he was hospitalized. I wanted him to experience beauty, the excitement of life, and be surrounded by love and support always. I can’t help him anymore, and it’s killing me. I want him to know that he is loved, and missed terribly, so I talk to him constantly, in the hopes that he can hear me. I want to believe that he can, so that gives me some sense of peace. I was honored to be his wife, and we so fully appreciated each other. I was lucky to have him for as long as I did (22 years). I am relating 100% to all the comments that I’m reading from everyone who has and is suffering through their loss. It is truly enormous and I feel for you all.

  88. My husband died at home on hospice exactly 1 month ago yesterday. I can’t cry. We loved each other so much and were all each other had but I just can’t cry. I feel like if I start, I won’t stop. There is so much to do and everyone I know thinks I am doing fine because I didn’t cry. They tell me I am so strong and inside I just want to scream. They tell me this is my new normal and I just have to get used to it. He was funny and strong and never let life get him down. Everyone who knew hiim, loved him. The house is too quiet and the bed too empty. I just miss him!

    • Dear No-crying,
      As I had to be the strong one during my loved wife fight with cancer, I promised her not to cry until she had gone. A year and a half later I moved to the other side of the world and I finally have started crying. I read that crying is not because we are weak, it is because we have been stronger for way too long.
      I might tell you that crying have left me relieved, and still missing her a lot, but relieved, and extremely sensitive. When will it stop, I do not have a clue, but at least the words that I wanted to tell her as goodbye were finally said. Good luck for you. Hope you find your tears someday soon.

  89. My husband died 1 year and a half ago. WE were married for 13 years and in love for 24. All of these points are exactly right. He was just as perfect for me as he could ever get. I wish so much …him.
    How in the world am I supposed to get over being Queen and being adored? He always said, “Happy wife is happy life”. Well wife ain’t happy.

  90. Hello Paul,
    I feel your pain by how you have expressed loving and missing your wife. Not many people (men) are brave enough to put that raw emotion out there. But guess what, that is part of the healing process. Maybe not so much “healing” but it is a process.
    I am sorry for your loss. Sounds like you and your Beagle need to take some long walks together. Look around at Gods beauty, breathe in the fresh air, enjoy beautiful sunsets and know that you are still here for a reason. Take care my friend…

    • Thank you, Sylvie. We have taken many, many walks together but she is a “senior” dog now so I need to prepare myself for yet another loss within a year or two.
      While the walks help I cannot let go of my grief–I feel that familiar pain every day and instead of diminishing, the loss is more pronounced now than it had ever been in the past. I truly feel that I will never be able to move on from this loss.

      • Just reading the posts as it will be a month since my husband of 28 years passed away unexpectedly. I’ve been very weepy today but was so worried about you when I read your posts. Please let us know that you are ok and still progressing through this torture that we are all trying desperately to navigate through. I hope that things have got better for you.
        I miss my husband terribly. I feel that I also died that day as I am a totally different person now, so lonely and fearful and lost.

  91. I would like to clarify one thing about my post. I re-read it and some may get the wrong impression. In no way was I advocating or condoning taking your own life. I was simply trying to say that it is normal to think about it but it is NOT normal or ok to act on such thoughts. The first time I thought about it I thought there was something wrong with me but my therapist explained that it is normal to have such thoughts, but it is not ok to do anything. As hard as the last 2 years have been I would never seriously consider such a thing because I know my wife would never want me to do it. So as hard as it is I take one day at a time and have the belief that there is a reason for everything, no matter how wrong it seems nor how painful it is.
    Apologies for any misunderstanding.

  92. First, this truly is an amazing site. When I read many of these posts I realize that there are others who understand just how devastating it is to lose a spouse. I just wish there were more posts by widowers because I think there is this misconception that husbands somehow are able to suck up better than wives and nothing could be further from the truth.
    My wife passed away from a chronic illness on 12/2/14, almost 6 months to the day after my mother passed away in our home after 2 years of caring for her even though she had no idea who I was due to her Alzheimer’s.
    My wife and I were married for 23 years and there wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t thank God I was married to her. She was the funniest, kindest and most wonderful person I ever met.
    It’s been over 2 years and I still cannot get through a day without crying. That hole in my soul will never be filled and that pain can be so searing at times that you would do ANYTHING to have them back–even joining her in death. If anyone here says they never thought about it I don’t believe them. C’mon, we all have thought about it, but thinking and doing are 2 very different things. And yet to even consider it tells you just how devastating of a loss it is. A loss which, at times, is unbearable.
    There are times when I miss her so much that I don’t know how I will make it through the day–but I do. Then night comes and it starts all over again when I crawl into bed and have no one to spoon with–no one to share what we used to call the “best part of the day”. My heart breaks every night when I go to bed alone; when I reach for her and there is nothing to hold; no neck to kiss and no drifting off to sleep knowing that I am the luckiest man in the world.
    There are so many days when I feel like I am just going through the motions as time passes. This isn’t living–it is merely existing. Unfortunately I have no support system with the sole exception of the only other one who has been with me through all of this and without whom I surely would have shuffled off thus mortal coil: my Beagle. I truly believe that dogs are God’s perfect creature: they give unconditional love and ask for so little in return. I would not have made it this far without her.
    Please, for those of you who don’t have a pet please consider getting one. I am one of you and can tell you that having a dog is the one thing which makes all this bearable. Thanks for “listening”.

    • Hey Paul, my wife just past may 18th and buried her on June 1st from brain cancer at 51. We dealt with since November 4 th 2016! You have described me to the T!!! Everything you feel and go thru is exactly the Same. Only instead of a dog I have a 6 yr old grandson & a 7 year old granddaughter we been raising for the last 4 years that I put on a fake smile for everyday! I think everyday of joining my wife, I can’t and won’t take my own life, but I do welcome the thought of someone else doing it,, like a truck crossing over into my lane, but I have the children!!! I often think what my beautiful wife would want me to do, but I’m just so lost without her!!! We had the Love I think only a few of us ever have! I would like to connect with you sometime I think talking with someone with so much in common might help us both! It’s my first time on this site. You can email [email protected] thanks for sharing your personal feeling and pain, your definitely not alone brother!


    • Hi Natalie- Our site is dedicated to coping so there are many posts on how to being the long process of coping. If there is something specifically you want some support with please let us know and we can point you in the direction of some articles that may help.

      • Ok, agree with Natalie, all 28 points are completely true but like she says, ‘now what’? I guess read about coping……Thanks for calling out my grief.

  94. WYG is one of the only places I can visit where I feel people truely understand the depths of pain we all endure losing loved ones. My heart goes out to you Rebecca, such as loss is life changing and excruciating. My tears are flowing as I write because I share your pain of a lost sweetheart, my husband left me with my two young boys, in death last year. It hurts everyday.

    Please look after yourself, it’s so important.


  95. Wow – I can’t believe I just found this site. What an amazing article and so spot on. My husband died 15 years ago – I was 32 years old, he was 36. Our oldest son was just shy of 3 years and our second son was only 6 days old. I didn’t even get to grieve properly – just went right into taking care of the children. I found healing and comfort through my support group and we are all still so close – “sistahs”. In fact, we started a local grief resource center with the sole purpose of being there for others who are grieving – there are so many of us out there – no one has to be alone on this new journey – it’s Life A and Life B and so many times, Life B sucks. Prayer and exercise helped a lot too. I used to say this to myself over and over “The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” There is also an amazing book by Tom Zuba “Permission to Mourn” – it’s like having a conversation with someone who truly gets it. I wish for healing for everyone on this site – death is never easy and most especially when it happens suddenly, violently and way too soon. Sending hugs to you all…

    • I want to thank everyone for this site, it has been truly comforting(which isn’t easy to do these days) It will be 2 weeks tomorrow without “The love of my life”, passed suddenly in a motorcycle accident. What makes it more heartbreaking; not only do I mourn the loss of him at home we also worked together, so I have the loss of him there too. I haven’t been back to work yet , I just can’t grasp the thought that I wont see him walking into my office , Or him giving me a kiss before leaving my office. I just feel like I can’t go on without him!!! My heart is filled with so much emptiness and sadness. It’s my hope with everyone’s post I will receive comfort in my days to come.

  96. Sorry I noticed my email was incorrect it’s only one t and I corrected it below

  97. This was a wonderful article to read and my son at age 33 passed away on 8/17/2016 and his birthday is on Halloween and I’m just learning to get through a day at a time with God seeing me through

  98. I agree with everyone, very specific and spot on with this. I too had trouble reading all the way through. It was one of those quick and powerful cry’s. It’s #28 that I found to be the one that bugs me a lot. Unlike a lot of others I have no desire or intention to find a new mate. Paul was it for me and I have trouble wrapping my head around being alone the rest of my life. I say out loud those words, “I can’t believe I’m solo now”. It’s lonely.

  99. My husband passed away 5/8/16 at age 77. We had 61 years together, married 57 yrs. I know I should feel blessed to have had a lifetime with my best friend, first and only love and soulmate. Our lives were so deeply entwined. But, unfortunately, the longer and deeper the relationship the greater the heartbreak. He was my rock, and my very strength was derived from him and his constant love and protection. I am now 79 and have accepted the fact that I will never get over the loss. He was my entire live and my reason for living so I must live out the rest of my days grieving for him and praying that God will eventually reunite us for eternity !!!!

  100. I loved the article, so spot on. I lost my husband three years, six months ago today. We were married 38 years. In my quest to understand grief, I discovered that we grieve because we love. The more we love, the greater our grief. We all have our story to tell. I recommend a book, I have read that has altered my life and my faith in God. “Beyond The Broken Heart”. Julie Yarbrough. I take my journey day by day.

  101. I am so sorry to hear of your loss and also your financial worries.
    I hope all goes well with your disability application. My husband has been gone for a year and a half and I miss him terribly…I sold the house in order to have less bills to pay and simplify my life. Also when you live in an apartment you have security and many people around you to talk with. But you have to make that first step, so be strong.
    I am sending you Birthday Wishes and a hug. :o)
    You aren’t alone in the world, but you will feel that way if you don’t venture out even if its just for a walk or a coffee. Don’t segregate yourself from people, talk to them, they may know other people to give you ideas and help.

  102. This described me perfectly! My husband of 23 years passed away 2 years ago and today is my birthday- October 25th and I’m really wishing he were here with me! Everything has gotten harder since he’s been gone! He was my best friend, my only friend. I’m so lonely without him, but I don’t want to have to start dating again at 48 years old. I’m worried about finances because I never worked. Now if I don’t get approved for disability, I will have to find a job. I’m scared of this new life and being alone and depressed the rest of my life! ???

  103. Every single thing that was listed is so very true. I could see myself in all 28. I lost my best friend, my lover, my confidante, my precious husband, over a year ago and my grief is more today than it was the day that he died.

  104. You left out financial partner. When my husband died, I lost 2/3 of the income that had been coming in. Because of that, I was unable to pay his hospital bills (he had no insurance) and had to file for bankruptcy. He would never have wanted that for me, but he had always said he would never go to a hospital so he didn’t think it was important. Thus, I had that additional stress on top of my loss. Somehow I made it through, but it was so hard. (BTW, I love this blog but the grey type is really hard to read. It would be so helpful if you could bump it up to be darker.)

  105. This is an AMAZING list. SPOT ON. I lost my husband of 9 years to suicide September 2015. Thank you for this list. I will be sharing it on my FB page. Thank you, Nik Tebbe.

    • i just lost my boyfriend to suicide on the 12th. i’m 16 and in the 11th grade. i didn’t get to him in time and i blame myself for it. do you ever get over that grief or fill the hole the place in your heart?

  106. We’d been together 8 years and last Christmas was our first together (lived 3 hours apart). The celebration was never to come, as he died from a massive heart attack in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Being ‘just the girlfriend’ somehow feels like people expect my pain to be less. I find myself feeding in to that, pretending that I’m ok-er than I truly am. I find that reading this list was validating. To see so many of my feelings in black and white, assures me that I’m not alone, and not crazy.

  107. Hello Jackie, my heart goes out to you.
    I understand where you are coming from and I also understand when you say your family is disengaged. I have two children who are both married. One lives far away with children of her own and I understand she is busy with her own life. She does call me, but its not the same as being here.
    The one here doesn’t have time to hear how I feel, as he keeps himself busy, so he doesn’t have to deal with the loss of his father.
    That’s unfortunate, as at one time we were very close, so now for me, I feel I have lost twice.
    Sending you hugs as I know how it feels to be alone in the world after having a loving mate who I was sure would be with me for many more years yet.

  108. This is an amazing site. I lost my husband of 48 years 2 yrs ago and I cannot move on. Our family is “disengaged” to say the least so I’m on my own. My husband & I were a life long team and conquered all our family obstacles….without him I’m lost and not motivated. However this site shows me that I am not alone in grieving and we all are working thru the pain that encompasses our lives. I will be back & thank you……I need this.

  109. thanks for something to help me cope

  110. My heart breaks for you, the loss of your loved one and the terrible way he died. My husband has been gone for over a year and I still break down. Life is strange as to why these things happen. But you will continue to find strength and be surprised to see where it comes from. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Sending hugs and a shoulder to lean on.

  111. My husband was killed in front of me on 5/10/16. We saved a woman from being stabbed to death in a restaurant. We went out to enjoy a dinner and a movie and never made it there. The reality that he is never going to walk in my door again, walk down the hall, bring me a cup of coffee in bed hurts me so much, I can barely breathe. The pain is overwhelming. My throat hurts, my chest tightens, I cry uncontrollably, my head swirls and my heart and gut break into a million pieces – this happens daily now. I thought I was doing so good with it all. I was busy building his legacy with his beloved students so they wouldn’t be overwhelmed and sad that I guess I didn’t want to grieve. So now, it’s all hitting me. I went to dinner at a restaurant the other day, (I still can’t bring myself to cook in my house – I did that for HIM – EVERYDAY!) there were 6 older couples there – I broke down and had to leave for a “breather” I wanted to grow old with my husband! I sucked it up and went back in, and laughed all night with one hot ticket of a woman! Bottom line is, my husband is gone. I miss him dearly! I can’t bring myself to think of what’s going to come so I deal with today and today only.

    • Oh Rosemary, I am so sorry. What a devastating and traumatic event to have gone through. It is very common immediately after a loss to be in a state of shock or numbness. It can then be shocking, confusing and overwhelming when this begins to shift and other intense emotions flood in. Your comment brought to mind a number of other posts we have that may be of support. I have linked them below – I hope they are of some help.

      Grief After A Traumatic Loss
      The Myth of Keeping Busy
      Crying In Public

      I hope you find our site to be of some support in the weeks and months to come. Take care.

  112. So traumatic, so final, so cruel.

  113. Wow, that’s my life exactly , tomorrow is the first anniversary of my husband’s death . He was the most unique loved by all kind of man , we spent 25 years together as he was 28 yrs my senior , being the soul mate to him gave my life so much meaning , the life he had had before me he said was very incomplete . When we met we never parted.. pancreatic cancer ravaged his body in 74 days … he was the oldest of 8 siblings he had 7 children I had 2 we had one … as you can tell a very large family …. the tacky , unkind behavior took place as soon as his body left our house , and there I was surrounded by a large number of folks who quickly let evil or ugly rear it’s head … what I am trying to say is the only way I’ve gotten thru has been the deep strong relationship with Jesus .. I sat back in hopes they would come back to the people I had called my family as well for 25 years … WRONG , so I will be removing each and everyone if the change didn’t come after one year it’s never going too is it?? Broken and confused. The gap in our ages never meant a thing to me but he was 78 and I just turned 51 … help me move on… I don’t know where to start. Thank you and thank you all for allowing me to share my heart …

  114. After 5 1/2 years my life still feels so surreal at times….Sometimes I still feel shocked that the universe saw fit to separate us after only 16 years…I waited so long for my true soul mate …he was my everything …if we have a thousand lives, I want to be with him in every one of them. I’m functional…i work at a nursing home…I laugh and goof off with my co workers and boss and I love the residents and focus on making their days a little better if I can ….working there has been good for my soul…but once I get in my car to head home my mind starts to wander…the littlest thing can trigger memories of moments in time when he was alive and my world was right regardless of life’s ups and downs…I can feel the way I felt back then…I’m there for a moment and it’s so lovely…and then it’s gone and my reality smacks me in face….again. I have a male friend that I see occasionally…he’s very nice…very understanding…a good ear…but as much as I appreciate his friendship he is still just a band aid over a bullet hole that never really stopped bleeding and we both know we’ll never be a real couple…So…Ive learned to coexist with my grief and mask the fact that I still cry almost every night…five years has done nothing to diminish my love or yearning to just be with him..or question why this happened to us…I feel cheated and defeated knowing I’ve already lived the best years of my life….that I will never feel that care free happy love I experienced when we’d steal a catnap together…

    I appreciate that I can articulate my crazy here without being told time heals all wounds ( because it’s a lie ) or he would want me to be happy ( I know that ) I gave up trying to find a site that doesn’t try to sugarcoat the bitterness of being stranded on the planet without my soul mate or make me feel like I’m mentally ill because I’m heartbroken..and there’s nothing I can do about it. So thank you for providing a place to vent and caring about others who are grieving in spite of your own. I know it’s not encouraging to hear that sometimes there’s just not much light at the end of the tunnel…I am sorry any of us have cause to be here…it’s a rough ride….

    • I understand your pain. Most the Lewis ‘ve of my last few after only 7 years together. Most days are ok but then other times the wave of emotions just overwhelm me. I am blessed to live in a active retirement community and I attend a great bereavement group. Don’t know how I would get through this without them. As many changes as I miss Ben I am so grateful for the years we had together. He was my soulmate and I know he is still with me.

    • The love of my life ended his life on May 3rd. we were actually divorced (his decision) and it was ‘officially’ 1 year apart at the end of April. He was still my best friend, and despite the divorce, we remained close – talking or texting every day – all I ever wanted was for his happiness, and he thought he could have that without the marriage…..My emotions are all over the place. People I talk to tell me how much he loved me. I know he is at peace, and finally free from anxieties and all, but frankly, life without him sucks – he was the person that I would talk to about everything – he understood me, and I him. I don’t know why things happen in our lives, but believe there is a bigger plan, and pain is part of it, so we can appreciate the joy when we have it – I just feel so alone, even though I have friends and his family is being wonderful. We are preparing for two services – one coming up and another will be in Florida, where we lived. I live in NC now. I just want to know that he is ok – I do believe that the soul and spirit are still around, and he had the most beautiful spirit. I read so many of the posts here and feel so sad that there are so many of us with this huge hole in our hearts. I too cry daily and have accepted that too – if people think I should just ‘get over it’, well, that’s their issue and I really don’t care – I want to live a good life, I know he would want that, but I ask myself if I will ever be as happy as I was in our good years, and I know that was a special gift and we went through a lot to get there….so grateful I had that, not many people do. I’m 54, I also have MS, so what a package I am – although, I am one of the lucky ones there too, as I work full-time and am mostly ‘normal’!! I know that grief is a ‘process’, but I don’t agree with the ‘time heals’ – I fear that this ache will be with me and I will just need to make room for it and accept it as part of my normal….thanks for this site and for having an outlet…

  115. I would like to say “Thank you” to everyone who has opened their heart in the above messages. They are such a comfort to me in my grief, just knowing that others feel my pain and fears. I often feel almost crazy with longing for my Pete and the pain is really physical but it helps me to read that what I am feeling is not unusual. God bless us all

  116. I can relate to all of the above.

    8 days ago I returned from a night shift, climbed into bed and kissed my partner then went to sleep.

    1 hour later my daughter found her collapsed in the bathroom.

    4 days ago my family and I gathered around after her ventilator was turned off and watched her slip away.

    I am new to grieving and I don’t like it.

    • Oh my gosh, my sympathies to you and your daughter. There are no words to express the loss you both are feeling right now. Whatever you do, don’t shut down.
      Reach out to your daughter, as I am sure she feels so lost right now as well. Spend time with friends and family and they will give you the strength you need to get through one day at a time. Take care and God Bless.

  117. Thank you for this real post. I’ve read no other piecde that has hit the nail on the head more than this one. There is quite a bit of grief material that one can find, and I’ve found a fair amount, and this article is at the top. Though I’m fortunate to have a wonderfully supportive family, support network and community, the grief is overwhelming. My husband passed six years ago and it is still like yesterday. After just selling our family home and moving into a home where my husband will not physically live, he is still with me every moment. I’ve learned to keep his love with me while opening my heart to new emotional attachments. His love will never leave me but after some time, I’m comfortable accepting the affection and connection with new romantic partners. In an odd way (with no guilt), it’s interesting to date in my 50s. My kids – 20 and 23 – are still my focus and I try hard to carry on the memory of their dad. As they mature, they are still processing the loss of their dad.

    Thank you for posting grief articles that keep us thinking, sharing, healing, hurting but still thinking. The grief process is endless and ever evolving.


  118. My beloved husband died 17 days after suffering a stroke in Florida. After coping alone for the time he was ill and also the cremation abroad,I fell apart mentally and physically and two years later I have not regained any will to live. Also,my friends,initially supportive, seem to think that I should be OK after two years and their sympathy is definitely waning. I sometimes think bad thoughts such as ‘I wonder how they will feel when it happens to them’. People tell me to focus on the good memories but they make me sad too as we had a really close good marriage. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if our marrIage had not been good

    • Hello Isabelle, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband has been gone for almost a year and some family members think I should be over it already. What they don’t realize is a part of us has been torn away. We will never be the same and no one should expect us to just pick up and move on. Not going to happen. We all grieve differently. I may seem happy at times when I am around other people, but when I go home alone, they do not see my sorrow. It’s mine and I own it. I too loved my husband very much, but for you to have lost him and have had him cremated abroad has definitely not given you the right amount of time to grieve properly. Everything sounds like it was rushed. Of course you are hurting. Please know that there are others who feel just the way you do. I have asked myself so many times, why would I have been given such a great love only to have him torn from me. I always thought we would die together, but God had other plans. Please try and get into a coffee group or whatever where you will be allowed to express your hurt, anger, sadness, loneliness and loss. Where people listen and are not judgemental. I feel your pain. Scream into a pillow if you must. But get it out. Very important for your health and sanity.Sending hugs to let you know you really aren’t alone even though it feels like you are and you think no one understands you. Believe me Isabelle, many of us are in the same place you are. We just have to find something that helps us get out of bed every morning even if it’s just for a cup of coffee to give you that kick start.

  119. There are no words to accurately describe the misery of losing my dear husband.

    The utter inner devastation and soul-sickness is overwhelming.

    Can`t believe I`ll ever recover from this.

  120. Thank you for helping us who have lost loved ones, feel that we are in this together.
    Your understanding of what we go through is a God send. Please continue on your quest to help those of us in need of sympathy, understanding and compassion.

  121. Thank you, my husband died very suddenly on 19th Jan. He was 62 and we’d been together for 33 years. We don’t have children but everything else in your article rings so true for me. I have no idea how I’m meant to go forward without him. I ache with the loss and alternate between feeling shattered for myself and overwhelmingly sad for him.

    • I am so sorry Lynn…hope our site is of some small support.

    • My husband also died suddenly…we were together for over 30 years, just him and I.
      I`m feeling those emotions of sadness for him ….and also feeling so shattered that no amount of time or effort is ever going to fix me.

      • J.

        I can imagine you’re feeling many emotions right now. No, I don’t think any amount of time can ‘fix’ you or put you back together. Life will never be the same and you will always grieve this loss. I know it’s hard to believe that you will ever feel okay again. I have hope that you will feel okay again someday…and that you will find meaning and reason for getting out of bed in the morning….but it’s absolutely okay for you not to believe in it. We’ll be here….keep checking in…let us know how your doing.


  122. As always, a spot on post. As I was slowly coming to some kind of terms with losing my husband of 31 years, 11 years ago (12/2/04), my 28 year old daughter, my best friend, roommate, companion, my significant other, was taken from me suddenly this summer. I envy those whose faith gives them peace. I am not there. I go to a grief group, therapy, journal, read WYG, but at the end of the day, she is not here, my heart is forever broken, again, and I am alone. Yes, I am blessed to have 3 other children and grandchildren, and lots of people who love me, but again, I am here alone, too tired to start all over again. I know, one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time. God give me the strength….

    • Oh Gloria, I am so sorry…sending good thoughts, knowing it can all feel so impossible. Sounds like you are doing so many of the ‘right’ things, but that doesn’t change the immense pain and yearning.

  123. This was on point and stated in clear, focused terms. My husband died a year ago and, despite the comfort of family and friends, I am so terribly lonely without him, for all of the many reasons you listed. I find it hard to believe that I could find someone like him to love me, know me, and care for me as he did. Or that I could find someone as wonderful as him. It took a lifetime (nearly 35 years) to build up that knowledge of each other. It is at least good to have this outlet (and a local grief support group) that understand this sadness. I keep wondering when it will get better but it only seems to ebb and flow.

    • Mel- I think those ebbs and flows are something that we all have to get used to in grief. Sometimes, for me, better doesn’t feel like the best word. Maybe different, maybe more manageable. But the good days and bad days are always there.

  124. Thank you for this post. We didn’t have children together, but every other point is what I experience every day. It’s very difficult, especially the realization that I’m totally, utterly alone and will live the rest of my life without my husband, best friend, constant companion, lover, my confidant, my cheerleader . . .

    • I am so sorry Bea…take care

    • Bea,
      I know exactly what you feel. My husband and I married later in life, in our 40’s and had no children. But he was my everything. Neither of us had been married before; both waited for that true love of our lives. We made it to 5 anniversaries, he died December 4, 2014 and we were married on February 14. He, too, was my biggest encouragement. He loved me completely unconditionally. He helped to bring out so much I had kept hidden most of my life. It is just over 14 months and it hurts more now. My life is just muddled and when the few rays of light do get in, it hurts because I can’t share it with him. I still am at the selfish point, where having his “spirit” with me is NOT enough.

      • I know exactly how you feel, Maryanne. Illinois st my Ben last August. We were together seven years and married four. He was my second husband and the love of my life. I am blessed that I had him in my life and though I miss him physically, I feel his presence so strongly. I am also grateful for a strong support system here in my community. Thanks for your sharing.

  125. this is so comforting to know that im still sane when I feel all that listed in this article. thank you and God bless

    • So glad you found this helpful Rabecca…

      • This April 19, 2016 my husband Steven of 31 years, died of a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. He was 66. I was in the other room when he did it. I can’t get the vision of his body twitching out of my head. I knew he was depressed but had no idea he was in such a dark place. We loved each other. We expressed this to each other everyday. As I look back these last few months I still can’t believe he is gone from my life. He was such a sweetheart to me. I miss his good night kisses and hugs. He was my best friend and I miss him. I have to fight myself everyday to stand up wipe myself off and go forward. I just wanted to tell somebody and you wonderful people have helped me to see there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you for listening.

  126. I think all of these things can relate to deserted wives and children your husband doesn’t have to die ! for you to experience all these emotions he just has to walk out the door and leave you alone with your broken hearted children who never talk about it just hold it all inside ? I know lots of women that deteriorated when their husbands left either by drinking themselves to death or giving up on life : thankfully I’m not one of them I stayed with my children and did the best that I could as I’m sure a lot of other single mothers have done : there was no compulsory child support in my day I probably could have gone to court and fought for it but I would rather have my kids than money any day ?

  127. I should have been an editor.

    This was a powerful and insightful read. But #22 should read your, not you’re.

    #18 should read even THOUGH, not even those.

  128. So many aspects of this feature rang true, that I found it hard to continue reading. It served as a harsh reminder of how much. I miss my wife and how much I took for granted during our forty years together.

  129. Thanks Eleanor. The post touched on so many points that I find difficult to explain and go a long way to explaining the complexity a loved one feels. My husband has been gone for 6 months and we have two sons aged 3 and 5. Most of the time during the day I try to get through the best at I can but the grief for our boys and their loss is so raw. Their questions are so innocent but break my strength every time. I’m trying so hard to keep affoat some days it’s just so hard to think of better days ahead.

    • Kate…I feel your pain. My husband died of a heart attack on June 30, 2015 while jet skiing on vacation. The most painful piece of this journey is watching my 7 year old daughter grieve as I do too. I try to remind myself that life is still beautiful and I have to show up for her. Sending lots of ? to you and your children. You are an amazing Mom…don’t forget that xo

  130. Everything listed here is a very good summary of how I feel at different times. My husband died suddenly and we were true partners in every way. He was all in, he kept my crazy intact, we balanced each other so well and now I am completely out of balance.

    • Bridget, I so relate to what you said. I lost my Ben in August last year. We had both lost spouses when we met. He understood my craziness too and we also balanced each other. We only had seven years together. I miss him so.

  131. i get the list- but its all about “I” and “me”, my grief stems from “his” bodily end in to this life. My precious son. Was he scared? Did he just fall asleep, how much pain was he in? He didn’t want to die, I had no idea he was going to, I kept telling him the heart surgeon said his heart was perfect, he wanted to go to Orcas Island again, his family wasn’t around him….. its horrible. My only comfort these last two years, is that Jesus was always with him and he is with Jesus now. Otherwise, I would die of grief. Today at midnight will be 2 years.

    • Lorna, I see your hope is in Christ! By knowing my husband of 49 years leaving me 8/23/15 was in Christ has been the only thing that has helped me through grieving! And knowing too He is in the arms of His Savior! My husband lost his leg 2/2007 and began using a prosthesis and did very well! In 2009 he had a heartattack and it disabled him more! In 2011 he had a stroke and at that time it was the beginning of a period of grief as I lost part of him, some of his personality, our communication, his ability to love me as he once did! It was a very hard time for us but we continued to lean on the Lord! I miss caring for him and having him here! But God has reasons for every event under Heaven! I want you to know that your post helped me today to express and face the reality Gene is no longer here! We just have to be thankful we know where they are and can reflect on all the wonderful memories! God’s blessings to you today! May God comfort you in your time of need!

  132. Every. Word. Truth.

  133. Great summary of many of the issues facing widows and widowers. Many widowed people don’t realized all they have lost for several years. I was widowed almost 29 years ago and have been working with widows and widowers in groups and privately for 24 years and these issues always come up.

    • Deborah, you’re amazing. My fiance(partner of 7 years) passed suddenly 5 years ago. There was no one external to my family to understand and support me. I want the same legacy as you! Happy to

  134. Valentine’s Day is our anniversary. How will I get through the first without my love. 38 years is a long time to love someone. I miss him every minute of everyday. It’s been almost a year and sometimes it feels like it’s been forever, and sometimes it feels like he was taken from us yesterday. My heart is shattered.

    • Dear Sara
      I fell just like you. My lovely Pete died 28th October 2015. It feels such a long time since I last saw him and then it seems just like yesterday. I miss him, oh I miss him and life seems not worth living without him. Each day is an obstacle to get over and I just don’t know how to live with a broken heart.


    • Our anniversary was also on Valentine’s day were married 41 yrs he was my everthing I miss him so he died Feb 17 2016 grieve has left me paralyzed my 4 sons have been wonderful but not sure they realize how much I have lost everday is so hard, does this get any easier

    • My husband and i were married on Valentines day also, it would have been 43 years this coming Valentines. He passed this August the 26.

    • Ladies, having trouble with my fiancé’s passing too, just want someone to understand, I would appreciate it so much xx

  135. This particular submission hit the nail on the head insofar as reactions to the loss of my beloved husband / partner. Each and every one resonates with me and they are all very accurate! We were a same gendered couple, deeply in love and married. It’s tough enough to surmount all the obstacles to get to that point but to then suddenly lose him after six years was devastating!

  136. I lost my husband of 21 years and 22 days suddenly and without warning on November 1, 2014. He died at home sitting at the dinner table in front of me and my two teenage sons. There are no words to adequately describe the trauma and pain of his loss, but after reading a multitude of articles and books on grief hoping for a magic recipe to help heal us I have to say that this is the most thorough compilation of the ways my life has been impacted. Of particular note is the section on parenting your children through this experience while grieving yourself; it is like tending to their wounds while your outer self has been ripped away and left you raw after your entire world collapsed around you without even knowing where to begin.

    Thank you.

    • I can relate to what you say. My kids were 9 and 12 when they lost their dad. It’s a tough road, and very lonely, but you do heal. For me, I can finally say I look to be alive again…it took 7 years!

  137. You have summed that up so well.
    My husband was also my business partner, so I’ve had to restructured our business and attend to its ongoing needs as well as ensuring our 3 young children are my priority.
    I lost my best friend, my children’s father, my lover & business partner with no warning.
    It’s tough.

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