When Grief Gets Physical: Dealing with Physical Grief Symptoms

Understanding Grief Understanding Grief : Litsa Williams

Of all the unimaginable aspects of grief, there is one thing we hear people say time and again that they really didn’t expect: physical grief symptoms. Though they may be surprised by the intensity or type of emotions they experience, they at least saw them coming. Physical responses, on the other hand, are an unanticipated and unwanted bonus.

In grief, the tendency to interpret physical symptoms as threatening may be increased. Just ask Google about the billions of searches dedicated to phrases like “I have a toothache, am I dying?” In the past, a headache was a headache, but after the devastating loss of a loved one, you are all-to-familiar with the reality that life can turn on a dime.

Suddenly that headache is clearly a sign of something terrible. This distress around physical grief symptoms often emerges with thoughts like:

In this article, we’re going to discuss some of the more common physical grief symptoms. We want to normalize these somatic experiences and encourage you NOT TO PANIC if you experience them. Things like fatigue, aches, pains, changes in appetite, etc are normal in acute grief. 

That said, we are not doctors and your health is very specific to you. So, we do recommend you discuss with your doctor any symptoms that you find concerning. Especially symptoms that are ongoing; that don’t get better with time; or which you feel are impacting your day-to-day functioning. Not only can your doctor rule out any underlying causes, but they may also be able to help you make a plan for managing your physical discomforts.  

Physical Symptoms of Grief


You feel exhausted all the time.  You feel run down. You are always ready for a nap. Ironically, when you try to sleep you may not be able to, only making your fatigue worse.   Or maybe you’re getting plenty of sleep and still feeling fatigued, due to the constant emotional strain of grief.

Tips: When you’re struggling with fatigue, sleep is a good place to start but it isn’t the only factor.  If you haven’t already, check out some of our tips for grief and getting a good night’s sleep.   Some of the other items on this list can also help with combating fatigue.

Aches and pains:

It is not uncommon for people to experience generalized muscle aches in grief, sometimes so severe it feels like the flu! You are experiencing the weight of constant stress, you are fatigued, you may not be sleeping, you’re body is tense.  Research has even found that grief  “aggravates” symptoms of physical pain in older adults.

Tips: Focus on body relaxation. Things like meditation, getting a massage, and stretching can sometimes be helpful.  And who doesn’t need an excuse for a massage! If you can’t afford a massage, check to see if there is a local massage school in your area – they often need practice clients so you can get a massage for a deep discount or free.  

If you are struggling with chronic pain that you feel may be exacerbated by your loss, talk to a pain management specialist. Be aware of the risks of “self-medicating” with drugs and alcohol when physical pain is increased, and consider looking into alternative therapies, like acupuncture, biofeedback, and talking to a therapist.

Tightness in the chest, shortness of breath

This is a symptom that can be associated with cardiac issues, so definitely a reason to talk to your doctor. That said, a more generalized sense of tightness or shortness of breath may be the result of anxiety.  

Tips: Look into tips for coping with anxiety in grief, as well as some general relaxation approaches like meditation and deep breathing.  Breathing techniques can be helpful and calming not just with tightness and shortness of breath, but in many difficult and stressful situations.  Lastly, check out our post on coping with grief triggers.


Yes, this is a type of ache/pain, but it is a very specific and very common type. Stress is the most common source of headaches and, as you well know if you’re reading this, grief is one, huge, immense, life-encompassing stressor.  

Tips: There are a lot of lists out there for managing tension headaches, though many only scratch the surface (think cool compresses and ibuprofen).  This list goes a bit deeper than some we’ve seen and might be a good place to start.


Grievers often tell us, “It feels like I can’t remember anything!” From losing keys to forgetting to pick kids up from daycare, to missing meetings or appointments, and on and on, forgetfulness can start to feel like a new way of life.  

Try not to get too worried.  For most people, this slowly improves with time.  If you don’t see this improving, talk to your doctor to make sure nothing else is going on!

Tips: Use the simple tools at your disposal: to-do lists, phone alerts/reminders, phone calendars with alerts (that you can set a day or week in advance, so you aren’t getting the first reminder 5 minutes before!).  

Create an “important stuff” spot in your house – it doesn’t have to be organized, but if it is something really important at least you know what general area it is in.  Try to keep a sense of humor – it is hard to laugh at yourself when you get to the grocery store without your purse, when you’re emotionally teetering and about to burst into tears, but it can help if you can muster it. 

Inability to focus

You may be seeing a connection here. It can feel impossible to focus on anything when you are under stress, distracted and forgetful, or struggling with fatigue or headaches.

You may find yourself totally zoning out in meetings, in class, in conversations, and almost anywhere else. Sometimes you may be distracted by memories of your loved one or thinking about life stressors that have come with the loss. 

Tips: Improving focus can be tough, even when grief isn’t involved.  That said, check out our article, Grief and Concentration: 8 Tips for Coping With an Inability to Focus

Appetite changes or digestive issues

Maybe you have only eaten 2 pieces of toast all week. Maybe you stopped at McDonald’s three times yesterday.  Whether it is significant increases or decreases, changes in appetite are normal with grief and many other life stressors.  Even if you’re appetite has stayed the same you may experience feelings of nausea or other digestive issues that can come with grief and stress.

Tips: Food is connected to both physical and emotional health, so getting this in check can be helpful.  If you are struggling with eating enough, focus on at least making sure your basic nutritional needs met.  A healthy smoothie or soup with a good balance of fats, proteins, and carbs can go a long way in helping you get what you need.  

We have a post here from a wellness coach on tips for trying to eat healthy, even when you have no motivation.  If you are concerned because you’re eating more or less healthy than you are accustomed, you’re not alone.  This is a common issue in emotionally difficult times and we have a post on that too!

Getting sick more often

There is plenty of research showing that stress in general, and grief specifically, can take a toll on the immune system. Research has also shown this impact on the immune system is most significant in older adults who are grieving. 

Tips: Follow suggestions for many of the other physical grief symptoms mentioned above. Improving sleep, diet, and managing stress can all help in lowering your risk of getting sick.  In addition, you can talk to your doctor about nutrition and supplements that help with boosting your immune system.

If you are looking for some general tips on taking care of yourself, don’t miss Eleanor’s epic list of 64 self-care tips.

Leave a comment to share how physical grief symptoms have impacted you and any tips you have for coping! 

Let’s be grief friends.

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284 Comments on "When Grief Gets Physical: Dealing with Physical Grief Symptoms"

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  1. Meg  March 1, 2017 at 7:36 pm Reply

    I feel like I’ve started clenching my teeth in my sleep while awake since my Mother’s death last year. I really hope this stops soon before I get permanent damage. I also felt like I came close to a anxiety or panic attack once in a shopping mall but haven’t had that happen again.

    • Jenny  March 3, 2017 at 11:38 pm Reply

      While nothing can make the pain that causes you to clench go away, please ask your dentist for a mouth guard–the damage from grinding really can permanently damage your teeth, in addition to causing headaches and jaw pain. It can be terribly hard to seek care when we are suffering, but your dentist understands and wants to help you! As your grief someday softens and fades, you will be glad you saved your teeth.

      • Meg  March 15, 2017 at 7:35 pm

        Hi Jenny,
        Thank you for your advice, I did get a mouth guard. It looks like grinding can be caused by anxiety which makes sense as I never clenched my jaw or had anxiety until after my mother’s accident. I’m hoping that if I work on managing this anxiety, then I will be able to stop clenching my jaw.

  2. Joyce  March 1, 2017 at 10:11 pm Reply

    It has been 7 months that my husband of 30 years passed away. I have everything you listed. My interests are gone. Seems like I have made all my friends mad. I already had anxiety and depression before Steve passed away. I am just not me. I don’t know if I ever will be again. If it was not for my faith in Jesus and knowing that we will be together again, I could not make it.

  3. Jackie  March 2, 2017 at 4:19 am Reply

    When my husband passed (exactly 4 years ago today on 3/1/13) I had to hold it together for my kids. My younger 2 were in middle & high school. My oldest graduated 2 months after my husband passed and his graduation was excruciatingly hard. But I was expected to smile and be social to put everyone else at ease. When school was out for the summer, I went to bed. Or lay on the couch. For two months until school was ready to start again. Everyone told me I had to pull it together, be strong for the kids, join the living, etc. For 2 years I was Susie Freaking Sunshine for everyone, I was the glue holding everything in place and smiling through it all, while my husband was sick and then dying from cancer. Everyone was so happy that I was the strong one who held our life together so they could fall apart. Then when I decided to take my due over that first summer, everyone acted like I had committed a heinous act. I felt sure I was going to die, I couldn’t stop eating, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t put two thoughts together, slept for days on end and was sure now I had gotten some disease that was going to kill me and leave our children orphans. I knew if I started to cry I wouldn’t stop because I hadn’t cried at all while my husband was sick. I knew all of this was normal from the hospice booklets and my doctor confirmed it. Yet somehow my family made me feel like I was in the wrong. I just wanted a break and to fall apart and to be babied a little and no one would let me–they made me feel guilty about being sick when I really wasn’t. I’ve learned that grief is an entity all it’s own and people aren’t really equipped to deal with it and I may never truly get to grieve the way I want to and someone is always going to feel I’m being selfish when I take a weekend to do nothing. They’re teenagers and can feed themselves so they’ll just have to deal with it. Life is a different normal now and that’s just the way it is.

    • lin deahl  March 3, 2017 at 12:55 am Reply

      Feb 28 was the one year anniversary of losing my best friend to cancer. We were really close for 25 years. I knew when he was going to die because I heard his voice in my head tell me he GOT to go HOME. that the family would call me within the hour, 45 minutes later got the call. II told my family then fell on the floor and screamed. Every cell in my body blew apart. i lost myself, my purpose, my goals, my world. I cried until my stomach hurt so bad I need medicine for 6 month. it still comes back about once a month. I slept weird. To much. to little. naps all day up all night. I didn’t dream for 10 months. I usually dream a lot. I don’t think i ever slept long enough at one time to get to ReM sleep. I couldn’t read my prayer book for 6 months, letters would not stay on the page. they flew around in a meaningless jumble. I couldn’t paint- I am an artist this was devastating! I kept painting, but i couldn’t concentrate long enough to do normal work. I threw paint at canvas and it was no more that a journal of pain. I still can not paint like I did. maybe I never will. About 4 month in a disc in my back slipped and I couldn’t move. I was hoping that the heart strings would break and give me broken heart syndrome so i could die too. but it was the strings in my back that broke. After that week in the hospital it was clear how bereaved I was and people tried to get me help. I ended up in ER with continued back pain and to be evaluated for a hospital day program. But when I said in frustration that they should just give me enough IV morphine to kill me., they decided to keep me as in inpatient in the psych unit. followed by 5 weeks in a day program. the back pain turned into sciatica and intense pain in my left leg above the ankle. In the hospital I started shaking from head to toe- like restless leg syndrome for the whole body. I had mood swings, pain, anxiety, panic, forgetfulness, NO ability to concentrate. I did not do activities of daily living like cook, or take a shower, or laundry. i sat in my chair and stared into space. My brain hurt my face hurt, my heart hurt. I couldn’t breathe. I cried in the grocery store, the mall, the car. I had a lot of chest pain. When my dreams came back my body started healing. I still have sleep issues, can’t concentrate, don’t paint like me, and have sever depression and no strong motivation to live. Fatigue is so deep i feel really debilitated.
      but i started cooking, shopping, getting dressed properly, and seeing people. The back pain is gone, the shaking stopped, and I cry less and more privately. I will never be the same again. I don’t think I will ever recover. I feel like we were so close – one heart-one mind, that when he left we were torn apart and every cell in my body explode and shattered. I have never felt so bad in my life. I see the stories of people who are further along in the process of adjusting and they give me hope that if I keep moving I will feel better.

      • Sarah Alvarez  March 6, 2017 at 10:59 pm

        I feel so Sorry, for your loss I go through similar bouts to My Mom passed away,Oct 13,2015 She was my everything we very Close I never wanted her to Die,I have Depression Sleeplessness Night,But I see a Therapist to Cope with the Stress.And try to keep Active for my well being,Try to stay focus and Busy Good Luck

      • Tania  March 9, 2017 at 12:21 am

        Your post touched me. Susie Sunshine is the other me she has been my alter ego for a long time now. My teenaged Son was not sick but he died abruptly in late August of 2016. One of the things that vexes me now is how few of people who know me (either as friends or aquaintances) know me well enough to know that Susie is just a defense mechanism. Now that my son is gone and I’m just trying to make it through a day, these people seem to expect it/her from me. It makes ME angry. It makes me feel like they never knew ME at all. I have taken to sleeping on the recliner from 6:30AM to 9AM on the mornings that I am not obligated to go to town. I sleep through the phone, the tv, everything. Susie is not available. No fucks given. Its often the only time I sleep. Thanks for sharing.

    • Kathy Joyce  March 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm Reply

      I have been living in a similar situation for nine years….a prolonged grief whilst my husband slowly dies of MND (ALS). We have three children at home so they are experiencing the emotions that go alongside watching your dad graduallly turning into a ghost. The thing I find hardest and it gets worse as time goes on is that every wo/man and her/his dog feel they have a right to an opinion on how I should be reacting, behaving, feeling, conducting myself, thinking and most annoying of all, wife-ing….in a few cases they also see fit to let me know what that opinion is!

  4. Wendy Coleman  March 2, 2017 at 8:18 am Reply

    Wow! Thanks for the information. It has been a year since my son passed and I thought I was crazy because I have progressively gotten more fatigued. I am coming up on the 1st year of his passing March 24th. This month is getting more difficult, but now I understand that a lot that is going on with me may be from my grief. I am seeing a doctor regarding my medical issues just in case. I have not gotten to my new normal and just praying that I do. I still function sometimes as if I am in a dream or a fog, it still seems unreal. Thank you for giving information and for all of you who share.

    • Juliana waugh  March 2, 2017 at 5:34 pm Reply

      Wendy I am so sorry you lost your son .My daughter died suddenly in an accident it will be 8 years ago on 24th March – after reading this article which described so many of the physical symptoms I have experienced since Sarah’s death I can now report my symptoms for the most part have reduced greatly.I have been racked with chronic pain all over my body – I thought it might have been fibromyalgia – I truly felt 100 yrs most days and so fatigued- 2 years ago after seeing a wonderful psychologist who used EMDR and helped me with mindfulness practice I am mostly pain free – just some pain on some days – strangly the pain increases around anniversaries- but I have my memory back and my ability to focus – I was in a fog for 6 years- forgot friends names couldn’t function well daily – but now I am doing better- the new normal I thought would never come did – all the tips in the article helped in some way .I feel joy again now it sits alongside my anguish and grief but there is a future I can imagine it now – I thought I never would. Sending you hugs for strength on your painful journey after losing your precious son .xx

  5. Ann Fields  March 2, 2017 at 9:13 am Reply

    I lost my son on 4/8/16 since then I have had major trouble sleeping but also I am losing my hair. I have a spot that just won’t grow back.

  6. Karen  March 2, 2017 at 11:42 am Reply

    I lost my brother in the Vietnam War 8/26/1970 and then My mother six years later to Suicide. I can tell you all these years later, my health is not good, I have had Breast Cancer, Not since 2002.. I have Fibromyalgia, High B/P, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Raynaud’s Phenomenon, Essential Tremors, RA. Hair loss.eyesight
    Now I am not saying I wouldn’t haven’t had some of these anyway, but I do feel my health went downward, quickly after I lost my brother and even more so after I lost my Mother. It does take a toll on a person’s body, I really am a firm believer that it does.
    Take Care of yourself as much as you can, but that is easier said than done. If you can.. Be Gentle with yourself. Please do.
    Hugs To All <3

  7. Karen  March 2, 2017 at 11:44 am Reply

    I lost my brother in the Vietnam War 8/26/1970 and then My mother six years later to Suicide. I can tell you all these years later, my health is not good, I have had Breast Cancer, Not since 2002.. I have Fibromyalgia, High B/P, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Raynaud’s Phenomenon, Essential Tremors, RA. Hair loss.eyesight
    Now I am not saying I wouldn’t haven’t had some of these anyway, but I do feel my health went downward, quickly after I lost my brother and even more so after I lost my Mother. It does take a toll on a person’s body, I really am a firm believer that it does.
    Take Care of yourself as much as you can, but that is easier said than done. If you can.. Be Gentle with yourself. Please do.
    Hugs To All <3

    • Andrea  July 1, 2020 at 5:07 pm Reply

      Hi. Just wondered has anyone suffered with a sore mouth after a bereavement? Doctors, dentists, blood tests all say my mouth is normal and that it’s grief. It’s getting me down. Thanks.

  8. Kathleen  March 2, 2017 at 9:44 pm Reply

    Since the death of my son I have experienced all of the above symptoms and ailments. As with all the grievers posting here, my world has been turned upside down and my balance and focus have been thrown off, literally, to the point where I fell down the stairs and broke my shoulder. While I was being treated I cried more for the loss of my son than from the pain of my broken should which lead me to tell the story of my son’s recent death to the doctor. He explained to me that it is very common for people who have suffered a major loss such as the death of a child to have accidents while grieving. I politely suggest you add this to the list of things to be careful of and to protect against. Thank you once again for a very informative post.

    • Cat  March 3, 2017 at 10:00 am Reply

      Kathleen, you have my condolences on the loss of your son. I lost my son Aug 26th 2016, and I too have suffered ‘accidents’. As a chronic pain patient already under the care of a specialist prior to my son’s death, I discovered a very disconcerting truth. After Ben passed away, I’ve had several incidents and accidents, multiple cuts and lacerations that should likely have been stitched, and two broken toes, one broken finger, and a cracked rib. The reason I didn’t even consider getting treatment was because the pain was so distant, and I was so numb and overwhelmed with grief, that it felt as if the physical pain belonged to someone else. None of those things were truly dangerous to my health, until, as the article mentions, my digestive system went haywire. I had become so adept at ignoring ‘discomfort’ that I didn’t realize the pain that I was experiencing was a warning sign. I was suffering a paralytic ileus, and when my spouse dragged me to the ER, imaging showed I was hours from a ruptured colon and esophagus. It may be wise to add to the list, pay attention to ALL you pain symptoms, regardless of how remote they feel. Tell someone you trust to be able to judge if it’s a serious enough issue to require attention, and let them attend to you.

      • Kathleen  March 3, 2017 at 3:56 pm

        Cat, my deepest sympathies to you as well. It is a very sad place to find ourselves in, grieving our sons. Your point is important, that we mustn’t ignore our bodies when they scream physically for us to pay attention. When I fell I was actually willing to stay where I was, face down on the tile floor in pain but not caring that my body was screaming get help. It took my husband and a stranger to convince me that it was important and worth picking myself up to get the attention I needed. I’m thankful they were there to talk me back into reality because I have others who need me to be healthy and strong. So thank you for the reminder to listen and pay attention and act when we need medical attention. Stay well.

  9. Andrea  March 3, 2017 at 7:49 am Reply

    Wow, you have hit the nail on the head with this post. 2 days after my 56th birthday my son died unexpectedly in his sleep. It has been almost two and a half years. I have had all these symptoms except headaches. By the way, I absolutely love the drawing with the food. Grief is a horrible thing that influences everything single thing in your life. I thought I was having heart attacks, high blood pressure, extreme aches and pains. I was thinking I was aging and rapidly. Maybe so, but once I got checked out with my doctor i finally knew it was grief related and just knowing this helped me focus on the real issue and I began to feel a bit better. I spend a great deal of time on me with out feeling guilty. If I am late cause I have to tend to my soul, so be it. I laugh at my forgetfulness because I am so thankful I have a purse to forget. Nothing is as bad as losing someone you love. I pay very close attention to my self while driving so I don’t forget to be safe. All your self help tools are very helpful. I am thankful for your posts. One day, one moment at a time. Even 2 1/2 years later.

  10. Kathy  March 3, 2017 at 11:52 am Reply

    My best friend died 9 months ago. Since then, my weight has gone up and my diabetes is out of control. I don’t know what to do to fix it. I have seen my Dr, he can only treat me medically, he can’t make me not be sad anymore.

    • Mona  March 5, 2017 at 10:34 pm Reply

      Kathy, I recommend therapy or a support group. I have diabetes too and struggle with depression. My son took his life 10 years ago and every March is tough, tough, tough. I don’t know what I would do without a place to talk and cry and get angry once a week.

  11. Ruth  March 13, 2017 at 10:09 am Reply

    I sometimes feel like I’m at the edge of no return. I have had to deal with the loss of my mother,whom I spent many a day off work to drive to another town to care for her, and then wrapping things up after her death in 2013.Then the loss of the love of my life in 2016 followed by the major life and death scare of a son who had a ruptured brain aneurysm and stroke and who now is in hospital since New Years eve 2016….On top of all this I had to take on learning to use all the outdoor equipment,dealing with a well that went dry,taking on the financial responsibility of running a house on my own while turning 65.That was more paper work, and waiting,plus taking on a heavier work load…..did I say mental exhaustion?…I’ll be glad to get out of this tunnel…..if only I could. Grief comes in many forms. I sometimes feel like a ship in a hurricane.

  12. Deneen  March 14, 2017 at 2:05 pm Reply

    My daughter is alive and hasn’t spoken to me in 4+ years. My grief is overwhelming. I don’t know what I did. I am a nurse manager of an emergency department and go to work every day grieving. I’ve put on 60 lbs, can’t sleep, can’t concentrate, have panic attacks in the middle of most nights. I don’t believe in fibromyalgia but I have pain in every joint and muscle every single day. Knowing that she hates me and doesn’t want to be in my or her sister’s life is killing me slowly. I keep going for my younger daughter but I feel dead inside. I put on a front every day of my life. I listen to people complain about their children and their lives and I think “Do you know how blessed you are?!?!?” I have put this in God’s hands but grieve and grieve and grieve.

    • Litsa  March 14, 2017 at 3:40 pm Reply

      Oh Deneen, I am so sorry. This sort of grief (know in the field as “ambiguous grief) is absolutely excruciating and others often don’t recognize it

    • Litsa  March 14, 2017 at 3:45 pm Reply

      Whoops, hit reply too soon! I was saying, others often don’t recognize it like they would a death, so you don’t get the same support from other people in your life. Have you tried or considered talking to a counselor?

  13. Lynn  March 18, 2017 at 11:42 pm Reply

    In the last three years, I’ve lost my ex-father in law, my ex-husband ( who was the love of my life) my boyfriend, then a lifelong friend, then my infant grandson. I am so numb.

  14. cat  March 22, 2017 at 1:19 pm Reply

    Hi, I just very unexpectedly lost my brother and father in the same week. I am having A very hard time separating the grief because the circumstance of their deaths were very much the same both on life support in the same hospital one week apart. It is all so much to take in at once, also trying to help my mother get through this is beyond heart breaking.

  15. Mark Mandel  March 24, 2017 at 12:28 pm Reply

    5½ years ago I lost my wife, my greatest love, to metastatic colon cancer. We met in 1968 and were married in 1972. Two days ago would have been her birthday. I kept thinking of her as the date approached, and decided to have a private birthday party in her memory. I bought an excellent brownie from a nearby restaurant. At home, I put in a birthday candle, lit it, and sang “Happy Birthday”, slower than the usual because my happiness in remembering her was mixed with sorrow at losing her. I imagined her as I often do— by my side, each with an arm around the other and my cheek nestled in her curly hair— watching the candle with me. Then I blew out the candle, took it out, and ate the brownie.

    In my religion, Judaism, the “official” period of mourning for a parent, spouse, or child is one year. Just yesterday I learned that the actual mourning for a spouse is more typically seven or eight years. (Unfortunately, I can’t remember where on the web I learned this.) Maybe that explains some of what’s been going on in my life since then. I’ve always been horribly disorganized (extremely serious attention deficit disorder), but it’s gotten many times worse since she died.

    About 2½ years after her death I started going with a woman in my congregation. We grew very close, and we were planning to find a place to move into together when her lease ran out. But ten months later her heart stopped during a CAT scan, and she never recovered.

    Last year or the year before I developed plaque psoriasis. In the middle of last year I, who have always loved taking long walks, couldn’t walk 100 feet without stopping for breath and light-headedness. When that and other, sudden symptoms took me to the ER, it turned out I had developed a rare form of blood cancer; fortunately it’s a very slow-moving one that treatment has been counteracting effectively. I had not associated these with my grief before finding your site here, but now I am wondering if there is a connection. Not that it would matter for treatment, I suppose, but still I wonder.

    Thank you for “listening”. I have subscribed here and expect to keep reading.

  16. Mary Ann Simpson  April 18, 2017 at 5:32 pm Reply

    My husband of 29 years died last July. He had lung cancer, PAH, pulmonary fibrosis and lupus. The last 3 years of his life were filled with a lot of pain, surgeries, hospitalizations, medications and too many doctor visits to count. I feel lost without him. I also feel tired all the time.

    I had an emotional breakdown on Easter this past weekend. Today I was trying to take care of license plates, emission testing and some other errands. I finally gave up and came home because I was getting so anxious and could feel my chest getting tighter and tighter, along with a massive headache. Some days I just can’t concentrate enough to accomplish anything beyond a cup of coffee and making the bed.

    I keep waiting to wake up one morning and feeling better. I have had friends pull away. I am retired so no longer have work to keep me busy. Although I doubt I could concentrate well enough to work.

    Just feel like I am losing my mind. I am so sad and miss him so much. He was my heart and soul.

    • Judy  December 10, 2017 at 4:31 pm Reply

      I lost my husband on 20th April 2017. I haven’t motivation. Hate having to try and get through each day. No appetite and feel weak and shaky.
      Hope this gets better. Hope to feel normal again one day. All the best to you Mary.

    • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 9:00 pm Reply

      Also,being a caregiver is really stressful but you keep on going even if near burnout and then,the cared for dies and the body says:”ah!I can crash now”…adrenal glands and immune depletion.Plus,the added fact of all the paper work and red tape to take care of and handle the peoples around you…It can make you dizzy and exhausted!Be easy on yourself.And please do whatever GETS YOU BY.Not do the holidays…do it differently…not go out,whatever it takes!And self care needs to be at the forefront with keeping a routine that you can manage and feel safe and familiar with when everything else seems to be changing too fast and everyone seems to be moving on except you!We can be polite to explain to people our change of behavior and that we don’t have to follow cultures whims and traditional whims either!

  17. Didgens  June 14, 2017 at 2:49 pm Reply

    One year and eight months ago my mother passed away after a very short stint in the hospital. It was totally unexpected. 3 months later my husband would succomb to lung cancer he had been fighting, and 2 weeks ago my father died. The pain (mental and Physical !) was unbearable, , every single muscle in my neck back and abdomen feel wracked with pain,, like i am comming down with the flu. I am trying to breathe deep, take walks with friends ,, (and take meds too ,, xanex when i just cant handle the anxiety, advil for the pain), I dont feel this time as worried because i learned after my husband died (and was shocked to discover) that Grief can cause actual real physical pain,, i guess thats why they call it heart ache.

  18. Marlene Adelman  July 17, 2017 at 1:50 pm Reply

    My older brother died on June 6th – suddenly and shockingly. He drowned. My mind was like a sponge for weeks. Then I went back to work and that’s when the stomach issues started. Gas, bloating, and yes, diarrhea. It is now July 17 and I still have it. Then Saturday I felt a UTI coming on. Sure enough – it’s hit me hard. Waiting to get antibiotics. It makes me wonder if I should go on short term disability. I am not familiar with this “blog” but I’m glad I found it. I feel a little more normal.

    • Caroline Yates  July 27, 2017 at 4:18 am Reply

      Maybe short term disability would be a good idea – if you have the financial means to do so, you don’t want to cause more stress at what is already a difficult time. To combat stress, meditation helps, there are many apps to help you with this. I’m speaking from personal experience, having been through several traumatic events which gave me physical symptoms, even though it wasn’t myself that the events happened to. Know that you are not alone, and please, take time to heal yourself. One day you will feel normal, it may just be a different sort of normal.

  19. Catherine  August 3, 2017 at 10:40 am Reply

    My dad died about a month ago and my best friend died 4 years ago. My dad had a really strange type of pneumonia that doctors were unable to treat and were dumbfounded by what was attacking him. He was in the ICU for 11 days before he decided he had enough. He couldnt breathe without help of a machine and he wasnt eating anymore and he was just slowly dying. My family and I spent over 30 hours in his hospital room as he transitioned to heaven. Since then I have experienced so many symptoms. I can’t sleep, and if I do fall asleep I wake up in a panic and have a full blown panic attack. Sometimes when I am driving, I start to panic out of nowhere. I have headaches and always feel sick to my stomach. Its hard for me to eat. Its hard for me to go back to work. I just started a new job and I cant even focus on things I am supposed to be learning. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I feel so traumatized after watching my dad pass away. I have been seeing a counselor and trying to talk about my feelings but sometimes I feel so hopeless. When my best friend died, it was 4 years ago and she was in a terrible car accident. After seeing what happened to my dad, it brought back all of those feelings from when my friend passed away. This blog was very helpful to read.

  20. Carole  August 4, 2017 at 11:33 am Reply

    In a 3 year span my best friend was killed in a car accident, my only sibling /sister (and only family member left) died if a rare aggressive uterine cancer and my husband of 41 years died. Now I have no one left. I’m an introvert so it’s hard to get out and make a new life. After my husband died I had heart palpitations for over a year, very uncomfortable. My blood pressure also went up.

  21. Nick  August 9, 2017 at 9:23 am Reply

    My mother commited suicide by hanging just two weeks ago in my grandparent’s bathroom, where we were staying. I discovered her when I began to panic that she was taking much too long, knowing that she’d been emotionally distressed lately, and that we were scheduled for several psychiatric appointments that day alone. But she concealed her suicidal thoughts, assuring me in my panicked state that she was resolved to get some help for whatever was happening, and that she would see me blossom in my future. If only I could read her mind, and know the truth……I would have moved mountains to save her from herself. She was 45 years old, an unusual intellect, and a brilliant social worker. My mother, in my whole 18 years of life, was my best friend, and the love of my world. The first few days after it all transpired, I was numbed emotionally, which worried me because I knew a healthy part of grieving had to be letting it all out (which is slowly being disproven as a close minded approach to the varying manifestations of grief (i.e. resilience) by a doctor of psychology out of teachers college, columbia). But after seeing my beautiful mother’s mangled body, and realizing how desparately she no longer wanted to be alive, all of my emotions flooded to the surface. I sobbed for days straight, refused to eat or talk, and confined myself to my grandparents and my journal. I felt, every waking moment, that I caused this horribly unexpected tragedy. Now just after her funeral, I have been having all of the above mentioned symptons; I’ve gone so far to venture at times that I was having a heart attack, or developing colon cancer. I still will see my doctor to make sure I am in good health (or confirm the contrary). But I have now experienced my worst nightmare, in malevolent form. Where do I go from here?

  22. GeorgiaHippie  August 16, 2017 at 5:17 pm Reply

    7/22/17, My amazing, brilliant, funny, loving, 44 year old husband took too many sleeping pills, which made him loopy, and shot himself in the head through a pillow lying next to me in bed. I didn’t even hear it happen…just found him in the morning. Gone a week after our 1st anniversary. We were so completely in love with eachother and having a great time raising his 2 amazing kids. My best friend is gone. He also suffered from several silent diseases, like Lupus among others. I’m seeing this as a recurring theme in some of your posts. I completely identify with those of you saying that you understand why your sick loved ones decided to check out. I also identify with the posts from other mama’s… I do feel like we are expected to keep everyone else running while trying desperately to find time to grieve ourselves.
    I’m back to work this week and my symptoms suuuuuuck. Hair loss, migraine level headaches, body aches, not able to concentrate on ANYTHING. I was so much happier at home, sitting with my memories while the kids are at school… but I know I have to stand up and keep going. I will honor my husband for the rest of my life.
    Thanks for letting me get this out. Sending love to all of you.

  23. Roberta  August 17, 2017 at 5:37 pm Reply

    My husband died less than 3 weeks ago. We were married 48 1/2 years. I held together for 2 weeks and did everything as medical power of attorney through the memorial service. I had to work last week but this week I am so sick to my stomach I can’t work or eat. I called my doctor and have an appointment to get some short term disability started and have a counseling appt on Saturday. I am supposed to start a grief group tonight but don’t think I will be able to handle it. I am asking my body to be strong and it is telling me to take care of myself.

  24. Susan  August 21, 2017 at 10:22 pm Reply

    I just lost my daughter to addiction..and the pain is intense. I have more pain, it hurts to walk and I sleep a lot, I do eat though…
    I feel disconnected with the world, I hurt a lot and miss her so much..
    I am hoping this feeling goes away, as I am older and still want to live out my life.

  25. Dana  August 25, 2017 at 10:52 pm Reply

    I lost my boyfriend and the father of my two daughters in August 2016, to homicide. He was 26 years old and we had been together for about 4 years. I have very recently started going to counseling and also got some medications. I only wanted medications temporarily until I can learn to heal myself. Somedays I cant even get out of bed, it is a struggle to go to work, to clean up the house. To do anything. And my memory is horrible. It took me several months to realize why I was feeling this way, and thanks to my supervisor and a co-worker, I finally built up the courage to go talk to someone. She is whom showed me this blog website, I am enjoying reading it. Thanks!

  26. Sis  September 22, 2017 at 6:49 pm Reply

    My big brother who was now 48 died 2 weeks ago. I had intended to call him the day before, but I didn’t. I keep going over that Sunday that I chose to sleep and watch TV instead of calling him. I am dreading going home today..it’s Friday and I wish I could work on the weekends too. I am dreading Sunday. He loved the Cowboys and last Sunday I thought I would watch the game for him, but I suddenly got so sick to my stomach I had to change the channel. I’m known as a jokester at work and at home…I can’t even smile..I feel stomach queezy constantly. I keep having memories of us when. We were kids and it tears me apart inside. I want to stop thinking so I can sleep. I wake up all night every night..my teeth clenched so tightly together. I miss him so much. His wife picked up his ashes yesterday and hasn’t contacted me or my mom since the day after he died. I know she’s struggling herself…I hurt for her too, but she won’t return our calls. I want to see his urn, I want to touch it. I know my parents are hurting too..I’m trying to be strong for all of them, but I feel like I’m falling apart inside…all I keep thinking of seeing him when he was younger and I looked up to him.

  27. Don  October 4, 2017 at 11:26 am Reply

    I lost my mother August 3, 2016.. hit me like a run of bricks… in the 7 days leading up to her home going I didn’t eat only thing I did was drunk water..never left her side I stayed at the hospital and it was shocking to my family because I hate hospitals.. watching her in the week I did I saw her body transform and the dying process as they call it was taking over.. My mother had been dealing with kidneys issues going to dialysis 3 times a week for about 3 hours a day… I moved back from Maryland to help her.. went to every doctors visit etc.. now reading this one would assume I am the only child.. I’m not i have two older bothers and a younger sister. Only other person thag was their everyday with me was my older brother.. the other two didn’t show up to the service and one didn’t even show up to the hospital.. the other that did tried to fight me etc. I had to deal with all of her service arrangements alone. Thanksgiving of that same year I lost my nana… watched as she took her last breathe. These two women were my air, my reason for living.. I pushed and fought because they needed me.. now that they are gone a part of me is truly lost..im not big with tears or emotions… it’s either I’m happy or mad.. some said greif would hit me but in a physical sense because of the person I am… out of nowhere at times I feel tired when I know I shouldn’t, unmotivated to do anything, body aches etc. All I know is this grief shit sucks

  28. A  October 9, 2017 at 6:44 am Reply

    I’ve lost my 13 year old sister suddenly almost three-months ago. I’ve been familiar to some extent to what grief, I’ve also lost my grandpa earlier this year, and I think I can say that I’ve dealt with grief then, mental grief. But when my sister passed the grief that I feel is mostly physical and it is very scary at first, you feel like you’re seriously ill, like something is very bad happening to you which caused me terrible anxiety. I visited two doctors just to tell me that this is all stress related, but oh boy this doesn’t feel like stress at all. At first it felt like sharp pain all over my back, and then it became muscle spasms, then sharp pain in my muscles again, then terrible neck pain and neck cracking and grinding sounds, joint popping and cracking, extreme fatigue and what it feels like that the moment that I started accepting the whatever is happening is related to grief another symptom shows up, which starts the anxiety all over again. I used to be very active but now a 30 minutes walk would drain the life out of me. It’s so scary to feel all of this and you don’t even find posts about the physical effects of grief which makes everything worse.

  29. Jamie  October 14, 2017 at 8:22 pm Reply

    Hi Everyone,

    I recently lost my 19 year old brother to lymphoma. He was diagnosed2 1/2 years ago and passed away a week ago. I tried to see him as much as I could but feel like I should have spent more time. I was able to spend 3 consecutive days with him before he died. I felt his pain and fear. My family comforted him and assured him he wasn’t alone and
    that we loved him. This is my first time experiencing grief and I feel like my world is gray, I don’t want to be around happiness and rather sob alone. Sometimes I’m ok, then I start to breakdown. It’s hard to concentrate and get things done. My back has been aching and I feel fatigue. I miss him so much.

  30. Maury  October 15, 2017 at 9:04 pm Reply

    I really appreciate this article and everyone’s posts. It has been just 6 months since the love of my life passed away from lung cancer. Some days, I can barely walk due to the pain in my joints, especially my hips. Some nights, I can’t sleep because I can’t find a comfortable position for my aching hips and back. I try to take a nap every afternoon just to pass the time as the days are so long, and so sad, and so boring, I don’t communicate well with others, and I’ve fractured a relationship with my sister after having lashed out at her: even though she was the only support I had for funeral preparations, and I couldn’t have done it all without her. In other areas I’m doing better – I prepare myself good meals and stay on a good hygiene schedule. The household chores are mostly getting done. While probate has brought more stresses, I’ve kept a cool head through those activities so far. I know working through grief is a long process, but it’s the physical pain I wasn’t expecting, and am having the hardest time dealing with. At least I know others feel the pain, too.

  31. Linda  October 29, 2017 at 1:30 pm Reply

    I thought I was going crazy. It has been almost 6 months since my son was found dead from accidental Vicodin overdose alone for two days in his apartment in another state. His sister died 7 years ago and I lost my parents who I was taking care of within 3 years (before) of my daughter and my beloved boss of 27 years in the middle of that all. So my son’s death has broken me. I kept on going for about 3 months but then aches and pains and extreme exhaustion took my body over. I’m sad and in pain from my back most of the time and too tired to do much at all. It’s a task to do daily things. I recently took 3 weeks off work and I ended up with gout then and had to stay on my bed for 10 days. I’m wondering if this exhaustion will ever ease up and the joint pains go away. I too have digestive issues back and forth. I’m really best at work with a structure to my day accomplishing something but I have to come home and the exhaustion sets in. I pray and pray and try relaxation but it seems like I’m usually all tanned up unless I concentrate on relaxing. I do have really good friends and work with doctors who all support me. My husband is very needy and he and my son did not get along so now I do not think he understands but he has lots of his own mental issues that weigh me down. I’m thankful I found this blog this morning. I needed to know this that others suffer too and maybe I’m not headed for my own death. Not sure that it would matter anyway. It’s all just so scary.

    • Marsha  November 9, 2017 at 10:21 am Reply

      I have empathy for you. I am at work and my chest is killing me. I buried my baby boy this past August from an intentional drug overdose. The fact that it was intentional eats at me minute by minute. I will pray for you.

  32. Angela  October 29, 2017 at 9:24 pm Reply

    My son died on April 14, 2017 of an overdose. He has a 2 1/2 year old son that is the light of my life. The grief is overwhelming and I am trying to hold it together for my other son. The physical symptoms of grief are not letting up even though it’s been 6 and a half months. My heart physically hurts, I’ve had a headache since the day he passed. Every part of me aches and the fog isn’t getting any better. I go to counseling and am hopeful that with more time I’ll feel better. But let’s face it, my boy is gone – it’s got to hurt. Unimaginable loss has got to cause such pain.

    • Joan Snow  November 24, 2017 at 9:14 pm Reply

      I am so relieved to see these postings. I lost my only grandson – 18 years old – accidental drug overdose. The grief has left me pretty well housebound and lost 10lbs in the process. Am I only 5′ but weigh around 87lbs. Am scared to get on the scale to see if I’ve dropped more weight. My doctor says this is all “back lash” from my grandson’s death. I can’t function hardly. Terrible digestive problems, extreme fatigue etc. I’ve had to hire a cook-as I can no longer do my meals. I’ve got this hole in my heart and with Christmas approaching-makes matters worse. My grandson would’ve turned 19 this December 2. Drug overdoses are rampant. My heart goes out to all of us suffering from the loss of any we hold dear. I’ve no support system but see a counsellor next week. Everyday is a challenge. How long do we endure the agony of our grief???? Many people are praying for me-but I see no “relief or improvement” in my emotional or physical well being.

  33. Tetra  November 3, 2017 at 11:40 am Reply

    I just recently lost my dog, yes my dog. I was unsure and how this death was going to affect me I dread it her whole entire life. My dog came at a part of my life when I just lost my father she was just a handful she was 4 weeks old and had three legs. I had the best 14 years 7 months of my life with her. 3 weeks ago she unexpectedly jumped off my bed and I thought broke her leg make a long story short she ruptured a tumor full of cancer in her leg and she had to be put down. My heart hurts literally I have chest pains surrounding my heart. I’ve been to the doctor and it’s my heart is doing fine so it’s just stress-related. I have lost my parents the grandparents best friends… I just don’t understand why the loss affecting me this hard when everyone else I lost has never affected me like this. My brain is content and knowing that she’s gone and not in pain, but my body just feel some sort of other way. I really hope this pain in my chest goes away soon it just keeps lingering me to remembering that she’s gone and that’s why I’m getting the pain in the first place. I do know THAT I am going to feel better I am going to get past this I am going to grow from this and understand that in time this pain shall pass.

  34. Rebecca  November 13, 2017 at 1:51 am Reply

    In a short span of 3 months, I lost my Cat due to a dog attack, my Dog due to 3 types cancer, my rabbit due to illness and most importantly and most painfully my Mormor, (Guardian ) who raised me, and taught me everything I know.
    The grief of my pets was bad enough and admittedly I’m not through it. I was raised on a farm and am very close to my pets, they are my family, but my Mormor was the biggest hit, I didn’t see it coming.
    He passed from a stroke, and despite my family trying to support each other through this, I’m finding it harder and harder as Christmas approaches.
    I have noticed I’m always lethargic, and wasn’t sure if I was just getting sick, but it has been dragging on now beyond sickness. I’m coming to realise it might be the grief of everything hitting me, and me not coping as well as I should.
    My hubby and I were trying to have a baby before mormor died, and she was supporting my emotionally the whole way, I always thought she would meet my kids, it never crossed my mind she wouldn’t. And now that things are getting closer to being fixed and being able to have kids, I have found my excitement has gone.
    If I could, I would give anything to have her back, even the future children I have been through hell and back to try and have.
    I don’t know if anyone else has ways to look on the brighter side, but I’m struggling to see it.
    Hopefully time makes all the difference.

  35. Kristi  November 26, 2017 at 6:42 pm Reply

    It was great to find this post. I have been wondering how come I am so exhausted after crying. I cried a few times on thanksgiving day and the next day I stayed in bed all day because I was so tired. I lost my 12 year old some days before Christmas last year. December 19, 2016 to b exact. He died from a blood clot in his brain that led to a stroke. He had been having migraines for about 6 months and were trying to figure out why. His doctor just thought he was prone to them even though he had had a problem with them before. So we had no idea until it was too late! It’s been a very rough year and I haven’t wanted to deal with the holidays but I have to for my 3 girls. My husband and I just try to take one day at a time. Thanks for these insights and ideas of how to deal with physical grief. I’m so sorry to everyone who’s posted here for their losses.

  36. Mary Joan Luchka  December 1, 2017 at 8:15 am Reply

    My husband of 28 years died Nov 8th. He had surgery on Nov 1st. He was home from the hospital, was doing fine at home, we went out, he collapsed and died. The doctors believe it was a blood clot. I can’t stop seeing the look on his face. I am glad I was with him and he wasn’t alone when he died, but I am traumatized. We’ve been friends for 35 years. He did everything for me. I am back at work out of necessity. A subordinate of mine who I’ve had personality conflicts with for over a year went to my boss because I left a corrective note to her and her feelings were hurt by my “tone”. My boss gave me a formal coaching about my abrasiveness and told me I was observed by HER boss that I was sitting down while working. My husband has not been dead 3 weeks. I was devastated that these minor infractions at work were such a priority to be addressed NOW. I expected a little compassion. I work hard for this company and I defended myself at the time but my boss was not going to be wrong. Now I’m thinking about leaving. The pay is good but I don’t feel appreciated or valued as a human being. Do I leave this job for my piece of mind, or stick it out and work with/for these children? I’m tired and don’t feel like learning another job, but the timing of this added stress seems wrong to me.

    • Ope Ade  December 6, 2017 at 4:26 pm Reply

      So sorry for your loss.It is well.Be strong.
      Try not to let the attitude at work get to you.Let it go because quitting your job and starting all over will be an added stress.
      You already said the pay is good and you don’t feel like starting afresh.
      Please don’t quit …try and make the best out of this situation. I’m sure your co workers and bosses have their personal problems too.
      Wishing you all the best.

    • Sheryl  February 11, 2018 at 8:12 pm Reply

      Hi Mary, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost a son 7 years ago and please let me give you some advice. Try not to make any serious changes in your life while grieving, we are more vulnerable now. Wishing you the best. Sheryl

      • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 8:26 pm

        Oh!This makes me think!Don’t say anything on the phone and carefull with anyone coming to your door or texts.The mind is more foggy when in grief or when a loved one “just died”…Some fraudulent people can take advantage of that fact!

  37. Babs  December 5, 2017 at 6:55 pm Reply

    I’m from the UK – I’m so glad I found this website. It put a lot of how I was feeling into perspective. My daughter died in January this year – suicide – I found her & there was no way of her coming back. To see my only child so dead was horrendous. I certainly didn’t understand the huge physical impact on top of the mental anguish. I started running & have found some help in that, plus you certainly find out who your friends are! I have a bereavement counsellor once a week. All I can add is stick with the positive & caring people around you – be kind to yourself, and don’t push yourself too hard this is quite a journey – not a quick sprint. It’s too early for me to be anyway clear of the utter despair & I have lost myself down a long dark rabbit hole – but somewhere there is a light – at the moment a glimmer but I feel I owe it to my daughter to live for what she has lost. I wish everyone on here love & kindness to yourself hold on!

    • Patti  December 12, 2018 at 3:19 am Reply

      I too found my son when he committed suicide last December. You sound like you are on a good path. I still struggle everyday. I have trouble sleeping and I’m unbelievably forgetful. This has put a significant strain on my relationships at work. My forgetfulness is such an annoyance to my staff and they just don’t understand. One has even file complaints against me because I asked about some time off he took that I didn’t remember approving. Maybe I’m too good at acting like I’m ok and they just don’t get that I will never be ok.

  38. Caitlin  December 9, 2017 at 11:03 pm Reply

    I’m so glad I found this website. My cat Ginger died unexpectedly this morning. She was only 10 years old and totally healthy. She was perfectly fine and then went to nap on the futon – moments later I noticed something was going wrong, she was clearly in trouble and not breathing right, her body was going limp. I rushed her to the ER vet down the street and they couldn’t revive her. I’m beyond devastated. I’m still in shock and I feel like my body is still feeling the adrenaline from this morning. I keep shaking and my heart is beating fast. My breathing is shallow. It’s hard being alone right now. I have friends that have invited me over, but I don’t have the energy to go anywhere. I just miss Ginger like crazy. I keep having “if only…” thoughts, like if I could have noticed sooner or if there was something I could have done. I wish I knew what caused this. The vet said it could have been a blood clot, or problem with the heart. I just miss my baby girl, it hurts so much. I love her.

    • Michelle  December 11, 2017 at 8:30 am Reply

      Caitlin I’m so sorry for your loss! My girl kitty became suddenly ill 2 weeks ago and stopped eating & drinking then suddenly my boy kitty stopped eating! They had different health issues this past year…the vet said it would be the kindest thing to let them both go! So I lost 2 at the same time. My heart is broken I miss them so much & I feel an ache in my chest all day when I’m home. I too am thankful to learn this is a normal part of grieving, we need to take care of ourselves 💔💔💔 Michelle

    • Dori  December 13, 2017 at 9:50 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss!

      That’s exactly what happened to my cat 7 years ago. She was perfectly fine and then suddenly she couldn’t walk, could barely move or breathe properly. I ran her to the vet and there was nothing they could do. Her heart had thrown a blood clot which killed her within hours. They told me that even if she’d survived that one, once they throw one clot, they will continue throwing clots until one kills them. She was only 6 years old :’-(

      I lost her surviving sister just 5 days ago. She was 13 and she’d been ill for a while and I was already coming to terms with the fact she wasn’t going to be around much longer. I thought having the time to accept it before hand would make it easier, but it didn’t. I don’t think anything could. Sudden, unexpected death and a death you know is coming both hurt intensely.

      Just remember it will get better. You have to go through the entire grieving process to come out on the other side. But there is another side and while you’ll always miss your pet, it doesn’t hurt this intensely forever. I’ve cried more in the past 5 days than I have all year, but I know time will heal all wounds.

  39. Cory  December 18, 2017 at 5:45 pm Reply

    So lately I’ve been having literally ALL of these symptoms, 4 years ago my dad passed away which didn’t really hit me as I was 9 but I was shocked and it made me feel really crappy but over the past year or so I’ve been thinking about it a lot and it’s been really bothering me. From a young age my dad was never really around as he was always ill and never really could be around which meant we didn’t have much of a bond and when I had to stay at his house when I was younger I dreaded it as I couldn’t be away from my mum without actually having a break down so when I eventually had calmed down I would be moody and just be cruel and this must have made my dad feel terrible and thinking about it now makes me feel terrible. I honestly just miss him so much and I can’t deal with life anymore I don’t know what to do.

    • peter  December 22, 2017 at 2:19 pm Reply

      Cory, I’m sorry you are going through so much pain. I think your Dad would be proud of your openness and honesty. It sounds like you were dealing with a very difficult situation when you were a child, and sometimes circumstances are stacked against us and we act in ways we don’t understand until much later. If there is any way you could talk with a therapist, I think it could really help. Perhaps you could start with a school counselor. Given you were so young and in such a difficult situation, I think you should be more forgiving of yourself. Even in the best situations kids sometimes act out a bit…it is normal. That you miss your Dad so much now tells me that he was probably a very good man and that you are maturing into a fine young man. And he would not want you to be so hard on yourself. Try to learn to be kind to yourself, and to surround yourself with friends that you trust and who are supportive.

      • Cory  December 23, 2017 at 10:44 am

        Thank you

      • Peter  December 23, 2017 at 11:50 am

        You’re welcome. Putting your feelings and thoughts into words and posting them was a good step forward.

  40. Tammy  January 25, 2018 at 12:09 pm Reply

    These types of articles and associated comments are very helpful. My mother was just diagnosed 3 days ago with metastatic pancreatic cancer which has spread to her lungs. She’s only 70 and I thought I’d have more time with her. We’re breaking the news to our 16 yr old daughter tonight and its going to be one of the hardest things to do since they’ve always been close. I’m just in the beginning stages of grief and I know its only going to get worse. I’ve had trouble falling asleep because I’m either crying or my brain is racing around with all kinds of “what-if” scenarios. I randomly get the chills and my appetite is gone. I was just promoted to a managerial role for an analytics department but I don’t know if I have it in me right now to do anything other than menial tasks. I wish there was an easy way to get to a state of peace. Right now it seems like the floor has dropped away and I’m in a free fall.

    • Louise  January 27, 2018 at 5:23 pm Reply

      Hi Tammy I have just read your post about your mother being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I am so sorry for your news it is the worst. I have recently (11th December 2017) lost my mum to pancreatic cancer, she too was only 70. Please try to enjoy the time you have together as a a family. I hate cancer it is a horrible disease that robs us of our loved ones. Sending you hugs and strength at this emotionally and physically draining time.

      • Heather  February 8, 2018 at 8:30 pm

        Hi ladies,
        I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer on 12/10/17 after she fought for 2.5 years. She was 54. At 35 I thought id have my mom for a much longer time. I miss her everyday and my heart feels like there is a constant concrete block sitting on my chest. Her death occurred 3 weeks after my husband was diagnosed with brain cancer after 2 brain surgeries. Grief is my best friend lately.

  41. Adam  January 27, 2018 at 8:06 pm Reply

    I lost my mother just over three months ago. She was my best friend and pretty much the center of my world since I was a little boy. I loved her so much that I never wanted to be parted from her which made going to school hell. I loved her, my dad and my sister so much I could never bear to leave them so I never left home. My family were all I ever wanted.
    We were always worrying about my sister who had cystic fibrosis, epilepsy and a learning disability. Mum put everything she could into keeping my sister going (which was a full time job) and still had time to be a great mother to me. Just the same, I was always fearful of the day when I would be all alone without them and so I tried to be with them as much as I could. When my sister died 12 years ago we were all devastated and Mum was crushed. My sister had been the center of her world and had always been with her. I’d never heard anyone cry so hard.
    Two years later Dad died and I was in agony over it – panic attacks, constantly fearful, and just plain heartbroken. Mum managed to get me through it by being strong even though she must have been just as devastated and fearful. It became just the two of us for the last 10 years and I put everything I had into giving her whatever she wanted. She looked after me really well during that time too and over time we coped together. All through that time I lived in fear of the day that I would lose her and I realized how isolated I was.
    When she went into hospital I spent weeks fearing for her life although the doctors treating her said that she would be fine. Her little cat was pining for her while she was in hospital and used to sleep on her bed waiting for her to come home. A couple of weeks before the end her cat had some kind of fit – I still don’t know what – and she died. I think I was more broken up about it than Mum was.
    On the morning Mum was to have an operation I managed to talk to her on the phone and told her over and over again how much I loved her and to please not leave me. It wasn’t supposed to be a dangerous operation so she told me not to be scared. My last words to her were “I love you.” An hour later the hospital called and told me to get up there right away as she had had an embolism on the way to the operation and her last words had been, “Who’ll look after my son?”
    I sat by her bedside for three days until the doctors sent me home; I wasn’t eating and I’d been in the same clothes for days. A friend drove me up there a couple of times a day so that I could spend as many hours with her as I could. I sang old songs to her that she used to sing to my sister and I when we were little and that helped me to cry. I was with her when she died and I held her until they told me that I had to go home.
    My best friend and his wife took me in and looked after me for the next few months and I would go home late at night. The house I’d lived in my whole life seemed suddenly so alien to me. Eventually I had to come home properly when my friend and his family went overseas for a trip. I’ve been mostly managing okay in the house on my own but the grief keeps tearing at me.
    Today it seems to be worse than it has been in a long time. For me, the grief feels like a tight, grasping pain in my chest. Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe. For the first two and a half months I would wake up every morning and be sick. I keep grinding my teeth, both asleep and awake and they are getting very sensitive. Lately I’ve been getting this strange buzzing sensation in the skin of my left pectoral and I keep thinking it’s my phone vibrating until I realize that I don’t have my phone in that pocket. The above article is right; there is always a physical side of grief but it seems to be different for each person you lose.
    I can’t focus, my work is suffering, and I’ve had a few occasions where I thought I might have been having a heart attack (though panic attack is more likely). I keep saying, “Oh mum, I miss you,” or just, “Oh mum,” and that just makes me feel worse. A friend of mine recently lost her husband and she said, “It’s like your life has ended but you’re still walking around,” and that’s exactly how I feel. I spent much of my life as a bit of a loner but now that I’m truly alone I can’t stand it. It hurts so much and I can’t make it go away. I wish my mum was here to help me through it.
    My heart goes out to all of you who are going through grief at the moment. I would not wish it on anyone.

    • Kerry  February 14, 2018 at 1:15 am Reply

      I lost my mom 6 months ago. She was my best friend, as well. It was incredibly sudden. It kind of fed like your anchor to the planet is gone and you’re just floating through space.

      • Christina  February 15, 2018 at 1:28 am

        I just lost my son last month. That is a good way to put it – my anchor to the world gone in a moment. I have no idea what to do or where to go now

    • Krista  February 18, 2018 at 11:35 pm Reply

      I lost my mom a month ago today. I feel as if a piece of my heart died with her. How are you today? I don’t see how people do this!

  42. Adam  January 28, 2018 at 3:43 am Reply

    Since my mother died three months ago I’ve gone through all sorts of emotions and physical symptoms. The main one I get is a stabbing pain in my chest that makes me hunch over. I’ve been grinding my teeth without realizing it and now they’re very tender. Every morning I feel terrible and my mood doesn’t improve until mid afternoon. I keep thinking, “Oh mum,” or “Oh I miss you mum” over and over and that just makes me go deeper into depression. I also get a strange electrical tingling on the skin of my chest on the left side that I originally thought was my phone vibrating in my pocket until I realized that the phone wasn’t in my pocket. By far the worst feeling is panic which seems to show up less often but when it does I feel absolutely overwhelmed. I’ve been through grief before but this one has been by far the most physical. I wish I could feel normal again.

  43. merlia  February 9, 2018 at 2:49 pm Reply

    My husband passed away in a rehab of heart attack. it was his third rehab. apart from grieving the guilt of putting him there is killing me. his alcoholism was a struggle for years but despite all that we loved each other deeply . I miss him terribly.

    • Maury  February 10, 2018 at 1:13 pm Reply

      So sorry for your loss, Merlia. Feelings of guilt are a normal part of the grief process, but rest assured, you made the best decision you could at the time, during an impossible situation. We must do our best to be kind to ourselves, and not to second-guess that things would have been better had we acted differently. We simply don’t know that. They may have been worse. It’s very hard, but we must trust with Faith that everything went as it was supposed to. My heart goes out to you.

    • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 8:12 pm Reply

      Alcohol damages alot of organs.Not just the liver.Makes the heart less effective and more prone to a heart attack.We have no control over someone elses decisions.No matter how hard we try to “save them from themselves” and say all the “oh!If i just insisted,pushed,did this or that differently…”It won’t change the damage they already done to themselves.Believe me!Been there and done that!Stage 4 liver disease=being hooked on multiple machines,chronic pain like lung or colon cancer,brings confusion,breathing difficulties and coma.The patient usually has ascites that can easily infect and cause general sepsis cause the liver is responsible for some immune responses…Trust me lady!The heart attack was a blessing for him and for you!He wouldn’t want you to see him like i saw mine!All puffed up and hooked-up to innumerable machines,ventilator,temp. 35 Celsius and dropping,glucose drop too.Um!I’m still PTSD’ing from the sight!I try to remember all that went right,the good memories and the fact that i bloody gave my ALL for that chap!We invest our love and souls in our guys,don’t we!;)

  44. Sindy  February 13, 2018 at 4:33 pm Reply

    I lost my 5year old son. He had hydrocephelus. It was such a shock coz we used to go to hospital and come back but this time he wouldn’t recover for two weeks…… he was right next to me when he died and I didn’t feel a thing or get to say goodbye….. everything around me reminds me of him. We would be almost always together. So I cry or think about him so often and everytime I do I get pains likeperiods pains or labour pains….sometimes i even bleed.

    • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 7:55 pm Reply

      Grief is a stressor.In intense physical/emotional stressfull situations,you can have blood in your sweat like the Lord Jesus in the garden of gethsemany (hematohidrosis).It’s because it’s your little one.A part of a parent dies when the child dies first!You weren’t able to say goodbye (no closure) and no adequate support (the RN. left the room!).Not too late to get some…start with the doctor cause the symptoms tell me you’re under really bad duress.

  45. Corrine  February 17, 2018 at 3:09 pm Reply

    I lost my son 6 years ago to a reckless driver and I feel like I am constantly bracing against the reality of it all and that is why my neck, shoulders, face, all feel so tense and tight. The forgetfulness and lack of focus are very real and I feel terrible because I have to constantly ask people to repeat themselves because I just disconnect and space out all the time. My entire body hurts all the time, my appetite disappeared and rarely returns because unless I am really very hungry all food still turns to dust in my mouth after a few bites. This is all valuable information to those new to grief. I had no idea the toll this would take on my physical body.

  46. Ellen  February 21, 2018 at 12:43 pm Reply

    This article is so good, and really helped me understand what I’m going through. Thank you so much for writing it.

  47. Nancy Ruesch  February 22, 2018 at 9:00 pm Reply

    I lost my 59 year old brother about 3 weeks ago while I was away on a cruise. He died from
    choking on a piece of meat. He was born with
    mild brain damage and mild
    cerebral palsy. I have been his caretaker for most of
    my life. I have been feeling extremely nauseated
    from grief and shock. When I lost my father 11 years
    ago I grieved for many years and was in a major depression. But I never felt so nauseated. I am
    praying that this symptom of grief will not be long term. I will never get over this loss or understand “why” my brother would have been taken away from
    me. He was doing so good and so happy.

  48. Sarah  February 28, 2018 at 8:20 pm Reply

    I lost my brother in November of 2017. He was only 40. He was murdered but I am telling the family he had an aneurysm so that way they don’t have the horrible images I have. ….. everyday feels like some sort of nightmare. I use to be so happy and now I just am sad all the time. I feel like I am floating above everyone and watching life go on for everyone except me. My chest is tight and I feel short of breath. Im irritated so easily and having a hard time sleeping and I feel so frustrated because I just want to be myself again. My heart literally feels like there is a spear in through it and its hard to put on a happy face for my 5 kids. Ive never experienced this type of loss. It still doesn’t seem real.

  49. Joan Luchka  March 27, 2018 at 11:50 pm Reply

    This song helps me through my darkest days and reminds me why I am still here.

    I Shall Not Live in Vain
    (Bill Douglas)

    If I can stop one heart from breaking
    I shall not live in vain
    If I can ease one life the aching
    Or cool one pain
    Or help one fainting robin
    Unto his nest again
    I shall not live in vain
    I shall not live in vain
    Love seeketh not itself to please
    Not for itself has any care;
    But for another gives its ease,
    And builds a Heaven in Hells’s despair.
    If I can stop one heart from breaking
    I shall not live in vain
    If I can ease one life the aching
    Or cool one pain
    Or help one fainting robin
    Unto his nest again
    I shall not live in vain
    I shall not live in vain.

  50. Bella Bee  March 31, 2018 at 11:59 am Reply

    Thank you for helping me find this page. I list my Mum just over 2 years ago. People say you’ll get over it but it gets worse everyday. I also have my 90 year old father living with me. I have just gone down with yet another bug. They seem to come around every three months or so.I used to be so healthy. These articles have given me something to think about.

  51. Jay  March 31, 2018 at 12:38 pm Reply

    I lost three family member s within five months. Then my son got a brain tumor he is fine now thank god. I did not eat for days can’t work my head feels like trash. Then I remembered that I had felt like this before when my dad had passed a way. I had a headache for almost a year could not take the pain away I thought my life was over. My brother had told me of a Chinese herbalist in phoenix that could help me. I told him no stupid tea could take this pain away I had spent thousands on doctor’s and meds. I could not take the pain no more thought maybe I would drive my truck right over a bridge and end it. I got scared I was thinking like this but could not take the pain. I finally had in of I figured there was no pain meds around thousands of years ago so they had to depend on tea’s what the hell let’s give it a try. I went to the Chinese herbalist the next day and he looked at my eye’s and checked my pulse, my tong ext. I thought to myself remind me to kick my brother hard next time I see him for getting me to see this Want to be doctor. He wrote everything in Chinese and gave the proscription to his wife. She got five sheets of paper and made five blends of tea’s they looked like landscaping trash. They told me to take one a day for five days. I made the first batch of tea it taste horrible made me feel no different. But after the third day I felt really good? I told myself no way a tea could help me feel this good. After the 5th day I felt brand new no joke every pain was gone. I could not believe after a year of none stop pain it was over thank god and my brother I almost lost everything over this pain . So I live a state away now from the herbalist and plan to drive or fly out there in two weeks. I hope this helps someone there is help for pain out there don’t give up. The Chinese herbalist is in phoenix on 44 st at the Chinese culture palace.

  52. Laura  April 6, 2018 at 10:40 am Reply

    It’s a year and a half since my daughter died of overdose. Been through a lot since then. What I find hard now is it seems I’m just waiting for more awful things to happen. This gives me terrible anxiety and shortness of breath. I learned about deep breathing and sometimes it helps just wonder how long this next phase of grieving will last.

  53. Janie N.  April 15, 2018 at 8:02 am Reply

    My beautiful husband of 47 years ago died of cancer 3 months ago in Hospice. I was alone with him when he died. Even the hospice nurse walked out over come with tears as she was new. I was alone with him as he took his last breath. Yes, it tore my heart out as I saw him laying there. I loved him so much and always will. I have God, Jesus, our only child, our 41 year old sweet son and his sweet wife. This has all been beyond devastating. I am experiencing so many grief symptoms….chronic muscle pain, overeating,tears, tears and more tears, forgetfulness, no energy, no sleep….you name it. I’ve even wondered about PTSD. I’ve never seen, in my 68 years, anyone die much less someone I love and loved so much.
    I cope only by knowing God and Jesus walk beside me holding me up. I so look forward to the day calls me home and pray I go to Heaven and can be with my husband for eternity. That is my deepest prayer. But it will be in God’s time, not mine.
    I love you, my dear husband, and pray to see you again someday. Until then,our son needs me. He could not survive losing us both so closely together. So, I go on.

  54. summer  April 19, 2018 at 8:02 pm Reply

    I am only twelve years old and my dad just died of brain death. i held his hand till his last breath. i stayed at the hospital 24/7 all until it was time to let him go. It has greatly changed me in a way i have never changed before, not a good thing. the more i sleep, the more tired i feel. my hands are shaking. i had a full slab of ribs plus more and still felt hungry, still quite skinny. i havent been the same since. either i am moving really fast or i am moving really slow, never in between. i miss him everyday. i am always trying to figure out these ways that couldve prevented it. sometimes i go and look at our text messages. and i get so angry at myself because the last time i texted him, it was two hours after he texted me. i would do anything in the world just to hear his voice again. maybe even see him, at least in my dreams. i dont know why i did this, it will probably only make matters worse, but i texted his phone just now, and every time i see my phone light up, i am hoping that its him, that it was all a dream, or it was just all in my head, and this may not be good but, that maybe he was kidnapped and he texted me his location so i could just go get him. he had always promised me that he would teach me how to take apart and put back together a car and now, i have to learn. i am actually learning now. it wont be as near as the same without him teaching me but i promised him, on his deathbed, that i would follow all of his true wishes, and i knew exactly what they were. i feel like i may be going into depression. my best friend really helped me thru this. my mom is working on getting me a therapist. i keep on looking online for a free therapist but they all say that they are not right for me and all i need to do is talk to someone. this may also sound bad, but i dont want to talk to my family about it, id rather see someone that i dont know. i dont like pity parties and i really hate when people give me special treatment. i know that they are just trying to help, but its so much harder with the special treatment. it just feels as if it just makes me feel worse. and now obviously, i think i actually do need a therapist because i just typed so much stuff. if u know any online free therapists that i could talk to, please just via email me at summy.gymnast@gmail.com i would really appreciate it

  55. Olivia  April 21, 2018 at 3:34 am Reply

    I just turned 16 on the 4th (of April) and that was the same day that my mother got diagnosed with stage four terminal cancer. She has five tumours in her head and one in her lung (and she has two separate diseases, one that clouds up the timorous in her brain and the other is a lack of platelets a that she knew of for a very long time). Last week my mom told me that she has about a month or two left. I’m trying so hard to be strong and I’m still going to school and smiling and laughing with everyone including my mom. However I’m so sad…. I keep on thinking about the things that won’t happen like my mom being at my wedding some day or the fact that my moms dream doll house that she was going to build for her far away “future grandchildren” will never be built. Even though she hasn’t passed yet, I feel this pain. My muscles are weak, I’m so tired yet I can’t fall asleep, I have the worst headaches of my life, my heart beats too fast and for some reason I can’t help but puke after a heavy meal or after drinking a tall glass of water. Can someone tell me what to do about my puking? It’s worrying me and I don’t want to worry my mom any more than she already is. I just want these things to go away and to be able to cherish and spend the best quality time that I can with my mom before she passes.

  56. Don  April 25, 2018 at 9:32 pm Reply

    I lost my mother 26 years ago to bone cancer. I lost my brother to bladder and kidney cancer in 2015. Both of them were warriors, both my heroes. My brother was with the 101st Airborne in Vietnam. Exposed to Agent Orange. My pain was unbelievable agony, screaming and moaning out loud for weeks. My dad died in 2016. I knew both were going to die, but still you’re never prepared for it. My sister-in-law was murdered at the age of 30. I know what a little of what their going through.
    But I’m grieving for the lose of my Dog beloved dog Bear. I had to put him down after 14 years because of cancer. I watched oral melanoma take over his mouth. Surgery would have cost thousands and the vet said it might buy him six months to a year and half his face would be gone, not to mention the pain he would be in. He was my best friend, my best bud. He went everywhere with me, kept me from being lonely. Comforted me, soothed me, gave me great joy. He was always glad to see me, loved me unconditionally. Always greeted me when I opened the garage door. He would lay down looking through the connecting door to the garage from our kitchen, waiting either for me or my wife. When the garage door opened he always came out greeted us, even to the end.
    My world as I knew it came to an end. Re-adjusting to life with out him is unbelievably hard. I have all the symptoms in this article. Thoughts I of going crazy. Headache that won’t go away, fatigue, not sleeping, absolutely no appetite, daily things become tasks, forgetfulness, thoughts of dying, my anchor to the planet is gone, inability to focus, anxiety, shortness of breath, anger, feelings of being sick, terrible taste in my mouth.
    To most people a dog is just a dog, but to me he was more, much, much more. Hard to explain what he meant to me. I have no advice for anyone as I’m trying to deal with this the best I can. The article does help. I now know why I’m feeling like I’m feeling.

  57. Phyllis  April 26, 2018 at 4:07 pm Reply

    I lost my Mom almost two months ago. She had a long battle with Alzheimer’s, and was near the end stages when she had a massive stroke. There was some recovery and we had actually been talking about bringing her back home on a Monday as she had 24/7 in home care already in place. That same week on Friday, she suddenly declined and died of an apparent heart attack. I realized I wasn’t ready, even though I had been saying ‘goodbye’ to her for years because of the Alzheimer’s. I had been doing everything for her except for what the aides did. Bills, food/clothes shopping, doctor appointments, medications, house repairs, paperwork, landlord duties. We have had a very conflicted relationship over the years, and I am an only child. My parents are divorced, and Dad is long gone. I haven’t been crying much (yet) but have every one of these symptoms.
    I haven’t been prepared for how massive the drain has been and I feel like I am emotionally and physically drained and in pain, every day. The best part: I am a psychologist. Knowing what I know, doesn’t help.

  58. Hope  May 1, 2018 at 10:02 am Reply

    Monday 4/30 I found out one of my friends passed away. I am devastated and heartbroken. I have now passed the stage of denial. Monday night it sunk in that my friend is never coming. I have no words to say the pain I feel right now.

  59. Margaret Hamilton  May 8, 2018 at 3:52 pm Reply

    So much of what is said here has been happening to me. My daughter passed away just over 4 years ago and my life is totally and utterly changed. I miss her so much. She suffered so much with a long drawn out illness. I feel it has taken a massive toll on my own health. I really did NOT know that grief could be so mentally and physically painful. Reading this and other folks messages has helped a wee bit.

  60. Brad Gibbs  May 17, 2018 at 1:10 pm Reply

    My little girl, Claire, died on March 29, 2018. Seven weeks ago today. She had severe special needs – seizures, wheelchair, g-tube, non-verbal, etc. – so in the back of my mind, I knew I could lose her one day but that didn’t prepare me for what I’m going through. I was her legs, her voice, her everything. I think I had convinced myself she would always be okay.

    We spent so much time just snuggling together. The loss I have now without her is so painful. The emptiness and void I feel is indescribable. I am trying to stay strong for my wife and 3-year-old son and I am having some moments where I actually feel okay. I’m happy for her that she’s escaped the pain and disabilities that I know frustrated her, yet I can’t get past hurting for my empty arms.

    I had a physical today and my blood pressure was a good bit lower than last year and I passed out when they drew blood. Has anyone else experienced low blood pressure while grieving?

  61. Cynthia Curtis  June 3, 2018 at 9:15 pm Reply

    Thanks to all if you for your messages. I have lost a brother to suicide, a brother to cancer, a seven year old daughter, both parents, my husband to lung cancer and just five months ago my very beloved only child left, my son to alcoholism brought on by his grief. I can hardly function, my joints are a mess, my muscles are cramped all the time and I feel like I can’t breathe. Reading about others experiences with grief has helped.

  62. Rob  June 10, 2018 at 7:32 am Reply

    I’ve just lost my mum to cancer. I’m trying to stay strong for my dad who was devoted to her. Everyone thinks I’m strong but I’m secretly suffering quite badly. I’m not the problem- solving machine everyone thinks I am. I believe in God, which would surprise my family and I’m asking for his help every day. I’m suffering headaches and anxiety attacks quite regularly. I’m still working and cycling and trying to function as normally as I can. Reading these posts about all these people who have experienced their terrible losses has been really helpful to know we’re all suffering together. I pray that we will all get better together. Sorry for being a rubbish son mum. Love. Robert x

  63. Tara Spear  June 13, 2018 at 9:26 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother a few months ago and I can relate to all of these symptoms. I was very physically active before he died, but now I can’t seem to find the energy to get myself moving. I feel like my muscles are being eaten away. I feel hollow inside. I also feel so much guilt, anger, and sadness. We were only 16 months apart, so I feel like I lost all of my childhood memories. I have no one to confirm some of my memories with. My dad is battling cancer and talks about being with him soon. My brother left behind a 4 year old son and a pregnant girlfriend, both whom I have vowed to help take care of. My nephew asks some tough questions and I answer them as best and as simply as I can and I hold it all together, but it breaks my heart all over again every time. I have never felt physical heart ache until this. I just wish it would go away and I want my energy back!! My back has been hurting and I have been very forgetful, but it’s good to know now that it is normal. Thank you for all of the tips!

  64. Tonya  June 15, 2018 at 3:08 pm Reply

    I lost my sister 2 months ago who was 10 years younger than me to a drug overdose. At first i was feeling guilty and feeling like “i couldve reached out more!”. I mean God tells us to love mercy,right? Now its just feels unreal along with feeling physically sick. Anxiety, stiff neck&collarbone. I have never knew this came along with grieving. All of the stories above have made me realize that I’m not alone. Thank all of you&God bless!

  65. Lachelle  June 15, 2018 at 9:19 pm Reply

    Anyone “afraid” to feel grief?

  66. Kathy M.  June 16, 2018 at 2:46 pm Reply

    Sounds like a repeat story, but I lost my only sister recently to Parkinson’s. By the time she died she had lost every one of her faculties. Our parents are gone, and now I feel like at orphan at 70 years old. Shortly after she died, I began having aches and pains in my joints and muscles. I even began internal shaking. I got scared and went to see my doctor who did a LOT of tests. She reassured me I didn’t have Parkinson’s. My bloodwork looked fine. Yet the body pains continue. Until I read that physical pain can be a part of grief, I had no idea of the correlation. I am going through a lot of emotional pain which is helped through therapy, but the physical pain continues. Thank you to all of you for sharing your beautiful, albeit heart-wrenching stories, and for letting me know that when one loses a loved one, physical pain can be one part of the process. Until now, I thought I was losing my mind and was just another hypochondriac. I now feel less stressed about my own health condition.

  67. Nancy Erskine Farmer  June 18, 2018 at 2:07 pm Reply

    I got back together with my high-school sweetheart in 2010 and he started getting tired all the time and the VA was saying he was anemic they didn’t do anything to find out why they had he may still be alive we found out he had multiple myeloma and plasma cell leukemia. We stayed in Houston off and on at MD Anderson for 4 years back and forth 6 months in an apartment he got so sick from the stem cell transplant he fought so hard in 2016 he was supposed to get another one and he went to the hospital in December not soon enough December 28th he passed away it’s been a year-and-a-half now and I’m still not over it I don’t even want to get out of bed everything is falling apart I’m falling apart I’m only 51 and I feel like I’m losing all of my hair is falling out I have headaches all the time migraine that is. I’ve gotten to where I don’t even want to talk to anybody I don’t go anywhere I just want to stay in my room stay in bed I don’t want to get up I don’t want to cook I have a 15 year old son that I have to take care of but he’s just as depressed as I am because he misses his dad and I didn’t realize how bad have a toll and it taken on him. It didn’t hit him till this past December when it turned 1 year I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital because I couldn’t do anything to comfort him he was out of control with grief. I was very afraid for him. I had a shout period where I was doing better but now I’m back to square one and I’ve got to where I don’t want to go to the store to even get groceries I don’t answer my phone I don’t answer my text I’m not talking to my mom my dad my older kids my husband’s parents have treated me so badly and that really hurt me badly I don’t understand why people get greedy when someone passes away they took a lot of my husband’s things away from me. Thank God the house was in my name because I’m sure his dad would have took it too if he could have I went a year and a half without a car he took both of the cars we have a crooked Sheriff’s Department in our County and he’s in their pocket so he took the other car and Corey’s truck and his toolbox and kept the rest of the stuff that was at the hospital. I was just on my way to Houston to be by Cory’s side and go through another stem cell transplant I spent Christmas with the kids on the 25th and was leaving on the 27th and I got the phone call on the 28th that he had passed away in the middle of the night. That was so horrible not being able to be by his side when he passed away but I’m also glad I didn’t have to see him die I don’t know that I could have handled that either. His mother was there she said she was there when he was born and she was there when he left this world. So I’m glad he had her by his side. I just don’t know what to do with my life without him he was my soulmate I feel like a fish without water I can’t breathe I feel like I’m dying without him. He was the love of my life I’ve loved him since I was 18 years old actually we laid eyes on each other in the 5th grade I was swinging on the swing and he was standing by the steps smiling at me and his little plaid shirt and is rolled up jeans and his little black Converse tennis shoes. My first thought was what’s that little kid doing on our side because he was small for his age. But he just stood there and smiled at me. And all I want is to see him smile at me again I think I fell in love with him that day and I’ve never stopped loving him I don’t know what to do without him. I wish there was some way I could talk to him I wish there was a way that you can still talk to your loved ones like in the movies where they talk to ghost. God I wish that was real I would give anything just to talk to him for one minute. I took a shirt of his that hadn’t been washed yet and put it on a pillow and I still haven’t washed it yet and that’s what I sleep with every night I know that’s probably gross but I don’t want to wash him off. It’s the only thing I left with him on it. A spray a little of his cologne on it just so I can smell him. It does seem to help somewhat. And I’m sorry for every once grief for what they’re going through to this is a hard road that we are on. IDK if it will get better. I just can’t see my life being better without him. My friends and family are trying to tell me to move on and are trying to set me up on different dating sites. And just the thought of another man trying to kiss me makes me sick. I don’t want to grow old alone I wanted to grow old with Cory but I know that’s not going to happen now. So idk what to do. I was write something was going to happen to him because it was too perfect we were too happy. The devil always seems to find a way to ruin happiness. Every day when he went to work I was afraid he would have a wreck and I wouldn’t see him again. I was afraid I was going to lose them and I ended up losing him anyway. I just can’t believe this is happening! Sometimes I just want to give up. But I can’t. 7 months after Cory passed away my 2 month old granddaughter passed away from SIDS. Talk about a double whammy! I don’t know how much more person can take! It was hard for me to see my baby girl lose her little baby and then to lose my granddaughter who was just barely born and Cory was waiting to see born but didn’t last long enough to see her. We say he is taking care of her in heaven now. I have 7 grandkids I say 7 one in heaven now. So I have to be strong and get well for my son and for them. And my 3 older children that may still need me. I just don’t know how to get over this. The depression medicine isn’t working anymore. I guess I’m going to have to talk to my doctor. I wish there was a support group close to where I live but there is it. I live way out in the country no neighbor just deer and coyotes and the other kind of Critters and my two puppies Blue Heelers Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp and some cats outside. The town that I live by is less then 200 people. Then Waco Texas is 45 miles away. So there isn’t much of a support group. This is the first time I’ve spoken about all this. And it does help to talk about it. I’ve stopped crying for the moment that I’ve been writing. But anyway God bless you all and I will pray for each of you and I’m sorry for each and everyone of you that has lost a loved one.
    Thank you for reading my story.
    Nancy Erskine Farmer

    • Elba Dwyer  November 1, 2018 at 4:15 pm Reply

      Nancy first of all I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my husband who was a VA Army disabled veteran 2 months ago. I understand and know how you feel and how hurt you must be. We lost someone very dear and close to our hearts and that is the most terrible thing that can happen to anyone. All I can say is that whenever I go into that state of despair and hurt and sadness I Look to God for his comfort and peace and he gives it to me for that moment. That’s not to say that maybe a short while later or the next day I won’t break down again but then I gave it back to him who is our comforter and our peace. Every time that I see myself in that sad state I remember that my husband would never want me to be in that kind of State. I know so because when he was here and I would be sad for any reason or even sick I can see the look on his face of hurt cuz he loved me so much and didn’t want me to hurt. With that I remember and I stop and think about it and I know in my heart that he would never want me to be that way. Even though I know that he would understand because he would also grieve if it happened to him but he wouldn’t want me to stay there. I’m sure your husband loving you the way you said he did would not want that for you either. It’s not easy for me to say this because my husband passed away such a short time ago. But between him and God I know they will carry me through this. I surround myself with wonderful friends and family members that support me and help me to make me feel better. I stay away from people who don’t understand and don’t necessarily want to help but just give their opinions. I hope and pray and I will pray for you that someday soon you will be able to understand and to see that grieving is normal but not dying inside yourself.if you want you can email me and we can share our experience and comfort each other. My email address is irisd49@yahoo.com
      God bless you & may you be able to see the many blessings he gives you daily.

  68. Dolores  June 19, 2018 at 12:03 am Reply

    I am so happy to have found this page and read the individual stories because it makes me realize that other people who have been through it know exactly how I feel. My dear, sweet husband of almost 38 years passed away nine weeks ago and I miss him so very, very much – more than I can ever say. The grief comes in waves – emotionally and physically. I am so grateful to the hospice staff as they were and continue to be such an enormous help. I was struck by the following quote from Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and John Kessler:

    “The reality is that you will grieve forever.
    You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.
    You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered.
    You will be whole again but you will never be the same, nor would you want to.”

    It helps me know that things will get better – that and my belief that I will one day be reunited with the love of my life and we will be happy in eternal life.

  69. Rrstro  June 26, 2018 at 9:43 pm Reply

    I just lost my Mom on June 18th. She was 84, had a stroke two months ago then developed a blood infection last week. Her organs started shutting down quickly. I was unable to be there but she was surrounded by family. I was able to say goodbye to her over the phone before she passed and spend time with her when she had the stroke. I regularly told my mom I loved her and she knew it so I don’t feel that I left anything unsaid. We had her funeral over the weekend. I’ve always dreaded the day when she would leave this earth. I knew it would come and I believe she is with the Lord and that I will see her again. That brings me comfort, but it is still very hard coping with her loss. I have an almost constant headache and I am very fatigued. I’m having a hard time concentrating and remembering simple things. I try to stay busy but the sadness comes in waves and I start crying. I miss her. I will miss her until I see her again in heaven. I’ve read many of the other posts and I am so sorry for your losses. I am praying that God will bring each of you comfort, healing and peace.

  70. Shannon Garrity  July 11, 2018 at 4:07 pm Reply

    Thank you for adding me to this group. Sorry about the long post but here is my story- Hi. My heart broke last week when news of one of my best friends/boyfriend had died in his sleep while on a run to Texas. We would talk daily sometimes three or four times a day. I was learning about the trucking industry through him and all the things truckers go through. I met Joe while working as a dispatcher for Interstate Towing here in Beaufort. He drove all the big wreckers and did some amazing things with the things he towed. We just clicked and could talk about anything. He chose to go back over the road in February of this year and so began a new phase of our relationship that was a lot of worrying, numerous phone calls, and breathing a sigh of relief when he was able to come back to Beaufort for a couple of days of home time.

    I am reaching out in hopes of finding someone who understands the pain I am going through, the feeling of being so lost when there is no early morning phone call asking me how my night was and if I got enough sleep knowing he had been driving all night long and was exhausted or the phone call at night when he is tired from driving so many miles and fighting to find a place to park for the night before his hours run out on his clock. Or the stories of the crazy people he saw at the truck stops or out on the road. This loss has made me feel like my heart has been ripped out.

    His funeral is on thursday and it will be so hard to make it through it knowing he is never gonna make me laugh again with his silly chinese voice or to see the flash of his blue eyes when he was riled up over something or the feel of his warm comforting hugs.

    I want to thank you for letting me reach out during one of the hardest times of my life.


  71. suzanne o'meara  July 20, 2018 at 2:27 pm Reply

    i have put on weight & am gross obese & need to lose about 12-14 kilos approx. everyone is against me . every word i say is rebuked & attacked. many unsuitable people have taken over my life & mind & body. mt trauma is increased because there is so much corruption in my town , psycho abuse is traumatic .there is the shock that there is no-one here to talk to at all, there is no visible worthy angels or guides here this is utterly frightening . am grieving for animals who passed away. i am grieving & also myself abused a lot .the shock horror of cruel abuse & lack of spirituality & here they do not protect the dead. in cape town south africa . there is no support for mu weight loss . even the health shops are a deadly mafia . any good persons have been murdered or died or gone away . i have a lot of agonising voodoo black magic grips on my body & circulation & no-one can help .these is lot of abuse psycho & this is terrible these invasions & violations. blood libel . spies inside my body & mouth etc . if i wish to feel young they pick up on it .

    • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 6:49 pm Reply

      Sounds like the world we live in!Theses are the times.In the scriptures,it say the just shall live by faith.Don’t look at your circumstances,look up to the almighty!If there’s a demon-there’s also God!Prayer and fasting.Find a church to do this with.Don’t mix ober/voodu/white magic,etc. with the christian faith…If you are christian.Saint-Peter looked at The Lord Jesus and not the storm but as soon as he looked at the storm…he started sinking!Don’t worry about them,Jesus said that “he that is in you is more powerfull than the one who is in the world!”

  72. Amy  August 5, 2018 at 6:59 pm Reply

    I lost my father just last night (8/4/18) after a long illness (cancer) and a short stay in hospice care. Although he was ready to go (he suffered terminal dementia and agitation, but repeatedly spoke of leaving to be with my mother who passed four years ago) and the family was prepared, the toll it takes can be immense. I left the hospice home last night feeling utterly drained and I noticed an achiness in my upper arms as if I’d been lifting weights or something very heavy. I cried some at the hospice home while around my family, but haven’t done so while home. I just seem to feel more drained than anything. I also noticed irritability and a tendency to snap at family members, even though I generally have a very laid back, easy-going personality. The wake and funeral services will be this upcoming Thursday and Friday. I’m not sure how I’ll react then, but I imagine it’ll be more of the same. I think the hardest physical symptom to deal with at this point is the feeling of fatigue and being drained, like I’d just run a marathon. I have six wonderful children (five of whom are grown) and a wonderful man in my life. All are a great source of support. I will be fine, but just wanted share my experience thus far.

  73. Bazzer the Jazzet  August 15, 2018 at 4:01 am Reply

    In the past I have lost lots of friends, my mother, father and my sister, a few days ago a great friend and a musician I had played in three bands with since 1983 died, his passing has affected me worse than any of the others, I can’t get him out of my head, I’m getting neck pain, headaches and general not feeling good so I’m now assuming his passing on is the cause.

  74. Linda  August 20, 2018 at 6:18 pm Reply

    My wonderful husband died last month after a nine month battle with Cancer. There is no joy. I’m just going through the motions. Besides the continual crying, I’ve had constant stomach pain . I don’t want to be here. When does the pain go away.?

    • Dorothy  November 23, 2018 at 11:14 pm Reply

      So sorry Linda. My husband of 43 years died suddenly 3 weeks ago of a stroke. I have chronic back pain and now my stomach hurts all the time. I have to see lawyer, solicitor etc and don’t know if I can cope. I just feel like a ball of pain. Hugs to you x

  75. osuzq  August 22, 2018 at 9:24 pm Reply

    My dad passed away on Monday, August 21, 2018. I miss him so much. I am experiencing , headaches, nausea, loss of appetite, fatigue. My dad was my only tie to my family. He always reached out to me. The other siblings didn’t have a good relationship with my dad or even with me. They were jealous of everyone my dad had in his life. He was good to other people. I miss my dad. My heart is aching. I know my dad is with the Lord now. I called on The Comforter that Jesus promised and The Comforter told me that my dad forgives me and loves me. Yet, I feel deep grief. I am happy my dad is resting in Jesus. His last 3 months of life was painful for him and his children as well. The others grumbled at caring for my dad. That alone made dad’s passing harder and more difficult for him. Me as well. They would lie to him. I finally just exclude myself from their presence for awhile. Sadly, it interfered with my time with my dad. Not until he was actually put into a nursing home the last two weeks was I able to have some quality time with my daddy before he passed. He didn’t want to die in a nursing but that’s what my brother and sister did to him because of their inheritance.

  76. John Alderden  August 23, 2018 at 2:20 pm Reply

    Does anyone else wish they were not alive to deal with the grief? NO IM NOT SUICIDAL but find myself taking risks i wouldnt have taken before and not caring about the result. Almost to the point you become wreckless

    • Gayla  January 2, 2019 at 9:36 pm Reply

      John, I lost my 39 year old son to cancer on Nov.6, 2018. The pain I feel is nothing that I have ever felt in my life. I too felt like I didn’t care whether I lived or died and so did my oldest son. We talked about how we were feeling and realized that neither one of us was suicidal, so we knew that we would have to ride out the feeling. I also realized how much I would miss my surviving son if I left this world. That realization is what eventually got me past that feeling. I would say that what you are feeling is normal for the grief process that we must go through. I too have aches and pains, tightness in my chest and find that I am not breathing normally. I cry a lot and never know what will trigger it. Sometimes shopping in a grocery store can bring it on. I have been reading books on grieving written by people who have lost loved ones. It helps in that you can see that you are not alone. We are all broken right now and I hope and pray that all of us will come through this time ok.

    • Liz  March 23, 2019 at 6:34 pm Reply

      Yep!Like you got nothing at all to lose.My favorite song was skyfall from Adele!You must remember though how and why they lived and that you must keep on like they would!I find that helping others helps-like here LOL-and finding your own purpose and mission after they pass.My long standing faith in YHWH. and musicotherapy helps me cope.What you are feeling is a sense of wanting to join them,feeling that life is empty without them…subconsciously!It’s important to see a doctor if your’re in passive suicide mode.The meds adjust the neurotransmitters and the doc. can refer you to psycho-cognitive therapy and stuff to help your brain cope if there’s PTSD. related to it say like seeing them dead/on the ventilator,etc.Also, look into “complicated grief”.This might give you more clarity on you’re type of grief.My beloved died and,lucky me,the mourning house non-profit org. closed for lack of funding!I guess people don’t need to face grief anymore if they are drunk or stoned with weed!!!It’s damn hard,but i’d rather face my times of grief and emotional roller coasters and heal in the process cause there’s no quick fix…it’s a process to grieve-with “stages”.May you all find resolve,closure and peace in yourselves!As for me,i’m not claiming to be there yet but getting there!!

  77. Neha  August 30, 2018 at 9:41 am Reply

    I am praying for all the people who have left comments about losing their loved ones. I came upon this site after searching for physical responses to grief. I lost my four legged friend 2 days ago and have had physical problems since. The first day after we lost him I woke up with excruciating leg spasms in the middle of the night. Today is Day 2 and this morning I awoke with stomach ache and diarrhea. Now, just minutes ago I became suddenly nauseous and vomited. I don’t mind what I am experiencing, I will accept this minor discomfort because though I might be in pain and feel heartbreak, my beloved dog does not feel any pain. And it is this comfort that will help me to go on. You are all in my thoughts.

  78. Nicole Schofield  August 30, 2018 at 9:06 pm Reply

    Hi! I’m Nikki Schofield. I’m 32. For eight months now, I’ve been feeling irritable, angry, had mood changes, intense depression, sometimes headaches. My father in law lost his american bulldog , Doogie 11-10-17. He was 16. My FIL neglected him terribly. I ADORED him ! I knew him for five yrs. My question is it possible what I’m experiencing is whats going on with my health vc I’m grieving the loss of Doogie?

  79. Kevin  August 31, 2018 at 12:39 pm Reply

    We just lost our 12 year old Brussels Griffon, Thor, unexpectedly on Wednesday. Out of nowhere he started shallow breathing and within 45 minutes couldn’t stand and began defecating. The vet said he most likely passed on the way. He had 2 companions the same age – one of which (Loki) has only ever known life with him and depended on him for guidance since he’s completely deaf. The other, Jake, was adopted 2 years ago but loved him no less. My partner had to leave yesterday for a week and I am alone with Loki and Jake with a huge hole left for Thor. I’m not sure how this is supposed to go and want Jake to take a protective role for Loki who also has Cushings disease. The rug was completely pulled out from under me and I feel totally destroyed but am trying to give as much love to them as they grieve, too.

    My physical symptoms began the minute we got in the car and are still persistent – arms tingling, stomach in knots, fear, anxiety and panic for Jake and Loki. We both took for granted they would be there forever and the rug was pulled out so suddenly. I’m not ready to say a prayer of thanks for the last 12 years of happiness Thor brought to our lives, yet. I just hope he knows how much we all loved him and will miss him forever.

  80. Cassandra Ortega  September 3, 2018 at 10:36 pm Reply

    I am so touched by all of the heartfelt sharing of your grief. I, too, have had to pass through much sorrow through the deaths of both parents, my brother just older than me, and my baby. I found great hope on this website. I pray it will bring you peace as well.


  81. Lucinda adams  September 11, 2018 at 9:36 pm Reply

    Hi my brother passed in Dec 2010 2 days before his birthday and close to Christmas,I started having gallbladder pain and back and hip pain and just all over body pain,went to a docteror foe a hip exray but he didn’t find any problems,but my gallbladder might need surgery,I never Hirt this much before,me and my brother were close…..I just want to stop hirting😔

  82. lucinda adams  September 12, 2018 at 8:59 am Reply

    I also know what its like to lose your pets,after my brother passed i lost two of my cats and three of my Dogs,my dogs were older,but my cats were still young,all of my fur babys were our family,this all happned within months after my brother passed adding to more body pain over 6 years…why would the pain get wrose not better?

  83. osuzq21  September 23, 2018 at 10:16 pm Reply

    I want to add my sweet cat of 17 years died shortly after I arrived to my daddy’s house. I buried him . Then My Dad went onto Jesus approximately 3 months after my precious furry friend. It’s been a difficult summer for me. The house sitter, while I was away taking care of my dad took things from my house and renting it out to airline crew members . I don’t know who all it was that violated my home but at some point maybe I can address that issue. The loss of my dad has especially has taken precedence over all of these other occurrences while I was gone. I still mourn my cat too. At least he was with me while I stayed at daddy’s. Then After I got home It took me weeks to get my yard presentable and continue to find things missing from the strangers allowed into my home without my permission or knowledge.

  84. osuzq21  September 23, 2018 at 10:17 pm Reply

    I want to add my sweet cat of 17 years died shortly after I arrived to my daddy’s house. I buried him . It’s been a difficult summer for me. The house sitter, while I was away taking care of my dad took things from my house and renting it out to airline crew members . I don’t know who all it was that violated my home but at some point maybe I can address that issue. The loss of my dad has especially has taken precedence over all of these other occurrences while I was gonej. I still mourn my cat too. At least he was with me while I stayed at daddy’s. Then After I got home It took me weeks to get my yard presentable and continue to find things missing from the strangers allowed into my home without my permission or knowledge.

  85. Crystal  September 24, 2018 at 5:59 pm Reply

    I was so relieved to find this post. I lost my father to pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago. Prior to this loss, I thought that grief was simply a deep sadness– one which was to be expected. I could never have guessed how complex grief was in actuality, both emotionally and physically. At work, I find myself struggling with basic, familiar concepts and tasks. I find that I have trouble finishing tasks because my concentration is shot. I am exhausted. The sadness keeps hitting me in waves, but then today a new sensation emerged. Each time the realization of his passing hits me– as it so often does, as though I keep forgetting the fact– I feel dizzy and nauseous like I’m spinning. It’s incredibly jarring. I just wanted to say thank you for this post and for the cartoon heading the post. It made me laugh– which was badly needed btw– and it made me realize that I’m not alone nor I am not the first person to experience this or to be surprised by it. Thank you to the author, artist, and to this site.

  86. Tab Dampier  September 24, 2018 at 11:15 pm Reply

    I unfortunately lost my mother in March,,she was my best friend,we did everything together,,it was a quick and unexpected event,,she had back pain and stomach pain,,ended up being stage 4 liver and esophageal cancer,found out what the problem was and got the diagnosis 3 days after she was admitted to hospice,she passed 4 days after being diagnosed, ,I thought I was doing ok,I take care of my dad,and when I come to the house,she passed in the living room,I feel panic,anxiety,tight chested,dizzy,,almost like a cat on a hot tin roof,,I worry constantly about any symptoms I manifest in my mind,,to the point that I take my own vital signs,I know,since I worked in the health care field for 20 years,,that grief is normal,,but I wasn’t expecting it to be so hard,painful and consuming,it’s awful,just at a loss,don’t know if it’s complicated grief,,or just normal grief,either way it’s life altering situation

  87. Shay  September 28, 2018 at 9:07 pm Reply

    My lovely mom passed away unexpectedly nearly two months and ago. She woke up saying she felt hot so I turned on the ac, then she came out the bathroom saying it was hard for her to breathe. The next thing I know I’m holding her and calling 911 what ever was happening with her stopped for a little bit and she said ” it’s okay Im feeling better don’t call them” but I told her she’s going because I already called. When she sat up and said “I need to go to the bathroom ” then she looked me right in my eyes and said “I love you” and it look like it took her everything in her to say it to me. I picked her up and helped her to the bathroom I told her “I love you Mama” and then she started throwing and and then went limp and almost hit her head I caught her and craddled her and just held her and the whole time I was thinking “Lord this can’t be her time. Lord is it really her time??” I just kept holding her up and I kissed her head multiple time and said ” I love you mama” I kept thinking “Why isn’t she trying to hold herself up? why isn’t she blinking? why isn’t she responding to me?” I didn’t know at the time but I watched the life go out of her eyes. It was like she was in a trance or something the EMTs worked on her for a good 20 minutes before they decided to take her to the hospital but they didn’t let me ride with them to there. I don’t own a car, so I had to walk and as I was walking the Lord told me “She is with me now. I have her.” I knew it in my spirit that she was gone but I think I needed to here it. My pastor met me at the hospital and they took us to a room and then the doctor came in and said they couldn’t revive her it was like everything just shattered and crashed my body went limp and I just laid on the ground and cried I couldn’t even speak or look at people. I wasn’t even angry, I didn’t think of anger. I was just so sad because my mom was everything to me the only person truly important to me. I just kept thinking in my head ” Lord I love you Lord thank you for the time I had with her and thank you for giving me her as a mother she was truly the best mom ever I just need you to help me I need you lord” i kept saying that with to myself as it felt like time in that moment just stopped and everything was slowed down I literally didn’t know what to think or what to do” when they showed me her body I fell down again and turned away it just felt like something was ripped out of me and was never coming back. When I touched her she was still warm and it looked like she was just sleeping I knew it was just her body and her soul is with Jesus I truly realized in that moment we are just shells and vessels here. I had to be honest with myself when I was at her viewing , I truly never thought my mom would die or I never thought I would see my mom die. I know that sounds dumb because everyone dies but, She has always been by my side we were best friend. I don’t have many friends in my life and she was my number one. I actually thought that we would die together so we won’t have to try to live in this world without the other. She was everything to me the only person on this Earth I felt truly comfortable with. She was the only person that could truly understand me . She was the most selfless person, full of compassion that I didn’t even understand. She had the true Godly love that is written in the Bible. She was so loving, caring, sweet, vibrant, had joy in her heart all the time. I know she is with the Lord and I will see her again. I never knew it was possible to feel so much hurt, pain and emotions that I can’t even describe how I am feeling to anybody. She would always tell me that when she is gone don’t think that I don’t have a purpose in my life or I can’t live to go on without her because “I will be with the Lord you know where I will be and when it is your time you will be with the Lord, your grandma, and me. We will see each other again you are my sister in Christ.” I was already at the acceptance stage the same day she passed I was able to explain everything that happened and tell people she is gone and everything. People were shocked and freaked out by it bc that’s not normal bc it takes weeks, months, for some even years to get to that stage. They don’t understand that I was still in shock and having a panic attack as I was telling them while uncontrollably crying on the phone. I never experienced a panic attack before I only knew this because a friend of mine flew in to see me is a psychology major and she told me that is what happened. My family hasn’t been supportive like I think they should which makes me so angry bc my mom raised a lot of them before she had me and showed them the same love. She would help them in everyway that she could and it’s rare to have somebody in your family like this , but they don’t even call to check up on me. Only a few of my very large family helped me with financial support. I struggled so hard to get money to help with her funeral because I was let go from my job of three years, 2 weeks before she passed. Fast forward to now, nearly two month later I still don’t have a job people are criticizing me about it. They don’t think I’m trying hard enough when I know I am trying and it is so hard for me. It takes everything in me to submit applications and call places. I am super overwhelmed I haven’t slept in weeks my body just eventually crashes .I just now got to sleep two night in a row without any disturbance but I am still exhausted. I cry and breakdown nearly everyday at random times. Recently the triggers are so strong I nearly pass out and I just start crying and weeping from my soul I feel absolutely miserable I miss my mom so much. Just today I was practicing a language I knew fluently when I was a kid because my mom taught it to me and I had this extremely vivid flashback to when she was teaching me and singing me songs in the language and we would sing them together. It felt like I took all the breath out of my and my hands started shaking and I couldn’t hold anything and I just started crying and crying. I don’t know what to do. I’ve lost interest in nearly everything it is hard for me to reach out to people. Im already on beta blockers because of my heart palpitations and I started having them again and with some pains in random parts of my body and the other side of my chest will hurt. I’ve been trying to getting out the house and going for walks like I normally do or take the bus out of town , I like looking at the difference sceneries and nature but I don’t know what to do with my life anymore everything I thought mattered to me.. doesnt. I don’t know what to do with anything anymore. I feel like I’ve lost all motivation sometimes. It hits me sometimes that I am never going to hug my mom every again. Even though I already know that it’s just so overwhelming I love her so much and know I have to live life without her hurts me more than I can describe with words. Knowing I am going to see her again and that she is with God is the only thing keeping me going but more and more ive been feeling useless, worthless and I can’t see how I will continue on without her. I don’t even know how to answer people when they ask me how I am doing. I just say doing because I truly do not know. The way people talk to me they expect me to have everything together or they act like I’m not trying. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t even clean the apartment I still haven’t cleaned out some of her stuff I just don’t have the energy and she didn’t have much stuff to began with because she wasn’t materialistic so I might just keep most of it but I don’t know. I’m 22 going on 23 on the 30th of this month. In 2 days… Ive never been without my mom on my birthday. I’m an only child this is so hard so for me. some people even want me to move in with them but this is my apartment and I love the town I’m in. People say with time it gets better but I just feel like it’s getting worse sometimes.

    • Elba Dwyer  November 1, 2018 at 2:39 pm Reply

      Shay first of all I’m sorry for the loss of your dear Mom! Everything u wrote is exactly how I’m feeling right now. I lost my dear husband, best friend, my everything, & companion of 26 years 2 months ago. It was a sudden death, no notice. We spent the morning & afternoon together, then I went to visit a friend & when I came back he was gone! Talk about shock! So I know how u are feeling! It’s a very traumatic In your life. It’s going to take you time to be able to get a new normal. Please allow yourself that time. Cry if you have to cry and be aware that God and your mom know that this is normal and don’t expect anything less. There will be a time and the near future where you will be able to sharish all that you shared with your mom and you will be able to celebrate and thank God that He gave you those times with her. I’d like to say more but don’t want to write so much. If u want to write to me u can email me at irisd49@yahoo.com
      We can talk & share & somehow comfort each other.
      God’s Blessings to you!

    • Yolanda  November 2, 2018 at 5:31 pm Reply

      I read every word of your story of losing your mom. However you feel at this moment is a temporary reality, but your courage to love is also true, powerful and authentically you. Don’t be impatient for this season before the holidays to be over; there is a gift in grief that we can find when we are brave enough to face the trauma. When my dad died 4 years ago, I joined a grief group at a local church and found it to be a well of support from strangers. It’s too hard to go through grief alone, so I will pray for fresh insight and deep faith for you.

    • Cheryl Rivera  November 14, 2018 at 12:36 pm Reply


      I lost my beloved father on 10-4-18 so it is still quite raw, reading your post was almost like reading my experience. My email is crwm001@hotmail.com
      if you ever need to write. God Bless You


  88. werty  October 2, 2018 at 11:45 pm Reply

    the pain is unbearable, when it will pass? i am dying.

    • Aleah  November 18, 2018 at 12:59 pm Reply

      You are not alone. My physical grief gets the best of me too. I can no longer push it aside.its been 2months since I lost my grandma that raised me and I’m not even close to going a day without a complete breakdown. It hurts so bad all over my body and I also feel as if I’m dying. I know none of this will help you much but sometimes it helps me to know I’m not alone and this pain is normal to a lot of us. Find a minute or two of happiness a day and hold onto it as long as possible. I have no other advice because I am also overwhelmed with grief.

  89. Doreen  October 14, 2018 at 10:11 pm Reply

    First…im so sorry for all of you…your terrible losses and symptoms.
    Ive been in deep grief since 2014. I recently developed massive body spasms and cramps….joint pain and muscle pain…i was sure i was dying. My docs cant find physical reason….but when i think about it…ive been “pushing” my pain from my thoughts…it had to go somewhere….after reading this…i think my entire musculature and nervpus system got the brunt of it…its horrid and i want to get better.
    Does it ever end?
    Blessings to all.

    • Kathy  December 29, 2018 at 4:25 pm Reply

      Doreen, I just read your story and I hope you’ve gotten better since you posted your post here. But I hope you have concluded that you need to lean into the grief and not push it aside. That’s what I’ve heard anyway. So I pray that you find that your aches and pains will go away as you allow yourself to cry and feel the feelings of loss. God bless you

  90. Cheryl Reynolds  October 26, 2018 at 3:34 pm Reply

    Lost my Dad to brain injury from a fall, then 7 weeks later lost my mom to a 12 day bout with rapid onset pancreatic cancer. From diagnosis to passing- 12 days. Then found I was responsible for settling all of their affairs. My stomach began to hurt, so much so I couldn’t eat much and lost 20 lbs pretty rapidly. Aching in chest, back, head from grief and stress. One year later almost done settling affairs, but still in shock, emotional/physical pain and anguish. Hair has thinned and grayed and is falling out. My husband is very busy, so it is a HUGE loss not having them to talk to and pray with. 😥🙏🏻

  91. Sara  October 28, 2018 at 3:04 am Reply

    I lost my sister two months ago . It was an unexpected shock. Besides the emotional grief, I couldn’t believe the amount of physical pain I felt. A few weeks after the funeral I felt painful cramps and spasms in my back and neck. I could barely move out of bed. I finally dumped half a bottle of magnesium oil in a bath and it did help.

  92. Julie van wart  November 11, 2018 at 1:14 pm Reply

    I lost my mother 2 weeks ago. She had been terminally ill with pulmonary fibrosis for many years but reached stage 4 about 8 months ago. We had had a few close calls in the last year and I felt like I had already started the grieving process while she was still alive. My relationship to her was very strained and although a part of me is relieved, the rest of me is in complete turmoil. My stomach is a mess, hurting all the time, in the moments when I’m not crying, I feel completely numb and feel like sitting out in the cold without a jacket just to feel something. I have moments where I don’t think I can take it all and feel very overwhelmed by things. When my father died 8 years ago, I knew that I truly loved him and that I was going to miss him like crazy but the loss of my mother, because our relationship wasn’t good, seems to complicate things so much more. Just writing this makes me feel sick to my stomach. Thank you

    • Kathy  December 29, 2018 at 4:21 pm Reply

      hi Julie💕💕, I can totally relate to you as I have a terrible relationship with my own mother and i dread her passing. I’ve tried my very best over the years to do everything I know humanly possible to get along to no avail. So my counsellor has said for my mental health to give up. But in the meantime my dad passed three weeks ago 😭😱😢 and he was a very very dear friend of mine we were very very close. I miss him and his loving assurance and smile terribly. My chest is always feeling something bubbling or whirling around and I have totally lost my appetite. And can hardly believe that this will ever go away and I will feel normal again. I do take Ativan when I can’t take anymore. I sure hope this goes away soon. God bless you all as we all try to trust in God we can’t see but know He’s there for us. I will pray for you in regards to your mom as I know the trauma and the mind games that go on. Know that you’re loved. ❤️❤️

  93. Anonymous  November 20, 2018 at 1:38 pm Reply

    I loved a girl for a year and she had to leave me to marry another guy. She loved me and loves me a lot but due to family pressure (that I respected) she chose to marry another guy. This has just made me miserable. I cannot get over the grief. I am angry, sad, the sense of longing ks tremendous especially since there are memories of ya being in love pretty much at every corner of the room and city where I stay. I am exhausted with this constant gut wrenching heart sinking feeling. I thought i’d Be able to get over it but the anxiety and grief is just insurmountable. I am a marathon runner and used to enduring pain. But this is unbearable. I start crying without any notice in office or in a Starbucks line. Help!

    • J  November 25, 2018 at 12:16 am Reply

      I am so sorry for your pain.
      As difficult as it may be to hear this, the ending of any situation is always an opportunity to begin something better. This is a cliche because it is true. What is not a cliche is the power of positive thinking and the law of attraction. What you think, you attract into your life. This is a very simple law of life. I am not saying that you attracted your break-up… It sounds to me like it wouldn’t have been a viable option to pursue further if her parents were so judgmental. This likely would have caused serious problems in the long run, and you are probably better off without that. However, what I am suggesting, is that you please try and keep positive while thinking of the future. Instead of waking up and thinking “Oh great, another day to spend alone. I am so miserable and unlovable.” try and think “Okay. The possibilities for me are endless now, and I’m sure I will meet someone much better suited for me, whose parents will love me and know that I’m worthy.”
      Unfortunately, if the girl left you because of pressure from her parents, it sounds like she was not a very stable / reliable partner for you to begin with. And, regardless of your age, 1 year is just a sliver in time in comparison to the rest of your life. It sounds to me like something much better is waiting for you around the corner.
      Please try and look at all the potential wonders that may await you. And perhaps make a list of all the things that weren’t favourable in your last relationship.

      I’m sorry you’re hurting. But I’m also sure you will find someone much better suited for you. Every single thing happens for a reason. Please don’t try to win her back- it sounds like she must learn the hard way to follow her heart instead of her parents demands. 🙁

  94. Caitlan  November 23, 2018 at 2:52 pm Reply

    I lost my mom 2 days after my 26th birthday. She through a blood clot after ankle surgery. I never thought at 26 years old I’d be planning my mothers funeral. The day she left made me feel as if I lost a piece of me. I’m still scared, confused, and destroyed by this. I have a wonderful network of friends that support me that are my shoulders to cry on, but sometimes I feel as if my grieving is a burden to them, yet they say that would never happen, but they havent gone through anything like this before. My mother was my bestfriend, we lived together, laughed, cried, everything. Not a day goes by that I dont miss her, wishing for one more hug, a kiss, a story about her growing up, or listening to our favorite music. I know she was tired and had some health issues of her own, shes not tired or hurting anymore, shes living on. I wish she was still with me but I feel as if I’m wrong to want that when I know shes now with my grandfather who was my father figure. In time they say it will heal, honestly at this moment I dont believe it. I feel as if my body weighs a ton, I’m always tired even with plenty of sleep, I’m anxious and sad. Yes this is grief right but it hurts so badly that a mothers hug would make it all better right? Will this feeling ever go away or am I stuck like this forever?

    • Jordan Laflamme  November 24, 2018 at 11:26 pm Reply

      Hi there Caitlin. <3
      My name is Jordan, and I'm 23 years old. I, too, lost my Mama 3 years ago. The later part of this post is for everyone reading, but it's all especially for you.
      All the things you listed in this post made me cry, because I feel the exact same way as you. It kills me that I'll never be able to ask her more about her own life, or questions that I'd only feel comfortable asking her. It kills me when I hear a song we used to love, and I get sick to my stomach knowing I'll never get to hug her good night again. My mother was my only friend at the time, she was the only person I ever trusted or spent time with. I loved her more than anything I'll ever know.
      But, since that awful day, my life has changed and major miracles have begun to unfold. Before I lost her, I was an atheist who never thought anything about God or the afterlife.
      However, I was somewhat "forced to see the light", when I noticed that every time I cried to her, something unbelievable would happen. I'd go to the store and her favourite song would be playing, I'd leave the house and see the year she was born upwards of 40 times in a single day. I'd go to work, and someone would use a phrase that I've only ever heard her use… And these things began to open me up to the idea that we are so much more than disposable physical bodies. Within a few months, even stranger things became reality. I've lucid dreamt, I've astral projected, and I've laid down to nap just to sit up, completely consciously, to see her standing in the kitchen, talking to me as though she sees me every day. She comes to me in my dreams to give me health advice whenever I need it, and my boyfriend dreams of her giving us warnings. When I think of her, I get a whiff of her perfume.

      My reason of sharing this is for the sake of everyone here- I was not raised religious and I still don't consider myself religious. But, if you open your heart and mind to the "little things", you will see how our loved ones try and reach out to comfort us. And, if you do this, I can assure you, your experiences will get bigger and more miraculous.

      A side note- my beloved pet died unexpectedly yesterday (bless his soul), and all I could think was "will I ever see him again? Is heaven real? Is that where he's going? Please don't tell me he's gone forever!!" and when I arrived home after getting him put to sleep, a Simpsons episode was playing on the TV (which I had left on). As soon as I sat down, I saw their dog (Santas Little Helper) laying on the operating table and his soul leaving his body to enter the gates of heaven, which had a little doggie door. Then, this morning I woke up and opened a random book to a random page just to keep my mind busy, and the page spoke all about losing loved ones and resting assured that we will see them again in the afterlife. These little signs are not "coincidences". If you write them off as such, then they will stop happening. The more you acknowledge these things and the more grateful you are for them occurring, I promise you, whatever higher power is up there will ABSOLUTELY give you more and more to smile about. I don't care what church you belong to, if any at all. I've never been in a church. Still, I am living proof that there is something great at work behind the scenes- and without this acknowledgement, I would not be okay right now.

      Like I said, I lost my Mama 3 years ago. I began writing these miracles down in a notebook one and a half years ago. So far, I have 2 notebooks packed full of little "hellos" from my Mom, and "God" (I do not claim to know which religion is correct- I intuitively feel none of them are, yet they all contain a little bit of truth…The universal principles outlined within all of them are similar. Since her death, I've read every available doctrine from the Egyptian Book of the Dead to the Bible, to the Bhagavad Gita. They all teach the same things, minus the hateful crap added by man intended to control people. Look into Edgar Cayce, he saw this truth too. Many people realize this.) But, please, just try to pay attention to the signs your loved ones may be sending you. Ask, and ye shall receive. I promise you, you will receive the same hope and guidance as I have, and in this reassurance, is where you'll find your peace.

      And, Caitlin, it does get better. I still miss my Mom every single day, but there's a part of me that's beginning to remember and realize why all of this has happened the way it has, and something inside me just knows, with absolute certainty, that she is by my side every single day. And, every person I've met with their own losses have their own "miracles" to share.

      I wish you all the very best. And please remember, that if you ask the universe for help, there is a very conscious intelligence that will always reply and give you exactly what you need in that moment. Sometimes it will be your Mom, sometimes it will be something more. I never would have believed in any of this if I hadn't experienced it every single day over the last 3 years! I used to mock the idea of higher intelligence, until I turned to "God"/ "Source"/ "Creator", (whatever was up there and willing to listen) and begged "please don't tell me I'm alone now! Please show me there's more to life than what I've been experiencing!!!"
      And, blessing be to whoever answered, they have not left me to suffer alone one single day since I asked for help.
      The law of freewill (mentioned in the corpus hermeticum and I AM teachings) prevents you from receiving this help / these answers UNTIL you ask for it. Please trust me on this, and give it an honest try. I tried without knowing any of this, and have received so much more than I ever could have imagined (including 400 different books from different cultures explaining the same things, which have all been given to me for free over the last 3 years). But, you don't need books. Just look within, "for, behold, the kingdom of god is already within you." (Hint" it's a state of consciousness that we are all meant to and are capable of achieving. 😉 )

      You will all see your loved ones again.

      I hope you find peace. <3

      My e-mail is transcendental.alchemist@gmail.com, if you want to chat, Caitlin. I'm a girl, and am only comfortable speaking to females.

      • Elizabeth Ann  December 27, 2018 at 1:13 pm

        Dearest Jordan, Today I grieve for my Dad. 23 years ago I would have written your identical post when my mom passed on. My spiritual search began. Life has been difficult and wonderful. Today Im grieving hard for Dad. Wanted to thank you for your post. Reminds me I’ll survive this time too.

  95. Izzy  November 25, 2018 at 3:30 pm Reply

    I lost my 101 year old grandma recently and some days I can manage and other days it’s very tough. I was so close to her and took care of her…..The pain is extreme.

  96. Gail puckett  November 25, 2018 at 11:59 pm Reply

    I lost my daughter over 2 years ago tragically. She was killed by a hit and run driver at 10pm and wasn’t found until 430 am the next morning. It has been absolutely unbearable. She was 26 , walking that night and the boy left her laying. I cannot get that thought out of my head. She was in Michigan and I was in Virginia. So I got the news via phone. The grief is like no other. I’m trying so hard to make myself move on because I have another daughter, Shea, younger sister to my angel, and 2 granddaughters(youngest da. I haven’t seen my granddaughters in a year due to problems Shea and the babies dad. Custody battles and so on. I miss them and need them in my life. I’ve been experiencing a lot of forgetfulness. More than a lot .. Its daily …(several things and times) Shea and I have not talked about Jordan’s death. And it never leaves my mind. I’m getting headaches, sick often, and I only want to stay home… I can’t stand to go out in public… Hate it!! I stay in my bedroom all the time…no tv, no radio and I hate cell phones. I’ve gotten away from social media and go to no family deals. Are all these things part of the grief or could this be more. I do suffer from mental illness. Bipolar, Borderline personality disorder…so it doesn’t help… What can I do?

    • Karen  November 28, 2018 at 4:58 am Reply

      Hi everyone,
      I really feel for all your losses, i am trying every day to get through step by step after my husband died nearly 8 months ago. We were married 24 years he was my best friend, the man of my dreams he was my whole life….
      Now i am completely lost without him.. I don’t see any point of life without him. Every day is a battle to find a reason to continue…
      I think of him and all we spoke about and all his wishes when he knew he was dying and he told me to be strong,, continue, don’t give. uo and to be happy. I don’t want to i want him back or i want to join him… But i know him and i hear him saying no its not your time you have to live your life… and when the time comes i will be there waiting for you…. In the after life.. Be it heaven or whatever there is no notion of time so be it 10minutes or 10years he will be there as before for me….
      I hang on to that and i know and feel he js close beside me watching over and guiding me through.
      Trust in life… We all live and die and we can’t choose when or how whatever happens illness or accident it is our destiny… We dont know how long our lives are some long some short and we have to believe that our souls live on in the next life….
      To all of you that are grieving hang on to that precious love you shared with that person and share it with others living…. Because life is love and love is life…

      • Joanne  December 2, 2018 at 7:39 pm

        Karen I feel your pain. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years we got married in 2017. He was diagnosed in October 10 with stage 4 pancreatic cancer after two months of gross misdiagnosis by incompetent doctors. My wonderfully awesome handsome husband passed away on Thanksgiving night. I don’t know what to do I don’t know how to be I don’t know I think I can’t breathe and I’ve been sick for close to a month now. I took care of him at home with hospice
        and spent every minute of every day trying to make him as comfortable as possible. I went to urgent care today and the doctor was pretty amazing. She put me on antibiotics but also gave me an article about the link between respiratory problems and grief. I’m so sad I don’t know what to do next so I’m just sitting here. It’s only been 10 days but it feels like eternity without him.

    • Gwennie  November 28, 2018 at 6:24 pm Reply

      Gail.. Everything you feel is normal. I have all things you experience and have isolated myself as well. Our son was killed in Jax Fl and we didnt even get a phone call. We live in NC. Our youngest son got a msg on Facebook telling him his brother was dead. Can you imagine? Our son was taken to the charity funeral home and dumped like trash. When I found his body they were getting ready to embalm him. I had to fight the medical examiner for 2 days to get a toxicology. She had classified it as natural and I screamed NO WAY. An old friend had moved in and 2 weeks ltr our son was dead. Police did nothing. One even said our son was fat, obese, a drug addict and more horror. Police would never answer our calls and I was left to do the investigating. Our son’s car and motorcycle were stolen and guess who was last seen with them? I called Gov. Scott’s office, AG Pam Bondi, State Atty…nothing… my rage is overwhelming. I find joy in nothing. Honestly I just want to die. Our son had overcome alot and to be killed as he was is pain indescribable while the police do NOTHING! I think about suicide every day but “they” tell me I have to be strong. It is a struggle every frikkin day so yes you are normal and NOTHING is abnormal in this horrible journey. I am so sorry for your loss and I will lift you up in prayer tonite as I do every nite for all of us who live daily the devastating loss of a child.

  97. Margaret  November 29, 2018 at 11:25 am Reply

    I came home on Nov. 7, to find my husband on the floor. I could not find a pulse and after calling 911 and administering CPR hoping there might be some flicker of life left in him, the EMT’s came and later told me he was gone. We would’ve been married 46 years on Thanksgiving day. I have a huge hole in my heart right now. I feel empty and lost. The sorrow is settling in now and seems to be permeating every part of me. The only joy I have is that I know he is with Jesus and is whole and well. He was diagnosed with PPMS in January of this year and was having a lot of trouble walking. He is no longer having trouble walking but I am sure he is “walking and leaping and praising God” as the children’s song goes. I do not know how people who don’t know the Lord Jesus Christ as their personal savior make it through something like this. I know I could not.
    One Bible verse in particular that comes to mind is Psalm 119:96 “I have seen that everything (human) has its limits and end (no matter how extensive, noble, and excellent; but Your commandment is exceedingly broad and extends without limits (into eternity)”. Amplified Bible I read a few of the previous posts and all of them had lost loved ones that were so dear and special to them as my husband was to me. But as the verse says, no matter how wonderful and special they were, they and we are human and we have our limits and one day our end. What matters most in this life because it will determine where we will spend eternity, is our relationship with Jesus Christ. Romans 6:23, Romans 10:9,10 , John 3:1-16

    • Melinda Gray  November 30, 2018 at 3:41 pm Reply

      I lost my father on 11/11/18. He died of complications of an ankle fracture. He fell off a ladder from 8ft in the air and he broke his ankle. He developed a blood clot from not getting up and moving around. All he did was sit in fear of messing his ankle up bc it was healing and he didnt need surgery at that time. I talked to him every morning. On Sunday the 11th I came next to his house to check on him bc I didn’t hear from him that morning. I found him in his recliner. After getting him out of the chair and on the floor and performed cpr until the paramedics got there. Once they arrived they advised me he had been dead for a little while. He made a pot of coffee that morning and went to sit in his chair while waiting for it. He didnt get the tv on or his laptop open. He sat down and died. My dad was my best friend. A piece of me died with him that day. I lost my father and the bestest friend I ever had. I am so sorry for ur loss. My mom and dad had been together 46 years too. My dads the only man my moms ever been with. She is so heartbroken. I hope you find some peace and comfort.

      • Margaret  December 1, 2018 at 2:00 pm

        God bless you Melinda! I just read your sweet post. I am sorry for the loss of your best friend, your dad. How wonderful for you and for him you had that special relationship while he was here. I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer. The coroner said my husband died of a pulmonary embolism, a blood clot to the lungs that was most likely caused by his sedentary lifestyle. I know you and your mom are going to miss him a lot in the coming days, months and years. We wish they could have stayed here forever right? We are blessed though because of the years we had with them and all the memories that are still with us.
        My daughters are missing their dad as you are missing yours. They are a comfort to me now as I’m sure you are to your mom. It’s times like these that our families are especially important.
        I’m will be praying for you and your mom.

      • Emily  December 29, 2018 at 11:31 pm

        Hi Melinda,

        I don’t know if you will ever see this comment, but I wanted to let you know how much I can identify with your situation.

        My Dad passed away suddenly on 11/13. My mom found him in the bath tub. We still don’t know what exactly happened. He had a pacemaker. I suspect that he passed out because the pacemaker failed to regulate his heart rate. I had just seen him the day before, and he looked healthy and strong. My grief has been very complicated because I can barely grasp the reality of the situation.

        My Mom and Dad were also married for 46 years. My Dad is the only man my Mom has ever been with. My Mom is lost and doesn’t know what to do with herself. My husband and I will be staying with her for awhile so she at least won’t be alone. At times, I feel some of her grief as well as my own.

        My Dad was gentle and kind. He always greeted me with a warm smile and a hug. He was also funny and silly and just an awesome person to be around. I saw him a few times a week, so it’s particularly hard to cope with his absence.

        Before my Dad passed, I was highly productive. I was working full-time as an IT Manager, pursuing a Pilates Instructor certification, caring for my own disabled husband (long story), and working out about an hour a day. Now, I am tired often and nap a lot. I am not able to focus on my job and seem to move at a snail’s pace when doing my planning activities. My body feels sore and can’t tolerate intense cardio or heavy weights like it used to. I have this general sense of fatigue about 80% of the time. It’s frustrating because I’m used to being so active. For now, I just keep trying and doing whatever I can.

        Anyway, I just wanted to say: “You’re not alone!” Hugs and prayers to you and your Mom.

    • Jennie  January 2, 2020 at 12:15 pm Reply

      Margaret…. I feel the same way that you do – how do people who do not have their faith and believe in our Lord Jesus Christ ever survive the pain and grief? I lost my husband 4 weeks ago to cancer and septic infection and I feel like my world has lost its shine. I have nothing to look forward to, it seems. All of our hopes and dreams and plans died with him and I feel so lost. I promised him that I’d be ok…and so would our kids….but some days, I’m just not sure. I’m grateful that I have my job to go to every day, because if I didn’t, I’d sit at home and cry all day long. I’m hard pressed to do laundry, dishes and to do the cleaning. I think “why do it? What’s the purpose? There’s no one here to please and make happy anymore….” Each day I thank God I was blessed with him and think to myself…. I’m one more day closer to seeing him again in heaven with our Lord. Until then, I’m just going through the motions and plodding through. I’m keeping you in my prayers….. God bless you.

  98. John Lehnertz  December 6, 2018 at 11:57 am Reply

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  99. Zack Colton  December 12, 2018 at 3:51 am Reply

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  100. Rose Marie Conroy  December 12, 2018 at 7:20 pm Reply

    My husband died 3 months ago. I’m also having chemo treatment. I don’t know what’s grief and what’s the effect of the chemo.

  101. Tiffany  December 15, 2018 at 1:17 am Reply

    My dad passed away after a battle with Diffuse Large B-cell, NonHodgkins Lymphoma. Early morning of December 2nd. He had been home from hospital less than 12 hours. His edema was terrible and we were really worried. I feel that he knew, and wanted to come home to pass. He needed to see his 3 cats that he loved dearly. He waited approx 12 hours before my mom finally went to lay in bed, he was on the couch as it was his fave spot, to pass away. I have struggled immensely as mom and I were his only caretakers and I dont know how to live now that I’m not on call all the time. No longer needed. I miss him. We were close and I was his only daughter, making our relationship a lot of love hate lol. Normal I think. Regardless I have been nauseous ever since. Cant shake it. I struggled sleeping but was prescribed ativan to put under my tongue for my panic attacks. Sometimes I feel nothing like who I am. Then I wonder who am I. His passing has brought up a lot of other issues I wasnt prepared for and I fear the future and know I shouldn’t. I just feel guilty living when he cant. I know it’s only 2 weeks since and I have to go through the motions but sometimes I am sideswiped by the dramatic changes in my own personality. It happens quick and the emotions are strong. I get angry quickly but then recognize it’s the easiest emotion to fall back on. It has been helpful reading others experiences. I just truly believe denial has been a cruel friend to me.

    • Cally  December 15, 2018 at 6:36 pm Reply

      So sorry Tiffany. I also just lost my precious Dad. We are devastated, heartbroken and find it wholly unbearable.
      Regarding pains, a number of these feelings have come to my head as well as having pains. Up m back, to the left, now up around my shoulder, down my arms, pelvic hurdle, knees, I was almost limping the other day when I got up. I am tortured thinking that I have something awful.
      My Dad was fine as far as we know 4 months ago and we lost him at the start of November so we are in utter shock. He was still a big part of our lives, leading a full life and we were unaware of the cancer lurking inside him.
      Because this was missed, I think I am now totally paranoid that something else will happen. Of course it could but, then I read this and heard from others that it will be grief related.
      Grief is a truly awful thing :(((

  102. Betty Schneider  December 18, 2018 at 7:48 pm Reply

    My husband passed away December 2, 2018. I was his primary caretaker in between hospice visits. Besides being his caretaker, I also have a full time job and take care of everything in the house.
    After he passed I started having neck and back pain and pain in the knees. Absolutely horrible pain. I really haven’t had an emotional breakdown yet. I almost feel guilty about that. But I’m sure it will happen.

    • Carol Stafford  December 22, 2018 at 7:27 pm Reply

      My husband passed away on 12/12/18 (my birthday). I was his caregiver until he had to go to a nursing home this year. He had Parkinson’s and dementia from Parkinson’s. He died of sepsis from a UTI. We had been married 35 years. I had back surgery in October. It was a simple procedure. A micro-disectomy but it did not alleviate my pain and now my pain is even worse. It shoots down both legs into my feet. My feet feel like they have wrapped in rubber bands and on an electrical current. I hurt so badly I haven’t even been able to drive a car. I am 64. I drove everywhere before this. My pain does seem to be worse since he passed away. The funeral was a week ago today.

      • Karen  January 12, 2019 at 4:58 am

        Carol, Hello I’m Karen. You have been through a lot. I’m sorry about your husband and your health. I feel like my life has stopped. My Mom just died. I’m sorry for your pain! I’m praying for us to be well. Take Care!

      • Carol Stafford  February 18, 2019 at 2:05 pm

        Thank you Karen. I am sorry about your loss too. I did not see your reply until today.

      • Karen  January 12, 2019 at 5:00 am

        Carol, Hello I’m Karen. You have been through a lot. I’m sorry about your husband and your health. I feel like my life has stopped. My Mom just died. I’m sorry for your pain! I’m praying for us to be well. Take Care!

  103. kyle  December 21, 2018 at 9:53 pm Reply

    I’m curious when people feel grief do they feel it settle behind the eyes? I find that is the most common place it lingers, sometimes it was for days, but now at least it’s only hours. It does also affect my focus, memory and I feel like my intelligence. I feel crazy saying this but it’s been over a year and a half since my relationship loss, but it shifted my entire world and I still carry grief around most days… sometimes I don’t even know what is going to trigger it. At least some of my intense anxiety and depression has lifted. I listened to a great podcast On Being with Krista Tippett that talks about ambiguous loss and that ‘closure’ as well as a linear grief process is a construct of western culture. We are in this together – it’s not easy, but there it feels good when you can feel the light again.

    • Sally  February 17, 2019 at 2:11 pm Reply

      Hi Kyle, I can relate to what you say about eyes. I had really sore eyes for several months. My mother died in September last year and it hit me really hard. I had a lot of physical manifestations of grief including feeling felt that my focus and vision was going along with my memory, ability to concentrate, remembering things etc. I’m very short-sighted anyway, so the feeling that I was losing my sight was really scary, as my ability to see clearly and focus seemed to get worse, especially in artificial light and twilight. I was really worried but optician reassured me it wasn’t physical and it has gradually improved again, but it was one aspect I wasn’t expecting.

  104. Avari Archer  December 26, 2018 at 7:40 pm Reply

    My Mom died last Friday night, December 21, 2018. I lost her to drugs, my mom was 37 years old. Ever since my chest has been tight, and it hurts to breathe. I have also not eaten properly for the past four days. I was upset that I did not get to tell her bye or get to tell her I loved her. I tried everything listed above. If any of you have any tips, it would be a blessing if I could get some help. Thank you, God Bless.

    • Rene'  December 28, 2018 at 3:00 pm Reply

      From a mom…moms ALWAYS know our kids love us, no matter what TRANSPIRES between us. Your mom LOVED you, no matter what took her. She did NOT love drugs more than you. They eased some pain that she couldnt touch and then it took hold. You? My daughter suddenly died Oct this year. I didnt eat for 2 weeks, BUT i did drink tea w organic butter in it. I had a hard time breathing, so i lovingly forced deeeeep slow breathing…..and i walked and walked and walked. It was/is the only thing that calmed/calms me. The butter in tea? The brain needs fat to work clearly. My body seemed to be asking for a lack of food so i could grieve. It didnt seem like i could grieve and digest foods at the same time. It also helped me sleep to not have food to worry about. NO, I do not have an eating disorder. I just HAD to listen to my heart when it said what my body wanted/needed. At times i would take chocolate chips for a little sugar. The whole combination has worked. Saying goodbye? I didnt have the privilege, but I CLING to the knowing that she loved me AND I her. Its what gets me through each day at work. My heart wraps you in strength. I PROMISE you.. . she felt your love. Please Breathe….weep and drink tea. It wont bring her back, but it WILL help you cope.

    • Kathy  December 29, 2018 at 4:31 pm Reply

      Avari – 💕💕 – your mom knows definitely that you love her need not fear anymore do you want to. The Bible says that when we go we see things clearly. When we live down here on earth we don’t see things as clear. So she sees all your love as clear as can be now. So try not to worry OK my dear. Blessings and love ❤️❤️

    • JoAnn Gilbertson  December 31, 2018 at 7:24 pm Reply

      Hi, My son was born on Dec 21, 1983. He was killed in a snowmobile accident Jan 22 2014. I can truly say I know how the “all of a sudden” feels. I still hurt unbearably . The only way I survive is to embrace children that have no mom. Hard as it may be….I lost my only son, but was able to take home a baby that needed love from the hospital 2 years ago…he sits next to me know as I write. I am thinking that there is a mom out there that would love a child like you….. even if not blood , your love can grow like real blood. I hope you find this relationship too. Not to replace your mom, but to help another soul …God bless.

    • Kayla  March 6, 2019 at 1:03 am Reply

      Do I understand!!!! My little brother died suddenly in car wreck. His gf fell asleep behind wheel. I never got to say goodbye. I have no other siblings. My dad(who meant everything to me!!!!) died 5 short months after cancer diagnosis that came out of nowhere. I had moved away right before his terminal diagnosis so the day he died I had a ten hour drive to get to him. So many things I wanted to say!!! He was a fantastic, attentive, loving father and my world for 48 years. I went through every emotion. I was mad at God. Why did he take my baby brother and my father too early?? Why did he let my mom bury her 20 year old son and not see her 50th wedding anniversary with daddy? Then I blamed myself bc I put dad over everyone. I don’t have “tips” really, but your mom knew you loved her, as my dad knew I so loved him!! They are pain free now and happy. Idk if you are a believer, but it sounds weird, but I thank God for my severe pain and darkness. Don’t get me wrong, I wish my daddy and brother were here but wishing them back in this hard world is the most selfish thought I have had. I try to remember I will see them again and God did not kill them, he saved them!! I try to focus on the beauty God is making out of the ashes of my failures and pain. It took me a long time!!!!! Days, every night, crying myself to sleep, yelling, nights not wanting to wake up, wanting to be more with daddy and forgetting the living, like my kids/gkids. What you are feeling is normal but terrible I know. Seek help if you need it!! I turned to a counselor for my brother, and my awesome doctor for my pain with dad. Mostly now, I turn to God. It will get easier, but you will always miss your mom and that’s ok!! We hurt so badly bc they gave us so much to miss!!God bless you!!!!! One day at a time

  105. Katie  December 28, 2018 at 3:23 am Reply

    My Grandma died the week of Thanksgiving and my mom and I were her main caregivers. After she passed I dealt with tightness in my chest for a couple weeks along with shortness of breath. I just had to put my cat down last night which was unexpected. He was a rescue and a diabetic in renal failure so he needed a lot of care but he was the most amazing little guy with the best attitude. He loved car rides and cuddling. I’ve never had such a connection with a pet before and now my shortness of breath and chest tightness are back. Losing both of them in such a short amount of time has taken its toll on me mentally and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I just want them back. It hurts too much.

  106. Francine olivarez  December 28, 2018 at 6:06 am Reply

    My mother dies Nov. 14, 18 years ago. And I cry like she just died Everytime I think of her. She died of diabetes, one day fine, next day gone. It was so fast that I can’t get over it. Miss her terribly that my chest hurts bad when I cry.

  107. Kathy  December 29, 2018 at 4:27 pm Reply

    Doreen, I just read your story and I hope you’ve gotten better since you posted your post here. But I hope you have concluded that you need to lean into the grief and not push it aside. That’s what I’ve heard anyway. So I pray that you find that your aches and pains will go away as you allow yourself to cry and feel the feelings of loss. God bless you

    • Lisa  January 2, 2019 at 10:08 pm Reply

      I am 61 years old and have lost so many loved ones in my lifetime. What has surprised me is the reaction I have had this week, learning of the sudden death of my first serious boyfriend from college – that was a lon time ago,, yet, I have followed the stages if grief to a “T”. Now, I have stopped sobbing but I ache from head to toe and feel anxious. I am having trouble sleeping as I replay every memory I have ever had with this man. I am wise enough to know what I am experiencing but it’s all so real and so painful and it broadsided me. How interesting we are as humans that we carry such an important first love in the subconscious of our life. I know time will soften the edges but right now it’s rough. And it’s not a subject your current husband wants to spend any time discussing! Any insight on this type of grieving? Thx….

      • Lori  February 26, 2019 at 10:52 am

        Hi Lisa, I am 60 years old and lost my first love 3 days ago and I’ve just been falling apart and feeling like a crazy person! I cry daily and my muscles are hurting so bad and I want to just sleep. I was so happy to see your post, not because I enjoy how you feel but to know I’m not alone. I’m thinking it might be because when I relive all the memories I realize how much we went through together and how much of that made me who I am today. And you’re right it’s not something I really want to discuss with my husband. I’ve never replied to a post like this before but it just touched my heart. Hang in there and know that you are not alone. ❤️

  108. Laura  January 2, 2019 at 6:45 am Reply

    I lost my Mum on 6th November. I mean, we all knew her death was coming, but even so, your so unprepared when it does. We cleared her house, and I collected the death certificate & arranged the funeral. All went better than I expected, Of course it was upsetting, especially seeing her life being carried off in a skip, that was so hard. I knew it’d be hard, but when I started to get physical problems, I didn’t know what was happening. Today I have read that stress & grief can cause this pain I’m feeling. It’s debilitating. My joints feel so painful & stiff, and I feel like an old, old lady, unable to move freely. I was beginning to worry that it was something else, but it makes me feel better knowing that the the pain is caused by the overwhelming amount of stress hormones being released during the grieving process, which effectively stun the muscles they contact.
    I never thought grief could do this. When I lost my dad, I just felt down and cried a lot, this time, it’s so much worse, maybe because I had to arrange most of what needed to be done. I can now work on helping myself to work through this. I did go to my doctor, who told me to take amytriptyline. I took it once, and it made the pain worse, which he couldn’t understand, as it’s meant to dull the nerve endings & help pain. Now I know it’s stress, and grief, I can work with that, to help alleviate,the symptoms. Thank you!

  109. Jamie Calderon  January 6, 2019 at 1:29 am Reply

    I lost my mommy 24 days ago. She was the center of my universe. When my father started drinking 4 years ago. I begged mom to officially move in with me . I remember telling her when I was 16 that I would take care of her when she got old. So I did, I would take her to fancy restaurants I took her to Italy 2 months ago and she was so happy I could just cry. Giving her everything she couldn’t give me was so important to me. She was so proud of me! And I would always tell her “it’s all because of you” !!! Never in a million years would I imagine my best friend would be taken from me, my soulmate! She had 3 aneurysms on December 12, god didn’t even give me a glimpse of hope. The night before I couldn’t sleep and I was having so many nightmares. It’s like my soul was aching before she was even gone.

    Now I’m an empty shell. I feel so dead inside words can’t explain. I feel like I keep getting punched in the stomach and I’m out of breath. The worse time of the day is dinner time. To see her empty chair breaks me apart. And her room is still the same. I still tell her goodnight every single night. If I could have one more day with mom I would hold her so tight and tell her that I’m so proud to be her son, and I would give up everything for her. I pray and ask mom to please give me just one minute of feeling normal. “Like I did when she was here” but I know that’s impossible and I just have to learn to live with this empty ness. My family is scared that I’m suicidal but the thought of not seeing mom again in paradise or dishonoring her, I’d NEVER do such thing. I have to be good and kind and make things right with god to earn my seat in paradise with my mom.

    • Debbie  January 6, 2019 at 5:43 am Reply

      I’m so very sorry for your loss, your mom knows how much you love her. You took such good care of her. She is all around you, look for signs,she will send them, a feather, a coin, my daughter sends me hearts, also there are a lot of grief groups on Facebook you can join,others who understand your pain. Seek counseling if u can. God bless you and hugs from this mom.

    • Dan  January 6, 2019 at 5:50 pm Reply

      I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mother on March 25, 2018. We were very very close and she was a great mother and friend. I took care of her for the last seven years as her health worsened. It has been the most difficult period of my life. Losing my mother had been a hundred times worse than any other loss, which includes my brother and sister. I still have not turned out the light next to her bed, and I still miss her greatly. But, it does get better with the passing of time. It took me 5-6 months to get back to regular sleep patterns. I have never known such complete fatigue and exhaustion. All that you can do is take life day by day and things will get better. Hold on to your memories of your mom and remember the special times you shared. And always remember that your mom loved you very much. All she wants for you is to be happy. Make the most of your life and try to find happiness in your life, that is what your mom would want you to do. Keep your friends/family close, there will be times when you need them as well as times when you need to be alone. As time passes, I hope you begin to heal. Just take life day by day and carry on. Remember that you mother only wants for you to be happy. Good luck to you

    • Karen  January 12, 2019 at 4:50 am Reply

      Jamie, I just lost my mom. The ache seems constant. You were a loving, wonderful Son! I’m up all night till morning come. Sleep a lot in the day. I want to rewind go back see her. For me I have to get strength from God. I know others have gone through this. Jamie I will pray for angels to surround you to bring comfort. That God who can transform and give life and beautiful nature. Can bring peace to our hurting self. Peace to you! Karen

    • patty sherwood  July 8, 2019 at 6:13 pm Reply

      Jamie, I just lost my dearest son Ben on May 2 of 2019. He just turned 41. I loved him so much. I am crushed with chest pains and I sometimes scream in the car. I cant stop crying some days. He took care of me, he painted my house, he fixed my car, he did carpentry work for me, and landscaped my back yard. He said when he was dying that he loved me more than anyone else in this world. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope we will feel better one day but all I want to do is wake up from this nightmare and see Ben again.

  110. Deborah Roads  January 8, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

    I lost my mum 12 July 2018, she had a supposed stroke 3 years ago, leaving her with speech Aphasia and not able to walk unnaided. She already lived in sheltered accommodation with a warden on hand. I became her carer but also worked full time. Took her out every Saturday for shopping and lunch and to really get her out of the house. In May 2018 her speech deteriorated and she seemed not always on the ball as normal. We took her to her Gp who referred us to hospital where it looked like she suffered some minor strokes as there were dark patches on brain on Ct scan so she was admitted. Where it was determined that it was not a stroke. But they couldn’t figure out what was wrong. We had specialists from the CJD people, brain scans mri scans. They kept trying to get her to walk and from that had a seizure which took 3 times more than the normal dose of meds to sedate her and she was out for days .Then she became ill with water and chest infections. And was unable to swallow anything. She was referred to the oncologist and it was determined she had a brain tumour that there was nothing they could do.
    I nursed her in a private room at hospital as she couldn’t be moved. Bathing her washing hair, massages on feet and hands with lots of lotion and love. It was now June and she was hanging on with every breath. All this time work was asking if I’d be back, I offered part time hours I felt guilty, but I would only get paid for those hours, then occupational health called reminding me that pay cuts off after 6 months?? Couldn’t believe them. So went to dr and got signed off. And I’m glad I was able to look after her. She died on 12 th July when I slipped out to phone my son to get here quickly and she was gone when I went back in.. I’ve been on and off with flu for 6 months now and very fatigued. Taken 3 days off to rest don’t think they understand or care at work. That’s my story which you’re welcome to share .

  111. LinT  February 10, 2019 at 2:03 pm Reply

    Mama died Wednesday. 3 months of visiting her nearly every day and sleeping nightly with my phone near my head; always anticipating another call from the Rehabilitation Center or previously the hospital. Funeral preparations underway and all I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep. I guess my body is telling me to recoup. A mother’s death hurts in a place we never existed.

  112. Kiki  February 13, 2019 at 1:25 am Reply

    I lost my nana literally three days ago and on the second day, it hit me. I can’t sleep as much anymore and my head has been pounding constantly. Like, I feel like someone keeps squeezing my head and then tonight, I just randomly threw up. Is as fine and then I started thinking about everything happening and it literally made me sick to my stomach. After reading most of these comments, I’m glad I’m not alone. I feel a little better after writing this but I know its gonna be a long road ahead. My prayers are with everyone who has lost a loved one! I hope everyone does feel better.

  113. Paula Alexander  February 20, 2019 at 3:37 pm Reply

    My mom has been given 3-6 months to live, She and I haven’t had the greatest relationship but I always thought that I would be the one who would be taking care of her through out her final days. She has decided to keep me out of the whole process. The lack of knowing what is happening has been….Hell! I am having so much physical pain with this anticipatory grief. Mom was diagnosed in December 20, 2019. Which happens to be her birthday. I am sure that this birthday for her was pretty shitty! She was in the hospital and I was with her. Wishing her a happy 75th. It was also the day we moved her to rehab center/nursing home. She kicked me out of the rehab center on Dec 24th and was so angry with me. She blamed me for putting her in the nursing home. We are talking again on the telephone. I haven’t been able to get myself to visit her since. I call and talk to her and get updates on how she is doing from my cousin and my aunt. She moved into Hospice and back to her home on the 28th. Now it just feels like a waiting game. What will happen, When will it happen, How will I handle this? I cry at the drop of a hat, I am tired all the time. My Husband keeps asking me to do stuff, cook, pay bills and act like nothing is going on. He says “This is all part of life.” ” It’s the cycle of life and death. Everyone dies.” He wants me to be ready to have sex and keep the house clean and work on my homework. I just want to sit and….well, pretty much do nothing or just what I want to do. My beloved dog’s health has declined also and now we will be saying good bye to him next week. It feels like death is crushing my chest. My eyes hurt from crying so much and my sleep is disrupted each night. This sucks!!! And as time passes it gets closer to her death and now to my lovable dog Cody.

    • Beryl  July 22, 2019 at 2:49 am Reply

      Please go see your mom even if she pushes you away… The only thing even more worse than losing someone is losing someone and having regrets. It kills your spirit.

  114. Toni  February 25, 2019 at 11:57 pm Reply

    I lost my Daddy Jan 31st of 2019 (this year). My Daddy was literally everything and then some to me. He was my best friend. I’m 20, and he was 47. I also have two younger sisters, 19, and 14. He had kidney failure for 15 years, I hate it that I could never give him the things he gave me. Even though we were poor, Daddy found a way.
    But since his death, I cry every single day. I stay at home, my fiancé works. and my car broke down so, I’m alone all day and it’s so hard not to think about him. It gets so intense that my chest hurts so bad that my back starts hurting. My head always hurts, I just can’t help but be in a dark place. I also can hardly eat, and I’ve lost a lot of weight. I just can’t stomach anything. I just don’t feel like anything interest me. I see my family already showing signs of moving on and I can’t even look at a picture of my Daddy without busting into a fit of tears. I’ve had anxiety and depression my whole life but never got t treated because I felt too embarrassed to talk about it. I seen my Father go through immense amounts of physical pain from all the conditions associated with his Kidney failure and Heart failure. It’s always been my worst fear above all things is losing him and now I feel so hopeless that it hurts my body. I’m constantly having to move my leg I can’t sit still, and it’s so bad that I can’t breathe at times. I have no interest in life I don’t mean to ramble so much. I’m not close with my family and they don’t reply to any calls or texts. So I can’t really tell them about this…I’m thinking I need to maybe see a doctor, but I’m unsure.

    • Dan  February 26, 2019 at 12:15 pm Reply


      I’m so very sorry for your loss. Grief is a very , very difficult process. The closer that you are to someone, the more grief that you will experience when you lose them. It may not feel like it now, but things will get better in time. Just remember that your father loved you very much. He would want you to be happy and have a great life. Grief can last for weeks or months or years, but it will lessen in time. Keep on going and you will feel better in time. The best way to honor your father is to be happy. Just take things day by day. Good luck to you

    • Kayla  March 6, 2019 at 12:38 am Reply

      I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I lost my only sibling(little brother) to a car wreck years ago. My mom, dad, and I made it through, wasn’t close to easy. Then out of the blue, my dad, my hero, my world, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He wasn’t a drinker/smoker, and healthy before the cancer. It was a total shock as there was no history of cancer in our family. I watched him slowly go from my 200 pound healthy strong hero to 130 pounds. He died 5 months after diagnosis. He and my mom were married 49 years. I cried and prayed all night for a year!!! He’s been gone a year now and I still have anxiety, sore back, neck, tension headaches etc but I have a great doctor who wants me to come see him every 3 months for check ups. The pain was unreal!!! Mom and I are alone now, but doing ok. I try to focus on my kids, my faith, my everyday blessings, my husband……but it took a long time to feel somewhat normal. I HATE the circumstances, but thank God for the changes that is creating a better me!! I know my dad finally gets to be with my little brother, and that brings me comfort. God bless everyone here and don’t give up !!!! I hold on to the promise of being with them again one day.

  115. Patricia Anne Mastroddi  March 2, 2019 at 10:46 am Reply

    I send love and sincere empathy to all here. I lost my dad, my hero, in Feb 2016 and it devastated my mom who was happily married to him 68 us! I knew she was holding on for us, their 6 children, now adults, but hurting also. I found many signs from my Dad afterwards..feathers, pennies, other wonderful signs. My stomach was a mess..my crying on and off..and for my mom also…as she lost her constant companion..and he lifted her up emotionally and physically. He helped her physically as she had RA since 70 yrs and his contagious love of life and laughter lifted her emotional state. I loved his optimism, gratefulness and excitement of living…and love for God.
    He was an amazing father, husband and role model.
    My dog Leo..17 yrs and 9 days passed in July of 2017…I had him since 8 weeks..was my third child…the vet said he was between 93 and 104 as a large cockapoo…beautiful white color with big black eyes. I miss him also… then in March of 2018 my mom very suddenly passed…within a week..first diagnosed with a not too serious hospital visit…it was an up and down roller coaster ride with her for days and then she wanted medication discontinued and to go home to God and my father.
    She is happily with them I know.
    I did not expect the shock I felt when she passed..literal shock. I was so bad I could not travel from NC to PA for her funeral…what a very sad thing. I prayed God would make me better to go…I was not..there must be a reason…one thing I am eternally grateful for now is that I bought her a special card that I wrote my mb memories love snd appreciation in before she was sick and she read it the day she passed and called me at 11:58 am ..she passed around 7pm.
    That was my goodbye and I thank God for that.
    My grief is compounded…3 in 3 years.
    It is sometimes overwhelming and along with missing them there are headaches…tiredness..muscle pain…some throat tightness at times. Sleep is hard.
    I know one day I will see them again but it is very hard…no matter the age of your parents or you four legged companions it is just plain hard.
    God’s Grace to us all….♡

  116. Carol  March 2, 2019 at 2:18 pm Reply

    My husband had a stroke 12/05/17 lost use of his left side and extreme pain was in a couple rehabs. It was a right brain stroke. Was doing ok for 2 months then had a stage 3 kidney surgery. Had to be in nursing home. Weakened him could not do more therapy. Got kidney stones had kidney stone surgery that failed had catheter out back, diabetic episodes kidney stone surgery again cancer came back another stroke died 12/05/18 He was going to retire I spent a lot of time with him as that is all he wanted. I could not always look at him as he would miss read expressions, could not hug him as he was always in pain. When he died I missed his touch more and more. It was the saddest time in my life. He wanted to come home but he was so sick it would have taken round the clock care. I miss him physically and emotionally. Been suffering as it feels like post traumatic stress since we had so many van rides doctor visits, hospital stays and other issues. I would always enter his room and never knew what to expect always something new.

  117. Alexandra  March 2, 2019 at 9:36 pm Reply

    My grandpa passed away about 3 weeks ago, and I absolutely feel the physical effects of the grief. I’m a senior in college about to graduate in May, and the past 3 weeks have have been the hardest weeks of my entire college career. When you have academics, finances, and work all on top of the physical and emotional pain of a loss, it is almost too much to bear. I’m praying that I can get officially caught up and well enough to go about my regular schedule again. But it has been very difficult. 💔

    • Angie  July 16, 2019 at 6:37 pm Reply

      I understand how you feel. Although I am quite a bit older and my grandma died a few weeks ago at age 92. She was a mom to me. She was one of the only people who always loved me unconditionally. I feel empty. I know it was expected and she passed of natural causes. It still hurts so much. I don’t have any appetite and that’s very unusual for me. Unintentional Weight loss, even if it’s needed, is not a good feeling. I feel fine not eating but I don’t understand WHY I don’t want to eat! Take care and God bless!

  118. Nina  March 3, 2019 at 7:25 pm Reply

    I know this isn’t a person, but I had to put my forever cat down on 2/27. He would have been 16 this month. When my mother died thirteen years ago, he helped me through it. He was such a sweet, happy boy, that’s all I wanted for him, but he had IBD and was often very sick. This last time was for over two years, but I maintained him with medication. When he started to fail, I was able to bring him back from the brink twice, but this 1/20, he was very close to death. I changed his medicines one more time, and he started to come around and eat again. I told myself I wouldn’t wait when it happened again. I didn’t want him to suffer, and I’d just let him go, so maybe I did it a little too soon. The vet gave me a sedative to give him, so he wouldn’t know I was bringing him in, but it sedate him. It did the opposite. He was anxious and confused and upset, and that’s how he died. I tried to comfort him all night because he was too frantic to take in, and the next day when he’d calmed a little I put him to sleep. And all I can think about is his suffering, and that I did it. And I wonder if he thought I didn’t love him anymore. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. I can’t eat, I’m sick all the time, and I don’t think I can take this. All I wanted was the best for him.

    • Christine gibson  March 4, 2019 at 5:01 pm Reply

      I’m so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful cat & you have my complete & utter sympathy as an identical thing has just happened to me with my beloved dog of 11 years. I had him put to sleep on the 27 Jan 2019, the worst day of my life & I have lost my parents. I have lost over a stone in a month as I struggle to eat. I torture myself by constantly replaying my dog (max) final hours & the moment I walked away as the vet administered the sedative as I couldn’t cope.
      After all the love we shared I failed him in his last frightened moments of his life. I have been told these instense waves of grief will subside over time but i do know i will never fully get over losing my pet & there will always be tough moments. There’s no easy way to grieve but you must try & remember how much love you shared with your forever cat & try not to dwell on that snapshot of time when you were actually trying to help your boy. I’m sure he would be forever grateful & appreciate what you did for him to ease his pain. Please know you are not alone and I send you big hugs as we travel this unbearable journey. Xx

      • Nina  March 5, 2019 at 8:48 pm

        Hugs to you, Christine. I’m so sorry you lost your beloved too in such painful circumstances. It’s so hard to be responsible for their lives, love them so much, and be unable to control that last part. I’m sick from it and miss him so much. I hope your grief eases and you remember all the love and happiness you had with Max. I’m holding fast to the belief that that’s all they take with them. Xx

      • Heather  March 5, 2019 at 11:10 pm

        Hugs to you both, Nina and Christina. I, too, lost my forever cat, Mr. Tooth, only one week ago. It’s uncanny, because he was also nearly 16. (A former vet emailed me birthday wishes for him yesterday, and I nearly lost it.) He had been so healthy and youthful for years–I assumed he would see 20–but he developed an aggressive lymphoma that metastasized. We tried to treat it, but he was gone only one week after his diagnosis.

        He was such a sweet, beautiful boy, and an old soul. Everyone who met him fell instantly in love. Indeed, he was the love of my life. I told him, as we were saying goodbye, that if we can reincarnate, I’ll gladly serve as his cat in another life.

        I can relate so painfully to the experiences you describe, particularly the final hours and saying goodbye at the vet. Some of those memories are so incredibly excruciating. Every day, I ask him to forgive me–paradoxically, both for allowing him to remain in pain for so long, and for not finding a way to keep him alive longer.

        I can also relate to your personal experiences of grief. Indeed, I found your posts trying to understand the physical grief I am experiencing.

        Just in case it would help you, I want to share the following article. I found it to be both comforting and illuminating:

        Peace to you and yours. xo

      • Nina  March 6, 2019 at 12:08 am

        Oh Heather, I’m so sorry about Mr. Tooth. This is a horrible decision we should never have to make. I’ll always think I should have let Sammy go in January, didn’t do enough, decided too soon the second time. I don’t think there are perfect decisions. I hope your love gives you solace and you find happiness with Mr. Tooth again some day. Thank you for the link. Hugs to you too.

    • Michele  March 7, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply

      Dear Nina, Christine and Heather,
      I was looking at this site to see if my physical symptoms were typical and wasn’t expecting to see others grieving over their animal companions. I lost my 16 year old tabby cat, Barney on February 28th, and like Nina’s precious friend he had struggled with IBD for two years. Over Christmas time he developed diabetes, then had signs of heart disease. When he was scanned they found bilateral heart failure that had caused lung damage and a large tumor in his pancreas. He lived two more months mostly because I wouldn’t let him go, managed his diabetes closely, gave him meds. I know the vet was shaking her head. He lost half his body weight but still seemed to have a zest for life. Wobbled around the yard stalking squirrels who outweighed him, wanting to leave the yard and explore the neighbors and the alley which he had never ever done before. After a lifetime aversion to wetness took up swimming in the pond next door. Who knew he could swim? He had been fairly easy to pill but on February 27th he clamped his jaws hard and refused medication. Without the meds he would fill up with water and suffocate. I thought this is the sign that it’s time and scheduled a hospice vet to come to the house. On that day of course he was ravenous for food and when the vet arrived he clung to me in a way he never had before. My husband thought it was because he sensed how upset he was, I felt he sensed what was happening and was begging me for safety.

      I feel wracked by guilt sometimes that I kept him too long and sometimes that I stole hours or days from his life, sometimes that I failed him in treatment. I am tired all the time, break into tears over nothing, feel weak, dizzy, forgetful. I have actually thought maybe I’m dying. I felt like this when my mom died and was diagnosed with cancer a year later.

      I know this is long but what I want you to know how much your posts help me. From losses in the past I know in time I’ll be able to remember all the good, sweet times but right now all the memories are wrapped up in the barbwire of his suffering and death. I know this will happen for you too and I thank you for holding my hand for a piece of this hard journey.

      • Nina  March 7, 2019 at 8:09 pm

        Dear Michele, my heart breaks for you. It hurts so much to do this last thing for them. I miss my baby with everything in me, so I know you must too. I look at all the places he should be and I imagine him there. I go over and over all the things I should have done, should have tried, done better or not at all. All I can hold onto now is that I loved him the way you loved Barney. He sounds like he was a wonderful, wonderful friend to you. I have a picture in my head of Barney chasing squirrels. It’s a good and happy picture. Thank you for sharing that. I hope with all my heart I see my boy again, and I hope you see yours.

      • Helen  May 21, 2019 at 6:29 am

        Dear Nina, Michelle, Christine, Heather.
        THANK YOU SO MUCH for your posts. Your posts have helped me realise that I am not alone in the guilt and grief that seem to overpower me and which I cannot control. I finally said good bye to my little angel dog and treasure Rusty on 11 March 2019. She was my everything and after I lost my ginger darling cat, Rusty was there to comfort me. She was diagnosed with an adrenal tumour in April 2018 which caused her to have high blood pressure. For one more year she lived a full life and I cherised her and made sure she received her medications at 7h00 and 19h00 every day. This past February her kidneys showed signs of collapse and she was in and out of hospital but then her kidneys were not responding long enough, I decided that the trauma of needles and sterile environment was doing more damage than good, I brought her home to die. My heart tells me I should have continued with the treatment but my logic tells me otherwise. On the 11th March I held her while the Vet administered the injection. I should have held her longer, I should have, I should have is totally overpowering me. I should have tried harder with different medications, I should have allowed to go sooner. I should have…….. I can’t seem to remember the 10 years we spent together after I rescued her from the street. I trust my guilt will fade and my grief will be less painful? Thank you again for your posts and sorry for all your individual losses. Much love to all fur children dads and moms.

    • Diane  May 22, 2019 at 3:37 pm Reply

      I understand. A week ago, I put down my 19-year-old cat, when I learned she had bladder cancer. Grief is grief. Your pain and loss is real, and as valid as any other pain and loss. Losing a pet is not the same as losing a husband, child, or parent, but it is still the loss of a life companion. A little time has passed, so you are getting better, but your loss is real, and I sympathize. I don’t think you will lose that cat-shaped hole in your heart.
      I have a 20-year-old cat also, and at the moment am very concerned, because we know so little of how animals grieve or fear.

  119. H Smilth  March 6, 2019 at 1:24 am Reply

    My husband passed away in May of 2018. He fell and paralyzed himself which lead to the hospital. He passed away less than 24 hours after admittance to the hospital. I felt lost but the only thing that kept me going is that there were other people to help me cope and listen to me when I needed to talk about everything. I know that grief is a roller coaster ride as we had gone through a lot of deaths of family members in a short period of time. I learned that talking to the person you’ve lost also helps when you forget something or don’t know what to do. Take time and go through the hurt one day at a time. It’s been a few months and I was given the permission to live by feeling more energetic as well as wanting to cook. If you let thing happen and know why it happened it goes a lot smoother and it seems faster. Look forward instead of looking back on the death. I was told that if the person was able to tell you anything they would say live life because I can’t. I have a lot of years left and I want to start living them. I also had a strong role model of my mom and sister who lived life after the death of their spouses. Be strong, remember them, shed tears then go out and have a “ME” time also helps

    • Judy Moxam  March 6, 2019 at 5:06 pm Reply

      I lost my husband and partner of 39 years on September 5th 2018, he had a cough for only a short time it was nothing bad just a tickly cough, it got a bit worse, he visited the doctor and was told to comeback in a week if it was no better. by the end of that week it had got very bad, he was coughing and in pain, we went to the doctor because little bits of blood were being coughed up, he was sent to hospital. they admitted him with pneumonia on Friday 15th June, 2018. Kelvin went to the doctors for everything because there was cancer in his family so he was very careful with his health. on Fathers day 17th June 2018, he was diagnosed with a 15cm tumour on the top of his left lung, inoperable. in a nd out of hospital and 1 dose of Chemo and he died on the 5th September 2018. only 11 weeks later. it has now been 6 months, my body hurts, I have aches in my breast and ribs sometimes, I have had anxiety attacks breathlessness, I am terrified that the same will happen to me. is this normal? I don’t know.

      • Phoebe Sparrow Wagner  March 9, 2019 at 4:34 pm

        Hi Judy, I was looking up the physical symptoms of grief as I lost my identical twin sister to a sudden “cardiac event” just a few weeks ago, and came across your comment here. Presently I experience this constant feeling of something tight binding my chest, like an iron barrel stave, and it constricts both my feeling of being able to move freely and even my ability to breathe deeply. I was “worked up” for any and everything cardiac recently, so I am fairly certain we are not talking about impending myocardial infarction…But then panic sets in and tells me that my lovely twin also had EKGs and several urgent care visits, but dropped dead the next day, without any warning…So I guess I am writing to you because you commented only a few days ago to share that I understand your symptoms and your concerns, I dunno when or if it gets better, but I have to hope so. Please feel free to respond if you want to.

      • Valerie R Romo  March 26, 2019 at 9:25 pm

        Dear Judy.. I’m sitting at the cemetary visiting my mom and dad, I just lost my mom 6 weeks ago. I’ve had headaches and aches/pains this past month. Had a physical and all is good. I cry for no reason, anytime, anywhere.
        I’m at the cemetary today because I’m trying to figure things out. After visiting with them I get in my car and type in my phone, “physical grief”. This site came up.
        Making me realize we are not alone in this battle. We are strong and are loved ones will guide us
        I lost my husband and my father 3 weeks apart. 4 years ago, I figure if I can survive that, anything is possible. It just takes time to get to that point. I wish us all the strength we can endure.

  120. Mia  March 25, 2019 at 10:53 pm Reply

    I lost my dear mother to ovarian cancer on November 9, 2018. She was 78. She was with me in home with Alive Hospice. I can’t describe how my heart feels: I can’t focus, I don’t eat well, I cry daily and I still have not been able to clean out her room. I go to work then come home and go to bed and sleep until the next morning. When I run errands and go to church, the only thing I think about is getting back home so I can sleep. This doesn’t feel normal or natural

    • Nina  April 13, 2019 at 8:02 pm Reply

      I don’t know if you’ll see this, Mia, but I wanted to let you know that what you’re feeling is normal. My mother lived with me too, and I kept her shoes on the corner of the dresser where she’d last put them for years. I kept her cell phone account active for years too. My life was in turmoil. Nothing is going to be the same in your life, and it’s going to take a long time for your heart and spirit to accept that. You will move on, and you will experience happiness again, but the loss of someone so close to us is agonizing. Give yourself all the time you need. Give yourself permission to grieve. Seek out a support group, and be very gentle with yourself. Treat yourself the way your mother would want you to.

  121. Janet  April 30, 2019 at 12:53 pm Reply

    I’ve been reading your stories and I wanted to share what helped me a lot during my grieving process. I needed to be careful not to isolate myself too much . I didn’t know many people in town, and a friend suggested the GriefShare program. It helped me tremendously and it covered all the aspects of grief from the emotional and mental to the physical, spiritual, financial and relational. So much good advice. A lot of it is common sense, but we forget it when we’re in the middle of our pain. The group setting was very helpful. Made me realize I was not alone. And taking the process step by step, instead of trying to figure things out all at once was exactly what I needed. It helped me to slow down and breathe, and give myself a break! You can find out more at their website. http://www.griefshare.org. I hope this helps someone!

    • Natalie  May 9, 2019 at 6:32 pm Reply

      Thank you for this ressource.

  122. Daniel  May 1, 2019 at 11:17 am Reply

    Hi everyone and sorry for all your losses.

    I lost my mom 1 year and 3 months back, in a shocking and devastating way which was an accident, train accident, 40m away from home in Romania..
    She was crossing the railways when train from a curve came with 120 km/h, she didn’t have time to pass.
    She was almost 68 years old.
    I feel the pain overwhelmed and most of the time feel tire even I sleep a 6-8 hours per night and sometimes afternoon naps.
    The work is going on like nothing happened from my colleagues.
    Working out helps me a lot but not sufficient.
    Movies are also a big escape.
    Some friends just left me ,some of them show their help and also, my fiancee left me after 6 years of relationship.
    There is no day/night not to miss my mom, my family also.
    The pain is so painful, the missing is unbearable and feelings are a mix between anger, regrets, sadness and so on, just like a rollercoaster. I thought that after a year I will be better, but is not like I expected.
    I hope to have the strength to move and cope with this.
    Anyway, I hope u guys also to have the necessary strength and support to live trough this.
    Wish you all the best, if I can say it.
    Take care!

    • Andrea  May 20, 2019 at 2:02 am Reply

      Your story is so familiar to me. I lost my mother 1.5 months ago, also to an accident. She was also not quite 68 years old. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your grief. I hope things improve for you, and that there is hope for me that things will be better with time.

    • Cindy Ross  May 21, 2019 at 4:05 am Reply

      I’m sorry that so many people are suffering but this seems to be a good forum to discuss our feelings. My dad died 5 months ago and right now I am in a deep depression with chronic insomnia and no appetite. I don’t have much family support though except from my husband. My siblings and I aren’t close and my mom is quite reserved.
      Hope we can heal eventually

  123. Francesca  May 5, 2019 at 11:59 pm Reply

    I know this is a late post but… I lost my best friend to cancer 2014. I was devastated and wanted to die too. Eventually I was able to function again, though I think about him every day. Something that helped in the beginning to get my self out of bed was something called ‘tapping’.

    Look it up in Google, but essentially it help rewire the brain.

  124. Catherine Romero  May 28, 2019 at 2:31 pm Reply

    I lost my sister/Best Friend January 30, 2019. It was sudden, she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma and her kidneys failed. I moved her into my house in October 2018 and she died there Jan 30th. I have been a wreck every since. I’m 59 years old and I can’t sleep I have anxiety attacks all the time (I’ve always had anxiety attacks), I’m exhausted all the time, I can’t remember anything and I’ve broken out in hives and have started having diarrhea. My doctor has me on Clonazepam and Xanax for the spikes in anxiety. She says the chemicals in my brain will eventually get back to normal. She also started me 5HTP. I have to be at work through this and the roller coaster is unbearable! The meds do help me function during the day but I still can’t sleep at night. I just want to scream at times and I never want to go into my office and have to put on a “game face” ever again. I’ve lost people close to me in my past; most recently my husband died in my arms at home from cancer (that was 2000) and my parents when I was 16 (Mother from cancer and Dad from heart attack). The grief I felt at those times did not seem as bad plus I had to figure out how to survive. Now, I don’t really care about anything. I just want to sleep. My body hurts and I feel the world closing in around me all the time. I just want to sit at my desk and scream!!!! Yes, I eat, I try to eat healthy but I don’t restrict myself. Sometimes I can make it around the block walking but sometimes I have no energy, not even enough to cook dinner. I’m trying to be patient with myself but it is hard to understand that this is my “new normal” for now. When people at work ask me “How are you”, I just want to scream at them to leave me alone. But I don’t and just say I’m fine. My husband and daughters have been good with me but even they are saying I need to move on. What’s wrong with me? I miss my sister and I miss talking to her. I know she is probably laughing her ass off at me right now!

    • Dan  June 2, 2019 at 10:36 am Reply

      Hello Catherine,

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I suffered from severe fatigue and exhaustion from the combination of grief and little to no sleep. The closer that you are to the person you lose, the more difficult it will be to get back on your feet. I didn’t sleep for close to 6 months. I take 2 Unisom doxylamine. It works for me more times than not. It’s the only thing that has helped me sleep. And I tried everything. It’s okay to be sad and miss someone, it’s normal. Good luck to you.

    • Shae Miller  June 4, 2019 at 6:36 pm Reply

      Hi Catherine. I’m very sorry. I am in almost exactly the same boat. My sister also died this year. February 24th. I’ve been a sh*t head to everyone around me since. Like you, both of my parents are gone…my mom to cancer when I was 12 and my father to suicide in 2000. And like you, I was widowed at a young age. My first husband died from a brain tumor when he was 23 and I was 24. I feel as though you and I are kindered spirits. but that’s not really why I’m writing you. l wanted to let you know that I totally get everything that you said in your post. Me too. But I’ve been doing a few things that are helping. I do yoga. Not Kardashian bendy yoga by stretchy woman in my 50s deep stretch Yin Yoga and it has really really helped me. Also soaking in a hot bath and allowing myself to cry deep and ugly. It honestly really does help. I sincerely hope things get easier for you. Sending peace….

  125. LUKE  June 7, 2019 at 5:20 pm Reply

    I unfortunately lost my dog yesterday. He was my best friend and brother. He was always on my room and was always wanting a scratch or a bit of play time with me. It was so sudden and came because the vet failed the operation which led to him having gone to be put to sleep. I’m so upset and it has caused me to struggle to get to sleep and have some chest pains. I’m so upset and crying a lot which has also made me tired.

    • Kathy  August 7, 2019 at 4:22 am Reply

      Hi Luke

      My cat of 10 years passed over the rainbow bridge last night. The physical pain I have in my chest is unbearable. I have lost a friend, a bed warmer, a fighting buddy, a lap warmer a tripping hazzard and I am bereft.
      My darling vet (bless her heart) reminded me. We cannot live without great love and we cannot have great love without feeling great loss.
      Doesn’t help now, but at least I have something to cling for when the worst of the pain passes.

  126. Naomi  June 19, 2019 at 3:19 pm Reply

    I lost my mother nearly 3 months ago due to complications with multiple scerlosis, I felt like I was coping really well but it’s her birthday today and she would of only been 59 and I’ve been experiencing tightness in my chest and shortness of breath. I’m always tired and forgetful atm aswell. I’m so sorry for everyone’s loses, the world is a cruel place.

    • Karin  June 29, 2019 at 1:31 am Reply


      I’m so sorry for your loss of your mother. I lost my brother, only sibling, 6 months ago to MS. It is getting a little easier, though I do think of him a lot. Life isn’t terrible, just some circumstances. Give yourself all the care you need right now. Go slow. It’s really a lot to process, especially because you’re probably also trying to make sense of events before her death.

  127. Tim Johnson  July 6, 2019 at 11:47 am Reply

    I lost my best friend. My wife of 35 years died of Pancreatic Cancer June 18th. I am lost, lonely and I miss her so much. Luckily I have 2 kids and my daughter is going to have a baby in October. This will be my first grand child and my wife won’t be here to share this joy. I tried to prepare for her death and the pain of losing her is overwhelming. I am going to see a counselor this week which I hope will help me. She was 59 years old and the best mom and the best wife.

  128. Mary Timmons  July 8, 2019 at 3:18 am Reply

    I lost my husband of 34 years just four months ago. I feel lost and sad, like someone stole the life from me. My son and his wife are having their first child any day now, and I am going to be a grandmother. But my joy is overshadowed by the fact that my husband won’t be here to experience becoming a grandparent with me. It feels empty. And I feel cheated, robbed. I miss him so much. He made me laugh and was the most “up”, optimistic person I’ve ever known. I’m fairly young still and worry about being alone for the rest of my life. I’ve been having trouble sleeping, feeling lethargic and not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. In a word, I am sad.
    I can’t imagine how I will ever not feel this way. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. There is no end in sight to the tunnel.

    • Mary Douglas  August 12, 2019 at 4:07 am Reply

      Dear Mary. I lost my beloved husband just 9 days ago. He had suffered greatly over 8 months from brain cancer. He endured this with great fortitude. I spent every moment with him in the hospice until the end. My own deep sorrow is helped by knowing he is no longer suffering. I do my daily chores. I walk on nearby beach. I phone or meet a friend for coffee and chat. I have a long siesta every day. I believe that life will get better, day by day. Yours will too. Reach out to friends. Take a walk. Have counselling. I wish you well. Mary

  129. Marie  July 15, 2019 at 3:11 pm Reply

    I lost my husband to Stage 4 pancreatic cancer on June
    29th. Even though both him and I knew it was coming near
    The end, and we have talked before his passing, it still doesn’t stop the pain. I miss him so much, and he went so
    Quickly. 12 year of marriage to be best friend, lover and
    Partner for life…… gone.
    On Easter everything was fine, he was smiling, happy, working around the farm, then the downward turn came
    Too fast.
    I am lost, I’m afraid to go back to work, but know I need to. I’m tired, nauseous, I can’t sleep. He’s not here, but his spirit is.
    The last thing he said to me was that he will be on a
    Plantation somewhere in the atmosphere, but that I will not have to “do without him”, he said he had it “figured out.
    I can still feel him. It still doesn’t stop the pain.

  130. Lore Gutzeit  July 18, 2019 at 1:06 pm Reply

    I lost my only child my daughter Jennifer April 2017. I have not be the same. I feel sick on a daily basic. My whole body hurts, I never was sick before, when I see my family doctor, they can’t find nothing really wrong, but I have lots of headaches, loss of appetite can’t sleep to well and most of the time a very upset stomach. Reading all about grief, I see it is all from my grieving on a daily basic.

    • C lindsay  August 30, 2019 at 2:30 pm Reply

      My daughter died on January 23 2019 from cancer. I miss her so much that I’m still nauseous alot and still cry every day. I hope we both find a way to remember only the Joy’s of having them instead of the pain of losing them.

  131. Sue  July 19, 2019 at 3:23 pm Reply

    My best friend of 36 years died on June 5, 2019. she was ill for 8 years and I thought I was mentally ready for her passing. I was so wrong. This has been the most difficult thing I have been through in my life including the passing of my mom 20 years ago. I have anxiety attacks when I wake in the morning, if I sleep that long. Otherwise they hit at 3:30 in the morning. Eating is difficult as is concentrating at work. I’ve told people I’m lucky I have to go to work, or I wouldn’t leave my house. This pain is unimaginable. When I do have a good day, I erroneously believe that each day will get easier. That isn’t the case. I’m meditating, doing short yoga flows, getting acupuncture and seeing a therapist on a weekly basis. I’m hoping to see more positive days in the future. Thanks for the outlet.

    • celine  September 5, 2019 at 11:03 am Reply

      Sue, I understand what you are saying. I lost my BFF of almost 50 years, last week. She died 4 days before her 61st birthday, having lost her battle to cancer. She died suddenly & unexpectedly from an arterial bleed. I am a mess. I have chest pain which I know is anxiety. I can’t focus, I don’t care to do anything. I do have to work & that sucks because I’m in a job that does not keep me busy, thus more time to think…… & less motivation to be here. I know she would not want me to be like this but I can’t help it. I’ve been through other periods of grief & I swear this on is the absolute worst. I don’t know how to go on without my Bestie. I want her back! I didn’t even get to sit with her & hold her hand & tell her I love her … she was gone that fast. We always told each other we loved each other. She has been cheated of time w/her 1-year old twin grand-baby boys & her one-week old brand new grand-baby girl! That makes me so sad for her. I keep thinking “I gotta message Dar; or I have to text her; or I need to ask her about that time that we……” & then reality sets in. I will never see her, talk to her, nor laugh with her again.
      The funeral is over, every one is moving on but I feel like I’m back in denial this week. I know it’s early but I hate this & I miss her so badly & I want her back. I feel hopeless because I know that will never be.

  132. Casey  August 18, 2019 at 4:26 am Reply

    I lost my papa 5 years ago today to a cause I still don’t know. I believe it was a type of cancer seeing as it runs in the family. When I looked at the date Aug 18th its like all the grief and pain hit me at once. I hate the crying. But its like the pain is a reminder that all of it was real. He was real. The constant pain keeps me from forgetting the memories. Ya know? But sometime the pain is too much to bear. I just don’t know hoe long I can handle this pain…

    • Patricia  September 3, 2019 at 8:37 pm Reply

      I’m experiencing the exact same feelings! So the good new Casey, is you aren’t alone. The bad news is, I haven’t got a clue how to deal with it either. My Mom passed three yrs ago and as you said, I feel like if I don’t feel the pain or cry that I may forget her and I can not let that ever happen. My sister has moved on and I’m STUCK. My life now consists of TRYING to sleep to no avail and lying in my bed all day..I’ve gained a hundred pounds since that day and I can no longer walk. My chronic pain got worse and so, here I am. Just nice to know someone kinda feels similar to the way I do. Patricia

  133. Joe  September 10, 2019 at 2:47 pm Reply

    I am 37 ( not that age matters . Losing loved ones at any age you are at is horrible ) . I had a thriving business that I wasn’t able to tend to as much when my dad got sick & passed , 3 months later my aunt , his sister got sick and passed . I chose to take care of them . My choice as I loved them . Shortly after ( 4 months ) my brother died from alcohol poisoning from drinking too much & died in my house . I panicked ! So sad and miss him & sad that I had to tell my mom her first born child had died . Within a month my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and by then I thought I’d die ! I was riddled with worry of what was ahead with her cancer & I was losing my business but did not care as family comes first to me . She survived several months longer than doctors anticipated, but no quality of life . The chemo took its toll & she was so very sick that my stomach has not been the same since her passing a few months ago . I know after all that’s happened , why wouldn’t I have stomach issues from all the stress .
    Several months later my stepfather died . I went from having everyone I loved around me & a part of my daily life , to no one . Not one soul . The emotional & physical pain is close to unbearable each new day . I am able to get the necessary things done ( grooming myself , paying bills ) and that’s about it ! I know all that have passed , esp my mom , would want me to push toward being happy because ( as she put it ) life is for the living … however it’s all so new , so unreal to me , so lonely & isolating , and all of it has taken its toll on my stomach . I often wonder why this all happened & I don’t feel any peace or joy anymore & honestly don’t think I ever will again . I’m so lost . God bless you all on here .

    • Eleanor Haley  September 11, 2019 at 11:37 am Reply

      Joe, I am so sorry for all the loss you have been through. You may also want to check out our post on cumulative grief https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/. With all you have been through, and your feelings of isolation and loneliness, a support group might be a good idea for both learning to live after so much loss, but also connecting with others. Take care.

    • Kay B  November 30, 2019 at 11:35 pm Reply

      Your losses have been immense. You have loved well and deeply. Losing all those you loved, and who loved you unconditionally, is life changing, shattering, soul destroying. It hurts.
      After losing both my parents and husband within 12 months of each other, I thought I needed to re-invent myself, but I was wrong.
      But I do have to rediscover myself as an individual, not as a wife or a daughter, or, indeed, an employee, as I stopped working between when my parents died (5 days apart) and my husband passed.
      Do I derive comfort from knowing none of them “suffered”, so sudden were their individual deaths? Yes, of course.
      Do I suffer deep grief because they all died suddenly, without those words of goodbye so beloved in fiction? Yes, undoubtedly.
      Am I tired, unmotivated, in a fog, in physical pain, depressed, sad, and more, and all of the above, and most of the time? Yes.
      And do I drag myself out of bed each morning with renewed hope that, maybe, today I will “be over it”, only to lose interest by midday? Yes.
      Do I talk about it, a lot? Yes.
      You were loved, and are loved, and you loved and love in return.
      Your life is not over, and you can find joy in little moments, little things, in happy memories and things to anticipate. Don’t bother counting. Joy is not a competition. Happiness is not rationed. Love does not end.
      Acknowledge your pain, yell at the stars, then take a deep breath and get on with *your* life.

  134. Nancy Newman-clouse  September 10, 2019 at 4:33 pm Reply

    Hi I am 38 and I just realized 2 days ago that I gave up on myself and everything else. I lost my mom and then a year later I lost my sister and then my dad. It’s been like 4 years now and I stop cleaning, cooking I didn’t want to see any friends or family. I made myself get sick. I can not keep food down and after text and more test from my doctor they can not fine anything wrong with me. I feel like I have been sleeping for the 4 years and I just woke up. I no I have to deal with it because it’s not working this way.

    • Eleanor Haley  September 11, 2019 at 11:23 am Reply

      Hi Nancy –
      This is not uncommon and the fact that you have become aware of it is a huge and important first step! Do you have a counselor or therapist? That can be a good first step. Also, reaching out to any friends again to say you would like to get back in touch and spend time. Though finances might prohibit this, if you are feeling overwhelmed about cleaning because it has been a long time, it might be worth splurging to bring in a cleaning service to help you, at least for a very big first clean, to start to get things going again. These two posts might be helpful – https://whatsyourgrief.com/hey-there-grief-brain/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/reconnecting-with-life-after-loss/

    • Mom  September 13, 2019 at 11:10 am Reply

      Our son was murdered on Aug 27 2017 and it still feels like yesterday. I can not accept he is gone. It was sudden and unexpected. The horrible cops didn’t even call us when he died and our youngest son got a msg on Facebook telling him his brother was dead. I had to do all the investigations and the cops screwed up big time. Florida is a horrible state as they have done nothing to help. I pray every nite to die. I don’t cook, I dont clean, I don’t go anywhere and nobody calls. It is frikkin unreal. This is not living it is a slow agonizing death. Plus the pressures of every day life. Most people are just jerks. I’m so exhausted with life. I would kill myself if it wasn’t for my youngest son. It has destroyed our family. So yeah I know exactly how you feel.

      • Judith Anne  November 4, 2019 at 6:50 pm

        My son, aged 46, died suddenly in July 2017, so have a good idea how you feel. I have not yet managed to get off the couch, rarely leave the house, and have so much fatigue that I have to have a housekeeper. I read and write and watch T.V. I have wonderful daughters and 14 grandchildren and 4 great-grandchildren…. that helps. I could not spare my son though…..but had no choice. My parents, brother and many loved friends have died, but losing a child is not like any other loss. Time does not heal it – and even acceptance hurts. I joined a group on “The Compassionate Friends “in America (I am Australian,) and they have a groups for parents who have an adult child, and who have lost a loved one to murder. It is the only help I can offer you because I feel the same as you, but these people understand!!! People who have not experienced the death of a child, no matter how kind they are, simply do not understand. I know this because before my son died I thought, when a friend’s adult child died, that I was the best friend in the world to her. In truth, I had absolutely no idea until it happened to me. Blessings. I hope this reaches you as I only joined recently and this is my first post. Took me five minutes to work out how to reply!

  135. Fondy  September 13, 2019 at 1:01 pm Reply

    I lost my father and sister in 2018 five months apart. My father died peacefully in his sleep in March. My sister died from a 5-year fight against breast cancer in August. I find living without them so difficult. I don’t know who I am anymore. I feel like the best parts of me died along with them. I was so close to them. When the sun shines outside, I cannot find the beauty in the day the way I used to. I have all kinds of physical symptoms; from extreme fatigue, nausea, headaches and body pain that come and go. I also have anxiety. Panic attacks come whenever and wherever. I feel like life is beating me up. Everyday I’m being punched and kicked while I am already down. Some days I feel like there is a bit of fight in me. And a lot of days I just don’t have any juice in me to make much of the day. I just want to sit in front of the t.v. and do nothing. This is a far cry from the boisterous, energetic, go-getter that I normally am. I find it so hard to live on without my father and sister. I don’t want to live on without them. Loss is so cruel. We don’t have a choice or say in the matter. We are forced to go on without our love one(s). And, there for me, lies the greatest challenge. Accepting the big change in my reality. Who am I without my father? My sister? I am not the same person I was before they died. I am forever changed. Now, I have to choose who I am going to be. I am scared. I feel lost. I feel alone. Reading your messages here has helped me feel less lonely on this journey of grief and acceptance. I thank you, all for sharing your heartbreaking experiences. May time help ease your pain and you may find some beauty in life. I imagine you loved ones, like mine, would be telling you not to let you life waste away. We have the opportunity to still enjoy this world that they no longer can. That’s what my sister said before she died…”I know it will be normal for you to be sad but don’t stay that way too long. Live. Be happy” I promised I would…❤️

    • Erin  September 29, 2019 at 7:38 pm Reply

      Have you tried EMDR therapy? I found it very useful in dealing with major trauma.

  136. khalil bacha  October 19, 2019 at 5:34 am Reply

    unfortunately i feel have the difficulties which is given in the above caption lines any medicine for recovery .

  137. Alexandra  November 4, 2019 at 12:41 pm Reply

    How long does it take for physical pain/stress/symptoms get better? My dad died 2 months ago, we’ve been moving on so far so good, already cleaned my dad’s closet, got back to our lifes pretty quick, and we obviously have our good days and our bad days (with we i mean me and my mom), ever since it happened i’ve had gastritis and awful back pains that reflects on my chest, i cant seem to remember things too well, like i even thought i lost my card at the ATM calles the bank and cancelled it, and the card was in my purse in its place as always… so, I know some time has passes, and i know its normal, but do I have to work harder on it because its been longer than usual or it still going to take a couple more months?


    • Susan Ahner  December 4, 2019 at 12:58 pm Reply

      I am at the 6 month mark of losing my best friend of 36 years. Some things have improved, some have not. I still have physical symptoms, anxiety and tremendous heartache. There is no way to rush the grieve process but I know it helps me to talk to friends and a therapist.
      Best to you through the holidays.

    • Fran Marshall  January 13, 2020 at 8:35 am Reply

      I lost my 3-year-old son a year ago this month. While I am older (53), the physical pain I feel 24/7 is not my age. My joints never DONT hurt. I am exhausted all the time. It’s been a year and it has only gotten worse. I hope your physical AND mental/emotional pain abates much more quickly than is my experience.

  138. Sabrina  November 18, 2019 at 8:42 pm Reply

    My mom passed away March 5 2019 I’m truly heart broken in I feel isolated n secluded I deal with my aniexty and depression on my own I have no one to talk to this holiday season has me all emotional I can’t talk to my dad because I don’t wanna make him feel sad I have aching bones I don’t know if it’s my degenerate back problems or arthritis or grief I ache all over and I have heart pains can u really die of a broken heart?

    • Trini Olsen  December 4, 2019 at 12:17 pm Reply

      Sabrina, you can talk to me, I lost my brother on September 6th. My older brother, he was 43. He had a cough, they think a virus attacked his heart, and he was on life support for 19 days. It was brutal, it was unexpected. I think part of us died with him. I am struggling, everyday I struggle, I currently have an ear infection. It’s actually my 4th illness in about a month and a half. I cry in the grocery store because everytime I am in it, the song “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” comes on and I can’t take it. Yes, you can die of a broken heart, but you shouldn’t and you don’t have to. Your father is already sad, losing you would be worse than you talking to him. We are all going to die, we just don’t want to talk about it. I don’t know why our society is this way. But if you need to talk to someone, I will talk to you. There is no shame in “cancelling” the holiday. There isn’t. What you are feeling is normal. It’s the people that don’t want to talk to you, that can’t acknowledge your grief because they’re afraid of what it means for them, that aren’t. You are not alone, during the holidays, or ever. There is no time table on grief, there’s just a time for you to realize that there is a difference between existing and living, and you have to make that choice, to live. Not as you were, because you will never be able to be that again, but as whomever you become. A person dies twice, first when their heart stops beating, and the second time when the last person says their name. Don’t be afraid to say their name. My brother’s name was David J. Olsen, he was 43.

      My email is trinirules@hotmail.com and you can message me at anytime. If all you can do right now is exist, please just exist. “Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow. Until then, we’ll have to muddle through somehow…”

  139. TANISHA D Pinkston  November 24, 2019 at 9:50 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing , I lost my Mother yesterday 11/23 but she had a heart attack in January with no chance of recovery even though we had a few months to “prepare” it hurts like hell. THIS Blog is already helpful

  140. walter harrier  December 8, 2019 at 11:57 am Reply

    For everyone grieving. ” The power of life and death is in the tongue. “I buried my daughter three weeks ago. The grief is not very pleasant but it is certainly better than the alternative. I need to constantly be monitoring my thinking. I need to continually be monitoring what is coming out of my mouth. I need to be speaking healing to myself as well as others. I need to be speaking love, life and recovering from this grief. I don”t know how long this will take but I know it is up to me to not make it worse than it needs to be . I am not the one who died. I should not be acting as I have died. I need to constantly be filling my mind up with gratitude for the tlme I had my daughter. She was not actually mine, “trailing clouds of glory had she come from God who is our home ” I need to couple my grief and gratitude so I can be of maximum service to God and my fellow man. That is after all why he sent us here to be of service to Hlm. Peace be with you

    • E  March 23, 2020 at 10:20 pm Reply

      This really resonated with me. I lost my dad a week and and I feel it so deeply. Thank you

  141. CM  December 10, 2019 at 4:55 pm Reply

    My 53 yr old brother suffered from depression and took his life 4 months ago. In addition to dealing with the sadness of his sudden loss, I get overwhelmed at times with the thought that somehow I should have prevented it. I know that is not true but the thought pops in my head when I least expect it. I never realized the extent of his sadness. He was a brilliant person and hid his true feelings well. I am sorry for the loss everyone has expressed before me. Please please please – if your sadness has ever led you to a dark place, please seek assistance.

  142. Susan  December 10, 2019 at 9:47 pm Reply

    My dad died October 16. Not unexpectedly, but he and my brother were close and it hurts to watch my brother struggle. My daughter has an eating disorder. She is 15, smart, pretty, athletic. On October 29, after losing her grandpa and breaking up with her BF, she tried taking her life via an overdose. She has been in the hospital and is currently at an eating disorder clinic 500 miles away. My heart hurts so badly at times from grief that I am literally overwhelmed with pain. My husband cries every other day…Mr. Teflon under normal circumstances. I struggle to do anything but go to work, which is a hotbed of stress but my sanest place to be. It hurts just to breathe. I want my daughter home and well. To have her so far away and sick goes against every my instinct. I have optimism for our futures but the current state is one small step away from unbearable.

  143. Christen Doyle  December 12, 2019 at 11:46 am Reply

    My mother’s husband died at age 64 just last week on December 4th 2019 in another state that borders ours while he was alone with only my 10 year old nephew as my mother could no longer be present with them, since she died just last December on the 28th of 2018. I didn’t think I would be affected by immense grief with his sudden abrupt passing but I was. I didn’t think I would be affected because he wasn’t my real father and we had our differences for years while he was married to my mother. After my mother died, he began to grow very lonely and wanted my nephew to come live with him to keep him busy. My nephew did come live with him and I’m not sure what that was like between my nephew and my mother’s husband exactly. It seemed to be fine as I talked to my nephew and my mother’s husband about 1 1/2 weeks-2 weeks beforehand. When I saw him online he looked like he was gaining weight and had depression written all over his face but he sounded ok so I didn’t raise any concern about it at all. Well December 4th came and I received some messages on my computer from my nephew around 9:19 A.M. that said “Hey what are you doing?” “Pa passed out on the floor”. “Police said he’s ok though”. I didn’t know that I received those messages from him until hours afterwards when my brother started calling my phone back to back. I called him right back and he’s telling me that my mother’s husband who was the only grandfather that both my son and my nephew ever knew had died. I said “WHAT?!” “DIED?!” “What do you mean died? Died how? Died where and when ?” My brother began telling me that my nephew was inside the house and his Pa was outside and he passed out in the snow and my nephew said he was calling him and he wasn’t responding and that he called 9-1-1 and the Police tried to save him and I guess the ambulance came thereafter and tried to do the same and he was taken to some nearby hospital thereafter and its not clear if he was pronounced dead in the ambulance or at the hospital. I called up my nephew right after hanging up with my brother to my mother’s cellphone that his Pa gave him my mother’s old cellphone to use and he’s telling me he found him passed out in the snow and tried to do chest compressions on him. I was grocery shopping for a few hours while this was happening in the A.M. and apparently my nephew didn’t have my regular cellphone number to call me so he sent me a message the only way he knew how. His wake was this past Monday and he died on the 4th and I have been an emotional wreck since than with severe chest pains, difficulty sleeping, waking up and feeling like I haven’t slept in years meanwhile I got 6 1/2 hours of sleep the night before, severe lower back right pain, very bad migraine, difficulty speaking, yelling and screaming at everybody and anybody, not having the energy to cook and barely any energy to wash the dishes, the vaccuming still needs to be done and hasn’t been in over a week, my mail is all over the house, I have a sore throat. I am able to control the crying better but still at random cry in public, forgetting a lot of things- I almost left my phone in public, feeling hallucinations. I need to get better fast as I’m a single parent myself with a child with a disability to look after but just need to know what I can do immediately to get myself into recovery quick without having to see my Dr. which is just going to load me up on all kinds of pill poppin medications, which I’m definitely not into and never have been, therefore, I need to take more of a natural approach for natural remedies.

  144. Jamie  December 31, 2019 at 5:27 pm Reply

    My sister was diagnosed with kidney cancer on October 20 she just passed away December 14 8 weeks later… she never even had a chance to fight the cancer as she had her kidney removed with the tumor and her remaining kidney failed. This has been so devastating to me. My sister was beautiful, kind and a loving mother to 3 children. My whole body and being hurts. I’ve been having such debilitating pain since she passed. I even went and had a kidney ultrasound cause I was feeling pain in my kidney region and was worried after what went down with my sister. My test came back normal so I just don’t know why I’m in such pain. I guess grief can cause that? I never knew and have a newfound empathy for all those grieving, I can’t believe how hard it is

    • Jessica  January 11, 2020 at 9:22 pm Reply

      I can relate. My older sister passed away on December 12 2019 and I’ve been having a really hard time. She was young and had her whole life ahead of her. Despite, adversity my sister always prevailed. She had Sarcoidosis, a rare autoimmune disorder. She had her 1st open heart surgery at 11 and her 2nd at 17. Everything was going so well until last year. Her doctor said that she’d need a 3rd in 2020 but she didnt make it. Her body was so weak that it finally succumbed to its illness. She was my only sibling so this really hurts. Not only for myself but for my parents and her kids. They’re only 4 and 5 years old. I’ve never been in this type of pain. I wonder if it’s all in my head or if im actually ill. The kidney issues you described reminds me of the issues im having with my chest. I feel like I cant breath and my heart physically hurts. Makes me wonder if it’s all in my head. My sister had a heart disease. So, is that why I’m feeling like this?
      Either way, I feel your pain. Just know that you are not alone. When you get a chance you should check out my sister’s website http://www.girlwithascar.com . She had her own nonprofit organization called Girl With A Scar. Her story is really inspiring. I’m trying really hard to keep her dream alive. God bless!

  145. skeeskee  January 15, 2020 at 1:53 pm Reply

    my father killed himself this Friday. i feel so sick, I keep throwing up. idek why I feel this way I hated the man. he was a piece of shit woman beater. but I feel like shit. I threw up multiple times in the night and this morning I couldn’t do anything but gag because my stomach is empty. I’m so hot, but no fever. I hate this. how can I make this stop?

  146. Karolina  January 22, 2020 at 10:25 am Reply

    I lost my father Nov 25, 2019 and my mother Jan 3rd 2020, the very morning after I had buried my father.
    Two years ago I also lost a very important person, who I was a couple with for 10 years, and who had been in my life for almost 20 years. Despite this person´s personal issues towards the end of his life, I considered him my only family, together with my father, whom I was extremely close to.
    I lost my ex partner to alcohol and the pain, grief and unbearabe guilt that followed, almost killed me. I could cry, then vomit, then cry again. I had excruciating anxiety. I couldn´t get out off bed. I´m certain I had not lived to day, had my father not, very quietly and respectfully, left food in my apartment, during the first months. After that, it became very clear in my mind, I had to stay alive, for the sake of my father, and his love to me. Both my parents were very bad alcoholics, when I was a child, but my father had changed his life around and stopped drinking. During the years we developed a very close bond, and the last years he was a true rock in my life. My mother, on the other hand, did not deal with her alcoholism, and up until I learned of her cancer a year ago, I had not seen her since I was 15 years old, 25 years ago. I left home when I was 15 and am 40 years today.
    Also, I have two biological siblings, whom I also haven´t seen during this entire time. Alcohol does disrupt families.

    My mother´s death, however abstract it felt to me during last year, I knew it was coming. I got in touch with her as I learned she had cancer and I helped her during her illness. My father´s death , on the other hand was a complete blow from nowhere. He tripped outside my mother´s hospital as he was coming to see her (he also started seeing and helping her last year for the first time in something like 30 years), hit his head and had a brainbleed. A complete freak accident, which he initially survived fine. However, a grave medical error with his medicines caused his death, just as dramatically, two months later.

    I have no family of my own and so now I stand completely without anyone. I spent Christmas and New Years eve alone in bed. I have friends, but sadly I´ve learned, in a very brutal way that people shy away from grief. Most people can´t handle death, hence they just avoid you. I lost several, hat I before hand considered be “good friends” when my ex partner died.
    Grief is a tormenting lonely experience. I find that aplies both spiritually and practically, in the day to day life.

    Apart from having two apartments to clear, preparing funerals and all admin that comes with a person dying (these are things you have to do) I don´t do anything. I lie in my bed all day. My body aches all the time. I don´t sleep, when I do it´s only for a few minutes, and I have nightmares. I can´t eat. It literally feels like my body in sinking in mud. The fatigue is unreal.

    Having been through this once before, I don´t see how I can pull through, without the support of my father.

    Somehow, in this very moment, it helped me writing this down.

    • jenny whelan  January 28, 2020 at 2:13 pm Reply

      Omg darling I’m reading your words and my heart breaks for you. I don’t have many words of wisdom as I lost my dad 2 weeks ago and I’m struggling. The only thing I am confident of by reading your story is that your dad would want you to know he IS with you and IS supporting you and would want you to get up, pull yourself together and start enjoying your life again. You have been through an awful lot so let it make you rather than break you. That’s what your dad would have wanted x

      • Karolina Eriksson  February 5, 2020 at 9:20 am

        Dear Jenny.
        I´m sorry to hear about your tremendous loss. Yet you have such strengh in you, to send me these powerful words of comfort – me a stranger, yet fellow griever. I thank you, truly.
        I´d like to know how people do it, get up in the morning that is. I´m on sickleave and have no family nor pets to tend to. How do one force oneself, seeing the fatigue and apathy before life is so overwhealming?

    • Shils  February 4, 2020 at 12:23 am Reply

      I just lost my mom on the 27th of January 2020 her birthday was the day before. Im 23 and i dont know what i feel my mom was my best friend. My emotions go up and down it feels so strange im exhausted.

  147. Blake  January 23, 2020 at 2:34 am Reply

    I lost my Father October 25th 2019 five days after my birthday and lost my Mother later 2013. I’m only 25 years old and this has had a serious toll on me as of late.. My father passed suddenly with no warning and it has scared me deeply. I now suddenly have major anxiety and hypochondria that I’ve never had before. As the article mentions before extreme grief a headache was just a headache and so on… Now every ache, pain and symptom I have I absolutely fear the worst… I’ve had headaches, dizziness, heart palpitations, chest pain, brain fog , fear of impending doom, throat pain and muscle tension you name it . I’ve gone to the urgent care several times , ENT specialist , ER practically everywhere with no sign of problems.I was proscribed Prozac and later on Buspar for anxiety with very little help to the point I quit taking them both as they were making me feel worse. My father and I had a business together buying and selling cars wholesale and also dealing in commercial real estate. We had both been somewhat miserable since the passing of my mother (cancer) and seemed to finally be on the right track after we had just closed a great commercial real estate deal. I was truly excited for my Dad and I as we were going to live out a dream of his of living on the water somewhere until this tragically happened. Ever since I can’t hardly work, our business has been put on hold. I initially had trouble sleeping which thankfully is better now. I feel as if I’ve been through it all. Now I’m just onto occasional crying which I can handle but the part that is hard for me is still the constant symptoms and ailments from the combination of anxiety and grief. If anyone would like to chat please email me

  148. Julia  January 27, 2020 at 4:02 pm Reply

    I lost my husband Jan 31st 2015, he was 48 years old and it was very sudden and I tried to resuscitate him. since then I have been having all sorts of physical symptoms. I am always tired, dont want to go to work (but ok when I get here), have aches and pains in my body all the time and I got shingles from being so run down, and I have developed anxiety which I never had before but it only comes every now and then.
    I thought that by now I would have semi returned to the person I was but have realised that, that person doesn’t exist anymore, but it is really hard needing to stay in my job but really just wanting to take time out for myself to recover.

    • Kris  February 6, 2020 at 1:03 pm Reply

      Julia I have the same experience. My husband died suddenly of a stroke in July 2020. I feel like I handled it as well as can be expected, but I have the same fatigue you describe. It reminds me of depression I had some years ago, but I think it’s the grief. It’s a normal response to a great loss. I’m trying not to make it worse by telling myself I should be accomplishing more and shouldn’t need so much down time. Like you when I go out I usually feel a bit better, so I’m trying to meet with friends and do my work.

  149. AB  January 29, 2020 at 10:50 pm Reply

    My father is currently in palliative care with only days, weeks maximum remaining. He has been ill for a while but this all happened quite quickly. It’s so hard sitting with him in the hospice and needing to ask questions about wills and passwords etc. Funeral details have now been discussed with my other family members and he’s not even gone yet. This is the worst part – and because he is still completely coherent and talking it makes it even harder. It just makes me so, so sad. I am going through the worst period in my life and it is comforting to read stories like mine. Thank you.

  150. Amanda  January 31, 2020 at 8:37 pm Reply

    I lost my dad this week, on Tuesday. An estranged, complicated relationship. He started going down hill when his brother died four years ago. Unfortunately my dad only sought negative reinforcement for attention, and as a single parent, trying to raise my kid with healthy boundary’s and coping mechanisms, I just couldn’t keep that relationship in my life all that often. He drank himself Into complete oblivion the last weekend (with probably the last four years as a functional alcoholic). I had absolutely no idea he struggled with addiction. I would have shown up differently for him if I knew. I would have tolerated more. And the amount of grief and guilt it takes to drink your self to death…I can’t wrap my head around it. He died alone, in a hospital bed, thinking no body loved him. I cannot imagine that there could ever be a day that I can be at peace about that. It kills me to think about his last few days. There’s an unfathomable physical and emotional response That comes and goes from minute to minute.

    • Karolina Eriksson  February 5, 2020 at 9:31 am Reply

      Amanda, I´m so sorry for your tremendous loss.
      I can relate. I lost my ex-partner to alcohol, about two years ago . He also died alone. The horrific circumstances leading up to his death has since been wearing on me nonstop. The guilt and sorrow has literally almost killed me.
      I also lost both my parents this last month, my mother also being an estranged alcoholic.
      If you´d like to write to me, please do. I´m no well of wisdom, by any means, but sometimes it helps to talk to people with similar experiences. Ms.karolina.eriksson@gmail.com.
      Try and take care, K.

    • Karolina Eriksson  February 6, 2020 at 1:29 pm Reply

      Amanda, I´m very sorry to read about your tremendous loss.
      I can relate to your story, having lost my ex partner to alcohol (after me breaking up with him after 12 years), a couple of years ago. The ending for him was in pain and complete loneliness and it wears on my mind and heart every day still. Guilt and grief of monstrous proportions has more or less broken me.
      Just this last month I lost both my father and my mother. She, also an estranged alcoholic… well there are a lot of complicated emotions that comes with such a loss.
      I´m far from a well of wisdom on the topic, but sometimes, sharing with someone who has similar experiences help – this page shows that. Please let me know if you´d like to speak more. K.

  151. Jess  February 4, 2020 at 3:18 pm Reply

    I recently lost my mum to a cardiac arrest. She was only 47 and it was very unexpected. Her main artery from her heart to her brain was completely blocked. We lost my uncle at 37 to ascemic heart disease also and my nanny has it but is medicated. Cant help but she was failes and palmed off by the doctors who consistently told her it was due to menopause, although none of her symptoms were matched to any others on a menopause page! Im still in a state of shock i think but we was so close. I feel so numb and it constantly creeps up on me but whats getting to me at the moment is the dreams. I keep having dreams about her but in my dreams she’s brain damaged  She was resuscitated and in hosp for 4 days before switching the machine off. Because she was starved of oxygen for 45 minutes her brain was too damaged. I dont know what these dreams mean but i cant help but think shes trying to come through and thats how she is now. Or maybe im just being silly. I dont know but my heart is broken and its so unbearable to think im not going to see her ever again.  Just thinking about the call that morning gets me but i can not cry infront of anyone. I feel like i must come across so cold but im so broken. Everyone knows me and knows how close we are so i know people understand what im like in some sense but i just feel like im not able to grieve properly. I dont know what to do everytime i think about it i just want to drink and i know thats not the best idea especially having a 6 yr old girl who misses her and thought the world of her also. But has anyone else had these kind of dreams? Isit just me thinking at bed time? I dont know im so confused. Ive lost a few people i know but nothing compares to this 😒😒

  152. Deborah Collins  February 19, 2020 at 4:00 am Reply

    I lost my Dad (74) in November, I feel I had never had a change to grieve probably as I was looking after my husband (56), who was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of September which had spread! And passed away 3 weeks after my father At the beginning of December.
    I was off work for 3 months , but during this ti me just felt like a zombie,! I was doing things and taking care of our dog, but have no memory of what I was doing or even saying…I gone back to work for a few hrs a day at the moment but still feel like I’m on auto pilot…..I’m sitting there working and I suddenly realise I have tears running down my face… I feel like curling up in a ball and staying there and shutting the world out, I ache all over I have constant headaches.. I feel like should I go at people ‘ why are you laughing don’t you know I’ve just lost my dad and husband!!!’ I’m Just finding it hard to except life goes on …
    last month I also lost my cousin think that set me back attending a 3 rd funeral….

    Have drs appointment tomorrow about headaches, not sure if I’ve gone back to work too early but feel that now I’m there I need to see things through and force myself back into the living!

  153. Kay  February 20, 2020 at 4:05 am Reply

    I lost a good friend on January 12th of 2020. Not a great way to go back to a college semester. I’ve already dealt with depression, just not like this. Before his death I was able to function and get to my classes. Then I went to his funeral that weekend. I never knew a ceremony could be so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. It’s insane how much one person could touch so many lives. The church was full of kind-hearted people who shared the same pain of this loss. It’s hard to accept the fact he is gone and never coming back. I used to joke about wanting to have “cancer” as am depressed and tend to make jokes as of a way of coping. But to have my friend taken from Leukemia at the age of 19… it really hit hard. I still find it difficult whenever cancer is mentioned and I become sensitive to the topic. My heart and condolences go out to the family and friends. It’s a shame that he had to deal with this all of his life. As a person, and a friend who cherished our friendship. He lived a good life. Always ready to help out and cheer up others. He was a really good soul. I’m trying not to cry while writing out how I feel about this. He was a really funny guy and had good leadership skills. He knew how to keep us all in check and focused.

    Now that it’s February and weeks have passed since the funereal. I haven’t been able to get back onto my feet. I’ve been unable to get out of my bed and let alone attend my classes. I’ve felt so emotionally drained that I only have time to make it to work and choir on Monday’s. I’ve felt numb and constantly on autopilot. I even convinced myself at one point that I was a manipulator for wanting help. And for today — when I actually received help. I entered panic mode. When I was able to get back into a clearer state of mind, I wanted to turn things around for me. I don’t know if I was just desperate to get out of there because I was no longer in control, or haven’t been in control in a long time or what. I created a small-step goals for myself. Nothing too hard to accomplish. I was able to finally take out my trash, so now instead of hoping to miraculously heal — I need to have initiative to do so. I don’t know if this is all going to fail… but, if I give myself self-love and take care of my mental health, then I know I can get out of this awful state of mind that has been at me for weeks. I was reading a few posts of reply on this article and I decided to let it out too. It’s comforting as it is devastating to see others going through the same thing. I really hope that whoever is feeling the same way I am right now is that we can get better.

  154. Luna  February 28, 2020 at 5:37 am Reply

    I lost my dad and my grandad within a few weeks in september 2019. I’m 27.
    The first months i was running on autopilot trying to organize all the pratical stuff. At the same time my boyfriend and I was selling our apartment and moving to a new place. Now that it is 5 months since the loss of them, i feel very depressed and out of energy. I’ve been dealing with pain and muscle ache in my right shoulder and i cannot concentrate when i’m at uni. I’ve tried to travel far away to get some rest and to escape everything, but it only helped when i was there. Now that i am back everything is the same and i sad most of the time. I am really lost and don’t know what to do from here. I am trying to carry everyday life on my shoulder and everyone seem to think i’m fine. In fact no one ask me even though i tried to be honest about my situation.
    I’ve been thinking about having a break from university, but since i don’t know many people in the city despite from the people i’m studying with, i’m afraid to feel even more lonely. Sometimes i just wish to travel far away and start all over again.It hurts me that no one seems to care or see how much i suffer. Its hard always having to put a smile on your face and pretend like everything is OK: now that its been 5 months, i feel like i can’t set back and say: hey, i need some time to heal. In my country (I live in Europe) people don´t like to talk about the things that hurts, it is expected that you are positive, otherwise you will put a bad vibe into the room and no one can cope with that because everyone is busy with their own lives and stuff. Its really frustrating and I no for a fact that it is typical for the country i’m from, because i’ve been living in other countries where it was much different. It does not feel sustainable for me to keep traveling just to feel better for a while. I’ve been attending group therapy but it does not help me as i was hoping. I do yoga everyday, walk with my dog in nature and eat plant based. I really try everything to nourish my body and soul, but just feel like i’m getting worse and like a grumpy old lady 🙁
    Does anybody please have some advice or stories like this? Would be so happy to know that i’m not alone <3

    • Grace  February 29, 2020 at 3:29 am Reply

      Dear luna, I am writing to tell you that you are most truly not alone. I am sorry for your loss ~ that must have felt/feel very sad to lose two people close to you so soon together. I know what you mean about different countries, I have travelled too & know it feels weird when something that is normal to express in one country is not in yours. I have found that if you just keep expressing what you need to express (that is true to you & your spirit) then it does not matter if people here don’t get it yet ~ they will! The more of us that consciously speak our truth in the spirit of honesty & peace~ the better! As for advice I think you are doing amazing things for yourself already, with lots of self care, so keep doing that! These feelings will pass, but yes you need to feel the feelings first. My personal favourites for self care are meditation, watching eckhart tolle videos & reading his books, deepak Chopra videos, being in nature, focusing on helping others and music that nourishes. There is a wonderful Damien Dempsey song called ‘not on your own’ to remind you that we are all in this thing called life together! My best wishes to you for feeling your feelings, finding peace, comfort & the inner power & light. Brightest blessings to you!!! Grace xxx

    • Biljana  February 29, 2020 at 5:03 pm Reply

      Hi Luna, you are not alone. I I lost my my mom suddenly just over a year ago and I feel so lost, confused all those feelings you are similar how ur describing. I do yoga, walk my dog , back to work but this pain will be here forever. The only way I think is to believe that our loved ones are allways with us even though we cant see them

  155. Reeta  March 7, 2020 at 3:04 am Reply

    I m glad to come across your article. My dad passed away on my way to see him last January. I stood at the gate just to entered the plane when it happened. It was the longest flights ever (I live in NL and my family lives in Jakarta. The last time I saw him physically was in November 2017, and when we video chatted, he couldn’t or wouldn’t say much because of his stroke. I had only for weeks there to help my mom, my brother and luckily we got help from people who are closed to us. There’s this anger still inside of me, the guilt, the ‘what if questions’ when I was there. I didn’t take care myself because I was focusing on my mom & things needed to be done because time was limited for me. I had to go back to my job 🥺 and my study. I came back, still feeling sad, lost and angry. I started directly going to school and work, without stopping. After one and a half week, my body starts to react to this. I m suffering from glandural fever/mononucleosis. My glands are swollen for three weeks now and I couldn’t held my head straight. I have feverish nights and I couldn’t focus on anything except the pain. I still haven’t accepted what had happened and you are absolutely right, I am experiencing physical grief. I wanted to keep myself busy with school and work. But it is not going to happen now. It is very difficult when you live far away from home. I still need to see a therapist after I feel better. And I have been telling myself to toughen up but reading all the comments here, make me realize that grief is a process of mental and physical healing.

  156. Nancy  March 18, 2020 at 9:06 pm Reply

    I lost my mother to Acute Myeloid Leukemia in August of 2018 and am still exhibiting grief fatigue. I take too many naps on weekends and have no energy to maintain order in the house. I have terrible sleep every single night and sleep aids do nothing. I can’t concentrate, have gained 13 pounds and wonder if I’ll ever come out of the nightmare. At work nobody would guess what I’m going through as I put lots of energy into getting things done and being friendly to everyone. But I am simply exhausted with little other motivation or interests.

  157. Ann  March 23, 2020 at 6:06 am Reply

    I lost my mother 2 weeks ago. I have many of the common symptoms; fatigue, dry mouth, body aches. I find myself crying so hard that I hit my legs or other body parts, not hard but compulsively, or hold my head tightly. Why am I doing this?

    • E  March 23, 2020 at 10:29 pm Reply

      Hi Ann, I’m sorry for your loss. You’re doing this because you’re trying to cope and soothe yourself. You’ve never experienced anything like this Before and you’re trying to ground yourself. Take it a day at a time, see if you’re able to get some counseling or join a bereavement group. This feels dark and sad but as you allow yourself to feel it all, you’ll
      Slowly get to a more peaceful place. Be kind to yourself and don’t put to much pressure on yourself either. All the best

  158. Tuula  April 6, 2020 at 11:35 pm Reply

    I lost my aunt who was like a mother to me in November, it was sudden. she had a massive heart attack at work and she was gone in seconds. i feel like my chest is going to explode and implode at the same time when i think about her. most people that i know get their parents for 50 ish years, i had her for merely 17. i found this article comforting, and knowing that this is a relatively normal part of grief is helpful. i hope someday i can look back on her with happiness, but for now i just have to work through the sadness.

  159. Heidi Kobulnicky  April 7, 2020 at 3:06 pm Reply

    I am a wife with epilepsy and I take care of a husband that is 52 years old and is on dialysis 3x/week and have 2 dogs to take care of.
    I am doing everything. I wash clothes, I clean the whole house, I make my husband’s doctor appointments, I set his rides to and from his doctor’s appointments, I do the grocery shopping, I feed the dogs, I clean up after the dogs, I give them water, I call the pharmacy to refill my husband’s medications, I go pick them up, I walk the dogs, I cook and I make sure my husband gets his rides for his dialysis. I don’t ever get a break, a vacation or a day off. I’m not allowed to be sick as I have to stay healthy in order to do everything.
    I feel like I am a maid/slave instead of a wife.
    I am now feeling extremely exhausted and feel like I am close to going into a coma. My husband doesn’t care at all. He says he cares but he doesn’t show it at all. He doesn’t help out and when he does it is supposed to be a big deal. I can’t keep going on like I do. I’m ready to throw in the towel and just go into a home where I won’t have to do anything. I’m 37 years old and not 100% healthy due to my epilepsy. I feel like I have chronic fatigue syndrome but also am dealing with extremely bad neighbors in my building/my area too. Stress and epilepsy and being overworked isn’t good for me.

  160. Ana  April 7, 2020 at 7:47 pm Reply

    I just lost my mom a little over a week and a half ago on March 28. She passed from Stage 4 kidney/lung cancer. I feel most of these symptoms, particularly sleeplessness and my pre existing digestive issues have worsened significantly. I feel as though I can’t breathe and am unable to focus on anything. I think it’s because of the obvious grief but also that almost every time I see her in my dreams, she’s still sick. I was her caretaker for her last months as she worsened and I’m glad I did it but somehow I feel it’s made me feel worse, since whenever I close my eyes I see her struggling to breathe. I was very attached to my mom and have anxiety disorder as well as a past of eating disorder. These are hard times but I am trying to maintain some sort of routine and I find that it helps a bit.

    • P Gray  April 9, 2020 at 5:33 pm Reply

      I just lost my mom also 4-3-2020. I feel horrible, all out of sorts. I can’t explain it. I’m weak, I’m shaking, I’m feeling nauseated. I feel helpless. I’m trying to be strong. I’m a Christian and I know my mom is in Heaven with the Lord. It is the human part of me that feels terrible, like I’m really sick. I know it is my nerves. I’m with my daughter son in law and 2 grandsons. I’m trying to act like I’m fine, I’m not.

  161. eliza  April 10, 2020 at 3:06 am Reply

    I lost my mum yesterday. I am only 12 she passed away 9.4.2020 19 days before I turn 13. This artical is completley true I have all of these things. My sisters and i are greiving very hardly and we are completly drained. It has only been 1 day since she passed away but still and because of us being in isolation.
    She passed away from kidney faileir and a heart infection… But it is good to know that she is in peace now.

    • Widowed  April 10, 2020 at 3:58 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss! This is a hard time for all. I just lost my husband and the father of my kids on Tuesday. This is unimaginable. He was so young with a lot of life to live. We all have to take care of our self and each other.

      • Eliza  April 10, 2020 at 10:44 pm

        I’m so sorry for your loss!
        If you don’t mind me asking how did it happen ?

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