Reconnecting with Life After Loss (One step at a time)

You’ve been there before.  Heck, we’ve all been there.

It’s been a long week, you’re tired, the weather’s not that great, and it is utterly impossible to imagine anything as enjoyable as changing into your pajamas, ordering a pizza, opening a bottle of wine, and snuggling in for some quality couch time.  Sure you made plans to meet up with friends, but it’s okay to cancel just this once.

Fast forward and you’ve rescheduled those plans.  You’re due for some quality time with friends, but the same couch is tempting you to come hither.  “Come sit on me,” it says, “Netlflix awaits. And, oh, what is this?  Why it’s a big comfy blanket.”  It’s decision time friends, what will you do?  The easy thing – give into the couch, or the hard thing – see your long lost friends?

Personally, I engage in these battles all the time, and I bet you do as well.

Round one:  Make healthy dinner vs. grab take out

Round two:  Go to the gym vs. “no thank you!”

Round three: Call a friend and make plans vs. don’t commit to doing something you might not want to do later

Round four: Sign up for that class vs. self-doubt and cynicism

Ideally, you would always decide to invest your energy in the things that bring you fulfillment, enjoyment, satisfaction, and connection, even if these things felt challenging. But being realistic, we know that most people opt for the easier choice from time to time, even if it isn’t the wisest.

This may be especially true when you’re grieving, because when you’re grieving you have a whole slew of reasons for taking shortcuts, disengaging, and withdrawing socially and emotionally.  Here are a few:

  • You feel distracted or as though you can’t focus on anything other than your loss/grief.
  • You feel like you have to conserve your energy to deal with the emotion and stress of grief.
  • You feel as though the things you once enjoyed now seem meaningless or unimportant.
  • You disengage from activities because they remind you of your loved one.
  • You feel anxious about seeing people/social interaction.
  • You feel anxious about running into grief triggers.
  • You feel anxious about becoming emotional in front of others.
  • You no longer feel like a capable and competent person.
  • The world no longer feels like a safe and reliable place.
  • It feels safe and comfortable to not push yourself.
  • Engaging in activities feels like a betrayal or as though you’re “moving on”.
  • You think you will feel better in time, so you decide to stay at home and wait it out.

It’s protective and adaptive, when you only have so much energy, to focus it on the places where it is most needed.  It’s normal to let some of your day-to-day routine fall by the wayside during times of hardship and crisis.  However, one should be mindful of how much they are cutting out and for how long. There is often a fine line between temporarily disengaging and more harmful long-term social and/or emotional withdraw.

Consider this, disengaging from previously fulfilling and enjoyable activities can contribute to depression.  The Society of Clinical Psychology notes that,

“When people get depressed, they may increasingly disengage from their routines and withdraw from their environment. Over time, this avoidance exacerbates depressed mood, as individuals lose opportunities to be positively reinforced through pleasant experiences, social activity, or experiences of mastery.”  

Although depression and grief are different, both experiences may cause someone to retreat from life and, in either scenario, that person is cut off from sources of support, coping, and positive emotion and may ultimately end up feeling worse.

One therapy that has proven effective in treating depression is called behavioral activation.  Through behavioral activation, depressed clients increase their engagement with activities that provide them with opportunities to experience social support, well-being, positive feelings, and confidence. Following a similar line of reasoning, we might assert that the more grieving people engage with life, the more opportunity they will have to process their emotions, connect, receive support from others, and experience positive feelings.

Before you get overwhelmed, we are not talking about going “back to normal” or a complete reintegration with your “normal activities”.  We’re talking about actively choosing small and worthwhile activities and deliberately planninto do them. Let’s talk specifically about this means.

What have you stopped doing since experiencing the death of your loved one?  More specifically, what do you no longer do that you used to previously enjoy or find fulfilling? These may be things that you stopped doing because…

  • you don’t have the time
  • they require too much effort
  • they remind you of your loved one
  • they seem less fun.

Now, what if I told you that by deliberately deciding to do these things again, or by choosing new things to try, that you might start to feel a little bit better? Or that by doing these things you are actually, in many ways, coping with your grief? Some outlets – like supportive friends, journaling, advocacy, art – help you directly process your grief-related emotions and experiences.  While others are simply healing in that they help you connect with others, feel a sense of mastery or fulfillment, allow you to feel calm and at peace, increase your physical wellbeing, or simply help you to feel human again.

I know these things seem small in comparison to your big problems and stressors, but one way to think of coping is as small steps on a very large staircase, where each step could potentially help you feel a little bit better. 


Getting started:

Ask yourself, what does a typical day currently look like?

Literally, write your hour-to-hour schedule down and ask yourself:

  • What is filling up your time?
  • Is it filled with a whole lot of nothing or is it filled with way too much?
  • In looking at the activities, how many feel draining?
  • Be honest, how much of your day is scheduled around worries, anxieties, and the need to avoid?
  • How many activities are there in your schedule that help you (1) take care of yourself (2) directly cope with your grief (3) feel positive feelings?
  • What used to be a part of your schedule that you’ve now stopped doing?

Make a plan.

If you’ve cut out activities that used to be an important part of your life, things that had inherent value, then it may be time to schedule them back in.  Now, some of these activities may no longer feel pleasurable, perhaps because nothing feels pleasurable, they may remind you of your loved one, they require effort, or because they force you to confront difficult emotions.  You should consider scheduling them in anyway.  Once you get over the hump/your fears/anxieties – whatever it is – you may find that these activities are worthwhile again.

Next, consider what other positive/constructive/therapeutic activities you could begin to work into your schedule for the first time.  Are there coping tools you’d like to try?  Are there ways you want to honor and remember your loved one?  Are there physical health issues you’d like to work on?  Think about these things as well.


After you’ve taken stock of your schedule and the types of activities that are missing, it’s time to schedule them in.  Literally, schedule them into the hour.  You may want to think about your day leading up to the activity as well.  For example, if you want to go to the gym at 10 am but you typically sleep until 9:30 am, you may need to schedule an earlier wake-up time and a breakfast time as well.  Be realistic and be honest with yourself.

It may help you to ask other people to keep you accountable.  Ask someone to do the activity with you, or at least ask them to follow up with you to make sure you did it.  If you have a counselor or support group, talk to them about your plans and ask them to ask you how it went next time they see you.

As they say, “just do it”.

Don’t give in to your excuses, rationalizations, or reasons why not. And if you are skeptical, then prove us wrong. In other words, just try it and see.

While engaging in the activity, pay attention to how you are feeling.  Comparing yourself to how you felt at your worst, not your ideal best, do you feel any better?  If the answer is yes, good!  If the answer is no – I feel worse – then ask yourself why because this may be useful information as well.

Be prepared for it to be difficult at times.

After someone dies, some of our most valued and fulfilling experiences are often colored with a tinge of pain.  Part of coping with grief is learning to tolerate and work through painful emotions so prepare to feel frustrated and to doubt yourself and to feel all sorts of emotion – but please believe it is worth it in the end.

A podcast and a post?  What could be better?  

You can subscribe to our podcast here as well.

June 25, 2018

40 responses on "Reconnecting with Life After Loss (One step at a time)"

  1. Good to read some of this. I’m struggling. Just getting through each day. Can’t get used to being alone. My husband died 4 years ago. 46 years in love, 45 married. 3 children who live far away. 2 grandchildren. I thought my life was over but I met Widower. Within a year we were best friends and companions and we healed each other and fell in love!!! We did SO much together. He was an ideas man. He died last Armistice day. I nursed my husband on and off, depending on how well he felt, for 8 years and wouldn’t have had it any other way. He died in my loving arms at home with the children at the foot of the bed. He was an Ordained Clergyman. The biggest surprise of my life was my second man and I loved and nursed him for his last 3 months at the family’s request. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. However, when he was dying in hospital and asking for me I was given my 10 min slot to say goodbye and then asked to leave. He died 3 days later. Since the funeral in their grief some of the children, who were so friendly when he was alive, have cut off from me. I pray for them but it makes me even more sad. I will be here for them if they ever change their minds. I make efforts to see friends and family and I go to Church. Everyone is so kind BUT I am still alone most of the time. That’s hard I now know. There’s only so much art and craft I feel like doing. I’m comfort eating and gaining weight! Not pleased. This beautiful weather is making me hide away and I’m avoiding the garden room and garden because it’s all reminding me so much of my second recent love and all the amazing things we did, holidays too we had and with weather like this he would say, pack your bag, we’re off on an adventure! I desperately want to find a purpose for going on, something I can do to be useful, give my life some meaning, find a cause that needs me and can become my focus. Family and friends need me but I need to find something to give me that buzz for living again. I feel I’m just marking time till I can be with my loves again. There doesn’t seem much point to anything.

  2. Sentil RavichandranApril 12, 2019 at 1:48 amReply

    I lost my lovable wife and it’s been a month and still I cant stop crying and thinking about my precious wife. I’ve got a kid who is 5 and I can’t even imagine what is going to happen and I feel both me and son should join my wife at the earliest.

  3. Ive just lost my dad and i am hurting so bad people say it will get better as time goes on but i cant imagine me enjoying life ever again

  4. i lost my first chid,my lovely son, my hero, my unconditional love, exactly 4 months ago, he just 5 days old. now my life, and my wife live is not the same anymore, yes i still work because i have a family to feed, but theres no joy at anything, if i dont drink, i cant sleep, i dont have the courage to meet my best friend who is pregnant or have a little child, i feel the world is just fucking unfair, i feel betrayed, i blame my self, i lost all my faith to god, i lost my dream, i lost my apetite to life, now i just “crawl”, im really tired, sometimes i just want to die too, but i never think about killing my self, because its gonna hurt my wife and my family even greater, i dont know who to talk to.., yes i have friends and family, and yes i tell them how i feel, but what can they say??, im so tired, i lost my dream, i dont know what to do, im so fucking tired, please help me, i felt really alone

    • you can get thru the initial shock and pain . You have to other people need you . I know i lost my wife 3 years ago . I was a feeling lower than ever unable to function for the first 30 days . I read alot about grief and really tried to get a handle on it but it is very difficult. What i found was the raw emotions and thoughts have to run there course. Cry as much as you want let it out . All the feelings you have go with the grief and loss . I can tell you with time you will be able to get back to some new level of normal but you will still have bad days . I guess I am just trying to tell you to hang in there . So Sorry for your loss . The grief just sucks plain and simple . Time is the real factor as it goes on you can cope better with the situation. Seek counseling if you feel it will help.

  5. My older brother went missing two days after his birthday and i was one of the persons who found his body two days after that. I wake up everyday feeling more and more empty, and as though my life no longer has any meaning. I tried to help my parents and other older sibling to cope with it, however I myself do not know what coping means to me. I had many opportunities to take my own life but then my family, who is already on the edge of breaking, would snap and I do not think they should have to go through any more pain. I get very scared these days because my memories of him are fading and the sometimes I can not even remember what he looks like. I try to talk to someone whenever I feel like I’m at my limit but even that is hard because he was the person in my life that I would go to at times like this. I do not know what to do with my life anymore, all my dreams and aspirations are disappearing one after the other.

    • How long ago did your brother die? My son died in a car crash on dec 27 just 3 weeks and one day ago. He was my freind as well as my son. I loved him dearly and I don’t want to do anything, the pain is so deep. I have been trying to be positive in between my bouts of crying. But I am all used up, my son had been with me all of my adult life.

    • God love’s you brother God love’s you. Trust me when I tell you this that He does. He really does.

  6. Feb 4 2018 my 39 yrs old brother drowned at pretty beach canberra.i was informed via a call from my cousin.i felt numb flew down from uae to melbourne within 4 days he was buried.its been 11 mths i cant find anything to love anymore cant listen to music miss him all the time we were best of friends i had so many hopes for him he left without a do i get normal.everyone around me just says stop thinking of him and life will be ok.

  7. January 28 I lost my Mom to lung cancer it was fast but brutal. She was my best friend and I miss her more than words. Three weeks later my Grandmother passed away it has been a hard long year. On October 26 I had to put my beloved dog Swat down he was 12.5 years old I am so devastated about all that had happened all year. I am not looking forward to waking up every day or even Christmas which is my favorite holiday. It took me so much just to put up the decorations

  8. I lost my wife 18 months ago and I am still devastated. I cannot seem to find happiness in any social situation without her. Yet this is crazy too, because for 3 years before she died she was bedridden. We became socially isolated and she became very unwell, constantly vomiting and faint with exhaustion. She had cancer and absolutely refused any treatment. I found her choice not have treatment slightly selfish ………I know it is everyone’s personal decision and you cannot argue with that but I wish she had shared with me her reasons for her decision. It left me feeling that in some ways she deliberately chose this path to get away from me. Outside of this work life took a nose dive. My employer changed their top management. The guys I had reported to were compassionate and gave me time off for recovery. The new regime waited till I was back and fired me.
    I really am just tired and depressed all the time and find zero joy in living. I have some friends who are kind in their own way but I totally mourn the loss of conversation with someone I was close to. Someone who cared for me and had shared experiences. I cannot see myself getting back into any social situations any time soon. I just could not cope with effort ….it takes all my energy to go to work.

  9. just do the shalat, that’s all you need, but in times of monthly period you can’t do shalat, just do zikr.

  10. My husband, my best friend & love of my life, died 3 1/2 months ago. I can’t seem to get into a routine, can’t get anything done. Most days I just sit & watch TV or play computer games. If I start something, like cleaning the house, painting furniture, etc, I start but don’t finish. I cannot get motivated to do much or get into any kind of routine. Im an introvert so it’s hard for me anyway, even before he passed. I have grandchildren I dearly love but find myself avoiding them too, which breaks my heart. I just feel so unsettled, restless. I also have his remains & memorial money I dont know what to to with. I cannot make any decisions.

    • I know exactly how you feel I do the same as you. My Husband died 6 Months ago I can’t forgive him for leaving me. It was so sudden. My Son was getting Married on the Sunday the Tuesday before my Husband went to try on his suit for the wedding and get any last minute things, in the early hours of Wednesday morning he was dead. he got buried on the Friday the wedding went ahead on the Sunday and I remember none of it. Just left is shock every day as to how I ended up alone. Yes I have children and grandchildren who mean the world to me but also have their own familys and their own grief to deal with, and I have no wish to burden them. I have lost all interest in life I am lost, lonely, and mad that this happened. Where I was alway active I now spend my days not talking and sitting in a chair wishing this life won’t go on for much longer.

  11. It’s seven years since I lost my baby during pregnancy. Before losing the baby i had been doing courses on creative writing and was trying to sell stories to magazines. A few months after losing my baby i got a story published! I was paid and everything!!!!
    …. but i didn’t care. I didn’t have my baby. All else paled into insignificance.

    It still hurts now tbh. I remember thinking ‘this is what i wanted why can’t i feel proud?’.

    I don’t think I’ll ever go back to writing. My life has gone in different directions now. But it’s just another tiny loss in the face of that one enormous loss.

    (Enormous doesn’t cover it, but i guess no words ever can.)

  12. Thank you for an excellent and timely post. My husband died a little over seven months ago after a tough and extended battle with cancer (I was his primary caregiver). I was numb and like others, found just going to work and getting the basics done around the house were all I could handle for the first couple of months. Empty as I felt, I realized that I was now missing activities we had enjoyed pre-cancer, but wasn’t sure I could handle them. So I forced myself to commit to a single event for a single time – going to a football game – and it went OK. So, I boldly added another activity we enjoyed – a music event – and while it was a little tough, I made it through. At this point, I am intentionally scheduling myself for activities we enjoyed plus things I really used to enjoy doing on my own that I gave up when he got sick and even have tried a couple new things. It’s definitely tough sometimes, but I can’t affirm enough your advice to take small steps to getting back to doing things. It has lifted my overall mood immensely. It doesn’t mean I still don’t ache with grief some days, but now that my “new normal” is starting to take shape, it’s given me purpose and best of all, the opportunity to appreciate the life I have to live, even as I continue to mourn the life that was lost.

  13. I have struggled the will to engage in life without a sense of peace since I was raised by a narcissistic mother. The after effects of losses as my parents marriage fell apart, my father openly admitting he was gay, my mother made multiple serious suicide attempts. I triumphed by at least getting married and having a beautiful daughter. However my husband and next relationships were also replications and I discovered the awfulness of repeating patterns unconsciously. Until my oldest sibling, my brother died at 52 from acute illness. The weeks before he died, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my sister is agoraphobic and while both alive I can’t bear to visit either now. I took care of people including my own patients until last year when the person I had found strength in died; she had been the last remaining relative whom I loved. My daughter is now away for graduate school and I treasure knowing she’s in the world. So I have great admiration for those of you who lost a child. I don’t believe in recovery, life changes us and as many have said, it is only in moments that I can notice my strength or how much opportunity I’ve had that I couldn’t make the most of. That’s tragic as we all have fate mixed into this.,I do believe that seeing myself as someone who can still give to the world or maybe even get closer again to others may be possible. I am so thankful I’ve learned what grief is, I thought it was just me. I also studied trauma theory in depth and now I can only read this site. I’m thankful I found it.
    Avoidance is a hateful defense,It has robbed me of many days and joys I’m sure. But multiple losses or just one tremendous one, doesn’t make a difference. Knowing you absolutely must function and doing what this post discussed builds self worth a tiny bit at a time. I had made many gains so I know it works to be in the world as best you can.
    I do know my life history and current alone state frightens others. i have to pretend and work hard to be at peace with myself. No one can do more but I wish for more every day. Wishing doesn’t make anything happen. I’m craving family and have done so for a lifetime. What’s under my nose Is what I need to tend to. We’ve lost our loves or in my case I wasn’t loved, I was utilized or adored or batted around; for another persons needs.
    I grieve for all of us who know we have had joys taken away, interestingly I’m glad I know what I need to do. So please keep up the wisdom here. I have been helped by every entry.

  14. The posts I find the hardest to read are probably the ones I need to read the most. I think we need to pushed, a little, or we may remain stuck in a horrible hole. & who knows, we may or may not remain there. Some days, some minutes I think I will, how does one survive the loss of a child, your life, your love, how will I???? I just don’t know??? So I read these posts, and try to get some positive from them. And there is always something, you just have to look. Thank you Litsa & Eleanor for going where it is so hard to go to for us who are suffering from loss. I am grateful for all of these posts and this site and for all the comments. We all are where we are. Just trying to survive the horror of losing those we have loved so much.

    • Gloria
      I too lost a child…my son and there are days when I feel i will never be happy again and then today I got googled grief support groups and grief therapists
      I am going for an assessment tomorrow at grief support center near my house…all run by trained volunteers. They have groups and one on one help to process this grief. I have hope that I can get through this…as the article said, just a small action can help and all I did was google and pick up the phone

      • Oh, and there will be no cost…I have never heard of this place since I have never needed it…

      • Suzy,
        I have been going to Compassionate Friends and seeing a therapist. Along with reading WYG, parent loss Facebook pages, reading grief books and talking with supportive friends. Even with doing all the “right things”, I am still suffering, and know I will, on some level, for the rest of my life. I lost my Laura in June, 2015. Learning to live this new life, without her, will be a lifelong journey. But who does know what small action can make a difference?? I feel any small joy I find, gives me energy to continue when they pain is too bad. One day, one minute at a time.

  15. alice morgan simmondsApril 2, 2016 at 2:19 amReply

    This post kind of bugged me. Implied is there is a right way to go about reintegrating into the outside world after a major loss. We are all so different and I tend to be more introverted. If I had forced myself into activities, social things before I was ready, and felt even worse about myself, with some of the implied things in this article. I.e, my retreat is not ‘ normal’, I am wasting opportunities, the class is better than the sofa, I would have been even more depressed. I think grief has it’s natural course in each of us it is a very individual process. I could not do anything much the first year after my husband died suddenly, social activity, classes, etc, were very stressful and if I had pushed myself, I do not believe it would have been self loving or self respecting. I took my time, and believe me, got some flack about it, but I trusted my needs and my process. It’s been 2 years now and I am very active, engaged, enjoying life and my body is well and whole. It takes time and I question anything that seems to push an agenda. Sorry, I know this article was meant with good intentions, it just seems a bit one sided and doesn’t consider the interior wisdom that lives in each one of us. Let the process of healing take time is my advice. Grief is a season and we need to wait while things heal, going underground is natural, in my world.

    • Sorry this is how this post read to you, because that feeling that bugged you is something that bugs us a lot and we do our best to try to be clear that we definitely don’t think there is a ‘right’ way to deal with grief! Eleanor wrote this post and, as you probably know if you have followed us for a while, she is defitinely an introvert and shares a lot of the experiences you describe. Though I am more of an extrovert, we both tend not to be “joiners” so we usually try to have a range of coping ideas that are specifically about doing things that aren’t all about being social, joining, etc. Part of the reason that we do share posts like this one now and again is also because we are not always the best at getting our of our own way. There is so much value in trusting our guts and our own grief process, but many people (me being one of them) are our own worst enemy. Sometimes we start to push ourselves in the time and way we need it. And sometimes we don’t – we let the healthy isolation turn into unhealthy isolation, or we get stuck in a pattern and allow ourselves to stay stuck by feeling entitled to be stuck- I am the queen of that, in fact! :). This post doesn’t push much – walking the dog, getting a haircut, listening to music, cooking dinner once in a while. It is pushing little small things, not big social things. But it does push a little because, in all honesty, we believe that sometimes you need a push. Some are lucky enough to have their grief progress in a positive way through time and their process, some aren’t and it takes a bit more conscious effort. It isn’t that any things are the ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ things to be doing, it is that sometimes we need to raise our conscious awareness of what we are doing. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment – I am sure you spoke what others also may feel reading this post, and we hate the idea of people feeling that. If you haven’t read these posts, you might find they resonate a bit more with your experience.

  16. Excellent article. Thank you

  17. i also didn’t post a video 🙂

  18. this came at such a great time for me. i am still grieving my parents sudden, unexpected deaths. it’s been 6 months for Mom, 5 months for Dad so i’m still new at this lol. early on & i realize it’s still early on for me but i was really good at forcing myself to go out when i needed to. there were some days where i wasn’t going anywhere and i accepted that. i’ve found myself slipping back into that pattern over the last month where i am rushing to come home & stay home. i avoided church this Easter because that just reminded me of Mom. we grew up in church, my Mom was a big part of the church we went to so Easter, shopping for Easter clothes & what not brings back so many great memories. i didn’t want to fall apart in church so I made sure I stayed far away on Easter Sunday lol. i stayed home & i was fine with that, it was too soon for me. again though even i am realizing that I’ve fallen back into my pattern of avoidance & doing nothing so thank you again for a timely podcast & blog. i shared it with my sisters & my niece

    • Vanessa,
      I too feel your pain. My dad died suddenly in September and my mom 4 1/2 months later ( I say of a broken heart). Easter was also so hard for me as I too grew up in church. My dad sang in the choir all my life. Three days of hearing them again for the first time since his funeral was so hard. ( I’ve avoided the mass they sing at and attend another time.) I still can’t look at the choir or his empty seat! Good Friday my daughter, my sister and I sobbed our way through mass. And following Holy Saturday service I broke down into the arms of a long time family friend. Church is so hard, but I know I need to be there. And I know my parents are with me there as they always have been ( still hard). I’m struggling too with everyday life, the reality of being coexecutor of their estate and my grief. I’ve found a great grief counselor who is helping me on this journey along with close friends. I pray you too may find someone to help you on this journey. It was a friend who sent me a copy of one of the article posted on holiday grief that I found this site and you! My best friend who’s parents died 5 days apart encourages me with taking baby steps on this journey we both now travel. Another also told me ” to give time…time”. So I have hope to come out on the other side of my grief. Will I be the same, no. But I’ll come through it.

      • I’m sad that we are in this club that I didn’t sign up for. It helps knowing there are others in my situation but also makes me sad that we have this in common. I have yet to step foot in church since their deaths. I fall apart sometimes walking past any church lol. I’m exercising more & it’s helping me feel less depressed plus no one told me about the grieving 20! I’m working on losing some of this grief weight. Day by day is all we can do

  19. So….now that the video this has happened twice it makes me think we’ve cause an internet bug of some sort! We’ll look into this!

  20. I did not post these videos in my comment

  21. Terrific website and podcast- thanks so much. My 24 year old son died 6 years ago as a result of an unnecessary accident. What I have found is the need to “reconnect with life” countless times over, finding the things that work sometimes- a dog, the gym, the right people, gratitude journal, etc. It is not a linear experience. My ultimate goal is to make the remaining time I have as good as I can, but this is the challenge of my lifetime. When other stressors occur, not just the grief, it makes it much harder to deal. Again- many thanks for your work.

  22. Hello I’m not sure how the video above attached to my message, it has nothing to do with me Corrina

  23. Hello Eleanor, I’ve only just started to subscribe to your very helpful site. Your message today is so helpful to me. My 21 year old son was in an accident 8 weeks ago and tragically died. Your message reminded me that I’m actually doing too much and need to relax and it’s ok not to do everything. I know it’s small steps, im trying to fit 100 in a day, working, going to gym, baking, walking with friends, chatting on the phone, that’s just in one day, no wonder by Friday im burnt out! Today I’ll meditate. Thank you Corrina

  24. Aww this is such a good post, thank you for putting into words how I so felt in the first few weeks/months after my dear Mum died. I did hide away to start with, I just couldn’t handle social situations, but I worked out what worked for me, what I felt comfortable with, and seeing people individually is what felt OK, and explaining to people what I needed helped too. And simplifying my day to schedule in small achievable activities, walking a dog was one of the most valuable and healing things I did, it made me get out, gave me some gentle exercise, be in the fresh air, be in the world, even if it was in my own grief bubble. If you haven’t got a dog maybe walk a neighbours dog or a friends, dogs are the best medicine for sadness. It’s been a few months now since I lost my Mum and things are starting to feel a bit more meaningful, I am starting to find joy in things again, this is so healing and so reassuring and reading What’s Your Grief posts everyday has been a huge help too, thank you guys xx

  25. Sounds good in print. Not happening in real life. Just trying to keep breathing, doing my job at work, raising my son, and counting the hours til I’m done.

    • Hey DavesWidow,

      I hear you. We know that sometimes it’s just a matter of making it through the day. I hope that in time you are able to find a little space for self-care and coping. As a widow and a mom you really really deserve it.

      Hang in there 🙂

    • Yep, I (we) made a plan, that didn’t turn out so well. Not inclined to start making plans again.

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