The 64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me

64 Things / 64 Things : Litsa


You know we love a good 64-things-about-grief list around here. We have tons of them, on so many topics, often crowdsourced from tens of thousands of WYG readers and social media followers. Sometimes we plan them and sometimes they find us. Though you might think we planned for a list of grief lessons, this list found us.

How, you ask? I posted this image on social media the other day.

I realized almost immediately, as responses started pouring in, that we had a new 64 things list on our hands. By the day’s end people had shared nearly 200 of their hardest grief lessons – big and small. Lest these grief lessons disappear forever in the history of facebook and instagram comments, we’ve compiled 64 of the most common grief lessons shared with us, anonymized and in no particular order.

Grief taught me . . .

  1. We have to choose every day, to see the positive to be grateful for all we had and what we lost and how loved we were.
  2. That the world continues to move forward around you, and that is okay. You can still find ways to honour the dead in your life. We don’t have to move forward as if our grief isn’t valid or doesn’t exist. We can learn to move forward with our grief and maintaining a new relationship with the dead.
  3. I’ve found during my 3 months of grieving for my husband that I’m alone once again and I don’t want to be alone. Having to accept that is the hardest lesson I’ve learned so far. 
  4. The hardest lesson was the memory loss, lack of concentration and the depression.
  5. I realised that after losing my mum when I was a young child, I subconsciously kept myself small and isolated, didn’t allow myself to dream or aspire to things in life cause the chance of losing them would be too hard to bear. I have wasted a lot of time and dreams like that. Now I see it I can change it. I’m now excited about a different future.
  6. The amount of time for grieving is always! You just do the best you can.
  7. After losing my teenage son to a rare disease he developed in childhood, that the friends and family you thought would always be around, pack up and leave and never look back because you losing a child makes them sad! That part has burned deep.
  8. I was not prepared for the “secondary losses” of living friends and family members who distanced themselves.
  9. I have learned that grief and joy can co-exist.
  10. After losing my teenage daughter to leukemia, I learned to take life slowly to cope with the unexpected loss. Slowly at first was an hour at a time. Life is fragile. I’m grateful to those who have reached out to me without me asking.
  11. I can still laugh at a joke and smile at a child; nonetheless, the concept that somehow what happened to my son will be “justified” or ‘okay” is utter BS.
  12. I’ve learned that there are some losses I will never stop grieving.
  13. I was surprised at how many life options are still open and wonderful. I miss him but there ARE awesome life choices and possibilities still all around.
  14. One of the hardest grief lessons I’ve learned is that not everyone grieves the same.
  15. The hardest lesson I have learned is how much survivor’s guilt comes with continuing to live.
  16. I learned that the real challenge is to simply to go on & do something positive with your new life. Minute by minute you can carve out joy & purpose. Start by doing for others.
  17. The hardest grief lesson I’ve learned is that my life would be so completely different after my teenage son died. The changes aren’t all bad, my life just feels so unfamiliar sometimes.
  18. That life goes on.
  19. I have learned you need to take the new landscape in your own time and in your own way.
  20. I have learned it is such a struggle to have ‘fun’ & be ‘happy’…have some elements of ‘joy’ now & again…but it’s hard to fake ‘happy’.
  21. There’s no timeline and certainly no right or wrong way to grieve. Your loss is tremendous. You’re doing great just to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Keep talking about them. Keep remembering the joy they brought. You have a gift to share…just as they did.
  22.  Someone said to me once there is no getting over it; you just learn to live with it.
  23. I remember that the loss equals the love, that helps me when I feel low.
  24. I’ve learned that every loss is different and many people don’t want to be around someone who is grieving.
  25. The hardest grief lesson I have learned is that to carry on is hard, but we need to create a new normal.
  26. I’ve learned that I have to go on living without my Mom. I knew one day she would be gone but I really had NO idea how hard it would be.
  27. I’ve had to learn how to be parentless at 22 and having to face and figure out a whole lifetime without them. It still feels unreal.
  28. I struggle to accept that good things will continue to happen for me in this life even after the most devastating tragedy changed it. 
  29. That love continues after death and that my son is still teaching me how to live even though he is no longer here in his earthly body.
  30. That sometimes a family falls apart and becomes a crap storm after a loss. 
  31. Even though a family has all experienced the same loss, family members sometimes have no clue how to connect with each other.
  32. At the moment I’m struggling with how normal life has become without them. That work and kids still carry on, I carry on. Then I question myself, second guess myself. Should I feel normal about this?
  33. One of the hardest grief lessons I’ve learned is that death is as close as a breath. One exhale could be our last.
  34. The tragedy of what happened will never go away, I will only move forward. It will forever be there.
  35. My life after the loss is a worthy life, a purposed filled life. But it will never ever be my best life. Never!
  36. That I have to forgive those who abandoned me in order to walk this healing journey. 
  37. I have to forgive myself for not being able to save my baby. I did my best.
  38. I’ve learned that little moments count and forgiveness and love should always be on your lips. 
  39. The hardest lesson in grief was realising that some people have helped me in my hardest days for their own agenda. They think because I’m grieving they can rule over me, like I’m constantly the weak one and they are strong. But that is not true. I’m stronger because of this grief. Stronger than they will ever know.
  40. The hardest grief lesson I have learned is that grief is not just one thing, it comes in many forms.
  41. I have learned that grief takes time and everyone is on their own time frame.
  42. The hardest thing for me to learn was that I could be happy again and that I can believe in something after all.
  43. I’ve learned it’s ok to cry…and cry again, never apologize!!
  44. The hardest lesson I have learned is how to cope with regret – of the missed and wasted opportunities that come after the loss.
  45. The hardest lesson I have learned is that grief means not feeling like myself anymore.
  46. It has been hardest for me to learn that there will forever be unfulfilled dreams.
  47. I have learned that the things that used to matter don’t matter anymore and that is okay.
  48. The hardest lesson to learn is how to put up with people saying stupid or hurtful things.
  49. That being lonely has nothing to do with being alone. I still have lots of family and friends, but I am still so lonely for my husband who died.
  50. I’ve learned that losing my son feels like I’ve lost my past, my present—and my future.
  51. It has been very hard to learn to hold in my heart both my gratefulness of having had her, and my fury that a long & full life was stolen from her.
  52. I have learned that “family” changes as they don’t know grief. New relationships grow …..when we are open.
  53. I have learned it is refreshing, once you get a little energy, to make new friends who sometimes are closer than family. They accept you who you are now rather than hoping you’ll be the old you. It will get better. Be open to old friends feeling uncomfortable and new ones unaware.
  54. Early in my grief I focused on how my child’s death was more than anyone could imagine, thinking only other people who could understand were those who also lost children. One of the hardest grief lessons was learning that no one could understand, even those who had also lost children. But the bright side was learning that, since no one could understand, I should stop hoping for that. I learned I could find support from people with all sorts of grief – widows and children who lost parents and even parents whose children were still living but had addictions. It took me 3.5 years to learn that.
  55. I learned that the more I share my miscarriage, the more I learn I am not nearly as alone in this type of loss as I thought. I had to start telling people in order to learn this, and that was the hardest part.
  56. There are so many hard grief lessons. The hardest was learning I could part with places and things but keep the memories. Selling our home felt like I was losing my husband a second time, but I survived. And he still feels close.
  57. Therapists can be absolutely wonderful or absolutely terrible depending on whether they actually understand grief. Thankfully I finally found a good one.
  58. It isn’t my job to be strong.
  59. When you’re grieving, you become a reminder to other people of their greatest fear. They don’t want to admit that what happened to us is one stopped heartbeat away from being them.
  60. Even support groups for parents who have lost children will sometimes judge you and your child if your child died by an overdose or a suicide and not cancer or an accident.
  61. If I didn’t make an effort to talk about him, other people would stop talking about him.
  62. Grief is seen as embarrassing and weak. So few people understand that time, gentleness, and kindness, are the things that should be offered to the bereaved.
  63.  The secondary losses are huge: identity, purpose, drive and motivation, memory, comprehension, strength, community, etc.
  64. That EVERYTHING has changed forever.

keep the grief lessons list going . . . add your hardest grief lesson in the comments below.

Let’s be grief friends.

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47 Comments on "The 64 Hardest Lessons That Grief Taught Me"

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  1. Gigi Friedfel  September 19, 2020 at 12:09 am Reply

    Please never ever apologize for sharing your story. I did not feel you were dumping on me. I am touched by the tones that it resonates within me. I too along with my late beautiful husband were caregivers to my mom. Now they are both gone and my beloved of 26 years has joined my mom. It has been 7 1/2 months since he became an angel and it still hurts like it did the night he died with me at his side. Please believe that little by teeny little the pain will subside all so slightly and some days will be better than others. I know I will carry the losses forever in my heart. It is the price of love. Stay strong my friend there is hope!

  2. Nindya  September 18, 2020 at 9:58 am Reply

    After I lost my mom, I don’t think life has any meaning. She is my most important person in my life….and I keep regreting for things that I’ve done or haven’t done to her.
    That it’s all my fault she is gone…..sometimes I think I killed her because I was not doing my best to save and support her.

    I don’t see anymore joy for seeing things that I used to love, since everything reminds me of her and it hurts.
    Everything seems bland…
    I want to drop my residency since I can’t concentrate and again…..it is her specialist too.
    In worst days, I even though to go to where she is now.
    Some people said that I’m being selfish for grieving like this…
    but I gave my whole teenage and adult life to treating my mother since first she was sick. Why can’t I being selfish once?

    The thing that keeps me going, keeps me to breathe and live, to just eat and drink, even to continue my study….only because I remind myself that I owe my life to her. That she done all her best to raise me up until this point. That at least I have to finish everything that she hopes for me before I can go to her place.
    Now I think that it’s okay for me to cry, for grieving….because even though it has been 6 months, the pain is still like just when I lose her warmth at ICU. Yes it still hurts, still weight my mind….but I learn to live with it

    (Sorry for suddenly dump all of it in here….)

    • Nessa  September 18, 2020 at 2:59 pm Reply

      It doesn’t matter wether it’s 6 months, 6 years or 6 days. Your grief matters and no your not selfish. Grief is really hard and it devastates your life especially when you have cared for your mum for such a long time. It must be so hard for you to come to terms with her death. You must do what feels right for you. This is your journey…nobody else’s and yes crying is good. I cry all the time for my beloved partner, he died 14 weeks ago. Hopefully time will help heal and all of us who are grieving will begin to move forward, taking our loved ones with us in our hearts and memories. Love never dies and your mum would be truly proud of you of that I am sure. Look after yourself.

  3. Gigi Friedfel  September 12, 2020 at 9:47 pm Reply

    The hardest thing about grieving for me is although my beloved husband and best friend of 26 years had been given a “time frame” due to cancer from Agent Orange exposure during the Vietnam War, I thought no words were left unspoken and that I was reluctantly envisioning life without him. Like the brave soldier that he was I tried to emulate him, thinking I have no choice but to accept reality. The truth is I yearn for just one more word, just one more hand holding, just one more I love you always and forever. My love left me a guide to follow during his absence and a bucket list to finish but I seem to move forward with teeny baby steps. It’s all I can do to keep it together. I lost him February 3, 2020. The caregiver positive mode that I kicked into high gear during the last years of his life has crumbled and I now suffer from survivors guilt. I know it’s illogical thinking but the pain of losing him leaves me crying for hours some days. I put on a mask each day when I go out and face the world but behind my smile will forever be a broken heart. I am truly grateful of our beautiful life together. It is with tears that I honor his memory.

    3
  4. Olive  September 12, 2020 at 7:51 pm Reply

    The hardest thing is that I don’t know how to be with someone else when I am still in love with him.

    3
  5. Melissa  September 11, 2020 at 12:10 pm Reply

    I’ve learned that I will grieve my mom in new milestones because she’s not around to see them. My daughter is 3 months old and she’s the best thing to ever happen to me. Yet, the more she develops, I find that I’m increasingly sad and resentful that my mom isn’t here to share it with me.

    3
  6. Michelle  September 11, 2020 at 8:39 am Reply

    Grief showed me how strong i really am on the inside, and how powerful love is..

    2
  7. Jennifer  September 9, 2020 at 9:47 am Reply

    Grief taught me that I am fearless!

    We have all suffered tremendous loss or we wouldn’t be here, and just when you think you can’t take anymore pain. Your family and friends completely let you down and you find yourself alone on a grief blog… hoping, praying, that someone out there will hear you and understand.

    For us, tomorrow still comes whether we want it to or not… and I am fearless! After all, I have lost everything so no matter what happens this day forward, I have nothing left to lose… I am fearless!

    So find your gypsy self – she’s still there and will emerge once again!

    “To the gypsy that remains faces freedom
    With a little fear
    I have no fear
    I have only love…”
    — Stevie Nicks!

    3
  8. Angi Cirigliano  September 4, 2020 at 1:07 pm Reply

    that my family cannot communicate or talk about my little grandson who died at 6 weeks. I feel alone in moving forward and finding peace in my grief journey due to a strong rooted faith in my God and knowing that he is in the arms of Jesus.

    2
  9. Vanessa  September 1, 2020 at 1:03 pm Reply

    After 3 months (today) from losing my lovely, caring partner it’s starting to sink in that actually no, he is never coming back home and I now have to face the future we had together by myself and that is a very hard lesson to take.

    4
  10. Sheena Jack  September 1, 2020 at 1:00 pm Reply

    It has been 10 months since I lost my husband. We lived a quiet life and rarely spoke to other people as no close neighbours. My days start the same with the realization when I awake that I am alone. The feeling is so powerful, it overwhelms me. I know he is not there, we were together at the end but I can’t seem to accept it.

    5
  11. Vanessa Black  September 1, 2020 at 6:26 am Reply

    One of my hardest grief lessons is I have no control over my emotions. This is definitely a rollercoaster ride that I’m on and just have to go with.

    5
  12. Gilly M  September 1, 2020 at 3:57 am Reply

    The hardest thing I’ve learned is that (after nearly two years of losing my soulmate) I came to the horrifying realisation that I will spend the rest of my life feeling sad and unhappy, regardless of anything I try to do to improve my situation. I exist, I no longer live.

    I’ve also learned….
    *People can’t cope with other people’s grief
    *That people you thought would be there for you will often let you down, and those you didn’t expect to help will step up.
    *That you become an actor worthy of an Oscar to allow you to face the world
    *When people use the word heartbroken inappropriately I want to slap them.

    8
  13. James Myers  August 31, 2020 at 6:37 pm Reply

    That I have to redefine my life and myself. My wife and I married when we were 20 years old, and we’re married for almost 40 years. All the things I did and lived for were associated with my wife.

    6
  14. Cathy Senecal-Rice  August 31, 2020 at 5:56 pm Reply

    I learned the most difficult lesson of my life after losing my 57 year old husband of 2 blood clots on his way to work. I have to reach out to people & ask for help. I’ve always been extremely independent but this tragedy has opened my eyes & made me realize how important it is to have others in your life who truly care. It’s made me a better person.

    This website has been so much more helpful than any of the 4 therapists I went to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you do!

    5
  15. Gertrude Baptiste  August 31, 2020 at 5:39 pm Reply

    It was difficult for me to realize that no family members mentioned my husband’s name at Family Gatherings. It is like he never existed. I kept quiet but I was dying inside. It was like if they talked about him I will burst into tears. It was a family reunion and no one said a word.

    6
  16. Rhunette Humrich  August 31, 2020 at 5:14 pm Reply

    Tomorrow will mark 8 months since I lost my precious Husband to Alzheimer’s. I still feel so lost without him. Even though I have a support network of family, friends, and professionals, there are still many dark times.

    3
  17. Juliana  August 31, 2020 at 4:52 pm Reply

    The hardest lesson for me has been that you can be genuinely sad about your loss and still feel relieved that they’re no longer suffering and you’re no longer being abused.

    4
  18. Norma Webber  August 31, 2020 at 3:51 pm Reply

    I lost my spontaneous smile and my gut wrenching laugh
    Its been replaced by a constant frown and smirk which is a prompt to laugh again
    i dont have those feelings of guilt that i laugh or have happy moments I am just sad that
    Nicholas dont have those anymore
    The constant lists that you provide helps put your grief into perspective and is a kind of Veto that its ok to feel your feels and validates your state of emotion at various times

    2
  19. Diane Sullivan  August 31, 2020 at 3:42 pm Reply

    When I speak their name OutLoud! amongst family members there is total silence and no response………..My broken heart for losing my husband, my Bestie, at 53 , was replaced with being ‘cut off at the knees’ by the loss of my daughter at the age of 28! to Ca.
    I feel shut down in my attempt to keep their memory alive! amongst those who I ‘thought’ were my biggest allies, and I feel guilt in my angst over mourning my daughter, perhaps greater!
    I want to believe if myLove could have saved My Loves, they would have lived 4ever!
    I am 12 and 3 years in, respectively. Every Day is a new day to continue thru my grief, and find continued purpose and Gratitude by giving back.
    In all this, I do believe it will always be my own ‘personal’ lifelong battle of survival, one in which on any given day, I am ‘alone’ in my Real Grief!

    4
  20. Norma Webber  August 31, 2020 at 3:37 pm Reply

    Today my bout of crying and sadness is exacerbated by the media hype of Princess Diana having passed 23yrs it must be so much harder on her kids with this constant expressions today.
    I am crying because I dont want to live for the rest of my life counting off memorials like that of my son Nicholas Webbers’ death. Its 3 years now and l want to die sooner rather than X amount of years from now ….. but I cant say those words to any family or friends without a reprimand or their fear that i might commit suicide. I am NOT suicidal i am just overcome by grief. It feels like 25 years of my life has been wiped out with Nicks passing. Our future and our past.

    4
  21. Erica  August 31, 2020 at 3:30 pm Reply

    That as the anniversary of my 36 year old daughter’s death approaches, the terrible strength of feelings of loss and missing her have become much much stronger. I hoped I might have started feeling…. not better, just feeling. I miss her so much every moment of every day.

    2
  22. Jay  August 31, 2020 at 2:31 pm Reply

    My girlfriend and partner of 30+ years died early August 2020. Her house is big and empty, then grew on me as a home. I cry every day and find it cathartic; it can be summoned by a triggered memory, by realizing that she won’t be here with me to share a moment or a pun.

    2
  23. Lorraine Nagle  August 31, 2020 at 1:11 pm Reply

    A recent insight: After four years, I can feel sad at times ; I can stop and think and
    remember and feel lost without Toni. I’m allowed that. I can permit myself that.
    It’s okay.

    2
  24. Marti Demetrion  August 31, 2020 at 12:06 pm Reply

    My husband and I weren’t “joined at the hip”. We were often happy to do things separately, depending on our interests. But we were definitely a couple for nearly 40 years, 36 of them married. The hardest thing for me was figuring out who I am by myself, no longer half of that couple. More than three years later, living my new life and seeing a new man, I still miss my husband and cry for him almost every day.

    6
    • James Myers  August 31, 2020 at 6:39 pm Reply

      I understand completely. There wasn’t a you without him. There was only a we.

      1
  25. Martha Demetrion  August 31, 2020 at 12:05 pm Reply

    My husband and I weren’t “joined at the hip”. We were often happy to do things separately, depending on our interests. But we were definitely a couple for nearly 40 years, 36 of them married. The hardest thing for me was figuring out who I am by myself, no longer half of that couple. More than three years later, living my new life and seeing a new man, I still miss my husband and cry for him almost every day.

    2
    • Pauline  September 19, 2020 at 3:23 am Reply

      Stan says to Ollie when Ollie tells him of his illness and they realise that they can no longer perform as the duo, Laurel and Hardy,

      ” I’ll miss “us” when you’re gone”.

      I don’t only miss my dear husband deeply but I miss “us”. In the years of caring for him , I think I lost my identity and now I’m struggling to know who I am, how to be……

  26. Tim Lundell  August 31, 2020 at 11:42 am Reply

    Wow. I realize and feel very deeply the impact of grief, but I was surprised that the “64 Lesson” list did not include more hope and healing. I have taken the path of finding meaning in the life and death of my wife, Penelope, supporting the causes I knew were important to her and sharing with the world the things she did and the person she was. My lesson learned: My devastating loss is an opportunity, through her memory, to help others.

    7
    • Litsa  August 31, 2020 at 11:50 am Reply

      Well, to be fair, it may have been how I framed it when asking. I asked people for the ‘hardest’ lesson. I think the hope and healing lessons are often more welcome lessons, so they may not have been the lessons that came to mind for people.

      4
      • Cindy Davis  August 31, 2020 at 12:41 pm

        My hardest lesson was how sheltered and protected I was with my husband. When he died I fell into many relationships that were not good. I didn’t see red flags. I trusted blindly. The worst lesson was losing half of my life savings that my husband and I had worked for to a narcissistic sociopath. I wanted my security back so much that and I was so naive that I was completely duped and taken advantage of. The shame and grief of the additional loss was devastating but also allowed me to wake up and find my strength.

        5
  27. Tony  August 31, 2020 at 11:34 am Reply

    I lost my father, my sister and my spouse in less than a year. For the first time in my life I am completely alone. Grief has taught me that it’s ok to grieve over one loss more than another in that particular moment. I use to feel guilty for grieving more for one than the other. I also learned I am and will be constantly in a state of grief not just for the loss of my loved ones but grieving for the future we had planned that will no longer happen.

    14
  28. Ais  August 31, 2020 at 11:01 am Reply

    Grief is like weather, always there. Long term loneliness and sadness with some sun but often overcast with gusts and intermittent rain, sometimes pounding, overwhelming storms, and sometimes surges that aren’t predicted.
    (2 years and counting widow, 40 years of marriage and 47 years of happiness with the soulmate who was always my shelter from life’s storms)

    15
  29. Michelle  August 31, 2020 at 10:56 am Reply

    I grieve each loss differently, and the same. Each truncated relationship was different, so my loss and grief are different. I experience some of the same elements of grief in every loss, but with different nuances. Grief is so familiar, and so unfamiliar. If I fight feeling my grief, it just pops up later. In my experience, grief insists on being processed — now or later.

    4
  30. Annette  August 31, 2020 at 9:28 am Reply

    This is a “keep” article. Thank you for publishing it. It helps to validate feelings. A very wise person recently said to me how I have chosen to walk this walk of grief. “It’s ok not to be ok”. I personally look at 2020 as the year of losses.

    10
  31. cindy  August 31, 2020 at 5:28 am Reply

    my hardest lesson in grief is that the love never dies which is a good thing .God is the only one who can heal and comfort the loss wounds .When you depend on other people to make you feel better or give you a sense of belonging you will always be dissapointed . No one really understands loss and grief unless theyve been through it

    6
  32. Jose  August 30, 2020 at 10:14 pm Reply

    I lost my beloved wife of 32 years suddenly, 31 days ago. She had not been feeling well for a few days. On that fateful day, I asked how she was doing. She said she was feeling better. I went to work and called her at home at noon, but there was no answer. I thought she was resting. I called again at 3 PM and still no answer. I knew something was wrong so I hurried home. I found my beautiful wife in the shower; she was gone. Cardiac arrest. She was only 64; I am 69 years old.
    She was the love of my life. We were inseparable and very much in love. We still held hands when we were out in public. We were faithful throughout our marriage. The complete trust in each other created a strong, loving relationship. It has been very difficult without her. The house no longer feels like a home.
    I realize the life I had before my wife’s death no longer exists. I cry every day, every night and in between. I’ve read that the level of your grief is relative to level if your love. I loved her very much and miss her smile, her laughter and her joy for life. She was the extrovert and I was the quiet one, but I learned from her how to be more outgoing.
    Here is a little poem about us.
    Their love was like a shooting star, burning brightly as it shot through the heavens.
    And then, just as suddenly as it started, it was over.

    I know it’s a long journey.
    I’m grateful she chose me to share life.
    I will never forget her.
    She will be with me for eternity.

    23
    • Gigi Friedfel  September 16, 2020 at 7:07 pm Reply

      Stay strong my friend. I know the future is hard to see or to comprehend that life must go on. I can only live one day at a time after caring for my beloved of 26 years who died from cancer and being there when he became an angel. I still find it hard to face each day. He was my rock as I was his we were there for one another whenever we lost another loved one. But little by teeny little the pain eases just enough to get you through today. May the strength from the memories and the love that never dies help to ease the hurt.

  33. Sandi  August 29, 2020 at 4:54 pm Reply

    That looking into the ‘rearview” mirror into the past for clues about our son’s suicide was horrific. So many little clues, habits, small comments, and things we thought were innocent gestures and not of any consequence were terribly important. Looking in the rearview mirror is nothing but painful and gut-wrenching.

    8
  34. Dana  August 28, 2020 at 3:08 pm Reply

    Having the strength to find my own way in a world that sometimes, feels like a total and utter alternate universe from the one I am in.

    12
  35. eric johnson  August 27, 2020 at 4:18 pm Reply

    That the history is gone. My mom and dad both died in last year and I was just looking through a family scrapbook and realized that the family history is just gone. Vaporized. Really hit me over the head.

    13
    • Dori  September 1, 2020 at 11:47 pm Reply

      I lost my father in Aug 2016 and my mother in February 2017. They were married 63 years. I look at all the thousands of photos over the years of our family (including siblings, children & grandchildren)… I feel like part of me has been erased with their passing…they were/are such a part of me. My future doesn’t have them in it… Then in Jan 2018 i lost my oldest sister … consecutive grief can get very messy. And as #30 above stated: “ That sometimes a family falls apart and becomes a crap storm after a loss.” … this has happened with two of my remaining 3 siblings. Sucks…

      1
  36. Caryn  August 27, 2020 at 8:17 am Reply

    This list is really great.

    I would add that the one (of many) lessons grief has taught me is that the world doesn’t stop for your grief. Which, feels painful to say, but it doesn’t. Meanwhile your own little world has, the world at large doesn’t. It takes a TON of time to slowly re-emerge back into the world bit by bit- and you aren’t the same.

    11
  37. Val Johnson-Reed  August 26, 2020 at 11:20 pm Reply

    That when my brother,mother, and husband all died 2011-2012 I had to stop focusing on losing them but focus on my three children who are still here looking to me as their leader.

    8
  38. Hannah  August 26, 2020 at 9:39 pm Reply

    That we had such a close relationship in life and I felt I knew her so well, but upon death I had absolutely no control over the funeral arrangements because other family members felt they were more entitled than me to make decisions. I just had to accept it and let it be.

    5
    • Kath  September 8, 2020 at 5:14 pm Reply

      Hannah, that is so sad! I am sorry you did not get any say in the funeral. That must have hurt so much. It sounds really unfair!

  39. Alpat.decker@mchsi.com  August 26, 2020 at 10:42 am Reply

    Finding the motivation to care for myself, cook, clean, attend, participate…has been one of the hardest parts of being a widow for me (along with the word “widow”).

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