What's Your (Grief) Question

The What's Your Grief Podcast: grief support for those who like to listen.

In this grief podcast, Eleanor Haley, MS and Litsa Williams, MA, LCSW-C, the mental health professionals behind the website and book 'What's Your Grief', leave no stone unturned in demystifying the complicated and messy world of living life after loss. One digestible topic at a time, Haley and Williams distill topics ranging from grief theory to coping. Grief is sad and confusing, but your grief support doesn't have to be. You can listen here by using the player above or listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.

Below we have provided a transcript of the episode.

Episode Transcript

Hey, welcome back to another edition of the What's Your Grief Podcast. This is Eleanor.

And this is Litsa.

Thank you for joining us for another week. How are you doing today Litsa?

Hi. Oh, I am, I'm doing exhausted, that's like how I'm doing. I hate to, that I feel like I'm just having one of those weeks where my sleep is really disrupted. And so at baseline, I just feel like everything is a little bit off. Because, yeah I just haven't been sleeping well, so it hasn't been great. But I'm trying to pull it together.

Yeah. I'm sure a lot of grieving people who are listening to this can relate to that feeling, you know. It's like, it's one of those things that can really quickly slip out of balance and that has such an impact on so many things. Like our physical ability to be up and about, our mental capacity, our emotions, I know I always get like really emotional when I'm just totally worn out and tired in ways that I probably wouldn't otherwise. So, it's definitely like it's (it's) tough when you feel like there have been a couple days  that have built up and you're now at that spot where it's just, like, you've really (you've really) worked at that sleep debt.

Oh yeah, and I think that I, and maybe this is because for many years I was a very good sleeper. Like, I didn't have a lot of trouble with sleep. So I (I) think I'm guilty of the thing that I'm about to say, which is that, I think sometimes other people, if they sleep really well like minimize how awful it is if you're not sleeping. Or maybe it's just me, maybe I'm just like internalized to the idea that complaining about not getting enough sleep sounds, like it's not a real thing to complain about. But multiple nights in a row of just, like, getting three or four hours of sleep night after night, like, you feel it so so much in everything.

Yeah.

So I mean, I think, and obviously I know that there's just tons of research that up, so much science and yet still there's part of me that's like, Oh I shouldn't be complaining about being so tired. But, like, I'm so  tired.

We are a very sleep deprived society. I think the research also supports that idea. So it would make sense that we would have internalized ideas about Oh, we should be able to get up and get going on four or five hours of sleep, when in reality most people are not that way. And I agree with you. I feel like I really feel it. I, we (we) talked about this last week. After, you know, as we might have mentioned, our book came out last week. We might have mentioned that a time or two. And it was just such an a draining week just mentally and physically and towards the end of the week, I was just so tired. Like, I literally couldn't get off the couch and I kept saying, like it was it was like forefront of my mind I kept just saying, I'm so tired. I'm so tired. And finally my 13 year old was like I know. You've said that like 30 times. And I'm like, I'm sorry I just like, it's a block. Like, I just cannot (I cannot) get past it I feel so tired right now. But...

Yeah.

I've been really really impact you in ways, that you maybe, yeah, like you said, don't think it should be impacting you, or ways that you think like, oh if I weren't being lazy right now laying on this couch then I would be able to get up and be more productive.

Right. No, I think that's a (a) big part of it too is  like somehow you think you should be able to snap yourself out of your tiredness. Like I said to you before we got started. Like, I'm (I'm) here at home recording because the sound is better than the office. And I kept thinking to myself, maybe in the office I would have been less tired. And it's like, No. Maybe if I had actually slept then I would be less tired. But there is some sort of, I think thing that makes me think I should be able to, like, trick my way out of it. And you know, I (I) never read it, but I know a few years ago Arianna Huffington wrote that book about, like, sleep and it sounded like it was really interesting. I remember listening to a lot of interviews about it but that like whole culture around sleep and how it kind of gives us these, like, very false narratives about what's realistic with sleep and what isn't. And I just think you're right. The two that with grief, it is often layered on there, you know. There's insomnia, there's all of the stuff that people are already feeling with grief and then there's having all their sleep disrupted, oh it's brutal.

We're not even, this is not our topic  for today, but Litsa and I were talking earlier that maybe we should do a podcast on, we'll sleep for one, and just nighttime stuff. I think a lot of people struggle with when they're grieving, things like maybe rumination, anxiety, just when everything  goes silence if you're alone, things like that. So, we were thinking we should do a podcast coming up on that. So, if there is anything in that topic area that is of interest to you, or any comments or questions you have, please share them   with us. Because we do you want to talk a little more about that. You can always email us whatsyourgrief@gmail.com, or reach out to us on all of our social media.

Yes. Absolutely.

So, today we actually didn't pick one topic to discuss. We have a couple of questions that we have kind of on a list that have been submitted by readers over time. Sometimes we're able to address things with people individually. But sometimes people just, will email us and say, If you ever have time to do a post on this or anything on this topic I have this question and I would love to hear you share more around it. So we chose two questions that we're going to talk about today kind of at random. And then we invite people in the future to share their questions with us so they would like to hear us talk about on the podcast. Because when people submit questions, it gives us an idea of like, well at least what one listener wants to hear about. But oftentimes the things that are relevant to one listener can be really relevant to a lot of different people in a variety of ways. So, we invite you to always share your questions that you want us to talk about on podcast because we do love to be able to (to) address them. So, without further ado, I'm gonna read the question and I'll  just pose it to you, Litsa, to get us started. So, the  first question that we picked shares this: "People seem to assume my grief is less serious and was more anticipated because my sibling died of cancer. However it was really very sudden and my entire family seems to have experienced a lot of shock. How do I handle this?"

Oh, yeah. So, I (I) really like this question and (and) I, because I think it's a question that people, other people will be able to relate to. Like, I know from working with so many people grieving and from my own personal experience, that this is something that I have heard, a lot resonate with a lot of people, but I  don't see it necessarily mentioned because it is kind of like a nuanced specific situation. And I think part of what's interesting is that there's kind of two components that are worth talking about. And one is just the idea of anticipated losses, and the assumptions that people make about what kind of grief follows an anticipated death. What kind of grief follows when somebody was sick with cancer or something like that. Which is part of what she asked him or mentioned in this situation. But then the other part, which is the other misconception, which is that when somebody has an illness just because they've had cancer or something that could theoretically be terminal that (that) always means that it actually was anticipated, and wasn't surprising to the family, and that they weren't caught off guard by it. And I think both of those things can be really misguided. You know, ways of thinking about grief and thinking about this loss experience, and yet I think society, it's very common if you hear, oh my sibling died of cancer, people's make this quick jump to think, Oh, you must have had some time to get ready for it. And mentally and emotionally prepare yourself and that must mean your grief is not as bad as it would have been if it was a total shock to you.

Yeah for sure. And I think, you mentioned that we don't hear people talking about this situation often enough. And I do think, it's not even just society, like I have to cop to it as a grief professional, like, we talk categorically a lot. Because it can be useful to say people who have these types of experiences often, maybe have these types of responses. But when it comes down to the individual, we always have to be really careful to say like, you just always have to take  the individual experience out of that categorical   and not make too many assumptions about what their experience is. Like, we always ultimately need to let that person be the guide and be the source of information for what their experience has been. Like you said, we just don't know what that anticipation was even like for that person, you know. We often as humans know something is on the horizon but don't really prepare ourselves for  what that means. A lot of people, when their loved one is very sick engage in a lot of avoidance and not wanting to face the situation or face a really serious prognosis. And then, if you think about grief, and how surprising it often is the things that are really, the most painful, the thoughts that become all-consuming, the stressors that become top of mind, often are not the ones that you were even expecting. So, you can do all the anticipating in the world a lot of times, but then when you actually get to grieve be bowled over by something you never really saw coming. So, I do think that  it's really important that we take the individual experience into account. It's good to learn what we can about different things categorically, but it is so important to take all that with a grain of salt when we're working one-on-one or not working one-on-one but when we're supporting people in our family friend and community groups.

Yeah. And I think with the other piece of this question, you know, part of it is that first piece of saying  Okay, even if it was an anticipated loss, even if they were prepared, let me keep that in check and say, like, that doesn't, I don't know anything for certain. Just because of that, I need to listen and be thoughtful and understand their specific situation and also then consider if it is a situation like is being brought up here. That is actually I think really common, surprisingly common, for people to be really shocked and surprised, even in circumstances where a family member had an illness that could be a terminal illness. And I think, I mean my, I resonate with this because my dad is a good example. When I was, you know, we found out when I was in high school that my dad had this disease this blood and bone marrow type of disorder that could theoretically be terminal. So we (we) certainly knew he could die of this. But he was still doing fine. Seemed like my Dad, we were getting treatments, we were hopeful, he was waiting for a bone marrow transplant, friends and family were getting tested. Everything was very very optimistic. There was not any feeling of, I mean not you know, you knew theoretically, but there was on a rational, in a rational way. But there certainly was not a lot of that emotional processing of any anticipation on the (on the) near horizon. And then my dad really unexpectedly got an infection. He, you know, went to the emergency room, had to be put on a ventilator, put sleep, ending, you know, three weeks later he died. He never woke up again. And it was a shock, you know. In terms of how it went from something that was theoretically a terminal illness, but he was doing really well and we were focused on treatment treatment treatment, to something that all of a sudden shifted. And then he was gone. And so I think, you know, when you listen to people, and you hear their stories of how things unfolded, and how there's so much complexity of what does it mean for someone to have something like cancer, there is no single trajectory. And I think we have in our heads often this idea of someone had cancer and it was, you know, very long and they had surgery and then they had chemo and then they had rounds of this and, you know, everyone was getting prepared for the worst. And that's just not always how it goes. 

No, not at all. I think we really need to be careful of ever assuming that how a person dies tells a full story of what preceded and what follows the grief. We (we) really don't know just based on that small small bit of information. Like you said, oftentimes things seem hopeful. They take a turn. Many people can get diagnosed with something terminal at very late. And then only have a short period of time to live after that. My mom was given a three-month diagnosis and it heard pancreatic cancer came out of nowhere. And because I share  that story and people often will reach out and email, in response they'll often say, You know my loved one had cancer but we only knew for two months before they died. So a lot of people do share that that was their experience and they feel the need to say but (but) it wasn't, like, expected with cancer, it was different. And then even on the flip side of that, there are a lot of types of deaths that people assume are going to be very shocking and sudden that we talk to people and they say, Well actually I had a lot of signs. There were a lot of moments of anticipation when a loved one maybe dies from suicide after a long battle with mental illness, after a loved one dies of overdose, that of course can be extremely sudden and unexpected for people. But we do talk to people who say, I had anticipated the worst for (for) a long time and I was always worried about getting that call with with tragic news. So we really just don't know. We don't know enough based on that small piece. And I (I) do think it's (it's) so important to know that. Know what we don't know.

Yeah. And as someone grieving, it's hard to be in that position of feeling, like, I have to be educator for my support system or for those around me in order to get what I need from them. But, you know, that's how (that's how) things work sometimes. People can't know or experience. Unfortunately, people do make assumptions and we would love to be able to educate all about these things and hope that everybody would be more thoughtful. But sometimes, what we have to do is to be able to share that with people and share a little bit more about the specifics of our story. And I think you described, you know, that feeling of Oh but we only had two months. It's like people want to use that for the subtext of, you know, but it was surprising. And sometimes I feel like it can be useful to just be really specific with people and to be able to say, you know, Yeah my, you know, my sibling died of cancer and it's (it's) been really hard because people assume that that means that you know we had a lot of time to prepare and  we were ready for it but we, it was absolutely shocking. And it's been really hard. And you know, sort of really label what it means for us. Like,  what that actual, you know, what that story was for us and what our the impact has been. Because that allows the other person to have a little bit more insight. And always you're gonna think about who it is, like, if it's you're somebody a little closer versus some random person you just met. It might be different how much you share, how much you don't share. But I think, even beyond how it will help that person support you or think about how they interact with you, it then, I think, can also help people to be more thoughtful in general. And remember Oh, just because someone tells me that their family member died of cancer, there are lots of ways that that unfolds, you know. It helps people to remember that the way they've seen it on TV or in the movies or the way that it happened with someone in their life isn't the only way that it happens.

That's a (that's a) really good suggestion. I think, you know, because earlier giving the advice to people Don't approach a grieving person and assume you know their story, let them be the guide, but then how can (how can) they do that if the grieving person doesn't guide them in that way. And I do realize it's so much easier said than done. And like you said, you're not going to want to feel the burden of having to share that piece of information with every single person you speak with, but with people who really could be helpful assets too. With people who could really be supportive. Maybe with people who have been saying the wrong thing and could just be helped by being put back on course, it can sometimes be so helpful to give them that little piece of guidance or that little bit of insight about your experience that they didn't have before.

All right, well, we are going to shift to our next question which was a very general and broad question but also an important topic and one that we've definitely discussed quite a few times on the podcast and on our website. But I don't know, it never ceases to be an important topic and we are in October so we're not quite in the holiday season but we will be soon and I think that this is a really important topic at this time of year. So, anyways the question is "How do you strengthen Continued Bonds?" And for people who don't know what the words continued bonds means, it really just means connecting with  people who died. So, how we continue to have those  connections. How we continue to have a relationship with somebody after they're gone.

Yeah. And this is timely because I just actually reposted something on Instagram about this, maybe two days ago, and just had so much response and conversation around it. I had written a post maybe a year ago that was called "What I've Learned About Having a Relationship With the Dead". And it was really about a shift, I think, in my own thinking a long time ago now, many many years ago. And that was, I think, part of, has always been part of how I've understood grief. But that I do think speaks to this question specifically and I think with continued bonds, that when people first hear it, and when somebody's died, I think oftentimes, depend on how you were raised, our intuitive feeling is like Okay, our connection is our memories. And so, we feel like, All right I have all of these memories and the way that I'll be able to stay connected to my loved one is by going back and revisiting those memories, thinking about the past, looking at photographs, you know, going to places that we used to go. And so it was sort of, you know, as I described it in this post, it was like almost like thinking about it as this this container and when they died like you shut the lid and you could open it again and you could look through and you could see all those things that you (that you) filled that with during their life. But that you couldn't add to it, you know. You were just going to revisit the past. And I think, when I think about strengthening continued bonds, that a huge part of that for me was that realization that like, No, I was all the time still being impacted by my relationship with people who died in the present, that I was walking around in the world seeing things that they never got to see but that they would have loved, that I was in moments of needing or wanting advice and being able to kind of think about what kind of advice they would have given me even though we had never been in that situation together. And kind of having that shift to go away. Continuing bonds isn't about just connecting to the memories of the past. Continuing bonds is about the way that we continue to have a relationship with the person who died in the present and in the life that we're living now and in kind of the future that (that) is existing without them. And that that for me has always been both really comforting but also has I think allowed the bonds that I have had with people who have died to feel, yeah, I think to feel stronger and closer. And in (in) the grief literature, I think they call this  Dynamic Continuing Bonds, right. Like, they're on going bonds rather than sort of just these static  memories of the past.

Right. Yeah. I think, you know,  it's like any relationship where you, sort of, have a past, a present and a future, in a way. The past is very important and it's a part of what connects you. But also, how you connect with that person the present looks (looks) quite different. Something that I always think about is how people often use their loved ones as a safe haven when they're in times of crisis or stress. And what that means is that they will look to the loved one for comfort and support even though the person isn't here. They might think (maybe think) they're watching over them and say Give me strength. Or Keep me safe. Or they may think back to a piece of advice that their loved one gave them. Or imagine what their life loved one would tell them. Or call their older sister who maybe had a relationship with the person that they could give you that advice. Like Oh, what (what) parenting advice would Mom have given me? You knew her when you were a mom, I didn't. What would she tell me. And so, I do (I do) think about that all the time about how we continue to go back and visit with our loved one, even though they're no longer present. And something else that I really relate to is kind of introducing your loved one to new people, in a way. For me, I'm not necessarily somebody who's just gonna, like, talk to a random person in the grocery store about my mom, but I have three kids and so a big part of how I parent, how my mother is, how I was mothered. And so, I feel like I have, in a way, introduced my mom to my kids and connected her with people who she never was able to meet. And I sort of remember my mom doing this with me as well when I was younger. And so, I now feel very grateful that she normalized this in a way. She would talk about her mom, not quite as much as I talk about my mom. Not and, not in quite as a nuanced and dynamic way, but I do feel grateful that this was sort of passed down to me. Because one thing I do know, and I do wonder, I (I)  do wish I knew what, who asked us this question and why. Because one thing we do know is that when there is more silence around a loved one's death, that's when a bond can really be maybe weakened or compromised in a way. For a number of reasons, you know, people might think it's wrong to remain connected. I shouldn't continue to talk about the person, maybe because that's what "not normal", or maybe because it's upsetting. And so I do wonder if the person who wrote (wrote) because they have a bond that isn't as strong as they would have liked. You know, oftentimes kids who have a loved one die before they have a lot of memories with them really wish for those memories and they grieve not having those memories. But if there isn't this openness to talk about the loved one they aren't ever able to benefit from the memories of the people around them. So, as as much as I feel grateful I also see how on the opposite can really have an impact on a person who wants to have that connection with someone who's died.

Yeah. And I think it's hard to know, right. Because the person didn't say. But it is certainly harder if the culture in a family or in a group is not to talk about the person as much. I think one of the things that's  important to remember is sometimes those sort of cultures of silence that emerge within families,  sometimes that just happens because people are uncomfortable. Nobody's quite sure how to navigate it. It's, and sometimes, like various people want to or wish that it was getting talked about more. And so, sometimes again, labeling that and just being able to say Wow. Like, I wish we could talk about her more or I would love to hear some more stories. Maybe you do that and you find that people are like, No, I don't, whatever they have their own stuff with their grief and (and) they're not open to that. But, you know, maybe you find that people are. And sometimes it just takes that extra push to open the door for it. So I think that it can be useful to remember just because we have that silence doesn't mean we can't change it. We can try to set a new tone. And maybe if it is silence within immediate family members or close family or the people that we think of first, that doesn't mean we can't connect with other people, you know. Maybe it is getting in touch with friends. Somebody just messaged us the other day about how her brother's friends still reach out to her every year around the time of her brother's death and how much that means to her, because it is this point of connection outside of the family that are with those people. And oftentimes people have ,you know, obviously a whole amazing complex worlds and lives at work or in the world before you knew them, you know. With their college roommate or what, those people who maybe weren't as part of your day-to-day, but are people who you could reach out to and connect with. Stories that you don't know, things that you see in ways that they impacted. People who you just didn't happen to be as close with or know as well. And I think that can be another way to strengthen bonds if you're looking for ways to strengthen them.

I (I) totally agree. I think for (for) one reason, because sometimes the more people you talk to the more interesting different sides you get of that person. Like, you know, I (I) know my mother is my mother but I don't know her as what she was like when she was a younger person. And so, if I want to know that I might want to ask my dad questions about that or I might want to go ask her siblings about that. And that's something I actually have done. And I'm really grateful that I did. And it was (it was) kind of awkward to do. I'll own it, you know. And I ended  up doing it via email, is very like no pressure. I let, it was my aunt, I let her have as much time as she needed to get back to me. But it was great that she was willing to do that. And I hope that she found benefit and being able to talk about my mom as well. They were identical twins, so very close. So I think that there's that benefit. I also just think, like, we talk sometimes about how our family and our friends and our support groups, there can be sort of different tears to them. Like, you have that closest tight-knit tier, right. And when the (when the) loss impacts everybody in that tier, as much as they would be your go-to's for a lot of other things, at this time  unfortunately sometimes they're not able to be your go-to's. Because there's a lot of reasons why people aren't always able to lean on each other when they're all grieving at once. And so sometimes we talk about needing to leap-frog a little bit over that first tier to the second tier, to get some of your needs met. And I think that's what you just described. So well, with reaching out a little bit beyond maybe that immediate support circle.

Yeah. I think both of those cases, those examples, it does mean sometimes just pushing through a little bit of what can be discomfort or awkwardness sometimes about it. And, you know, as as we've talked about here on here before in the very very start of COVID had, you know, two people who we knew two good friends of mine died at the beginning of COVID and interestingly both of them, I would say, were people who had lots of friends but who weren't friends with each other. They didn't have, in both cases, they weren't people who had sort of like a group of friends. They were people who had lots of individual  friendship. And so I became really aware of how interesting and challenging it was in the grief of all of these friends because COVID of course added its whole own component of not having traditional ways to connect, and funerals, and all of that. But part of it was just also there wasn't this built-in shared storytelling that might happen in a group of family or a group of friends that is part of continuing bonds because we weren't people who had existing really, we knew each other casually, right, but not really strong relationships. And so it had, it has been an extra effort. It hasn't happened as much but when it has happened I now am so grateful for some of the friendships I've developed with some of their friends. Because it is the one opportunity beyond my sort of solitary grief, of our one-on-one relationship, to be able to connect with people around other memories, other things about them, have that collective shared experience. And I have no doubt that (that) if it were these, the the two friends who died were both social workers who worked in the grief (grief) and bereavement space, I have no doubt that it would have been so  much harder if they had not been people who did  that kind of work, who happened to have friends who were other social workers, other people who were a little bit more comfortable around grief and loss and who were willing to push beyond some of that discomfort of saying Oh I don't really know this person. Or I'm going to put together a little get-together with a bunch of essentially strangers, but strangers who are all connected through these people we love. And I'm (I'm) so grateful that we've been able to do that in certain ways. Because it has allowed for continuing bonds that I think might not have existed otherwise.

Yeah. The last thing I I feel, like, I want to say on this, and again it goes back to the fact that we don't   know why the person asked the question, one thing I think is worth mentioning is when a concept or something, I don't know, concept may or may not be the right word, but whenever something like continuing bonds becomes talked about more in our field, I've noticed, and talked about in a way that's really positive, in a way that can be described as being very helpful to a lot of people in their grief and comforting to a lot of people in their grief, we see that people then start to think that that's something that they should be doing. Or we  might see people who are in a supportive role like  a friend or a family member or even clinicians thinking Oh well, I have to tell them they should be doing more of this. We all, we also see this with post-traumatic growth a little bit. This idea that, you know, we see that there's post-traumatic growth that people experience, they describe it as being comforting and helpful and a good thing. All of a sudden a lot of people are feeling like, Well if I'm not experiencing post-traumatic growth, I'm not doing it right, so similar (similar) ideas here. So, the last thing I would say on this is if by chance the person was asking because they feel that their bond is not as strong as it "should be", I would then say it's possible that it's, that it could be and that you want it to be, but if (if) it shouldn't be and you don't really want it to be, that's okay too. Because not everybody experiences comforting continued bond. Not everybody needs to stay connected. We see that a lot of people do, but there are a lot of reasons why a person doesn't continue bonds in a way that is actually fine, okay, constructive and healthy.

Yeah. I think that's such a good point. I think it can help us to be more understanding and compassionate towards ourselves and towards other people, when we remember that continuing bonds really really works for some people sometimes with certain relationships and (and) sometimes it doesn't, and that's okay too. I think having that flexibility is really important to how we kind of create our own path and respect other people's paths in grief.

Yeah. And even the  Dennis Klass and his colleagues who initially wrote on this subject, even they, back in the beginning of talking about it which actually wasn't that long ago all the way back to the 90s which was that was just yesterday right, sometimes I feel that way,

I do too.

...even they  said after they just initially described it and people were like oh this is (this is) great we think that this content makes so much sense. Even they started to notice that all of a sudden people were kind of prescribing it in a way, saying that if people weren't doing it that was wrong and pathological, and so they were very quick to say Look, all we were trying to do in talking about this concept and writing about it was to say it's normal. It's very normal for some people but we have definitely met people where maybe the relationship wasn't one that needed to be continued, especially if the relationship was in any way abusive, if it was extremely complicated and fraught. Relationships and death often look very similar to how they were in life. So, there are definitely going to be times where a   person says, You know what, I'm gonna (I'm gonna) take the good from this relationship, leave, and leave everything else. So, we just want to make sure to make note of that if by chance somebody's asking this question because they're being told they should, if they're feeling like they should or they're wrong, it's not wrong if (if) it's not right for you.

Definitely.

So those were the two  questions we had picked at random for today. We really do want to answer any questions that you have. So if you do want to email us, again I'll repeat the email addresses whatsyourgrief@gmail.com. And we are on social media, we're mostly on Instagram if you want to message us there. We don't have messages on Facebook and we'll see it on Twitter probably. So, you can reach out to us in those places, Twitter and Instagram. Or  just email us. And we will write the question down and we will get to it in the next podcast, most likely. So please do share questions with us, any topic suggestions that you have, we would love to hear them. And we will be back next week, but in the meantime, we just want to remind everybody that our book is out there in (in) the wild. It's called "What's Your Grief: List to Help You Through Any Loss". So, if you liked, you know, this conversation, you might like our tone and how we talk about things, so check it out. And also, you can always find us and, at whatsyourgrief.com where we have all our articles. And we have some communities that we will link to below. What am I missing, anything important?

No. I think that's the big stuff.

But I think that's everything. So anyways, until next time. We hope everybody has a good week.