Grieving the Death of a Grandparent

You will likely experience the death of at least one grandparent in your lifetime and, when you do, it may cause intense pain and heartache. Although your grief will ultimately be unique to you and to the relationship you had with your grandparent, in the following article we will discuss a few of challenges common to grieving the death of a grandparent.

1. This may be your first experience with death.

On average, there are about 47+ years between grandparent and grandchild.  With such an age difference, many people experience the death of at least one of their grandparents in childhood or early adulthood and for many, this will be their first experience with loss. Experiencing the death of a loved one for the first time can be confusing and scary and can lead to questions about death, death related rituals, and grief. Although grief is always individual, age can influence a person’s understanding and response to loss.  If you’re worried about a bereaved child or young adult check out the following posts:

If you are a young adult who’s recently experienced a death of any kind, check out the post: How do I find support as a grieving 20-something?

2. Your parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins might be grieving as well.

The death of any family member can have an impact on the family as a whole.  A grandparent’s death is often felt very deeply by many members of your family. Depending on the circumstances, you may feel as though you have to prioritize the needs of others in your family before attending to your own grief and wellbeing.

There is a proverb that says “Grief divided is made lighter”.  Personally, I think the word “divided” is a little misleading because I don’t think the proverb is meant to imply that anyone’s grief is any less. Rather I think it means that when we all grieve together – when we share our sadnesses, our fears, and our joyful memories –  we are ultimately able to give and receive more support and comfort than if we were to grieve alone.

It would be ideal if all families could grieve together, however, we know that they often do not. Heightened emotion, grieving styles, misunderstandings, even fighting can make it hard for people to (1) support one another and (2) attend to their own needs. Also, your parent’s generation may set the tone for how they want your grandparent’s death acknowledged and grieved, which may be different from how you would like to cope. If any of this is true for you, you may have to work extra hard to balance your needs with the needs of others.

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3.  Your grandparent might have been more like a parent.

Families differ in their closeness, hierarchy, proximity, relationships, and overall dynamics. With such differences, grandparent/grandchild relationships obviously run the spectrum from ‘you-are-like-a-parent-to-me’ type relationships to ‘see-you-next-Christmas’ type relationships.

Many grandchildren have very close relationships with their grandparents and rely on them for a number of their social, emotional, or physical needs.  When a close grandparent dies, the grandchild often feels like they’ve lost someone akin to a parent which is intensely painful and can cause many difficult secondary losses.

4.  You may wish you had known your grandparent better.

Conversely, just because someone didn’t have a parent-like relationship with their grandparent, doesn’t mean their loss isn’t significant.  Perhaps they love their grandparent dearly but never felt they had the opportunity to spend as much time with them as they would have liked.  Some grandchildren lose their grandparent well before they are old enough to have a deep and mature relationship with them.  When a grandparent dies, some people may be left with regret about unanswered questions and things left unsaid, as well as wishes about how they think the relationship “could have” or “should have” been.

5.  Your grandparent might have been the glue that held the family together.

Often times, family members consider the eldest family member to be the patriarch or matriarch of the family.  This person may seem like the family’s foundation and when they die the entire family becomes fractured and untethered.  There are breakdowns in communication, no one knows who should host Thanksgiving, and people start wondering if maybe they should skip the annual family reunion because it just won’t be the same.

6. People may minimize your loss.

After the death of a loved one, people often long for others to recognize and acknowledge their pain.  The person who has died is important and loved. So when someone minimizes your loss it feels like they are undermining the person’s significance and taking away your right to feel pain.

People minimize losses for a handful of reasons.  Some may assume your loss isn’t significant based on their belief that it is the expected, natural order for grandparents to die first.  Some may make judgments based on their subjective experience that grandparents are distant, non-nuclear relatives. While some may realize how much pain you are in, but offer the wrong words of comfort.  For example, maybe you’ve heard this one…

long life

This is something people love to say about grandparents, I guess because it’s often true. It’s not that helpful in grief, though, because being reminded of a person’s age does nothing to ease the pain caused by their absence.  There is never a point where you sit back and say – “I think we’ve spent enough time together.  Yes, I have plenty of memories in my grandpa memory bank, so I’m okay with losing you now.”

Just remember, your grief is a reflection of your unique relationship with your grandparent and your individual ability to cope with this loss.  You, and only you know how much pain you are in and how this loss ought to be grieved.death of grandparent

This list isn’t even close to being all-inclusive, what do you have to add? Leave a comment and tell us about your experience grieving the death of a grandparent.

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May 11, 2018

112 responses on "Grieving the Death of a Grandparent"

  1. I lost my grandad three days ago I grew up being so close to him and still was right till he passed. He’s death wasn’t unexpected he had prostate cancer and Alzheimer’s so although he’s death is a slight relief it hasn’t made it any easier I was the first one to see him and I had to make the phone call to tell my nan and dad hardest phone call I’ve ever had to do and I hope to god I never have to do again but I’m so confused right now I loved my grandad and I cried when I found out he had passed and I sat with him and talked and said my goodbyes before anyone else got there but when everyone else got there and the last couple days since I’ve not been able to cry and I feel like such a shitty person and I had a laugh with a friend on the phone last night and I felt so bad for being able to laugh and joke around I don’t no what’s wrong with me

  2. I lost my grandpa 5 days ago at the hospital. He was more like a father to me than a grandparent. All through the years, he was always there. Now that he is gone, I feel numb. I knew his passing was coming, he was 89 and slowly deteriorating in health, but his passing just feels like a knife through the heart. Every morning i wake up with a heavy heart knowing he is not there anymore. Whatever happiness was there in my childhood was because of him.

    I just wish i would have spent more time with him in his last years. Instead I was drowning myself tackling with my own problems. Now i just talk to myself as if i am having conversations with him, believing that he is on the other end listening to me. Yes he did live a good life and did whatever he wanted to do.

    I wish if there was a next life. I wish that he is my grandpa again.

  3. My grandpa would’ve been 93 today. He died in 2011. I had a dream about him last night and it was awesome. I always pray for dreams with my grandparents and I finally got one but now I’m sad because I wish I could be celebrating with him here on earth. I feel like I will never get over his death and get upset when I cry because he always said crying won’t fix anything. I told my mom about it but then I make her cry but she helps me a lot. I’m 25 years old now and it’s been almost ten years. I guess I will never get over it.

  4. My paternal grandma and,a just passses unexpectedly on April 27 2019 , and it’s been hard for everyone. Everyone is in shock still or denial. Now I have one grandparent left. The good thing is I have a lot of good meteorites of my grandma.

  5. My grandfather suddenly passed on April 26th. This is the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. He was the glue, he was a father of my dad and my 3 uncles, he had a lovely wife who I love so so much, he was the foundation for us. His death has not torn us apart but it’s brought us closer. I’m not dealing with it very well though. I’m struggling to even smile. My brain hasn’t been able to comprehend what has happened yet and I still don’t believe it has happened. It’s only been 2 days without it him and the days feel like hours. The hours feel like years.

    • I lost my grandfather on 4/9/19… i am 43 years old. Up until my grandpa died my entire family was still intact. My heart is so broken. This my first experience with death with an extremely close family member. The intense waves of grief are unbearable. With each day it gets a little better. I just wish my brain would tell my broken heart 💔

    • I also just lost my grandfather the other day. I am still in college, so I won’t even be able to go home to see my family until services are held in about a week. It’s been difficult for me so far since I am not one to share my feelings with others, nor do I like to have people worry about me. I have just been bottling up my emotions while everyone around me goes about their normal daily lives, and it is honestly a little frustrating. I keep thinking of the all the things I should have done, said, or asked him before he passed. It really sucks since I’ve never dealt with feelings like these before, but I believe I will feel better once I can finally go home and grieve with my family. And I hope the services will help provide some closure. I really loved my grandfather and I will miss him dearly.

      • Tomorrow will be a month my “My Papa” left this place we call earth. I miss his belly chuckle, his smile, his saying “ Don’t take no wooden nickels” My heart still breaks, for you first timers it does get a little better every day… but sometimes you get intense waves of grief…. it’s ok we all grieve differently. Just keep the memories close to your heart. I miss “My Papa” and I am waiting to visit my papa in my dreams… I can’t wait….. 💔💔

    • Hey, my beloved Grandad passed away on 25/04/19. I’m 14 years of age, and it would be lovely to talk to someone, going through a similar situation. Feel free to email me, my email address is: [email protected].

      Amelia

    • Hey, my beloved Grandad passed away on 25/04/19. I am 14 years of age, and it would be lovely to talk to someone, who is currently going through a similar situation to me. Feel free to email me, my email address is: [email protected].

      Amelia

  6. My grandfather passed suddenly yesterday evening. Idk I’m still in shock. He wasn’t just a grandfather but a second father and my best friend. We talked several times a day about everything and anything. We even talked 3 times that day. The last time we talked he told me “it was his time, and that he had 2 go.” My grandmother called me 30minutes later screaming. His heart had given out. It was so unexpected. 1 day ur discussing going 2 the range and next hes gone. There isn’t an area in my life that he wasn’t a part of. I’m trying 2 stay strong 4 my grandmother uncle and father but I myself feel drunk and lost.

    • Hey, I’m 15 and experiencing a very similar loss. My grandfather who passed away 3/31/19 loved me more then anything, and I idolized him. Growing up I would come home in tears because I wanted to have a father-daughter relationship, my dad passed away the month of my first birthday. With my Poppop, I finally had it. He called me everyday throughout the day, and the last time we talked I didn’t say I loved him, which I always do. He was my father figure and my best friend, and it gives me a bit of closure knowing that I’m not the only person who’s experienced this feeling. I’d never wish it on anyone, but knowing it’s happened to others makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

  7. I never realized how much my grandmother meant to me until the past couple of days. She is not expected to make it past the 26th and she hasn’t woken up in the past 36 hours. I just want her to wake up one more time so I can tell her how much I love her.

  8. I just lost both of my grandfathers with in 16 days of each other (March 31sth and April 16th). I know they were aging, but the loss of them both so close to each other has drastically impacted my ability to concentrate at work and I would rather be with my family that across the country at work. I am 43 so the losses shouldn’t impact me this way, but I loved them both. They were like brothers to each other.

  9. My Nonna passed 23 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I have cried on and off for all of these years. It really broke a piece of my heart deeply. She influenced my life in such a profound way. She was a second mother to me and my favorite person to spend time with. I’m 38 now and feel that I didn’t quite get to appreciate all that she was and could have taught me- I was only just starting to become curious about our roots and speaking Italian. Over the past 5 years I reconnected with her entire side of the family in Italy and took 3 months to go there and learn about the family I never had a chance to meet when I was younger. I would only ever hear select stories and admire the paintings of the Amalfi Coast on her vases. I taught myself italian and can speak with and understand the family there – it definitely brought me closer to her once again and filled a piece of my heart that has been missing for a long time. I visit her resting place and tell her stories of my trips to Italy. She appears in my dreams often. I love her so much and I look forward to the day I reunite with her- for now I know she is my angel and watches over me. You never stop missing and loving those who were important to you. Keep their memory alive and they’ll always be with you. Xo

    • My grandfather (dad’s dad) died on April 19, 1999 and my other grandfather (mom’s dad) died 10 days later. I feel like I died 20 years ago too. I’ve been waiting for the day I can feel normal again…I’ve been waiting for 20 years already, but it feels like 2 weeks.

  10. My paternal grandmother just died today… I wish I had known her better, I only have one memory of visiting her and eating fried chicken. I know she was a sweet old lady, and that her and my dad were close. I don’t know what to say to my father, I’m 1,000 miles away from any of my family and I know he’s having a hard time.

  11. My grandpa died in 2015 and I was only 10 and I’m 13 and it still bothers me I cry my eyes out when I listen to the songs we listened to together or I think of him or see pictures I’m crying right now just trying to type this. I remember me and him would go fishing every time I came over and we clean them and fry them the same day he was one of the only people that I went to that I could trust but life is hard now. No one knows how much I still think about him. I love him and I can’t wait to see him in heaven. He is always gonna be in my heart. I don’t care what others say about it. I know he is sitting by me for the rest of my life till I die. I won’t forget him I love him more than anyone I don’t know when I will get over him but he was my favorite. I love you pappy 😭❤️ Hope you are catching the biggest fish up there and having the best time up there you deserve it💯👍❤️

    And for anyone else who is struggling with their loss I’m sorry that is just God said it is time for him/her to go and you will see them one day just be patient love your life and have fun and just pray to them every night just a few minutes is all it takes. I understand your pain but it will be alright ❤️💯👍

    • So so sweet of you. You are a very emotional person. I can relate to that. Be strong, be happy because that’s what your pappy would like for you. God bless you dear.🙏🏼❤️

  12. i am 14 i just got home and found out my grandmother died of cancer. i had no emotion when my mother told me, but then it hit me that she was gone. i don’t know what to do anymore. please help me.

    • My grandma passed away Sunday morning, she lives 7 hours away from me I’m a mes student and I didn’t have enough Will to call them regularly.
      She took care of me trough out my childhood and she and I had one of the biggest connections I’ve ever created with a human being.
      A few years ago she started getting tired and having lots of trouble with her health so we should take her to the doctor and they would always tell us that there was nothing wrong with her that she had to control her diabetes, so time passed and she’ll become less interested in life we thought she was depressed and I remember being so angry that she didn’t want to go to the psychologist.
      I thought she was hypochondriac, the last time I spoke to her the phone call got interrupted so I never got to say goodbye to her.
      We never knew she had ovarian cancer the last weeks of her life she didn’t move from her bed but I didn’t know how bad the situation was so I didn’t visited.
      I feel so guilty because she and my brother are the most important humans In my life and now she’s gone and i wasn’t good enough for her… I didn’t deserve her.
      I feel like dying so I don’t have to deal with what life is giving me. I miss her so much

      • My grandad died last week I understand I’m so sadden idk what to do 8049978496 text me if u have a iPhone my phone off I need advise

      • I talked to my papa everyday and everyday he would ask when I was coming to see him and this week I told him Wednesday. Wednesday came and I was tired from running errands and doctors appointment with my kids I was crossing the freeway to get home and he called he sound just like a robot he wanted to know if I was coming today I pulled over because I thought about turning around and I said I’m tired I will come tomorrow for sure I always feel bad when I don’t go visit him when I tell I am but today was different I shook the feeling and started on dinner and then I get a call from my momma(my granny) til this day I feel he waited for me and I didn’t show up. My papa was my dad it’ll be a year next month. I cry so much when my 5yr old sees me crying she says let me guess papa right and she gives me a hug and goes to her to room and plays with her brother so he won’t bother me. I don’t talk to his side anymore because they would rather keep the man who raped me around and my aunt would rather be with a man who likes young girls and tried to rape me in middle school the only reason I knew better was because his son actually raped me in elementary and I’m not bringing my daughter around that toxic mess. So to me I have no family just me it’s been that way since HS but some family like to forget and blame my boyfriend

    • My grandma passed away Sunday morning, she lives 7 hours away from me I’m a mes student and I didn’t have enough Will to call them regularly.
      She took care of me trough out my childhood and she and I had one of the biggest connections I’ve ever created with a human being.
      A few years ago she started getting tired and having lots of trouble with her health so we should take her to the doctor and they would always tell us that there was nothing wrong with her that she had to control her diabetes, so time passed and she’ll become less interested in life we thought she was depressed and I remember being so angry that she didn’t want to go to the psychologist.
      I thought she was hypochondriac, the last time I spoke to her the phone call got interrupted so I never got to say goodbye to her.
      We never knew she had ovarian cancer the last weeks of her life she didn’t move from her bed but I didn’t know how bad the situation was so I didn’t visited.
      I feel so guilty because she and my brother are the most important humans In my life and now she’s gone and i wasn’t good enough for her… I didn’t deserve her.
      I feel like dying so I don’t have to deal with what life is giving me. I miss her so much and I need her here with me

    • Stay positive, my Grandpa passed away from a falling tree, I was so shocked. Still can’t get over it, just hope and pray. Remember they are in heaven!

    • this happend to me my grandmother woke me up and told me my grandfather was gone i did not react i didnt cry until about a month later i was 13 my 14th birthday was less than a month away

  13. I lost my grandfather in 2018 november. Seems like I am the only one still holding onto the memories. I was not very close to him but I wish I was. I miss him terribly each day. And I cry looking at his pictures. Now that I am reading the comments above I am not able to hold back my tears. I hope i recover …sooner or later. 🙂

  14. I am 16 and never got to meet one of my grandparents but lost my grandfather in 2016 grandmother 2017 and my other grandmother is currently on hospice.

  15. I lost my grandpa a month ago because of an unexpected heart attack, he was on vacation far away from us. I couldn’t even attend his funeral and now I just cry at night because I miss him so much. He taught me about love, about caring for others and providing for our family. I considered him my father and losing him means I lost parts of myself. I’m 18 and don’t know much about life, he was the one teaching me, I’ve lost him and don’t know how to help myself. He was just on vacation so why would he leave us so soon, I’m so angry for agreeing on sending him away. Being the eldest of the family he kept us together, know I can see my family falling apart. I wish for better days to subdue the pain.

    Does it ever get better?

    Has anyone found a little bit of happiness? I’d like to know so I don’t let myself go.

    • I’m a year and a few months after losing my Grandpa, and he meant and still means the world to me. I love him, and I still feel pain when I think of how badly I want to go see him, but can’t.

      One of my coping mechanisms was writing down in detail everything I remember with him, and trying to relive and occupy those moments in my memory. I still sometimes add to it. It used to always feel immensely painful but cathartic – every memory reminded me of what I’ve lost and what I will never have again.

      Over time, while committing to these memories and loving who he was, looking into his favourite songs, bonding with whom and what he loved about this world, it’s become easier. It’s just different – reflecting feels like connecting to him and incorporating him into my life. It feels a reminder of what I’ve had, and what I love and could never forget. Thinking of memories hurts, but now it makes me happy, too. It didn’t happen overnight, and sometimes it hurts deeply, but if it weren’t for this pain I wouldn’t have kept this connection to him and our memories this strong. It keeps him in my life in an important way.

      I’m still grieving, but it improves every day (with flare-ups for old memories), and I honestly am happy – and I’m not happy despite him, Im happy with him. The memories, and to a degree the pain, mean I’ll never truly lose how much he meant to me <3

      It gets better, hang in there! Life is still meaningful, there are great joys out there that I am and you will experience, and you do NOT have to be "over it" or forget how much your loved one means to you to get there. You will get there. Take care, I'm sorry for your loss <3

  16. My grandparents died within eight months of each other. My Papa died in September of 2010 (my mind has blocked out the date for the last 8.5 years) and I lost my Damommie on May 5, 2011. It still hurts. One of the hardest things was being a nurse and watching my Damommie deteriorate in those last months (I know now her heart was broken) and wishing that she would stay for me, because I needed her. I was 30 years old, but I still needed my Damommie. The pain changes with time, it doesn’t hurt as much, and I’m happy and proud to tell stories about them, especially to my kids. Some days it hits me harder, though. Christmas is still tough, because I always still wonder what to buy them. Their birthdays aren’t as bad, but their death days are rough for all of us. I had a dream last night that I kept losing my Damommie all over again, over and over. It’s been a tough day for me because of that, and some days I can’t believe it’s almost been eight and nine years. I used to say that I wanted to stop feeling any sadness about it because I thought that would make me stronger. Now I know that continuing on and living the life that they very much helped build in me is strength. Still loving them is strength. Thinking of them, even with tears in my eyes is strength because I am their living legacy. As time goes on for all of you, and the worst of the pain is right now, remember that grief is love with nowhere to go, and that being strong is doing whatever you have to do to continue your life, and not just mourn, but honor the memory of the ones that you have lost.

    • Dear Joe Anna,

      This is so beautiful. I am currently saying goodbye to my grandmother and every single word you say hits my heart.
      Continue to stay strong and live the life they wanted by making them proud.

      Thank you!

  17. I lost my grandparents almost exactly a year ago. I was raised across the street from them. They were married for 72 years and passed 53 days apart. Speaking as one of their closest granddaughters, the sad thing is that no one at all in the family has acknowledged me as grieving yet. I haven’t even gotten hugged yet. This makes me grieve more. I feel better that they are both resting in peace together, no longer in pain. But it hurts that no one has realized that I was affected to but blocking me when their names come up.

  18. My Grandmother died in November 2018. She was such a big part of my life, she taught me so much and was the biggest inspiration to me. She was so beautiful and elegant. A few months before she died she was very depressed, a lot of her past was haunting her and she couldn’t think of anything else. She also suffered from tinnitus, but unfortunately was told by a witch doctor that it was her dead family members haunting her. It drove her mad and she could not rest. It was so painful to see her in so much distress and not be able to help her. In September 2018 she attempted a suicide at a train station, and when I got the call that she had been sectioned I was so torn apart. I had no idea it had got so bad that she wanted to leave this earth. I visited her hospital and then she was finally released back home.

    One evening in November she wasn’t answering the phone the whole day and I became increasingly concerned. I went straight to her house to find her phone on the table with missed calls from me. I was so worried, I was looking on the balcony for her and even called the casinos where she liked to go but they would not give me any information, so I called the police to file a missing persons report. The police said they were sending an officer to come and talk to me but I didn’t make any connection. Before they arrived I found a note in my house left by the police saying that they have tried to find someone who knows my grandmother. I still did not understand what this meant, a thousand thoughts were rushing through my mind.

    The police came to my house and broke the news that my beloved grandmother was found in a canal. She had committed suicide. It was the most devastating news I have ever heard, words can not express the pain I feel. It has almost been 3 months now but I think about her everyday.

    I see her in the clouds and in the sunset and moons rainbow. She is everywhere and nowhere. I hope she is at peace now, where she deserves to be.

    I love you granny <3

  19. I’m losing my grandpa. He cas cancer, he was more of a dad than my own he was there when my dad wasn’t, we used to drive for long periods of time just talking and laughing and now he’s on his death bed and he’s a few hours away from me I’m 15 and i really don’t know how to deal with death. It’s sad ,I’m so sad I can’t be there for him. It’s really scary knowing I won’t always have my papa there for me. I really don’t know what to think I have a mix of emotions and I don’t know which one to focus on and it’s scary I’m cold and shaky my heart is always pounding I’m sweating, crying and scared every time my mom and dad would fight my grandparents were always there every. Single. Time. I’m really, really scared I don’t know what to do.

    • I’m sorry to hear that.

      I’m 26. My grandfather passed away on Thursday from a mix of things, one being cancer.

      I understand exactly how you feel right now. Take the time you have now to tell him anything you feel that you need to, if you’re able to.

      My grandfather went to the ER because he had fell the night before and just wanted to get checked out. He never left.

      Try to tell him that you love him. That’s something I wish I’d had done.

  20. I lost my granny 1-1-19 to cancer. She was very agitated in the hospital cried the whole 2 weeks she was there. She was sent home with hospice orders. My mom, my sister, daughter and myself cared for her I’m her last days. She was on oxygen and @ 12 am there was celebrating of the new year someone shot the transformer out there was a powe loss and she passed away. I will never forget seeing her laying there dead! I feel like I’m loosing my mind . I miss her so much. I’m her eldest grandchild.

  21. My Grandma passed away yesterday. Seeing her motionless on the bed was a shock for me as she actually was a source of positivity in her healthy days. Miss you Aji, You were and will always be the best Curry maker that i have witnessed. Sadly my kids will never get to taste it. Thank you so much for being in my life telling stories and raising me the way i am. We will take care of grandpa don’t worry. Please rest in peace..

    • My grandma just passed away tonight. She was also the one who brought so much joy, life, and energy to every gathering. She had been getting weaker the past year or two. I feel I have such beautiful memories with her. Unfortunately my husband had some negative experiences with her, so he doesn’t know how to support my grieving. But sometimes you have to grieve alone. I’m not sure how much grieving I’m allowed to do and how long it’s okay to grieve when she was more of a holiday relative than a part of everyday life. Is it still okay to miss them and be heartbroken when you knew it was coming for a long time?

  22. Hi. I lost my grandmother on new years eve. She just got a new doctor who gave her stronger pain meds and she overdosed. I wish i had spendt more time with her these last few years and told her how much she meant to me.
    She was a wonderful woman, generous and kind. She was buried yesterday and i have been in deep pain since. Love you forever.

    • Marius I lost my grandmother last year on New Years Eve. I feel the same way. I wish I could’ve told her how much she meant to me, spent more time and helped her out. Peace and blessings to you during your difficult time.

    • Hi there I can relate I loss my granny @. 12:10 am New Year’s Eve. Im so sorry for your loss I know how you feel it hurts so bad. I have cried every night for 23 days I miss her so much! My sincere condolences to you❤️

  23. Hi, I am 15 years old and recently lost my grandpa. We were very close when it came to sports. We would golf together and watch sports together. He was so nice and hardworking. I loved him so much. But when I got home January 4th, I saw ambulance lights. I knew something was wrong. No one was home, but a truck in my driveway. The man said that your grandpa was involved in a accident with a falling tree. I started to get extremely nervous and went inside. I got on my computer and sent a message to my friend because I was scared. A few minutes later, I saw my dad. I have never seen him cry in my life. I asked him if he was alright, and he gave me the biggest hug ever. For the rest of the night I was crying. I knew it was bad. I felt for my grandma and my mom. My grandpa was my best friend. He died while cutting a tree down and it fell on him. He had it notched and everything. The tree must have had a dead spot in it, which caused it to fall down onto him. I have been crying for so long. I can’t focus or anything. I truly hope he is in heaven with his mother and dad. The worst part about this was, that night my family was going to his house for dinner. I was going to bring a board game to play. This was the worst day of my life. I am still missing him and I need help of getting over it. I just wish it rained that day or something. Anyone got any thoughts? Thank You!

    • Hi Trevor,

      I just found this page today (January 19, 2019) because I was searching for articles to help me cope with the loss of my grandma. I’m 23 years old and my grandma died this evening of natural causes, after a year of being sick. I was her only grandchild, and she was my only remaining grandparent. It’s hard and it hurts.

      I am so, so sorry to hear about your grandpa’s death. Please try to remember a few things as you process this grief:
      1. Do not be afraid to reach out for help, whatever that means for you. Friends, family members, teachers and mentors, and therapists can help a lot during this time. Think about what you need and what will help you process this loss, then seek out the people who can help you fill that need.
      2. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. We all wish we could change the past, it’s only human. But unfortunately, it wasn’t raining that day. I wish it was too, for you. But at this point, the only thing you can control is yourself. Not the past or the weather.
      3. Don’t let anyone minimize your loss. As stated in the article, people tend to discount the death of a grandparent. Just because your grandpa was older doesn’t make this any easier for you.
      4. Be comforted by the fact that your grandpa knew how much you loved him. From your post it seems like you and your grandpa spent a lot of time together. That is wonderful. Of course, this means that you will miss him a lot and be in a lot of pain after his death. But months and years from now, you will smile when you think of the time you spent together. Do not give in to any regrets–you had a wonderful grandpa, and he loved you very much.

      Your grandpa would not want you to be too sad that he died. Honor his memory, celebrate his life, and take the time you need to mourn this loss. But I promise, no matter how much this hurts right now, it won’t define you. I admire how open you are; please keep reaching out for help and seeking support. I wish you and your family the very best.

      L

      • Thank you very much! I am still having trouble getting over it with pictures all over the house. It really hurt because if it would of rained that day he would home watching tv, playing checkers, and having fun. He never wanted to die. I loved him so much. He was my golfing buddy, and it makes me sad walking to his farm and seeing his tractor. I pray one day I will see him again. Thank you for the support.

  24. I lost my Granny this morning January 1, 2019 just a month before my baby boy was due and I’m in complete shock as we were just planning my baby shower and never expected to lose her on New Year’s Day. I’m at peace with her passing but the sadness knowing I’ll never be able to hold a conversation or she won’t meet face to face the great grandson she talked about all the time is so overwhelming. I love you Gladys Jolina Broadus forever and always

  25. My grandfather passed away on 30 december 2018. Păpușina will always love you, tataie! Always

  26. Hi I just lost my grandpa on December 19th and his funeral was on the 27th it honestly didn’t hit me until I laid eyes on him I’m only 21 and he was my best friend & the only man I’ve ever loved my heart hurt so bad I feel like I’m going crazy I cannot stop cry or thinking like this is really real I just don’t kno what to do with my self but I know he wants better for me so I’m trying to stay strong and thank u everything on this page helped me so much.

  27. I lost my grandfather last night, and he was struggling through cancer, and was in a lot of pain. I chose to understand the fact he is gone and take it into something positive, in result that he will not have to suffer anymore. Wish him luck in the after party and a fun easy life. RIP, December 26,2018

    • The same thing happen to me, the cancer and all, but my grandparent died on Christmas night…I’m only 18 and he was 71, I feel like I didn’t have enough time with him. Today was the funeral..

  28. I lost a very special man last July, this coming Christmas will be the second without my grandad. Occasionally I’ll reminisce about the memories we shared but I find that recalling them only makes me upset and miss him even more. Holidays are especially hard for myself and my family. Is there anyone out there who has any advice on how to deal with this? It’s so hard seeing an empty seat at the table.

  29. My other nan passed in 2009 and I still miss her and think about her. She was a primary teacher and one of my inspirations for wanting to become a teacher myself. Time does help but you don’t miss time less

  30. My nan passed at the end of October at 98. I had a similar experience as michelle. I didn’t see my nan before she died and I wish so much I had had a chance to say goodbye to her. I saw her about 4 weeks before and me and my sister took my niece to see her at her care home. It was a nice afternoon and my sister did her nails for her. I went and hunted for some nail varnish and we both painted them. Her funeral was 3 weeks after her passing and myself and my sister chose to see her in the chapel of rest. I am, like Michelle haunted by that and wish I hadn’t done it. I do have so many amazing memories of her and think of random stuff all the time but I think seeing her body was definitely a bad decision. But i can’t go back in time.

  31. Hello to all that is reading! I just want to share my story about the pain I feel
    My Grand (grandad) has passed away 3 days ago! 11/12/2018 (uk date) he had just turned 80!
    My handsome kind, loving joker, grandad. I’m just absolutely devastated!
    I’m 40 now the eldest granddaughter and favourite 🤣 I’ve always been in my grandparents lives me & my brother lived there when my mom was seriously ill we were only age 3 and 4. Anyway my dad wasn’t much of a dad he left my mom and us & that was that. Grandad we’d see at least 3times a week as we lived down the rd it’s where I’d run to when I was in trouble or a hot meal. My grandad was such great man he made swings for me & my brother, he fixed absolutely anything he worked on construction sites 6am starts 5pm finish 6 days a week! he’d take us swimming every Sunday! he’d take us to clubs and the list goes on and on! He was strong and never moaned I didn’t see him moan anyhow he was my role model I thought he’d live forever stupid I know
    Anyhow he had a heart attack 3yrs ago and the hospital saved him he seemed a little different, as in, weaker and he liked to stay in the house but he was still grandad!
    I would visit nan and grand every week so I was on my way when my Nan rang her voice broken she said “ambulance is taking him to the hospital” I went straight to hospital got there before grandad
    So when I saw my grandads chest getting pumped up and down I said no that’s my grandad they wheeled him out his head looked purple his beautiful eyes were wide open and there was nothing in his eyes I knew he was gone (dead)
    It was the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen I couldn’t stop crying and shaking my Nan bless her she came 5 mins later and we had to turn the machine off then they lay him there dead for us to be with. I’m just gutted
    And all I can see is his face & eyes it’s horrible
    I’m trying to remember how he was when living but that image is haunting me I don’t know how to get past it
    I have children that need me. Though the sadness on me is hurting so bad I didn’t think I’d feel this bad
    Miss him 💔

    • Sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather. He sounds like he was an incredible man. I’m sure he is looking down on you with sincere love and pride. I happened upon this article because I am having a hard day. My grandfather passed back in February and his sister passed this past week. I just returned from the wake and it truly opened some old wounds. Reading your story helped me in some way. So, I figured I’d let you know. Wishing you well. Keep embracing those memories.

      • Oh CASEY it’s so hard isn’t it knowing we not able to see our beautiful people… of course I understand it’s part of life it just seems so unfair to take good ones away!! and feels as though I’m the only one hurting so bad. I can thank my grandad and Nan for the love they shown me because they’ve made a big part of me ❤️ And who I am today
        I’ve been looking at pictures of how he was I’m going to block the end out of my head (well try) because I know he wouldn’t of wanted his loved ones to see him in the end
        I shall treasure the memories
        And I was very lucky to have him as my grandad very lucky (some people don’t have anyone do they 😢) love to you stay strong and be the best you can be
        I hope my children and (grandchildren, not yet 🤣) think of me like I think of my grandad what a lovely thought
        Though I’m not good with my hands… I can put up a shelf just about
        Stay strong 💔❤️🌸🌹💖 i think reading of other people’s feelings really helps! Does me anyway

  32. I miss you maman Lapi you were my lapsi joonam and I love you forever you meant the world to me.

  33. My grandfather passed away last week Wednesday and we have been incredibly busy taking care of everything up to the funeral that we, as family members, did not have much to check in with ourselves and see how we are doing and what we are feeling emotionally. So yes, here I am trying to google and find ways to cope with the loss because it is really difficult to accept. The funeral happened yesterday and I am back to work today. I can barely do anything, but I am trying my best and showing up no matter how difficult it still is.
    He was the only one I had left. I never met my dad’s parents, my maternal grandmother died when I was 11 (I don’t think I fully understood loss at that time), and my maternal grandfather is the one I had left. He is the one I proudly talked about growing up because he was really good at Sudoku, he was so talented – he played the guitar and the piano and wrote theatrical pieces, he was a man of God, he loved his country and voted for the last time during the elections in November, at 85 years old. He insisted to go and vote throughout the entire day, and I have never seen someone so keen on accomplishing his duty as a citizen of a country.
    I left my country at a very young age, but this year, I got back here for an internship and naturally, I decided to spend as much time as I could with my grandfather, sleeping over at his house and bringing some snacks for him because food makes everyone happy.
    When he got sick, people told me that it is a good thing that I am back in the country. He died on the day I decided to visit him at the hospital. The day before, I was scared to ask for permission at work, and my mom told me I should still ask because I might regret.
    I was at the hospital at 7 am, and he passed away about 6 hours later.
    I am grateful that I got to see him this year, because I almost didn’t make it here. I am grateful that I got to see him on his last day on earth. He no longer spoke, he had all these tubes going down his neck. But I am hoping he heard me. I hope he heard all the messages people wanted him to hear since most of his children (my aunts and uncles, and even my mother) were still abroad and were texting me the things they had wanted him to know.
    I hope we made him proud. The funeral went well yesterday. But going back to my everyday reality is difficult.
    I am feeling very numb. I don’t know if that is normal. But I am also grateful I found this website. It feels great to have a space where we can share our experiences.

    Thank you,

    Mi

  34. I just lost my grandpa yesterday. They lived with my parents together and hence i was basically raised by them. I see how much he has inspired me. He encouraged me from day 1 and taught me i am as equal to any boy in a quite patriarchal indian socitey. He went to bat for me in every single corner.

    He taught me cricket, he treated me lke an equal and he was my partner in crime. He was strict dad to all my aunts and my dad, yet, he softened up and was the most supportive co parent ever when it came to me. He took pride in every single achievement i had, and was right there with me every step of the way.

    i cannot even begin to fathom his absence. i dont know. i just dont know. i love you thatha! i love u.

  35. Hello idk what the purpose of this is, either telling our stories or giving tips to get over losses, but In this case I’m just going to tell my story considering I know none of you and I don’t have to worry about being “okay”.
    My absolute bestest friend in the whole world passed away on December 21, 2017 mid afternoon. He had just came back in side from watering the plants and sat in his chair. My grandma said he let out a big wheezy sound and was gone. He had a heartattack which wasn’t the first time. His health wasn’t the best but he was more of a “ I’m here for a good time not a long time” kinda of guy. He raised me and was basically my dad, we did everything together my entire life And he made me who I am today, all of my interests and likes are because of him. With Christmas coming up and thanksgiving just passing, this was probably the worst time for this to happen. And not only did I miss out on my last chance to spend a full thanksgiving with him because my dumbass HAD to go to my dumbass ex bfs house that day (it was his birthday) I left early and that was the last time I saw him. I have never been able to get that out of my head, the bad decision I made adorns selfish reason. My family had a very hard time dealing with it and my mom, and aunt still have issues. But at the time when everyone was emotional I realized there wasn’t anyone there anymore to comfort people, do the hard things that no one wanted, and kept everyone happy, so I just took the role he left in a way and would just do everything for everyone, be there for everyone and listen, comfort them al , while maintaining a smile on my face just for them. Never was I able to cry and have a bad day if it was regarding my grandpa, because then it would just bring back everyone else’s sadness which I didn’t want to do to anyone, especially my grandma and mom. A whole year I’ve been like this and the only people who know my true pain is my ex, my friend, and now random internet people. I cry all the time but secretly, I let everyone think I’m okay so they can be okay but really on the inside I feel as if he took apart of me with him because things have not been the same and neither have I. But I will continue to act as if I am for my family because I wouldn’t want to increase any more pain for them by expressing the millions on sad thoughts and feelings I have experienced. Please never take your family for granted or the holidays because one day you might think “ oh it’s okay I can leave early I always stay till the end and all they just do is talk, I’ll stay the entire time next year” and just to find out next year won’t be coming. If you read this and are feeling or expericing anything sorta the same just know I’m sorry and I hope those feelings change to happy ones.

  36. Hi , this is very painful for me , I don’t know how much courage is required to write this .
    So on 23 October 2018 a very unfortunate date
    for me , my grandma died it was early morning when she left us . I was in a grief when I heard that sad news through my mom , she told me that “ son ur grandma has died ”. This sentence was enough to made me flashback all the memories I had spent with her , she was very kind , lovable . All the memories flashed by when we used to go on walk , talking and laughing on my stupid jokes . I m crying while writing this .
    Due to my work I was not able to come to her funeral to bid her good bye and that thing hurts me the most , I cried a lot that day and I want her to know how much I loved her and how badly I want her to comeback .
    RIP grandma
    Love you

  37. My step nother’s mother died on October 28,2012, my father’s mother died November 28,2012. Even though the first one wasn’t my “paternal” grandmother I still miss her so much. My dad’s mother death hurt me the absolute worst. I always remember going to her house every weekend and every summer and some Holidays. I miss laying in bed with her and she’ll rub her cold feet on me and we’ll both laugh. I remember listening to her pray every night. I remember going fishing at the pond in her backyard. I remember every time we went to her house she would say “Come hug my neck”. I would do anything in this world just to hear her say that again. Almost 6 years later I am still not over her death. It hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I am crying as I type. I don’t know if I should seek counseling. I remember the early morning that she passed I was laying in bed just thinking about her because the Doctor said she only had 24 hours to live. As I was laying there thinking I could hear her voice come through so clearly and say “I love you Reese”. I simply said “I love you too grandma”. The next morning I woke up to a message that said “Sorry for your loss”. I was confused and hurt because I just knew my grandmother wasn’t gone so why would someone say that to me….. But she was. I denied it, even after seeing her sleeping in her casket, I denied it. My grandma would never leave me, she loved me too much. This lady in the casket looked just like her except for the bow she always wore in her hair was placed wrong. This can’t be her. Grandma where are you? I denied her death for two years but then , it hit me like a ton of bricks. She’s really gone. Now here I am 17 days shy of 6 years and im having a hard time. I miss my grandma so much and it hurts my soul…. I’m hurting and even if I live to see the age 78 i’ll always yearn for my grandmother. I cry because I know it’s okay to do so

  38. My grandmother Rosemary Goodall passed away last year on November 7, 2017. She was my best friend, confidant, diary, vent, you name it and she was it. She was disabled but God allowed her to live several years after surviving three strokes and having trimmers in her neck. She never slept well and had constant pain but she always managed to talk on the phone with me for hours, always support my mother any way she could and look after my older cousin who too has her disabilities. My grandmother who I fondly called “Toots”, was the matriarch of the family and we always went to her whenever there was a family dispute, a need, a prayer or just a friendly ear to talk too. She wanted for nothing and in turn I don’t feel she was as valued as she should of been. When I was in junior college I sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” to her in front of my entire vocal class. I surprised her that day and she rode a cab all the way across the city to come hear me sing. She told me that she wanted me to sing that song to her every year until her death. Even when I didn’t feel confident in my singing voice she still cried every time I sang that song. I even sang the song at her funeral, as hard as that was for me I turned my body to her and sang to her as though we were in my living room. I miss her, terribly. My sister was murdered a day before her birthday in 2015. When my sister passed my Toots and I grew even closer. Now that they are both in heaven together I feel lonely at times but I also know I am surrounded by a beautiful circle of angels who watch over me and will continue to do so until I pass on.

  39. My papa died of brain cancer last week he was 64. It was his fourth time having cancer so I feel like I should have been more prepared or less shocked but I’m not and its really difficult to accept. We were very close and he taught me so much and It is hard imagining life with out him. It also seems too soon because I lost my aunt in August last year to cancer and she was only 42. Both died slowly in hospice and I feel like I had to relive the traumatic experience I went through with my aunt again with my papa, I’m having a hard time dealing with both being gone and getting back to a regular routine and I don’t know how to make the transition any easier. Hopefully writing this down will help me except it and thank you for the other comments it helps to know I’m not alone.

  40. My great-grandfather fell ill with pulmonary edema at the start of September 2018. I knew this by a family friend. He was 90 and all his family had cut any bonds with him. But since 3 years I went to visit him 3 times a year taking my younger brothers with me. My great-grandfather and I had not a close relationship but he was my sole remaining grandpa having his son (my maternal grandfather) died before my birth and my paternal grandfather having deceased on my birthday in 2012 and I love going to visit him. I tried to visit him in hospital trice in a few days but I couldn’t manage to find the right hospital because of a lack of information. The next week I started school but I keep doing my job and I didn’t receive any news. On 5 October 2018 I received the news he had died on the morning of a lung cancer. No one in my family cried for him but now I feel so depressed because I can’t managed to visit him and tell him I had find a work and started college. I can’t manage to talk him before his death. After 3 weeks I haven’t already overcome this mourning and it’s difficult because I am the sole onr in my family.

  41. I am just 12 years old and I just lost my grandmother today…
    Ok so this is what happend

    So I in August 27 2018 my grandmother was confined in the hospital due to a uncontrollable cough and having a hard time to breathe. Me and my older sister went to the hospital she was in the next day we went into her room to see her sleeping in the hospital bed and I didn’t know what was her illness was until she was able to get out of the hospital 2 weeks later

    Ok fast forward to a few weeks my Mother said that my grandmother was saying something about ‘It’s almost time’ The whole family was getting worried even my distant uncle and my distant cousin ok fast forward to October 24 2018

    I was in school and then the bell rang. It was time to go home I went outside of the school to wait for my sister
    A few minutes later she came with slightly red eyes but I didn’t bother because she always had lack of sleep

    We got home and I thought everything was fine but when I got inside some of the furniture was gone and I heard
    ‘She was just waiting for her’ and then I thought that they were just having a discussion OH! but I was wrong I went inside of my grandmother’s room and saw my My parents and my aunts in silence when they saw me enter the room

    I saw my grandmother in her death bed.

    I hope y’all are coping with your grandparents death
    Good luck

  42. I am just 12 years old and I just lost my grandmother today…
    Ok so this is what happend

    So I in August 27 2018 my grandmother was confined in the hospital due to a uncontrollable cough and having a hard time to breathe. Me and my older sister went to the hospital she was in the next day we went into her room to see her sleeping in the hospital bed and I didn’t know what was her illness was until she was able to get out of the hospital 2 weeks later

    Ok fast forward to a few weeks my Mother said that my grandmother was saying something about ‘It’s almost time’ The whole family was getting worried even my distant uncle and my distant cousin ok fast forward to October 24 2018

    I was in school and then the bell rang. It was time to go home I went outside of the school to wait for my sister
    A few minutes later she came with slightly red eyes but I didn’t bother because she always had lack of sleep

    We got home and I thought everything was fine but when I got inside some of the furniture was gone and I heard
    ‘She was just waiting for her’ and then I thought that they were just having a discussion OH! but I was wrong I went inside of my grandmother’s room and saw my My parents and my aunts in silence when they saw me enter the room

    I saw my grandmother in her death bed.

    I hope y’all are coping with your grandparents death

  43. I lost my nan on the 30th August 2018 it was so sudden I’m so lost I’m really struggling with everything and the day after her funeral I lost my job so life at the moment is hard .I feel like a big black rain cloud is following me all the time.

  44. I read this a couple nights ago… I had to come back because I felt in my heart I needed to comment to show those grieving what lies ahead and some advice that truly helped me believe they are off to a better place.. I write this at 4 in the morning after a restless night.
    My granddad passed away July 17, 2018 at 78 years old. He was the strongest man I ever new, I’m not sure any man on this earth loved me more then he did. I’ve never loved a man more… I didn’t have a father growing up. He was it, he was my everything. He had survived 7 heart attacks in his life. He started getting sick and we were waiting for biopsy results when one morning he woke up seriously confused. He went to the ER where that very night they confirmed he had cancer.. the monarch of our family was soon to be gone. He wasn’t aware he was dying he was to confused. 3 days after his diagnosis in the hospital they said it was terminal and gave him only days… we moved him to a passing facility where we could come see him 24 hours a day. Walk around barefoot, and cook in the kitchen.
    One morning. I got off night shift and came to his side. Steve the owner said, did your grandpa have a friend named Jerry growing up? I said “yes but he died, why?” He said, because I listened to him talk to Jerry all night long, it was interesting to listen too. And then he said “he must be getting close” I said close? What do you mean?? He said, when people are close to passing loved ones, always the deceased, come to visit them, come to help them to the other side. I was IN SHOCK! To my disbelief I sat in bed for 7 nights all night long and read about death bed visions. I am a firm believer after reading the stories of the soon to be deceased confirming there loved ones are there. Please know, I’m telling you, this helped me tremendously.
    That night the owner stated my grandfather was going to go soon. He stated it was the longest he has ever heard anyone continue with the death rattle. I know why, my grandpa waited all night to have my grandmother alone. She turned on sports and talked to him and When she kissed him goodbye she saw a tear down his cheek. As soon as grandma left the room to go home I went into the room to be with him, I refused to let him die without me, he knew that. I know he didn’t want my grandmother to see him die.
    And not five minutes after grandmother left, his breathing faded, I hollered for my mom, this was it. I still remember it like it was yesterday. My mother put her hands on my shoulders and I put my hands on his and started rubbing them and while I was sobbing i said “it’s ok papa, it’s ok! Jesus is coming, don’t be scared.” And with that he was gone. I wailed. I wailed louder then I have ever wailed in my life. My shining light for the last 30 years of my existence was gone. I cry hardly even as I write this. Please know to you all, you are not ALONE. When it feels like the world stops running for you but keeps running for everyone this is normal. When you wake up in the middle of the night with a hurting heart and burning throat, this is normal. When your wondering why this is happening and why life is so unfair, remember that some day it will be happening to you. And they will be there to help guide you: it does get easier but in those moments your experiencing the raw grief it won’t feel like it is. The grief will always be there but some how time helps you cope. Everyday gets a little easier.. I pray for you all and hope this message helped all of you in some way. I pray you all have dreams of them visiting. Since my grandfathers death I’ve had two, every night before I go to bed I wonder if I will dream about him. My last dream he looked healthy and said “hi Dani” I could hear him so plainly. I will continue being patient. See you at the gates my sweet papa.

  45. I lost my grandmother on August 15th 2018, one week later my partner of 9months left me for my younger brother

  46. I just lost my grandmother September 6 2018. She helped raise me, my brother and 2 other cousins She never stopped raising children. She was the glue, backbone and rock to our family. She was my go to person for advise and direction. I would call her almost daily to chat with her. The end of may this brave women was diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer…..over the past few months i watched at it claim her but nanny remaied positive and optimistic. My mom and i were with her almost every step of her journey but now we are lost. My heart hurts, eyes sting and my body is numb. I need to remain strong for those around me but i feel like im going to break at any moment. My nanny is gone and she has taken apart of me…

  47. My grandfather passed away 12 years ago. 4 days before my 10th birthday. 12 years later I’m still in grief as I just can’t cope with the loss of the closest person I’ve ever had. We lived together and I would go out with him for walks almost every day and I went to them every night making up that I had nightmares. 12 years later I’m lying in my bed and just crying uncontrollably trying to imagine him near. I started forgetting some moments and that really hurts and I don’t know. When you loose your loved one, someone as close and my granddad used to be to me, the pain and grief is forever just as all this love is.

  48. I can relate to many of the comments mentioned. I recently turned 37 and my grandmother passed away about 2 1/2 days after my birthday. We were close, beyond close, connected, if you will. This woman raised me for the most part, from the time I was an infant until I was about 14 years old. I moved but would see her regularly and talk to her almost daily. As an adult, I moved in with my grandparents for a few years in my early 20s. I would often go visit at least 1-3 times a year. We literally talked multiple times a day. She was pretty much my mother which is often hard for people to understand. I have searched for grief groups in my area but have not found any that I feel would fit my needs. I have experienced all types of emotions, sadness, frustration, anger, even emotionless which makes me feel guilty. I don’t have the best insurance and can only afford to pay out of pocket a few times to see someone. Does anyone have any book suggestions? I have seen LOTS geared toward children and not adults. Suggestions would be great! Thank you!

  49. My grandma died this week, right before my birthday this month….She was 84, but very healthy for her age, so it feels so sudden….She was one of my only friends, and the word “was” doesn’t even feel right. We shouldn’t stop being friends just because she died.

    All through my childhood and teenage years, I spent every other weekend with my grandma and uncle. Even after I met my boyfriend, finished school, and turned 18, I still visited and called just as frequently. Until my mom and I were kicked out by her ex-husband, leaving us cooped up together in my grandma’s apartment for 3 months. I stopped visiting so much after that because….I became uncomfortable in that apartment, I suppose. My mom can ruin almost everything….

    That same year, my uncle had a mental breakdown. He hasn’t been his “usual self” ever since. Even with my grandma around, I didn’t feel safe around him anymore, and my mom just adds fuel to the fire. So I visited my grandma even less.

    Even a phone call felt risky, because my uncle might answer the phone. He used to be one of my best friends, just like my grandma, but he started getting more and more agitated with me. If I would ask for my grandma, he’d get defensive and wonder why I didn’t wanna talk to him. And when my grandma and I did talk, he would eavesdrop, mumbling under his breath the whole time. So I went from calling my grandma every day to only calling her once a week.

    During this past year, my husband and I started visiting them again. Although we had an ulterior motive: my grandma paid us to go grocery shopping for her, both in gas money and “whatever we want” from the store. Still only talked on the phone once or twice a week though, because I was so afraid of my uncle answering the phone….

    The guilt is eating me up inside. Both my uncle and grandma trusted and respected me as their best friend, yet I only grew older, colder, more bitter, and more abusive of their love….My grandma never complained. Only my uncle would say “I miss you” or ask me if I still love him. I do. But does my grandma know I still love her….?

    My grandma always told me to forgive myself. She’d say such ridiculous things, like “You could punch, kick, spit on me, steal from me, and I would still love you and forgive you.” She also told me not to cry about her death, and asked me “Why would you cry over a dirty, ugly, stupid old lady like me?” Because I love you, Granny. That’s why.

    She didn’t want anyone to see her in the hospital either. And of course, everyone else ignored that wish. Except me. Down to the last day, the last minute, my grandma made it clear that she didn’t want me to watch her deteriorate. So if she didn’t want me to see her that past week, what about that past month? The month I barely talked to her, when she was getting sick with pneumonia, and neither she nor my uncle told anyone? Maybe she already wanted to be left alone?

    My grandma wanted to die….She outlived most of her children, and those still alive were cruel to her at times. So was I. Death was a common topic at my grandma’s house, back when we would drink coffee together and plan out our funerals. I thought I was prepared for her passing. But I’m not grieving because my grandma died, I’m grieving because I lost one of my only friends….

    If I had more confidence and patience with my uncle, I could’ve spent more quality time with him and my grandma. I could’ve spent one more weekend, or just one more night, drinking coffee with them like the “old days” just a few years ago….How can I apologize for growing so distant? For growing up? How can I tell her I’m sorry? How much I love her? How much I miss her….?

    If I could only see and hear my grandma in a dream, even just that would give me some peace….Even if she is angry at me….Like my grandma. I’ve always had a guilty conscience, and like her, I’ve always been….a dreamer. Colorful, emotional, memorable dreams. Dreams that feel more real than reality. But I can’t find her in my dreams anymore, only my uncle and their empty apartment now….

    Should I try to convince myself that my grandma is really gone, or should I try to convince myself that she really isn’t….? I have so many questions for her, questions I used to think we’re so stupid, questions that she wouldn’t answer even if she was still alive….And if there really is a God, I know she has a lot of questions too….

    I just want to free my mind from this grief so I can think again!

  50. I lost one of my grand mothers on December 15 2017 and my other one June 6 2018 two day after he 86 birthday. I’m having a hard time coping and my whole family seems fine and no one knows I’ve crude myself to sleep everynight since the second died. I just feel so empty and numb. I find music very helpful in the grieving proces though. It really helps understand that I’m not alone.

  51. My grandma passed away on November 12, 2017 @ 12:10 am PT at the age of 76. She was my best friend and not to mention my go-to person when I want to talk about something. She was always there for me and I am crying as I’m typing this. I think about her every day. My uncle then passed away on March 21, 2018 @ 11:17 am at the age of 46. He was a great person. He made everyone happy even if he had to sacrifice something of his own. I will miss them both dearly……..

  52. My grandma passed away on May 6 and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. On top of the end of the school year it was nearly unbearable. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I still cry on a daily basis. It’s good to hear that other people are still grieving even years later because I’m worried that one day I will forget and I never want the lessons she taught me to leave me. Thank you everyone.

  53. Diane Laree PeaglerMay 20, 2018 at 8:44 pmReply

    My Grand parents……lived long…. ( My Nanny passed away 1997 at 89 , and my grand father 2008- He was 99…I still cry .and miss them . Had them both well into my adult-hood! <3

  54. My grandpa ( Paw Paw ) died on July 7th and him and my Nana basically raised me my whole life and their home is my first home.
    He was like the father figure in my life and he always understood me when others did not. He was the glue that held the family together. When he left it all started crumbling and every time I think of him I will now have to bite my lip and put walls down so I would not collapse on the floor crying. The worst of all is that the last thing I ever said was bye. And I will regret never saying ¨I love you¨ or ¨I will always miss you.¨ And I will. Till the day I die and join him again.

  55. My grandmother died April 14th and it was an emotionally draining week and I can’t get some of the things I heard and saw out of my head. It was my first experience witnessing death firsthand and hospice just seemed so horrible for some reason. I watched the woman that was like a second mom to me slowly get weaker and weaker after the diagnosis of kidney cancer and she made it less than a year after her cancer was discovered. I had to be next to her and I whispered many things in her ear and played music for her when she was in a coma. She was always a phone call away and the one that always made me laugh about situations that seemed hopeless. I watched her say her goodbyes to everyone and she had a tear stream down her face that I can’t forget. It was horrible to see her try to understand what was going on. She knew I was by her side through it all and my grandpa was as well. We were the closest with her and she held on until we closed out eyes and fell asleep and then she took her last breath. I watched her deteriorate slowly into a cold lifeless body.

  56. My grandmother is in hospice after a 2.5 year long battle with cancer, a VERY aggressive one. She was originally given 3 months to live, but bravely fought until the strokes got her recently. The last stroke was last weekend. I just got back today from out of state where we stayed a night. I had to say goodbye… This is the HARDEST thing I have ever done in my life. For the record, she is aware and all there but cannot speak. It was extremely emotional and I did the talking (softly in her ear). I could have stayed until tomorrow, but obligations have me back here… She is still alive but in hospice at her home and she will be passing.

    I am torn to shreds. I want to spend every minute there until she goes, but it is not possible and I KNOW she would want me to continue with my career and family.. It’s just incredibly difficult.

    As a man, I am ripped to shreds emotionally to the point I am crying.. (I hate showing emotion).. IDK how to ignore the guilt..

  57. Thank you for this article. My “Pop” passed away Feburary 16th at home in hospice care. For the two weeks after his horrible accident seeing him slowly pass has been the most traumatic experience of my life. He was the most kindest and authentic person. He always had a way of lifting others up and had a joke to tell when you needed a smile. He was an angel that lived on earth. Even though my grandparents lived a full life with many wonderful experiences, he passed too soon, they had more memories to make. I haven’t addressed my grief fully yet, I feel as if I need to be strong and clear minded as I have the responsibility of his estate of making sure my grandmother who lost the only man she loved is taken care of. The last conversation we had before his accident was he wanted to go home from the hospital to make sure his wife was okay. I’m looking after Nan for you Pop…

  58. Hi my grandad passed away yesterday. I feel so sad I feel sad for my dad and the family. He had been ill for a very long time with Kidney cancer but he always like to make a joke of things. I went round to see him and my gran at least once a month and spend good quality time. I’m 33 now and I feel I have bonded with them more as an adult chatting about life, my love life, my son, everything. I loved grandads childhood stories. My gran become very ill and taken to a nursing home and I feel sad for both as I knew they had become lonely and to ill to see each other after 60 something years its so unfare. It was very painful to see grandad in pain as he tried to cover it. A few weeks ago he had a chest infection and he felt bad that I was there and he wasn’t great company, to me I just wanted to sit with him anyway. last Saturday I saw in hospital and he was asking if I bought in some alcohol for a joke because that’s what he is like. I felt so sad seeing him yesterday holding on to his last breaths he looked in pain and no responding. I knew he wouldn’t let go till we were gone like he always fighted off sleep. He always wanted to be the best company and that was important to him. He was a proud man The loveliest man that was proud of his big family. RIP

  59. My grandfather died at night today after being a week in a hospital. He has been being ill for longer time now but i did not imagine it would happen so soon even if our family was expecting it sooner or later. I visited him today and i regret not having come in the weekdays before, since i was working tight schedule, but maybe i was just afraid to come. i feel sad but not into tears, but seeing my mother crying and my grandmother saying her goodbye to him were breaking my heart much more to see, than his death. i accept that it is a part of the circle, but it also terrifying to think about own mortality. i was too afraid to touch him, he looked nothing like a living man i remember, i would not recognize him actually, but i touched a part of the bed. so after coming home i was googling a bit of the ways to deal with such a loss. i am in my 30th and it is my first time seeing dead.

  60. My grand father past last night. I have so much anger and resentment built that I just asked the lord to remove all negative things. I pray to the lord I find some strength because right now I’m seriously loss. My heart hurts so bad just know all what my grand father had to go thru just to get better. It’s hard not to think about my grand father cause he was my every day now i don’t feel like looking forward to tomorrow because he won’t be here.. I love u granddaddy and forever will. Rest in heaven papa.. forever your candy

  61. My grandmother passed away the 11th of Feb 2018. Its been so hard trying to go back to normal. I don’t want to be around people outside of my family. I don’t feel like smiling and talking to people at my job. I was also the one to plan the entire funeral myself and do all the running around . It took a huge toll on me. My grandmother was definitely a second mother to me and my siblings. She was there when my mother had to work. I also didn’t see this coming. It all kind of fell on our laps out of nowhere. Some days I’m ok and other times I’m not okay at all. Sometimes I want to tell and scream because I didn’t see this coming. She wasn’t feeling well but I definitely wasn’t thinking death was near. I had to watch her slowly die in hospice. Its the worse things to ever experience. I felt like we were being tortured everyday. I miss her so much.

  62. I am in Canada and my family is in India from last three years I am studying in Canada never went back from those three years. Finally I finished my study got a job This year I was planning to go back. I recieved this call yesterday after work that I lost my grandfather I am totally broke I am crying since yesterday there is no family down here Its so hard Its first time I lost someone so close to my heart. I dont really know I keep reading these posts to get some support or call my family in between ! I pray for my grandfather may he rest in peace he was such a kind man!

  63. My step grandfather died on January 18. The pain is still fresh in my mind. And the family, especially my stepdad, who I do classify as my true dad, is still taking it hard. Couldn’t cry at the day of the viewing and funeral. But now, yeah, it’s hit me. Lost great grandparents between the years 2001 and 2002. Was a kid then. Now I’m in my late twenties. I didn’t think it could happen again this soon, losing a grandparent.

  64. Thank you for the article and I can empathise with you all. My Grandad died 3 days ago and its been a sad blur. I feel that I have less right to grieve than my Mum or Grandma but he was my closest grandparent and he held the family together. He was 87 it was his birthday this month, he wasn’t sick even at his age it was still a shock. I visited him on Saturday and am so glad I got to see him. Its a comfort to read your stories and I can see how special all of our grandparents were. And yes it doesnt matter how old and great their lives were it doesn’t hurt less. My thoughts are with you all x

  65. My grandad died yesterday and my heart is broken. I don’t think there is anything I can do to move past this. He will forever be in my heart. Whenever I Think of him I automatically cry. This is the first time I’ve lost someone.

  66. Although it’s been a couple weeks since my G-ma passed, I’ve just started to Google how to cope and how to grieve. This is the 5th Grand Parent I’ve lost and it’s been some time since I’ve grieved last, but it all feels new. The others passed when I was very young, so I was upset but, I don’t think I understood what was really happening or the root to why I was lashing out. But this is different, I’m aware of everything now, I have many triggers although I’m am no longer in a constant “numb”.but, I can not recall what I’ve done the day before and I find myself crying quite often. I feel so selfish for feeling the way I do, and not acting myself.. esspecially at work. Based on the steps above I’m still in step 1, is that normal? I loved her very much! But we did not spend as much time together as I would have liked but I can’t seem to come to terms with her being gone. She passed fairly suddenly at the age of 86, and before she passed I had breakfast with her and the whole family. It was a delightful day. How long will I be this way before I can be at peace with her being gone???

  67. My grandpa passed away this morning and I found this cite while googling ways to deal w/ it. I’m not even sure whether writing this will help deal w/ all that sorrow. The whole family is in tears and after reading all these methods on dealing loss, I still feel helpless. I know there is no specific period as to overcome this, but I still would like to know normally or on average, how long does it take to make life move on, even if a little. BTW I’m turning 18 this yr and it’s my first time dealing with the loss of a love one. It would really kind if anyone can share there feelings or thoughts with me. May grandpa rest in peace.

    • I am 15. I just lost my grandpa to a falling tree. I cried so much because he was 81 and looked to be 60. It has been very hard for me but I am trying to think positive. He was my best buddy when it came to sports. We watched tv and golfed together. It makes me hurt when I think about it. It is very rough. I just tell myself that he is in heaven enjoying himself. This gave me a little reason not to fear death because I will meet up with him sometime. It is very tough and I will always remember him. The death was so sudden and it is extremely hard. You just need to know you are not the only one.

  68. My grandma died this morning. My mom thinks she wanted to die because my mom would always ask her if she wants to do something and she would say “I’ve seen all the things I want to see in my life” my grandma would refuse to go to the doctor. We live in a different state so it’s hard for us. My aunt lives with my grandma and they were gonna move here since my grandma got fired from her job a few months ago. My aunt says that she been nauseous and having trouble breathing in the last few days and refused to go to the doctor and this morning yelled at my aunt for trying to call the doctor so my aunt didn’t. One hour later my gramma told my aunt to call an ambulance and they worked on her in her bed then it was too late by the time they brought her to the hospital. Please bless. I don’t know what to do. She was my closet relative.

  69. My grandpa just passed away yesterday. It’s not like it was necessarily a surprise as he’d been through various recurring cancers over the years and he was 94 years old, but it’s still hitting me harder than I expected. I guess I wasn’t close to him in the traditional sense of being close to a person, but I always felt this certain sense of inexplicable connection to him that made me feel close to him. I guess I always also thought that we were a lot alike, and perhaps he passed down more to me than is apparent. He was also the only grandfather I’ve known, as my other grandfather died just a few months before I was born. I’m 27, but this isn’t my first experience with loss. I guess what’s most difficult is that this is the second time I’ve grieved and felt like I wasn’t allowed to grieve. A few years ago, I lost my five-month-old puppy, who, to me, was like my baby. Then, it seemed like no one thought I should grieve as much or as long as I did because in their eyes, she was just a pet. Now, I feel that no one seems to think I’m allowed to grieve my grandfather because it probably doesn’t appear that I even had a close relationship with him. My grandmother wouldn’t let me come to the hospital to say goodbye, and she wouldn’t let me come over to their house afterwards to grieve together as a family, she only wanted her children and brothers around. I guess I’m okay with grieving on my own, but I don’t know how I’ll handle the wake and funeral, knowing that my grief doesn’t seem to count for as much as my grandmother’s/aunts’/uncle’s/mother’s/cousins’ grief. I just want to grieve my grandfather in peace, without judgment or obligation. I guess I just needed to tell someone this.

    • Emily, your comment really affected me. I lost my Grandpa this week and felt how you felt.

      My Grandma and Mum live together and so are involving me but I still feel that I have less right to grieve than they do.

      I also have never experienced the loss of a person but had two house rabbits that were my babies, although they lived long lives when they died no one understood as they thought they were just pets.

      You aren’t alone. I hope that you found your way to grieve and you should know you have the right to grieve however you feel since you had a unique relationship.

  70. May 3rd, 2013, two weeks before my tenth birthday, my grandmother passed away. She had been very ill with all sorts of cancer for the months prior to, but the doctor didn’t diagnose it until the end of March. She was hospitalized for most of April. We were told she would live for another few months, maybe even for the summer. But it got a lot worse and spread all over, and she became even more ill. It was so hard for me as a 9 year old to watch my grandmother slowly and painfully die in that hospital bed. I thought she was going to get better, and everything would be okay again. She was transferred to a Carpenter Hospice, with a month max to live. But within maybe two weeks of being there, she passed away. My aunt was staying with her that night, and I can still remember the frantic phone call to my parents, announcing that my Grandmother was dead. She was like a second mother to me, and I feel like I took her for granted. It’s been almost four years since she passed away, and it still breaks my heart. It feels like I lost a parent. When people ask me about my family, I able to talk about my grandmother and other deceased relatives like I have accepted their deaths. But I can’t shake it off. I think about her and other relatives and I just sob. I think about all the things I could have done to be better, and how I never got to say a proper goodbye.

  71. I lost my grandfather 12 years ago I was 19 I’ve struggled hard for a long time
    the first 3 years I avoided conversations about him because a rush of grief would sweep me off my feet
    I then could talk about him but still heart crushed feeling as I do
    for the past 2 months Ive not been coping my head just won’t rest and all I think of is him
    maybe because its the Christmas holidays
    I probably won’t ever get over the fact he’s gone
    he was my everything and always will be

  72. hello, i’m in seventh grade… this is my first expirience with death. my grandmother passed away last night in the hospital, i havent seen her in weeks, and i never got to say goodbye. I’ve tried to keep it in near my family, but im so sad, i feel like life is so different even though i didnt see her much. And im not religous, but before she passed, when she was in the hospital, i prayed, i prayed so much… but when my dad came back i knew she was gone. I have no more blood-grandparents that i know of anymore, as she had two husbands, and my others have either died or i dont know. with christmas coming around i feel so much worse because of how she would spoil us kids on christmas, we would spend most time with her, but now christmas wont be the same… Im just sad right now and needed to get this out.

  73. hello, i’m in seventh grade… this is my first expirience with death. my grandmother passed away last night in the hospital, i havent seen her in weeks, and i never got to say goodbye. I’ve tried to keep it in near my family, but im so sad, i feel like life is so different even though i didnt see her much. with christmas coming around i feel so much worse because of how she would spoil us kids on christmas, we would spend most time with her, but now christmas wont be the same… Im just sad right now and needed to get this out.

  74. My grandma passed away on my birthday but she was revived and pronounced brain dead…She was my best friend my rock my mom someone i could always count on to be there when it seems like the world is going no wheres. She died 7 months ago on the 30th. And i still blame myself for her death. The day before she died we got into a fight a small one but i left never said sorry never called to say goodnight or i love you and when i was told she was gone it was like my whole world shut down at once. I sat with her as her body died crying and saying sorry, but did she know i was? Did she know i loved her more than anything in my heart? It feels like i have a hole in my heart and i don’t know what to do….

    • Oh sweet Joey, I’m so sorry for your loss. My dad (my son’s Pappaw) just passed on the 2nd Of December. I’m grieving too. This is not…could not ever be your fault. You don’t have that kind of power hon. None of us do. You must not “blame yourself”.
      The last thing that goes when we die is our hearing. Your grandma heard you. And she hears you now. I know that with ever fiber of my being. Continue to talk to her. Even if it’s just quietly in your head. She CAN hear you. And if you practice, and be still and listen..you can hear her too. I’m not crazy and I know what I’m saying sounds nuts, but I’ve done it and it’s real. She absolutely…ABSOLUTELY..knows how much you love her. She is in a state of perfection now. She can see your heart and she knows how good and kind and loving you are. She heard you honey. She did.
      Blessings.
      Kat

  75. I lost my grandmother October 30th..she was my best friend…second mother and so dear to me..6 months prior she had a minor stroke she bounced back from 100 percent..and she was almost 94! She was healthy her whole life and passed getting ready for the day sitting on her bed…no one ne knows the cause..we think her heart stopped…I never got to say goodbye…I never thought I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye….I’m 35 and this is the closest person to me that has passed away…my grandfather passed when I was as in grade school and he was sick for many years so mentally we prepared ourselves…I feel like there is a void in my heart ❤️ i cannot fill…an emptiness…I just spoke to her a few days prior…I’m so saddened to have to not have her here…I’m so sorry we all have to feel this pain

  76. My grandpa passed away a few days ago. Between that day and the funeral, I occasionally find myself suddenly bursting out into tears and breaking down just remembering all the things he did when I grew up. As a child, he was kind of like my second dad when my parents were out working. Later on in the years, when I grew up and my parents were able to take care of me, I saw him less but still occasionally here and there. When that happens, you don’t think so much of him. Now that he’s gone, I hold onto those memories so dearly because it’s the only thing I have left of him. The best way I felt with dealing with his death so far is sharing these memories with my family and letting the others share theirs. I’ve also felt that people who say that he has lead a good,long life helps too because then I get some closure in the fact that he has achieved so much while alive.

  77. My grandad died a month ago today and it was his funeral last week and I’m absolutely devastated, as well as my family. I was with him all the way through as my dad and I came down to visit him in the Friday, and Saturday night, he said was taken by ambulance to A and E, we were with him every day in the hospital and only three hours after we said goodbye to him, he passed away. I feel so upset as he was by far my favourite grandad and indeed grandparent and I’m going to miss him so so much:( weirdly though, I have nice memories of him in hospital like when the nurse asked who I was and he said I was his “littley” and tried to get up to give me a hug when he found out I was next to him the day before he died. I’m 15 and him passing away has been such a huge shock for me and something I know I won’t get over for a long time and as its my GCSE year it’s even harder, but I’m going to try to do the best I can and make him proud. At his funeral I read out a poem that described what he was like and our relationship. I love you so so much grandad and I miss you so much. Xx

  78. I lost my grandmother today and it’s hitting me very hard… I’m only 14 and I was her closest granddaughter and she was my closest grandparent I miss her so bad

  79. My grandmother recently died in june and I’m just a teen. Every once in a while I’m caught sitting up and thinking about how I lost her and eventually end up sobbing and running to my parents or sitting outside under the stars to calm me down- even if it’s nearly 2 am on a school night. It hurts my heart that I didn’t have that much time with her. I feel as if I should have been able to spend more time with her- even if I was the one who DID spend the most time with her out of both of my siblings. I was close to her and vise versa. Anyways- my point is that tonight was one of those nights where I couldn’t control my sadness and grief so I decided that I needed to find some comfort in words of other people and from sources like the internet. Thank you for this article- it’s helped a bit.

  80. My nana just passed away and I am devastated. She was 96 years old and at almost 31, I still don’t feel like I had enough time with her. She was an amazing lady who lived through so much. I will miss her for the rest of my life.

  81. Thank you. This helped me so much. It’s been 6 days since my Grandpa passed & here i am googling ways to cope because at this point I don’t know what else to do. Grieving heavily and heartbroken to say the least. I especially liked how you basically said even if they lived a long life, it still does not make their absence any easier or give a peace of mind. They’re still gone. And we’re never ready to lose a love one no matter their age. Thank you for sharing.

    • I am the exact same. My grandad passed away yesterday and my heart is broken. Thank you for sharing. I hope you are coping better <3

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