Grieving the Death of a Grandparent

Understanding Grief / Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley

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You will likely experience the death of at least one grandparent in your lifetime and, when you do, it may cause intense pain and heartache. Although your grief will ultimately be unique to you and to the relationship you had with your grandparent, in the following article we will discuss a few of challenges common to grieving the death of a grandparent.

1. This may be your first experience with death.

On average, there are about 47+ years between grandparent and grandchild.  With such an age difference, many people experience the death of at least one of their grandparents in childhood or early adulthood and for many, this will be their first experience with loss. Experiencing the death of a loved one for the first time can be confusing and scary and can lead to questions about death, death related rituals, and grief. Although grief is always individual, age can influence a person's understanding and response to loss.  If you're worried about a bereaved child or young adult check out the following posts:

If you are a young adult who's recently experienced a death of any kind, check out the post: How do I find support as a grieving 20-something?

2. Your parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and cousins might be grieving as well.

The death of any family member can have an impact on the family as a whole.  A grandparent's death is often felt very deeply by many members of your family. Depending on the circumstances, you may feel as though you have to prioritize the needs of others in your family before attending to your own grief and wellbeing.

There is a proverb that says "Grief divided is made lighter".  Personally, I think the word "divided" is a little misleading because I don't think the proverb is meant to imply that anyone's grief is any less. Rather I think it means that when we all grieve together - when we share our sadnesses, our fears, and our joyful memories -  we are ultimately able to give and receive more support and comfort than if we were to grieve alone.

It would be ideal if all families could grieve together, however, we know that they often do not. Heightened emotion, grieving styles, misunderstandings, even fighting can make it hard for people to (1) support one another and (2) attend to their own needs. Also, your parent's generation may set the tone for how they want your grandparent's death acknowledged and grieved, which may be different from how you would like to cope. If any of this is true for you, you may have to work extra hard to balance your needs with the needs of others.


3.  Your grandparent might have been more like a parent.

Families differ in their closeness, hierarchy, proximity, relationships, and overall dynamics. With such differences, grandparent/grandchild relationships obviously run the spectrum from 'you-are-like-a-parent-to-me' type relationships to 'see-you-next-Christmas' type relationships.

Many grandchildren have very close relationships with their grandparents and rely on them for a number of their social, emotional, or physical needs.  When a close grandparent dies, the grandchild often feels like they've lost someone akin to a parent which is intensely painful and can cause many difficult secondary losses.

4.  You may wish you had known your grandparent better.

Conversely, just because someone didn't have a parent-like relationship with their grandparent, doesn't mean their loss isn't significant.  Perhaps they love their grandparent dearly but never felt they had the opportunity to spend as much time with them as they would have liked.  Some grandchildren lose their grandparent well before they are old enough to have a deep and mature relationship with them.  When a grandparent dies, some people may be left with regret about unanswered questions and things left unsaid, as well as wishes about how they think the relationship "could have" or "should have" been.

5.  Your grandparent might have been the glue that held the family together.

Often times, family members consider the eldest family member to be the patriarch or matriarch of the family.  This person may seem like the family's foundation and when they die the entire family becomes fractured and untethered.  There are breakdowns in communication, no one knows who should host Thanksgiving, and people start wondering if maybe they should skip the annual family reunion because it just won't be the same.

6. People may minimize your loss.

After the death of a loved one, people often long for others to recognize and acknowledge their pain.  The person who has died is important and loved. So when someone minimizes your loss it feels like they are undermining the person's significance and taking away your right to feel pain.

People minimize losses for a handful of reasons.  Some may assume your loss isn't significant based on their belief that it is the expected, natural order for grandparents to die first.  Some may make judgments based on their subjective experience that grandparents are distant, non-nuclear relatives. While some may realize how much pain you are in, but offer the wrong words of comfort.  For example, maybe you've heard this one...

long life

This is something people love to say about grandparents, I guess because it's often true. It's not that helpful in grief, though, because being reminded of a person's age does nothing to ease the pain caused by their absence.  There is never a point where you sit back and say - "I think we've spent enough time together.  Yes, I have plenty of memories in my grandpa memory bank, so I'm okay with losing you now."

death of grandparent

Just remember, your grief is a reflection of your unique relationship with your grandparent and your individual ability to cope with this loss.  You, and only you know how much pain you are in and how this loss ought to be grieved.

This list isn't even close to being all-inclusive, what do you have to add? Leave a comment and tell us about your experience grieving the death of a grandparent.

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398 Comments on "Grieving the Death of a Grandparent"

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  1. Calgirl  May 6, 2024 at 9:31 pm Reply

    Bawling my eyes out reading the beautiful tributes to grandparents. I was lucky to have both sets of grandparents & 3 sets of grt-grandparents to grow up w/through early yrs. My children were lucky to have gown up w/my grandparents, too. They were all my anchors b/c my parents were many times not stable…. & I loved the same things many of you described: sitting together in the cool grass on Adirondack chairs to talk about the day, snapping beans, or hearing family stories, or watching black/white TV shows w/them on the couch, holidays, family gatherings, lots of tips for living (don’t clean your face after dinner w/kitchen dishcloth, it will ruin your complexion; you can dye Easter Eggs w/onion skins & other plant life; pick corn for corn on the cob within 10-20 minutes of when you are going to prepare & serve it; save seeds of every kind; you can roll up your hair in rag curlers–cheap & way more comfortable; be kind to all living things & always help a friend in need….the most expensive gift you can give is not necessarily the best one, but rather the one you give from your heart & with knowing the heart of the receiver…The last gift one of my grandmothers gave to me was an old cotton handkerchief made by my great-grandmother, with her hand-crocheted lace trim around it. She sent no note with it, or any reason for sending it, or why, but I KNEW the answers to all that.

  2. Sammy  August 16, 2023 at 3:31 pm Reply

    Just had to go on here and express myself as my grandpa had passed away earlier today at 85. I’m glad he went peacefully, though I felt a bit of regret for not being there with him at his house when he passed due to work. I only wish to hear what he possibly had to say myself in his final moments, but my oldest brother was there with him which I am happy to know my grandmother and him were with him. I oddly felt a sense a dread and a deep heartache for some reason which coincided with his passing around 10:40AM-10:50AM while at work despite not being there as if I knew something was wrong mystically (perhaps it’s the world’s/universe’s way of letting me know). The Friday prior, I was glad to have made one last visit with him and hearing him say “thank you” in his state as his final words I heard. He was pretty much my dad as my actual dad was not involved with me and my siblings during childhood. It hurts to write this knowing he is truly gone.

  3. Paige  June 8, 2023 at 11:58 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandfather, and I am not coping well. He was the absolute strongest willed man I have ever met, and the kindest. He had such a hard life and he did absolutely everything for his family. Me and my 2 siblings were his only grandchildren and he did everything with us, he was my family’s rock. I am so beyond devastated.
    He was 91 years old, and he fought with everything in him to stay here but his body was just done fighting. I was there when he passed and I can’t stop thinking about it. I just don’t know what to do, he meant the world to me and now everything has changed. Sending my condolences to anyone else experiencing this type of grief ❤️

  4. Vijeta  June 4, 2023 at 10:02 pm Reply

    I lost my grandma today, she was living thousands miles away from me after I moved to US after my marriage. I use to share room with her for 7 years before I got married. I am missing her badly right now, praying she takes me with her. I remember all the things we shared, how she use to get up in the morning, so quietly that my sleep doesn’t get affected. She use to give all different loving names, she use to get irritated when anyone would annoy or bother me. She was always always on my side, I remember her holding my hands while talking to me. She always use to ask if I had my breakfast, lunch or dinner. I feel guilty now that I didn’t keep in touch as much after shifting to different country, I miss her. I love her. May you rest in Heaven Dadi. Love you loads.

  5. Bryce H  April 26, 2023 at 5:27 am Reply

    This thread helped me realized that my feelings are normal. Even though he died when I was just 5 I remember him like yesterday and I think the reason is because I loved him so much and his death traumatized me when I was at an age where grandpa was your hero and could never die so I think my brain subconsciously held on to memories of him that a regular 5 year old usually wouldn’t remember. I remember his mannerisms, his personality, how he used to hold me. My dad brought me to grandpa’s and grandma’s house at least once a week so he truly felt like a second father to me. That was 20 years ago and I still think and talk about him all the time. I love listening to my grandmother and others tell stories about him. She gave me an iconic portrait of them together that she used to hang it on her wall for as long as anyone can remember because she felt like I was the only one who would truly charish it and take care of it which meant the world to me, and I wear his wedding band as my own now. I used to feel like I had some weird obsession but I feel like we would be super close if he were alive today and that’s what bothers me. So many people take their grandparents for granted but I would pay any amount for him to have lived long enough to develop more memories and a close bond with.

  6. Brendan  February 3, 2023 at 4:50 am Reply

    I just lost my grandfather, today is the 1st of February 2023. I am 23 years old

    The last time I saw him was in the morning, i was headed to work and said bye, expecting to see him again by the time I was off work. Later on I had received word that he had taken a fall and possibly a heart attack and he wasn’t breathing when he was brought to the health centre. The majority of his 10 kids and plenty of his grandchildren were there when we received the news that he couldn’t be brought back. It was the heaviest feeling I had ever had. The room wailed with cries. I tried to keep myself from breaking down so I can comfort the younger grand kids and my uncles and aunties.

    This isn’t the 1st time I’ve dealt with a death in the family, but it is the one that has devastated me the most. He was and will remain as the strongest and most fearless man I have ever known.

  7. Sandy  January 22, 2023 at 6:59 am Reply

    My amazing grandma passed this passed Friday at 94. She loved me so much. I will miss her forever. She was such a force. She and my grandpa raised me. He left us in 2021 due to Alzheimer’s. He was the kindest man alive and the love of my life. They taught me kindness, integrity, and so much more. I was lucky enough to have my grandma for 42 years if my life. And even though, right now I don’t know how I will be able to live without her, she and my grandpa will forever in my heart 💜 ❤️

  8. Lisa  August 4, 2022 at 12:50 pm Reply

    I lost my grandma last October and the pain is more intense as each day goes by I don’t know how to cope with it .but this woman was more than a mother to me she was there for me for everything.i never felt this pain before not even for my other grandparents but this one is so hard I pass places and cry remembering all the places we went and all the things she did for me I will never get over this I grief in my own way especially when I’m all alone .

    • C  February 17, 2023 at 6:45 pm Reply

      I am going through the same exact thing now. My grandmother raised me. I do not know how I will live the rest of my life without her. I feel like no purpose now. I love my mother, but its almost like my mom is more of a big sister. My mom was only 22 when I was born.

      • Ash  May 13, 2023 at 11:33 pm

        Literally the same. My nana who pretty much raised me passed away this january. I just feel so lost in life without her we would talk everyday and lived 10 minutes away from each other. My mom was also 22 when she had me but she lives in a different state so only see her for holidays. It’s so hard

    • Brooklyn  August 12, 2023 at 11:04 pm Reply

      This broke me.

      Not only for your sadness but I feel exactly the same my grandma did more then raise me. She passed on May 9, 2009 at 5pm less then 8 hrs before Mothwrs Day. It’s been 14 years and I still am grieving. I lost my shhh when she passed I was 18 having my first at 23 saved my life. My Papaw (her hubby) passed May 21, 2021 and omg I’m lost still. Without them is so hard. I get signs all the time atleast I think of them as signs. I pray you find some comfort and happiness. Life can be so beautiful but so heartbreaking. I believe well all be with our loved ones again ❤️ Sending you so much love and light ❤️❤️❤️❤️

  9. Chelsea  June 8, 2022 at 8:19 pm Reply

    My paw paw passed away two years ago, my grandma is getting remarried, and it feels bittersweet.

  10. kay  March 19, 2022 at 7:24 pm Reply

    i wrote a comment here months ago. i’m scared to talk to anyone about what i’m going through so i thought i might as well comment here again. I apologize.
    its march now and his birthday was last week. as a kid, I’d always make a card for him on his birthday. seeing him smile and give me a hug was the best part about making the card. i miss that.

    my nightmares haven’t gotten better. I’m still reliving the day over and over again at random times. I hear myself calling his name, again and again, seeing his eyes look at me with some sort of hope, like he’s asking me to help him. I’m silently crying myself to sleep at night. looking out the window in car rides and crying.

    I’ve lost interest in everything. I’m confused about what I’m doing in life. the morals and things I used to believe in at one point, I don’t even believe it anymore. i’m way more sensitive than I’ve ever been. everyone seems to be moving on in life and then there’s me, stuck in a loop. tryna to mask my pain and not show others. I tried writing letters in a book. it didn’t last more than 2 weeks. it was moreso me writing down my guilty and pain than stories. i wouldn’t want him reading that in a letter.

    i found out yesterday that family members are blaming my mother and me for keeping him home. saying that we prevented them from seeing him before he went to the hospital. i know my grandfather wouldn’t blame us for that. he trusted me to help him (he’d call me his “bodyguard”) but it annoys me and stresses me out that others think that.

    I haven’t talked to anyone about my nightmares or my feelings. I’m an independent person and i don’t trust easily. i feel guilty about bothering others when I tell them about my feelings. I tried reaching out subtly and no one noticed. I even reached out to my mother, who says she’s always there, but instead, she just said I was overreacting. I’m scared about my future. my grandfather passed in august and I’m still dealing with it in march.. is that normal?

    • Litsa  March 21, 2022 at 11:17 am Reply

      It is normal – the intensity of grief lasts much longer than most people think. But that said, I think you could really benefit from talking to a grief counselor. There is no reason to endure the pain you are feeling without support. You are not ‘bothering’ them (or anyone!) and you deserve support to process the many complex things you’re feeling. It isn’t about being ‘independent’ or not. It is about recognizing that grief is really complex, we’re not taught the tools that can help us with some of the hardest thoughts and feelings. A grief counselor can often help you with some of those things. I’m sorry that your mom wasn’t able to be there for you in the way that you needed, but that is all the more reason that a professional might be helpful. They might also be able to help you with some strategies for talking to your mom about the kind of support that you might need.

    • Rupinder  May 13, 2022 at 9:37 pm Reply

      I was 19yrs old and moved to Canada all by myself in 2015 and never went back home since. I lost my grandmom in July 2020. The month my grandmom was sick I was stuck here because of covid-lockdown. I still live in this guilt. That day I wanted to fly back at any cost, be there, with her, with my family! Every year around her death anniversary, I feel lost, these sleepless nights, the worst nightmares, the memories. I don’t want to share this with my family, I cant tell them that im dealing with this here all alone. They think im a rock im so strong. But Im still in pain! Im worried about my future too, if I’ll ever recover from this!
      Sending all the love to the people same like me fighting all these battles! Stay strong!

    • 00pm  August 26, 2022 at 2:59 pm Reply

      Please, please ask someone to help you find someone to talk with! I remember how hard it was when my grandma passed when I was 13. Add puebuerty, new school, new state, and parents failing marriage; it was a mess. I had always been able to talk to mom and grandma, but suddenly that support wasn’t there. I don’t blame my mom, but she couldn’t cope with everything herself. I was heavily depressed and suicidal, I even tried suicide twice over the next 1-2 years. I tried talking to professional, but I didn’t know how to say what I felt, alot of the time I wasn’t even sure myself what I was feeling. Over many decades. I have learned about myself, better coping, and new medication occasionally, when I need it. Just know, grief is a process, not a definite time or activity. I kind of think it’s like climbing a hill, you get a few steps, then you may Slide back some. That,s OK!!! You might even get close to what you think is the end of the trip and then wind up back at the beginning. It’s OK!!! The next time you start again, it will be a little easier. Kind of like if you’ve ever had to walk through fresh snow or blow up a new balloon. The first time is always hardest, but the second time is much easier, when you’ve already created a path or stretched the rubber. I know families too can be hard. Sometimes people are grieving and they don’t know how to express it, so they get angry and blame others. Usually that blame is “unfair”. I say that in quotes because I think the grieving person isn’t wrong, technically, but truely the person blamed did NOT cause the death. People like control and order, it makes them feel safe, and when something happens that they can’t control they look for a “reason” why and assign a “blame” somwhere so they can feel a little better and make things seem like they’re controlled and in an order. It’s not logical, but it seems to be how a lot of human minds work.. Talking with someone DOES help over time. There is no time limit to grief and don’t let ANYONE tell you ever where you SHOULD be!!!!! I have remembered the moment of my deepest grief when others told me things would get better, and I KNEW they were so wrong, but now 5, 12, 40 years later, they are sort of. The grief, the loss is there, and if I think directly on it, it hurts, but it isn’t there usually and I can think about the times and events, remember, discuss the good, the joy, the fond memories and acknowledge the bad and painful without it consuming me and use all of that to decide how I want to try to cope with other situations or be like when my child experiences similar moments. As my husband’s family is starting to pass, it does trigger alot of those thoughts and feelings, but I am not worried or ashamed. I deal with things the best I can, get help from friends, professional, and medication if I need to, and am proud of my hard won knowledge! I think my best moment was a year ago when my uncle dies suddenly from an agressive cancer a week after diagnosis. I was able to actually enjoy being with family, cry and mourn him and for his direct family’s loss, remember, smile and laugh about the past, and acknowledge and face the changing future.
      I’m sorry I was so long, but I feel deeply for everyone. Please, please keep trying for help. Never give up. Don’t worry about repeating thought and emotions in the future. Perhaps one day in the distant future you can be a small beacon of help to another. I hope you find yoyr equalibrium and joy sooner and if you hold belief in a higher power, May They bless you and yours in this journey and give you comfort!

  11. Bella  February 21, 2022 at 6:16 pm Reply

    My grandad was the sweetest man who ever lived. I loved him so much even though he lived in southafrica with my grandma and I lived in scottland we still saw each other at suel and on holiday when we visited them for cousins bar ir batmitsvahs. In South Africa they had not got the vaccine yet so when my grand father got I’ll with covid there was nothing he could of done. We couldn’t travel cause of covid restrictions and we couldn’t speak to him cause soon he got hospitalise and had a tube down his throat. When he died everyone was Brocken. My grandmother had know one to boss about, she would often cry and the smallest of things should remind her of him. I cried for weeks. I would see a picture in my art class room at school if two people holding hand and when I got back home I would just cry my self to sleep. I don’t understand why someone so kind and perfect could be taken away. By something so horrible as covid. So for anti vaccers and people who just CHOOSE not to help and save life with getting the vaccine, I hope ur happy now

  12. raksh  January 17, 2022 at 2:40 pm Reply

    My grandfather passed away last year in May 2021. He caught the virus and was in really bad shape. I live in another country and due to travel restrictions could not go see him. So we talked on the phone, we called each other and talked about our days. It was always so easy to talk to him because he always understood me more than others around me. We were so close. Then one night I called him we talked about life in general and he said he loved the way I styled my hair. He told me to bring him a hair band the next time I visited him. He really wanted to see me. I wish I could’ve seen him one last time. It had been 2 years since we’d had last met. The next day my parents woke me up in the morning at 4 am, my grandad was breathing less and less, my aunt tended to him there, and all I could do was yell and cry over the phone. I saw him die, I saw him slowly stop breathing until everything just…stopped. First time experiencing death of someone I held very close was so painful. They were there, then they weren’t. Someone whom I loved a lot. It hurts that the next time I go back to that country he won’t be there, he won’t be there. I just wanted to hug him one last time. It’s been 9 months, I miss him so much. Why is it only when people die you keep on saying “I wish I had done this” or “I wish I had done that” and yet when they’re alive you can’t do anything except make memories. Why is it at the end of every hard trial, you’re left with regrets. I’m gonna keep moving, he’d want to see me doing my best in life and most importantly see me smiling and happy. To everyone who has lost someone special, I hope you find peace amidst the chaos. I hope you find the light in the darkness. I hope you get back your smile again. I wish you all the love in the world <3

  13. Liza Monteith  January 11, 2022 at 2:07 am Reply

    My grandmother died on the last day of 2021. I like to think I was close with her growing up, and she shaped the person I am today. My family were all expecting it to happen, and while we are very sad about it, it did not come as a shock to anyone. A week into the new year, I got Covid, meaning I cannot attend her funeral, while the rest of my family can. The funeral is tomorrow, and to be quite honest I don’t know how to deal with it, combined with being quarantined. I am getting a tattoo in her memory next month, and I am going to miss her so much.

  14. Francis R  January 2, 2022 at 6:53 am Reply

    My Grandfather died before I was born, as a child I had never had been sad about his death because I never got to know him, now as I here more and more stories about him I cry that I never got to know him I would do anything just to meet such a remarkable man.

  15. Ashlei  December 7, 2021 at 8:31 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandma on Sunday and today was the funeral. I have been struggling really hard because I don’t know how to live or move on. We knew she was dying, she was diagnosed with cancer late October and was expected to do a 7 month Chemo treatment plan to hopefully help but her Kidneys and heart were also failing so it was just a matter of time. Unfortunately, after her first chemo treatment she got Pneumonia and was pretty much instantly put on life support and heavily sedated. It still really hasn’t gotten to me that she is gone, even after seeing the obituary with her face on it and everything. I still feel like she will pop out and laugh and tell everyone this was some insane joke. Just trying to figure out how to deal with the intense grief that I know will probably never go away. She raised me for a very long part of my life so it is really really hard. I just want her back so bad.

    • Sue  January 5, 2022 at 5:21 pm Reply

      Hi Ashlei, I hope you’ve been able to find some peace, or at least some comfort over the holidays. It was very difficult for me when I lost my grandparents…it still is…so my heart hurts for you experiencing this right now. I hope you have family that you can grieve with, and share memories with I also hope you will soon see the day that her memory brings you smiles instead of tears. xo

  16. Alexandria  December 3, 2021 at 10:39 pm Reply

    I’ve never posted on this site before, I stumbled across it while looking up grieving over grandparents but I lost my grandmother back in November, the 10th to be exact and it’s been difficult on me since. She was battling cancer for the longest, even went as far as having her voice box removed and had a trach in place of it. She seemed to be doing SO well after as I finally got to see her in forever on the 1st of October which was a major relief to know that everything went well but just suddenly as the months went on after that, her health and well-being started to diminish ranging from no real appetite even when writing it down to always sleeping off and on but I just wasn’t expecting that day to come, a family member called me and said we needed to be there at the hospital ASAP which really worried/concerned me a lot because everyone said that she was doing well the day before being admitted (she’d been in and out of the hospital many times in that month of October alone just from not feeling too well; Blood pressure stayed low constantly and she just looked very unwell) which is were we watched her take her last few breaths and it’s really messed me up since because I already had to lose my grandfather at a VERY young age and now my grandmother in my late 20s, it hurts my soul and heart a lot every day. I’ve always battled with depression but now this has given me another reason to be down and crappy. The remaining family wants me to “be an adult” and manage things but my grandma has ALWAYS taken care of these things, I just took care of her and now she’s gone. =/ Sometimes, I wish I was given the gift of reversal/time travel and just go back to before that awful day of November 10th and continue clinging onto her like I once did because she was pretty much like my guardian parent and now I’m without her for the remainder of my years upon this planet. If anyone wants to read and give some kind words then please, feel free because there’s SO much burning in the back of my mind that I can’t do anything BUT replay those last few days prior with her. Thanks for reading/listening all. Much appreciated.

  17. H  November 23, 2021 at 1:06 pm Reply

    My grandmother just passed this Friday. It all happened so suddenly, none of us were expecting her to go away so soon. She had some underlying health issues, but I guess we never wanted to acknowledge that she was slowly withering away…
    The worst part is that my mom was there when she died and she blames it on herself that she couldn’t save her, when she couldn’t have done anything, it was already too late.
    My faith in God is what’s keeping me going and I wish everyone that deals with loss to have the strength to go on.
    I have been trying for a baby for a little while, and I pray to God that he will bless us , to help us deal with our loss.

  18. kay  October 15, 2021 at 3:01 am Reply

    ok imm not the type of person who likes to share what they feel or whatnot but lately, i’ve been havin a rough time and i need to let it out.

    my grandfather was my best friend. i spent every moment with him and was the closest to him. he took care of me like his daughter and i thought of him as another father. he’s the only grandfather i know and i couldn’t imagine my life without him.

    in august, 6 days before my birthday, i lost my grandfather. we don’t know exactly what the cause was but it eats me up inside knowing i may have played a part. earlier in august, he was admitted to the hospital by a family member b/c he had heart attack symptoms. after doing tests, we found out he had multiple blocks and needed bypass surgery. two days before his scheduled surgery day, he had another minor attack and so they decided to do the surgery then rather than wait. i was anxious. but i kept my calm and tried to make him smile and know i was just outside the hospital waiting for him to return. three days later, they moved him from the icu. i was there then and begged my parents to let me stay with him. i stayed 2/3 days (wednesday and thursday) with him in a row and the visited him again after (saturday). coming in for the day, my grandfather mentioned to me he was havin stomach problems, felt like there was something bitter in his throat as well as his throat felt soar. i mentioned this to the nurses and they just gave him nausea pills, told him he was constipated (hadn’t pooped since the surgery) and that it was normal for the throat to feel sore after the surgery. after, they took him for his second walk that week and he was trying so hard. he wanted to get home. the evening after the walk, the nurses were trying to get him to poop. they told him they’d have to force it with a water and a tube. my grandfather was scared of doing so and said he’d rather do what he did at home, which was drink prune juice. before the nurse brought me the juice. i asked her serval times if it was appropriate from him to drink this. she reassured me that it was fine and he might as well try if that’s what works for him. after giving him the juice, we talked and laughed for a bit. it was here that my whole world crumbled. he started to vomit, or atleast try to. i raised the bed to the highest point and pushed him forward with my arm while holding a basin for him to puke in. the nurse and i kept calling him but there was no reply. a few seconds after, while looking at me, he gave up.

    after this, i had a panic attack and they took me away from him while they tried getting a pulse to transfer back to icu. when i relaxed, they took me back and let me watch by his door. i watched them get a pulse and lose it 3 times before going down to icu. they lost his pulse shorty after again and couldn’t bring him back.

    my world crumbled after this. i hadn’t slept proper since he got to the hospital. this got worse after. i can’t sleep without thinking about that day. without seeing his eyes look at me and lose the light. i distanced myself in the day from anything that reminded me of him but was a wreck at night. now that there’s no one at home beside my parents and sibling. i have no distractions and therefore start to think. i’m reminded of every little memory i have with my grandfather and soon later thinking of that night again. everyone keeps asking me about that day and what happened and i feel as though their reactions and words are subtle ways to tell me i played a part in it. it’s been 50+ days and i don’t know what to do. i’m breaking myself everyday.

    • Carolina  October 28, 2021 at 1:53 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for this . I am going through this too since I just lost my grandma who I considered as a mother to me .. I can’t take the pain , I miss her so much . I don’t know how to process this or make it better .

      • Danna M Morse  November 5, 2021 at 2:33 pm

        It is a tough one. Please read my reply to Jay. Maybe the book idea will help you too ❤️‍🩹💔❤️

    • Danna M Morse  November 5, 2021 at 2:32 pm Reply

      My heart breaks for you. My Mom and my Daughter’s Grandma and best friend (who lived with us her whole life of 17 years) who cared for her every day-like your Grandpa, passed away last month.

      We are devastated, too. Please do not blame yourself. You are not responsible in any way for the decision made about the prune juice. Your Grandpa requested it and the RN okayed it’s use. I recommend reaching out to the hospital and Drs and Nurses about your concerns and questions. They are valid concerns and has heavy weight on your emotional, physical and cognitive condition. In my experience, caring hospital professionals are well experienced in grief and will probably be very sensitive to your loss. If not, ask for their Supervisor’s name and phone number. Don’t accuse or be confrontational, just ask them your questions. Write them down over the next two weeks (keep a pad of paper and a pen by your bed bc they come at night and we don’t remember them well the next day) and have them answer each one.

      Your heart must be broken. I’m so sorry. We had my daughter go on a medicine (she had been experiencing anticipatory grief over the past year bc we knew something was wrong with Grandma and she was losing weight very fast and we felt we may be coming to the end of her life but didn’t know why. Looking back, I could see how someone could hold guilt. I should have demanded every test under the sun! But she was following her Drs orders and doing blood work, etc and Mom said she had it under control.

      I hope and pray that your grief has subsided a bit. Today is my Daughter’s first birthday without her Gammy and it will be tough. We are lighting a candle tonight at dinner for her.

      I have found it helpful to write letters to my Mom in a journal. Your book is your heart and you two can share it when you meet in Heaven.

      It feels like grief is love with nowhere to go. My grief goes into my book of love so it has somewhere to go. You can print and paste photos you have and make it your “Grandpa Book” so you never forget the special and even mundane memories. That’s my Daughter’s biggest fear; forgetting their time together.

      This is a tough one in life. “On Death and Dying” is a wonderful book to read to help you heal.

      God Bless you and keep you,
      Friend in Grief

    • Millie  November 18, 2021 at 10:58 am Reply

      Kay, your vulnerability and strength is admirable. You have been through an intensely traumatic experience. It is understandably challenging beyond words to pick up the pieces of your life after the loss of someone so close. I know it may be hard to see this now, but your grandfather’s death was in no way your fault. Life, and death, are immensely complicated, with only a thin line existing between the two. Ultimately, we have no control over preventing when this line snaps, despite exerting the fullness of our efforts. And you did- I can tell from your response that you are diligent, devoted, compassionate, and so loving. You advocated for your grandfather, considered every concern, and was reassured by a medical professional throughout the process. Many grandparents could only hope to have such a wonderful grandchild in their lives. I wish you a grieving process free of this guilt that you do not deserve to carry. Lots of love and many hugs sent your way.

  19. Giacinta  August 26, 2021 at 9:51 am Reply

    My Nonno and Nonna were my best friends, my rock, my comfort. We were so incredibly close. My Nonna passed away 7 years ago and Nonno passed away in 2020. They were so beautiful, kind, generous and loving. Grief hits me at random times over the years. I’m currently experiencing grief all over again as their house has just been sold to another family. I am so saddened as this was my happy place, where all my memories of them are held. It hurts so much. I miss them all over again. How can the two most important people in your life who had such a profound impact on you, who helped raise you and nurture you your whole life just disappear? I will cherish my memories with them forever and will tell my baby girls all about them when they are old enough to listen. I love you Nonno Antonio and Nonna Angela so incredibly much, and I miss you everyday xx

  20. Brie  August 6, 2021 at 12:47 am Reply

    I lost my Grandma just under a year ago and I miss her so intensely I sometimes don’t know how I’m going to survive it for the rest of my life. She was my rock. My best friend, my role model, my confidant, my protector, my support, and my soft place to land. She was strong and smart and tough, but always kind. She was the framework of my life, and the rest of my family too. I’m fine most of the time, but it hits me at least once a day and I feel like I can’t breath. All the things I want to tell her and ask her are precariously stacked in some corner of my mind, with nowhere to go. For some reason that’s the hardest part. I want to share my life with her and I can’t. I think of things I know she would laugh at, or see things I know she would love, or think of some inside joke that I’ll never be able to share with anyone else, and it just breaks my heart over and over again. I’d ask if it gets better but I already know it can’t. Maybe I’ll learn to deal with it better though.

    • Giacinta  August 26, 2021 at 9:53 am Reply

      What a beautiful relationship you had. I too have found myself here as I’ve lost my grandparents and grief has hit me again. How special that we got to share such an amazing relationship with them.

  21. Maria  July 30, 2021 at 1:41 am Reply

    I lost my grandma 8 years ago. She was like a second mother to me. I would regularly stay over and she was core to our family. We haven’t been the same since. I know she is an angel as she was the most selfless and kindest person I have ever known.

    My grandpa past away July 2021. We never got clear answers what was wrong but for months we were in and out of hospitals. Covid regulations made us unable to see him together and for limited time. Eventually he moved into a home and we got 15 mins twice per week to visit him through a window. Covid took everything from our family. Once he moved into a care home the two week isolation took time off his life. I am sure of it. He had a nurse check on him a few times a day. Otherwise was left alone in a room with no social interaction. After the two weeks, We watched him suffer through window visits until we got a call he was dying and we’re allowed in to say our goodbyes. What I witnessed sticks in my mind. I miss him so much it’s a pain so horrible. I’m still mourning his loss.

    My other grandpa lives with us. The other day he suffered two cardiac arrests. Just one year after my other grandpa died. I can’t handle this. I have been home feeling sick for over a week while he is in the hospital. I am praying for his recovery as this pain I am feeling is making my depression return. I hope it is not yet his time and I get to have him in my life for longer.

    I haven’t wanted to see many people. I speak to my family, bf, and two best friends. I mainly do this because I know from past experiences that people might minimize my pain. They also often speak to me like I should not be so upset. I hate this. It makes me feel like they do not understand what I am doing through. These grandparents are instrumental to my life and my accomplishments. They are everything to me and I truly believe many people do not know the appropriate things to say to such pain. Therefore I avoid them. I do not need to be told the same minimal responses from people around me. I also do not like being fake when I am out. Therefore I am waiting for better news and hoping my grandpa heals.

  22. Tara  July 28, 2021 at 7:21 am Reply

    My grandfather had a heart attack Monday morning. He didn’t want to be intubated and we didn’t want that for him either. Ultimately, it was his kidneys that shut down. It was horrible to see him struggling to breathe. He passed away 3 hrs and 5 minutes ago. He was so sick and I am grateful he isn’t suffering anymore. I feel like I’m in a daze and this isn’t real. Will someone please wake me up from this nightmare? Grandpa raised my sister and I because our dad ran out. We were the only ones with him when he passed. He has 4 kids and it was just us. I am grateful we were with him. We just kept telling him we loved him over and over again. As he stopped breathing and his heart was still beating, we told him it was okay to go. I selfishly wanted to keep him here but he couldn’t breathe and his kidneys were tired. He was so tired. I miss him so much already and it just started. How am I going to live my whole life without him? I hope he is in heaven and reunited with his parents who passed in the 70s. I hope he is with us right now even though we can’t see him. I miss him , I miss him, I miss him.

    • Maria  July 30, 2021 at 1:43 am Reply

      I am very sorry. I have gone through such similar experiences and still have that thought “how will I go my whole life without them”. I hope you find peace and will be ok.

    • Bee  August 21, 2021 at 4:54 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry. I, too have felt exactly how you have felt, I wondered how I was going to get through. Truth is it doesn’t go away but you learn to cope with it a little better each day. Keep remembering all the good times and looking out for the signs, that definitely helps me. Hope you are ok x

    • Crystal  September 20, 2021 at 11:36 pm Reply

      I just lost my grandfather yesterday morning and it still feels so unreal to me 😔idk how to live without my grandfather I watched him breath less and less until he stopped breathing

  23. TSND  July 1, 2021 at 1:28 am Reply

    My grandma was found dead this evening laying on the bathroom floor. She lives alone and may have died a few days ago.
    She was 92 people keep saying she lived a good life. But why did she have to die that way? Why not peacefully in her sleep? I can’t sleep thinking she was alone when she fell – did she fall and die immediately, did she fall and could not get help, what were her final thoughts.
    I can’t help to feel we as the family are to blame. This is so painful.

  24. Jazz  June 10, 2021 at 6:29 am Reply

    My granny left me on June 7th in her sleep. My grandfather her husband passed two years ago . Now they’re both gone I feel empty . One set of grandparents gone but losing my granny is lie I just lost my best friend , my advisor ,my journal and my parent cause she gave me all the wisdom and some of the best advice she couldn’t give my Dad . This one hurts , I wanna sleep but it’s hard. How do I make this pain , disbelief go away? I never got to say goodbye , why didn’t I get a warning .

    • Madisyn Erdley  August 26, 2021 at 3:06 pm Reply

      Trust me i lost my dodey my grandpa in his sleep to my meem his wife shook him and no answer and he got buried that same day and my meem burned the couch he slept on.

  25. Sanam  May 2, 2021 at 9:02 pm Reply

    my grandfather just passed on April 28th to Covid. It was so sudden and within four days he was gone. I feel and emptiness within me as I am not able to go to his funeral or visit any of my family because they have contracted covid as well. he was only 75 years old and I don’t understand how someone could be alive one day and then the next be gone. He took care of me every since I was a kid and would live with my family in our home with my grandmother as well. For 12 years of my life he was at almost every recital, game, or school event and was always there with a happy smile and a warm hug. I am only a few days away from graduating and was looking forward for him to see me cross the stage and receive my diploma. I hope this feeling goes away soon.

    • Monica  May 9, 2021 at 9:10 am Reply

      My heart breaks for you Sanam. I wish you were able to spend more time with your grandad. Sadly it feels like there’s never enough time. I can resonate with how you must feel. I too live with my grandad, the happiest, bubbliest and most loving man I’ve known. He is suffering tremendously from stomach cancer. All these memories growing up come rushing back and I become a mess. I don’t know how I will cope when the time comes.

    • Faith Bridgwater  June 4, 2021 at 1:17 am Reply

      my grandpa passed today and he raised me and was the most generous kindhearted person i knew and now i’m reading these trying to cope but i’m in so much pain and i feel so empty will it get better???

      • MADDIE Erdley  August 26, 2021 at 3:15 pm

        I am so sorry for your loss and just so you know I support you trust me my grandpa died a long time ago like 5 years ago I think

      • destiny  May 12, 2023 at 10:32 pm

        I’m sorry for your loss. And I lost my grandfather on March 15 th and my whole life changed without my grandfather. I’m 20 years old this year I will be 21 years old on November 26th and I’m blessed that I got to know my grandfather he was an excellent loveable grandfather that I had for 20 years I always tell him if can he walk with me when I get married. my papa was in military

    • Hana T LaRock  June 10, 2021 at 12:01 am Reply

      My grandfather died the same way; in January. Also 75 years old. I’m still crying all the time. He was my whole world and I feel like no one understands.

  26. Sage  April 22, 2021 at 1:21 pm Reply

    My grandma had a stroke last June – she is now 92. Its always only been her, my mom and I, my entire life. She hasn’t been able to speak at all since her stroke. I have been helping take care of her every day since she got back from rehab, its been so traumatizing and painful. This week, she has really started declining. I know the end is soon, she can barely open her eyes. I am so terrified for her actually dying. I am at peace with her being gone in a way, because seeing her like this is so difficult for me. She is holding on for me. My cousins don’t seem to care at all, they don’t call or text, neither does my uncle or aunt. This is such a painful experience – these posts have made me feel good knowing I’m not alone. It would be easier if some of my grief was shared among st a bigger family – but its just my mom and I and our friends.

    • Lenlen  May 21, 2021 at 11:09 pm Reply

      We have the same situation I also live with my grandparents through out my life (21yrs). I am also a graduating student. My grandfather also died because of covid in about 1 week. For now its been two months since he was dead. During that time my grandfather is in our house and in isolate because we cant bring him to hospitals because it is full capacity. We tried contacting and going in about 10-15 hospitals and they are full we are always 20+ in line. I must say this is the most difficult me and my family experienced and also the first time we lost a family member. Of course I am still grieving sometimes i cant sleep at night cause I always remember him. But what can we do but to move forward and think that they are now in a better place. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless and Stay Safe 🙂

    • Katreena  July 14, 2021 at 4:09 pm Reply

      I lost my Nanna last year in August. I feel as if I have lost a part of me. I feel like I am drowning sometimes and that everytime I think of her I just cry like mad. I miss her soooo much and I just want her back.
      We were expecting it as she was just getting more poorly each time but I can’t but not feel myself anymore. I wonder sometimes: is this normal???

  27. Jim in michigan  April 16, 2021 at 4:23 am Reply

    I lost my grandmother 2 days before Christmas of 2019 and I’m still grieving, she fell into two categories for me personally, she was more my mom and the fabric that held our family together! After her farm was sold (the place i was raised), we never have the cling that we had as a family compared to when she was here, life feels empty, days seem longer, she was the one that gave the entire family joy and consolation! When special family events occur its no longer appealing to attend and no longer special, i know her beautiful soul is with Jesus and that helps but only so much! Please help, has anyone else experienced this in a similar way!?

  28. Jason Grange  April 5, 2021 at 2:20 am Reply

    I went online to see if I could find anyone that had experienced what I am feeling. Then I read your post and bawled. I’m actually a guy, and it’s my grandmother that is about to die. In my case I know for sure it’s coming. But the pain is so scary. No one has ever loved me so dearly as she has. She has always been my rock. I cannot imagine this loss and I am terrified of the pain. Thank you for sharing.

    •  April 6, 2021 at 12:56 pm Reply

      Jason, I just lost my grandfather 3 weeks and a day ago today. Today would have actually been his 78th birthday. I had a bind with him like no other. I was able to be with him as he took his last breath. I miss him so much and so far it hasn’t gotten any easier. I just wish he was still here. So far I’ve learned that there isn’t really anything that takes the pain away, but I do want you to know that you’re not alone it your hurting. I’m sorry you’re facing this at the moment. Please know that I’m specifically praying for peace , comfort, strength, and wisdom for you as soon as I’m done typing this. God bless you.

    • Petia Maximova  May 5, 2021 at 5:28 pm Reply

      Hey Jason,

      I lost my grandma 2 weeks ago, unrelated to CoV. She has been the one person that has loved me unconditionally my entire life through very tough times. I lost her just as my life is finally together and I was hoping to share more of it with her. She was 86 and I wish I would have made more of an effort to spend time with her but I haven’t lived in my home country since I was a teenager. I can tell you that the pain is real but I can also tell you that there’s a feeling of my grandma knowing I am hurting is standing right there next to me telling me she’s fine. As always, she is the strong one even though she’s been bed ridden for more than a year. I can tell you that your grandpa will know you love him and you will feel connected to him forever. That will help the pain. Live out his legacy and he will live through you.

  29. kritika  March 29, 2021 at 12:01 pm Reply

    i lost my grandfather this September due to covid19. Even after 6 months i don’t know how to cope with this situation. we were the family of 6 my grandparents my parents and my brother. I spent 26 yrs of my life with my grandparents now all of a sudden he is not here, this thought is killing me from inside. He loved me like no one else can ever do. I just keep on having the flashbacks of the last 2 days, on first day he was having fever and was at home, diagnosed with covid, our Dr. suggested that because of his age he should be admitted to the hospital. And the next day he bid me goodbye, hugged me, i kept on saying that you have to be strong,don’t have any negative thought in your mind and that you have to come back and he said okay. And thats t this was the last time i was talking to him. Reaching there they admitted him into the ICU and during night his oxygen level dropped. He never comes back. He was my first father basically. Since then i cry daily but not in front of my family or anyone else. Whenever i m alone in my room or car or taking bath anytime it just come to me and hit hard that he is not with me.

    • Kirsty Stewart  April 4, 2021 at 7:03 pm Reply

      I feel for you Iknow exactly how you are feeling. I was brought up more or less by my gran and granda. My granda died back in gran stayed home over a year and we would see her when we could through the window masks on etc. My mum moved back with her as she split with her partner and 2 months on she was really unwell only when admitted to hospital did we realise she had covid. Its horrible I dont know why but being this horrible new virus it feels so much harder to deal with. All you see and hear is covid everywhere. The news online everywhere. So many people have died or have it and you feel they are just another number or gran died on the 14th and not having a proper funeral made it so much harder to. I feel I am falling apart trying to not cry during the day when every little thing reminds me of her. Tomorrow is my birthday she was always the first to call me on my birthday it’s just so hard. Xx

    • Jim in michigan  April 16, 2021 at 5:00 am Reply

      I have my grandmas car and i find it to be a constant reminder, i cry daily as well and i lost her at Christmas 2019, sadly i was in jail from a stupid mistake when i found out and believe me when i say its something I’ll regret till the day i die that i couldn’t be by her side like the rest of my family, my only solice is knowing that she fell asleep at peace after the surgery but I’ll never forgive myself for messing up and being in jail when she passed away and it haunts me every day and will until the day i pass away

  30. Frank  March 22, 2021 at 5:47 am Reply

    My maternal grandfather died 2 weeks ago on March 6th. He was 83 and a highly regarded medical professor in China. An entire crowd paid respects at his funeral.

    My maternal grandparents visited my family often in the U.S. when I was younger. The last time they came was 5 years ago. During that time, my grandfather starting experiencing a slow decline in motor function that was soon attributed to Parkinson’s disease. 3 years ago back in China, he had a major health incident and his abilities declined further. I last saw him 2 years ago when I went back to China. By then, he needed constant care and monitoring. He had many health episodes since, but he survived each time with resilience. Last summer, he had an incident that confined him to the ICU for his last few months. He needed feeding tubes, breathing assistance, blood transfusions, among other ways to prolong his life as much as they could.

    Despite him being the first loss in my immediate family, I found it (relatively) easy to accept because I had prepared for the inevitable moment well and took solace in that he will no longer suffer in heaven. Nonetheless, I will miss and remember him fondly.

  31. Mae  March 18, 2021 at 2:59 pm Reply

    I lost my grandad towards the end of 2020. He was about 59, and had been diagnosed with brain cancer. I got a lot of “Oh, it’s only your grandad!” Like yes, it was my grandad. The man I looked up to. Spent every week with. The man who got me into video games. Tv shows. The man who gave me my passion for music. I’ve been lost for ages. It’s only hit me recently that he’s gone forever. I can never speak to him ever again.

  32. Chris  March 4, 2021 at 5:01 pm Reply

    I lost my grandma on 22nd July 2020. She had dementia. She was a good age and I couldn’t have expected her to keep going forever. I still think about her most days. Does it ever get any easier? A huge piece is missing from my heart and life

    •  March 11, 2021 at 11:26 pm Reply

      To everyone on this page. I am so sorry for every single one of your losses, I wish I could say it gets easier but I do not know. I lost three Grandparents last year and I think about them every day.

    • Jim in michigan  April 16, 2021 at 4:27 am Reply

      For me its not gotten easier but i silently most days that it will, too many people don’t understand my grieving process because im a super emotional man, so i keep it to myself and most people don’t understand how it feels to lose a grandmother that is more like a parent.

  33. bb  March 3, 2021 at 8:33 am Reply

    my gran passed away this morning 3/3/2021. while i havent had time to process my grief, i want to thank everyone for sharing here, the love they have for their grandparents. i know my lovely wonderful super supportive kind and understanding grandmother is in a better place. i hope in her last moments she felt the love we all have for her. i wish everyone the best, times like this remind me to let others know how much we care and love them. the loss is hard, but knowing my gran is no longer in pain, suffering and that she is with her loved ones, who she talked [in her final moments] about visiting her, makes it easier. the heavens have another angel now.

    • Jim in michigan  April 16, 2021 at 4:28 am Reply

      I’m sincerely sorry for your loss!

    • Rachel Greene  May 3, 2021 at 12:21 am Reply

      She talked about her passed loved ones visiting her while she was passing???!! This brings me so much comfort if so, thank you!!!❤️ My grandma just passed and I’m completely devastated. Just heartbroken. I cry constantly. I’m just looking for some comfort so bad

  34. Anna  February 28, 2021 at 8:52 am Reply

    I lost my only grandfather two days ago. He was killed and now I don’t know how to cope with all of this pain and responsibilities. I need to continue my studies but I just can’t. It feels like nothing matters anymore and I should’ve known him better. I love him so much it hurts
    If only I could see him before his death one more time….

  35. Yeny  February 18, 2021 at 6:00 pm Reply

    I lost my first true love in April. My grandmother, my everything, waited for me to arrive at her bedside to take her last breath. Since that moment I feel lost. My entire body hurts. I miss her terribly. I’ve heard all types of condolences and advice on how things will get better with time. But the reality for me is that time hasn’t been kind. As time passes by my heartache grows. It’s excruciating and handicaps me with everything. Since her loss, my little family has had other losses and it’s just soul crushing. I genuinely believe that the rest of my life will be hard to navigate without my grandmother. The woman filled with unconditional love. I love you mamasita.

  36. Sarah Duguay  February 13, 2021 at 1:22 am Reply

    I lost baba on Jan 30th. She suffered a stroke a week earlier. God, if you could epitomize a healthy 91 year old… She was it. My mother begged her to get a scooter a week before her stroke… She said I’m not a decrepid. I sat with her in the hospital for a week. I know I was special to her. She grabbed my hand when she was still present to let me know she had an opinion. Eventually that grip deminished. I love baba with my whole soul. I don’t know what I am going to do without her.

    • Isabelle Siegel  February 17, 2021 at 12:43 pm Reply

      Sarah, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your baba sounds like an incredible woman… She will be missed dearly by you and countless others. I know it’s difficult to imagine going on without her, but you will find a way through this. She will always be a part of you. All the best to you and your family.

    • Anurag Yadav  April 29, 2021 at 8:45 am Reply

      My grandfather passed away just 1 day ago on 27 april.
      He was having breathing problems and was on oxygen but he was a tough and stuborn man he was 74 and still looked after family he was the pillar who held family as a fmily. We all did argue and fought on disagreements now i remember them all he really took care of us now he’s gone. He just reached the hospital bed and died in front of my father and brother they bought him back in the card lying i couldn’t just believe it we all thought he would recover we all had plans especially him after covid ends but now all of them are left.he achieved so much in his life he was strong and i do wanna remember him that way. I m now worrying about my rest of family how are we going to do without him. The pain is too much for everyone to handle. I really thought he would recover.

      • Lilly  May 17, 2021 at 2:02 am

        I am sorry and sad to hear about your Grandfather. I can resonate with how you feel.
        My grandmother passed away earlier today. She was only supposed to be here for my wedding and spend time with my family in the States. Sadly, she got sick from a diabetes wound, and slowly began having trouble breathing, and everything fell apart from there. It seemed so sudden. I wish I could have been there more often for her.
        My family is torn. Mostly, it hurts to see my family from out of the country heartbroken from not being able to be here.
        Words cannot explain how I feel. I just hurt. My heart hurts so much.
        I hope we are able to heal from our losses soon.
        I love you Grammy.

  37. Daniel Chen  January 11, 2021 at 8:41 am Reply

    So its 11th of January 2021 , its was around 2 in the morning as I heard my mother crying because my grandfather was seriously sick. Because of the Covid-19 Pandemic , My mother could not go to see him on the other side of the world. So many people were there to support him , my cousins , my uncle , my grandma , and all of his siblings were there to support him. As it was ten in the morning when i was having online classes , I heard my mum crying again telling me that he is about to pass away , the tears and the tissues on the floor all make me sad. My mum told me that his last word were ‘ goodbye , ill never forget you and thank you for all helping and supporting me . I love you all.’ This also made me cry seeing all the good memories and moments all happen. But now it has ended. He was sick for around two years now , we have raised a lot of money for health care and sleeping but now all gone. I still remember the day I saw him at hospital smiling and we also took a picture.

    My grandfather wasn’t like any Grandfather . He help my mum with her education , helped me feel better, played video games with me , bought toys and food when i was younger .He even piggybacked me when I broke my foot.
    And now , when I go back to these old memories, I want to discuss these with him and cry. He didn’t have a happy childhood and a big salary job . He told me that only being healthy matters and never give up.

    If you were here grandpa , thank you all the help and support that you have given to me and my mum .You were the hero in family making everyone happy and letting us know how important you are .

    You will never be forgotten and you will always be my hero .

    Rest In Peace

    • IsabelleS  January 11, 2021 at 10:56 am Reply

      Daniel, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your grandfather sounds like an incredible person who will be missed dearly. You’re right: He will never be forgotten. He will live on in your memory.

      • Deep Saha  June 4, 2021 at 11:16 am

        I am so sad to hear about all your loses..I’ve heard that sharing you pain makes u feel a bit better…I don’t evn know hw I’m writing today…but I lost my granny yesterday due to covid…she got covid on the 19th of may..and had to be hospitalized on 24th when her oxygen level was dropping well below 88..She recovered well enough..the day before yesterday,the doctr told me that they would release her from hospital in a day or 2..everything was going fine…even my grandad is still in the same hospital..they were both admitted together…and even he is critically ill..after recovering from covid,she faced 2 severe heart attacks all of a sudden which made it impossible fr her to return back to us…I still remeber how much she loved me..those hugs of love,I’ll never ever get back again..I’m 26 and I’m a trainee pilot in india..and those memories still haunt me where we both spent such lovely times together…I was her favourite grandchild…since I’m the eldest in the family…she was always poor but never hesitated to do anything she could for me…she loved me like I meant so.ething really special and inseperable to her…I too loved her pretty much more than what I can explain right now…every moment of joy in my life was associated with my granny…from small birthday visits to going out on vacations….she was always with me…I don’t know what happened and how guilty I am to lose this gem from my life…my granny s house looks like a deserted island right now..I cannot go there because I feel sad not seeing her there now…her smile still is visible in my heart and it will always be…she was just 67 years old….I can’t exaplain my sorrow …I know this will not relieve me of the pain…I know I will suffer throughout…and I know..I’ll all keep missing her..and her sweet smile that I will never ever be able to witness again…I don’t know what will happen to my grandpa even…I am the unluckiest grandchild one can ever have..

  38. Jasmine Patterson  January 10, 2021 at 10:42 am Reply

    On Dec 11 at 12:30, my anchor left us to go to a far better place. My Mama (Known as Dee, Ms. Dee, Ms. Deloris) parted ways to meet her loved ones and be at peace from the pain and complications of cancer. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her. Sometimes, I still find myself picking up the phone to call her because we talked everyday up until she started getting sicker. Quite frankly, I feel like I’m suffering the grief of losing two people. If you know me, you know that my grandmother was my bestie, former roommate, foodie partner, etc We did almost everything together. My “Mama” was a hard worker, she was a firecracker and everyone loved her. Just a little blush and lipstick. She cooked with no recipes and cooked dishes that had you waiting at the pot for more. She was wise, always had the best advice, and had the best sense of humor. She loved her garden, most shades of purple, her coffee, and a plain milk chocolate Hershey bar. But most of all, she loved her family. The amount of love that Mama had for her and everyone around her was always so overwhelming in the best way. This whole experience, from me driving back forth from Nola to Lake Charles every 2-3 weeks up until the day she died, has been a tumbleweed of feelings that I am still trying to work through. On Wed afternoon, the doctors informed us that her cancer had come back, but it was stage 4 and treatable, so they were bringing her to the hospice; not expecting her to make it through the night, but she did. That Thursday, as I drove back to Lake Charles I had so many thoughts in my mind. Mostly crying on and off because the traffic seemed like it wasn’t going to allow me to be there before she passed. But when I arrived at the hospice my grandmother was still holding on. She wasn’t even on a breathing machine and her heartbeat was strong! A testament to this woman’s strength and perseverance! Even the doctor and nurses at the hospice were surprised! Mom & I spent hours into the night helping take care of her, talking about memories, crying, and making sure she was in no pain and went home to rest. When we got the call early that morning that her heart rate through strong was starting to decline, we hurried to spend her last hours with her. I made my peace that she was leaving me and asked for guidance. Come noon, we were all gathered around her, looking at past videos and keeping her company. When it was obvious her last breaths were soon to come. I called her nurse, they rushed in. And when I thought it was all said and done she took her last breath, her face filled in,  She looked at all of us in the room; she was so beautiful, I saw a bright white light around her and in those very short, few seconds; she was gone.  I don’t know if I had made it this far without her. She believed in me when no one else this. I always knew she couldn’t be by my side forever, but even in her absence, I feel her all around me, everything I do, I do to honor her legacy. This year will be hard, but I Will Press Forward.

    • IsabelleS  January 11, 2021 at 11:25 am Reply

      Jasmine, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. Your grandmother sounds like a wonderful person who will be missed dearly. She will live on in your memory. All that you’re feeling is normal and okay… I recommend you check out this article: I know this year will be hard, but you’re right: You will press forward. All the best.

    • Miki  March 23, 2021 at 11:10 pm Reply

      My grandfather died 5 years ago, And I still clearly remember the sound of his voice. How I wish I would have known him much better and asked him so many questions about his life. We lived a good distance from him and only got to see him once a year when my family came to his house for vacations. To my regret, On those occasions when we visited him, I never even talked to him, and only when He was gone did I realize that. He was also so glad and happy to see us grandchildren when we arrived, I also remember him never failing to welcome us and drive us to places when we vacationed, and cooking food at his house. One of my greatest regrets is That I’ve never really have had My picture with him taken together with him, in the years prior to his death. So many regrets and the pain still hasn’t diminished over time. If only one could go back in time and live those days differently. I still am filled with longing for those times, and somehow I am still looking for him, longing to see him one more time, to give him a hug and to hear his voice once again.

  39. Evan  January 2, 2021 at 6:07 am Reply

    My feelings are very mixed right now… my grandma died 5 hours before 2021.. I guess its 2020 way of… going out with a bang… I feel..
    guilty.. sadness… anger… confused… at some times, my grandma was the only person I could to talk to about stuff I couldnt talk to anyone else with.. if I needed to escape the conflict at my home… her door was always open… I wish I wouldve got to spend more time with her….

  40. Jacky  December 24, 2020 at 9:06 pm Reply

    I lost my Grandmother on Christmas Eve morning which is today and my Mother had many plans such as meeting up with some aunts and uncles for the holidays and were not able to go see the rest of my family because they are at Mexico and well my parents are well you know un documented which hurt my mom the most because she wasnt able to say goodbye nor see her which hurts my Mother the most is that she didnt call her the day before her passing which was yesterday well she was thinking of calling her but she didnt as for me I only met my Grandma 2 times the first time she spent a month in LA and everytime I went to school she would tell me a prayer and told me make good desicions and I always felt secured and safe everywhere I went my Grandma was a sweet person and I wish I would have spent more time with her and got to know her more and maybe love her more but yea I just have to be more aware of my mother and my self since this is my first death expirience where it hurt me the most and I dont know how to process this or develop it nor control my Mother ehen she cries becaue I am not good with sympothy but im trying to be more of a company to my mom and help her with her emotions.

    • IsabelleS  December 28, 2020 at 2:10 pm Reply

      Jacky, I’m so very sorry for your loss and that you’re being forced to go through this. It sounds like you want to be there for your mother, but please know that you must be there for yourself first. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is that you need to feel. That being said, it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job of supporting your mother during this time. You may find these articles helpful: and All the best to you.

      • Rachel  January 7, 2021 at 7:46 pm

        I’m about to lose my grandad and I don’t know if I can cope with it. He is currently in hospital fighting cancer & pneumonia and due to covid we can’t even go see him. That’s what hurts the most is not being able to say goodbye. I feel so heartbroken that I won’t ever see him again and I don’t know how I can live without him in my life. It’s so heartbreaking, this is my first ever loss & im 30. I’m so lucky and thankful to have had 30 years with him, but it just doesn’t feel like it’s his time to go yet and I hate it.
        Reading all your comments is actually helping to know that the way I feel I’m not alone…

      • IsabelleS  January 8, 2021 at 1:50 pm

        Rachel, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I can only imagine how difficult it is to not be with your grandfather in his last moments. I highly recommend you check out this resource: I know you feel that you won’t be able to go on without him… That’s completely normal. You will find the strength to go on. Please take comfort in the fact that you are definitely NOT alone. Perhaps you should reach out to a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: We’re here for you as you navigate this! All the best.

  41. Kaitlyn  December 20, 2020 at 10:11 pm Reply

    My Poppie just passed away two days ago with no warning. He was like a father to me and I kept thinking I would see him again. I’m traveling down to his funeral now. I just can’t help the thoughts of getting to his house and seeing him building something in the garage or laying on the couch. I really really don’t know how to help this.

    • IsabelleS  December 21, 2020 at 10:49 am Reply

      Kaitlyn, I’m so sorry for your loss. The thoughts you are having of him are completely normal and even expected after a loss… You don’t need to get rid of them. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel. All the best.

    • savannah  December 28, 2020 at 6:40 pm Reply

      i just lost my grandfather today. 18 days ago i lost my grandmother. i don’t know how i’m feeling right now. i keep reminding myself that they are together forever now but it just hurts so much. they were not just my grandparents but my parents and raised me. i’m numb.

      • IsabelleS  December 29, 2020 at 1:10 pm

        Savannah, I’m so sorry that you’ve been forced to face two losses in such a short period of time. My heart goes out to you. I recommend you check out this article: As far as feeling numb is concerned, this is so normal and okay during the grieving process. You may want to read this: I hope you know that, no matter what, you’re not alone. All the best to you.

      • Victoria  January 20, 2021 at 12:01 pm

        Hey Savannah. Your story is similar to mine but they were not my moms parents, it was my grandmother’s sister and her husband. Grandfather was buried on the 30th of December 2020 and then grandma passed away on the 8th, we just buried her last Wednesday. I know how it feels to lose two loved ones within a short period of time, i would like to know how you are coping because i think I’m not doing well everytime i sleep my mind always goes to those days where we are at their house helping out with funeral stuff is that normal?

    • Maitree  February 28, 2021 at 2:23 am Reply

      My grandpa died today (28th Feb.2021)….I am in 10th…and I can’t quite handle, Coz’ it was unexpected. He was totally healthy…he even went to doctor yesterday but he said that there’s nothing to worry about…But today early in the morning he had a heart attack. It was the First stroke of heart attack, he never had one before. I had to do so many things with both my grandma and grandpa, but now will only be able to do it with my grandma….IT WAS AS IF IT WASN’T TRUE….I was shocked was an understatement, infact I am still shocked….I CRIED…because this was the last time I’ll see him, the last time I’ll touch him, and he wouldn’t even open his eyes to see anything, nor us. I Still can’t believe that he has died, but the number of people inside my house makes be remember that why they are there. But still I can’t accept the fact that he has died….He even though he didn’t lived with us, he would call daily between 10-11a.m, SO I CRIED COZ’ NOW I’LL NEVER RECIEVE HIS CALL, HE’LL NEVER BE THERE ON MY BIRTHDAYS, NOR ON HIS. I know death comes, but then also how can he die, how and why?….I can’t believe it…and I don’t want to…the image of his numb body lying there, not responding to anything is still in my head, I was praying that he will move…I was staring at him waiting that he’ll move, but he didn’t and now his funeral is done and now he is forever gone, although my mom told me that he is still with us, when we’ll call for him he’ll be here, but IT STILL WON’T BE THE SAME, right?. It’s like as he died my all dreams, future plans, hopes all died with him. It’s like I shouldn’t and couldn’t smile, it’s like it’s still incomplete without him. It’s like The leader of the family is gone… Seeing his face made me cry harder..but now he is not here but just his memories are, and all the things I wanted to do with him in the future..and I still want to, but then I remember he won’t be there. This year was a busy year… yeah I had enough time with them, more than enough memories… But still due to my 10th’s preparations It was as if I was busy…and I wanted that time when my vacation would be there, but looks like life has its own plans…Why?…I can’t believe he is dead, he is not here…and when I remember that I want to meet his spirit….I CAN’T…and I seriously don’t know in how much time I’ll be able to contemplate it, live with it…But right now I SERIOUSLY CAN’T..I JUST CAN’T…I CAN’T…he wished me luck for my exams, told me to prepare harder, but now how will I Grandpa..tell will I?…But for you I will. He was, is and will be the best… I , infact we all had to show him and grandma so many things…like my 10th results, our new house, different countries, my success…BUT NOW IT’LL ALL JUST REMAIN A DREAM……..No one can ever replace you grandpa…nor will forget you. Love you so so much GRANDPA..please come back!

  42. MHTomcik  December 11, 2020 at 11:47 pm Reply

    It’s been more than 5-1/2 years & sometimes remembering He (& they) are gone just stops me in my tracks & takes my breath away. I was 100% Grandpa’s girl & I know he knew it & appreciated it, but there is no replacing the time the Army took from us, no matter how proud he was of my service. I really did feel like he was indestructible. And I took my Grandma for granted, even through all she taught me & gave me. I can only “deal” with my grief when I can ignore it. My kids put a pic of him on my fridge, & I can only barely handle having it there right now.

    • Nkadi  April 12, 2021 at 8:30 am Reply

      I lost my grandmother on the 18 March 2021, my best friend, my all, I don’t know how to feel. Its like my whole heart has been stripped out of my chest, I feel like crying all the time, people expect me to be okay by now. But I simply can’t. We used to spend most of our weekends together. I remember her even encouraging me to go out with people my age. Now I find myself sitting all by myself thinking of the things we used to do together.

      • Radhika Sharma  May 9, 2021 at 2:35 am

        My grandmother was 82 years old and the most strong , fiercely independent and educated woman. She was staying with us for the past few months as we didnt want her to stay alone amidst the pandemic, though she kept insisting she wanted to go back to her home. Our entire family contracted covid in April 2021. On the 2nd day of her being detected covid positive, she felt dizzy and fell and suffered a major fracture. She was admitted in the hospital and none of the family members could visit her since everyone was covid positive. She also couldnt undergo her surgery for the fracture till she recovered from Covid. Those 15 days she suffered a lot of pain.she got through Covid and underwent her surgery… the surgery was successful but the pain and isolation has broken her spirit in some ways. She was confused , in pain and just didnt want to eat her food and medicines…My parents would visit her day and night trying to feed her food and pep her up but she wouldnt respond. I would call her but all i could hear was her whimpering in pain and it would break my heart. The doc suggested we bring her home for recovery since she was not comfortable in the hospital… we managed to arrange oxygen concentrators, hospital beds, attendants and physio therapists , bloods donors in a matter of hours and were hopeful she will get better with time . How could she not. We loved her so much and couldnt do without her. She had to. She died the day after she came back from the hospital.
        I miss making tea for her. I miss having evening snacks with her. I miss buying books for her to read in the sun. I miss calling her up and hearing her loving voice. I will miss going to her house in Jaipur where she would buy my favourite coffee and keep and order kachoris and lassis. I miss hearing her stories from her childhood which she would repeat ever so often. I miss watching her play board games with my younger brother and her child like delight every time she won. I miss her critiques on the kind of movies and films we have these days. I miss her hugs and good mornings and good byes. I miss telling her i love you. I miss her so very much.

        She was just here one second and gone the next and there is no way that i will ever be able to get over that. She will always have a piece of my heart and i will pray for her peace and happiness every single day of my life. I’m looking for signs that she is still with me. But for now its a very difficult to get through even a minute without crying.

  43. Shelbie  December 4, 2020 at 10:01 pm Reply

    i miss my gamother so much bdaly and i am so srryggle i just feeling like what i can did about because i am cannot help have i feeling i have bad dream about to my grannmy

    • IsabelleS  December 7, 2020 at 10:54 am Reply

      Shelbie, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I want you to know that what you are feeling is all normal and valid. You are not alone.

    • Tyler Keene  December 17, 2020 at 11:52 am Reply

      Shelbie i just lost my grandpa yesturday he was my best friend my heart is broken as I can imagine yours is. But I’m trying to think of all the great memories I had with him. I lived and took care of him for the last almost 7 years. The way im trying to think is that I’d rather have this pain im feeling now and all the things him and I did together than to have never had a close relationship with him. Im thinking of him constantly. Yesturday I got to feed him breakfast and talk right before he passed so im glad I got to do that.

      Shelbie God bless you are not alone in this I will pray for you.

      • IsabelleS  December 18, 2020 at 10:37 am

        Tyler, I’m very sorry for your loss. What you’ve said is so insightful… “I’d rather have this pain I’m feeling now and all the things he and I did together than to have never had a close relationship with him.” Thank you for sharing your perspective! All the best to you.

  44. Anon  December 4, 2020 at 7:17 pm Reply

    I just got the news, one day after the death of my grandmother on my mom’s side, that my grandmother on my father’s side has passed away.
    I miss them.
    We were with them recently, and I hadn’t visited for five years due to my studies, and I know I should be okay with being able to have seen them before they passed, but it just doesn’t feel real.
    I’ve never had anyone close to us pass away before. I don’t get it. How are they just gone forever like that out of nowhere? That doesn’t make sense. That can’t be right.
    I was supposed to learn our language for them. I was supposed to make them proud. I was supposed to grow into the person they wanted me to be. And now they’re gone. And I haven’t done any of those things for them. I’ve just been a humiliatingly distant granddaughter who forgot to call, and who doesn’t know how to comfort their children about losing their mothers.
    I hate this. Why did they both have to go?

    • IsabelleS  December 7, 2020 at 10:58 am Reply

      Hi, thank you for taking the time to comment. I’m so very sorry that you were forced to endure two losses in such a short period of time. I hear that you feel guilty for “not being the granddaughter they wanted.” Guilt is such a normal and valid part of the grieving process. You can read more about it here: I am sure that your grandparents were proud of you–Don’t be so hard on yourself. That being said, your guilt is valid and okay. Be gentle with yourself.

    • disa  December 25, 2020 at 11:56 am Reply

      I think I can feel what you feel. Last month my grandfather had some symptoms of covid 19. He started treatment and we hoped we would get through this situation because my grandfather was physically active and without other diseases. Also he wasn t old .He struggled with the disease for about a month and could not get it.Grandpa suffered and I could understand the suffering and fear only from his sight.My heart broke when I saw him in that situation. while during this time the grandmother from dad side suffered a brain hemorrhage. She underwent a very difficult operation and spent 4 weeks in a coma. She died last week. now i feel empty. Now like you I feel confused. I can not believe that I will never see my gradfather again .It makes no sense.How does this happen? A few days ago he talked to me and said he would come back and fight only for me and next day he didt answer the phone and the docter says he is dead.Death is hard but death from this pandemic that for months did not allow me to hug my grandparents and did not allow me to be near them all the time is really a nightmare.Like you I had promised many things to my grandfather. He would buy me the first car while I would take him to visit his favorite places. That was our thing and our promise to each other since I was just a child. it was our dream and now he is not here to realize it.also blaming yourself for not being there for them is not helpful and i’m convinced your grandparents would not want these words to describe you either.We will forever be in their heart.They loved us as me still love them.We will never forget their voice their face or memories we had with them.But we need to be strog for our parents we still have them .also i think this pain will be always with us so we should start to get use to it.

      • IsabelleS  December 28, 2020 at 1:51 pm

        Disa, I’m so sorry for the multiple losses you were forced to experience in such a short period of time. I recommend you check out this article: You’re right–Losing loved ones is hard enough, but losing them in the face of this pandemic is all the more difficult. I’m glad you’re finding ways to stay connected with your grandparents even after their deaths. I think you may find this helpful: I hear that you want to be strong for your parents, but please allow yourself room to grieve. It’s ok to feel what you need to feel. All the best to you.

  45. J  November 11, 2020 at 6:16 am Reply

    I just lost my nan this morning. I’m kinda numb to everything at the moment, I live in another country and I’m not able to go back and see my family right now. I know they’re all together at the moment so they’re doing OK and I’m lucky to have a partner with me here. We saw her before we left and had since spoken on the phone so it has come as a bit of a shock. I’ve had a cry and spoken to family today so at least we’re getting through it together but I’m trying to carry on with my daily routines.

    I only wish I’d called more.

    I don’t want people to say they’re sorry, because they have nothing to be sorry about. She was a great woman and I’m very proud to have known her. I know she was proud of me too.

  46. Tala  November 11, 2020 at 1:08 am Reply

    I lost my grandmother late February of this year. My grandmother was more like a mother to me. Her and my mom raised me. I miss her so much even tho our relationship was strained at times because she treated her other children and grandchildren better than she treated me and my mother. I told my grandmother I forgave her for everything and dedicated my life to take care of her for the rest of her life when the drs told us there was nothing else they could do. My uncles and cousins did nothing. Wouldn’t even come see her for Christmas knowing that 2019 would be her last Christmas. When they wouldn’t show up, she blamed me and out of spite, told other people I was mistreating her. They took over her care and even tho she was dying anyway, she took a sharp downhill and never recovered. I feel really conflicted about my grief surrounding her and I wish I could not miss her but even tho I was mistreated by her, I still miss her tremendously. Despite the bad things, she was such a big part of my life and she taught be lot on how to be and how not to be. It’s really hard feeling like one of the people you love the most, didn’t truly love you or that their love for you was conditional. It’s hard watching my relatives be around for the ones who left her high and dry and not be there for me and I know I’m the one that misses her the most because I was with her everyday out my 30 years except for the time in lives in a different city. I just wish I could feel better

    • Ann  November 16, 2020 at 8:38 pm Reply

      Hi I’ve lost my grandad on the 13/11/2020, his funeral was yesterday.
      He got diagnosed with lung cancer late august and since than it has been a downfall.
      I visited him ob The 25th of September 2020 for the last time. I had to travel during a global pandemic and during national lockdown to try and see him for one mor time but unfortunately he passed away the day I was meant to see him.
      We have always lived together from where. I was 4 I am now 21. He was my father figure, we argued cried laughed and shared so many memories good and bad and they will forever be with me. But I’m not able to cope I just find it so unreal. I stand can’t believe it. I just miss him soo much

      • Shannon Edensor  November 28, 2020 at 4:26 am

        Hi Ann, I lost my grandad last night due to lung cancer. He got diagnosed in June. I am at a bit of a loss at the moment and I feel so deeply for my Mother. We can get through this.

  47. John  November 10, 2020 at 12:16 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandpa November 6, 2020
    He got depressed after his closest brother passed away. He wouldn’t eat or drink. I just feel like I didn’t spend enough time with him. My last words were goodbye before he went aboard on the airplane to see his brother…..

  48. Aleksandra  November 9, 2020 at 8:54 am Reply

    I lost my grandfather on October 21st and i’m still struggling with the pain. He was a great person, a great parent and a great grandparent. He was the one closest to me and all my memories with him are beautiful.
    He was diagnosed with bone cancer at the beginning of this year and he got covid when he went to the hospital to scan his bones. He seemed ok he had no symptoms (just high temperature for 5 days) but he had to take infusions due to the virus. He was at the hospital for 4 days and then died from a brain stroke. The sudden twist is what hurts me the most we were supposed to talk and give him strength, everyone that contacted him there said he was doing ok and we never expected to lose him so suddenly. He was in a good mood he was joking on the phone when he talked with my grandmother less than an hour before passing..
    The scan results were bad cause the cancer had spread, idk he kind of saved himself from suffering in the future but that still doesn’t help ease the pain, we never expected to lose him this soon.
    The only thing that calms me down is that he’s seen my love, inspiration and appreciation for him whenever we talked. I love him and i know he knew it. It breaks my heart that i’ll never see/hear/hug him again but i know i’ll always cherish the memories we had together.

    • IsabelleS  November 10, 2020 at 10:36 am Reply

      Aleksandra, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are feeling. I want to emphasize how beautiful something you said is: “The only thing that calms me down is that he’s seen my love, inspiration and appreciation for him whenever we talked. I love him and I know he knew it.” I am so happy to hear that you and your grandfather had such a loving relationship. Your memories will keep him “alive” even now that he has passed. All the best to you.

  49. Ricky k  November 6, 2020 at 11:43 pm Reply

    I lost my grandma in June 2015, the pain still continues to linger through my heart and my veins. A queen we lost at 60 years old due to septis. To everyone out here I understand I’m not alone but, it’s still hard to understand her passing. I’m still afraid of death she was the grandma of 7 grand children but me and my two sisters were the closest to her. The tears still drip a lot and the heartbreak of emotions still run deep. My anxiety is still high after five long years. How do I make peace with reality and come to terms? Will my life ever hit a Turing point to gradually let go of the pain and focus on her being in a better place? Will my anger disappear later on in life? Will I ever stop doing unacceptable things because of the mental disturbance? 5 long years later she still lives through me and that’s what’s keeping me going to this day. Being 21 years old losing the queen of the family foundation is very hard.

    • IsabelleS  November 10, 2020 at 10:46 am Reply

      Ricky, I am so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I wish I could answer your questions and give you the comfort you are looking for. All I can say for certain is that things may never get better, but they will get easier. You are so strong.

    • Maryam Khoujja  November 16, 2020 at 10:14 pm Reply

      I lost my soul mother I was so selfish in reaching goals success I lost track of my soul mother a grandmother that was desperate to see me and my brother I was far selfish not to feel her need and touch for me.

      I have deep regrets after all she raised me and essence of her still lives inside will forever I love fatima she spent her entire life giving to charity even when she couldn’t give any more she still gave… True Queen rest beautifully in the highest paradise…xx

    • Meagan Lawson  December 7, 2020 at 2:23 am Reply

      My grandpa passed away yesterday morning. He was my father as well raised me my whole life I am 29 now. My parents were drug/alcohol abusers and bad influences on me so my grandparents on both sides took turns in raising me half time at one grandparents the other at the others. I have even spent the last two years living with them. They have been my all. My grandpa was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma in may of this year. He was only 70!!! And he is a devout Christian and follower of Jesus Christ. He and my grandmother were super health conscious and were in great shape only organic food and excersize every day. My grandpa didn’t want to do treatment he was given 2 months at the time to live when we found out. The doctors felt bad for not catching it sooner and filled us with hope. He finished his treatments and has passed away only a month and a half after. My grandpa suffered tremendous pain and my family has to watching him suffer. My grandma is devastated as well they were just like the notebook couple and he was so romantic. He was my biggest fan and never gave up on me when he should have. I just don’t know how to process all of this. I want to be with my grandma but she needs her space to…. I understand that but I need to feel close to someone who was as close to him right now as I was. He told me goodbye and he loved me two days before he left. I wish I could get around this feeling of this pain fits so hard and I have a 6 year old son to be strong for right now to he needs me. I just keep asking why why why Christmas was our most special important time of the year. My grandpa and grandma house where I stayed every Christmas Eve and Christmas Day from the time I was a child till now. I need some encouragement.

      • IsabelleS  December 7, 2020 at 9:58 am

        Meagan, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your grandfather sounds like an incredible person who will be missed greatly. What you are feeling is all normal and valid. I understand that the idea of the holidays without your grandfather seems unbearable. We have many articles about grieving at the holidays, which I recommend you check out: For now, be gentle with yourself… There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just grieving.

  50. Paige  November 3, 2020 at 5:17 pm Reply

    I lost my Grandad just yesterday afternoon, so unexpectedly. The man we all knew as a healthy 89 year old (about to turn 90) suddenly lost his life to a heart attack, so out of the blue. We are all at a loss but luckily we are a close family getting each other through this and most important of all, helping my 93 year old Nan through this. They were married for 63 years. The shock and suddenness of it hurts the most. We are glad he didn’t suffer for a long period of time, but oh how we wish we had a warning to cherish those last moments even more, knowing that they would be the last. Life changes forever when you go through something like this.

    • Mera  November 8, 2020 at 12:44 pm Reply

      Paige – I so feel your pain. I just loss my grandma 11/5/20. This is the hardest thing I’ve dealt with in losing someone that meant the world to me. I’m praying for you and your family.

      • Paige  November 10, 2020 at 11:39 am

        Hi Mera, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for your kind words. Sending prayers to you and your family x

  51. Cassandra  November 2, 2020 at 9:32 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandpa on October 25th@5:30pm , it has been the hardest thing I e ever had to go through in my life, he wasn’t just a grandfather, he was my mother, father and grandparents in one man. I absolutely lost my heart on this very day, at this very time to lung cancer!!! I watched him, what I thought was fight it for a good 6 months, it absolutely ate him alive, he just wasted away, he would lie to me about his doctors appointments, and the results of tests, as well as why he would end up in hospitals again(out of town where I couldn’t ask questions) as far as I knew he was just in a little pain, and they were going to start chemo. I know now that it was way worse than he let on and I was far dumber than I ever could of imagined, I was so blind and stupid how could I not know that he was that close to death?!!! I loved him so very much, I just can’t believe he is gone, at least I got to spend one last day with him, but his mind was already going in and out, but he never forgot that it was me he was with, and every time I told him I loved him and kissed him on the head he would say it right back with clarity. Rest In Peace grandpa you will forever be missed and loved!!!

    • IsabelleS  November 3, 2020 at 10:53 am Reply

      Cassandra, I am truly so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Please be gentle with yourself… Do not blame yourself for not knowing the extent of your grandfather’s illness. I hope you find some comfort through this blog.

      • Madisyn Erdley  November 6, 2020 at 5:35 pm

        My great grandfather also died ,but wen i was very little ,and one day i got a phone from my dad for Christmas one year and i hid it from my dad because i didn’t want my dad to find out about what i was saying to my mam witch is my grandmother and she was my best friend for the l longest time before she went full blown phsyco.

  52. Ash  November 2, 2020 at 3:41 pm Reply

    My grandmother passed away in September. When I was younger I used to spend time with her and stay over at her house. I used to be very close to her. When I started to be a teen I got awqy from her because she talked about religion alot and I was embarrassed of it. When i turned 16 I started being with her less and less I would only go to say hi and then leave. Before she got sick in August I would only visit her once in a while. A week before she passed away I had went to her house said hi and told her i had to leave because I had a doctors appointment, that was the last time I got to see her. I came back and no one was home I called my mom to ask where everyone was. They told me my grandma was in the hospital and that she was really sick, she had alot of pain and she was throwing up blood and couldn’t go to the restroom. That night they brought her back home because the doctor said she was fine she was just sick because she ate something that got her sick. In the middle of the night they took her to the hospital and she was an intern there. We went to eat and i didn’t know anything until we were eating that my mom told me that my grandma was in the hospital again and she was in the ICU. The next day they went to the hospital and my grandma had to have an emergency surgery they gave my family two choices: 1 was to let my grandma die of an internal hemorrige and the second choice was to have the surgery and having a 95% chance of her dying on the table. She had surgery and she made it through. The next day after the surgery my aunt went to see her and they said that by tomorrow my grandma was gonna be able to have visitors. We were happy because she was gonna come back. On September 2nd, we recieved a call at 3 in the morning saying that my grandma had to be intubated she couldnt breathe because she had asthmatic bronchitis. In the morning we were gonna get the chance to visit and we were getting ready, the hospital called us. They wanted us at the hospital ASAP so we left to the hospital. My mom got called first and then my aunt got called. After 15 minutes my aunt came back with my mom shaking her hed and crying. She told me my grandma didnt make it they tried to revive her and they did multiple times and that the succeded and after 30 minutes she looked stable and then she coded again and they couldnt revive her again. I didnt get to go to the hospital to see her and i didnt even get to go to the funeral eather because my family left me at the house and didnt send me the address to go to the funeral. I didnt get to say goodbye to her and i feel guilty because i didnt get to spend time with her.

    • IsabelleS  November 3, 2020 at 10:56 am Reply

      Ash, I am so sorry for your loss and for this pain you are feeling. My heart truly goes out to you. I understand that you are feeling guilty for not getting to spend time with your grandmother before she passed. I want you to know that these feelings of guilt are completely normal… but that you shouldn’t blame yourself. I suggest you check out this article: All the best to you.

  53. Allan  October 31, 2020 at 8:50 pm Reply

    So right now my grandma is in hospice. I am fortunate to have her in my life for as long as I have. My grandma has been on dialysis for 10 years and now she is so frail that she can’t sit there and handle the pain of the treatment. I respect her decision and have personally seen her decline since the beginning.

    My grandpa is everything I have become. He taught me how to be a good husband, a good father, and just a good caring guy. I see how stressed he is taking care of her day n and day out. He says he is ok with this and doesn’t want too see her suffer anymore.

    I am worried starting to feel it get closer and closer. My mom hasn’t really been around that much, to her credit she tries, but worried that she is putting her feelings infront of my grandpa’s wishes so trying to figure it out now.

    I don’t know exactly what I should do either. She is doing hospice at home and saw that he was stressed out a bit. So I told him to relax. Me, my wife, mom, and uncle were all there tonight. My mom said him having 2 glasses of wine was a bad idea, but he did feal a little relaxed too, but he didn’t like her telling him what too do. She says this can happen and he can drink more as it gets harder. Never seen him ever do that so I’m looking into that as well.

    He told me today that mom wants too sale the house and items and get a apartment, but he doesn’t want too do that. I told him do whatever he thinks is best for him and that I will be there for him no matter right. Right now to just give good vibes to grandma and cherish every minute we have left with her.

    Sorry I’m just rambling on here. But truly not sure how I’m going to help him when the time comes is what I’m trying to figure out!

  54. Audrey  October 27, 2020 at 5:23 pm Reply

    This week is the 4 year anniversary of my grandpa’s sudden death and I am struggling. My grandpa raised me and I lived with him and my grandma until about a year before he died. He passed away from a heart attack but was in the hospital for three days before he died and no one told me until after he died. I have a hard time being around my grandma and mom this time of year because of this and I have been very depressed but they keep saying I need to get over it because it has been 4 years but I can’t. He was basically my parent and I loved him more than my mom and dad. I just start crying or laying around and not doing anything and everyone around me doesn’t get it. I miss him a lot and I am just trying to get through this week.

    • ALICIA PUGLISI  October 29, 2020 at 6:47 am Reply

      Audrey, I understand your pain. My Grandpa is currently dying. He helped raise me as well. We will be okay in time. Hugs to you.

      • Audrey  November 12, 2020 at 11:42 pm

        Alicia, thank you. I’m so sorry about your grandfather. I hope one day we will be okay too. My hugs go out to you and your family.

  55. Lena  October 19, 2020 at 7:16 am Reply

    I have lost my grandmother on 11th October and i miss her so much. I have spent a lot of time with her and my grandfather as a child and we also stayed very close when I grew up. Last three years, since my grandmother was alone and was not so well anymore, I visited her every couple of days and lately every day a couple of hours, to help her and spend time with her. My husband and kids had a lot of understanding for this. But my parents did not like this and regularly criticized me for helping my grandmother a lot. They felt I love her more than them. They also did not help her very much. Just a month ago, when she went to hospital, they went the next day on vacation for two weeks. Now, when my grandmother is no longer here, they continue criticizing me and making me feel that its wrong to feel pain for my grandmother. This is so difficult. Beside missing my grandmother so much, my parents criticize me how I was wrong to help her so much and how its wrong to grief for her and how I neglected everybody else, which is not true at all…I am in my 40s, but I don’t know how to deal with this..

    • IsabelleS  October 19, 2020 at 11:06 am Reply

      Lena, I am so very sorry for the loss of your grandmother and that your parents are not being supportive of your grief. Have you tried communicating your frustration to them? It may be good to explicitly tell them what you need as you navigate the grieving process. If they are still unsupportive, I am glad you have your husband and kids to lean on. My heart goes out to you.

    • AmyE  October 26, 2020 at 9:19 am Reply

      It sounds to me like your parents have a lot of resentment built up towards your Grandma. You are doing the right thing and they have to live with their conscience. I bet your Grandma influenced who you are as a person because you certainly didn’t take after your parents.
      Be blunt and tell your parents you are NOT going to listen to their negative comments. Explain how they are hurting you and one day it will be them who pass. Do they want the same sort of treatment? Nobody can outrun Father Time and ailments of age. Honestly, I think your parents are incredibly selfish and sorry for how they treated her. Walk out, hang up… you don’t have to listen to it! The hardest thing a person may have to do is stand up to their parent It is incredibly difficult but necessary. Your parents know they are hurting you. Ask them, “ Why are you taking out your anger and resentment on someone who is dead and can’t defend herself”? Confrontation can be a very useful weapon in addressing negativity. It throws people off their game.

    • ALICIA  October 29, 2020 at 6:51 am Reply

      Lena, sometimes our parents don’t know what is best. You did the right thing by spending time with your Grandma and no one can take that away from you. Cherish and protect those memories in your heart. All the best to you.

  56. Naomi  October 12, 2020 at 5:21 pm Reply

    Today I woke up to sad news that my Grandad has past away. I had plans to see both him and my Grandmas today and take him a balloon for his birthday. I am in real shock as I didn’t expect to see him in hospital today. It was heart breaking to see my Grandma breakdown and I just can’t believe this is reality. Just like that. You really don’t know what is going to happen to the people you love. I’m feeling like I wish I went 2 days earlier and sad I will never get to hear him laugh again. This article was goo to read, thank you x.

    • IsabelleS  October 14, 2020 at 12:48 pm Reply

      Hi Naomi, I’m glad your found this article helpful. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and about the pain you and your family are experiencing. I hear that you feel guilty for not visiting your grandfather earlier… This is completely normal and okay. I suggest you check out this article: All the best to you.

  57. Mike  October 11, 2020 at 7:09 pm Reply

    My grandma just died about 30 minutes ago. We’re a matriarchal family, we’re all very close to the point that some family members don’t have friends… just because we all get on so well, all live nearby, all helpful to one another.

    My grandma ran businesses in her youth and married young. All that hard work and a big healthy family equalled her and my grandfather building a house just opposite my own. She collapsed earlier tonight. We all ran over to help her but it was just her end. 95 years old. Married an immigrant and fought all that as well in the older more negative days.

    I only cry a bit because she was surrounded by loved ones. Had a very long interesting life. Dementia slowed her a bit in the end. Right now in the rawness of it all it feels like an end of an era. I’m remembering all the holidays she took us on as kids. Driving around Europe, Canada in RVs. Heh.

    I’ve been incredibly depressed the last few years. Suicidal in moments. However this sadness is so different. It’s not hopelessness or anxiety. If anything it’s the opposite.

    Your blog post helped. “Pain divided” though. I gotta say really helps.

    • IsabelleS  October 12, 2020 at 10:58 am Reply

      Hi Mike, I am so so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. I understand that your whole family is hurting immensely right now… My heart goes out to you all. It seems like the feelings you are experiencing–the mixed emotions of sadness yet hope–are completely normal and acceptable. I am glad this blog has been helpful to you. I also just want to remind you that if you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, you can always call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat All the best to you!

  58. Saraa Al-alwan  October 10, 2020 at 4:33 pm Reply

    On the date of September 26, 2020, I lost the most beautiful thing in my life “my grandmother”, I don’t know how to describe her because there are no perfect words suitable for her, she was beautiful and always smiling even in difficult times it was very quiet, when I stayed up all night watching movies or playing ps4 She was tells me that I should sleep and at other times she sits and watches with me, I used to love to tell her the stories that I like and interest me, and scientific ideas and my opinions about everything in general, she was smart so she understood everything no matter how difficult it was, she died because of the covid-19 , I think All the time she did not deserve this, she left with difficulty breathing and a terrible pain, I know she watches and listens to me and I will meet her one day at the end, All I want to talk about is I miss her

    • IsabelleS  October 11, 2020 at 2:27 pm Reply

      Saraa, I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain you are being made to endure. Don’t be afraid to talk to others about how much you miss your grandmother… It’s completely normal and okay. You may even want to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: I hope this is of some help to you. All the best to you!

  59. Rajitha  October 9, 2020 at 12:33 am Reply

    Hi,it has been literally 2 months since the demise of my grandpa and I still couldn’t come in terms with it .There is something inexplicable that is happening to me since then .I lost him to Covid ? That man never deserved such a death. And this thought haunts me everyday ,every minute.My grandpa lived with me in the same house for nearly 23 years .He was more than a grandpa to me .I vividly remember all the days he used to take me on his lap and tell me stories caressing my hair. He was a very active person and a brilliant orator ,A self made man and would never stop learning. He has always been there for his people to help ,guide and support .I have huge admiration for his administrative skills and always looked up to him .He lovea me so much and that was evident in every action of his .If there is one thing ,I feel lucky about,it is my beloved grandpa .My inspiration,my well wisher .He eats right ,keeps himself fit and takes all the precautions.Yet ,suddenly one day he well ill and was hospitalized for shortness of breath. The ordeal I faced those days cannot be put in words .I stayed put and only had my faith in almighty that he would recover and the next day ,a call comes from hospital saying he passed away. I couldn’t take it . No one would take it for that matter. We could not do any last rites for him .We couldn’t even see him properly .My heart grieved that I couldn’t even hug him to say good bye.The last time he kissed me ,I didn’t realise that was the last one .. Everything hurts .I wasn’t prepared for this at all .It seems like it has happened in a glimpse. It’s a lot of emotional pain to put it bluntly with no moral support from family .I’m trying to overcome the turmoil but everyday his thoughts pop up when I get to bed .I wish I could see him once .I wish I could hug him once .I wish I could have him by my side once and never let him go.I love you and I miss you even more .

    • IsabelleS  October 9, 2020 at 10:58 am Reply

      Rajitha, I am so sorry for your loss and for the immense pain you are feeling. I want you to know that what you are going through–wanting your grandfather back one last time–is completely normal. I recommend you check out this blog post: All the best to you.

  60. Bharat Jain  October 3, 2020 at 9:08 am Reply

    Hey, I lost my grandmother presumably due to COVID. She was the most perfect individual we could think of, she was a perfectly healthy, most warm-hearted person and the person who loved me the most. She used to enjoy the crazy science facts I used told her even though I know that she did not understand most of the things. We had a different relationship than what I have with my parents and the only happy movements in her life were with spending time with me which I cherish. It all happened unexpectedly, she was coughing and we thought it was just an illness that she will easily recover from as my family members had got themselves tested and of them tested negative so there was no thought that it could be COVID but the very next day she got so ill we have to rush to the hospital and even in the emergency ward we couldn’t save her. I just now feel shattered that something maybe such as COVID took her wife. It was a death which she did not deserve and I feel something we could have done she would have been here. The events turned in a way that we were helpless and unaware of the fact that it is something bigger. Anyone of us was not prepared for this, even before she was taken to the hospital.
    I now feel a sense of guilt and unfortunate luck that we could not save her and this is something that she did not deserve. The positive side to those could be that she never had to suffer even till her very last movement with any disease and she lived a healthy wonderful life.
    May her soul rest in peace and forgive us.

  61. Porscha T.  September 26, 2020 at 9:58 pm Reply

    I lost my grandma in 2013, she passed on my birthday,which is October 20th. Unexpectedly My beautiful and amazing mother passed on May 19th 2020 and hers and I birthdays is in the same month, hers was October 12th, so I look forward to using this website as an addition to my journey of coping with grief

    • IsabelleS  September 27, 2020 at 9:03 am Reply

      Hi, I am so sorry for the losses you have experienced and for the pain you are feeling. I hope this website brings you some comfort.

  62. Hussain  September 26, 2020 at 8:31 pm Reply

    Hi I just lost my grandma due to COVID and I feel so sad her smile was the whole world to me and she was so kind and she did everything for us and I’m hugging her handmade pillow it’s warm like her hug and sweet ,i can’t process that she is gone and I can’t do anything about it please if you have grandma or grandpa or mom or dad or any family member say hi to them and spend good time with them because nobody knows what gonna happens thx for everyone who put the time to type like kris and others

    • IsabelleS  September 27, 2020 at 9:09 am Reply

      Hi Hussain, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but feeling unable to process her passing is completely normal. It is so special that you can continue your bond with her through the gifts she gave you, like the handmade pillow. Thank you for taking the time to comment and to share this beautiful sentiment.

    • David  October 4, 2020 at 9:30 am Reply

      Hi Hussain, so sorry for your loss, my grandma passed a few days ago due to covid as well…I pray that our loved ones are in a better place. Sending hugs your way

  63. Kris  September 14, 2020 at 3:10 am Reply

    I lost both of my grandparents within two days of each other due to covid. My grandfather passed first and I felt destroyed, when my grandmother passed two days later I thought I was in a dream. It couldn’t have been real, I felt empty on the inside as if I had no more emotions to grieve. I never got to see them in the past 8 years with them being in a foreign country. Excuses always managed to pop up, and now I’m left with nothing to go back to, and my father is left with no parents at all. It just feels so unreal, so impossible that it has to be a bad joke, but its not. I came to realise that its the harsh reality of this shitty pandemic. If you have grandparents that are alive please enjoy the time they have to give, because their time is precious and they would love to spend it with you.

    I never got to say goodbye, so here it is. I love you both, and I’ll miss you for the rest of my life. You guys helped raise me and I love you even more for that. I’m sorry you never got to see me grown up, but I hope that I’ve become a man that you’re proud to call your grandson. I will never stop loving you both, bye ❤

    • Sydney  September 19, 2020 at 4:22 pm Reply

      Hi Kris,

      I also lost my grandfather to COVID-19. He and my grandmother caught the virus from church in March before we had any stay at home guidelines or quarantine. My grandma recovered, but my grandpa stayed in the hospital and his health began to decline. First his oxygen saturation dropped, then he was placed on a ventilator, then kidney failure. The doctors told us they would try giving him dialysis but that most likely he would not recover. He passed two days later on April 7. My heart shattered, and I still cry almost every day. This is such a bizarre and painful way to lose and grandparent, and I feel like I couldn’t get proper closure since he had to have a small funeral with a closed casket. I guess the positive of that is I’ve never seen him in death, only while he was alive. I miss him so much and we had plans to go fishing this summer. Those plans didn’t get to happen and I feel anger guilt and sadness. I wish I could tell him I loved him one last time. I try not to, but I cry almost every day still. He was the one that cooked holiday dinners, he loved sports and cowboy movies. Most importantly he loved his family and he would be so happy when all of us would come around for the holidays. I saw him last in March, he bought be some clothes shortly before he and my grandma got sick and I was trying them on for him. He told me I looked beautiful and normally I don’t take those comments to heart, but when he said it I know he meant it. I don’t mean to ramble, but I know it’s hard for you and so many others to lose someone during this time.

      I love you forever and always, Dada ?

  64. talley mitchell  September 11, 2020 at 9:53 am Reply

    My Grandma died in 9/11 and it was a really hard time for all of us.

  65. skylar  September 3, 2020 at 6:18 pm Reply

    Today i lost my grandfather at 1:30 pm this was my first family death and I am not sure how to act my heart is sore and a hole was burned into me yet no tears can come out. Heaven gained an angel today and I will love you forever gramps!

  66. Miranda  August 19, 2020 at 12:35 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandpa yesterday at around 5pm… The past week he has been in the hospital after undergoing dialysis. After the treatment, his health significantly spiraled and plummeted. He ended up having a seizure and a stroke and became unresponsive in the days leading up to his death. For the past couple of years he was battling tons of health issues and he had lost a significant amount of weight because of it. I knew my grandpa was getting old and he was suffering. My dad told us that because there were no more treatments left for the doctors to do, they were going to transfer him to hospice where he would be on a morphine drip. We knew at that point that he wouldn’t have much longer to live. My whole family made the drive to LA (some of them even came from Nevada) to say our goodbyes. The entire drive up there, I had the mindset that he was going to pull through. When we were about 15 minutes away from the hospital he was staying at, we got a phone call from my dad saying, “He stopped.” We didn’t know what that meant but we assumed that it meant he passed or was in the process of passing. We drove a little faster to get to the hospital but by the time we got there, my aunt had told us that he was already gone. One of my aunts was there with him and my grandma in his final moments. They were playing his favorite songs and when his all-time favorite song, ‘Unchained Melody’ by Elvis came on, my aunt said there were tears streaming down his face. She also said that his breathing started to become more at ease. During the song is when he had passed. I’m glad he got to pass as he was listening to a song he enjoyed a lot. When I heard about this, I instantly started crying. I love my grandpa. And while I was never super close to him, I have lots of memories being at my grandparents’ home and being with my whole family there, including my aunts, uncle, and cousins. We have so many memories together. My grandpa was a fighter and he was so strong-willed. He was so determined in everything he did, which is what I admired about him. What also brings me to tears is the fact that my grandma tried to wake him up in the moments after he died. She kept trying to “snap him out of it” and was in denial that he was gone. When we went to go visit him in his room after he passed, my grandma was just hovered over him bawling her eyes out. She kept telling me that she was going to be alone forever, but I reassured her that she has her whole family looking after her. I know my grandpa would want her to stop crying and to stop being so upset. They were together for 52 years and they had 4 beautiful children together. Even though I wasn’t extremely close to him, his death brought me great grief. I know that he was in pain for years and especially this last week that he was alive, his pain skyrocketed. I know he’s no longer in pain now and he’s not suffering anymore. I guess part of me is just selfish and wishes that he didn’t die. He was already very old too, so I know it would have happened eventually. It was like a ticking time bomb. Also seeing the way he looked when he passed just made me cry even more, I can’t get the picture out of my head. Years before he started having health issues, he was very healthy for his age. Then shortly after, due to his health issues, he began losing a lot of weight. He was around 90 lbs. when he died. I felt so bad knowing that he was in that much pain but it makes me happy to know that he’s probably living it up in heaven right now. I know he’s watching over me and my family, especially my grandma. I love him so much and I miss him. I’ve accepted that it’s gonna be a long journey of grieving, I guess I’m just hear to vent. I’m trying to distract myself with work and school at the moment but I’m afraid his death will prevent me from focusing. I don’t know… I hope I get better and that I will come to terms with his death very soon.

  67. Samantha Stone  August 7, 2020 at 6:42 pm Reply

    My grandfather died almost 2 years ago. My grandmother the year before. I was very close to my grandfather, I even share his name. Well, his nickname. Everyone called him Sam and as a Samantha, I’ve always been Sam as well. I didn’t cry when he died. I’m not sure I’ve really cried about it yet. All I did was eat and sleep and feel like a part of me had gone missing. Even now, I have to remind myself that that I can’t just go visit him. I’m 30, I’ve had other relatives die. I cried when it happened. But with grandpa, I’m hollow. It feels like if I grieve, then he’s truly gone.

  68. Yamabugchi  July 30, 2020 at 11:23 am Reply

    My grandad died May 24th 2015. It was when I was in year 2 and we was going to have a cake sell in the afternoon. In the morning i was playing with bubbles from the sink until my mum called me and my other 2 sisters over. she told us about my grandads death and how he died while sleeping and i had a handful of bubbles and i threw them on the ground, jumped on them to get rid of them then ran upstairs into my room and started crying while saying stuff like “I wanted to spend the afternoon with him” “i wanted to invite him round on my birthday” “I’m so young why me?” its heartbreaking to remember everything that happened and my mum and step dad came upstairs to comfort me as my dad was working and i was allowed to skip that day of school but i still went to the cake sell to tell my friends why i wasn’t there. My mum told me i was the only one who cried so much probably because i’m the youngest but even after 5 years, i still have my grandads ashes and i’m going onto year 8. I’ve been trying my hardest to make grandad proud but i do still cry by his loss.

  69. J. Licata  July 29, 2020 at 9:49 pm Reply

    The bond I had with my grandma was extremely special and close. I remember having sleepovers going to bingo eating dinner out . My grandma hosting Christmas Eve and New Years day . The both of us discussing cops show on the phone. I remember my grandma everyday and I have the pain in me like she passed away yesterday everytime I think the pain is gone it comes back strong. I have some things to remember my grandma by but the pain is still there. I try hard to think of all the happy times just wish the pain would get better.

  70. Jasmine  July 24, 2020 at 12:05 pm Reply

    My grandpa passed away on July 18th.

    I finally had a moment to sit alone and try to process this.
    I was there with him in his final moments. He was in the hospital for a few weeks prior and we received no answers as to what was wrong with him. They knew his lungs were filling with fluid but they couldn’t tell us why.
    On the 16th we put in a request for a Hospice nurse with his doctor to be at his home so he can pass at home. He did not want to die in a hospital… and watching him try to move his fragile body out of hospital bed to fight to get home it was hurting me. We also needed an oxygen tank to help him breathe. On the morning of the 17th my mother calls Hospice and they tell her that they never received a request for a nurse. So they won’t be able to get a nurse until 6-7pm that night. And transport for him was supposed to be there at the same time. Transportation kept getting pushed back. The oxygen delivery delivered it to the wrong address and did not call anyone when nobody answered the door. So that got pushed back two hours. The doctors said it was okay to send him home without the oxygen as long as my mother was okay with it, she was. The oxygen in the hospital was to help him fight for his life until he could die at home like he wanted.
    By the time transportation arrives (11pm) the oxygen still isn’t delivered to the correct address and suddenly the doctors are saying he cannot leave without the oxygen. So transportation leaves and we’re still trying to get him home. The hospital didn’t want to give us any oxygen for him. Eventually the oxygen gets to the address and we can get him home, but transportation left so we had to wait. Transportation arrives at about 12AM on the 18th so we can get him home.
    As they were taking him off the van they said he was in the middle of passing…. and once he was placed in his bed he died… at 12:55AM.

    He died the same day my grandma, his wife, 43 years ago. And apart of me thinks he was waiting for that day to pass on.
    On the 15th i went to go visit her grave and i asked her to take care of him, he was tired and i think he was ready to go. So the fact that he passed on the 18th just makes me believe she was there listening to me.

    I still hear him saying my name in my head and i break down every time i hear it, i don’t ever want to forget it. He loved me so much. He did so much for my mom and our family. He was such a great man and I’m so angry that he’s gone.

    I love you Pepaw ❤️

  71. Mangesh  July 15, 2020 at 2:53 pm Reply

    I regularly call at my home because I am studying out of country. When today I made a call at home, no one answered and then after 2 minutes I again tried and my mother picked up the call and she sounded like she is crying… When I asked then she said that my grandmother is no more. At that time I started to tell my mom that it’s ok because she was sick and instead of living in pain, it is better to be off. But after these words I started feeling so heavy in my chest… Like there’s a big stone on my chest and I can’t breathe because of it.
    That feeling was because of my absence. I knew that it is nearly impossible to go there and see my grandmother for final last time because I am outside India and current pandemic has kept so many restrictions.
    My grandmother was suffering from the infection named gangrene in which the parts of body starts to become black because of lack of blood supply and tissue starts to die.
    I still remember that day when I was about to come to my university for my doctorate study, my grandmother asked me so cutely,
    ” you will treat me after becoming a doctor ”
    and I still remember her voice in my ears…
    In her sickness period she repeatedly asked to cut off the dead tissue from her body by taking her to the hospital but current situation in India was very bad that it was too much risky for her as her immune system was weak and coronavirus will be deadly for her. Also doctor said that removing the fingers and some foot region will be very painful for her as we can’t use proper anesthesia amount for her because of her age.
    I think that now she will be in a far better peace than she was because now there will be no more suffering in pain, no more suffocation in the small room, no more pain, no more foul odour of her own dead tissue.
    She was a great women, great mother, great wife who faced her husband’s death and stayed strong all the lifetime.
    I am gonna miss her so badly because now I will never be able to hear her voice again, never be able to fee her warm hands on my head….

  72. Jennifer  June 24, 2020 at 3:19 am Reply

    I lost my grandma on 6.22.20 and she was truly my best friend. I talked to her everyday sometimes multiple times a day for the last 30 years and I am feeling so lost without her. My grandfather has been in hospice care at home since May and I don’t think he will be with us much longer either. They were married 58 years and I know they are both missing each other. I lost my dad on Fathers Day 2017 and thought that was tough but this is by far the worst I have even felt emotionally and I feel like i am never going to feel better

    • Alex  August 8, 2020 at 1:51 am Reply

      My Grandma died on 27.06.20 and I feel your pain, we had the same sort of close relationship. I lived down the road from her and saw her everyday, I have always visited her. I don’t know how to move on everything reminds me of her. She got to meet my son (he is 4 months old now) and I am thankful for that. She was 81 but she was seemingly healthy and the death was sudden. I thought her and my son would have so much more time together!

      I hope you got to say goodbye to your Grandma❤️

      Moving on is so hard 🙁

  73. Nancy  June 21, 2020 at 8:40 am Reply

    I lost my nonna (grandmother) 3 years ago now and it still ests at me everytime I think of her or dream of her there’s days where I just can’t stop crying because of a dream I had of her the night before or just a memory that pops in my head. She was a mother to me I lived with her for 20 years and the way she took care of me by doing my hair to polishing my nails to showing me how to cook to me caring for her in her last years of her life, I still can’t believe she’s gone and even though she was 89 and lived a longer life then other people I still wish she was here and wish I had more time with her or to tell her how much I love her or to even just hear her voice. Grieving is difficult sometimes I feel like I will never overcome the grief of her death it just hurt me too much of the thought of me knowing I’ll never see her face or be able to hug or to tell her about my day. If your grandmother is still live please make that effort to visit her and remind her how much you love her because I always reminded her how much I love her and it still feels like it was never enough. I love nonna I hope I’ll be with you again one day ❤️

  74. C  June 19, 2020 at 7:23 am Reply

    I lost my grandad back in January this year, it hurts. I get days where I’ll think of him and just burst out crying. He wasn’t meant to go how or when he did and it still haunts me. Please always spend time with and appreciate your loved ones, you never think it will happen to you. I always intended on spending more time with him but unfortunately that was pulled away from us so do it, not tomorrow, not in a few weeks. Now. Because you never know, and I regret it so much. RIP the kindest, gentlest man that ever lived. I love you so much and we’ll meet again some day

  75. Victoria  June 12, 2020 at 3:43 pm Reply

    I lost my grandpa 3 days ago due to covid… and i couldn’t even say goodbye, i didn’t even know he was sick, i’m so mad i feel so guilty for not keeping enough contact with him as i would have liked, i didn’t even got to tell him that i want to be a doctor like him, this doesn’t even feel real and i don’t know how to deal with this. he loved me so much, he was always very special to me and he cared a lot about me.. i feel that i took him for granted and this is eating me alive.. i’m 17 and never thought this was going to happen to me, like i knew death and loss happens but i never processed that i actually had to go through it at some point. i can’t even explain how much this hurts, i keep texting him and telling him how much i love and miss him. i really hope he died knowing that i love him so much. this taught me to appreciate the time and the people we have.

  76. Talia  June 11, 2020 at 6:49 am Reply

    I hadn’t seen my father for years so I decided to do a Facebook search. When I did this I found out my grandpa who I had missed so much has been dead for four years now and no one even told me. I always held onto the hope of seeing him again and now every time I think about all the times I was hoping to see him I feel like crying forever. Please help me.

  77. Kaden  June 8, 2020 at 9:09 am Reply

    My grandpa died yesterday morning at 7:00 am and he dies june 7, 2020 I am 16 and nobody this close to me has died and I dont know how I am supposed to feel about it all I know is that my grandpa was the best grandpa anybody could ever ask for and he was always the light at the end of the tunnel and I hope he is in heaven looking down on me.

  78. Jackie Aiden  June 5, 2020 at 8:38 pm Reply

    Lost my grandfather today due to covid, he was a close person to me, I’ve never been sad the way I am rn and it’s my first experience of a near ones death and I hope it’s the last one for our family too

  79. Lenka  June 4, 2020 at 4:20 am Reply

    My grandmother passed away on the 1st of June. Exactly the date she gave birth to my mom and her twin 46 years ago. I miss her so much and It feels like I don’t know what to do with my life.

  80. Jamie  May 28, 2020 at 1:04 am Reply

    I lost my grandmother today and grandfather 15 years ago. They were my everything. She was 90 and fought dementia for 3 years before it took her life.

  81. Brat  May 26, 2020 at 5:21 am Reply

    My grandparents and my Unlce passed away a few weeks apart
    It’s hard but Jesus will make a way
    I love y’all

  82. Lolah  May 23, 2020 at 3:41 am Reply

    I lost my grandfather when I was 10 years old. He was 86 and gardening… he just never came back for supper. I cried a lot the first day, the next I went to school and my teacher told me that now was not the time to cry, so i stopped feeling sad. Now, (05/22/2020) is 13 years later and not one day goes by without me thinking about him. I have not long ago also lost my grandmother… I am now 23 years old and I think my heart is finally grieving. I just can’t stop crying every time I think of him and my grandmother. He was a father to me. I think no one should remove the right to grieve from children. Let them go through the motion, otherwise 20 tears later, it still feel like yesterday.

  83. I miss Grandpa  May 20, 2020 at 6:01 pm Reply

    My grandpa died 3-13-20 and I am still having a very hard time with his sudden passing. I wish I had more time with him and it still is hard to believe. We couldn’t have a funeral because of COVID and I am so sad. He was the best. Like Mr.Rogers. When will I be able to not cry when I think of him. He is not my first loss, but the hardest. I don’t know what to do.

  84. Amanda  May 14, 2020 at 1:19 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandpa yesterday 5 20 am on 5-13-2020.
    I’m having such a hard time thru this.. its unreal to me. After losing his wife in 2010.. he lasted 10 long years.. he loved his family very much
    Was a kind man.. my only regret was to call him more.. last time I physically saw him was this passed January.. then covid hit… the last actually chatting with him was just 2 weeks ago.. he told me he loved me and loves my daughter joy his 16th great grandchild…
    On before the day he died… I swear he was here saying good bye.. here I thought it was negativity spirit but it was my grandpa.. my daughter sound spa went off and the tv went on by its self… then I had a dream of over whelming sadness and was reaching out for him like I was giving him a hug.. then I just felt sick… so did my siblings.. anyway I woke up at 5am yesterday to find my phone and went back to sleep.. papa was just 0n my mind dearly.. I hated this coivd crap I couldnt be with him or see him…he was in hospice until he passed..
    I know he is reunite with his wife again…
    Just all things I wish I could have done..but I have alots of memories .. lots of fun times .. he was there during tuff times.. and much more
    . I’m just happy he was able to meet and see my daughter… thru her first year last year..
    I’m going to miss him so much.. he was 84 when he passed just weeks away from his 85 bday would have been on June 3 2020..

  85. Sarah  May 11, 2020 at 12:36 am Reply

    My Grandma passed away earlier today. Let me tell you that today was mother’s day. I am in my teens, and I am heartbroken. She was a second mother. When I was little, she would always watch me. I have so many memories in her house. It just tears me up to know some day, somebody will be living in her house. Olny two people were there to say goodbye due to Covid 19. My family was talking about what we would have to wear to her funeral. The olny nice shows I have is black heels that she helped me pick out. I never thought I would have to wear them to her funeral. Nobody was there to say goodbye. The last thing that she responded to was a video that me and my sister put together for her. That was the last time she opened her eyes. I am going to miss her so much.

    • Darcy  May 11, 2020 at 5:01 am Reply

      I lost my pop today, I feel like he was a second parent , I feel like he had more of a input into my life then the rest of my extended family, I still can’t accept the fact that he is gone 🙁
      Hope it gets easier for you

  86. Alvin  May 3, 2020 at 10:29 pm Reply

    My grandma died 2 weeks ago and it still feels like it was just yesterday when I held her hands at the hospital. I am feeling very upset with myself and really beating myself up with regrets because I never cherished her enough or spent enough time with her even though we live just an hour away. I miss her a lot any my heart wouldn’t stop breaking. I hope I will feel better soon and I have promised myself to keep my grandma in my memories forever.

  87. Karlee  May 1, 2020 at 12:44 am Reply

    I just woke up today to the news that my grandma had passed. I was so shocked I had no idea how to react and It hasn’t really sunk in yet.( Edit: sorry I just wrote a literal novel but I needed to say a lot, she is a special person.)I definitely fall under the category of I wish I could have gotten to know my grandparent better. Even though I wasn’t close to her and didn’t see her as often as I would have liked, I was still so happy when I went to my grandparents and she had this warm, calm and comforting presence. It just wont be the same without her. Between her and my grandpa she was the one that made things the most special. Their whole house has her written all over it. She made childhood so magical in that house. My grandpa has always been very hard and rigid so its just going to be hard without her and I’m sure he is heartbroken too. She loved nature and thats something we could share to some degree. Just talking with her about the songbirds at her bird feeder and such was special. She seemingly had this unending knowledge about all little creatures and I swear she could name and tell you about every plant. Oh man, I just realized how her garden is not going to be the same. It was the greatest garden and she did this thing where she had different themes like a desert section and the froggy section and such. And she had a koi pond that was lit. She gave the whole place life like that was all her my grandpa wasn’t as artsy as she was. He was the handy man though. They used to be bee keepers and she just loved the bees man. Today, the day that she passed, it was the most absolutely gorgeous day I ever have seen. I looked outside and the sun was shining, the buds were forming and the birds were singing. It was also the first time of the year I saw the honeybees come out and they kept coming right up to the porch. Its like they knew. Oh man I just thought about how no one will be there to decorate the house for the holidays. She had a unique style and all her decorations were vintage. Every christmas she would make a different ornament and send them to each grandkid. Like we do not deserve this woman. She is too precious. Ughhh. She also had the most healthy productive lifestyle too and it was all the prescription meds that messed her health up. She literally woke up everyday at 4:00 am and went to swim at the ymca. She lived to be 80 and I believe she went peacefully. My grandpa found her sitting down on the table and she almost looked to be praying, with her head on a pillow. Still cant believe it wow sorry I wrote an actual novel and I don’t expect people to make it this far but she was one of a kind. Truly special and even a bit mysterious. She is at peace and Im not very religious but my parents are and I am going to say that she , who was also a christian believer, I think that she is with god. All her pain is gone and I will honor my grandma by trying to live out life as gracefully and happily as she did.

  88. Erick Alisangco  April 13, 2020 at 11:19 am Reply

    My Grandpa passed away on July 2012 while my Grandma passed away on October 2018. I was really close to them cause I my brother and I grew up with them. My Grandpa is the one picking me up in my school when I was in nursery up until in elementary. My Grandma is the one preparing my food for the school and my lunch when I was already working. They really spoiled me but they taught me that no material things can make you happy in this world. They are my number one silent supporters, my counselors. Til now I always cry especially when remembering my Grandpa. They both passed away in out house and witnessed how they peacefully passed away. I miss my Grandpa and Grandma so much. I wish they are still alive now for them to see how far I’ve become and to hear the words “We are proud of you.”

  89. camilla castaneda  April 12, 2020 at 4:06 am Reply

    yesterday night my grandpa passed away. i am so heartbroken because he was here visiting for a few months now and when he left to go back to mexico due the cornavirus he got really sick. he had trouble breathing and had pneumonia. the hospital wouldn’t help him because they were afraid he had the virus and as he was on his way to another hospital he passed away. i am only 15 but i made so many memories with him he was the best grandpa ever and it hurts me that i won’t be able to see him again ? it feels like a dream and i don’t want to accept the fact that he’s not here anymore. he was just here with me the other day and now he’s gone. i wish i could say i love you to him one more time i feel empty and all i want to do is go to mexico to comfort my grandma because she’s suffering without him they were together for 65 years and i can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose the love of your life that’s been with you your whole life. my whole family here is sad that we can’t travel to see my family in mexico. i know he’s in a better place now looking over me he’s finally with his mom and dad happy in heaven. i love you papa jose and i’m gonna miss you so much ?? i will miss the times you walked me to the bus stop when i was little, i will miss how much you loved coffee, i will miss all those times when you would need my help to help you fix your phone or the tv, i will miss all the advice you gave me and all the stories you told me about your time in the ranch. i just wish you were here with me right now ?

  90. camilla castaneda  April 12, 2020 at 4:02 am Reply

    yesterday night my grandpa passed away. i am so heartbroken because he was here visiting for a few months now and when he left to go back to mexico due the cornavirus he got really sick. he had trouble breathing and had pneumonia. the hospital wouldn’t help him because they were afraid he had the virus and as he was on his way to another hospital he passed away. i am only 15 but i made so many memories with him he was the best grandpa ever and it hurts me that i won’t be able to see him again ? it feels like a dream and i don’t want to accept the fact that he’s not here anymore. he was just here with me the other day and now he’s gone. i wish i could say i love you to him one more time i feel empty and all i want to do is go to mexico to comfort my grandma because she’s suffering without him they were together for 65 years and i can’t imagine what it must feel like to lose the love of your life that’s been with you your whole life. my whole family here is sad that we can’t travel to see my family in mexico. i know he’s in a better place now looking over me he’s finally with his mom and dad happy in heaven. i love you papa jose and i’m gonna miss you so much ??

  91. RK  April 9, 2020 at 1:06 am Reply

    My grandma passed away a couple days ago. She was really close to me, she suffered a lot in the hospital for 3 weeks before this. She was unresponsive, not even sure if she understand what we spoke to her.
    It’s been really difficult for me … especially since I’m half the globe away in another country with no one here to speak to, all alone and unable to travel also due to the Coronavirus.
    I am unable to stop crying every time I think of her. I wanna be strong for my family but I can’t stop pouring away every time they call. I am not able understand how to process this grief and what to do. In a way, everyone is relieved for her suffering to come to an end. They say she is in a better and happier place now, I hope so. I loved her a lot and she was very close to me.

    • Claire  April 10, 2020 at 11:06 am Reply

      My grandma past away, I am too very far away and unable to travel cause corona. My heart feels empty. This is horrible

  92. Yanithza  April 6, 2020 at 12:09 am Reply

    My grandpa passed away a few days ago. I still find it so hard to believe that he’s no longer in this world. I moved to another country at a young age so I never got to see him after that but the connection that I had developed with him my early years of life were lifelong. I loved him like a kid loves his father. When I would talk to him on the phone he would always tell me how he was waiting for the day that we meet again and I always thought that day would come. Guess that’s not how life works. I hold on to the thought that he knew how much we loved him even though we were not with him. His absence in this world lives a hole in my heart that I don’t think will ever be filled again. I never got to say goodbye.

  93. Christie  March 30, 2020 at 5:11 am Reply

    My grandma passed away last year. People kept asking me if we were close before she died, and I’d have to say no, we exchanged messages a few times a year. She’d send me a fbook message or send a card, I never knew what to say when I spoke to her because I was estranged from a lot of my family, but she meant the whole world to me. I loved her sooo muuch. The day after I found out about her death, the whole world seemed like a shittier place. I have no idea how else to describe it. My cousins and Uncles are all fine, they gave some condolences, but they knew it was coming for a long time. I think I’m the only one it hit this hard, and I’m almost ashamed and embarrassed because I’m 28 and didn’t talk to her much. I really really loved my grandma. She sent me cards for my birthday or Christmas sometimes. Once she sent me a $50 check and I couldn’t cash it. It’s still up on my shelf. I knew she didn’t have the money. I guess that was my way of caring about her. When I held my small inheritance check from her in my hand and knew It’d be the first time I’d cash a check from her, because she was gone, my heart broke.

  94. Rosalie  March 27, 2020 at 6:23 pm Reply

    My great grandfather died when I was 4 or 5 in 2014. I never really knew him because he lived such a far distance away. Then tonight, probably about half an hour ago, I had a dream about him. About the past we had together. It was his 90th birthday today. I usually have dreams about the future ( I know that sounds weird but it’s true) but somehow it was about my past. He was so loving and enthusiastic. For the past year I’ve been thinking about him and what he was like before I was born. Which cane to me about 4 months ago when my school year was learning about WW2. I came across about a hundred letters from my great great grandfather who had fought in WW2 and died from a bomb. I found pictures of my Opa. (That is German for grandfather) he looked very smart. And at the time I knew him, he was funny. I thought of him looking down at me to see my school work and my stories. My singing, everything. Once I had thought of that, I calmed down, but it’s never forever. I was quite close to him. I still miss him. But I hope he will be looking down at me more proud than he would’ve ever been in his 90 years, alive and death years. If you have any replies feel free to say something I’m open to anything. If they are personal, I will just say sorry I can’t answer that.

  95. Nicole  March 22, 2020 at 8:25 pm Reply

    My grandma died when I was 14. I’ll be 34 in a few months. I found this site while trying to ask google the right questions about the potential long term effects of holding that grief in for so long, and what the best ways to start piecing myself back together would be. I’ve only just discovered today that her death and my mother not realizing how affected I was by her death likely caused the severe depression that I’ve been suffering to set in—ultimately assisting me in nearly flunking out of high school…and being basically the poster child for failure and self loathing ever since…I had previously been a straight A student…I honestly had no one I could talk to about my grandma’s death because my mom and I weren’t close at the time…anyway, I read some of the more recent posts. I am so sorry for your losses. All of you go right ahead and you cry until every drop is gone. It’s ok, I’m crying with you, you’re not alone. My heart breaks for every single one of you. I wish that you all had more time with your grandparents. You all deserve more time with them. Please take care yourselves. There is no shame in seeing a therapist. Even if you consider yourself to be a really together person, you honestly probably need a hug more than the people that consider themselves to be less together, and that’s ok. Take care of you.

  96. Em  March 18, 2020 at 7:02 pm Reply

    My Grandpa just passed last night and I am feeling so lost and broken. He had a minor complication but made it seem as though he was fine and in recovery when the truth was he was getting worse. He was like a dad to me and helped raise me from my early years. He was there for me when no one else was. I think I haven’t quite fully accepted the fact that he’s gone but it’s hurting so bad. We can’t hold a funeral for him due to the pandemic and I can’t fly home to comfort my mum or my grandma.

    • Warren Keith  March 19, 2020 at 2:48 am Reply

      Hi Em, I can fully relate to the loss of your grandpa. My grandmother passed away last Tuesday and I’m completely devastated. She played a huge role in raising me and she adored my son as did he share the same adoration for her. I have days where I feel that I’m ok, but nights are the worst. We had to reschedule her funeral due to the pandemic as well 🙁

    • Lau Mac  March 22, 2020 at 4:29 am Reply

      Hey em, I’m in the exact same position as you. My great grandparents were my parents in my eyes and raised me from 4 – I am 22 now. I lost my nan 3 years ago this year, my gramp was all I had left and he was in a care home after falling a few times. I passed away 8.40pm on Friday, it was unexpected, my heart is broken, it hasn’t hit me and I’ve now got to accept that I might not even be able to attend his funeral with this pandemic. He was my life and I’m sure yours was too, they’ll be missed so dearly. Take care x

    • Alex  March 23, 2020 at 8:25 am Reply

      My grandma, who raised me from when i was a baby to when i was 11, passed away on Thursday, 19th of March. I’m almost 20 now, and it’s been 9 years since we moved to another country after my parents’ divorce. I was young when we left, I didn’t really understand that much. My grandmother was my rock, while my parents were abroad working she looked after me and my sister. I would call her every week, and i kept doing that for 9 years. We also visited home a few times, and each time i could see her growing older and older. We last visited her 10 months ago, and we were supposed to go back to Romania for Easter, but because of the pandemic we had to cancel everything. I called her on Sunday and told her to pay attention, she told me she would. She said “Grandmother loves you so much. My last wish is to see you before I die.” I told her not to say such things, we would definitely see each other once the pandemic will be over. She said she couldn’t wait for spring to come, for the flowers to bloom, so the pandemic will go away. We were supposed to call her the next Sunday, but now I won’t ever be able to call her again. We cannot fly over to Romania for her funeral, because we live in another country and all flights are banned. She won’t even have a proper funeral, because of this damned virus.
      What strikes me the most is that she seemed fine, I was never expecting her to die. She was 81, she suffered from asthma and cardiac disease, but for some reason, I thought she was immortal. I miss my grandma so much, I wish we could’ve seen each other one last time.

    • Jaz  April 9, 2020 at 8:56 pm Reply

      We’re in the same situation. My Granny passed about 24 hours ago (my 3rd and last grandparent to pass in 19 months) and because of the pandemic there is a limit of 10 people for funerals. What we plan to do is have a very minimal cremation with close family and then have a proper service, gathering, wake and internment when this pandemic is all over. All my love to you all at this difficult time

  97. Rose  March 15, 2020 at 10:35 am Reply

    I recently found out yesterday around late afternoon QLD time that my pop passed away that morning
    I was going through feel board now
    Its much worse I feel sad guilt for not calling him and it’s been eating away at me I feel like a horrible selfish person he was my last living grandparent and it just hurts the loss but I feel so stupid the way I’m feeling he wa old and feel what I’m feeling wrong and stupid

  98. Jayla  March 6, 2020 at 10:02 am Reply

    My papa passed away on March 5, what we think in his sleep as he was found in his recliner in his robe and hat in his living room. The heater was still on in his bedroom so I think he got up from his bed and went in there. I don’t know if he knew or not but he has been anxious about his declining health and heart troubles and was recently started on dialysis. Only on dialysis for 3 weeks and died the night of his final treatment. Every time he would go in the hospital or the ER he always made it out and ended up recovering but I knew this time was different he just seemed down. I think he was ready, he was tired. I am beating myself up because I hadn’t seen him since January as I live 3 hours from my hometown but I did call and FaceTime him often! The day before he died we talked twice. He told me he was feeling better and waiting on his ride to dialysis. I prayed every night for his healing and he got it. He got the ultimate healing. He was only 76 so it pains me to think he was young and I could’ve gotten just 5 more years or something but that’s just me being selfish because why would I want him here in the condition he was in. I play his voicemails over and over and I hope to have them placed in something so I can have for my 2 year old and future kids so that he will never be forgotten! I don’t ever want to forget his voice!! I know he knows how much I miss him but he is excited because he will be the first one at the Pearly gates Saying “hey hun” when I make my entrance! I love you papa!

  99. Hannah  March 5, 2020 at 6:45 pm Reply

    my nana passed away this morning while on a camping trip with my grandad and her closest friends, I got pulled out of school to be told the news and my world was crushed, it was so unexpected and she has recently on feb 12th just turned 65.

  100. Jason  March 5, 2020 at 8:57 am Reply

    My grandfather died this morning. He and my grandmother were always there. I know I’m very lucky in that I had both parents and two grandparents who were there for me growing up. I’m a male in my mid 30s, so in many ways I dont feel like I should be this sad. I’m a lawyer who always keeps my feelings in control. But I can’t today. I want to tell a little of his story.

    He was born in Oklahoma. He was taken to Colorado to escape the dust bowl by his parents. The house was too small for him and his brother so they spent two winters sleeping in an old trailer with only a bunch of bedding to keep him warm. He met my grandmother when he was 17 and she was 16. They were married within a year. And then completed high school. They were catholic and had five children. My mother was the youngest. In his life he Worked as a mechanic. Started his own business. Built 3 houses with his own hands. Was shot by my aunts High school boyfriend. Built an ultralight helicopter and flew it (poorly, without training and at high risk!). Tought this 36 year old (who feels like a helpless kid today) how to fish, travel and take care of family. … And many other things that I’m scared will be forgotten.

    • Brook  March 6, 2020 at 1:10 am Reply

      Thank you all for sharing your stories. My grandma passed away today and she was my best friend! She taught me how to drive, cook (when I paid attention), and just loved me with out any stipulations! I’ve never lost anyone close to me and all theses new feelings of grief comes in waves! I keep saying that because she was 82 I should be ok with it but it’s hard! This article and everyone’s comments have helped me to feel a little less alone!

  101. KB  March 5, 2020 at 5:51 am Reply

    The pain of losing a Grandparent is terrible. I miss my Grandmother so much. When my mother got married she took me in and raised me as her own. We shared a lot together and she is the one person who knew me and never misunderstood me. I still have my Mom but the connection is not the same, I guess because Granny raised me so I am more like her and most of my habits. The sad part is that they never got along so I was always caught between them and naturally take my Granny’s side.

    Now that She is gone (16 January 2020) I feel so heart broken and lost without her. Some days I am okay others I am crying like a baby. She was my cheerleader, believed in me and loved me. 2019 She spoke a lot about her living me and prepared me for her death. I made the effort to go look after her during her last days and it does not make it easier.

  102. Sarah O Brien  February 17, 2020 at 6:25 pm Reply

    My grandad past away suddenly on January 17th this year.
    I am completely out of sorts because it was so sudden, he had his breakfast an hour before and went out to feed his chickens and all.
    My dad (his son) was taking him to town to get his pension and a newpaper when he just collapsed and died a few minutes later peacefully in his sons arms. He was 85 years old.
    I cried a few different times during the few days of the funeral but I also forced myself to keep it together as I read a poem at the end of his mass and knew if I started crying I wouldn’t get through it. Now I’m wishing I just cried because the grief is ripping me apart ever since.
    I had visited him a few days previous and brought him his dinner as he only lived 30 minutes away.
    We are a small immediate family and have always been very close .
    My dad is an only child and has lived with or next door to my grandad all his life.
    It’s so hard, people will try to be as supportive as possible and I appreciate it so much but his passing has left a huge hole, I never got to say goodbye and every time I think of him I’m back to that day he died and the heartbreak associated with those memories.
    I want to deal with it better and remember the positive, fun times we as a family enjoyed with him.
    For now I need to remind myself to breathe and keep moving. ?

    My deepest condolences to anyone in a similar situation. ♥️

    • Grace  February 29, 2020 at 6:52 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in a similar situation. My grandmother who was 90, passed away in December. She was in good health and her death was unexpected. She was taken to the hospital because she had an mild infection and a few days later she passed away. I was studying in the UK and I didn’t have a chance to visit her before she passed away. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to her but I know that she is watching over us.

  103. M  February 3, 2020 at 12:26 am Reply

    24-year-old here. My grandmother passed away recently. My family lives in Lebanon and I live in Canada for studies. I’ve lived here for 4 years and only visited them two years ago, and was planning a trip 4 months from now, and yet she left.

    Over the years she become progressively more and more sick. During her last years she’d need visits to the hospital days at a time for blood cleansing, and I can only imagine the boredom she must have felt sitting in those rooms without TV or family around most of the time. She passed away in the late hours of night on her hospital bed, and I woke up that morning to her death certificate in my family’s group chat.

    I felt like she truly was the glue holding one side of my family together growing up back home. The family would usually only meet up at her house for cooking or dinner, and now visits will truly never be the same. She had her kids visit her every day or two, so I get comfort knowing she had company at home.

    My only regret is not calling her enough and telling her I loved her, since I’d call her on average a month or so at a time (I’m not the most talkative to my family and am hoping to change that). I just know she loved me unconditionally, and would always remind me of that every time she sent voice messages to me or talked to me. She was a school/religious teacher to both young and old. She was a great cook. She was a woman with nothing but love to give for her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

    I’ve had a brief cry, but my feelings are currently somber. I take solace in believing she’s in a better place where she can’t hurt anymore. She’s the last grandparent I had that I’ve shared countless memories with, and I’ll never forget them. This experience makes me contemplate just how much time I have left with my parents and other relatives, and the amount of time I should dedicate to seeing them.

    Thank you grandma, for everything.

  104. Chris  January 28, 2020 at 2:10 am Reply

    I found this page in hopes it could give me some type of relief in dealing with my Grandpa’s recent death. I think the comments help more than anything, reading about people with similar stories. I was blessed to spend 29 years with my Grandpa. Not many people have that and I am grateful. However, something about cancer creates a somber, horrible feeling knowing someone you love is dying slowly. After my Grandpa’s cancer was missed and he completed a month of rehab. While there, he was having pain which we thought was a muscle spasm or arthritis. When released, he came back to our house because his wife (Grandma) was in the hospital with sepsis. It was a really rough time for my family. At our home, Grandpa began to decline within a day. My mom and I were changing, lifting, washing, etc. His weakness and pain were becoming worse. I sat with my Grandpa and told him of my plan to bring him back to a different hospital. I was scared he wouldn’t want to but to my surprise, he agreed and said he saw how much we were doing for him and knew something was not right. Long story short, he was admitted and diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. They gave him a few months. I was devastated knowing he only had so little time left with us. The hardest part of this all is that he wasn’t ready. Seeing your Grandpa cry and not want this is heart wrenching. My Grandpa was in hospice for two months. I visited him as much as I could, trying to maintain grad school, clinical, and work. I felt guilty I could not be with him every day. However, my mom was with him everyday and I truly admire her for taking care of him and making sure he was not alone. Every time I’d see Grandpa, he was a little thinner, weaker, and more soft spoken. The process of cancer is something I had not experienced first-hand. Watching your loved one starve and transform into someone you do not recognize is a form of torture. Even through the suffering, my Grandpa managed to hold a meaningful conversation with me, tell me he loved me, and always said goodbye with “I’ll be with you”. Then he and I would start crying. A few days before his death, I had planned on visiting but was swamped with homework. I told myself I would visit 2 days later on my day off from school and work. The next day, while at work, my mom called me and the whole family to rush to his side. We all sat with Grandpa, who was now mostly unresponsive from 2-10 pm. He was on a medication regimen for discomfort and breathing. Before leaving, my Grandpa said my name out loud. I ran to his ear and said “I’ll be with you, I love you Grandpa”. He died the next morning, a day before his 89th birthday. What I’m struggling with most is that I did not see him in the days before his death. I keep wishing I could go back in time, drop my life, and talk to him one last time. I feel angry in myself even though there were many times I visited. I hope I can move past this. I find some peace in knowing he is no longer suffering and got to celebrate his birthday in Heaven. My family and I have already received signs from him, one being on his birthday. The outside stereo turned on by itself blasting music a few hours after I posted a picture of him on our deck. I’d like the believe the dead send us signs and messages. I know this story is long, but I’m hoping it can help someone relate while helping me heal.

    • Casey  February 9, 2020 at 1:10 pm Reply

      Your story is so similar to mine. Thank you for sharing. It’s so tough, and cancer is so cruel. I wish I could spend every second with my dying grandmother (my grandfather just passed a little over a week ago). They both have (had) cancer.

      I pray you are also able to look past the guilt. It seems to be very normal part of grieving.

      May peace be with you and your family.

      • Chris  February 19, 2020 at 1:33 am

        Thank you so much for your reply Casey. It helps to hear I am not alone. The days are getting a little bit easier but reality does hit knowing he is not here or just sitting in his house watching his favorite shows. My grandma still lives in the house and will now come stay with us for days at a time to not be lonely. After I wrote my post, I attended my Grandpa’s funeral mass and burial with a Veteran’s ceremony. They played taps and presented my Grandma with the flag which was over his casket. I will never forget this and it did provide a level of closure for me seeing he is at peace. Grandparents are so special. Thank you again for your kind words.

  105. Emilee win  January 19, 2020 at 11:45 pm Reply

    first off I want to say you are all NOT ALONE !
    It’s been almost 4 years of my grandmas passing and it’s the hardest thing for me . I have never been one to write or express my feeling for what I’m about uh t to do . My grandma was the glue to hold the family together , all 50 ish of us in one house . For about 5 months my grandma was in and out of the hospital, but she typically would go to hospital once or twice a year so it did not seem like something to worry about . Until it was about march and she was in the hospital for a month and then sent her to a nursery home for a week and then back home. A few weeks later she was back in the hospital this time in ICU area. My grandpa was someone I looked up to so much , total Christian but once my grandma got sick he abandoned her I felt like . He would visit her maybe an hour out of the whole day and she would be stuck there all alone . I would work 9 hours at work go straight to hospital stay there till midnight drive home an hour away go to bed get up bt 5 am and do it all over again. The last few weeks my cousin and I would go before and after work to see my grandma , we thought she was getting better she was cracking jokes and smiling and eating on her own . We would watch dancing with the stars with her at night staying up till about midnight with grandma. Then one day they said I’m sorry she needs to go to a different area. Her kidney and liver are failing , she doesn’t have long to live and she signed a dnr . The last week, I was visiting her even more , and she grabbed my hand looked at me and said , i am ready to leave . That broke my heart . The doctors said we are taking her off all medicines to keep her alive , but she will not feel the pain still . We had about 30 family members in one room , my grandma asked us to play a song , Christian song , and she sang and dance in her bed , told her she loved us as i stood next to her bed . She grabbed my hand then let go. Started coughing and grasping for air and then died right there. It’s been almost 4 years and I’m still not okay . I imagine it in my head all the time . I miss her so much. And on top of it my grandpa decided to start dating many woman after. Then married one and divorced her and married a lady my grandma never liked because she was a gold digger . And my grandpa threw everything of my grandmas away . Only letting us have certain items of hers but threw everything else away .

  106. nina saric  December 24, 2019 at 6:21 pm Reply

    I just found out that my paternal grandfather had just passed away. My dad got a call from his sister, who lives in Switzerland but was visiting my grandparents and cousins who live in Croatia, and it was very unusual because it was late at night on xmas eve there and we typically wouldn’t talk to them until it was Christmas. News broke and it turns out my grandfather, our Dida (grandfather in Croatian), had passed away in the afternoon from heart problems. He’s always had heart problems/ some sort of disease, but he had nothing bothering him very significantly until the day of his death. He felt something hurting him, went to the hospital and had to have am emergency surgery, in which he had died. My dad and the rest of the family are devastated. We live in the US and only get to see them once a year, very rarely twice and it breaks my heart knowing that we never got to see him enough. I can only imagine what my dad is going though. His dad was one of the best people in his life. He raised him with so much love, care, and thought and was his biggest supporter. Their lives weren’t easy, and yet my dida still did everything he could to provide them with everything and anything he could. What makes the whole situation worse is how my dad and my brother were actually supposed to have been there, in Croatia with my grandpa and grandma for my brothers tryouts for the Croatia u14 boys national basketball team, but it turns out they didn’t need to because my brother only needed to attend the tryouts in April around easter. It kills me thinking if my dad and brother were there, something maybe could have played out differently in some way. I used to spend my whole summers with my dads side in Croatia, for months at a time. I even had my 1st birthday there. As I got older, my parents had 2 more kids, my sisters, after my brother and I and it became very hard to spend majority of the summer there and our time seeing them became limited. I really don’t know how I am going to get through this, my grandpa was always so good to me. He was only 69, and his birthday is in February. We are currently trying to get my grandma to stay with us for a few months, then she would live with my aunt (my dads sister) in Switzerland and rotate somehow. I feel so shocked, I’m only 15, my brother’s 12, my sisters are 8 and 4, and my youngest sister barely knew him. Ive always dreaded this. Many intrusive thoughts from the past would cross my mind if any of my relatives died, but I knew that wasn’t plausible since everyone seemed too young to pass, until now. My dads leaving after Christmas for the funereal, and we are currently searching for flights for him. My grandma didn’t want us (me and my siblings) nor any other children to come to the funereal because she doesn’t want to bother us and everyone believes that children are too young to be witnessing the death of a loved one. My mom insisted that at least one of us to go, but my dad isn’t allowing it. I’m in so much denial right now that I keep wishing this was some sick dream and none of this is real. But it is real. I don’t know how I can get passed this. Every time the thought of knowing my grandpa is now dead makes tears emerge for hours at a time. I already miss him so much. I hope that he is in heaven, at peace, looking down at us and knows that we love him and will always love him forever and are thankful for his presence in all of ours lives and the time we have spent with him. I love you, Dida, and miss you endlessly.

  107. ram srini  December 20, 2019 at 11:20 am Reply

    my grandma (maternal) passed away. she was 85 and lived in a little town in India. She had 5 kids ( my mom was second) And lost my grandpa about 10yrs ago. I am here in US now and can’t go to her funeral since it will take 48hrs to get there and I just returned from india last month. I feel devastated and deeply regret that I hadnt spent more of my life seeing her and being with her. She was always kind and courageous. She always blessed me when i spoke to her and told him I will achieve all my dreams. She knew how to inspire hope and help people live to their fullest potential. Her love , her affection would melt the heart of anyone. Her name was Laxmi . I miss you for ever grandma

  108. OnDeane  December 8, 2019 at 7:02 pm Reply

    I just lost my Pop Pop December 4th at only 73. He’s the only positive male figure I have had my whole life. My grandparents raised me for the first years of life. When I was 8, my mother took me back. I never stopped spending time with my grandparents.
    I feel like my grandparents may have known an end was close. Maybe not how close. They’ve been having many “unusual” conversations with me with about their finances and wishes in the event of a death all year.
    My Pop pop was fairly healthy for a man with 1 lung (the other lost to lung cancer about 16 years ago)… as healthy as we’d expect for him.
    My grandmother would tell me bits and pieces of what was going on with him but I don’t believe she was telling me everything. I don’t believe he was telling her either. He caught a cold, stopped smoking, barely ate, and hasn’t left the house since October. He finally went to the doctor just before Thanksgiving and was diagnosed with pneumonia. I knew that was worst case for him. But I was hopeful. He’s had colds before. He’s fine. My grandmother said has was doing better the week of Thanksgiving. We had dinner at another family member’s house, without him. She said he couldn’t leave, he was recovering.
    Wednesday I received the call I never wanted. My grandmother called from the ambulance. I rushed to the hospital. They tried to resuscitate for a long time. Multiple attempts. He didn’t make it.
    I’ve found out so much in these past few days. He wasn’t feeling better. He actually wanted to go to the hospital at one point over the weekend but then changed his mind. My grandmother watched him change, deteriorate drastically, but she never told us. Sunday he ate very well according to her. Monday he went to the doctor again, they gave him steroids, new meds and a nebulizer treatment. He was doing better in the office. They decided give him a nebulizer. My grandmother didn’t want to drive so decided to ship it.
    The doctor also said if he wasn’t feeling better by Wednesday then to go to the hospital. He died at home Wednesday morning. In his bathroom.
    The nebulizer arrived Thursday.
    I’m sad. And I’m mad. I’m disappointed. I feel alone. I miss him so much already. I keep hearing his voice in my head. I don’t want anyone to touch his stuff, but my grandmother is just throwing stuff away. The things I would want, she won’t give me. I understand she’s grieving but so am I.
    I’m trying so hard not to be mad at her but when the “what if” thoughts start, I am.
    I know he wouldn’t want that.
    Honestly, I do he just didn’t want to worry us. He never complained about anything. He never wanted to be a burden. He quit smoking because he was scared. Of bad news. I think he just got tired. Of everything. Being sick, the doctors appointments for one thing or another. COPD, PTSD, near deaf…he was a Vet. I believe he tried to stay here, going to the doctor and taking meds, to appease us. But he knew. He knew this was the last time and wasn’t going to be here much longer.
    I would have wanted more time with him. I wouldn’t have left his side.
    I don’t believe there’s anything left unsaid between us. I take comfort in that. He knew I loved him. Even if I didn’t always tell him. I adored him. And eventhough I never really thought about it but also never doubted it, I’m finding out he felt the same way about me. He kept pictures of me everywhere. Seperate from the other pictures. I never knew. My grandmother found some today. I found some 2 days ago somewhere else. I even heard about how excited he was for me to be born from an older cousin. He was “my old man.”
    To not hear him anymore…not see him stroll around the corner in his Eagle’s gear or through the front door, that’s killing me. Who’s going to ask me about the weather while they’re looking right at through the window or ask me how my car is running eventhough I finally bought a brand new car last year (because I’ve been broken down 101 times). I feel like no one cares about me like him. Or for me.
    I wanted him to be there when I got married. I meet “the one” he was giving his granddaughter to. I knew his breathing was getting too bad to walk me, but he would at least see it. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. But now I don’t even see the point. I don’t know who I’m doing it for anymore.
    Instead “the one” and I are making all the arrangements as “the one” is also a funeral director.

    I hate all of this. I just want my Pop pop.

  109. Alexandru Sones-Dawkins  December 2, 2019 at 10:03 pm Reply

    I lost my Nana 2 days ago now (paternal). My family live in the UK but I’m on a study abroad in Spain so I can’t be with them as I have exams coming up. I am devastated. I only just lost my mum last year and haven’t fully come to terms with that – my Nana was like my second (or should I say first) mother. My mum was in prison from my infancy and My Nana took me to live with her and Granddad and youngest aunt to Canada until I was 5 years old and we came back to London (I then lived with my Dad, her son). I would at her house most weekends, half terms, holidays you name it until I was 16. I just turned 21. She was my guidance, the only person who never had me question their love for me. She was 57, I was born when she was 36 – so she was young and I thought she had years on her but she had some complications with a long term health problem and just started deteriorating. The last time I spoke to her I told her I love her so much and she was talking about how she was going to have a grand time in heaven. She knew. Im just heart broken. She was my first care giver, my first teacher, the person who taught me my first words, my colours, numbers. And now she’s gone and I’m trapped here. I don’t know what to do ????

  110. Bebe  November 29, 2019 at 11:08 pm Reply

    My paternal grandmother died when I was around 4. My only memory of her was going to the hospital to say goodbye. I didn’t really understand it but I gave her a photo of myself to take to heaven. At that point I thought heaven was a place physical belongs went too. About 10 years later my paternal grandfather died but because my dad wasn’t around we didnt find out for probably a couple years later and I have no memories of him. My mom’s parents helped raised us so not only were they my grandparents they were more like parents. My grandpa died when I was 21 after battling cancer. He was 82. My grandma was 77 at the time and she was so devasted. They had 10 more years of traveling planned. So much more to do. After my grandpa died I got even closer with my grandma. She was a very indendepent, intelligent, wise woman. Slowly she had to be more dependent but we helped her out. In the past four years we went to outdoor park concerts, shopping, cooking and anything else she needed. We played cards and talked for hours. She used to stay up till one in the morning playing card games with me and my sister. I was closer to her then I am my mom. This summer we helped her move and she was still pretty healthy. September we got together for a meal at the dinning room at the assisted living home. Little did we know that would be the last time in before things went down hill. She fell two weeks later, which she had fallen the month before. But this time after the fall she was too weak. And for the rest if October she moved from hospital to hospice. The hospice was at her assisted living home which made it feel more at home. My sister, uncle and I took turns spending the next three weeks with her. We sat there for hours giving her company, watching her sleep, helping her with mostt anything. She always gave us so much. We knew what was coming and it didnt make it easier. I cried after the DNAR pink band was put on her. But those coming weeks she was still very mentally there so even though her body wasnt, it was like she was still here and part of me thought maybe she would recover. Even when it was official that her pace maker would be turned off. The day the pacemaker was turned off, uncles, aunts cousins sat around her bed to support her. She didnt die right then. And me, my sister and my uncle took shifts to be there for her. I had just left my 6am to 1pm shift and my sister was there when my grandma passed on 11/09/2019. Its been extremely difficult even thought I have had a lot of support. This week i have been crying more than ever with the holiday here. Everything makes me cry. Two years ago she called me up on black friday about some grocery store deals. So that’s been stinging all day. I miss her so much. I got whooping cough right before her death and my body cant heal very well because of how devasted I am. I am doing some self care and all but it’s like my body is reacting to this sadness too. My hearts so deep.

  111. ChatNoir  November 28, 2019 at 6:12 am Reply

    I just lost my Grandad two days ago and I only found out yesterday as he lived in Wales. One of the worst things about it is now we all have to use past tense, like now he doesn’t exist but he’s still in our hearts and heads and maybe even heaven. I didn’t know him that well because he wasn’t very emotional. He married my Gran when they were both in there 40s-50s and it was a second marriage for both of them. Even though he was my step Grandad I still love him so much, and I know that he loved me too, just had different ways of showing it. I lost my Opa just before Christmas in 2018 and my other Grandpa on my dad’s side died before I was born. I’ve only just started secondary school and it’s really hard for me because Grandad was so healthy and still working even though he didn’t need to anymore. He died instantly though, doing what he loved most:flying.

  112. Sasha  November 19, 2019 at 5:57 am Reply

    I lost my grandfather over three years ago now, and the thought of him brings tears to my eyes. The days leading up to his death were the worst days of my life. His laugh, smile, gentle hugs are missed dearly. I don’t know how I will ever get over this pain. I pray for strength and I believe that one day I will be able to see a picture of him without bursting into tears. I’m happy that he is no longer in pain and now as a family we are looking after Grandma. Seeing my Grandma without him is still an aching sight. I know she wants to appear strong because she is now head of the family but I know that she is still hurting inside. Growing up I was extremely close with him, possibly the closest Grandparent I’ve had therefore the loss was even greater. I miss him so much and would do anything just to have him back, even for a minute. xx

  113. Andrew Ward  November 18, 2019 at 6:42 pm Reply

    My Grandad was my hero, my Dad and my Grandad all rolled into one. A man of amazing integrity and kindness. One of life’s true gentlemen. I sat with him for the best part of 3 weeks after his diagnosis. Talked about old photos. Wrote down some of the things we said and tried to make sure I said all I wanted him to know- both verbally and in a couple of letters I wrote to him. I will miss him for the rest of my life. He meant the world to me and I would do anything for him. I hope you are at peace and resting you beautiful soul .

  114. shannon kelly  October 29, 2019 at 9:13 am Reply

    I lost my grandad a month ago, he was the most amazing and inspiring man I knew growing up I saw him every weekend. he loved his family and we loved him, it was hard not to he was honest upfront and despite depression and tinnitus he could always put a smile on people’s faces. I keep getting told to just remember the good times but honestly I
    it makes things harder, In my family he was the one I could connect to the most our joint love of art music and computers brought us closer and he supported me in all i did. without him here I’m heartbroken and feels like a void has opened. this article helped a bit but it’ll have to be a wound that time needs

  115. Liisa  October 25, 2019 at 6:50 am Reply

    My grandpa is in hospice. I’ve lost my grandparents on my father’s side , but he cut us out of his life so I wasn’t close to him. I lived with my mom’s parents for 21 years so my grandpa is more like my dad. My family lives on the east coast and I live in seattle and I go back tomorrow. It’s going to be so hard to be out there without any family near me when my grandpa dies.

  116. Ashley  October 24, 2019 at 4:16 am Reply

    We lost my grandmother 10/16/2019. It marks a week for us. My grandmother was a second mother. She raised 5 strong and healthy grandchildren for our parents while they were out supporting us financially. We all love her so dearly. I grew very close to her and took care of her for about a decade before she needed more care than I could give having two small children and my mother and aunt took over.
    I’m having a very difficult time as this is the first major death in my family. She was two days from her 6 months to 102. She was born 4/18/1918. One of my coping mechanisms is to mention that she had a very LONG and PROSPEROUS life, making a successful life in America after escaping concentration camps in Germany. I do this when I talk to others, mostly to minimize the risk of them using it on me… I say a coping mechanism because I make sure to mention to anyone that will listen that I KNOW she lived a long and fulfilling life. But that doesn’t make anything easier.
    I have YET to have a moment to myself that isn’t at 3am before having to wake up at 6am to get to work. I’m at a loss of how to cope with this. I know it will get easier.
    The days following her passing were hard because it tested my faith as a Christian. She came to me in my dreams, with my grandfather, who I never knew as I was 9 months old when he passed. They told me how they will still be there for us and will still celebrate in all the family’s accomplishments but it will be much sweeter as they will do it together. I took this as a sign. I was able to rest easier knowing she is there in Heaven and they are with us through everything. But now that my faith has been reassured, I find myself just missing her intensely.
    I’m trying to find ways of coping with the grief that is following me once my little ones and husband are sleeping. Please share what makes things easier for you.

    • Bailey  November 4, 2019 at 1:01 pm Reply

      I just lost my papa, we did expect it and he was sent to Hospice. I seen him in the hospital and hospice and knew him very well, we were close. I live two hours away from my home and when I arrived home for a visit, he had a stroke and couldn’t speak. He was on morphine to keep him comfortable though, and he actually wakes up when he sees my mom, me, dad & sister. Although he couldn’t move he listened to me & my sister. I hugged and cuddled with him as I did, he turned his face into mine and smile barely. I told him i loved him and everything, he tried talking but we told him he didnt need to we already know he loves us. It’s been two days since then and he passed this morning. I hope his first day in heavin is a great one. -Bailey

  117. Alison Stobart  October 17, 2019 at 5:58 pm Reply

    I lost my beloved Grandpa 23.08.19, the day before my wedding ? his final wish was for us to have a wonderful day and do him proud which we did – but all I wanted to do was grieve. We had a week away afterwards so I was able to write my tribute to him that I read at the funeral. I’m so grateful to have been part of his life and support him as best I can but omg I miss him SO SO much. I didn’t realise how much of a companion he was to me. Every Friday my son and I would go and hang out at my grandparents Or Ggs as he called them (great grandparents) – share ideas, talk, lunch, listen to music.. he cared for Gma so well with her severe dementia bless her. So hard to clear their house and hand it over so we can never go there again (on a private estate)… it’s really hit me hard (first loss) and finding it hard to focus on life and future. I know he’d want me to be happy but without him here I’m finding that so hard. Reassuring that I’m not alone so thanks for sharing your stories. My love goes out to all of you xxxx

  118. Amber  October 14, 2019 at 3:36 am Reply

    I lost my “Mimi” – (my maternal grandmother) on October 9, 2019. She lived 70 strong years. I’m grateful for the memories I can cherish with her. There is so much I could type but I feel numb typing just this much. All I can say is I miss her and I am not looking forward to carrying this grief for the rest of my life.

    • Sharon  November 10, 2019 at 3:43 am Reply

      I understand you so well as I just lost my grandmother. 1/11/2019 . And it’s heartbreaking and I feel the same I don’t know how to live life with out her . I was with her every weekend . Work and my nan . I lost my grandad only 6 months ago too ans have not been able to sea with that as had to look after my nan , I excepted her to be here a couple more years . Take care and know I feel your pain x

  119. Aurora  October 6, 2019 at 8:41 pm Reply

    My grandmother died last month from cancer. Out of all my grandparents, I was closest to her. She was a bit strict, so while she was alive I complained about that. She came during the summer of this year to visit, and I didn’t talk to her as much as I should’ve. She felt sick, and she left early. The next day my family heard that she had cancer. During the last months of her life, I didn’t feel that upset. It hadn’t fully sunk in. Only a day after her death did it sink in, and I couldn’t stop my heart from aching. Just when I think that I got over it, there’d be something she left at my house in the bookcase or on the table, and it would kick start my grief again. I’ve never had to deal with a death of a loved one, and now I know how much it hurts.

  120. London Jones  October 3, 2019 at 4:59 am Reply

    I am still grieving since my grandma passed on 30 years ago. It still hits hard drive and hurts like a knife.

  121. Mike  October 1, 2019 at 1:54 pm Reply

    I’ve lost my Gma around 6 years ago and honestly it hasn’t gotten any easier. She was my mom, my best friend, just the person I speak to about everything, when I was angry at the world, she would let me vent and some how know what to say. I have my mom and I love her to death but there’s nothing like my Gma, I am the first born grandchild. She had two girls, so when my mom had me, I was my gma first boy. Every time something goes bad in my life, I pick up the phone and realize my gma is gone. I wish I could speak to her at least. I have so much pain, and I feel like nobody understands me, it’s either you’ll get over it, or they know how I feel. I wish there was a way to feel better

  122. Loveyougrandpa  September 21, 2019 at 4:45 pm Reply

    My grandad passed away 11 years ago. He was my everything, he was like a father for me, we were so close… My parents were abusive and he made my childhood beautiful, when I have a difficult day I imagine I am with him. I think about him every day of my life and give thanks for being his grand daughter. I miss him si much, I am still grieving his loss… He always Will be my angel.

  123. Michelle Matale  September 2, 2019 at 2:11 am Reply

    My grandma passed on in july. I truly miss her since she was so close to me. The devastating part is that she is the one who raised me since i was young. I lost my grandpa 2 years ago and with her gone now, its really sad. I just hope that they are ok whereever they are and are free from the burdens of the world.

  124. Calgirl  August 27, 2019 at 2:04 am Reply

    I am 67. I lost my most beloved maternal great-grandmother when I was 8. I still think of her contemporaneously b/c she was my”babysitter” on the family dairy farm while all the other working adults around me were gone all day. She was an artstic and intelligent Quakeress who gave me everything that made me who I am today. She championed education for her daughters, granddaughters and great-granddaughters in a time when not many did. She spent her hens’ “egg money” to pay for piano lessons, and private highschool for her daughters and granddaughters…..Dear ones, grief never goes away and I am the poster child for this. However, grief might include a thankfulness for those who made us the people we are today, which fosters a feeling of continuous contact through the years with our dearly beloved and departed ones. I dedicated my Master’s thesis to her and went on to earn an AB Doctorate because of her. She was born in 1879 and her legacy came to me, passed on to my children, and now my grandchild. I still grieve the loss of this woman for whom we’ve observed 140 yr. birthdate, but I can hold her close to my heart in thankfulness and joy, and even my children and grandchild knows who she was and the love she gave our family into even our own century.

  125. Selina Dakers  August 8, 2019 at 2:10 am Reply

    This is excellent information about moving with grand parents. Thank you for your post.

  126. Soltan  August 1, 2019 at 7:11 am Reply

    I am currently in the process of losing my grandparent my grandpa. He was 70 years old. His currently in a coma but things had gotten worse and he had to attend brain surgery. We thought everything would be good from the tests but suddenly the tables turned and he might not last till sunset. I loved my grandpa and l wish he could still be here next to me. But l guess nothing can last forever.

    • Tobias  August 2, 2019 at 4:17 pm Reply

      The exact same happened to me today, mine was 69 and struggling with both blood poisoning, COPD and pneumonia

  127. Pepaw; The Man, The Myth, The Legend  July 27, 2019 at 4:51 am Reply

    My grandfather (Pepaw as we called him) passed away a week ago as of yesterday. We knew that the cancer that he had was spreading and getting worse, but we didn’t expect him to go so soon. The week before, everything was ok, it was just getting a little harder for him to walk. As the week progressed, I tried my best to visit there everyday. On Thursday, (the day before his passing) the doctors said that there was nothing they could do about what was happening with his body except add tubes into his lungs to help the fluid drain, but it wasn’t guaranteed to work. He could either do that, or take the comfortable route until he passes. He decided to take the comfortable route and go home the next day. The next morning, he was very unresponsive. He would sleep off and on and wouldn’t say a word when he woke up. At about 8 p.m. that night, he passed. I was so devasted and sad. I wish I had spent more time with him than I already did. I love him. I miss him. I want him to be back. But at least his suffering is over and where he is now, he can’t get sick anymore and he doesn’t have trouble walking. I love and miss you Pepaw so so so so so much. Rowdy misses your Pepaw glue (his kisses). I just wish I could hug you one more time.

  128. Ra  July 24, 2019 at 1:18 pm Reply

    My granddad passed away September 2018 & I’m still having a hard time processing that he’s never coming back. You never know how much a person mean to you until they aren’t here anymore. Through him being sick & his health declining he never forgot who I was. Although it’s been a little over 10 months since he’s been gone his passing seems to be hitting me harder now that I’m engaged and pregnant. I just always thought that he would be around to see & experience these moments. I’m saddened more than words can ever explain that he won’t be here to witness these moments because I know he would be so happy. I just hope that he’s okay & happy on the other side. ?

  129. Stephanie Ann Fernandez  July 23, 2019 at 2:11 am Reply

    My Nonny (grandma) passed away on June 8th. I am devastated. It’s been over a month but it was such a shock. She died of a brain aneurysm. She was happy and healthy and then she was gone with no warning. She was the best person I knew. We had weekly lunches when I wasn’t working and we planned to have lunch the week before once I stopped working on June 5th. We had so many plans.
    Now I have trouble seeing and talking to my grandpa without breaking down and crying. He is very sad that he lost his partner of 61 years and says it was not enough time. I agree with him. It’s never enough time regardless of age. I want to stop crying when I’m around him but I cannot help myself. My parents are taking a different approach, almost as if it never happened and keep my grandpa surrounded so even if I wanted to try and talk to him, I really can’t. I just miss her, she was one of the few people in the family who understood me and didn’t make me feel like an outsider. I just really miss her.

    Any advice on how I can support my grandpa would be great. I don’t want to pretend that everything is fine because I know it isn’t.

  130. My grandad ????  July 21, 2019 at 11:01 pm Reply

    In addition, as I’m sure some of you know, the 20 year old actor Cameron Boyce passed away in his sleep a few weeks ago. That broke my heart because of how his family must be feeling and how much life he had left to live. When my grandpa died in his sleep a few days ago, my heart was devastated. Absolutely shattered. And felt numb . My grandpa did so much for me that I was unable to appreciate. I will love him forever and spend the rest of live thinking of him. I love you!

  131. Miss you!  July 21, 2019 at 10:59 pm Reply

    My grandad passed away 4 days ago. He was the nicest and most caring perosn I have ever met. He truly had a special soul and I am so glad I have been able to know him. Of course I really realized this after he passed. In the recent years, I have drifted away from him , because of what I think was my teenage moods lol? anyway, it has really hurt me hard. It was both expected and unexpected. His service was today and everyone shared stories of their time with him. My brother and I are his only grandkids and people have continued to tell me “he was such an incredibly man”. God. I can’t stop crying because I had never even taken the time to notice how much he loved me. My heart is filled with sadness and regret. I would give absolutely anything to sit down with my grandfather and tell him how much he meant to me! My grandma has Alzheimer’s, and he always took SUCH great care of her. He truly was an amazing man and I wish I could have realized that while he was still here. He was so proud of me, is what everyone said today. He used to call me ( when he called to reach my dad but just ended up chatting with me instead). We would talk about my softball season or my new school or anything in between. Wow. I love him. This is crazy. And I miss him even more. What hurts my heart even mote is he will never see me start high school, or get married or start a career. I miss you Grandad. I love you more than the world. Keep playing golf up there with all your friends!! See you somewhere over the ? 🙂 xooxoxox

  132. Tara  July 21, 2019 at 5:48 pm Reply

    My grandma passed away peacefully on July 8th. It was a huge shock to us all, even tho she was 85 and had been preparing to die for a few years. She even had her will and death plans sitting on her table “incase” something happened to her and we found her. LOL. SHe was a funny lady and stubborn as hell! Such a great lady with so many stories. She was in hospital and it was a bizarre set of events that got her there. We will never truly know the truth of what happened, it seems as though she had a fall and a mix of a sleep aid in her system (nytol) made her mentally off. She was actually planned to be discharged the following day and i was cleaning her apartment that evening to get it ready for her. My uncle left the hospital at 730pm and within 1.5 hours my Grandma had died! 🙁 We don’t even know why or how. Its so strange. I think she was just ready to go, even though all her tests were normal; CT scan and MRI good, blood tests fine. It was a shock. We are all so heartbroken and sad. She was the matriarch of our family and is missed so very much. We never feel like we have enough time or there was so much more we wanted to know or talk about. I just hope she “‘visits” me from time to time in her afterlife, She looked forward to joining “HMS Paradise” 🙂 Love you forever and miss you forever Gma xoxoxo

  133. laqueisha  July 12, 2019 at 1:01 am Reply

    i lost my grandma yesterday. I loved her so much like she was my mom. I wish i couldve been there with her. I love u grandma always and forever and cant wait to see u again.

  134. Nissa  July 10, 2019 at 10:41 pm Reply

    My grandma passed away in late May of this year. This was my second grandparent death as i experienced my first when i was on 9 and now am 12. It was very hard to see both grandparents pass but even more so now because i have a better understanding of what was happening. I never really had a real grandparent figure as my one set of grandparents lived 5 hours away and the ones just down the street had never left their house in about 30 years because of long term depression caused by the loss of a child (my aunt). The most helpless i’ve ever seen my grandma was in the hospital and she could barely pick up a glass of water on her own. My parents got married very late in life so i am experiencing many deaths a lot earlier than many of my friends. Today i texted my grandmas number and told her how much i missed her and loved her. I wish nothing more than to have her back but i know she’s not suffering and is in a good place.

  135. Drishti  June 28, 2019 at 6:34 am Reply

    I’ve lost my Grandpa on Sunday night, he was admitted at the hospital since Tuesday morning. He had Diabetes and then he got water in the lungs. We all thought he would be ok in a few days as he usually does but this time it was different, he passed away and it is a terrible shock for me. I got loads of support with my fiance, my family and my cousin who came immediately to help during the funeral. Personally, what’s triggering me is that I was the last one to get out of the hospital room and I could see his pain and how he was suffering. I wanted him to see my wedding next year and the last thing my grandfather said is and he was only next to him, he could not turn his neck well as he performed a dialysis 15 mins before that. I could not stop watching his face till the door. I could see him sleeping in pain and the way he was breathing. In the other hand, I am happy he passed away in peace as he was suffering and I know he is in God’s hand now. He is well in paradise. My grandfather was a good person and helping everyone. He contributed during events to help people. I am sad that we have lost such a pure soul like him. I miss you, grandpa, you are and will be forever in my heart. I love you

    • Mario Delucchi  July 2, 2019 at 5:24 am Reply

      September 27th 2006 i lost my great grandfather at age 12 then my great grandmother July 5th 2015 at age 18. I am the first great grandson on my mother’s side and I’m very distant with them now I’m 22 and I cry at the drop of a dime with them in thought. I can’t wait to see them both in heaven that’s how it felt in their presence very godly and spiritual.

  136. IO  June 27, 2019 at 8:25 pm Reply

    My Grandpa has died today June 27, 2019, from old age. He was a great person in my life and I have only seen him once in my life and I already miss him. All I know is that he is in a better place now.
    God Bless Everyone.

  137. Madeline  June 7, 2019 at 4:20 am Reply

    I was 12 now 14 when my grandfather passed away almost two years ago from liver cancer. And I can tell you it was the hardest thing I had to go through. I remember seeing how weak and tired he was and it just broke my heart..He was my best friend and I was his first grandchild. We had such a unique bond that I will cherish forever.

    I remember our family would go on these trips up to the beach or to a park and just hang out for hours. Since he has passed, we haven’t done anything like that since and our family is very distant with each other now. It’s insane to see how much changes in a second when you lose someone so loved. I wish all the best to the families and friends who are dealing with the same thing. Thoughts and prayers to all of you.

    • Mia  September 24, 2019 at 3:49 am Reply

      2nd November 2016 my Nain (witch is my Mums mum) passed away from cancer, back in 2013/14 she has diagnosed with breast cancer. But later on in 2014 her husband had to have heart surgery so it made everything much harder for her anyway fast forward a few months in 2015 I think it was she was then diagnosed with another 3 cancers?. We didn’t really know what to expect after we we’re told this but not long after she was diagnosed the second time she was given a death bed, she peacefully passed away with my mum, uncle Ian and her husband around her.
      10th January 2019 my Great gran passed away she was 98! She was just such an amazing woman who I will forever love but god I miss her so much right now. I was only just turning 12!! When my Nain passed away and she actually passed away 8 days before my 12th birthday. Now I’m 14?nearly 15 and I’ve lost my great gran too?. My great gran had a lot of things wrong with her at this point she had sepsis , dementia and really all together she was 98 at the end off the day. But I loved my grandparents with all my heart and I’m now in Year10! And I thought it would be different I thought maybe the pain off loosing them both might have settled down a little bit but I seems it hasn’t. I’m really struggling at the moment ?

  138. Ena  June 3, 2019 at 6:15 pm Reply

    I lost both in a period of three weeks during this spring. They are terribly missed and I can not get used to the fact that they are not here anymore. They had a long and happy life and lived till 82, but that is no consolation and means nothing to me when I enter their home and it is empty and cold. I simply think the language and any other way of expressing through the human logic is too poor to help me picture these feelings of loss…

  139. Brandon Marino  June 2, 2019 at 11:43 pm Reply

    I lost my grandmother on April 20th, 2019. I still am not over it. Sorry for all of your losses. There is no way to get over it. You just have to be numb.

  140. Kay Rundel  June 1, 2019 at 6:56 pm Reply

    My grandma just died today! She passed away early this morning from severe sepsis and Cdiff. It is very hard!

  141. Gerald Zenelaj  May 29, 2019 at 5:03 pm Reply

    My grandpa died at November 17, 2018. It was Saturday. When I came from vacations in the end of August, my mom and grandma told me that the grandpa’s health its not good, he doesnt eat, doesnt drink anymore,,and sclerosis is back to him again. He was 92 years old. He lived a long amd happy life. He was a veteran of WW2, General army. He have many medals. He and me have such strong connection with each other, till I was a young kid. He raised me with love and care, with a good education and a kind heart to give love and not to cheat on others. He was very calm when speaking, joking sometimes, but very in peace. never spokes to me with harshness. I had dreams of him like he died, Ive always seen this dream till I was a kid, and this dream scared me a lot everytime I seen it. My grandma tells me that this dream represent that his life will be long…and really he lived good 92 years without problems at all. When I saw him last 2 months of his life, I felt so bad he was so skinny and doesnt eat. I loved when I cut his hair, or shaved his beard..or eyebrows ( he wanted always to take care of his eyebrows). When He died, I was way home to grandma with my dad and mom, but we arrived 5-10minutes late. I used to be at his home everyday, almost. It was like a routine for me, after their home, and then to my home. When he passed away, no more happiness for me. I feel such terrible sometimes when I see his photo..k cant believe he is not here with us, that lovely face. at least I saw him in dreams..couple of times. Last time was like I cried when I saw, and he told me in dream: dont cry nepweh…i know..i miss you too.:’/ and then he gave me a hug. When I woke up I felt so much better

  142. Zoe  May 22, 2019 at 4:31 am Reply

    I lost my grandad three days ago I grew up being so close to him and still was right till he passed. He’s death wasn’t unexpected he had prostate cancer and Alzheimer’s so although he’s death is a slight relief it hasn’t made it any easier I was the first one to see him and I had to make the phone call to tell my nan and dad hardest phone call I’ve ever had to do and I hope to god I never have to do again but I’m so confused right now I loved my grandad and I cried when I found out he had passed and I sat with him and talked and said my goodbyes before anyone else got there but when everyone else got there and the last couple days since I’ve not been able to cry and I feel like such a shitty person and I had a laugh with a friend on the phone last night and I felt so bad for being able to laugh and joke around I don’t no what’s wrong with me

    • Matt  June 20, 2019 at 5:30 am Reply

      Hey Zoe, i lost my granddad tuesday morning around 4am. It is the hardest thing ihave ever experienced.. i still can’t believe it and feel as if i can still go see him or wake up from this bad dream. His rosary is tomorrow and funeral is on Friday. I don’t think anything is wrong with you not being able to cry and for having a laugh on the phone. You got to say your goodbyes and have closure. I still am crying and alarge part of it is because idid not get to say goodbye. Although i knew it was coming, he suffered from Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. Iwas and still am in shock and denial that he has passed. Ikeep wishing and praying that icould have said my goodbyes. It feels like ican’t accept it because of that. Hopefully after the rosary that changes. Ijust finished writing him a long letter that still doesn’t sum up the things iwanted to say to him. I’m sorry for your loss, if you need to talk to someone ithink it might help.. maybe me more than you ha. Ijust feel so confused, lost, and like it didn’t really happen. Does it get any better after amonths time or is it the same as the day it happened..? when itry to not think about it ifeel awful like i am abandoning him and don’t know whats right out wrong.

    • claudia  October 15, 2019 at 9:51 pm Reply

      Nothing is wrong with you darling. Losing someone is hard. Your grandpa would want you to smile and laugh with your friends. That’s exactly what he would want, because he loved you so much and he knows what’s in your heart. Keep him in your memories.

  143. Sandeep  May 20, 2019 at 1:31 am Reply

    I lost my grandpa 5 days ago at the hospital. He was more like a father to me than a grandparent. All through the years, he was always there. Now that he is gone, I feel numb. I knew his passing was coming, he was 89 and slowly deteriorating in health, but his passing just feels like a knife through the heart. Every morning i wake up with a heavy heart knowing he is not there anymore. Whatever happiness was there in my childhood was because of him.

    I just wish i would have spent more time with him in his last years. Instead I was drowning myself tackling with my own problems. Now i just talk to myself as if i am having conversations with him, believing that he is on the other end listening to me. Yes he did live a good life and did whatever he wanted to do.

    I wish if there was a next life. I wish that he is my grandpa again.

  144. Ds  May 5, 2019 at 11:37 am Reply

    My grandpa would’ve been 93 today. He died in 2011. I had a dream about him last night and it was awesome. I always pray for dreams with my grandparents and I finally got one but now I’m sad because I wish I could be celebrating with him here on earth. I feel like I will never get over his death and get upset when I cry because he always said crying won’t fix anything. I told my mom about it but then I make her cry but she helps me a lot. I’m 25 years old now and it’s been almost ten years. I guess I will never get over it.

  145. Susy  May 2, 2019 at 2:14 am Reply

    My paternal grandma and,a just passses unexpectedly on April 27 2019 , and it’s been hard for everyone. Everyone is in shock still or denial. Now I have one grandparent left. The good thing is I have a lot of good meteorites of my grandma.

    • Sarah  May 3, 2019 at 11:21 pm Reply

      What was his name I just lost my grandfather I think the same day u did his name was Lawrence Wallace

  146. m  April 28, 2019 at 9:26 am Reply

    My grandfather suddenly passed on April 26th. This is the hardest I’ve ever had to go through. He was the glue, he was a father of my dad and my 3 uncles, he had a lovely wife who I love so so much, he was the foundation for us. His death has not torn us apart but it’s brought us closer. I’m not dealing with it very well though. I’m struggling to even smile. My brain hasn’t been able to comprehend what has happened yet and I still don’t believe it has happened. It’s only been 2 days without it him and the days feel like hours. The hours feel like years.

    • Becky Rodriguez  April 29, 2019 at 5:16 pm Reply

      I lost my grandfather on 4/9/19… i am 43 years old. Up until my grandpa died my entire family was still intact. My heart is so broken. This my first experience with death with an extremely close family member. The intense waves of grief are unbearable. With each day it gets a little better. I just wish my brain would tell my broken heart ?

    • S  April 29, 2019 at 8:40 pm Reply

      I also just lost my grandfather the other day. I am still in college, so I won’t even be able to go home to see my family until services are held in about a week. It’s been difficult for me so far since I am not one to share my feelings with others, nor do I like to have people worry about me. I have just been bottling up my emotions while everyone around me goes about their normal daily lives, and it is honestly a little frustrating. I keep thinking of the all the things I should have done, said, or asked him before he passed. It really sucks since I’ve never dealt with feelings like these before, but I believe I will feel better once I can finally go home and grieve with my family. And I hope the services will help provide some closure. I really loved my grandfather and I will miss him dearly.

      • Becky Rodriguez  May 8, 2019 at 4:49 pm

        Tomorrow will be a month my “My Papa” left this place we call earth. I miss his belly chuckle, his smile, his saying “ Don’t take no wooden nickels” My heart still breaks, for you first timers it does get a little better every day… but sometimes you get intense waves of grief…. it’s ok we all grieve differently. Just keep the memories close to your heart. I miss “My Papa” and I am waiting to visit my papa in my dreams… I can’t wait….. ??

    • Amelia  May 5, 2019 at 9:12 am Reply

      Hey, my beloved Grandad passed away on 25/04/19. I’m 14 years of age, and it would be lovely to talk to someone, going through a similar situation. Feel free to email me, my email address is:


    • Amelia  May 5, 2019 at 9:14 am Reply

      Hey, my beloved Grandad passed away on 25/04/19. I am 14 years of age, and it would be lovely to talk to someone, who is currently going through a similar situation to me. Feel free to email me, my email address is:


      • Sanchi Desai  April 3, 2021 at 12:49 am

        My grandfather passed away last night.
        He was 94years old and had a full life. I’m full of regret. I wasn’t very nice to him growing up. I think I was very mean. He still loved me so much. Even in pain he use to call my name. I was there with him for his ending days but now he is not here and I don’t know what to do. How am I to live with this as a person. A person loved me so much and I behaved so badly to him. I hope he is able to forgive me. But I don’t know what to do. I can’t shake off this thought from my head.
        Please help me

  147. Keith Mcallister  April 26, 2019 at 9:00 pm Reply

    My grandfather passed suddenly yesterday evening. Idk I’m still in shock. He wasn’t just a grandfather but a second father and my best friend. We talked several times a day about everything and anything. We even talked 3 times that day. The last time we talked he told me “it was his time, and that he had 2 go.” My grandmother called me 30minutes later screaming. His heart had given out. It was so unexpected. 1 day ur discussing going 2 the range and next hes gone. There isn’t an area in my life that he wasn’t a part of. I’m trying 2 stay strong 4 my grandmother uncle and father but I myself feel drunk and lost.

    • anon  May 2, 2019 at 9:02 am Reply

      Hey, I’m 15 and experiencing a very similar loss. My grandfather who passed away 3/31/19 loved me more then anything, and I idolized him. Growing up I would come home in tears because I wanted to have a father-daughter relationship, my dad passed away the month of my first birthday. With my Poppop, I finally had it. He called me everyday throughout the day, and the last time we talked I didn’t say I loved him, which I always do. He was my father figure and my best friend, and it gives me a bit of closure knowing that I’m not the only person who’s experienced this feeling. I’d never wish it on anyone, but knowing it’s happened to others makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you for sharing your story.

  148. Rahul Rangaraju  April 24, 2019 at 10:40 pm Reply

    I never realized how much my grandmother meant to me until the past couple of days. She is not expected to make it past the 26th and she hasn’t woken up in the past 36 hours. I just want her to wake up one more time so I can tell her how much I love her.

  149. Kristi Keeling  April 23, 2019 at 2:19 pm Reply

    I just lost both of my grandfathers with in 16 days of each other (March 31sth and April 16th). I know they were aging, but the loss of them both so close to each other has drastically impacted my ability to concentrate at work and I would rather be with my family that across the country at work. I am 43 so the losses shouldn’t impact me this way, but I loved them both. They were like brothers to each other.

  150. Melinda  April 13, 2019 at 4:57 pm Reply

    My Nonna passed 23 years ago and it still feels like yesterday. I have cried on and off for all of these years. It really broke a piece of my heart deeply. She influenced my life in such a profound way. She was a second mother to me and my favorite person to spend time with. I’m 38 now and feel that I didn’t quite get to appreciate all that she was and could have taught me- I was only just starting to become curious about our roots and speaking Italian. Over the past 5 years I reconnected with her entire side of the family in Italy and took 3 months to go there and learn about the family I never had a chance to meet when I was younger. I would only ever hear select stories and admire the paintings of the Amalfi Coast on her vases. I taught myself italian and can speak with and understand the family there – it definitely brought me closer to her once again and filled a piece of my heart that has been missing for a long time. I visit her resting place and tell her stories of my trips to Italy. She appears in my dreams often. I love her so much and I look forward to the day I reunite with her- for now I know she is my angel and watches over me. You never stop missing and loving those who were important to you. Keep their memory alive and they’ll always be with you. Xo

    • Dale  April 29, 2019 at 2:14 pm Reply

      My grandfather (dad’s dad) died on April 19, 1999 and my other grandfather (mom’s dad) died 10 days later. I feel like I died 20 years ago too. I’ve been waiting for the day I can feel normal again…I’ve been waiting for 20 years already, but it feels like 2 weeks.

  151. Victoria  April 13, 2019 at 2:39 pm Reply

    My paternal grandmother just died today… I wish I had known her better, I only have one memory of visiting her and eating fried chicken. I know she was a sweet old lady, and that her and my dad were close. I don’t know what to say to my father, I’m 1,000 miles away from any of my family and I know he’s having a hard time.

  152. Case Addison  April 3, 2019 at 10:49 pm Reply

    My grandpa died in 2015 and I was only 10 and I’m 13 and it still bothers me I cry my eyes out when I listen to the songs we listened to together or I think of him or see pictures I’m crying right now just trying to type this. I remember me and him would go fishing every time I came over and we clean them and fry them the same day he was one of the only people that I went to that I could trust but life is hard now. No one knows how much I still think about him. I love him and I can’t wait to see him in heaven. He is always gonna be in my heart. I don’t care what others say about it. I know he is sitting by me for the rest of my life till I die. I won’t forget him I love him more than anyone I don’t know when I will get over him but he was my favorite. I love you pappy ?❤️ Hope you are catching the biggest fish up there and having the best time up there you deserve it??❤️

    And for anyone else who is struggling with their loss I’m sorry that is just God said it is time for him/her to go and you will see them one day just be patient love your life and have fun and just pray to them every night just a few minutes is all it takes. I understand your pain but it will be alright ❤️??

    • Evi  April 16, 2019 at 12:18 am Reply

      So so sweet of you. You are a very emotional person. I can relate to that. Be strong, be happy because that’s what your pappy would like for you. God bless you dear.??❤️

  153. gwen  April 2, 2019 at 4:43 pm Reply

    i am 14 i just got home and found out my grandmother died of cancer. i had no emotion when my mother told me, but then it hit me that she was gone. i don’t know what to do anymore. please help me.

    • Keila  April 5, 2019 at 3:15 am Reply

      My grandma passed away Sunday morning, she lives 7 hours away from me I’m a mes student and I didn’t have enough Will to call them regularly.
      She took care of me trough out my childhood and she and I had one of the biggest connections I’ve ever created with a human being.
      A few years ago she started getting tired and having lots of trouble with her health so we should take her to the doctor and they would always tell us that there was nothing wrong with her that she had to control her diabetes, so time passed and she’ll become less interested in life we thought she was depressed and I remember being so angry that she didn’t want to go to the psychologist.
      I thought she was hypochondriac, the last time I spoke to her the phone call got interrupted so I never got to say goodbye to her.
      We never knew she had ovarian cancer the last weeks of her life she didn’t move from her bed but I didn’t know how bad the situation was so I didn’t visited.
      I feel so guilty because she and my brother are the most important humans In my life and now she’s gone and i wasn’t good enough for her… I didn’t deserve her.
      I feel like dying so I don’t have to deal with what life is giving me. I miss her so much

      • Yani  April 15, 2019 at 4:52 am

        My grandad died last week I understand I’m so sadden idk what to do 8049978496 text me if u have a iPhone my phone off I need advise

      • Tammy  May 23, 2019 at 9:20 am

        I talked to my papa everyday and everyday he would ask when I was coming to see him and this week I told him Wednesday. Wednesday came and I was tired from running errands and doctors appointment with my kids I was crossing the freeway to get home and he called he sound just like a robot he wanted to know if I was coming today I pulled over because I thought about turning around and I said I’m tired I will come tomorrow for sure I always feel bad when I don’t go visit him when I tell I am but today was different I shook the feeling and started on dinner and then I get a call from my momma(my granny) til this day I feel he waited for me and I didn’t show up. My papa was my dad it’ll be a year next month. I cry so much when my 5yr old sees me crying she says let me guess papa right and she gives me a hug and goes to her to room and plays with her brother so he won’t bother me. I don’t talk to his side anymore because they would rather keep the man who raped me around and my aunt would rather be with a man who likes young girls and tried to rape me in middle school the only reason I knew better was because his son actually raped me in elementary and I’m not bringing my daughter around that toxic mess. So to me I have no family just me it’s been that way since HS but some family like to forget and blame my boyfriend

    • Keila  April 5, 2019 at 3:16 am Reply

      My grandma passed away Sunday morning, she lives 7 hours away from me I’m a mes student and I didn’t have enough Will to call them regularly.
      She took care of me trough out my childhood and she and I had one of the biggest connections I’ve ever created with a human being.
      A few years ago she started getting tired and having lots of trouble with her health so we should take her to the doctor and they would always tell us that there was nothing wrong with her that she had to control her diabetes, so time passed and she’ll become less interested in life we thought she was depressed and I remember being so angry that she didn’t want to go to the psychologist.
      I thought she was hypochondriac, the last time I spoke to her the phone call got interrupted so I never got to say goodbye to her.
      We never knew she had ovarian cancer the last weeks of her life she didn’t move from her bed but I didn’t know how bad the situation was so I didn’t visited.
      I feel so guilty because she and my brother are the most important humans In my life and now she’s gone and i wasn’t good enough for her… I didn’t deserve her.
      I feel like dying so I don’t have to deal with what life is giving me. I miss her so much and I need her here with me

    • Trevor RIchwine  April 18, 2019 at 12:55 pm Reply

      Stay positive, my Grandpa passed away from a falling tree, I was so shocked. Still can’t get over it, just hope and pray. Remember they are in heaven!

    • julie a bowlin  May 20, 2019 at 12:45 pm Reply

      this happend to me my grandmother woke me up and told me my grandfather was gone i did not react i didnt cry until about a month later i was 13 my 14th birthday was less than a month away

  154. Sanchari Mandal  March 28, 2019 at 5:36 pm Reply

    I lost my grandfather in 2018 november. Seems like I am the only one still holding onto the memories. I was not very close to him but I wish I was. I miss him terribly each day. And I cry looking at his pictures. Now that I am reading the comments above I am not able to hold back my tears. I hope i recover …sooner or later. 🙂

  155. Howard Phipps  March 24, 2019 at 5:17 pm Reply

    I am 16 and never got to meet one of my grandparents but lost my grandfather in 2016 grandmother 2017 and my other grandmother is currently on hospice.

  156. Khusboo SIra  March 21, 2019 at 3:23 am Reply

    I lost my grandpa a month ago because of an unexpected heart attack, he was on vacation far away from us. I couldn’t even attend his funeral and now I just cry at night because I miss him so much. He taught me about love, about caring for others and providing for our family. I considered him my father and losing him means I lost parts of myself. I’m 18 and don’t know much about life, he was the one teaching me, I’ve lost him and don’t know how to help myself. He was just on vacation so why would he leave us so soon, I’m so angry for agreeing on sending him away. Being the eldest of the family he kept us together, know I can see my family falling apart. I wish for better days to subdue the pain.

    Does it ever get better?

    Has anyone found a little bit of happiness? I’d like to know so I don’t let myself go.

    • Kim  April 21, 2019 at 3:13 am Reply

      I’m a year and a few months after losing my Grandpa, and he meant and still means the world to me. I love him, and I still feel pain when I think of how badly I want to go see him, but can’t.

      One of my coping mechanisms was writing down in detail everything I remember with him, and trying to relive and occupy those moments in my memory. I still sometimes add to it. It used to always feel immensely painful but cathartic – every memory reminded me of what I’ve lost and what I will never have again.

      Over time, while committing to these memories and loving who he was, looking into his favourite songs, bonding with whom and what he loved about this world, it’s become easier. It’s just different – reflecting feels like connecting to him and incorporating him into my life. It feels a reminder of what I’ve had, and what I love and could never forget. Thinking of memories hurts, but now it makes me happy, too. It didn’t happen overnight, and sometimes it hurts deeply, but if it weren’t for this pain I wouldn’t have kept this connection to him and our memories this strong. It keeps him in my life in an important way.

      I’m still grieving, but it improves every day (with flare-ups for old memories), and I honestly am happy – and I’m not happy despite him, Im happy with him. The memories, and to a degree the pain, mean I’ll never truly lose how much he meant to me <3

      It gets better, hang in there! Life is still meaningful, there are great joys out there that I am and you will experience, and you do NOT have to be "over it" or forget how much your loved one means to you to get there. You will get there. Take care, I'm sorry for your loss <3

    • A  August 7, 2019 at 7:26 pm Reply

      Heya I get you. My grandma died a month ago and I still don’t believe it. She died of an unexpected stroke and many other things after fighting in hospital for 4 months. I thought she was getting better, but she took a turn. I’m 18 too and she was my absolute world and we were so similar in every way possible, she was only 75, she deserved to live a lot longer. It’s completely destroyed me and my alevels and I just want to give up on life because it’s so painful. 18 is such a shitty age to lose someone extremely close to you. We’re already all over the place and this has entirely thrown me off the edge. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone. I hope you’re okay.

  157. Joe Anna  February 28, 2019 at 3:02 pm Reply

    My grandparents died within eight months of each other. My Papa died in September of 2010 (my mind has blocked out the date for the last 8.5 years) and I lost my Damommie on May 5, 2011. It still hurts. One of the hardest things was being a nurse and watching my Damommie deteriorate in those last months (I know now her heart was broken) and wishing that she would stay for me, because I needed her. I was 30 years old, but I still needed my Damommie. The pain changes with time, it doesn’t hurt as much, and I’m happy and proud to tell stories about them, especially to my kids. Some days it hits me harder, though. Christmas is still tough, because I always still wonder what to buy them. Their birthdays aren’t as bad, but their death days are rough for all of us. I had a dream last night that I kept losing my Damommie all over again, over and over. It’s been a tough day for me because of that, and some days I can’t believe it’s almost been eight and nine years. I used to say that I wanted to stop feeling any sadness about it because I thought that would make me stronger. Now I know that continuing on and living the life that they very much helped build in me is strength. Still loving them is strength. Thinking of them, even with tears in my eyes is strength because I am their living legacy. As time goes on for all of you, and the worst of the pain is right now, remember that grief is love with nowhere to go, and that being strong is doing whatever you have to do to continue your life, and not just mourn, but honor the memory of the ones that you have lost.

    • Penelope  March 9, 2019 at 8:48 am Reply

      Dear Joe Anna,

      This is so beautiful. I am currently saying goodbye to my grandmother and every single word you say hits my heart.
      Continue to stay strong and live the life they wanted by making them proud.

      Thank you!

  158. Tammy  February 4, 2019 at 12:34 pm Reply

    I lost my grandparents almost exactly a year ago. I was raised across the street from them. They were married for 72 years and passed 53 days apart. Speaking as one of their closest granddaughters, the sad thing is that no one at all in the family has acknowledged me as grieving yet. I haven’t even gotten hugged yet. This makes me grieve more. I feel better that they are both resting in peace together, no longer in pain. But it hurts that no one has realized that I was affected to but blocking me when their names come up.

  159. Christiana Pietzsch  February 1, 2019 at 7:55 am Reply

    My Grandmother died in November 2018. She was such a big part of my life, she taught me so much and was the biggest inspiration to me. She was so beautiful and elegant. A few months before she died she was very depressed, a lot of her past was haunting her and she couldn’t think of anything else. She also suffered from tinnitus, but unfortunately was told by a witch doctor that it was her dead family members haunting her. It drove her mad and she could not rest. It was so painful to see her in so much distress and not be able to help her. In September 2018 she attempted a suicide at a train station, and when I got the call that she had been sectioned I was so torn apart. I had no idea it had got so bad that she wanted to leave this earth. I visited her hospital and then she was finally released back home.

    One evening in November she wasn’t answering the phone the whole day and I became increasingly concerned. I went straight to her house to find her phone on the table with missed calls from me. I was so worried, I was looking on the balcony for her and even called the casinos where she liked to go but they would not give me any information, so I called the police to file a missing persons report. The police said they were sending an officer to come and talk to me but I didn’t make any connection. Before they arrived I found a note in my house left by the police saying that they have tried to find someone who knows my grandmother. I still did not understand what this meant, a thousand thoughts were rushing through my mind.

    The police came to my house and broke the news that my beloved grandmother was found in a canal. She had committed suicide. It was the most devastating news I have ever heard, words can not express the pain I feel. It has almost been 3 months now but I think about her everyday.

    I see her in the clouds and in the sunset and moons rainbow. She is everywhere and nowhere. I hope she is at peace now, where she deserves to be.

    I love you granny <3

  160. Jyla  January 29, 2019 at 10:34 pm Reply

    I’m losing my grandpa. He cas cancer, he was more of a dad than my own he was there when my dad wasn’t, we used to drive for long periods of time just talking and laughing and now he’s on his death bed and he’s a few hours away from me I’m 15 and i really don’t know how to deal with death. It’s sad ,I’m so sad I can’t be there for him. It’s really scary knowing I won’t always have my papa there for me. I really don’t know what to think I have a mix of emotions and I don’t know which one to focus on and it’s scary I’m cold and shaky my heart is always pounding I’m sweating, crying and scared every time my mom and dad would fight my grandparents were always there every. Single. Time. I’m really, really scared I don’t know what to do.

    • Dylan Cox  February 3, 2019 at 2:05 am Reply

      I’m sorry to hear that.

      I’m 26. My grandfather passed away on Thursday from a mix of things, one being cancer.

      I understand exactly how you feel right now. Take the time you have now to tell him anything you feel that you need to, if you’re able to.

      My grandfather went to the ER because he had fell the night before and just wanted to get checked out. He never left.

      Try to tell him that you love him. That’s something I wish I’d had done.

  161. Nini  January 23, 2019 at 12:12 pm Reply

    I lost my granny 1-1-19 to cancer. She was very agitated in the hospital cried the whole 2 weeks she was there. She was sent home with hospice orders. My mom, my sister, daughter and myself cared for her I’m her last days. She was on oxygen and @ 12 am there was celebrating of the new year someone shot the transformer out there was a powe loss and she passed away. I will never forget seeing her laying there dead! I feel like I’m loosing my mind . I miss her so much. I’m her eldest grandchild.

  162. Gaurav  January 20, 2019 at 6:03 pm Reply

    My Grandma passed away yesterday. Seeing her motionless on the bed was a shock for me as she actually was a source of positivity in her healthy days. Miss you Aji, You were and will always be the best Curry maker that i have witnessed. Sadly my kids will never get to taste it. Thank you so much for being in my life telling stories and raising me the way i am. We will take care of grandpa don’t worry. Please rest in peace..

    • Stephanie  January 30, 2019 at 12:39 am Reply

      My grandma just passed away tonight. She was also the one who brought so much joy, life, and energy to every gathering. She had been getting weaker the past year or two. I feel I have such beautiful memories with her. Unfortunately my husband had some negative experiences with her, so he doesn’t know how to support my grieving. But sometimes you have to grieve alone. I’m not sure how much grieving I’m allowed to do and how long it’s okay to grieve when she was more of a holiday relative than a part of everyday life. Is it still okay to miss them and be heartbroken when you knew it was coming for a long time?

  163. Marius  January 16, 2019 at 12:45 pm Reply

    Hi. I lost my grandmother on new years eve. She just got a new doctor who gave her stronger pain meds and she overdosed. I wish i had spendt more time with her these last few years and told her how much she meant to me.
    She was a wonderful woman, generous and kind. She was buried yesterday and i have been in deep pain since. Love you forever.

    • Shelly  January 21, 2019 at 8:39 pm Reply

      Marius I lost my grandmother last year on New Years Eve. I feel the same way. I wish I could’ve told her how much she meant to me, spent more time and helped her out. Peace and blessings to you during your difficult time.

    • Nini  January 23, 2019 at 12:15 pm Reply

      Hi there I can relate I loss my granny @. 12:10 am New Year’s Eve. Im so sorry for your loss I know how you feel it hurts so bad. I have cried every night for 23 days I miss her so much! My sincere condolences to you❤️

  164. Trevor Richwine  January 8, 2019 at 6:38 pm Reply

    Hi, I am 15 years old and recently lost my grandpa. We were very close when it came to sports. We would golf together and watch sports together. He was so nice and hardworking. I loved him so much. But when I got home January 4th, I saw ambulance lights. I knew something was wrong. No one was home, but a truck in my driveway. The man said that your grandpa was involved in a accident with a falling tree. I started to get extremely nervous and went inside. I got on my computer and sent a message to my friend because I was scared. A few minutes later, I saw my dad. I have never seen him cry in my life. I asked him if he was alright, and he gave me the biggest hug ever. For the rest of the night I was crying. I knew it was bad. I felt for my grandma and my mom. My grandpa was my best friend. He died while cutting a tree down and it fell on him. He had it notched and everything. The tree must have had a dead spot in it, which caused it to fall down onto him. I have been crying for so long. I can’t focus or anything. I truly hope he is in heaven with his mother and dad. The worst part about this was, that night my family was going to his house for dinner. I was going to bring a board game to play. This was the worst day of my life. I am still missing him and I need help of getting over it. I just wish it rained that day or something. Anyone got any thoughts? Thank You!

    • Lucy Wolf  January 20, 2019 at 5:07 am Reply

      Hi Trevor,

      I just found this page today (January 19, 2019) because I was searching for articles to help me cope with the loss of my grandma. I’m 23 years old and my grandma died this evening of natural causes, after a year of being sick. I was her only grandchild, and she was my only remaining grandparent. It’s hard and it hurts.

      I am so, so sorry to hear about your grandpa’s death. Please try to remember a few things as you process this grief:
      1. Do not be afraid to reach out for help, whatever that means for you. Friends, family members, teachers and mentors, and therapists can help a lot during this time. Think about what you need and what will help you process this loss, then seek out the people who can help you fill that need.
      2. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. We all wish we could change the past, it’s only human. But unfortunately, it wasn’t raining that day. I wish it was too, for you. But at this point, the only thing you can control is yourself. Not the past or the weather.
      3. Don’t let anyone minimize your loss. As stated in the article, people tend to discount the death of a grandparent. Just because your grandpa was older doesn’t make this any easier for you.
      4. Be comforted by the fact that your grandpa knew how much you loved him. From your post it seems like you and your grandpa spent a lot of time together. That is wonderful. Of course, this means that you will miss him a lot and be in a lot of pain after his death. But months and years from now, you will smile when you think of the time you spent together. Do not give in to any regrets–you had a wonderful grandpa, and he loved you very much.

      Your grandpa would not want you to be too sad that he died. Honor his memory, celebrate his life, and take the time you need to mourn this loss. But I promise, no matter how much this hurts right now, it won’t define you. I admire how open you are; please keep reaching out for help and seeking support. I wish you and your family the very best.


      • Trevor Richwine  February 2, 2019 at 7:54 pm

        Thank you very much! I am still having trouble getting over it with pictures all over the house. It really hurt because if it would of rained that day he would home watching tv, playing checkers, and having fun. He never wanted to die. I loved him so much. He was my golfing buddy, and it makes me sad walking to his farm and seeing his tractor. I pray one day I will see him again. Thank you for the support.

  165. Arista Broadus  January 2, 2019 at 1:49 am Reply

    I lost my Granny this morning January 1, 2019 just a month before my baby boy was due and I’m in complete shock as we were just planning my baby shower and never expected to lose her on New Year’s Day. I’m at peace with her passing but the sadness knowing I’ll never be able to hold a conversation or she won’t meet face to face the great grandson she talked about all the time is so overwhelming. I love you Gladys Jolina Broadus forever and always

  166. Diana  January 1, 2019 at 2:49 pm Reply

    My grandfather passed away on 30 december 2018. Păpușina will always love you, tataie! Always

  167. Deja  December 28, 2018 at 2:20 am Reply

    Hi I just lost my grandpa on December 19th and his funeral was on the 27th it honestly didn’t hit me until I laid eyes on him I’m only 21 and he was my best friend & the only man I’ve ever loved my heart hurt so bad I feel like I’m going crazy I cannot stop cry or thinking like this is really real I just don’t kno what to do with my self but I know he wants better for me so I’m trying to stay strong and thank u everything on this page helped me so much.

  168. Macy  December 27, 2018 at 11:12 am Reply

    I lost my grandfather last night, and he was struggling through cancer, and was in a lot of pain. I chose to understand the fact he is gone and take it into something positive, in result that he will not have to suffer anymore. Wish him luck in the after party and a fun easy life. RIP, December 26,2018

    • Alina  December 27, 2018 at 1:41 pm Reply

      The same thing happen to me, the cancer and all, but my grandparent died on Christmas night…I’m only 18 and he was 71, I feel like I didn’t have enough time with him. Today was the funeral..

  169. R  December 23, 2018 at 8:18 am Reply

    I lost a very special man last July, this coming Christmas will be the second without my grandad. Occasionally I’ll reminisce about the memories we shared but I find that recalling them only makes me upset and miss him even more. Holidays are especially hard for myself and my family. Is there anyone out there who has any advice on how to deal with this? It’s so hard seeing an empty seat at the table.

  170. Laura Newton  December 15, 2018 at 11:29 pm Reply

    My other nan passed in 2009 and I still miss her and think about her. She was a primary teacher and one of my inspirations for wanting to become a teacher myself. Time does help but you don’t miss time less

  171. Laura Newton  December 15, 2018 at 11:20 pm Reply

    My nan passed at the end of October at 98. I had a similar experience as michelle. I didn’t see my nan before she died and I wish so much I had had a chance to say goodbye to her. I saw her about 4 weeks before and me and my sister took my niece to see her at her care home. It was a nice afternoon and my sister did her nails for her. I went and hunted for some nail varnish and we both painted them. Her funeral was 3 weeks after her passing and myself and my sister chose to see her in the chapel of rest. I am, like Michelle haunted by that and wish I hadn’t done it. I do have so many amazing memories of her and think of random stuff all the time but I think seeing her body was definitely a bad decision. But i can’t go back in time.

  172. Michelle  December 13, 2018 at 4:20 pm Reply

    Hello to all that is reading! I just want to share my story about the pain I feel
    My Grand (grandad) has passed away 3 days ago! 11/12/2018 (uk date) he had just turned 80!
    My handsome kind, loving joker, grandad. I’m just absolutely devastated!
    I’m 40 now the eldest granddaughter and favourite ? I’ve always been in my grandparents lives me & my brother lived there when my mom was seriously ill we were only age 3 and 4. Anyway my dad wasn’t much of a dad he left my mom and us & that was that. Grandad we’d see at least 3times a week as we lived down the rd it’s where I’d run to when I was in trouble or a hot meal. My grandad was such great man he made swings for me & my brother, he fixed absolutely anything he worked on construction sites 6am starts 5pm finish 6 days a week! he’d take us swimming every Sunday! he’d take us to clubs and the list goes on and on! He was strong and never moaned I didn’t see him moan anyhow he was my role model I thought he’d live forever stupid I know
    Anyhow he had a heart attack 3yrs ago and the hospital saved him he seemed a little different, as in, weaker and he liked to stay in the house but he was still grandad!
    I would visit nan and grand every week so I was on my way when my Nan rang her voice broken she said “ambulance is taking him to the hospital” I went straight to hospital got there before grandad
    So when I saw my grandads chest getting pumped up and down I said no that’s my grandad they wheeled him out his head looked purple his beautiful eyes were wide open and there was nothing in his eyes I knew he was gone (dead)
    It was the most horrendous thing I’ve ever seen I couldn’t stop crying and shaking my Nan bless her she came 5 mins later and we had to turn the machine off then they lay him there dead for us to be with. I’m just gutted
    And all I can see is his face & eyes it’s horrible
    I’m trying to remember how he was when living but that image is haunting me I don’t know how to get past it
    I have children that need me. Though the sadness on me is hurting so bad I didn’t think I’d feel this bad
    Miss him ?

    • Casey  December 13, 2018 at 10:17 pm Reply

      Sorry to hear of the loss of your grandfather. He sounds like he was an incredible man. I’m sure he is looking down on you with sincere love and pride. I happened upon this article because I am having a hard day. My grandfather passed back in February and his sister passed this past week. I just returned from the wake and it truly opened some old wounds. Reading your story helped me in some way. So, I figured I’d let you know. Wishing you well. Keep embracing those memories.

      • Michelle  December 14, 2018 at 5:04 pm

        Oh CASEY it’s so hard isn’t it knowing we not able to see our beautiful people… of course I understand it’s part of life it just seems so unfair to take good ones away!! and feels as though I’m the only one hurting so bad. I can thank my grandad and Nan for the love they shown me because they’ve made a big part of me ❤️ And who I am today
        I’ve been looking at pictures of how he was I’m going to block the end out of my head (well try) because I know he wouldn’t of wanted his loved ones to see him in the end
        I shall treasure the memories
        And I was very lucky to have him as my grandad very lucky (some people don’t have anyone do they ?) love to you stay strong and be the best you can be
        I hope my children and (grandchildren, not yet ?) think of me like I think of my grandad what a lovely thought
        Though I’m not good with my hands… I can put up a shelf just about
        Stay strong ?❤️??? i think reading of other people’s feelings really helps! Does me anyway

  173. Honey  December 5, 2018 at 2:28 pm Reply

    I miss you maman Lapi you were my lapsi joonam and I love you forever you meant the world to me.

  174. Mi Andria  November 27, 2018 at 6:30 am Reply

    My grandfather passed away last week Wednesday and we have been incredibly busy taking care of everything up to the funeral that we, as family members, did not have much to check in with ourselves and see how we are doing and what we are feeling emotionally. So yes, here I am trying to google and find ways to cope with the loss because it is really difficult to accept. The funeral happened yesterday and I am back to work today. I can barely do anything, but I am trying my best and showing up no matter how difficult it still is.
    He was the only one I had left. I never met my dad’s parents, my maternal grandmother died when I was 11 (I don’t think I fully understood loss at that time), and my maternal grandfather is the one I had left. He is the one I proudly talked about growing up because he was really good at Sudoku, he was so talented – he played the guitar and the piano and wrote theatrical pieces, he was a man of God, he loved his country and voted for the last time during the elections in November, at 85 years old. He insisted to go and vote throughout the entire day, and I have never seen someone so keen on accomplishing his duty as a citizen of a country.
    I left my country at a very young age, but this year, I got back here for an internship and naturally, I decided to spend as much time as I could with my grandfather, sleeping over at his house and bringing some snacks for him because food makes everyone happy.
    When he got sick, people told me that it is a good thing that I am back in the country. He died on the day I decided to visit him at the hospital. The day before, I was scared to ask for permission at work, and my mom told me I should still ask because I might regret.
    I was at the hospital at 7 am, and he passed away about 6 hours later.
    I am grateful that I got to see him this year, because I almost didn’t make it here. I am grateful that I got to see him on his last day on earth. He no longer spoke, he had all these tubes going down his neck. But I am hoping he heard me. I hope he heard all the messages people wanted him to hear since most of his children (my aunts and uncles, and even my mother) were still abroad and were texting me the things they had wanted him to know.
    I hope we made him proud. The funeral went well yesterday. But going back to my everyday reality is difficult.
    I am feeling very numb. I don’t know if that is normal. But I am also grateful I found this website. It feels great to have a space where we can share our experiences.

    Thank you,


  175. AR  November 18, 2018 at 6:22 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandpa yesterday. They lived with my parents together and hence i was basically raised by them. I see how much he has inspired me. He encouraged me from day 1 and taught me i am as equal to any boy in a quite patriarchal indian socitey. He went to bat for me in every single corner.

    He taught me cricket, he treated me lke an equal and he was my partner in crime. He was strict dad to all my aunts and my dad, yet, he softened up and was the most supportive co parent ever when it came to me. He took pride in every single achievement i had, and was right there with me every step of the way.

    i cannot even begin to fathom his absence. i dont know. i just dont know. i love you thatha! i love u.

  176. GRAND -Daughter  November 14, 2018 at 4:34 pm Reply

    Hello idk what the purpose of this is, either telling our stories or giving tips to get over losses, but In this case I’m just going to tell my story considering I know none of you and I don’t have to worry about being “okay”.
    My absolute bestest friend in the whole world passed away on December 21, 2017 mid afternoon. He had just came back in side from watering the plants and sat in his chair. My grandma said he let out a big wheezy sound and was gone. He had a heartattack which wasn’t the first time. His health wasn’t the best but he was more of a “ I’m here for a good time not a long time” kinda of guy. He raised me and was basically my dad, we did everything together my entire life And he made me who I am today, all of my interests and likes are because of him. With Christmas coming up and thanksgiving just passing, this was probably the worst time for this to happen. And not only did I miss out on my last chance to spend a full thanksgiving with him because my dumbass HAD to go to my dumbass ex bfs house that day (it was his birthday) I left early and that was the last time I saw him. I have never been able to get that out of my head, the bad decision I made adorns selfish reason. My family had a very hard time dealing with it and my mom, and aunt still have issues. But at the time when everyone was emotional I realized there wasn’t anyone there anymore to comfort people, do the hard things that no one wanted, and kept everyone happy, so I just took the role he left in a way and would just do everything for everyone, be there for everyone and listen, comfort them al , while maintaining a smile on my face just for them. Never was I able to cry and have a bad day if it was regarding my grandpa, because then it would just bring back everyone else’s sadness which I didn’t want to do to anyone, especially my grandma and mom. A whole year I’ve been like this and the only people who know my true pain is my ex, my friend, and now random internet people. I cry all the time but secretly, I let everyone think I’m okay so they can be okay but really on the inside I feel as if he took apart of me with him because things have not been the same and neither have I. But I will continue to act as if I am for my family because I wouldn’t want to increase any more pain for them by expressing the millions on sad thoughts and feelings I have experienced. Please never take your family for granted or the holidays because one day you might think “ oh it’s okay I can leave early I always stay till the end and all they just do is talk, I’ll stay the entire time next year” and just to find out next year won’t be coming. If you read this and are feeling or expericing anything sorta the same just know I’m sorry and I hope those feelings change to happy ones.

  177. Aditya  November 14, 2018 at 11:53 am Reply

    Hi , this is very painful for me , I don’t know how much courage is required to write this .
    So on 23 October 2018 a very unfortunate date
    for me , my grandma died it was early morning when she left us . I was in a grief when I heard that sad news through my mom , she told me that “ son ur grandma has died ”. This sentence was enough to made me flashback all the memories I had spent with her , she was very kind , lovable . All the memories flashed by when we used to go on walk , talking and laughing on my stupid jokes . I m crying while writing this .
    Due to my work I was not able to come to her funeral to bid her good bye and that thing hurts me the most , I cried a lot that day and I want her to know how much I loved her and how badly I want her to comeback .
    RIP grandma
    Love you

  178. Reese Iman  November 11, 2018 at 1:59 pm Reply

    My step nother’s mother died on October 28,2012, my father’s mother died November 28,2012. Even though the first one wasn’t my “paternal” grandmother I still miss her so much. My dad’s mother death hurt me the absolute worst. I always remember going to her house every weekend and every summer and some Holidays. I miss laying in bed with her and she’ll rub her cold feet on me and we’ll both laugh. I remember listening to her pray every night. I remember going fishing at the pond in her backyard. I remember every time we went to her house she would say “Come hug my neck”. I would do anything in this world just to hear her say that again. Almost 6 years later I am still not over her death. It hasn’t gotten any easier for me. I am crying as I type. I don’t know if I should seek counseling. I remember the early morning that she passed I was laying in bed just thinking about her because the Doctor said she only had 24 hours to live. As I was laying there thinking I could hear her voice come through so clearly and say “I love you Reese”. I simply said “I love you too grandma”. The next morning I woke up to a message that said “Sorry for your loss”. I was confused and hurt because I just knew my grandmother wasn’t gone so why would someone say that to me….. But she was. I denied it, even after seeing her sleeping in her casket, I denied it. My grandma would never leave me, she loved me too much. This lady in the casket looked just like her except for the bow she always wore in her hair was placed wrong. This can’t be her. Grandma where are you? I denied her death for two years but then , it hit me like a ton of bricks. She’s really gone. Now here I am 17 days shy of 6 years and im having a hard time. I miss my grandma so much and it hurts my soul…. I’m hurting and even if I live to see the age 78 i’ll always yearn for my grandmother. I cry because I know it’s okay to do so

  179. Patricia Franklin  November 4, 2018 at 9:28 pm Reply

    My grandmother Rosemary Goodall passed away last year on November 7, 2017. She was my best friend, confidant, diary, vent, you name it and she was it. She was disabled but God allowed her to live several years after surviving three strokes and having trimmers in her neck. She never slept well and had constant pain but she always managed to talk on the phone with me for hours, always support my mother any way she could and look after my older cousin who too has her disabilities. My grandmother who I fondly called “Toots”, was the matriarch of the family and we always went to her whenever there was a family dispute, a need, a prayer or just a friendly ear to talk too. She wanted for nothing and in turn I don’t feel she was as valued as she should of been. When I was in junior college I sang “Wind Beneath My Wings” to her in front of my entire vocal class. I surprised her that day and she rode a cab all the way across the city to come hear me sing. She told me that she wanted me to sing that song to her every year until her death. Even when I didn’t feel confident in my singing voice she still cried every time I sang that song. I even sang the song at her funeral, as hard as that was for me I turned my body to her and sang to her as though we were in my living room. I miss her, terribly. My sister was murdered a day before her birthday in 2015. When my sister passed my Toots and I grew even closer. Now that they are both in heaven together I feel lonely at times but I also know I am surrounded by a beautiful circle of angels who watch over me and will continue to do so until I pass on.

  180. Jolee  November 1, 2018 at 8:35 am Reply

    My papa died of brain cancer last week he was 64. It was his fourth time having cancer so I feel like I should have been more prepared or less shocked but I’m not and its really difficult to accept. We were very close and he taught me so much and It is hard imagining life with out him. It also seems too soon because I lost my aunt in August last year to cancer and she was only 42. Both died slowly in hospice and I feel like I had to relive the traumatic experience I went through with my aunt again with my papa, I’m having a hard time dealing with both being gone and getting back to a regular routine and I don’t know how to make the transition any easier. Hopefully writing this down will help me except it and thank you for the other comments it helps to know I’m not alone.

  181. Davis  October 30, 2018 at 6:19 pm Reply

    My great-grandfather fell ill with pulmonary edema at the start of September 2018. I knew this by a family friend. He was 90 and all his family had cut any bonds with him. But since 3 years I went to visit him 3 times a year taking my younger brothers with me. My great-grandfather and I had not a close relationship but he was my sole remaining grandpa having his son (my maternal grandfather) died before my birth and my paternal grandfather having deceased on my birthday in 2012 and I love going to visit him. I tried to visit him in hospital trice in a few days but I couldn’t manage to find the right hospital because of a lack of information. The next week I started school but I keep doing my job and I didn’t receive any news. On 5 October 2018 I received the news he had died on the morning of a lung cancer. No one in my family cried for him but now I feel so depressed because I can’t managed to visit him and tell him I had find a work and started college. I can’t manage to talk him before his death. After 3 weeks I haven’t already overcome this mourning and it’s difficult because I am the sole onr in my family.

  182. Precious  October 24, 2018 at 4:18 am Reply

    I am just 12 years old and I just lost my grandmother today…
    Ok so this is what happend

    So I in August 27 2018 my grandmother was confined in the hospital due to a uncontrollable cough and having a hard time to breathe. Me and my older sister went to the hospital she was in the next day we went into her room to see her sleeping in the hospital bed and I didn’t know what was her illness was until she was able to get out of the hospital 2 weeks later

    Ok fast forward to a few weeks my Mother said that my grandmother was saying something about ‘It’s almost time’ The whole family was getting worried even my distant uncle and my distant cousin ok fast forward to October 24 2018

    I was in school and then the bell rang. It was time to go home I went outside of the school to wait for my sister
    A few minutes later she came with slightly red eyes but I didn’t bother because she always had lack of sleep

    We got home and I thought everything was fine but when I got inside some of the furniture was gone and I heard
    ‘She was just waiting for her’ and then I thought that they were just having a discussion OH! but I was wrong I went inside of my grandmother’s room and saw my My parents and my aunts in silence when they saw me enter the room

    I saw my grandmother in her death bed.

    I hope y’all are coping with your grandparents death
    Good luck

  183. Precious  October 24, 2018 at 4:18 am Reply

    I am just 12 years old and I just lost my grandmother today…
    Ok so this is what happend

    So I in August 27 2018 my grandmother was confined in the hospital due to a uncontrollable cough and having a hard time to breathe. Me and my older sister went to the hospital she was in the next day we went into her room to see her sleeping in the hospital bed and I didn’t know what was her illness was until she was able to get out of the hospital 2 weeks later

    Ok fast forward to a few weeks my Mother said that my grandmother was saying something about ‘It’s almost time’ The whole family was getting worried even my distant uncle and my distant cousin ok fast forward to October 24 2018

    I was in school and then the bell rang. It was time to go home I went outside of the school to wait for my sister
    A few minutes later she came with slightly red eyes but I didn’t bother because she always had lack of sleep

    We got home and I thought everything was fine but when I got inside some of the furniture was gone and I heard
    ‘She was just waiting for her’ and then I thought that they were just having a discussion OH! but I was wrong I went inside of my grandmother’s room and saw my My parents and my aunts in silence when they saw me enter the room

    I saw my grandmother in her death bed.

    I hope y’all are coping with your grandparents death

  184. Claire Dunn  October 22, 2018 at 7:59 am Reply

    I lost my nan on the 30th August 2018 it was so sudden I’m so lost I’m really struggling with everything and the day after her funeral I lost my job so life at the moment is hard .I feel like a big black rain cloud is following me all the time.

  185. Dani  September 18, 2018 at 5:40 am Reply

    I read this a couple nights ago… I had to come back because I felt in my heart I needed to comment to show those grieving what lies ahead and some advice that truly helped me believe they are off to a better place.. I write this at 4 in the morning after a restless night.
    My granddad passed away July 17, 2018 at 78 years old. He was the strongest man I ever new, I’m not sure any man on this earth loved me more then he did. I’ve never loved a man more… I didn’t have a father growing up. He was it, he was my everything. He had survived 7 heart attacks in his life. He started getting sick and we were waiting for biopsy results when one morning he woke up seriously confused. He went to the ER where that very night they confirmed he had cancer.. the monarch of our family was soon to be gone. He wasn’t aware he was dying he was to confused. 3 days after his diagnosis in the hospital they said it was terminal and gave him only days… we moved him to a passing facility where we could come see him 24 hours a day. Walk around barefoot, and cook in the kitchen.
    One morning. I got off night shift and came to his side. Steve the owner said, did your grandpa have a friend named Jerry growing up? I said “yes but he died, why?” He said, because I listened to him talk to Jerry all night long, it was interesting to listen too. And then he said “he must be getting close” I said close? What do you mean?? He said, when people are close to passing loved ones, always the deceased, come to visit them, come to help them to the other side. I was IN SHOCK! To my disbelief I sat in bed for 7 nights all night long and read about death bed visions. I am a firm believer after reading the stories of the soon to be deceased confirming there loved ones are there. Please know, I’m telling you, this helped me tremendously.
    That night the owner stated my grandfather was going to go soon. He stated it was the longest he has ever heard anyone continue with the death rattle. I know why, my grandpa waited all night to have my grandmother alone. She turned on sports and talked to him and When she kissed him goodbye she saw a tear down his cheek. As soon as grandma left the room to go home I went into the room to be with him, I refused to let him die without me, he knew that. I know he didn’t want my grandmother to see him die.
    And not five minutes after grandmother left, his breathing faded, I hollered for my mom, this was it. I still remember it like it was yesterday. My mother put her hands on my shoulders and I put my hands on his and started rubbing them and while I was sobbing i said “it’s ok papa, it’s ok! Jesus is coming, don’t be scared.” And with that he was gone. I wailed. I wailed louder then I have ever wailed in my life. My shining light for the last 30 years of my existence was gone. I cry hardly even as I write this. Please know to you all, you are not ALONE. When it feels like the world stops running for you but keeps running for everyone this is normal. When you wake up in the middle of the night with a hurting heart and burning throat, this is normal. When your wondering why this is happening and why life is so unfair, remember that some day it will be happening to you. And they will be there to help guide you: it does get easier but in those moments your experiencing the raw grief it won’t feel like it is. The grief will always be there but some how time helps you cope. Everyday gets a little easier.. I pray for you all and hope this message helped all of you in some way. I pray you all have dreams of them visiting. Since my grandfathers death I’ve had two, every night before I go to bed I wonder if I will dream about him. My last dream he looked healthy and said “hi Dani” I could hear him so plainly. I will continue being patient. See you at the gates my sweet papa.

  186. Anon  September 12, 2018 at 1:05 pm Reply

    I lost my grandmother on August 15th 2018, one week later my partner of 9months left me for my younger brother

  187. Tanya Morrison  September 11, 2018 at 10:57 pm Reply

    I just lost my grandmother September 6 2018. She helped raise me, my brother and 2 other cousins She never stopped raising children. She was the glue, backbone and rock to our family. She was my go to person for advise and direction. I would call her almost daily to chat with her. The end of may this brave women was diagnosed with an aggressive lung cancer…..over the past few months i watched at it claim her but nanny remaied positive and optimistic. My mom and i were with her almost every step of her journey but now we are lost. My heart hurts, eyes sting and my body is numb. I need to remain strong for those around me but i feel like im going to break at any moment. My nanny is gone and she has taken apart of me…

  188. Ulkar  August 31, 2018 at 4:03 pm Reply

    My grandfather passed away 12 years ago. 4 days before my 10th birthday. 12 years later I’m still in grief as I just can’t cope with the loss of the closest person I’ve ever had. We lived together and I would go out with him for walks almost every day and I went to them every night making up that I had nightmares. 12 years later I’m lying in my bed and just crying uncontrollably trying to imagine him near. I started forgetting some moments and that really hurts and I don’t know. When you loose your loved one, someone as close and my granddad used to be to me, the pain and grief is forever just as all this love is.

  189. Unknown  July 24, 2018 at 10:25 pm Reply

    I can relate to many of the comments mentioned. I recently turned 37 and my grandmother passed away about 2 1/2 days after my birthday. We were close, beyond close, connected, if you will. This woman raised me for the most part, from the time I was an infant until I was about 14 years old. I moved but would see her regularly and talk to her almost daily. As an adult, I moved in with my grandparents for a few years in my early 20s. I would often go visit at least 1-3 times a year. We literally talked multiple times a day. She was pretty much my mother which is often hard for people to understand. I have searched for grief groups in my area but have not found any that I feel would fit my needs. I have experienced all types of emotions, sadness, frustration, anger, even emotionless which makes me feel guilty. I don’t have the best insurance and can only afford to pay out of pocket a few times to see someone. Does anyone have any book suggestions? I have seen LOTS geared toward children and not adults. Suggestions would be great! Thank you!

  190. Edith Aint  July 12, 2018 at 5:46 pm Reply

    My grandma died this week, right before my birthday this month….She was 84, but very healthy for her age, so it feels so sudden….She was one of my only friends, and the word “was” doesn’t even feel right. We shouldn’t stop being friends just because she died.

    All through my childhood and teenage years, I spent every other weekend with my grandma and uncle. Even after I met my boyfriend, finished school, and turned 18, I still visited and called just as frequently. Until my mom and I were kicked out by her ex-husband, leaving us cooped up together in my grandma’s apartment for 3 months. I stopped visiting so much after that because….I became uncomfortable in that apartment, I suppose. My mom can ruin almost everything….

    That same year, my uncle had a mental breakdown. He hasn’t been his “usual self” ever since. Even with my grandma around, I didn’t feel safe around him anymore, and my mom just adds fuel to the fire. So I visited my grandma even less.

    Even a phone call felt risky, because my uncle might answer the phone. He used to be one of my best friends, just like my grandma, but he started getting more and more agitated with me. If I would ask for my grandma, he’d get defensive and wonder why I didn’t wanna talk to him. And when my grandma and I did talk, he would eavesdrop, mumbling under his breath the whole time. So I went from calling my grandma every day to only calling her once a week.

    During this past year, my husband and I started visiting them again. Although we had an ulterior motive: my grandma paid us to go grocery shopping for her, both in gas money and “whatever we want” from the store. Still only talked on the phone once or twice a week though, because I was so afraid of my uncle answering the phone….

    The guilt is eating me up inside. Both my uncle and grandma trusted and respected me as their best friend, yet I only grew older, colder, more bitter, and more abusive of their love….My grandma never complained. Only my uncle would say “I miss you” or ask me if I still love him. I do. But does my grandma know I still love her….?

    My grandma always told me to forgive myself. She’d say such ridiculous things, like “You could punch, kick, spit on me, steal from me, and I would still love you and forgive you.” She also told me not to cry about her death, and asked me “Why would you cry over a dirty, ugly, stupid old lady like me?” Because I love you, Granny. That’s why.

    She didn’t want anyone to see her in the hospital either. And of course, everyone else ignored that wish. Except me. Down to the last day, the last minute, my grandma made it clear that she didn’t want me to watch her deteriorate. So if she didn’t want me to see her that past week, what about that past month? The month I barely talked to her, when she was getting sick with pneumonia, and neither she nor my uncle told anyone? Maybe she already wanted to be left alone?

    My grandma wanted to die….She outlived most of her children, and those still alive were cruel to her at times. So was I. Death was a common topic at my grandma’s house, back when we would drink coffee together and plan out our funerals. I thought I was prepared for her passing. But I’m not grieving because my grandma died, I’m grieving because I lost one of my only friends….

    If I had more confidence and patience with my uncle, I could’ve spent more quality time with him and my grandma. I could’ve spent one more weekend, or just one more night, drinking coffee with them like the “old days” just a few years ago….How can I apologize for growing so distant? For growing up? How can I tell her I’m sorry? How much I love her? How much I miss her….?

    If I could only see and hear my grandma in a dream, even just that would give me some peace….Even if she is angry at me….Like my grandma. I’ve always had a guilty conscience, and like her, I’ve always been….a dreamer. Colorful, emotional, memorable dreams. Dreams that feel more real than reality. But I can’t find her in my dreams anymore, only my uncle and their empty apartment now….

    Should I try to convince myself that my grandma is really gone, or should I try to convince myself that she really isn’t….? I have so many questions for her, questions I used to think we’re so stupid, questions that she wouldn’t answer even if she was still alive….And if there really is a God, I know she has a lot of questions too….

    I just want to free my mind from this grief so I can think again!

  191. Rebecca  June 9, 2018 at 11:14 pm Reply

    I lost one of my grand mothers on December 15 2017 and my other one June 6 2018 two day after he 86 birthday. I’m having a hard time coping and my whole family seems fine and no one knows I’ve crude myself to sleep everynight since the second died. I just feel so empty and numb. I find music very helpful in the grieving proces though. It really helps understand that I’m not alone.

  192. Heather  June 9, 2018 at 7:21 am Reply

    My grandma passed away on November 12, 2017 @ 12:10 am PT at the age of 76. She was my best friend and not to mention my go-to person when I want to talk about something. She was always there for me and I am crying as I’m typing this. I think about her every day. My uncle then passed away on March 21, 2018 @ 11:17 am at the age of 46. He was a great person. He made everyone happy even if he had to sacrifice something of his own. I will miss them both dearly……..

  193. Shay  May 26, 2018 at 6:05 pm Reply

    My grandma passed away on May 6 and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. On top of the end of the school year it was nearly unbearable. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I still cry on a daily basis. It’s good to hear that other people are still grieving even years later because I’m worried that one day I will forget and I never want the lessons she taught me to leave me. Thank you everyone.

  194. Shay  May 26, 2018 at 6:05 pm Reply

    My grandma passed away on May 6 and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. On top of the end of the school year it was nearly unbearable. I didn’t get to say goodbye and I still cry on a daily basis. It’s good to hear that other people are still grieving even years later because I’m worried that one day I will forget and I never want the lessons she taught me to leave me. Thank you everyone.

  195. Diane Laree Peagler  May 20, 2018 at 8:44 pm Reply

    My Grand parents……lived long…. ( My Nanny passed away 1997 at 89 , and my grand father 2008- He was 99…I still cry .and miss them . Had them both well into my adult-hood! <3

  196. Diane Laree Peagler  May 20, 2018 at 8:44 pm Reply

    My Grand parents……lived long…. ( My Nanny passed away 1997 at 89 , and my grand father 2008- He was 99…I still cry .and miss them . Had them both well into my adult-hood! <3

  197. Morgan  May 19, 2018 at 8:23 pm Reply

    My grandpa ( Paw Paw ) died on July 7th and him and my Nana basically raised me my whole life and their home is my first home.
    He was like the father figure in my life and he always understood me when others did not. He was the glue that held the family together. When he left it all started crumbling and every time I think of him I will now have to bite my lip and put walls down so I would not collapse on the floor crying. The worst of all is that the last thing I ever said was bye. And I will regret never saying ¨I love you¨ or ¨I will always miss you.¨ And I will. Till the day I die and join him again.

  198. Morgan  May 19, 2018 at 8:23 pm Reply

    My grandpa ( Paw Paw ) died on July 7th and him and my Nana basically raised me my whole life and their home is my first home.
    He was like the father figure in my life and he always understood me when others did not. He was the glue that held the family together. When he left it all started crumbling and every time I think of him I will now have to bite my lip and put walls down so I would not collapse on the floor crying. The worst of all is that the last thing I ever said was bye. And I will regret never saying ¨I love you¨ or ¨I will always miss you.¨ And I will. Till the day I die and join him again.

  199. Nicole  May 12, 2018 at 3:02 am Reply

    My grandmother died April 14th and it was an emotionally draining week and I can’t get some of the things I heard and saw out of my head. It was my first experience witnessing death firsthand and hospice just seemed so horrible for some reason. I watched the woman that was like a second mom to me slowly get weaker and weaker after the diagnosis of kidney cancer and she made it less than a year after her cancer was discovered. I had to be next to her and I whispered many things in her ear and played music for her when she was in a coma. She was always a phone call away and the one that always made me laugh about situations that seemed hopeless. I watched her say her goodbyes to everyone and she had a tear stream down her face that I can’t forget. It was horrible to see her try to understand what was going on. She knew I was by her side through it all and my grandpa was as well. We were the closest with her and she held on until we closed out eyes and fell asleep and then she took her last breath. I watched her deteriorate slowly into a cold lifeless body.

  200. Nicole  May 12, 2018 at 3:02 am Reply

    My grandmother died April 14th and it was an emotionally draining week