Grief is Love

Understanding Grief Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley


What is grief in relation to love? Quite often I think they’re the same thing.

When people think of love they often think of hearts, romance, and warm-fuzzies, but love is far more complicated.

Love can be positive and amazing, yes, but it can also cause the worst kind of pain.

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Grief is love.

Perhaps the most painful kind of love is called grief, which happens when the object of a person’s love is taken away with no hope for return.

Grief is love and the confusion caused by not knowing how to love someone who is gone. 

Grief is love’s frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment at death’s destruction.

Grief is love realizing, if it wants to thrive, it has to be creative and find new ways to connect and be fulfilled.

Grief is love’s unwillingness to give up.  It’s stretching bonds and redefining limits in order to create a space where you can love someone in their eternal absence.

Grief is love.

I know you may not believe me, because right now grief seems like a nightmare. I’ll admit that some days I don’t believe it myself, but then one of our readers says something tender or shares a loving memory or does something supportive for a fellow reader and I’m reminded that underneath it all, grief is love.

Some of you reading this may be feeling alienated, isolated, sad, and alone.  We want to remind you, that underneath the stress, frustration, anger, disappointment, despair, guilt, loneliness, and sorrow of grief – quite often, there is love.

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19 Comments on "Grief is Love"

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  1. Leigh  July 14, 2016 at 4:56 pm Reply

    I am grateful for that article and your description of grief as love.

  2. Mel  July 14, 2016 at 6:49 pm Reply

    Beautiful writing; thank you. I will accept this challenge as I have been feeling myself being pulled down by the weight of grief.

  3. John  July 14, 2016 at 9:23 pm Reply

    Powerful. Often-times we are made to feel that our sorrow/grief at the loss of someone indicates a guilt about what we did NOT do , while the person was alive. This is a creative and healthful look at the other side of the issue ….THANKS !!!!

    • Cathy  July 15, 2016 at 3:34 am Reply

      I agree, I was beginning to believe this myself. So, yes thank you!

  4. Kristen  July 15, 2016 at 5:13 am Reply

    I am grateful got my Dad and younger brother…

  5. Jane  July 15, 2016 at 1:21 pm Reply

    I am grateful for my father that shows me love and kindness.

  6. Suzy  July 16, 2016 at 7:16 am Reply

    I am grateful my parents took me into their home after I lost my son to a drug overdose
    I’ve been negative and complaining towards them without considering what they’ve given me
    Gratitude can be life changing

  7. Diane Loos  July 16, 2016 at 12:31 pm Reply

    Beautiful piece. Thank you! I’m trying to “Share” it on my FB page, as I know it will resonate with people, but when I tried – this is the error message shown: App Not Setup: This app is still in development mode, and you don’t have access to it. Switch to a registered test user or ask an app admin for permissions. ???

  8. Monique  July 20, 2016 at 9:28 am Reply

    Where do we do this?

    • Eleanor  July 21, 2016 at 2:40 pm Reply

      Hey Monique, we’ve been doing the gratitude challenge on our Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram pages which we’ve linked to at the bottom of the post. Although this is also a helpful coping skill that anyone can do on their own and in their own time.

  9. Glenda  July 30, 2016 at 11:53 pm Reply

    I am grateful for family

  10. Rabbi Mel Glazer  August 29, 2016 at 3:27 pm Reply

    I agree, grief is parallel to love. That is why, at all the funerals at which I officiate, family and friends stand up and relate stories and lessons and teachings from the loved one. Some even all it a celebration of life, not a funeral.
    My only problem (and I am a grief expert, authored 3 books, D.Min. in counseling, host a weekly radio show), is that our society doesn’t know how to “lay them gently down.” In its essence, we don’t let them die, and we aren’t capable of understanding how to move from loss to healing. No one ever taught us, and society only teaches us how to acquire things and people, but not how to let them go. So we do the best we can with mourning and therapy and all the rest, but mostly we keep them right there on our shoulders. So they didn’t really yet die.
    Please don’t misunderstand, but our job is to to truly let them die (not forget them, God forbid), to complete our relationship with them, and then to move on.
    We didn’t die (yet), and we need to celebrate that, even in the face of loss.

  11. Parviz Ighani  December 20, 2018 at 6:41 pm Reply

    Beautiful article and great insights shared here. It is true, grief is an expression of deep remorse for not having loved more fully a loved one who no longer is physically accessible. One could even be grief-stricken right in the presence of a loved one, dreading the prospects of someday that such closeness may not be possible❤️

  12. Liz canpbell  February 14, 2019 at 4:05 pm Reply

    I am thankful.for my foster parents in my life.love and miss them so much.will always love them. Both.

  13. Erin  April 10, 2019 at 8:55 pm Reply

    I have found that I feel most ALIVE when I am feeling overwhelming grief. It must be the profound LOVE! Thank-you for helping me understand this.

  14. P. L  September 25, 2019 at 2:03 pm Reply

    This blog really resonated with me. I came across another person’s comment that ‘grief is the price you oat for love’. That didn’t fit for me because I believe love is a gift not a commodity that must be paid for. So when I googled grief and love this website was the first that I read. Thank you for this perspective because I certainly have felt and continue at times to feel the frustration, bitterness, anger, and resentment of grief. I’ve also have felt the beauty and joy of learning to have a ‘different’ relationship with my daughter who no longer is in a physical body. I know and have experienced that who she is lives on and I look forward to a time when it will be easier because we will be together.

  15. Karen Douglas  January 2, 2020 at 11:46 pm Reply

    I lost my boyfriend 1-6-14 to cirrhosis of the liver. He was 51. Lost my Dad 8-29-16 he had lewy body dementia, and a client (i am a medical assistant and i chose to take care of senior citizens in their home) who passed on , on 5-17-17, and i was with him and my Dad for their last breaths, so i was able to zay goodbye to them, but my bf i found in our bedroom already gone about an hour before i got home, so i had no closure and i am having a hard time with it…but he wouldnt want me to be sad and crying all the time, so I try my best to keep my head up and smile.

  16. Jessica Zulueta  March 4, 2020 at 10:49 am Reply

    Thank you for this article, I have been struggling to put how I feel into words and this is spot on. My fiance passed away very unexpectedly 11-02-2019 and I’m having a hard time understanding the feelings I have. This absolutely put it in perspective for me. I know I will always love and miss him., but beyond that I’ll miss who I was when I was with him
    She died that day with him
    .

  17. Krystal  March 4, 2020 at 11:42 am Reply

    Lost my partner last Thursday to a massive heart attack. He was a struggling addict who wanted nothing more than to fight off his demons.. he had an appointment for treatment the next morning. I miss him so much and everyday is a struggle but I know that I will get through . I don’t know how but I know it is possible.

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