I Am Still Your Daughter…You are Still my Mother

I am still your daughter and, though I often feel motherless, you are still my mother. One gets so used to defining relationships through physical connections and tangible two-way interactions that when someone dies, it seems as though they cease to exist altogether. 

At least at first.

For a while after you died, I thought, “I have no mother,” but this defies logic; everyone has a mother. The truth is that I have a mother, but my mother is dead, and the fact that you are dead makes you no less my mother. 

It does mean that you can no longer fill the spaces you used to in the same way that you did before, but you do still fill so many spaces. In fact, I can think of very few cracks and corners where you don’t exist. You are nowhere physically, but everywhere psychologically and so, you are still my mother, and I am still your daughter.

Ours is a relationship that many others cannot understand. Just as they say you can’t fully know what it is to love a child until you become a parent, it’s sometimes true that a person can’t fully know what it is to love someone who has died until they have lost someone themselves. 

This is why many grieving people feel like their relationship with deceased loved ones isn’t validated in broader society. And so even if they feel psychologically connected, they may ask themselves, am I still a mother, brother, sister, son, or daughter?

Death unceremoniously robs people of their titles and thrusts new identities upon them. Mothers and fathers become bereaved parents; sons and daughters become orphans; brothers and sisters become only children. Identity formation is not something people come by casually, so, for many, this can feel very disorienting. 

It’s normal to feel like you’ve lost yourself and your loved one for a little while. But, I think in time, many people come to see they don’t have to entirely abandon their relationship or their identity. 

True, they will likely grieve how the relationship has changed, but maybe not the relationship altogether. Obviously, things aren’t how anyone wants them to be, but to quote Downton Abbey which I’m currently binge-watching and which you, Mom, would have loved, “It’s the worst thing in the world, except for the alternative.” 

I will take what I can get of you, and I am grateful for what I have. This is not to say that I don’t feel robbed and cheated by death at times, but I have to remind myself that I am not motherless. You are still my mother, and I am still your daughter, and death cannot take that away from me.

I am still your daughter. I still look to you for guidance. I still allow the values you taught me to serve as my compass. I still read the letters you sent me, cherishing your cursive letters scrawled across the page. I still think about you sitting at the piano every time I sit down to play the piano. I still pause on the old movies you used to love when scrolling through the television channels. I still sing my daughters the songs that you sang to me. I still worry too much or, as Dad says, “I borrow trouble” just like you always did. I still think about you. I still talk about you. I still need you.

Many of you reading this may, at times, find yourself questioning whether you are still a mother, son, daughter, father, grandparent, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, best friend, etc.  This is totally normal; grief takes a toll on identity and it often takes a long time to understand who you are and how you relate to others in the context of life after loss. 

Regardless of where you are in your grief, I’d like to ask you to give the following exercise a try.  Take a few minutes to complete the sentence below:

I am still your [mother, father, son, daughter, brother sister, etc] because…


May 5, 2020

75 responses on "I Am Still Your Daughter...You are Still my Mother"

  1. You are my mom and I am your daughter, and always will be. You died five weeks ago. You died five weeks after your cancer diagnosis. You’ve been gone as long as you struggled with it– not very long at all, but these past 10 weeks have been the hardest of my life. My only comfort when you first died was that you didn’t have to suffer for very long with the terrible cancer. Now that five weeks have passed, the initial grief has given way to this feeling of emptiness and despair. Mom, you were the only person in my life who I could turn to for unconditional love. You were always there for me. Anytime I called you, with any problem, you were so sympathetic and caring. You would then worry about me until I told you the problem was resolved. You loved plants, flowers, and birds, and now I can feel your spirit in all of those things as spring unfolds around me. I talk to you every day and I hope that you can hear me. I hope you are still with me. You will always be my mom.

  2. I am still your daughter, you are still my Mom, as I find myself humming songs we used to sing together, as I use sayings I learned from you, as I tell stories about your life and as I explain how the choices we made, make us the person we are today. I am still your daughter as I carry out your last wishes, even as it affects what little relationship I had with my steps. You are my Mom. I am here because of you. We will meet again, face to face.

  3. 23 days ago we watched you take your last breath. Each day the grief hits me harder and harder, I wonder when the “worst” of it will happen. I got your cremains and I though it would start to bring me closure, start my heart to heal, but it didn’t. While I cherish the fact that I get to have a little part of you with me forever, the fact of the matter is that I wish YOU were still with us mom. But that wouldn’t be fair to you. You fought a fight like absolutely no one I know could have done and in my heart I know you are finally at peace and with your loved ones that went before you. My broken heart, where not a day goes by where I don’t think of you and talk to you. Until we meet again, love, your daughter.

  4. Im am your daughter as you are my mother – forever. Its been 28 days since you passed. I think of you everyday. I spent the Saturday before mothers day continuing our tradition of searching for the most beautiful flower baskets, but this year I took my daughter, my niece and my brother and sister. New memories made and many memories of you shared. Love you two bunches!

  5. You passed 7 weeks ago and I miss you terribly.
    I am still your daughter because you are my Mom, best friend and partner in crime. I know you loved me more than life and I lwill ove you forever.
    Heartbroken but always your daughter

  6. You passed 7 weeks ago and I miss you terribly.
    I am still your daughter because you are my Mom, best friend and partner in crime. I know you loved me more than life and I lwill ove you forever.
    Heartbroken but always your daughter

  7. I am still you baby doll and you will always be my goddesses. Even though it’s been a year, your presence lingers near. When I’m aligned in spirit, there is only truth in this undying love. It’s only when I forget who I really am, that I lose sight of you. Now I recognise you in your friends and family you held close. Scattered pieces of your heart you left in all so dear. Most of all you are here running through my veins. ..
    Wish I could have loved you more, is what I cried one day. You responded in a subtle way ~ You still can if you recognise me in your everyday. I am in you just as you have been in me. It’s time to love yourself more for in doing so you’ll be loving me.

  8. I am still your mother because my blood runs through your vains. Your heart beats with my blood. I live in you.

  9. I am still your daughter and you are still my mother because after all, we were who showed eachother what true love really was. I speak of you daily, I think of you and dream of you often. Sometimes I can still hear you although it’s been 5 years that death took you from me. You are still my mother because I feel you through every fiber of my being. I am still your daughter because You momma, YOU GAVE me life and although I don’t treat this life you gave me well, I know you understand the pain I feel. I’m still your daughter because I won’t give up! ♥️💋

  10. I am still your daughter because you loved me enough to have me. You will forever be my mother, how i miss you❤️ So it’s been 24 years this Mother’s Day since you died, I have been heartbroken and lost without you.

  11. I barely remember my mother. I cannot imagine as an adult what it would be like to have a mother.

  12. I am still your daughter and you are still my mother. Death stole you 5 wks ago. I am devastated beyond words. I still hear your voice, your comments, your opinions. You chose me, and although it took many years, you finally were my best friend. Death stole you from me but death will never steal my love and respect for you. I love you Mom. You were the Mother you didn’t have to be. (I’m adopted)
    Love your girl, Kerry

  13. I am still your daughter and you are still my mom because I love you and you love me. I can hear your voice when I would call, happy to hear from me “Hi hon!” Its been 24 days since I’ve heard it but I will always remember the happy feeling it gave me. Xo

  14. I am still your mother, you are still my daughter. On 12/5/19, you took your own life and i felt devastated when I found you. You left a note that you will always be with me and i know you are. I am still your mom and know you are with me. You are still my daughter and know I am here with you. Nothing can tear us apart.

  15. I am still your daughter because, I still need to know that you wanted me and that you cared for me. I still think about you, and wish I’d known you as an adult. I am still your daughter because I feel we are connected even after 40 years, and I still look for proof of those connections.

  16. I am still your Sister. <3 #E4MikeMike

  17. I am your mum in law always . You are always my grandsons dad .You are here but your not .

  18. I am still your daughter because I love you. And I know you have always and will always love me.

  19. This blogpost has me in tears. It’s so relatable, like someone fully understands how I feel. Until you’ve lost your mother, you cannot comprehend the pain of the loss. However, reading your post changed my way of thinking. I am still your daughter because you gave me life. You raised me to full adulthood. I do still go to her for motherly guidance (thankful for you to write in a way that makes me feel normal for that) and that still makes her my mother. My mother used to say “memory eternal” to/about the departed and so I, too, will say to her: memory eternal.

  20. My Mom died July 10 2018 ..
    Thank you all for your vulnerability sharing on this blog ..
    She said the day she passed she will always be by my side I will never lose her she will always be by my side …

  21. I am your daughter because I have a compassionate heart. I am your daughter because I play piano and with Karen compassion. I am your daughter because I love deeply. I am your daughter because I go against the odds and go to Alanon. I am your daughter because I have a sense of humor. I am your daughter because I am an avid reader. I am your daughter because I miss you terribly. I am your daughter because I hear you. I love you Mom . You chose the past two weeks after dad to weeks after Father’s Day two weeks after your 61st wedding anniversary. I am your daughter because she chose to pass two months before Mother’s Day. I’m not sure why those two events tell me I’m your daughter but that’s what is tonight in my heart. I love you dearly I hear you.

  22. It has been 7 days since you passed away and less than 24 hours since I buried you (1 day) before Mother’s Day. You are forever my mother and I am your daughter. Mom, you are the air that I breathe and my entire existence. Words can’t describe the pain that I feel now and forever. You were my umbilical cord and now it has been severed forever. The sky, trees, birds, grass, and sun will always look different to me now because you are not here to see this world through my eyes any longer. I will always honor you and remember the words you have repeated to me “it’s alright, it’s ok” when life gets tough.
    Love your daughter forever and always.

    • Michele,
      I lost my mom April 5. I just wanted to tell you what you wrote resonated with me deeply.

      Thinking of you even though I don’t know you. This is so so so hard. Take your time. Just take your time.

  23. I am still your daughter because I only exist because of you. You are still my mother because nothing in this world, not time, not distance, n o t h I n g……can ever take those two roles away from us. I am still your daughter because for the past 15 months and 11 days I have experienced the worse pain I could have ever imagined and I cry still, daily. You are still my mother because the little girl inside me still yearns and craves your comfort, your advice, your protection, your hugs, your kisses, your smell. Until the day we reunite, save a place for me, I’ll be there in just a blink, your time. Missing you is hard for me to put into words… and it hurts too bad to even try to think them up. When I don’t know what to sing, I’ll sing about you…..

    I love you Mom, for Eternity,
    Your baby girl, Steph

  24. I AM your daughter mom 12 years I’ve wanted waited to hear your voice but knowing tht will not happen I do hear you when I need to, sometimes it is my own silence , or when life becomes unbearable at times, I see your face in my daughters own face , I hear myself saying things you have said or teaching others things you taught me so lovingly. Oh how I miss your infectious laughter how contagious it was only to hear some one say your mom would have loved that,I AM YOUR DAUGHTER I miss you beyond every breath I take I don’t cry as much but there are times I need your hug not someone else’s it’s your I Long for! I’m living again I’m doing the things I’m suppose to, I’m watching your grand kids lives unfold as they find their paths knowing your watching them and listening to stories they have of you. Not long before you passed you said to me “be strong we are Europeon” I’m trying …. I love you mama !

  25. Ashanta Marie SmithMay 10, 2019 at 5:58 pmReply

    I am still your daughter because you will always be my mother. I will always know and feel your love. I will also remember your sacrifices. I am still learning all the ways you loved me and many of the things you were trying to reach all along. Thank you for loving me so much and I will always love you and miss you.

  26. You are still my mother and I am still your daughter for all eternity. I felt it that day that I pressed my heart against yours. We are separated for now but I know that we will be together again ! I love you so much momma !

  27. You died…you are gone from me…so very much has changed in my life…in me😢.
    You died…and I have become your widow…your widow.
    Yes, I may be your widow…but I am still your wife…and you are still my husband…I will always be your wife…forever…nothing can change that…not even death. It is not. “til death do us part”…I am yours forever, and you are mine for always…no matter what…love is eternal.

  28. I am still your daughter because you loved and cared for me. You carried me and birthed me into a strange new world. You taught me the values that I still holed onto today. I am still your daughter because I Hearn your words frequently spill out of my mouth. While it has been almost two years since you left me and I miss you more than I ever thought possible. I am still your daughter although the way I communicate you has changed the love I have for you has not, nor has. The love you had for me. I am still your daughter simply because I am.

  29. You are still my mother and I am still your daughter even though your heart stopped beating and you took your last breath only a week ago. You are part of me in so many ways; your smile, your humour, your politics and fierce sense of justice, your love of singing, these things and many others you passed on to me and I will continue. I was so happy to find this blog tonight as I battled wih tears and pain. I had imagined myself being motherless and then it struck me and I said it to myself (then read it here) still have a mother and will always be a daughter. Death cannot sever this biological, emotional, psychological connection. To say that death is the end of it is to deny the connection and live that existed between us. I’m taking my first baby steps on this painful, universal journey without you but Iwill do so with my identity intact. Our love endures. Love you Mum.

  30. I am still your daughter because I love you with all of my being. In everything, I feel your presence. I feel you guiding me in everything I do. You were a huge music lover, as I am, too. When I listen to music, I feel your presence the most. Music has been a huge source of comfort for me, during my grief. When people say that your loved one lives on, in your heart, it is true. I will never forget her smile and sense of humor. She was the most loving, caring, honest, down to earth person, I have ever known. She was a wonderful human being and I am so blessed to have called her my Mom.

  31. I am still your mother because I’m still in love with you….
    The girl who struggled with life so, I miss desperately.
    The girl who first made me a mother 18 years ago, I miss desperately.
    The girl whom I called my princess, will be with me forever.

  32. I am still your daughter after reading this blog…I take back the motherless title I gave myself the moment you passed on May 9th 2018 and allow myself to be who I have always been, your daughter.
    I am still your daughter every time I stare down at my hands and see the unique fingers and knuckles. I have the exact crooked thick knuckles that growing up seeing your hands next to mine was one huge physical genetic trait no one could argue I was yours momma.

    I am still your second to last of 4 daughters looking for unique frames to place in my living room wall and fill it with every favorite photo of you and recalling each and every picture taken and remembering how present you were in every one of them, your smile, the look on your face flowing with gratitude of joy over not so much the fancies of the event, but because you were surrounded with all of your grown babies and their grown babies with their babies. The song photographs and memories by Jim Croce are all i have of these to remember you . You loved being with the ones called your kids even when we at times didn’t all get along…but we did it because you raised us to make peace with one another and didn’t want to show you when there was war among us..

    Seeing you have a happy time in these photos I have of you is all i have left, but like the author pointed out a real point that lives also in me there isn’t any space I can think of you don’t already exist!! your voice, your face, in my dreams, the many times you called me asking me why I haven’t bothered to call you first and to know you still existed…this occurs at least 12 hours a day.

    Even when you don’t exist anywhere your everywhere…I know your still my mother

    Your still mom forever and I will remain your daughter because I know this sudden unpreparedness of your passing will always consume me I believe for years to come simply because the aloneness of you not being there will be my reality.

  33. I am still your Daughter and you are still my Mom because I could not live were it not so. You are part of my heart and always will be. Without you in my life, still, I would die. The light in my life would go dim, my heart would stop beating. I talk with you all the time and look forward to the day I will finally hear you answer me back. I love and miss you, Mom. I always will. Forever and a day.

  34. Dear MJ:
    I sympathize with you deeply and understand your sadness. I too have a very difficult relationship with my mother and long for the special bond other mother-daughters on this blog are so fortunate to have. In the short time we have left, as my Mom is in hospice care, I have tried desperately to mend things between us – but without success. Even if I ask her directly what the issues may be, I never get an honest answer, nor do I understand. The only way I can come to terms with her distance towards me, her uncaring and hurtful ways, is by accepting that I cannot change her. I can only be responsible for my own actions and feelings. Sounds like you have done a fabulous job with your own family; this is what you need to focus on and congratulate yourself for your wonderful efforts and successes. Granted, some days are harder than others, and the memories of cruelness creep in; you are not broken; but take solace and find comfort in knowing you did your honest best. Let this strength guide you and bring you happier days. This is also my own mantra to cope, which I too remind myself daily. Sending you healthy, joyful thoughts your way … we will overcome.

  35. Dad, I am still your daughter because of genes, well. And because you are the one I have the highest regard for in the world. You were my moral compass and my sage. You never knew how proud I was of you. On the other hand, you let yourself think that I ‘judged’ you and that I was ashamed of your lack of ostentation and so-called coolness. I never got to inform you that you were far better and more accomplished than the best in my profession which you had not wanted me to take up because of wrong reasons which I still make no bones about. But I am still your daughter because I never once let you down. You never got to know that.

  36. I am still your daughter even though you were cruel to me every day of my life. I have spent a lifetime trying to understand your reasons for this behavior. It still hurts. You loom over me even from your grave because I feel unlovable. I have somehow survived and have a loving family of my own. My goal when I was raising my sons was to be the opposite of you. It worked! I have raised two men who feel loved by their father and me. They are loving toward me and their father and have good relationships with their peers. I am still trying to climb out of the pit of self hatred. Some days are good. Today is not one of them.

  37. This is so helpful. I am the 6th of 7. We referred to each other by name, of course, but also by birth order. We lost the 7th, my sister, Faith, 20 years ago. One of my older sisters said, at the time, “Now you’re the youngest.” I was stunned and speechless. This article has said what I haven’t been able to formulate. “No. Faith is no longer physically here. But no one takes her place. Faith is still my little sister. I am still who I am, where I am, in this family.” Two weeks ago, on what would have been her birthday, I had an unusually intense reminder of her birthday. On the day, itself, I realized the significance that 2 decades have passed. Missing you, Faith, and looking forward to hearing your lovely singing and impeccable piano playing, again.

    This was also helpful in broadening my understanding of Worden’s 4 Tasks of Mourning. It deepens the task of understanding who I am now that a loved one has gone, by joining it to task 4 of the enduring relationship with the deceased. My joys, responsibilities, actions of my relationship may have changed, and may change the way I feel about my identity initially, but that identity never ceases even though it moves to another place in my heart.

  38. I am still your daughter because you are still with me. You are the first person I think of every day when I wake up. Wherever I go, I feel that you are beside me, walking close to the pavement’s edge to shield me from the traffic, as you always used to do. I haven’t really lost you. You have moved on but are still in the world around me. Thank you, Dad.

  39. I am forever your daughter and you are forever my mother – you are a part of my soul, my heart and my spirit. I am made from you. I feel you with me every day and it comforts me and makes me smile. You will always be with me and we will see each other again one day.
    Love you forever sweet Momma

  40. I am still your daughter. We lost you in April at almost 104 years old. We had you so long, yet it was still so hard to let go.Us four girls were with you for that last week and two of us were with you at the very end. You were still our mom, right up to almost the very end, sharing in our funny and happy family memories with us. You gave me more hugs and kisses that week than I think you had given me my whole life and it was wonderful. You taught me lessons that week. The family I thought I would let go of when you were gone, became very important to me again that week. In some ways, more important than when we were younger. That feeling has only has become stronger and I’m glad my sisters and I found our family again. I love you mom, and always have and always will. You’ve given so much to so many. I try to be the good woman you were, not always successfully as you know, but I keep trying to live up to the example you set for us. I have a close bond to my kids and grandkids, so I got some of that right and a 45 year marriage, also your example. I will always love you and keep you in m y heart and life and hear your voice teaching and guiding me.

  41. My mother died two years ago. I wrote to her this mother’s day and one of the people who read my blog posted a link to yours. Thank you for your writing. I know we don’t know each other, but reading your post makes me feel less alone. I remind myself often that I am still my mother’s daughter and that death can’t change that fact. It’s… comforting? to know that I’m not the only one who thinks these things. You’re writing makes me feel like I’m not crazy or insane or “being delusional”. So again, thank you, so much, for sharing your words.

  42. You are still my parents in my heart and I feel your presence every day. You left this mortal and unfair place just over 3 months ago as you died 12 days apart of each other. I miss you so much from the moment I open my eyes to the moment I fall asleep. You are reunited with your son and all family now and I believe to see you in God’special place. But now I have to carry on with my journey on this Earth as you did with yours. I know that I can do it because you are watching over me every day and you would like me to be the best mother and wife and sister. Love you my beautiful, hard working and loving parents.

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  44. There is nothing still about (still) being your mother. I am loudly your mother. Was the day I signed papers allowing your adoption. Every day you lived there and I lived here. Out loud the day in your 18th year that we met. Loudly, loudly I am, still, your mother 4 months after you have ceased to breathe. I breathe you loud and clear. You are still, my daughter, right out loud here in my heart, still.

  45. I am still your daughter Dad and you are still my dad. It’s been 5 months and I have felt my identity shaken and my foundation lost. Reading this article gave me comfort and clarity that me being your daughter and you being my dad cannot be taken away. I miss you beyond what any words can describe and really have a hard time wrapping my mind around not having you physically in my/ our lives anymore. My goal is to continue to live to make you proud, take you on adventures ( in spirit still counts) and thrive not just survive. Thanks for loving me so well Dad

  46. You are still my daughter. I cannot see you or touch you but you are still a very real part of my life. I dont say that I have only one daughter now, I still have 2 daughters, one is here on earth with me and the other is in Heaven with our Savior. God’s grace and mercy took you home so that you dont hurt anymore. But we are left behind grieving for you. There has been a gaping hole in my heart for the last 2 months that no one can fill but you. This is my first Mother’s Day without you, I dont want to face it. But knowing that God is taking care of you brings me a little bit of peace. As long as you are happy and not sick then we are happy for you, we will be ok down here. We know we will be with you again. So my sweet daughter, enjoy the beauty that only Heaven can hold, rest in the love and peace that God gives you, and tell the rest of the family that we will see them all soon. I’m doing my best with your girls and making sure they are ok. They will miss you this Mother’s Day, as will I. I love you now and forever!!! Mom

  47. … Think I’ll go read some Emily Dickinson .

    “Hope is a thing with feathers
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the tune without the words,
    And never stops at all,…”

  48. I am still your daughter because Mum and Dad you made me so I carry you both in me physically as well as in my heart. I miss you both so much and hope you are together somewhere having fun and laughing together.

  49. I am still your daughter because I would not be who I am without you. As I navigate this new journey of motherhood, I feel your guidance, I hear your voice, I remember every embrace, every kiss, every encouragement… every energy you put into raising me. I lean upon you, still, to help me be my best self for my son. I want to make you proud. If I can be just half the mom you are, I know William will be ok. I love you so much, mom. I always will.

  50. Valentino, I am still your mother because you are and you will always be part of my body and my soul. I am still your mother because I feel that you are next to me. I am still your mother because every day I heard your heartbeat in my mind and in my heart. You will always be my son, and I will always be your mama. I love you so much that hurts . I love you with my soul because one day my heart will stop, but my soul will find you, I promised to you when you left, and I promise to you now and every remaining days of my life.. Te ama mama.

  51. I am still your mother because I grew you inside my body. I gave birth to you. I was there for your first breathe. I loved you from the second I saw your beautiful face. I fed you from my body. I kissed your wounds I played with you. I went to ever school function you had. I defended you always. I was there when you gave birth to your children. I Wil always be your mom. I see you in my dreams I feel your presence. I see you in the smile of your children. Always and forever my jiffynerd.
    Love mom

  52. I am still your daughter because since you left 8 years ago, I’ve been parenting my daughter’s alone. I receive no help , I’ve had hardship after hardship, alot of loss but you taught me well. I watched how strong you were and never failing as a mother. I love you and I know you must be walking beside me. How else could I do this.

  53. You are still my son, I am still your Mother. When death took you from me my fear was you would be forgotten and my deepest sadness that I was no longer the mother of a very special son. With the passage of time I realize those that love you will never forget you and yes, I will always be the proud mother of a son who showed kindness, generosity, patience, who was funny, smart and very handsome. A son who made this mother feel loved and appreciated always. I miss you my son, with all my heart. My Damian.

  54. My father died suddenly when I was 17, but my mother lived to 89 years of age. Mothers’ Day is coming up soon. I lost my wife a year ago after a long illness. I keep one thing in mind. My parents and my wife would not want their passing to be a cause of my unhappiness although we are human and we can’t logically or emotionally just turn off grief. I feel their presence. Sometimes I sit on the deck at the back of the house in the evening, and I ask for a sign that “all is well” with the departed. Does an owl hoot mean there is a sign? Does a firefly buzzing by blinking a light man there is a sign? Does a deer coming out of woods mean there is a sign? Some may say these are coincidences, but I can choose whether it is a coincidence or a sign. My advice for anyone is to “Keep Hope Alive.” You may ask keep hope alive for what? Well, I think you have to fill in that blank. Find something you are excited about, and hope to see it to become a positive fruition.

  55. I am still your wife cause you took apart of me with you when you left my heart . I pray we will be together again soon my love always.

  56. I am still your daughter because I miss you more than ever, even though you left this life for life eternal almost 11 years ago. I’m your daughter because I have your (and dad’s) senses of humor. And, I’m still your daughter because I’m your favorite! LOL. Mum I miss you so much. I’m sad that you are not here to see what has become of your youngest grandson. Sad you’re not here for all my silly questions. Sad you weren’t here for Jordan’s graduation, and so much more. If it’s any consolation, I’m kind of glad you are not here to see what’s happening with the families of my brothers. Let’s just say you nailed it, unfortunately. You were my biggest cheerleader, my North Star, my sounding board and my friend. I sure wish that you hadn’t transferred your membership to the Church Triumphant so soon. Tell Dad and everyone I love them too.

  57. I am still your daughter because when I look in the mirror, I have your eyes. I remember your voice and your laugh and I laugh like that too. I am still your daughter because I am because of you.

  58. I am still your son and you will always be my Mom. I miss you terribly and think of you all the time, nearly 6 years after your death. It’s insane to think it has been that long and I still miss you so badly. I wish I had more good memories of you and I wish you had lived a more peaceful life- away from all your mental and physical pain. But I cherish the good times I remember with you. Thank you for always making me feel loved and encouraged, despite your own struggles. It’s hard to consider moving farther and farther forward in life without you. I can’t comprehend that Anna and I’s children won’t know you. How do I find the words to describe you and your immense love but complicated life to people who will never even meet you? I still need you. I wish you did not choose to leave, but know that I forgive you and I understand and I hope you never doubted for a second the ocean of love I have always and will always have for you. “When you die there is nothing you keep, there is only a reflection.” I’m your only reflection and I hope I reflect in a way that makes you proud. God, help me. I hate Mother’s Day.

  59. Louise McOrmond-PlummerMay 10, 2018 at 8:31 amReply

    Ken, I am still your wife and you still my husband because you were my sweetheart and my best friend for 30 years, and nothing will ever replace that. I am still your wife because your death certificate marital status read “married” and that is no less true because you died. I am still your wife because those who keep suggesting I must “move on” and meet somebody else do not understand that it is YOU I am lonely for, not any man in general. I am still your wife because, when you knew you were dying, you said you’d wait for me. I am still your wife because it has been 18 months, and while my greatest fear was losing connection to you, my love for you remains as strong as it ever was. I am still your wife because of the unconditional love we shared, even when I drove you crazy. I am still your wife, because one day we will be together again, and that is my most cherished wish.

  60. I am still your mother because I still think about you every second of every day. I still do so many things for you just in a different way than I would do if you were still here. You are still so much a part of my life even though I can’t hug you and can’t hear you tell me you love me. I am still your mother because my love for you has not changed, if anything it has grown even stronger if that is even possible. I loved you with all my heart in life and I love you with all my heart in death. I am consumed with you every day always wondering………What else can I do so you know how much I miss you and love you? I gave birth to you and nothing can change that, therefore, I am still your mother and you will always be my son!

  61. I am still your daughter.
    For 8 long years we didn’t talk to each other. We danced around each other. My children were the conduit. Five months ago we had three weeks before you died to close off our lives together. I held you and cared for you as you left us. My daughters and I cleansed your body and thanked you for what you gave each of us as women. You were my mother and you are my mother. Your mother left us four months before you left us. I am now the senior woman in my family. I don’t know how to do that. I don’t have anyone to rail against or to say “but I’d do it this way”. Who am I now that my mother and grandmother has gone? I thought we might have time and I thought we might ‘fix’ things and now time has run out. I hope as dad says you are looking out for me and loving me like you couldn’t in life. I am still your daughter and you are still my mother and I miss terribly what I didn’t have.

  62. I am still your daughter because you are still with me in spirit. xxx

  63. I miss you Mom and Dad. I am still number 4. I wouldn’t be here without you.

  64. You are my son –
    I met you when you took your first breathes
    I held your hands when you took your first steps
    I gave you a Mother’s love
    You gave me a son’s gift
    You grew into a searingly wonderful man
    You had a wisdom and depth to you
    You had doubts and dreams
    These are things I live with
    These are things I cherish…
    8 years later ….
    Because you are my son
    Because you are my daughter’s sister
    and my partner’s son.
    Because you are you
    and I am your Mother.

  65. Levi, I am still your mother because, as I told you repeatedly, I love you more than anyone and anything in this world. You moved on to another place 18 months ago, but you will always be with me. You will be my darling daughter forever. You taught me so much in that 22 (almost) years and shaped the way I think and feel. You know now that I was just kidding about taking off from loving you on February 29s. I cannot help but hope we’ll be together before the next one. You would have written this so much more eloquently, but I won’t apologize. Sometimes eloquence is useful, sometimes it serves no purpose whatsoever. Sometimes a broken heart clouds a writer’s mind. You’re still my favorite kid, and I know that I am still your favorite mom.
    Mama and Daddy, I am still your daughter because your love gave me life. I miss you both more than you ever knew. Your love and guidance made me who I am, whoever that is. It is difficult to figure things out these days. I’m glad you two are together again after so many years. I’ll meet you at the gate. Wait for me there. I think I’ll have a great big smile on my face. See you then.

  66. I am still your daughter because without you I would not exist.
    I am still your daughter because I love you with every single beat of my heart.
    I am still your daughter because because we have a connection & a bond that defies life & death.
    I am still your daughter because I love you too much to be anything but.
    I will always be your daughter & until we are reunited in death, you will never truly die because I continue your legacy through myself & children

  67. I am still your daughter because without you I don’t exist.

  68. I am still your daughter and you are still my mother. I know this because I still want to share things with you and am reminded you are no longer here, but somehow I know you know about those things. I feel your strength, at times, and I know it is you who gave that to me. I see you in other people I see during my day. I can still hear you laugh. I feel you in my heart.

  69. I am still your mother, just as I am still the mother of your brother, whom we both lost three years ago. People say, meaning to be consoling, that nobody expects to outlive their children. I don’t take issue with them on the spot: they’re trying to be empathetic. But let me say it now: Once you’ve lost one child (and that happened to me fifty years ago for the first time), you take nothing for granted. That’s why I made you and your brother carry those annoying little cards (“MO-ommm!”) with your emergency contact information and “permission to treat in medical emergencies.” That’s why I struggled so hard not to “hover” over you as your grew up, and became the wonderful, productive, funny, and well-loved adults you became. But I knew there was always a possibility that I would, indeed outlive my children. It happens. And it happens different ways – after years of fighting illness, like your brother, or overnight, from a fatal accident, or a sudden physiological incident – like you, in February; and your toddler sister so many years ago. What I learned from that – and am still learning – is two things: (1) Whatever moment we’re living now is the ONLY guaranteed moment we have Enjoy it; don’t tarnish it with fears and worry about plans that may or may not happen. It’s now; it’s here; it’s real. Take it and keep it and treasure it. (2) The second thing is that, with or without living breathing children, I will always be your mother, and you will always be my children. I still think of you a thousand times a day – I note events and vistas and experiences as if you were there at my side. I talk myself through my irrational and petty fears again and again – using insights and examples you taught me (I always said you were born more mature than I’ll ever hope to be! ) And I share jokes with you – I see things through your eyes; all the comments and asides we would have shared with each other STILL get shared. The fact that you aren’t physically here to build on unexpected thrills and gripes and incidents and anecdotes is minor. There is, in me, that part of you that will still and always respond in a slightly different way than if we had never had each other. You – all of you – are my traveling companions through the rest of my life. I figured out the other day that, totaling all your ages, I’ve put in 101 years of being a mother. But the clock hasn’t stopped ticking. You are all part of every remaining day and night of my life. I’m richer for your birth; I’m a better person; and I feel more alive knowing that I hold you in my heart every step on the rest of my journey. I’m still here. Love to you all, Mom

  70. I wrote this blog post I’m Not a Motherless Daughter She just Isn’t Here originally several years ago. To say I am motherless is to state that my Mom and Grandmother were never here. Hope it is ok to share the link to the post. http://www.howtomakealife.com/not-motherless/

  71. I am still your daughter, even though you reject me and show me no love. You are still my mother, even though my kindness and good intentions will not be well-received. Elusive celebration of another Mothers Day will bring more sadness, no doubt. Anticipatory grief continues on in all its complexities.

  72. I am still your mother and you are still my son. I commune with my sweet boy often. I ask him questions and he answers. One time I was apologizing to God for being angry that “you took him.” I heard Jeff say, “Mom, it doesn’t work like that here.” I have had several times like that but it took about a year before I was brave enough to hear him answer me.

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