Pet Grief – Let’s Talk About It
/ General : Litsa
by Bec Timmons
Bec Timmons lives in Maryland with their partner and two cats. They are currently attending the University of Maryland, Baltimore, School of Social Work for their MSW. In their free time, they love being with family (pets included), reading books, playing video games with friends, and writing stories.
When I was 15, I adopted my cat Parker. When I was 16, I somehow talked my parents into rescuing another cat named Issi. These were my first babies. I took care of those two cats like they were my own children. I went through some of my highest highs and lowest lows with them as my companions. Parker and Issi were both very in-tune with my health—both physically and mentally. Through my struggles with my mental health and my disability, they always loved me. And I loved them more than I loved most people. There is something so pure about a pet’s love. They were part of my family. I am confident there’s at least one person reading this who feels similarly about their pet.
In July of 2024, I had to make the difficult decision many pet parents fear—Issi had to be put down. We have no idea how old she was (our vet guessed 27) but age and cancer had caught up to her. She lived a happy 5 years with a family who loved her. And what was truly exceptional is that I learned a lot from Issi, and I learned about myself through her. She had chosen me at the shelter, and I chose to be with her at her end. When I lost Issi, I felt I had lost a part of my heart—something was missing. I missed hearing her bell ring with her every step, I missed her meows when she would have a conversation with me, and I missed her cuddles she would always happily provide. Even through this loss though, Parker was with me. He grieved his sister and he was always by my side as I grieved.
In October of 2025, Parker passed away in his sleep. There were no warning signs; the night before he seemed completely like himself. By morning, he was dead, still lying in his normal sleeping spot. It seemed to be quick, over in an instant. In all honesty, I won’t ever know what happened. We didn’t do an autopsy because it wouldn’t change anything. Parker wasn’t old, there was no illness or injury. This unexpected loss came 6 months after a big move halfway across the country, where I’m in a new space. I lost my anchor, my constant over the last 7 years.
The grief from this loss hit me like a freight train.
The first two weeks after that loss are a blur. I was so anxious that I felt like I couldn't eat. My brain felt clouded. I was supposed to be a grad student but I couldn’t focus on anything. I fell behind on readings, my work on assignments came to a halt. I showed up to classes but I barely remember anything I learned. It felt like no matter how hard I tried, my brain couldn’t take in any information. I felt crazy reading papers with classmates and finding it took me twice as long to read the same paper as everybody else.
The sudden loss took me by surprise, and I became very anxious, worrying it could happen again. I had one cat who survived Parker, our kitten Yuumi. One day about a week after Parker’s death, I still remember coming home and she didn’t greet me at the door like she usually does. I didn’t even hear her bell to signal she had woken up somewhere. Calling her name and checking everywhere in our apartment, I couldn’t find her and I started panicking; I feared the worst. I was crying and calling for her and my thoughts felt out of my control. It had happened to me once, it felt like it was always a possibility now. Yuumi emerged from her nap after hearing my distress. She was ok, everything was fine, but all it took was one moment of uncertainty to remind me of my loss.
Things kept going forward but I felt stuck.
I would show up to classes, family events, work and felt I had to act like everything was fine. Someone asking me how I was doing made me burst into tears. I felt so numb and yet so emotional. I felt like a mess. Even as time passed, my grief didn’t just go away. I might seem fine on the outside but I still miss Parker often and think about him a lot. My first experiences living in a new place felt strange without him by my side.
I tell this story because I know many have had these close relationships with their pets. The stories may be different, but that kind of connection and love with our pets is not unusual. For many people, our pets—furry and otherwise—are part of our family. Not only that, but our daily routines are shaped around them. We feed our pets at mealtime, we take our dogs on walks. Some people can probably relate to being woken up because of a pet’s need—or because they were being vocal. Their lives become intertwined with ours.
And yet, pet grief feels like it’s rarely acknowledged in our society. There’s no leave of absence for the loss of a pet. There’s not much offered support for pet loss. And I would guess I’m not the only one who has had their feelings discounted because the grief was for a pet. It’s interesting how the subject of grief for the death of a pet is often shamed or diminished, especially considering that for many our pets are part of our family.
We may feel pressure to continue working, even if the grief is affecting our ability to work. We may hear comments from people close to us that make us feel like it shouldn’t be affecting us. We may feel we have to bury that grief and that we shouldn’t bring up the loss of our pet. Maybe we feel silly that the hardest loss we have experienced was our pet.
I feel as a society that we do not talk about pet grief enough.
It is often minimized and treated as insignificant. I believe grieving a pet can be just as hard as grieving any human loved one we’ve lost. And for anybody who has lost their pet and is grieving them, I want to assure you that it is normal. And more than likely something every pet owner will have to face someday. The sad truth is that most pets have a shorter lifespan than the average human. We will experience that loss at least once, and for many pet lovers—more than a few times. The death of a pet and grieving that loss is more common than we may think, and I believe this needs to be talked about more.
If you have lost your pet and you have grieved that loss deeply, you aren’t weird or crazy. It’s not something to feel ashamed of. It’s a normal feeling and it’s a real and raw feeling. That grief is still grief and you are grieving the loss of a loved one—even if they are furry, scaly, feathered, or all the in-between. There’s something about pets that just captures our hearts. And even after they're gone, they still have shaped us in some way.
We invite you to share your comments and questions with the WYG community in the discussion section below.
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What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.
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elle March 22, 2026 at 9:44 pm
This is just what I needed to read because i have been struggling and not functioning well at all since a month ago on february 13th. how quickly life can turn and still feels like its turning and hasnt stopped. my baby/dear cat of 16 years suddenly and unexpectedly had to be put to rest. I cant describe how broken i feel inside over it. she was my world, my comfort and joy, what made my heart whole. It has made me come to so many realizations and seeing everything differently. I do wish people would start to see how much losing your pet impacts your life and should be valued and validated. I dont understand how people decide to have a pet for the fun and after all the years they support us in every way but when things change and they need us, its not automaticlly returned. There is always a question in the value of their being whether if there worth the trouble or money when they need our help. I really wish people would start changing the way of this mind set. Pets are our heroes and do so many amazing things, but most of all continuous love. Their love forever changes us. I hope there will be more articles here sharing about this more.
Karen G March 13, 2026 at 1:00 pm
Bec, thank you for writing this. The line about panicking when Yuumi didn’t greet you at the door really got me. That hypervigilance after sudden loss is so real and so rarely talked about.
I work in grief support through MyFarewelling and pet loss comes up constantly. One client lost her dog during chemo treatments and said that grief hit harder than the cancer diagnosis because nobody took it seriously. Another man told me his cat was the only reason he got out of bed after his wife died. When that cat passed two years later it was like losing his wife all over again.
You’re right that society doesn’t make space for this. No bereavement leave, no cards from coworkers, sometimes not even a “I’m sorry” from people who should know better. The grief is real and it deserves to be honored just like any other loss.
Karen G March 13, 2026 at 10:15 am
bec, this really resonated. the part about coming home and yuumi not greeting you at the door — that panic, that immediate leap to the worst case — thats something i hear from so many people after sudden loss. once you know how quickly someone (or something) you love can just be gone, your nervous system never fully trusts quiet the same way again.
ive worked with grieving families for almost 30 years and pet loss still gets treated like a footnote. people will say ‘it was just a cat’ or ‘you can get another one’ as if the love you poured into that relationship was somehow less real because it was with an animal. its not. parker was your anchor for 7 years. issi chose you at the shelter. those relationships shaped your daily life, your routines, your sense of home. losing them IS losing a family member.
the disenfranchised grief angle is so important and im glad you named it. no bereavement leave, no cards, people awkwardly changing the subject. and then the person grieving starts to feel like theyre overreacting, which just compounds everything.
thank you for writing this. more people need to hear that their grief for a pet is valid and doesnt need to be ranked against other losses to count. i run a farewell planning service (myfarewelling.com) and we see this all the time — people who are almost apologetic about how deeply theyve been affected. nobody should have to apologise for loving something that much.
Karen Gilroy March 13, 2026 at 10:02 am
bec, thank you for writing this. the part about coming home and not hearing Yuumi’s bell, panicking, checking everywhere – that hit me. because that’s what sudden loss does. it rewires your nervous system so that every silence becomes a threat.
i’ve worked in grief support for close to 30 years now and the number of people who apologise for grieving a pet still shocks me. “i know it’s silly but…” or “i shouldn’t be this upset over a cat.” it’s never silly. parker was your anchor. issi chose you. those relationships were real and the loss of them is real.
what you said about society not acknowledging pet grief is so important. there’s no bereavement leave, no cards in the post, sometimes not even a “how are you doing” from people who would absolutely show up if it were a human death. and that silence makes you question your own feelings which is the last thing anyone needs when they’re already struggling.
i run a farewell and memorial platform and we specifically include pets because this kind of loss deserves recognition. not just from the people around you, but from yourself. giving yourself permission to grieve fully, without apology, is one of the bravest things you can do.
thank you for being so honest about what this felt like. it will help more people than you know.
Karen Gilroy March 13, 2026 at 9:38 am
Bec thank you for writing this. that line about coming home and Yuumi not greeting you at the door and the panic that followed – I think every pet owner who has lost one knows that exact feeling. the hypervigilance after a sudden loss is so real and so rarely talked about.
I run a memorial service and the number of families I work with who say “I know its silly but…” before telling me about their cat or dog is heartbreaking. its never silly. you shared seven years of your daily life with Parker. he was there through your mental health struggles, your moves, your growth. thats not a lesser loss just because he had four legs.
the bit about grad school really resonated too. grief fog is brutal and nobody warns you that your brain just stops cooperating. reading the same page three times and retaining nothing. showing up physically but being completely somewhere else. I wish more universities had provisions for this kind of loss.
really glad spaces like WYG exist to normalise this conversation. pet grief deserves the same compassion as any other.
Karen G March 12, 2026 at 9:59 pm
this really resonated with me. the part about panicking when Yuumi didnt greet you at the door.. i hear that from so many families i work with. once youve had that sudden loss your nervous system just rewires itself, every silence becomes suspicious. and youre so right that pet grief gets dismissed constantly. ive had people apologise to me for crying about their dog like they need permission to grieve. nobody should have to justify why they loved someone just because that someone had four legs. thanks for writing this, its the kind of thing that needs saying more.
Karen G March 12, 2026 at 9:32 pm
the part about panicking when Yuumi didnt greet you at the door.. god that hit me. ive heard that same thing from so many people after a sudden loss. your nervous system just rewires itself to expect the worst and it doesnt ask permission first.
and youre right that we dont talk about pet grief enough. i run a memorial service and some of the most raw grief ive ever witnessed has been for animals. people apologise for crying about a cat or a dog and it breaks my heart every time. you dont need to earn the right to grieve. thank you for writing this Bec.
Fay C. March 12, 2026 at 9:11 pm
I have lost numerous pets over the years. All of them had to be euthanized, which was done at home. I lost my last dog during covid. I drove my dog Toby 8 hrs from Santa Fe NM to northern Colorado to an animal hospital. There I was told he was dying & needed to be euthanized. I stayed with him. Talked to him & told him how much I loved him. This was 5 yrs ago ,& I am crying writing this. Then a few months later I lost my sister in the UK. Could not travel due to covid. Then a 15 months later I lost my Mum & her lovely cottage of 70 yrs. I have NEVER recovered from these losses. I go about my day & everyone thinks I am fine but I AM NOT. I now know I must LIVE with this grief until I die. I have been for counseling. I have had a treatment called Brain Spotting. Nothing has helped. Losing a pet is EVERY BIT as bad as losing a human. In some ways it is worse, because many people minimize the loss of a pet. It helps a little to know that some people feel as I do. Carrying grief is a VERY HEAVY BURDEN. I send Love & Blessings to EVERYONE who is suffering as I am .