From One Grieving Dad to Another

We asked grieving dads on social media to tell us what they would tell another grieving dad.  What would they share to help someone else understand their deep Father’s Day grief and everyday grief?  The responses we got, there is really no way to introduce them.  We wish we could have included every single one.  Today, this Father’s Day, we’ll let a few of these grieving dads speak for themselves . . .

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June 12, 2019

14 responses on "From One Grieving Dad to Another"

  1. My son Michael was a Freshman in High School. In March 2017 , he was hit by a car and killed right at the end of our block while walking to school. The day my son was hit was the same day my wife was starting her 2nd Round of Chemotherapy for Stage 4 Uterine Cancer. I believe Michael’s death kicked the “fight” out of her. I buried her 6 months after we buried my son. As you all know, life changes forever. No more “Saturday Morning” feeling of freedom and zest for the day ahead. The way I look at God has changed. “everything happens for a reason” has been replaced with the reality that this is indeed an imperfect world. The selfish part of me maintains faith in an afterlife solely for opportunity (in whatever form) to reunite with my wife and son.

  2. I lost my eldest of three boys November 7th 2017 at 12:25pm, Julian who was 18 years old at the time of his car accident.

    Life is different, I hold tight to my faith and trust in God’s timing.

    I’ve learned to connect with Julian spiritually, guide myself based on the energy when I meditate, pray and think of Julians beautiful smile.

    I will never be the same but I will live through life knowing that Julian is in a better place guiding us until the day we meet again.

  3. Lost my son year and a half ago it’s getting harder not easier. I like most of you feel like I’m the only one I don’t know what to do I think it will eventually take over. It is very selfish to just want him back. I’m tired every day and the days never stop or even slow down. If not for my wife I would give up some days. My faith has been tested and I feel like God would never do this . just a little guidance

  4. We lost our firstborn son 30 years ago…buried him on Fathers Day …to Cot Death
    We lost our 19 year old daughter 2 years ago to Suicide…buried her on Mothers Day 2017…Lost 4 Babies to miscarriage…heartbreaking everytime…it never gets easier…we just have to deal with the pain…32 years together…and grief has now broken us apart…it is sad❤❤❤ but yes sharing our pain and our stories….OUR JOURNEYS…has been my healing…just was so hard for dad..😔😔😔😢

  5. As a mother I am so grateful for these stories. My daughter was killed last April in a horrific car accident five days before her 23rd birthday. I feel so selfish at times. Like I’m the only one who feels like this. I talk about Cate constantly but my husband rarely does. I have sent this to him and I believe it will help him with his grieving. All these dads are so brave and I bow to you. All my love

  6. This Father’s Day will be one of the worst I will ever have. You see, my daughter was born on Father’s Day 38 years ago. We lost Eileen last year to a horrible car accident on July 14th. I barely get out of bed sometimes. My heart aches every day. 💔💔💔

  7. Thank you all for opening up. My wife and I were expecting twin boys. Andres was born sleeping at 33 wks 6 days and Elias in grave condition. Elias spent time in the NICU while we were rooting him on, also while trying to plan a funeral for Andres… How f’ed up is that?!?! Nobody should ever have to bury a child, especially an infant.
    Got home 17 days later with their room full of double everything… definitely traumatic experience to where I’m numb now… My emotions aren’t the same. My new Happy isn’t the same Happy when we found out we were expecting twins… Some people say “you should be grateful you at least have one of them…” or “maybe God intended for you to have only 1…” Are you kidding me?
    Now, 3 years have gone by and we skiddishly welcome our rainbow baby girl… We both still think about our sweet Andres and what happened that scary night/emergency delivery… it brings pain, sorrow, and tears.
    We’ve found a community of others that have lost a child(ren) and part of that “club” now… a club where nobody should belong.

    No matter your scenario, once a father, always a father. Try to take some time out of your day and honor your loved one and yourself.

  8. My dads in a bed dieing I’m a dad 2 kids who I love an a woman who puts up with me. I’m struggling with what is happening n I’ve got pissed n looked on heear for answers not thinking I would find em but ya do and I thank you for that your all very brave people and I hope that in time we all forget or remember or remember to forget you know what I mean
    Thanks from a son n father

  9. Thank you to the couragous men who shared these painful experiences. I honor you and your loved ones. My brother and his wife killed themselves, in their fifties. There were only two of us kids. My dad is 88. His only son. It doesn’t help to ask “why” but you do it anyway, over and over. Daddy does not want to read painful things about death or talk about Tom’s death. What’s the use? He tells me. I don’t know how to help him. Men of his era don’t cry or go to support groups. He finally got on antidepressants. They seem to help a little. I want all the help I can get processing my grief. But what can I do to help him? He’s a wonderful man and father. It’s heart-breaking.

  10. My son my best buddy was killed in an accident two weeks before Christmas 2017. Tim was 28. It doesn’t matter the day…Christmas, Father’s day Arbor Day or September 6th…. Nothing will ever be the same. I carry the loss inside me always. My heart goes out to everyone everyday who have suffered a similar loss. Grieve, seek support and be good to one another. Love, Craig

  11. I lost my son 3 years ago and also feel a part of me is gone. I struggle but slowly my ‘good’ days are outnumbering the bad ones. Time does heal somewhat but Andy’s memory lives on.

  12. I feel privileged to have read what you all have shared. Thank you for that. Brought to mind Stephen Levene’s writings and how to dwell in pain (physical or emotional) without losing hope. My husband’s version of this is “riding the wild horse.” Peace and love to you.

  13. When you are a son and a father, Father’s day is a celebration. When your father dies, Father’s day takes on a new dimension of grieving amid the celebration of your own fatherhood. Then, later, when your son dies and you spend your first Father’s day with neither a father nor a son to celebrate, a terrible lonliness embraces you in its cold arms.

  14. Yes I have lost my son, name is his Ethan, he had a SIDS four months old in 2/2001. I has been hard time my feelings about his life. He did not getting any sick or else. He was very happy and laughed as good health. But he gone.

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