Reconnecting With Your Passions: Getting over the Meh’s

Have you ever fallen in love with a thing? Not a person or a place, but a thing? Well maybe not a thing but an activity; otherwise known as a hobby, outlet, creative endeavor, or passion? I hope everyone knows the joy of falling in love with a thing at least once in life.

Passions and hobbies provide people with an outlet for escape, personal expression and exploration, distraction, meditation, and catharsis. It can change the way one views themselves, their loved ones, and the world around them. It can boost emotional wellbeing and, depending on the hobby, physical health.

Dr. Kevin Eschleman, a psychology professor at San Francisco State, and his colleagues found results to support this idea when they measured the impact of creative hobbies on employees in the workplace. Eschleman noted participants, “…usually described [hobbies] as lush, as a deep experience that provides a lot of things for them.” He also remarks that they, “…talk about this idea of self-expression and an opportunity to really discover something about themselves…” The ultimate outcome of the study found that in two groups – one rated by co-workers and one self-rated – employees with a creative hobby were more likely to be helpful, collaborative, and creative on the job. The study also noted that people with hobbies felt more relaxed and in control outside of work.

Those who have experienced the death of a loved one know what it’s like to lose someone they love. It’s a disorienting and devastating experience. We’ve talked about how grief makes you feel like your going crazy, how it brings an onslaught of secondary losses, and how it sometimes requires an enormous amount of adjustment. It’s a time when you need to tap into all of your outlets to make sense of your loss, construct a new normal, and redefine your sense of self. But unfortunately, for many, when they look to their go-to outlets they find they’ve lost their groove.

Anhedonia, otherwise described as ‘Meh’ or ‘I’m just not that into it’, is the loss of interest in previously rewarding or enjoyable activities. Loss of interest can extend to reconnecting with your passionseverything from passions, friends, family, hobbies, work, school, food, sex, and so on. Anhedonia is one of the main symptoms of major depressive disorder which experts believe has to do with depression’s impact on the pleasure circuits of the brain. Grief and depression are not one in the same although, just like anyone else, grievers can experience depression or may have already been depressed at the time of a loved one’s death. Regardless, in the face of death and profound loss, it can be difficult for anyone to want to engage in the activities they once found pleasurable.

What to do, what to do? You miss your hobbies and you know the positive effects of engaging your passions have a broad impact on your physical and metal health, but you just aren’t feeling it. You can wait around for the spark to return, but you might get better results if you make a conscious decision to re-immerse yourself in that which you once loved, whatever it may be. Here are 12 tips for reconnecting with your passions:

1. Think: Does this feel like disinterest or avoidance?

There’s a difference between lack of interest in an activity and all out avoidance. If you’re not sure which one you’re experiencing ask yourself this: when thinking about the activity do I experience a lack of feeling or do I experience strong negative feelings? If the activity brings up negative feelings, then you might assume that it’s become linked with something traumatic, sad, disappointing or undesirable.

Perhaps the activity is connected with sad memories because it’s something you used to share with your deceased loved one. Maybe you’re worried the activity will bring out too many of your own difficult emotions. Or maybe you’re concerned you’ll fail, do poorly, or the results will be judged by others. Take some time to think about what your roadblock might be and brainstorm ways to get around it.

2. Do it daily:

Ann Lamott in her preeminent book, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, advises wannabe writers:

You try to sit down at approximately the same time every day. This is how you train your unconscious to kick in for you creatively. So you sit down at, say, nine every morning, or ten every night. You put a piece of paper in the typewriter, or you turn on the computer and bring up the right file, and then you stare at it for an hour or so.”

This is good advice for any creative endeavor whether it’s journaling, photography, painting, drawing, etc; make a habit of doing it whenever possible.

A popular daily project among photographers is the 365 project, where a person takes a photo every day for a year. There are dedicated Flickr groups and an Instagram hashtag (#365). The 365 project isn’t just for photographers, check out Brian Lewis Saunders who drew a self portrait every day for a year.

Pro-Tip: If you’re not up for a 365 project, consider a 30 day challenge instead.

3. Schedule time:

Sometimes you’re so busy life just gets in the way of hobbies and creative outlets. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes decide to watch just one more episode of Sister Wives instead of reading, writing, exercising, etc.

Be intentional about engaging in activities you know are good for your mental and emotional health. Set a tee time, sign up for a session with a personal trainer, hire a babysitter so you can have 2 hours alone, or make an appointment with yourself to do whatever it is you love (used to love or want to love) doing. Set aside time and stick to it.

4. Join a club or find a buddy:

Engaging in the activity with people who also enjoy the activity has multiple benefits. First, it forces you to show up unless you go through the trouble of canceling on your buddy or no showing on a group of people. Second, those who share similar interests can provide you with the motivation, inspiration, encouragement, support, or even competition you need to get back into the swing of things.

5. Take a class:

Take a class with the intent of learning new skills, outlooks and/or re-immersing yourself in the fundamentals of the craft or activity. Once you’ve enrolled in a class you are more likely to stick with it and, like joining a club, taking a class is a good way to find companionship and make friends with similar interests.

Look for classes and workshops online, at your local community/recreation center, local colleges, gyms, and businesses. When looking for classes and workshops consider cost, whether you’d prefer an in person vs. online atmosphere, and your availability.

6. Volunteer/Teach:

Have you reached a point where you want to share your skills or need to put them to good use? Consider volunteering your skills with local charities, churches, schools, clubs, non-profits, and community centers.

Consider this carefully; although it may be exactly the opportunity your looking for, many people find an activity becomes less fun when it’s something they have to do.

7. Choose a special project:

For grievers, I recommend a project that incorporates your loved one’s memory. I have blogged about a few photo projects I set out to complete with my mother in mind and have discussed the project’s of other artists here. Projects are great because they have a focus, an end point, a finished product, and you never know where they’ll take you.

8. Enter a contest or juried show – or – submit an essay or poem to a publication:

Some people like the motivation of competition. For me personally, I just like that contests and prompts give you direction. Whether it’s a photo contest on the best baby photo, a local 5K, or a call for essays on your worst mistake; a focus and/or goal is outlined and your are free to execute as you like from there.

9. Try new outlets:

Sometimes you just need to try something new. You love photography but you’re in a place where you find more comfort in words. You like quilting, but you want to try your hand at scrapbooking. You love playing basketball, but you think yoga might provide your body with the break it needs.The great things is, each new outlet can provide you with a deeper appreciation or understanding for those you are further along in mastering. Each endeavor helps you to see and experience the world in new ways while skills and benefits gained from one will often transfer to another.

10. Get back to basics:

Try and remember what it is that you loved about your passion in the first place. Look back on yourself when you first fell in love – journal about it, look at photos, look at early work and reconnect with who you were at the time. Create and engage like a newbie. Play, break the rules, and make mistakes.

11. Take care of yourself:

Sleep, exercise, eat well – you know the drill. Poor self-care saps your energy and your creativity. Make one positive choice for yourself and then another and another.

12. Become obsessed:

Love something – anything – except those things that eat away at you and make you feel worse. Make the ‘thing’ yours, live it, breathe it, break the rules, find the beauty in it and go to sleep thinking about it.

What have you done to reconnect with a hobby or passion? Tell us in the comments below.

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March 28, 2017

14 responses on "Reconnecting With Your Passions: Getting over the Meh's"

  1. I used to do photography and painting, yoga and cycling. Now I do a little yoga and thats it. I want to go back to photography and painting but I seem to have lost interest and motivation.

  2. Hello,

    I am 35 years old lost my job 8 months, ago-I have been feeling depressed, low and been avoiding all things. I noticed i lost interest in many things i used to enjoy, and recently it’s been hard to get out of bed. I know I will soon need to work, but can’t get myself to start looking. I gave myself time to grief the job loss, but Now i don’t even know what I want to do next. I’ve been married for 5 years now and I feel lonlier than ever. My husband works most of the day, and so i spend so much time alone now. I enjoyed the solitude for a while maybe too much and now- I am not sure how to get back on my feet. I feel this sadness that comes and goes. I think about, how i haven’t achieved much at 35, compared to others. The only thing really helping me get through the day is prayer. I feel no motivation, and feel as if i haven’t found my purpose, or know who I am anymore. It’s like I’m searching, but honestly I exhausted now. I almost feel guilty, that I am healthy and yet am feeling this way.

  3. I am grieved because I feel like I lost passion for what I spent most of my life doing, “music.” In the beginning I was so ecstatic and I couldn’t stop writing and dreaming of performing in front of large crowds. I would go to bed and hear songs I haven’t made in my sleep. I was on fire. Fast forward years later, it became my escape because I always got bullied in school and I did really bad in school. I had moved out of the US and gone to school in the Philippines – after that I lost everything. All my friends, gone. All my family, gone. All I had was my Mom. No one spoke my language, everyday people would make fun of me, everyday people would tease me and girls would call me disgusting and wouldn’t want to sit next to me. I didn’t have a dad so I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I wanted so badly to be appreciated and I found my identity in music. My music became my way to be appreciated, to feel like I mattered. However, I’ve gone through major depression and have had times in the past where I lost my passion. But I would never stop, but it would stress me out. After a while music went from being an escape to being the thing that I would use to escape my reality, which failed. Since, I didn’t find success in my early years, it lead to me seeing music as something I have to do, instead of a fun escape which I hate a regret so much. I wish I didn’t do that, but I really wanted to be appreciated. Now this depression is just eating me up and I have so many thoughts in my head of “what if they don’t like it”, “you’re not good enough”, “you have to do it this way”. And I’m just fed up, I want to be free of this terrible mindset because I’m at the point now, where I’m really really good at making music. However, the one thing I don’t have anymore is the passion. I don’t have the flame anymore. I don’t want to give it up because I have the potential to do great things with this gift. I just wish to God so much that I could just feel alive and it wouldn’t be this way. After my major depression in high school and all the stress I endured, I never get excited anymore, it’s hard to feel true joy, it’s hard to feel sad, it’s hard to feel motivated, it’s easy to feel depressed and I hate it. It’s so confusing because your feeling are supposed to correspond with your thoughts but mine are so mundane even if my thoughts are high. I’m so frustrated and I’ve tried everything. This problem goes beyond music, it’s in everything I do now. I just don’t have the flame in me to do anything. But, I know I must keep going, so that’s what I do. I want my passion back so bad, I feel like I’ve tried everything and I just don’t know what to do anymore

    • We are at the same position i perfectly understand your feeling, i’ll tell you what to do ones i find out the key to get this spark back. we have just to keep going and the first thing that we must break is thinking about others opinion this means we lack of confidence. keep going bro we can do it

  4. I lost my mom, the pea to my pod nine months ago. She had a routine surgery and never came home. I am devastated. I have no joy, I don’t want to do anything. I get up every day and go to work, I go home and go to bed. I don’t eat dinner hardly ever. I moved back to my childhood home with my dad “to support him” but I think I am the one that needs the support. I do not do anything that I used to do. I started a new job due to issues with my old one, but I do not have the same support at the new job that I had at my previous position. I am floundering in a sea of despair…. I have been reading tons of the blogs here and I see that I need to start trying, maybe forcing myself to do things. I have reached out to a couple friends and asked them to check in with me and ask me to do things… kind of pull me out of the house as one of the posts recommended… I want to be better, I have kids… I need to be better.

  5. Mine is a different kind of grief, but grief all the same. I am nearly 40, and my 20 year marriage has not been my “happy place” for years, but I’m sticking it out for the sake of my kids. Then I lost my mother about 11 years ago. I felt devastatingly alone. My marriage made it difficult to have many close friends (I get along well with people, but he doesn’t.) I poured myself into my children in the effort to make their lives happy even if mine wasn’t. Then, about 5 years ago I found my “happy place” in the form of starting a Drama Club for my daughter and teaching middle and high school kids at our homeachool co-op. Suddenly all my odd hobbies, all the connections I have spent years building, came to fruition. For the first time in my adult life I felt fulfilled, appreciated, valued and genuinely excited to greet each new day. And I was accomplishing things on my own merit, it didn’t matter if my husband was difficult or not, because that was *my* world, and I was finally complete and whole. I had friends of my own that didn’t depend on their husbands getting along with mine. I had a rich and wonderful community. Then my husband decided it was time to move out of state. I lost it all. Where we are has no teaching opportunities for me, I don’t know anyone well and it will take years to form the same network and quality friendships I had before and no one understands my grief. It took me 15 years to finally find my niche in the world and now I have been jerked out of it. I am grieving the loss of the bright future I had invested and built for myself and my kids. My kids are completely distraught as well over the loss of their whole world. It has been a year since the move and I feel no less devastated. In fact, we are moving again, but not back home. To another town of strangers with no options for me. I wake up every day feeling sad and empty, like my life is passing me by and I am missing it. I have gained weight and lost motivation. I don’t know how not to feel devastated by this.

    • Hey, Terra!
      Sorry to hear what’s happening to you and your children.
      Maybe you should move a third time, but this time to a place where your children and you can be happy. You can invite your husband, but if he refuses, then that’s his loss.
      If you’re together just for the kids, but the kids are also being unhappy, then what’s the point?
      Communication is key. Explain this to your husband in clear terms. You and the kids are unhappy and will work now towards being happy again, with or without him.
      Best of luck!

  6. Hi. Am 52, single.female still living with my mom. I have many illnesses and take meds. I used to draw and paint, but, lately have lost the hunger to do so.

  7. Hello there,
    My name is manu ,I’m 37 years old single,I live with my mother .
    I want to be occupied in some work to do time pass,but iam not finding any such work and I don’t have motivation to do anything alone iam tired of searching , thinking and surfing ,I don’t know what I want in life

  8. Iam 47 my wife past away 2 months ago she was 44 she was being treated for cancer and we were told she was going to recover fine but during that time they said there was nothing they could do and she died within 2 weeks .
    I have been in tears everyday so far we were a team just me and her now i have no motivation to do anything jobs or hobbies even if i liked doing them i just stare at them i do the basics only go to work wash clothes food shop i can hardly be bothered eating. Am i depressed what do i do i dont want to go to doctor he will just give you drugs then you rely on them i don’t want to see family only do if i have to they always ask how am i going i say fine don’t want to sound like a whinger its to hard to explain to people how i feel i have suddenly hit a brick wall in life ive been told start a new life but its hard how can i move on by myself i want a partner but i have to wait as not to be judged as i loved my wife so much and want her back but i know my life will only continue with someone else how do i get there .

  9. I am 38. My husband, at the age of 45, died almost one month ago. A few years ago I took up the art of crochet, and about 9 months ago when he was diagnosed with cancer, that hobby became my crutch. He was so supportive of it. I became very gifted at it and I crocheted for many, many hours during his chemo treatments, surgery waits, hospital stays, up until the last few weeks of his life. Now I look at all my supplies and I can’t pick any of it up. I’m not sure why…somehow I almost have a guilty feeling about it. My friends have just told me to put it aside and one day I will feel like picking it up again, but I’m not so sure.

    • i had very similar experience when i lost my wife at a young age. hobbies that i did (partially as a distraction) while my wife went thru years of chemo left me with a decade long guilt. those hobbies that were a part of my identity before and during that time still feel foreign to me despite happily remarrying and finding my new sense of normal. I felt that i had squandered valuable time that should have been spent with her. In retrospect, I know I am wrong, that I was there for her and that ultimately I get to choose what I want to do. Those old hobbies are no longer my strong interests. I keep those old hobbies around in case I get a second wind, but have decided to allow myself to no longer obsess over them or regret them going undone. It’s been 11 years since my wife passed and the urge to resume my old hobbies is just now starting to come back for me. My point is that it may take a lot of time. During that time, I found other interests to fill the void that didn’t make me feel sad or remorseful.

  10. I am 2 months into learning to live with the loss of my sister. I miss her terribly and lately I’ve found I’m somewhat lost, confused and often rather be alone. I love my friends but I keep thinking I’m selfish anymore. Selfish for wanting people all to myself, selfish for not wanting them to see other friends, selfish because I’m stuck in my head. And I often wonder if I’ll ever leave my head. I feel vulnerable at this time and yet completely detached.

    I know this is fresh and in time will fade, I also don’t want to blame people for being so eager to treat me normally. I honestly don’t know the balance of being honest or being a burden to others. I appreciate your blog because it is all true. And I know its my fears of friends walking away that get to me.

  11. Thank you for sharing a great way to regain passion. This is a very good tip which I be willing to try. Keep me updated!

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