by Melina Cruz, twin to Melissa
I am a twinless twin. Our birthday is on April 23rd. Melissa died on April 24. How insane is that? It has been 5 years since she passed away. I still cannot wrap my head around that. These past five years have gone by so quickly, yet so slowly. Some days I feel like I am moving forward and living my best life. Other times, I feel stuck and I cannot breathe. Sometimes I feel guilty for feeling happy. Sometimes I am angry when people tell me not to feel sad. Sometimes I cry when I am overwhelmed and it is just too much to handle. I spend so much energy trying to be okay in this world without Melissa, that when I get home I feel exhausted and drained. Melissa would want me to be happy. People tell me that all the time. I guess I believe them.
I took this picture randomly because I thought it looked cool. Afterward, I realized this is where I am in my life. I am simply putting one foot in front of another. Taking one step at a time. I miss Melissa every day and that will not change. My grief is a part of me now. I understand that more and more each day.
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