64 Thoughts on Individual Worth and Forgiveness

Coping with Grief / Coping with Grief : Eleanor Haley


Litsa and I have been promising a forgiveness post for months now.  No one has specifically asked for this particular topic, but we’ve covered anger, guilt, regret, and making amends; forgiveness just seems like the logical next step.   Over the last few weeks we wrote about forgiveness…and then rewrote…and then turned the writing forgivenessinto two separate posts…and yet we’re still not happy.  It’s a big topic.

The connection between forgiveness and grief may not seem that intuitive, but anyone who’s dealt with guilt, regret, stigma, anger, self-absorption, family conflict or a general pissed-off-ness at the world should understand.  We all need a little forgiveness, the kind of forgiveness depends on our situation.  Perhaps it’s forgiveness for ourselves, for our deceased loved one(s), for our family and friends, for our God or for circumstances we can’t change.

Sometimes when we feel so mad, so unable to trust, so worthless and dejected, so ashamed, so angry at ourselves, so angry at our loved ones and their stupid mistakes, so mad at people who say stupid things and don’t understand, so abandoned by the people and things that were supposed to protect us and keep us safe, forgiveness can be hard to find.  I know some things will always seem unforgivable, but carrying around the stress of anger and resentment only enables those things to hurt you further.

So this may not be a full length post on forgiveness (we promise that’s still to come), but in the mean time here are a few thoughts on individual worth and forgiveness.  I’m sure you can think of a few scenarios where some of these ideas don’t seem true, but when searching for the grace to forgive it doesn’t hurt to consider their plausibility.

1.  You are a good person.  

2.  Even though some days you may feel worthless.

3.  You are not worthless.

4.  You have value.

5.  Even though you’ve made mistakes.

“You are good in countless ways, and you are not evil when you are not good” ~Khalil Gibran

6.  Even if you’ve done something you knew was bad.

7.  Even if you’ve hurt someone’s feelings.

8.  No one ought to be be defined by any one thing.

9.  No one is all good or all bad.

10.  We all have the capacity to do both good and bad.

“But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.” ~Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

11.  You are worthy of forgiveness.

12.  So it’s okay to admit your mistakes.

13.  It’s okay to accept your flaws.

14.  Because you are lovable despite your shortcomings.

15.  Learning from your mistakes will make you stronger.

16.  But you can’t learn from your mistakes if you don’t acknowledge them.

17.  Being honest about your mistakes takes courage.

18.  You are capable of being courageous, even when you feel like a coward.

19.  Some days you might feel like a failure.

20.  You probably aren’t a failure.

21.  Most people fail at least once or twice.

“As long as the world is turning and spinning, we’re gonna be dizzy and we’re gonna make mistakes” ~ Mel Brooks

22.  You are probably doing the best you can.

23.  If you aren’t doing the best you can you probably know it, which is half the battle.

24.  We all just want to do the best we can.

25.  So try to have compassion for others.

26.  Don’t assume you know exactly where others are coming from.

27.  Most of us can’t say we know anyone completely.

28.  And often people interpret the same situation differently.  

29.  Communicate, be open-minded and listen.

30.  You might not win.

31.  You might not even want to win.

32.  Life isn’t fair.

33.  Sometimes there’s no justice.

34.  And sometimes there’s no closure.

35.  Sometimes you have to accept an ending you don’t like because you have no other choice.

36.  Sometimes you have to just choose forgiveness.

“The weak can never forgive.  Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~Mahatma Gandhi

37.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone.

38.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget.

39.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll permit the wrongdoing again.

“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” ~ John F. Kennedy

40. Forgiveness is a gift of peace to yourself and to another.  

41.  Someday you or someone you love will want forgiveness.

42.  And hopefully you’ll find it because, remember, you are forgivable.

43.  At least one person in the world thinks you’re completely lovable; maybe even more than one person.

44.  These are the people who love you no matter what.

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.” ~ Brian Tracy

45.  These people are the easiest to take for granted.

46.  But they’re the ones you should treasure the most.

47.  Because they will love you and defend you when no one else will.

48.  They even love your weird stuff.

49.  Yes you are weird, everyone is.

50.  The weird stuff is what makes you cool.

51.  Trying to be the same as everyone else makes you boring.

52.  The best way to be happy is by being yourself.

53.  You are interesting.

54.  You are important.

55.  You are just as important as anyone else.

56.  You are also no more important than anyone else.

57.  So be considerate and be kind.

“Goodness is not kindness, and there is nothing crueler than virtue.” ~Cassandra Clare

58.  Some days you might feel like you’re not good enough.

59.  You are good enough.

60.  Go easy on yourself.

61.  Accept who you are – the good and the bad.

62.  Forgive yourself.

63.  You are entitled to happiness.

64.  And there’s a good chance you are going to be okay

Let’s be grief friends.

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14 Comments on "64 Thoughts on Individual Worth and Forgiveness"

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  1. Rosalind Loggin  February 16, 2019 at 6:15 pm Reply

    I know your supposed to forgive, but what happens when you constantly forgive a person for hurting you. He had a baby by another woman and we was together for 9years! The other woman says they been together for 6years! How do one forgive him for this?

    • Amanda  January 6, 2020 at 5:15 am Reply

      37. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone.
      38. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you forget.
      39. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll permit the wrongdoing again.

      In this situation you can only forgive his stupidity for making the choice to treat you like this and being unable to see how wonderful you are and walk away. This is for you not him its exhausting holding onto the feelings this will have generated and he doesn’t deserve a second more of your time. You have better people to seek out worthy of your time.

  2. Courtney A Garrett  November 25, 2018 at 5:51 am Reply

    Thank you. Just thank you. I truly needed this and you have help me so much. I wish night could explain myself better but the lump in my throat seems to affect my fingers.

    Bless you, positive thoughts, good heatlh, well wishes your way…

    Sincerely,

    Courtney

  3. kimberly hochrein  March 22, 2016 at 3:14 pm Reply

    64 so simple. .yet so difficult to live by!

  4. Julia  September 15, 2014 at 8:04 pm Reply

    another awesome article. thank you so much for the support and understanding you give. xx

    • Eleanor  September 16, 2014 at 12:33 pm Reply

      Julia,

      You’re welcome! Thanks for reading 🙂

      Eleanor

  5. felicia  September 15, 2014 at 5:25 pm Reply

    I think that I am grieving a life I thought that I had but really never did.I always wanted more love and attention than I felt I was given. I am searching for that now and I feel that with the talk therapy I am getting the comfort to find the love that I thought I needed..I really like this site because it covers a whole range of topics.

    • Eleanor  September 16, 2014 at 12:36 pm Reply

      Felicia,

      I’m glad you feel you’re benefiting from talk therapy and that you’re finding new ways to get what you need…even if it isn’t how or what you thought you needed in the first place :). I’m also glad you like the site. Please let us know if there’s ever a topic you’d like to see covered.

      Eleanor

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