Grieving the Death of a Spouse or Significant Other
/ Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley
For further articles on these topics:
Death, regardless of the details, is capable of devastating those it leaves behind. Brother, sister, son, daughter, mother, or father - all losses are significant. Although commonalities exist amongst people who have experienced a certain type of loss, individual grief is as unique as the person experiencing it and their relationship with the person who died.
While we are hesitant to categorize and careful not to compare, we do acknowledge that there's merit in recognizing commonalities. Shared experiences tell us, if nothing else, that we are not the only ones. And if other people have had struggles similar to our own, then maybe our grief isn't as crazy as it sometimes seems.
Today we want to discuss some of the reasons why grieving the death of a spouse, fiancé, girlfriend, boyfriend, or significant other is difficult. We aren't going to tell you how to grieve these losses, because we don't really believe 'type' of loss dictates a certain way of coping. However, we do know that these types of losses can present very specific barriers, stumbling blocks, and secondary losses.
Of note for people who don't regularly read WYG: we have linked some of these to past posts which go much further in depth on the topic. Also, we are going to use the term 'partner' and 'significant other' for the purposes of this article because they apply broadly, that's our thought process and we're sticking to it. Thanks to our readers whose input went into writing this article.
1. They were your best friend
We recently wrote a post about grieving the death of a best friend. Afterwards many people commented that their partner was their best friend, which made their loss feel two-fold.
2. They were your go-to support person
Who was the first person you'd call when something happened? It didn't have to be a big something, like an emergency, it could have been a small something, like someone annoying you at work. For many of you, your significant other was the one person who knew how long to let you vent and how to calm you down. In fact, there are times when you still pick up the phone to call them after a terrible day, only to be reminded that they are gone.
3. They provided you with unconditional love
Love may not be blind, but it is often very accepting. Your partner may have been the one person knew how deeply flawed and crazy you were, but chose to love you anyway. The world can feel dark when it seems like there is no one in it who will accept and love you for who you truly are.
4. They were the only person who really truly knew you
Perhaps your partner knew how you took your coffee and how you liked your eggs. Maybe they knew your weaknesses and fears; where you came from; and what you've been through. It can be comforting to be 'known', but this kind of 'knowing' is not easy to come by and takes a long time to build.
5. They looked out for your needs and your well-being
Although they may have been selfish from time to time (who isn't?), overall they probably thought of your needs and wanted you to be healthy and happy. After having someone like this in your life, not having it can feel very scary and isolating.
6. They were your source for physical intimacy and comfort
I'm not sure much needs to be said on this matter. As a human you most likely crave some level of physical comfort. It may be that you're open to intimacy with someone new, but haven't found anyone. Or perhaps you long for intimacy, but can't imagine that kind of closeness with anyone but your deceased loved one.
7. Your living space feels empty
You miss their mess, their snoring, their talking, their singing, and their TV blaring. Your bed is half-empty when you go to bed at night, and again when you wake up in the morning. Your home is incredibly lonely and way too quiet.
8. Logistics and secondary losses
After the death of a partner, there are endless logistical considerations like household chores, the loss of primary or secondary income, childcare, paying bills, paperwork, estates, dealing with their belongings, the loss of identity, and so on. You can check out our post on secondary loss here. Regardless of what you're dealing with, trying to balance life after the death of a partner can come with a lot of responsibility and pressure.
9. You feel pressure to do right by them
If you were your partner's next-of-kin, the responsibility fell (falls) on you to make decisions on their behalf. Perhaps you knew what they wanted in terms of end-of-life care, funeral arrangements, estates, and belongings, but if not, you are left to guess. Hopefully, you have the support of your extended family, but in some instances it can feel like you're fighting against everyone to do what's right. Sadly, guilt and regret over decisions made at the end of a person's life can have an ongoing negative impact on your grief.
10. You're single again
A return to single status is hard for a hundred reasons. To name a few, #'s 11, 12, 13 & 14.
11. You sometimes feel like a third wheel
Many people say they feel like a third wheel after the death of their partner, which can be awkward and alienating.
12. Pressure to start dating
People often push you to move on well before you're ready
13. Dating
How long have you been out of the dating pool? Long enough to fear jumping back in? Some people love dating...many do not. Although you may feel ready for a new relationship, you may simultaneously dread the thought of dating (we don't blame you).
14. Your next relationship might not “get it”
We receive a lot of email from people who are dating while grieving and who are dating someone who is grieving. Our anecdotal impression - it takes a special girlfriend/boyfriend to (1) understand death does not end a relationship, (2) allow the deceased's memory into their life, and (3) understand that you can love a person in the present, while continuing to cherish a significant other who has died.
15. They were your co-parent
Parenting is hard; being a single parent is harder; being the single parent of grieving children is one of the hardest. When your co-parent has died, all responsibility falls on you to keep your children safe, clothed and loved. Parenting is difficult after a death for a hundred reasons, including #'s 16, 17,& 18.
16. You have to watch your kids miss out
Every time a milestone happens - father/daughter dances; mother/daughter sleepovers; proms; weddings; drivers licenses - you have to live with the knowledge that your child's excitement may be somewhat tempered by grief over the absence of one of their parents.
17. You are the keeper of your loved one's memory and family history
You may feel as though it's your responsibility to keep your significant other's memory alive in this world, especially for the sake of your children. You are the link between your children and their deceased parent and so it is your job to help them stay connected. This may feel like a lot of pressure, but it's also a wonderful way to continue your bond with your loved one.
18. You mourn all the things your significant other will miss out
You may grieve for everything your partner will miss (has missed) out on. Special moments, having children, having grandbabies, retirement - these are things your significant other would have loved to experience.
19. You mourn all the things you will miss out on now that your significant other is gone
After someone dies, it is normal to grieve the past as well as your hopes and dreams for the future. Since your loved one has died, you will mourn for all the things you had dreamed of sharing with them.
20. Death is a threat to your identity
Are you a husband? A wife? A widow? A widower? For so long your identity, in some way, was a reflection of your relationship with your significant other. Now that you have to live on your own, without your partner, your identity may need to shift and change.
21. You live with unresolved guilt and regret
It is common for people to feel guilt and regret about things that happened in their relationship with the deceased, even if these thing occurred years before the person died. Perhaps you wish you had treated your partner better, perhaps they never forgave you for something, maybe you regret something you said, maybe you regret not saying enough, or maybe you feel guilty for the fact that you survived and they died. The battlefield of love is fertile ground for the coulda's, woulda's, and shoulda's that are typically seen in grief.
22. Your relationship with their family and friends is changing
Sometimes, despite the best of intentions, people grow distant and they lose touch. There are a lot of caveats as to why this happens, but for the purposes of this post, it's most important to acknowledge that in losing a significant other, sometimes your overall support system is cut in half.
23. Special Days
You not only miss being able to spend special days with your significant other but now these days have become a minefield of reminders and grief triggers.
24. You miss the thoughtful little things they used to do
Notes, oil changes, special dinners, birthday cakes, surprise lattes, gifts for no reason, compliments, inside jokes, letting you rest - whatever it was, it was unique to you and your loved one. Nothing can replace the joy they brought you.
25. You miss the things that drove you crazy
To be honest, you also miss the things they did that drove you up a wall.
26. Being on your own is hard
It's hard to go from having a partner in life, to doing everything on your own. It's not that you can't cope with life on your own, but you got used to the security and comfort of having someone at your side.
27. You worry about being truly alone
You were supposed to grow old with your partner, and perhaps you worry that you will spend the rest of your life alone or lonely now that they have died.
28. You have to live the rest of your life without them
And without them, this feels like a really really long time.
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Shannon Caskey August 14, 2023 at 8:41 pm
I lost my boyfriend of 11 years, almost a month ago. I am not doing well. I miss him every second of every day. It hurts to breathe.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be okay again.
Lourdes June 20, 2023 at 1:53 pm
I lost my husband to pneumonia in May 2023.
I wasn’t ready to let him go.
I miss him every minute of the day. It’s hard to function and to find motivation.
I wish I told him how much I love him, how much I appreciate him and how much sorry I am for arguing with him. I wish he knew I showed my love for him by taking care of him.
So for all of us let us be kind to one another.
Quinton Millon January 28, 2023 at 5:08 am
I just finished going through your blog and I have to comment, it was an outright pleasure. Your writing style is engaging and descriptive, making me feel like I was right there with you on your adventures. The picture you included were also incredible and really added to the overall quest. good-luck
Jess January 9, 2023 at 6:35 pm
I lost my husband 7 years ago (Dec 20, 2015) and I’m still mourning his death, it has been extremely difficult to move on, it feels like if it was yesterday and I don’t know how to do it. I have a daughter who is 11 and as days go by, she feels his loss even more as she feels guilty for not remembering him; which makes my heart ache even more. Today I opened his work box and found every single note I wrote to him with his lunch daily, 1,892 notes, I found that he had our first ultrasound picture and a pic of him carrying her when she was 2 along with her handprint in clay; I also found a mouse pad with a picture of me on our honeymoon and a picture of me with my wedding dress. I don’t know if “moving on” is the right word or “carry on” …. I will never be able to move on without carrying on his legacy. I found this article incredibly helpful as it describes every feeling I have. Could you help me how to say “moving on” or “carry on”? Thank you for reading me.
Stevie ok December 29, 2022 at 1:08 pm
This really helped a lot . I lost my wife of 24 years . We started dating when I was 18 and she was 22yrs old . I just lost her Dec.14th . Thank you for the article.
Marilyn January 7, 2023 at 9:57 pm
I lost my husband of 21 yrs on December 18,2022. I also lost my mom on Dec 10, 2022 just 10 days prior. My hisband and i have 4 children ages 17,16,5,2. He was 40 yrs old. Been married since we were 18. Im having a hard time. This helped me alot.
Maggie December 28, 2022 at 5:17 am
It’s been so hard for me, and I feel like it’s getting worse and harder for me. My Tony,my fiancee, were to be married this year passed away in March 2022. It doesn’t get any better. This has been the worst year of my life. That day I didn’t hear from him like everyday, I got a bit worried but then I was like maybe he’s busy just like myself at work. Little did I know that the love of my life passed away that day at 1157am. I miss and love him so much. I don’t think anyone stop’s thinking of that person right away if it is true love. I didn’t go see him because I wanted to remember him alive happy making me happy. He was my best friend, love of my life and my rock when going through hard times. We prayed together every day and out of nowhere the love of my life passed away and I didn’t see him because I think it would have been worse for me. I will always and forever love you my Baby,
Litsa December 28, 2022 at 11:51 am
I am so sorry this has been so hard, Maggie. You are still so very early after the loss. Though it probably feels like just yesterday and so long ago all at once that he died, in terms of things starting to feel more manageable it is often something that takes much longer than people realize. But with each passing day the pain might not be diminishing, but you are likely learning how to carry it differently. This is how, with time, people often find themselves getting stronger. Eventually, rather than all of our thoughts and energy being consumed by grieving, we are slowly able to create space for other things again to become part of life alongside the loss.
Stuart February 2, 2023 at 9:46 pm
My name is Stuart I lost my fiancee Tuesday morning she passed away in bed and now I can not sleep in the same as we used to sleep in there was nothing wrong with her it was just suddenly I am in total shock and heartbroken
Deborah J December 20, 2022 at 10:32 am
I lost my fiance’ Tony on November 2, 2022. He was murdered. I grieve for him everyday. Some days I’m ok and some days I just want to stay in bed and cry. We were together everyday for years. He was my life. He helped me raise my kids from elementary school to adulthood. I can’t believe he was taken away from us in such a traumatic death. Tony was on his way to pick me up from work…..he never showed up. Went looking for him at the police station and waited 45 mins later for them to tell me that the love of my life was stabbed to death. I still can’t believe it. I miss Tony everyday. I miss your love, laughter, sense of humor, sarcasm and your conspiracy theory about everything. R.I.P Anthony “Tony” Noel Taylor Sr.
Eric December 5, 2022 at 11:56 am
I am 38 years old, Asian guy who was in relationship in distance with a 53 years old American woman named T. We first met in a singing app in the end of 2019 and then we started writing each other everyday. I have to admit she was one of the best people i’ve known in my life. I was seperated and she was single. Her family knew me, she talked to everyone bout me. We shared everything by writing and videocallings, she told me her life story, what she went through, her previous two weddings with bad guys who always cheated and treated her so bad. We had some many things in common, distance seems to be nothing in our relationship. Unfortunately, we knew and loved in covid time, so all plans we made to meet each other in real life were really broken bcuz of social distancing. So we planned to meet each other again in next year.
U know, she always give me so many compliments, she said i am really the love of her life, and our love really healed her soul after everything she had in her hard life. She can even feel shy while videocalling me. We really put our hope on this relationship. Besides, she was a hardworking woman who is always responsible for everyone she love.
On Oct 9 2022, her back was painful when she twisted in a wrong way while working in her store. She was diagnosed that she had “herniated disc disease”. So, she had to stay at home to recover. I tried to ask bout treatments she would have, she just told me doctors gave me some medication. Tbh, i didn’t try to ask her what those meds are.
On Nov 2 2022, i received a message from her daughter, i was informed that she stopped breathing (may be, during midnight) when her daughter tried to wake her up in early morning but she didn’t react anything. And her body was sent to coroner office to wait for an autopsy record. I and her have tried to reach out to each other.
Her cremation was done 8 days after that day cuz the guy in coroner office said that was not good to keep her body longer. Her daughter hasn’t even got her urn yet cuz they need exact date of T to engrave on the urn.
I felt my heart dead inside and lost without her
I was shocked with sudden death like that
I was hopeless and felt myself useless cuz i couldn’t be there to help anything or even say goodbye
Her daughter told me T had a severe back pain 2 days before her passing, but T didn’t tell me. And i was busy with my kids’s test so i didn’t have time to write her as usual. She was so very painful in her last night, and her daughter tried to push her using meds. Her daughter just thought those meds would help her momma.
Till now, we still need to wait for autopsy record, and her passing is still a big question to us. What really happened to her? She experienced asthma in the past (not severe), and she was using nsaid which was suggested by her doctor. Her daughter told me her momma felt her face hot while using those meds but i didn’t know it.
Now, her daughter and me have been in so hard depression. She keep blaming herself pushing her momma to use those meds.
And “coulda, shoulda, woulda” questions really hit me so hard.
I wish i would tried to ask what her meds is in detail from the first day she got it, and i might help to warn.
I wish i was not busy in her 2 last days. I didn’t know if i am the main reason for her passing. What if i could help something to prevent her death?
I wish i could realize all small symptom she had even i wasn’t there
It has been over one month from the day, but i have been in grief so badly. Self-blame, guilt, regret.. i have them all. I know i live in distance, but i still wish i could do something else.
My head now is really exploded. I tried to read everything i can on internet to know bout something could made her stop breathing. I read bout Sleep Apnea, the risk of using nsaid to cause heart attack or stroke. I read bout aspirin induced asthma, i even read bout after-effects of covid could bring to her (btw, she got covid twice before). I don’t know if i can put my hope on the accuracy of autopsy record. It really haunts my mind so badly, i even had bad dreams with different deaths, i think that is the result of how badly i want to figure out. But i understand that i wasn’t there so all i could know was just assumptions.
I almost cry everyday, thinking of her hard life and good plans we already made for our future, those things just make me feel so worse. Her passing is nothing but a bad joke of this fate. Damn it! I even thought of her death with those “hindsight bias”. But i am trying to cope cuz i think of my kids too. I can’t be unfair to them. I just don’t know when i can feel better… too hard.
Denise Lara Mangalino March 30, 2023 at 12:35 pm
Eric, I am incredibly sorry for your long distance partner’s sudden death. Along with the hindsight bias, we often use ‘counterfactual thinking’ where we think back and imagine other ways we could have done things differently so that that situation will turn out okay. However, we still don’t have a way to know how things would turn out. If your partner had told you the medication she was taking, there is a good chance that would not have changed the outcome of the situation. Saying this will not take away your guilt and regret – which are feelings that you will have to work through with time and ways that you are able. Grief comes in waves of emotions and its process does not have a timeline. I do hope you’re able to give yourself self-compassion for how you had handled the situation in consideration of the hindsight bias and counterfactual thinking. From an outside perspective, it sounds like you showed your love and care for your partner to the best of your ability – doing the best you could with what you were aware of at the time.
I know right now it’s easy to focus on her death, but I hope, with time, you are able to carry your memories with her.
Colin May 29, 2023 at 7:52 am
My wife passed away 18 months ago, My son also passed away with in two weeks of my wife, were married for 30 wonderful years ,I miss her so much I just don’t want to get up out of bed ,I know there’s people out there who feel the same way ,if you would like someone to listen to you feel free .Colin.
Peggy August 11, 2023 at 3:59 pm
Colin,Sorry to hear about you losing your wife and son.My husband passed away 1 month ago this coming Sunday,I feel the same way you do,some days I don’t even want to go on.I don’t know whether you believe or not that you see your loved ones in heaven again after you pass away but I do and that’s the only real comfort I have right now.
Peggy August 11, 2023 at 4:03 pm
I also miss and love my husband so much.
Sterling S September 16, 2022 at 6:44 pm
Excellent article. I am experiencing some of these issues as well..
Molly August 25, 2022 at 9:31 am
On 8/14/2022, I found my fiance on our living room sofa where we were watching a movie together the night before. He was pale and cold. I started screaming and doing CPR and managed to call 911 but it was too late. The autopsy revealed that he had extremely high blood pressure and his heart stopped. I left the living room and went to bed in our bedroom at about 11:50 pm and they believe he died just after midnight. Like many others I see here, I was frustrated with him the night before because he wasn’t feeling well and refused to see a doctor. I just wanted him well so we could start planning our wedding and get back to doing things we loved. So I didn’t say “I love you”. I just went in the bedroom and slammed the door. I will forever regret that. Like many others here, I am just devastated and lost. I have no idea how to keep moving forward. He was my soulmate and best friend. We had both been through very ugly relationships and finally found each other. We built a family with his son and my 2 kids and filled out home with the things we loved, music (he was a guitar player) and laughter. I can’t believe he’s gone. And the thought of living many years now without him is just heartbreaking. I’m trying to tune in to feelings so maybe I can still feel him around me, talk to him and keep him with me but it’s just so hard.
Collette November 6, 2022 at 2:07 pm
Hello you are not alone, my boyfriend of three years had a problem he did not want to ask for help. I was so mad with him the night before I didn’t say I love you slept on the sofa. Found him next morning on the floor in the bathroom face down cold and blue did CPR didn’t work . He was 59 , not a day goes by when I don’t think of him. I break down and cry sometimes because I wonder what could I have done to make him get help.
Pushpam August 11, 2022 at 5:12 am
19/6/22 I lost my boyfriend in an accident. We had a 4 years of relationship and we were friends for the last 6 years. He was my only friend, my best friend, my boyfriend, my love and my everything. I just still can’t believe that he is no more. In morning we talked and he promised me that he will come to meet me soon and in night I got a call that he is no more. That moment, I just can’t explain that in words. I still feel like why I’m alive. I feeling like I’m cheating on him because I’m alive. I don’t have the right to live. He was just 24 . And the accident was so terrifying that his Whole body was soaked in blood. I can’t believe this he is no more,I just can’t. Whole life is meaningless for me now. The guy who loved me the most, excepted me with my all flaws, the guy whom I loved the most is no more. The person with whom I was about to marry is no more. I just can’t accept this. I’ll definitely die or get mad someday. This whole world is just a dark place for me now.
chloe August 4, 2022 at 2:12 pm
he was 27. and he was the love of my live. i have never been loved in the way that he loved me. more importantly he loved my baby like he was his own.
last night, we were arguing, he was fighting with his parents & his mom was texting me. i had just gotten off work. he told me he was going to his brothers house & i was tired so i went home to go to bed. i called him because he usually would text me back right away, mad or not & he hadnt replied since i got off work. his brother answered & told me he had been involved in a wreck.
the doctor told us that he had been found a significant distance from his vehicle & that there were no signs of life upon arrival.
he still had blood on him when they let me see him, and his eyes were open.
he had just been at my job 3 hours prior bringing me dinner & a red bull & i was too busy to give him a hug & kiss goodbye.
rest in peace to you my love 9/2/94-8/3/22
Kimberly Pitts June 17, 2022 at 7:07 am
My husband and I had 3 children, 2 son’s and 1 daughter, my husband passed away he left us some tools and a service truck, his clothes, how should I divide these items, bc I have 2 son’s already bickering.
Litsa June 18, 2022 at 9:54 am
There are no easy answers to this! You could consider asking each for a list of the things they would like, in order of priority, and then sort of “alternate” so it feels a bit balanced. Some people sell large value items and split the money when it feels unfair for one person to keep it. It’s also worth considering what your husband would have wanted, if you know, and also involving a professional mediator if needed
Waii June 15, 2022 at 10:03 pm
We just celebrated my late bf’s one year angelvarsary last Monday, June 6. Like some of you, me and the LOML were best of friends and had been together for 10 years. We have two boys, 6 and 8. After having celebrated my BIL’s birthday the day before, we stayed out til 5 in the morning. We got home. Ate. Showered. Woke up late afternoon. Ate again. I took my boys out to the beach. My SO was hanging and he decided to stay back to watch movies. I was posting videos and sending pictures to my bf. He usually responds to my texts but I brushed it off that he was probably just too tired to respond. After watching the sunset, we drove to get food. After calling a few times to see if he was hungry, I just picked up his favorite anyway. When we parked, I asked the boys to go wake up their dad to help me carry everything in the house. The kids ran back out and told me he wasn’t moving or waking up. I thought he was pulling a prank. He’d play dead some times but in that moment, I panicked. I ran in, jumped on him and found his body cold. His teeth was clenching on his tongue. I started screaming. Anxiety kicked in. My then 7yo was shouting at me to calm down and call 911. It was almost like I knew he had been that way for a few hours but I still performed CPR hoping I could still bring him back to life. By the time fire fighter crews and the medical examiners arrived, they sat me down to brief me on the next steps to take because my soulmate was gone. Those words were heartbreaking. I was in denial. I felt guilty not being home with him or not forcing him to come to the beach with us. I still feel like I could have saved him had we been together.
My heart goes out to each and everyone who’s experiencing this kind of loss.
Sending you all virtual hugs and healing prayers!
Evangeline June 5, 2022 at 8:03 pm
I knew something had happened to Mark before I knew…. He stopped answering right after he texted me, I panicked. I had to drive somewhere and saw his car and an ambulance at the store. We were connected like that. My lover. It took 37 years of life to be found by someone who completely understood and loved me. He was only 54. A massive stroke, unconscious instantly. He had been sad weeks before… the last words in person I said to him “I don’t want you to go…”
Our souls knew.
I’m glad I had taken hundreds of pictures and videos.
“I see you. I love you. Our souls know each other. I want you in my life until I die…”
His words were always a gift to my heart.
I had never loved like that before. I will never again.
Danny Jimenez May 18, 2022 at 3:42 pm
On April 6th 2022 I lost my wife to stage 3 cervical cancer. Within hours after my wife’s passing her cousin who is the p.o.a. when she’s really a p.o.s. started removing things from our apt. I was not on the lease because they were charging too much for me to be added on. The rent for April was already paid for, but the p.o.a. wanted me out that same day and terminated the lease early and lied about having the door locks changed . They put the kitchen, bathroom stuff, and my wife’s belongings in trash bags and left them right in front of our apt on the patio for almost a week (I have the pics). Mind you that people come in and out of this complex at all hours especially night-time. In the meantime I’m having to find a place to stay when I don’t know anyone out here except for 1 person and thats barely. So just not having a stable place and all of the ins and outs of it. The suitcase that I had my clothes in, my wife’s blanket and pillow, her bathrobe, cards that I got her for holiday’s etc, letters that she wrote to me. All of that was stolen from me. I did not pushback against her cousin (p.o.a.) because I really tried not to make things anymore difficult than what they were already. Besides I just lost my wife just a few hours before this whole robbery started. My wife was the only thing on my mind. I say that to say this. I haven’t even had a chance to mourn or even grasp my wife not being here. I mean I know she’s not here anymore but my mind, heart, and soul won’t allow me to accept it or something. I’m not one for so called experts and their cliches “it gets better with time” etc. Yea well for me it doesn’t. “You gotta move forward” I’m not doing this without my wife, how do you live your life without your life!! I’m not being negative I’m just saying what I feel. I’m not angry in any way. I’m completely broken, I cry for my wife everyday, I’mspiralingout ofcontrol fast. I miss my wife way beyond any words can describe. We were friends before our relationship started. She’s my best friend and I was hers. We’re good like that. When we found out about this cancer in Mar 2021 I quit my job so I can be home with her and take care of her because I really don’t trust anyone with my wife’s health especially if I’m not there. And she felt the same way. (Example) my wife was mistreated by this one nurse at the hospital where she was at (banner university, AZ). My wife pleaded for me not to say anything. I didn’t want my wife to worry even more so I didn’t. Seeing the way the cancer took over my wife’s body from the swelling in her legs, altered her breathing, all the pains, 2 nephrostomy bags, radiation/chemo, to not being coherent anymore. I was with my wife the day before she passed and seeing her that way destroyed me, it fucked me up. I wasn’t there the next day when my wife passed. I don’t think it would’ve been a good idea for me to be there anyway because I felt like they failed my wife, add me seeing my wife the day before incoherent. I’m not placing blame for my wife’s passing, there’s a reason why I feel the way I do. She was admitted in the hospital in Mar and she didn’t make it back home. I love you, I need you, and I miss you. I miss you so fukin much babe. FOREVER AND A DAY BABE YOU AND ME!!
MY SINCERE CONDOLENCES TO EVERYONE WHO HAS LOST SOMEONE. Thank you for allowing me to share..
Tammy Judd August 26, 2022 at 12:47 am
My story is almost identical to yours. I lost my boyfriend of 20 years to cancer just 2 days ago. I’m also in Arizona. I’m in a kind of black void right now that can’t even be described in that I had no idea even existed. I keep trying to get myself to see the reality of the situation because I want to know what I’m facing, but it’s like my brain won’t allow me to. I can’t think of him as being dead. I keep thinking that he’s just out on vacation or something… His job was to do site surveys so he was often traveling and often gone anyway, so the house being empty is not new. But I had just found out the news and before even 2 hours had passed his family is at the house clearing his stuff! I didn’t even have time to process the reality of the situation before they started clearing the house! Being only his girlfriend, I wasn’t entitled to anything and yes, they are also throwing me out. I basically have 2 months to find another place to live with my three cats… And not keeping my cats is not an option. They’re all I have left of the family I had with my boyfriend. These cats are my family now. With rent prices is high as they are nowadays, good luck finding a place within 2 months it will take me and three cats… And it’s not as if I have 2 months to save up every time I make, I still have to pay them a very high rent prices as well. It’s just not going to work mathematically. So I’m facing homelessness and losing my cats. This just isn’t an option for me and I feel like I’m going to die soon right along with my boyfriend! I cannot live without my cats! And I cannot live at all without a home! I can’t even deal with the death of my boyfriend because I have practical matters now that I have to really worry about. I don’t know if I’m coming or going anymore, I think I might be going crazy cuz I talked to myself all day long now trying to call myself down so that I don’t go into a full-blown panic attack! I’m seriously losing my mind I think! Does anybody have any advice that they can offer! I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place and There is absolutely no way out! I can’t face what I see coming right now! Help!!!!!! Everything hurts!!!!!!
Jill Rose August 27, 2022 at 9:29 pm
Hi Danny. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I recently lost my boyfriend of 13 years to Covid ! After being placed on a vent for 5 weeks he passed on Feb. 22. Covid?! Of all the fucking thing!! I can also relate to the other things you went through. We lived 1 hr and 45 minutes from each other. We always saw each other on weekends and I was in the process of moving to live with him. Had hoped to be there by April. His son came home from college and he and his mother ( his ex-wife, had the locks changed on the house and new shop he had just built. Long story short after 13 years I wasn’t allowed to see him or ever go back in his house again?!!!! I’m not lying when I say I never had a cross word with any of them in 13 years! Think his there was money to be had and they made sure they got everything. My heart was aching so bad that I didn’t even get what was happening. He was the love of my life. I don’t know how to except his death, let alone ever move on. I can tell you it gets easier as far as getting through your day and maybe even laughing or enjoying a moment here and there but it takes a lot of support and understanding from others. Being patient with yourself is the hardest part. I’m 54 he was 55. He was my handsome man. Everyone says I’m pretty and will easily find someone else but my heart only wants him. 😞. I also do have so much anger abkut how it went down. Who wouldn’t?! WTF?! We had so many plans! I guess I’m sharing my story with you so you know you are not alone. Btw he did make his son call me right before he went on the vent! It was so hard but I treasure that call. I was with him every weekend we talked every night and texted and talked every morning and sometimes at lunch. All these others who took over barely spent any time with him. His son is 28 and his Lived away for years. Hang in there and know somebody read your story and cares. This is the first time I’ve been able to write about what just happened in my life. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤️
Adrienne May 12, 2022 at 12:31 am
I lost my boyfriend of 3 years on March 6th 2022. He hadn’t been feeling well for a few days but didn’t want to go to the hospital. On that Sunday morning I asked how he was feeling and he said he was feeling better…a few hours later he went outside and had a heart attack. I remember seeing him laying on the ground while the paramedics worked on him thinking he was gonna be just fine. I regret doubting him. I feel so lost in this world. He was my bestfriend, my soulmate, and an amazing father figure to my two children. I’ve felt every emotion I can think of but the pain is always there. I miss everything about him. I haven’t worked since he passed. Today I was hired on the spot with a company I truly admire and the first person I told was him. I talked to him while I was preparing for my interview. He’s everywhere I turn. His belongings are right where he left them. I just can’t believe he’s gone. I can’t sleep so I search for ways to cope with grief and while this article didn’t offer coping mechanisms; it did provide a way for me to express how I’m feeling in this moment. Not many people think of the pain of the person they see as “just the girlfriend”. I was listed as his “special friend” in his obituary even though I knew him better than anyone. We loved each other unconditionally and no one could ever change that. I will forever love Brandon Maurice Smith!
Jill R August 27, 2022 at 9:37 pm
Adrienne I’m so sorry😞. You’ve went through a lot of what I have. I knew Kerry better than anyone. We were their significant other! What don’t people understand about that? Marriage is a piece of paper. 😞. I’m trying to stay strong. My coworkers basically made me come back to work. Lol they helped. Hou might need at some point to get going again. I think it might help but believe me I understand and feel you will know when your ready. I mis Kerry so much he is with me always like you said. RIP My Handsome Man. 😢😢❤️Kerry Enright Covid 55 years old. 2/22/22
Norm Shaw March 31, 2022 at 2:22 pm
I lost Margy on the 3rd of June/21 -we were watching tv and she got a stroke. At the hospital I would visit and sing ” you are my special angel brought from heaven above” and she would so beam. She said to the nurses that “Norm was my Love Match”. I will always remember the way she glowed each time I sang it. Every hour is a day since she decided to go to heaven. I lost out to God and what can I do except to wait until it is my time. My one complaint to God is what a waste of love to separate us. However I feel she is even better of on the other side than with me because she is truly home and so free. She was an Armenian beauty and she is still an Armenian beauty. She loved that we – me being Irish and she being Armenian were named the most attractive ethnic couple’s match on the internet. My bed is cold at night and I miss here snoring warmth beside me. It is cruel for God to bring us together and not to take both of us together. Marg worked for the RCMP and was adored by them and they told her she had great legs and were truly sad when she left this earth. They said we wish we had more people with her work ethics. A medium told me that she still sits on the corner of a chesterfield with me in a small chair across from her and she still does her prayers with me (“how would a medium know that:)-amazing talent they have). Their is no rebounding from this. I would like to tell God off but that is just a stupid consideration when you consider that Marg is being taken care of by him and yet does he not know or care that I am her husband and I love her too. God works in wonderous ways and I hate to admit this to myself but I wonder what he has in store for me now that he took half of me away. What good is 50% -that would only give you ad[grade D in University. You could never make a deal with the devil but I wonder if I can make a deal with God that he shower me with an abundancy of vislts by Marg to our little place on the other side of heaven. The cooking is awful and I am cold at night but heavenly memories are in huge abundance. Breathe on me Breath of God. Norm Shaw ” Marg’s Steve McQueen”
Jill R August 27, 2022 at 9:48 pm
It’s so heartbreaking 💔 How do we all. Go on? I believe I will make it , however will I ever try be happy again?? Will I be able to let go?? Or will I wait for the rest of my life to die and hopefully reunite our souls?
Litsa September 12, 2022 at 3:15 pm
I am so sorry Jill – it takes time, and work, but you will get there. If you are finding it hard to navigate alone, consider a grief counselor or support group – they can he a tremendous help as you start the slow process of rebuilding.
Ben January 30, 2022 at 8:50 am
I lost my partner Amanda on the 26/1/2022 due to heart failure she suffered from a congenital heart condition but boy did she fight.
The Hospital here in Melbourne Australia wouldn’t allow visitors due to Covid until they were quite certain she wouldn’t make it.
when I could eventually visit she was unresponsive.
I got to sit with her and hold her hand as she passed away and for that I will be forever thankful.
We had a holiday planned for the 28th of January and I had planned to ask her to marry me…I wish now I had asked her sooner and my heart if filled with regret.
My heat literally aches at the thought of not having her by my side I Miss her smell her touch well in fact everything.
Amanda was my soulmate my best friend my everything and I honestly have so many question about how do Ii go on.
I could write for eternity about the things I loved but will end this now
I’m just trying to use these platforms to help with the unbearable pain in my heart.
Jill Rose❤️😢 August 27, 2022 at 9:44 pm
I’m so sorry Ben. ❤️😢 Hang in there.
Cee January 29, 2022 at 2:20 pm
What was the purpose of this article. To make me feel worse about my situation. I don’t need your write down how I’m feeling I need coping strategies
Litsa May 4, 2022 at 3:00 pm
We have hundreds of coping articles – if you use the categories on the left hand of the page you can select various types of articles, including those around coping, creative coping, managing specific emotions, etc.
Bryce Byrd December 8, 2021 at 2:46 am
I lost the love of my life on December 5th, 2021. She was hit by a car, which killed her instantly. She was 18, and I am 20. We were together for 2 years. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been in bed for two days straight after finding out. I don’t eat, I don’t smile, I don’t talk to anyone. That woman was my world, and that world was stolen from me. So young, with so much to offer. Her kindness was enough to astonish anyone after all she had been through in her life. When she passed, her and I were actually broken up. We had been broken up for a while, but always remained HEAVILY close. I saw her often, sometimes 2-3 times every 2 weeks. I told her everything still. We broke up originally because of a severe addiction of mine, which was interfering with the relationship. I told her that I would eventually come back to be with her. Another reason why her and I broke up, was because I felt as though we weren’t clicking. But boy, was I wrong. When we saw each other, we’d often lay down together, and just hold each other’s bodies. She’d come over, and lay in my bed, while putting her head into to my chest. Her warm body, pressing against mine. My bed feels empty now. Her scent was intoxicating, it was so rich. In November, I started seeing two new women, which I was unsure if I was going to take seriously or not. My love and I didn’t seem like we were going to get back together, so I began dabbling with other women. She began dabbling with other men. I was looking for that “click” that I mentioned earlier that I was so desperate to find. And these women, they were AMAZING. But, it just didn’t feel right. The humor, like my loves, wasn’t there. The utter compassion and kindness that emits from her being wasn’t there. The sheer tenderness felt… not even close to as strong. The witty jokes, the everything. I was going to confess to her that I was still deeply in love with her, when she told me she found someone that she wanted to really take seriously. I was hurt and upset. I wanted to tell her that she was it for me, that there was no one else right for me except her. But, I kept telling myself that it was for the best . I don’t know why, because looking back, she was it. That woman was IT. I took too long, I took too much time. That’s been hanging over my shoulder for a while. I told one of the women I was seeing that I can no longer see them, as it hurts too much. I have to tell the other tomorrow. I’ll never get over this. Ever. I’ll love her with all my being until the day I die.
Linda March 7, 2022 at 11:52 am
I sympathize with you! I feel the same way. I broke up with my bf through email when he was out of the country for an international assignment just because he didn’t answer my phone calls that day. I regretted it but my pride kept me from apologizing and telling him it was a mistake on my part. Years after that, he took his own life and I know that I was part of the reason. The day that I found out that he passed, I felt so limp. Tears flowing on my face uncontrollably. I felt someone had pulled out my heart out of my chest. When I met his mom on his grave site, she embraced me and I felt so bad. She treated me so nicely so I became so closed to her. I’ve been talking to her and visit her regularly. Now I felt that no one could measure up with him in the way he loved and cared for me. I told his mom that I’ll be single for the rest of my life and waiting for him to come back to life again. Now I’m on a mission to help others in need because I know that he was that kind of person, very generous, caring and had empathy towards people in need. I had 6 very clear visitations dream as if we’re talking in person. In the dreams we talked about what happened to us when he was still alive and how much we really love each other until now. I found answers through those visitation dreams. I also saw his soul or spirit kneeling next to me and grabbing my left ring finger as if he was proposing while I was awake talking to friends. I can feel his presence almost everyday of my life, that keeps me going. He was and he is the love of my life, my only true love. I strongly believe that GOD is so wonderful and HE will give us another chance to be together again.
Sade November 15, 2021 at 11:26 am
My boyfriend of 2 yrs was shot and killed last Sunday. My whole world is upside down. Now I just have this void that will never be filled. I’ve never experienced anything like this before and this pain is unmatched. I hate how sad my life is now. I hate how much I cry all day and night. I hate how much I miss his perfect smile, perfect skin, his laughter, his hugs, his horrid snoring, our connection, his energy, his presence, his EVERYTHING!!! I feel like I’m crashing…..
Jess March 31, 2022 at 3:18 am
Sade .,I’m Soo sorry 😔💔💔 If you ever need someone to talk too, I’m here. I relate to your pain. My fiance was shot and killed feb.19th 2022. The neighbor came over , to our home., Argued with him for exactly 1 minute. And then shot my fiance in the face. My 3 children , my niece and his 3 children were all therr. part of me died that night. Please
Please reach out to me , we can support each other.
Lilly June 13, 2022 at 5:06 am
I went through the same thing. Only advice I can give your is take everything one day at a time and it’s good to cry and talk to yourself about how you feel. Also look up queen afua. She has been helping me heal as well. Just recently found her and read her wonderful book. Definitely helps with healing.
Joe June 18, 2022 at 7:17 am
My name is Joe I lost my beautiful wife Amanda at the young age of 39 years old she was the mother of 3 little girls. We lost her on September 15 2021 and it’s been a very tough journey so far because she was my heart and soul my best friend and my everything and she was taken way to soon and I had to watch her go like she did and I truly lost her twice. I want to speak on a subject about a disease that my wife struggled with for years and try and raise more awareness to it. My wife struggled with a disease called Myasthenia Gravis it is a neuromuscular disease that affects certain muscles in the body. Every patient is different some are mild some are moderate and some are severe. My baby had a severe case and was on medicine every day every two hours for the rest of her life she also had to be careful with what foods she ate and medications she took. On September 9 2021 she went to a clinic in the hospital where her neurologist was located for a referral to another specialist for another issue she had. At this appointment her medical records were looked over all of her diagnosis were clearly stated and medications to avoid with her disease were also highlighted. MG patients have to be very careful with antibiotics they take along with other types of medications. Also at this appointment my wife never received the referral she went for but instead was told she had bronchitis which was later proved untrue and was prescribed azithromycin which is one of the medications listed as dangerous for her disease. We assumed because this nurse practitioner was a professional that we didn’t have anything to worry about and the pharmacy also did not warn us about the medication with her disease so we assumed it was safe to take. One hour after taking the medication my wife began having extreme problems breathing and within 5 minutes and me already calling 911 her lungs had shut down and her airway closed up and the medication also sent her into a heart attack. First responders arrived within 2 to 3 minutes and as they pulled up her heart stopped beating while holding my hand. It took ems another 30 minutes to get to us and chest compressions were done the entire time they managed to get her heart beating again by the time they reached the hospital. When I arrived however I was told by the er Dr on duty that they had to do chest compressions for an hour before getting her heart going again and she went without oxygen to the brain for almost 40 minutes and had complete organ failure by the time she arrived there. On September 14 2021 we were told that she was brain dead and she wouldn’t wake up and on September 15 2021 I had to make the hardest call of my life and take her off of life support. On September 15 2021 at 1:31pm a mother lost a daughter, a sister lost her sister, 3 little girls 10,10 and 8 lost their mother, so many people lost a great friend, and I lost my wife and best friend because someone who was supposed to be a medical professional didn’t look into the medication background. There are so many people around the world who suffer from the same disease my beautiful wife had and every day familes risk losing their loved ones in the blink of an eye because not alot of people know about MG or the effects it has on the patients so it’s often pushed to the back burner. I seen the effects of MG first hand from my wife not being able to eat or drink cause she couldn’t swallow cause of the disease effecting the muscles in her throat to what she went through in her last moments. She was usually happy, smiling, full of life, funny, always hungry lol every time you would see her she would be eating something lol. She was a perfectly normal and functioning and energetic woman who could change anyone’s bad day around when she had good days and the last 3 months of her life were all good days except for the day she got that medicine and even until she took that medicine she was fine and then it changed so fast. I have been by myself since she passed and my heart is broken, my life is shattered and a huge part of my soul died when she did and I want to raise more awareness to this disease so hopefully other families don’t have to go through what me and my daughters and the rest of our family is going through. I thank you everyone who took the time to read this and hopefully each person who reads it can help spread awareness about this disease. Again thank you and God bless everyone in this group and my heart goes out to every member on here who’s lost someone special I still struggle with her absence and loss every day.
Sarah Eakle October 15, 2021 at 6:12 am
My boyfriend of 12 years was found dead this last Tuesday. He was a long haul truck driver and he texted me all day everyday. I am the mother of his only child. She is 7. When I hadn’t heard from him in a couple days l, I knew something was wrong. I finally had to reach out to his employer to track down his rig. They was able to get ahold of the local police and he was found deceased in his truck. Autopsy results looks like he had a heart attack. He was only 41 years old. The amount of pain, the anxiety attacks are unbearable. He was my best friend. I knew if final wishes and what he wanted if he ever passed. Nothing in writing. His mother made the entire funeral arrangements. I tried to give input and she told me I was nothing and that she was the mother. I am in a battle to make sure my daughter is entitled to what her dad would have wanted her to have. He had been saving up for us to get land and move to the mountains of Montana. The worst feeling is I can not and have no say on how he is put to rest. I just keep praying. What’s done is done. I just feel like I have failed him on not being able to execute his final resting place.
Tim November 3, 2021 at 2:57 am
I am so sorry for your loss what a terrible feeling for his mother to be that way towards you. I lost my fiancé nearly 2 years ago and they made me feel part of the family through it all. I am praying for you and your daughter
Eno February 3, 2022 at 11:19 am
I can’t breath. I’m in pain, guilt, regret. I lost my fiance a week ago 27th January 2022. We met July 2020. And fell in love, we were best of friends. Everyone at work, friends family knew us. He proposed Dec 2020. When I told my pastor and family the disapproved and gave me terrible advice which I regret from The depth of my heart. We started having issues because of advices but we kept being good friends. He was my confidant and true love. Dec 2021 and Jan 2022 he kept saying he wanted to see me cos work transferred him to a different city. I wish I was more loving towards him. I wish I spoke of my feelings and affections. I miss him so much. I wish I could see him or hear his voice. I don’t know how to move on. Everyone says it will get better. I just need my luka. I tell him that I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I blame myself for causing so many troubles to him.
Danny Jimenez May 18, 2022 at 3:45 pm
I’m sorry for your loss.
Sherri smith October 10, 2021 at 4:26 pm
I lost my husband, love of my life, soul mate and best friend of 17 years together but also went to school together. He had colorectal cancer and was such an incredible fighter. He was amazing father figure to my 5 children and the loss for them is huge as well. We were all with him at my home and we held him through the grueling stages of death until he took his last breath. It was June 22 2021, my heart is shattered and I mostly feel lifeless.
Stephanie September 28, 2021 at 8:04 am
I just lost my boyfriend last month due to covid. Finding him was tragic and upsetting especially because he died alone. He was like a father to my almost 12 year old son since he was 5. Also left behind are his two older children. I haven’t gone back to work since his passing. I can’t sleep at all during the night only throughout the day. I feel so depressed. I talk to him and look at his pictures. I watch videos of him just so I can hear his voice and laughter. It’s so hard knowing I can no longer be in his presence, look into his eyes, feel him, smell him, hug him, or kiss his face. I miss my best friend and soul mate..he was home to me.. 💔💔💔💔😭😭😭😭
Jason February 20, 2022 at 10:41 pm
I lost my gf of almost 3yrs to covid.in oct 2021. We are both 39 yrs old. I was devastated, didnt take a shower for week at a time. Or eat, Still it’s hard to get up and go to work, I havent got to work until 11am since then, havent worked more than 23hrs a week. cant sleep at night, I’ve tried everything. I’m blessed to be alive and be working still. I’ve missed over 60 days since October.
kenetrauzuriel@gmail.com September 27, 2021 at 11:31 pm
I too just lost the love of my life on 8/16/21, we were together for 7 years, the day he passed I remember me getting mad with him and all he said was imma marry you, you’re gonna be my wife, he was my soulmate, my everything, we were together 24/7, he knew all my flaws and accepted everything about me and vice versa. Life will never be the same, I will never move on, love again or even look forward to dating again. I long for the day I close my eyes and I’m with him again for eternity this time. Life is nothing anymore, nothing to look forward to. He made me the woman I am today, I think him for changing my life, I would have given my life for his if I could’ve 😢 I miss you baby, and I love you. Come see me so I’ll atleast know you’re ok. That will bring a little peace to heart, I need it. 💔🙏🏾
Elisa November 19, 2021 at 10:24 am
I lost my boyfriend on 8-07-2021 to covid I wasn’t allowed to be there in hospital cause his oxygen levels so I video chatted with hi last thing he said was I love you . I called him30 mins later to talk to him without nurses in room it was to late, I’m feeling all the same way I wish it was me instead cause a big part of me died with him I feel so lo a t and I feel there’s no one that can help me we have a grand baby we was post watch grow up and now I sit here alone he was only 41. Our forever wasn’t long enough I’m sorry for your loss
Dawn M Develin January 11, 2022 at 11:53 pm
I was taken by your posting of your grieving. It’s almost exactly like mine and I didn’t think anyone could understand the depth and love and intimacy I had with my husband although we were only together for years. We both had been married twice this was our third year older mature understood things better. He was from the UK and he was a gentleman he was unselfish he took care of me and all my arthritis and all my problems and he was the best lover in the world he never ever complained all I did was complain he told me an angel sent him to take care of me and the two years were great and then the third year was covet and then the last year was pancreatic cancer. But I believed he was going to be a survivor although that we were told it’s not terrible. He lived pretty good for a year getting chemo every other week and I told him I’m fine with just two weeks of him feeling good but after 11 months in the last chemo and one radiation after the end of May and my daughter’s graduation which he looked and felt great he went downhill within a month and I still kept believing as I took him to three hospitals and then had to take him to the hospice. Told him I was going to see him tomorrow morning and I didn’t even stay with him there because I was tired because I’ve been staying at the hospital and it was only right up the street and I promised him I told him I love you my daughter said she loved them and hug them and he wouldn’t even look at me he stared at the TV and I said honey I’ll be back in the morning. I got dressed up and we went to the hospice and he died 5 minutes before. I think the hardest part is I didn’t get to talk to him we didn’t talk about anything about preparing for this about saying goodbye about expressing anything we wanted to express before he passed we just he just kept quiet and I was in denial. I’m having the hardest hardest time because he was my only friend my only love after being 53 and dating and marrying people he was the true love of my life and I don’t know why he got taken away. He taught me so much if I can only be a little bit like him I would be happy with that. But yes my bed is empty and reminders everywhere and his family’s in England and I never even got to meet them because of covet. Anyway I don’t know I’m just sitting here crying as I’m reading all these posts and realizing now that I’m not really alone that other people do truly feel what I feel. One day I’m laughing and okay and the next night I’m crying my eyes out. And what’s even stranger is I don’t remember so many things I don’t remember and that hurts me that I don’t remember so many things I have pictures and some small little videos but I just can’t remember a lot from before his year of cancer and then I’m struggling and we were going to grow old together and move to Florida. I’m in North Carolina and I have a house and I’m going on 6 months and I know they say not to do impulsive things but I am selling the house it’ll be over a year so I need to sell it and move some more different so I’m going to the beach by my girlfriend. Anyway I’m sorry I’m bobbing on but these grieving groups I have went to they don’t really understand and they don’t give you time to explain your situation it’s just people that are grieving their uncle their grandmother their mother their brother and it’s not the same I need to be with people that had the same feelings the same understanding of the depth of love and when I read yours I was taken. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope to hear from you thank you
NINA September 21, 2021 at 4:04 pm
I just lost my fiance on the 2nd of this month to covid and pneumonia. He passed away in our bedroom while I was sleep next to him. I am having a really hard time dealing with this. It hurts so bad some days I feel like I’m gonna lose my mind. I miss him so much he was my everything… This is so hard
Dayle Maddison September 10, 2021 at 10:33 am
I lost my wife just over 21 months ago, at the age of 48, she battled shortly with cancer for 9 months but sadly she just wasn’t strong enough. All the things in the list I have felt, I thought it was just me, we had been married 20 years but been together 30.
I feel as if it’s pointless to try and enjoy anything I just don’t want to, I cannot ever imagine doing things without her she was my bf. My wife my lover the mothher of our 3 kids, she knew all my faults and I hers. No one else can do that if I ever meet someone else it won’t be her. It won’t be special it never can. I’m 52 ill not have 30years with anyone else, I wouldn’t want to, is it wrong that I still feel this way after nearly 2 years someone saw me the other day for the first time in many many years and asked if I had remarried it made me feel sick how could I just carry on without her.?
Litsa September 14, 2021 at 8:43 am
Dayle, please know that there is no timeline to grief. Some people never date again after a loss, some date very quickly, others take many years before they are ready. There is no right or wrong. That said, please consider opening yourself to the possibility of being able to try to enjoy things in life again. It will never be the same without her – it may never be the way you want it to be, as it would have been with her, but that doesn’t mean you can’t find small moments of joy and gratitude without her
Obysion October 29, 2021 at 11:46 am
Yes… I am finding it so difficult to date or go into a new relationship after losing my girlfriend by July 20th, I want to give myself time because I know nothing will work out for now because she’s all over my body and I so much love her she also loved me truly… This can take some people years to find love again or date because they can’t be replaced anymore but that doesn’t mean you can find anything special from the new date or relationship. May God help us and console us.
Beth September 10, 2021 at 6:12 am
My husband, best friend, hero, (saved my life) kindest most selfless person passed away 8 weeks ago… July 18, 2021. I met him when I was 19. We were attached at the hip for 44 years. He was my musical partner as we played music together, he on guitar, me on piano. He was the best dad to our two daughters, now 39 and 37. He was our McGyver. He could and did fix anything and everything. He was the kindest person I’ve ever known, . He did everything for anyone who needed help. He took care of me and loved me like no other. We loved music.. we saw concert after concert. Discussed music , groups, artists…. Broadway shows… he was a self taught IT genius. After I wrote a song for our daughters wedding we recorded the song with the most wonderful guitar riff, then he created a video with pictures that we surprised our daughter and son in law at their wedding. He was always a phone call away for our daughters when they needed he clear and careful advice. He was a wonderful Poppy to two grandchildren who will only remember him in pictures and videos. I will miss my PC , my Paul for the rest of my life. I wish I was an old lady so I could be joining him soon. I feel as if a limb is missing from my body. I talk to him everyday, my nights are long, my bed is empty, I miss his hand to hold. He was sick for the past two years. I don’t miss that Paul. The pain was torture for us both. I’m blessed that he’s no longer in pain.. I miss my Paul, my PC, my sweet guitar playing man.
Diana November 12, 2021 at 4:26 pm
Tears are rolling down my face as I read about your guitar man,
My husband David was also my guitar man I met over 30 years ago auditioning for a band in Oklahoma City as I am a singer.
I was married at the time.
David and I traveled with bands together and developed a mutual respect for each other and our talents.
Little did I know 2 years after my divorce 17 years ago David would come to my home and tell me he had been in love with me all those years and if I wanted to jump on his lap and kiss him that would be okay.
I did and we were together inseparable for the next 17 years.
We wrote songs, played venues and he also spoiled me with many concerts and showered me with gifts and joy.
I too lost him on June 18, 2021. I guess God was short guitar players.
I am lost without my magic man.
He stepped in and raised my daughters who are now 24 and they chose to call him dad and he chose to call them his daughters. Twin daughters he adored.
I was blessed as he stood by me thru many trials I had to face.
I thank God for that day he came to tell me his true feelings or we may not have had our time together.
My grief is forever as I will never be the same. His unconditional love for me changed my life.
I pray for you and your family to have strength and find comfort in the days ahead as you mourn.
I believe one day God will reunite those that had such a deep bond here on earth and we will be with our loves again one day.
May God bless you and comfort you all the days of your life.
Light and love to you and your children,
Diana Payne Golden
Linda December 29, 2021 at 8:36 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 44 years on October 24, 2020 while we were celebrating his upcoming 65th birthday. We met at 14 & 16 and married at 18 & 20 and it does really hurt. It has been 14 months and I’m still wondering what would he want me to do now, what would he want me to feel or to be – funny thing is, in life he would never answer those questions because he always wanted me to be my own person, he loved my independence, but I feel so empty, like I have lost his presence that lived inside my head while he was alive, that I can’t feel anything. I do feel sadness and cry sometimes, but mostly I’m just dead or numb inside. Our youngest will be having our first grandchild in the late spring and I’m hoping that some excitement and feeling will return if not just randomly, at least for being a new grandma??? Our bed does feel empty – thank God for the dog! One night I was so crying and missing my husband’s body leaning against me that the dog quietly got up and leaned her body against mine. The first six months were the absolute worst, but now is a different kind of hard and I’m feeling that tiredness again. I was more “with it” this Christmas and could feel more sadness this year than last – last was just the pain of “fog.” I wish I was a lot older too – I was only 62 when he died four days short of 65. I do take great comfort that he didn’t die alone in the yard or in bed with me and that he was with his family even though it was terrifying to watch him collapse and die, but we were all together and could help each other and he was not alone in the hospital with covid or driving us to the party and dying. Please take care of yourself – or family could not lose another person – you are important!
Sidd August 29, 2021 at 7:56 am
About two weeks ago, my dearest boyfriend of two years, Taylor, passed away suddenly in a car accident. He was 20 and just shy of his 21st birthday. God rest him.
I feel the most tremendous pain that I have ever felt in my entire life. How can I go on without the one I spent most of my teenage years searching for? The one I chose to commit to. The one I fought through hell to be with?
At 14 I lost my best friend. 15, I lost my first and only child. At 21 I lost another of my dearest friends in the world. I’m just 22 years old right now and yet another two of my closest friends both passed tragically. These were all things that I had learned to accept. Things that took years to overcome; some, I still am struggling with.
However. Taylor. He is the one to break me. The love of my life and the sweetest man you would ever meet. The type of guy to go hungry for some stranger in the street. The person who would smile through adversity and kill with kindness.
As a same-sex couple, we often came across a lot of bigotry; bigotry that Taylor would just ignore. I could not and I would usually get into fights or become annoyed, but not Taylor. He was way more mature than I’d ever be.
What’s worse is that he was not out, and that his family are devout, borderline zealous, Muslims. Come the day he had to be claimed from the morgue, I could not see him. Nor could I be present at his funeral. I knew that he loved his mother more than anything, so I made the decision to stay away from the funeral to save his mother from ridicule and hardship; much to her dismay. She really wanted me there.
If things couldn’t get any worse, New Zealand recently went into a full lock down due to COVID-19, that has barred travel to the capital for another two weeks. The pain of having to wait to see him plus all the grief from before is so heart wrenching that I fear I too may soon pass of heartache.
I have only ever pondered the immediate situation. What has just happened. But after reading this article it has given me some advice as to what to expect moving forward. As my friends and family have not yet experienced this kind of loss, they could never fully empathise with me. I thank whoever wrote this from the bottom of my heart.
Litsa August 30, 2021 at 2:52 pm
Sidd, I am so sorry for the immense losses you have experienced. Please know that there is support out there. A good grief therapist can be a tremendous support if you find yourself needing more than your friends and family can provide. Taylor sounds like he was an incredible person – thank you for sharing a bit about him with us here.
Jo Lopez August 21, 2021 at 8:32 am
I lost my husband of 44 years on August 6th , 2021 to Early Onset Alzheimer’s disease . He was only 65. I have lost the love of my life, best friend, and soul mate.
My children have lost their dad , my young grandchildren will not remember their grandfather. I
don’t know how to go on . I feel so hollow and empty inside . We were high school sweethearts , and I can’t imagine life without him. I was his only caregiver for several years as he battled Alzheimer’s , and work full time . I don’t want to return to work as nothing interests me anymore . I go through the motions of life, but don’t know how I can have any true happiness without my husband . I have my children and small grandchildren, but no longer have my love to share the day to day life with . Our home is so quiet and lonely now. I hope I can find the strength to go on. I guess it’s one minute, one hour, one day at a time , but time seems so endless and lonely . 💔
Denise August 17, 2021 at 1:49 am
Today 08/16/21 my daughters fiancé died from Covid
He went into the hospital yesterday and seemed
To be doing better last night and now he is gone
Their wedding was going to be 09/17/21 they had been apart for 20 years and found each other again 16 months ago. My grandkids loved him so much he was so amazing
I have no idea how she is going to get though this. Life can be so hard.
Judith Holder October 31, 2022 at 3:11 am
How do you go on, when everything you lived for is gone ? I went through a lifetime of nothing but heartache and pain and sorry men who weren’t worth my time and then on March 9th of 2020 I met the man of my dreams my best friend my soulmate my everything we got married 58 days later or about that on April 28th of 2020 and then we proceeded to have the very best 3 years of our entire lives…. Mark was amazing and he had this smile that literally lit up both of his eyes and I lived for that smile I would literally do anything just to see him smile he was an amazing stepdad to my two children and they loved him to death he was found unresponsive in his vehicle on September 26th and I’m lost I found myself sitting in my house waiting up to hear his car pull in the driveway but it doesn’t and every time I fall asleep it’s out of sheer exhaustion because I’ve been up so long I feel like I’m waiting I don’t want to die but I don’t want to live either. He promised me that we would grow together he promised me he would take care of me and that he would be here for me and he’s not and I’m so mad at him but I know if he could come back he would and I know if he could have not left he would have not left I miss him so much and this is shook my faith on a level that I don’t even understand anymore I hope and pray to God that there’s a heaven cuz I can’t wait to see him again if there is but part of me feels like maybe you just go to sleep and there’s nothing and if that’s true I think that would be better than this life also, because at least it wouldn’t hurt so bad on top of all of that all life insurance isn’t wanting to pay out until it toxicology report is done so I’m having to pay for his funeral out of pocket and I can’t come up with all of it after I’ve sold everything we own out of $7,000 I’m still $2900 short, I have literally exhausted all my means not to mention that his family is not being very supportive at all so yeah thanks for listening guys.
Laura July 26, 2021 at 9:03 am
My husband passed away 7/20/2021. On the day before, he told me he was not feeling well. He went to go lay down. I was in the kitchen just doing normal cleaning and thinking about what was for dinner. 30 minutes later my husband got out of bed to use the bathroom, then he went and laid back down. I went and was talking to our 14 year old daughter about when we could take her shopping for new school clothes and school supplies. I told her dad was not feeling too well and I needed to go check on him. I went to the bathroom first. When I went into the bathroom my world started turning. There was deep red blood in the toilet and on the floor. I immediately ran to our bedroom. My husband was just laying there. He looked very pale, very sick. I called 911. While the EMTs were on their way, I called his mother. He was taken to the hospital. When I finally got to the hospital I was told that the doctor and nurse was with him and theyd call me back to see him when they were ready. I was thinking hes getting the help he needs. I was thinking he was sitting up and doing much better. I had no idea my world was about to turn completely upside down. When I finally was able to see him. I had to do a double take. He was on a ventilator, he had tubes running everywhere. The doctor said when they had brought him in, he code blued for over 10 minutes, they brought him back. He code blued 2 more times. There was blood coming out of his bottom as well as his mouth. The doctor told me his kidneys were shutting down and they could not find where he was bleeding. They had to life flight him to an ICU 2 hours away. When I got to the 2nd hospital, he was on full maximum life support. The doctor told me there was no brain activity. The doctor told me that my husband had had a small ulcer in his stomach. The small ulcer had torn wide open, his liver stopped functioning and was backing up blood into his stomach, his kidneys completely shut down, because of the significant loss of blood his blood pressure dropped and which caused his heart to stop. What the doctor told me was basically something so small like a tiny stomach ulcer, which my husband did not know about, ended up being a train wreck inside his body and there was nothing nobody could do. I had to make the decision to pull him off life support. On 7/20/2021 at 9:28 am…my husband took his last breath. His mother, his family, and our daughter said their good byes. We were married for 20 years. He was my best friend, my soul mate. He was my everything.
joan houckham August 23, 2021 at 4:03 am
Hello Laura
your article stroke a cord with me immediately as my husband died suddenly on the 20th July 2021 also.
I am so sorry you have lost your darling husband in this way, losing them is so hard no matter what the circumstances are, and it’s a complete mixture of emotions that are left with us to cope with.
On monday (19th) I was watching Baptist on television with my husband Mike and he always had to explain the plot to me as we went along. We watched two episodes, having missed the first one, then he said he wanted to sleep, so I just said “ok night night” and went into my own bedroom and went asleep.
I got up on the tuesday morning and sat downstairs with a coffee, fed the cat, let her out etc., and realised that Mike had not yet come down to join me. I gave him about 3/4 of an hour as I thought he must have had a bad nights sleep, then decided to go and wake him up, as he needed to get ready for his tuesday visit to the harbour where him and a team of volunteers were restoring an old tug boat and always met on tuesday mornings.
As I entered his room and went over to him I had the shock of my life, he was blue and mottled colour and blood was coming out of his mouth, I knew instantly that he had died, and I just didnt know what to do, I walked form room to room and muttering to myself…oh no..oh no …then I phoned my daughter and things moved very quickly from that moment on that I can’t really remember the sequence of events. I can only assume he had died shortly after I left his bedroom and my guilt is, if I had gone back in for any reason, perhaps I could have saved him by doing cpr or calling an ambulance quickly. it was such a shock and an unexpected one too, how could he be here one minute and gone the next, i still can’t understand or accept that. He had to have a post mortem which said he died from Ischemic heart disease so I only hope it was quick and instant.
How do I live my life alone and without the man I was partnered with for 50 years, who knew me inside out and accepted me for who i am. I miss him so much I just can’t see a way forward at the moment, even though I have a terrific network of family and good friends, it just isn’t the same is it? he too was my soul mate my friend my everything, so I totally understand how you are feeling right now.
I send you lots of love and understanding.
Darryl October 1, 2021 at 6:06 am
I feel much for you. I thought my life in the last few months were bad. I’m so sorry.
Louis May 29, 2023 at 11:11 am
My beautiful wife Bridget died 2 months ago. She was a quadriplegic but that never stopped her from living a full life. We lived in New York and decided to move to The Villages in Florida. We were married for 18 years. We went to a Bruce Springsteen concert where I got sick. I had this awful dry cough. A week later Bridget started to get congested. I took her to urgent care the day after the Super Bowl. They said she had acute Pneumonia and to take the Z-pack antibiotics. I took her back to urgent care on Friday. Then on Saturday her heart stopped. I called 911 and they came right away. Bridget was in the ICU for a month on a ventilator. She got off the ventilator and I thought she was going to recover. My Bridget died where she just couldn’t manage her fluids. I miss and love her so much.
Yvonne January 13, 2023 at 4:12 am
Laura I just experienced this same exact thing 4 days ago he didn’t feel well then called 911 because he was scared of what happened they tried to help him but the bleeding was too bad we were together 20 years now I’m alone it feels so bad I feel like I won’t be able to get thru this he was my best friend he is still needed here why did this take him away from all of us we were together my whole adult life now I have to cope without him by my side
Stacey July 19, 2021 at 3:58 pm
I lost my fiancé on 6/11/21 and it still feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from! I talked to him at 4:30 on the phone and he told me he was getting in the shower. When I got home a half hour later at 5 I found him blue in the shower. I tried to cpr on him until the ambulance came. They eventually got his heart beating again but by then it was to late the lack of oxygen was to long. After a week of being in the hospital on a ventilator I had to make the decision to let him go. I live with so much guilt of not finding him sooner. A half hour changed my life and took away the person I love most in the world! I see his face in that shower everyday! I don’t know how to cope with this.
Shannon fleury July 24, 2021 at 2:57 am
My Ronnie passed away onfriday July 9th at 10:40am. I’m destroyed and shattered, he had breathing problems and he was trying to avoid steroids from the inhaler s l was trying to get these to him, on was on the phone to911 l was trying to get him and me dressed fro the ambulance. On the phone with 911 l was in the bedroom getting dressed l called out to him but no response l screamed and tried to revive him the paramedics came but my world is gone forever how dol go on
Debra July 26, 2021 at 12:16 am
Our stories sound so much a like. My fiancé went into anaphylactic shock and couldn’t breathe on 03/202021. He was having issues breathing after his Covid shot. I went to the bathroom to take a shower, came back out less then 2 minutes later. He was laying face down on the bed and not breathing. I did CPR until the ambulance arrived. They got a heart beat and they brought life support devices to him. With stupid Covid they wouldn’t let me see him. Even in a private room with 4% brain activity. His family and I decided to shut off life support on 03/23/2021. He died of CO2 poisoning. I’m am struggling with life and it’s so hard to function everyday. The bargaining and anger is so real. The lonely ness is unbearable. Because we weren’t married I had no control over anything. Even with a family he hadn’t spoke to in 12 years. My condolences to you!
Lisa March 13, 2022 at 11:13 pm
I know that your comment was made 8 months ago but I just wanted to tell you that I know what you are going through. The person who loved me best and the person that I did not think I could ever live without died right in front of me while we was having a conversation about where we would go and look for my fur baby that he had given me 12 yrs before. Roscoe disappeared and I just thought my heart was broken at that moment. I have never felt this much pain or felt this broken. My baby sister died just 3 weeks later and I honestly dont know how I have managed to even breathe. There was no or very little contact between my fiance and his family for 10 years but they made all the decisions. His mother hates me so she had his body cremated and I didnt even know what funeral home or where his ashes was. There was no funeral, no wake, not even an obituary in the paper. I am almost ashamed of the amount of hate I have for that woman. I know that he would want me to feel better but I haven’t been able to yet.
Bri August 6, 2021 at 10:19 am
Our stories share a lot of similarities. My Fiancé passed 2 days ago. We were getting married in 2 months, on October 10th. We had everything planned and we were so excited to start our long, happy life together! Then he got sick. He tested positive for covid, and by the 5th day his lungs were completely ravaged by the virus. They finally let us see him in the hospital on the day he died. The sight of him laying in that bed with the tube down his throat, his face covered in bruises, and blood coming out of his nose and mouth is something that will haunt me for the rest of my life. He was in a coma. The nurse said he could still hear me but whether or not that’s true…I’ll never know. He was showing absolutely no response to stimuli so it didn’t really feel like he could understand my words to him. His heart stopped while we were in the room with him, and we watched as the team of doctors and nurses tried and tried and tried to bring him back but couldn’t. I can’t stop playing that scene over and over again in my head. He was truly my soulmate, and I feel so incredibly lost without him. We were so excited to start a family, and we didn’t even get to do that. I don’t even have a child to remember him by. This is the lonliest and most painful feeling in the world.
Vanz July 15, 2021 at 5:23 am
My boyfriend(22) , brother-in-law(34) , and niece (1) were involved in a head collision accident on April 02, 2021. My boyfriend was the passenger and he didn’t make it..
The night the sheriff called to tell me my niece and brother-in-law was in the hospital and my boyfriend didn’t make it, died on scene, my knees dropped and I started crying to God for it to be a mistake, but in my heart I knew he was gone. On that day they left and I was mad cause I wanted my boyfriend to stay home with me. Before he left he tried to kiss our son and me, but I told him to close the door and just go. I always make sure he kisses us and tells us “see you later” before anyone one of us leaves just in case and the one day I reject it, was the last day I saw him. I regret it so much. I just turned 21 and my son had turned 3 months. My heart hurts. Im such an emotional detached person, I haven’t cried about it yet. I want to cry but there’s no point. Everyone says I’m handling my situation well, I don’t even know what that means. I still take care of my son with no help. I can’t be grieving and take care of my son at the same time. I knew my boyfriend for 13 years. All that gone, what the future we planned is gone, I have to start off from scratch by myself and it’s not only me I have to worry about, now I have to worry about another small human, it’s hard. What’s worst is my sister and brother-in-law act like nothing happened. I feel like they should be more appreciative about their daughter is still alive. My brother-in-law can’t remember anything from the accident. My niece loved my boyfriend she only ever listened to him and she saw the whole accident, she saw him die. She looks at his picture and says “car, he died..” she knows what happened but she is so young she can’t form the words to tell us. I know my brother-in-law was the driver, but I honestly can’t hate him, I was mad, I forgave him because I honestly just blame God. God is the only one who says when someone’s time is up, if God wanted him to live then my boyfriend could’ve easily survived that accident with minor injuries, but nope, God took him away. They say that things happen for a reason and God does things to make us come closer to him. After that, my heart felt so much pain, if God loves me then why would he do that and expect me to get closer to Him? All he did was push me away. It’s hard to forgive Him. Now, I question my faith in him, I don’t want that, but can’t help it, and my late boyfriend’s family is trying to take my son from me! Telling me that I can’t take care of my son without them!!! When my boyfriend was alive NONE of them wanted to come to our house to see their son or grandson! Only called to ask for money because they wanted to go casino. The whole reason we moved out from their house was because they only cared about themselves and wanted my boyfriend money. Now that he died, they trying to take my son so that they can claim whatever money from his estate. I have a bunch of things to take of, I don’t know where to start or what questions to even ask. The only thing that’s been keeping me going was having this mindset, “It Is What It Is, Fuck What It Was. THUG THAT SHIT OUT BABY. Better Days Are Coming.”
I have no one to talk too, it’s been 3 month I need to say something it’s slowly eating me up inside. I don’t want that, I want to feel okay and mean it so I can continue on taking care of my son.
Maryann Merriman July 17, 2021 at 3:08 am
Vanz,
I read your story of your loss of the love of your life. I am so sorry. I know everyone says that they are sorry for your loss. I know how you feel because it’s been a month today that I lost the love of my life. I also lost my faith in God. I hear the same ole thing theirs a reason God took him. His family are just concerned about what they can sell & how much money they can get their hands on. I just want him back, no money in this lifetime can compare to me having him. If you want to talk, I have a ear to listen. Of you need to scream to vent, I will listen. If you need to cry, I have a shoulder you can cry on
I didn’t cry in the of anyone. I cried in the shower. My email is [CONTACT INFORMATION REMOVED] if you want to talk 💜
Evangeline June 5, 2022 at 8:15 pm
I just want to say to release the guilt of being upset he was leaving and not saying bye with a kiss. Your subconscious knew what was going to happen and you were actually angry with the impending situation.
I had something similar with my love. In retrospect there were many hints.
He knew you loved him. Look for him reaching out: death isn’t what we think. My lover’s energy, no longer trapped in body, reaches out to me. Even sending gifts, helping me find things etc. When you are connected in souls to someone, death of the body doesn’t separate you….
mary Dickinson July 11, 2021 at 9:26 pm
i Lost my husband April 15th due to cancer. He fought the cancer for 5 years and also had an acute stroke in 2007 which ended his teaching career, We were married for 40 years. I met him at 15 and we married when I was 19. I am 59. I have always worked and been a caretaker since 2007. 5 years ago he was diagnosed with Ocular Melanoma that metastasized to his liver, rare cancer, that was terminal. He was in the hospital with side effects to the immunotherapy treatment for 4 months. During covid. Unbelievable. i was able to stay with him the entire time due to his aphasia and had difficulty with communication since he had been so sick. He was my rock, my best friend, my hero, my Great Love. He was home on hospice for 3 1/2 months. My two adult sons and I was there when he took his last breathe. I am so lost. I have never lived alone. Its so strange to think this is how I will live the rest of my life. I am so heartbroken. I lost my job when I exhausted my FMLA but was planning to quit to care for him on hospice anyway. i have always been in control of things until he left. Don’t know how to move forward and feel just numb. my hope is that i wont be here much longer. Just dont think i could live like this very long without him. I would never take my life, Have grandhildren, but just don’t want to do this, Thank you for listening.
Samantha Gildersleeve July 12, 2021 at 10:36 am
Morning.
Just received your email about your loss of your husband.
I lost my husband to cancer October 2019.
We have a business together, which I am still doing.
It was extremely tough when all shutdown and boys had to go online classes.
I have 2 teenage boys.
And it feels like I’m on a constant treadmill doing everything.
Dave and I were married 25 years, the boys and I took care of him at the house.
If you would like to talk sometime, let me know.
I know exactly what you are going through.
The first year its a fog with my brain. The 2 nd year is the hardest for me.
I’ve gone to counseling, read books and talked with other who have lost spouses.
David was my best friend, still feels strange every day.
Ileana July 15, 2021 at 7:33 am
I recently lost my husband on June 25th. He was told his mitral valve was not leaking again as he had open heart surgery in 2012 for the valve replacement. His doctor read his echo incorrectly and told him his valves were good when in reality they were not. The valve leaking caused a blood clot in his heart. He had to have open heart surgery to remove the clot and fix the valve and after three weeks he passed away.
I feel so lost and alone without him. I also feel like I can’t go out without them. He was everything to me. I can’t believe he’s not here any longer And never will be. I have children that are grown and they have kids. Everyone tells me I have to stay healthy for them. I kind of get sick and tired of people telling me it will get easier. I don’t wanna live without him. I look around the house and he’s missing, he’s not here. All I know how to do is feel like I have to find a way to get them back and I can’t. I don’t even want people around me. I just wanna be left alone and cry and think of him and try to imagine he’s here even though he’s not.
I don’t understand how this all happened. I don’t understand how to move on And honestly I don’t want to.
Vickie Ireton July 24, 2021 at 11:41 pm
I lost my husband of 44 years on March 1, 2021. We met each other when I was 13 and he was 15 we just knew we were meant for each other and married when I turned 18. He was my everything. He went to tree doctor August 26 because he thought he hurt his back door g years work. 6 months and three days later he was gone, his back was full of cancer it even broke his back in three places and paralyzed him from the waist down. He couldn’t move but he could feel the pain. The loss is exactly what you describe, it’s so hard to wake up everyday, what is the point. Everything that mattered before doesn’t anymore . How do we go on without our partners are best friends? All I hear from friends is “be thankful he’s not suffering anymore”, “ it will get easier”, “ you have to keep going he would want that”. Has your pain gotten any better ? Have you found ways to cope? What is the meaning of life if this is how we spend the rest of ours ? Sorry, I am a widow grieving her husband also and looking for ??? I don’t even know what I am looking for.
suehedges57@gmail.com June 29, 2021 at 9:49 pm
My husband died Jan 6 2021 I can’t let go I was with this man since I was 16 years old iam65 know I don’t no what to do I’ve never been with out him he was only man that I ever was with iam so scared I miss him so much I want him back I just want to die to be with him iam loseing everything. I’ve never had to work he always took care of me told me I didn’t have to work he were like one person we new each other in side and out how can I ever let another man touch me or sleep beside me I can’t do that I feel like I cheated on him what can I do I need help
Dianne Vecchio June 26, 2021 at 9:28 am
My husband of almost 35 years died on June 1 2021. I’m so sad and scared without him. He was my best friend, sometimes it felt like my only friend. I miss his strength and his humor (which is how we got though just about everything). I’m not considering suicide because it would crush our already heartbroken 3 adult children but I really don’t care if I live. I don’t sense him around me maybe if I did I could start to feel like he is better off even if I’m not.
Christine June 28, 2021 at 7:26 pm
I’m sorry for your lost as well I was with my ex for 15 years he was Murdered May 1 2020 so I know exactly what your going through I’m so lost I’m so frustrated I don’t know what to do without my best friend prayers for you as well.
Laura July 26, 2021 at 1:48 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I’m going through same unimaginable pain. I shared my story this morning. My husband was my best friend of 20 years. We have a 14 year old daughter he absolutely adored. That day has been the worst day of my life. The worst. The house feels so empty and I find myself still talking to him. I’m praying for you. Hugs.
Keila June 26, 2021 at 4:19 am
Hi I’m keila I loss my kids father of 2 boys on may 10, 2021 at Duke university hospital it hurts because one minute you get a happy Mother’s Day message from him and the next day he’s gone i couldn’t be there because I had to work til this day we don’t know what happened we just know he was on the bathroom floor cold when they tried to revive him…I’m still shocked I call his phone it goes to voicemail but sometimes it rings I’m hoping he can send me a sign whenever I can I go to the grave site hoping that helps I’m just emotional 😭
Georgie June 23, 2021 at 11:40 am
I am 29 years old and 36 weeks pregnant, and I lost my partner and unborn daughters dad on the 18th April this year, I was 26 weeks pregnant, I am heartbroken, he was killed in a car crash down a road from our home along with 2
Kristina August 17, 2021 at 7:42 am
I know the pain =( I recently just lost my fiancé August 6th, 2021 he was only 25 due to an enlarged heart and sudden heart attack. I am 30 expecting a baby. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant a few days ago. I miss him so much I’m not sure how to cope with this.
Yvette June 22, 2021 at 1:58 pm
My boyfriend of 35 years passed away on April 12.
I hadn’t seen him for nearly 30 years when distance separated us.
I’d actually met and married the (2nd) love of my life 27.5 years ago.
My marriage had been somewhat shaky for a while when my relationship with “J” was rekindled on March 8 of this year.
We spoke daily and I was planning to move in with “J” this summer (next month). Because he’s in another country we couldn’t be together until I obtained a passport (ugh).
On April 12, he was tired…and we were having a video chat when suddenly the screen went dark.
I asked if he could hear me, twice. Both times he said yes, but his voice seemed distant.
I then assumed he’d fallen asleep… but something seemed “off”.
I learned the next day, he’d passed away.
They said “natural causes”.
My heart was broken.
We were finally going to have a 2nd chance to be with each other.
I know I’m healing but this grief has changed me.
“J” was my first real love, and I believe I was his as well …he told me often that I was the love of his life.
I just miss him so much and my heart physically hurts.
Yaz June 16, 2021 at 3:14 pm
I lost my husband of 27 years to Covid 19. It’s been almost 6 months since he passed away and I’m still lost. I was 16 years old when we met, 17 we got married. He was 23 years old. Through all our ups and downs, we loved each other and we were best friends. I was in an accident a few days ago and while sitting at the scene overwhelmed with all the sirens, the policeman asked me to call a family member and through my tears all i could say was i have no one, my husband is gone. I can clearly feel my heart hurting, like really hurting. I realised he is gone, he would’ve known how to calm me, what to say, what to do. I wanted him there, no one else. I have 4 sons, 2 are teenagers and they were all close to their dad. There is so much of him still around and so much firsts to get through. It’s hard, really but my faith is strong and trust in the Almighty to help me through this.
I am so lost, so lost and my heart hurts. No one will ever know that hurt if they have never lost their life partner. Every loss hurts differently. I lost a parent and parent in law and other family members and that a different grief but shoo my spouse was my other half in so many ways. And now i have to learn after 27 years how to be alone and just one whole person on my own. I was so young when we met, how do i do this, where do i start……
TLC May 19, 2021 at 1:15 pm
Hello, I lost my girlfriend back in October 2020, 3 days after her 69th birthday. We were together for approx. 17 years and were friends for a number of years prior. We were both married twice before so we just decided to keep our relationship the way it was even after we decided to move in together Sept. 2009.
She was 8 years older than myself, she always ate healthy, did yoga on a daily basis, non-smoker. She worked as a massages therapist and she had many clients who loved her work. All of a sudden she started to eat, and she started to lose weight and she started to feel weak over a short period. Besides catching a cold, she never got sick over the years I’ve known her. She had holistic believes and always told me and everyone that she will heal herself when anything is wrong with her.
He ended up picking her up and taking her to a nearby urgent care after she refused to go see a doctor over several months. She ended up getting admitted and it was so devastating when the doctors said she had ovarian cancer. After a week of them clearing up sepsis because from blocked urinary tract caused by the tumor they found, she was sent home on hospice care. Since the tumor was too big and because she had lost so much weight and wouldn’t eat, the doctor said the treatment would do even more harm.
After she passed away it took me a while to really believe it has happened. I just never figured anything like this would happen to her because of her lifestyle. Her mission in life was to heal people. For herself she did everything you can imagine to prevent of cancer. She didn’t believe in western medicine, only took various kinds of herbs and vitamins. When I look and think back, I she had at least gotten a yearly well checkup. I am a lot better, can at least sleep but I still have depressing moments… I have read comments and stories from others. This is not easy to deal with, so I can relate to many stories. My heart is still shattered to pieces… I’m just trying to live life without her… No matter what, she will always be in my thoughts and a part of me.
Debbie May 11, 2021 at 8:11 pm
I am struggling to get over the loss of my boyfriend. He died April 1,2012, (which was him birthday). I didn’t get to tell him happy birthday either. We had a hard time because he was my x-husbands cousin. We had to keep it a secret when we first started going out. We were together for 3-4 years. I truly loved him with all my heart. We had some rough times and challenges because of the situation. We spent a lot of time together. My family wasn’t fond of us dating, but they accepted him. He had recently started going to my family functions with me, it was amazing. I wanted him to move in with me and make a commitment to each other, but, we didn’t make it to do that. He went to the hospital and was there for 18 days and kept getting worse. They sent him to another hospital, he was there 2 days and died. I didn’t even get to tell him good bye. I miss him so much. I want him to come back, and I know that’s never going to happen. I just want him to tell me one last time that he loves me. I am so sad and lost without him. Please give me hope that things will get better.
Barbara June 17, 2021 at 5:29 pm
Your life will be different from now on ,and some days more difficult than others . It is ok to feel sadness. Journal- it helped me immensely and by doing so you will see your growth in a different but healthy way.
Hurt+lost April 12, 2021 at 11:40 pm
My girlfriend died April 16, 2020. I can’t get past her death, every little thing reminds me of her. Every day I dread waking up, knowing that she won’t be there, and I dread going to bed, knowing that I will on re-live her death. Every night, I hear her screams, her sobs…I can’t take it anymore. I love her, I still do, but I don’t know what to do. I’m lost, the last year has been hell. I miss her. I miss everything…her smile, her laugh, the way….I could go on. I don’t know. It hurts. I love her. I was going to ask her to marry me…then she died. I can’t stop wondering about what could’ve been. I don’t know where to go, what do to….everything hurts
anissa April 6, 2021 at 9:42 pm
I lost my boyfriend on 6-15-19. I never knew that his time would come this fast. I met him when I was a late teenager, and he was quite a bit older than me, (died at age 40), but we never let age affect our relationship because we loved each other and we were happy with each other so that was all that mattered. We were together for 2 and a half years. The strange thing is is that we met on an online dating site, which may appal some of you, but he was 100% the real deal, tall, handsome, blue-eyed, gravelly, yet soothing voice with a southern accent. We were 430 miles away, but even though our relationship was online and long distance, we still managed to make it work for 2.5 good solid years. He was my world, and I, his. We’ve talked on the phone countless times, I loved him so much, I still do. He passed from an accidental overdose because he needed to take many prescription meds for his mental health and physical health since he’s been in many accidents. His weak body couldn’t take it. What was even weirder was that he had this notion that he was going to die soon, and he’s had this feeling for a while but I denied it because i did not want to agree with him on that and told him he’s going to live for a long time. We even talked on the subject of marriage a couple of times. He was a white man, who didn’t have a strong faith in God, and I am a Muslim whose parents are from Pakistan. Because of that, he’s been nothing but completely respectful, kind, compassionate, understanding, and loyal to me. After he died, i thought i could never find another man like him. I am single right now, and not really looking for anyone at this moment. I hid my relationship with him from my family because I did not want them to react negatively about it, which would end up not letting me talk to him. A day before he passed, I finally opened up to my sister about him and then i told him that i did that. She’s been nothing but understanding and open about it, but wished that i didn’t have to carry that burden on me for so long and told her sooner. i told her about his death and she’s been my support system for that. His friends and family that i contacted with after his death have all been support systems for me, so it was easier grieving. I miss him so much and i love him so much, and it gives me peace knowing he is in a happier, painless place.
Aneesha April 5, 2021 at 7:40 pm
I lost my boyfriend on 6-15-19. I never knew that his time would come this fast. I met him when I was a late teenager, and he was quite a bit older than me, (died at age 40), but we never let age affect our relationship because we loved each other and we were happy with each other so that was all that mattered. We were together for 2 and a half years. The strange thing is is that we met on an online dating site, which may appal some of you, but he was 100% the real deal, tall, handsome, blue-eyed, gravelly, yet soothing voice with a southern accent. We were 430 miles away, but even though our relationship was online and long distance, we still managed to make it work for 2.5 good solid years. He was my world, and I, his. We’ve talked on the phone countless times, I loved him so much, I still do. He passed from an accidental overdose because he needed to take many prescription meds for his mental health and physical health since he’s been in many accidents. His weak body couldn’t take it. What was even weirder was that he had this notion that he was going to die soon, and he’s had this feeling for a while but I denied it because i did not want to agree with him on that and told him he’s going to live for a long time. We even talked on the subject of marriage a couple of times. He was a white man, who didn’t have a strong faith in God, and I am a Muslim whose parents are from Pakistan. Because of that, he’s been nothing but completely respectful, kind, compassionate, understanding, and loyal to me. After he died, i thought i could never find another man like him. I am single right now, and not really looking for anyone at this moment. I hid my relationship with him from my family because I did not want them to react negatively about it, which would end up not letting me talk to him. A day before he passed, I finally opened up to my sister about him and then i told him that i did that. She’s been nothing but understanding and open about it, but wished that i didn’t have to carry that burden on me for so long and told her sooner. i told her about his death and she’s been my support system for that. His friends and family that i contacted with after his death have all been support systems for me, so it was easier grieving. I miss him so much and i love him so much, and it gives me peace knowing he is in a happier, painless place.
Tammy March 23, 2021 at 11:09 am
As I began to write this comment, tears began to fall…I met Jonathan a year ago, ( March 2020 )
before the COVID lockdown and he died suddenly on March 6, 2021 at the age of 53…The year we had together was packed with so much adventurous trips and things that we did together… I know he was the one for me…We both were retired from the Army, so I figured that we had whole life ahead of us, but I was wrong…People say think of the good times and memories that you have of him… I guess that’s what making this so hard, because I want more of those good times…I’m so glad he introduced me to his mother, she’s been real supportive, like calling or texting to make sure I’m doing ok…Because when you are the girlfriend, you don’t have too much say so into things…I probably would go crazy without her…He took me on my first camping trip and we planning another one during week of his birthday, which is March 30th…We had so many plans for the future…One day, I’m the happiest person in the world and the next day, I’m the saddest….This has been the hardest 2 weeks of my life…I’m so loss and hurt, right now…
P559 April 7, 2021 at 12:52 am
I’m on the same boat in a way. .. I know exactly how you feel. I miss my man so much. .. it’s almost going to be a year that he’s been gone.
KH March 18, 2021 at 11:29 pm
I am 34 years old. I can barely describe anything else about myself right now, because I feel so completely lost.
My boyfriend of 5 years passed away suddenly 3 weeks ago, from COVID-19.
We went through some of the biggest challenges life can throw at a person,- both individually & as a couple, during the past 5 years…as a result, establishing a connection stronger than I ever have experienced with another human being.
He was my best friend. Other half. My everything. He knew me better than I know myself.
We spoke on the phone briefly the night before he was rushed to the hospital, when he apologized for not texting or calling me back as much that day, as he was just so exhausted/not feeling well. I told him to get some rest, drink some water, & text me as soon as he woke up. I sent him affirmations to say about feeling healthy & getting better each day. I sent him our favorite Winnie the Pooh quote “even when we’re apart, I’ll always be with you”….
He knew I couldn’t stay at the apartment to care for him & had to quarantine away from him, to not risk my disabled grandmother who I take care of. I think he didn’t tell me just how bad he was feeling, because he knew then I would never stay away if I knew. I know he down played it, on purpose. To protect me. And my grandmother.
We never got to speak again. When I couldn’t reach him at all that next morning, finally sent a wellness check. He was rushed to the hospital & placed in the ICU. I was not allowed in the hospital. Neither were his family members. His phone was left behind at the apartment.
The one call a nurse offered before his ventillation…I knew had to be with his children. So I never saw or spoke to him again from that night, when he apologized for not being on his phone as much…when he also texted me “just talking to you makes me feel better, even when nothing much is being said.”
I want to know that he wasn’t in pain, he wasn’t scared- that he didn’t know he was going to die. I need to know that he felt my love with him & knows why we didn’t get to speak one more time- that I put his kids first, like I know he’d want me to. I want to know if he can hear me when I still talk to him all day long.
I couldn’t take my hands off of him in his coffin at the wake. My sister had to drag me away. Flashes of that moment consume me all day long too.
I do “believe” grief gets better with time…but don’t want to believe it at the same time- because that means accepting that this has really happened in the first place. I don’t want time. I don’t want to recognize the “stages” I’m in like I’ve been told about. I don’t want to believe anything. I don’t want this to be my reality where any of that stuff even matters.
How do you make peace with no closure? With feeling they were so within reach in their last days…but you still couldn’t be by their side? To never have been able to say any last words?
MrT March 31, 2021 at 12:49 pm
KH I’m so very sorry this is happening to you, I also lost my friend, husband and soul mate 5 weeks ago. You ask about making peace with no closure, I can relate as well to this as my husband died in hospital with no last phone call as he was ventilated. The only knowledge I have for you is the lowest point I reached was in 2011. My beautiful 18 year old son was taken very quickly without any closure, telephone calls or last words. My world exploded total wipeout. Over the years I never went into any levels of grief , I just somehow found the strength to get through each day never looking forward more than 12 hours. I lost future grand children his wedding day his whole future just disappeared in a flash taking me with him. Now I’m back in this hole again and can’t believe this is like Groundhog Day been here done this. All I can say is since my son passed I grew strength knowing that when he died he knew how much he was loved, cherished, that boy knew it all. No regrets , just pure love. I know I will survive this again but please like me don’t look to far ahead. When 11 years ago I looked to the future without my son, it was bleak and believe me it was nothing like I imagined. I did learn to smile again, I took him in my heart everywhere I went and gradually the sun shone again. This time I’m older and my rock is not there beside me but my god how I loved my hubby and again carry him in my heart. I cry every single day, but he loved me and I still feel that love every day. Try and sleep and take care of yourself sending hugs xx
Melanie Spencer April 6, 2021 at 4:01 pm
KH…I am terribly sorry for your loss. There are no magic words that I or anyone else can say to take your hurt away. Your pain is heartwrenching. I lost my husband in 2020. I hope that you will consider GriefShare. It is 13 (weekly) classes with someone leading, a workbook, videos etc. There are online classes and in person classes. I recommend in person. You can google Grief Share. It will take you step by step through it, if you enter your zip code, and it will advise you of locations near you. There is a time to share your pain with others in a similar situation grieving their losses as well. It has helped me so much.
Bri August 6, 2021 at 10:39 am
I completely, COMPLETELY understand. My fiancé lost his battle with covid 2 days ago. He was sick for a total of 5 days. He was only 27 years old. We were set to be married on October 10th of this year, 2 months away. We had plans to buy a house and try for a baby after getting married. We had plans to go to the lake this weekend and find some seafood to dig into, maybe see a movie and play some mini golf. Then he suddenly fell critically ill. One day he felt like he had a head cold, the next he was in a coma with a tube down his throat and blood coming out of his nose and mouth. I was in the room when his heart stopped beating, and i will forever relive the horror of seeing the strongest person i know in the state he was in. He was my soulmate, my sunshine, my partner, and my best friend. That awful, god forsaken virus took him from me when we had so much to look forward to. I feel so lost and alone without my beacon of warmth and light. I don’t know what to do with myself.
Shey March 16, 2021 at 9:28 pm
I was married to
My spouse since February 8,2019
On March 6,2021. He passed away. He was only 32 years old. I am loss, numb, hurt. I have resentment because our marriage wasn’t the on the best of terms. We had communication issues because of an incident that cause us to separate on February 14.2020. Although the last thing he said was he loved me and happy anniversary I just do not know how to move forward in life without him in it. He left behind a 14 year old son and 8 year old stepdaughter. Someone please tell me will it get better in time
Latese May 30, 2021 at 8:34 am
I totally understand my boyfriend was 31 when he died he died March 9,2021 his birthday was April 3,1989 he was a Memphis police officer ,nice man and a good father I just had a baby 4 months before he died and now she 5 months I promise it get better but you gone forever have moments.a drunk driver t-bone him leaving work.I got that call at night ,worst night every I got ptsd behind everything I hate to even hear my phone ring at night .I’m
Devastated.now I’m a single parent of two 9 year old and 5 month old .I see people out with they family as I’m out with my girls I cry ,screaming why my boyfriend was taken from his kids ,his only child
Nanswua February 18, 2021 at 12:25 am
Yesterday I lost the love of my life to sudden death.
We have been together for 15 years; he was my everything and understood me better than anyone ever has. A kind, generous, thoughtful and thoroughly good man who loved my children and extended family as much as they loved and adored him. He was universally respected and admired for his good nature and wonderful sense of humor as well as his other good qualities. I loved him so deeply, it’s hard to imagine any kind of life without him. I will miss him so much –this pain is raw and real and I do grieve the things I know we would have enjoyed doing together, as well as those special things that I know he was looking forward to. I pray that he knows how much he was loved, respected, and admired Oh, what a great example of goodness he was for the people around him. I am resolved to live my life to honor him and to try to be the person he always saw I could be. I will always love him.
Isabelle Siegel February 18, 2021 at 10:24 am
Nanswua, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your partner sounds like a truly incredible man who will be missed dearly by you and countless others. Please know that your pain is so valid and okay. I am glad to hear that you are looking for ways to honor him. You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/16-practical-tips-continuing-bonds/ Your love will endure the test of time. All the best to you.
Sheba May 12, 2021 at 3:28 pm
Nanswua, So sorry for your loss, i can totally relate, i lost my husband on December 22,2020, in a fatal car accident, and buried him December 30, 2020 I felt as if the world stopped, and i was the only person in it, I still feel the numbness, because of how good of a man he was, the best way to describe my husband is that God gave me himself in human form, because there was no way a man, could love the way my husband loved me. he completed my soul. My husband said some words to me in the beginning of our relationship that will forever me with me, he said whether in life or death, i will forever be with you, and i find those words to be true, because the love we shared was so strong, i still feel it, so it’s as if he is still with me. So i am sharing my husband words with you, because of the love i see you and your husband shared as well. “Whether in life or Death, your husband will forever be with you”
Brianna Grant June 6, 2021 at 10:23 pm
Thank you for sharing this. I lost my 30 year old husband suddenly on 4/19/2021. I found him unconscious in our bedroom while our 1 year old daughter was in her high chair. He passed due to complications of his type 1 diabetes. I feel crazy for feeling like he is still with me. I keep telling people that even though he is not here physically I have yet to feel an absence from him spiritually. Our connection still remains strong, he completed me and understood me in a way that know one could. He told me exactly a month before his passing that we would be “together in eternity until eternity is no longer eternity”. He was a counselor that impacted so many and wise beyond his years. He is missed everyday.
Brandy February 11, 2021 at 2:11 am
Jan 28th I picked our 17 yr old daughter up from school after I got off work and we headed home. I knew my husband was home because his car was here. I checked the bathroom and discovered my husband of almost 17 years was dead. I called 911 and tried CPR but he was already to stiff. I normally come home for lunch every day but I decided to eat lunch with a work friend instead. I feel guilty, I feel like I don’t know how to even have a life without him here. I have dreams where he’s in the house then wake up confused and it’s like realizing he’s gone for the first time over and over.
Isabelle Siegel February 11, 2021 at 2:57 pm
Brandy, I’m so very sorry for your loss. The pain you’re experiencing right now is so normal and valid. I hear that you feel guilty… I suggest you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ I hope you can learn to forgive yourself. You did everything you could to save your husband. I also recommend you give this article a read: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ You will find a way through this. Things may not go back to normal, but you will adjust to a new normal. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. All the best to you.
Brandy February 11, 2021 at 2:05 am
Jan 28th I picked our 17 yr old daughter up from school after I got off work and we headed home. I knew my husband was home because his car was here. I checked the bathroom and discovered my husband of almost 17 years was dead. I called 911 and tried CPR but he was already to stiff. I normally come home for lunch e
Jason January 27, 2021 at 2:50 pm
Hi – just after Xmas 2020 (29th) I lost my best friend and soul mate Lisa to a Brain Bleed.
We met when we were 10 years old & it was truly love at first sight. I never told her how much I loved her as we were best friends right through school and out side in our 20’s. We were with separate partners for 20 years but kept in touch as I often went for coffees and chats with her. She helped me when I split with my wife and dad passed away, but one day was different when I turned 49, I kissed her and we told each other we loved each other. We got engaged straight away and planned to be married in Sept 2020, but Covid stopped that. She got Leukaemia and fought it twice successfully. She died next to me in our bed aged 53, the Leukaemia came back and took her from me. I am totally lost, cry every day and it’s been a month now, when will the pain stop as its sometimes unbearable – i have lost everything that was beautiful in my life
Wendy February 11, 2021 at 10:22 pm
Jason I totally get your heartache. My husband of 22yrs passed 1/1/21 from Pancreatic Cancer 😢 myself and our 3 kids are in like a bad dream.
Armani Faulk January 20, 2021 at 11:14 pm
I lost my boyfriend, October 17, 2020, three days before my birthday. He was truly one of a kind, unlike like any other. Incomparable. The greatest to me. I never in a million years would’ve thought I’d experience something like this. To those who tell people who lose a loved one “it’s okay”…. it’s not. It never will. You just eventually learn to cope. I’m grateful to have met someone so valuable. I wish we could’ve had a happy ending, but life continues. I grieve and cry myself to sleep every night. Hoping one day it’ll get better. I know bad times don’t last always, I’m just healing waiting on the day I can live again.
Isabelle Siegel January 22, 2021 at 10:42 am
Armani, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can imagine how difficult and invalidating it is to hear people say things like “It’s okay.” You may want to check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/people-say-the-wrong-thing-grief/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-not-to-say-after-a-death/ It sounds like you’re doing a great job of being compassionate to yourself and giving yourself the space necessary to heal. All the best to you.
Chris B January 13, 2021 at 4:19 pm
I lost my husband on 6 Nov 2020. He was only 27. He started becoming unwell since 24 with leukaemia. He was always courageous and never complained. He fought till his last breath. I miss him so much, not one second I do not think of him. I feel so lonely and just want to be with him. I don’t know how to carry on.
IsabelleS January 15, 2021 at 11:52 am
Chris, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Feeling as though you don’t know how to carry on is actually so normal and valid. Perhaps it would help to seek out the support of a therapist/counselor trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. All the best to you.
Erica January 20, 2021 at 2:33 pm
Hi Chris B , I know how you feel, I loss my boyfriend on the 27th of November, 2020, he was 25yrs old ,he died from a stroke that give him a brain aneurysm, there is no proper sleeping , always crying up to know I am still crying , you can’t eat and currently suffering from depression where I want to kill myself to go meet him but I wouldn’t be able to see him if I do but what helps at times you think about the good times you had with him and talk to your friends or family about him everytime a memory comes to you ,also keep stuff for him that he valued . And think about what is important in life that makes you want to live , like your kids if you have any or you can pray all the time ,talk to god about how you are feeling.
Rachel February 15, 2021 at 12:20 am
I lost my 34 year old on the exact same day. We would be married 12 years in April. He had been for as long as he could remember and in 2012 we found out he was diabetic and hard as we tried he could not get it under control. I never left his side the last week of his life. I am a keeper of messages and a couple weeks after his passing I decided to read thru some of our conversations, and discovered an image that he sent to me on December 15, 2020. I don’t remember reading it then but it’s purpose is clear now and I read it every single day! I hope it can help you as well:
Remember Me
Don’t remember me with sadness, don’t remember me with tears, remember all the laughter, we’ve shared throughout the years. Now I am contented that my life it was worthwhile, knowing that along the way I made somebody smile. When you are walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind, I’m walking in your footsteps only half a step behind. So please don’t be unhappy, just because I’m out of sight, Remember that I’m with you each morning, noon and night.
Isabelle Siegel February 17, 2021 at 12:22 pm
Rachel, I am truly so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and these beautiful words. All the best to you.
Egonzalez0405 January 2, 2021 at 8:12 am
I lost my spouse on April 12 2019 and we found his remains on March 30 of 2020 he was murdered and this whole time we thought he was missing, we had 1 little boy everyday or just thinking about him brings tears and no one else understands how I feel. Everyone thinks I’m depressed because I don’t go out or they pressure me to start dating. Most of the time I just want to be alone with my son and not see anyone. I just feel like a loser and I don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me.
IsabelleS January 4, 2021 at 1:18 pm
I’m so sorry for your loss, and to hear that you’re feeling like this. You’re not a loser. It’s completely okay to want to be alone with your son… You’re grieving! You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/unique-loneliness-grief/ All the best.
Nancy Beardslee March 16, 2021 at 2:17 pm
I was a nursing professor, and volunteer in
the local Hospice library.
I thought I had knowledge of grieving:
going through the bad times. But? no I had tried to be strong so I wouldn’t bother my daughter, grandchildren. So for 12 months I was in denial about the death of my son, then death of father, mother and then my husband. The toll on me was enormous.
I am coping well at times, but my way is to become more private. My answer to helpful friends wanting more activity and to vent… I don’t want to vent. With Covid not allowing normal activity with friends.
So, I am a little better (2%). I wanted to share this… my new motto to friends is “Life is hard.”
Casper January 2, 2021 at 3:26 am
It’s been 7 days since I’ve lost the love of my life. A man that deeply loved me unconditionally, that had protected me and gave me the best of himself. He had never hurt me in anyway and for this I treated him like the king he was. At the tender age of 52 my handsome and most sweetest husband passed away from kidney failure. I fulfilled his wish to die at home, to be brave and strong as he wanted and loved every minute I spent with him from the day we got together. I know he’s not suffering anymore and his constant pain is gone. I try must best to continue being strong and brave but I miss him so much. I am thankful he came into my life and thankful I was able to experience love, real love. But I hurt so much I try not showing this to our children, I try comforting them as he would have wanted. He was a beautiful soul and I miss him. I miss his smile, his laughter, his tenderness. I miss his presence. In the last 7 days I’ve cried in silence, I’ve forced myself to conquer my isolation. I pray every day that I don’t hold his spirit back, that he makes it to where he’s suppose to go. I try not being selfish. I try my best, to let him go, in love and in peace. I miss him so much. I still love him from the core of my being. Watching him take his last breath with my words of love and comfort was the most hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I love him and I always will. Thanks for letting me share
IsabelleS January 4, 2021 at 1:24 pm
Casper, thanks for taking the time to share your story. I am truly so sorry for your loss… There are no words. Your love sounds so special, and it will continue to bond you two together for the rest of time.
Lisa November 3, 2021 at 12:43 pm
Thank you for the kind words beautiful stranger. It’s been 10 month and 8 days, though I feel better today I still have those moments, I’m thankful I survived for our children when there were days I thought I couldn’t. To all the beautiful people that have lost loved ones, just know they are with us. My beautiful late husband shows me ever day
Kim Rasner January 10, 2021 at 6:02 pm
I feel so sad for you. I was 46 when I became a widow on August 1, 2019. I have been where you are. It is hard. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Lisa (Casper) November 3, 2021 at 12:46 pm
Sending hugs beautiful stranger. I send positive vibes and wishes that you may find love again which won’t be the same because they are not replaceable but love that will help heal. ❤️
Ki-Myja’ December 26, 2020 at 8:45 pm
my boyfriend passed away November 13, 2020. He died due to an drug overdose, and unfortunately I watched him take his last breath. It’s hurts so bad everyday, knowing he’s never coming back. I think about how real this doesn’t feel, too often. I’m hurt, angry, sad, annoyed, and often find myself making up different scenarios as to what could’ve been done for him to still be here. I scream and cry, I get lost in my thoughts. Some days I think I’ll be fine and other days I feel like I can’t do this. It sucks!
IsabelleS December 28, 2020 at 1:35 pm
Ki-Myja, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine how difficult it was to witness your boyfriend’s death firsthand. What you’re experiencing–the hurt, anger, sadness, annoyance, numbness, etc.–is all normal and okay. I completely understand what you mean when you say that some days are okay and others are hard to get through… This too is so normal. Give yourself some space to grieve. Perhaps you would find it comforting to speak with a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/ All the best to you.
Cali January 18, 2021 at 11:37 pm
i lost my boyfriend on november 18th 2020 so it has been exactly 2 months. i didn’t know pain until he died, this is unbearable. he made me so happy and was perfect. now he is gone. he was only 17 and had his whole life ahead of him. life is so unfair
Isabelle Siegel January 19, 2021 at 12:12 pm
Cali, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain you’re experiencing. You’re right… Life can be so unfair. Your anger is normal and okay. I hope this website shows you that, no matter what, you’re not alone. All the best to you.
Cali January 18, 2021 at 11:39 pm
i am so sorry that you have to go through this too. you are not alone. sending you strength
Blake February 9, 2021 at 2:46 pm
I just lost my girlfriend of a almost 2 yrs only 3 days ago due to drug overdose. She just recently started doing it and we both were about to go off Nd get clean together,which would have been today. She likes to do a opposite drug than me and she argued with me everyday so bad until she got it but I loved her so much and did all I can so I could have my happy baby with me because when she didn’t have it I just felt like we didn’t know each other because she was mean to me. I miss her so so much I feel as though this is my fault and I could have saved her. They hit her withnarcan twice and it didn’t do anything I believe she was already brain dead. The image of her like that is haunting me everyday its killing me. I dont know how to deal. I have a question for you since it’s been this long has it gotten any easier for you. I feel as though I never going to be able to let this go and its killing me I’m afraid suicide is going to be my way out
Isabelle Siegel February 10, 2021 at 12:19 pm
Blake, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I want you to know that it is so normal to still be grieving your girlfriend even after two years. It’s a common misconception that we “get over” grief. In reality, it is always a part of us. I highly recommend you give this article a read: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ I also hear that you feel guilty… This too is normal. I cannot tell you not to feel guilty, but I will say this: I hope you can forgive yourself. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to enlist the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. You have so much to live for.
Kausalya Vijay murugan March 17, 2021 at 9:02 pm
Hey Dear ,
It’s so much relatable I lost my love on November 22nd , 2020 ! He was just 23 and I’m still in denial like how could this happen and why with me ? Because we were such happy couples since my school it was almost 8 yrs of successful relationship ! And suddenly I lost him to a silly accident, he drowned in 5ft water ! Wherein he knows to swim , I feel so stupid and annoyed coz this one incident has impacted so many lives I just feel dead ! I’m just 23 I don’t know how far life is gonna take me ! But this was too early , I miss him every microseconds !
Jeff R Berg December 23, 2020 at 7:28 pm
On Oct 30 of this year, my beautiful wife, Sarah died. She had cancer for over 10 years, but it was sepsis that finally took her.
We had almost 22 years together, most of which were amazing. This last year was very difficult, as she became very withdrawn and ignored me quite a bit. I tended to her for all the years she had cancer, without help from family or friends.
Her daughter, my stepdaughter, has made my life a living hell by creating new Powers of Attorney when Sarah was in the hospital and having her sign a new Will just a few days before she died. I now have two lawyers and am beside myself with grief. This same stepdaughter assaulted me earlier this year and trashed my home office in 2017.
Sarah and I had a great marriage until this year and I wasn’t at all aware of how much I loved her until she died. As many have written here, it is difficult if not impossible to move on- most everything reminds me of her and I also wonder if she knew what she was doing when she signed the new Will.
I miss her, I want her, I love her, and I am totally mystified and heartbroken…and financially hurting as well. Stepdaughter helped herself to $29,000 out of an IRA that Sarah had.
kelley andrews December 18, 2020 at 4:44 am
I don’t seem to want to carry on. I have kids and I no it’s selfish I’m just empty he was my best friend new everything. I don’t have family to help so I’m coping best I can but can’t c how I can live without him
IsabelleS December 18, 2020 at 10:05 am
Kelley, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart truly goes out to you. The feelings of emptiness and hopelessness you’re experiencing are so normal after the death of a loved one… I have confidence that you will find a way to carry on. It may be helpful to enlist the support of a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Please know that, no matter what, you’re not alone. All the best to you.
Lynlee December 17, 2020 at 2:08 am
I don’t think I can do this anymore. I hate waking up each day. I hate going to bed. I hate eating. I hate bathing. I hate picking out something to wear. I hate having to go anywhere. I hate having to LIVE. Everything reminds me of my husband. I lost him October 9 2020 and it’s not getting better. I get sad. Then I get mad. I feel hopeless and helpless. I drink myself to bed most nights because the idea of going to bed without hearing him say “I love you babe” is more than I can bare. I get through the days by cooking the foods he loved and then I can’t eat any of it because I get too depressed. My life feels empty, meaningless and lonely. I put up the stupid Christmas tree because he loved Christmas, but when I look at it I just want to cry. I slept through Thanksgiving and I want to sleep through Christmas as well but my dad ( who I live with and take care of now because he can’t afford a nursing home) wants to have a traditional holiday. I can’t bare it. I don’t care about it. I don’t want to plaster a fake smile while we eat and open the few gifts we have. The only gift I am interested in is having my husband back and that’s not happening. Even our 15 year old son isn’t doing Christmas. He is spending the holiday with his best friend and they don’t celebrate Christmas. He said to me, begged me actually, not to make him sit here with his grandpa and do a holiday that will make him cry thinking of his dad. My dad, his grandpa, is not very understanding of our grief. If he hears either one of us crying he tells us to shut up. I wish I could hibernate the rest of my life. Or better yet, just die.
IsabelleS December 17, 2020 at 9:32 am
Lynlee, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this and that your father has not been supportive. Feeling hopeless is actually very normal and okay. The holidays in particular can be tremendously difficult after losing a loved one. You may want to check out this section of our blog: https://whatsyourgrief.com/blog/?category=holidays-and-special-days It may be time to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Please be gentle with yourself. All the best.
jose melendez December 17, 2020 at 4:16 pm
Lynlee, reading your post is heartbreaking, I know how you are feeling ,I lost the love my life ( together 21 years)this November 2,2020. I lost him to a long cancer struggle. he knew I would be suicidal , so he made me promise I wouldn’t kill myself. so I have to keep that promise.I will dedicate my life to do good deeds in his name or maybe start a organization in his name. I recommend to you this you tube video:
when some one you love dies, there is no such thing as moving on/ Kelly Lynn
TEDxadelphi university
take care
Gilma December 27, 2020 at 9:47 pm
To the Man I love who save me from my bad life bad situation before he died in Severe heart attack .I come home from work and I feel strange I Saw him in his office where he always at looking forward I come home he didn’t come down to say Honey your home with hugs and kisses .So I run upstairs and said I’m home he suddenly feel down and unconscious.I try to survive him with Cpr I do my best to give him another life try to survive him but god is ready for him in heaven .Until now it’s fresh how I saw him dying ,I hold his hands ,I hug him ,I talk to him .I feel I blame myself sometimes if I do all my best to survive him. I love you
IsabelleS December 28, 2020 at 11:32 am
Gilma, I’m so very sorry for your loss and for the pain you’re experiencing. I hear that you feel guilty for not being able to revive him… That is so normal and okay. That being said, please know that you did the best you could. You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ The What’s Your Grief community is here to support you as you navigate your grief. You are not alone. All the best to you.
Max December 11, 2020 at 10:03 am
I lost my soul mate this summer. We had our first child’s name picked out and an entire future we looked forward to. She was killed by a drunk driver. Her brother who she trusted drove drunk 85mph into a 40 mile per hour turn with her sitting right there in the passenger seat. It’s so hard to live with this because of everything stated in the article: she was my best friend, my person, the love of my life, but the also because the betrayal of her trust by her brother. That she thought she was safe in the hands of family- is so painful. They both are gone, but the preventable nature of her death is incomprehensible to me. She should be here.
IsabelleS December 11, 2020 at 10:23 am
Max, I’m so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing… My heart truly goes out to you.
Roger November 26, 2020 at 2:33 am
Hi my name is Roger and I lost my fiancée Timothy to Covid last week. We were supposed to get married next year. He was a high school teacher and probably got sick while working. We were together for 3 years had all this life planned out, and now my life is gone with him. I’m having a hard time processing everything and I came here in this article for help maybe. He was in Florida and I’m in Brazil finishing law school and because of pandemic travel ban between brz and usa I wasn’t able to be with him in his final moments. Now not only to deal with his absence in my life I have to deal with indifference frm his family that didn’t even offered or said anything about our things in his house- in his name – but a house we shared. I have to beg and humiliate myself constantly sending messages to them begging little information such as will he be buried or cremated and they just ignore me. I wish I could share my situation and find someone that might understand what I’m going through cause I’m not and I’m not well. Thanks if someone made it this far.
IsabelleS November 27, 2020 at 11:45 am
Roger, I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I understand that dealing with his family is making this particularly difficult. Perhaps it would be helpful to talk to a grief counselor, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. I hope you find some comfort in this website/community.
Beatrice December 4, 2020 at 1:21 pm
Hello. We have totally the same experience. My fiancé passed away 2 months ago due to stroke. It was a sudden death. He’s from Switzerland and I’m from the Philippines. I was not able to see him on his final moment due to pandemic. I also had the hard time to have communication with his family such as if he would be cremated, the funeral. I have to send many messages just to let them know that I also want to be updated about the love of my life. It’s been 2 month since now and pain never goes away. I thought things get better with time but I miss him more and more every day. I still couldn’t believe. My heart is still aching as strongly as the day he passed away. He was taken from me suddenly. I suppose that is the hardest part. I had no time to prepare. I still believe I am living in a nightmare and he will return and wake me from this tormented dream. We were together for almost 4 years. He was my soulmate and best friend. He loved me for who I was, not for who I might become. I had never known unconditional love until I met him. I miss him and love him so much.
IsabelleS December 4, 2020 at 1:45 pm
Beatrice, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are experiencing. Your love sounds so special. I understand that the sudden and unexpected nature of his death makes it all the more difficult… I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/ I completely get what you mean when you say that you miss him more every day. This is completely normal and okay! You’re not alone in your grief, and I hope this website/community shows you that. All the best to you!
Christine December 5, 2020 at 2:16 am
Roger I can relate but alittle different I was out if town I came home was about to pick up my bf after 5 days away got a call he died at work. They called his ex he never finished the divorce she refused he tried to for 5 years so cause they were legally married and I had been with him for 5 yrs even have a son together with him she called all the shots of his last part of his life cremation or burial flowers his money even though he lived with me they even asked her if she wanted to go in my home I was a funeral director and his girlfriend of 5 years but felt like a stranger locked out no say no choice nothing it was the worse thing to feel like nothing and be mourning grieving just lost and sad this happened to me August 2020 I had to find was to find closure for me it’s all I could do to stay sane I have so much hate towards others who locked me out and kept me from grieving how I needed so your not alone being alone on how you feel I just wanted to tell you it’s going to be part of you and you will learn to live different now but just find ways to find closure sending you all my condolences for your loss I’m so sorry your going through this always turn for help if you get to that point .
Kimberly R December 17, 2020 at 10:26 am
Hi Roger…I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I understand what you are going through, you are not alone in this. My prayers for comfort and peace to you. I lost my fiancée this past August. Me & Chris had a home together also but everything was still in his name. So like you, I also have to call his family just to ask if I can have a small item or 2 of Chris’. Plus I had to call them to ask when is the funeral and where is he going to be buried….even though Chris wanted to be cremated and I suggested clothes for them to put on Chris to wear. Of course they didn’t take my suggestions. They don’t call to check up on me…I call them though. It’s been a difficult 4 months, and now soon to be Christmas without Chris. I pray you have someone to spend the holidays with and you are not alone.
jose melendez December 17, 2020 at 4:30 pm
My heart breaks for you Roger, that family is on the wrong side of history, sorry homophobes you have lost, even pope Francis is in favor of same sex unions, with all the protections it provides.
my partner of 21 years died nov2 2020, his family totally embraces me, his dad paid for cemetery plot for him with a spot for me when I go. we were to marry on Dec 19, but he didn’t live .we should had made it sooner . I wish you the strength to survive your situation.
watch the film THE SINGLE MAN by Tom Ford, it may inspire you to go on until you join him in eternity
Stew January 1, 2021 at 6:49 pm
Dear Roger.
I lost my boyfriend to prostate cancer last year. He lived in Spain and i am in the uk. We spent three years together (one before cancer and two after ) going back and forth and travelling the world together. When he died more suddenly than expected while I was back in the uk sorting out my work in order to have a longer time with him. His parents cut me out of his life as though I was no one. I wasn’t even mentioned at the funeral. He was the love of my life. Nearly two years later the grief is terrible. I still keep living because what else can I do. But I feel your pain and recognise the extra hurt caused by denial of a love relationship by an unsympathetic and bigoted family. Keep going. Timothy would want you to keep trying. So try. It’s never any easier when the pain hits but if you’re lucky the gaps between the hard days get bigger. I love this list of all these ways and so many more that grief ruins the dreams and hopes you had.
IsabelleS January 4, 2021 at 1:33 pm
Stew, I’m sorry for your loss and for everything you’re going through with your boyfriend’s family. It sounds as though your grief is being invalidated… I highly recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/disenfranchised-grief/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/64-examples-of-disenfranchised-grief/ Please know this: Your grief is legitimate. All the best.
Clare January 27, 2021 at 5:04 pm
Dear Roger, I am so sorry that you lost your partner, and sad that his family have alienated you! Just two weeks ago, I lost my boyfriend of 3 years. He was found dead in his truck and the cause of death has yet to be determined. I cannot begin to describe the grief I am experiencing, which only seems to get renewed with each new day. I came to this website to get hope, and my shock at finding many others experiencing the grief of losing a partner has enabled me to find strength to believe that this too shall pass. I don’t know how, but I feel i should encourage you and all who mourn as i do, to have hope that life can (and we must allow it to) be beautiful again.
Dear Roger, please do not get concerned about the coldness of his family. Don’t allow it to deepen your sense of loss. It is extremely cruel of them to exclude you at this time. I felt the same way to discover that his family does not even recognize me as his girlfriend. No one is telling me who he last spoke to, what his last texts or words were, who he was with last.. any pictures or videos to share. It is ok. I have my memories with him, pictures, and little video clips which i cherish so much.
I would like to encourage you to pray, if you can find the strength. I want you to know dear Roger, that recovering from grief is a process but it is possible. THink what your partner would have had you do. He would have loved you to get over the sadness and go on living. (I know, easy to say!)
I am a Christian, but not a homophobe. I have friends who identify as gay or lesbian. Before God we are all sinners. BUT, God promises that when you call upon Him, He will give you the strength to “run and not grow weary, to walk and not faint”, because your prayer will give God the right of way to fight every battle for you. You are beloved of God, Roger. I grieve with you, because of my own experience which is still raw. Please know that I am praying with and for you, and for all our fellows on this forum.
Nessa November 19, 2020 at 12:53 pm
Anna I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner in June after battling gallbladder cancer for 6 months. He was 49 and I’m 50. I too feel lost but I do try and get out and about a bit, not every day but when I feel up to it. I cry a lot too and it does help to get it out. Yes people aren’t always thoughtful in what they say but I think some people just don’t know what to say either. I do hope as time goes on you gather strength…that’s what I’m hoping for too. I’m glad you have good support from your stepson. Perhaps talking to a bereavement counselor may help as well. Sending a big hug. Take care x
Anna November 19, 2020 at 6:07 am
I lost my partner of 21 years this year in April. He was diagnosed with Liver Cancer in Jan. Since he passed away I’ve been lost!!!! We gave him a great send off in July (because of covid) we couldn’t not do it earlier. He was cremated. All I seems to do is sit in front of the TV. My Step-son has been a great support and so has my family and friends. It just seems all I can do lately is cry. I have not gone back to work as I don’t have the strength. My health is suffering but I’m trying to get that back on track. People say “It will get easier” and I get tired of hearing that. I feel like saying UNTIL YOU WALK IN MY SHOES YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!! You just learn to cope day by day. I’m only 45 and my partner was only 55 (would have been 56 this year) Some days are ok other days are terrible, everywhere I look I still see him and I think about him all the time. I know in time I will cope a bit better.
IsabelleS November 19, 2020 at 11:17 am
Anna, I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the unbearable pain you are enduring. I want you to know that everything you are feeling is completely valid. For example, I understand how frustrating it is to constantly hear “It will get easier.” Can you try communicating to these people that this isn’t helpful to you? All the best to you.
Leah November 17, 2020 at 8:02 am
I lost my boyfriend suddenly three days ago. We were together for five years and planning to get married within a year’s time. I am 28 and so was he and we had our entire life planned out. And now I will never get to live it. I don’t want to leave my bed, I don’t want to eat or do anything. The only thing I want to do is leave everything behind and join him.
I have battled depression my entire life and the only one who truly understood what I was going through and supported me through it all was him. He loved me unconditionally and always put my happiness before anything else. He was my partner, my shoulder to lean on, my hopes and dreams, he was my entire life. He were two halves of one.
Things around me had already started to crumble long before he passed and life as I knew it was coming to an end. But he was my beacon of hope and I knew that as long as I had him by my side, I could get through anything. He was my light at the end of the tunnel but now that light has been extinguished and I am left in total darkness. I miss hearing his voice, I miss seeing his face, I miss having him beside me. The pain is unbearable and the memories are too painful. I keep looking up at the sky and begging God to take me too, so I can be reunited with him.
But people are telling me to be strong and carry on with my life. Be strong for what? He was my entire future and now he’s gone. I did not just lose him, I lost my future, the hopes and dreams we had of a life together, and the children we were supposed to have. Half of me has been torn away from me. I don’t want to heal, I don’t want to start feeling better, I dont want to stay strong and go on with my life. I want to go where he is. Life without him is senseless.
IsabelleS November 17, 2020 at 11:29 am
Leah, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I cannot even begin to imagine the unbearable pain you are feeling. I understand how difficult it is to hear people suggest you be strong and move on. Can you communicate to these people that it’s not that easy? The hopelessness you are feeling is normal and okay. Things may never get better, but they will get easier with time. Perhaps you should reach out to a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/ If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Leah November 18, 2020 at 12:52 pm
Thank you for your kind words and support, Isabelle.
KI November 17, 2020 at 7:01 pm
Leah,
I am soooo sorry for your loss I’m sending you a big virtual hug. I completely understand how your feeling. I tragically lost my husband on 7/19 of this year. That day changed my life forever. I was 39 when he passed and he was only 43. Just like you and your boyfriend we had big plans for our future together. We had just decided that we were ready to start trying for a baby. I know how you feel about not wanting to be here anymore, your life doesn’t have a purpose etc. I’m still going through those feelings this very day. Do you have anyone that you can talk to about how your feeling? If not I recommend seeing a Therapist. Suicide is not the answer dear. I’m not sure how spiritual you are but a family member told me if you want to be reunited with your boyfriend
in afterlife you sure won’t see him if you commit suicide.
Anna November 20, 2020 at 3:54 am
I hear you Leah sometimes I feel that life is so hard without my partner and that I wish that I could be with him. We didn’t have children together but his son and I are so close and my daughter-in law and our beautiful granddaughter they keep me going. My granddaughter always says “HI GRANDDAD and GOODNIGHT GRANDDAD” by pointing up to the sky especially at night she is 3 years old. Life can sure throw you curve balls hey. It’s good to talk to people who have been through this loss. My best friend lost her husband last year and she has been such a great support for me and I for her. Please take care. All the best xoxo
Kimberly S Rex November 24, 2020 at 4:45 pm
I’m so very sorry for your loss. May you find comfort and peace in the days and months to come. I too have lost my fiancée( Christopher) August 7, 2020. We were also planning on getting married soon. We’ve been together 5 years and I feel this past year with everything going on with the COVID, we actually grew closer together. I’m not sure how I’m going to live without him. I feel lost and alone. He was my life. We will all get through this with family, friends and lots of supportive people. I started going to grief counseling recently. It helps to talk, I’ve always loved talking about Chris anyway. I also pray almost constantly.
Natasha Charlesworth November 27, 2020 at 4:47 pm
I too just lost my fiancé. Like you I am struggling to find sense in all this and just don’t know how I’ll ever get beyond the sadness and overwhelming sense that everything is over. My life included. I can’t even imagine life without him.
Hope you find peace somehow. 💔
Alexa January 3, 2021 at 6:38 am
Leah,
I know exactly how you are feeling, I lost my partner Samantha 3 weeks ago. It was so sudden, multiple organ failure with internal bleeding. I watched her take her last breath in our bed. I gave her cpr right away, nobody could bring her back.
We were together for 5 years, both 26, had our whole lives to go, we were perfectly and magically happy together.
Nothing can heal this pain but I hope time will help just a little. I also feel like giving up as I don’t see a point in going on with out my soulmate. I cannot wait to be with her again, but I guess I’ll have to live for the both of us. I miss her every second.
I won’t give up if you won’t
Alexa
IsabelleS January 4, 2021 at 1:13 pm
Alexa, I’m very sorry for your loss. Please don’t give up. To anyone who wants to give up, or even who just needs someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Heather⁸ July 4, 2022 at 1:41 pm
Leah,
I lost my boyfriend a month ago in a motorcycle accident. We were together for a year. The most transformative relationship I’ve been in. He just saw me, and taught me so much. We were healing old wounds together and building something truly beautiful. We had so many plans for our future together and now my world is completely flipped upside down. I’m 30 and he was 43, we had our whole lives ahead of us and now I’m also struggling to find any purpose. All I do is think about him and replay memories, as well as the accident in my head. It’s been torture. I’m trying to find support from people who can relate. It’s been challenging. I’m curious how you are doing now? What has helped you over time to get through your day to day? Sedning you my love as I know how heartbreaking this is. Just unimaginable.
Nakrit C November 13, 2020 at 12:32 pm
Yes my spouse passed away by the end of august that the special month for us . Cas 8th&14th that ours birthday. I have to bring him to ER in the morning of my birthday and he never come back Yes his family and his friends changed that because of money and estate. I have a hard time because my English that not to good to communicate with hospitals I even know what’s hospice is /urn /ashes/ At the time I have to handle everything alone ( it’s truly alone no one) I keep every minute to do the best as I can with him I have to smile even my face all over with tears at the time I have to protect my right from them that try to use the law with immigrants like me.
Like a Hollywood movie party at home with black dress. It’s call celebration of life I working on it myself and watch YouTube how to do it cas I have no idea what’s that mean. No one from his family &his friends come. Maybe I am a bad person. Now yes i lost my soul /other half / close friend/ no hope / feel nothing/ can’t sleep in the bed can’t eat lose weight and still crying everytime anywhere. I am not sure how I gonna go thru this situation cas I want to suicide twice. I never ever try to do a stupid thing like this before.
To people that still in same situation I can tell you no one can help us . You have to go thu by yourself because in our inside if you know even you can’t help yourself ( like me!) lasting thing from my advice keep breathing stay alive. Time only last thing that will help us slowly.
IsabelleS November 16, 2020 at 11:27 am
Nakrit, I am very sorry for your loss. I want to remind you how strong you are. You’re right… Time will slowly help. For now, be gentle with yourself. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Linda December 18, 2020 at 11:13 pm
Hi. Sorry for your loss. My husband got covid 19 and he passed away on 7 December, I’m alone too . Some friends helped me . That is too hard don’t have family around in these days. Today I had to put my dog to sleep. Very painful.
IsabelleS December 21, 2020 at 11:36 am
Linda, I’m so sorry for the multiple losses you’ve been forced to endure. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/cumulative-grief-aka-grief-overload/ I understand that losing a pet is truly like losing a best friend. This article may also be helpful to you: https://whatsyourgrief.com/mans-best-friend-6-considerations-for-grieving-the-loss-of-a-pet/ The What’s Your Grief community is here to support you and to show you that, no matter what, you’re not alone. All the best to you.
Lynette November 7, 2020 at 5:07 am
I lost my best friend and lover suddenly on the 9/9/19.
I’ve spent an entire year grieving and I’ve aged 10 years.
We were inseparable, and actively living a wonderful life together.
Both of us were born in 1961 Adrian was 3 months older than me and often said he came before me and will leave before me so I know where to go when it’s my time.
I’m still trying to figure out how to live with Adrian not by my side.
All the little things that meant so much are empty.
I know time changes the pain, I’ve recovered from the immense pain that went on for months however the loss I carry now is hidden from the world because life goes on.
I often want to be with Adrian and feel cheated that I’m left behind.
I’m 59 and do not see life through the same lense I once did.
I feel punished.
IsabelleS November 10, 2020 at 10:43 am
Lynette, I am truly so sorry for your loss. I understand that it is difficult to fathom going on without Adrian. I want you to know how strong and resilient you are, and that you will get through this. Things may never get better, but they will get easier with time. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ All the best to you.
Tiffani D. September 8, 2020 at 1:45 am
Everything in this article describes everything I’m feeling but can’t find the words to say. I’m 40 years old and burried my 43 year old husband on September 2, 2020. We were married for 23 years, and he was my everything. I’m an only child and both parents past away in last 3 years. My husband was my world. On Saturday August 22, 2020 I woke up around 8:00 am, he was already awake watching TV so he told me about the movie that was on and he sat up and leaned his back against our headboard. A few minutes later he grabbed his chest and moaned and fell over. I thought he was being silly and I told him to stop so he doesn’t wake up kids. Then I put my hand on his back and felt all his muscles tensed up and realized it was not a joke. He wasn’t breathing and not responding to me. My daughter heard my screams and came so I made her go outside and call 911. I was certified in CPR 10 years ago and I knew what to do. I knew he needed to be on the floor for chest compressions to be effective. My husband was 6 ft. Tall and 200 lbs. I’m 5’2 and 115 lbs. I could not move him even a little bit he was too heavy so I gave mouth to mouth and inadequate chest compressions for nearly 15 mins waiting for ambulance. They shocked his heart and it came back. But it was too late. He got to hospital and after emergency heart surgery they put him into hypothermia for 24 hours to try to stop or slow brain damage. When he was warmed up completely his brain had suffered to much trauma from lack of oxygen it swelled so much that it cut off all blood flow to the brain. He was brain dead. The only thing that helps my heart is because he was on life support the whole time he was able to save 3 live by donating both kidneys and his liver. Also I got to hold his warm hand and kiss his warm face and touch his warm body for 3 days after his heart attack. I got to say “I’m sorry” and tell him “I love you” I never got to hear him say it back but I got more than most people do whose loved one has sudden cardiac arrest. I would give up the rest of my life right now to have him back for a day. I can’t wait till the day I can think about him without crying.
Christine October 2, 2020 at 9:00 pm
Tiffani I just lost my boyfriend August 3rd 2020 that was hard enough then comes the viewing then getting some ashes then the autopsy report telling me a drug overdose when I didn’t even know he was on any but I knew he had pain and these were for pain but I know he went fast being the position he was in even though that was so much trauma to see you got to be by his side you did what you could and you have a child you spoke of maybe more but your alive still you have a purpose one is the kids . You must mourn how you need to but just keep living that’s what I have told myself my prayers and my thoughts are with you .
Yadira Gallardo October 3, 2020 at 4:11 pm
My hubby passed away same day ? sorry for your loss
Molly November 4, 2020 at 10:16 pm
I lost my husband, best friend and best friend on October 9,2020 unexpectedly in 3 days time. I would love to talk to someone going through the loss for support and I’ll support you because I truly don’t feel anyone else really knows how it feels
IsabelleS November 5, 2020 at 10:55 am
Molly, I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope this community helps show you that you are not alone in your grief.
Leah November 18, 2020 at 9:54 am
Hi Molly, I would love to talk to you if you are still open to talk! Sending you all my love ♥
Vera March 30, 2021 at 3:02 pm
My husband died on October 9th 2020 as well.
He was diagnosed with gallbladder Cancer that had spread he died a month after diagnosis. I so understand your pain. I am devastated we were married 31 years! His card for our 31st was can’t wait till our 32and beyond ..
Carol September 5, 2020 at 6:25 pm
I just lost my husband to cancer on August 1st 2020. We spent a lifetime together for 57 years and the loss is so great I don’t even know what to do. I cannot even imagine how terrible this would be for me. We had lost both of our parents and we had a still born baby and I lost my sister but this pain if indescribable. I just want him back. He died at home after just 5 weeks of being diagnosed with lung cancer and it had gone into his liver too. He was in hospital for a week and they had to drain his lungs every day and he begged to come home and said he would not be any bother to anyone which I feel terrible because he said that. He came home and was at home for a week and my daughter was staying here and she got up in the night to check on him and he was gone, I feel so guilty I wasn’t right by his side when he passed away. It has been five weeks now and I miss him so much that I don’t know if I can go on. I just cry all the time and have to force myself to do anything at all. I want him back so much it hurts to even think he wont be coming back. I just think he is on one of his fishing trips. He loved live and everyone who knew him loved him. He was the best husband in the world. I have talked to a counseller but I don’t feel like they are helping me. Just cannot go on without him.
Litsa September 5, 2020 at 7:32 pm
Carol, please know that it so often feels hopeless in the early months. But your husband held an important space in this world and you do too. The shock of such a quick diagnosis and his death after 57 years is unimaginable – your life will never be the same and you will unquestionably miss him every day. But with time, you will learn to carry the weight of the loss and find ways to stay connected with him while being able to still have time with your daughter and other family. I know it feels impossible to imagine now, but please know that what you are feeling is normal – terrifying as it is. If the counsellor you are seeling is not helpful, please TELL THEM. I know that can feel hard to do, but they don’t know what is helping (or not helping) unless you are honest with them. There are different approaches to counselling, so when something isn’t working they can often adjust and another approach might be far more helpful. Sometimes it is just about finding the right counsellor, so you need to try a couple before finding the right one. If you are located in the US, please call the suicide helpline right away if you are thinking of hurting yourself (or even just wishing you were no longer alive) at 1-800-273-8255 or in the UK the Samaritans at 116 123.
Nessa October 7, 2020 at 9:12 am
Carol I am so very sorry for your loss. My partner of 12 years passed away from cancer in June aged 49 years old. He was diagnosed last Christmas. He was and is my best friend, my soulmate and the love of my life. I miss him so much and every Tuesday is another week of him not being here. He was at home with me for the last 3 weeks of his life and he died the night we had a Marie Curie nurse here and I had gone for a rest. I feel guilty that I wasn’t with him when he took his last breath but try to tell myself he at least had someone who was kind and caring with him. It’s been 17 weeks now and although I don’t cry now every day I live with an ache in my heart and an intense sadness that I will never see him again to hug, talk to, kiss and just spend time with. I find it hard to come to terms that he isn’t physically in this world anymore. This grief is hard but it helps to post here and know that I am not alone in how I’m feeling. My thoughts are with anyone going through such a difficult and emotional time. X
J.R. Allen September 1, 2020 at 11:19 pm
August 6 we lost our English bulldog she was the sweetest thing in the world. Than on August 17 I lost my partner to sepsis. September 16 was his birthday and we were all set to spend that week on the beach and get married on his birthday. October 3rd would have been out 9 year anniversary. Right now I’m so lost. What we had I know was extremely rare and I won’t never get it again. So now I’m literally all alone my family live 3 hours away (southern Baptist and I’m gay so go figure ) they loved my partner too but now I’m just don’t see what the point of life as I’m trying to straighten up the house like he would have done it. I just keep thinking who gives a damn if the house is messy we can’t take it with us. Who cares if I don’t wash my clothes. We not smell them when we are gone. And than the depression l. It’s not like a family member it’s actually half you yourself is gone. I never had depressed before I’m always a “see the light “ type of person but right now I would stay in the dark if I knew he would be beside me
Joy August 31, 2020 at 11:46 pm
I stumbled across this when googling about grief and loss. On Mother’s Day 2020, my significant other of 13 years was doing yard work he’s 51, I was heading to work, I had to close that night, I went to give him a kiss and he pulled me close and said I love you babe. Which was normal for us. I left at 130 for work, I tried calling around 530 and no answer and again at 830 pm to see if he needed anything from store on my way home still no answer, not a big deal. I’m pulling up at home almost 930pm and I can see tv light on and I’m like oh how sweet he waited up for me. I unlock door and go in and he’s in his chair and it looks like he’s sleeping so I go over and say babe why don’t you go to bed, he doesn’t flinch, so I begin to shake him and say babe go to bed, and I’m realizing he’s cold and his color isn’t right, so I’m dialing 911 and saying babe please wake up, 911 operator is asking me to calm down she says have you tried CPR, I said do you want me to try he’s cold and she says no honey it’s too late, she said I need you to step outside and wait for police and ambulance, she said she was trying to calm me because I was screaming and crying hysterically. They arrived and pronounced him dead. It’s been so hard to deal with especially because I found him, I felt guilt because if I wasn’t at work maybe I could’ve staved him. Found out he died of Acute Coronary Syndrome (blockage of valve to heart) basically like major heart attack. I went to my Dr a few weeks later because I wasn’t sleeping very much, reliving it and broken hearted. She assured me that if I’d been home I wouldn’t have been able to save him, it’s quick and sudden. I still feel guilt, I love and miss him so much. It’s just hard, never thought I’d be a widow at 45. I talk to him in my prayers every night, life just isn’t the same.
Christine stinnett September 1, 2020 at 4:03 pm
Joy I’m sorry for your loss I feel the same way I left out if town 7 hrs away to meet my grandson I came home 5 days later I was about to pick up my boyfriend from work I had not seen and we only texted during my trip not talked on the phone and he died at work I git a call before I left my normal time to get him I felt if I just didn’t go or came home sooner or who knows what I could have helped him idk what happened to him yet but I think something fast also . It’s hard to live different it’s hard what you walked into make sure you get some counseling . I’m a good listener if you need anything . My heart is breaking for you .
Joy September 12, 2020 at 10:42 pm
Christine,
Thanks for your kind words. It’s hard talking to people that haven’t been through a situation like this. Even though I talked with my Dr. and she assured me that even if I would’ve been there I couldn’t have saved him. It’s just hard because no matter what others say I still feel guilty for not being there. It was sudden and unexpected, just feel so bad all the what if’s that go through your mind, I just wish he was still here, never thought I’d go through something like this, this early in life. Every once in awhile I go back to that night I found him as if it just happened and now it’s already been 4 months. Thanks for your time I really appreciate it. Take care of yourself
Samantha Gildersleeve November 4, 2020 at 2:51 pm
I understand what you are going through –
I also lost my husband and became a widow at 45. He had cancer – married 25 years and 2 boys and a business.
Keeping up with everything is hard…no one understands it unless you go through it.
I miss him so much- he was everything to me.
Karen November 13, 2020 at 7:10 am
Hello Joy,
I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I stumbled across this website when I googled grieving. I lost my partner of 7 years suddenly and unexpectedly on August 1, 2020 and I was also the one who found him. He sustained a deep cut accidentally to his knee the day before, I took him to hospital and he was stitched up and sent home. Next day he was complaining of pain in leg and told me to attend his father’s 80th birthday lunch alone because he wasn’t feeling well. After lunch I had few errands to do, visited my parents and had dinner. I called my fiancé many times but he didn’t answered so I thought he was resting. He was a healthy fit man and was never diagnosed with any health issues. When I found him, he was laying on floor, blue and cold. I was hysterical and screaming so loud. I sat next to him until police arrived and made me go outside. They told me he probably went fast and believed a possible blood clot in his injured leg might have caused his death, but not confirmed. I am still waiting for the final autopsy results, was told in 8-10 months. I feel so much guilt. Had I not gone to his dad’s birthday celebration and took him back to hospital, he would still be here with me. I can’t forget the image of finding him and watching his body being wheeled away. I miss him so much and cry everyday. The pain is unbearable. I visit him everyday at the cemetery. I don’t know how I will get through this guilt and pain. Never thought I’d be grieving my partner at age 49.
Joy, please know that you are in my thoughts and take good care.
Karen
Alison Stephens August 31, 2020 at 12:26 am
I lost my partner of almost 16 years in 2018 I’m still grieving for him every single day. I’m 37 with 2 boys aged 15 and 13 and I’m scared of moving on with my life as I still miss my partner and Dad to our two boys
Erica August 17, 2020 at 8:27 pm
I just lost my husband 08/05/20, he died one week after our 13 year old birthday. And two weeks before his. My husband was 37. We were together 18 years and this November would have made 13 years of marriage. It really hurts, and I don’t know how to go on. But we have two kids that I have to stay strong for. He was in the hospital two weeks prior and released because they said being the hospital said nothing was wrong. His death was not expected which makes it all the worse. I’m only 35 and know the love of my life is gone.
Carrie August 20, 2020 at 9:59 am
So sorry but i just read your message and thougt it sounded a bit like myself im 37 my partner well wed been engaged 16yrs togethrr since a was 20 died 17 may just there he was 35 a woke up and found him he wasnt unwell this wasnt expected i tried pumping his chest till paramedics ran in and he was gone 2wks and 1 day before our oldest sons 13th birthday and we have another whos only 9 and am numb feel ss if im watching this all happen to someone else he was my bestfriend my everything and dont think id be here if it wasnt for our boys so i feel for you i know how you must be feeling xxx
Shawne August 23, 2020 at 2:22 pm
Erica,
I lost my husband on July 19, 2020. He was only 43 years old. We had been together for 6.5 years and married almost 2 years next month. I never thought the night prior would be my last night sleeping next to him. My husband was mentoring a kid with a troubled past and he is the reason my husband is not with me today. My life has been hard and I am attending therapy but nothing seems to be helping at the moment. We didn’t have any children but we were ready to start trying. I pray for peace and love for you and your family.
Christine stinnett August 26, 2020 at 4:13 am
I’m so sorry my boyfriend of 5 yrs died August 30rd his birthday was August 23rd it was unexpected and he was 41. It’s a new way to live trying to figure it out myself I’m sending you my thoughts and prayers for you and your loss I’m Soo sorry
Hallie August 17, 2020 at 12:56 am
March 20,2020
My darling man, started feeling bad the night before… I slept on the sofa in case it was the stomach flu. He still felt bad in the morning so I gave him some tea and kissed his forehead before going to work. Later he called me at work and was still feeling awful. I came home to discover he had been throwing up blood all day and was in shock. He argued with me about calling an ambulance, saying he was fine. He had a seizure and never woke up. The vomiting caused An aortic aneurysm to rupture and bleed into his stomach.. I am so thankful that I made it home to see him. He wasn’t scared, or in pain and he wasn’t alone.
He just turned 45
We were supposed to get married next year… he was picking out a last name for us both. He didn’t like his, it was his adopted father’s and he didn’t feel connected to it.
I miss him terribly we worked together, and had an awesome life.
It’s been 5 months and it still is like a gaping wound
Christine stinnett August 29, 2020 at 2:34 am
Hallie my heart goes out to you my boyfriend died 24 days ago I still don’t know what happened but reading that your love was not scared makes me feel a peace about death . I’m so sorry for your loss truely a different world a different way to live .
Aneesha Saeed July 31, 2020 at 4:32 pm
I lost my boyfriend on 6-15-19. I never knew that his time would come this fast. I met him when I was a late teenager, and he was quite a bit older than me, (died at age 40), but we never let age affect our relationship because we loved each other and we were happy with each other so that was all that mattered. We were together for 2 and a half years. The strange thing is is that we met on an online dating site, which may appal some of you, but he was 100% the real deal, tall, handsome, blue-eyed, gravelly, yet soothing voice with a southern accent. We were 430 miles away, but even though our relationship was online and long distance, we still managed to make it work for 2.5 good solid years. He was my world, and I, his. We’ve talked on the phone countless times, I loved him so much, I still do. He passed from an accidental overdose because he needed to take many prescription meds for his mental health and physical health since he’s been in many accidents. His weak body couldn’t take it. What was even weirder was that he had this notion that he was going to die soon, and he’s had this feeling for a while but I denied it because i did not want to agree with him on that and told him he’s going to live for a long time. We even talked on the subject of marriage a couple of times. He was a white man, who didn’t have a strong faith in God, and I am a Muslim whose parents are from Pakistan. Because of that, he’s been nothing but completely respectful, kind, compassionate, understanding, and loyal to me. After he died, i thought i could never find another man like him. I am single right now, and not really looking for anyone at this moment. I hid my relationship with him from my family because I did not want them to react negatively about it, which would end up not letting me talk to him. A day before he passed, I finally opened up to my sister about him and then i told him that i did that. She’s been nothing but understanding and open about it, but wished that i didn’t have to carry that burden on me for so long and told her sooner. i told her about his death and she’s been my support system for that. His friends and family that i contacted with after his death have all been support systems for me, so it was easier grieving. I miss him so much and i love him so much, and it gives me peace knowing he is in a happier, painless place.
mahni July 28, 2020 at 9:43 am
some of these comments are shocking. im from the uk and we write our dates day/month/year , always think its strange in the US that they write it month/day/year. the poor woman who wrote it British style is being accused of murder by ‘Fred’ amongst others because it appears that she is saying her husband passed 8 months in the future. get a grip Fred!
Litsa July 28, 2020 at 11:37 am
Hi Mahni – you’re right – so sorry I didn’t see that comment from Fred and I think you are absolutely right. It appears he was confused by the way dates are written different places around the world. Though we rarely remove comments here, I am going to remove his comment because it is directly attacking and hurtful. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.
Rachael August 12, 2020 at 10:38 pm
My husband and best friend died in November. He was only fifty-six. I miss him and would really appreciate being part of a supportive community. I left my job to care for him and it seems every single task is overwhelming and exhilarating.
Charles Coons July 4, 2020 at 10:12 pm
I lost my best friend, wife, Soul Mate, and Companion on August 12, 2018. We had been together for 12 years and married 9 1/2 years. Mary was 75 when she passed away. Today I’m all alone as my kids have all moved away and we don’t talk anymore. Mary was my third wife but the one I was closest to. With the other two of 32 years I was an over the road truck driver so I saw them little. I spent more time with Mary in our 12 years together. There were things she wanted to do but I never took the time to do them with her. I have learned and want to share with all of you. If there is ever something you want to do or someplace your loved one wanted to do or go to, don’t put it off for tomorrow as often those tomorrows never come. Then you have to live with it the rest of your life as I am doing now. Sweet dreams my love Mary love you husband Charles (Skip)
Tanya July 1, 2020 at 11:43 am
Eleonora, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my significant other of 8 years 2 days ago. As in your situation, mine died suddenly as well while in hospital. I feel lost, I really don’t know what to do. Our entire future that was planned has been taken away and I feel so lost . My direction in life has come to a standstill. It is unfortunate circumstance but I take small solace in the fact that I am not alone in feeling the way I feel especially after reading all the comments. One of my biggest fears is how do I go back to work and “act normal” without falling apart at my desk. How do I respond when someone unknowingly asks me “How’s John”? I will break down and I guess that’s ok. Death does not mean the love stops. I’m taking it hour by hour, day by day and hope that time will heal my broken heart. I wish everyone here peace and comfort for their losses.
Zoe Campos June 29, 2020 at 1:54 am
Thank you for making me understand that it is perfectly okay for a person to grieve for the hopes and dreams that they lost along with their beloved. I’ve always wondered why my older sister wasn’t able to get over her boyfriend even if he passed on three years ago but your article made me realize that they share memories that she’s not ready to let go of. It might be better if she can seek grief counseling services so she can move on properly without the fear of losing him in her heart.
Scott June 27, 2020 at 1:41 am
Hi Eleonora. I’m so sorry for your loss. Especially being so sudden. There really are no answers on how to deal with it day after day. My wife was killed in a car accident April 25th 2015. My kids were 18 and 22 at the time. Telling them was the worst pain I’ve ever endured. With so much going on, I never really grieved for probably 6 months after. I felt like and still feel like most of me died when she did. It’s hard. After about 3 years I started having panic attacks so now that I’m on medicine I can actually deal with life. I dont know if it ever gets better. It changed my life so much. I try not to think about the accident much. I still love her. I just try not to think about it. Everybody is different. Some move on, some don’t. Me, well there is many times that the world stands still. It’s hard but you have to keep going. Remember that people love you. And you don’t want them to grieve if something happens to you. There will always be someone there for you. Even if it’s a stranger. Take care of yourself! If you want my email, just ask.
Ian June 20, 2020 at 4:20 pm
Hi Eleonora,
I truly feel you. My partner passed away 2 weeks ago, 5th June 2020. I could say we were soul mates, we started talking on a saturday, and by next thursday we were officially a couple. We both felt this insane connection, on a spiritual level, that we knew we were meant to be together.
He had a heart attack, with only 26 years old. Apparently he had a condition in an artery of his heart that made it more prone to a heart attack. Nobody knew about it….
Last year, on May 4th, my dad passed away, and accident, completely unnexpected. He was just arriving in the airport from a bussiness trip, and he last message was “Just landed. Everything fine”. Me and my family were waiting for him at home, when the taxi driver arrived, alone, and said that he had passed, and that we had to go to the airport morgue to confirm it was him…..
I was with my partner at that time, and he was the one who support me through my dad’s grieving process. He was very very spiritual. He knew, hand on fire, that God existed. He was my rock, on the moments and nights I cry out loud.
We weren’t in the best place financially after my dad passed away, lots of unexpected expenses. When I was feeling hopeless, my partner always said: “Everything works for the better”, “Have hope”, “The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us”, he also made me read the book of Job on the bible.
See, I wasn’t the most religious person, I consider myself more spiritual than religious. But hearing him, and reading Job, gave me strength to continue.
So now, he is gone. And I felt completely devastated all that day and the day after. And then I understood, that he was gone in this physical realm, but his soul and spirit are save and in a good place. That he watches over me, and that he send me encrypted messages through song on the radio, or breezes in the air.
My message is that you have to be open to hear them. At first it wasn’t really easy. I still miss him a lot, physically speaking to him, or hugging him, kissing, etc. Specially at night or when I wake up.
And I know, they want us to continue with our lives, to be joyful and happy. Even if some times we need to cry and feel that sadness. We have to look forward and remember every moment we did get to have with them with hapiness and bliss.
We are never goint to forget them, and they will always be with us handprinted on our hearts.
I’m reading a book about grief and mourning, and I have also watched some videos. Here is one of them, and I am pretty sure I am going to also read this author’s book.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWH8N-BvhAw
One of the quotes I love on the book I’m reading is:
“Grief is not a disorder, an illness, a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual need, the price we paid for loving. The only cure for grief is to live it.”
Love you all,
Ian
Eleonora June 15, 2020 at 1:55 am
Hi Everyone,
I’ve been reading all these posts and I can’t believe how common this is. I lost my bf on August 29th, 2019 in Las Vegas as we were celebrating our 5 years together. He died right in front of me in our hotel room. He had a brain aneurysm that killed him within minutes. No one knew, not even himself that he had a brain aneurysm. Life made no sense to me when this happened. We were so happy and then out of nowhere he dies. The sad part is that we had no idea what was happening. I was supposed to get married to this man, even though he didn’t propose yet we were talking about it. He was going to do it in a few months. I had my whole life planned with him and it all changed in a instant. I went totally out of it as it was shocking and extremely painful. I still can’t believe it and my heart still hurts to this day. I went through severe depression, anxiety and even insomnia right about a month after this happened and now with help and medicine, I was able to bring myself back up to normality. Even though I’m more calm now, he comes into my mind everyday, missing him, not understanding how and why this happened but also hoping he’s in a good place. He taught me how humans can have a heart, be polite and see the good in everyone. He was the nicest and most caring man in the midst of many bad apples out there. He was my soul mate, my best friend and my confidant. How do you carry on a life of peace knowing you can’t hold him or hear his voice. It’s hard as I am 30 and thought my life was going to start with this man soon. He would’ve been a good father if we had children as we were expecting to. But I was wondering now you all cope on a regular basis?
May peace be with all of you as we are going through this unfortunate journey.
Cara July 16, 2020 at 2:43 am
I’m so sorry for your loss, I too had a similar situation. Mine passed in 2008 in an auto accident. We had our whole lives planned. It’s been 12 years now since, still feels like it was yesterday. Be gentle with yourself, no matter how much time passes it’s still going to hurt. Allow yourself a good cry once in a while. It’s surely helped me cope with losing him.
jane May 19, 2020 at 8:34 pm
My husband’s emotional return
Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! My husband stopped to fill out the divorce papers after I contacted him to help me stop the divorce with my husband and now things are much better now. As he said, the whole divorce process was canceled and the nasty woman who caused the problem in my marriage was fired by my husband and peace has been restored. Thank you for your help. [lovesolutiontemple1@ gmail. com]
Cristina May 2, 2020 at 5:21 pm
Dear Jim,I’m sorry for your loss which is so similar to mine.That’s why I felt the need to reply to you.It’s the first time that I write to someone that I don’t know.I ’m 63.I lost my husband of 31 years last January 26 2019.Already over a year ago.It seems yesterday.I lost him suddenly,unexpectedly.We have no children.He was everything to me.My companion, my best friend, my whole family.Since then I just survive, one day at the time, one day better, one day worse.I can’t even cry.It goes deeper than that.A total devastation, a complete loss of my identity.I don’t recognize myself anymore.I feel that nobody around me really understands what I’m going through.I receive a lot of platitudes from friends that,I know, mean well but that still have their normal lives while I’ve lost everything.And they anger me.I considered suicide but you must have courage to do it and I lost that too.I’m not giving you any soothing words.What happened to us is too terrible for that.I just want to tell you that I can truly understand you and your pain.I am in it myself.You’re not alone.Take care
Maria September 3, 2020 at 2:31 am
Hi cristina,
I lost my wonderful husband 3 weeks ago, we were married for 45 years. Like you i feel my world has fallen apart, the emptiness and loneliness id dreadful, we have three amazing children and six gorgeous grandkids who all live close and ate with me most days , but still nothing can take away the pain and fear i feel . I do empathize with how you feel , we all grieve in our own way and there is no time limit on how long tbat will ne , i cant imagine ever feeling how i used to . Take care. Maria.
Laurence April 8, 2020 at 1:46 pm
I lost my wife of 30 years to cancer on February 9th of this year. It is coming up on two months and the feelings are as raw or even moreso than the first week after. She was and remains my everything. I feel that I stopped living when she died and that I will never be happy again. If not for my kids, I’m not sure I would even be alive right now. Add to this, the pandemic we are now in and I can’t even be with the friends who have been my support all through her illness. I don’t know what the future holds in store but for now it is waking, eating and sleeping and the sleep doesn’t come until 4:00am. I hurt.
Toni October 2, 2020 at 3:08 pm
Hi Laurence,
I am so sorry to hear about your wife, I completely understand how you feel. My husband who was 42 (been together for 23 years) got diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer at the beginning of May this year, chemo was working really well for him although made him unable to eat and he had a food tube. We were planning things to do for the next 2-3 years as this was the time he was given but 3 weeks ago he passed away from pneumonia and I am heartbroken. I’ve never felt pain like it and like you I have two children that are my only reason for carrying on.
I feel guilt because I was supposed to look after him (he was in hospital when he got the pneumonia), I’m hoping that time will help me get used to a new normal, but he was my soulmate and I honestly don’t think I can ever be truly happy again without him.
I hope you have managed to find some peace and comfort x
Linda October 30, 2021 at 12:24 am
Sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my husband due to covid in December 2020, he was my best friend, we did everything in our life together, we didn’t like to go even grocery shopping without each other. I lost my soulmate. We knew each other for 10 years and we were married for 8 years. Life is meaningless without him. He was hospitalized for 40 days, I couldn’t even meet him more because of strict for corona. I can’t believe he won’t come back home again. We were in love, we were happy together.
Eboni Welch March 29, 2020 at 10:02 am
My boyfriend of two years died on Christmas just before my birthday . He died 12/25/19 and my birthday is 1/23 . I’m 20 now and he wud be 26 This may . He was my first boyfriend my first love my first everything .. we been the so much together in such little time he was my soulmate he is my soul mate . Everyone keeps telling me I’m young and I’m gonna meet a lot of people but it’s not the Same nothing will be the same . I fear that I will nevr be able to love or to let anyone get close to me bcuz the only person I want is him , the only person I want touching me and sleeping next to me is him. Anyone else wud feel so wrong. I don’t want anybody else I have no desire At ALL for anybody else I only want him. He was my reason to wake up in the morning . I promised him that I wud love no other man and be with no one else that’s not him and how am I supposed to fall in love with someone else how am I to give myself to someone else wen he is the only person I want .
Sanjana Priyaranjan April 6, 2020 at 1:49 pm
My Boyfriend passed away 26 Days back. 3 weeks before his birthday. He would turn 21. He was the youngest and the brightest in our class. 35 year olds would come running to him for help and he’d gladly be there. That was his sole motto, to make sure people have it easy after him. He died after being carried away by a river current. They all had dived in for a swim. We were on a trip. Today, I just live with guilt, I keep thinking if I could have saved him. He was my most beautiful. I am two years older than him and I feel like somewhere he was my responsibility. I keep wanting him back. With every breath. Life feels pointless today, I don’t have it in me to carry on.
Lorna Burns March 28, 2020 at 2:30 pm
I lost my soulmate of 22 years just 4 weeks ago. He died suddenly and unexpectedly. After reading other people’s experiences I know that I can grieve in my own way and at my pace, regardless of anyone else’s opinions. I will love my darling husband always, forever and fiercely. I will love you sweetheart until the very last breath leaves my body and we can be together again. This is not goodbye, but goodnight. Sleep well sweetheart until we meet again.
Penelope September 6, 2020 at 3:30 pm
Lorna, it is Sunday the day before labor day and I am trying to comfort myself. I lost my beautiful soulmate of 30 years November 19, 2019. I have been sitting at my laptop reading all of these posts because they help me feel less alone. I too feel the need to grieve in my own way and not how people expect me to. The pain is overwhelming at times and I cannot imagine the rest of my life without him. He was my best friend and the only person who knew me. The desire to leave this world and go seek him is very strong. I hope you are right about being together again. I have lost siblings, parents, and friends but the person I will seek out first will be my husband.
Shaun September 6, 2020 at 7:59 pm
I lost my gurl Tina on August 10 2020. We where trying to protect belongings in the yard from a storm when a tree uprooted landing on her. She past in the backyard I was right next to her when it fell and there was nothing I could do to help. I felt so helpless. I still do. She was 51 with three young adult kids. I’m 38. We where together for 11 great years. This feeling of “why did I ask her to help me” is the worst Iv ever felt. I’ll never understand why it wasn’t me on the side. The crying every other minute still hasn’t stopped. The insomnia has a hold of me like crazy. It’s been 4 weeks Iv lost 25lbs. I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal again. I still have a life to love. I still have to provide, protect, and guide these kids. But everyday I wish I wouldn’t wake up just so I can kiss her again, just to have her put her head on my chest. I just found this page and reading comments here help me know I’m not alone in these feelings. God I just hope it gets a little easier to live. Cuz right now I just don’t want to. God bless anyone who is here because I know what you feel.
Abby March 11, 2020 at 6:13 am
I sometimes feel that a part of me died, too. I lost my husband two years ago to aneurysm. It was Family Day at our then 6 year old daughter and she wondered what is taking him so long in the bath. She found him and up to this day, we cry about it. We were together 13 years and it sometimes just so hard to get up. I want to grieve properly and really cry my eyes out but I can’t. I have to be strong for my daughter.
Zac March 6, 2020 at 12:18 pm
I lost my fiancé to an overdose just over a year ago. We had just finished shooting dope together and I guess we fell asleep. The dope was cut with fentanyl. I woke up the next morning to him dead in the bed next to me. I have gotten over the crippling depression, but I cannot shake the empty feeling within me. It’s like I’m utterly devoid of any emotion. We both struggled with heroin addiction and would use together daily. I got him hooked on needles and this inevitably led to his demise. Most days I think that it should’ve been me. Fuck, I would give anything to switch places with him. He had so much potential, so much passion. My actions effectively killed him. I got sober, but I can’t help but think that I should intentionally overdose so that I can be with him again. Idk. I just don’t think I can live with the PTSD and survivors guilt anymore. I have nightmares every night. Every. Night. It’s becoming too much.
Daniela April 4, 2020 at 10:17 pm
I hope your taking care of yourself Zac … you have been through alot but got yourself sober and the best and only way to honor your late fiance is by living your life to the fullest…hope you have support.. doesn’t matter how much times passes we still will hurt from the loss of a loved one.
Ambrocia November 4, 2020 at 4:31 pm
I can’t still believe i lost my darling,intimate friend, father and my all. He passed away on the 111th of January 2020 while dinning and chatting together then all of a sudden he died of heart attack without having the least time to say good bye. Infact i never knew dead was so easy. In my country we don’t know how to do cpr. So i was so sad i couldn’t help him. We lived a ten years happy love. In our country in “Africa” immediately a woman lost the husband she’s driven away without even having the time to mourn the husband. Inshort the pain is unbearable. All my properties were taken. I was driven out of the house. Am lonely and sad. At times i think of suicide. I cry everyday i sleep in on the floor and wearing just two mourning dresses. Some people are happy and some are sad. Am in a deep sad situation i don’t know if am going to make it again in life.😭😭😭
IsabelleS November 5, 2020 at 11:06 am
Ambrocia, I am so very sorry for your loss and for the pain you are feeling. I understand what it’s like to feel hopeless… However, please know that there is always hope. Things may never get better, but they will get easier with time. If you are seriously thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Mary February 26, 2020 at 4:40 pm
I lost the love of my life on 1/26/2020 of unknown causes. Whatever happened happened fast so I believe it was a clot of some sort. I tried to save him but I couldn’t. How do you continue to live without the love of your life. We were engaged in November, we were family planning and it was all ripped away from me. I am getting tired of hearing “it was just his time to go” or “everything happens for a reason.” What reason was the love of my life ripped away from me? That’s what I say when people tell me that and they cannot give me a reason.
I just pray every night to not wake up so I can be with him. I cannot live without him. I would never do anything intentionally to hurt myself but I welcome passing in my sleep so I can be with him for eternity.
I have not dreamed about him nor do I sense him around although I talk to him all the time.
I am just still in disbelief and it physically aches that he is not here with me.
Sam March 1, 2020 at 1:50 am
My fiance died horribly on 5/02/2020. The love of my life. He left for work and never came back as he had an accident due to a crash while driving… I’m so devastated and I can’t accept it… He was so healthy and happy more especially becouse I am pregnant with his fist child. It’s so hard everyday I weep hoping this is all a dream… I don’t know where to from here…. I’m in so much pain
Fred April 8, 2020 at 10:12 pm
Sorry, I meant Sam… not Zach. Why do you try to claim pain that is not your’s??
Christine stinnett August 26, 2020 at 4:23 am
I just lost my boyfriend of 5 years and didn’t see it comming we have a son he is almost 4 yrs old. You have a baby from him your reason topush and fight the depression I know it’s hard but I’m praying for strength you can push through I really hurt for you and myself but know someone out there cares and are hear if you need a friend
eric March 24, 2020 at 4:06 pm
wow I lost my girl on the same day we been together 28 years
Ute Kenyon March 25, 2020 at 9:56 am
Hy Mary my boyfriend died on the 12.02.2020 on our holiday cruise and they said it was a heart attack. He fell over in a second and I tried everything to get him back into life but it didnt work. He died in my arms before the ambulance came and I cant get over it. It hurts so much and he was the love of my life. I dont know how to carry on. I miss him every second of the day and always hope he is somewhere around me even I cant see him. He asked me last September if I will marry him one day and I said yes. I promised him from the day he died that I will marry him one day when I see him again. But till then I have to live my life because thats what he wanted me to do and I will do it for him. I feel lost the same as you but I hope i can be strong for him.
Edel October 7, 2020 at 4:39 am
Hi Mary
Your story is so similar to mine and I also have the same feelings
My partner passed away on the 3rd of September 2020 and it’s still so raw for me
He woke up and went to work and never came home to me he just sunddenly died I still can’t understand why this as happened us we were just inseparable we were best friends everything we did together I was the happiest girl in the world and I don’t think I’ll ever feel ok again I stay up all night asking myself questions why me why us I look at his pictures videos and just cry I don’t think one day has went by scence he was taking from me that I don’t cry I get angry too especially when people say oh your young now edel you need to be strong and get on with your life
This is impossible in my eyes I need my man to do this
I feel sorry that he had to leave me because I know his heart is broke too
The only thing that keeps me strong is we have a little boy together and he loved him with all his heart this is why I keep going
And I know when my man was taking he died knowing how much we loved him and we know how much he loved us ❤️
Keep thinking of your good memories together Mary it will keep you going and cry when ever you want it helps
bill millette February 17, 2020 at 12:22 pm
In 2016, my wife of 38 years, partner of 46 years passed. I am still in disbelief. I read recently where , for some, the death of a loved one results in a form of PTSD. I am just now realizing how hard it has hit me. I do not like to be around people. I do not want to go to a party. When my best friends invite me to any function, I ask if it is just us. If not I will not go. I let everything slide. I have no interest in most things. My lifetime interest in football is at a stage where I still go to the games only to spend time with my best friend , who , with his wife are the only two friends I have left. My lifelong reading habit is dead. I used to read up to two books a week. I have not read a book in 4 years. I spend most of my life sitting in front of my PC watching the news. What I see is depressing and not family oriented happenings. I have a family member that really needs my help. If not for his need and my love for him, I wish I were dead. (in jail, but seems to be over drug addiction. 33 years old and has yet to acquire a marketable skill. The last time he was home with me, I did not see a single sign of drug use. Really thought he had turned the corner, but then he failed to return his probation officer’s calls and they put him in jail for a year. His wife ,lives with me–no job, no skills and ,I believe she needs psychological help. Also believe she is cheating on my son. Just too much to cope with. Trying hard to focus more on my happy religious belief that my wife and I will be together when I pass. Hard to do when I miss her so much.
Sandra February 21, 2020 at 10:43 am
I relate to Bill
Maedelyn February 17, 2020 at 9:27 am
I just lost my boyfriend a month ago, I have been crying a lot but now I am numb and scared, feels like crying but I cannot cry, I couldn’t sleep all the memories in the hospital As he struggle for 3 weeks Keeps haunting me. I just miss him so much!
Tina February 11, 2020 at 12:18 pm
Last April 14 I lost my boyfriend (68 Yrs old) to a brain aneurysm! We were together 14 yrs 2 months and 6 days. He was my everything, the love of my life, my soulmate, my coach, my partner, my best friend, my lover, my rock and my adventure buddie. We had been through many ups, downs and adventures in our 14 yrs. I was thankful everyday that God brought him into my life. He made it complete, like the B side of an album! We had a great love of the Sport of Bowling. He coached me and nurtured my desire to improve and become a better bowler. In doing this, I was able to travel places, do and see things that I would have not been able to do otherwise. I find it difficult to do these things and go to the places that we once went alone. I desire someone to share these things with. However, I feel there will never be another like him and I keep looking for those qualities in my new aquantences. I miss him so much and I constantly ask for his opinion, even though I know I will not hear his answers!
Missing Pookie Everyday!
Sugar Bear
Sandra February 21, 2020 at 12:15 am
I spent 45 days in the hospital recently. Moved my husband to a rehab one day. They killed him
Fred April 8, 2020 at 10:28 pm
WTF Sandra??? That’s dark and. Wet ominous!! What really happened??
Jttalways February 10, 2020 at 1:10 am
I lost my husband on 9/24/19. He battled MPAL leukemia for 1 year and 8 months. He was on life support for a day and a half in ICU before he passed. He was 35 years old. We been together since we were teenagers and married for 15 1/2 years. We have 1 teenage son. Not a minute goes by where I don’t think of him and not a day goes by where I don’t miss him.
Spirit Buell January 25, 2020 at 12:40 pm
My fiancee basically husband Phillip Lee Levan and i have that kind of love that is once in a blue moon. We are not just soulmates we are each other’s soul. And on Christmas day I had to watch as my soul got ripped into pieces as he unexpectedly passed at 29 yrs old from a blood clot that went to his lungs. Well the doctors worked on him for 45 minutes with no luck until the second he heard my voice in the hallway. His heart beat again and oxygen started to rise once they got me by his head and I was able to touch him and whisper in his ear. They was able to stop the chest compression machine and put him on regular life support. Well instead of just taking him to surgery to remove or break up the remainder clot in his lungs they took him to CT to prove it was blood clots. Which I don’t understand considering they was already suctioning them out of his lungs and was 100% sure it was clots. And they only allowed his oxygen to get to 14% before taking to a ct scan But while he was in CT I heard code blue over the intercom and that’s when my whole world slipped away. Not even 4 minutes later the doctor came and told me they wasn’t even gonna try that he is gone. As I watched them wheel him past me. Exactly 1 mth from today.
I feel l completely empty and dieing inside. Which I know I’m not as his soul is inside me and mine when went with him. Until his heart stops beating in my chest then our souls can reunite. It physically hurts to be away from him. I have already had 6 mini heart attacks and was diagnosed with broken heart syndrome. I know have to keep forcing myself forward for our boys but it isn’t getting easier. It’s getting harder and harder.
Ken February 6, 2020 at 8:50 am
Spirit Buell, I can’t begin to know what you are going through but your post resonated with me in so many ways. My darling wife Giuseppina (Gio) and I went on holiday to France, from England, to finish editing a book we had written together. We did absolutely everything together and were each other’s best friend and soul-mate, if there is such a thing. After finishing the edit we went out for a celebratory meal which included oysters and the following morning she felt sick and fainted, so we assumed she had eaten a bad oyster. A few hours later things got considerably worse. She lost consciousness and was foaming at the mouth. When the paramedics arrived her heart stopped and I watched, as if in a living nightmare, whilst they pounded on her chest giving CPR. We were on vacation… this isn’t supposed to happen on vacation. With no symptoms, no poor medical history she had suffered a DVT in her leg which travelled to her lungs to cause a pulmonary embolism. She lingered in a coma for 5 days until her heart gave out for a 4th time. This time she did not recover and she passed in a French hospital on the morning of what would have been our 42nd wedding anniversary. 5 months later I still feel so desparately alone, so lost. We had planned to do so much more together when I retire in just 2 years time. Now I feel my life is over and has no point. I just published the book we wrote in her memory, I need her to have a legacy of some sort. But now I have done that I need to do more to continue to feel close to her. She was Italian and I am taking classes to improve my language skills for her to feel proud of me in some way. I am so sorry I didn’t try harder whilst she was alive. Next year I am planning a 100km pilgrimage to Rome in her memory. Maybe I’m acting weird but I feel if I can keep honoring her name then I will stay close to her whatever may come.
Sandra February 21, 2020 at 12:20 am
I feel the same. My husband soul is in me. I understand. Lost him 3 months ago.
Karen January 20, 2020 at 5:57 pm
Such a great summary and a good reminder for when I feel like I should be just getting on with it all better!! Yes yes yes to pretty much all those things. Thank you for reminding me its ok not to be ok xx
sarah12 January 15, 2020 at 6:58 pm
I lost my boyfriend on 13 August 2018 due to a car crash. We had been dating for three years so its safe to say we knew each other in and out. He was my best friend and my boyfriend all in one. I didn’t have any close friends because he would always stand by me. One minute I think I have accepted what destiny had in store and the next minute I find myself going through a heartache that no one can heal, I still find myself crying at night even until today. loosing someone who means everything to you can never be easy. And now I can never truly give my heart to any other person. Not in the way i gave it to him. Even in death he is still my number one and will forever be.
Keisha January 21, 2020 at 10:59 pm
How are you coping now? I lost my boyfriend recently as well and it’s the end of my world.
Cynthia March 31, 2020 at 5:05 pm
I lost my boyfie too buh in last year October .I totally relate .take one day at a time .ever missed someone so much till your heart and chest aches physically ..
Tammie January 6, 2020 at 3:54 am
On October 31,2019, I lost my fiance I James. I was at home when the daycare that we both went to called me. M y world came crashing down . We had just celebrated his birthday and we got engaged to get married. He was going to buy me a ring. So in that time that I had him, I was caught up in my drug addiction I hid it from him for 2 months.. When he died a large part of me died too. So the week before Thanksgiving , I told my mom that I wished that I was dead, my mom told me to go ahead. I took four different pills and I passed out at the kitchen table. I’m still dealing with his death everyday I think about him and I miss him. Trying to move on is very hard to let go of the life we had.
Sissy Mertens January 5, 2020 at 8:15 pm
I lost my soulmate 27 days ago. He was 20.. It was an accidental overdose. We both battled addiction for a long time, him about 3 years, me just 1. We didn’t realize how bad of a problem it really was. He went to jail multiple times, different rehab facilities, but there was no stopping what he already had made up in his mind. We split a perk 30 that morning on Dec 9, what I didn’t know was that he also took a Xanax. I know he didn’t tell me because he knew I didn’t approve. The whole day was relatively normal, but around 6:30 he went to bed. I joined him a little later, he was breathing weird but I didn’t suspect much of anything as he always snored funny. We were dating for 6 months… in-love for a year. Our connection was instant and immediately stronger than any other relationship we had in our lives. I started falling asleep then noticed it was too quiet, his breathing stopped. I am 18 years old. I had to do CPR on my best friend, wait for the police to arrive, only for them to tell me it is too late. We were just cuddling in bed… every day feels impossible and thinking about the future brings so much pain. Disassociation is HUGE. I never recognize myself or remember anything or feel like life is real at all. I go through the motions and feel either numb or devastated at all times. Seeing all of these comments just makes me have more anger for the world. What are we supposed to do?? I don’t care about moving on and loving someone else… I just need Alex. We never got to get married, or have our kids we planned, or get our RV, or even finish COLLEGE. I know I am lucky to have had that extraordinary love and live with my soulmate, but it was not enough.
Keisha January 21, 2020 at 11:02 pm
I lost my bf of 3 years earlier this month too and I feel like I died with him. I don’t want to be in the world anymore. I hate not being by his side.
Briana February 22, 2020 at 7:00 pm
Yea i lost my bf of two years a couple days ago and it’s just not a world I want to live in anymore if he’s not going to live it with me. Honestly the only thing that makes me less depressed is knowing that when I pass I’ll see him again. But other than that, I feel hopeless and don’t want to be here. But it also makes me feel better to know that I’m not alone and other people feel exactly what I feel.
Briana February 22, 2020 at 5:41 pm
I lost my boyfriend the same way just two days ago and he was only 18 years old. I know exactly how you feel when you say you don’t want to be with anyone else and don’t care to look for anyone else. We were supposed to grow old together and do so many things. It just wasn’t enough time. It just feels like you have nothing going for you in life anymore and no purpose to live anymore. All I wish is to see him and for us to be together again when I pass. You’re definitely not alone. I’m not sure if you believe in god or a higher power but you will see him again and he’s watching over you everyday.
heidy January 4, 2020 at 12:37 pm
I met my husband on feb 3 2013, and we fell in love with each other right away, 3 months later we got married. life with him was the best, I love him very much, he was my everything my best friend, my to go person, we have so many dreams and plans for our future, we were planning on having a child on 2020, unfortunately he passed away on Dec 11 2019 and I feel like I’m dying with out, I cried a lot, i feel so much pain in my heart, he was the love of my life and hurts deeply knowing that I’m not going to see him anymore, i miss him sooooooooooooooooooooo much.
Kristy January 21, 2020 at 3:02 pm
I know exactly how u feel. I lost my husband January 12, 2020 I’m lost and broken
Emily Kavanagh December 31, 2019 at 10:10 am
I lost my husband of almost 3 years suddenly and unexpectedly on Dec. 16, 2019. We have a 20 month old daughter who we adored and I still adore. There are no words. He was my best friend and the love of my life. I have been through all of the emotions (sadness, anger, etc.) and have cried so many tears. I have been doing the logistics and it hurts. I will make sure our daughter knows all about her father when the time is right.
Liz December 30, 2019 at 12:59 am
My hubby passed away Early Saturday morning, December 1st, 2018. it is devastating and I have resigned myself to knowing that I will NEVER get over it. One can only cope with what life hands you. When we met, we knew we were meant to be together. We used to talk about this all the time. He was older than me, but we knew that we completed each other in every way. He would think something and I would give him a call and mention just what he was thinking. He might think of going out to dinner at the place we loved, and I would call him and say, “Hey, why don’t we take the kids and go out to dinner tonight at the place we love.” It makes me smile now, but there are times it makes me cry. I cannot describe how much I miss him – I miss him more than my life. We loved each other “to the moon and back.” I see him in our son’s eyes and heart. It pains me. It will always pain me.
I talk to him as much as I can. On the way to work, on the way home, during the day etc. The Christmas after his passing, I was numb. Now this is the second Christmas, and I still feel numb. I have found though that keeping things around that were his special stuff – like his favorite jacket vest and hat…makes me feel close to him. I have some favorite pictures of him around and I at least am able to talk about him to my co-workers and friends without always breaking down…Not all the time, but more often now. He was a great man and I feel his presence – some days more than others. He always said – we have each other…now I am both of us. I used to tell him – “you are IT and there will never be another – you are IT!” He would smile.
For those who are grieving, find and keep the things the your spouse treasured and keep them in view and keep them around. When it gets too much, take a break and try to nap to regain your strength especially if you have kids. Never give up talking to them. I believe they hear you. I gotta believe that.
It helped me to go to the places we used to go to. Was it hard? YEP! But I can go there more now that I did it initially and I can feel him there. You will never forget them and I believe they will never forget you. They would not want you to be sad and despondent. Just figure that out that you would not want them to feel that way had it been reversed. I cannot tell you that I will never be sad but maybe I am a little less sad and a little more remembering the funny and good times we had. My heart is broken and I cry at night and I know that will never change but I know that I can make that feeling a little better by remembering his infectious smile, the way he ALWAYS had a Plan B, the way he would laugh, talk, just his ways. We loved each other well and that will never go away. But we all have to figure out how to cope with it, and not have it take a hard toll on us.
I hope this helps those who feel this is the end of life as you know it. I know that if I don’t go on, how will he go on. Until we are together again…I show him how I love him. We send up a single helium balloon on his birthday, holidays, and special days like anniversaries. It helps. I donated some of his clothes and did it in small amounts. I am keeping all the favorite things of his and I keep something of his in every room. He had a favorite shirt and believe it or not, I keep it on the bed and our two cats ALWAYS lay on that shirt. No where else…just on his shirt.
I’m writing a book all about him, his life, and our life together. It helps. I have assembled pictures of him and us and the kids etc. and it helps. I didn’t think I could watch any of the shows we watched together, but now I did that and I feel like he is there watching with me. You have to try to balance it and you have to try things that help you through it.
We cannot do it alone, but sometimes that is how it is. I think the worst thing is – In the last 10 years of my parents life, hubby and I took care of my parents visiting, caring, and doing just about everything for them. They loved my husband as their own son. I have 2 brothers and they did not visit and hardly did anything to help. When my hubby started having some physical issues, neither lended a hand. Sad isn’t it? After my husband passed, I could have used having a real brother talk with me and visit me and help me get through it…nothing! That was hard for me too. So, here is what I say about that. I am grieving and it has now been over a year and I have not heard anything from my brothers. I know if this was them, I would be there for them and I know that my hubby would have done the same. You have to deal with things you get handed…and now I have resolved myself to the fact that I am technically an only child. This is irreparable hurt that cannot be fixed at this point. I feel they never cared about us and probably were happy that we took care of Mom and Dad and they didn’t have to be bothered. We did everything right and I know i did the right thing. They will have to look themselves in the mirror and if they have a conscience, it will bother them someday…
For now, I am managing the coping. I wish all you well. Pray, Eat, and keep the Love in your heart of your loved ones.
Candice Van Den Berg December 31, 2019 at 3:00 am
I just lost my husband and Bestfriend 10 days ago he was 26 and I’m only 35.. It’s so open and fresh it’s painful but reading this shined a light on how I feel and what’s to come. I needed to read that. My kids (3 & 10) need me to go on. Thank you
Chris Michaels January 3, 2020 at 10:43 pm
Liz:
Your post touched my broken heart. Thank you. I am sitting here crying and thinking about all the same things you write about. Its very hard to live after losing your best friend. I lost my wife Christine on 6 December a few weeks ago. We were married 35 years. I will NEVER get over this either…so true and people just don’t understand. Fortunately, the boys are grown but they are taking the loss very hard. I am trying to be there for them. Right now I am just trying to get through the night. God Bless and I am very sorry for the loss of your best friend and husband. Regards. Chris
Tom Buchler January 23, 2020 at 10:42 am
Liz. Thank you for showing the courage to share this real truth about what you are going through. I want you to know that you are touching people with your honesty and brokenness including myself.
Venesia August 18, 2020 at 7:56 am
I relate to your pain and hope I can see a glimmer of hope in future.
Wayne November 13, 2020 at 11:09 am
Liz you have my prayers i lost the love of my life on 3/28/19 what you said on Dec 30/19 at 12:59 your’e reply could been said by me she would think about something and i would give her the answer she would say we will always together we meet at 16 & 17 year oldes at Birthday party of a mutual friend she said i was with another date that night, But suddenly i looked across the room into the eyes of a man i knew i would share my life with. I felt so good and I couldn’t wait to talk to him. When our eyes meet i wasn’t sure that she was really looking at me i looked behind me and no one was there i couldn’t believe she was looking at me the most beautiful girl in the room was really looking at me i felt like i was on the top of the world the Everly brothers song all i have to do is Dream was on so i asked her to dance we’ll she jumped off the couch like something bit her scared the hell out of me that was the Love of my life 2 children 2 grand children she met everything to me little did we know that Glioblastoma in the brain would take my love away from all of us on 3/28/19 14 Day’s and my Love was gone my Love wanted the song of are first dance together played at the church all i have to do is Dream my Love wanted me to pick one i picked unchained Melody by the Righteous brothers i kissed her lips and her closed eye a tear came out i said it’s okay to go if you need to go we will all be sad i LOVE YOU i step back my Love took one more breath and then she was gone. I’m so sad so lost in Connecticut we need help in coping with this broken heart and pain [PHONE NUMBER & EMAIL REMOVED]
Cameron December 14, 2020 at 10:45 pm
I totally agree with you’re story i was with my girl for 5.5yrs and i came home and she had passed away from a heart attack from heavy drinking with me daily she was my best friend she was my shnoog my wife she tryed to talk to me every chance she could we allways cared about each other’s feelings and looked after one another every step of the way i looked forward to every single day cuz she was in my life i remember bragging about her at work that day as i usually did I’m sooooo glad i for the most part i never said any stupid mean drunk comments to my love it’s bin 3 of the hardest month’s of my life and i miss her every second of every day
Still Livin December 18, 2019 at 7:09 pm
The holiday blues, yep I know what they are. Last year I was numb and couldn’t feel anything, my first Christmas without him. This Christmas I am feeling everything; issues with sadness, loneliness, and regret.
Losing the one person who knew me best and loved me anyway is a real loss. My love for him has not dissipated or changed. He is missed everyday, I compare it to having your legs cut off. Every movement takes extra effort and reminds you of what you are missing.
On another note;
I don’t know that he is ok, or where ever he is at. All I do know for certain is that I am not ok where I am at. And it’s the fucking holidays.
Boggs December 16, 2019 at 8:48 am
I lost my beloved fiancé 2 days ago. It was Saturday morning. We had plans to go to a party that evening and Sunday I was supposed to go wedding dress shopping with my mom and his mom and our sisters. We planned a funeral instead. He passed away next to me in bed, we were doing the thing every couple in love does on an easy Saturday morning. When it was over he died. I’m an ER nurse and I couldn’t save him. I don’t feel real right now. I love him.
Gratiana December 17, 2019 at 11:17 am
I understand this statement that “you don’t feel real.” I feel the same absence of reality. I lost my partner, the love of my life and future husband, the person I imagined living the rest of my life with. I lost him only 5 months ago at the end of June. He died due to complications from a tonsillectomy. A tonsillectomy! It seems like this life is cruel joke. He passed away tragically in the ambulance—he asphyxiated and by the time he reached the hospital there was nothing they could do to save him. He was 28 years old, healthy and strong. Everyday feels unreal. I keep expecting to wake up from this nightmare and find him cuddling next to me. I know that these words may not be comforting, but at least know that you are not alone in your pain and that what you feel is normal, because it is true. I’m so sorry for what’s happened to you.
Anthony Cudd December 28, 2019 at 7:58 pm
I am so sorry to hear this,insist my Beautiful wife dec 14th,it crushed me ,I’m so lost also and I dont know wat to do.
Luz Montesdeoca December 25, 2019 at 8:14 pm
So sorry for your loss, very sad
Candice Van Den Berg December 31, 2019 at 3:02 am
This made me cry. Just lost my husband 10days ago. He collapsed at home and being cpr certified as a medical professional I thought how could I not save him. I read that and balled my eyes out. I guess my not alone in that feeing
Catherine Deal November 21, 2019 at 6:43 pm
I lost my husband on 1-26-2018, I have written here before. I just wanted to encourage you to not become isolated, and to maybe seek out a group or therapy where you can talk to and listen to others who have lost loved ones. Sometimes friends and family may not know how to relate to your loss. I joined a Meet Up group that helped define grief and what to expect, it helped me to see that I wasn’t alone in this phase of life. It also let me know that it’s OK not to be OK.
I pray for all of you who are on this journey.
Catherine
John December 10, 2019 at 6:55 pm
Great place to listen to other people greiving…lost my wife of only one and a half years married to a head on collision
on Nov 24th 2019….the pain is unbearable…she was my life
in an instant our dreams of growing old together gone….hard to imagine life without her but I am taking it one day at a time.
Laura rothstein November 20, 2019 at 11:10 pm
I lost my boyfriend of 7 years when I was 21 and he was 22. He was my first true love and when he died a big part of me died. To lay out how significant it is when a partner dies, figure this. I’m now 31, 2 kids, new relationship and the pain still gets to me. I am much better than I was years ago but I still think of Chris. Bc we grew up together when chris died I feel like a huge part of me died with him. I still talk to him and wish I could tell him all the good and gard times I’ve experienced. I wish he could meet my kids, I know he would love them. I wish I could talk to him and not only in my dreams. All I can say is time goals your wounds and it doesn’t hurt so bad after awhile. I’m blessed to have my children, they saved me.
Aneesha November 15, 2019 at 10:10 pm
I lost my boyfriend on 6-15-19. I never knew that his time would come this fast. I met him when I was a late teenager, and he was quite a bit older than me, (died at age 40), but we never let age affect our relationship because we loved each other and we were happy with each other so that was all that mattered. We were together for 2 and a half years. The strange thing is is that we met on an online dating site, which may appal some of you, but he was 100% the real deal, tall, handsome, blue-eyed, gravelly, yet soothing voice with a southern accent. We were 430 miles away, but even though our relationship was online and long distance, we still managed to make it work for 2.5 good solid years. He was my world, and I, his. We’ve talked on the phone countless times, I loved him so much, I still do. He passed from an accidental overdose because he needed to take many prescription meds for his mental health and physical health since he’s been in many accidents. His weak body couldn’t take it. What was even weirder was that he had this notion that he was going to die soon, and he’s had this feeling for a while but I denied it because i did not want to agree with him on that and told him he’s going to live for a long time. We even talked on the subject of marriage a couple of times. He was a white man, who didn’t have a strong faith in God, and I am a Muslim whose parents are from Pakistan. Because of that, he’s been nothing but completely respectful, kind, compassionate, understanding, and loyal to me. After he died, i thought i could never find another man like him. I am single right now, and not really looking for anyone at this moment. I hid my relationship with him from my family because I did not want them to react negatively about it, which would end up not letting me talk to him. A day before he passed, I finally opened up to my sister about him and then i told him that i did that. She’s been nothing but understanding and open about it, but wished that i didn’t have to carry that burden on me for so long and told her sooner. i told her about his death and she’s been my support system for that. His friends and family that i contacted with after his death have all been support systems for me, so it was easier grieving. I miss him so much and i love him so much, and it gives me peace knowing he is in a happier, painless place.
Ali November 17, 2019 at 8:11 pm
My wife passed away nov 2 2019 at the age of 31 we have a 10 month old daughter iam a muslim and she was white but she converted to Islam it’s so tough losing a love one I was single for a very long time till I met her the day she came into my life i knew it was true love and i was going to make her my wife we were together for 5 years and it was the best 5 years of my life it’s such a tough time for me and my daughter right now only thing that helps is prayers life has turned into a emotional roller coaster I can understand what you are going through it’s very hard
Aneesha December 22, 2019 at 11:47 pm
I think it is difficult for wanting to spend time with someone who was very culturally different. Sometimes i get afraid if i have upset God for being in a relationship with a man who was not only outside of my race and religion, but also one who came from a really rough background. it was why i never told my mother.
Samiha Akram January 5, 2020 at 6:44 pm
My husband too aged 34 and I have a four year old. Keeps asking about his dad 🙁
Esperanza December 6, 2019 at 3:05 am
Hello Aneesha I 100% understand you, my boyfriend pass away a month ago, he was twice my age and it was a hidden relationship from my dad and family . I am so broken and I feel so empty and lost and life without him is scary. I just hope one day I can learn how to live with the pain.
Aneesha December 22, 2019 at 11:52 pm
I have heard of statistics of short marriages because of large age gaps, but really i think age is just a number. as long as you love each other that is all that matters. i didnt see it as being disgusting when i was with him. honestly, i just do not find guys my age (19) very mature because girls mature faster than guys. i prefer older men who know what they want. and i am aware that even guys above 30 act like stupid teenagers, but men like my boyfriend who passed, with exceptional maturity and loyalty are what i look for. i just wish people to stop staring at couples who seem to have a bit of an age gap. men my age are still boys, i prefer men, not boys. and my boyfriend was quite the gentleman i loved
phezy December 23, 2019 at 10:46 am
hi Esperanza
i can defiantly relate to your pain my man was twice my age am 27 now he died 48 , i love him very much. i miss him everyday ,
i cry everyday , he passed on 20-11-2019, am feeling lonely unbearable pain . i miss him sooooooooo much
John Emerson November 4, 2019 at 2:41 pm
My wife died 9-8-2019. She was 53 years old, I am 58 years old. We have a 14 year old daughter. My wife was sick for a long time and was in the hospital for a long time.. the day before my wife went to the hospital, our dog new there was something wrong with my wife, he went on to the couch were my wife was and laid on my wife stomach. I lost my job in june of this year also . I have no family but my daughter. I am so lonely and depressed without my wife, I miss her so much. We were married one month short of 26 years. John
Sue November 25, 2019 at 6:06 am
I am so sorry for you. My husband passed last week and I am having a dreadfully time. I don’t feel like living anymore.
Carrie-anne Healy December 5, 2019 at 11:36 am
My boyfriend passed away 24th Aug 18 and I know exactly how you feel. I’m really starting to struggle without him. We was together 2and a half years and spent everyday together. We was each other’s best friends. We had talked about marriage and were trying for a baby before he became ill with pneumonia. He spent 2 months in and out of hospital and died of heart failure. To this day there hasn’t been a day when I don’t think about him. I find it hard talking to people who haven’t lost a partner as friends are telling me to don’t be afraid to love again and it’s time to move on but it’s easier said then done when you are completely in love with someone. You can’t just switch those feelings off. I’ve had friends recently get married and announce pregnancies and I have to pretend I’m happy for them when I’m crushed inside. I wish each day that I could just go to sleep and not wake up but I wouldn’t want to put my family through this so I am living in a nightmare.
Linda Ritaoja December 15, 2019 at 2:58 am
I recognise so much of what you’re writing and basically feel exactly the same way. My partner, whom I was living with for the last 2.5 years, suddenly died unexpectedly on the 5th of November 2019. I am devastated. According to the autopsy results, he died of a brain hemorrhage. I can’t understand why he didn’t get a proper check-up long time ago, as I’ve told him so many times that all the headaches that he had wasn’t a normal thing to have so often. And I don’t understand why he didn’t take medicine against high blood pressure when he knew he should. His death is so unnecessary, and so much more tragic because of it. I think it could have been prevented. I don’t know anymore if I believe in fate and that it’s all predetermined when we’re supposed to pass away. I don’t know what to believe anymore, but he shouldn’t have died at the age of 39. We had finally met, late in life, and were so “glued” together due to circumstances as well as strong love and affection. We were supposed to be together till we get very old. How I can go on living without him is incomprehensible, and I can’t believe how horrible this thing called life can be. My partner was full of life. I feel so sorry and sad for him for not having the chance to realise all his plans. We had just moved to Finland where I am from together, and had started a new life. It lasted less than 4 months. And I am completely unable to live without him. I feel like a ghost. I am still waiting to wake up from this nightmare.
Luz Montesdeoca December 25, 2019 at 8:32 pm
Don’t give up. You are going through so much. I pray your child will provide the strength you need to get better. My husband died on 9/18/2019, cancer devastates everyone. We need to find motivation from their memories and the love we shared.
Mary Hilton October 31, 2019 at 10:13 pm
I have just lost my husband of 34 years today-we’d been together for 7 more before that. It’s hard. It’s very hard when one has to deal with an illness that just would not stop, the pain he faced would not stop-the anger, guilt and pain always eating at you because he was always sick, and you don’t want him to be in pain and you can’t make it stop, ever.
We’d hoped he was getting better-but it didn’t work out that way. He went into the hospital just about a week ago (and had been again, and again), and never made it out alive. He deteriorated after a botched procedure put him into a semi-coma. He never regained consciousness..and when the time came, it was my decision to end his suffering. It came down to me. Nobody else. It was just the two of us. There was no other way. He would not have done any better anytime. I knew it. I knew before I was asked that I would have to do this. When I saw him collapsed on the hospital bed, breathing so badly, I knew. It was over.
I knew then he would not be back. He never opened his eyes again.
Nobody on earth should ever have to do this. Never. It’s beyond pain.
Oh, I know..he would not have wanted to be put on trach, he would never improve, he would not have done any better, and he was going to die..but to be given the choice, I just would like to have him back at home bitching at me about the politics, the stupid people out there, and so on. We were always talking at each other, sharing each other’s passions..complaints, and joys.
Intellectually I know it was the only thing I could do. Ethically and morally. But the pain has started and so have the tears because I’ve lost the only man I’ve loved for the past 41 years and he’s not coming from the hospital or anywhere, ever again.
It’s indescribable. It’s horrendous, surreal and bizarre to be alone with nothing more than memories and belongings.
Thankfully I had a hospice team bring us through it, but it doesn’t lessen the emptiness that I came home to, and will come home to every single day of the remainder of my life.
Sure, we had a up and down life, but I would not have traded it for anything..and now that he’s gone, I wish I had it back..and him as well. I’m grieving right now, and expect to for the rest of my life-but I also know he would not have wanted me to crawl into a hole and die.
But damn it all, I loved him and I miss him with all my heart, and wish it would not have happened. Getting older doesn’t make you wiser-it just reminds you of the frailty of life.
I hope I find peace in the coming days, months and years. I will always treasure having had this life with him. I know he’s not in pain anymore and is at peace. During the last few minutes of his life I lay in the bed beside him and held him. I hope (and believe) that he knew I was there, holding him. I hope I helped him transition. I just wish I had someone to hold me to tell me it will get better. But I know there is nobody else.
It does comfort me though (my sister in law mentioned it) that the 2nd is All Soul’s Day..and he’s become a soul.
I came across the site looking for something to read to help through my grief.
It has been so helpful to know that I’m not alone.
All I can say is peace be with us all.
cheryl October 30, 2019 at 7:07 pm
I lost my husband on the 21st of October 2017 from liver failure. He was seeing a Dr. for a transplant when an infection went out of control. I will never ever forget the day the Dr told me he can’t do the liver transplant. I told the Dr. if you dont Sam will die.and the Dr said yes he will. I was with Sam till he died. I still grieve as much today as the day he died. My heart aches for him so. I miss him so much that I can not even breathe sometimes. It doesn’t get better with time . I just don’t let people know how much I hurt because most friends and acquaintances or family members don’t understand the hurt because they have not had anything like this happen to them. Sam and I were married and together for 32 years. He was my second husband. He was how a real husband should be. Family was important to him and we loved each other so much. Someone told me the other day about some man that was single and we should go on a date. I told them I will NEVER date anyone. Sam is /was the only one for me ever. Oh, by the way, to those that was so happy to point out the typos that others made when pouring their hurt and grief out I don’t care if I have Typo errors or my pronunciation isn’t correct. This is written by me who is grieving and hurting so much that I don’t care if I have typos . People like you are insensitive . Keep it to yourself
Sylviasolzsmon@icloud.com October 23, 2019 at 10:41 pm
My husband and I were ,arrived 66 years, I was 16 he was 19. We knew we loved each other so much, had 2 sons accomplished much since not having graduated from high school. I have now lost the only wonderful ,an in my life. He died on sept. 23rd and he knew I was with him I sang to him our love song to young.have wonderful family hope I join up with him on heaven
Kyle October 23, 2019 at 8:12 pm
I just lost my girlfriend of 7 years who i fully expected to be with forever (Lived together for over 6 years). She was 33. I’m 31 and basically a widower. I have no idea what to do. I’m so scared.
Nooshin November 7, 2019 at 12:09 am
Dear Kyle, September 28, 2017 I lost my boyfriend who I had onlyI knew for 1/5 years to suicide. From first day I met him, He colored my world’s so beautiful with all respect, Love, Carries….etc..that any woman wish to have, I had it all. He was such an awesome, warmth and funny person that I wouldn’t ever think of his act. Well he had a dark secret, which coast him to take his own life for any reason he had in his mind. I loved him more than anything in this world. For first time after my dad passed away I felt safe again. Till that happened. I lost it! I don’t even remember when I went to his house, when his dad opened the door and grabbed me, and crying! When he said Eric my love was gone. I just fainted. I don’t remember what happened after till I woke up at hospital. I thought that was a dream or I was in coma. But when I turned my face saw his sister sitting by my bed I realized no that was real….. was really heart still now my heart it’s shattered. Either I’m happy or sad I always remember him. Our times and how special he made me feel. And no I’m not talking about materialistic, I’m talking about respect and attention… I was so scared till a year after he was gone. I didn’t want to get close to no one. Till I met my fiancé who truthfully understood my situation and stood By me patiently. I would never forget Eric’s love for me. But my Fiancé sweetness and understanding helped me to go through this tragedy. I hope your angel will watch over you. Don’t be scare. It’s not easy but God knows you can handle it just take time. My prayers go out to you??
GiveMeMyWifeBack October 20, 2019 at 10:15 am
I don’t want to keep living but I have to because of have 2 daughters to raise. I lost my young wife to a long battle with cancer. We shared everything together. She was the only person I relied on in life. She was my outside connection to the world. God should have give me cancer and taken my life. Why did he choose her? I have no idea what I’m doing. She had everything under control and figured out. She even made doctors appointments for the girls over the phone just a couple of days before she passed. I can’t live with this pain and I promise I had not even the slightest idea it would hurt this bad. You must know the pain I’m talking about. I want to scream, I want to hit things, I don’t want to be here. I would give absolutely anything, anything to be with her for just another full day. I don’t see how life is fair. Nothing has meaning anymore. My wife had an education, career, and so many people that loved her. I will never understand while living on this earth why God would choose to take her. I need her God, I need her, not you. The only reason I’m still here is to take care of my girls.
Jennifer Boles October 20, 2019 at 2:36 pm
I feel you on this. Same i have to take care of my 2 girls. It so painful, i lost my husband last sept. And it was sudden. In 5 minutes everything change. I lost my bestfrnd and mortal enemy. My lover. I wish for a 1 day also. Or some closure so i can accept things. I struggle to sleep at night. Eat the food i have. All i want now is him. I also ask God why? Why me? Its so painful. My heart is dead also. Life is so unfair to me. To us.
Rachael G October 29, 2019 at 2:49 pm
I lost my boyfriend yesterday, yet I considered my husband cuz that was the next step, I have 4 boys who finally had comfort in knowing that my bf was there for us, he was truly like their father, every sec my life is breaking, I’m wondering why, the whole process of him being in the ICU for a week leading to yesterday, I was hit with the coulda, shoulda, wouldas, I don’t question why God took him, cuz I can’t blame him, he was the absolutely the best, most kind, sweet and loving person, I had never met someone like him. I’m finding it so hard how to keep going, I’m not really given a choice, cuz I have 4 young men to raise, almost 3 years ago I lost my mother, my first lost ever and lost my way, it was my husband that helped me find myself, our relationship was just beginning, we haven’t even been together 2 years yet, but I’m smart enough to know that in that short time frame, he made me understand that there was always a way through the storm, and I’m stuck facing this alone, cuz he was my right hand, gone entirely too soon. This pain feels like it will haunt me forever, I know I will never find another Daniel, people like him are truly one in a million, I just don’t know how I’ll get through this, I don’t understand why he had to be called home so early and I don’t wish this feeling, of lost to my worst enemy, they say God will never give you too much to handle, but the last 3 years has really set out to destroy me.
Luz Montesdeoca December 25, 2019 at 8:41 pm
That’s exactly how i feel, i don’t want to live without my husband but i have 2 kids. I have to go on, working, shopping, etc. But the whole time i just want to scream, why? I had no idea i would miss him this much but i need him.
Venesia August 18, 2020 at 8:10 am
So sorry, you took the words right out of my heart. I feel exactly the same. Strongs to you and your daughters
Donna October 11, 2019 at 1:22 pm
I lost my soulmate on 27.8.19 – he had lung cancer but we believed he had beaten it and was in remission. We were married 40 years in August 2019 and went on holiday with our grown up children and their partners- two weeks later he passed away from secondary liver cancer ?. I can’t believe he’s gone so quickly. He was such a strong man and he refused to talk about his illness and was adamant he would get better – I feel so desperate without him and feel like I can’t bear to live without him it’s all so pointless- my children are the only thing that keep me going. I just go about life in a daze surrounded by people but I am still consumed with loneliness. I am so angry as he was a wonderful husband, father and all round good man – why did he have to die when he wanted to live so much. He won’t live to see our beautiful daughter get married or play with a grandchild- I can’t breath I am so devastated and know this will never end
Dev Levine October 16, 2019 at 7:21 pm
My husband of 43 years is slowly dying of kidney failure. He refuses to get on Dialysis. I also have kidney failure and on Dialysis. Today was a difficult day for me emotionally.
It’s very difficult as we have no family here and just a few acquaintances. He doesnt want me to be involved yet I’m taking care of him. Whenever I bring up making final arrangements he gets angry.
I’m dealing with so much uncertainty and am afraid.
Luz Montesdeoca December 25, 2019 at 8:22 pm
I know how you feel. I am so sorry we have to lose the people we love. I feel i can’t live without my husband either. He passed away in sept. From liver cancer, i hate this cancer, it takes the people we love. We have to take comfort in our memories. That’s all we have
Tamara Herz October 5, 2019 at 8:53 pm
I lost my husband of almost 30 years and living together for almost 35 years and knowing him since HS. Father of my kids and my best friend. He passed away December 16, 2018 and I miss him every day. This article has everything that I recognize and go through. Beautiful memories as well as sad memories and every where I go I have memories which are sometimes difficult to deal with. This week, a year ago, at Publix we got the call from Moffitt that something was wrong and the call came shortly after hearing that his cancer had not returned. Then to learn that he had stage 4 terminal cancer was shocking…approx 6 weeks later, he passed away at age 56.
I lost a huge part of myself and you get to know your friends, or better said, people you thought were friends as where are they when you need someone to just enjoy some time. It seems, as I was warned, to be a person that they look at as a threat to their marriage, even though the thought of dating hasn’t even crossed my mind. The question if we had life insurance was another shocking moment.
The easiest to talk with is people who, sadly, went through the same experience.
Hearing from others that time will not heal, is another difficult thing that might be true but I try to be strong for my kids.
Charlotte Miller October 14, 2019 at 1:47 am
I have entered my email 2x .i know my email,I’ve had it for 9 years
Patricia September 29, 2019 at 12:04 am
My husband of 41 years is dying of metastatic melanoma. He has about four months left and I don’t even know how to make the most of them. He’s in the hospital now with new tumors showing up in every scan as he fades away any gradually becomes less of the funny, brilliant man I’ve always cherished and who always cherished me. I worry about the stupid stuff.. how to pay the bills and get him care when what I really want to do is lay in bed and watch tv on Netflix with him, I’m so lonely when I go home at night and I know he is too. We are both tired of this half life. I realize it will be so much worse when I ant even see him, when he’s gone for good, and my sorrow begins to leak out of me.
Danielle October 29, 2019 at 12:04 am
Patricia I am so sorry to hear this. Reading this hit home when I saw the date of this post, how many years you have been married and his cancer. The treatment and hospital stays also break my heart. On Sept. 29th 2019, when you posted I lost my husband suddenly at 1030am, he was 41 years old. We have been together since highschool. He had been in the hospital multiple times recently. He also had stage IV metastic melenoma and I also watch his amazing personality disappear over the last year. We were both scared and it was aweful to go home to a dark house and leave him in the hospital. He passed away suddenly from other complications, not cancer. Today I write this response to you with a hole in my heart. Enjoy every moment you can with him. Forget about the worry about bills and all the things that don’t matter, except the minimum. Cherrish the time you have, say I love you as often as possible. Prayers and love from me to you.
Jay November 10, 2019 at 9:18 pm
Hold him every second that you can and tell him how much you love him til the moment he is gone. Forget all other worries. You will have plenty of time to focus on that when he is no longer here. What I would give to have been able to to hold my partner and slowly let go til the end. He died suddenly at 59 and it’s almost 3 yrs later now and I still miss him so deeply. and feel terrible that I was not there with him, possibly to have saved him. Cherish every second.
Greg November 20, 2019 at 11:49 am
Patricia I’m so sorry for what you are going through. September 28, 2019 I lost my wife of 36 years to metastatic breast cancer, she fought it for 3 years. Cherish every moment you have with your husband and lean on your friends and family for support. I always thought my wife and I would grow old together, enjoy our grandchildren together, but when this happens you don’t know how you will make it through the day. The only consolation I have is that she is no longer suffering with the pain and I will see her again one day. Try to stay busy, go back to work if you can, it helps to distract your mind for short periods. You don’t want to and you will never forget your husband but it helps to not think about the pain and suffering they go through. Hold on to the good thoughts and memories you made with each other.
Ryan September 26, 2019 at 6:12 pm
I lost my one and only on August 15th. I found this article recently, just trying to see how others cope. Our relationship was complicated as friends and family pulled us apart, but after seven years we kept coming back to each other.
In the last three years, we had distance come between us. She had to move, and I was not able to see her as much. She was also fighting alchohol addiction.
I had thought she had conquered the worst of it when I asked her to move in with me in Spring. I didn’t want to hide anymore, but she needed time. I was upset, and we didn’t speak for her last two months as a result because of my immaturity.
I’d sell my soul to have her back, but it belongs to her. I wanted her to live with me, and by this Christmas, I wanted to put a ring under the tree. Now I won’t get that chance, and all I live with his regret. I regret how I acted, and how I should have stepped up sooner, because maybe she should be with me now. I have lost friends, family, but this is the first time I lost the woman I love. As the saying goes, “Love isn’t being able to picture spending the rest of your life with someone. Love is being unable to picture living without someone”, and I find living everyday without her to be a struggle. How do people cope with this?
Veronica September 27, 2019 at 1:13 am
Sorry bout Your Loss.i Loss my Husband Setember 15 2019 will be 2 months.feel like half of me is dead. cant focus.i cant think straight.i wake up crying all the time.i take 3 meds to help me but I over plied it because it dont calm me down.i tried stuffed animal ride with me in bed with me nothing helps he was the love of my life .. we was married for 26 years.he had boils low his bottom.. He had bad infection from it.infection cause a pus pocket..on tonight done emergency surgery. His heart stopped for 17 mintiues.he died on table.that was haRd for me I was alone in surgery waiting for good news and bad news came to me lord my Husband is gone for life I have noone but my family I miss my hubby.everyday its pain to wake up too I ask God every day help me through this..I am dying inside..
Charlotte Miller October 10, 2019 at 5:20 pm
I could not believe you post . I felt like I was reading Harold’s story. He died on the 26 of September 2019. I read your post and I knew you because it felt so me talking. This is the biggest thing I have ever read that is how I feel and the dates etc. This is the biggest game Your husband and mine and your relationship is so much to same. Anyway Harold went to the ER by ambulance and he also had a infection throughout his body and it was caused by these knots at the upper part of his bottom. They could not get the infection cleared up. He had a very bad time of it . I miss my husband so bad and reading how hurt You are , I I identify with you. We are married 56 years this month. I was 16 he was 19 . I don’t know what we were thinking about. I feel like half of me is dead. My life will never be the same again. Charlotte E Miller
Megan D October 17, 2019 at 4:20 pm
I lost the ONE 2 weeks ago yesterday, he was 35. He was my best friend, confidant and love of my life. I never knew love like the one I experienced with him. We had been friends for some time and then serious the last almost 2 years. A week before it happened he told me he was the happiest he had ever been. A day before it happened he told me he was ready to settle down. We were planning to move in together after Christmas this year. We were so in love. He battled some anxiety but in the recent months was so at peace and happy and healthy, like a glow about him. He was traveling for work when this happened and we are still trying to find out what exactly happened to him. He was found deceased. My heart is more broken then I ever knew I could experience and I find coping an issue.
how do I move on? I don’t want to move on without him, he was my ONE and we had plans to take on the world together but now he is gone. The pain in unbearable. It seems to be one of the worst things life can throw at you.
Trish October 28, 2019 at 7:24 pm
Hi ryan
I read ur problem..its actually very similar to mine with my boyfriend..who died last November.. family do have big interference with people but drink problem can be so upsetting and if u dont drink it’s like me….you sound to me like s very nice kind caring man..some day u find a person who deserves you so much and you will love her and please God ur family will accept her.. grieve as much as u like..but talk to someone I still talking when he died I still cry every day over him.. I loved him to pieces and his family were not happy with me I never drank or smoked ..but what ever I did for him i was not a farmer..he was in terrible relationship and i saved him from been litterly been very badly beaten up ..I Helped him get off drink they never happy..He was off the 9 years but unfortunately he died suddenly of a heart attack..I was so upset as I rang him very regularly and he advised me about everything..He told me he loved me 4 weeks before he died..My problem i bring flowers to his grave every month as its distant away, but his ex girlfriend has put a teddy bear with love sarah on it..I foolishly told her I go to the grave and I want to get rid of it because she put it there to annoy me…it took her 9 months before she visited it..what would u do .if u were me…
Shanae Mack September 22, 2019 at 8:42 am
I loss my fiancé on June 3, 2019. He had been admitted into the hospital 7 days prior when I found him unresponsive in our bedroom . Even though I lost it I performed cpr until the paramedics arrived. He had no health issues ???. I don’t know why he didn’t auto. They said stress to the heart is what killed him. I am so lost without him, my heart is broken. I’m angry, depressed, so sad , I’m lonely. At this point I am just existing. I would give anything to have him back.
Padaskavula September 19, 2019 at 6:43 am
I lost my husband of 23 years on July 12, 2018. He passed away from a heart condition but very unexpected. We have known eachother since we are kids. I was 10 years old when we met and he’s never left my side since until now. I understand now how when people talk about couples in love, actually elder couples. And that when one dies the other does right after them. Because to say I’m lost and broken now would be an understatement. My emotions do get the best of me though. One day I am so sad and miserable and then the next day I’m so angry that he is not here and won’t be able to see our boys get married or babysit our grandkids that we have one day together and have a blast. I am left behind but I have to stay strong because I have 2 kids to raise…alone now. Idk how to even take people seriously when they say just give it time. I don’t ever want to forget him or feel better. I miss him, he was everything to me. And I to him..I feel like he’s up in heaven so upset watching down on us bc he’s not here. I would give anything to see his beautiful smile again or smell him. And to kiss his lips or even be in his arms. I can relate to everyone on here. And it really is so nice to read all these comments and see I’m not crazy. Because my family tells me to get over it already. Needlesstosay I don’t want any part of them anymore. I’m gonna be ok that I know. I’m blessed with 2 great kids. My heart will never be full again but that’s ok bc my focus is seeing him again in heaven one day. He better be waiting open arms!!! Lol…and then maybe we can stroll around holding hands and go over the rainbow bridge and see all our old pets. Lol..im not crazy don’t worry. I just have quite an imagaination. Hey, but u never know rt?? Much love to everyone on here❤
Jo September 18, 2019 at 8:38 pm
Hi! I am so sorry for the losses everyone has experienced…suffered seems a more appropriate word. I lost my partner 5 months ago to cancer. She was only 57. She was so active and followed healthy eating habits. That just made her death that much more difficult to understand and accept. She was also my best friend. We did everything together and had many wonderful road trips and vacations together. We had a retirement plan and looked forward to spending that time together without the work obligations to just enjoy life. I am so sad that she cannot be here to enjoy it and to enjoy our families. I am also lost thinking about a future without her. She also leaves behind adult children that I cared about deeply, but they shocked me during her illness, especially when she became unable to communicate. It seemed they were focused on taking over our home and everything attached to it. I was the primary caregiver for their mom and was the only one at home with her until the last week, but as soon as she became unable to communicate, they started acting like it had not been my home and they had a sense of entitlement that it was their home now. Our home was only in her name , but we both invested financially and physically into our home. I knew her kids would get our home, because their was not a will. I was okay with that and told them I was okay with it, but they started making threats when I was only focused on caring for their mom, my life partner i.e. they told me, “there will be more hiccups to come and boundaries crossed” (this was said after they forged their mom’s name to make themselves durable power of attorney over financial and medical) and I was told that I would need to show receipts. Receipts for items I bought or that we bought…I don’t think so! The medical DPA was almost comical if it had not been so tragic, because her daughter named herself DPA and did not lift a finger to care for her mom. In fact, the one time I asked her to give a pain med to her mom (I had it dosed out and time written down) she failed to give it saying she got too busy with the social worker. The daughter called the social worker the two times she was at our home those last few weeks. It appeared the daughter wanted the social worker to think she was more involved than she actually was. Pain med ..how do you forget the pain med when that was the primary focus at that point!?!? Her dose was 5 hours late, because the daughter forgot and didn’t think about it enough to tell me. After we lost my partner (their mom), the daughter called me less than 12 hours after losing their mom (my partner) and after I had only been in bed 2 hours, to tell me they were meeting at our home to discuss plans…after some pressing I found out it was to make plans for me to move out or rather tell me when I would be moving. I told them to give me a few weeks to grieve (my therapist said she would have told them a lot more than that). They would not stop trying to call me, so out of grief, lack of sleep, and their ongoing bullying I snapped and gathered my family together and they got me moved out. Well, I was then called an f***ing coward and a liar, because I moved without telling them. The daughter said the one of her siblings defended me through this “whole horrible thing.” I asked the daughter why he would have even had to defend me and she said, “because I was afraid you would drag your feet for a few months.” She said this to the person that had just taken “excellent” care of their mom. One moment they are threatening me and the next they are mad because I moved. The daughter also said I was putting my grief over their grief, because I moved and took only my stuff. She also told me not to show my face (her words) at my partner’s services. That was our home. How could anyone be that cold and entitled!? I don’t understand and will never understand. I have cut contact with them and never said one unkind word to them, even though there is so much I would like to have said. I don’t say anything out of respect for their mom! I can definitely relate to many people on this thread that are not only suffering the loss of a partner, but also the stressful circumstances of dealing with irrational, cold people. Grief is hard enough without the unnecessary unkind acts and words of others. I’m sorry that I went on and on, as I know we are all grieving. Please know that you are not alone. Lots of love, comfort, and prayers to each of you!
Laurie September 18, 2019 at 1:22 pm
I lost my lover, my best friend, my life two days ago. Alcoholism took him. I performed CPR on him until the paramedics came. They tried everything but his heart gave out. He tried every day to quit drinking and every day he lost the battle. We were supposed to move to the beach next summer to start a new beginning. We had plans. Now the only plans are a funeral. He was my soulmate. Half of me is now gone. My heart hurts so badly. Everywhere I look, everywhere I drive…. he’s there….but he’s not.
Susan September 11, 2019 at 9:32 am
I am a 67 year old woman who lost my partner of more than 25 years almost two years ago. I am trying to do what I think will help me move forward into an unknown new life, but it is still hard for me. In the almost two years since she died I sorted, purged, and packed 25 years worth of things, sold our home, and moved to another state where I have some remaining family. It was hard to leave my/our friends, but I felt that I need to be near some family as I grow older. I am settled now in my new space, and though I retired before I moved, I am contemplating returning to work part time to try to fill the empty hours. I have dinner with my brother and his wife once a week, and I am hoping to meet some people at church, but I am still having a hard time trying to learn how to move on. I am discovering that it can be difficult to meet and make new friends at this stage of my life. I still have pictures of my deceased partner all over the apartment, and I wonder if it makes me sadder to see them, and if I should put them away. I realize that I have got to find ways to meet and engage with others that I could occasionally socialize with, but I am struggling trying to figure out how to do that. I am not a total introvert, but neither am I an extrovert. Joining new groups is not easy for me. At this point in time, my life is lonely and I wonder how long it will be or if I will ever feel like I belong somewhere, like I am whole again.
Eleanor Haley September 11, 2019 at 11:12 am
Unfortunately, grief has no set timeline. It is different for all of us. A support group or widow group might be a good place to meet others. Also, meetup.com is a wonderful place to find people with common interests around events – everything from walks to bookclubs to crafting, cars, sports, etc. This post might be helpful to look at – https://whatsyourgrief.com/myth-grief-timeline/. As for the photos, that is a very personal decision. For many, photos are bittersweet. You can put them a way and avoid the pangs of sadness they will sometimes bring, but then you also avoid the comfort and happy memories they also bring. I wish there were easy answers, but I hope you find some comfort and support here on our little corner of the internet.
Heisenberg September 8, 2019 at 8:47 am
I lost my boyfriend of 5 years on August 21 2019 to cancer. He was my best friend, my lover, my go to person, no one knew me better than he did. And I don’t know how to go on with my life. I feel alone, scared, empty. He meant everything to me, and he had the most positive attitude about his situation. He always tried to convince me that it wasn’t that bad, and he was ready when time comes. I still cry myself to sleep to this day. I would be okay if I had to go today, that’s what I always think. I don’t seem to be able to let go. I can’t write beautiful words like others, one thing I know that he meant the world to me and I to him.
Pratima September 22, 2019 at 9:54 am
I can understand you. I am also going through the same pain. I lost my boy friend this July. He was my world. His death had completely broken me and I feel every day is a punishment for me to live without him. Wish death comes soon to me.
Yahaira September 7, 2019 at 4:47 pm
I recently loss the love of my life on August 26,2019. We have a 7 month old little girl. I don’t know how to deal with my grief. I don’t want to get out of bed. I miss him so much. I have a 4 year old son that all he does is mention him all day. I know I have to try to do my best and continue with my life but I can’t. I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t
know how to function.
Samiha Akram January 5, 2020 at 6:42 pm
Hi I’m in a similar situation I have just lost my husband a few months ago and have a four year old. Please feel free to contact me
Jaylynn September 1, 2019 at 1:18 pm
I lost my boyfriend almost 5 months ago. On April 9 2019. I came home to find him. He overdosed on heroin. I tried to give him CPR and narcan but I didnt get home in time. I know the man I had he was trying so hard to stay clean. They say I have to let go so he may rest. And I want to but I cant I miss him every moment of everyday. Why why do i have to endure this what is the supposed lesson God is trying to teach.
Catherine Deal September 3, 2019 at 2:41 pm
It’s sad to read these accounts of death and loss. My husband died 1.5 years ago and it seems like yesterday. Every morning I wake up knowing that when I open my eyes; I am his widow, forever changed by an event.
Never to live the life we so perfectly planned.
My advice is to grieve hard, go out to a field and scream, beat the dirt, run, and cry your eyes out, do whatever helps you in that moment. No one has the right to tell you to be strong, to mask or downplay your feelings in your personal space. You are going to have to own this loss until you die and it is on your terms. You have taken one of the biggest faith hits that life will hand anyone. When your partner died Life stopped, you lost control, you found out how temporary life really is. You couldn’t turn to the person who supported you because they were gone. Give yourself the freedom to grieve. It’s going to be there for the rest of your life, you’ll need to recognize it. You have been injured and it is part of who you are.
Breezy September 4, 2019 at 6:09 am
Hi Jaylynn,
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know “sorry” doesn’t help or matter, but sometimes it’s all you can say. I lost my boyfriend/friend of 8 years on August 1, 2018– he died from Fentanyl. He had struggled with opiates in the past, but I had no clue he started using again, or perhaps that was his first relapse. I’ll never know. I relate on such a deep level to what you wrote. I wanted to know “why” too. I’m thirteen months in and I’ll ever let go of him, but I can tell you that my mindset and feelings are drastically different than how they were only 5 months after. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to feel or rush you to return to “normal”. Things will never be the way they were, and sometimes that’s the hardest thing to grieve. Take your time, don’t neglect your feelings– things will improve, but on your own timeline. Perhaps direct some energy into a project in his honor. I coordinated planting a tree with a plaque at the University where we met. As for why this happened… I still don’t know. To be frank, I stopped trying to figure that out. To combat this open ended question, I remind myself that even though I’m suffering, he’s at peace and free of his demons. My major take away from the past 399 days is to not take anything for granted and truly try to treat every interaction with my loved ones as if it could be the last. I’ve accepted that life owes me nothing and the universe doesn’t care– good things are gifts not guarantees. After the first month, months 5 – 7 were probably the toughest for me. Hang in there just a little bit longer, it will get easier. And remember that you’re not alone.
Eric December 21, 2019 at 12:25 pm
Hi Breezy, I know how you feel and what you went through. My wife also passed away from fentanyl on 11/13/19 she was 37. She suffered from the disease of addiction. This has to be the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through. My wife was just in rehab in September. I also thought she was doing good when she got out. But it only took a month for her to go back and this time she paid with her life. The hardest thing of it all is I’m having a really hard time accepting it. I keep waiting for her to come walking down the hallway. We had so many plans we were finally moving forward and now it’s all gone. Im also an addict but I’m 2 years and 5 months clean. We have 6 children that are always asking questions and I do my best to comfort them. That’s also really tough because I dont ever feel like doing anything. Thank you to everyone that shared their story. It does help a lil knowing I’m not the only with these different kind of mixed up emotions.