A Mother’s Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother’s Day

Holidays and Special Days Holidays and Special Days : Eleanor Haley

A few days ago, we reached out to our readers and asked for their help writing a post in anticipation of Mother’s Day.  Specifically, we asked mothers grieving the death of a child to share one thing they want people to know about their grief on Mother’s Day. Our intent was to create a list of responses.

We received comments and messages from close to one hundred different women. Although their collective wisdom is the result of a diverse range of experiences, there is a synchronicity to their words that made us feel they belonged together in one cohesive whole.

So, instead of presenting you with a choppy and disjointed list, we’ve taken many of the responses we received and put them together in a letter. This letter is not written by one bereaved mother, but an entire chorus of mothers. Their words are not at all the same, but their message blends together to create a mournful, harmonious, and beautiful song.

We tried our best to provide the glue that holds these words together, but we probably have not done the collective conversation justice. Especially because we’ve received many new responses in the time it took us to post this letter. If you’d like to read the actual responses or personally engage in the ongoing conversation, head to our Facebook page and/or our Instagram feed.

Dear Friend,

I miss my child every day. This grief of mine will never leave me, and honestly, why should it? I love my child more than I ever could have imagined, and yes, I do mean present tense “love”.  It is excruciating knowing that my child will never return to my arms. However, a mother’s love for her child doesn’t require physical presence; this can be proven by the fact that most mothers love their children well before they are even born.  I will love my child forever, and therefore, I will grieve my child forever. This is just how it goes.

I know it’s difficult for some people to understand my ongoing grief, I guess because they want me to “get better” or return to “normal.” However, I actually am normal. I’m just different now. I believe those who say they want to support me on difficult days like Mother’s Day, but part of this is accepting me as a grieving mother who will always love her deceased child. Again, this is just how it goes.

My grief is like the weather. Somedays it’s calm, quiet, maybe even a little sunny. Other days it’s a devastating storm that makes me feel angry, exhausted, raw, and empty. I wake up in the morning and wonder – “Am I even alive at all?  And if so, how am I supposed to make it through this day?”  This is why when you ask me how I feel about Mother’s Day, all I can say that it depends.  Of course, I’m going to try my best to cope with the day, but while you’re hoping that your Mother’s Day picnic doesn’t get spoiled by actual rain, I’ll be praying that the grief storms stay at bay.  

Like many things in a grieving mother’s life, Mother’s Day is bittersweet to the nth degree. On the one hand, I feel immense joy because I was blessed with my child and I feel gratitude for every moment I was given with them.  On the other hand, the pain of missing my child – my greatest happiness, my life’s purpose, and my best friend – is intense.

Bereaved mothers live with so many of these confusing contrasts. They are like undercurrents that tug at and toss about our hearts and minds.  I am the mother of a child who is not alive. Perhaps a child who you’ve never met. You can’t ask me about their school year, or how they’re liking piano lessons, or whether they’ve chosen a major in college. In my mind, I’ve imagined my child doing all these things. People don’t realize that I grieve each of my child’s milestones, knowing they didn’t get the opportunity to experience these special days. 

Most people don’t know how to validate my child’s place in the world or my ongoing role as my child’s mother. This is a difficult concept for others to grasp. Heck, sometimes even I grapple with the answers to questions like “Do you have children?” and “How many?.”  I know many bereaved mothers, like me, long for these questions to have straightforward answers.

Sadly, mothers who have experienced the death of their only child may even wonder whether they get to call themselves a mother at all in broader society. So, in addition to the pain of grief, these mothers have to cope with a sense of being left out, forgotten, and ignored.  Can you imagine how that might feel?  I think it must be like being stabbed through the heart and when you turn to others for help they say “What blood?” “What knife?”  

Then, for mothers who have surviving children, there is this gem of a comment – “Don’t forget, you’re lucky to have other children.” Please let me assure you, a mother does not forget any of her children. This mother loves each and every one of her unique and special children in unique and special ways, but one of her children has died and so her love for this child looks a little untraditional. Mothers do not have a finite amount of love to be shifted, divided, and spread around depending on the number of children they have on this Earth.  So please be careful with your comments, because it’s difficult enough for grieving mothers who often feel torn between feeling joy and happiness for their living children and grief for the child who has died.

All that said, you asked me what it’s like to grieve a child on Mother’s Day, so here’s what I have to say:

This day will forever be hard for me. I live with an emptiness that no one can fill; so I may be sad, I may be unsociable, and I may need to take a break to be by myself in a quiet place. Whatever shape my grief takes on this day, please allow me to feel the way I feel and please follow my lead.

Beyond that, acknowledge me as a mother. It makes me feel forgotten and as though my child has been forgotten when people act as though my child never existed. Also, I can sense that people feel uncomfortable talking about my child and I constantly feel like the elephant in the room, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Honestly, I find it really comforting when someone talks about my child. I love hearing their name spoken out loud!  I love hearing stories about them. Maybe you know a story I’ve never heard, or maybe I’ve heard it a hundred times before, but it really doesn’t matter to me.  Your acknowledgment alone is one of the greatest Mother’s Day gifts you could give me.

I guess while I’m offering my two cents, I also have something to say to my fellow bereaved mothers.  No one has it all figured out, but I’ve learned a few lessons along the way.  If you’re worried about Mother’s Day, you’re not alone.  Try not to get overwhelmed or wrapped up in anxiety.  You may actually find that the anticipation of the day is worse than the day itself.  You may want to plan a whole day of activities just to stay busy, or you may feel like doing nothing at all.  There is no “right” way to handle Mother’s Day – but do try to plan ahead a little. You may want to reach out to others who are struggling with the day and, if you can, it always helps to face the day with people who love and support you.

Whatever you do, believe you will make it through the day. With time, the grief storms will grow smaller and less frequent and you will find a little more balance and room to breathe.  Believe you will be okay and have hope that in the future you will find yourself in a place where you can grieve and celebrate on Mother’s Day all at the same time.

Let’s take care of each other,


Thank you to all the women who offered their honest and genuine words of wisdom. Our hearts go out to all those grieving on Mother’s Day.  We’re here.  


Let’s be grief friends.

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139 Comments on "A Mother’s Chorus: Grieving a Child on Mother’s Day"

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  1. Kathleen Vaudo  May 9, 2017 at 7:11 pm Reply

    Thank you, thank you again and again. This letter, this very personal letter, written by “us” is the epitome of what we feel, what we want to say to others, what we want them to know. Your gentle reminder to us that although our lives have been changed forever, we can or should include hope for a future where celebrating is included. Personally, I plan to print this lovely, perfectly written letter to share with family and friends when they ask how I will deal with mother’s day, how I feel about mother’s day and to answer the question, of how are you doing today on Mother’s Day. Thank you.

  2. Sandy Frankel  May 9, 2017 at 8:35 pm Reply

    my deepest heartfelt thanks. I walked into a Target today and there on a display were Coca-Cola bottles with names on them. Right smack in the front row was my sons name-Jesse. Not a common name, I about dropped to the floor. But I took it as a sign, he was thinking of me and wanted to say Hi. This is my hardest week, and he was there…

    • Judi Griffith  May 11, 2017 at 1:08 pm Reply

      That was a sign from your son. I cherish everyone I get from my son. Happy Mother’s Day.

  3. Naunnie  May 9, 2017 at 11:34 pm Reply

    I truly agree with the,section that dont ignore mh child. He lived, he mattered, he was a living breathing human who loved, worked, studied, laughed, and cried. Just like all of us. So hearing people say his name or teml his stories are the best honor bestowed on me. It makes him come,alive for me again. Im still his mother a d will love him forever and beyond.

  4. Vijsy  May 10, 2017 at 12:18 am Reply

    The article is bang on target. Every emotion inside me so beautifully put
    Today is 17 90 days without out my child. That many days closer to seeing my son again.. This is how my life goes on now. To realise each day brings me closer to my death. What my son s death has done to me is… I m not afraid of dying anymore

  5. Teresa K  May 10, 2017 at 11:43 am Reply

    Some of the people in my grief group look funny at me when I repeat things that I say I get from Facebook. I have liked a lot of grief sites because I need validation, support and courage in order to get through each and every day without them. Reading about others and the losses we are all dealing with, or not dealing with, makes me feel sad but not alone. My first child, Quinn, was killed in 2012. My second daughter, Shelby was killed in 2016. I need to print this for the group and for a coworker who just lost her 30yr old daughter. The age of your child
    when they die makes no difference in how much you grieve. I have to work on Mother’s Day. Hope I can make it thru the day. Going to work usually keeps me occupied, but they are still always on my mind. I don’t know when I will ever be able to ‘celebrate’ Mother’s Day with other mothers.

    • Norine  May 10, 2017 at 7:59 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry Teresa! Sending love to you!!!

  6. Kim Novak  May 10, 2017 at 8:57 pm Reply

    I am So Sorry to All the moms that have this as their reality. I unfortunately am 1. My babygirl 4ever 24 Alecia Marie Coglianese battled addiction. Her soul was God given. She always prayed and believed. The devil knew her heart and would not let her be, God knew her soul,answered her prayers, saved her to be free. I’m so grateful for these insights of perceptions it helps me understand my feelings and know I’m not the only 1 walking in these heartbroken shoes. Prayers for All the Moms..God Bless US All!!Amen

  7. Barbara Schuld  May 10, 2017 at 9:31 pm Reply

    I lost my son. He was born too early. I never held him until he had past. That memory . Oh, that memory. I know he waits for me. As I do him.💞

  8. Frances Bonn  May 10, 2017 at 10:41 pm Reply

    I lost my 29 year old son to a drunk driver. He was going to work at 1050 in the morning sitting at a red light. I hope my son did not see the truck coming. It has been8 years but seems like yesterday. I will miss him and love him for the rest of my life.

  9. Rose  May 11, 2017 at 5:13 am Reply

    A lot of people do not count a miscarriage as a baby. This is far from the truth! However short that time was you carried that child, mine only 7 short weeks, I still felt that child within. During and after losing this child, you wonder what you could have thought or done wrong, and wonder how you could have changed things to carry the child. Obviously, it was not “meant to be”, and although you don’t talk about it, your grief still goes on forever. Mine was my first, but my child, to me, still counted.

    • Kathryn  May 13, 2017 at 10:44 pm Reply

      So true, Rose. After years of trying, I finally became pregnant a year ago, only to lose my baby after 8 weeks. My baby would be almost 4 months old now. I still feel hollow.

  10. Thomas Biddulph  May 11, 2017 at 9:17 am Reply

    This post hits home for many. I love what you said about grief being like the weather. That couldn’t be more of the truth. My mother is no longer with us and she to had to deal with the loss of a child.
    I look forward to following more of your work.


  11. Pennie Stone  May 11, 2017 at 9:20 am Reply

    This is exactly how I feel. I lost my Daniel at 22 years old to a car accident. How do I be his mother now, I have wondered? We are many on this road, yet so alone. Thinking of you all.

  12. K. Ferrera  May 11, 2017 at 2:45 pm Reply

    Thank you so much for writing something POSITIVE but realistic. Many times I have read and read and it’s only the negative aspects and not even a glimpse of light. Of course this will never be easy but there eventually will be light.

  13. Lucia Maya  May 11, 2017 at 5:23 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing so many of our collective voices and experiences. It’s beautifully done. I’m one of those who face the challenge of grieving and missing my daughter who died 4 years ago, while also being grateful for the 22 years she was with me. Wanting to “just” feel grateful to have my younger daughter, knowing that she will call me on Mother’s Day, while also being aware it’s never enough…such a bittersweet time.

  14. Kathy Callaway  May 11, 2017 at 6:37 pm Reply

    I lost my daughter in 2014, she was 41 years old unexpected death,I would never wish such a thing on a parent. Felt like my heart was going to explode’ and someone was ripping it out.

    Samantha a beautiful young woman, mother left behind 5 children we were so close talked every day lived in different states but visited often we were such best friends loved and laughed shared tears good and bad. Im so lost without her we are all lost. My grief will never die, my soul will be. With her sometime.

  15. Elizabeth  May 11, 2017 at 8:54 pm Reply

    There’s just too many sad grieving parents. The daily loss is unbearable and it’s hard having to ‘keep it in’ most of the time but easier than trying to explain to anyone that has no idea(even those that are well meaning).

  16. Karen  May 12, 2017 at 12:14 am Reply

    Forever 22❤ our 1st, our only daughter. Killed in a single car accident Nov 1, 2015, early Sunday morning on her way home with warm krispy kreme donuts. She should have been in bed sleeping, but her little dog woke her up to go out. She was happy that morning. Her life was beginning to take shape. Dental school, Real Estate School then another year at UTSA. She had many dreams. We can now only imagine how they would have turned out. We live each day through this unimaginable pain that weighs in our empty hearts. Questioning God why? Our son never speaks of her or mentions her name. He looked up to her like a 2nd momma. He loves to sing & dedicated the song, See You Again, in her honor. (YouTube Reece Casteel) the pain in his voice that day is a pain no child should ever go through.😢 Thank you for sharing this piece on Grieving Mothers. So Sorry that we are in this club. A club that no one wants to be in.😣

  17. Louise Rosenthal  May 12, 2017 at 1:07 am Reply

    I lost my baby girl back in October of 2008 @ thee age of 14. The pain I carry is excruciating.. Thanks for sharing this letter that was put together for us Mother’s! BIRTHDAY’S, HOLIDAYS AND ANNIVERSARIES ARE SO PAINFUL TO GET THRU! LOSING A CHILD IS SOMETHING I WOULD NEVER WISH ON ANYONE! God bless all us mommy’s everyday and especially on MOTHER’S DAY!!

  18. Kathleen Doughe  May 12, 2017 at 9:19 am Reply

    Such a beautiful letter! It spoke volumes to me! I am the mother of 4 children. My first born beautiful son Vinnie, died at the age of 17 on 1/28/96. 8 years later, my second born son, Andrew was murdered on 5/7/04, in a case of mistaken identity. He was only 18. My 2 surviving children, Matthew and Arianna have struggled mightily with this heavy burden of grief. It has been 21 years and 13 years respectively since my sons’ deaths. Time, life and people move forward and it is like they are forgotten by so many! Thank you for putting into words what is on my mind and in my heart. <3

  19. Colleen Miller  May 12, 2017 at 12:10 pm Reply

    What is written truly is perfect. I saw the movie Collateral damage with Wil Smith. The ending was too neat to wrapped up… I lost my girl when she was 4 in an accident … The accepting she has died, it’s still hard to type that word 5 and a half years later never goes away . I have learned to appreciate the not so bad days , and rest up for the bad ones…

  20. Frankrike tröja barn  May 12, 2017 at 4:01 pm Reply

    Hello, the whole thing is going nicely here and ofcourse every one is sharing
    data, that’s truly good, keep up writing.
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  21. Mary Jane Hurley Brant  May 12, 2017 at 5:09 pm Reply

    Yes, let us bereaved parents especially take care of one another. Thank you for this honest essay spoken from a mother’s heart, a mother who has lost a child. That separates us from mothers who have not lost a child. We all remember the “before” and the “now.” We look different now because we are different.

    We are also every mothers’ nightmare. Some days I am my own worse nightmare especially on the days leading up to an important date.

    Mother’s Day is more difficult for me than any holiday because the loss of a child is not an exact science. One minute feeling happy to throw my arms around my grandchildren and the next wishing our Katie was with us to do it, too.

    I feel the love of both my children – the one still here; thank God, and the one on the other side. But take heart – mothers and fathers without your child – and try not to focus on the time apart for that is much too painful. Try instead to do something that they loved doing this Mother’s Day and remember them smiling and laughing and treasuring you.

    I will do that this Mother’s Day and I will be thinking of you and hoping you will be remembering the love, too.

  22. Jeana Williams  May 12, 2017 at 7:35 pm Reply

    I am also a grieving mother. I lost my only daughter Kayla on August 14, 2010 to a tragic car accident. It was her 19th birthday. She had a son that was only 10 months old when she passed away. I miss her more and more every day. She was loved by everyone that ever met her. Just want all you grieving Mom’s to know our children lives in our hearts forever. My Kayla was more than a daughter she was my best friend. I hope all you Mom’s can make the best of your mother’s day. I know our children would want us to.

  23. Mary Ann  May 12, 2017 at 8:06 pm Reply

    This is so accurate! And it was so difficult to read all of the stories shared here; my heart goes out to all of these moms. We carry such a heavy burden (My son died in a head-on crash in Dec 2012). I sometimes wonder if it wouldn’t be easier to give up (I know many moms who have). It seems so much harder to keep living. On a good day, I can pass for normal; on a less-than-good day, things are more difficult. Thank you for speaking for us.

  24. Betsy  May 12, 2017 at 8:31 pm Reply

    My only daughter died in a car accident 2 1/2 years ago at age 26. I can never heal from this pain. Her only child will never know his mother, so very sad as she was a talented artist and very loving mother. Thank you for letting me raise her son, a small reminder of what we lost.

  25. renee baca  May 12, 2017 at 9:20 pm Reply

    i lost my daughter 8yrs ago to a drug overdose!i miss her so much!she was loved by everybody.she was kind,giving.when i found out i was so numb.i do go to therapy every week and it really helps alot!i miss her calling me and saying mama i love you!

  26. Robin Cartwright  May 12, 2017 at 9:27 pm Reply

    I do not nor ever want to know the pain my Mother and 2 of my closest friends live with everyday of their lives.But I know the horrific pain of losing a sibling,my brother Larry Lane Wheeler was 21 when he took his own life 27 1/2 yrs ago,time has past,I’ve learn to live without my brother,but the pain remains.I can not imagine the pain all Mothers who have buried a child/children.I say a prayer for each of you and can only say GOD BLESS Y’ALL 💗

  27. Christie  May 12, 2017 at 9:55 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing. You have put into words how so many of us grieving a loss of child have felt or feel… I couldn’t help but to tear up, beautifully written. Micah my sweet angel mommy loves you 😘 To all who have lost a precious child, God be with you💞 You are and will forever be a Mother🌈

  28. Lynn Foster  May 12, 2017 at 10:20 pm Reply

    Thank you for this article. We lost our daughter to suicide 4 years ago. Life has never been the same. God’s Grace has seen us through. It is so difficult every day but we have the assurance that we will see her again. Love to all!

  29. Theresa Fayette  May 12, 2017 at 10:37 pm Reply

    Our 3 1/2 yr. old daughter passed away in “2008” She had Leukemia. The grieving and heartache never goes away….just dulls a little with time but always there. My heart breaks for our 6 yr. old twins who see their big sister’s pictures and express sadness of never being able to have her with us and never being able to meet her.

  30. Pennie Hunt  May 12, 2017 at 10:54 pm Reply

    Thank you for this post. I lost a baby boy in the late stages of pregnancy in 1979 and lost my 22 year old son in 2007. After that I left a high profile position and began speaking and writing to help people. In my blog, “Writings From The Corner of Spirit &Brave” I write often about my son, grief and how to “love your life- no matter what!” I work with Hospice, rehab facilities, keynote conferences and work with groups and people who struggle with this kind of loss and to try to educate others on how to help and what to say (and not say). Here is a link to my Mother’s Day post this year about birthing and how I believe my two boys are together. Blessings to all the moms out there with child angels- no matter what age. I know you will understand “This Kind Of Love.”


  31. Alice Trumbull  May 12, 2017 at 11:01 pm Reply

    Amen amen amen to all who suffer. Let’s
    Celebrate our loved ones who weee asked and agreed to share they memories with their loved ones.

    Peace and blessings,


  32. Barb Williams  May 12, 2017 at 11:27 pm Reply

    I also have lost 2 children, a daughter Dawn 19 in 1976 and my son Randy in 17 in 1978. I also lost a granddaughter Alexis 11 in 2000 and I wonder if it was ever going to end!! I was instrumental in starting a bereaved group in town which is an international group beside USA. Listening to others sharing their grief let me know I wasn’t alone but it never dried my tears or took away my pain. Would I ever be able to smile or laugh again?? You hear all kinds of things people say about getting over it! Let me tell you, you never get over get over it, you learn to live with it!!! You start to reach out to others and help them walk the journey of grief because they don’t know what to do or where to go for help. I had 7 children and used to vision all the kids and their families at a big Holiday table but all that changed. We celebrate but in my heart there is always someone missing. I carry them in my heart and thoughts and get signs and it means they are always close to me. Songs bring back memories and I will drop a tear in a store in a minute if the overhead plays a familiar song. I worry about my Grandchildren in another state and pray they are always in God’s eye. Don’t ever feel you are different from others, you are a Mother who has lost part of your heart and future! Remember the memories and if you feel like crying or feel you wish you could die, remember they wouldn’t want that for you. Celebrate Mother’s day and be proud you are still a Mother forever! It has been many years for me but when I think of them it still burns in my heart. My life forever changed.!! You may see me laugh on the outside but inside I will always carry the pain in silence! You need to talk, call a close friend and just ask them to listen!! Have a Blessed Mother’s Day and when you feel you can’t walk, God will carry you!! You are never alone when you walk “The Stepping Stones” of grief.

  33. Jeanie  May 13, 2017 at 2:41 am Reply

    I lost my baby girl age 3years old she was to beautiful for this world she had a very rare blood diorder I miss her every day she would have been 34 now and alway wonder what she’d look like now as a young lady time goes on it helps but never heals thanks for reading it makes me feel better when I speak about her xxxx

  34. Carly Fernandez  May 13, 2017 at 11:08 am Reply


    • Nina  May 8, 2019 at 2:10 pm Reply

      In our wildest imaginations, no one can know how tragic and truly devastating losing a child is until it happens to you. It’s our worst fear. I often think it would be merciful to simply be able to will myself to death, to stop breathing, to lie down and die and not feel this pain but, it doesn’t work like that. No matter how strong or weak or heartbroken or whatever… we survive our children’s deaths and what’s even more tragic is we wake every morning to the same brutal realization, the same horrible nightmare that our child is gone forever… never to be seen or heard or touched… every. single. day.

      I hate being told how strong I am, trust me, my strength isn’t helping me survive. I’m still new to this grieving and I’m angry and hurt and alone and so sad that when it wells up in my chest I think surely I will explode into a million bloody pieces… I don’t want to live without my child. And, yet, I’m here reading an article, looking for comfort… vulnerable and broken… strength doesn’t apply here.

      • Crystal360  May 12, 2019 at 8:21 pm

        My heart goes out to all who have lost a child. I too am living my worst nightmare. I lost my first born, handsome, intelligent, creative, sweet, soft spoken, kind, 20 year old son on 01/01/19. Viral myocarditis from a simple insignificant cold stoled his life like a thief in the night with no warning, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am beyond devastated! I have never felt pain and sorrow like this. The day my son died, I died with him. I feel like a zombie, without a soul. The only time I get a break from this excruciating pain is when I am asleep but when I wake up, I have to face the nightmare all over again. All I can do is pray that God will help me and my family get through this somehow, someway. I pray that God gives all of those who have suffered such a devastating loss the strength to survive.

  35. Veronica Neeley  May 13, 2017 at 11:26 am Reply

    I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. 2 sons and 1 daughter. And I always will be. I am grieving the lose of my second born, and have been for going on 5 years. This coming August will be 5 years. The day my second born passed I felt as if all time stopped. I didn’t know how to continue on. I was utterly lost. My son was 26 years old when he passed away. And the letter you have posted is exactly how if feel. It’s so hard to go on without your child. But we all must draw strength through God and continue on. Thank you to all who have shared there loses. Everyone grieves differently but yet so alike. Happy Mother’s Day to you all!!💔

  36. Cindy  May 13, 2017 at 11:35 am Reply

    My loss is still so fresh. My daughter was 38 years old and passed unexpectedly January 22, 2017. Like everyone here I have good days and then not so good days. The image of her is still too fresh in my mind. She comes to me in dreams and I just want to hold her again.

    • Melissa  May 13, 2017 at 12:01 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Sudden death is a blessing for them but so hard for us. We would never want to see them suffer but then you have some time to prepare. I feel your daughter is coming to you in dreams to comfort you. Someone came to me when my son died and told me it would get easier with time, I thought “You didn’t love yours like I love mine” But she was right…time does help. In the beginning, grief is like a knife in your heart. Pain in every movement, every thought. You couldn’t life with this pain too long. Then I had numbness but slowly I could smile again. I know Danny would want me to be happy. Slowly I am healing. I won’t tell you it is easy, I still have very bad times. But it won’t always hurt the way you are hurting now. Pray and remember all the good times.

  37. Melissa  May 13, 2017 at 11:46 am Reply

    On Aug. 7, 1992 our only son, Danny was killed in a military accident. My mother died suddenly the following year. I remember the next Mother’s Day crying, “I am a mother without my child and a child without my mother!” This is a very hard holiday, even after all these years, but aren’t all holidays hard? Life was never the same after my son was born, and I became a mother. Life held such joy and happiness, such hope for the future. Then life has never been the same since he died. I have joy and happiness, always tinged with the “what ifs”. And I have hope in Jesus….I will be with Danny again. Peace to all who have children living in heaven.

  38. Debra Regent  May 13, 2017 at 1:07 pm Reply

    Hello I can relate to all who has lost a child.. It`s not easy…. I lost my only Son November 17th , 2016 & my Ex, my Son`s Dad August 27th ,2016…. My ex died from a Heart Attack @ a young age & my Son was 29 years old…. & died from no Brain activity, & was on life support for a few days… We were thinking , that he might have come out of it ,so when the Doc`s said no way, we took him off.. The machines were keeping him alive….. He was very depressed after my Ex had passed, & do not know why but it was meant to be… We made the decision to donate his organs to the Nj. Sharing network, which gives us a peace of mind knowing that he is shinning on in the 3 lives he has saved… My heart is still aching, & i believe it always will…. The Holiday`s hurt even more… I have come to terms with it & have my good days & bad that come over me like huge title wave that i can not control & i wake up out of a deep sleep crying… Very sad…. They say time will heal all wounds.. It`s a big void in our life… Thoughts & prayers go out to everyone who has lost someone dear to them….

  39. ELAINE WEBB  May 13, 2017 at 1:15 pm Reply

    This is my second Mother’s Day without my only son. He was only 25 and served active in the USAF. My son was born a leader with passion and a huge heart. BUT darkness found him. He became a victim of domestic violence. He had the physical scars and notes to prove it. His death was an ALLEGED suicide and remains under investigation – but I know he did not pull the trigger. Recently, I have surrendered this battle to God. God gives me strength. This battle belongs to God as it’s too great for me. The spiritual world is very real. Satan is very real. God is in full control and will give me justice. Until then, I thank God for allowing me to raise His son. I feel very blessed that I was his mom – even for a short time. I miss him like crazy…….I miss hugging and kissing him, texting and hearing his voice, holding and laughing with him…….but his soul remains close to me……He gives me many signs that he is still with me. Our loved ones are always with us – but in a different form! ……until we meet again…..That is God’s promise – ETERNAL LIFE!

  40. Sharon  May 13, 2017 at 1:47 pm Reply

    I loss my son and my daughter on May 28.2012.My hold world changed that day.It still seems like yesterday. I can still hear the phone call that i received on that day. I never could have imagine loosing one but two at the same time.Sometime the pain seem to be so unbearable. My holidays are just another day and on their birthday’s, anniversary of their death and Mother day i am so depress and crying.

  41. Barbara E. Spangler  May 13, 2017 at 2:20 pm Reply

    I lost my son to Signet Ring Stomach Cancer on June 19, 2016, at the age of 40. He was the best part of me, and I miss him. God took him home, and I know in my heart that Ryan is in Heaven, and he is at peace. Those that he left a wife, a son age 4 at the time, brother, and his mother, struggle with the passing of a man that dedicated his life to his family. This last year has been a grief-ridden time, the holiday’s the birthdays, those milestones were all difficult to get through, but with the grace of God those times were dealt with maybe not the best way one could but dealt with none the less. Thank you for the message on how we can accept our grief and how to move through it, it isn’t easy, I don’t know how anyone deals with loss without the strength that God gives us. All of us that are in the midst of this loss of a child know that each day is a challenge, and each day is also a blessing, because we were blessed to have our child with us for as long as God allowed that, in that way I find a little peace, because having never had the child that is no longer a part of this earthly life would that not have been equally as painful as losing them. In remembrance of Ryan, I will have a blessed Mother’s Day.

  42. With out help with out a voice  May 13, 2017 at 2:52 pm Reply

    You know how many mothers are helpless to do anything about their abused and raped children? Some of us have suffered from our children trafficked and unable to do anything. Since 2011 for me and thousands of other moms. Our children are gone too- no sympathy, just isolation, gossip and perpetuation of something is wrong with a woman if her ex husband has kids and she can’t contact. No one knows the truth about Dv and family violence by proxy, court sanctioned pedophilia. Hell.

    • Litsa Williams  May 13, 2017 at 4:40 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for what you are going through and you are right, many mothers grieve losses of children that are not deaths, but that are excruciating and devastating. Though we haven’t specifically written about you describe, we have written several posts about related issues (grieving when someone is still alive, dealing with losses that society doesn’t validate or provide support/sympathy for, etc) that you or others may find of support. You can find a post of ambiguous grief (grieving someone who is still living) here and one on disenfranchised grief (not getting support and validation from society) here.

  43. Shonda Bleichert  May 13, 2017 at 5:35 pm Reply

    I lost my son on September 4th 2016. He was two days shy of being 8 months old. He was and still is my everything and always will be. Even though he only had 8 short months on this earth he touched SO many people’s lives. He saved me and I know that he has been my angel since day one. It still seems so unreal like a terrible nightmare that I’m never going to wake up from. I picture him sitting in the living room watching mickey or waking up to his adorable huge smile and his messy baby hair from sleeping on it. I miss EVERYTHING about him. I never truly felt heart break or even had the slightest clue of what it felt like until I lost him. A piece of my heart will always feel shattered and empty. I was so blessed each and every day to have him as long as I did. And I know he’s always watching over me, he’s always with me in everything I do and he’s showed me signs that he is. One day we will be together again forever… tomorrow is going to be extremely difficult as was his birthday Christmas and other holidays. I wonder if he’s walking now? Talking now? How many more teeth he has? If his eyes are still that same beautiful deep crystal blue or if they changed.. I have so many unanswered questions.. my hope is gone at times but the only thing to do is to push forward and to try to be the best person I can be. He’s always on my mind, always in my prayers and always in my heart… Mommy misses and loves you so much my sweet beautiful baby boy. Always and forever you will be my bear bear. You were too beautiful for this earth.

    • Anita Nofsinger  May 14, 2017 at 4:37 pm Reply

      I do not know you and have never meet you but I do know is thst we share the same similar feelings. I could never get pregnant. My ex-husband and I tried but failed. He now has 2 of his own. 1 with his 1st wife and 1 with his 3rd wife. I being the 2nd could not.
      He always blamed me for not bearing him a child. Well, years later and now with my 2nd spouse, we got help to figure out why. For me it was a chemical imbalance of to high of a ph balance in the uterus. After time, lossing a little weight, changing the diet a little and luck we were successful. Everything went well until the last trimester when something was not right. Went to the doctor’s and had found out there was little to no embeonic fluid. We did some testing of our genes and found out that we were carries of the Tasack Disease that Jewish people carry. Our child had a very small window of surviving the pregnancy and making it past a few hours of living to a few months. We took the chance anyway. I had been trying for 15 years what more could I loose? Well, he decided to come early by a month. Then, he only lived 5 days after. We decided we did not want to know the sex of the child, so when he was born, my dream of having boys came true! Yes, this is when we found out the full extent of his kidneys and received a punchered lung on top of it. I do not know what your child passed from but when you yern for something so bad and than granted with it. As my husband put it, “We were given a miracle. Than “god” played a cruel joke on us. He than was ripped away from you and I. It is just a cruel, cruel joke.” I now a scare from the cicerian that I bear. I ca now broadly say I have entered into the breeders circle and now can be called a mom BUT I too am now missing something that should be by my side. His name is Irvin Gideon Stockfish and would have been 7 months old by now. MAKE THE MOST OF MOTHER’S DAY. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!

  44. Tina Boone  May 13, 2017 at 8:08 pm Reply

    I lost my son almost 13 years ago he was 23 and had two small little girls 3 and almost 2 years old. It seems like only yesterday. We buried him on my mother’s 5th year anniversary of her death. I do have two other children and I love them with all my heart. The loss of a child is horrible. Time does get better they say. Holidays are still hard for me. Every Mother’s day from the time he was a tiny tot made me breakfast up until the day he passed. I still miss those breakfast no matter what it was. Mother’s Day is hard and some years it is better. We just never know what the day will bring for us.

  45. Carolyn McNeal  May 13, 2017 at 8:14 pm Reply

    I find Mother’s Day to be one of the most hateful day ever. I find it cruel when someone wishes me Happy Mother’s Day, I am not a mother. I was a mother for 32 years but that all stopped one August day 6 years ago. I will never have a Happy Mother’s Day and to say it to me is like stabbing me in the heart and expecting me to smile and say thank you, please break my heart some more.

  46. C  May 13, 2017 at 8:42 pm Reply

    The exact bereavements are felt by alienated parents and grandparents inflicted by their adult children due to their own inabilities to resolve conflicts. We grieve our children everyday who are still alive.
    Death is overwhelming devastating and yet we will all experience that moment in our lives. It is not a choice for the deceased or those whom loved them.
    But estrangement is a choice, it is cruel, evil and without morals or integrity.

    • W's Mom  May 14, 2017 at 2:00 am Reply

      Ha, get the fuck over your petty bs. What an ass to post this the day before Mother’s Day. Perhaps they don’t come around bc clearly you are self absorbed, narrow minded, and lack any notion of empathy. Tomorrow, I’ll be at my son’s GRAVE so fuck off.

    • busymother  May 14, 2017 at 9:30 am Reply

      Ummm…you are an idiot. While I grieve the loss of my daughter, you can roll around the mud hole in which you live. very poor choice of words.

    • Toby  May 8, 2019 at 12:54 am Reply

      The loss of the living (through estrangement and other ways) can absolutely cause the same grief described in this article. Except those suffering this loss can’t freely talk about their grief for the attacks that come from others who do not deem their loss real or legitimate. But it is. Thank you for contributing this important comment – many many people share in your experience, sadly.

  47. Linda Buchanan  May 13, 2017 at 11:15 pm Reply

    I am the mother of a mother who loss her daughter. She was such a special child, and if you ever met her you would love her. I heart aches for my grand daughter, but also for my daughter. Don’t know if my daughter will ever realize this, but I pray one day she will. For my love of both of them, breaks and fills heart. Happy mother’s day.

  48. Mary  May 13, 2017 at 11:56 pm Reply

    I do not run into other women who have lost children. This will be my 2nd Mother’s Day without my only daughter/child Jessica. She was 38 when she died from an overdose of alcohol & opiates. She was a brainy girl, a professional, well loved & beautiful. Folks had no idea how she struggled with addiction. I’m grateful I experienced motherhood. It’s taken me 20 months to realize I can still call myself a Mom even if I don’t have a child any longer. This has been a blessing to hear other moms express their grief. Hugs to all of you.

  49. Kirsten  May 14, 2017 at 4:40 am Reply

    Its been 3 months since my eldest took her life at 21 yrs old after struggling with mental illness for 6 yrs. I feel like a pice of me is missing and cannot be replaced and i feel imcomplete. I hold onto the fact that she is no longer suffering , out of pain and has been reunited with her twin brother who i lost when i was 14 weeks pregnant and with her other siblings who never got to breathe plus my sister who passed 11 yrs ago suddenly aged 23. The letter is so spot on and people dont understand and expect me to move on but i cant i need to hold on to her for as long as possible im scared that as time passes memories will fade.

  50. BethTidd  May 14, 2017 at 12:11 pm Reply

    This article is so true. I lost my 35 year old son suddenly on January 26 2017. This Mother’s Day brings a lot of sadness to me. I have 2 other children that I love a lot, but I feel my life will never be the same. The pain is so overwhelming sometimes I wonder if I can go on. I had a miscarriage years ago and never wanted to go through that pain again. And with this loss I am thinking back to that baby. I’m just so tired of being so sad, my son wouldn’t want that for me. It is my hope as the months and years go by that the pain will get better, I know it will with Gods help.

  51. Wendy  May 14, 2017 at 2:21 pm Reply

    I have miscarried three times. The agony of it is excruciating. I sometimes feel like society tells me I don’t need to grieve because they were not babies that I held and that I should put those pregnancies out of my mind because I managed to carry one to full term and have a living daughter who needs my attention. According to all the doctors, I shouldn’t even have been able to have her so I know I have been blessed with a miracle. But it’s not knowing about those other little lives and all their potential that is just gone that keeps me up at night and breaks me inside. I smile and focus on my marriage, my daughter, my family and my career, but it’s all a veneer and I fear the day that it cracks and the hollowness I feel inside spills out for everyone to see.

    • Lara  May 14, 2017 at 8:10 pm Reply

      I hear you! I lost one child who was 17 months old, and had a miscarriage after that… I think that the miscarriage was just as hard as the loss of the child that I held… and in some ways it was worse because I never even got to know if the second was a boy or a girl, I never got to hold him or her… There were just so many broken dreams. Both losses were hard and both were different. You are not alone.

    • Liana Joy (Nixon)  May 16, 2017 at 1:02 am Reply

      Dear Wendy,

      I agree! Please read my post above under someone else’s post. I posted it on May 15. HUGS!!! We should be able to mourn our unborn babies with no judgement from others who cannot understand our grief!
      Liana Joy

  52. Jean  May 14, 2017 at 2:51 pm Reply

    My heart goes out to all the moms who have lost a child/or children. My daughter died from suicide in 2003 and my life has never been the same. I think of her and miss her every day. I am so fortunate to also have a wonderful son; cannot begin to say what comfort this is. I loved the letter above – “… the ongoing grief…” “… grief like the weather…” — just so true. Thanks for this amazing site.

  53. Maggy  May 14, 2017 at 3:04 pm Reply

    I lost my youngest child Joeseph July 6, 2016. He hung himself with his service dogs leash in his garage. He suffered from manic depression for over 14 years. He was 34, married for the 11 years with 3 chilren (2 sons and a daughter). My heart just does not understand, but Ii still love and miss him. Many say we will never know WHY! Thats for the short understanding, it helps!

  54. Vivian  May 14, 2017 at 5:00 pm Reply

    I lost my 22 year old son Tyler 2/24/15. It is mind boggling and hard to process, it just dosn’t want to fit into your mind that is so overloaded with grief that processing it is just not possible and your heart is so saddened and heavy and the frustration of wanting it to not be….BUT IT IS….is maddening. I remember crying uncontrollably as they lifted the cold, clankey gurney into the coroner’s van and yelling over to him, “Tyler, just get up and get out of there…you don’t belong there. Just get up…get up…hurry. You’re supposed to be at work.” You know Damon well he can’t get up. You want something so simple to take place but he can’t. He won’t. He never will. There is a word, that is actually a question that is a very unfair question & I have come to hate. That word is “WHY” A lot of people put faith in God & that is good for them…but since Tyler died I am angered at God. I don’t understand how a supposed perfect being and don’t forget, one who knows the future as well, how he would test. then punish those not even guilty with such a horrible consequence. I’m not falling for the FREE WILL ANSWER either. He also sent his son to suffer and die the way he did…..nice. When my sons ashes were placed on my friends table, I looked at that box and knew at that very instant there is something very wrong in this universe when I am starring at my son in a box. I appreciated reading others posts because I could relate very closely to some of them, especially the woman who said every day is a little closer to being with your child again and she is no longer afraid of dying. WOW!!! THATS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL AND I HAD NO IDEA ANYONE ELSE FELT THAT. I used to be such a scary cat about dying. Not any more. Thank you if you made it THROUGH my long post. Tylers mother,Vivian on this extra sad day of days that are sad but you don’t let on because you just can’t burden every one all day every day.

    • Kelly  May 14, 2017 at 10:53 pm Reply

      Vivian, I lost my son Tyler on September 5th, 2016. He was 21 years old. He and a friend went out kayaking on Platte Bay and both capsized. Tyler’s friend was rescued from a fisherman but they were unable to find my boy. He has not been found still. I read your post and I feel your pain and anguish!!! I struggle with a lot of the same. So sorry for the loss of your sweet boy! Please take care and know that you are not alone!

    • Sylvia Wampler  May 17, 2017 at 11:34 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Let God, Our Father, help you in your struggle and grief. Give him a chance to wrap his arms around you in peace. Just ask him. I truly believe he will hear your heart. God bless you.

  55. Belinda McElroy  May 14, 2017 at 10:54 pm Reply

    After my son Joshua pass March 6th of 2016there were many post on my fb page about there being no title for parents that have lost a child/children. I started calling us “Fractured Parents” because that is how i feel. I am broke, I have a real fault line on my life now. I have lost loved ones to all kinds of death, how they died had a lot to do with how i felt, how long it took me to get back to life as i knew it, etc. Losing your child is a grief all its own, no matter how it happened. It stays like a gash across your face. I am a fractured parent. My boy is what used to be in that crack.

    • Elaine Webb  May 19, 2017 at 11:16 pm Reply

      I feel there is no title because it’s NOT suppose to be this way! No parent should ever be in the position to bury his/her child. Sadly, so many of us have!

    • Mary  July 14, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

      Yes, Belinda! We are indeed ‘fractured parents’! That fracture, that fault line, cannot be healed to the same as it was before. Don’t know if you will see this response 2 years later….but I want to be able to use that term. Thanks!

  56. louise smith  May 14, 2017 at 11:25 pm Reply

    i lost my youngest she was 45 from the horrible disease of drug addiction she had 3 children a son and 2 daughter we raised the girls her son was older today i spoke with her youngest daughter who hates mothers day and the loss of her mom she was 14 and it doesnt get easier for her and it doesnt get any easier for me watching this child i love grieve the child i loved bless all who get this because you never get over losing a child regardless of age or reason

  57. Darlene Clinger  May 15, 2017 at 7:25 am Reply

    Thank you for continuing to educate others about grief, especially child loss. You helped us through our journey, for which we are eternally grateful. To know that there are wonderful people working on helping others who have not experienced loss understand those who have is hope for the future! Thank you!

  58. J Vermue  May 15, 2017 at 3:05 pm Reply

    I lost my strong proud handsome hard working son at age 34. He became depressed and chose drugs to soothe his anguish. He made the discussion the take his own life.
    Michael has been gone now for 14 years. The pain that gets a little less severe, never will leave me . When I least expect it the emotions whelm up and it’s like the first day all over again…
    Oh how I wish he were here to celebrate all the birthdays the reunions Mothers Day …all of it.
    I keep him in my heart and pray that I will see him again.

  59. Char James  May 15, 2017 at 3:17 pm Reply

    I cannot imagine the pain people who have lost children are going thru. I had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks, of my second child who would have been born near my daughter’s first birthday in 1970. I hadn’t even felt her move yet, and did not feel that I had bonded with her. But her father never mentioned it EVER after I came home from the hospital, and we divorced a few years later. I have thought that parents who have lost children might be called Kidows for Mothers and Kidowers for Fathers, in the same way women who have lost a spouse are called Widows and men Widowers…or perhaps Kidows if a female child was lost/Kidowers for the loss of a male child. I doubt it would catch on, though…

    • Dianna Brendle  May 15, 2017 at 7:40 pm Reply

      That’s the best suggestion I’ve heard for a word to describe a mother who lost a child, I like it. I lost my only child, my son, when he was 14 years old. I think of him every day often, I always will.

    • Liana Joy  May 16, 2017 at 12:53 am Reply

      I also like that idea of using Kidow and Kidowers. I lost my one & only unborn baby in September 2017. His/her due date would have been May 22 or 23, 2017. I’m almost 42 and I may never be able to have a biological or adopt a child. I’m heartbroken but I’m realizing gradually through God’s help that I am now healthier physically, emotionally, mentally, & spiritually than I have ever been in my entire life! I was sick with so many different diagnoses for so long & I forced myself to get healthier in order to hopefully became a mom in any way, shape, or form! I eased off medications that I now know we’re hurting me more than they were helping me! I got off of those meds to protect my unborn baby. After I lost my baby, I began to suffer severe multiple withdrawal symptoms from getting of my meds. I started the Whole30 diet in early February and have lost 37 lbs! God is using my pain & my struggles to answer my prayers for a better life & hope for the future whatever that might be! I will grieve the loss of my baby until I die but my unborn baby helped save my life because I cared more about protecting his/her health than my own! And now my health is so much better because those meds made me feel dead inside for so many years!!! I hope to see my baby in Heaven one day!!! I now set my hopes on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2
      God is healing my heart, giving me peace & joy & hope that I had lost! He is giving me what I NEED rather than what I want. I believe God does not cause our loved ones to die. He cares more for us than we can even begin to fathom. My prayer life has changed. I pray that God will use my pain & my struggles & my grief to help others see him! Just as so many of my friends & family have shared their pain with me and have helped me to heal. This site also helped me so much!!! And I know many people suffer way more than I have but God knows our hearts & our pain & he gave his own son (Jesus) as a sacrifice so that we might be saved from our sins and have eternal life one day in heaven!
      Liana Joy 🙂

  60. Hilda Stone  May 15, 2017 at 4:01 pm Reply

    I lost my son to AML Leukemia At 41 years old April 13 2017! Derek leaves his wife , a son cole at 11yrs, and a daighter Kallie at 9 years!
    Derek Had been fighting MSD which is a bone marrow failure since Sept 2014, Then April 25th 2015 he got a stem Cell Transplant and enjoyed a good life until Sept 2017. Then he suffered a relapse and died holding my hand and looking at me ( I’m his Mother)! That was so peaceful the actual Death. The last two days were very upsetting to watch him literly bleeding to death! This was not my first Death to Cancer Derek’s Dad Died at 34 years old with Bone Marrow Cancer also! April 2 1988 , Derek was 12 years old and his Sister was 14 years old! The day before Mothers Day this year, i was just so wanting to get a message on Mothers day or a sign from Derek!
    I have one Daughter 43! Her Daughter Breanne Had her Mother & Charlie and I ,up to celebrate a early Mothers Day with supper and a awesome visit!
    My Daughter wrote me a lovely letter about how i showed my Love and helped care for Derek as he wanted to die at home! I Never slept the night before Mothers Day. Mothers Day i spent in bed till late afternoon then got up and went out for supper with my husband. My two stepdaughters Tracy called me and my other Step Daughter came over for a visit ! My Step Grandson called and 2 days earlier had brought me a Ultrasound picture, showing his Girlfriend is pregnant! So that was good news. So i got through Mothers Day 2017 Thank God!!

  61. renee  May 15, 2017 at 8:22 pm Reply

    I can so relate to so many and i keep asking why why why,,,i lost my son on April 6th 2017 so young and had so much to live for,,,and this Mother’s Day was also my Birthday and i missed him so much like everyday,,,I still can’t believe it…im missing a big part of myself and my heart will forever have the crack in it….

  62. S.Downing  May 15, 2017 at 9:48 pm Reply

    What about a mother who has lost more than one child? Gave birth to four sons. The youngest died when he was 31…….,his brother died 20 years later at 51. No way can you explain the loss…hurt….pain…loneliness…..of losing more than one child.

    • Vickie Thomas  May 8, 2019 at 5:10 pm Reply

      We have a family in our congregation who lost 2 sons a few years apart to tragedies. I wondered at the time, how can they bear it? How can they get up every day? Then 14 years ago, my granddaughter was stillborn. We were heart-broken, but knew because of her genetic deficiencies, her chances of survival were slim. Then 2 years ago, on January 18, 2017, her 2 siblings (my only surviving grandchildren), ages 18 and 11, were killed on their way to school one morning when their car was t-boned. We were not just heartbroken, we were shattered. Part of us died that day. Not just my daughter and son-in-law, but us as grandparents, and the great-grandparents, cousins, relatives, and friends. As a mother, I was used to “fixing” things for my children. But the loss of all 3 of my daughter’s children was something I will never be able to “fix.” I cannot travel this journey for her and her husband; they have to work it out themselves. But it hasn’t been easy for any of us.

      We grieved also for the truck driver who hit the kids and know he will never be the same. My daughter and son-in-law are doing the best they can to continue to be a part of the community that has supported them so well. They have reached out to others who have become a part of this “club” no one ever wants to join. When grief overcomes us, we have learned to just cry, let go. I am so sorry for anyone who experiences the loss of a child, no matter what their age. I pray that you will learn to feel the comfort only God can give and look forward to that great day when we will see them again!

  63. Laura  May 16, 2017 at 10:10 am Reply

    I lost my beautiful 26 year old daughter last year to a heroin overdose. She was smart, caring, a good mother to her baby, but she just couldn’t shake the emotional pain & ended up using after being clean for a long time. I will never forget the horror of that Friday afternoon phone call from the coroner, telling me that she was dead. I wasn’t even able to view her body, as she had been dead for quite a few hours & her face was black. I cry every day for her loss! Yes, I have 3 younger children who I love greatly, but she was my oldest, and the mother of my grandchild. My faith has sustained me over the past 7 mos, and even though I know that she is in a much better place, I still MISS HER WITH ALL OF MY BEING!!!!

  64. Ramona Gebert  May 16, 2017 at 9:33 pm Reply

    Someone finally described the pain of losing a child accurately. It is like getting hit by a train and living to feel the pain. I lost my sweet daughter to breast cancer on September 9, 2012 and the pain is like none I’ve ever known. My life is forever changed because on Mother’s Day and every other day of the year I am no longer a mother.

  65. Elizabeth  May 17, 2017 at 9:17 am Reply

    Thank you for posting this. I lost my only son Matthew to cancer on 6/12/09 after a one year journey of suffering and pain. Very difficult to watch your child go through this and suffer. I still am grieving my loss and the pain is absolutely insurmountable. I have found that I too have changed as a person. I’m very depressed, anti social and no longer enjoy doing things I did before. Those who have not gone through this do not understand and have no clue of what people who have been through this deal with every day. I am fortunate I have a daughter, but this is not something that will ever go away. I liken it to a prison that you are in for the rest of your life. You cannot get away from it. Everyone has their own way of dealing with it. What I found was the first 4 years I spent a lot of time trying to “get over it”. You will never get over it, you have to learn to live with it. I am still searching for a way to do this. I have a lot of faith in God and I hope one day to somehow come to better acceptance of this and also realize life is not fair.

  66. Andrew's mom  May 17, 2017 at 3:16 pm Reply

    Really well done, well expressed. I hate Mother’s Day. Such a stupid holiday. Thankfully, my church doesn’t do that awful practice of having the mother with the most children, the newest, the oldest, etc. stand up. I couldn’t bear it if they did. I once visited a church on Mother’s Day where they gave out carnations to mothers. Nobody there knew my son. They didn’t know that I was a mother. I didn’t get a flower. Mostly, I try to hide away on Mother’s Day. Besides the actual day being hard, Mother’s Day is also the start of hard summer of grief: graduations (this year he should have graduated from college), his birthday, his anniversary, the start of the new school year … I constantly have a scream in my throat, but it never comes out.

  67. Deb  May 18, 2017 at 1:18 am Reply

    Hi I’m a mother of a daughter who recently passed around the beginning of May this year. She was 30 years old and left behind her beautiful 3 year old daughter. She died of complications from her Crohn’s disease. She was one month away from getting her associates degree. We take care of our granddaughter. I miss her so much. I always tell people to love their children and give them hugs. I wish I could hug her again and let her know she’s so loved. Thanks

  68. Cheryl  May 31, 2017 at 9:52 pm Reply

    Three years ago today my sweet, loving daughter died. It feels like an eternity has passed but the pain never leaves. I love talking about her and when people ask about my children I still say I have three because I do, one just lives in my heart.

  69. Bethany Hutson  June 3, 2017 at 7:04 pm Reply

    What a beautiful compilation of the hearts of hurting mommas. I just survived my first Mother’s Day since losing my little girl. The first Mother’s Day I celebrated, a year prior, I celebrated knowing I was only a few weeks away from saying goodbye to my little girl. Mother’s Day will always be difficult. Learning to find beauty in the pain is so difficult; but it is possible.

  70. Paul Dixon  March 10, 2018 at 4:31 pm Reply

    I am grateful that my wonderful friend M shared this post. As with so many of Life’s defining challenges, this is something which can barely begin to be understood by any other than the person who has suffered this loss. If you have a friend who is a grieving mother … and you have not yourself experienced such … just “be there” as best you can for her tomorrow.

  71. Ann Felczak  May 4, 2018 at 6:10 pm Reply

    It is now 3 months since my adult son passed suddenly. No warning, nothing. He lived alone when we found his body. He pops up in my mind all the time. I see the perfect gifts he’s given to me over the years which I still love and miss him. He always chose the exact right thing without me knowing how he did it. And now, with Mother’s Day coming fast, more memories. One year he gave me a flat of daffodils for the garden because they won’t grow for me and he knew how much I like them. He was the 2nd of 4 kids and my first son. Not looking forward to this Mother’s Day.

  72. JANIS  May 4, 2018 at 7:22 pm Reply

    My beautiful son. Brendan, was born on Mother’s Day in 1976. He was pronounced healthy and then 3 days later they found a bowel blockage which was a rare symptom of Cystic Fibrosis, a terrible genetic lung disease, At the time the median age of survival was 14 years. Our hearts were broken and we lived in fear of losing him. my only way to adjust was to do all the home care he needed to the best of my ability and provide him with the best doctors etc. We also feared trying to have other kids since there is a 1 in 4 chance of having it happen again to another child. He was ill to some extent all his life as the disease is progressive. But he was a great kid [all boy] and he grew to be a kind young man and a best friend to my husband and I. He became more ill just as he was about to complete a college degree and was close to being listed for a lung transplant. He experienced bleeding into the lungs and was hospitalized and started to improve then took a turn for the worse and was sick with sepsis. He was on a ventilator and died about 2 weeks later, a month after his 38th birthday in 2014. It has been almost 4 years but seems like yesterday. We still miss our only child every day. Life is very hard now after all those years with him at the center of our lives. It is hard to go on. I am so glad though to have had him with us for so long. We are both over 70 now and hoping to be reunited with him in the not too distant future. Life now though feels empty.

    • suzanne lloyd  March 30, 2019 at 9:31 pm Reply

      Dear Janis
      I am so sorry and sad to read about the loss of your beloved son Brendan. The way you describe how you feel is exactly how I feel. Our beautiful daughter Bethany was taken from us by a rare genetic condition last July. We shared the best year, so filled with love, joy, everything. Then her illness began after her first birthday last March. The pain of all that happened and the pain of being without her every day is indescribable. It is, as you say, so hard to go on. I am holding on to the love we shared, share, and I will hold on to it forever. The love never changes.
      I just wanted to message you and send you a hug for mothers day, you sound like a lovely mum.
      Thanks for sharing

  73. Denise Hicks  May 7, 2018 at 1:32 pm Reply

    I lost my son David this past September. He was 33 years old, a remarkable young man who loved life. He lost his life to cancer, he always thought he could fight it and had the best outlook even though he suffered every day. He never let on that he was in pain. He was my hero and always will be. I miss him every minute of every day. I bought a locket to wear that I put some of his baby hair in, and I wear it every day. People don’t understand and feel burdened when I talk about him. It makes me upset when the talk about cancer or death so nonchalantly. I feel like they are insensitive. I do have two other beautiful children a son and a daughter. It doesn’t take away my loss or the grieving I feel every day. Loosing my son has changed me. I cant explain how, I wish I knew. I just know it has.

    • Kate  May 12, 2019 at 2:48 pm Reply

      Hi Denise, we lost my 25 year old baby brother, my only sibling to cancer last July. I relate to everything you’ve shared, especially about carrying him with you and thinking of him every moment of every day. It transforms you- I am not the same person I was last year. This day is a difficult one for my Mom. We are all struggling to do our best for Sam, as we know he would want. He was so strong and just worried about us! I know I have to take care, because I am his hands in the world now. Although many do not understand, know there are those out there who do! I am thankful for your sharing. I am thankful that my mother so lovingly carries my brother with her, and I’m sure your son’s sister and brother are proud of you too <3

  74. Angie  May 10, 2018 at 3:16 pm Reply

    My beautiful, loving, charismatic son, Mark, passed away on 8/30/15. He was the 3rd of my 4 children, all boys. He was a very special man. After his passing someone said to me, well at least you still have 3 other sons. REALLY ??? They don’t have a clue. The death of a child is like the death of a part of your being, your existence. All I could do the first two years was relive each and every stage of his life, I would even dream about him as a child. I love my other sons dearly and they each have a special place in my heart. I hold them close and let them know I love them regularly. I think of Mark every day, some days I cry because I can’t see him, hug him, tell him I love him, but I tell him anyway. I let him know how much he is missed and loved and I ask God why, why did he take my son at such a young age, why did he take a part of my being, why did he tear a part of our family from us. Certain days are worse than others, his birthday, the day of his death, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas (his favorite holiday). I know he’s with us as he gives us signs all the time, but our lives will NEVER be the same again and either will those who loved him so much.
    Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who have to travel this journey, the loss of a child. May God Bless each and every one of you.

  75. Lynda  May 11, 2018 at 4:46 am Reply

    Thank you very much for writing this. It resonates deeply with me. In two days, in NZ, it will be my first Mother’s Day and one week short of the day on which my son hanged himself ten months ago.

    I am not looking forward to the day itself or to people asking how I will spend it/ have spent it.

  76. Martha Lum  May 12, 2018 at 8:08 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing this. My “favorite son” passed away Nov 18,2018 at the age of 20. He was rock climbing with friends and fell to his death. The words written here are exactly how my heart feels but I didn’t have the words. I miss him so much and this is my first mother’s day without him. I’m glad I have a supportive husband and two beautiful daughters to help distract me from my heartache.

  77. Barbara Moore  May 13, 2018 at 9:22 am Reply

    My psychologist shared this with me this week. I is always good to hear others thoughts who have experienced such a great loss. I lost my 39 year old son to suicide on March 8, 2016. Still a struggle. Being able to read others thoughts and talk to others about my son is comforting. Thank you for sharing this article. I will celebrate Mother’s Day with my Mom and other family and I know my son will be with me in my heart!

    • Dean Briggs  May 5, 2019 at 9:16 pm Reply

      We lost our son to suicide also on August 30, 2018. Looking for some support group this was my son my wife stepson I know it’s gonna be a very painful day for her. My phone number is 909-509-0780. Dean Briggs

      • debra l dizon hernandez  May 6, 2019 at 12:24 am

        Have you tried compassionate friends or bereaved parents .
        I hope this is helpful in some small way.

      • Rose  May 11, 2019 at 5:01 pm

        Compassionate Friends is a wonderful group! I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them. My 28 year old only child, mother of my 11 year old grandson, went to sleep on October 17, 2018 and will never awake again. She had an undiagnosed heart condition. My world is upside down and the closer tomorrow gets, the more I dread it.

    • Gray  May 10, 2019 at 8:59 pm Reply

      I lost my only child to suicide also, on December 20, 2012. He was 25. For at least three years, I did not want to live. I still heavily grieve him. You are not alone. #tribeofafter

  78. Ellen Jannol  May 13, 2018 at 9:29 am Reply

    Wow.. so right on target.. all of it. My boys are always there in my heart.. I might be smiling on the outside, having a seemingly good time, but they are never far away from my mind. Joey, forever 18, and Daniel, forever 24 <3

  79. Barbara Miller  May 13, 2018 at 5:15 pm Reply

    TY for this article I lost my Son, SPC Fred Greene, at Fort Hood in 2009 when he was shot 12 times as he tried to disarm the shooter barehanded. Every day presents itself with a new /different struggle with the grief that I still feel. The grief is ever changing but always constant. It is a different sort of love. As for the loss of my Son, I gave that over to GOD to handle. I am comforted as I sit in the palm of GOD when my grief begins to overwhelm me. My love and understanding goes out to every mother who outlives her children whether she gave birth to them or not. Fred is my foster son and he could easily have been a twin to my birth son Ed. Ed and I live on without Fred in our physical lives but every instant something brings back memories to treasure.

  80. ajkmdkdvk  November 13, 2018 at 4:47 pm Reply

    THANK YOU for this article! I’m blessed to be surrounded by people who love and care about me, yet I feel completely alone in my grief… Your article reminds me that I’m not alone in this struggle. My 19 year old son/best friend came home from work on July 12th, told me what time he had to be at work the next day and said good night. The next day, my younger son and I found him dead in his bedroom. No cause of death. He just…died. The pain is unbearable, impossible to fully explain. But I feel that it’s my duty to get up each day and try my best to live. My surviving son and I are trying our hardest to navigate these muddy, unpredictable waters. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you who have lost a child.

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  82. Lisa Kauls  May 1, 2019 at 6:36 am Reply

    This will be my first mother’s day without my only child . My son Nick was murdered at the age of 17z He just finished his jr year of high school. On June 24, 2018 my son was leaving his friends house which is located in a very affluent side of town . While going to his car a white SUV pulled up and pointed a gun telling my son to give him a everything he’s got my son turned and ran away the guy shoot my son in the back of his head. This person shot a people before my son , shot my son and went on to shot another person all these shooting were done within an hour. My heart is completely broken it hasn’t even been a year and I have to deal with mother’s days coming up high school graduation and to be honest don’t know how or if I can handle it. I am was a single mom but now I’m just single . All of this is so overwhelming so empty, heartbroken,sad,mad ,angry lost, confused all of the above. Thank you for the article

    • Alyssa B.  May 2, 2019 at 7:58 am Reply

      I am so sorry to hear about your son. This will be my first mother’s day without my child as well. He also passed away last June. He was 7 years old. I’ve been dreading this for months. I truly hope you find some strength and peace on this day because I know firsthand that’s it’s going to be tough.

    • Faith Cravens  May 7, 2019 at 7:30 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss!! How dreadful and heart-wrenching. This is my first mother’s day without my oldest son, who died by suicide in July 2018 (he was 23). I have other children, but I would like to call Mother’s day off this year. I really don’t know what to do. God has been faithful through all of this even though my heart still breaks. I pray that you’d know His peace during this time, too.

      • Linda Petruzzi  May 11, 2019 at 11:43 am

        I am dreading Mother’s Day, tomorrow. My special needs son, my only child, died September 22, 2018, two weeks before his 35th birthday of a rare neurological disorder, Neurofibromatosis. Although he was very high functioning, he was my life. We did everything together and he lived life to the fullest and loved the Lord with his whole heart and soul. He was a kind soul and loved everyone and always made me feel so special on Mother’s Day. We really looked forward to me retiring so that we could do more and travel and for him to be adventurous. Well, I’m retired and he’s not here with me.

        I wish we could take tomorrow off the calendar because I know as I look around and see so many happy moms, I know I will not be one of them. I know we will be reunited someday, but my life will never be the same until I can hold my baby in my arms again.

    • Alexandra Golden  May 12, 2019 at 2:55 pm Reply

      So sorry for your loss. There’s nothing worse than when someone takes it upon themselves to kill your child.. That’s what happened to my son too.. and he was only 8.

  83. SandyF  May 8, 2019 at 11:24 am Reply

    I have a voice mail message that my late son left me on Mothers Day before he died. I listen to it each Mothers Day. A gift but also a raw sharp stab to my heart. I am so grateful to have his saved voice. Sending love to all of the grieving parents.

    • Ann  May 8, 2019 at 2:30 pm Reply

      I have a few emails from my son that he sent shortly before he passed, Jan. 25,2018. I’ve only read them twice. They’re nothing special but I can’t stop crying. My son was 2 months short of his 55th birthday and the second of 4 children. I miss him every single day. Something will remind me of him and I feel bad all over again. I got cards from my other kids and I had to put them on the mantle as is the custom but I hate doing it. There’s a card missing. It would have been from him. My husband and I talk about him from time to time. It’s hard for both of us. We have to stop after a little bit because it’s too hard. I think we present a good outer shell but inside it’s hurting.

  84. Melissa  May 8, 2019 at 10:20 pm Reply

    So glad I found this read and so sad at the same.
    I’m dreading this day…mothers day was always a special celebration with my son. He died suddenly and unexpectedly in his sleep having a seizure. In 38 yrs we were always together on this day. He was my only child and he was my best friend. I have no other family and feel incredibly alone. I will miss his sentimental hallmark card and his great cooking this day…all the fun and laughter he continously created everyday. Everyone I know will be busy celebrating with their families and I just wish I could hear stories about him from others all day long. This seems to bring me peace when people who adored him talk about him. I will love you forever Benjamin no one can take that away from me you are in my heart always. So many tears from this and this is so well written all my thoughts displayed moms. Thank you and BLESS all our aching souls

    • Rochelle  May 8, 2019 at 11:42 pm Reply

      My son Braede was 10 and passed away almost 3 years ago from a seizure in his sleep. Please know that you are not alone. This was a wonderful article and written so well. I wish I could send to everyone I know. It speaks so much truth.

    • Cosetta  May 9, 2019 at 7:28 pm Reply

      I loved reading this letter.. I lost my only child 2 months ago..He was 28.. I too am all alone and I know exactly how you feel.. It will be a hard day on Sunday for us. and many more mothers .

    • christine  May 28, 2019 at 5:35 pm Reply

      I was crying when I read your post. I too lost my only child, my 17 year-old son, suddenly last year. I am also an only child, so I don’t have a lot of family. Both my (divorced) parents are still alive, but they ignore me on Mother’s Day and anniversaries. I know they are trying to be mean, they hurt too and don’t know what to do. I was a single mom for most of Sean’s life, so like you, he was my life. We were a team because it was just the two of us. I don’t know what to say to you other than be gentle to yourself. I have had uncanny signs from Sean; I hope you have them from your son.

  85. Julie  May 9, 2019 at 1:32 am Reply

    Thank you for this letter, I lost my son suddenly 2 years ago, he was struck by a car on the highway late at night. He was 24 years old,he was my first born and left behind a 16 year old sister and a loving step father. We are all heartbroken but trying to go on, I try to make him proud of us everyday…God has held me up on days I feel I cant go on, my faith and my sons memory gets me through each day. I’m so sorry for all of our grief and wish everyone a peaceful calm mothers day…

  86. Carol  May 11, 2019 at 8:16 am Reply

    I am the mother of two(1) daughter so beautiful so strong and independent (1) son so stubborn so strong. He died at the age of 19. Only 2 miles from home single car accident. I’ll never know what went wrong. It will be 13 years this year and still I cry almost every day. I smile most day too and fake out a laugh or two. But my heart is always grieving. I miss my son so so much. My family can’t understand why I can’t let him go so they in turn have let me go. They have very little to do with me. They’re tired of always having to acknowledge my sadness on they’re happy days. Tired of having to make room for my dead son during their holidays. So I get uninvited to missy things. And they wonder why I’m so angry all the time. I live my life feeling ripped down the middle. Part of me in death and the other trying to still be a mother to my daughter and a grandmother to my grandchildren. My parents are still with me but because of my brothers who can’t deal with my grief as though it were a contagious disease choose to spend they’re time with my brothers and they’re family yes I am the only daughter. I’m the middle child of two brothers. They do include my daughter in some ways I guess you could say they have allowed her to take my place. They feel sorry for her having a mother who carries around her dead son every where she goes. My daughter is 36 and I’ve become her burden. I guess you could say I haven’t full filled my end of life. I went to bed 13 years ago one person and woke up being another. Realising I have no control over any area of my life has been the hardest part of my grieving. Learning that it’s no longer my right to exist. And with all this aging on top of grieving I feel as though I’m watching my life slowly be erased before my very eyes.

    God bless all the broken hearts this and all holidays!

    • Kim  May 11, 2019 at 3:04 pm Reply

      Hello Carol
      Thank you for sharing your story. My heart goes out to you. I think there are times when family members can’t figure out what a person needs having undergone such a tremendeous loss. They give what they think is the right thing to help the person “move on from or move past” the loss of a child. Our children are a part of us so I can’t imagine giving up that part of myself. I believe it is possible to continue loving a child even though he or she is not physically present because we are made of much more than our bodies. Please believe that your son is with you and wants you to know how very much you are loved and that you Do Deserve to Exist.
      …and yes it is possible to both love him beyond the grief and live your best life.

    • Linda Davis  March 22, 2020 at 5:09 pm Reply

      I was blessed with three beautiful children. My first born, was my son. He died in a single car accident, also, very close to home. That was 19 years ago. He was 37 years old, A month before his birthday! I, also, will never know what happened that night! It nearly drove me crazy in those early years! So many questions, with no answers, ever! My life never to be the same again. I had so much fear and anxiety whenever my daughters went anywhere in a vehicle! I was such a mess inside. Time lessened that fear, somewhat, but, three years ago, my oldest daughter told me she was diagnosed with breast cancer! ( I am a breast cancer survivor) My first reaction was one of fear! That same fear, just a different reason! My daughter went through much more than I. With all her treatments, we were all so hopeful. She had such a wonderful attitude through it all. Always a smile! We were devastated when the cancer metastasized to her brain! She died 11 months after her diagnose. Every fear I ever had, over losing any of my children was ignited, and there was no controlling it. My sons death was an instant shock, my daughter’s was an unexpected punch in the stomach, as we went from hopeful to the surreal world of watching her journey to the end. Something, I’m having a difficult time dealing with. She was 52 yrs. old. Today, I look at my last surviving daughter, and I can’t stop the thoughts that pop into my head! I pray that I won’t have to experience the loss of this child. What an awful thought to carry around! I honestly don’t know how I feel about Mother’s Day! I think I feel it, for my daughter, as a Mom of two boys! I believe I did the same thing, for the daughter who passed away, as she was a Mom with two girls. I think of my own Mom, who is in Heaven, wishing her a wonderful Mom’s day in Heaven, but, I think I took myself out of the equation after my son died, and never put myself back in. I’m only just realizing that now, as I’m writing this. I post a lot about my kids, because it keeps them, a live in my mind and heart! My family doesn’t speak often about them to me, unless I bring it up, but, I believe we are just in different places about death. We readily talk about my youngest, so, I think it’s the death part, that keeps everyone quiet, except on the day of their birth and their death date. I try to keep their names in as many conversations as I can. I don’t know what I can say about Mother’s Day! I don’t hate it, I just don’t have the same feelings about it anymore!

  87. Linda Douglas  May 11, 2019 at 2:54 pm Reply

    This mother’s day will be one of the hardest…in July of last year a mother I know (my daughter’s best friend’s mom) lost all of her children (4 daughters) and her husband in a tragic car accident returning from a family vacation. How does one even begin to provide comfort during this time of year…?

    • Rochelle Sherwood  May 11, 2019 at 8:17 pm Reply

      Just spend some time with her if you can. I lost my 10 year old son unexpectedly 2 1/2 years ago and I have a dear friend that checks in with me all the time, specifically regarding my grief. Some one told me once “that is all you do today is breathe, that’s ok”. That meant so much to me and was so freeing for me, cause there are many days I feel that’s all I can do. Let her know it’s ok to grieve how ever she needs too. Just knowing I had a friend that I could completely allow myself to grieve in front of has been huge for me. Whether it’s cry, scream, be mad or talk her ear off about my son. It means the world to me. My prayers are with you both!

    • Cindy  May 12, 2019 at 5:44 pm Reply

      My heart breaks for this woman!!! I lost my only child, my funny and handsome 18 year old son 3 years ago when he was murdered over a girl he was friends with. My grief has been beyond bearable! To lose 4 children AND her husband….simply unthinkable. I will certainly pray for this poor woman. 🙁

  88. Denise Georgia Stephens  May 12, 2019 at 12:40 pm Reply

    I lost all my three kids over the period 1995-2017. I still grieve today. It seems no one understands the depth of my grief and so I cry always. I keep asking God why. I guess this is something I will never forget or understand. Mothers day is particularly hard for me knowing I have no child around me. I even skip church on that day. I don’t know when but God……………

    • Cindy  May 12, 2019 at 5:39 pm Reply

      My heart just breaks for you!! To lose all 3 children! 3 years ago this month my only child, my 18 year old funny and handsome as can be son was murdered. It has left me shattered, and every single day is an unbearable struggle to live through. I wake up every day wondering why I have to still be here. To have no child remaining to give me joy in spite of my intense grief is sheer torture. I cannot imagine grieving this deeply for not just one precious child but 3!! You poor dear mama! Please let me tell you how deeply sorry I am for all you have suffered. I’m a Christian, but like you I have asked God COUNTLESS times “Why?”. “How could You let this happen?” My heart is heavy for you, for me, for every mama who has had to endure this depth of pain. May God give you somehow a measure of peace and even of joy. Hugs to you poor mama.

  89. Mary Goldman  May 12, 2019 at 1:22 pm Reply

    Thank you, so much, for this article. My daughter had to terminate her pregnancy at six months when she found out that her baby girl had not grown kidneys or a bladder. This was a pregnancy that she and her husband had greatly wanted. Today would have been her first Mother’s day. Since the baby passed away, almost a year now, my daughter has been grieving. As her mom, its been so hard to know what to say to comfort her. I have learned that time will not necessarily heal, but it will make it less painful. This article has helped me and I hope, my daughter.
    I posted it on Facebook and received several grateful responses including words of thanks from friends who have lost a child— one from my daughter’s best friend’s mom. Her daughter was my daughter’s best friend and died at 22 years old. Thanks again. 💕

  90. Crystal360  May 12, 2019 at 8:44 pm Reply

    My heart goes out to all who have lost a child. I too am living my worst nightmare. I lost my first born, handsome, intelligent, creative, sweet, soft spoken, kind, 20 year old son on 01/01/19. Viral myocarditis from a simple insignificant cold stoled his life like a thief in the night with no warning, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am beyond devastated! I have never felt pain and sorrow like this. The day my son died, I died with him. I feel like a zombie, without a soul. The only time I get a break from this excruciating pain is when I am asleep but when I wake up, I have to face the nightmare all over again. All I can do is pray that God will help me and my family get through this somehow, someway. I pray that God gives all of those who have suffered such a devastating loss the strength to survive.

  91. Maria  May 12, 2019 at 9:20 pm Reply

    First mother’s day with out my oldest beautiful, smart, hardworking Daughter. Only 21 died in a single car accident. I still sometimes ask my self is this real? Did I really go through this? Is she really gone? It’s so true about people telling me you have more kids that need you. I know that and they each have a special place in my heart. I’m torn between I’m happy to celebrate today but hurting because there’s a part of me missing. Her joy her smile her loud laugh. She always made this day special never did she forget to celebrate it. I Love You so Much Ishshah and I miss you that my heart aches not having you here with me.

  92. CC  May 12, 2019 at 10:40 pm Reply

    Then there are those of us who have missing children. My adult daughter left for “a night “ almost five years ago. It’s an ongoing nightmare, with no closure in sight. Mother’s Day has been tough every year.

  93. Natalie  May 12, 2019 at 10:55 pm Reply

    Thank you so much for this article. On January 6th of this year I had my first and only son. Just days later on January 11th he passed away. He had a lot of injury to his brain and was having multiple seizures when he was born. There is not one day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I am constantly thinking about how different my life would be if he was here right now. This article and the comments really make me feel as though I’m not alone. Especially when a majority of the people around me don’t know how to talk to me anymore.

    • Natalie  March 1, 2020 at 9:07 pm Reply

      We had our first child – a son – this past October. Like you, he lived only a short time, due to a traumatic birth injury. My name is Natalie also, which made me feel connected to you. It is so hard to have so much love for a child taken so soon.

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  95. Christine  May 28, 2019 at 5:22 pm Reply

    I reread this today. Like the rest of you, I don’t just miss and grieve for my only child on Mother’s Day. This was my second Mother’s Day without Sean, my 17 year-old son who hanged himself on Jan. 7, 2018. I found him; my last sight of my boy was him on oxygen being carried out to the ambulance. Sean was supposed to graduate high school this month, so it’s been a double whammy for me this year. It does hurt me that my parents don’t reach out to me on anniversaries or Mother’s Day. Sean was the only grandchild on both sides. I know they hurt, too, but it still hurts to be forgotten on those days. I read all the comments and understand how many feel like me, and how hard it is for friends and family to understand the depth of our grief. I cry everyday. Some days I am doing well then go into a store and hear a sad song or see something that reminds me of Sean then start crying. I also don’t like socializing much anymore because I get exhausted from trying to pretend I am fine. In addition to grief, I suffer from PTSD to the point that sometimes the sound of an ambulance can trigger me.

    • Crystal360  May 29, 2019 at 7:01 pm Reply

      Christine, I can totally relate and sympathize with your feelings. I cry everyday as well. I have developed major anxiety to the point of shaking and almost passing out. I can’t listen to music anymore, I even have to mute commercials because as soon as I hear a sad song or tune I cry. I avoid going to stores, CVS, Walgreens, grocery stores etc…because sad songs are a trigger. I also get sad when shopping and see things in the isles that I used to purchase for my son. I have distanced myself from everyome because I get completely drained pretending I’m okay and faking a smile. Its hard enough to go to work 5 days per week and have to pretend while there as well, its really exhausting. People grieve differently and maybe your family is dealing with the loss in that way.

    • Mary  July 14, 2019 at 8:51 am Reply

      Mother’s Day? I was making funeral arrangements for my handsome, gentle , gifted 21 year old son. Then at home, my younger son gave me a gift, for which I smiled, held back screaming tears, and pretended to be happy. On my birthday a couple of weeks later, I was at his grave. I visit him several times a week, although I walk around this earth in shock, and denial. New normal.

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    In that comment box you’ll be able to discuss how
    you read their story, what you seriously considered it, and then provide the
    reporter additional tips.

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