Comings and Goings

General / General : Litsa Williams

We have been pretty busy lately with all sorts of random WYG projects and life in general. If you don’t follow us on social media, you may have missed some of our updates, so we wanted to take a quick minute to fill you in.

Together with some of our readers, we put together a post with our 64 Things We Wish Someone Had Told Us About Grief.

Also, our new shop has been hopping. Big thanks to all of those who have ordered resources! If you haven’t checked it out yet you can click the “shop” link at the top of the page (or click here). Alright, so that’s what we’ve been doing, now for what’s coming.

Brace yourselves… I hate to say it aloud… the holidays are coming. I know I know, we are as upset as you are. The holiday season can be brutal after a loss so, as always, we will be posting ideas throughout the season that we hope may make things just a wee bit easier. We are going to buckle down this weekend and start on some holiday season posts, so we would love to hear from you with your thoughts, questions, and anxieties about facing the holidays. We know what we think will be helpful, but we would love to know what kind of posts you are hoping to see. So leave a comment or shoot us an email. We will be sharing all our old holiday posts on social media, so if you don’t keep up with us on Facebook and Twitter, you probably should. Seriously, we have a great little community going over there! .

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6 Comments on "Comings and Goings"

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  1. Dani  November 2, 2014 at 5:02 pm Reply

    Thanks for your feedback, Eleanor! I’m glad some of these ideas sparked your interest! And thanks for the link to the post about mourning lost memories, it was a good read and a good reminder to focus on the things that I do have (journals, baby books, voicemails) rather than mourning the things I feel like I’ve lost. Thanks again for all you and Litsa do, this blog has been such a comfort.

  2. Dani  November 1, 2014 at 9:47 pm Reply

    I apologize in advance for how long this comment it. I had way more to say than I thought I did! Also I’ve looked through your archive of holiday posts but didn’t read everything closely, so my apologies if these things have already been covered, but:
    1. The holidays always used to mean “home” to me. I was 27 when I lost my mom (I’m 28 now) and even though I had already started the process of creating my own traditions and my own sense of home before she died, returning to my parents’ house was always so comforting during the holiday season, particularly on Thanksgiving. Can you talk about the “I just want to go home” yearning? Even if it’s just to validate that other people still feel that and I’m not crazy? I’m in a funny in-between stage: I live with my partner and we’ve been together nearly 4 years and will probably marry and have children of our own, and I do feel very at home in our home. But when I feel that desperate need to be nurtured I still think of my parents’ house, but I know logically that what I’m really missing is my mom’s special brand of mom love.
    2. I lost my mother to suicide, and although she didn’t die in my parents’ house, I know that she spent her last days there, probably in a lot of pain (her liver was failing due to acetaminophen overdose). My parents had separate bedrooms and so the room that used to be hers is now the guest bedroom, and I know this probably sounds pretty new agey or woo woo, but even though we lost her 1.5 years ago I still haven’t stayed in that room because it’s such a poignant reminder of her pain and isolation. I probably haven’t even been inside of it for at least a year. All of this is to say: any tips on coping with “the scene of the crime” when loved ones still live there? Last year for Thanksgiving and Christmas we went to my sister’s house so this will be my first year back for the holidays.
    3. This isn’t only specific to the holidays, but comes up a lot at Thanksgiving: any tips for dealing with lost recipes? Or in broader terms, lost family knowledge? My mom was the keeper of everything: recipes, histories, memories, and I sort of took for granted that she would always be there and didn’t think to write anything down. My mom wrote down a few recipes but was a gifted cook who tended to wing it. I’ve tried to recreate some of her dishes but there’s not quite right (logically I know that what’s really missing is mom making it, but still). Thanksgiving at my sister’s last year was nice, but it was nothing like what I was used to and the food was so drastically different that it upset me. But I also think that if we had tried to recreate my mom’s menu it would have fallen short and I would have been upset anyway! (Side note: thanks for the “grief makes your crazy” affirmation.)
    4. I hope this doesn’t sound superficial, but any tips for dealing with feelings of regret for the gifts you were never able to give? My mother always wanted to visit Alaska and I had always planned to take her on a trip one day. I didn’t have a high-paying job until after my mom’s death; I’d done AmeriCorps for a few years and then spent a few years underpair and underemployed in the non-profit sector, which was acceptable at the time because I was young and thought I had unlimited time to repay my mom for everything she had done for me. I think this ties into a larger worry that she didn’t know how much I loved her.

    • Eleanor  November 2, 2014 at 9:02 am Reply


      I LOVE these ideas. Thank you for sharing them with us. I can definitely relate to some of what you’re saying (especially #1), but I think we can address all these topics. Question 3 kinds of reminds me of this post about mourning lost memories. We have suggestions at the bottom for mourning lost memories but we could definitely address the recipe question. We we’re definitely going to write somethings about food and recipes leading up to the holidays.

      Thank you again for the great suggestions!

  3. shannon  November 1, 2014 at 5:39 pm Reply

    My husband and I were married for 12 years but together for 25. In our early days he was a serious drug addict. It was pure hell. But I waited for him. By the time he got it together, our oldest son was almost 17. In 2009 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It changed me. He stood by me through it. The damage was there, we just swept it under the rug. We lost each other. In August I discovered he was trying to initiate an affair with someone close to our son. I separated from him but still loved him and tried to get him to go see a counselor. He did 2 things: he slipped up and said he couldn’t take anymore time off from work. As far as I knew he was going to work every day. The second was that he just stopped communicating with me at all about trying to repair our, for me, lifetime relationship. I discovered I wasn’t angry at him. I was angry at myself. I grieved the time that he had thrown away in the beginning. Time that truly traumatized me. I grieve his presence in my life but don’t want him back. There’s so many things that I grieve in this relationship. Mostly the time because I realized that I didn’t really know him at all.

  4. Chelsea  October 30, 2014 at 9:50 pm Reply

    This doesn’t really relate to the holidays but I’d like to see something on signs from your loved one or feeling your loved one’s presence. My grandma passed away 5 months ago. Everyone is always saying how they “feel her with” them, or they have dreams about her, or they receive signs from her. I’m not really experiencing any of that and it makes me feel even lonlier.

    Your articles have helped me so much by the way. Thank you for writing this blog.

    • Litsa  October 30, 2014 at 10:51 pm Reply

      Ah great idea for a post! We will definitely add that to the list!

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