And Many More: Celebrating a Deceased Loved One's Birthday

Holidays and Special Days / Holidays and Special Days : Eleanor Haley



For further articles on these topics:


My family goes a bit overboard with the Happy Birthday song.  For starters, there are a lot of us so that means anywhere from 4 to about 20 voices depending on who's present.  Also, everyone can sing to some degree so no one is shy about loudly belting out the lyrics or taking license with the harmonies.

At the end of the song, without fail, everyone sings... "and many more"...which is a family tradition that has been around for as long as I can remember (I think some other people might sing it this way but I've never met them)

Growing up, I thought this was how everyone sang the song until I started going to friend's birthday parties. Everyone would hit their big finish with “happy birthday to yoooou” and out of habit I’d find myself trailing off into a solo “...and many moooore…..errrr nevermind”

As an adult, I've come to find the verse reassuring and I always sing "and many more" under my breath in hopes that my quiet wish might help to safeguard the birthday boy or girl's longevity.  I know this is superstitious because life has taught me that “many more” is something we can never be sure of.  Each and every birthday we have with our loved ones is a gift; I realized this when my mother received the diagnosis that changed her “many mores” to “one more.”

“No more” is the saddest thought of all, and I suspect if you’re reading this you understand what I mean. Logically death means our loved ones never grow a year older, although logic does little to clear up our confusion when their birthday continues to happen year after year. Someone we love is gone, but we find that even in death their birthday still belongs to them; there’s no such thing as “no more,” as long as we’re here on earth to remember them.

There is a misconception among some that holding on to our loved ones keeps us stuck, but the truth is, continuing our relationships with people after they’ve died and learning to love them despite their physical absence is good.  

Your loved one’s birthday, for however many years they spent on earth, was set aside as a day for you to honor and celebrate them. And even though they aren’t here now, the day can still belong to them. True you may feel pain because on this day their absence feels magnified, but don’t let this be the reason why their birthdays are met with dread instead of celebration.

We encourage you to find your own ways, big or small, to honor and remember your loved one on their birthday. To get you started, we’ve changed up some of the standard birthday elements to give you some ideas for celebrating the day.

FB

Friends and Family

Your loved one's impending birthday may be looming heavy for their friends and family, but without a celebration to gather for it seems like the only alternative is to suffer alone.  The idea of celebrating a deceased loved ones birthday might seem odd to some, which is one reason why those who want to recognize the day might be hesitant to speak up. But if you feel like spending the day with people, do something about it!

Big, small, intimate, elaborate, soirée or small gathering – it doesn’t matter because there are no rules. Think about you, your loved one, and others who may want to recognize the day and go from there. Give people an idea of the plan, let them know you’d love for them to be there, and then let them decide what they'd like to do.

If you want to find a way to honor your loved one but don’t feel up to doing anything big, you could choose an activity to do alone or with one or a few other people. Maybe you'd like to sit alone at their grave or a favorite place for a little while or maybe you'd like to invite a few people along to share memories.


Food

One option is to gather at your loved one’s favorite restaurant. If you think there might be emotional moments or if you want privacy so guests can talk and share memories, you might want to go the extra mile and chip in to rent a special room. At the very least, ask for as quiet a table as possible.

Getting together at someone’s home allows for a more intimate party or gathering. Perhaps someone(s) might volunteer to make a menu reflective of your loved one’s tastes. If you don’t want the menu to fall on one person’s shoulders, you could also plan a potluck where everyone brings one of your loved one’s favorite dishes. If you’re going potluck and the weather permits, you could meet at one of your loved one’s favorite public places like a park or a beach.


Cake

Some people choose to simply gather for cake on their deceased loved one’s birthday for their favorite kind of cake. Bonus - the baking of the cake can even be cathartic, check out Litsa’s post on baking her father’s favorite coconut cake if you’re not sure what I mean.


Presents

Obviously, you can’t give your loved one a present, but you can still buy them. If you want some good to come out of your loved one’s birthday choose a charity they would have supported that takes donations other than money. Ask the organization what types of items they need and then tell the party guests who'd like to bring birthday gifts to bring one of the items for donation.

Instead of presents, you could also tell guests to bring an object that reminds them of your loved one. During the gathering, you can take a few moments for each person to tell the story of their item (yes, like show and tell!)


Balloons

People often choose to release balloons on a loved one's birthday, sometimes with messages written inside. Balloons aren’t exactly the best for the environment so here's a ton of balloon release alternatives from a website that really would prefer you not release balloons.


Celebration

Perhaps words like celebration, fun, and happiness are absent from your vocabulary these days but don’t rule out the possibility of having moments of laughter in celebrating and remembering your loved one. Set aside time for reflection and sad emotions, but also leave a little space for joy.

Have you ever celebrated a deceased loved one's birthday?  Tell us how in the comments below.  

Here's another good idea, subscribe to receive posts straight to your email inbox. 

We wrote a book!

After writing online articles for What’s Your Grief
for over a decade, we finally wrote a tangible,
real-life book!

After writing online articles for What’s Your Grief for over a decade, we finally wrote a tangible, real-life book!

What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.

You can find What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss wherever you buy books:

Let’s be grief friends.

We post a new article to What’s Your Grief about once a week. Subscribe to stay up to date on all our posts.

Related Blog Posts

Related Blog Posts

See More

210 Comments on "And Many More: Celebrating a Deceased Loved One's Birthday"

Click here to leave a Comment
  1. Lavina  February 22, 2024 at 3:04 pm Reply

    My closest friend was together with his wife for 20 years and lost her to cancer 5 months ago.. tomorrow is her birthday .. and I just don’t know what to say to him that may help lighten how he feels.. any advice would help immensely.

  2. David F Mediate  December 26, 2023 at 8:44 am Reply

    My mother’s is Flag 🇺🇸 Day June 14th and today December 26th is my dad’s birthday both Born in 1922.

  3. Charlene K M  October 3, 2023 at 11:02 am Reply

    My Mother passed away over 60 some years ago, I was only 11. But God blessed me with a Godly stepmother who raise me to be a Godfearing woman. and now I am a preacher/teacher. My first great granddaughter was born on my mother’s birthday (today) October 3, she is 12 years old. I celebrate every year with her in Memorie of Momma. It brings boteh tears and celebration smiles to my face. Just thanking God today for the many memories.

  4. Norma  September 5, 2023 at 12:36 pm Reply

    My mom passed away July 5 2023. And my dad is having a rough time obviously. But my moms bday is coming up in September 8,2023. I know it would be too much to for my dad to handle to gather people around. .. I don’t want him to be by himself.. what can I do to comfort my dad during this day and holidays?

    4
    • Gillian B  September 6, 2023 at 9:03 pm Reply

      Hi Norma,

      First, I would like to extend condolences to you and your family on your Mom’s recent passing. Spending time with your dad on special days can help with missing your Mom. Whatever is manageable for the both of you and feel free to ask your dad how he may want to spend that day since, as you say, he may not be ready to host a large family gathering.

  5. Lana D  June 19, 2023 at 12:49 pm Reply

    My daughter always did something crazy on her birthday, she passed 3 yrs ago but now i do something crazy for her last year i went parasailing, the year before ziplining, & this year bungee jumping. I feel her spirit with me everytime.

    5
  6. Melba  March 22, 2023 at 11:54 pm Reply

    On dad’s birthday I went to mass. My son and I visited his grave and put a holy statue and some rosary beads on it. I visited a friend of my dad’s and we talked about happy memories of him.

    1
  7. Gwen  March 3, 2023 at 6:29 pm Reply

    My beloved son died at the age of 35 on 12.16.19. He and his wife were never able to have children, but they had a beautiful marriage. I always feel sad that I don’t have a child to hug and kiss that was my son’s, but God had His reasons. My son’s birthday is in October and so his widow always wants to go to the cemetery to visit his grave, say prayers for him, and then go to the last restaurant that he went to a few months before he died. I bought little bubble bottles for everyone to blow bubbles “up to him”.

    2
  8. Penny  March 3, 2023 at 9:43 am Reply

    My daughter Tracy passed away in May 2020, 3 weeks after her 40th birthday and 3 days later it was Mother’s Day so there are a few reasons to dread the date and celebrate at the same time. Because covid prevented us from having a big gathering for her 40th it was just her and I and a cake that I made as I had done every year to celebrate. Now on her birthday I make a donation in her memory to our local animal humane society because she loved animals, we have her dog Wicket as our pet now. Baking a cake is just too painful so we visit a memorial tree garden where my other daughter Lisa had a beautiful sugar maple tree planted in her memory.

  9. Corrina H  February 28, 2023 at 5:03 pm Reply

    today my son asked on our family feed… How many birthdays and which months are in our family so my other daughter-in-law started texting the dates and when I added my dead daughter’s date, she proclaim; WE only celebrate the living’s birthdays in this family….
    well Excuse ME… this is MY family, is it not??? both boys are my DNA. She married into MY family and Tells ME.. we do not want to celebrate Amber’s Birthday.
    well ok…
    I will celebrate Amber’s birthday by myself.

    4
    • Litsa  March 2, 2023 at 12:44 am Reply

      Corrina, I am so sorry that this happened to you and that your DIL doesn’t seem to understand how to support you and your sons staying connected with your daughter. It can be so hard when other family don’t understand what we need in grief, but I hope you are still able to find ways to celebrate and remember your daughter on her birthday – even if it is on your own.

      1
      • Corrina H  March 2, 2023 at 7:21 am

        thank you for your kind words

    • Gwen  March 3, 2023 at 6:34 pm Reply

      I know what you mean. Family members can be the most hurtful, sometimes. I bring up my son and my sister changes the subject. Nothing in the world hurts more than losing you child, but unless you’ve lived it, you don’t understand. I’m sorry that she did that to you. Sometimes, I just go to my son’s grave, with a lawn chair, and sit there and play his favorite country songs, and hymns.

      2
    • Jess  May 27, 2023 at 12:00 pm Reply

      Oh! Hell no! That was rude, disrespectful, and inconsiderate! I lost my brother and I just lost my mom and I’m currently trying to figure out what exactly do I want to do for her birthday. I celebrated my brothers birthday the last 3 years. I’m sorry! For her comment. Allow her legacy to continue to live on. I wish you the best!

  10. Kaylibmanser11@outlook.com  February 10, 2023 at 8:39 pm Reply

    Hello . I’m wondering what to do with my wife and her grieving her mother. Her mother has been past for almost 8 months now. She’s talked to a counselor once. She said it went well but hasn’t continued. As the time continues she continues to become more and more angry with life. Is there something I can do to change or help with this anger of hers ?

  11. Daniel  September 24, 2022 at 11:48 am Reply

    Next weekend, Saturday would be my moms birthday. My older sister has been saying for the last 6 months that she will travel down to me and we will go to the garden of remembrance to lay flowers and remember mom together.
    I spoke to my sister yesterday on the phone and she said she is not able to come Saturday as she’s having her annual flu jab!!! I said to her, when she was offered that date she could have said ‘ sorry I’m doing something Saturday’ or she could have changed the date, I’m pretty sure the pharmacy or doctors surgery wherever she is having the flu jab at would understand and offer an alternative day and time? She would not listen and said ‘She cannot come down that’s it.
    I am understandably upset. She does not seem to care or see how important this is for me. She’s not been down for past 2 years due to lockdown/covid restrictions. Now that’s all been lifted this year. A friend is thinking she either is making an excuse, as she said she could have a flu jab anytime.

    1
  12. Celia  August 18, 2022 at 7:47 pm Reply

    My beloved son Francisco, passed away in March 10th, 2022 in a fatal motorbike accident, Francisco was only 20 years old. This pain is endless and it’s killing me inside slowly…I cook and set up the table for 2…but my boy isn’t come home anymore 💔

    My son’s birthday is next month September 22nd and I don’t know what to do on that day…I don’t have a place to go, talk and stay with my son because against my wishes my son was cremated so I did a memorial where my son passed…not everyone understands why I go there and lay flowers but not everyone has lost a child..

    10
  13. Altha A  August 17, 2022 at 4:10 pm Reply

    A great piece of article with the best information.

    3
  14. Jimbards  August 8, 2022 at 3:42 am Reply

    It’s a week out and I am already getting the waves of grief out. Our 19y/o son passed last Sept 23rd, his 20th birthday would have been this upcoming Saturday, August 13th, 2022. Nothing has been normal about the past year, and Saturday morning, on HIS day, when I get off work (I work night shift), I hope to be the first to his site in the morning, and will be bringing a cake with me, in sealed Tupperware, of course. Will have a piece with him, and leave the rest for his mother (we have been divorced for years) and friends, as I am sure they will be stopping by throughout the day. The more I think about it, the sadder it makes me. The madder it makes me (he was a hit and run victim). Miss him horribly. 🙁

    25
    • Monica J  August 9, 2022 at 7:35 am Reply

      I know how you feel my 19 year old son passed away in his sleep 3 years ago from natural causes. I have no one to be mad at but I miss him oh so dearly. His birthday is September 2

      11
      • Raven  June 15, 2023 at 12:35 pm

        I just want to be alone and away from everyone and everything because mom just died and now it’s her birthday. All the family wants to be together and now I am the bad guy so I will have to be there with everyone “celebrating” her life. That’s great for them but it will be pure agonizing hell for me and they don’t care.

  15. Becky  May 19, 2022 at 5:10 pm Reply

    In honor of our mother’s 100th birthday, we decorated the stairs at our family cabin at a Minnesota lake that she had purchased in 1983 and still remains in our family. She loved it dearly as a place to gather and entertain her 4 siblings, many nieces and nephews as well as her 6 children and 12 grandchildren. It is “just a cabin” and definitely nothing fancy, but much beloved by all. She always encouraged each person to follow their dreams through education and was proud of each person’s academic achievements. We gathered window decals from all the colleges and universities family members had graduated from and placed them on the risers of each of the stairs. It is unique and a reminder or her love of education.

    11
    • Rich S  June 13, 2022 at 2:35 pm Reply

      Our oldest son passed away 22 years ago, every year on his birthday we have our youngest son over with his four children and now their husbands and wives we have a family favorite meal with cake, and each one of us release a balloon with a written message, 22 years and it seems like yesterday.

      7
      • Litsa  June 15, 2022 at 11:54 am

        There is nothing more distorted than time after a death – how it can feel like yesterday and also forever, all at once. I’m so glad that you all have carried on this tradition and carried it on with your younger son’s children. Beyond being able to remember and honor him together, it sets such an important example for kids to know that we grieve, honor, and remember loved ones forever!

        7
  16. Tree S.  April 15, 2022 at 1:22 pm Reply

    My 23 yr old son passed away in May 2018. His favorite place to eat was Taco Bell. If he got to pick, no matter what the occasion was, it was always Taco Bell. Every year we invite his friends and family to dinner at Taco Bell for his birthday. We know that we will all continue to share a special bond with each other and with our sweet boy. Loved forever, gone too soon.

    14
    • Jamie  March 9, 2023 at 12:41 am Reply

      I too lost my 23 year old son in 2020. To an automobile accident. Missing him n memories never leave me. We have 3 other children we need to live for. Love you mama…he would alwAys tell me. A prayer for you to live on and honor your son.

      2
  17. Amanda  March 16, 2022 at 6:31 pm Reply

    For the first birthday after my son passed last year he would have been celebrating his sweet 16. It was just a few month after his tragic passing from Covid and the world was still amidst the height of the pandemic. For his sweet 16th birthday, the first where we were apart we built a LittleFreeLibrary in his memory and honor and opened it with a ribbon cutting on his birthday.

    It was special and a perfect way to celebrate with him.

    23
    • Litsa  March 18, 2022 at 2:07 pm Reply

      Ah, what a lovely way to honor him!

      4
  18. S e n d y r e i f m a n  February 1, 2022 at 10:59 pm Reply

    My brother Edward with me died on December 24th his birthday was your birthday was January 10th

    2
  19. Christi Hunziker  November 30, 2021 at 10:27 am Reply

    I lost my mom 7 months ago today (April 30. 2021) and it has been extremely challenging. She was my very best friend in life and everyone has been angry that I’m not “over” losing her, so I’ve been going through this heavy grief alone. Her birthday is December 6th and I’m struggling with coping with that day. I wish I could visit her grave but she is buried in another state so I am going to a local cemetery to honor those I don’t even know and place flowers on their graves. Is that strange? I want to honor her because she is priceless to me but I also feel like I can’t breathe knowing I can’t talk to her, hear her beautiful voice and tell eachother I love a hundred times before we hang up then text silly I love you memes for the next hour. Blessings to you all.

    18
    • Leigh  February 18, 2022 at 12:51 am Reply

      Christi, don’t let anyone rush you in your grief. Grief is a very long process, with ebbs, flows, triggers and lots of things in between. And the first year is the most difficult No, you don’t want to remain “stuck” in your grief. But neither do you want to move forward too quickly (which isn’t healthy, either.). And quite frankly, these peoples’ expectations of you are completely unrealistic! She was your MOTHER, for crying out loud!…not some random person you hardly knew! (And, I typically find that the people who think these things – that you should be “over it by now“ – have never lost someone close to them. So they just “don’t know what they don’t know”. When they do lose a loved one, the lightbulb goes off and they then “get it“.).

      I lost my Mom 8 years ago. I have read that losing our mom is one of the most difficult people in our lives to lose: we came from our mothers, and our mothers played many crucial roles in our lives (nurturer, cheerleader, friend, counselor, nurse etc..). We have to grieve each of those roles that our moms played. One of the best things that helped me with my grief – and everything that comes with losing a loved one – is GriefShare. It’s a grief support group that is offered nationwide. I can’t recommend it enough…to EVERYBODY. It is incredibly validating and empowering. (So much so, that I began leading my local class.). No one has to talk if they don’t want to. Sometimes, showing up for class is the only thing you have the strength to do. And that’s OK. You’re surrounded by people who completely understand. They also have a great Facebook page, if you want to check them out first. You can punch in your ZIP Code on their website to see where/when classes in your area are being offered. Many people take the class multiple times, as they are in different stages of grief each time and get something different out of it each time.
      You keep grieving the way you need to, and don’t let anybody rush you. Know that it will get easier, especially if you participate in something like GriefShare. And for what it’s worth, I love your idea of placing flowers at local gravesites. My Mom is unfortunately buried in a different state as well, and you have given me a good idea!! God bless you and hang in there.
      [Websites redacted by admins – google griefshare]

      6
    • Rich S  June 13, 2022 at 2:39 pm Reply

      That never ceases to amaze me, when people say you need to get over it, like you have the flu or something, you can get over the flu you don’t get over the loss of a loved one, you just learn how to live with it a little better each day.

      7
    • Rich S  October 23, 2022 at 9:31 pm Reply

      When somebody tells me I need to get over the death of my son I tell them,”you get over a common cold, or even the flu, you don’t get over the loss of a loved one. Although they won’t quite grasp that right now, but they will when they lose a loved one. GUARANTEED

      4
    • Pema Catherina DaCunha  December 6, 2022 at 11:25 am Reply

      My late mother too shared the same birthdate as your dear mother

      Happy Heavenly Birthday to your beloved mother as angels sing to her today

      Best regards

    • Kelly  January 9, 2023 at 7:55 pm Reply

      My mom died 4 months ago, and her birthday is coming up on the 15th of January. I had spent the last 5 months of her life as her caretaker, and although I knew she was sick when she died it was so sudden, I still haven’t quite stopped spinning from it all. I miss her so damned much, and I feel lost and alone most times. I had completely flipped my life upside down to take care of her and I am so grateful I was able to do that for her and that we had that time together, but now I just don’t know what to do or where to turn next. I want to honor her for her birthday and every day and I’m hoping I can figure out the best way to do that. Thanks for your post I hate that anyone feels as horribly as I do and I am guessing you do, but I do take comfort in knowing I’m not as alone as I feel. And I think that visiting other graves is an extremely beautiful and honorable thing to do, I didn’t know her but I can only imagine how proud your mom would be that her daughter is such an amazing loving person

  20. Roslyn  November 16, 2021 at 6:53 am Reply

    This is a beautiful way not only to honor and remember your dad, but also to prepare your child for the ultimate facing of loss. I hope this makes sense, but for your child to grow up witnessing you dealing with such a painful sad experience in such a positive way and showing that as long as we remember our loved ones are never completely gone. I think that you should consider how you celebrated his birthday when he was alive. Recreate some of your favorite birthday traditions and share your favorite memories of him.

    P.S. consider writing down those favorite memories as you think of them and look back at them on his birthday.

    3
  21. Amy  September 26, 2021 at 10:56 pm Reply

    I lost my father when I was 11. I’m 34 now & gave birth to my first baby earlier this year. My dad’s birthday is coming up & id like to start a tradition for us to celebrate his birthday to help her/us feel close to him. I know she’s too young right now to know but I’m keen on starting this year. Any ideas as to what we could do?

    12
  22. Bonnie  September 6, 2021 at 9:21 am Reply

    In January 2022 our mother will have turned 100. We decided to get together as a family to celebrate as a family. Anybody have any other suggestions on what to do?

    2
    • Litsa  September 14, 2021 at 10:01 am Reply

      Some popular ideas are making her favorite foods, wearing her favorite color, going somewhere that she loved, sharing favorite photos and memories, playing her favorite music, sharing the lessons she taught you that you still carry on.

      5
  23. Eugene Morelli  August 5, 2021 at 3:40 pm Reply

    My brother’s birthday is New Year’s Eve. Every year since he passed (20 now) I go to the cemetery with mine and his friends. We drink a beer in his honor, light candles and share memories.

    I have never missed a year, even when I was sick. I hope to continue doing this for as many years as I live.

    This year, I hope to have a reunion party. It will be the 30th anniversary of my brother turning 21. We had the most epic party then, we still talk about it.

    10
  24. Melinda Aguilar  July 30, 2021 at 5:32 pm Reply

    My dad passed October 2020. His birthday is August 27 along with my baby brother. They’ve always celebrated together. What do we do. My brother finally decided he wanted to celebrate his birthday and we want to honor our father also. This is our first year without him. He would’ve been 76 and brother is turning 36.

    12
    • TA  August 28, 2022 at 12:44 am Reply

      Today is August 27, my mother’s birthday, too. She would have been 80 today, but she only made it to 77. We ordered food from her favourite restaurant and I wore her flannel shirt. Blessings to your family today.

      2
  25. Dana  March 20, 2021 at 1:50 pm Reply

    My husband passed away in Oct 2019. We had to cancel his Celebration of Life because of Covid. His 64th birthday will be in May. Would it be “weird” to have “When I’m (he should be) 64” birthday celebration. He loved the Beatles.

    11
    • Wendy  March 26, 2021 at 12:43 am Reply

      Absolutely not weird at all. No rules whatsoever, honor him anyway you’d like and ways he would appreciate. Enjoy as he would like you to.

      5
    • sue  April 25, 2021 at 11:34 pm Reply

      Hello I think it would be wonderful to play this song; I am sending you all my best wishes Susan

      3
    • Jeanne  February 25, 2022 at 12:59 pm Reply

      My brother was cremated beginning of February and his wife wants to bury him on his birthday which is April 12. I don’t think that is a good idea. I want to have happy thoughts of his birthday each year and not sad thoughts of him being buried on the same day. Please answer what you think. Thank you

      6
      • Lia  March 24, 2022 at 11:07 am

        Jeanne, I agree with you it’s not a good idea. My daughter passed away and it just so happened that her memorial / funeral was on my husband’s and my first anniversary. Honestly, we figured since the date of her death was several days prior to that, we could keep the two events separate. But no matter how much we tried, we can’t keep the two events separate. It does color our anniversary with sadness. It’s been 7 years which hasn’t made a difference.

        5
  26. Kim Sheppard  February 12, 2021 at 5:12 pm Reply

    My so passed away on 12/24/20@33
    And I am lost and his birthday is may4 and not sure what to do he have somany friends and family that he left here on earth and 6young kids . so please help…

    6
    • Isabelle Siegel  February 17, 2021 at 12:49 pm Reply

      Kim, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could help… I wish I could do something to magically take the pain away. Unfortunately, sometimes we must allow ourselves to feel the pain in order to find a way through it. That said, you might find it helpful to reach out to a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. All the best to you.

      5
    • Shenitra Lawston  May 14, 2021 at 1:08 pm Reply

      Hello Kim I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my son October 25, 2020 at the age of 22 and I will be celebrating his birthday by buying a cake, making wishes to see him in heaven one day, and just throwing a small party. We can always cherish the good times!

      5
    • Kaila  July 22, 2022 at 3:21 pm Reply

      Kim,
      I also lost my so Nov. 6 2020, he was 29 and we both had 8 & 9 yr old little girls. Him being the reason my daughter and I even know his family I was nervous wanting to plan something for all
      His family to come to, with him not being there. I planned a simple lantern release outside his grandmothers house since it was a common place we all gathered on holidays and there was open space. A simple as I thought I was being, everything that could have went wrong did. At the last minute people decided to text me informing me that the lanterns were actually illegal to release and it wasn’t a good idea. Then, when I said okay I’ll get balloons, they said It’s not good for the environment. Angry at that point I didn’t care nor did I have time to come up with anything else so I rushed to party city, bought 30 green balloons, had zero time to get ready and arrived late to a crowd of people all waiting for me. To top it off they all mingled their way inside his grandmothers house which was not at all discussed between us so I felt like I had just bombarded her with a burden of needing to feed and entertain all these people until I got there. I was having a mental breakdown from the moment I got that first text up until it was over basically and everyone left. During the balloon release I was so distracted and frantic I didn’t get to feel the moment for what it was. I honestly felt nothing because my head was not where my heart was. I was ready for the night to be over so I could go be alone and cry about this whole mess and cry about missing him on his birthday. I wished I had never tried to plan anything. I spent the day stressing out and not on him. The only reason I don’t fully regret it is because i know that even though it was chaos for me and I felt cheated of getting to have that moment, I know that a lot of the people there DID. So In a weird way I sacrificed my opportunity to find closure on his birthday in order for some of the people there to have theirs. And I know they will remember the moment for years to come. This past may he would’ve turned 31. (2nd birthday without him) my only plan was to go watch the sunset somewhere and be alone and that’s what i did. I didn’t need or want anyone around me and no expectations from me. That’s how I plan to spend the rest of his birthdays.

      4
  27. BIKI  February 9, 2021 at 9:58 pm Reply

    My 12 year old son passed away 10 months ago and the next month on the 8th of March would be his 13th birthday…I’m already freaking out and not sure what to do I need ideas please help

    11
  28. Gillian  January 31, 2021 at 2:36 am Reply

    My Mom passed away on August 31,2019 and our dear ferret Dora passed away in March 2020. My Mom’s 78th birthday would have been this week and our dear ferret Dora’s bday is coming up on Tuesday and I have been feeling so very sad that I wasn’t able to do anything to commemorate my mom on her birthday as I had to work. This weekend I have been hit by a tsunami of grief which has made me not sleep well have bad stomachs aches and make me cry over everything. My husband had his birthday today and although we had a good day together he was a bit depressed and I was sad I couldn’t seem to help him since I have been feeling so sad myself. I feel like the world around me wants me to hurry up and move on and I can’t as these significant days keep blindsiding me I worry I am going to be more of a wreck if something happens to my Dad or Husband.

    6
    • Isabelle Siegel  January 31, 2021 at 10:40 am Reply

      Gillian, I’m so sorry to hear that you were forced to endure two losses in such a short period of time. It’s only normal that their birthdays would trigger a grief response. I recommend you check out this article about the physical symptoms associated with grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com/physical-grief-symptoms/ It’s unfortunately so common to feel pressure to move on… but know that you need to follow your own timeline and give yourself the space to grieve. Have you tried speaking to your husband about all of this? Perhaps you would also find it helpful to speak to a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. All the best to you.

      5
  29. Lenna  January 19, 2021 at 11:32 pm Reply

    It’s my dads 50th birthday today , he died 3 months ago today also , i love you him so much and i miss him more than anything but he’s never coming back and it’s so hard

    5
    • Isabelle Siegel  January 22, 2021 at 10:59 am Reply

      Lenna, I’m so sorry for your loss. I imagine his birthday is bringing up a lot of difficult emotions… and that’s okay! What you’re feeling is normal and valid. You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-grief-feel-like/ All the best to you.

      1
  30. Anne  November 14, 2020 at 1:52 pm Reply

    How about lighting a colorful candle on her birthday that signifies empowerment of one’s memories long after the passing for the eternal flame of one’s birth to be lingering and to remember the good things we done for her on her birthday as a celebration of her life? For example my mom’s birthday is today and the anniversary of her birth if she were to live at age 84 is next year. She passed away at age 79 in 2017 from a lengthy illness including end stage dementia

    4
  31. Shirley  October 20, 2020 at 11:11 pm Reply

    My mom passed away 7 years ago, this will be her 7th heavenly birthday. I, along with my 4 brothers and friends celebrate her life twice a year…. her birthday and the day she took her last breathe. This year, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to celebrate. Things have changed I have 2 beautiful babies now and me and my brothers don’t have the best sibling relationship. My uncle suggested that I just reminisce and think about the memories. The celebrations are always at my house. But deep down inside it wouldn’t feel right not to celebrate, so on October 22, we will celebrate what would’ve been our mothers 60th birthday!!!! We will always, always, always celebrate my mothers life together!

    5
  32. Melanie Mendez  April 4, 2020 at 7:47 pm Reply

    I lost my father January, 2020. His birthday is April 21. I asked my friend why do people celebrate birthdays after their deceased. Iim glad i read this because it answered and cleared alot for me. I thank you for this. I will be celebrating my dads birthday because he did exist and he was a loving, caring, humble man. He deserves to be remembered.

    12
    • Heather Halperin  April 14, 2020 at 6:02 am Reply

      I lost my Mom Nov 12 2019 of last year. Her birthday, my moms, is April 21st as well. Praying for us and this day. Just wanted to write bc that’s my moms birthday too. ??

      6
      • Julie  August 10, 2020 at 10:19 am

        my mom passed away five years ago in June her birthday is August 10th which is today every year I still throw her a birthday party I call it Joyce’s Birth-day remembrance celebration and every year between 16 and 27 people show up to celebrate my mother and her life with me.
        And in doing this in some way makes me feel better in knowing that all these people loved my mom and 5 years later still take the time to come and celebrate her life with me

        8
  33. Iffah  April 2, 2020 at 4:15 am Reply

    Hey, thanks for posting these.
    Any advance birthday wish for angry best friend?

  34. ibrahim  April 1, 2020 at 8:46 pm Reply

    these all are old try to update more …

    2
  35. ibrahim  April 1, 2020 at 8:45 pm Reply

    these all are old try to update more

  36. Ameena  April 1, 2020 at 5:45 am Reply

    so beautiful, I wanna throw a surprise birthday party for my friend what should I do now ,any suggestion ?

    1
  37. Nick  February 17, 2020 at 10:34 pm Reply

    Nice article. Thanks for sharing. I actually have had a challenging day today, my late Grandpa’s Birthday. He died last year. All I wanted was to watch his favorite soccer team that happened to be playing on his birthday this year. I spent the day doing errands, stuff for other people and hanging out with another family. I’m sad and angry and don’t have anyone to really talk to about it. I feel like I missed spending time remembering him and being with him on his birthday.

    4
  38. Jeffrey Irwin  January 10, 2020 at 2:29 pm Reply

    I have read a lot of the above messages and feel everyone’s pain. I lost both my Mom and Dad within 15 months. Mom Feb 2017, and Dad in May of 2018. I had somewhat of a rocky relationship over the last few years. I was not speaking with them at the time of my mother’s passing. This included my siblings. I was informed of her death, but did not feel like I would have been welcomed at the funeral. I did start having phone conversations with Dad a few months later. Dad then passed away. But I was lucky enough to have seen him a week before. Attending his funeral was both difficult as well as a healing part of my grief. The guilt I felt, and still feel about not being around will be with me for the remaining time I am on this earth. Dec 2020 will be Dad’s 100th Birthday. I recently sent a message to my remaining siblings stating that I wanted to celebrate with all of them Dad’s milestone. I was surprised by the positive responses. My initial thoughts were to maybe plant a tree. My belief is that they do not need anything where they are. But the rituals help us living continue to process the loss. I believe in celebrating all special days after our loved one pass. Their memories will live on in our hearts. Until we are all reunited.
    Holidays are difficult. Mom’s Birthday is Christmas day. But I relish in the thought that she is where she wants to be on her Birthday.
    Love and prayers for all through your difficult journey’s.
    Jeff

    7
  39. Luis A Camarena  December 27, 2019 at 12:12 pm Reply

    My 69 year old paternal grandfather passed away on February 7, 2019 from kidney failure after a grueling fight in the ICU. He would have been 70 years old today. I am going to remember my grandfather’s birthday by visiting him in the cemetery, grilling at my house, and looking at pictures of his life. He was a great man! I have countless memories with him that I will always remember, like being in Disneyland together, the beach, and the movie theater. He always cared for his family and always wished us the best. I wish I could spend time with my grandfather today, but me, as the oldest grandchild, will today remember and honor him in the best way possible.

    4
  40. Victoria W Pinner  November 10, 2019 at 12:42 pm Reply

    My 14 year old nephew / Godson passed away last month. He would have been 15 this coming December 19. I have decided to remember my nephew’s birthday to my sister, his mother, by ordering her lime green penguin earrings made out of legos. Lukes 3 favorite things were the color lime green, penguins and legos. I will give this to her on his 15th birthday next month.

    8
  41. Elizabeth  November 3, 2019 at 11:46 pm Reply

    I lost my daddy earlier this year. I planned a trip out of town to the beach the week of his birthday. My family and I made strawberry shortcakes for dessert that night and sang him happy birthday. My husband thought it was really pointless and stupid. He says I’m not doing myself any favors by celebrating or holding onto anything. I just don’t see why we have to stop celebrating even if it makes us sad. I don’t want it to be a day where I pretend nothing happened or a day I dread. Even though I hurt, I want to still celebrate that day. It might have brought tears to my eyes when we were all singing, but I still find a way to celebrate that day. I never missed one birthday, even when I was on crutches in a boot all the way up to my knee. I still managed to visit him on his birthday and bring cupcakes and gifts. I’m glad too, because that was his last birthday.

    6
  42. Maria Valdez  October 29, 2019 at 8:51 am Reply

    My son’s birthday is in 3 days, November 1st. He would have been turning 12 years old. I only had him in my life for 1 week. I was 20. Each year gets harder. Especially around his birthday. I do not have any kids yet, only nieces and nephews. My sister is pregnant right now and is getting induced Nov. 4th, 3 days after my son’s birthday. Does anyone know why it gets harder on birthdays? I tell myself it’s all in my head, but the pain gets harder and harder each year around their birthday. I feel so alone, surrounded by family and friends, but empty. I’ve never written on a forum, I just hope to hear something, anything that makes sense.

    4
    • Nikki Jo Mudgett  November 22, 2019 at 4:00 pm Reply

      I can’t even image what you feel. Being with your son for a week then him just passing. :*( You aren’t alone in the world. And, never did anything wrong. I Have tears as I type this, as well as I was reading your post. I never comment on posts, but something inside me was telling me to. I didn’t go through the same thing as you, but miscarried at 7 weeks. When I went into for the check up, the doctor couldn’t find the babies heart beat. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t cry, and just looked as if I were like “whatever.” Then I had to get a D&C. Well, the Dr. didn’t it all out, so I had to have a SECOND D&C. Which made it even worse. My rage, sadness, depression, every emotion was within me. I blamed myself. Thinking what didn’t my body do wrong. What did I do wrong? Was I too stressed for those 7 weeks? If you can think of a question a woman can think of while being pregnant I thought of it. The next year in a half was hell. But, nothing compared to having your child in front of you and then losing them.
      I felt the same way when I was 29. Then I joined a dating site, and met a few losers. Then one guy emailed me telling me all about his life. Not just a “hi” being straight forward he had 2 kids. And, I found out he lived in same city and not even a mile from where I lived. And, I’ve been with him for 10 years and I have a 7 year old now. I have LOTS of emotional issues and epilepsy and he accepts it all. So you know what, NEVER EVER give up. Because you know what, everyone has their match. Seems like it’s always the opposite of what your personality is. I have a nasty @$$ temper and he is this chill cucumber. Just keep in mind, they may not be the best looking on the outside, but get to know them on the inside first. Then the outside becomes even more attractive. Good luck to you honey! Never stop celebrating your sons birthday ok? Keep his memory alive, he will always be apart of you.

      3
    • Syn30  December 2, 2019 at 11:44 am Reply

      My son was murdered by his blood cousin in 2017. The cousin has not been charged even though everyone know who did it. The detective keeps saying they need an eye witness to testify even though several people have called crime stoppers.
      My sons birthday is December 23rd and he will be 24. I agree with you, birthdays are the hardest, his as well as mine. I am trying to figure out what I am going to do for him this year. I think planning his birthday parties help keep me busy. I will never stop celebrating his birthday. As long as I am able to, I will with no regret, excuses or apologies.

      2
    • Deb  February 14, 2021 at 12:20 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. Everyone experiences grief differently, but I know from a loss of my own that those 2 days, the day of loss and the birthday, will forever be hard. They say that time heals all wounds, but not this one. It seems to get harder each year and I think that it because it’s been longer since we had them in our lives. Let the people who love you be there for you. Celebrate his life because as short as it was, he served a purpose on Earth.

      1
  43. Anne  October 17, 2019 at 1:35 pm Reply

    I stopped celebrating my birthday this year especially after the passing of my mother two years ago.. I still celebrate my mom’s birthday by visiting her at the cemetery and reminisce about the joys and the blessings of what mom meant to me and for these years missing her when she was sick. As a token of her love, I buy a birthday card, read poetry and share some visions I been having with her. I will remember her kind words, her loving advices and some great times we had together as a remarkable mother -daughter bond that I am fiercely trying to protect with pride. My dad is now already remarried but nothing can take my mom away from me, not even her illness . I will remain indebted to my mom as I plan to celebrate my birthday in 2011.

    1
  44. Bonnie Holloway  October 13, 2019 at 11:19 am Reply

    We lost my only child, our only son to undiagnosed heart disease (ARVD/C) in April 2007. His first manifestation was his sudden death. He was an adult, engaged to be married and had built a successful construction company. We celebrated the first five birthdays with a camping, jeeping, four wheeling and barbecue event at the camping area where he died. He was camping with friends when his journey on earth ended. We raised funds for the Johns Hopkins ARVD Research program.
    We continue to celebrate his life every October 27th. Last year, his cake said, “Your cake misses you”. His life continues if only in memories. We ended up adopting children to fill the quiet in our life. They celebrate their brothers life too.

    5
  45. Patricia Walker  August 13, 2019 at 3:26 pm Reply

    We lost our dearly loved mammy,granny ,great granny and great great granny 8 year ago on the 26th October 2012…..She was 92…..this year my older sisters ,my daughters and our nieces will celebrate her100th birthday on the 29th of August…….my grandson was born the night before my mammy’s funeral…..he thinks he knows her and misses her because we all talk about her so often…….we will eat drink and talk all day and night about our mammy and celebrate the life that she had ……the very fact we all knew and loved her is a gift in its self…………we will have photos balloons in place as well….its a life worth celebrating for us.

    2
  46. ritchel  August 9, 2019 at 5:47 am Reply

    Hi all,
    I find this page very helpful. My husband passed away last Nov. 03, 2018 at the age of 41 (due to extraskeletal sarcoma) a day before my birthday Nov. 04. I was left totally blank and cannot imagine how to continue living in a foreign land. With regards to this topic, celebrating birthdays, anniversaries and some significant dates are somehow a very painful event. My husband’s birthday was June 16, he will be 42 now (in heaven) it marks our 2nd year wedding anniversary too, which is also a lot to contain (it breaks my heart). We only had short moments together as everything was so fast, getting to know each other, having the bad news of cancer relapse, treatments, wedding and treatments on and on until he stopped breathing. I only had 3 birthday years with him and I try to make it as special and memorable as it can be regardless if we are in the hospital, it was indeed. This year marks his 1st birthday in heaven, I find it a bit odd to do something on his day as I don’t have any idea how to celebrate it, but somehow still manage to survive the day, I asked family and friends to release a balloon (though not so an environmentally friendly thing). I was happy that I did it, it was a mixture of emotions. I am always been reminded of what he told me from the very beginning of our relationship up to now-you must learn the hard way!-yes indeed, the hard way, but I have faith, life will be rough at times and no one knows and nobody told us that it is easy!
    ritchel 🙂

    4
    • Julia  September 16, 2019 at 11:26 pm Reply

      Thank you very much for sharing this. I am so sorry for your loss.

      1
  47. Olga  August 8, 2019 at 7:30 pm Reply

    I am coming up to my mum’s birthday next month in September and am already feeling mix of grief and pangs of dread.
    I think of this time last year and how we celebrated it, even though she was ill. Our birthdays were special, her’s on the 15th and mine on the 26th. So I will have double reasons next month to be acutely aware of her absence, and the terrible sadness it brings me.
    So I am on here to search for the right thing to do to honour her- visit her grave and spend a quiet few moments, go for a walk, buy her favourite cake and light candles, go out for dinner with small family gathering to celebrate it, raise a glass to her-there are so many options.
    But I am very sad you see because we were so very close. I was the baby you see, and she announced that to everyone we’d meet even though I am in my 30s (I secretly loved it).
    The fact is I loved her and she loved me, she showed me nothing only love all my life. I don’t think there is any greater reassurance than that in life.
    Now that she’s gone, I miss the four phone calls I made every day to check in on her, I miss visiting at weekends, opening a bottle of wine, watching a movie and a good old chat. I miss everything, and everything is made harder by her absence.
    I only hope she is in a better place, free from the worries and pain of the world, with her family and friends, gone before her.
    It will be a sad day I know, with little moments of joy sprinkled in. Hopefully she will be with us in spirit whatever we choose to do. A special mammy-stays with you forever, and I hope she’s always by my side ❤️ xx

    2
  48. Jennifer  July 31, 2019 at 4:49 pm Reply

    My husband passed last year (2018) in January. On his first birthday after that (end of July), some close friends invited me over for dinner. That helped. This year on his birthday, I took 2 of his shirts & made a pillow for an uncle of his that he was very close to who will be visiting me soon. That felt like a good way to both honor my husband and feel closer to him. I have also done fund raising the past 2 years in his name for an animal welfare cause that we both supported. Birthdays, anniversaries, death anniversaries, holidays… there are so many days that are difficult. I’m going to read through the ideas here to see which ones might be helpful.

    2
  49. Alyssa  July 18, 2019 at 11:29 am Reply

    my brother’s birthday is on July 20th and I still cant believe he is gone. He was killed in a car crash at the age of 19. I shouldn’t be older than him right now. He was my big brother. We make a cake every year for his bday.

    1
    • Julia  September 16, 2019 at 11:29 pm Reply

      Thank you very much for sharing with us…I am very sorry for your loss.

      1
  50. Abbie Nunez  June 1, 2019 at 7:21 pm Reply

    My Grandfather died on December 31, 2018. His death has been so hard on my family but me especially, because when I knew him he was always sick. His birthday is this month and I dread the upcoming day. I miss him so much and I can’t even go into the city that he lived in without crying. He always told me that he would dance with me on my wedding day. I can’t imagine Christmas with him gone.

    1
  51. Joann  May 31, 2019 at 9:38 pm Reply

    Good comments. I like the acts of kindness idea but it doesnt have to be random like taking flowers and donuts to nursing homes. a cake at the graveyard but not sure who can come to that…. In honor of my sweet son bd on June 6th.

    1
  52. Alysoun Mahoney  May 29, 2019 at 3:18 pm Reply

    My husband of 23 years died in an accident 3-1/2 years ago at age 52. Greg’s birthday is June 6, so this is a timely topic for me. I have established a memorial fund in his name, which focuses on the animal rights and vegan causes he and I supported together during his life. Every year a couple weeks before his birthday I do a special fundraising push via email and social media — this, his October death anniversary, and end of year are generally my three major solicitations and the main times when people in our networks do give. The first birthday after his death was a Monday, so in that solicitation I also asked people to do a Meatless Monday in Greg’s honor and to share veg recipes on FB. The second year I hosted a “happy hour” in remembrance of Greg at a vegan restaurant in NYC, where he had worked for many years — and that event was overall successful, though as always with these things there were some people who had been close in life who were disappointing no-shows. The third year I didn’t do any special celebration on the precise day, and this year I don’t have any such event planned either. However, PETA presents an annual animal rescue award named for Greg around the time of his birthday each year, and thus far it has always been part of a fun event with food and drinks.

    2
  53. Tracy Scheel  May 29, 2019 at 10:04 am Reply

    Today is mom and dad’s anniversary. They never spent an anniversary apart, as mom passed on 6-12-16, and dad on 1-23-17. I hope they are polka dancing in heaven today.

  54. Johanna  May 24, 2019 at 12:43 am Reply

    I miss and love you both,Mom and dad. You left me far too soon. I’m 50 now. I’ve been Missing you for 30 years. Happy birthday dad. May 24th. And happy belated birthday mom. Yours was April 23rd. Till we meet again xoxoxo

    1
  55. Johanna  May 24, 2019 at 12:21 am Reply

    Happy birthday dad. I lost you when I was 20 years old. Then I lost my mom, 10 years later. Her birthday was on April 23rd. So happy birthday to you both. I miss you every day.

    1
  56. julie Appelt  May 21, 2019 at 10:02 am Reply

    My sister, S’s birthday is tomorrow. She was 57 when she died June 13, 2018. She was hit by a distracted driver. My brother in law has asked that we go to her grave for a “snack” (we used this word 🙂 and then will go to her favorite sushi restaurant for dinner. My sister had 2 kids. My niece/her daughter has a 3 year old and was pregnant with her 2nd child when “S” died. I’ve decided that I will buy a birthday gift from my sister/GramGram for each of her grandchildren/my great niece & nephew. Nothing extravagant but a birthday gift on her day to her grandkids. I’ll also bring flowers and a bottle of pink champagne to her grave to celebrate the wonderful person she was…we will never forget her. I miss her so very much…

    3
  57. Julie Appelt  May 21, 2019 at 9:52 am Reply

    Tomorrow is my sister’s birthday, she was 57. This will be the first birthday without her. She died June 13, 2018 when she was hit by a distracted driver. My brother in law has asked that we go visit her grave- have a “snack” (we used that word) and then are going to her favorite sushi restaurant for dinner. I was unsure how I wanted to approach this first birthday without her. She had two children. Her daughter/My niece has a 3 year old, and was 6 months pregnant with her 2nd child when my sister died. I’ve decided to buy a birthday gift from my sister for my great niece and great nephew in honor of their “GramGram”/my sister’s birthday. I’ll also bring flowers and a bottle of pink champagne to her grave so we can toast her. I miss her so much! I’m glad I found this website -it has helped and given me a new perspective on how to approach this special day.

    1
  58. Kelly  May 14, 2019 at 12:22 am Reply

    My son (J) died from suicide on Aug. 30, 2018, he was 23. His birthday is tomorrow, May 14, and he would have been 24. Holidays have been awful, Mother’s Day was hard even though I do have another son, but he and I are not as close as J and I were. My son’s birthday is causing me terrible anxiety, I miss him more than I can put into words, and I honestly don’t know how to handle it. Although he was cremated and I have his ashes home with, me his name is on a Christmas Angel Box monument and I spread some of his ashes there. I am planning on going there with a card and maybe a balloon or something, and even thinking of going to a movie alone that he would have liked-I’ve never done this before, but feel like it would be good for me and that Ivan handle it. I just know I need to stay busy. I miss him more and more everyday…people say it gets easier, it really doesn’t, there is just a longer period of time that goes by between periods of deep grief, depression and horrible guilt. So J if you can hear me,
    “I LOVE YOU BABY AND HOPE YOU AND T AND CAPTIAN AND JAKESTER ARE HAVING A GREAT DAY. THINKING OF YOU NONSTOP…LOVE AND MISS YOU MORE EVERYDAY! YOU WERE MY ANGEL.”

    6
    • Denise  May 17, 2019 at 4:09 pm Reply

      My 23 year old son died in a similar way just four days after your son. His name also starts with a J, and I have one other son. I was on here looking for ways to celebrate his birthday in June.

      3
      • Jean Piccillo  September 15, 2020 at 3:55 pm

        I am planning a cemetery birthday for my Dad on Oct 3 this year . He would be turning 100 years old. He died in 1984 .
        I will be having balloons and music and cake .He was a very loving and happy Scotch lad. He was only 64 when he died . I’ve missed him everyday for the past 36 years .
        I’ve invited every member of my family to celebrate his like with me.
        I’ll let you know how many decline and actually show up
        Ps
        My daughter thinks this is a dumb idea
        We shall see !!!!!.

        1
    • Tricia  July 5, 2019 at 8:11 am Reply

      Im so sorry ? my husband of 10 years unfortunately took his own life, and I feel it doesn’t get any easier at all! He left behind a 16 year old a 4 year old a step daughter and we shared a grandaughter together. My husband and I have the same birthday as your son may 14th that’s why I just knew he was my soul mate. I feel your pain and I pray ? for our strength. Please take care

      3
    • Marcy  July 22, 2019 at 7:00 pm Reply

      Your note brought tears to my eyes–as I also lost my son in August, 2018. He had several health problems and just could not overcome all of them. Almost all you words resonated in my mind and heart! Especially that it doesn’t get easier–it gets harder as it is longer since I saw him, or heard his voice. My heart breaks daily– like it just happened. Your note was a beautiful expression of your love for him–Thank you for sharing! His birthday is July 25th and I was looking for a way to honor it without falling apart! I like the idea of trees–he loved outdoors–and also loved animals.
      A while back, due to the deaths of my Mother, Father, and two brothers I was trying to find a way to honor their memory. There is a website called FindAGrave where you can enter their obituary and then come back each year for every holiday and anniversary and leave a note and a graphic of some kind. Even create your own “virtual cemetery” of all family members to reference them in one place. Maybe you or someone will like to check on this.
      Thank you for sharing!

      2
  59. Selwyn Robinson  April 26, 2019 at 4:03 am Reply

    The month of May..
    Is one of the hardest month’s in my life,
    7 years ago I lost my mother on the 19th of May, a month before my own birthday.
    Mum’s birthday is the 6th of May followed by Mother’s day.
    October 23rd 2017 I lost my soulmate of 30 years he passed away in front of me as I was performing CPR on him, his birthday is the 3rd of May, he was 54, as you probably can see why the month of May is so hard.
    I read that you learn to deal with it, at this point of time each day that goes by it’s getting harder.
    There are night’s that I ask to let me not wake in the morning so I can be by his side, my last memories of my soulmate is of him laying on the floor in our bedroom waiting for 2 an half hours for the coroner to come and take him from me. Every time I close my eyes , my nightmare starts all over again. I didn’t have a chance to tell him, I love you, see you in the morning, or give him his good night kiss.
    One day soon God will put out his hand for me and I will grab it and not let go until my hand is in the hand or my soulmate

    3
    • Courtney  May 6, 2019 at 10:36 am Reply

      Today is my bestfriend’s 22nd birthday, the first I am celebrating without her. I think it is such a crazy coincidence I happened to stumble upon your comment on a date that is so significant to the both of us. Sending my thoughts and love to you.

      3
  60. CHERYL  March 28, 2019 at 1:02 am Reply

    I’VEJUST CELEBRATED MY DAUGHTER’S FATHER 1ST HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY ON FRIDAY MARCH. 22ND, 2019. E WOULD HAVE BEEN A SIMPLE 35 YEARS OLD. HE WAS TAKEN FROM US IN GUN VIOLENCE. TO MYSURPRISE IT WAS RATHER A VERY EXCITING EVENT FOR MYSELF AND FAMILY MEMEBERS. WE THREW A BIG SHABANG FOR HIM. HIS NAME IS/WAS DEDRIC UPSHUR. ITS BEEN QUITE CRAZY WITHOUT HIM AROUND. I’VE KNOWN HIM SINCE 2010. AND 2014 IS WHEN WE MADE THE OFFICIAL WE ARE TOGETHER MOVEMENT. I JUST REALLY MISS HIM VERY MUCH, AND ALTHOUGH MY DAUGHTER IS A SIMPLE YEAR OLD, SHE POINTS AT THE DIFFERENT ITEMS WITH HIS PICTURE ON IT AND SOMETIMES EVEN PLANTS KISSES ON HIS T SHIRT. DEATH LIKE THIS HAPPENS EVERYWHERE, I JUST NEVER THOUGHT ID BE IN THE SHOES THAT I CURRENTLY AM IN. SO FOR THE PARTY WE ALL DRESSED IN DIFFERENT CLOTHING THAT REPRESENTED HIM. PLAYED ALL HIS FAVORITE MUSIC AND HAD ALL THE MISC ITEMS THAT HE’D HAD IF HE WERE HERE. I DONT KNOW WHOM ALL BELIEVE IN SPIRITS BUT I DO AND I HOPE TO GET A CLEARER VISUAL OF HIM WHEN HE VISITS ME AGAIN.

    2
  61. Robert  March 9, 2019 at 5:59 pm Reply

    My maternal grandfather died unexpectedly of cancer at the age of 79. Obviously death is a difficult time for anyone, but to lose someone in the year right before a milestone birthday should have been celebrated makes it feel even worse.

    The odds of someone dying with their age ending in ‘9’ is literally 10%, meaning that overall statistically is it not that likely at all.

    If he had been, say, 71 when he died, that would have been easier because it is not right before a milestone birthday and there is literally nine years between 71 and the next 0-ended birthday.

    1
  62. Giselle  March 2, 2019 at 12:44 pm Reply

    We celebrated my nieces father’s birthday last night. He died tragically in a motorcycle accident 9 months ago, on his daughters birthday, while on the way to meet us at my moms to sing her happy birthday. Out of a movie right? She turned 7. They were best buddies. We are all still having a hard time with it. My sister and him were no longer together and my sister is married now but they grew to have a wonderful co-parenting relationship. We met at his parents home. He lived with them. You can imagine their emptiness. Since his death his parents, sister, and brother have become important members of our family. We invite them to everything and vice versa. Our grieving has brought us closer. It had made our family even stronger and tighter than we thought was possible. How we all banded together to cope and be there for my niece has been something I can describe as magical and inspiring. His friends and family all gathered last night to celebrate his life, eat some food, sing him happy birthday and eat some cake. He would’ve been 33. My sister gifted their daughter a blanket made of some of his favorite tee-shirts and my cousin and his best friend gifted her a necklace with a photo of her Papí and her together. It was an emotional day for all of us. Writing about it helps so whoever reads this, thank you!

    -gigi

    1
    • Olivia  May 19, 2019 at 9:44 pm Reply

      That’s beautiful that you keep his family involved, and reach out to them

      1
  63. Carolyn  February 20, 2019 at 6:28 pm Reply

    In 1990, with my gone for 10 years, my father invited my brother and my family to Northern California to celebrate his 75th Birthday. We all went, but unknown to him I had the restaurant make him a Birthday Cake with 1/4 or the cake missing, but the cut edges iced and beautiful. Daddy was surprised and I told him, if he want a whole cake that we would need to get together for his 100th Birthday and that I would bake him his favorite yellow cake, with white butter cream frosting sprinkled all over with coconut. Unfortunately Daddy died 2 years later. But, in October 2015 I did bake that cake, added candles and made sure all the family plus grandsons who had not been born on his 75th Birthday were in attendance to celebrate the memory of this wonderful father and grandfather. How he (and my mother) would have loved being involved in the lives of their great grandchildren. I posted a picture of the cake on FaceBook and the number of responses that acknowledged him filled my world for many weeks with a feeling that Daddy was near and I could almost hear him saying “Scoot (his nickname for me), you are something else.”
    So now, when July comes around this year, 2019, I will be wanting to acknowledge the 74 birthday of my husband; the first birthday since I was 19 that he will not be here. He died in September 2018. It will be hard, but I can’t let a day go by without a verbal remembrance to him; it seems saying things out loud keeps the memories closer and clearer in my mind and heart.

    2
  64. Carrie  February 1, 2019 at 10:03 pm Reply

    This article and reading some comments help.
    My husband died this past June and we’re coming up on what would be his 30th birthday– and he’s been making elaborate plans for his 30th birthday for a couple years!!! I can’t believe how much he was looking forward to celebrating! That was just his style 😉
    I’ve been wondering how I can still keep some of his plans- do them with friends and family…. Or if I even should, if it would be too “morbid.” After reading this, I think we should keep it and all celebrate together the life he loved and lived well.❤️

    1
  65. Catherine  February 1, 2019 at 12:43 pm Reply

    I happened upon this page while looking for meaningful ways to mark my father’s centenary (he died six years ago, just before his 94th birthday). I’m pleased to know that I’m not the only one who chooses to remember their lost loved ones on their special day! Peace and comfort to all of you going through a loss.

    1
  66. Davis Wilson  January 21, 2019 at 8:27 am Reply

    I tried to make my daughter a holiday in honor of her birthday, but everything turned out to be crooked and in general the organizer was so-so of me. The next time I already knew that it was better than to have the Internet, I definitely wouldn’t think of it. And instead of “reinventing the bicycle” , I need to take what is ready and in decent shape)
    I liked the ideas of these guys https://bstars.eu/
    because the choice is big. I would like to invite, on her 18th birthday, which famous singer she likes. But again, absolutely not understand this…
    I hope I have a chance to get to know her in 2 years. I really hope to be a good father for her and a reliable support.

  67. Kim  January 9, 2019 at 1:08 pm Reply

    I lost my Husband and a baby in a year in 2017 He’s birthday is in February. I’m going to celebrate his birthday ever year. We were together for 15 Years. Going to get a cupcake with Miami Dolphins colored frosting. I lost my 2 best friends of cancer also. I miss him so much.

    1
    • Kim  January 9, 2019 at 2:15 pm Reply

      He would be 53 this year. I still have trouble driving to places like the river. Are watching movies are TV shows we watched together. Like the Games and Thrones his Favorite episode I haven’t seen it since we watched it together I haven’t seen it since 2017. Also I’m planning to go to Whataburger his favorite place for his birthday. on February 13th his birthday. I’ll wear his Dan Marino number 13 Miami Dolphins Jersey that day. And bring his Miami Dolphins cap and place it on the table where I’ll sit.

      1
      • Victoria  February 13, 2019 at 9:46 am

        Thinking of you today. It’s my dads birthday as well. Hit me harder this year than usual (it’s been 10). Still don’t know what to do with these days.

        1
  68. K.  January 3, 2019 at 12:10 am Reply

    My mom died on May 27, 2018. Her birthday is January 17th. The holidays were brutal, but we survived. Now I’m almost hyperventilating at the mere thought of her birthday coming without her. I don’t know what I’m going to do. This hurts so much.

    • Paul  January 4, 2019 at 3:57 pm Reply

      It’s the worst pain imaginable. I’m sorry you are at this point where you are facing a lot of firsts. Birthday, Christmas, etc, are all terrible.
      I lost my wife in January 2017, and it hurts every day, she was only 55, far too young, and I’m lost without her.
      The first year is the worst, but you will adjust and handle the grief, better.
      It never goes away, you just learn to cope.
      I hope you learn to handle your grief, your mum wouldn’t want you to suffer.
      My very best sincere wishes to you and your family.
      P.

    • KD  January 15, 2019 at 9:01 am Reply

      Hi K!
      I can relate I lost my mom in Feb.2018 and today 1/15 is her birthday. The holidays were not horrible but I felt a big empty hole with out her here. However birthdays were very important and special for us both and this one is a hard one.

      • Brian C.  January 23, 2019 at 11:04 pm

        On the eve of Mom’s birthday (Jan. 24) I remember that today marks 2 years since I last saw her alive after celebrating her 80th birthday…she lived in Ohio and I in Texas. This is part of an extended season of challenges- Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday, then her “death-day” on February 21st. This whole week has been challenging, and once again I will find myself remembering the events of Mom’s last 30 days on Earth…to the ER on the 7th, dealing with infection/sepsis the next 10 days or so, then turning the corner, getting discharged to rehab and apparently cheating death again, only to succumb to it two days after being discharged (cardiac arrest). Coming up on two years next month, she would have been 82 tomorrow. The cold reality of her absence has been especially hard this week. I actually first came across WYG looking for resources for coping with the one-year mark after a close loved-one’s death. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but I am thankful for the time I have had with Mom…not sure what I will do tomorrow but I am planning to go to work. Thank you for the ideas and for this resource where I can encounter people who truly understand what we are going through with this deep grief…

    • Chris  July 28, 2019 at 12:47 pm Reply

      I am the same my mom passed away within 1 week of having pneumonia diagnosed on Friday 26 the Jan 2018 died Friday 2nd Feb 2018 so fast this year will be her second birthday without her 30th July I had just gone 50 years old when she died I thought we would have lots more years left yet I lived with mom nearly all my life apart from about a year and half when I was married but then I divorced and came back home .on moms birthday I will be at the crem on my own with all the memories of all the years but I wish I was giving her cards and presents at home and saying happy birthday mom it is totally heartbreaking also knowing you have to live the rest of your life without her

  69. Baireleigh  December 14, 2018 at 10:05 pm Reply

    My brother died when I was 12, my sister was 8, my brother was 5, and my other brother was 2. He was the youngest, and just 33 days old when he died. No one knew why. We think it was SIDS. I miss his sweet face like crazy, his birthday is coming up and this really helps.

  70. Chris  November 9, 2018 at 12:39 pm Reply

    Today is my husband’s birthday–his second since he left this earth. This evening mt two daughters, grandsons and son-in-law are remembering him with a birthday celebration. My son-in-law is making paella (a dish my husband always cooked for my birthday) and I made a lemon meringue pie, using Meyer lemons from our tree he planted. I miss him everyday. When he left, he took part of me and I am still finding myself. I praise God through my tears knowing he’s with Jesus and completely healed. It’s a Neil Diamond kinda day (His favorite artist)

  71. Beth  October 24, 2018 at 8:13 am Reply

    On my daughter’s birthday, November 3rd, I take a receiving blanket to the hospital where she was born and leave it anonymously for the baby girl born closest to 9:13 am – the time Mary-Kate came into the world. I’ve been doing this for 12 years. I just missed buy her a gift, and this helps.

  72. toni  September 25, 2018 at 7:23 pm Reply

    My mother passed away 35 years ago–and this year she would have turned 100 had she lived. My older sister & younger sister decided that we 3 daughters should meet at her graveside & have our own little birthday party, complete with Margaritas since that was supposedly her favorite. We are limiting our party strictly to daughters & daughter-in-laws–keeping it to just this one generation since a lot of the nieces probably were even born before she passed or would vaguely remember her. Apparently she & her fellow angels heard of our plans because the weather is supposed to be rather cold on the days before & after her birthday but its going to be warm on her birthday! She will be smiling down on us & laughing along with us!

  73. A. Neely  September 18, 2018 at 5:13 pm Reply

    I lost my son almost 6 years ago. The first year I spent crying, curled up in a ball wanting to die. The second and every year after, we party! I came to realize that 10/19 was a special day for 19 years and why should it be any different now. After all, that was the day I gave birth to the most beautiful boy on earth! We usually start by meeting at the grave sight releasing balloons. Some bring flowers to lay out. We go to lunch at his favorite restaurant and then back to my house for drinks. We listen to music, sing, dance and enjoy each other. Keeping this day a happy one as well as keeping his memory alive.

  74. Juanita  September 6, 2018 at 10:28 am Reply

    Hi all
    I lost my sister late last year in Feb, the hardest thing ever seeing that she was still quite young and she left me with two beautiful nieces, twin girls.
    I have learned quite a few things during that grieving process, firstly that as a sibling you have to take it upon yourself to accomplish all their goals and aims especially in cases where you all spoke about it. Their manifestation should continue regardless of them not being there physically. People have this tendency of telling you that should move on and that there is nothing you can do, oh boy they are very much wrong. There is much you can you do especially on their birthdays. At first, my family were very much skeptical about celebrating her birthday but I sat them down and made them see things from my perspective which they then understood as to why I was doing what I was doing. I started with a WHATSAPP message on my status on her birthday which was in Dec that I would be accepting lunch, dinner invites and gifts on my sisters’ behalf if there was anyone who wanted to do that and to my surprise people really came through and showed their support, even my own friends. At home, we eat bread and drank water as those were her favorites and had some cupcakes made of her favorite colors. We said a smaller prayer for her and we even wore the t-shirts that were made at her funeral. Later that day my cousins and I dressed up and went out as those were some of her favorites to-do- things. We just dedicated that day to her. NEVER EVER FORGET YOUR LOVED ONES WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!!!!!!

    2
  75. Robert Swain  August 31, 2018 at 12:13 am Reply

    OK – You got me. I thought I was getting over my sister’s passing and her I sit with tears streaming down my cheeks (again). I’m 57 and my sister was 9 years younger than me, to the day. Here’s an example of God’s sense of humor. She was conceived on my father’s birthday (TMI, I know, but it’s relevant to the story), she was born on my 9th birthday. She grew up, went college, got married and they had a son of their own. My sister died of brain cancer, the same kind that recently ended Senator John McCain’s life. The doctors told us up front that it was terminal so enjoy your days. She lasted over 4-1/2 years. She passed away on my mom’s birthday, just before Christmas 2017. My mother, father and I are now in the first year of loss – first Christmas, first New Year’s, first Easter, first birthdays… The first year is very hard. My sister’s and my birthday is coming up in under a month. I read this page looking for ideas on how to ‘celebrate’ without her. She loved flowers so I think I’ll borrow from one person’s comments below and toss some petals into a calm lake and try to enjoy the beauty for her. My parents are still alive and coming to visit my wife and I for what would be our shared birthday, but now this is a ‘first’ without her. Long, warm hugs to all that have gone through these terrible losses. We wait for the day we can all be together again.

    1
    • Miriah Sachs  February 3, 2019 at 10:03 pm Reply

      I too lost my sister to a glioblastoma, we had her for 9 years after her diagnosis. She would have been 32 March 4th. My mom wants to plan something. I’m very glad to have found this post.

  76. Yvonne Van Der Horst  August 9, 2018 at 11:01 am Reply

    How wonderful to honor your loved ones on their birthday each year. My husband and I lost our first child at 39 weeks still born in 2006. They couldn’t tell me Why he had passed away. Every year on the day that my baby who we named Riva was “born” we go pick boganvillia red flowers from a farm near the beach and we go early in the morning and put the flowers in the sea and say a few words about how we imagined he would’ve been like or anything actually. We have been blessed with 2 gorgeous boys after and they have done the same tradition with us since they were born and they know about their brother and they too say a little
    Something or they just throw the flowers in the water – it is really so beautiful to see all the flowers floating in the sea. I guess u could do this in a lake dam or river – very soothing for the soul.
    My heart goes out to you all.

    1
  77. Brenda  July 29, 2018 at 10:20 pm Reply

    My dad died on Nov. 30, 2017. Wednesday Aug. 1 will be his 85th birthday. My kids and I are celebrating Papa with Frosty’s from Wendy’s because those were his favorite!

  78. Anne Cohen  July 6, 2018 at 10:33 am Reply

    What a wonderful way to help recognize a very special person even in passing. We pretty much honor the president with their birthdays even after they passed. The same should be applied to honoring a very special person, not as a memorial remembrance, but with their birthdays as a very positive way for us to cope with our grief. What could be more than remembering a very special woman, man, or even a child or a pooch in their lives by honoring them on their birthdays? How about visiting their burial site on the date of their passing or better yet, visit them on their birthday and to reminisces of all the past lives spent together so they may never be forgotten.

    1
  79. Joe  June 12, 2018 at 4:40 pm Reply

    I loss my best friend of 24 years, the last 11 years like brothers to cancer in Sept 2017. He was a very good man who suffer over 17 months with the dreadful cancer, the awful pain that comes with it. I know he is in heaven but his loss to me has been so real, painful. His birthday is coming up fast August 14 , haven’t yet decided to do anything . I remember last year we celebrated his birthday in the hospital the day before he was transfer to hospice. He was in great spirits on his last birthday on this earth. May he rest in peace.

    1
  80. Bawa  June 4, 2018 at 1:15 pm Reply

    I lost my mother when i was 18 years old , tummorrow is her birthday , i miss her terribly , she was a wonderful soul who always took care of us and others around her . Marred her happiness just to see others happy ! I wish could give her a hug and be around her and feel as i you used to !

  81. Vane  May 25, 2018 at 2:45 pm Reply

    Thank you for all the ideas and comments . My sister lost her life in an accident last summer and the first birthday without her physical presence is around the corner. She was the type of person to celebrate her entire birthday month. Though our birthdays were less than a week apart, I never minded letting her take the spotlight. Last year, sadly, she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate her birthday. I was confused, it was so not her. A month later she would lose her life in an accident where she got hit by a car while taking her daily walk. The coming of our birthday month brings melancholy, mixed feelings of fun memories, and the grief still fresh. My sister loved listening to live music, and I’m thinking of taking her Las Manitas to the cemetary.

    1
  82. Vane  May 25, 2018 at 2:45 pm Reply

    Thank you for all the ideas and comments . My sister lost her life in an accident last summer and the first birthday without her physical presence is around the corner. She was the type of person to celebrate her entire birthday month. Though our birthdays were less than a week apart, I never minded letting her take the spotlight. Last year, sadly, she wasn’t in the mood to celebrate her birthday. I was confused, it was so not her. A month later she would lose her life in an accident where she got hit by a car while taking her daily walk. The coming of our birthday month brings melancholy, mixed feelings of fun memories, and the grief still fresh. My sister loved listening to live music, and I’m thinking of taking her Las Manitas to the cemetary.

  83. Karen  May 10, 2018 at 2:30 pm Reply

    My son would have been 32 this June. He was murdered accidently by his best friend, who then took is own life. I am torn about celebrating his birthday because emotions are still very raw. I am at peace. But his friends are not. I know i can do what i want and they don’t have to come if they are uncomfortable ornot ready. But i also care about how it will be perseved. He was a strong, loving fun young man with the soul of an angel and heart of gold. The donation ideas were really appealing to me because he would like that. I guess all i can do is make a decision and go with it. Who will come will come and it will be what it is. Mothers Day and his birthday is the hardest. Those were special just between him and I. it will be 9 months on his birthday from when he was killed. Ironic. Thank you for all the great ideas and may God be with all of us while we wait to see our loved ones again.

    1
  84. Karen  May 10, 2018 at 2:30 pm Reply

    My son would have been 32 this June. He was murdered accidently by his best friend, who then took is own life. I am torn about celebrating his birthday because emotions are still very raw. I am at peace. But his friends are not. I know i can do what i want and they don’t have to come if they are uncomfortable ornot ready. But i also care about how it will be perseved. He was a strong, loving fun young man with the soul of an angel and heart of gold. The donation ideas were really appealing to me because he would like that. I guess all i can do is make a decision and go with it. Who will come will come and it will be what it is. Mothers Day and his birthday is the hardest. Those were special just between him and I. it will be 9 months on his birthday from when he was killed. Ironic. Thank you for all the great ideas and may God be with all of us while we wait to see our loved ones again.

  85. jocelyn  April 30, 2018 at 9:48 pm Reply

    I lost my mother when I was 9. I am now only 12 today is her birthday and I miss her sooo much. it was the last day of my summer camp when I was coming back. My mom’s house is right near it and I was going bye it and we (me and my dad) saw cops outside of her house and I was thinking that she was dead but I was hoping not. But I was wrong. I was living with my dad, my uncle, and my grandfather. When we were home my dad went downstairs to talk to my uncle and then he told me. I then collapsed to my knees and started balling my eyes out mostly because I knew it was going to happen real soon but not THAT soon if you know what I mean. She looked sick like as soon as you saw her you could just tell she was that sick. Well that’s my story and for her birthday I did something small but special and I know she would have been proud. Since she was Catholic I did a few prayers for a dead loved one. Elizabeth (my mother) loves me and I know it, I have always known that. Mamma, I love you so much and have an AMAZING birthday. Love you muah bye.

  86. jocelyn  April 30, 2018 at 9:48 pm Reply

    I lost my mother when I was 9. I am now only 12 today is her birthday and I miss her sooo much. it was the last day of my summer camp when I was coming back. My mom’s house is right near it and I was going bye it and we (me and my dad) saw cops outside of her house and I was thinking that she was dead but I was hoping not. But I was wrong. I was living with my dad, my uncle, and my grandfather. When we were home my dad went downstairs to talk to my uncle and then he told me. I then collapsed to my knees and started balling my eyes out mostly because I knew it was going to happen real soon but not THAT soon if you know what I mean. She looked sick like as soon as you saw her you could just tell she was that sick. Well that’s my story and for her birthday I did something small but special and I know she would have been proud. Since she was Catholic I did a few prayers for a dead loved one. Elizabeth (my mother) loves me and I know it, I have always known that. Mamma, I love you so much and have an AMAZING birthday. Love you muah bye.

  87. Tori Scholer  March 19, 2018 at 9:57 am Reply

    I lost my dad July 31, 2017. I was not even 14 yet. He was only 37. Today, March 19 is his birthday and i want to celebrate his life. I love you, dad.

  88. Tori Scholer  March 19, 2018 at 9:57 am Reply

    I lost my dad July 31, 2017. I was not even 14 yet. He was only 37. Today, March 19 is his birthday and i want to celebrate his life. I love you, dad.

    1
  89. Pamela K Thomas  March 4, 2018 at 1:26 pm Reply

    My Solemate/ husband past a year & one day ago. This post year has been a super tough one with all the firsts. I don’t even remember some of them. Yesterday, I watched the slide show, that we played at his memorial, several times & looked through photos with my twin girls and my son called to check on me. They love him as their biological dad. We cried & laughed.
    On Valentine’s day, I reread all the cards we gave each other. It was a really warm feeling.
    For Christmas, I gifted all the close family with mugs that I personalized with 3 photos each – one of my husband, one of him & me together, and one of him with each of them. It was great therapy for me, and everyone loved them.
    We all met at his favorite restaurant,30 family members for his birthday. My plan was to go around the table and each tell a special memory, that didn’t quite work out. With so many people, they were out of control. That was okay because we all enjoyed chit chating about him.
    At his memorial I had a life size corregated stand up of him and had his Harley brought in for for him tho stand by (he was cremated). I have him standing in our bedroom now.

  90. Pamela K Thomas  March 4, 2018 at 1:26 pm Reply

    My Solemate/ husband past a year & one day ago. This post year has been a super tough one with all the firsts. I don’t even remember some of them. Yesterday, I watched the slide show, that we played at his memorial, several times & looked through photos with my twin girls and my son called to check on me. They love him as their biological dad. We cried & laughed.
    On Valentine’s day, I reread all the cards we gave each other. It was a really warm feeling.
    For Christmas, I gifted all the close family with mugs that I personalized with 3 photos each – one of my husband, one of him & me together, and one of him with each of them. It was great therapy for me, and everyone loved them.
    We all met at his favorite restaurant,30 + family members for his birthday. My plan was to go around the table and each tell a special memory, that didn’t quite work out. With so many people, they were out of control. That was okay because we all enjoyed chit chating about him.
    At his memorial I had a life size corregated stand up of him and had his Harley brought in for for him tho stand by (he was cremated). I have him standing in our bedroom now.

  91. Jasmine Pierce  February 21, 2018 at 12:45 pm Reply

    I’ve never written in a forum before but today’s my son’s 2 year old birthday. He would have been 3. He past away on May 13 2017. Today I’m very sad, very mad and still trying to figure out how and why my son got a virus. The messed up part about it is that I had my second born right when my first born went to the hospital… Why me?! Why did this have to happen to my son??????? I miss him so much, he loved Elmo, and he loved our zombie game we used to play together. He was a very good boy, fun to be around always smiled and laughed and always wanted to have fun. He was basically my twin. I kiss him so much. I wish he were still here. I really do. But I know hes looking down at us smiling. Now I have to give all my love and extra love to my second born. I tell him everyday about his brother and what he liked so when he gets older he’ll understand that he once had a brother. I’m trying to figure out what to do today. I’m just stuck like I really don’t kno what to do except cry ?

  92. Jasmine Pierce  February 21, 2018 at 12:45 pm Reply

    I’ve never written in a forum before but today’s my son’s 2 year old birthday. He would have been 3. He past away on May 13 2017. Today I’m very sad, very mad and still trying to figure out how and why my son got a virus. The messed up part about it is that I had my second born right when my first born went to the hospital… Why me?! Why did this have to happen to my son??????? I miss him so much, he loved Elmo, and he loved our zombie game we used to play together. He was a very good boy, fun to be around always smiled and laughed and always wanted to have fun. He was basically my twin. I kiss him so much. I wish he were still here. I really do. But I know hes looking down at us smiling. Now I have to give all my love and extra love to my second born. I tell him everyday about his brother and what he liked so when he gets older he’ll understand that he once had a brother. I’m trying to figure out what to do today. I’m just stuck like I really don’t kno what to do except cry ?

    2
    • Julianna barron  March 4, 2018 at 4:07 pm Reply

      For a minute i thought i was reading my own comment the same happend to me! No matter how many times people say so sorry for your loss and that now you have a new baby , that still isnt the same ? i know girl i get that all the time im like no its not the same baby yes i love my second born but i also miss my first born?. My sons birthday is may 19,2014 , he just passed away june 9,2017 he had just turned 3 ? he was the happiest and everyone would fall in love with him he got pemonia and the doctors said it was time for him to go so i held him one last time and he passed away in my arms ? i was 4 months pregnant when he passed away? i hope you stay strong and think that one day you will see your baby again! ❤ god bless you ! I wish i can give you a hug!! I know how hard that is ?

      1
  93. Cheyanne Kulak  February 1, 2018 at 1:09 am Reply

    I’m 18 now. But I was 16 when my father passed in 2016.

    For his birthday last year, I went and got an Angel Food Cake and put vanilla icing on it cause that was something he liked.

    This year, I’m planning on having either lemon meringue pie or going to a BBQ restaurant cause he liked those too.

    1
  94. Cheyanne Kulak  February 1, 2018 at 1:09 am Reply

    I’m 18 now. But I was 16 when my father passed in 2016.

    For his birthday last year, I went and got an Angel Food Cake and put vanilla icing on it cause that was something he liked.

    This year, I’m planning on having either lemon meringue pie or going to a BBQ restaurant cause he liked those too.

  95. Cheyanne Kulak  February 1, 2018 at 1:08 am Reply

    I’m 18 now. But I was 16 when my father passed in 2016.

    For his birthday last year, I went and got an Angel Food Cake and put vanilla icing on it cause that was something he liked.

    This year, I’m planning on having either lemon meringue pie or going to a BBQ restaurant cause he likes those too.

  96. Cheyanne Kulak  February 1, 2018 at 1:08 am Reply

    I’m 18 now. But I was 16 when my father passed in 2016.

    For his birthday last year, I went and got an Angel Food Cake and put vanilla icing on it cause that was something he liked.

    This year, I’m planning on having either lemon meringue pie or going to a BBQ restaurant cause he likes those too.

  97. Sue brunner  January 28, 2018 at 2:37 pm Reply

    My husband and I lost our beautiful 28 year young son almost 5 years ago He was a healthy 28year old and developed some stomach issues. After many hospital and different doctors visits he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and we lost him 3 months and a week later. Our hearts are crushed but we choose to try to celebrate as he would. He loved animals and volunteeered to animal shelters, boys and girls clubs and Ronald McDonald programs so we pick a charity or organization every year and donate in his honor. This year his 33rd Birthday on February 3rd we Gave envelopes of cash to all our family members at Xmas and asked them to spend the next 33days from Xmas to feb 3rd paying it forward. We are having a celebration for our Ryan Saturday Feb 3rd to celebrate him and share all the ideas everyone had to pay it forward. Some days it is so hard to go on as we miss him desperately. but we know he is safe in the arms of our Lord never to suffer again.

    1
  98. Sue brunner  January 28, 2018 at 2:37 pm Reply

    My husband and I lost our beautiful 28 year young son almost 5 years ago He was a healthy 28year old and developed some stomach issues. After many hospital and different doctors visits he was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and we lost him 3 months and a week later. Our hearts are crushed but we choose to try to celebrate as he would. He loved animals and volunteeered to animal shelters, boys and girls clubs and Ronald McDonald programs so we pick a charity or organization every year and donate in his honor. This year his 33rd Birthday on February 3rd we Gave envelopes of cash to all our family members at Xmas and asked them to spend the next 33days from Xmas to feb 3rd paying it forward. We are having a celebration for our Ryan Saturday Feb 3rd to celebrate him and share all the ideas everyone had to pay it forward. Some days it is so hard to go on as we miss him desperately. but we know he is safe in the arms of our Lord never to suffer again.

  99. Kerrie McLoughlin  December 29, 2017 at 9:33 am Reply

    My friend’s son died in his sleep at age 13. Today we are getting together with friends to celebrate his 18th birthday. This group does it every year just to honor him and to show her she is not alone in her grief and that we are with her and thinking of her son. I think it’s healthy to celebrate a loved one even in death. I might start doing it for the deceased older relatives who were special to me who have died. There will be tears at these celebrations but they are important!

    1
  100. Kerrie McLoughlin  December 29, 2017 at 9:33 am Reply

    My friend’s son died in his sleep at age 13. Today we are getting together with friends to celebrate his 18th birthday. This group does it every year just to honor him and to show her she is not alone in her grief and that we are with her and thinking of her son. I think it’s healthy to celebrate a loved one even in death. I might start doing it for the deceased older relatives who were special to me who have died. There will be tears at these celebrations but they are important!

  101. Danny  December 29, 2017 at 8:16 am Reply

    This is a really great post. I lost my mother on August 24, 2017. She loved life, laughter, chocolate, and the color pink. Her birthday is in January. I am going to get a tiny, but delicious, chocolate cake, some pink balloons, and order a pizza. I am going to write a message, wish, or memory on paper and ibsert them ibto each balloon before inflating, and invite her friends to do the same. They will get released at night. I think I might bring a dmall piece of cake, “just a sliver,” to her grave with some flowers. Not sure what elsento do.

  102. Danny  December 29, 2017 at 8:16 am Reply

    This is a really great post. I lost my mother on August 24, 2017. She loved life, laughter, chocolate, and the color pink. Her birthday is in January. I am going to get a tiny, but delicious, chocolate cake, some pink balloons, and order a pizza. I am going to write a message, wish, or memory on paper and ibsert them ibto each balloon before inflating, and invite her friends to do the same. They will get released at night. I think I might bring a dmall piece of cake, “just a sliver,” to her grave with some flowers. Not sure what elsento do.

  103. Alice Yates Banks  October 14, 2017 at 7:39 am Reply

    Thank you for the beautiful expressions of how to deal with the birthday of a deceased loved one. They were very helpful. My sister passed September 9, 2017. Her birthday is today, October 14, 2017. I was at a loss as to what to do and how to get through this day. Her daughters do not live here but her husband and grandson do. I have decided to ask her husband if I can make his favorite meal and take to his house. I will respect his wishes if he chooses to deal with today in his own way.

    1
  104. Alice Yates Banks  October 14, 2017 at 7:39 am Reply

    Thank you for the beautiful expressions of how to deal with the birthday of a deceased loved one. They were very helpful. My sister passed September 9, 2017. Her birthday is today, October 14, 2017. I was at a loss as to what to do and how to get through this day. Her daughters do not live here but her husband and grandson do. I have decided to ask her husband if I can make his favorite meal and take to his house. I will respect his wishes if he chooses to deal with today in his own way.

  105. Jacqui  October 4, 2017 at 6:03 am Reply

    My brother passed away suddenly in April this year. He was 29 and will be 30 on the 11th of November, 3 days after my 35th birthday. I am totally dreading this first milestone since is untimely passing, but I am organising for friends and family to gather at his grave. We will release 30 balloons in his honour, but I am not sure what else one can do at a grave. Do we sing songs? Each person says a memory about my brother? We will then gather at the pub down the road for food and a few drinks and listen to songs my brother loved. Christmas will then be the next milestone without my darling brother and that was the last time we all gathered together properly as a family. Any ideas and suggestions for his birthday will be gratefully received.

  106. Jacqui  October 4, 2017 at 6:03 am Reply

    My brother passed away suddenly in April this year. He was 29 and will be 30 on the 11th of November, 3 days after my 35th birthday. I am totally dreading this first milestone since is untimely passing, but I am organising for friends and family to gather at his grave. We will release 30 balloons in his honour, but I am not sure what else one can do at a grave. Do we sing songs? Each person says a memory about my brother? We will then gather at the pub down the road for food and a few drinks and listen to songs my brother loved. Christmas will then be the next milestone without my darling brother and that was the last time we all gathered together properly as a family. Any ideas and suggestions for his birthday will be gratefully received.

    • Robert  March 10, 2019 at 5:30 am Reply

      Yes, grief if someone dies the year before a 0-ended birthday is always more intense than it is in other years.

  107. Margaret  September 24, 2017 at 2:37 am Reply

    My best friend passed away on the forth of July after a 14 month battle of breast cancer….. she was loved dearly and had the most infectious charachter.. outgoing loyal friendly… and the best crack… she wasn’t planning a 40th I know that but there was certainly talk of a few jars with her nearest and dearest…. she was going to take a weekend away with her partner instead of a bash…. it is coming close now and 22 of us are due to meet up next Friday the 29th for a few drinks and something to eat incl her partner children and siblings… I want to celebrate her life but I don’t want it to be a circus… should I put a balloon or 2 up? Write a poem… I did this when she was sick about how much of a strong woman she was… it went down a treat… cake? Just really unsure I know her favourite music so that is certainly arranged… I wonder if it will be expected that I am going to pull something out of the bag like…we were nuts together yang angry yang if you understand me….. advice would be welcomed…..xxxxxx

  108. Margaret  September 24, 2017 at 2:37 am Reply

    My best friend passed away on the forth of July after a 14 month battle of breast cancer….. she was loved dearly and had the most infectious charachter.. outgoing loyal friendly… and the best crack… she wasn’t planning a 40th I know that but there was certainly talk of a few jars with her nearest and dearest…. she was going to take a weekend away with her partner instead of a bash…. it is coming close now and 22 of us are due to meet up next Friday the 29th for a few drinks and something to eat incl her partner children and siblings… I want to celebrate her life but I don’t want it to be a circus… should I put a balloon or 2 up? Write a poem… I did this when she was sick about how much of a strong woman she was… it went down a treat… cake? Just really unsure I know her favourite music so that is certainly arranged… I wonder if it will be expected that I am going to pull something out of the bag like…we were nuts together yang angry yang if you understand me….. advice would be welcomed…..xxxxxx

  109. Julia Tan  September 20, 2017 at 1:20 pm Reply

    My beloved daughter, Lyn passed on at age 25+ on 2 February 2016. Last year on her birthday in September, I ordered a lovely pink cake with flowers and ribbon that she liked. I went to stay at the hotel she celebrated her last 25th birthday and having the same evening cocktail with her daddy and younger sister at the same club lounge she enjoyed, the last birthday. This year, I ordered another pretty pink cake with flowers and beads. And we organized an exhibition displaying her artworks she treasured and loved, 2 days after her birthday on last Saturday. Friends and relatives who had personal contact with her were invited to view her works she did with passion and enthusiasm, though not of professionalism. We also put up a video of her timeline photos; with us the parents, the siblings, her art class teacher and classmate, sharing about her. It was really good, one of my friend told me it was so touching. I am glad I did it. Would very much like to share some of the photos, but not sure how to do it here.
    I have also planned to have birthday cake every year on her birthday because she loves birthday cakes! Would invite her uncles and aunts over for coffee and tea on her birthday weekend just like before.

  110. Jane  September 20, 2017 at 9:14 am Reply

    My son Connor died, 7 years ago, at age 24 as the result of an unmaintained balcony railing on his apt balcony My life is forever changed .He Loved his birthday & was born the same day as my Dad & sister. I started the Connor’s Birthday Kids program last year at a nonprofit I volunteer at . 100 kids receive Bday bags & presents at 6 parties during the school year. I imagine my son celebrating with these kids who have very little,,,,

  111. Paul  July 29, 2017 at 5:48 am Reply

    The “random act of kindness ” sounds like a good idea. My wife was the type to do stuff like that.
    Its the first birthday without her, July 31 , so I think I’ll be giving someone a surprise .
    Thanks for the ideas.
    Happy birthday love, xxxxxx P

    • Paul  December 24, 2018 at 1:21 pm Reply

      Merry Christmas, we are always thinking about you.
      Love you loads xxxxxx. P

  112. Doug  July 12, 2017 at 3:06 pm Reply

    Today I am remembering my wife on her birthday. It has only been six weeks since she went to Heaven. It is difficult not to have her here, but from what our faith in Jesus Christ as Savior has taught us, she is in a much better environment….and not suffering at all. It is with that hope that I remember her today.

    • Donald  August 18, 2017 at 2:20 pm Reply

      Hi. My wife passed on 17 weeks ago and I still remember the 6th week. My wife had some physical and mental health problems for a long time. My faith in GOD has helped me to believe that she passed on to a much better place where there is no more pain. If you would like to communicate with I will check this site from time to time GOD be your strength.

  113. Mrs. Kimberly Ann Mays  February 4, 2017 at 9:10 am Reply

    My son was killed when he was only four months from turning 23. Birthdays were always such a huge thing in my children’s lives and even when they grew into young men. I celebrate my son’s birthday every year by having family meet at his favorite restaurant to eat and we also have a birthday cake. I bring his photo along and display it on the table. I do give birthday presents, but they are memorial gifts that I give to his brothers, his daughter, grandparents, and his father and step father. After dinner, everyone joins together at the cemetery and we say a prayer, have a few words to share about Nick, and then we release balloons and In Memory Lanterns. Each year, I usually begin preparing 6 months ahead and incorporate a theme to his “Birthday Memorial Celebration”. Ex: one year we released butterflies and every gift had to do with the butterfly theme and it’s symbolic meaning. One year we did memory jars and everyone received mason jars with blue sand, sea shells, a candle, and his pic was on the jar personalized. Most of my gifts are handmade and from recycled things around the house. One year we had Tears in a Bottle and I gave everyone a beautiful Message in A Bottle with my son’s pic on front and a beautiful poem written on the opposite side. The bottles were also filled with beautiful sand, sea shells, beads, tiny crosses, doves, etc… And a written poem was placed inside. Each year, the family can’t wait to see what memory gifts they’re going to receive. One year each of them received treasure trunks with personalized metal labels ordered from Amazon that I hot glued on front. The wooden trunks were purchased at Michaels on clearance and I stained them, I laminate tags for the balloons and each gift bag with the year, it’s been 7 years since my son’s death and no, I do not plan to continue the gifts any longer, because I only chose to do this until his daughter became of age to understand that her daddy was no longer here. Now she is and there is no need for me to continue with the gift giving. I did this to have something for my granddaughter for each year that my son’s birthday was celebrated, but she was too young to understand that he couldn’t be here, so a gift was in his memory. Now, this concept could be confusing to her at her age, so I’ve chosen to celebrate my son’s life in a more private manner now. I love my baby boy, and God knows how much I miss him everyday. But now, we have to also think about his 7 year old daughter and do our very best not to confuse her or frighten her anytime her daddy’s name is mentioned. My son’s death was brutal and she often asks how her daddy died. I am not her mother and it’s not my place to share this with my granddaughter and I feel that her mother and I both agree, this will need someone better trained in such a delicate area to talk to her about this. I share the wonderful memories of my child with her and tell her all about her daddy and how much he loved her. It breaks my heart, because my grief is still so real and so fresh and my little granddaughter comes to me sometimes and opens up to me that she hurts because her daddy is not here. I hurt for her too, because I know that she has to feel pain, not being able to have her daddy around like she wants him. Grief is so personal. It’s so unpredictable and so unfair at times. For me, grief has been a mountain of lessons that continue to teach me things I don’t always want to know about myself and some I do, but it’s still a conquest. They say grief takes time, but really, what I’ve learned through this entire thing is that is so true. Grief really does take time. It takes it away. Time has flown by and my son has been gone seven years, but to me it’s only been months. It’s like, God speeds up time for those who have lost a child, especially, because the pain is so intense and it will destroy you if given enough time. So, to me, it feels like God has moved the hands on the clock ahead just so I don’t stay in one bad place for too long. Even just for a moment in a day. As far as celebrating goes………there’s absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating the life that God gave you on that day. I never look at it as just my son’s day either. I always praise Jesus on that day first, because without Him, my son wouldn’t be sitting in Heaven with His Father. And he’s there, waiting to see his mother again someday.

    • Michele  April 22, 2017 at 7:28 pm Reply

      Hello Mrs. Mays, I love your gift ideas. Do you have pictures of the items that you created? I would love to see them for ideas to share on my son’s birthday. He passed away 5 months before his 21st birthday. Thank you!

  114. Meg  January 17, 2017 at 10:49 pm Reply

    My mother passed away suddenly in July 2016 – nine days after my birthday. We were very close even though I live 4 hours away by car. I’ve taken tomorrow, her 57th birthday, off of work and plan to try and do things that we always planned on doing ‘one day.’ We always said we would have high tea together so tomorrow I’m going to a heritage listed cafe to have scones and tea in her honour. She always said that she was never very good at baking scones compared to other baked goods and was very excited when coming across new methods for making fluffy scones so I think she would have enjoyed the experience.

  115. King  January 12, 2017 at 11:49 pm Reply

    i just lost my mom in september 2016. today is her birthday and she wouldve turned 55. im still bitter and i feel like i wont ever be able to overcome the grief. i couldnt focus on work ever since she got sick. my friends dont even understand how im going through but i cant blame them. i feel as though people think im always sad but i dont care anymore. i just feel like being sad and spending days on my own.

  116. Jeff  January 4, 2017 at 11:33 am Reply

    I love all the comments and ideas for celebrating a life worth lived. We are only her for a short time. It is the love we have given which will be remembered. My prayers to all who have posted and have lost a loved one. T.S. Eliot wrote “Not farewell, but fare forward voyagers.” I like to think of our loved ones not saying farewell, however, pushing on toward their new life.

  117. mr. Jazz  December 7, 2016 at 12:49 pm Reply

    Today is my great grandmother 94th birthday Dec. 8, was known to be her name Concepcion for Dec. 8 here in the Philippines is Immaculada Concepcion., Also a celebration of what so called Fiesta’s of some many towns, I asking myself on how to celebrate her birthday without her presence, as i read some of post and comments here it helped me for an ideas to celebrate, as we always do with birthday we invited some of our relatives and friends for thanking and celebrating another year in her life, maybe I will just do the same, i been with her since i’m 3mos. old, she our kindness of all she even refuse marriage proposals during her time just to take of my mom, uncles and aunt’s, she build us home and sheltered us, i always thank our Lord God of having her for 31 years. She passed away last september. I always remember her everyday in my life.

    • Litsa  December 9, 2016 at 9:06 am Reply

      Ah it sounds like she was an incredibly selfless and compassionate person. I hope you found a way to spend the day and honor her that worked for you.

      1
  118. Julie  October 4, 2016 at 7:38 pm Reply

    Our daughter passed away last year from cancer just before her 35th birthday and her 36 th birthday has come and gone also, we will always celebrate it as hard as it is,to not would be harder, I can never express enough how much I loved her do love her,her name is Amanda . I have a will as I long as I can buy Manda things for her birthdays and other times as well,we shopped a lot together and she would always say I will get this for for someone and that for someone else,she was funny and so kind and smart and I miss her everyday.I go to the shops and like buying things with her in mind, I said to Manda the day of her funeral that I would honour her for the rest of my life ,I will stay true to that .The random acts of kindness written of earlier is a wonderful idea.I read up on different sites and some things you read support how you feel, which helps,the deeper the love ,the deeper the grief,there is no rush in grieving,give yourself time and in most cases your lifetime,I love hearing her name,I have legally had my middle name changed to Amanda,her brother has had Amanda tattooed on his leg and her sister has had Mandas favourite saying across the side of her chest,just 3 words but they refer to her sister.,no one wants the person they have a deep love for to be forgotten.I have appreciated reading what everyone has written about who they have lost ,thankyou. Love from Mandas Mum

  119. Star's Sister  September 25, 2016 at 5:10 pm Reply

    My sister Star would be 45 on Oct 28th this year. She died two weeks before Christmas last year. She’s a year and a week older than I am. Always was the life of the party and the first to say I’m sorry even if she wasn’t wrong. I stumbled across this page wondering how to celebrate her life on her birthday this year. I thank you everyone for sharing how you remember your loved ones. From doing random acts of kindness to cake to family time remembering. I think I’ll take a bit of all of it and remember her in some way this year. I was ready to go in the opposite direction prior to reading all of your posts so THANK YOU! Her love of music will command my day to remember her by….I may tear up in between, but I know she’d be pleased.

  120. Beth  August 29, 2016 at 3:25 pm Reply

    Not looking forward to my friend’s first birthday without him. We both were turning 50 this year and I missed out on his teasing about how old I am since mine is first. Now, I got to turn 50 and he doesn’t. I am so glad to see all the wonderful ideas here and I hope to do some of them, and carry his amazing, silly, and sweet sense of humor through my tears on that day.

  121. Stacy  July 29, 2016 at 4:15 am Reply

    I have a step grand daughter who struggles with her Mother’s death. She died in 2009 of skin cancer. She celebrates her mother’s birthday with her Nana and Papa with a birthday party. Going to her cemetery and laying flowers. Then watching her mother’s funeral that her Nana recorded. She tells me she goes to bed for days afterwards crying. Over and over again it plays out in her head. Is this healthy?

  122. Darlene  July 9, 2016 at 10:32 pm Reply

    My name is Darlene n I lost my son 1 year ago he was 19 and 3 months later he turned 20 its been the hardest thing for me no one should have to go thru this he was sitting in in his car early in the morning and was shot everyday is very hard especially 7:30 am every morning I find my self reading a lot of peoples testimonials it helps me next month is my sons 21 birthday I wanted to do something special beautiful sentimental on his birthday I just don’t know Wat exactly we already let go 20 white doves that was very beautiful n we make something for the family like bracelets with his birth date nothing will bring him back but I just want to do something beautiful if anyone has ideas please content God bless u all

  123. Jerri Peterson  June 15, 2016 at 11:43 am Reply

    My husband’s mother is in her nineties and becomes more frail with each passing year. I take flowers to her on my husbands birthday because he is still her son,he always brought flowers and it makes more content to spread cheer as he would want.

  124. Linda Gorman  June 12, 2016 at 6:27 pm Reply

    For the first few years of my brothers birthday we all sat in our own homes with our own thoughts and drowning in heartache and grief. This past 3 years we now go to his grave and out on some balloons and flowers and talk about all the happy times we had with him and also all the laughs. We then go for a meal and raise a glass on his honour, thankful that we had this wonderful person for 30 years and will always love and cherish him. Our celebration of his life makes the day so much easier to get through, we laugh and talk and hug each other and it’s a lovely tribute to him, its his day and always will be and even though he is not here with us anymore he will never be forgotten….love and miss you millions Danny ???? xx

  125. KCo  June 2, 2016 at 3:58 pm Reply

    Looking for a better way of saying “Would have been” their (fill in the blank) birthday. Because it still IS that number’s birthday, even if they are no longer with us.

  126. Michele  May 5, 2016 at 7:41 am Reply

    I was going to celebrate my son’s 39th birthday at my sisters home. My son was killed in a car accident when he was 20. I decided to pick up a cake on the way over to my sisters. When I told her I got a cake she thought it was inapproptiate because her 3 year old grandson would not understand where the birthday person was so this upset me very much and I gathered up my stuff and the cake and left. I cried all the way home. My sisters husband passed and her grandson knows he went to Heaven and she didn’t want me to bring up that my son is in Heaven too. I do not understand this way of thinking. I need some advice on how to deal with my controlling sister who is a retired teacher and know it all. Please help!

    • Eleanor  May 5, 2016 at 12:33 pm Reply

      Hey Michele,

      Oh I’m so sorry for this experience. In my opinion we sometimes really over-shelter kids when it comes to issues of death and grief, but I know each person has their own parenting style. Interesting that the conversation has been had with regards to the child’s grandfather – did your sister say why this was different in her eyes? All I can really say is that different support people are good for different things in our lives. We’ve talked a lot about assessing our support system and being thoughtful about who fills what role, most specifically here and here. It sounds to me like you conceptualize your relationship with your son and your grief in a way that is difficult for your sister to relate to. If this is the case, then it may just be that she is not the best person for you to turn to in grief. Although she may be a wonderful support person in many other ways, she may not be able to meet the grief support need.

      Check the post out that we linked and see what you think.

      Eleanor

  127. Char  March 17, 2016 at 10:29 am Reply

    Your random post I found after searching the internet on how to celebrate my late husbands birthday less than one year after his death helped me SO much on changing my outlook on this day! I just wanted to run and hide and hope that the day would go by while I was unconscious. It doesn’t help his birthday is on St. Patrick’s day, where EVERYBODY is celebrating!! But after reading your post, I have viewed his birthday as a time of celebration! It’s perfect! The only day of the year that seems right to celebrate his life. I certainly wouldn’t want to celebrate the day he died. So I just wanted to say “Thank you” from a random person via a random internet post. xxoo

    • Jac  March 21, 2019 at 12:22 pm Reply

      Wow! I lost my husband in 2017 after one month battle with stomach cancer, he was 49. Today is my 52nd birthday and we always shared together. Sitting here wandering what to do I will make today useful. This so much helped me. Thankyou!

      1
  128. Michelle  March 4, 2016 at 2:30 pm Reply

    I lost my sister 5 years this year to Mealonma and last year would of been her 40th. We had the biggest party ever in the karaoke bar she used to go in for many years. We put banners and balloons up blew up photos of her and put them all round the bar we live in Cyprus so friends and family flew out for the occasion it was an amazing night sad but great it was what she would of done is she was still with us.

  129. Beautiful  February 28, 2016 at 12:31 am Reply

    My soulmate’s first birthday in heaven…2/22/16 it wasn’t fun celebrating his birthday long distance. I missed him so much. I came to his niche the day before and offered a red rose, wrote him a note also printed 11 blue butterflies cut and tape them around his niche…I have a blue butterfly tattoo and 11 is my favorite number. I prayed, cried, talked to him and cried some more. The next day was his real birthday, I went to church where he attended mass on a weekly basis and lit a candle. I felt and I know that he was there with me. I cried the whole week of his birthday…called his sister and brother on the phone and talked about him and shared with them how we would usually celebrate his birthdays in the past 10 years we were together here on earth. P.S. Monday 2/22/16 while I was driving I ask him to give me a sign that he was with me. Before I reached the stop light I turned my head to the left and noticed the house number, it was 2211? his bday and my fav. Number. Later I checked the time on my cell phone it read 11:22am. Thank you my love for being with me all the time.

    • JoAnn Auble  March 20, 2016 at 5:29 pm Reply

      Very nice! I have a similar thing with numbers on digital clock displays and my mom who passed two years ago.

  130. Martha  February 18, 2016 at 1:25 pm Reply

    Last April, on the first birthday after my husband’s death, we gathered friends and family at our favorite beach spot. There, we released a message in a bottle written by our 8-year-old son. I expected a small gathering but everyone who knew about it made it a point to be there, though it was a work day evening. It was not a somber occasion but a celebration of his life, with many kids in attendance. There was a lot of love too. This year, I’d like to have a day of community service, like a beach clean-up or something, to commemorate his special day.

    • Eleanor  February 23, 2016 at 10:59 am Reply

      That is so lovely Martha, I love that idea. Thank you so much for sharing this.

  131. Leslie  February 4, 2016 at 10:52 am Reply

    We lost our precious son Lachlan; two years, eight months, and four days old, to brain cancer. On his third birthday we started a tradition of doing random acts of kindness, and we spread the word through friends, family, and social media. Though we were immensely sad not having him here, we had reports all day from people telling us what they had done ‘for Lachlan’ and how it created smiles…. smiles on such a sad day…. It brought much needed joy to our aching hearts. We continue this, now four years later, on his birthday and on the anniversary of his passing. I don’t know if we could make it through the day without these wonderfully happy stories. We also, on his birthday, play his favorite songs, eat his favorite foods, and light candles and speak of our favorite memories of him. One year we had a birthday party for him at his favorite park. One year we released balloons with notes to him on the anniversary of his passing, at night, with little blinking lights attached. As they got high in the air they looked like stars… it was amazing. You could do this on a birthday and send birthday wishes! Another year, on his 4th birthday we went to the mall and handed out flowers with a little note attached, mentioning Lachlan and his birthday, and encouraging people to do something nice for someone that day. We were graced with such kind words and some great big hugs. For us, doing something, anything, helps ease the pain and creates a ‘silver lining’ for our dark cloud.

    1
  132. Michelle  January 25, 2016 at 7:52 pm Reply

    My son lost his fahther in 2015. Even though we were divorced he was a HUGE part of our lives. We started a tradition last year of celebrating his birthday with cake. We invite my son’s Aunts and Uncles to come celebrate. Instead of presents I ask that they each write down a memory to put in a box that my son can read when every he wants. My son was 10yrs old when he lost his father and the memories will help him hold on to his father through the years.

    • Debbie  September 2, 2016 at 3:43 pm Reply

      Michelle that is a wonderful idea. I have been looking for something to do for a brother and sister 11 and 7.. They lost their father tragically 5 years ago. this would be a wonderful way to keep all ohis memories alive and have something you always cherish when the older relatives are no longer. I will be looking for the perfect keepsake boxes for each of them. Thank you so much for sharing

  133. Bea  January 19, 2016 at 6:20 pm Reply

    My husband’s birthday would have been February 4 and will be my first without him. I like the “random acts of kindness”, which is exactly what he would do if he was still here.

  134. Alissa  November 2, 2015 at 9:14 pm Reply

    November 3rd would have been my grandmother’s 92nd birthday. My grandmother or Nana was a huge contributor to raising me and had been my best friend growing up. This is the 2nd anniversary of her death. Last year I took off work in order to morn. This year, while faced with the struggle to sit through work all day, I am thinking of creative ideas to celebrate her life. I have a video of her and I from a few years ago where her laughter was contagious! I think I will watch that again. I also really like Jayci’s idea of “random act of kindness”. My nana was the kindest and most patient woman I’ve ever met, so this is perfect. I’ll be drinking her favorite COFFEE all day and maybe I’ll even get a little cake pop from Starbucks. I will wear her favorite color, red. I think just doing small things that remind you of them throughout that day is special in itself. And, you can make these things into an annual tradition.

  135. Robin  November 2, 2015 at 3:52 pm Reply

    I celebrate his birthday by doing the things we used to like to do together. One of the things I lost when he died was doing certain things that I did with him but don’t really do with anyone else. I go to the city (he lived there, I live in the ‘burbs), eat lunch a place we would go before a movie, go see a movie, eat at our favorite Indian restaurant, and then see another movie. I pick movies I want to see, but the rule is I don’t see something I know for a fact he would have hated. The only thing a little weird is the Indian restaurant, a place we went a lot, because I can really feel him not being there across the table from me. His death day is more of a problem because they don’t really know what day he died because he was alone. There’s this limbo land between when I last saw him, when I last talked to him, and when he was found to be dead.
    .

  136. Jayci  August 18, 2015 at 8:46 am Reply

    I celebrate my late husband’s birthday by performing “Random Acts of Kindness”. I anonymously pay for someone’s lunch. I buy bouquets of flowers and leave them on car windshields in a parking lot. And, since my husband loved books, I go to the bookstore and leave $10 bills tucked in books he loved.

    • Aida  May 6, 2016 at 5:39 pm Reply

      Wow.. your comment really touched me. Of all the ideas, your is very sweet I see my self doing something like that. US my mother’s first birthday after she passed away.

      1
    • Tricia(Jeremy's Mom)  May 16, 2016 at 11:45 am Reply

      LOVE– this idea!

    • Debbie  June 6, 2016 at 4:50 pm Reply

      My son passed away 13 years ago and my daughter and I always try to do something special on his birthday. I love your ideas. Thank you for sharing them.

    • Cheryl M  June 12, 2016 at 10:16 pm Reply

      My late husband was one to give back by buying meals for people and a special place for vets. He paased on april15th n his bday is july 22 nd. I jus may take uour great idea and do that. Thanks for sharing!

    • Jerri Peterson  June 15, 2016 at 11:38 am Reply

      That is a wonderful way to honor his memory!

    • Beth Schuman  August 29, 2016 at 3:20 pm Reply

      Wonderful ideas!

  137. Vicki  August 12, 2015 at 7:21 pm Reply

    It’s almost 14 years later and I’ve never been able to celebrate his birthday. And his birthday has always been more painful than his death day, which makes no sense to me but it’s that way anyway. I expect to feel upset on the day he died but not his birthday.
    If we want them to, the people who run the September 11 Memorial will write a happy birthday to the person on their social media, like Google and Facebook, but they have to have a direct request from a next of kin and I’m not the person who has to ask it. It’s almost like an emergency contact. A specific person has to request they do it.
    They do that with the Vietnam Veteran’s Memorial too. My daughter’s godfather is a Veteran of that war. Someone’s sister asked that they remember her brother’s birthday on their Facebook page.

  138. Jennifer  August 11, 2015 at 9:50 pm Reply

    Like you, birthdays have always been a big deal in my family. In 2014, my dad died 3 days short of his 65th birthday. We had his funeral on his birthday which itself was bittersweet. For the anniversary of his death, we decided to celebrate his birthday by taking his ashes to all of his favorite places: his garden, the local baseball fields where he spent countless hours coaching, and finally to the beach. As painful as it was, it was also quite beautiful to celebrate my dad and his life. I hope that my mom and brothers will want to do the same thing (or something similar) in 2016.

  139. Bob  August 7, 2015 at 10:31 pm Reply

    Celebrating the birthday of a loved one who has died is certainly better than celebrating (?) them on the anniversary of their death. On what would have been my mother’s 100th birthday, I sent an email to our family and other friends reminding them of her birthday and suggesting that they raise a glass of sherry (her favorite alcoholic drink) or strong coffee (her favorite non-alcoholic drink) to her memory. My partner’s birthday next month would have been her 70th, but she died at age 55. I made a photo album of some of my favorite pictures of her for her memorial service; I’ll look through that album on her birthday. On her birthday, I usually wear one of her tee shirts. I gave away most of her clothes after she died, but I kept all of her tee shirts that have graphics.

  140. Kelly  August 5, 2015 at 9:35 pm Reply

    Last year, was my mom’s first birthday since she died. I think, in kind of a funny way, it was the best birthday she ever had. I made chile rellenos, her favorite food. My mother was a fantastic chef, but even she used chiles from the can. I actually roasted the chiles myself and I can barely make toast. Anyway, they came out amazingly not terrible, in fact, they came out pretty good. She must have had a hand in it. I made a collage on a wooden J that also was a nice tribute to her and then I hung a few pictures in some special frames that I had bought. I posted on her obituary page and Instagram, wrote in a card and even sent her e-card. The finale was eating some eclairs like I had brought to her the year before on her birthday. All day long, I played videos and slideshows. I was exhausted by the end of the day, and I remember thinking it was probably the best birthday she ever had. Hope she was there.

Leave a Comment

YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS WILL NOT BE PUBLISHED. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.