Grieving the Death of a Sibling

Understanding Grief / Understanding Grief : Eleanor Haley



For further articles on these topics:


The other day I asked our Facebook community to suggest resources for people who've experienced the death of a sibling.  Although some were able to make recommendations, many were quick to point out their struggle to find help and support for their loss.  One reader even said she dubbed herself the "forgotten mourner" after finding sibling grief was so often overlooked in the support world.  Now, we can't have that!

Obviously, this is just a post and it doesn't substitute for dedicated organizations, movements, or other types of support - but it's a start. Whatever you are able to contribute to the conversation in the comments and on social media, please do. The more voices we have speaking on the subject, the more supported and cared for other grieving siblings will hopefully feel.

This post is long, but the last thing we want to do is create another resource that is overgeneralized and unhelpful. At the end of the post, we'll link to a resource page with suggestions for locating support locally and online.  Got it? Good. Okay, let's talk about some of the reasons why the death of a sibling (at any age) is really stinking hard.


Feelings and Emotions

You may be experiencing grief over the death of your sibling if you feel any of the following -shock, numbness, sadness, despair, loneliness, isolation, difficulty concentrating, forgetfulness, irritability, anger, increased or decreased appetite, fatigue or sleeplessness, guilt, regret, depression, anxiety, crying, headaches, weakness, aches, pains, yearning, worry, frustration, detachment, isolation, questioning faith – to name a few.

Okay, so those things aren't specific to sibling grief, however, they might be experienced differently by someone grieving a brother or sister. For example:

You feel guilty because you...

...are the sibling that survived.

...knew your sibling inside and out and yet you didn't know about the struggles or hardships that led to their death.

...weren't able to protect them.

...feel there are things you wish you had said, but didn't

You feel anxiety because...

...you know how fragile life is.

...you're worried you may die in the same way as your sibling.

...you're worried others in your family may die.

You feel lonely because...

...although you're surrounded by people, you miss the one person who you could truly be yourself with.

I could go on, but the important thing is to understand that your feelings are unique and important. Good, bad, or anywhere in-between, your relationship with your brother or sister was different than anyone else's and so you'll experience hurdles, triggers, and hardships that others may not.

Your parents, siblings, and other family members may grieve in many of the same ways that you do, but in many ways, their grief may differ.  It's important to remember this because misunderstandings can arise amongst family members when people react differently in response to a death.  It's also important for people supporting bereaved siblings to keep this in mind so they can help validate and support the griever's feelings and experiences.


Overshadowed Grief

This is just a guess, but I suspect a lack of sibling grief resources exists because sibling grief is often overshadowed. People simply cannot fathom the out-of-order-ness of a parent having to bury a child, so when this is the case their thoughts and concerns often immediately go to the parent's grief.

Parents themselves may not be able to effectively attend to their children's grief and outside family and friends may be hesitant to step in and offer support or suggestions.  It might also be true that support and attention are first given to siblings who are younger or who are perceived to be more fragile. In a situation where any or all of these things are true, a grieving sibling may end up feeling as though other people's grief is more important than their own.

This may be confounded by the fact that some people willingly allow their grief to go unnoticed by themselves or others. Raise your hand if you're the sibling who feels like it's your job to take care of and support the rest of the family.  After a death, some siblings might quickly step in to take care of their younger children and/or their parents because they feel it's their role or duty. 

Sometimes this happens out of necessity, sometimes avoidance, sometimes expectation, and sometimes all of the above. It is important for all members of the family to recognize that no one's grief should take complete precedence. Although family members might take turns supporting one another, at one point or another everyone's grief deserves attention and needs to be attended to.


Changes in Family Dynamics and Support Systems

Families - functional or dysfunctional - often operate according to a set of norms, roles, traditions, and patterns. Each person has their place in the family system, so things can get thrown off balance when someone in the family dies. An important person is gone, and those who survive them are sometimes unable, unwilling, or disinterested in filling that person's role(s) or carrying out traditions and patterns as they have in the past.

Shifting family dynamics can lead to the weakening of support systems. Parents and siblings who are grieving may be of less, little, or no help. If a person's support system largely consists of family (which is often the case for children and teens), they may find they're facing one of the hardest periods of their life without a safety net.

The support system may also be weakened if the person who died was an important source of support for surviving siblings. This may be true at any age, but if the death happens when the siblings are in older adulthood, the person who died may have been one of the surviving sibling's few living family members

For all these reasons and others, it is common for people to have to reassess their support system in the wake of loss and to seek out additional help while coping with their grief.


Comparisons and Expectations

You are special and you are wonderful (come on...you know you are). You have no one to live up to besides yourself, your goals, and your own potential.

Okay, I just wanted to say that as a reminder to anyone who feels like they're living in the shadow of a deceased sibling. Feeling compared or overshadowed is common after the death of a sibling, and (although you may be hesitant to admit it) this experience can result in feelings of resentment or anger towards family and/or the person who died.

If this sounds like you, the first thing we recommend you do is to ask yourself, "Who is making me feel this way?"  If the answer is your parents or other family members, then the next thing you might do is try to communicate with your family about how you feel. This might seem like a scary task because you don't want to rock the boat or make anyone feel worse in their grief. If this is the case, or if you think your concerns will fall on deaf ears, you might want to consider talking to a counselor about how to approach the situation or enlist the help of a family counselor to work with the family as a whole.

Your own self-judgement

Now, you may find that you yourself are responsible for comparisons and expectations. This might happen for a number of reasons including insecurity, guilt, or the feeling that you need to pick up where your sibling left off.  If you think you might be the source of comparison, then some serious self-reflection is probably needed.

Acknowledging the truth of the situation is a good start, you're in even better shape if you can identify why this is happening.  As you search for answers, you might find it's helpful to spend time in reflection, journaling, or talking to a trusted confidant, support group member(s), or counselor.


Missed Opportunities

When a person dies, you are not only robbed of their physical presence in the here and now, but you (and they) also lose the chance to spend your tomorrows together. Your life after their death becomes filled with thoughts of "if only", " we would have", and "I wish."

This is obviously the case for missed opportunities in the future; the happy moments you wish you could have spent together like weddings, graduations, births, adventures, and family get-togethers. We talk a lot about how to handle these moments here and here and here. However, missed opportunities are also felt when people wish they could make up for all they didn't do while the person was alive. For example, taking the chance to say "I love you", "I'm sorry", "I forgive you" and "I care". 


You miss the hell out of them

Sibling relationships obviously vary in their degrees of closeness, love, and amicability.  Some siblings may be thick as thieves, others wonder whether they're even really related.  Regardless, siblings are our ties to family bonds.  They have known us the longest, understand our history, and are the people with whom we have the longest running jokes. They are the most judgmental people we know, and the most accepting and loving all at the same time.  Siblings can never be replaced and when they are gone we miss the hell out of them.


As promised, you can find help locating sibling grief support on this page. Please comment below and share your experience with the death of a sibling and/or recommended resources.

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After writing online articles for What’s Your Grief for over a decade, we finally wrote a tangible, real-life book!

What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss is for people experiencing any type of loss. This book discusses some of the most common grief experiences and breaks down psychological concepts to help you understand your thoughts and emotions. It also shares useful coping tools, and helps the reader reflect on their unique relationship with grief and loss.

You can find What’s Your Grief? Lists to Help you Through Any Loss wherever you buy books:

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997 Comments on "Grieving the Death of a Sibling"

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  1. Anurag  March 24, 2024 at 11:22 am Reply

    My elder brother died of cardiac arrest on 21 march 2024. Although I didn’t like him since childhood and we stopped talking since 2018 we finally has few talks just days before his unexpected death. I miss him so much. He was the one who takes care of whole family,have big desires and hope for his family including me because although we didn’t talk he may be still care about me .i don’t know I come to know this by other people. I wish he wasn’t gone because never in my life I wish any harm on him. Maximum he need to stop devalue people and become respectful. I miss him and hope his soul is in peace right now as his last few months are really painful because of lung infection. The amount of pain ge goes through is unimaginable as he is crying like everyday.

  2. Lori N  February 17, 2024 at 1:08 am Reply

    My older brother went missing on September 7th, 2022. The police realized that he had been endangered and searched for him for several months before informing us that they feared foul play. Almost a year to the date of his disappearance on September 8 2023 we learned that he had been kidnapped, and torture over 4 days before he was buried alive. 1 female has been charged with several severe charges, the man involved with the murder was her boyfriend, who is in prison in another State for drug trafficking, the police are still searching for a third person who may be involved.
    I’ve been unable to find any help in my area of Springfield OR. I have reached out to numerous organizations, however they are all out of the US. I have searched for books of healing, adjustment of life, complex trauma support, but haven’t found any hope from anything. I just want to know that what I’m feeling is real, and the emotions that I find difficult to name, do exist. I have been seeing a psychiatrist, a counselor and a therapist who all tell me that they have no words..they can’t comprehend what I am feeling and aren’t sure where to direct me for help, healing, and healthy expression of my emotions.
    If you, or anyone who you might know has experienced something similar I would be interested in communicating with them. I appreciate your time and hope to hear from you.

  3. Annette  February 5, 2024 at 6:24 pm Reply

    My Big Sister passed away unexpectedly in August of 2023. She was my rock, my everything, my mother, my father, my guide,My protector. I’ve been experiencing Overwhelming Crippling Anxiety since 2022 being that I’m perimenopause, crying every day. She cracked her ankle in 2 places and was in physical therapy and rehabilitation hospital for two months and we don’t know what happened. She just didn’t wake up one Saturday morning. Her husband died in October of 2022 and my cousin I was close with died in August 2022. But her leaving has really impacted me a lot..I feel my life is so dark without her. She left two daughters behind that are adults in age but not in mentality. I worry about them so much. I can’t step foot in my sister’s house, can’t look at pictures of her that people post on Facebook of her. I can’t listen to Michael Jackson because she was a very huge fan of his. I’m afraid of my triggers of the extreme sadness it gives me because I don’t want to wind up in the Psych ward (those places are horrible for just people dealing with Just Depression and anxiety) (been in those places twice already in the past year and a half) she was a Deaconess in her church and She’s someone I very much looked up to in life. Now she’s gone and I feel like my life is spiraling downhill with everything happening lately. I’m alone with nobody who understands or supports me.

  4. raul lopez lll  January 26, 2024 at 10:13 am Reply

    I had a little brother by the name of elijah david lopez and when he was 2 months old he passed away due to S.I.D.S and my parents were devastated and me being only 5 at the time i felt like there wa nothing i can do but now that im older and we still grieve to this day and that was 13 yrs ago but i know now that im 17 and im older i realize there was stuff i could do to help my family with the grieving process and so my advice to any kids out there no matter how old you are you can make a difference with anything you do so make the good things in life matter to you and don’t take anything for granted

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  5. Josiah F  January 3, 2024 at 4:45 am Reply

    My Older Brother, Elias passed away September 5, 2023.
    I found him outside and his heart had gave out, I held him as he passed and I felt so powerless, I realized I truly am a spec of dust on this planet earth.
    My brother was my everything, I wish I was dreaming. Ive been incredibly strong for my mom and dad, along with my sisters. I feel a new sort of responsibility.
    I love my older brother to the moon and back, my heart speaks to him everyday. I know hes resting with all his old firefighter friends and family.
    I am learning to live around grief and not letting grief consume me.

  6. Cassie  August 22, 2023 at 11:37 pm Reply

    My brother died October 2nd of 2022. It still doesn’t seem real. I think I’m still in shock. This wasn’t supposed to happen. His baby girl I’d missing her dad. He was the most generous kindest man I’ve ever met. The most understanding. I can’t work or go through a. Day without crying and missing him.

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    • Dawn  September 11, 2023 at 11:11 am Reply

      Cassie,
      I want to say I’m truly sorry for your loss and I lost my oldest brother Oct 13 2022. I still find myself crying at the drop of a hat and miss him daily as we were the closest of friends. He was leaving work and someone hit him in his driver’s door and was killed instantly and it still seems so unreal.

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  7. Michelle  August 22, 2023 at 9:38 am Reply

    My big brother passed away on September 14, 2022. He was and still is my hero. We were two sides of the same coin. We had so many inside jokes and so many memories from when we were little, teenage years, and then being adults (but not grown up yet). My mother passed in 2009, my father passed in 2018, and now my big brother passed in 2022. My little family unit of four is now one. I still needed my brother. I miss his face, his smile, his laugh, his texts, and everything else about him. It is very difficult dealing with his loss! People tell me to remember the good times that he and I shared. I do love the memories that I have of my brother, but they make my heart feel like it is being ripped right out of my chest and I can’t breath. They remind me that my reality is that for the rest of my life, I will never make anymore memories with my brother. That was all I got and he didn’t say goodbye. He had moved away from our hometown a few months before he passed and he left without telling me goodbye. He was all the way up in Washington State. I had to have him cremated there and they sent him home in a little box. It kills me that he was all alone and he was scared. It was about 4 am on the 14th of September when I was up crafting when I felt a wave of fear and panic. It caught me off guard and it freaked me out. I shook it off and another wave of fear and panic about 7 minutes later. I found out later that when I was feeling that fear and panic, my brother was dying. He was so far away from me and I felt him. I love my brother and I grieve him every day. I apologize for writing so much. But thank you and God bless you if you took the time to read what I posted about my grief.

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  8. Lisa G  August 15, 2023 at 9:18 pm Reply

    My baby brother 2 weeks ago committed suicide.
    He was almost 55. The grief is unexplainable.
    My parents are passed and this is hard.

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    • Teresa  August 17, 2023 at 6:01 am Reply

      Lisa I am so sorry.

      There are voluntary groups run by people who have also had family members suicide.

      If you would like some help finding some just ask me.

      This is very raw for you right now. You are ultimately not alone in this.

    • Megan  September 12, 2023 at 8:58 am Reply

      Lisa, I feel your pain and am so sorry. The missing is relentless. So hard to let go of the years you were supposed to have together. I understand feeling very alone after the loss of my brother. Be kind to yourself. It is a long road learning to live with this.

  9. Doreen  July 14, 2023 at 7:41 am Reply

    😭😭My brother was my best friend. Why did I have to stay but he got to go???? The pain of his loss is waaay too much! 💔 I lost all zest for life, all interest in things and all hope.💔 I miss him soooo much.😭😭

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  10. Soraya  July 5, 2023 at 10:21 pm Reply

    I lost my dad 16 years ago unexpectedly. My mom, sister and I were devastated but we supported each other. We created a new normal without my dad. A little over a month ago, we now lost my big sister unexpectedly. My sister was my bestest friend, my rock, my constant. She was my everything, my person. We spoke everyday, all throughout the day. I don’t have anyone in my life that compares. Although she lived 5-6 hours away from my mom and I, she made it a point to visit us monthly or every second month. When I had my daughter 15 months ago, she made sure to visit us every month or more. She was actually supposed to come visit us 3 days after she passed to celebrate my last week of maternity leave with me. We were supposed to go to the spa, go shopping and just have fun. She was so selfless to put her life on hold so much for us. She was the best aunty to her only niece.

    She took up too much space in my life and heart that no one will be able to fill the hole she left.

    And my daughter will never know the old version of me (before this tragedy in my life). It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart that she will not know my sister and all the love she had for my daughter. My husband and I will be sure to speak of her often but it’s just heartbreaking.

    Now I have to go on without her which is the worst part. I’m just scared to live the rest of my life without her… so scared. Parts of the day can feel very heavy, painful and isolating. It’s hard trying to build a “new” life without her in it…. Because that’s just exactly what I have to do now… it’s rebuilding my day to day since she was such a huge part of it before. I catch myself wanting to pick up the phone to give her a call or shoot her a text, something funny on social to share with her, any irritation about anything, just anything and everything it was her more than anyone else.

    Life just feels really cruel.

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  11. Laura H  July 3, 2023 at 6:11 pm Reply

    My oldest brother was killed August 27, 2020 only 2 months to retirement, almost 3 years ago. He was a police officer and he got called out on a erratic person outside a closed casino. He was killed when the guy (monster) on a 4 day meth bender charged at him with a broken bottle so my brother backed away and the guy jumped into his police car and drove right over him killing him. I have learned that there is no thing as, well the guy was caught so it’s nice to have closures. There is no such thing as closure ever you just learn to live with it because you really have no other option.

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    • Megan  July 5, 2023 at 12:00 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. Trauma adds a lot of complexity to the grieving process. Be kind to yourself on that anniversary coming up, and don’t feel badly about still actively grieving this long. It takes as long as it takes to learn how to incorporate this kind of pain into your everyday life. Love and respect to you and your family.

  12. Shirley  July 2, 2023 at 12:48 am Reply

    Someone took my brother’s life on June 16. He was a father of eleven and a grandfather of five.
    There were four of us: my brother, who was the youngest, and my two sisters.
    He called or texted us everyday to check up on us and to tell us how his day was going.
    We will never have that again. No words anyone can give me will provide me comfort.

    1
  13. Meaghan  June 2, 2023 at 12:59 pm Reply

    My sister passed away just under two years ago at the age of 40. We were each other’s closest friend and confidante. She didn’t have kids, but she knew everything about mine and would remember things about them that I’d forget. Nobody could make me laugh the way she could. I have a brother, who is great and whom I love very much, but I don’t talk to him about everything and anything the way my sister and I did.

    I have days where I can barely stop from screaming (although I do, because I have to) and when I want to just curl up in a ball and cry because I miss her so much, all the time. There’s nothing to do but carry on, but I hate the idea that for the rest of my life there’s going to be this grey pall of grief because she’s not here to enjoy it with me. I can’t see this lessening with age; I know how much I miss her now. She’s always going to be gone, so why will it hurt any less?

    My parents are doing their best to be strong and carry on with their lives too, but they’re just so deeply sad. You can catch glimpses of it when they don’t know you’re looking. She was their youngest and their baby.

    Nothing anyone can do, but it’s just so very, very sad. She was a really special person and it’s all such a waste.

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  14. suki  April 27, 2023 at 9:13 pm Reply

    Suddenly, I catch this website after tryin to find abook about grief. 11 years have passed but the grief still lives inside. Even if i’m busy doing activities, there is still this grief which wanna shout out of my heart. This is so hard. I wished I could replace him. I forget to show and tell how much I love him. He is my dearest, my partner of crime of doing lie, my enemy and my lovely partner doing everything in my life. Sometimes, I try to distract by seeing romantic movies or western dramas, but deep inside, it still goes out. Shout out of my heart. I love him so much. And I hate to see the fact that I have struggled so far to live in this illusion of life for more than 11 years. Miss him a lot no matter I cry like a baby or just small tears. Going to his graveyard sometimes feel nothing, but when Im far from that place, this grief wanna hold my tears and wound. He even came into my dreams several times whenever I dont expect. Miss him a lot.

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  15. Suzette Arceneaux  April 14, 2023 at 2:32 am Reply

    I lost my older brother on October 12, 2022. We were very close and often talked about how it would feel when one of us would go first. I lost another brother at 14, he was 21, in a car accident and that was tragic. However, I didnt have alot of time to grieve because I wanted to be strong for my parents. I never really dealt with the pain of losing him, that was in 1982 and time has healed those wounds. Although many times I wonder what life would have been like with him here. I lost my mother in 1992, she died suddenly from a stomach anureysym. I then lost my dad in 2004. This was very hard for me, he lived with me for some time after my mother passed.
    My older brother and I were the only two left of our family. I had no idea how how much pain I would suffer with his passing. We visited one another on a daily basis and if we didnt visit we definately spoke on the phone. We had developed this strong bond because all we had left was each other.
    I dont have any regrets, he was concious before he passed and I was at the hospital by his bedside everyday. I had the chance to tell him how much I loved him and how special he was to me.
    I have the impending feeling of grief and lonliness that doesnt seem to be getting better. It is extremely difficult to wrap around in my head that he isnt here anymore. I listen to his voicemail on my phone daily just to hear his voice because Im afraid to forget it. I wake up thinking this is all a nightmare, it cant be real!
    My life is totally turned upside down, I cant sleep at night, I barely eat because Im not hungry. I stay in my bed all day and rarely leave my house. When I do leave I feel like the world outside of my room is so scary, I cant wait to return home to feel safe again.
    I realize that it is normal to grieve and especially to miss him because we were so close. However, I have no motivation to live I just go through the motions. Im hoping this is all a part of the grieving process and time will heal the pain.
    Its like I re-live the pain on a daily basis, when I wake up in the morning (if I was able to sleep at all) and for a moment I forget he is no longer here.
    Im happy I had the chance to share my story here because I am really afraid of the way I am handleling this loss. Thanks for listening and God bless you all.

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  16. Thea  April 13, 2023 at 9:56 am Reply

    Im 14 years old and my brother died 2 weeks ago. I need help. I feel like im suffocating in grief. He was only 11 and died in a car crash. Idk what to do or who to ask for help. This page has given me hope, and i know he wouldnt of wanted me to given up. Thank you

    • Denise Lara Mangalino  February 7, 2024 at 2:34 pm Reply

      Hi Thea, I’m so sorry to hear about your brother’s passing. I hope you are doing okay and have fund someone to speak with to help you manage this difficult journey that is grief. A good place to start with locating local resources is asking your school for assistance and/or letting your family know that you need more help.

  17. Lisa  February 17, 2023 at 9:08 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on Feb 6. We were very close and it is so difficult. She had battled cancer for about 20 years-1/3 of her life. Always the fighter-doing every treatment, surgery, chemo, and radiation the dr suggested over the 20 years. At the beginning of this January, she had a migraine for a week. I tried texting and calling but she said she would call me when she felt better. I kept asking if I could come up (from Houston) to help her. She kept saying no-so I waited, respecting her privacy. She was extremely private. She was not married, nor did she have children. So I tried to help her as much as possible. Quitting my job to be available if needed. She had a double mastectomy last summer and 6 weeks of radiation in the fall-that I helped her with. On January 9 she finally took herself to the ER. Was diagnosed January 10th with a brain tumor. Called me at 10:00 on Jan 10 and she had surgery at noon. The Dr only was able to remove 5-10 % as it had already infiltrated her cerebellum. She declined very quickly and passed on Feb 6. Being single, my brother and I made her medical decisions at the end. I signed my sister’s DNR. We had Ann admitted into hospice when her pain became unbearable and mental status declined. My brother, my mother (91 yrs old) and I stayed with her around the clock. 6 days after entering hospice Ann took her final breath. I miss her terribly and I am haunted by all the final decisions I had to help make. I feel I did everything possible and was so glad her pain was finally under control after entering hospice-but still have a pit in my stomach. Tomorrow I head back to Dallas to help my brother start the process of cleaning out her apartment. I am sure a whole new sadness will come over us. Thank you for listening and hugs to you all.

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    • Dawn M  April 4, 2023 at 11:44 pm Reply

      Lisa, I am so very sorry for your sister’s loss. I read your comment and sobbed for an hour and thought, “Finally, someone who gets it.” I lost my sister Christine in Feb of ’22, also to cancer. She had Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2008 and went into remission for 13 years, only to be diagnosed with AML 2 years ago. This time, I was her stem cell donor; previously, she had her own stem cells transplanted. She quickly suffered from Graft vs Host shortly after, and it all went downhill from there. When the doctors decided to stop making her a human Guinea pig last November, my parents used their home as a hospice. She turned 50 that year. I want to tell you that you are now in my prayers; this is going to be the toughest fight you’ll ever have to endure, but you will make it. Do NOT try to bear this grief on your own. And don’t wait to seek counseling or a support group, as soon as you can manage it. Love sent your way❤

      1
    • Kathy  April 7, 2023 at 10:10 pm Reply

      Lisa, I am so sorry. I’m reading your comment crying for my sister. I can imagine how deeply you miss her and how her suffering has impacted you. My sister developed brain Mets too from uterine leiomyosarcoma. Even though we all knew it was terminal somehow I didn’t think she’d die. I kiss her like crazy. It’s one year and 8 months but it is difficult. She and I were alike but she too was private like your Ann, and did not want me with her at the end. I am thinking of you and hold you in my heart. the shock and deep sadness is something I live with daily. I still cannot believe she is gone. Light and peace to you. Kathy

  18. Alison  December 6, 2022 at 2:16 pm Reply

    My baby brother died by his own hand in January and I feel I am stuck in a rut: outwardly I’m coping and fine but inwardly and when I’m alone I just feel bleak. He was brilliant at everything, and larger than life, everybody loved him but he only had one sister and I only had him. I am exhausted with missing him and not being able to cope with my parents who have fallen apart. I feel utterly disconnected from the world and still can’t believe he’s gone. Love you so much Mafoo x

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    • missx  April 26, 2023 at 9:12 pm Reply

      The disconnect is a very strange and horrible feeling, but it WILL pass or lessen. It can return a bit when you have memories or feelings much later. It is because we are so shocked at the loss of our sibling, because it is so insane, especially when the loss occurs this way! I do know. ): I have these weird dreams where my only brother (older than me) and my mother are between here on Earth and somewhere else, because I lost them both on the same day (at once) end of Sept. 2021. I am a well-known actress and singer in some circles, auditioned on Broadway for a well-known musical in Manhattan, and much more, but the incredible, brilliant talent and energy of my brother cannot be gone. I hope it helps everyone to know you are not alone in these feelings. We don’t know what loss is until we lose our family members.

      2
  19. kyky  November 15, 2022 at 9:01 pm Reply

    My older brother was murdered when I was 11, it’s been almost 10 years and I can’t move past it. I am consumed with grief, I honestly thought it would get easier. I wish my other siblings cared for me like he did, none of them check up on me or anything. Sometimes I feel forgotten by the people who are supposed to love me, and the one person who never made me feel that way is dead and I am alone. I am approaching the age that he died at and I am scared to live on, I feel guilty that I couldn’t save him but I feel even more guilty that I will be on this earth longer than he was.

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    • Sara  April 6, 2023 at 9:20 pm Reply

      I feel the same with being on this earth longer. My younger brother just passed away almost 2 weeks ago. He was 25. I’m 28. I have 2 kids, a husband, a great job and I feel completely lost and different now. I want my brother back. I don’t know how to find my old self again.

  20. Lucy  November 8, 2022 at 4:15 am Reply

    My little sister died in June of this year. I now only have my mom and dad left. I feel I lost not only a sister but also our family. Although I have my husband, I feel alone. I lost apart of my childhood. The only person who has grown up in the same world is gone . My mom is losing her mind now, my dad forgets everything. My husbands family isn’t my family. Life is strange now. But I just miss her. Nothing else really matters. I miss my sister. Just try to stay busy. Try to look for light in things and laughing at morbid things help. She was 23. I’m 29. Life is strange. People die. And people live.

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    • Sara  April 6, 2023 at 9:21 pm Reply

      I feel this same way. So lost and sad.

  21. Jennifer  October 18, 2022 at 9:25 am Reply

    My sons ages 20, 12 and 10 lost their 17 year old sister to cancer in September 2021. As a mom who is grieving it’s been hard to support them…some of the things said to us although well-meaning have been in truth awful. While other people ignored the fact these boys hurt and hurt bad. There’s a lot of pain behind the smiles…that doesn’t determine how well a person and/or sibling is doing. I wish their was more support for the forgotten victims of childhood cancer.

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    • Savannah  March 9, 2023 at 9:43 am Reply

      Hello, um (sorry, I’m a little shy) I lost my older brother, Jake at age 24, he died protecting me, he got shot directly in mid-section before the cops got there.

      I was grateful that he protected me, but cost him his life.

      The medical team immediately took him to the hospital and see if they can get the bullet out.

      They did get it out, but I was not going to make it, and my family came to say farewell to me, especially my younger sister.

      She said that she was happy that he protected her, and replied weakly that what brothers to, protecting their younger siblings and my love will always with you.

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  22. Edgar  October 3, 2022 at 2:26 pm Reply

    My little sister passed. Ten years younger than I am. She was 38. She knew something was wrong with a condition she had, she kept quiet about it, not to worry any of us, and tried her best to fight it… I feel guilty. Really guilty. I am her big brother and I’m faking my behavior everyday with my immediate family and at work.
    Yes, I feel guilty because I am the sibling that survived.
    I knew my sister inside and out and yet I didn’t know about the struggles or hardships that led to her death.
    I wasn’t able to protect her. I wasn’t able to protect her.
    There are things I wish I had said, but didn’t.
    I wish I could have cuddled with her and gave her all the hugs and kisses she deserved from a big brother. There were five of us, one boy (me,) and four girls. Now we’re down to four. It’s hard to say.

    I can’t get the thought out of my head that if I were to have hugged her, stopped her from thinking or talking, calmed her down with her head on my chest, would she have let everything out? Was that what she was looking for? Was that what she needed? How scared was she? Did she need ME to comfort her over everyone else? Who else was there? My father is too solid, she wouldn’t have wanted to worry my mother, nor my sisters. All of which are older than she was.
    She had no other man in her life. Always looked for me whenever she was in trouble. She looked for me a lot. We were constantly on the phone. It was always an overwhelming pleasure to see her and I had to hold myself back from hugging her and kissing her at times because like I said; she was always so hyped up and jolly. I hadn’t realized that at the same time, during her last days; she was only pretending everything was going to be ok. It’s been 3 months and I still wonder; Was she looking for that one specific hug from me when she looked for me? I feel as though I messed up big time. I didn’t see it and I now live with this guilt no one can help me overcome. I have to just live with it knowing it’s not healthy for me at all. I can’t enjoy hugging my own children like I used to because I can’t hug her, the guilt I feel that she’s not around to hug her own daughter, as well as my children, and I will never get to enjoy our family reunions without her. Things will never be the same ever again. I can hit the Lotto now and not enjoy it as much if I would have if she were still here with me.

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  23. Hillel  September 16, 2022 at 2:06 am Reply

    My older brother died 2 days ago. I feel I was with him so I don’t feel guilty. My 89 year old mother seems to be taking it hard. I want to be my own person and not get swallowed up by other people’s needs. At the same time my son is getting married the day after the funeral and I really want to be there for him

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  24. Linda G  September 13, 2022 at 6:05 am Reply

    I’m no stranger to loss. I lost my son and my husband. I’m not old by any standard. Two months ago I lost my youngest sister. It was sudden. She wasn’t sick. I’m the oldest of four girls and ten years older than my baby sis who was also my best friend. This is the first time I’ve read anything that addresses the death of a sibling. Support is scarce both within my shrinking family and from outside. There was no shortage of help when my child or spouse passed. For some reason, loss of a sister is ignored. I’m having a very difficult time. Part of it is cumulative—much of my world is now at the cemetery. But my relationship with my sister was as unique as she was—loving, caring and simply the definition of good and pure. I’m grateful for your acknowledgment of my daily pain. Thank you.

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    • Christina  March 12, 2023 at 10:56 pm Reply

      I lost my sister also unexpectedly. The pain I feel consumes me. I can’t breathe sometimes. I don’t even know where to start to get through this and she died almost 3 years ago. I feel the heartbreak and shock of losing her just the same. I feel like I need to get out of my own skin.

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  25. Joy  September 11, 2022 at 12:47 am Reply

    My little brother Gerry died on April 6, 2019. I have never recovered. He was my best friend, my closest connection in this world and now he is gone. I’m struggling to find some reason to go on. All I ever wanted to be in this life was a big sister, but I couldn’t protect the person I loved the most in this world. I’m beside myself with grief that has not abated one iota since my brother’s death. I can’t even bring myself to socialize because I don’t know what the point would be; why even try when they wouldn’t be as awesome as my brother? I just wake up each day and pray for God to take me to where my brother is. I just don’t know what to do. I’m filled with guilt (as the surviving sibling) and sadness and I don’t know how to move on.

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    • Litsa  September 12, 2022 at 2:20 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your incredible pain, Joy. Have you connected with a therapist to help you in the process of learning to live in the world without him. I think this could be a tremendous support to you. We don’t learn how to grieve and often we need some support and guidance in the process when the loss is so heavy. Please also know there is always hope and help – even when it feels hopeless. If you are ever thinking of harming yourself, ir just need assistance connecting with a therapist in your area, if you call 988 you can be connected with crisis support services in your area.

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    • Megan  September 12, 2022 at 3:14 pm Reply

      My brother was the best friend I ever had too. His loss was devastating for me too. I can tell you it gets easier to live with this pain, though it never goes away. A friend told me it would get 0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 easier each day and he was right. It’s slow. Allow yourself the time you need and don’t worry about what other people think about your timeline.

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      • Thato amelia  November 24, 2022 at 12:20 am

        My first symptoms of ALS occurred in 2014, but was diagnosed in 2016. I had severe symptoms ranging from shortness of breath, balance problems, couldn’t walk without a walker or a power chair, i had difficulty swallowing and fatigue. I was given medications which helped but only for a short burst of time, then I decided to try alternative measures and began on ALS Formula treatment from Tree of Life Health clinic. It has made a tremendous difference for me. I had improved walking balance, increased appetite, muscle strength, improved eyesight and others. ]

      • Jennifer L  April 19, 2023 at 11:04 pm

        I lost my brother April 20,2019 he was murder. I was closer to him then my twin sister. We did everything together. I just feel lost and alone the person is still walking around that killed him.

    • Rosy  February 21, 2023 at 10:39 pm Reply

      My only brother who was younger to me died because of me.since den I also want to go to him . daily I want to die.i have talked, searched many spiritual persons n talked to them but everything I found was lie.

    • Kattie  February 28, 2023 at 4:06 pm Reply

      Oh sweetie I feel your pain in such a way that I can’t even find the words to articulate it. It’s ridiculous and morbid and sounds horrific to say that I almost got excited to read your comment. Not because in any way I could find some happiness in anyone else’s pain, simply because your words mirror my life it seems and I felt excited I guess that maybe someone in the world understands me. My baby brother Nathan died on Jan. 3, 2022, slightly over a year ago. A baby, he was not. Nathan was 33 years old when he passed and I was 38. I have spent more than 3 decades experiencing life with this person in every way and to look back and realize someone I have loved forever and don’t even remember ever existing without, was ripped out of my life abruptly….has been life altering, heart shattering and lonely, to say the least. My brother was the most awesome person on earth. Our relationship was ridiculous and excessive and obnoxious but only because he was my very best friend and we could 110% completely be exactly who we were, with each other. We loved each other to the ends of the earth and I would willingly walk into fire or face war or give up ALL of my limbs, to just have him back. No one knew me like he did and loved me unendingly and always supported me without judgement….the way he did. We have been by each other’s sides for every up and down, every high and low, every celebration and every deep dark corner. The trauma of suddenly losing him and literally watching him grasp for breath in a hospital room that day was something that I will never get over, never in any way heal from and never be able to accept. Not ever. Just as you stated, the pain hasn’t abated in any way in my life. Not one ounce of it. Not for one moment. Time heals nothing. I’m broken and will never be whole without him. I’m not saying I can’t ever have happy moments or that I’m suicidal at all, I’m just saying that I will never be complete again. He was such a part of me….of who I am….and has left such a giant hole in my heart…it will never heal. I know this without question. I wouldn’t even want yo try out of fear that somehow my healing would be intertwined with somehow letting go of him in some way, which I will never EVER DO. I don’t care what anyone says I will never move on in any way that even suggests I’m letting go of any part of him or our history together. I can and will simply share every aspect of my brother and who he was and our life and our stories and all our laughter and every moment that crosses my mind regarding him….with anyone and everyone that will listen, I suppose. I promised my nephew (10 years old) the day Nathan died that I will be his “daddy-advocate” for the rest of our time on this earth. That I will never let a moment I’m with him pass by where I don’t help him remember his dad or celebrate his dad and our relationships with him and every moment we spent with him. My nephew is a huge part of how I’m even able to get up and exist in this world somedays….no one on this earth loved my brother as deeply or as much as I did (besides my parents obviously) and knew him as well as I did. Nobody. Never. Nobody on this earth both laughed and cried with him throughout life as much as I have. I will spend my life making sure my nephew knows who his dad was….how much he loved him…and what kind of man he was. But I do know, with absolute certainty, that the hole he left in my heart will never heal.

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  26. Gerri  July 10, 2022 at 3:17 pm Reply

    My little sister died 6 months ago still no answers i feel so lost without her for 36 yrs she was in my daily threw all our kids and life changes then just gone . detectives are providing no answers other then her life style choices are the key factors i wish i could get answers from the last person to see her alive or someone that heard something ….or anything for that matter some how nothing was heard or seen anything i feel helpless and broken

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    • Jaycee  July 13, 2022 at 11:58 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. My sister was 36 when she was murdered back in December. I feel the same sense of loneliness since I’ve literally known her my entire life. I spoke to her every single day so I have been having difficulty fitting into a world where she is not. The answers we have haven’t help. There’s been an arrest and details we had to find through the news but I’m still feeling that same shattered spirit as the day we found out she was taken. It’s so hard and everyone saying it’ll get easier actually makes it harder. I don’t know that anything I say will help you. But for some reason I found some mild comfort reading your comment because there’s someone out there going through what I am. It helps me to picture a place where I’m not as alone as I feel. Hopefully, my comment will at least do the same for you. All my prayers and all my love to you and your family.

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  27. Maleni  June 14, 2022 at 10:44 am Reply

    I’m 38, and i lost my brother when i was 18, and the pain is indescribable to this day. He passed away in 2002, and i have never stopped missing him, and the pain hasn’t gotten any less. It was just he and I, so when it was just me, i felt like a pillar was taken out of my life. I cry for him and miss him so damn much. I felt like part of my strength was taken from me. I still can’t believe i have to do life without him.

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    • Lindsey  October 21, 2022 at 12:34 pm Reply

      I completely understand how you feel.
      It was only my brother and I, and we were closer than most of my friends are with their siblings. Our house was the go to house in high school. And my friends all knew my brother.
      Big hugs 💜

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    • Megan  November 9, 2022 at 2:22 pm Reply

      I feel the same way, hating that I have to do life without him. I dread the things I will endure without his support. I sometimes feel overwhelmingly lonely on this planet without my brother. I have close friends but no one will ever compare. It’s ok to still cry. Just don’t stop living.

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    • Mary-- Lee  December 12, 2022 at 12:19 am Reply

      We lost our brother suddenly in 2018. We were a family of 3 boys and one girl, me. Ted and I were the middle children, me # ,2, Ted #3. We all suffered some level of abuse in childhood but esp Ted. He and I were major supports to each other all our growing up years. His death totals me still. I think of him every day. I think of how he struggled all his life. It seems his last 10 yrs were among the best. He achieved some long awaited dreams and made many friends. I feel it is unfair that the one who suffered the most, died too young. I wish we had spent more time together in recent yrs. I deeply regret I didn’t know he was having signs of heart trouble. I was an R.N. I feel like I should have known, I wish I could have helped save his life, cared for him even if he sustained a disability. His only son is orphaned. I do all I can to support him but it’s not enough. I have a disability that frustrates my ability to more effectively support him. I fear for his future. I wish we could have Ted back. I will never fully accept his loss. Part of my heart died with him. There’s nobody to talk to. I grieve alone in my room. I cannot imagine the depth of his son’s loss.

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  28. Joey h  May 19, 2022 at 12:10 am Reply

    I lost my big brother in 1990 I was 19 he had just turned 21.He had moved to Florida at age 15 to move in with our biological father because my mother was leaving our first stepdad for another Man and so me and my youngest brother were left with our mother and soon to be stepdad#2.At age of 19 my brother called said hey move to Florida I was in Ohio at the time.so after 4 years of separation me and my brother reunited in the spring of 1990.It was awesome being back together.as kids we were really close and now as young men we were reconnecting.i was impressed with him cause he was riding motorcycles which I thought was really cool.i can still see him sitting at his dining room table talking to his friends as I was walking out the front door of his apartment to go hang out with my buddy.i remember hesitating and looking back thinking I should say something as I was walking out.i remember a strange feeling coming over me at that moment but as young kids do just passing it off…if only I had known that would be the last time I would see him alive I would’ve told him he was the one person I always looked up to and the one person I always wanted to impress and make proud but I never got that Chance it’s been 32 years since that day and it has not gotten better in fact maybe worse cause as I’ve aged and lived life I’ve come to see all the things he and I have missed out on mostly being uncles to each other’s kids and I’m the only one in the family who even acknowledges his life so when I’m gone no one will even know he was here except for you who are reading this.hopefully one day two brothers will reunite again til then to my brother Jake I miss and love you wherever you are and hope to see you again!!!

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    • Lucy  November 8, 2022 at 4:32 am Reply

      I talk to the moon too lol. I think that’s when they come back to visit. The full moon feels like it’s my sister stoping by. Or we’re just losing ur minds. Who knows. Hope you’re doing well and your kids are thriving. You’re a good dad and brother. Positivity is hard but it’s a way of healing or strength. I don’t have answers but I liked your post. Keep talking to the moon.

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    • Miss X  April 26, 2023 at 9:25 pm Reply

      Hi, I started crying reading this because that’s what comes back to me more than anything; ‘seeing’ him in my mind as my older brother was when he was a kid, and how wrong wrong wrong it is that he left so tragically. The ‘forever’ part of it (being for the rest of our lives without them) is too much for anyone to comprehend, so I try to think of it as they have left, they have ‘moved on’, so we have to somehow do the same. There are times when he tried to connect with me and I was not around, and this was after not seeing him for many years! I kept trying to reach out to him, to help, and all I can say now is I can’t leave him alone in this cemetery, and I told him that on the day of the funeral ‘ I am not leaving you- you will always be by my side for as long as I live’.

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  29. Jin  May 10, 2022 at 8:21 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister way back in 2005 but it still seems like it happened a month ago. I watched as my mother grieved for her daughter, it tore me up to watch her. Now I just lost my dad due to cancer so he was home on hospice care. It was territory watch to. I’m always grieving my sister. I wasn’t there to protect her, I let her down. I can honestly say that watching my mother go through it took me off the list of grievers, only cause I tried to help my mother through it. I went through a bunch of emotions, sad, mad, every emotion seemed to be out in order. Meaning I went from one emotion to the next. I am now going through the somethings by trying to help my mom. I need to try and focus on me I stead keep sweeping it under the rug temporarily.
    I’m so sorry for the rest of you who are grieving in any way. Our time will come and I’m sure they’ll be waiting for us on the other side but for now we have to stand strong for that’s what they would want of us.

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    • Lindsey  October 21, 2022 at 12:39 pm Reply

      Oh Jin!!!

      I. So sorry that you feel like you aren’t allowed to grieve and be sad.
      You have every right to it. You need to be able to process the grief. It’s awful, and it hurts, but you have to make the space for it.
      When I lost my brother I had a 16 month old baby, and a few months after my brother passed I had a miscarriage. There was too much awful. Then I got pregnant with TWINS!
      Only when they were a little older was I able to start the grieving process all over again.
      Making space for the stories that I was worried about forgetting, Listening to our music, writing things down really helped. Talking about it with my kids helps too. Our girls never got to meet their uncle, but he’s just as much a part of our family.
      Sending love and hugs 💜

  30. Marissa  May 8, 2022 at 7:13 am Reply

    I lost my brother January 2020. He was addicted to heroin for a few years and got into some trouble and was sentenced to 2 years in county jail. When he was released he didnt tell anyone and went to get high. My dad found him 3 days later in my grandmothers abandoned house overdosed. He died on january 27 2 days before his 27th birthday. He has twins that are 8 now and they will miss out on such a good person. before the drugs he was my best friend. A hard worker a loving son, dad, and brother. I cant understand why he had to go. He had so much life to live, and i cant get over his death.

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  31. Eric  May 6, 2022 at 12:32 am Reply

    It’s been nearly 3 years since the unexpected passing of my brother. Some days I still cannot believe he is gone. Often there is a unique relationship between brothers — we were very different on the surface level. But deep down, we knew we always would look out for each other. I unexpectedly found his lifeless body at his house… he’d been having some medical problems one weekend, and was about to go to the ER. I went to his house to pick up his dogs to take care of them while he was at the hospital… but sadly, he never made it there. By the time I arrived, he was gone. The hardest thing I ever had to do in my life was to call our mom and tell her that the paramedics had arrived… and her second-born son had left us. To this day, I still suffer from flashbacks… reliving the entire day in detail (PTSD?). Happily, those flashbacks have diminished a bit. But I’ve learned that the ONLY thing that keeps me going is to acknowledge the fact that he would want me to KEEP LIVING and move forward. He will never be forgotten… that is for sure. But I make it through every day knowing that I’m trying to do what he would want. Not always easy, but it gets me through.

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  32. Alec Heesacker  April 14, 2022 at 6:10 pm Reply

    This had happened just a few years later, after I was being born.

    Mom was going to have another young child, but when my parents were going to have their next child, my Mom had to be rushed in for surgery.

    The doctors had diagnosed that the tiny fetus had got lodged itself into the tube and had burst the right fallopian tube.

    If, within any case, the fetus could have been Feminine, and if she could have been born, I would have been happy to have accepted a new sister within the family.

    She would have kept me warm during the cold nights, and maybe my mental problems would have not existed from my Kinder years to High School years.

    But sadly, as the result of human error,
    the child that was supposed to be born, had died.

    Now, I am all alone without any siblings.

    Everyone else had took off,
    marrying my three sisters.

    Furthermore, I am feeling bereaved and I am deprived of losing my prenatal sister within death.

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  33. Denis So  March 26, 2022 at 5:55 am Reply

    Well, I’ve died, but GOD, sent moi back to…..
    &my brother seems to be, taking it hard, because the old moi, was a good fool, but I’ve come back as a different person, was in a coma, for 3 months.

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  34. Lesley  March 17, 2022 at 5:07 pm Reply

    I have lost 4 siblings since 1st Jan 2017 the last being just 2 years ago. I was closer to my sister who passed away 2019 was like my second mum as lived with her off and on,my brother passed 2years ago in February just gone. I keep thinking about these two and miss them so much that I look forward to my passing to be with then again.

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    • js  April 2, 2022 at 3:51 am Reply

      My sister died when she was 16 and that time I were 11, now im 25. The death tore my family apart and I was left alone behind my parents grief. Till this day I miss my sister more than anything.

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  35. Cody Wollam  March 15, 2022 at 8:47 pm Reply

    I lost my sister Jessica March 4th 2018. Since that day seems like everyday goes by a little faster. Can’t believe it’s been over 4 years. She would have been 37 this year. She left behind 3 beautiful daughters and one hell of a intelligent son. I never really talk to anyone about this. I’m a truck driver so most nights I just talk to the moon about it. Like it listens lol. I’m not crazy I swear. Maybe it’s part of the grieving process. Wanting to talk to someone but not wanting anyone to know you’d like to talk to someone lol. I guess trying to stay strong and positive for your people and loved ones around you sometimes gets draining. Since my sister passed away I notice some changes about myself mentally. I’m sure losing a sibling does that. It seems like I don’t have anymore fear in this life. Like things that used to scare me rather it’s things like objects or people. Or even the thought of dying doesn’t scare me. It seems I have just lost it. Ever since she’s died I’ve pushed myself to be the best father to my daughters and a hard worker. I’ve never made as much money nor worked as hard as I do now before her passing. I’m basically staying as busy as possible so I don’t have to think about it. But also trying to do everything I can possibly do in this life while I have air in my lungs. I lost the process. I have a whole new mindset on everything. I wish she could see me now. I know she would be proud of the man I became. I’m thankful to have a guardian angel like her. Not to many do. I love you sis. And everyone that has to go through this that’s reading this. You are a strong mf. Keep pushing forward and make your last name a legacy. Believe. Do everything you can possibly do in this life so you have something to talk with them about when it’s your time.

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    • Shakirah Clark  March 22, 2022 at 2:16 pm Reply

      Cody, you can always email me or call me if you need a friend to talk to, Im here for you!! Please , Id like to
      be your friend !! [number redacted per site guidelines] My name is Shakirah!! I lost a brother at 66 on 11-13-2019, and my son who was 22 on 8-24-2012!!! I grieve and never
      have anyone to talk to either!! I cry a lot, a have a lot bottled up!! Nobody cares and nobody helps!! Im 60!!
      Im here to be your friend and maybe we can help each other!! Shakirah

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      • Dani T  April 22, 2022 at 2:56 am

        Hi Shakira my name is Dani. I can relate to how you feel .I suddenly lost my son who was 24 in Sep 13 2018. I am sure that I should speak to a therapist and I probably will. I tried talking with my daughter (she is now 24) and I get shut down because she is grieving too. I like to think that by taking about him , its all I can do to keep a piece of him alive

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    • Judy  April 21, 2022 at 2:05 pm Reply

      I feel the same as you Cody, as I lost my brother in March of this year and I am so lost and sad that I’m even having a hard time comprehending it all. I also feel as though as I have no fear any more in life. I’ve been crying each day just thinking about it. The loss is so big and scary, my brother was my world. To not have him with me in this world is almost unbearable. I pary each day makes me a little stronger. I loved what you wrote and if we believe I think she sees how good you are doing and they both are proud looking down at us. God Bless you and your family

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    • Francesco  May 22, 2022 at 6:24 pm Reply

      Cody, your message is beautiful.
      I lost my sister over a month ago. I am lost. My heart is heavy. I’ve never experienced anything like it.
      I am impressed by how you are handily your loss.
      I’d be happy to share more with you, if you’d like to.

      (email redacted per site guidelines – email site admin for information)

      Thank you.

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      • Lisa  December 4, 2022 at 3:05 am

        This is the first time ive done this type of thing but it would be nice to be able to be heard and understood how losing a love one or loved ones feels! I lost my youngest daughter unexpectedly sept 4th 2020 and lost my younger sister and my best friend october 26th 2021! Unexpectedly! I still cant get a grip on their deaths! I got laid off at my job of 14 years, i think the reason, because, i cryed every single day there, i guess that all the new people hired there by the new boss couldnt understand that i went back to work at a place that also where my daughter and sister worked! I was constantly triggered! I was told several times that i cryed to much and i needed to move on that they were in a better place! Am i the only person that doesnt want to hear that crap?

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  36. Nadine  March 13, 2022 at 8:41 am Reply

    My big bro went to bed 4 years ago and never woke up. He was my only sibling, my partner in crime, best friend and protector. I miss him every day. I can’t shift the image of him I lying there. He was the only person I really spoke to about our dad. Our dad died suddenly 28 years ago. I cry for them both. My relationship with my mum is broken. I feel so alone. I did everything with him. Everyone talks about my mum losing a son, and I wouldn’t wish any parent to loose a child. But I’m grieving too. My youngest son will never know him and that pains me so much. My eldest son misses him terribly and now his mental health is so bad. I worry about him every day. I sometimes wonder if my brother is with me in spirit or did he leave us. I just want him to come home. My emotions are all over the place. I have good days and broken days. I’m terrified of losing my mum… she’s extremely unwell and I know she wants to be with my brother. She tries to put on a smile but her eyes look sad. I threw myself in to work caring for other people… I couldn’t keep my dad or brother safe.. maybe I can keep others safe. Going through the rest of my life without my brother pains me…we grew up together, we were meant to look after each other forever 😢💔

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  37. Gina  March 5, 2022 at 1:59 am Reply

    My friend’s brother died today (I know the mom too, so her son died). He was in his 20s. For those of you who’ve also lost a sibling or child, how can I be a good friend right now?

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    • Shakirah Clark  March 22, 2022 at 2:29 pm Reply

      Gina, Be a good listener!! Be a good shoulder to vry on!! I lost my son o. 8-×4-2012, and my brother on 11-
      13-2019 , two days before my sons birthday, he was born o. 11-15-1989, he died at 22, my only son, Corey. My brother Roger never made it to his retirement, be was 66!! I miss them both!! My parents died in 1990, and 1991!! My mother couldnt lived without my father,
      and died 9 months later in 1991!! I had nothing but death around me!! Iost my family from 1989, to 2003!!!
      You have be there for someone when they really need you. I dont have anyone, so, I sit and cry by myself everyday, not even my husband helps!! Nobody cares!! Nobody ever has helped either!!
      I hope youre a good person to want to help!!
      God will be good to you, for being the understanding
      one!! God bless you!! Keep in touch!!

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      • Dani T  April 22, 2022 at 3:14 am

        I would like to be a support for you Shakira . I am not sure how we can connect, this website will not allow me to give you any info. Do you use Facebook?
        Go to (Alpha and Omega Hair Co.com) click contact us and call or email. That’s my website.

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      • Jin  May 10, 2022 at 8:30 pm

        Dani T, you can spell out your phone number, use letters. One. Two zero nine. Etc

      • Litsa  June 8, 2022 at 4:30 pm

        Hi Jin, we do not allow contact exchange publicly on this site. Should someone want to contact someone else, they can contact the site admin by emailing whatsyourgrief@gmail.com and sharing who they would like their info shared with. We will then email that information to the other person, leaving it to them to decide if they would like to reach out.

      • Rachel W  September 17, 2022 at 4:38 am

        I lost my sister on August 27th 2022. I am struggling with resuming life. Everything hurts and I feel so fragile. I hear and feel your pain. Please reach out, I would love to talk ❤️‍🩹

    • Jeffrey Kramer  April 6, 2022 at 8:35 pm Reply

      I would just gently and consistently let that person know you are here. I lost my brother at the age of 31 three weeks ago, and its hard to ask for help. I have never felt so alone, and the person who has texted me everyday has meant the world to me.

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      • Alison  May 28, 2022 at 3:49 am

        Jeffrey I completely agree with your advice about gently reminding the person you’re there for support. My brother died 4months ago at 45 and it has been an awful journey of self-discovery and forced exploration off family relationships for me, and the few people who have sent those quiet regular ‘how are you’ messages have meant more than I could ever have known.

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    • Dani T  April 22, 2022 at 3:03 am Reply

      Hi Gina,
      When I suddenly lost my son ( Sept 13 2018 )he was just 24 and getting ready to have a second baby. I had to discover group grief Counseling alone. It’s usually free at most check churches in the neighborhood offered to go with them there and it’ll help you understand ,a bit about what they might be going through as well as be supportive to the person who lost their love one. Offer to make the appointment or Find it in advance and then offer it to them.

    • Lyn  April 22, 2022 at 12:30 pm Reply

      Hi Gina, My name is LYN l have lost family members and what you need at times like these is a friend and a shoulder to cry on and most importantly someone who will just listen to you one thing that l found people would say that really up set me was it’s time you moved on and got over it. There are what l call safe people to talk to just be there and be a good listener and friend she will never get over the loss but eventually learn to live with it but it does take time good luck and l hope l have been some help to you 🥰

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  38. Lou  January 29, 2022 at 2:48 pm Reply

    My brother died when he was 3 years old and I was 6. I am now 43 & not able to talk about him without bursting into tears. I guess I never properly grieved and I didn’t talk to my parents because I didn’t want to upset them. Now I am a Mum to a son who has just turned 4 and all these feelings have surfaced. My husband suggested talking to someone about it but wasn’t sure who as it’s grief from such a long time ago.

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    • Jin  May 10, 2022 at 8:38 pm Reply

      I agree with your husband. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was, you are still grieving and not coming to terms with it per say. I think you will really feel better to talk to someone who knows how to deal with the pain you feel.
      Your not alone… I’m sorry for your loss.

  39. Anthony  January 23, 2022 at 12:19 am Reply

    I lost my younger sister 2 years ago…a month before her 35th birthday. She was my absolute best friend in the world and basically the only person that i would talk to about everything in my life. i was never a very sociable person and i aways just kept to myself, but my sister would always get me to open up and talk to people. when ever id lose my temper over something all it would take is a few words from her and I’d instantly calm down. I feel like there is something wrong with me because it has already been 2 years and nothing i have tried has helped me move on from this pain. I wake up everyday feeling the same. not one day has gone by where I’ve felt any better. I just don’t understand why i cannot move on and be normal like everyone else.

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    • Litsa  January 23, 2022 at 8:43 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for what you’re going through and the depth of this loss. Please know that it is a myth that people “move on” after a loss. People do get stronger, learn ways to cope with the pain, it becomes more tolerable to manage, but those we’ve lost and that grief stays with us in some way forever. Have you seen a grief counselor or considered a sibling loss group (either in person or online?). Grief can be so hard, especially when the person you’ve lost was one of your main support people! That doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. But it might mean some added support could help.

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    • Kristin  February 14, 2022 at 2:48 pm Reply

      Anthony, my heart hurts for you. I understand exactly how you feel. It has only been 3 weeks since I lost my younger brother suddenly, at age 39. We had a very rough childhood, and as a result were extremely close. He was my best friend, and the only other person in the world who understood my pain. I feel like I’m missing half my heart, and it feels like this ache inside is never going to go away. I literally haven’t left my house, I haven’t spoken to anyone, and if I’m being honest I don’t think I’m able to even accept yet that he’s gone. And it sure doesn’t feel like this will ever get easier with time.
      I hope you’re doing better in your grief ❤️

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      • FUNDA  March 12, 2022 at 2:54 pm

        Same thing happened to me. Can I talk to you

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      • Mary  June 22, 2022 at 2:20 pm

        My heart goes out to you. Things will get better day by day. I lost my brother 10 months ago. During the first couple of weeks I was walking around in a daze. Things slowly got better. I miss him very much and still cry my eyes out. We feel this way because we love them. Hang in there and find strength in God. He alone will get us through. Bless you.

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    • Gillian  February 14, 2022 at 3:11 pm Reply

      I totally get it. I lost my brother 2 years ago in March and the pain seems to be getting worse rather than better. Iv spoken to several ppl who have been through a loss and are now years down the line and apparently it does get easier. Thoughts and prayers are with u

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  40. Christi Tonn Norquist  January 9, 2022 at 4:28 pm Reply

    My brother, ten years my junior, was taken by COVID on January 21, 2021. His birthday day was yesterday, January 8, 2022. I miss him so much. We had our separate lives but I was 10 when he was born and he was my baby. What hurts is I wasn’t able to be with him, care for him and hold his hand. There is no closure because he was in Arizona, I am in Alaska and his ashes went to his son in California. We simply were unfinished and I am totally undone…

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    • Litsa  January 23, 2022 at 11:28 pm Reply

      I am so incredibly sorry Christi. Sometimes when you feel you were separated from family and ritual, creating your own private ritual can be really meaningful – even if it is something so small, like eating his favorite food or listening to his favorite music, to feel close with him like you might if you had his ashes or had been nearby at the time of his death. It is something that many do when they don’t feel they had the usual connections at the time of someone’s death. Sending many good thoughts.

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    • Hayley  February 5, 2022 at 8:09 am Reply

      I lost big my sister, Hillary, to cancer on Wednesday of this week. She was 31 years old, and had been struggling with the cancer for about 16-months. I am just so inconsolable and in pain. My sister was a strong and fun loving personality and she took her role as big sister incredibly seriously. She mentored, guided and loved on me like no tomorrow. Even into adulthood it was common for me to call Hillary for hours a day. Every decision I made was filtered through her first, her opinion was the highest for me. I’m left so raw and open and I feel completely lost and like I’ll never be able to live the same again. I was always bubbly and carefree–I’m scared I’ll never be that way again, because how could I?

      This loss is so horrible. How do you move forward? In my case, my parents are wrecks and her new husband who is only 29 years old is suffering immensely. I can’t help but feel that my grief is lesser but in my heart I know my sister and I had such an intense bond. It feels like I continually have to explain that to people to feel my feelings are valid. I’m not sure if that’s something they have put on me or that I have put on myself.

      I love her. I miss her terribly already.

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  41. Letty  December 13, 2021 at 10:52 pm Reply

    My younger brother passed September 22nd 2021 10 days after celebrating his 30th birthday.
    I miss him so much!! Him and I grew up together always together we were really close I called him brother and he called me sissy. My heart hurts so much just thinking I won’t get to hear his voice or laughter ever again. He was the best brother ever always stood up for me with him I felt protected even against my parents and other siblings he always stood up for me. I have so much hate towards covid it took the best brother I could have ever asked for. I dream a lot about him and that literally the only way I’m close to him it’s always something nice. I’ll never stop missing my brother he was more than a brother he was a best friend

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    • Diane  January 16, 2022 at 11:11 am Reply

      Hi my grandson lost is brother in November he was adopted he was going to be 19 in December his parents didn’t tell us till New Year’s Day he as also had his sevice without his proper family we feel numb we carnt process it my grandson just doesn’t understand why didn’t they tell us

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  42. Kirstie  December 11, 2021 at 10:57 am Reply

    I lost my big brother on 29th October this year. He was 46 years old. Around 10 years ago he suffered burst portal veins in his stomach which should have killed him. He was young and strong and fought through hours of surgery to make a slow recovery. During this recovery period of a few years it was discovered he had a form of blood cancer. He received treatment and carried on fighting until around a year and a half ago when things took a turn for the worse. He was told he needed a bone marrow transplant. I am his only sibling so we kept everything crossed and fate smiled on us, I was not just a match, I was a 100% match on all markers. Last November I donated, he received and once again astounded everyone with the speed of his acceptance of my cells and his recovery. Unfortunately, around September time this year his symptoms began to return and they returned fast! By the end of September he was told he had developed Acute Myeloid Leukaemia- a rare side effect of the chemo he had previously received. As he had already had a bone marrow transplant the outlook was bleak. Still he decided to fight, he went in for chemo, my cells were still fighting and the graft host rashes came back and then he developed sepsis. Within a week he was gone. To say I feel helpless that despite all of that fight we still lost is an understatement. I take comfort in the fact that due to his illnesses we had a relationship of open and unconditional love that I will never doubt but every part of this article resonates with me and at this early stage of grief I currently feel consumed by the reality that he is gone and won’t be a part of our futures. Life just isn’t fair.

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    • Elisa U  March 18, 2022 at 1:04 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry Kristie. I too lost my sister on Oct. 29, 2021 to cancer…Its unbearable to accept things. People say as time goes by the pain gets easier. For me its been the opposite. As days go by I miss her more and wonder how life can be this unfair. She has just turned 44 and she was like my mom. We were very close and everyday I have to remind myself she’s no longer here. Our only positive outcome is that our siblings are no longer in pain. And our pain of not having them with us doesn’t compare. But it hurts like hell to breath sometimes….

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      • Holly collins  July 24, 2022 at 12:06 pm

        In my family it was just me and my 2 year younger brother . The accident happen when my brother was 17 and I was 19. I was at a club with friends and I was all of a sudden bummed rushed with people who knew my brother and my self, reporting to me ,that my brother was in an accident and it didn’t look good. My friends and I hurry to the Seen of the accident, which wasn’t far from where I was, we have a tunnel in our town, and this is where I reach his totalled truck. My friends and I get out the vehicle and immediately run down to accident but all I see is a ambulance with his passenger and a empty truck. I keep asking the officer ,where is my brother and after so many times of me asking, he blurts out, he has deceased and already gone. I screamed so loud and so long, I must have blacked out. My brother’s friend was in the ambulance and had to see a therapist due to nightmares of me screaming. Driving to the hospital, where our mother was a e.r. nurse was on her shift and took the call. My heart was ripped out my chest, arriving I have a overwhelming, foggy, blur of a memory, my dad crying and the hurt of losing a child must be.
        Today I am 48 and I’m still dealing with issues of depression and a fear of death.
        I can relate to the grievance of my parents but agree there was no one for me.
        The only sibling left, I couldn’t talk to my parents, there were grieving. I felt even more left out and didn’t want to be around them because I felt guilty for being alive. The confusion and the not know where to go from there was never discussed. No one spoke and our home became dark and lonely.
        The first problem I can quickly aware of is myself not being able to return to my brother’s tomb, still till this day.
        This happen in my high-school years in 1992. I am married for 22 years with 2 daughters and I definitely have been extremely hard around there approaching the 17 year old, just driving a car years.
        My fears as I get older are getting more unmanageable and or causing my husband to be baffled. I take Lexapro as of 3 years now, but it doesn’t help me put things in perspective. Also my husband had also lost a sibling as well but he was 8 and his sister was 20. I believe dealing with grief as a teenager the struggle is harder and more difficult than at a younger age in many ways. The fact that my girls have never meet their aunt and uncle and vice Vesa. I will never be an aunt, my brother didn’t see me get married, birth children and now our parents or in their 70’s, dealing with death is coming fast and I’m struggling with my parents approaching death. I will have no family left but my husband and girls, my husband parents or older than mine and or headed to death as well..
        Both sides of my family all gone..
        Rough , not to mention menapause all at same time.
        It’s definitely hard to explain to someone how your feelings and how someone can help. It’s making me insane all the thoughts in my head.
        I’m struggling with the saying ” God always has a reason for taking someone, their Is a lesson or message behind it” or something to that nature, I don’t understand what this means.
        The longer time goes by , the more people forget but I can never forget!
        PEOPLE say they feel there person near them or they send some kind of message, I have not felt,seen or anything like people talk about. Is it just the hoping and wishing, people’s missing of a person may think they have, just for there on sanity? I think of myself all alone in that dark box, I can’t see or breath, my anxiety is building stronger and stronger, I can hear people crying and walking away, but I’m still there and No one can hear me. The nightmares are worsening for me.
        Wow, “BREATH” I haven’t said those words to anybody EVER!!
        THE struggle is real and Neverending and it sucks
        Thank you for just letting me rant
        To my brother ( kirk) I miss you so much and I need you more than anything right now, 😫😥

      • Kathy  April 8, 2023 at 7:16 am

        Lisa, I am so sorry. I’m reading your comment crying for my sister. I can imagine how deeply you miss her and how her suffering has impacted you. My sister developed brain Mets too from uterine leiomyosarcoma. Even though we all knew it was terminal somehow I didn’t think she’d die. I kiss her like crazy. It’s one year and 8 months but it is difficult. She and I were alike but she too was private like your Ann, and did not want me with her at the end. I am thinking of you and hold you in my heart. the shock and deep sadness is something I live with daily. I still cannot believe she is gone. Light and peace to you. Kathy

  43. stef  November 30, 2021 at 2:47 pm Reply

    Hi everyone. I lost my sister 7 months ago. She was 20. She was an addict, and had just gotten out of rehab. She and I were best friends. I’m not exaggerating, the most important (besides my kids) person in my life. I did everything for her and was there for her always, no matter what stage of addiction she was in. She was the most amazing, pure soul there. I am hurting. This whole post made me cry because I don’t feel like my parents understand. They are grieving and I get it, but I am also hurting with little support from them. Then my sister in law passed away 2 months ago from the same way (fentanyl overdose). This year has taken so much from me

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    • Stephanie rivera  December 20, 2021 at 4:39 pm Reply

      Hi stef
      I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about your sister passing away and I want you to know that your not alone . Your post made me realize I’m not alone. My brother passed away a few days ago and he was too an addict fresh out of rehab and I’m broken I honestly fear not being able to over come this feeling my heart hurts and I don’t know how to cope with him being gone I just wanted to reach out and tell you thank you for sharing your post I will finish writing you after I finish grocery shopping for my parents because I’m literally sitting in my car balling in tears as I write you this reply but I couldn’t help it just know I’m hear for you and I would like for us to maybe share some coping strategies. Well till next time stay safe n keep your head up you got this girl 😉 -<3steph

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    • Cody Wollam  March 15, 2022 at 9:14 pm Reply

      I’m sorry Stef. Takes a strong person to deal with all that pain your going through everyday. My sister died 4 years ago from Fentanyl. Same day she got out of jail.

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      • Stefi  April 1, 2022 at 4:00 pm

        Hi Cody. Thank you so much, and I’m so sorry to hear for your loss.
        There is no pain like losing a sibling. It’ll be a year in exactly 3 weeks for me now. Life is hard, but the grief is getting more manageable as time goes on. I miss the hell out of her every single day.

  44. Audree A Kropen  November 28, 2021 at 4:07 pm Reply

    (URL redacted)

    SibsForever is a non-profit focusing on sibling relationships cut short due to the death of a sibling. The cornerstone of the non-profit is a web application where sibling relationships can be documented, shared, and honored to help with understanding and managing sadness stemming from sibling loss.

    So much is lost and forgotten as time passes: SibsForever is the platform for sibs to tell their hidden stories and capture precious moments.

    I’ve spent the last year writing this web application. It’s new but is out there for anyone to use. I’m committed to keeping it going, supporting and enhancing it. I lost my sister as a teenager and wrote this in honor of our relationship and for my granddaughter who recently lost her twin brother.

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  45. Gabe  November 22, 2021 at 9:03 pm Reply

    ok I’m 43 and lost my only sister a year ago she was 41, it happened all to quickly she had a brain bleed, and then on life support and then the unthinkable. Ive been having such a hard time dealing with, I feel I have to put up a strong front and inside I’m dying and want to scream out I miss her so much. I feel maybe sharing this will help but honestly I feel she should have been the one to be around not me, she never had any kids but all kids loved her friends kids, cousins kids, she was the “aunt” that all the kids would love to see she played games with them she gave surprise gifts and she never forgot a birthday she was an amazing women

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  46. Shelley  November 6, 2021 at 9:52 pm Reply

    I lost my sister/my best friend 25 years ago. I still can’t get over it. I believe that her husband had a hand in it. He was very abusing. I hate him. Since then I have went thru cancer fibromyalgia neuropathy lupus thrombosis and 2 strokes. Still trying to figure out why the heck am I here ?? Ready to end it.

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    • Litsa  November 9, 2021 at 7:12 pm Reply

      Shelley . . . please know that many people struggle to make sense of why they are here without someone who meant everything to them (a sibling or otherwise). But there is always help and support and often these thoughts are the deepest and worst parts of grief and depression lying to us and making us feel that there is no hope. Please call the suicide helpline if you are thinking of hurting yourself – 1-800-273-8255.

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    • Angie  December 2, 2021 at 10:20 am Reply

      I lost my brother to suicide. I understand things r extremly rough .. ive been without him now since April 18 th ,2018 But please Shelly if u hhave anyone in this world that loves u that u care about at all dont ever leave then that way . A part of then dies with u and they wilk never be the same . It will change them inside and not for better and its almost impossible to get any of ur true self back . I cant explaine it but it just even feels different then grieving any other way ive lost alot of people in my life. But please things can always be worse i was just tok off a vent that i was on for 11 days none knows why we go threw what all we.do only the Lord, but i will tell u fot my own expiriences it absolutely can get worse always and suicide is never the answer and since i lost my brother it wilk bever ever ever b even an option ever again i have family that love me .. if u have children ? Ya know how people r always talking about how they love their kids so much that they woukd die for them . Well if u would die for them and ur suicidal thinking of giving up. Then choose to live for them. They need u even if u think they dont trust me they do and if u could see by loosing my brother this way has done to my family especially my mother, well u would never want to put that on anyone that u even care for at all. so please talk to me before y ever even concider that .. ok . God loves u and so do i.. choose to live for them even if not for urself , it can always b worse ..

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  47. Bree  September 27, 2021 at 5:13 pm Reply

    Hello!
    I am apart of a non profit called Siblings of Murdered Siblings. we started as a small group on Facebook which has grown. It’s a special group of people supporting each other in a journey not everyone understand.

    Please let me know if we can be a help to you or anyone else!

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    • Earlana  October 30, 2021 at 4:22 am Reply

      When I was 7 years old my sister died in my lap from a gun shot. She was 6. She was my best friend. It’s been 31 years and I still miss her everyday. Life is hard without her.

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    • Eva  February 19, 2022 at 8:53 am Reply

      Hi my son was murdered March 18 2021 he was my only son he was 29 and he got murdered by friends and other people that had been plotting it for awhile they robbed him and shot him and beat him at his home that I live in now and it’s very hard cuz I only had my son and daughter and I lost my son that day and also lost my daughter and grandchildren but not in death but she stopped talking to me for the things that belonged to my son and took up for a ex of my son’s that took his stuff from his trailer but it’s okay cuz only god knows what he does for every thing god does is for something he has for them that left and for us it hurts like nothing else could hurt u in this world and it changed my life so bad since his been gone I’m just starting to start laughing and get out of isolation if it wouldn’t be for father god and all my passed loved ones of the light that have helped me get out of these situations letting me know that they have never left me but are here energetic with me loving me and helping me get out of this isolation I’ve been going threw and so much they have done to me family members and friends but it’s okay cuz I have no time to be doing or throwing things to them I’m to myself not in depression or anger or hate for I forgive each one of them and forgive myself and move forward cuz believe it or not justice is fixing to be served to each and everyone of them that had anything to do with my son’s murder and them that having doing anything against me in any kind of way plotting lying trying to hurt me I just send each and every one love and light for only god knows what I’m talking about and my passed loved ones and angelic realm ancestral guides spiritual guides all of the light and guardian angels and archangels know I’m not crazy or delusional like they want people to think cuz I know who I am and what I’m here to do and they just didn’t know that I am the one here to serve justice to the ones that can’t defend them self and need to know God and save there souls to know there’s a bigger better way and that father god and love and light and happiness is the key to a fortunate life not the money fame or power cuz there’s no power in those things but only in the father god and his love and light that we have like father god so I just want to say to all that have lost a sibling or friend or pet that there’s still life and healing with father god it’s hard it’s not easy but we have to release them to father god and light them a white candle to get to the light and cross over to the other side for as we be going threw the grief but one thing we aren’t realizing is that we’re holding on to them and they can’t leave and cross over to the other side and it’s not right for as we have to go threw many stages in our life so do they and they know that they left u in so much hurt and pain and they don’t want to see us grieving and hurting or less be angry or have hate for them that hurt them but to forgive them and forgive ourselves and be happy for they are happy not having to deal with this cruel world due to all the evil money and fame power has done to people and made them lose there souls to the devil but only know that this would be a beautiful world full of love and light if only everyone would come together in love and light and god would heal the land but nobody wants to turn from there wicked ways and repent in heart and soul spirit and be a light and love to one another and all this killing covid and sickness and bad diseas would stop and the world would be a different world thevway it was suppose to be in the beginning for earth is just a school to learn lessons and be right and do God’s purpose not ours but also of us don’t understand that when u die u just don’t go and rest and think it’s over no we all come back that’s what recarnation comes in and we come back as karmic or earth angels to make a difference to the world help humanity and others that have been threw what I’ve been threw or what other earth angels have been threw to change the world from fake politions lying government so much things of all are Indian tribes how they say they burnt paper work when it’s all in a computer of the really Indian tribes and how there children have the right to them and they know what I’m talking about and yes I’m saying it cuz it’s time for it to all be known how false and corrupted this world really is and how the did all the tribes and stole there land for wine and a little of nothing but it all will be revealed. father god I thank u for letting put this out cuz I know it wasn’t me but u father god to get everyone’s attention find the father god and his beautiful life of blessings power and fame his the only father god that’s all that yes u are father god amen to u father god

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  48. Hang  September 27, 2021 at 4:07 pm Reply

    Everything written in this post is accurate. All the emotions I went through as the survivor sibling…

    I lost my only brother on September 21st this year. It was so sudden and devastating. He’s only 28 years old, married with 2 kids, the smaller one is only 6 months old.

    My brother was the rock of our family. He’s loved by everyone, he’s so kind, wise, calm, and generous.

    I cried so much thinking that he would never see his kids growing up, or he would never attend my wedding.

    My parents are suffering so much as well. It breaks my heart to see them in pain…

    Grief is exhausting.

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  49. Gloria  September 14, 2021 at 1:02 am Reply

    My name is Gloria my sister was Helen her and I share 2 other sisters dawn the oldest and lisa the youngest. Helen and I were the only 2 full blooded sisters and were a year apart so you know we were close. Helen had 4 children her oldest 16 youngest 9 Helen was a recovering meth user. I have never done drugs or drank she did both. Helen worked 2 jobs and spoiled her kids. She told me she felt guilty About her past and how she would get high and not spend time with her kids so she was trying to make up for everything. Helen moved from Southern California to east Texas with our mom to try and better herself and her kids life. Helen had the most contagious smile and always joked around she absolutely loved Freddy Krueger and David Bowie she substituted meth with vodka and her oldest daughter would rub in her face every day what a worthless mother she was and would hit her mom one day I guess it really got to her because she was found unresponsive in her bathroom on December 5th 2020 her death certificate says death by hanging she never even told me she was suicidal and I regret not seeing it I have her ashes and precious items in my room now my sister left no note behind and was in the middle of cooking when she did this. Her boyfriend is the one who found her and i sometimes wonder if maybe he hurt her and made it look like a subside. I miss her so much and don’t know how I’ll live the rest of my life without her she was only 36

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    • Mehdi  October 9, 2021 at 5:08 pm Reply

      Hi Gloria, I’m so sorry for your loss. The grief is unbearable. I understand you completely. I lost my brother to hanging too. And like your sister, my brother was found by my father probably a few seconds after he hanged himself, but my father didn’t do anything to save him. He was not a loving father for him. That’s so sad.

  50. Harisha  September 10, 2021 at 4:36 am Reply

    I lost my Younger Brother Aneesh Aka Madhu to a electric accident on 7th July 2021 and it was such tragic that it happened on that Wednesday evening and we got to know only the next day afternoon. We grew up like twins since our childhood we are just 1.6 years apart but we were thick in everything we did from childhood and then when I was 12 I went to boarding he grew-up with parents but he was very loving and always addressed me as “ETA” means “Big Brother” in our language Malayalam. Never addressed me with my name that’s the kind of respect he had towards me! Always honest and straight forward. He spoke his heart out what he felt. Loved and connected to everyone in the family and out so well. Very kind from heart and we both had our own set of journeys but we did connect well.

    But then comes a storm always in anyone’s life we had few misunderstandings due to my personal issues what I had and he wasn’t quite happy but again after a course of time we got back like how we were but there were obstacles. But I loved and missed him the most always as my younger one and even he did. He always said this to me when he was far away from me in UAE and i in India “Brother for me it’s you and for you it’s me” so we will there always for each other!

    He came back to India but still I couldn’t spend much quality time with him due to me working away from home and he doing his own things and farming etc. But I did try and make sure he is happy and doing well but don’t know where what went wrong I lost him to a tragic electric accident and I just can’t forget his talks, the jokes he made, they way he smiled and spoke, the way he walked around and did things. He was a top cook and did everything at home without letting me do anything when we lived together in my Bachelor days. I so miss him. I feel there is a hole in my heart and I miss him so much so badly that no one can console me ever. I always have this question God why such a big punishment to us? What did we do wrong? Where did we go wrong when we always wished good for others and prayed?

    I can’t stop crying thinking about him this is so painful! My Mom loved him the most I really don’t know how she is holding up if I am not able to. Even my Dad 😔😔😔!

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  51. Deanna  September 9, 2021 at 10:12 pm Reply

    I lost my little brother and only sibling June 3, 2021 from an acute pancreatitis. The doctors expected a full recovery that is what is so hard. He was 48 with 3 teenagers. He passed 11 days before his 49. Our father who was 81 was diagnosed with cancer last summer. I lost him July 15, 2021. My mom passed 33 years ago at age 42. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. My heart is torn in two and I feel so alone. I have my husband, kids and grandkids..I wouldn’t know how to go on without them..and I love them dearly..but I just feel shattered. I just can’t wrap my head around it.

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  52. Mehdi  September 7, 2021 at 8:56 am Reply

    I lost my beloved little brother on April 5, when he was only 24. He hung himself. The sad part is he told me about going, and once going to afterlife. I didn’t take him seriously. He was the person I loved the most in this world. His death seems so ridiculous to me, as he was supposed to grow and have a family, rather than rest in that cold grave. I could probably have prevented his death easily. I neglected my brother because of my damn work.
    I curse myself all the time because of forgetting about my brother for 5 years. I must have paid more attention to him and taken his depression more seriously.
    He surely gave up on me as a supportive brother.
    I curse myself for not expressing my love to him when he was alive, while I used to put fake masks in front of a lot of people, being nice to a lot of people, while forgetting the one that really mattered to me.
    I’m angry at my parents too for firing childish arguments all the time.
    And, I’m angry at myself for leaving the family and living in another city.
    I’m angry at myself for being too cold and stupid with my brother.
    I sometimes dream if him like he has returned from death, feeling very happy in the dream and kissing my brother. Then, I wake up and see real life is the real nightmare.
    This world is so void without my brother.

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    • Logan  December 8, 2021 at 11:13 am Reply

      My brother was only 16, he left me because of road accident, i was waiting for him to come home, he was wearing my belt, tie, shocks, shoes, bag and jacket and watch too, i love my brother so much, i can’t even see him now, please someone tell me why god doesn’t exist, and what is the point to live without the loved ones. My brother used to watch anime, sketch anime characters, he loved to watch call of duty streams, he even didn’t had better phone to play the game. Sometimes i gave him my phone to play low storages games, my only dream was to earn and buy him a good ipad, so he could play the game, i wanted to make him youtuber, but this is what i got, i didn’t even hugged him once, i wanted to hug him so badly, i can’t even text to god, being in west asia and being born in poor country like Nepal makes me feel so bad, why my only brother had to be in this accident, i can’t even text to god

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  53. Sara  September 5, 2021 at 10:37 pm Reply

    Hello my name is Sara I lost my only sibling two months ago , she was healthy and in a blink of an eye everything changed , she was diagnosed with lung cancer she was only 27 years old after 2 days of her diagnosed she passed away.. I feel lonely and numb in the same time she was my family, I lived in a divorce household she was the one who raised me and now knowing she’s gone yet so young made me have anger issues and i feel it’s not normal , I’ve been isolated in her funeral I didn’t cry every one assumed that I was strong in fact I was in shock before her death in one day I had breakdown, and I cried after her funeral in one week but today I had the most difficult breakdown I’ve ever had in my life, it’s like I’m going out of my mind my therapist says that it’s okay to express your sadness but I always avoid my emotions and now I feel lonely because I can’t cry in front my family I only cry alone and now I have the feeling I want someone by my side , knowing I’m 23 and married my husband was by my side when I was in shock in the very first days of her death , but today when I breakdown I felt like he was annoyed he told me that I was over reacting , is it normal to have a breakdown after 2 months after your siblings passed? Bc I can’t move on that fast .
    Sorry for my English It’s not my first language.

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    • KC  September 19, 2021 at 12:11 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I just lost my brother he was murdered August,17th 2021.
      I miss him more than life he was my best friend would kill for me. I just had to reply back to you please don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having a break down
      I was like you in shock and I’m still in shock I’m sure I will have crazy break downs in the future and let me tell you m from the south when I break down you will probably hear me where your at. Anyway I just wanted to tell you I’m praying for you. One day we will be with them and our Lord and Savior. They both have it great there in heaven with Jesus. May God wrap his arms around you snd comfort you. God Bless you my friend.

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    • Andrew Green  October 23, 2021 at 6:45 pm Reply

      Very sAd
      I.ost mysister not long ago
      The worst feeling ever

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  54. toyin adenekan  September 5, 2021 at 1:30 pm Reply

    I came into this world as the last child of my parents and the only girl. I had 3 older brothers, 4, 10 and 11 years older than me. I have great memories of them all. I am now 44 and lost my mother at the age of 3, one brother when I was 9, the next when I was 41 and the last one four months ago. It’s just me and my dad now. He’s 84. I can’t believe all my brothers are go. That’s what hits me the most. I have no sibling. How can I have come into this world with 3 wonderful brothers and they are no more? Just memories now. Whenever I think of it, I am in so much pain. I am happily married with twin boys who are my life and I do my best to keep up a good front but it hurts my heart so much. The last one who died was super active and I always thought he would live such a long life. He had no major commitments apart from his work which he loved and had only recently been promoted. I was so proud of him. I am so glad I got to tell him that. I have been in so much grief in the last year too. I almost lost one of my twin boys to a stroke, suffered a heart attack from the anguish, contracted Covid and was hospitalised gasping for breath. I survived going through all that and then …. the only brother I had left dies. I feel like this is a cruel joke. No one can possibly live like this. I feel like someone is pulling the strings to make my life so miserable. I know intellectually that I have so much in my life but my days are now filled with anxiety, restlessness, sleepness nights. I keep wondering when the next tragedy is going to happen to me because this feels like a joke gone wrong. Who could have written my destiny like this? I am usually the strong one amongst my friends and family and I somehow always find the positive in everything but this time I am completely lost. I have lost interest in life and nothing that I do, say, think, buy etc can mask the pain I feel. I do not deserve this. I deserve a better life. It is all too much.

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    • Litsa  September 14, 2021 at 9:56 am Reply

      I am so sorry for this incredible loss that you have been through. Have you considered a support group? Sometimes, especially when feeling the loss of so many family, it can be helpful to connect with others who are experiencing deep grief. Many local hospices and hospitals have these types of grief support groups. There is a wonderful, though overwhelming and deeply sad, book called Wave by Sonali Deraniyagala. SHe lost both of her parents, her husband, and her two children in a natural disaster. Her book is one that can be quite comforting to others who have lost many family. It is not a story of hope, so much of survival. If you like to read, it may be worth looking for.

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  55. Mia  August 23, 2021 at 8:00 pm Reply

    I lost my big sister a few weeks ago. She was only 30, and has an eight year old son, but in the past 6 months she was struggling very hard with her mental health. The worst part is that she often had a lot of good days, so we gave her the space she wanted but it hurts that in the last few months of her life I really didn’t see her more than once a week or so. We’re 6 years apart, so sometimes we weren’t all that close, but as I got older I’ve been so grateful to have her in my life. Holidays were at her house, and her and my mom were so so close. Now I am dealing with a lot of stress about being strong for my mom, but I’m grieving so much myself. I miss her so much, and it pains me so much to think about how she won’t be around for future vacations, or to be my maid of honor. It still doesn’t feel real sometimes. We had so much in common, so much of my humor, personality, music taste and interests are because of her. I’m just in so much pain and I can’t imagine life without my big sister.

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    • Megan  August 24, 2021 at 7:38 pm Reply

      Mia I am so sorry. I can tell you it will hurt everytime there is an event in your life that she should be there for. I can tell you the pain is relentless and brutal. But you will keep on and she will be proud of what you do from the other side. Find time to cry, Wail if you need to. I lost by best friend/brother 4 years ago. I could fill a river with the tears I have shed. I know the pain. But I promise you get better at living with the pain. Give yourself the grace of however long it takes you to be in whatever stage of grief you are in, and don’t stop living. Don’t let people pressure this process for you. Be kind to yourself during this time. Siblings don’t get the space they need often when they lose their brothers/sisters.

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  56. Jolie Blue  August 13, 2021 at 8:03 pm Reply

    My brother was 11 years older than me. I have nothing but good memories of him growing up. He was the cool guy. He had the good job with a nice car. He wore only banana republic and went out every weekend and partied. I looked up to him. He taught be about computers, he went to my volleyball games and he supported and listened to me like no other. My dad retired and we moved across the state line and my brother stayed behind. He bought his first home, he was engaged and so happy. He had a six figure job as a computer engineer. At the wedding they told us they were expecting a baby! Shortly after his son was born I found out I was going to be a mom at only the age of 19.. our boys became the best of friends. They talk every day.

    My brother and his family moved away.. 18 hours away and thats when my brother really faded away.

    My brother was a functioning alcoholic. We knew he was drinking but we didn’t know it was that bad. His wife filed for a divorce and we tried to get my brother into inpatient rehab but my parents don’t “believe” in that. So he went to out patient rehab in September 2019. He told us he stopped drinking. In January 2020 my mom sensed something was wrong and bought an airplane ticket. When she got to his house he was in really bad shape and my mom called an ambulance. He was in the ICU for a few days with sepsis. He left against medical advice but promised my mom he was done drinking. My mom came home. The last time anyone heard from him was February 13,2020. The police did a well check and they found him in his bed. He was not found until February 18th.

    I’ve handled his loss pretty well. I’ve kept strong for my mother who loses it at least once a day… but today for some reason I am hurting. I have so much to tell him and he’s not here. I miss him. He had it ALL. I just don’t understand how he was drinking this much and hiding it so well. He had a beautiful home, vacations a few times a year, nice cars and a great job His death certificate says he died from “complications from chronic alcoholism”. He was 43.

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  57. Bridgette Bennett  August 4, 2021 at 9:59 am Reply

    Hi my name is Bridget I am 51 years old and I’m in San Francisco California I lost my only sibling in 11-25-2020 his name was Brian he was 53 years old from the outside looking in he left healthy he worked every day and real hard he was a strong individual I love him so much and I looked up to him he is my protector my best friend he was mine Big brother we’re three years apart I’m 51 his birthday is March 1st and mine is March 2nd during covid-19 my family shut down I lost my mom in 2020 so her sister is the backbone of our family which it was just me and my brother I spoke to my brother November 23rd he was at the gym I called him to let him know that our auntie who we call Nana we’re going to have Thanksgiving over soon 11:26 2020 my immediate family was at my door and me the kind of person that I am a strong African American woman very family-oriented outgoing my whole family if not all including my auntie Nana was at my door Thanksgiving morning 2020 to tell me that my brother Brian has passed away I didn’t understand and I still don’t I put on this strong face and a beautiful smile for all my loved ones and my friends but deep down inside I am hurt and I mean really hurt I didn’t understand how I spoke to my brother Monday and he passed away November 25th and I was told November 26th I’m still trying to process it that is a hard pill to swallow Thanksgiving is coming up it’ll be a year unfortunately Brian had three blood clogs in his leg and had a massive heart attack everyday I wake up now knowing that I can’t speak to him I can’t hear his voice I can’t even look at his face so this pain that I’m carrying everyday I wake up pray and I ask God to give me a strength each day that I wake up and help me get through the day so far he has not let me down but I’m still hurting inside I shut down I shut myself out from my family my kids who are now all grown so I’m reaching out now to someone who can kind of understand what it feels like and what I’m going through maybe you can help me get through the grief that I know will never go away but how do I and where do I place this pain that I carrying in my heart I miss him so so much like I said Thanksgiving is coming up her birthday past I didn’t even celebrate my birthday I’m trying to figure out do I continue to go and celebrate Thanksgiving with my family or do I continue to work on myself and get through what I’m going through I don’t know and you know they say you never question God but I know that he’s with the angels because he wasn’t an angel of God once again I have a story to tell this is just bits and pieces of what I’m saying I believe and I know that I have to remain strong for myself and as well as my family because I have health problems as what unfortunately I do go to the doctor something that my brother never liked to do as I’m writing this now I’m crying and the tears that I cry on the tears that I cannot say goodbye it will never go away so what do I do for myself so I won’t get sick because I really miss Brian with my only sibling how was the only man that I know would never mentally physically emotionally and financially hurt me his little sister we call him b-dub and they call me red I really truly have a story to tell

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    • KC  September 19, 2021 at 2:49 am Reply

      Oh my Mrs.Bridgett how I wish I was right by you to give you a hug. I can honestly say I know what your going threw I lost my brother August 17th 2021 and when I tell you I’m dieing inside if it wasn’t for Jesus I don’t know what I would do. I didn’t just loose a brother that day I lost my best friend , son , brother you see ive always protected my brother he was like my child snd the day he was shot I couldn’t protect him. I just thought about what you said how he was the man you knew would never abuse you in anyway that was me and my brother oh my the pain is so bad I mean my whole body hurts I never knew mental pain could be so physical. I will be praying for you and may God bless you just remember one day we will walk the streets of gold with them but for know we just will hurt and ask God to help us. None of it makes sense I know we all have to die but I don’t understand it I pray for everyone on here for peace to be with y’all .

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  58. Cynthiamarie Andrade Lupian  August 4, 2021 at 2:41 am Reply

    Everyone grieves a little different for grieving the loss of a sibling hit different not everyone grieves the same way for some were robbed of there futures or some grieving because of an illness but at the end we all tend to fill the same pain same void of loosing a sibling and it’s only after death that one starts to understand the others pain so with that being said i feel the first and most important thing in learning how to cope with a loss is understanding that you are not alone in this and there are millions of people that have gone through the same thing or maybe even worse , sometimes reaching out to them and listening to there story and how they were able to cope with such a grieve will give you some comfort knowing that one day you to will be able to cope with your loss & doesn’t mean miss/love them any less. Another part to coping with grieve is to not live with guilt of not being able to do enough or not being able to save them because it is not your fault ! to not live with the regrets and what if’s but to remember exactly how they were and live how they would of wanted to we can’t change the past we can’t stop someone from leaving this earth as life doesn’t come with instructions but we all walk in to this earth with an expiration date so when it’s time to go home there is nothing in the world we can do to change that because if it didn’t occur the way it did it could have occurred another way . I lost my 17 year old brother to tun violence on June 29,th 2019 Twenty-four days after his 17th birthday he was the 4th out of 7 siblings I am the oldest so when I got the news my baby brother didn’t make it I admit I was filled such an emptiness and was drunk in rage questioning God itself why has he taken him from us so soon when he hasn’t had a chance to experience life yet he hasn’t had the change to meet his father he hasn’t had the chance to know what it’s like to have parent to love him and watch over him for all he knew was my grandmother who raised him since he was only 3 months old and the truth is no one knows when you will leave this earth God Himself has his reason and we are no one to question God . we are selfs are only borrowed for tomorrow he might calls us home for unexpected reasons . we don’t know what tomorrow may bring as for me I never understood life until 1 year ago at the beginning of my loss i didnt know how to grieve I couldn’t even cry not because i didn’t feel i didnt know how to feel I felt lost confused numb scared to the thought that he wasn’t here anymore and that the day after his death officers rushed i my grandmothers home like we were some kind of criminals putting my sister who was just starting to grieve the loss of her best friend her little brother they tried to say my brother was gang affiliated they didn’t care for our pain for our grieve they just looked and treated us like we were the criminals when we were the victims here & for everyone that knew my brother knew he was not gang affiliated he was a home body a boy who would wake up every single morning with no problem no hesitation to get ready for school and walk him self to and back he wanted to change the cycle and be something in life and his life was cut short when he gave a friend a ride & now it was my grandmother and my responsibility to lay his body to rest so i felt i had no time to grieve i felt i had to be the strong one and set and example because i was the oldest i had to make sure i was there for my grandmother and siblings when a few months later i felt my self break wanting to grieve and not knowing how to and feeling i had no one to talk to that i turned to drugs to numb my pain but the pain only hit harder when the drugs wore off i knew this was not the way to cope grieve so i reached out for help for someone to speak to that could understand my pain and what i was going through And found there is a lot of ways with trying /learning to cope with grieve another thing that helped me with grieve was remembering him with such enthusiasm laughing at memories and hearing that little voice in the back of your head telling you it will be ok you will be ok and most importantly believing it with all your heart and soul . We are all in this grieve together and together we will be ok .

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  59. Marieke  July 27, 2021 at 2:15 pm Reply

    I did not lose a sibling, but I lost an uncle. I am dealing with my own pain of having not known him and the regrets that come from this, but I am also experiencing the grief that my mother is going through and not being able to understand that grief.

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  60. Joy  July 25, 2021 at 5:48 am Reply

    My sister passed away, yesterday, only 18 hours ago. I am desperately heart sick, and in shock. I new her longer than any other living person. I must live in the future, without her. Very sad.

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    • Audra  August 23, 2021 at 8:31 pm Reply

      Dear Joy, My sister Aprile died June 24th in her sleep shortly after speaking with me on the phone. She was healthy and happy. She was 56 years old. My big sister , my best friend and the person I loved most in the world. I am sorry you too are grieving the loss of a sibling and on the same day as my sister. If you ever want to speak, I’m here. It might be comforting for us. I don’t know. I’m trying to navigate through this very painful time as I know you are. In Kindness, Audra

    • Megan  August 24, 2021 at 7:48 pm Reply

      Joy i am so sorry. Yes you will have to live for the future. But right now you should just allow yourself to grieve. The pain can be unbearable but you have no choice but to go throw it. It is ok to be beside yourself in pain. Your future will still be there when you are done crying. Keep living. But grieve as fully as you need to. The love you shared is worth all those tears. I lost my best friend/brother 4 years ago and you better bet I still think of him daily and find tears for him might not be daily anymore, but they still come. All the moments he should be with me, have that conversation with me that no one else could have, the memories only we shared come back, those times will always affect me as they will you. But over time you will get better at dealing with it. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. Don’t let people try to influence how you are feeling. They likely don’t understand.

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  61. pauline morgan  July 18, 2021 at 9:54 am Reply

    I am the youngest of 8 children and am 57. i always loved being the “baby” but now i dont. i lost my eldest brother June 2017 and my eldest sister 6 months later in Jan 2018. Covid has meant that i now work from home and i have more time now to think. i was like my sister’s daughter as there were 17 years apart and she spent all Christmas’s etc with me and my adult children. After losing my parents my eldest brother was my go to and i dont have that anymore. i have always been the “organiser” in the family and the one who tried to hold us altogether as my parents were extremely family orientated and i wanted to keep that. I am worried that i will have to go through this grief various more times plus i feel redundant now that my sister has gone. Why is it still hurting so much after these few years? sibling grief is so misunderstood 🙁 P x

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  62. Shailee  July 8, 2021 at 4:47 pm Reply

    I lost my 30 year old brother Shobhit on June 3rd, 2021. He died after a month long struggle with Covid. We were 4 brothers and I am eldest. Shobhit was two years younger to me and second child of my parents. My parents are 59 years old. This is the first time I have seen death so closely and that to of my loving brother. He was like a friend, son, confidant and the person I loved the most in this world. Am not sure how we will survive this loss.
    He was the backbone of the family. He defined our confidence.
    We were such a happy family and suddenly our lives have become miserable. Not sure how will we bear this loss.

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    • Ghazala Ahmad  July 19, 2021 at 9:19 am Reply

      I can relate to each and every word that you’ve written Shailee. I too lost my younger brother to Covid after a month long battle. We didn’t know we were fighting a losing battle. He was 8 yrs younger to me and like my son. My mom is devastated . His kids are very very young . He was just 43. His wife too is bed ridden thanks to Covid related complications. Each day each moment lies heavy on my chest. How will life go on without him I don’t know.

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    • Keisha  July 19, 2021 at 10:52 am Reply

      Shailee you are not alone in this pain. I experienced some similar factors when my older brother and only sibling passed on june 26 2020 due to complications of covid. He was 40 years and had no pre-existing medical conditions. He fought for 2 months and 16 days. My brother was also my closest loss and I felt like there was reason to live and I had no hope for the future. I decided to seek therapy 10 months after his passing because I couldn’t handle the grief anymore and I knew I needed some help. I’m sorry you have to endure this pain. If you want to seek help but therapy may not be for you. There’s network called the Covid Grief Network. Just type it in your search engine. It has helped me tremendously with the addition of professional therapy.

  63. Joanna  July 8, 2021 at 11:47 am Reply

    I just started getting upset earlier when I was ordering an 80th birthday cake for my mum, it’s her birthday next Wednesday, I only lost my big sister last year on February the 15th, she was 52 at the time, it would also be her birthday a week after mum’s, I get sad around birthdays and times when you really wish the person was here plus I feel deeply for my mother who has lost two children and her husband, when I think about it my mum was only 28 when she lost her husband, she was carrying my brother and my sister was only two at the time so timelines and ages connect in so many ways.

    I can’t remember a lot in the first few months last year, it was very tragic the way my sister passed, all circumstances were not easy to deal with plus it got plastered all over the papers, I went into autopilot, care mode, abd over protective mode..my mum was terribly ill for a lot of last year and then the whole pandemic happening just made everything feel even more surreal so I stayed quite trapped in anger, deep shock and my body would constantly go into flight or fight response, it took it out of me.

    So what I’m doing this year, I’m allowing the feelings, I’m creating space for them, I’m focusing on self care, I’m being gentle with myself, I’ve reached out and done lots of online healing sessions and talked through things, I take it all a day at a time, I don’t judge myself, there’s nothing linear about grief just know that everything you feel is because of love in one way or another, I also learnt a very tough lesson, you can’t save anyone in this world but yourself! Love with all your heart but make sure you’re giving it to yourself first and foremost, know that you can talk to those who have left this physical existence anytime you need, they’re always listening, I had a number of visits in different ways, so watch out for the magical moments of connections. Just surrender to it all and be gentle with yourself and live your life fully because we know now how fragile it is and how things can change so easily, sending out love and light to everyone ❤🦋🌟

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  64. Terry  July 5, 2021 at 1:43 am Reply

    My sister passed away suddenly on April 10, 2022 at the age of 51 due to COVID19. She was taken so suddenly. We were Irish twins – only 11 months between us. We lost our dad in 2007 but the feelings of loss and grief are so different. I am grieving the loss of our childhood and the loss of our future. I had so much I should have said to her. I am being treated for anxiety and depression due to her tragic loss. I want to feel normal again I just don’t know when that will happen. Today is my birthday and it felt so wrong for her not to be here. I miss her birthday text and seeing her today. Her birthday is in exactly one month and I know that day will be awful. Since she died of covid just less than three months ago it’s so hard to watch the world open up and “get back to normal” because my normal and her sons normal will never be the same. I love and miss you desperately Judy. You were my best friend for 50 years. Yes, we had our disagreements and regrets but I always loved you and always will.

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    • Keisha  July 19, 2021 at 10:38 am Reply

      Terry, I can relate. My only brother and sibling passed away due to covid june 26 of last year. It’s one devastation when you lose a sibling but when it’s due to pandemic virus is even more devastating. I hate when people say “finally I can get back normal”. There is no normal for us. We have to face this mess everyday. Seeing it on the news, billboards, hearing conversations in public about. It’s just an awful reminder. This is such a hard pill to swallow. I’m sorry that yoh have to endure this pain but you are not alone in it

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  65. Susanne Morris  July 4, 2021 at 2:54 am Reply

    My brother died on Sunday 27th June, I’m knee deep in grief, he was 48 and had a heart attack. My mother is losing her will to live. My mental health was sliding before this so now it’s just a whole lot worse. I live 200 mile away from my family and friends. I’d recently visited him and we’d talked about my next visit… I can’t believe I’ll never see him again 💔😭

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  66. Deb B.  June 29, 2021 at 11:27 pm Reply

    My sweet, sister on May 14th died suddenly in her sleep. I can hardly type from constantly crying. It has shocked & numbed me to my core. I Take solace in knowing she passed peacefully. We were extremely close. I’m saddened beyond belief. It’s a different kind of grief than loosing your parents, which I have. Our sibling bond was so strong. I hope it’s true that when you die, you see your loved ones whom passed before you as they are “waiting in the wings!” I have lost my faith in God for now. I am sorry that all of you whom wrote on this blog lost a sibling. Peace, understanding & thank you for reading my tears. ❣

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    • KC  September 19, 2021 at 3:11 am Reply

      Prayers your way. God loves you and so do we .

  67. Donna Robertson  June 28, 2021 at 11:59 pm Reply

    I have 2 brothers left in my nuclear family, one just died at 66 his birthday is the 29th of June. That’s only a little over a month since he died, I’m the middle child 1sister book end by 2 brothers. I’m 65 so he was my big brother and I’m so sad and I can’t stop crying even with medication. I’m trying to help his wife but I’m not doing very good. His death was unexpected so lm kinda in shock and I believe she is too. I don’t know if I should call her and acknowledge the day or let it pass. Our parents are dead and the brothers didn’t get along so I can’t talk to my little about this and we talk about almost every thing.

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  68. Pat  June 15, 2021 at 10:45 pm Reply

    My older 81 year old sister wishes myself and my brother would just die- and won’t talk to her only daughter- we do not know what her problem is –

  69. Mary  June 2, 2021 at 10:40 pm Reply

    My parents lost a 20 year old son before I was born. Never had the closure of finding what why he died, he was home with a friend when he suddenly felt ill and passed away. The autopsy didn’t reveal anything but my mother thinks he passed away to an aneurism.

    Some time later they decided to try for another baby and they had me. I’m currently 18 years old and sometimes I think about him and his death. I know it’s paranoid of me but I find myself wondering if the same thing is going to happen to me. I’m healthy, never had any problems and I even went to a kind of psychic to try and reassure me in this matter. At the time, my father had cancer and she told me that he would get better and he did. She also told me that I could rest assured that I have a long life to live.

    It’s just my paranoid a$$ that won’t stop thinking about it from time to time & I saw on this website that people could feel anxious from thinking that the same thing could happen to them. I know that unfortunately a lot of people lose their siblings and the same doesn’t happen to them. Just would like to receive some tips in how to get this thought out of my mind.

  70. Lori  May 1, 2021 at 4:17 pm Reply

    My brother died of liver disease two years ago yesterday. I’m usually the type to become more task oriented in crisis and these type of things but this year I’m just incapacitated. Can’t sleep at night, can barely do work. Worse off his son lives with me so we are both dealing with grief and snapping at each other and just dealing with it differently. I feel for him greatly but also I have nothing to give emotionally to anyone at the moment. I’m usually more the caregiver to people too so asking for help is tough. I speak to a therapist once a week but this week it didn’t help much. As the articles say I kind of don’t get the point of life. (For more context My mom also died 6 years ago and our beloved two dogs (both 14 and 15) died in the last six months. It’s just too much. Growing up it was just me, mom and dad and my brother and I. I guess the best way to describe it is the four of us with the legs of the table and now two of those legs are gone and the table just can’t stand up anymore. My dad is pretty sad too but it comes in waves. I’m not suicidal but I’m trying to figure out how to feel about their deaths. How to think/feel about life and death in general. Excuse my language but it’s just a real mindf*ck. Today and this week is just hard. Thanks for all of your stories and thanks for reading.

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  71. christine  April 25, 2021 at 5:55 pm Reply

    i am really sorry for your lose unfortunately my brother died and i feel a part of my life has been taken away i speak to him everyday i cry for him will the pain go away i ask myself it is early days as he recently died. just to hold you again and to say i love you bro and him to say i love you sis i will never hear those words again. nothing in this world will ever replace you and i am sorry our journey in life was not longer i love u bro and always will my brother John

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  72. bojos  April 23, 2021 at 2:35 pm Reply

    My younger brother passed away on 28 Sep 2020 in a hit and run accident. It was so sudden and shocking that I could not believe when I had the call. The truck driver ran over him and my little brother lay on the road like some roadkill. His head was so disfigured that he was unrecognizable. I did not even get to talk to him once before he went. He was my pride and my joy. And god took him from me in the most unjust way. There are peole who deserve to die for all the evil things they do and if anyone deserved to live, it was my brother. He did not deserve to die in this manner. There is no justification that God can provide us for this accident. Sometimes, I think that God just doesn’t care.

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    • Diana  January 8, 2022 at 12:40 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry to hear about your brother. Have been reading through many of these posts to find someone I can unfortunately relate to as I’m struggling to describe and define how I’m feeling. My only sister (3 years older) was killed under similar circumstances. In an argument with her boyfriend she got out of her truck and was getting her bike out of the back to presumably just ride that home rather than continue to argue. While pulling the bike out of the bed of the truck, he slid over into the driver’s seat and took off, dragging her until she could no longer hold on…a following delivery truck did not see her and ran her over, she was pronounced by first responders to the scene. She also was labeled “not viewable”. Medical examiner report lists cause of death as “multiple injuries”. I can’t stop wondering what went through her mind in those terrifying moments leading up to her death? Was she aware of the approaching delivery vehicle after she fell from the truck? Did she lay there and suffer for any amount of time afterwards? What exactly were her injuries? Would she have been disfigured or handicapped had the second vehicle not hit her? WHY? WHY WOULD HER BOYFRIEND DO THAT!? He was not abusive, we all really liked him, and she loved him and he loved her! Now struggling with the loss of all of my childhood memories that were wrapped up in her…have to make heartbreaking adjustments to my wedding arrangements coming up in October. Trivial adjustments like “I’ll only need 4 bouquets now”, “Please adjust the price for hair & make-up down to one less bridesmaid” and “how can I honor her on that day without making it sooo sad!?.” She was soooo excited for me. Cried at my “Say yes to the dress” day. My sadness and shock turned quickly into loneliness and anger. It’s only been 4 weeks and I already feel like people are being kind but are tired of hearing about it. Hang in there. I’m truly sorry for your loss. If you would like to talk to a stranger who understands in a way no one else can, I’m here.

  73. Stephie  April 11, 2021 at 3:39 pm Reply

    Our oldest brother suddenly passed away in his sleep in 2016. He was 20 years older than me & one of the most important people in my life. We shared a dad & had different moms, so we didn’t live together most of our lives other than a brief period when I was around 8, but he always called me his favorite person in the world. I miss him every single day.

    in 2019, we lost our youngest brother to his body finally breaking down after pushing through 30 years after a car accident completely changed his life. He was 13 years older than me & we never lived together.

    I have one brother who is still with us who is 18 years older than me. We have a hard time connecting on a lot of things, but i’m grateful to still have him. I think I have a lot of survivor’s guilt, even though what they had wouldn’t necessarily affect me, I do have poor health & feel like they had so much to contribute to the world. I also worry about adding stress to my parents and my brother.

    It makes me so sad that my brothers will never get to hug & love on all the kids in my life that I get to help raise, I could just see my oldest brother having the time of his life with them (interesting that’s how my brain wants to phrase it), but I do try to keep his memory alive & show the kids all the things he gave me & pictures I have.

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  74. Teresa  April 4, 2021 at 6:35 am Reply

    My brother Michael died in his sleep at about 10.00 am this morning, the timing taking us by surprise. RIP Michael.

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    • H  April 5, 2021 at 2:37 pm Reply

      Same thing happened to mine

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      • Teresa  May 12, 2021 at 4:13 am

        The same day? The same morning? I’m so sorry.

    • Tanya Felicia Rivers  April 21, 2021 at 1:40 am Reply

      Mere words can not even come close to explain how you feel right now. Just know that my heart goes out to you. I am deeply sorry for your loss of your sibling. May God comfort you now and later in your time of grief and sorrow

  75. Cailte50  April 2, 2021 at 6:39 pm Reply

    I have lost two sisters from a genetic illness,which my mother was blamed for,for bringing it into the family.It was years before I learnt both parents have to be carriers.

    My whole life has been living in a state of stress,panic,depression and grief. There was no help,no support,no kindness,nothing,for my parents,my brother and I. I didnt even know what normal family life was like until I met my husband and his family.

    One of my sisters died as a small baby-there are no photos,no discussions,no mementos of her.I dont even know what hospital she died in. I have asked,so many times,for information,I dont any more.

    I have been for counselling so many times but at the end of the day,no amount of talking can make up for what Ive lost and what I have endured.

    I nearly died from an eating disorder.I am ok now but that has left its own legacy and I deal with doctors who know nothing about me and just give out to me about my digestive system.

    I am happily married and have a good job but I couldnt face having children,not after what I witnessed.

    I will never be at peace with all I have gone through.I ask God to take me,every day.

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    • Lauren  April 8, 2021 at 7:31 pm Reply

      I will pray for you; here’s a prayer I’m praying: Dear God, thank you for your great love. You are so powerful, and you can work powerfully even in the lives of those who have experienced so much pain. Would you please remind Cailte50 of your presence, comfort them, and give them peace? Thank you for Jesus who went through so much suffering for us, for Him who died in our place so we could know you by your grace through faith in your Son. Please help Cailte50 with looking to Jesus who is no stranger to deep pain and suffering, and help Cailte50 to experience peace from Jesus. God, thank you again for your love. You are good. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.

      Cailte50, I don’t know if you already know God personally, but I hope you come to embrace the the abundant life that is in Jesus and find your help in the Lord.
      Do you know God personally?

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    • Russ  April 12, 2021 at 11:49 pm Reply

      That really made me sad to read your story, that the love and all those things a family needs to survive. My hugs to you and I hope and pray that you can find happiness and better health. We take good health for granted in our lives. Remember one thing, we are all put on this earth for a test, remember that no matter what God loves you, I know that he suffered and died for us all that we may live forever in his presence, I know he feels your pain and your sorrow My hugs to you and my hope is you have better health and a better life. Hugs to you!

      • Candice  August 30, 2021 at 12:26 am

        My brother hung himself april 6, 2019. I’m still in disbelief and honestly so angry. He didn’t even say goodbye. I was supposed to visit him in Oregon and we made plans For his birthday on April 2. I was supposed to go that weekend and rescheduled because I didn’t feel like it and wanted to wait until the next weekend. I texted him on his birthday and he was bummed i wasn’t coming that week. I texted him Saturday morning on April 6 and told him i booked a flight finally and I’m coming. No response. I was out running errands and just going about my life and my mom called me screaming at 6pm. I almost fell in the middle of the street and i started hyperventilating. I can still remember every feeling i felt when i got that call. They said they found a note outside his apartment and his body was hanging in his closet since around 2am. The rest is a fog. We went to Oregon. Saw his body before it was cremated. Idk if that messed me up more or reading the autopsy with the details of everything about his body and how they found him and what he used. His body was cold. He has purple marks on his neck. But he was still my little brother. He was only 28. And he was alone when he decided to do this. His mental health was always extreme. He was so soooo smart. But so sooo depressed. I’m so freaking depressed that he was alone in this moments. That i couldn’t save him. That i didn’t make the time to see him. So many regrets. And i will never get to say anything to him again. Have him in my wedding. See my child. It’s very lonely losing an only sibling who you’re close to. My mom is losing her will to live. As well as myself as i struggle with depression and suicidal thought prior to this. It’s all such a weird experience. I would never wish it upon anyone.

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      • Litsa  August 30, 2021 at 1:02 pm

        Candice, I am so sorry for the death of your brother and for the regrets you feel. Some of these articles on guilt and regret may be of some support: https://whatsyourgrief.com/?s=guilt&post_type=post

        Please know that there is always help and support. If you don’t have a therapist, I would definitely suggest considering one – specifically someone who has some experience with grief. And you can always reach someone, 24/7, via phone or chat at the suicide prevention line (1-800-273-8255 or https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/)

  76. Teresa  April 2, 2021 at 8:38 am Reply

    My brother has only weeks to live. We found out only 6 days ago. It’s been revealed to me in piecemeal fashion over the last 6 days, the full realisation sinking in only yesterday. This happens to other families, not ours, surely. It feels surreal, but for the sadness that does not go away. I worry my mother will suicide, lose the will to live, he is her first born, and she’s so sensitive.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  April 2, 2021 at 9:19 am Reply

      Hi Teresa, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. If you fear your mother will harm herself, please do not hesitate to call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ They can provide you with assistance. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone.

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    • Lauren  April 8, 2021 at 7:36 pm Reply

      I’m so sorry to hear that, Teresa. Praying for your brother, rest of your family, and you. Are your brother and mother believers in Jesus?
      Also, I hope you and your mother can get support and hope that you have a loving community.

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  77. Corrina B  April 1, 2021 at 2:14 am Reply

    Out of the youngest of 3 I have been lost for 12 years 13 this year may 8 we barried my sister on mother’s day she had a son she had recently lost custody to and to his dad who was suppose to be her best friend but my sister was partying alot that week I remember so clearly I was 13 she was 19 my brother was 18 she was the oldest who always protected us both from the world mostly me because I was so much younger and had worse luck from the day I was born but she spent 2 1/2 nights well I spent it with her my cousin came picked her up they took me hone to my uncle’s were my mom lived with her stupid boyfriend who was a sexual pervert and my sister and I didn’t like the looks of from the first day we met him my sister didn’t care how old big or better they were at fighting then she she would do every thing in her power to protect me the next day I got off the school bus and she wasn’t anywhere in sight as she normally would be . The life I have lived since then I have tried to see her face in every way as far as I would always tell her how pretty she was and I hoped that I was as pretty one day she would always tell me how beautiful I was and how proud she was to have me the fear the anxiety pain hurt I have panic attacks and fear death and think of everyone’s death every second just fearing the time to come my sister overdosed I didn’t think I would make it past 19 I did here I am and every year has took it’s tole I’ve lost so much in life because I promised to finish what she started my brother misses her just as much I feel guilty because I was the only one she shared the last 3 days of her life with nun of us had the same dad but same mom who struggled with us so I feel guilty she sung this song to by travis tritt I’m gonna be somebody someday while her boyfriend played the quitar it took me at least 6 years to be able to hear that song without having a panic attack or was even able to tell anyone why I didn’t like it I would just flip out and couldn’t breath and panic in great fear the reaper would pick me through the song I am in need of help I’m 27 almost 28 I have been strung out on drugs since I was 15 and my life has fallin apart from the time she left us on this planet please help me someone I want to experience a life of hang gliding and parachuting and driving fast without griefing the los of my sister at that same time I want to live without drugs happily

  78. SS  March 22, 2021 at 12:14 am Reply

    I dont know how to help..my wife lost her sister 8 yrs ago.. think she didn’t have time to greave properly as our kids were young. However, i feel she is in a full blown depression now.. and has cut me out of her life.. its go on for years now.. the drift has gone worse.. and she has been drinking a lot.. trying to hide it from me… we are living in a different country and there is no family close by.. i am watching this decline, day after day.. standing helplessly at the shore.. watching her drown.. not being able to reach her… how do i help?

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  79. Lynnette  March 11, 2021 at 12:06 am Reply

    It will be three years this year on my birthday that I lost my brother. I miss him so much. He was 7 years older than me but still very young at 56. I felt like my brother truly understood me we grew up together, went through the same things. He knew how to make me laugh like no one else. I miss the times we shared. When I heard of his death I was in complete shock. I kept saying but it’s my birthday. When things sank in, I cried every single day for a month straight. I wished I could have been there to help him. I try to be there for his kids now. It does not get any easier, it just gets different. We often talk in my dreams. The advice I would give to a newly grieving surviving sibling is to let the feelings out. Do not try to push them down or hide them. In the long run, you will feel better for it. And know on a spiritual level they are always with you. They will live on in your heart forever. As long as you have the memories, they are never truly gone. You will meet in your dreams. Have faith. Know they have gone on before you to a much better place. I hope this helps someone in a positive way. Loosing my brother was one of the hardest things in my life. I’m sure you understand if you have lost a sibling. Forgive yourself, be patient with yourself, and do not beat yourself up. With time, the pain will change and you will reach a acceptance. But you will always have your memories. You will cherish them. I know I do. I have hope that one day, I will see him again when it’s my turn to move on from this world. He will always be missed until then❤

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  80. Louise  March 9, 2021 at 12:19 pm Reply

    When my brother was 19 and I was 17 he went down town with friends, drank too much and fell in a river and drowned 🙁 That was 33 years ago and I still miss him so much, he was my best friend 🙁 Ever since then though I feel like there is a part of me that froze at 17 (sorry of this sounds crazy). The reason I feel like that is because when I think of my brother he is still older than me and yet I am now 50! I wanted to share this on here to see if anyone else has felt like this.
    I’m so pleased I found your article so I can finally ask this question. Thank you

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    • Lindsey  March 21, 2021 at 11:43 pm Reply

      Louise, I completely understand what you mean about feeling frozen at the age when your brother passed away.
      I am so sorry that you lost your brother so tragically and suddenly, I can’t even imagine. My brother was 3.5 years older than me, and he always told me he “tested” every age for me first. Turning 35 was incredibly hard for me, since it was the first age he never experienced.
      I lost my brother almost 8 years ago. He was very sick for almost 18 months. My first child was born shortly after his diagnosis, and he was 16 months old when my brother passed away. I see so much of my brother in my son, which makes me happy. But sometimes I look and see how big he is getting and realize how long my brother has been gone and the grief is unbearable.

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  81. Melanie  March 2, 2021 at 4:16 pm Reply

    I’m glad I came across this post on the internet, as I still feel weird about grief even years later…

    My mom died from cancer when I was 13, after battling it very hard for nine years. I was very depressed afterwards, and my dad and my siblings were very shaken. I never went to therapy, though now I feel I definitely should’ve. I talked about it with friends who had no understanding, though they helped and did their best as we were all in eighth grade. I am grateful for them.

    Then, when I was 14, my older brother was killed when a truck hit him on his bike after school. I never realized he probably had depression until after. Just a year and a half after my mom, when I felt I was semi okay, he was killed suddenly.

    It’s been 7 years since my mom, and 6 years now since my brother’s death. He passed on our other brother’s (also older) sixteenth birthday as well. I was suddenly confused a few days ago, because the grief hit me like day one.

    For years, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts (never acted on them though they were tempting). Still, I find myself feel lonely and alienated because no one can understand. I feel as if I had to grow up fast and wasn’t able to have a ‘normal’ childhood and teenage years. I struggled finding friends who could understand, but I can say I’ve found beautiful friends. Even if they can’t understand, they are here.

    Finally, last year, I felt like I was started to learn to live, as I used to think about them constantly and never was able to find much happiness. I didn’t know who I was without that grief.

    I feel horrible talking about it with friends, because it’s been years. I can tell them the same traumatic memories or the same beautiful moments, but I feel like it’s almost a waste as I’m just repeating myself. Is it wrong to feel this grief so hard years later? I feel as if people would be angry and tell me to get over it, but this pain cycles every year.

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  82. Rebecca Chavez  February 26, 2021 at 7:00 pm Reply

    on feb 2,2021 i lost my best friend my protecter my Brother Ruben 39 years old five days before my birthday he was shot and killed by his wife who he loved very much i don’t know how to feel right now im so lost and broken and have a lot of anger. the police have determined this as self defense shooting……

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  83. Sandy  February 7, 2021 at 3:23 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling, my dear brother, at 18 in a road accident. I was only 19 at the time. Even though I was the big sister he was the protective one.
    Our happy little family of 4 has been reduced to 3. I am now an only child and it puts so much pressure on me to take care of my aging parents alone.
    It’s so difficult to explain my anxiety, fear and loneliness to others. Forums like these really help me in finding some comfort.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  February 9, 2021 at 9:27 am Reply

      Sandy, I’m so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are not alone in your anxiety, fear, and loneliness. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-grief-feel-like/ I am glad to hear that this website/community has brought you even an ounce of comfort. All the best to you.

  84. Darryl  February 7, 2021 at 2:37 am Reply

    I honestly dont know where to start or how to even say it, I understand that this isnt a share group but I feel like this is one of the only places I’m actually able to just put it out there. I lost my brother on aug.10 of 2019. Now long story short my baby brother suffered from many mental illnesses. I was there for him as much as i could be mentally and physically. Now what I remember of my brother is not the illnesses but me being able to go and see him and it would just be us, hanging out and no mental illness seemed to be there when we were just hanging out, so that being said on aug.9 I had gotten off my flight that night wanting to go and check on my little brother because I just had a feeling but decided to drive the 5 hours to get home instead only to get a call at 4 in the morning being told they found my brother. Like I said I know this isnt a support group but I havent truly told my story and I feel like it isnt my place to be crying or telling everyone but it is truly weighing me down and I have nowhere else to turn to.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  February 9, 2021 at 9:43 am Reply

      Darryl, I am truly so sorry for your loss. I’m so glad that this website is giving you a platform to tell your story. I hope that has been helpful to you. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone.

    • Tahiess  April 13, 2021 at 1:10 pm Reply

      Darryl
      So sorry for your loss. I just lost my 52 yr old baby brother who was nothing but happiness and joy until mental illness and drugs and alcohol issues started to take over his life 20 yrs ago. We tried everything and gave up on him and he didn’t want anything to do with us because it became too painful to witness his self destruction (all 5 of us his siblings) just quit…now as expected I am totally guilt ridden with his death .. oddly this last year I was concerned about him constantly and had no idea where he was …but he moved back home and was working and barely surviving life and we didnt even know but within 12 hrs of his death we were informed and his family notified and that alone I am grateful for. ..I hope he is not in that deep dark sad hopeless place that drove him to this point …Professional counselors tell me I should not feel this way but I disagree … my point is you were worried about your brother because he was a part of you and something in your heart told you he was not doing well and that connection is important for you to understand and grieve your way and allow your heart to heal knowing he loved you and you loved him! ..this sounds terrible but when you felt you could have POSSIBLY saved a healthy person its more painful in my opinion even though loss is loss and I have also accepted I will always struggle with this and thats ok too.
      God Bless!

  85. Kristen  February 5, 2021 at 11:05 am Reply

    I lost my best friend, my rock, my person, and my only sibling 1/25/21. My sister passed away in her sleep due to a pharmacy saying her insulin wouldn’t be in until Monday (this was on a Friday), this wasn’t the normal pharmacist she dealt with, and no other substitute insulin for her pump was even offered. She wasn’t on a special order insulin, and something should have been offered. 1/23 and 1/24 was great days despite her feeling bad and going without insulin, she done so great and the sweetest thing she had was two drinks of orange juice, which was a major accomplishment for her as she loved her sweets despite being diabetic. I am the one the family called for anything when it came to my sister and when my mother called me during work, on a 3 way call with my niece who will be 21 on the 17th and told me I needed to get to my sisters now. I stay on the phone and I am asking my niece all these questions, preparing myself for CPR and so be I’ll break her ribs if it means saving her. My niece couldn’t not talk and was crying screaming, I run inside and nothing could prepare me for the sight in front of me. She was gone and had been gone for at least 4/5 hours. I can’t loose it because my mother is in the phone with my niece trying to ask her questions and trying not to break down, my niece couldn’t even call 911, and it was the hardest call I’ve ever made and Chaos happened after that. I had to keep it together for my niece, brother in law whom pulled in behind the ambulance, and my mother in which I lied to in front of everyone. I couldn’t loose her too, I couldn’t chance her wrecking or having a heart attack. Once all the calls were made I still couldn’t loose it, breakdown, scream, because I had to stay strong for my 10 year old daughter whom was extremely close to my sister. I have had several breakdowns in the last 11 days. Last night was the first night I was fully able to let it all go, without having to pull myself back together and put on my brave face. I am lost and broken and still feel as if this is a nightmare. Reality is my best friend is gone and I can’t even begin to think about the days to come. I’m taking it hour by hour, I’m all over the place, and I’m not sure how much longer I can be the “strong one.”

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    • Isabelle Siegel  February 9, 2021 at 10:16 am Reply

      Kristen, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how angry and frustrated you are feeling. I understand that you feel pressure to be “the strong one.” But what does it mean to be strong in grief? I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-strong-in-grief/ You need to help yourself before you can help anyone else… and that might mean letting yourself feel whatever it is you need to feel. All the best to you.

  86. Raymond Heath Taylor  February 5, 2021 at 12:18 am Reply

    My youngest brother was ran over by two trucks and killed like almost 2 years ago although In my head it still feels like last week.. I’ve been questioning myself sometimes wondering if what I feel is normal I’m the oldest brother of three boys and one girl my brother that got killed was the youngest boy we have a sister that was younger than all of us but like I said I’m the oldest so I kinda felt that I had to step up and be strong for my mom but to be honest at times I would hide my hurt in order to keep my mom from seeing an possibly causing her more pain but this has I believe made it worst for me I know the only cure for my pain is to die not saying I wanna kill myself but in reality there is nothing that will ever make it stop I’m told it gets easy after time but it makes no sense the more time away from something the more you miss it I think I need help….

    • Isabelle Siegel  February 9, 2021 at 10:29 am Reply

      I am so very sorry for your loss. First off, I want you to know that there is no such thing as “normal” in grief. Moreover, I completely understand the pressure to feel strong for others. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-strong-in-grief/ That being said, it’s important to take care of yourself first… and that may mean allowing yourself to break down. You are not hopeless. I recommend you reach out to a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ All the best to you.

  87. Louise  February 3, 2021 at 6:30 pm Reply

    My eldest brother and his wife were killed in a car accident Dec 2020. I had been no contact with my family, and him, for 6 years up to that point.

    Our parents had lost 3 of our siblings as babies. I had to reinstate contact with our parents, due to this devastating loss. He had a relationship with them. Now it is just me and them.

    My brother saved me from awful situations, but he was my first torturous bully (his coping mechanism to his treatment). I am broken, this is too hard. How can I go on now?? I have no idea. His funeral is in 2 days, I don’t want to go. I cry every day and sleep evades me.

    Our parents are hoping this reinstates our relationship. How?? They are two separate things.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  February 4, 2021 at 10:27 am Reply

      Louise, I’m so very sorry for your loss and that you’re being forced to navigate this complicated family situation. As hard as it may be to believe, what you’re experiencing–the crying, lack of sleep, hopelessness–is normal during grief. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-grief-feel-like/ You will find a way to get through this. Perhaps you should seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. As far as your parents are concerned, do NOT feel obligated to keep up a relationship with them. You have to do whatever feels right for you. All the best to you.

    • Kim  October 6, 2021 at 8:10 am Reply

      Dear Louise, I hope you’re safe, well & things are easier. I feel your anguish because I am experiencing a very similar situation. My youngest brother passed away suddenly & unexpectedly 5 days ago and I’m struggling with my conflicted feelings. If you have any advice I’d love to hear from you. Genuinely hope the world is a brighter place for you, warm thoughts, Kim.

  88. Karis  February 3, 2021 at 4:41 pm Reply

    My older brother committed suicide at age 26 in September 2020. I had moved countries just months before that. It took me 3 weeks to get a flight home because of covid and I felt like I missed out on so much because of that. My parents and other siblings drove together to meet his wife and kids and got to see the place where he died. I missed the dignified transfer of his body to our hometown. Thankfully they were able to hold off the funeral till I got there…but by the time I did, so many extended family members and friends were around that my nuclear family never got to be alone together before each of us had to return to whichever ends of the earth we were living in.

    I feel so confused and lost because I’m living in a country completely different from where we grew up. Nothing here reminds me of him or spurs those deep-rooted childhood memories that would make me feel reconnected to him. I can’t just turn to my dad or my sister and say “remember when…”. There isn’t anyone around me who knew him so I never feel comfortable bringing him up. It makes moving through my grieving process so much more difficult because there are parts of me and my relationship with him that I feel are buried so deep that I can’t even reach them. I’m confused about what to say when people ask me how many siblings I have. That question always throws me off so much.

    This doesn’t even touch on the completely different level of pain that it being a suicide caused. I feel like the hole existing in my body is my fault because I knew he had depression but I didn’t do anything different to try and be closer to him even though I was his kid sister. I even up and left the country despite that he didn’t want me to. I know none of us can truly believe deep inside that something like this would happen to our loved one, but the guilt is still inevitable and crushing.

    My siblings and I are all adults; he was married with two children; so it complicates what I think I’m supposed to feel because we didn’t see each other very often and each had our own lives going on. I compare my grief a lot to his wife’s because her day-to-day life completely turned upside down, whereas I still get to wake up in bed every morning with my partner. Everything immediately surrounding me looks the same, so to speak. I hadn’t even seen my brother in about 9 months leading up to his death. But on the flip side of that I sometimes feel angry at her because she can re-marry one day yet I can never have another brother.

    I’m exhausted of everyone telling me that I’m so strong and that I seem like I’m doing really well. I know they mean it as a compliment but it immediately creates a wall where I feel like I can’t share the raw pain, confusion, guilt and despair that I feel. At the same time I feel forgotten because everyone else’s lives have moved on but the burning emptiness my family is experiencing is still completely real. I haaaaated Thanksgiving and Christmas because all my friends were sharing photos of them with their families, nice and complete; but mine will never be whole again.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  February 4, 2021 at 10:31 am Reply

      Karis, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how difficult it is to be adjusting to a new country/environment while also navigating your grief. I know you feel like you have to be strong, but allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-strong-in-grief/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-suicide-death/ Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone. All the best to you.

    • Lindsey  March 21, 2021 at 11:53 pm Reply

      This really resonated with me:

      “But on the flip side of that I sometimes feel angry at her because she can re-marry one day yet I can never have another brother.”

      I have A LOT of anger about this. My brother was very sick for almost a year and a half. And I visited him as often as I could, I had a new baby, and my brother lived in a different city. His girlfriend was my son’s aunt, and his best friend was an “honourary” uncle. After my brother passed away they didn’t keep in touch as often, and it became clear that they had started seeing each other. It broke my heart that they still had each other, but my family was completely left out of their lives. I didn’t just lose my brother, I lost a sister and a good friend too.
      They ended up getting married.
      I am sure things haven’t been easy for them, but it’s incredibly unfair that they have each other and I am still alone.
      I don’t have any other siblings. So his death has been very difficult.
      Not to mention having the best (my son) and worst things happen almost at the same time.

      You have every right to feel sad and grieve. Everything has changed for you too.

      Hugs

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  89. Shannon  February 3, 2021 at 11:53 am Reply

    I lost my brother January 15, 2021 suddenly after a brief illness. I’m the oldest at 51 and he was 36. We live the closest to each other and I’m having a terrible time with this loss. I miss him and I feel trapped in a desolate place surrounded by despair. I cry multiple times a day and my husband and I are going to be going through his things to donate. Our garage is full of his personal items and every time I look at his stuff my wound grows. Everyone says it will improve with time. I know I’m just at the beginning of my grief. I just want to be at a point I can think of good memories and his life. Instead I’m living in the sadness of his death.

    • Isabelle Siegel  February 4, 2021 at 10:38 am Reply

      Shannon, I’m so sorry for your loss. The pain you’re feeling is normal and okay. I know you want to “get past” your grief, but please know that grief has no timeline. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/myth-grief-timeline/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ I understand how difficult it can be to go through a loved one’s belongings. You may want to look at these resources: https://whatsyourgrief.com/selling-and-donating-old-items/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/sorting-through-belongings/ You will find a way through this… But for now, allow yourself to feel whatever it is you need to feel. All the best to you.

    • Lindsey  March 22, 2021 at 12:00 am Reply

      Oh Shannon!!
      His death is far too recent for you to be reminiscing about the good times and being able to go through his things without crying all over everything.
      Please don’t be so hard on yourself.
      My parents and I had to go through my brother’s things while he was still alive, his lease was ending at his apartment and his girlfriend couldn’t continue to pay it on her own. So the 4 of us went through his things as quickly as we could just to see what was to be kept and what could be thrown out or donated. I. So incredibly sentimental that I basically took everything home. I tried and tried to look through his things for months at home and I couldn’t. A lot happened in the next few years and I still haven’t been able to go through all of his things. I take a little bit at a time. Only recently (almost 8 years) have I been able to look through his things without crying.

      Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It is so recent.
      Sending you hugs

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  90. Keshaw Kishore Singh  February 3, 2021 at 5:55 am Reply

    My brother died in a car accident on 31st december, 2020 now i don’t know what is happening with me i am not able to tell my parents what really is happening to me…i need someone to talk to me…i am really scared…i just don’t know what to do

    • Isabelle Siegel  February 4, 2021 at 10:47 am Reply

      Keshaw, I’m so sorry for your loss and for this pain you’re feeling. It’s okay to be scared. I recommend you reach out to a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone.

  91. Alison  February 3, 2021 at 1:15 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother on December 14, 2020. He was only 25, his life was taken away by depression. I miss him. I thought I was doing fine, but when I have time alone I can’t help going onto his facebook and instagram to start scrolling down his posts, or family photos I have in my albums. His death still feels unreal to me. I am a strong person, but his death really hit me hard. I won’t deny any future happiness in my life but I think a piece of me died when he died.

  92. dale  February 1, 2021 at 6:59 am Reply

    thank you.
    i’m in a very strange space with myself.
    i watched my brother get hit by a 4×4 and die. He was 3, I was 8.
    I’m 23 now. And i am still dealing with it, i didn’t have much/to no support when I was growing up with it – school didn’t really help, everyone was just telling me to get over it.
    Then, my dad died when I was 17.
    And I’m trying to accept it. As i am coping the best that i know i can right now,
    which lead me to your webpage.
    thank you.

    • Isabelle Siegel  February 1, 2021 at 12:12 pm Reply

      Dale, I’m so sorry to hear that you were forced to go through all of this and that you haven’t been given the support you deserve. I highly recommend you check out this article, which discusses the pressure to “get over” grief: https://whatsyourgrief.com/pressure-to-get-over-grief/ I’m glad you found our webpage… I hope it shows you that, no matter what, you are not alone. I’m proud of you for finding healthy ways to cope. All the best to you.

  93. Michelle  January 31, 2021 at 1:31 am Reply

    Everything you wrote was so fitting. I lost my only sibling on Christmas morning 2020. He was my older brother and very best friend and I just feel so lost and alone without him. I feel like I can’t tell my parents how I really feel and all I think about is how lonely ill be when my parents pass. I cry every day and have no interest in anything anymore. I feel like everyone around me has just gone on with their lives and they think I should too but all I can do is be sad, I just can’t get past it.

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    • Isabelle Siegel  January 31, 2021 at 10:45 am Reply

      Michelle, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. I understand that you feel pressured to move on… I highly recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ It’s normal to struggle to “get past” grief… because, in reality, we never fully recover from grief. That being said, you will get through this. If you don’t feel like you can speak with your parents, perhaps you should seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/. All the best to you.

    • Lindsey  March 22, 2021 at 12:09 am Reply

      Michelle,

      I am so incredibly sorry to hear of your brother’s passing.
      You definitely need to tell your parents how you are feeling. Your grief is valid.
      I completely understand feeling alone, and thinking about how alone you will be once your parents have passed. You are also grieving a life that you didn’t expect to be taken. You assumed you would grow old with each other. You would always have each other to lean on and be there for each other. You likely hadn’t even thought about what it would be like if he passed, because you assume you will lose your parents long before you lose your sibling.

      I lost my older brother almost 8 years ago, and I still struggle with my grief. I see a therapist, I try to write down my thoughts when I can. Sometimes I have to schedule the with myself to listen to sad music and write everything down. And it feels better afterwards. But it never gets easier, you just figure out ways to cope with it.
      Please tell your parents how you are feeling. I know you don’t want to burden them, but it’s not a burden. Your grief is important and you need to keep a good line of communication with your parents. The three of you have to figure out what works best for your family now, and everyone’s voice needs to be heard.
      Sending you hugs.

  94. Sue  January 21, 2021 at 11:41 pm Reply

    As I read through the introduction I felt a strong connection to everything written on sibling grief. I was researching child bereavement at certain ages & how death of loved ones are processed in children. I lost my older brother, my best friend & protector on 4th of July 1994. I was 14 years old at the time. It was the most traumatizing loss a child at my age could bare. After finding out he was in a accident & was killed, I came home sat on the couch in shock and numb only to see the entire accident he was killed in on the news. In that moment I watched as they used his accident as an example for drinking and driving. I fell to my knees & in shock, in so much pain as I saw my brothers body covered in a yellow tarp on the television. I remember reaching out with my shivering hand touching where his body sat covered. I took everything in at the moment, his shoes were laying in the street & the vehicle holding my big brother was smashed in the middle.
    I am now 40 years old & I like many younger siblings forgotten in the most tragic time in a child left to try and understand the ways. My brother was our only brother & my mother’s only son. She wasn’t able to cope & broken hearted left me at home alone & went to the streets to drink her life away. With that I consistently try to understand my struggles as an adult. Finding my development & explanation for my behavior health. Gaging my traumatic experience separating each event by levels of trauma.
    I would like to try and utilize my childhood trauma to help others. Mainly children in similar situations. This is a far off dream that I’m driven to analyze by my own experience no only to give me some insight, I believe it will help me feel that I went through that all to help others.
    Thank you for reading & thank you so much for this site. Beautiful

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    • Isabelle Siegel  January 22, 2021 at 10:25 am Reply

      Sue, I’m so sorry to hear that you were forced to go through this at such a young age. Your desire to help others in similar situations is inspiring. Perhaps you could get involved in a grief support group, specifically for sibling losses/childhood grief? All the best.

    • Lindsey  March 22, 2021 at 12:14 am Reply

      Oh Sue. I am so so sorry that this happened to you, and at such a young age. I can’t even imagine.
      I had time to prepare for my brother’s death, and even then there isn’t enough time to prepare for it. But I can’t even imagine what you went through. Not to mention your mother leaving you at such a young age.
      You sound like a remarkable woman, regardless of these awful tragedies.
      I hope you are able to find a way to help others going through something similar.
      Sending hugs

  95. Bethany  January 19, 2021 at 10:13 am Reply

    I lost my older brother (age 33) on December 27th 2020. He was one of my best friends and while we lived in separate states, we still managed to be close. He had dealt with substance abuse and recovery his whole life, however his death was not due to an overdose and for that my family was thankful. His passing has been hard on both my older sister and I, especially since we also live in separate states and have to grieve separately. My brother had a larger than life personality and everyone who met him loved him. He dealt with a lot of survivor’s guilt as he had a lot of friends he lost to addiciton, so knowing he isn’t suffering through that pain anymore has brought my family some comfort through this difficult time. We miss him and we love him so much.

    • Isabelle Siegel  January 19, 2021 at 12:05 pm Reply

      Bethany, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like an incredible person who will be missed dearly by you and countless others.

      • Bethany  February 13, 2021 at 12:10 pm

        My name is bethany and i also recently lost my brother who was 33, he died in his sleep and aspirated vomit. Still waiting on toxicology. I feel so lonely and sad that he never got to have children and he wanted so badly. His last months were so painful for him, the love of his life left him a week before their wedding day. I had a feeling of impending doom, i just knew something was going to happen…this feels like a sick joke.

      • Isabelle Siegel  February 17, 2021 at 12:37 pm

        Bethany, I’m so sorry for your loss and for the pain you’re being forced to navigate. I hear that you feel alone… Do you have any friends or family that you can reach out to for support? If not, you may want to look into finding a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://complicatedgrief.columbia.edu/for-the-public/find-a-therapist/. Please know that, no matter what, you are not alone in this. All the best to you.

  96. JacQ’uie  January 13, 2021 at 9:07 am Reply

    I lost my brother Larry, to a drunk driver on November 29, 2020. The other driver crossed over into his lane and he was killed upon impact. We were just together 15 mins prior to his death! He was the youngest of my two older brothers! We were extremely close for we had been roommates for 6 years! I love both of my brothers dearly, we have a different relationship but nonetheless I don’t love them any less. I miss him so much and the pain is so unbearable sometimes I can not stand it! I’m not sure if I will ever ever come back from this, it was just three of us and now there’s two.

  97. Christine  January 13, 2021 at 6:05 am Reply

    My younger sister passed away on New Years Eve Morning, less than 2 weeks ago. She had a massive heart attack and she was only 36 years old. I lost my older sister to cancer back in 2006, she was only 43. My brother moved to Florida and i am the only one left to take care of my parents that are in their 80’s. I feel like i have no time to grieve and i don’t know who i can talk to. I am busy with my job, my household and taking care of my parents and everything they need. I don’t mind doing it i am just tired and can’t sleep. I am so lost and all i do is think about her and wonder why this happened to her. She was so young and getting her life together. My brother hasn’t talked to me in 2 years and he just tells my mom to be strong. Not once has he offered to come help. I feel alone and probably just feeling sorry for myself. But i feel like life is over and i am just waiting for my turn to go. How do i help my parents with their depression when i can’t help with my own? I feel so lost.

  98. Michelle L Kontos  January 11, 2021 at 6:41 pm Reply

    I lost my brother on May 3rd, 2016, he was 44 and I was 42 at the time. I am now 46 and I am now older then my big brother. IDK where to even start with him. He was the CIO of the US state department. He had a few separate college degrees and I so looked up to him my whole life. His death haunts me. He told me everything, so Why didn’t he tell me something was wrong? Or so that’s the story. He was my first friend, my best friend……he was fine a few days prior, then all hell broke loose. Our parent’s got divorced 6 months before he died, he left me with a mess. I am so mad at him for that, but I’m more mad because he didn’t tell me what was going on and I swear to you he told me everything. I just feel betrayed….was it me?

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    • IsabelleS  January 12, 2021 at 12:24 pm Reply

      Michelle, I’m very sorry for your loss. The mixed emotions you’re experiencing–the anger, sadness, betrayal–are normal and valid after a loss. I hear that you blame yourself for him not telling you what was going on… I hope you can ultimately forgive yourself. You did nothing wrong. All the best.

  99. Dawn  December 30, 2020 at 10:51 pm Reply

    I Lost my younger brother in June at 42. We were 3 years apart and he was my life ride or die. We fought like dogs at times but no one else should mess with the other. He always had my back and I always had his.
    we had just lost our Dad to a sudden heart atack little over a year before my brother passed and I am finding it hard and ..I mean really freaking hard to not have the only person in the world that knew and understood how I feel. I feel left and abandoned.
    I find myself going to pick up the phone to call or text him about this or that and it breaks my heart each time.
    I try to think of the many funny
    Stories/ memories that we had together but it really hurts and sometimes makes me mad he Left me. I can totally relate to the part of the artical about my grief is somehow lost to the grief of my mom and others feeling like my grief does not count.I know that it does but it still makes me feel that way. I just want to yell “What about me?” but that would be selfish. I am coping day to day trying to navigate through this grief and that is why I am glad I found this page. Noone gets it unless they have been through it. The artical also makes me feel like I am not alone in the feelings that I have so thank you. I needed this. Sorry so long winded and thanks for listening.

  100. Bert  December 26, 2020 at 2:47 am Reply

    I am lost , my brother just passed from hypertension. He was I. Exceptional shape and was a yer older than me. I’m 40 now and my world has been up ended. I feel ok some days and others I cry and the sadness turns to anger. I don’t know what to do. I pray at night and ask for strength and fortitude and I feel I am being consumed by this. I went through this at 16 when friends died in my hands and now my brother. It’s to much for me. I would never hurt myself as I’ll never see my brother again but I’ve become a distant person of my self. At times I don’t even know myself. I’m truly lost.

    • IsabelleS  December 26, 2020 at 10:13 am Reply

      Bert, I’m so very sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I want you to know how normal it is to feel as though you’ve lost yourself after the death of a loved one… You are not alone in this. You may want to check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/dont-know-anymore-grief-loss-identity/ Please be gentle with yourself as you navigate this loss. All the best to you.

    • Michelle L Kontos  January 11, 2021 at 7:03 pm Reply

      Bert,
      I have let my brothers death consume my life. He has been gone since May 3, 2016. I try so hard to change that, his death consuming my life. No one can tell you how to feel as no one can tell me how to feel. If you haven’t lost a sibling, then you just don’t get it…. prayers to you.

    • Sam  November 17, 2021 at 12:49 pm Reply

      My 15 yo younger sister died on 24/10/2021. I’m 19. I loved her so very much. She was just a baby. And it wasn’t her time. She died of post covid MISC. This grief will kill me. I hope it does. She was the brightest, full of love and life. My support system. My heart aches for her. All the bad things I ever did to her keep replaying in my head, the silly fights, the hitting, the shouting, the bad things I said. I blocked her off my stories once and she heard someone else talk about it, and she asked me sweetly with so much hurt in her voice, why cant i see your stories? And i felt so ashamed but i lied and said, ues you can while unblocking her, and she half believed me but since then I decided to change. I should have valued her more. She loved me through it all. She was my love. I was a kid myself, but I should have seen her for all she was, and I didn’t. I thought her an annoyance, but I loved her so much, since the last year we grew very close. I protected her through all the family fights as a kid, and now she’s not here anymore. I want to die with her. I don’t know how to age without her. Every conversation I have is fake, a sham to make everyone think I’m alright. I’m not. I’m really not. It should have been me. It really should. Not her. She was good and lovely and the best. I will love her through the divide of death. How can I not? Why her? What am I supposed to do now? I hate myself. I don’t deserve this life. I want to see her again i want her back.

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      • Litsa  November 18, 2021 at 1:04 pm

        Sam, I know it feels impossible to go on without her, but please know that you can and will and there is support. The thing about grief is that, in the early days and weeks (and even months) no one knows how they will survive. It feels unimaginable. But you do – one breath at a time, one step at a time. I know you are focused on all the regrets in this moment, because our brains love to focus on the negative- it is a natural inclination. But it sounds like there were many wonderful things too – ways your supported and protected her and recent times that you were close. The nature of sibling relationships is that they are almost always a mix – wonderful closeness mixed with fights and not appreciating one another. And yet siblings usually still know that they love each other, even when actions don’t always show it. Though aging without her here will always feel incredibly hard, you will still have a relationship with her memory – people will get to “know” her through your stories and memories of her. You’ll always know the way that she impacted the person you and will be able to live in ways that puts that into the world. Though the regrets we have are always hard to live with, like wishing you’d valued her more, one thing you can do in her memory is to live in a way that values others and puts the same love and light you say in her out into the world. It is not a solution to the pain – it never will be. But it is a place to start. Please know that you can always find support through a grief therapist and if you are ever thinking of hurting yourself, or even just need someone to talk to when you’re very down, the suicide prevention helpline is always available at 800-273-8255 or to do an online chat here.

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      • Sam  November 19, 2021 at 9:54 am

        She was not supposed to die. We could have done more an saved her. I would rather die in her place. I want to. I’m 10000% willing to. Why her? Why not me? Will I ever get to see her again? I just want to talk to her.

  101. Laura Higgins  December 21, 2020 at 1:50 am Reply

    Everyone will tell you my oldest brother was the kindest, happiest most loving person You could ever know. He was a police officer for 18 years in Arizona. He was well known by many people he even worked at many schools on the Indian reservation (even though he was a tall blonde white guy) so all the kids and families knew him. He only had 1 more year before he could retire and move back home to Washington State. He got a call around 9am for an erratic person so he went to try and help. When he got there and got out of his car and the guy immediately came at him with a broken bottle so he backed up. Then the guy jumped in and stole his police car drove aways then did a u turn and then purposely drove over my brother with his own police car and killed him. I can’t stop thinking that if my brother wasn’t so nice he should have shot him when he was stealing his car and then he would still be here. The public is always complaining about cops shooting people and no one cares about how devestated me my 2 brothers, his half brother and sister, his wife, his 7 children and his parents are. It has been about 5 months and everyone is just in a continued sad and confused daze with no relief in sight. Oh yeah and then after the guy purposely hit a few more cop cars before he got stopped his excuse was he was that hadn’t slept in 3 days because he was on a meth bender.

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    • IsabelleS  December 21, 2020 at 10:38 am Reply

      Laura, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your brother sounds like an incredible person who will be missed dearly by many people. It sounds as though the way your brother died is making the grieving process all the more difficult for you… which is so understandable considering the traumatic nature of his death. You may want to check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/struggling-with-how-a-loved-one-died/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/traumatic-loss/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CA%20death%20is%20considered%20traumatic,loved%20one%20suffered%3B%20or%20if It might be helpful to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief and bereavement, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/ Once again, I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. All the best.

    • Michelle L Kontos  January 11, 2021 at 6:51 pm Reply

      Laura, I am so sorry, what a horrible thing. You are right though, this kind of stuff doesn’t make the news. I’m in Pittsburgh and haven’t heard this story. It has to fit the narrative. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my brother under different circumstances, but I still lost my brother and unless you’ve lost a sibling, you don’t get it. He had no wife or kids, but all ask about my parent’s….what about me?

  102. Cate  December 14, 2020 at 10:39 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister to brain cancer, and then my dad to stomach cancer 6 months later in 2019. My mum is beyond shattered, my family torn apart and I think my dad just gave up when he got the diagnosis. After she passed away, my sisters husband (in a diabolical hate-filled act) scattered my sisters ashes and refuses to let my mum or any of her blood relatives know where and when that happened. There is a pervading black emptiness of soul watching my mum being forced to suffer so terribly because she can’t get any rest or closure.

  103. Justin Yates  December 12, 2020 at 8:36 am Reply

    My brother passed away this morning from cancer. I am numb and upset at the same time. I feel relieved but also torn to pieces. I just talked to him yesterday and was going to hang out with him tomorrow. Now I feel like a piece of shit for putting it off until “tomorrow” when I knew he had limited tomorrows. It’s been a long fight and what makes it extra hard is the only reason he is now gone is due to a misdiagnosis 5 years ago. Had they not though a giant tumor was a blood clot and put him on blood thinners for a year he’d still be alive and healthy. He had a tumor in his leg, they let it go misdiagnosed for a year and by the time they realized hey thats not a blood clot thats a tumor it had already sread through his body. He died because it went to his lungs, he was in a lot of pain and his life ended in suffering which torments me. I hate doctors and feel as though they treated my brother very poorly and really didn’t care at all. I’ve long thought doctors were terrible human beings, and my brothers experience has cemented that notion. Essentially psychopaths who got a job instead of becoming criminals. I thought I was ready for my brothers death, it’s been a long time coming, but when I got the call I was devastated. I know he knew how I felt about him and all of that. I know he loved me. Most of my pain is based in the anger that he shouldn’t be dead, doctors killed him, and those same doctors still have jobs and make tons of money fucking people over. I think they should be in prison. They indirectly murdered my brother. I’ve so very angry, that my brothers pain and stress and loss of life, my moms immense pain of losing her first born, my pain for loss of my brother who was always there when I needed him. All caused by a Doctor who can’t read an ultrasound. That same Doctor had the gall to show up at one of my brothers benefits, benefits to raise money to pay his medical bills, what a piece of shit that guy is. Hey I gave you a death sentence and you owe me money but here’s $300, I hope that fucking guy loses someone close to him, then maybe he will have more of an appreciation and respect for the lives of others. I don’t know how doctors do it, if I gave a patient a death sentence I’d quit medicine, because i would never again want to ruin anyones life. I hope he gets hit by a truck, with his brother watching.

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    • IsabelleS  December 14, 2020 at 12:11 pm Reply

      Justin, I am truly so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. Everything you are feeling–the conflicting emotions, the numbness, the anger–is normal and okay. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/all-about-anger/ All the best to you.

  104. Keisha  December 8, 2020 at 12:57 am Reply

    I loss my brother 6-26-2020 due to complications of covid. He fought for his life for 2 months and 16 days. I am slowly accepting that his death wasn’t my fault. I felt that I should have told the doctors to not intubate him but he agreed to it. It just they needed a verbal witness. When the nurses told me that he could into cardiac arrest at anytime that day I was numb. I took my mom with me and the minute my mom went into the room and told him that she was there that’s when his heart stopped. They performed CPR twice and after the third time his hear stopped, I told them no more. I didn’t what to think or do at that moment. He was older brother and my only sibling and I wish that I could have done something to prevent him from getting the virus. He didn’t travel anywhere he wore his mask at work and on the way home. I just don’t understand. He was only 40 years old and had no pre-existing medical conditions. It hurts so bad that holidays and birthdays will never be the same. I miss him so much.

  105. Kam Williams  December 5, 2020 at 7:19 am Reply

    I lost my 20 year old brother today to suicide. I have no idea where to even begin with the emotions I’m feeling. We are 7 years apart and weren’t close growing up but over the last few years have gotten closer as he opened up to me about his mental health struggles.

    Thankful to have found this page. Thank you for caring enough to make this site, post, and Facebook group. Praying for us all on this healing journey <3

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    • IsabelleS  December 7, 2020 at 10:51 am Reply

      Kam, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I too am glad that you found this page… I hope it brings you even a bit of comfort in this trying time. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-suicide-death/ You are not alone.

    • Alison  February 3, 2021 at 1:36 am Reply

      Hey Kam, I know no one would exactly know how your relationship with your brother was and how sad you feel about your brother’s death, but I have a similar experience here. I lost my 25-year-old brother in December 2020 to suicide. He’s 3 years younger than me. We were not very close when we grew up but as we grew older I thought I could finally be a good and caring older sister as I finally knew how to take care of people. We lived in different countries because of his studies and my marriage. The last time we met, I was so happy we could finally open up to each other and talk more maturely, and I was so looking forward to next time we meet. Little did I know there would be no next time…..

  106. Veronica Sousa  November 15, 2020 at 4:30 pm Reply

    I lost my brother on October 3rd 2020 at our home. Basically he just fainted and passed away. My mum found him at the living room mat and we still don’t know what happened because he was healthy and he’d never complain about anything. We tried CPR but he wasn’t responding untill the medics arrived. The doctors told us it was something fulminant, they were able to recover his heart at the hospital but his brain went too much time without oxigen. It’s so devastating to lose a brother at 29. With his whole life ahead of him. We were so close. He was my life guarantee. He’s gone and a part of me is too. I miss him so much!

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    • IsabelleS  November 16, 2020 at 11:12 am Reply

      Veronica, I’m very sorry to hear about your loss. I completely understand feeling as though part of you died along with him. This is such a normal and valid feeling. The ambiguity of your brother’s passing definitely makes things harder. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/struggling-with-how-a-loved-one-died/ Please be gentle with yourself. All the best to you.

    • Cathyperez34@gmail.com  December 22, 2020 at 12:21 am Reply

      I lost my baby sister on 11-10-2020, 10 days after her 32nd birthday. My mom found her on her bed and she was already gone. We dont know why or what happened and because of Covid we won’t have a complete autopsy report for another 3 months. I am completely devastated. I am sorry for your loss as well

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      • IsabelleS  December 22, 2020 at 12:07 pm

        Cathy, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I imagine that the uncertainty surrounding your sister’s death is making things especially difficult for you. COVID truly has made the grieving process all the more difficult. You may want to check out this resource: https://whatsyourgrief.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Grief-Covid-Document.pdf Once again, I’m sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you… All the best.

  107. Ryan  October 31, 2020 at 2:28 pm Reply

    I’m 27 and I lost my little sister just over a week ago to asthma. She was on heavy doses of medication and steroids in order to help her overcome her i lack of white blood cells, but unfortunately her body couldn’t take it and she collapsed at our family home after not doing able to breathe.

    She’s my only sibling and it pains me so much to know that as her big brother I couldn’t save her. The doctors and ambulances arrived within 10 minutes and worked on her for a couple of ours attempting to restart her heart, which happened on/off, until her heart stopped for the last time and could not be restarted after the last 40 minutes of the doctors trying.

    They tried everything at our home, they couldn’t rush her to hospital because of the valuable time which needed to be spent working on her. Since that day and in the last week, everything is sinking in and I am worrying about everything. The thought of dealing with future life within my family all alone terrifies me, the fact I won’t have my little sister who I love dearly won’t be able to walk through life with me, handling future family tragedies, getting married, living life with me, everything.

    It’s changed the way I look at life completely and I’m still in a state of shock, even after it’s hit me. The loss of my little sister and the time since had made so many worried topple ontop of me that weren’t otherwise there. Worry after worry after worry overwhelming me in my realisation of that tragic event and all of the worries that it brings with it as I’m now the only sibling left.

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    • Amir  November 1, 2020 at 5:50 pm Reply

      Sorry to hear you friend. I also lost my brother in Covid. It has been just a week. I am lost, broken and shattered. I sm trying to recover to my normal life but in just a week my world is changed and my heart gone with him.

      • Daisy  November 26, 2020 at 4:00 am

        In 2012 I was 15.
        My brother was 11.
        He drowned at a lake on June 6th of that year.
        I wasn’t there, but every time I let myself relive those last moments with him, I remember the moment I called after him with the intense feeling of not wanting to let him go on that lake trip.
        I think I still feel I could have saved him.

      • IsabelleS  November 27, 2020 at 11:41 am

        Daisy, I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand that you feel guilty… This is such a normal experience in the grieving process. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ I hope this website/community brings you some peace. All the best.

    • Racda  November 2, 2020 at 5:44 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my brother 10 years ago and I remember him as if it were yesterday. The grief never really goes away, but in time it changes and the love shared has becomes the prominent thing in my heart. I hope this will eventuate for you.

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  108. Irishman  October 30, 2020 at 8:41 pm Reply

    Where do I start! Probably today. I have a beautiful family and I couldn’t be happier. I have a wife who I love dearly and a daughter who I would die for. Normality is how most would describe it. But 25 years ago I lost my younger brother.
    I miss my brother terribly, but missing him won’t bring him back. Remembering him keeps him alive in my mind and that is now good enough for me.
    However, it took me years to get to this point.
    And this is my point. It hurts, it hurts like hell. But eventually that hurt turns to memories. Nice memories; funny memories. They say time is a great healer, it really is. Trust me. You just have to take control of your own life & park the past. Don’t let it define you & consume you.

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    • IsabelleS  October 31, 2020 at 1:06 pm Reply

      I am so very sorry for your loss and the hurt you have had to endure. It’s so special that you have turned your pain into memories, and that you keep your brother alive in your mind after all this time. Thank you for taking the time to share your story and perspective!

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  109. Atlanta  October 27, 2020 at 8:16 pm Reply

    I’ve recently lost my 18 year old brother, there was only 3 years between us and we’re only a family of four. He was taken from us and murdered and our pain isn’t over. I’d give anything to have my brother torment me one more time and I’m broken that he’s missed so much out of his life and things he’ll never get to do. I feel like I’m trying so hard to be strong for my parents that I feel guilty for being sad but everyday seems to be getting harder and not better could someone tell me if it does get easier or will it be like this forever.

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    • Ishy  November 5, 2020 at 5:28 am Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. I also recently lost my 25 yo younger brother to a senseless murder. We are also a family of 4 and it’s like we all lost a huge part of ourselves. I am trying to be strong for my parents but it hurts too much. As the time is passing I miss him more and more. He was the sweetest person in my life and I could have given my life for him. If only I could bring him back. I hope we can all find some strength to bear with this tremendous pain.

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      • IsabelleS  November 5, 2020 at 10:51 am

        Ishy, thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story. I am so very sorry for your loss. I hope this website and this community brings you some comfort. All the best to you.

  110. Stephanie  October 27, 2020 at 4:12 pm Reply

    I never thought that I was grieving until today… I’ve lost both of my brothers to muscular dystrophy. I’m not sure what’s worse…. knowing your entire life that both of your older brothers were doing to die probably before they turn 20… or it being an accident. Since I always knew it would happen, I felt like I never needed to accept the emotions that came with it… I feel guilty that I was the only healthy one, upset that I didn’t spend more time, mad that I was embarrassed as a child, traumatized from the events and so very alone. I get so jealous when I see my husband with his siblings and angry inside that I just want one more conversation with either of them. I can’t explain the daily struggles I go through because how do you talk about something that feels like black nothingness. It’s been 15 years since I lost my oldest brother and 4 years since I lost my other. Now it’s just me and I don’t think I’ll ever not feel alone. Is it wrong to feel like that even though I have an amazing family? It’s like there’s a piece that I can’t fill

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  111. Ghazala Khan  October 21, 2020 at 7:18 pm Reply

    It has been 8 months since I lost my younger middle beloved sister to cancer- she had thyroid cancer which metastasized into severe bone cancer
    She was 50 – Two years younger than me. I feel the pain of her loss everyday very deeply. It is still not easy for me that she has gone from us forever.

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  112. Madalin  October 8, 2020 at 11:21 pm Reply

    On 9/11/2020 my 20 year old brother took his life. No one knows why he did it, but he was struggling from depression but hid it from all of us. I’m only 23 so we were pretty close. Especially in high school. He was always my protector, and midnight food run buddy. We shared a walk growing up and whenever I knocked on it he always came running. I feel like a piece of my heart is gone. I was always driving him to his practices and I was at every swim meet, wrestling match, school function, and every single thing I could be at. I loved being his older sister, I loved taking care of him and spending time with him. He gave the best hugs, where he would just hold me. I miss him so much, and am struggling to come to the reality that I’ll never see him again, that I will never hug him again. He will never meet my future kids or be at my wedding this summer. I’m just heartbroken, but have to be strong for my parents.

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    • IsabelleS  October 9, 2020 at 11:02 am Reply

      Hi, I am so very sorry for your loss and for this pain you are being made to endure. My heart goes out to you. I know you want to be strong for your parents, but I want to remind you that you too are allowed to grieve. Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel. You cannot be there for your parents unless you are first there for yourself. I suggest you check out this post: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-suicide-death/ All the best to you and your family.

  113. Hector  September 26, 2020 at 7:40 pm Reply

    Hello, I recently lost my youngest brother He had just turned 15 earlier this year. As the oldest I was expected help out a lot which helped forge an immensely close bond with my brother Leo. Leo was born with a heart murmur and while growing up one of his arteries was not growing and he was going to require a surgery. Our middle brother of 19 years of age was born with a similar problem and has already undergone surgery. Leo went to get his surgery and since I had just recently moved away and was working at a hospital I attempted to limit my exposure to him because of COVID and did not want to put him at risk. Unfortunately the surgery did not go as planned and we were told he was going to need a heart transplant. We were all very hopeful, but could not see him due to COVID restrictions, they did however permit one of my parents to be present at a time so for two months my parents left work to swap off days to be with our youngest brother. I had been working 60 or more hours to make ends meet plus receiving support from other family members and friends. Unfortunately on the 15th of September 2020, I got a call from my mother who was with him that day and told me that I should come see my brother because myself and my other brother were going to be able to see him. I ran out of work at 3am and drove to my parents place to pick up my father and brother as we drove to the hospital we were all very silent not knowing what to say. Once we arrived we went up to see him and I got this horrible like knot in my stomach that I have not been able to shake since. We spoke with Leo, but he was heavily sedated. Then after some hours they said that the doctors wanted to speak with us. When they broke the news to us that they had done everything possible and that there was nothing that could be done I felt my heart sink. We spent the remainder of that day with leo and into the night. Eventually they allowed few family members to see him. we sat around with him and played some of his favorite music, the medication began to wear off slowly and he woke up in a lot of pain but he always held a smile. He began to raise his arms as much as hi body would let him and with all the strength he had he began to dance swaying his arms side to side. We spent his final moments with him until 2am the next day when we were told we could not wait any longer. I held his hand while they unplugged the machines that acted as his lung, heart and kidney’s. In that moment I knew we would no longer have another moment together. Leo and I were very close. He would message or call me for anything. Sometimes I would find it funny that he would ask me for permission prior to even asking my parents. Some days we would just talk, others we would play video games online. Now that he is gone I feel like I have to make sure that my parents are okay as well as my brother. As the oldest I was constantly reminded by family members at the funeral that I had to be strong and take care of everybody now. I know they don’t mean it with malicious intent but I feel like still have not been able to comprehend what it means for him to be gone. I still feel like he is going to step out of his room and run over to give me a hug like he always would. Then he would ask me if I was going to spend the night and we could hang out and play. I am 23 years old and we were roughly 9 years apart in age. I miss him like crazy and at the same time can not believe it.

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    • IsabelleS  September 27, 2020 at 9:13 am Reply

      Hi Hector, thank you for taking the time to comment. I am so sorry for your loss and for this tremendous pain you are experiencing. I know it may not feel like it, but your feelings right now are completely normal. I understand how difficult it is that everyone is expecting you to be strong for your family. As difficult as it may be, it may be helpful to speak to your family members and other loved ones when they say things like this. It is so important that you communicate your own needs, and not just take care of others. Hope this brings you some comfort.

  114. Amikins  September 26, 2020 at 12:08 am Reply

    I lost my only sister a month ago to a heart attack. She was only 42. Our dad died back in March in his sleep from a stroke. I just feel sick with sadness and like I am walking in a nightmare.

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  115. Maria  September 18, 2020 at 7:06 pm Reply

    I have grieved a sibling, but at that time my parents had already died. My son died in April 2020, covid age 38. I’m posting because I want to support my other children through their grieving process, and I want them to know their grief isn’t being overlooked. How can I best let them know.

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  116. Angel  September 16, 2020 at 9:44 am Reply

    I lost my dad (july 2019) and my older sister (dec 2019). It was so hard for our family because we are still grieving from the loss of my dad when my sister died. Everyone around me kept telling me to be strong for my mom and my younger brother which I did. It was just so hard because I felt like I can’t be weak and show any sign of weakness for them. I had to be strong when every inch of me is hurting, breaking and all I really want is to break down and be weak. I just felt like people forgot that I’m grieving too and that I needed someone to lean on to. I can’t grieve the way I wanted to, I always hold my tears and it’s really killing me inside. I feel like any moment I’m gonna lose it. I feel like no one understands my pain. My sister and I are like twins, I’m 28 she’s 29. I also felt like I’m living in the shadow of my deceased sibling due to comparisons from relatives and friends.

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  117. M E2  September 16, 2020 at 2:03 am Reply

    Im sorry if my story is long i just need this off my chest. People dont know the struggle I face just about every day. I’m glad I stumbled on this blog post. Because I felt a lone and still do for the past 6 years. I’m still grieving the murder of my bestfriend/ big brother who was more like my twin but born 2 years apart. I was 25 at the time we both were attending college together and living together in Georgia he was a Computer Science major just 1 semester away from graduation. I can remember it like it happened yesterday. It was a day after his birthday he just turned 28 he was going to meet a friends I didn’t think to much of it, while I was at my internship. I was thinking ok he’s probably going to go out for his birthday weekend, so I got home no one was there so I decided to go spend some time with my boyfriend just on Friday. Then Saturday one of my friends who was staying with us came back to the apartment and it was destroyed I told her to go stay with one of your friends until I get back. I panicked I called my brother over 20 times that night, he never missed a phone call. My mom called me panicking and it was one of the worst cries I have ever heard, and the pain and guilt I was feeling inside was difficult to express and explain because my brother and I where supposed to keep an eye on eachother which we always did but, just this 1 time was all it took. I stayed with my boyfriend until I had to go back home on sunday and saw the livingroom was destroyed, the kitchen destroyed and his room destroyed but my room we untouched. I saw that a detective left their card on the counter in the kitchen. I did not want my boyfriend to leave me alone until I find out what was going on but he had to go but he stayed until my friend got there. That Monday felt like a walking nightmare, I got up went to my internship because I was still in my 90 days but they knew something was wrong I told them my brother never came home and I dont know where he is, I was in tears and i dont like to cry in front of people at all but that day i just could not hold it in. They told me to go home and get things settled so I did, i took the train home and walked from the train stop to my apartment. I called the police department and they told me that they are going to connect me to the coroner’s office. With my friend with me we went to identify my brothers body. I did not know I walked passed where my brother was killed that hurt me even more. That was the day my world came to an end and life was never the same having to tell your mother her only son who survived and life threatening accident when we where kids was gone. I felt guilt and shame, because I knew who did it because this person was bullying my brother and threatening him for 3 months had wanted to talk with him to apologize but that was a lie. It all came out in court in 2019 we got justice. My life, my family’s life, and all of his friends he knew all over the world lives are forever changed because we no longer have the one person who was a light in our lives here anymore. The outpouring of love that was recived from all his friends was appreciated. I lost 5 years of my life but I am now starting to remember and wake up from this nightmare after 6years. Even though the guilt and shame is still there from time to time, it finally feels good to be able to speak to my mom again without the full hurt, pain, guilt, and shame I felt in 2014. We are still healing but it so much better when justice served. My brothers image at the coroner’s office is forever etched in my brain. But I thank God for letting me know my brother is ok. This is a cautionary tale I will have to tell my children one day and when that time comes I will be open to let them know they had/have an uncle but his heart was to big for this world. Love on your loved ones while they are still here because you never know when their time on this earth will be over

    Thank you for having a place for people to share their stories of grief.

    Stay Blessed

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  118. Kaye  September 14, 2020 at 2:40 am Reply

    My little brother was my best friend. He was hilarious, so smart, a gifted musician, an amazing dad, and literally my best friend. He could light up any room he entered. Until the end. The last months of his life, he was the most miserable person I’ve ever been around. He allowed actions of other people to determine his mindset and happiness. On 9/11/10, my world stopped. I received a text from someone that said “omg your brother is threatening to kill himself and I don’t have time for this”. I immediately went to his house ( less than a block away and yes I called 911 before I even got there) and found out he had made good on his threat. The phone was still in his pocket from where he reached out to the only person he wanted affirmation from. I tried so hard to get him back, to open his eyes and wipe the blood from his nose and tell me he was just joking. I did CPR until the responding police officer made me stop for the medics to take over. He was not even 30 yet, still a child himself with so much to live for and so much love to give. It still feels like yesterday, despite it being 10 years and 2 days ago. He left behind so many people that thought he was a perfect, amazing young man – Most importantly, his daughters, my son, our parents, grandparents and me. If he had called me, we could have figured it out. But he chose to call someone else, and she didn’t have the time to speak to him despite him being her husband. I’ve tried for 10 years to understand. I hope he found the peace he needed, because I lost mine when he took his last breath.

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    • Sally  September 14, 2020 at 5:13 pm Reply

      Kaye,

      I know “I’m Sorry” does not take away the pain but while reading your post I am filled with sadness for you and me. I have lost my parents, and my four siblings in the span of 20 years but that is not all, I have felt suicidal many times during that 20 years. I have always managed to talk myself out of it because of the ones you leave behind. I wonder if he secretly suffered from depression and hid it from his family and the world. Those of us that suffer from depression learn how to mask it. Understand, I am just wondering, not assuming or diagnosing. I just was so touched by your story.

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  119. Kasandra  September 12, 2020 at 8:41 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother just under 9 years ago…. today is his birthday. he would have been 30. I’ve never really talked about how his death effected me. never really felt i could. since he died I’ve also lost our mom and our grandpa…. i didnt feel like anyone would understand. My entire family flocked around our grandparents when my brother died. They didnt even try to comfort my mom or me. i had to step up and try to keep my mom in one piece… obviously it wasnt going to work but i had to try. My family proved i couldnt talk about it to anyone. My stepdad tried to get me into therapy for a little bit but i fought. like i said i felt i had to be the strong one so i felt that i couldnt be strong if i talked to anyone. It hit me today almost 9 years later that while yes ive mourned i havent truly let myself mourn the way i should have from the begining. thank you for this. i needed help. and i needed to know i wasnt alone. i was only 17 when he died. my family let a 17 year old be the one to try to hold everything together. i think they may have done more damage to me then than they had ever done growing up

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  120. Kristen  September 6, 2020 at 10:36 pm Reply

    I lost my brother last Monday 08.31.20. He had been in the hospital since Sunday 08.01.20. He found out he had Coronavirus that Thursday 07.29.20 when he came down with a fever of 102F. That first week in the hospital he stayed on isolation and was having to wearing a C-Pap to help him breath. The following Monday 08.09.20 I came home from work hearing that my brother had been put on a ventilator in CCU. It’s very confusing on how he ended up there since he had been fine that week before. He stayed on the ventilator for the following 3 weeks until his heart could no long take all the sedatives and paralytic drug they had been administering him. I feel like my brother could have lived if he had been treated at a different hospital but his wife did not want to transfer him. I have all these feelings wrapped up inside me from being sad and depressed to being upset and angry. My brother was only 36. He did not deserve to die this early in life and I’m heartbroken knowing that my one and only brother who is my only sibling has left this earth and I will never see him again. I just would like to know how everyone copes with someone this close to you passing away unexpectedly. I never imagined this happening a month ago and now here it is September and he’s gone from my life. He’s gone from his 5 year old daughters life also who he’ll never get to see grow up. I feel lost without him

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    • Jo  September 16, 2020 at 1:59 am Reply

      I loss my brother 8/27/20 to a motorcycle accident. A man ran a red light and hit him. He died on the side of the road. He was one of the greatest people I ever meet and he was my protector and best friend? I miss him so much it physically hurts me. He left behind an 8 year old son….I’m sorry for your loss! May we both find the strength to find happiness without ever losing sight of our love for them. I think that’s my biggest obstacle… I don’t think I can ever be happy without him here?

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      • Megan L Parker  December 8, 2020 at 3:44 pm

        Jo, I am so sorry for your pain. My brother was also my favorite human, best friend and protector. I know what it’s like to feel you will never be able to answer the question, “How are you today” with a positive reply ever again. You can’t even envision it. Your whole identity feels smashed. You feel you only function in life as a team. How can you go on? I am coming up on the four year anniversary (1/22/17). I can tell you it took a long time to have good days, but you will eventually get there. (Take as long as it takes you-don’t put a timeline on this!) I’m sorry to say, you will still have the hard days and you may still weep for your loss four years later as I do. But I envision his voice, I read the words in his cards to me, and I look at pictures that bring back memories and I know he is with me at times, still cheering me on. You have to go on, because your brother is still cheering for you too. Again, so sorry. The pain is relentless. The missing is relentless. But you will get better at living with it.

  121. Janet H Jones  August 29, 2020 at 10:38 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother on Monday, just 5 days ago. We were extremely close and I am just crushed. I feel like he was robbed of 20 years of life as he was only 61 years old. He was one of my best friends. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare; I’ve never lost anyone close to me and it just feels like it’s not real. I suppose in time I will feel the reality of it and learn to accept it but right now I just wish I could turn back time. He bumped his foot, broke his toe and it became infected. After taking antibiotics the infection didn’t subside. He ended up in the hospital for 6 days where they pumped him with more antibiotics. He was released and the infection didn’t go away so he was given even more antibiotics. He died of acute liver failure which appears to have been the result of an overdose of antibiotics. This year is just too crazy to be true. I’m sooo heartbroken.

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    • Maria  September 18, 2020 at 7:27 pm Reply

      I truly feel for you and my other children. I lost my son age 38 to covid April 2020, they lost their brother. I to feel my son may have survived if treated elsewhere, something I couldn’t control. The reality is, the outcome may have been the same regardless. I know from previous experience with the death of my brother, that you can say a lot of ifs but in the end it doesn’t change anything. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. The loss of my son has been the worst pain I’ve ever had, and I also know the pain of loosing a sibling. I feel for you and for my other children and all those who have lost loved ones to covid. Your grieve journey will be as individual as you. I hope you get the support you need.

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  122. Pat Emily  August 29, 2020 at 7:25 pm Reply

    Yesterday, I learned about the tragic death of a younger sibling while surfing online. There was a 2-line notice on a website of a Crematorium where she had passed away. I was so shocked, I nearly passed out. The younger sister had become estranged from the family when when a man got her hooked on drugs and prostitution when she was in her 20’s. This was around 1990. She shunned the family for 30 years! Now, I accidentally learned of her death over 2 years ago inJune 2018. The circumstances of her death were tragic in that she lived alone and apparently had a stroke around June 20, 2018. Her remains were only discovered after 2-3 weeks, lying on the bathroom floor in a state of decomposition. She was cremated. Since she was estranged from the family, the Medical Examiner who performed the autopsy did not inform the family at the time she passed. Apparently they didn’t know who to contact. I only learned about her passing when I was online getting information for the genealogy work I do, when I chanced upon a site for the Crematorium that listed her as deceased. The online obiituary listed only a name she had assumed, her date of birth and death. There was nothing personal mentioned at all, nothing about her family, her life, etc. It was the saddest thing that I’ve ever seen. She died alone, was only found weeks later, and died without the love and support of her family. It is agonizing to discover this information after 2 years. I can’t imagine the horror and pain of her death.
    So, now my dilemma is how and whether to tell the rest of the my 5 siblings, who have medical challenges and are all in their 60s and 70s? My concern is that it may be overwhelming and they may suffer physical and emotional damage for life. It happened over 2 years ago, with no one knowing about it. Perhaps it is best to let it go without causing more pain and suffering to know that she thought so little of her family that she would not take precautions to have them notified in case of death or incapacity?

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  123. Sally  August 10, 2020 at 8:37 pm Reply

    I lost my sister and my best friend to cancer 20 years ago and I have never recovered from it. 6 months later her husband, my brother-in-law was murdered, some years after that I lost my brother Ron and after that, my brother Jim! In between all of these deaths I lost my Mom. My oldest brother passed away in 1980 and my father in 1982. I know this is to be about siblings but I am 67, my entire family is gone and I feel so alone with all the memories and no one seems to want to hear them. I miss them all so much and I grieve every day.

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    • Rainy  August 11, 2020 at 7:36 pm Reply

      (Email removed) I’m only 18 so I’m not sure if you’d want to talk to me.. I lost my brother 6 months ago. He was 21. There was no cause , I found him in his room and thought he was sleeping.. absolutely no cause.. I miss him terribly it feels like I woke up into hell. I could use somebody to share new prices with too.

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      • Dawn Mahoney  October 3, 2020 at 7:40 am

        My son (17) lost his little brother (11) in a bicycle accident in April. He is having a really hard time. I have him in counseling but he does not think it is helping. I am at a loss of what to do.

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    • Kelly  September 15, 2020 at 9:04 pm Reply

      I just lost my big sister, my only sibling. I’m 50 and she was 58 and all I had left. Just wanted you to know if you want to share something about story, I’d be happy to listen.

      2
  124. kevin roman  July 31, 2020 at 1:34 am Reply

    im 19 years old i lost my brother july 15 2015 5 years ago of a crystal meth overdose it scarred me for life as i remember the day i found out the news my mom started crying out loud after receiving a phone call while i was playing computer games and i asked whats wrong and she said my brother is dead i couldn’t believe it i was completely shocked and numb and it was confirmed when my brother’s brother picked us up to drive him and i saw his body and was in shock until the coroner took him in. As i was in his room i saw a note that said I’m sorry in his handwriting so i know he never meant to harm anybody when he must have realized he was dying ill never forget my brother I’ve been dealing with grief for the last 5 years now trying to make a life for myself and make my brother proud. I try my best to stay away from drugs because my family has a history of drug problems and i did have a period in my life of doing cocaine from 17-18 but now that im older i just want to let go of this grief and pain and become a successful person through persevering in the stock market and trying to form a band andcollege and whatnot.

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    • Rainy p  August 11, 2020 at 7:40 pm Reply

      I’m 18. My brother was 21. I found him in his room and thought he was passed out on Xanax few hours later he is still the same.. they say there was nothing in his system. They say there’s no cause. I felt your grief reading your comment If you ever want to talk my email is parkerrainy@gmail.com. I’ve been pretty horrified the last 7 months.. scared of my life.

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      • Cherry  September 2, 2020 at 1:25 am

        HI Rainy, my brother was the same. They couldn’t find a cause and we think he accidentally overdosed on xanax

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    • Danielle mcmichen  September 30, 2020 at 4:50 am Reply

      November 2nd will be a year that I lost my older brother, I still find it hard to believe it’s real. Much like alot of stories I thought my brother was passed out, but I never could get him up I called my mom to let her know and said I’ll call 911. Well when the firemen and paramedics got there, they tried cpr and by then my mom was at my house, my stepdad walked down stairs to tell us he was gone…I’ll never forget my mother’s scream, no her baby boy. He was sent to gbi for autopsy and it took 3 months before we knew what happened, but he accidentally died from od where someone gave him stuff laced with fentynol. He was only 37, and myself 35 at the time so we’ve always been extremely close, and I do seem to have more emotional moments getting closer to the year anniversary of his passing. I’m sorry of your loss and your not alone, I have several step brothers and sisters but he was my only one real brother and life will never be the same.

  125. Darla  July 16, 2020 at 1:52 am Reply

    I am 16 years old and my little brother Adrian who was 14 just passed away yesterday. I mostly feel like I blame myself and like I should have done something to let him know that he was not alone but nothing I ever said or did helped and I wished I would have tried harder. I wish I could have been there with him his final moments to let him know he is not alone or to hold his hand so he wouldn’t be hurting or be afraid anymore. I love my brother dearly and I will never forget him

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  126. Annie  July 1, 2020 at 9:47 am Reply

    Im from South Korea, and I lost my one and only older brother on 26th December 2019. He was 33 years old, and his name is Myunghyeon An. I was working in Uganda at that time. I still remember that day, my dad called me said you have lost your brother. He was found on the river ar 1pm with the freezing cold weather in my hometown.
    I flew back to Korea with the earliest flight after a call, and finally arrived at the funeral. I just couldnt believe anything, he said will see you after 7 months little one when we said good ye when i left korea. I still remember him as the nicest, coolest person. We miss him very much. He is just gone like this without saying one word, without anything left for his reason to leave. I still think about him a lot. I will remember him forever, until i die. The one and only one.

    Miss you so much my brother 명현.

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  127. Pamela Zavala  June 30, 2020 at 3:03 am Reply

    First I lost my older brother about 6 years ago. He was almost to his 34th birthday. He aspirated in his lungs from a od on pills. That was October 2014. After that I moved with my mom to take care c if her so she wasn’t alone. Then February 2017 my younger brother was found with a gun shot to b his head. They ruled a suicide, but I know my siblings and he would have never done that. He just turned 33 in October. He left behind a twin brother who has a major drinking problem. We all thought he would go next. Last week my sister died at age 45 have a C-section. She bleed out and her heart stopped. In this day and age it doesn’t make sense. It’s rare to die from complications of child birth. She was there eldest. Needless to say, my mom is falling apart losing 3 kids. I’m trying to hold it together and keep her afloat through it all. All I can think is none of this makes sense and how long before my last sibling is taken from this earth. I thought one was hard, two was unbelievable, now this. I don’t get it. This isn’t how life was suppose to be.

    Anyways thanks for listening.

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    • Louise  August 4, 2020 at 4:15 pm Reply

      I know exactly what your going through iam going through it now

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  128. April  June 19, 2020 at 12:29 am Reply

    I lost my brother Jason March 24 2020 they found him floating In his favorite pond the 28 of March 2020. I am lost without him me and him was two peas in a pod we screwed up together we straightened up together we always made sure we heard from each other no madder what . we lived with each other every time we was down we made sure we was ok fought over frozen pizza and cussed every now and agian. Always made sure mama and daddy was ok and not sad or tried too . Always went to the porch when anyone came over he played the guitar I sang . loved to grill loved the music loved our whole famliy! Every single one ! We where born and raised in Georgia I’m 37 years old youngest of two brothers don 45 Jason 40 and me 37 the only girl. I adopted out two of my oldest girls because I couldn’t do it I had my first at 17 I just couldn’t do it alone or so I thought . drugs was a big part of my whole entire family’s life except for my oldest sibling he really showed us all how we are soppost to live he became a preacher a couple years ago made us all so proud and gave us something to fight for . we all look up to him and was always scared to tell him the full truth . why ? Because we knew he couldn’t understand that his heart was and is to pure for the devilish ways we had lived we wanted to protect him . we loved him to much to keep breaking his heart. He is a true pure good hearted man that we all respect. I just can’t seem to face reality that my baby brother is gone . I can’t believe he swallowed meth and died drowned in water! I believe the law did it and was out to stop him and others involved with him I believe there is more to it than what the report says come on people you can fly helicopters over a city but can’t go looking for a man you heard scream in a pond splashing standing beside his abandoned truck you just ran down with a door open and keys in the ignition!!! Im not done with this by a long shot. !!! There is to much not adding up like my brother wouldnt swallow dope and he also can swim and knows that pond like his way to the bathroom at night! He can swim like a sailor and knew how to float and hold on to a stump many out there! Why was there only one bare foot print in the field my brothers size foot with boot prints following it! Also later after the so called investigation lol or what they called an investigation with no yellow tape out around scene the original people that found him call me to tell me they found one shoe these shoes where nikie floaters they don’t sink there was no mud on them there was dry clay in the print of the bottom of shoe the other shoe not found after the so called search even though he was completely bare footed. I went to ask for report of the incident they claimed they had none the state patrol did . that was a lie . I finally got one from the sheriff’s office two day after by email humm think they doctored it up????!! Don’t know but know something stinks and they hated him also there is more to this than I can even think of but I will go to any links to know what’s really going on am I over reacting ?

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    • Charley  October 22, 2020 at 3:12 pm Reply

      April,
      Hey there ?

      I am a GA girl myself and I also lost my older brother in March. It wasn’t those exact circumstances but it was like I died that day too. Would you feel comfortable emailing me? If not we can reply on here. I can relate to your pain on so many levels.. especially since I know how the Georgia cops can be.
      It’s [EMAIL REMOVED]
      Any day or night. Hang in there.

      Charley

  129. Stephanie  June 10, 2020 at 11:55 pm Reply

    December 28, 2019, my beautiful sister died unexpectedly at the hospital. The day before she was rushed to the hospital struggling to breathe. They got her to the hospital gave her medication to which she responded to successfully. We all sat around her hospital room, my other sister, my children and my grandchildren. We laughed and joked….she was doing great! The doctor came in said everything was looking fine and said if all goes well she should be able to go home the next morning…maybe a day after that. Normally, we would never leave our love one overnight alone at the hospital but it was my husband’s birthday and though he had said he didn’t want to go out to eat unless she could go, we all went anyways because according to the doctor and to her, she was doing just fine. I awoke at 6something on the morning of Dec 28 to my daughter banging on the door “get dressed lets go something’s going on with Felicia” I immediately fell to my knees, then ran threw on clothes and slid down to the hospital (it was snowing). It was too late she was gone by the time I had made it. The doctor had no answers. He said he had no medical reason why she passed. He said she had an awesome night, woke up to go to the bathroom complained of a pain and died. I am so devastated, hurt , in pain. Trying to live life without her is unbearable as our family did everything together and I mean everything. Now the dynamics have changed…there is a puzzle piece missing, a piece of my life gone. I was told that she had told a cousin the night before that she didn’t want to die. She made that clear but yet no one of higher power heard or listened to her instead they took her from us. Now we are lost hiding behind out daily routines of life and suffering in silence. I have prayed for her to come to me in my dreams so that I know she is okay, but all the images I receive are of her crying, angry, upset, I have not received an image, dream, vision of her being settled or accepting. I need answers to why this is…….I’ve considered a medium because I need some answers. Thank you for allowing me to post my deep pain.

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  130. Amy  May 28, 2020 at 7:08 pm Reply

    Yesterday. My brother died. He was only 25. He died in his sleep. It was a normal morning or so we thought. My mom was screaming all of the sudden to get my dad because she found him in his bed with his lips blue and not breathing. My dad performed cpr on him but it didn’t work. They were both screaming and I was hiding in tiny spots screaming bloody murder thinking this isn’t real this isn’t real. My sister and other brother were here with us too. I prayed to God so hard asking for a miracle. But he passed away in his sleep. I feel so empty. I keep crying. We all keep crying. I have anxiety, I have depression, I don’t know how I’m going to live a normal life after I lost my brother, my best friend.

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    • Rainy p  August 11, 2020 at 7:47 pm Reply

      I lost my big brother the same way.. he was 21. My email is parkerrainy@gmail.com if you ever want to talk.

  131. Idk  May 27, 2020 at 3:42 pm Reply

    It’s heavy. It’s heavy a lot and to tell you the truth, I have no idea whatsoever as to when it will become light again.
    He isn’t here anymore. My 22 year old best friend and brother Miles. He is gone. He died on September 21,2020 because the cocaine he took had fetanol in it. I ache for him. The pain in my parents eyes is almost unbearable but the roles must be reversed for a while.
    I’m lost and I don’t know when I’ll be found again.

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  132. Ghazala Khan  May 24, 2020 at 6:47 pm Reply

    Hi everyone

    Are you all from USA as I noticed the time difference in the posts and most places mentioned as of USA. I am from UK

    GHAZALA

  133. Ghazala Khan  May 22, 2020 at 3:49 pm Reply

    My younger sister was 50 when she passed away from cancer just three months ago

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    • Jamie Herrera  July 15, 2020 at 3:13 am Reply

      Hello all my beautiful bereaved siblings,
      I’m so glad there is a post like this were many of you can share your sibling’s story with others who will understand. I lost my older brother a little of over 10 and a half years ago and it’s been a journey of mental illness and self growth since then. I have just made recent discoveries of my problem with perfectionism due to habits formed after my only sibling passed. I felt as though the only way to get my parents attention and to get them to hurt less is to be the “perfect” child that never did any wrong. But I was also dealing with severe depression and anxiety. I’m now finally able to identify these habits and I hope to work on them and teach myself that it was never my responsibility to cover for my brother. I wanted to pop on here and share a GREAT resource that has helped me in my grief since I was 6 months in. I believe it is also listed on the resources page that’s linked as well. My parents and I attended our first The Compassionate Friends National Conference before it had been a year since Jared passed. I have gone almost every year since then and have made so many friends who understand my grief through the sibling program. I’ve also run a workshop with a fellow TCF Sib where we talk about how we healed through our connections to each other. There are people who are bereaved like you who would LOVE to listen to your stories of your sibling. This year the conference was moved to an online format. But the sibling program does have a Facebook group (The Sounds of the Siblings, TCF Sibs) that you can post and get support through as well. You’ll have to request to join as they try and make sure that only bereaved siblings are in the group. Sending you all love. I hope this helps!

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      • Sally  August 10, 2020 at 8:42 pm

        Thank you Jamie, I will search for that Facebook page.

      • Veronica  December 2, 2020 at 11:07 am

        I lost my brother three weeks ago. He was taking antidepressants during 2 yrs I don’t really know how it started, it was on and of,, I always treated him as a normal person. during october he was feeling worse and his doctor prescribed him two other antidepressants.
        One day me and my mum left to do documents, when we came back home we found out he hanged himself.
        I wish he was here . It’s unexplainable. Feeling guilt anger and abandonment

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      • IsabelleS  December 3, 2020 at 12:20 pm

        Veronica, I’m truly so sorry for your loss. I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. It seems as though the way your brother died is making your grief all the more difficult. I recommend you check out these articles: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-suicide-death/ and https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ Please know that everything you are feeling–your guilt, anger, and abandonment–is completely normal and valid. Be gentle with yourself.

  134. joel  May 22, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    I lost my brother, age 37, in February. He was addicted to meth for 20 years. He had a heart attack in his bed, and he was cold when his 12-year old son found him. He struggled with his addiction but he was a good father and loved his sons as much as any parent I’ve ever known. He was the funniest, most charismatic person, and he very rarely let his numerous problems show. He masked his pain with drugs, and was ashamed of his addiction to the point that it kept him from getting help. if you know anyone who is addicted to something like this, tell them that they should not be ashamed. they deserve help. people love them and would die for them.

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  135. Cassie Wengler  May 21, 2020 at 5:40 pm Reply

    I lost my brother about 2 years ago in a motorcycle accident. I was helping a friend move in to her brothers house. Her brother happened to be my boyfriend at the time. I remember the call I got from my dad about my brother. I was in such shock I couldn’t speak. I arrived to the hospital with my aunt and grandma about an hour later. Before my parents had called me, they were at the hospital and were getting no answers. All the nurses were saying they didn’t have anybody in that name. Finally they found the floor he was sent to and they were able to call family with all the information. I remember walking through the doors of the waiting room with most of my family who were able to make it there before me just crying non stop. I had never felt the way I did that evening. My brother died a day after turning 23 and he died on the scene. Doctors and nurses thought they could revive them but he was already gone. We spent ours waiting for them to tell us something. Finally they called me, my parents, and my brothers girlfriend to another room. My dad stayed behind because he just couldn’t handle it by that point. I cried more than anybody there. I was drenched in my own tears practically. My mom and his girlfriend held it together enough to help me through it.
    After his funeral day (he was cremated so we just had a service for him) I had gone home and tried sleeping in his room to feel close to him. Worst decision I ever made. I was not ready for that. My best friend since pre-k ended up coming over at 1am to spend the night and share memories we had of him. It had helped me a lot and she still helps me in that way.

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  136. Barbra J  May 7, 2020 at 9:42 am Reply

    I recently lost my sister 2 3 20 just seven months after I lost my mother at 68 years old my mother was my everything losing her I experienced grief however losing my sister at just 48 years old unexpectedly on a Sunday evening I got to talk to her earlier that day and that I love her good grief at times unbearable. I know now I could have health care in many ways it’s because I am a Pisces and I know things it it’s common knowledge to me and my entire life is not everyone understood and things like I did including my sister.
    And it’s true I never knew the struggle and she faced I’m a little girl she loved her girls so much they were her reason to live all these things I. Read of others grief I have experienced. My sister, my rock, best friend,mentore when I was in need she was there no matter.
    Never asking for help until my mom pass my sister and my mom were closest in any of the other kids a near each other inside and out never had a day without each other. And my sistr grieve my mother like I grieve my sister.
    Sadly I didn’t understand what she was going through until she was gone the fact that it was so quick and unexpected massive heart attack. Anyway I’m grateful it was quick but that night she connected with me I can smell her I feel her and I knew the moment of her transition.
    A moment my life my brothers lights my niece’s life as all the hearts ever touched by her heart and kindness.
    My sister Patty we never say no or to anyone down if they were in need.
    That was her gift to look past any and all outside shell and see the truth and the person within.
    Sis always saw the heart of those she encountered a gift as well .
    Recently before she passed she’s got to me about mom telling her and she saw with her heart we heart It mom said it was her gift she cherished that so so much.
    As with my mother and my sister what is a giver gifter always wanting to help give hope be helpful she was my angel. A grief so fresh deep with my heart unlike any emotion I have ever experienced or knew I could experience.
    Thank you for this opportunity to share this bit. Be blessed

  137. Liz  May 6, 2020 at 12:28 pm Reply

    My twin sister died 7 months ago after losing her fight against a rare cancer she had. She only lasted 4 months in cancer treatment and later had a multitude of strokes that led her to be paralyzed on one side. She was too weak for surgery and she never wanted to rely on a machine to live so we took her home with hospice, she died a week later. We were only 16, she wanted to work for NASA, go to a good college, and settle down. She had big dreams. From most of my time grieving I felt empty, I sometimes still do but after therapy I felt better. It doesn’t hurt to talk about her but I still miss her. What is the most heartbreaking, is that I hear my older brother cry alone at night, my other brother struggle to get psychiatrist drugs for the depression he developed, and my parents seeking all assistance from God. A God I no longer believe in after she was gone, they tear up often at church. My older sister is doing good she was the strongest but that means she suffered the most.

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    • Amanda Palmer  July 14, 2020 at 10:46 pm Reply

      I feel for you so much. My little sister died July 10th 2020. Everyone called us twins. She was 31 and I am 33. We were as close as you could be. We did everything together. She was who everyone went to for problems or help. She was insanely funny and incredibly beautiful. We had so many inside jokes and dances. You have those conversations only you and a sister could have. She also had a rare cancer. She found out Feb 21st she had stage 4 cancer. Mayo clinic didnt know what it was and then they sent it to a place in Washington and no one knew what kind it was. Closest thing they could think was an angiosarcoma in heart, brain, lungs, abdomen. The chemo was too aggressive she had strokes, radiation worked for days and they grew right back. She decided to be on hospice and after 2 weeks she passed away. She left her son Noah (9yrs old). His dad isnt in the picture. I feel for him so much because he will never remember how amazing she was. It isnt fair losing a sister. Grandparents and even parents you expect but never a sister. Im sick of people telling me its gods plan because it makes no fucking sense.

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    • Mehdi  August 25, 2021 at 4:04 pm Reply

      I had a brother 8 years younger than me. I loved him much. I left my family to live alone in another city 5 years ago. He lived with them. A talented smart social boy, he was even my envy at times. After I left the family to work and live alone in another city, he started to miss me, but he only expressed it from time to time, as we talked a bit formal and manly to each other. He sometimes expressed lack of incentive for living in his messages and I supported him verbally to be strong and patient, as “everything will be alright”. I never really took his suicide memes seriously.
      I checked on the family once in about six months. Last time I did it in mid-March.
      My brother was not as happy and vivid as he used to be. I attributed that to a recent instance of a series of parental arguments that were normal in our house and didn’t talk to him about it. Even when he told me that”You have left us to die here” I took it for granted and said “there are so many sorrows here, that can kill me in a week if I stay”. I was very stupid and negative.

      He even gifted me some of his possessions, and told me “my bed will be yours”. I was working on a project and considered all such words as childish attention seeking behaviors. I was so stupid that I thought I know his problem and that’s small, not bothering to even ask and listen.

      After two weeks stay, I said goodbye to him and the family. That night he told me his hard disk password, which made me angry. “Don’t be so weak man. There have been many people in much harder conditions but they succeeded” again, I didn’t ask his issues. He gave me a ride to the bus that night. We made a cold farewell and 1.5 days later on April 5 around noon I was called my dad telling my brother has jung himself. I was nearly choked when I heard it. I couldn’t believe it. I could not even imagine death for him that’s why I didn’t talk to him about it, but now he had died. I could have easily prevented that by talking.
      I have been crying for the last five months and thinking about suicide several times. I can’t live in a world without my little brother. He was only 24. I see myself as the person who caused his depression in the first place, and the person who neglected the most saving him.
      I see no justice other than taking my own life. He was tall, healthy, strong, and deserved to live more than I do. He lived to have a family one day.

      This might seem contradicting in parts, but I summarized it. I have been very stupid and negligent about my family.
      I have been blaming my father for talking bitter to him, or his military draft’s PTSD for the incident, but I am finding by reading his messages of these 5 years that he really missed me and was alone. Maybe he punished me by taking himself as he knew I loved him.

      I haven’t had a good night sleep since his death, always remembering his body on the forensics table and how he was wrapped in white and put in a dark tight grave.
      Sometimes I dream of him, sometimes smiling sometimes upset with me.

      Believe me, I could not even imagine good death because I loved him so much. He was my best friend and brother. We used to joke and laugh a lot, except the last time when I was more focused on a work project.
      I have a headache sometimes, and indulge in addictive behaviors to soothe the pain sometimes.
      Thanks for reading and sorry for being too verbose. I hope your stay healthy with your loved ones.

  138. Kathy  May 6, 2020 at 11:47 am Reply

    April 13th will be the five year anniversary of my big brother’s death. I still mourn him. I miss him. He killed himself. I don’t know why. I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.

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    • Madalin  October 8, 2020 at 11:25 pm Reply

      Hi Kathy,
      My brother recently just took his life less than a month ago. He was my little baby brother, and I just don’t know why I couldn’t save him. I would’ve pulled him out of any hole or done anything for him. Does it get easier? I know it’ll never be easy, and I’ll always miss him. I just need to know if the hurt will ever get lighter.

      • Alison  February 3, 2021 at 1:55 am

        My baby brother took his life just 6 weeks ago and he didn’t told me about his depression. I’m still a bit upset his didn’t let me know. His death still feels unreal. There are good days and bad days, today is a bad day, I miss him a lot.

      • Isabelle Siegel  February 4, 2021 at 10:50 am

        Alison, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please know that it’s completely normal to have good and bad days. Give yourself the space to feel whatever it is you need to feel. All the best to you.

  139. Hayley  April 30, 2020 at 12:47 pm Reply

    I’m 40 this year, my brother was 36 when he was killed on New Years Eve 2019, he was knocked off his motorbike. This has completely crushed me, it sent me to a place of grief where I felt i was drowning in my thoughts and feelings. We had not been in touch for the last 5 years. But that wasn’t to say we didn’t love each other, we just chose different lives. This last year my brother was choosing to have a better life and I was ready to acknowledge his achievements and rebuild our relationship but sadly that chance was taken away. The shock of loosing my brother turned me inside out and my body seemed to want to shut down. Luckily I have had amazing support from family and friends who have helped me recover and get through this. I also lost my dear Grandma 18 months ago to cancer which shattered me and my family..She was the most amazing lady. I understand there are diseases and that accidents happen , which I believe God did not create.. we do. God doesn’t want us to suffer and so our bodies are able to deal with the 5 stages of grief at our own pace. Some days are harder than others and the harder days eventually start to reduce. Writing this today is a step forward for me. Life must go on and I will for my brother and Grandparents get back to enjoying the beauty and gift of life.

  140. C  April 12, 2020 at 11:20 pm Reply

    My sister died on Friday, April 10th 2020 after a long fight with breast cancer. She was 45. It hurts so bad inside, like my grief is trying to crawl out of me through my tears. She was my half-sister, and we only met once in the 90s when I was a little girl. Because our family has a lot of bad blood, we only were able to really communicate in the last few years, after she was diagnosed and I had cut ties with toxic family that had kept us apart. Turns out we had a lot in common, and I felt like I was finally getting to have her in my life. It was a bittersweet time. I was reluctant to let myself get too close, because my experience with our family relationships has not been very positive. But it has really hit me these past couple of days how much she meant to me, and how much I looked up to her. Our pain was shared, our love for each other and our other siblings was mutual. Even though the was a sixteen year gap between us, and we lived multiple states from each other, it felt like she had always been there waiting for the right time to tell me how much she cared.
    Now that she is gone, I feel gutted, but also guilty for being heartbroken when her mom, aunt, our brother and her daughter were with her through this whole process and I was not. They truly knew her, and have the right to mourn deeply. But I am not just grieving her death. I’m grieving the missed opportunities, the years of misunderstanding, the time that slipped through our fingers. I’m deeply aware that I’ll never get to make new memories with her, will never spend time with her in person, won’t get to say I love you and I’m sorry ever again. I’m so bitter, but trying to be grateful for the time we had.
    Anna, I love you so much. Don’t worry about me, I’m strong like you, it’s in our blood. In my heart you’ll always be the most beautiful woman my child eyes had ever seen. I’ll never stop admiring your courage. I can only try to honor your love by staying true to myself, no matter what. I still feel your love. Thank you for being my sister.

  141. Britney  April 10, 2020 at 12:12 pm Reply

    It is coming up on the 4 year anniversary since my big brother passed away. He was 34 years old and was taken by cancer. So many things in this article and comments have made me feel less alone. I do feel as though my grief and loss are less important than his two kids, aged 20 and 7 now, and his wife, and our parents, and even his other half sister because I felt like he and her were so much closer. However my grief and loss is real, too, and it hits me hard sometimes from some of the most random things. (Gosh just writing this has me in tears) I am left with feeling guilt that I didn’t call him more or go see him more. I feel guilty and selfish that I am upset that he wont be there to help me when our parents pass away. I know that I won’t be completely alone in that I will have my husband and amazing sister in law, but it’s not the same. I looked up to him for my entire life and thought he was the coolest person ever and now it kills me that he never got to meet my two kids, his niece and nephew. And I know it’s weird, but I then feel so guilty complaining about that when his sister wont get to have him at her upcoming wedding, or his daughter wont get to have him walk her down the aisle or see her graduation. His son was so little when he passed and is missing him through all of his years growing up. His parents shouldn’t have had to lose him. It’s just not right to have to go through the loss of your child. And his wife to have to lose her partner who would have shared their whole life together. It kills me inside how unfair it all is. But one thing that has helped me is that he isn’t hurting anymore. The last month or so he was in so much pain, all I wanted to do was take it for him. And I feel that the hurt I feel now is God’s or the universe’s way of granting my wish. I will gladly feel the pain of his loss for the rest of my life so that he can be without that pain. I wish I had told him how much he meant to me and how I admired and looked up to him. He was such an incredible and talented and kind and fun person to be around. I am so blessed and thankful that I got to have the time with him I did have. I am beyond thankful and blessed that he made me an aunt to those two phenomenal kids who I love with all my heart. They both keep him alive in being a part of him, and that’s a beautiful thing. He also gave me a big sister, who is just so amazing and strong and kind. She even through her own grief has helped me with everything in so many ways. She and her Mom made pillows out of some of his shirts and hoodies. She and my Niece got my two babies these beautiful wall hangings about how their uncle is their guardian angel. I am also so very thankful for the support from my husband who has been my rock through all of it. And he was grieving the loss of a brother as well. Like the article says, any loss strikes multitudes of people and we have to come together to support and console each other. Each and every one of us experience something different in loss, and we need to understand that. Hopefully someone will read my story and feel a little less alone, too. Hugs to everyone out there who needs one.

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  142. Molly McGuire  April 10, 2020 at 11:04 am Reply

    Thank you for this article. I have felt alone in my grief a lot. I lost my sister 5 years ago. She was 51. We were very close. My parents were in their 80’s and died a couple of years after my sister. The part in the article about the need to build new support systems resonated with me.

  143. Susan  April 9, 2020 at 1:21 am Reply

    I lost my older brother a week ago, he went to sleep and never woke up, he was 44, I’m heartbroken and miss him so much. He was my best friend as well as brother. I wish there was something I could have done to help him get his health sorted out this might never have happened. I feel selfish for wanting him to still be here with me, it’s been hard for me to accept that He is gone, I can feel his presence, I’m sorry, I love you, please forgive me, thank you

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    • Debby  August 10, 2020 at 1:21 am Reply

      I lost my brother in less than three weeks a go, he was 44yrs old! the pain is uberable!I am broken into pieces not sure what to do!

  144. Mary Mohammed  April 5, 2020 at 11:28 pm Reply

    I lost my brother to leukemia when he was only 16 years old, 2 years ago, and still can’t sometimes fathom that he is really gone, and will not see، talk, argue, fight or just being with him, it still breaks my heart when I think about him، see pictures or just anything that reminds me of him . I love him so much and wish that I can talk to him one more time, and ask him to forgive me if I have wronged him or saddened him or just anything, I love You so Much little brother and wish to only have a moment or two with, to tell you how much I adore, love and cherish you. Love You now and beyond xxx, I just watched your funeral and broke down by myself in the dark. I love you so much

  145. Elyse  April 5, 2020 at 3:37 pm Reply

    I lost my little brother on March 28, 2020. He passed away in our family home. Surrounded by loved ones. He was only 29 years old. My husband and I did CPR for 10 minutes waiting for the ambulance to arrive. EMT’s arrived and continued to try and get a heart rhythm back . I’m devastated at this loss. It’s not fair. I can’t fathom living life without him. His laugh, his voice… hearing his footsteps. I feel so guilty. I couldn’t do my only job as a big sister, I couldn’t protect him- I couldn’t make this better for him. I miss him so much.

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  146. Heartbroken  March 15, 2020 at 1:46 am Reply

    I lost my brother, yesterday, 26 hours ago. I’m so heartbroken and lost. He was only 42 years old and didn’t have one enemy. He never turned his back on me even when others did. There wasn’t anything I couldn’t tell him.

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    • Kristy  March 16, 2020 at 11:26 am Reply

      Saddest news. I’m so deeply sorry. Your brother is a part of you forever. You will meet him again xox

    • Lonely One  March 27, 2020 at 3:38 pm Reply

      I know how you feel. My brother passed away March 24, 2020. I’m still crying. We were so close, talking on the phone or texting every day just to check in. How can he not exist any more?

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    • Debby  August 10, 2020 at 1:23 am Reply

      Wow! your brother sounds like mine very joyful person! no enemies ! anhh

  147. CheriJo  March 2, 2020 at 12:02 am Reply

    I didn’t know what I would find when I googled, “my brother died 40 years ago.” I found a place to put the incredible sadness I’ve felt all day. Some anniversaries are harder than others. This one has really thrown me. Today is Sunday, and it was a Sunday morning when my mom called and told me to come to the house. I was 21 at the time. When I arrived, I found out my brother had died in a car accident. He had been drinking and he was 20 years old. I really appreciated the article and the validation around feeling like my feelings weren’t allowed to be felt. My parents literally fell apart. It felt as though I not only lost my brother, but also my parents, as they closed ranks in order to survive. I was left to take care of the details that must be tended to when someone dies. My relationship with my parents, fractured and has been permanently changed. Every time we are together, the realization that my brother isn’t with us is palpable, although my parents seldom talk about him. As I get older, I miss him more. I feel an incredible longing for him. I’m so envious of people with siblings. Thank you.

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    • Charley  September 7, 2020 at 11:13 pm Reply

      Hello,

      Just wow. Everything you said was like I wrote it. I was 16 when my 26 year old brother died in an alcohol related car crash. I wasn’t sure my dad would survive it. He was hospitalized for suicide/depression etc. on more than one occasion. It’s been 14 years and lately I’ve been feeling it like it was yesterday. He was everything to me and I still feel him every single day. Lately I’ve also been feeling much more resentment about others with siblings because of what they take for granted. I would kill to have some of those problems with my brother that they claim are so awful. Sending you love. ❤️

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  148. Somewhere far  February 26, 2020 at 8:25 am Reply

    It’s very hard for me to be open right now and share my story. Initially I had googled how to get over the anger of someone killing your sibling. And I stumbled across this website. But I felt maybe if I do I will feel better. I doubt it but it is worth a try. At the moment I feel lost and confused. I just feel sad and hurt. I feel nobody around me understand how I feel. I find it very hard to express myself because everyone is in a hurry. Nobody really makes to time to just hold a deep conversation so I never have a chance to really go deep. But I wish I could. I lost one of my brothers at the age of 16. I am now 24. This was just a year before I lost my father. So this was devastating. I’ll never forget being alone at my aunts. Scrolling on Facebook and finding out his death on Facebook. It kills me to even think about it but I have to. My brother was shot in the head along with his best friend. He was set up by his first cousin. He paid a person they both were close to at the Time to kill them both. Nobody has yet been arrested and I now understand no justice will be served. But it usually isn’t. I have a lot of anger in me that I hide. More so pain. I am hurt. Mainly because these were people we trusted. Slept in our home. They were all so close.
    And you set him up? I am heart broken. And till this day fearful that I may run into them. I have not yet recovered from that lost. Fast forward to a few years later at the age of 21 I lost my other brother to a accidental overdose. Fentanyl and alcohol. I had just saw him that morning and told him I’d see him when I get home from work. I never saw him when I got home from work. The hospital called my mom and asked her if she could come in the hospital and identify a phone. We knew what that meant. I’ll never forget actually driving to the hospital. I was on the phone With someone that worked there maybe a doctor I’m not sure. And I just remember asking over and over again. Please tell me if he’s alive. They said to just come in they wouldn’t tell me so I kept asking then they finally said he was dead. Just let Iike that “He’s dead” my body was in complete shock. I have no control over it. I couldn’t stop shaking. Heartbroken. I had to be strong for my mom in that hospital. On top of his gf being there faking as if she was pregnant crying and causing a scene and we believed it. We were vulnerable. and she knew that. Again heartbroken. On top of finding out he was with friends and they just dropped him off at the hospital and left him. Or that they could have called 911 and he could of been alive today. I have not yet grieved over any of those deaths. My dad nor my brothers. Now I am 24 and I just lost my mother to cancer 8 months ago. It is only me left. And right now in this moment. I just want to run away. I want to run away from this pain and life. It has been so so hard. And I just want one person to look at me and understand strong people get tired too. I am so tired. I appear strong to family and friends. The whole world. But only if they knew what lays beneath the surface. Only if they took the tome out and understood even though I’m acting distant I don’t need any space. Even though I smile and joke and laugh I am dying inside. Literally. I feel my heart dying. I am trying each day to do my best and make something out of myself. But I am losing hope. It may just be a weak moment because I know I can not give up. I want so much for myself. But I’m angry. I’m so so so angry. Anyone who reads this I know you don’t know me but I ask that you please pray for me. Because I desperately need it. I’m not sure what the universe has planned for me. I just will keep taking each day a step at a time. I can write a book about my life but I just wonder who would care enough to read? Or will I even be alive to finish the story. I’m not sure

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    • Chantelle’s sister  March 27, 2020 at 12:34 am Reply

      I prayed for you tonight. Exactly one month later. I hope you are okay, whoever you are & wherever you are. I’m 25 years old and I lost my 30 year old sister 3 weeks ago. I’m so angry. I have dealt with loss before. Distant relatives and many friends. I thought I knew what grief was. I had no idea. I feel guilty every second that I’m not crying, which is rare. If I laugh or smile at something, I then think “how dare I laugh, my sister is dead”. Like somehow if I’m not falling apart for even one second of the day it means I don’t love her. Like she is going to think she’s not important to me. I avoided any pictures of her obituary for a few days. I was just afraid of the agony I would feel when I’m forced to see its real. She died of congestive heart failure. At 30 years old..3 kids and a husband left behind. She had an infection going on for years that no one knew about. So naturally I blamed every doctor she’s ever seen for her death. Because if I don’t have someone to blame then I blame god. I can’t help but be angry at god. It’s funny I always believed in heaven but now that my sister is gone it seems too good to be true. Because I want that for her so bad. I’m so afraid to get my hopes up that I’ll see her there one day. Reading these comments honestly helped me tonight, and so did writing this. “Somewhere far”, I hope you are okay tonight. & I hope somehow you get to read this.

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    • Tammy Moore  April 7, 2020 at 3:39 am Reply

      There are no words for your pain. The only thing that will get you through this is your faith! First of all you need to remember you want to live, you just don’t know how to live with this pain! I promise you… if you sit down , close your eyes ( Let the tears fall) say to God even if you’ve never prayed. Lord, please heat my prayer. I don’t understand why or how but I am silent at your feet and put my pain in your hands.. please forgive me of my trespasses and carry me! Tell him you are nothing without his strength. Tell him how angry, sad, confused and questing life in general. The only relief you can get is my talking to God! He will carry you and ease the suffering or at least help you to know how to combat trigger feelings! You are very fragile, rightfully so! You need a team mate for those times it just needs to be heard. I can’t d rn day that anyone could understand your pain, this is a lot to endure one person. But, you must live!!! You must go on!! There is more for you I promise. You will never be able to breath deeply again unless you inhale the sweetness of God! 5 years ago started a series of bad events in my life as well! Suicide, betryl, stealing, all kinds of in fathomable events! I couldn’t cope but had a 10&12 year old and knew I couldn’t go anywhere! Felt like can’t live and can’t die, what the hell is this?? I did just this. And every time I start to feel a wave of emotion I confront it and speak to the Lird ( or whoever you have faith in) if aim I. The shower I close me eyes quickly and began to pray. Just talk like your taking to your best friend! It will start to trigger a feeling of being carried and trust. He will not let you down! You can never give up though! Lie is not what happens to us it’s what happens FOR us!!! Only you can help yourself dismantle these feelings and categorize your thoughts and feeling! Write them on a piece of paper!! When you confront your feeling and dismantle you can start to understand and therefore start to live again. You can do this.. I will pray for you and for your strength! All the best….

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  149. Joseph Kerr  February 23, 2020 at 12:32 am Reply

    I lost my sister a year and a half ago. Today, I came across a photo of her on Facebook and it’s really messed me up. My sister had a long struggle with substance abuse, which I never judged as we were both raped/molested by an uncle. However, I left her. I needed to separate myself from the whole family so that I was okay. Looking back it may not have been the best decision but it is the only thing I knew how to do to be happy. You see my uncle who raped my sister and me was still around all of the time (my family told me that I should get over it, or what did I expect them to do since he was their relative too). Well, I stopped talking to her because I didn’t want to be around her addiction and the family situation. Well, about 2 years old I was told by my mother that she was in jail, even though my mother did not visit her there. She was in jail for prostitution. I visited her there and wrote her a letter. She told me to make sure to take care of her kids for her. Well, she was released shortly thereafter (she was in jail for a few months) and she died of a drug overdose. I don’t know what state of mind she was in. I keep thinking about whether she was sad and lonely – and that she did it on purpose. That she was saying goodbye to me when I last saw her. I feel really sad and guilty. I wish I wasn’t so selfish and I could of told her that I loved her. This picture I found of her was during a time that I wasn’t talking to her. I wish I knew what her life was like then – was she happy? was she sad? was she alone? I don’t know but it kills me that she could of been sad and I wasn’t there for her. It’s so unfair that she had to go through so many awful things and I wasn’t there to tell her that I loved her. I don’t know if I will I will be ever able to figure myself. I just can’t help but think about my sister feeling like she was alone in the world and no one cared about her.

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  150. Alanna  February 15, 2020 at 5:16 pm Reply

    This has been such a beautiful thread to read. I am so thankful for all of the stories and compassion. It is sad to be here, but what a beautiful community of people. So much love.

    I lost my little sister one month ago tomorrow. She passed unexpectedly on January 16th, around 10 30 in the morning, at only 21 years old. Grief is a feeling I could have never imagined. The full belly wail of a noise your body produces is frightening.
    I know I will have a lot to work through, and the idea of this sadness weighing my heart down for the rest of my life is overwhelming.

    There is guilt, anger, and regret. I cared for her in a way she felt my mother couldn’t. I was desperately trying to hold her hand and cheer her on while she threw herself full throttle into recovery – any kind of recovery – but she simply wasn’t ready to find in herself reasons to live and be happy. I think of all of the times we went to the hospital, to detox groups, to CAMH, the time I called the police on her. Her pain was so complicated. It was compounded trauma, abandonment, addiction, a never availing anxiety, sleep depravation. She got to the point where I don’t think she could make it through the morning without drinking. The what ifs are overwhelming.

    The hardest part about all of this is that she didn’t mean to go. Her heart simply stopped. I am sure it was due to the stress her body was under from her relentless substance use, but maybe it was also in part because of how much she had been able to eat that week, how much water she had been able to drink, how many hours of sleep she had been lucky to have. All we have gotten from the forensic scientists is “inconclusive”.

    Her anxiety riddled her with fears of dying. She often spoke about how she was afraid to fall asleep, or afraid of slipping in the shower. She often begged me to come keep her company. Of course life is cruel, and in the way of paying rent I wasn’t always available. I was tired. We had been working through this for a long time. I think a part of me thought she was invincible. My job as a front line worker also had me thinking that she was going to be okay – there was so much love and support, so many resources, so many services. She was lucky. We were all so lucky.

    The worst bit is that she was my best friend. Though I suppose this is also the best bit. I loved her so fucking much. We shot the shit together, she made me goofy, her smile was so incredibly infectious and her laugh was so beautiful. I hated how much she was on her phone, but now I am so thankful. I am so thankful to be able to watch clips of her laughing, doing “the floss” furiously, rollerskating with her friends, and even shoving me into the ocean after having tried to pose for a photo that never happened.

    I find myself really terrified of forgetting all of the little things that made her so beautiful. She was so annoying, the sort that made my eye twitch sometimes, but so loving and so kind. Her company was and is like nothing else in the whole world. Two summers ago we went to Peru together, hiked through mountains for almost a week, and finally arrived at the “money shot” spot in the ruins of Machu Picchu. It was overcrowded, loud, and full of all of the worst tourist types. And so we left as soon as we could. I have said to a few people when we speak about her that nothing quite says that you’ve lived more than hiking with blistered and bloody toes to a World Wonder only to leave early out of annoyance.

    I find myself talking to her a lot. I have spent a month hugging her shirt on the couch, ignoring the world. It is going to be weird trying to get back into a routine. Nothing quite feels worth it, nothing makes much sense. I just have to keep reminding myself how much she loved me.

    Again, thank you for all of these stories. It means more than any of you could know.

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  151. Stephanie P  February 1, 2020 at 3:18 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother January 28, 2018 to a tragic and unexpected overdose in his own bedroom. Our older sister and mom found him. I was 7 months pregnant at the time. He was 25 and I had just turned 27. We were only 18 months apart. Our entire childhood, we were inseparable. He was my best friend and the one person I could depend on and trust with anything. We fought ALL the time but it was because we were so close. As we became adults we were still close, always lived under the same roof until I moved out because I had children. He would watch my kids so I could work, before I had daycare. I knew he was struggling about a year before he died with substance abuse. He had stolen from me when I was pregnant a few times and it killed me but I always forgave him. He knew the pin to my debit card, because that’s how close we were and I always trusted him up until he stole. His addiction happened so fast and my mom was in denial. She didn’t think her only son had a problem. He was her youngest and he could do no wrong. I work in substance abuse and mental health. My brother knew this. He just never had the chance to get help and I blame myself for not doing something about it. I was so mean and hard on him about his addiction but to clients I work with who suffer the same as him, I showed more compassion for. How awful is that?! It doesn’t make any sense to me. His death never leaves my head, not even for a minute. His 2 year anniversary just passed a couple days ago but regardless of that, it had never left my head. It’s all I think about. Even when I’m at work, watching tv, doing my regular mommy duties, or even when I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, it’s what I’m thinking about. This is not normal. I’ve gone to therapy but it’s been a while but I start going again in a couple days actually. I know my grief is different than my parents and my 2 other siblings. My mom has been a wreck ever since. Her and I share similar grief and she can’t help me because of how bad her grief is. She knows how bad I’m suffering but she feels helpless. Her and I even went and saw a spirit medium together to get some closure which did help because before that I was constantly worrying about where he was and if he was scared and alone. I knew my brother was afraid to die and it killed me not knowing if he was okay. My dad and brother had a complicated relationship and my dad feels a lot of regret but he seems to deal with my grief pretty well and my step dad acts like everything is fine. I never once saw him cry. He’s been in our lives since we were 9 and 10 years old. He’s been a huge part in raising us. It’s crazy how everyone deals with it differently and I’ve been hanging on by a thread for the last 2 years. I gave birth shortly after he passed and I already had a 5 year old and 1 year old. I was in a very fragile state. It’s almost like I’m obsessed with him being gone. When he died, it’s like he took part of me with him and I’m not the same person anymore. I’m lost and everyday I’m just living and carrying on with my daily routine of working and being a mom but I’m not happy and I know it’s because he’s gone and I feel an emptiness and I feel like I could’ve helped him more and I blame myself..

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  152. Shawn's Sister  January 25, 2020 at 8:27 pm Reply

    12,965 days on Earth. When I live another tomorrow, it will be 1 more than my oldest sister did, and the next day another one more, and so on.

    It’s a milestone of grieving that I wasn’t sure exactly what would mean but I knew I hated it and dreaded it and was so compelled to triangulate it to the day. God I’m glad it’s finally here and over, I feel freed from the shackles of this arbitrary time limit I had imposed upon myself (and her). Up to this point I’ve been tracing my sister’s trajectory and ending at this sort of dead end where there’s no longer a precedent for a day in her life that I could traverse. I used up the last of her 12,965 days.

    It took getting here with no plan to devise a plan. So now I get to take her on my own path. Each day starting with +1 (tomorrow) is my gift to her, showing her what comes next and celebrating new milestones with her. I don’t have to live anymore behind a depressing, expiring clock. Now each day is fresh. I’m her host, and I take the lead with pride.

    I’ll never forget the 5,042 days (13 years, 9 months and 19 days) I lived without Shawn and being her baby sister. That’s the same amount of days she lived without me before I was born, so we’re equal now. And now I’m ready to continue on.

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  153. Rebecca  January 22, 2020 at 7:27 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother 4 days after Christmas 12/29/19. We had so much hope for 2020 being the best year ever, little did I know he would never see it. He was my brother, my father. my best friend rolled into one. I am only here today because he always looked out for me and made sure we stayed together. We were moved from foster home to foster home to an orphanage and then adopted. I was 81/2 and he was10. They tried to separate us, but at age 6 he asked for an attorney and fought to keep us together. He was the closest person to me and I am beyond devastated. We survived a lot of things because we were together and now it’s just me, I can’t even process that. I always new everything would be ok as long as I had him. He came to my senior prom because I had just broken up with my boyfriend and didn’t want to go, he went with a friend of mine and we had a blast. He was in my wedding, god father to my children and I’m god mother to his. We were inseparable and now I have to live the rest of my life with out him. He was 46, I’m completely devastated and in shock. He was the strongest person I knew. Literally he carried a solid oak pool table up a hill by himself. I don’t know how to cope with this.

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  154. Aina feyisayo  January 18, 2020 at 5:33 am Reply

    Today makes it 18 days i lost my brother, Dec 31st 2019. A straight bullet hit him where he was eating at a hotel in my area… I feel lost without him,i feel like i cant carry on without him, we two were d only graduate of my family and now he is gone and i feel like am all alone… Everybody keeps telling me u need to be strong but they dont understand that i dont even understand what strong is,i have to put up a strong look when am with my mum because everybody is so concerned about her but they dont underatand how i feel, they dont know that am dying inside… I hide in my room to cry, to hold his cardigan to my nose to smell his scent, i listen to our voice call that was saved on my phone everyday and i even still message him on WhatsApp to see may be he can still respond… Seeing my brother in a pool of blood is something i cant get out of my head, i feel more pain even when people send their condolences, it is like the wound keeps opening … I still cant believe he is gone , nothing is making sense in my life right now and i dont even know how to hear from this

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  155. Amanda  January 13, 2020 at 12:47 am Reply

    I lost my older brother September 2019.
    To an accidental overdose. Mum and I were the ones that found him.
    He was 26 when he died.
    I’ve never spoken out about it really before but after reading all these stories, I know people are feeling what I’m feeling.
    He was only a year older than me. His birthday is.. I mean, was, tomorrow. He would of been 27.

    He left behind his two beautiful children, my niece and nephew. His daughter is old enough to know (6). His son will never remember him and that breaks my heart because Kyle (my brother) was the most happy go lucky guy you could ever know.

    Tomorrow will be one of the hardest days.
    I just miss my big brother ..

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  156. Anna  January 7, 2020 at 4:40 am Reply

    My only sister who was 10 years older than me passed away on 12/19/19 she had a long cancer battle and spent nearly 60 days in the hospital. They removed a tumor that grew next to her sciatic nerve. She was finally released on 12/13 and things were looking promising. She was rushed by ambulance to the ER after a bad night and she woke up lethargic..sepsis had set in on the surgical wound from the 10/31 surgery. They started treatment and she was stable then suddenly her vitals changed and she passed that night. I spent many of the 60 days with her at the hospital as we never left her alone even 1 night. What we thought was our sacrifice to stay at the hospital was actually a gift. I cherish every minute I spent with her. We said beautiful things to eachother we laughed we extremely enjoyed each-others company. We once laughed thru several hours of chemo infusion..and thought wow how can anyone laugh thru chemo. I wanted to be her strength, to show her in every action that she mattered, she appreciated every action immensely, when in all actuality it was my honor… I don’t think we can ever not have some regrets..mine is I wish I could have stayed more days, it made her SO happy when I was there, the week she was released I brought my 86 year old mom and we stood 4 days sleeping on 1 cot for a total of 2 hours max the whole 4 days, I was exhausted and had to come home to San Diego & bring my mom home to rest too- we came home Friday and she was released Saturday. She was in Los Angeles & We did not see her until that Thursday when we got the call that she went to ER – I regret not staying that whole week – I miss her so so so much- we grew so close in the last 3 years after not speaking for over 5 years…we picked up like we never had stopped. I have to be strong for my 86 year old mom & my niece and 2 nephews but in all actuality Im falling apart- this grief consumes me, We used to text lots if pictures and GIFs and prayers we loved our Catholic faith together and now I don’t have anyone that can ever replace that relationship we shared, I feel so so lonely without her, she was my bestest bestest friend!

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  157. Rachel Foster  January 6, 2020 at 1:54 pm Reply

    This year will be 7 years and in 20 days I will turn the age my sister was when she passed. Everything about this puts me on edge….

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  158. Lea  January 3, 2020 at 9:08 pm Reply

    on June 19th 2009 I lost my twin brother to an overdose. He was Bipolar and been fighting with his girlfriend about their daughter and he was so upset about it I told him to just wait for us we’ll be there in tomorrow afternoon to pick him up he can come over then stay at my other brother’s house. The next day I got up and was cooking breakfast and getting things together wondering if my older brother had picked him up yet because he had asked him to pick him up earlier than the afternoon. I get a phone call from my Sister In law. Hes in the hospital in ICU please come to the hospital thats all she knew they hadnt go there yet well it was bad he was in the hospital in a coma for almost a week hospital declared him brain dead and no chance of every waking up we pulled the plug and we let him we were 23 years old when he died and flash forward 10 years later its a few days after Christmas. Friday the 27th getting things done my nightly routine and cleaning up because my bro and sis in law are coming over in 2 days for our little Christmas party we have together with my 3 kids every year I get a phone call from my children’s bus driver also my brother’s next door neighbor theres an ambulance at your brother’s house she says. I call over there and get noone the phone rings back and its my sis in law frantically telling me Chris (my brother’s name) has gone into Cardiac arrest thats his name and they aren’t getting him back theres no heartbeat by that time I had to give the phone to my husband and he tells me they are rushing him to the nearest hospital we take kids to his mothers and race over to the hospital. Hospital tries everything and they never get a decent heartbeat or anything from him at all they call it. My brother was doing the thing he did every night after eatting dinner play on his phone and felt like he couldn’t breathe minutes later hes unresponsive. I am just so upset so sad so angry so numb I miss him so much and I also feel like with him went the rest of my family. My twin brother and Chris were all I had now they are gone. I don’t know how to feel I am trying to be strong for my kids who miss their uncle so much and for my husband so he doesnt worry. Because to me Family is everything THEY were everything. its now a week from when all this happened and 5 days since his funeral Sunday was the hardest day of my life he was supposed to be over to play with my kids and pick on me and now that will never be nor will it be again. It’s hard to go through something this its a rollercoaster. I am so glad I have found a place where ppl can understand how I’m feeling. I am peace knowing they are together now theres that and I know they want me to be happy but right now I think its just gonna take some time.

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  159. Sad alone  December 20, 2019 at 10:09 pm Reply

    My older brother died. May 2019 not four months later my dad passed away. My brother was so loved by so many. I now have his friends needing my sympathy while i have zero energy for anyone or anything. Sad and grief have not come yet. angry and alone are my new normal. If i have one drink i have 10 or more so i now choose not to. Everything seems pointless

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    • Christine  December 21, 2019 at 8:56 pm Reply

      My baby sis died 12/17/19 by suicide. She was 54 and truly one of the kindest, gentlest, most understanding souls I will ever have the pleasure of knowing. She just moved back home after being gone for over 25 years. But we were mostly always close aside from some typical sibling rivalry. She’s been suffering her whole life from Bipolar Disease but kept it under check until these past few months. She not only had some obvious mental issues but has suffered also from physical pain. She was a brilliant teacher and artist and worked with special needs kids. Even though she was in pain much of her life she gave more of her self than anyone else I know. We tried to help her to help herself but she was just too lost. My heart is broken and honestly i can’t know how I will live without her. Ironically ….she’s been gone much of her adult life and only came back home to be with family for the past 1.5 years but her loss is unbearable. Any advice? I don’t know what to do

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      • Isolina Jackson  December 24, 2019 at 3:21 pm

        Today marks 30 years since the last time I spoke to or saw my brother. He committed suicide Jan 1, a week later, at 25vyears old. Grief is weird. It holds no boundaries or limitations, and it doesnt fit a set of parameters. It hit me out of the blue and I am sobbing. From someone who has lost a sibling, I am so very sorry for your loss. My way of coping is remembering the good, crying when I need to, and keeping his memories alive. There are no answers for us, just the breaking of our hearts. I do a suicide prevention walk in his honor. I tell my about him. And I live. I miss him every day. Life goes on without him, and I do my best to make him proud of me. Keep your chin up, and remember the good. It sounds cliche, but really does help. And don’t blame yourself for something you couldnt have helped. Hugs.

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      • Cheryl  December 30, 2019 at 10:04 pm

        Christine, please go to AFSP.org and check out their resources, including support meetings for Survivors of Suicide Loss—a support group dedicated to those of us who have lost a loved one to suicide. My support group has been a safe place to talk about all things related to my loss to people who truly understand and also to support others in their grief journey. I lost my 51-year-old brother, Marty, to suicide on 8/21/18. He was my only sibling and his attempt to start over in a new place failed miserably, only heightening his sense of loneliness and increasing his depression. While many groups are hit or miss for sibling loss—many siblings are unaware of these resources, with many parents and adult children attending, just finding support for the survivors may well make a difference in helping you get through these early stages of grief. I’ve attended my group for just over a year now, and while I don’t make it every week, I’ve come to care very deeply about these friends.

        I have absorbed all of my brother’s life/death into my own life, and with the relocation of my only living parent, my mother, from across the country to 10 minutes away from my home, I now realize I need to put together a plan on setting boundaries with her for my own mental health.

        If you have access to a therapist, please contact one soon. I regret that I have not yet done that. Please, please, please take care of yourself and know that you matter—that you are much more than an administrator for your brother’s death (that’s how I frequently feel) and a caretaker to others. Suicide loss is so very different than other sibling losses, and you deserve to be heard by others who understand the trauma involved. My brother put my name and contact information on his body before he took his life, so he made certain that I would be the one to be contacted across the country by law enforcement, and that I would be the one forced to tell my 80 year old mom in person.

        My heart goes to you! Please be kind to yourself and try not to overextend yourself to your family. Feel free to say NO when you become overwhelmed. Telling my mom that some things will not get done is not what she wants to hear, but is critical to my mental health.

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    • Cara  January 27, 2020 at 2:41 am Reply

      I feel your pain. My dad passed in August 2019, from a sudden heart attack, and my brother was found dead tonight at his home. Probably overdose/suicide. I am still processing my dad’s death……this is just too soon. I need to be strong for my mom but I feel numb and scared.

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  160. emily  December 6, 2019 at 5:26 am Reply

    My sister lost her battle with cancer September 6, 2019 as I was on my way driving across the country so I could tell her I loved her one last time. I am active duty military and lived 2500 miles from my sister. I was driving home prior to being deployed and when I got there she had passed away less than an hour. 2500 miles, less than 5 hours of sleep I tried so hard to be there when she left this world. My older sister, Amanda, was the only person in the world who I knew would always be there for me. I was home for a week before I had to leave the country for work, and part of me feels like I have put grieving on hold so to say. I don’t even know how to begin to try and heal.

    • Kayla  December 15, 2019 at 9:07 pm Reply

      My big brother passed away from cancer August 7th 2019. and it was horrifying to watch. I couldn’t believe it. I was pissed as fuck. I probably always will be. He was this huge strong powerful generous human being funny as hell kinder than most. And cancer shrunk him into nothingness. tried to steal is happiness which it did I swear it. But he went away with the same sense of humor. Which I thought it would fade. Which all of him did slowly and that is what scared me the most. Was how SLOW he passed away. He had 3 days max to live. Fought for a whole month longer. Actually came home on Hospice when I brought home my newborn son. It was all just sad. Cancer is a disaster. Its cruel. And scary.

  161. Princess Grayson  December 5, 2019 at 1:13 pm Reply

    I lost my brother 2 months ago on September 29,2019 to Homicide. I have not been the same my heart hurts so bad I don’t want to face it! I keep telling myself everyday he’s in a better place but in reality I want him here with me. I need strength, understanding, justice. I pray for you all because I know the feeling you guys are going through

    • Tracy  December 23, 2019 at 1:25 pm Reply

      My brother was murdered on August 8th 2019 in Charleston SC. I don’t know why but your comment stood out to me. Probably because of the similarities in how we lost our brothers. I am going to check out the Facebook page now and hopefully connect with some resources and stuff. Thank you, Tracy Haman -Linton

    • Tracy Hama  December 23, 2019 at 4:28 pm Reply

      My brother Tim was such a rad person! He was such a electric soul. He was born deaf, and the first couple of years of his life were really rough. Spent in doctors offices and surgery after surgery. But he got his hearing back only to almost die at 3 after he contracted an infection from a 3rd degree burn he sustained from being a curious kid. My Grandmother was boiling water on the stove and she looked away for a second and he yanked the handle. He recovered from that a strong vibrant most say hyperactive kid. He was smart, smarter than most people ever knew. We grew up pretty normal, until my Mom developed a drug habit after our parents divorced. So it was me and him basically taking care of each other and our 2 younger siblings. He was the man of the house. Then he was involved in a horrible crime and ended up doing 13 months in prison. He was protecting and helping his neighbors wife as she was being assaulted by some gang bangers from the neighborhood we lived in. He ended up shooting the guy unfortunately and killing him. I was with him thru that whole struggle, as he tried to deal with the fact that he took another humans life. He was very depressed for a few years. He met a a girl and they ended up moving to Charleston SC where she is from. They had a little girl, and he was just moving them into his place finally. The night they were moving into his apt, is when this happened. Some kids started harassing her and even physically assaulting her. My brother was inside and when he heard the yelling and screaming came outside to find one guy on top of her and her fighting to get him off. When he came outside some words were exchanged, and they fought. My brother handed him his ass and the fight was done. He told the guy go home get out of here. As they were walking towards his front door the guy pulled out a gun fired 5 shots as my brother jumped on top of her so she didn’t get hit by bullets. Only one got him, but it was the once in a lifetime shot. It entered his right rib cage not harming any ribs, went into his lung, hit his aorta and exited the left side exactly the way it went in. The only comfort I have is knowing that he wasn’t in pain for long. Neighbors performed CPR on him but it was too late. There is a video of it that was caught on someone’s ring camera on their porch. That’s the only thing that caught the guy that did it. Stupid ass kid ruined 2 families lives in a split second. Sucks for him tho because he is gonna be doing a life without parole sentence.
      It seemed as if my brother had just reached a point in his life where things were looking good, stable, and he had everything in line. Then bam. That’s what gets me. He was the strength I always needed if I fell apart. The Uncle that let my kids climb all over him playing and who took his nieces to the Father Daughter dance because my husband was deployed. He gave the boy a hard time that came to take my oldest to her prom, and he celebrated with my oldest when she bought her first house. He encouraged my youngest daughter to dance at Pow Wows because she is a Cupeno Indian and it was part of her heritage. He bought my sons their first puppy and took them to baseball games. He basically took care of us all. I don’t even know how to feel most days except extremely sad and mad, lost and horrified my sister in law had to go thru watching him die. Its rocked our family to the core. I am so glad I found this. I feel as if there are people that have and are going thru the same things I am.

  162. Amelia  December 1, 2019 at 8:38 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister in 2011 she was only 1 month old i made a promise to myself to protect her i feel and will always feel like an older sister I Always wonder what it would be like if she was alive i miss her so much my brothers and mom don’t talk about her much or ever but i understand that but i just wish i could see her hold her be able to hear her voice and hear her say i love you sis.

  163. Audrey Cucullu  November 28, 2019 at 3:14 am Reply

    There’s nothing about losing a sibling or losing a sibling that you helped raise. I was not his mother and yet a month before he died I was the one waking him up from my couch while handing him leftovers on his way to work driving the semi that he has parked in front of my house. He’s lived with me in every house I have ever been in. He was my little brother. Now he’s gone and will forever be 32. Not only did I lose him but it was to homicide. I don’t understand and there is nothing out there for a sister-mom that lost someone to murder. Is there? Because if there is I can’t find it.

    • Tracy Linton  December 30, 2019 at 12:53 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. My brother was to homicide also. On Aug. 8 of this year. Its hard to find sibling loss support let alone the specific kind. I know frustrating it is to have someone else think its ok to choose when your best friend dies. As the oldest sister i too was the caregiver to all of my siblings. But he was the one I always did for. You can create one tho. I think that might be awesome actually.

  164. chris boykin  November 27, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    My little brother died on November 8, 2019. He was 21 years old for two hours. He wrecked his truck 5 miles from my house on his way to stay with me. He left a frat party at 2am in the morning after drinking all night. He wasn’t supposed to leave! But I guess he wanted to come to my house because we were leaving at 9 to go to our tennis tournament for the weekend. I couldn’t even be mad at him about it because I’ve made the same mistake so many times. He was my tennis partner, my cookout buddy, my best friend. I was the first person at the hospital. The lady at the ER wouldn’t tell me anything without our mom being there. I was just sitting there about to vomit, waiting to hear if my brother is okay or not. She finally told me the news that forever changed my life. My baby brother was in a wreck and didn’t survive. I can’t even describe what that felt like. It was like getting shot in the chest, I fell to the floor crying so hard I was losing consciousness. I hid in the corner when they told me that my mom and dad made it there. I couldn’t let her see my face. Ill never forget her screams echoing down the hallway. It took me only a few minutes to get the courage to go and face an instant fear, which was seeing my mom in agonizing pain. My dad adopted me and my little brother, I felt so bad for him. My brother was his only “blood” child. My dad did everything for him, all the ballgames (multiple sports) making sure the uniforms are spotless, ironing his clothes, making sure everything is together. My dad is lost, my mom is fighting to keep her sanity. I’m reliving that night every time I go and leave from work. He flipped his truck head over head in the middle of the highway. He was ejected from the vehicle and was thrown about 40 yards and landed in the turning lane beside the median. The blood stain finally washed away but the orange spray paint is still there. There is also a large set up skid marks from the 18 wheeler that found him. I miss him so much. Its unexplainable, I hope It gets better soon. We were so close and he was so young. He was so freaking excited about his 21st birthday weekend and us playing in the big tournament together. I was excited too. I have just recently been able to shake the images of his body on the table. When I made it to my mom, we cried and cried for about 15 minutes then they let us go see him. This is my first run in with death and it is an absolute nightmare. I lost my brother to a tragedy. I hope that I can regain confidence in my faith. I have to if I ever want to see him again.

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    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:58 am Reply

      Chris, I can’t even begin to share your trauma. I am so, so sorry for the incredible tragedy your family is experiencing. Words can’t offer enough comfort. Be gentle with yourself and feel whatever you’re going to feel. When I lost my sister, I felt like I needed to be “strong” for my parents and it delayed my grieving. That became complicated later. I’m so glad to see you posting here and reaching out to others. Please know that you have my complete empathy and support. Here if you need a friend.

    • Diane Bisner  December 3, 2019 at 10:35 pm Reply

      Chris, My sincere condolences to you and your family on the loss of your brother. I am finding myself on this website as I just lost my younger brother unexpectedly on Friday, 11/29/2019 and looking for some kind of answer. Doubtful there will ever be one. The complete shock and utter denial is over taking us all. I have no words of advise as I just dont have any that I can follow for myself. The best I can say is keep reaching out, post/chat about how you are feeling as we are all here to support one another and try to take it one step at a time. I hope you may find some comfort and peace eventually and know that your brother is with you in spirit and watching over you. Im very sorry for your loss.

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    • Jazmia  December 10, 2019 at 11:29 am Reply

      Chris, as you know there are no words to express how deeply sorry I am for your pain. I lost my brother on July 16, 2016, from him dying in his sleep. Still, to this day, I seek out articles, people, words, poems, books, anything to make sense of the agony I feel every day. I think it helps. But, grief is not structured. It’s messy. It’s complicated. It’s specific as well as universal. And, just know what you feel at any moment, at any time of the day is valid and real. Anything I say will never soften the pain but one thing I will say that I wished someone said to me after my brother died: it’s gonna hurt very badly until it only hurts a little.

      And, you will see him again. What gives me some type of comfort on days like these where I seek out refugee to the pain, I think about time and how it must work between the earthy and spiritual plane. How so many years may past for me for before I see him again but for him, it may just be a blink of an eye.

  165. Lizbeth  November 27, 2019 at 2:43 am Reply

    My brother died on January 1, 2018 after a week in the hospital. He overdosed. This shocked me so much, words can’t even explain how much my world shook. I didn’t know my brother to be involved in that and it was horrifying knowing that I didn’t even know to help him. On Christmas Eve, me and my sisters got a call from a cousin stating that he was in the hospital and everybody was headed there. At first, I thought he had a little accident, nothing too big, but I got there and the air was unwelcoming, faces were dropped, the vibe was unexplainably sad. I think about him a lot. I have had nights where I cry intensely because I feel so guilty. Guilty that I wasn’t able to save him. He was only 25. He had his whole life ahead of him. Now, I feel as if its my duty to keep my brother’s memory alive for as long as I am. I miss him so much. I wish I could tell him I love him one last time, but life doesn’t work that way. It waits for no one. I hope to see him again someday. In everything I do, he’s there. In the back of my mind, inhabiting my heart. If he was suffering, at least I know that he isn’t anymore.

    • Carissa  November 27, 2019 at 6:45 am Reply

      Hi Lizbeth, I am so so sorry for your loss. My brother passed away by overdose Dec 21 2018, aged 38, and it too has crushed my world. Life has changed but I try to stay strong for my family and my children, but it is hard some days. I just wanted to reach out to you and send my love xxx

    • Stephanie D Crews  November 27, 2019 at 8:46 am Reply

      Oh, Lizbeth….I am so sorry. There is just so much pain and grief with the loss of a sibling. I lost my only sibling, my older sister Jennifer, to Lou Gehrig’s disease in 2015. She was a priest and the best of us. I struggle daily with filling a role that I’m not prepared for as an only child. There is so much that sneaks up on us. Hugs to you.

    • Marie  December 10, 2019 at 3:03 pm Reply

      I lost my brother at exactly 29 and a half years of age back in May. I had no idea he was abusing alcohol to such an extreme degree that he managed to destroy all of his internal organs before even turning 30. I feel like he died doing a job he hated and having checked very little off his bucket list. I know his fiance will move on and the child he helped raise will know someone else as “Dad”. It is positively excruciating to see him vanish from the world like this.

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      • Stacey  January 6, 2020 at 11:34 pm

        Marie, I am so unbelievably sorry —

        I apologize if my response comes out muddled — I still feel in zombie-mode or something . . . Communication is not my strong suit at the moment, but I connected so deeply with your comment that I felt it necessary to reply.

        I share your pain of losing a brother to alcohol.
        Jeffrey died September 10th 2019 — ultimately from an incredibly rare medical perfect-storm (DIC), but it was kicked off by alcohol abuse and essentially resulted in multiple organ failure. He was 31.

        Jeff didn’t love his job but he loved his coworkers —
        He had the biggest heart, loved animals, was an impressive chef and a terrific gardener…
        Heartbreakingly, he was also an amazing uncle and would’ve been an amazing Dad.

        My brother was my best friend, my confidant, my other half… We were two peas in a pod in the best and worst ways, and the statement you made about your brother vanishing from this world being excruciating …. Yes. Just, yes.

        Sitting next to his hospital bed, begging him to hang on while he lay in a coma (went into the hospital on Monday night, died Tuesday) . . . Those two days will probably always be the very worst days of my entire life.

        I have no idea when this fog will lift, but somehow the world feels a speck less lonely having found other people out there in the world, who truly know the indescribable hell I am doing my absolutely best to survive in.

        I’m so sorry for your loss and for your pain, Marie — I bet your brother was a rockstar.

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  166. Anna  November 25, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    Holidays are the hardest. I never talk about my brother (which probably makes things worse). Just typing that made me emotional to the point I walked away for a minute. My brother passed away 10 years ago and I don’t think things have gotten easier. Whoever says “time heals all wounds” is definitely lying – or they have never lost someone close to them. If anything it makes it more real that you won’t spend another holiday with that person.

    Growing up it was just the four of us – my mom, dad, myself and Chris. We did everything together and Chris and I were very close. He had lymphoma and passed away May, 2009 and I have never been the same. He was 25. I try so hard to keep it together for my folks but behind closed doors I am just broken. I just miss him so incredibly much.

    I hope everyone can find some type of peace through your personal grieving journey and can replay many happy memories throughout this holiday season. I guess it is nice to know we are not alone.

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  167. Srujana  November 20, 2019 at 9:08 am Reply

    I lost my sister on 23rd July 2019, whom I loved the most. She was just 30 when she died, I love her to the core, I don’t know with whom I can share this, iam so alone now, I used to talk to her in mobile daily for more than 5 times. Now my phone is not at all ringing. I miss u ra chinnu. Life is empty without u. No one can fill ur place. Not even my children.
    How can I talk to u now? Iam so alone …

    • Marie  November 20, 2019 at 10:28 pm Reply

      Srujana, I am so sorry for your loss. I don’t know who you are or your story, but in losing my sister I know I lost my everything. You are not alone – wherever you are in this world, I’m thinking about you.

    • Coreena Johnson  March 5, 2020 at 9:41 am Reply

      I can relate so well, lost my beloved sister almost five years ago, in Nov. We spoke on the phone at least four times a day. Her sudden loss, just put me in deep depression, then less than three months later, my aunt died and the worst was, nine members of my fathers family had died following my sister. We had horrible year following my sisters passing. My only comfort is, right before my mother passed away, she said she saw my sister standing next to me. That would be so typical of my sister, to be there for us. She was so sweet and loved all of us with her pure heart. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. She was my best friend and was the only one that actually got my jokes. She is in heaven with her husband that passed away three years prior. She was only 56, three years older than myself. I keep going because that is what she would have wanted. She was the pure one. Miss her always

  168. Bob  November 17, 2019 at 12:55 am Reply

    My brother Joe died October 2019. It was such a shock. He died of a heart attack. He would go to the gym, go jogging, plus he was in the reserves. He was not only my brother but my best friend. I miss him so much. I come from a christian family. I have been away from the church for so long. I got in trouble with the law December 20 2018 and came back to the church December 22, 2018. The last time I went to church with my brother was over 30 years ago. Now that I go to church every weekend, I go to church Saturday afternoons because Sunday mornings I help my mom prepare dinner. My brother Joe, who went to church every week, would go Sunday mornings. One Saturday, it was sometime this past summer, I was in Church and it was about 10 minutes before start time. I was sitting there waiting for mass to start and here walks in my brother Joe and he sat right next to me. That made me feel so good. The last time we were at Church together I think I was in 5th or 6th grade. I am so happy I got to experience that before he died. I miss him so much. We miss you Joe and we love you. Thank you for everything.

  169. I miss my brother  November 8, 2019 at 9:04 am Reply

    My beautiful brother died 28th October, 2019 aged 33 years. No-one in the family could ever understand the bond we had. He told me when he was going through depression 10 years ago and I doubt he told anyone else but he got through it. Or I thought he did. He cared for our father before he passed away in 2017. He hadn’t been in a good place since and me, thinking I know him so well, told myself he just needs time and as I wasn’t there to see my father towards the end, have to just let him take as much time as he needs. I thought it was enough to just chat about this and that, but I never thought to really ask how he was. How his health was. If he needed to talk about anything that went on. He told me 2 months ago that he had lost a lot of weight and I so carelessly cut him off and laughed about how I had put on weight. I feel so stupid for naively thinking that I was doing enough to make him feel better. I have felt guilty since my father’s passing that I wasn’t there to help my brother. I felt I had no place in trying to change how my brother decided to cope afterwards. Now I feel guilty that perhaps my brother had to some extent gotten over dad, but then felt quite abandoned by me. Others probably thought we weren’t particularly close. I didn’t return my mother’s calls for a day, not thinking there was an emergency, so found out the day after his death. Seeing how he had been living up to his death broke my heart. He did not deserve to have a life like that. He told me he was thinking of an exciting career change. I thought he was making his way out of this dark chapter. Why was I so useless? He meant the world to me. I’m likely the only person he told certain things to and I did nothing. His dreams, feelings everything has died with me. I couldn’t bear to take anything just yet from his room and now I hear it’s been cleaned out and his clothes donated. I hope to have anything at all. I would cherish anything of his for the rest of my life. Thinking time will heal all wounds I had spent the last two years looking forward to a time where he has found his feet and we’d talk and laugh like when we were young, us two misfits trying to make our way in the world. Looking forward to Christmas together after being overseas for the last two. Waiting to be there for him when he was ready to get on with his life. But I ran out of time, he ran out of time. I had chances to jump in but kept letting time go by. Thinking he was ok. I have my own family but I feel so alone in the world now. I miss you so much and my life feels so empty. Every morning I wake up thinking about you and if it was just a dream that you’re gone. Then reality hits. I can’t bear not having you here. I can’t breathe, can’t fight back tears. My heart aches. I love you so, so much. I’ll never forgive myself for not truly being there for you and leaving you all on your own. I’m so sorry.

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  170. amanda  October 28, 2019 at 4:29 pm Reply

    In June 2013 there was 4 of us but now there is just me. I lost my oldest brother in 2013, he was 58. he died of a duodenal ulcer. He didn’t look after himself and had been on a bender. His boss came to check on him and he had died alone with no credit or charge on his phone. Less than 2 years later my younger brother was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (Malignant brain tumour), he died an awful drawn out death in August 2016 aged 54 (15 months after diagnosis). IN August 2017 whilst I was travelling in Cambodia (trying to make some sense of losing my brothers) I received a call to say my younger sister had died very unexpectedly too. She was 50. My parents had to watch 3 children die and then my mum joined them in May 2018. Now there is just me and my father. I don’t know how he gets up each morning but he does. I feel grief but very silently, I try and make excuses because people older than me lose siblings and they have to just get on with it….or do they, it just happened to me 20-30 too soon. I am so shocked, if I hear the name Michael, Timothy or Wendy at work my heart lurches. It still all seems so absurd. I now feel very hemmed in, trapped even as there is only me and my father and I have to care, with two young men still at home, its another to watch out for. I sound selfish but sometimes I am drowning.

    • Laura  October 31, 2019 at 7:34 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your losses and how much you are handling in such a short period of time. I agree that it seems absurd to have so much loss at once. You and your father are in my thoughts. My sister died 3 months ago in an accident, just 6 weeks after my mother had a stroke and was put on hospice care. I still can’t quite believe that I am dealing with two losses at once and that my sister died in the wrong order, just when I needed her most to help care for our mother. I am going to a grief group, and that has helped me a little. Also I am going to a counselor because I am so irritable and keep lashing out at people. This must be the “anger” stage. I’m trying to do things to feel more positive, for example I decorated a small cardboard box and each day write something I am grateful for on a slip of paper and put it in the box. I have become closer to my brother-in-law and my niece trying to support them. It doesn’t completely balance out the losses but it does help to keep me from spiraling downward during this time of multiple loss. My sister was 5 years older than me and someone I looked up to very much. She was very smart and successful and a very good person. The suddenness of her passing has made the world seem like a much more dangerous random place than it was before. Life seems so fragile. Siblings aren’t supposed to die before parents, anyhow that’s what I used to think, but now life seems so random. I’m trying to get to the place where I cherish each day as a gift, but right now the goal is to just get through the day.

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    • Janice Jones  November 4, 2019 at 11:40 am Reply

      Hello Amanda, I am so very sorry for your colossal loss and it is obvious to me that you are suffering cumulative grief. I just wanted to let you know that you are NOT ALONE in your grief. I too have lost family members and in a SHORT SPACE OF TIME. My dear sweet beloved father started the ball rolling when he died mid November 2016. Eight weeks later, my youngest sister died and that was SHOCKINGLY UNEXPECTED. My youngest sister was MY BEST FRIEND. Twelve weeks following my youngest sister, my mother died. Just under two years later, my middle sister died. There is ONLY ME LEFT and I am struggling to cope on a daily basis. Since that time, I take each day as it comes, I live for the moment and do not look into the future. I deal with my emotions at the time and that is all I can do. I am not the same person I used to be and the death of my family has destroyed my life. I am a shell of what I used to be. I wish you all the BEST and you and your father should STICK TOGETHER and support each other. I have nobody and have been like this now for 4 years this November 19th.

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  171. Ava  October 26, 2019 at 3:00 am Reply

    I lost my only sister when I was 10 years old 4 years ago. She was 26 and she lived in a different state. It’s the hardest thing I have to deal with to this day it seems like the grief just gets worse instead of better. My mom thinks I’m not affected by the loss because I show no signs of grief but when it’s just me I can’t stop crying actually. My mom always compares me to my sister in the way that were totally different and I’m harder to raise kind of way which really makes me sad and a little triggered. I would do anything to see her one more time and I often find myself looking up at the sky trying to talk to her as if she’s gonna respond if she even hears me. I’m not sure if it’s just me that does this or what. And ever since the loss my mom is totally different which is expected but we always fight and I can’t help but think that if my sister was still here she could give me advice because I have no one else I feel I can talk to about it.

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    • Ellen  October 28, 2019 at 4:19 pm Reply

      Hi Ava, I lost my brother when I was 10 also, and he was 25. He was my best friend. For a while I felt completely lost, my parents were so grief stricken I didn’t even know what to do to help so I stayed out of the road. We never ever talked about it. it wasn’t until I was in my 20s his name was mentioned more. It’s important to do something for your sister, like plant a special plant outside, like a pretty rose bush in her favorite color, or create a little collage for your room, or for your mom, something both of you can see and remember her by. It’s important to remember them but also to know that eventually the grief will pass, you’ll still remember her and life goes on. I am 60 now, my brother is long gone, but I always think of him, in a way that I remember funny things or just how kind he was as a person. You can talk to your mom, but she is hurting too still, so remember that, but I would do that. Grow up to be a kind and loving person and honor your sister by that. She would be proud of you for that.

      • Ava  November 9, 2019 at 1:29 am

        Thank you Ms. Ellen for reaching out and giving me advice. It is very nice to have someone that I can relate to, and thank you for sharing your story I’m going to try some of the things you said.

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  172. Tish  October 20, 2019 at 6:03 am Reply

    I lost my older sister 2016 and 2018 lost my baby sister. I was always one of three and now it’s just me. I have brothers it’s not the same. In between my dad passed away too. Life will never be the same, my family will never be the same. It feels like I live my life waiting for my turn to die. And why did they get to and not me.

  173. CM  October 20, 2019 at 12:58 am Reply

    My sister died 39 years ago. She was killed in an accident when we were playing…I still have the horrific images in my mind. She was my only sibling. My parents split up and seemed to forget that one of us survived. No one talked with me about my sister or the accident – it was tough at 7 years old to try to deal with grief alone while everyone seemed to pretend nothing had happened, and I ended up just not dealing with it at all. I thought my parents blamed me for her death, and in my 7 year-old mind I figured that’s why they never talked to me about it. Perhaps this was because I blamed myself. After she died, I began to get excruciating migraine headaches, and only recently have they abated as I have faced the grief which I could not handle alone as a child.

    As the article mentions, I became the one who had to take care of everyone…no surprise that I became a physician. Mastering medicine also helped me fight that horrendous feeling of helplessness as I stood there watching her die, unable to do anything (even though I know now there was nothing I could have done). I became protective of my parents, I could see the raw pain and wanted to do what I could to keep from upsetting them, so I didn’t bring anything up about my sister. I also struggled to relate to kids my own age because what they saw as important, I saw as trivial.

    As I grew up, I kept my distance from everyone, just waiting for the next person to drop dead. As a kid I decided the only way to keep my heart and my life from being destroyed again was to not get close to anyone. And when my parents got back together and had another child a couple years after my sister died, I kept my distance from my new sister, assuming that she would likely die also, and I was going to be ready this time around. I went through life like this with a wall around my heart, unable to form deep, rewarding relationships. School and work became a great distraction from all the stuff I didn’t want to deal with. And I put so much pressure on myself — I felt like I had to live for the both of us since she didn’t get the chance to grow up.

    It has taken years of work to get to the point where I can even try to have close relationships, and it is still a constant challenge. But at least it is a possibility now. When the question of how will the death of a sibling affect a child later in life is brought up, I can answer that one. It all comes down to the quality of the child’s support network. Unfortunately, as this article discusses, the grief of the surviving sibling is often overlooked. But that’s not all – the surviving sibling can become completely forgotten as parents deal with their own grief.

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  174. Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 12:07 pm Reply

    My older and only sister passed away on October 1, 2019 aged 53.

    She lived what I thought was a reckless life of chain smoking, nightly drinking, and starting a family with a womaniser. Her death was caused by a combination of factors: diabetes, anorexia, depression caused by menopause and empty-nest syndrome, financial hardship, spouse betrayals, and a weakened immune system caused by tobacco and nighty drinking.

    During all of our adult lives I criticised her life choices harshly and now I am overwhelmed by guilt for not helping her more to straighten her life rather than subtly pointing out her shortcomings. This guilt is increased by seeing how our lives unraveled so differently: I did well in most aspects of my life and therefore I live a comfortable life; she only did well at raising two beautiful children and providing for them even if that meant that she was neglecting her physical and mental health. Cherries on top: she always acted tough so nobody knew how gravely ill she was and since we live in different countries was on my way to see her after I got news that she passed, it took me one whole day to arrive to pay my last respects.

    The article is spot on, opportune, and exceedingly helpful.

    I wish I could tell her that I love her deeply; that had I know how serious her conditions were, I would have done ANYTHING to help; that I should have never judged her; and that as different as we are, she leaves a profound void in my heart and life. I have come to terms with my pain and guilt by accepting them as atonement for my inconsiderate and idiotic behaviour.

  175. BB  October 14, 2019 at 3:01 pm Reply

    My older brother (Andrew, 29 years old) suddenly passed away on October 20th, 2018. The upcoming anniversary is causing me so much anxiety. It feels scary to think about the day being here. It feels like a day ago and also ten years ago that I got the phone call he passed away. Grief is such a strange and confusing cycle.

  176. Cathy  October 13, 2019 at 1:43 am Reply

    I just lost my brother suddenly on Monday. I knew when I saw the caller ID this was going to be very bad news…and it was. I screamed NO! Please God no. But he is gone and I feel so alone and so scared and so angry. It was very sudden. He died in his sleep. He looked peaceful. One day we are here walking upright and the next we are gone. Boom. Lights out. I am so depressed. One week off from work is not enough. Thanks for listening.

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  177. Adasha  October 10, 2019 at 8:43 am Reply

    Thank you for this. You hit the nail on the head with us being the forgotten grievers. My little sister died 8-24-19 and tomorrow would be her 47th birthday. I am 5 years older. We had a bad childhood with numerous stepfathers (nine) and instability, leaving us as the two against the world. I was her protector when I could be. When she was 16, she was sent to live with me. I put her in school and finished raising her so it was like I was her mom, too.
    On August 22, my mother called me saying she had just left in the ambulance on life support. I drove the 90 miles in 45 minutes and never left her side for 3 days.
    I drove home empty.
    Since then, the support has been to her husband of 25 years and our mother, who I blame. But I was with her for 46 years. We knew EVERYTHING about each other. We grew up just the two of us alone. And at the end, it was the two of us alone until I went and got her husband.
    I did holidays with his family because she always invited me. Now I don’t know what will happen. I feel this overwhelming need to step into her shoes and help with her 4 boys, but I can’t. I can’t even go to her house. It’s too hard.
    But yes, sibling grief is never thought of. It’s like losing a child to me. The loss of the past and future memories is so hard. Thank you for this article.

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  178. Sandy R  October 9, 2019 at 3:07 am Reply

    One of my older brothers passed away due to a homicide on May 8th, 2016, it was a Mother’s Day. One of the hardest things I’ve ever lived through and I’ve lived through some stuff. He was 25 years old. I really appreciate this post because I live through the overshadow of grief as a sibling and the responsibility of our family (his daughters and my parents). Being a support system to his daughters has been a challenge especially trying to maintain myself during my grief as well as their own, protecting them, teaching them about life, and trying to prove myself to them that I’m here to stay as long as I am alive and that I will always be there for them. My parents grief has been a big responsibility as well, being their shoulder to cry on while they continuously grief for my brother who passed. I will say financially too. My brother lives on through us and often times I wish I would’ve said more I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I’ll always be here for you. It’s been 3 years and although I’ll say it’s gotten easier, that little empty hole in my heart remains.

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  179. anglina  September 18, 2019 at 9:35 am Reply

    I lost my little brother Casey Gene Bone on July 11, 2010. i feel like i should have done something to save him. I mean i dreamed the night before that he would drown in the exact way that he did. i have hated myself ever since.

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  180. Tess Barker  September 13, 2019 at 11:05 pm Reply

    On September 13th, 1989, 30 years ago today, I lost my youngest Sister of 29 who had an unknown heart murmur. She has spent 30 years in Earth time in her eternal home with God. She knows all of the secrets of passing on. She speaks to me through the beauty of purple flowers which are her favorite.

    I keep her alive in my heart by the beautiful memories I keep of her. She brings me peace and comfort in a way only she can bring and time cannot erase.

    “What we keep in memory is ours unchanged forever”.

  181. Cee  August 30, 2019 at 7:06 pm Reply

    I lost my 37 year old sister to bowel cancer in mid July 2019, she had only turned 37 four days prior to her passing. It’s only been 7 weeks since she passed but I think only now is the realisation that she isn’t here anymore is beginning to take hold. I honestly don’t know how I feel, numb, sick to my stomach, angry and down right sad. But most of all I miss the daily contact, the numerous text messages or phone calls I had every day, I will cherish those memories in time but for now I feel like I’m drowning in silence.

    I have deep regrets about not seeing her when she was in the hospital, she was never expected to pass away and she didn’t want anyone fussing over her. Now I am eaten up by the guilt that I allowed her to keep me away from her bedside. Moreover, the day she died I got a phone call to say she was gravely ill and to get to the hospital and despite the mad rush to get there, I never made it in time. I never got to say goodbye, and I think that haunting fact will consume me for the rest of my life. I just hope to God that she knew how much I loved her and how much she is now missed. I don’t think I will ever get over it

    • Soc  September 1, 2019 at 3:24 pm Reply

      I lost my sister to suicide last year, she was only 3 years older than me, 27. She had a very hard life with both physical and mental hurdles (uncontrollable physical deficiencies, compounded traumatic experiences and drugs) . I was in absolute shock when I got the news (I was sheltered from most of her hardships). I was numb, with intense crying at night. However, a week later after the burial I felt “normal” again, and decided it was time to move on. The crying stopped, I felt at peace (or so I thought).

      Fast forward a year later and I’ve become so work and school-obsessed that I no longer know how to relax. The stress and anxiety builds and I begin to have panic attacks, followed depressive episodes and near-constant anxiety and fear.

      It was only a few weeks after my first panic attack did I realize I didn’t allow myself to grieve. I began seeing a therapist, who made the very obvious observation: “You don’t get over grief, you get through it.” I realized, I was still numb and was holding on to that numbness, afraid of the emotions I might encounter by allowing myself to grieve. Eventually, my mind and body had had enough, and threw it all back at me in the form of panic, disconnectedness, fear and a complete lack of motivation. To force myself to grieve, I opened up my text messages to my sister, and was hit by a wave of emotions so hard I could barely breathe. I realized all of the anxiety was festering; although I thought my grief was gone, it had been waiting for me all this time. My shelteredness made my mind build these monstrous scenarios, that if she couldn’t handle her issues I couldn’t handle mine.

      I was terrified of going crazy, thinking I’d be next. When in fact, I realized I’d never truly suffered. I never experienced true depression, the type of depression where every little thing seems meaningless. Or true anxiety, where a what-if scenario is capable of making me dizzy, lightheaded and looking for the nearest exit.

      Thankfully, forcing myself to grieve instantly alleviated many of the symptoms. With time it became less constant, coming in waves instead of feeling like an ocean of preoccupation and fear. I learned what my triggers are. But mainly, grief literature, changing my approach to sleep (a proper schedule and routine), meditation and getting closer to my father and learning about his spirituality alleviated the symptoms enough for me to grieve in controlled bursts. Sure, sometimes a thought will come up that brings me to tears when at the gym, or a song comes up from my period of numbness that eradicates my stomach. But feeling like I’m “normal” in that there is a way through, and feeling like I’m more in touch with my emotions than ever has helped tremendously. My sister was the person i loved the most in the world. I still love her dearly, however dealing with the subsequent fear her death caused has made it a complicated relationship.

      My main takeaway has been this: for every weird and scary feeling, there is a source of pain. Running from it, fighting it or numbing it does not address it. Letting it in, as scary as the feeling is, and trying my best to observe it without being afraid, allows it to pass so much quicker, and on the other side I always feel so much better than if I’d fought it or numbed it.

      I hope this helps anyone who suddenly feels like they’re “broken” and have no idea why. Allow yourself to feel the good and the bad, you will come out of each moment glad you did.

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      • Sam  November 29, 2021 at 11:10 am

        My 15 yo younger sister died on 24/10/2021. I’m 19. I loved her so very much. She was just a baby. And it wasn’t her time. She died of post covid MISC. This grief will kill me. I hope it does. She was the brightest, full of love and life. My support system. My heart aches for her. All the bad things I ever did to her keep replaying in my head, the silly fights, the hitting, the shouting, the bad things I said. I blocked her off my stories once and she heard someone else talk about it, and she asked me sweetly with so much hurt in her voice, why cant i see your stories? And i felt so ashamed but i lied and said, ues you can while unblocking her, and she half believed me but since then I decided to change. I should have valued her more. She loved me through it all. She was my love. I was a kid myself, but I should have seen her for all she was, and I didn’t. I thought her an annoyance, but I loved her so much, since the last year we grew very close. I protected her through all the family fights as a kid, and now she’s not here anymore. I want to die with her. I don’t know how to age without her. Every conversation I have is fake, a sham to make everyone think I’m alright. I’m not. I’m really not. It should have been me. It really should. Not her. She was good and lovely and the best. I will love her through the divide of death. How can I not? Why her? What am I supposed to do now? I hate myself. I don’t deserve this life. I want to see her again i want her back. She was not supposed to die. We could have done more an saved her. I would rather die in her place. I want to. I’m 10000% willing to. Why her? Why not me? Will I ever get to see her again? I just want to talk to her. This was unfair. Not her. Should have been me. Me instead of her, but if not that then me with her. She deserves to live. She does. God is unfair and cruel and bad and s/he did bad. I hate it. God did bad. It was very unfair. Unfair af. All i want to do is scream and all i can do is try to push the pain in, because if i try process it, i will go mad. I’d rather die tho.

      • Patricia Cole  November 9, 2022 at 10:24 am

        Hello Sam,
        I am incredibly sorry to hear of the loss of your sister and my heart goes out to you during this unimaginable time. The loss of a sibling is one that can feel confusing, especially for those that are left to continue on after their loss. Grief can feel consuming, uncomfortable and overwhelming so soon after a loss and that is normal. Taking the time to allow your grief to exist and care for yourself is key during this time. Scream if you must and allow it to feel unfair if that is what will help, sometimes a good yell even helps me. It is a common thought to wish you could take your loved ones place and unfortunately it does not work that way. What you can do is find ways to honor your sisters life and live your life in the ways that she would. For many, therapy and grief counseling help with understanding major loss and the emotions that come with it. Below I have included a few articles to further provide support as well as some resources. Take the time you need during your grief journey and know our page is always here to provide support.
        Links:
        Crisis Lifeline
        Crisis Text Line
        Your Grief Feels Enormous When Someone Dies, Here’s Why
        Grieving the Death of a Sibling

    • Grievingsister  September 4, 2019 at 4:43 pm Reply

      I lost my younger brother who was 31 last summer. I’m still grieving him. I’d always miss him. Some days I feel at peace but some days I feel angry, sad and hopeless and that’s my anxiety kills me. I’ve been on and off. I’ve learned to accept that. I just feel lien id never be whole again. He took a huge part of me with him.

  182. Shameeka  August 27, 2019 at 2:06 am Reply

    I lost My 1st Oldest Brother Gregory on July 6,2019
    He was only 28, he died a week after his birthday
    June 29, my heart immediately fell after I actually witnessed the people taking my dead brother out the building in a body bag out my mother apartment. I will never I mean never ever forget that moment my my mother had called me from work crying couldn’t barely talk saying “Gregory”….. I replied “Gregory what????”
    From that moment it was really bad cuz from my mother voice it’s a hearing you never wanna imagine especially seeing your 1st born son lying in the bed unresponsive with white foam coming out the mouth ..I ain’t wanted to see the pictures after the medical examiner took pictures of him checking him out how he lying down on his back & stuff ..seizures doesn’t in my family so I’m not saying it’s not a possibility we’ll never know until the actual blood test & other deep testing for examination coming back in September… until this very moment I still think about my 1st oldest brother I just saw him not long ago ..the thought of him not living as a human being crushed my hole world I wanted to share & talk so much more with my brother it just didn’t feel right at all.. I never also forget I keep calling my mother phone the day he died cuz I felt something wasn’t right ..she ignored it coupled times after I called numerously & sent 911 there as if I knew somebody died there ..911 called me back saying “YOUR MOTHER SAID LEAVE HER ALONE, SHE DOESNT WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, SHE HAS A ORDER PROTECTION AGAINST YOU ANYWAY & HOW IM NOT SUPPOSED TO BE CALLING & TEXTING HER IN THE BEGINNING “ after they told me that I was sad not only I can’t & couldn’t know what else was going on in there that I July 6 my mother called me After I got off the phone with what she told 911 to tell me … she called me & that’s when she was crying about my brother being dead …I just feel regret in my heart everyday I live a day on this earth . My 1st oldest brother had a heart of gold he did everything a parent could ask for in a son …that was him . I really miss him I really do I don’t know how else life would be knowing he’s in the after life but one thing I have to understand is we’re all gonna die one day our bodies have a expiration date weather it’s from an accident or not anything can happen & go wrong .

    • Melissa  August 27, 2019 at 7:48 pm Reply

      I lost my brother on July 6th as well. I can’t talk about it yet. He was 41. My heart goes out to you. We loved him beyond words.

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    • Marcia  September 15, 2019 at 6:42 pm Reply

      I lost my brother suddenly on July 6th as well. It was my worst nightmare losing a close family member, especially my only brother. What was supposed to be a fun summer day with friends ended tragic very quickly. I keep replaying the phone call I received notifying me of his death over and over again. Sometimes I simply cannot belief he is gone forever. He was just here. How quickly life can change. I loved him dearly and miss everything about him. I see his face and smile and just keep wishing he was here. I sympathize with everyone that has lost their sibling. Reading your messages has brought comfort knowing that there are others struggling as much as I am with my loss.

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  183. Autumn  August 26, 2019 at 2:20 am Reply

    Well… I’ll tell ya one thing. Losing my sister has lead me to do and say some crazy stuff.. which lead me to this. I am so happy It did. Despite how sad and heartbreaking everyones stories were to read, they did help me. On May 15, 2019 I lost my older sister Shay in a car accident. It’s been a little over 3 months and I’m as numb as I was the day I got that horrible call. She had gone out to meet up with friends and have drinks. She never came home. We dont know if she was avoiding a deer or if she fell asleep. She just went off the road and plowed through a cedar tree. Around 5am I had gotten the call from our mom, shay had been in a car accident and was on life support. I rushed to get her smaller kids who were at home asleep alone, and I swear I wasnt breathing the entire ride there and to the hospital. She was on life support for 12 hours and then she was gone. I was so heartbroken and mad. Mad at her , mad at myself. Mad at her childrens fathers who left her with such a huge responsibility alone. I wanted someone to blame, and sadly I still do. Alot of days myself. There is 3 of us. 3 sisters. We have all three been thick as thieves. My younger sister being 28, myself 32, and Shay being 33. My sisters are my best friends. We worked together, we raise all our kids together, we live down the street from each other. We do EVERYTHING together. Losing part of our trio has been shattering. I know I will never be the same. To see our little sisters hurt and let’s not even talk about the look i see on my parents face every.single.day. it kills me. I worry constantly about my daughter who cries every night bc she misses her aunt. Or all my nieces and nephews who cry over their aunt who was a huge part of all their lives. My sister Shay left behind 4 kids ranging 6-13 ..between my depression stress worrying about my family and all the kids and trying to prepare for my big wedding day without my sister/my best friend this upcoming weekend, I feel like I haven’t even been able to start grieving. Thank you all so much for your stories. Let’s all keep one another in our prayers❤

  184. Darlene  August 21, 2019 at 8:18 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on June 24th, 2019. She was only 51 years old. She had diabetes. She was sick for a very long time. She had her toes amputated two years prior. Her kidney function was failing and they put her on dialysis. Her heart was weakening also, so she was given 6 months to live back in March of 2019. My sister began to have fluid overload and refused the dialysis. For weeks on end I kept bugging her to go to the hospital to get that fluid off of her. She could barely walk, and she was so short of breath. Her legs felt like they were as hard as concrete. I kept getting in her for weeks on end begging her to go to the hospital. Finally she was in so much pain, she agreed to go. By the time she got to hospital, she was disoriented and confused. She was in so much pain she couldn’t take it anymore. Finally convinced her to do dialysis….. They had to put a new port in her and she could have her session of dialysis begin again. They finally got her through the dialysis, she complained of pain that evening. She was confused and disoriented again. It was like she was fine one minute and confused the next. That same night we got a call from her daughter that the hospital called and said her heart stopped beating 20 min ago. We ran up to the hospital and of course she was gone. I never felt so guilt in my life. I bugged her to death to go to hospital and get back on dialysis. She finally agrees and after her session she does that night. She had a heart attack and complete kidney failure. She was just too far gone not doing dialysis like she should have. She told us that she never wanted to do dialysis again…. that her quality of life was terrible. I was trying to keep her from dying….. but… I think she was just tired and worn out and couldn’t fight anymore. I have 3 other sisters. They are dealing with this in their own way I guess….. I feel a lone at times. It’s like people don’t know what to say when you do talk about it…… I don’t know…. I’m heart broken, I can’t get her face out of my head when I saw her laying in her hospital bed after she died. I close my eyes and I still see her face….. will that vision ever go away? Its been one of the hardest things that I have ever had to go through.

    We had a celebration of life for her…. her granddaughter asked if she could hold my hand—- she said my hands reminded her of her nanas hands………..She left behind three daughters and 5 beautiful grandkids. My heart breaks for them all.

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    • Melina Stewart  December 11, 2019 at 8:40 pm Reply

      . I’m so sorry for your loss, Darlene. My eldest sister died today. She stopped dialysis last week. I live an ocean away from my whole family.
      My husband has Aspergers so he doesn’t do well with sympathy. He just leaves me in my own.
      I feel isolated, numb, but in physical pain at the same time.
      So here I am, on the Internet in the middle of the night, reading your story, and everyone else’s, and weeping .
      If nothing else, it let’s me know that there are people out there who empathise.
      Thank you.

  185. Boston  August 19, 2019 at 5:43 am Reply

    I lost my little brother March 16th 2019 at the age of 26 to a car accident. There were no other cars involved.. he got lost out in the middle of no where on a very dark road and lost control of his car . He hit 5 Orange trees before being ejected out of the car and was almost be headed after being thrown into a tree head first. I live in Atlanta Ga… so I got that call at 3:00am .. the worst day of my life. I’m the oldest out of five I raised him from a newborn..so I lost a brother but a son. My life will never be the same.. I cry and feel so alone . I planned his service.. picked out his clothes.. and signed his death certificate. The hardest thing I ever had to do . I look at life differently now. He left two beautiful daughters behind.. it break my heart that they asking for him … asking their mom to wake their daddy up. Those girls was his world.. now I have to make sure they’re taking care of like he took care of them. I’ve always been the strong one… I’m learning that it’s ok.. to NOT be ok. ? R.I.P. Brother/My Baby ? ??

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  186. Crystal Campbell  August 18, 2019 at 9:43 am Reply

    August 1st, 2019 I lost “My Person”, my big sister Michele. Only information I can get was that it was a motorcycle accident with no other vehicles involved. I live a few states away from “home” so it has been hard to get any details about her accident. Unbelievably heartbroken. She was my everything. My Mom, Dad, big sister, best friend, mentor, all wrapped in one amazing woman. My world crumbled after receving the news. Like I have read in a few of the previous posts no one seems to be concerned how the sibling is doing. Not that I need or want a million people calling me or at my door step but I feel as if I was forgotten or my feelings/grief don’t matter. Our parents weren’t really available growing up and left me in the care of my sister even when I was an infant and she was only seven while they went out doing whatever it was they did so all we had were each other from day one. So, I truely don’t know how to go on with her. Everything I do reminds me of her. Even smells send me into an emotional mess. I found a voicemail I had saved that I listen to over and over almost torturing myself. She was only 42 years old she had so much life left to live. So angry. Never have felt pain this deep in my life. “They” whoever “they” are says there are seven levels of grief and i swear ive been through them all seven of them a hundred times or more in the seventeen days I’ved lived on this earth without “My Person.” I dont’ know how to get pass this pain. Although, after reading everyone’s heartbreaking stories of loosing their siblings has opened my minds eye to the fact that I am not alone in my pain. I hope that by sharing my story that someone else can come to the same conclusion that I have. And that no matter where you are in your level of grief that its ok to feel those feelings and no one can tell you how you are suppose to feel or grieve. We all grieve differently and at our own pace. We just have to remember not to get lost in our grief that our sister/brother would want us to heal. Thanks for taken the time to read my story. RIP “MY ANGELEYES!”

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  187. SadwithoutMyBrother  August 13, 2019 at 7:26 pm Reply

    I lost my kid brother on July 4th, 2019. It has not been an easy road without him. Everyday I think of him and think of ways I could have prevented his death. Some days, I just cry alone.

    It’s true that the death of a brother as an adult is often foreshadowed by people consoling the parents of the child. During my brother’s funeral, my dad insisted that he was the only one that speaks, neglecting the fact that my other brother and I wanted to speak as well.

    Sometimes, I picture myself and my brother as kids again and remember our fun childhood. The time I would give him rides from point A to point B when I got my license. He was too young to go. He was 33, and I’m 15 months his senior.

    I miss my little brother, words can’t describe how much I miss and love him. Sometimes when my phone rings I think it’s him. I don’t even know what to do in a world without my brother anymore. I’m no longer happy with him not around.

  188. Lyssa  August 1, 2019 at 1:51 am Reply

    My boyfriend of over 4 years just lost his older brother in March by suicide. I didn’t know him much but I still feel a lot of the pain. My boyfriend sometimes just has a very hard time and I try to help him but sometimes I just don’t know what to do. He says that I help him see a different perspective and then sometimes he says he just doesn’t want to talk or think about it. I tell him not to keep everything bottled up that he needs to talk about it now and then. I was thinking maybe he should he someone but I have no idea what to do or how to help him in the right way. I try to be there and talk with him when he needs it and he says it helps but I just feel so so bad and I don’t know what to do.

  189. Brandon Sim  July 31, 2019 at 10:00 am Reply

    I lost my brother July 1st, 2019 18 hours before his birthday. I wish I would have contacted him sooner. Whether to arrange a day to celebrate his birthday or just to see how he was doing. It would be nice to hear him one last time, but instead I never contacted him until the day of his birthday in which I sent him a simple birthday text. Only to find out 10 days later he was killed the day prior to my text. What bothers me so much is the fact that he never received the text…

  190. Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 8:48 pm Reply

    In one week it’ll be the one year anniversary of my brother’s passing. I’m not sure how I will feel or how to feel, not that there’s any right way to feel. I have trouble taking about it with friends and family, I don’t know why. My brother was the most positive and appreciative of life and family. In his last voicemail to me which I still have, he used the word “appreciate 6 times.” I remember he was calling me back because I had wished him a happy birthday.
    I’ve been looking this past year for support groups or another way to connect with others who have gone through something similar. Like this article mentioned, there is not much to be found on that front, but I’m glad I found this page. So to get to what I’ve been avoiding thinking or taking about: My brother was the kindest, most persevering and most appreciative person that I know. Knew? He was always there for my sister and me with a smile and encouragement, he never brought too much attention to what he was going through. I’m the youngest in the family, at the time I was 30, my sister was 33 and my brother was 36. I wish I would have talked to him more about what he was going through. At age 14 he was diagnosed with diabetes, then in his mid-20s he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, which he was able to beat! He still had complications with his diabetes and I remember one day picking him up from the hospital when I was 27 after he had lost one of his toes. He told me news I wasn’t expecting..he told me his kidneys were at 80% failure and he’d have to start dialysis soon. I remember tears coming to my eyes but I didn’t want him to see them. He was being so optimistic I didn’t want to bring him down. So I made up the excuse of needing to get a snack from the cafeteria and asked if he needed a drink. On my way to the cafeteria I stopped and leaned against the wall and I cried and cried. I texted my best friend about what was going on, fathered myself up again and went back to his hospital room. I took him home and made sure he was comfortable and talked to him..of course he only wanted to talk about what was going on in my life so I talked to him about that.
    For the next year and a half he worked towards getting cleared to be on the kidney transplant list . Health insurance did not make it easy and even before that point it felt like our family was forever struggling against health insurance companies and policies. Another issue that makes me really angry, but won’t get into right now.
    During that time I also was tested to see if I was a match. I wasn’t, but I looked into the kidney donor match program. I want to say I was ready to do it without any question, but that isn’t true. I struggled for half a year with deciding what to do should he become cleared for a transplant. Something I can’t help but feel guilty about now, despite knowing I shouldn’t feel that way, I can’t help it. Needless to say I have survivor’s guilt, and I also just wish half of what he went through I could have gone through instead. He didn’t deserve it. Before he could be cleared for the transplant list, my brother passed away in his apartment. Alone. And I hate knowing that. He went through so much and was the most positive person I knew. I try to stay positive for him, but a lot of times it’s hard to know how to feel or how to respond. I don’t know how to conclude writing something like this. I just hope others who have gone through losing a sibling, know that there are people who can relate and who do want to talk, even if they aren’t sure how.

    • Kenny  September 2, 2019 at 3:35 am Reply

      My brother died at age 44 alone in his apartment too. The kindest person with the biggest heart ever. All of the good ones are taken way to soon. Prayers that both of our brothers are resting in peace.

  191. Windy Hernandez  July 29, 2019 at 6:44 am Reply

    I lost my sister in October of 2013, she was 17 years old. I feel so mad at the world still. I have a great family and I feel my mother didnt deserve this. She has always been the best a mom can be. I feel like my word came crashing down that day and everything after that is done out of habit. I get up in the morning do what needs to be done like everyday cause i have to. I m here but im not here, if that makes sense . I just dont know how to stop being so miserable, and how do i help my mom and 2 other sisters whenever i cant even help the way i feel.

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    • Ashwini Pillai  July 31, 2019 at 6:34 am Reply

      I lost my brother on July 1 2019, he was 25 years old.
      It was a sudden cardiac arrest , he died all alone in ICU.
      Till the moment we could reach the hospital he was dead,
      Its getting worse day by day , all I wish is to meet him again.
      I had not talked to him for two weeks and suddenly he is gone forever.
      The gulit is too much to bear.

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      • Susan  September 2, 2019 at 6:45 am

        I’m sorry… I lost my brother unexpectedly a year and half ago … I still wake up crying/ missing him almost every day .. probably not much help for you to hear but I know how you’re feeling , Susan

  192. Arthur  July 28, 2019 at 2:22 am Reply

    I havent talked about the way I feel to anyone but here we go. I lost my brother a few years back. We lived together up until his death at the age of 24. He got in a motorcycle accident on his way home. A car hit him head on and he passed away in the ambulance. He was an amazing person, and accomplished so much. The star quarter back of the football team at Serra high school, he broke tom Brady’s record there for yards thrown. He was basically an all star in every category not to mention a complete ladies man. He also worked hard and smart, started a business at the age of 21 while still in college and he had accumulated close to a million by the time of his death. He shined bright to say the least. I always looked up to him (more than my dad) and was never jealous but always happy for his success. I bragged that he was brother to all my friends. After his passing I can’t help but feel like it should have been the other way around. My family has basically fallen apart since he passed. I’ve always been there for my parents to help support them. But nothing I did seemed to really matter to my dad, he was deteriorating and there was nothing I could do about it. Fast forward two years and we don’t even talk anymore, my mom divorced him and he convinced me to put all my money into a business with him and than proceeded to kick me out of the business for profit. I’m not on the llc and there’s basically nothing I can do about it. I’ve always had this lingering feeling that if it were me and not my brother that had passed none of this would have happened. I almost know so. Anyways just needed to get this off my chest, thank you to anyone that took their time to read this.

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    • Denise Howard Grissom  September 6, 2019 at 11:01 am Reply

      Arthur, I felt the same as you. I want you to know we are all worthy of the love and deserved to be loved. Many times when we think we are not deserving we can’t find happiness. I do not know your beliefs, but being a Christ follower helped me know I am worthy. I loved my brother most out of 4 brothers. He was fun, took me on dates with his girlfriend(s), took time to be my big brother. He was murdered, and nothing and no one was ever arrested and no justice was ever served. To make matters worse, my brother had decided to stop taking drugs and get his life back together. He was going to turn in some big drug people in, among those he trusted was our first cousin. My family know in our hearts he was primary in my brother’s death, but had no proof. As a follower of Christ I have been able to let it go and give it to God. I know justice will be served either the killer(s) will turn their lives around for good or they won’t.
      Please find a way to love yourself and others will follow. You deserve better than you are getting. Grab life, have good clean fun, and laugh. This what your brother would tell you to do. Find a great woman that loves you unconditionally. Start a family and let them all know how much you loved your great brother. Tell your brother your sorrows and your joys. I still do even though it’s 50 years since his sudden death. By the way, I was 12 years old when my brother was murdered, and was 20, almost 21. It took me 7 years before I could say his name out loud without crying. His death has made me more compassionate, empathetic to others experiencing health problems and death. I’ve done everything I can to help others. In a sense he lives in me still to this day. I hope this may comfort and possibly help you see others going through similar experiences you are. Grief will not go away, because we got to have our loved one in our life. What a blessing of such great memories! Cherish those great memories and do what you can to make the most of your life so they would be proud.

    • Nosipho  September 14, 2019 at 12:01 pm Reply

      I know the feeling. My sister recently died from a car accident. Since her death my mother blames me for not being in hospital on time. She blames me that she died in a car accident whilst going to work, she used to work in my business. My mom would cry for my suster and ask God why her and not me. It didnt bother me at first but the comparison had always been there. I cry a lot for my sister, she was my rock, my everything. But as for my family, they still wish I die. But in all that I have learnt that God is with me, it is not by human that my destiny will unfold but by God. I buried my sister, i couldn’t believe paying for mortuary fees, her cascette, and everything else. She was only 29 years old. I miss her a lot. Reading your post helped me to feel better. I have also realised how much my family hated me, my late sister would always warn me about them but I never wanted to accept it. Now that she is gone, ive learnt that its all about me. She left a 4 year old boy which I love dearly, my family also took him as I was his primary caregiver even when my sister was alive. Its been tough but I believe God is keeping me alive for a reason.

  193. Charlotte Banks  July 19, 2019 at 4:39 pm Reply

    I lost my brother Monday. He had end stage liver disease. It was unexpected as he didn’t tell us the extent of the disease and he knew he had days to live but didn’t tell us. I have spent almost every day with him for 8.5 weeks. He was only 40 and spent his 40th in hospital. He died a traumatic death, 12 hours of vomitting blood and he was looking around the room frightened. He cried out that he was dying a couple of times. He didn’t deserve that awful death. He didn’t want to die and fought so hard. He wanted to live and at times I haven’t so it feels the wrong way around. Life will never be the same.

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    • Marion Cherry  July 29, 2019 at 9:44 pm Reply

      I appreciate you sharing your experience. I had a similar one with my older brother (he was 36) and had renal failure, among other health issues he faced. I remember wishing even when he was alive that I could have taken on some of his issues, because I was the one at times who didn’t want to live and experienced deep depression. My brother never made it about him though and I don’t think he liked to tell us when things would start to get bad or when he couldn’t afford medication (insulin for his diabetes). He had the best spirit though and was always optimistic, I try to remember that and live that. Sorry to talk a lot about my experience, but I hope in a little way it can help you feel like you’re not alone. Losing my brother brings up feelings I can’t articulate so I look for others to help me relate sometimes, I hope my sharing helps you too.

  194. Brenda H  July 16, 2019 at 7:51 pm Reply

    Thank you for this post. I have been looking for something like this for a while. I have noticed in the responses that it is very maddening to hear “you need to be strong for your parents.” Honestly, I feel better now that other people have felt the same anger as I have; every time I hear that, I want to yell their heads off. I lost my one and only sister on May 14, 2019, two days after her 41st birthday and a month shy of her second year wedding anniversary. It was a brain aneurysm, sudden and without prior warning.

    I feel the guilt that many do. She was perfect. She was thin, vegan, active, she sang and danced and had a little etsy store where she sold dog sweaters. She was in a student film, she got to sing at the house of blues; and she got to have the most beautiful garden wedding, something she had been planning ever since she was 8 years old. The only thing she needed was the groom, and after so many horrible boyfriends, she finally met her Ken.

    But I also feel something else, and this I shared at her service. She may have been a great friend, an awesome aunt, the best bestie, coworker, and the love of her husband’s life, but in the end she was MY SISTER. No one, on this good earth can even begin to understand the bond that we had. We were not best friends, we didn’t even text to each other that much. I am the exact opposite of her; but the bond that we had was stronger than any other bond save the bond with her husband. Our relationship was special, it was unique and it was just for me. It’s true, we had the longest running joke, and that belongs just to me. It is a good feeling. She gave me that, mi big sis.

  195. Gail A Bartlett  July 6, 2019 at 8:56 am Reply

    Patty and I were 3 and 5 when our baby sister Susan died at 14 mos old; she was precious and sweet and always happy. No one ever talked to us about her death..she just never came back from the hospital. We were sent to stay with different families and as an adult…I believe it was during the funeral and for several weeks after. We were not well behaved. We would cause trouble every night-jumping, laughing,singing…once we threw everything out the window; pillows and blankets, a few scatter rugs, whatever was not to heavy for our little hands. When the Adults swung open the door to yell…my mind plays it out as Charlie Brown adults..wahwahhwahwahwa. Patty and I stood together…and she with her hands on her hips she bent forward and yelled”hey..we don’t have to listen to you…you are not our parents.” And I stood 5yo tall and said “yeah” shaking my fist.
    Where were they anyway…our parents? Not sure …but I would think they were so filled with pain…they couldnt imagine life without their sweet baby…and couldn’t take care of us. Where was our little sister? It was sad , lonely and oh so confusing for us all. Patty and I had each other. For all our growing up..then she got cancer and died too. We were adults now with other younger sisters too. But I remeber the huge pain in my chest as my heart broke again..No no not another sister”.❤❤

  196. Kath  July 6, 2019 at 4:12 am Reply

    I have 3 brothers (older than me) and 1 sister (younger) and we are a dysfunctional family and have not had a lot to do with each other during our adult years. On the 23rd May 2018 I lost my middle brother aged 57 to end stage COPD, we did not even know he was sick he did not want us to know as he did not want any of us to worry about him. I was at work when my nephew called me several times to tell me that the Hospital had called him to tell him he had hours left to live. He had instructed the hospital not to tell any of his family, he only let the hospital call us when they told him there was nothing more they could do for him. By the time we got to the hospital he was in a coma, and he passed away on the following day. His funeral was on the 30th May 2018 and in the early hours of that day my Step-father passed away with stomach cancer and heart failure. needless to say we were devastated.

    Now this week I prepare to say goodbye to my other brother who has just turned 57 to Alcoholic Cirrhosis of the liver, to his credit he stopped drinking as soon as he was diagnosed approx 3yrs ago. My mother and I have been watching him get progressively worse over the last 3 months to the point that I took time off to start taking him to his appointments as he was becoming too weak to drive himself 300-400 klms to his appointments. He too has not been fully up front about how sick he is until I talked to his doctors and they suggested to him to be admitted to hospital and he refused and wanted to delay it for 1 week. I had to loose my temper at him the following day and very loudly pointed out to him he was dying and was being very selfish by making us watch, well by the end of my tirade he agreed to go to hospital that day. I scared him by being so very blunt. Seven days after being admitted to hospital he has been moved to the ICU due to being severely malnourished, muscle waste and with encephalitis he can barley keep his eyes open and cant even hold a cup, the Doctors advised they will not be able to do any life saving measures to save him as they would have an adverse effect on his failing body.
    He only has days left and I feel so very helpless and angry at the same time… all the thoughts of why didn’t I step in sooner. Why hasn’t his own family stepped in.. Why has it taken till 2 days ago for them to be involved and why cant they see he is dying … I feel they are delusional they think he is going to recover!!! there is only 1 cure and that is a liver transplant and he can’t have it as he is too far gone and too frail and the surgery alone will kill him.
    I am heart broken my only consolation is that I have had to privilege to spend time with him and provide some minor assistance to him for 2-3 weeks

    thank you for listening

  197. Meg  June 25, 2019 at 8:23 am Reply

    My brother and a group of his friends all went to help their friend change a tire. Three of them, including my brother were hit by a drunk and high driver. My brother and one of his friends did not make it. It was hours before my birthday. None of us will ever get over it. February 19, 2018 is the day that my world came crashing down and my family has never recovered.
    I play down my own emotions because I wasn’t his friends who were there that night. I’m not Dustin, who has to live with the fact that he survived while his friends didn’t. I’m not my brother’s girlfriend who was there and his stepson who misses his daddy. I’m not my parents: my mom who made it in time to ride with EMS or my dad who was in the emergency room as they tried to resuscitate him. I wasn’t even Jonah’s sister, who had an actual bond with him. Me and my brother barely tolerated each other as we got older.
    My brother was the popular one, I was the annoying crybaby who never really bonded with anyone. He was the one who was healthy and into fitness, meanwhile I get winded climbing a flight of stairs. My brother was the one who was going to be married, had a job he loved, and friends who were ride or die. I was/still am the one who struggles to even find employment and have decided to becoming an old maid. At his funeral, sign wavings, anything that is for them, I have people walk pass me and find my parents, or his friends, or his girlfriend. My parents and his girlfriend’s faces were plastered all over the news, while I stood to the side awkwardly trying to not cry. I had a well meaning cousin look me straight in the eye and tell me to. ‘take care of my parents.’ My mom who tries to come off as caring, mentions the fact that I have had several breakdowns to the rest of my family.
    I want to scream at people. I want to be selfish and tell them that they don’t get it because they didn’t have to hear their brother on the phone in pain. That they didn’t go from being excited for a new job and a birthday to then pleading with God for their brother to be ok. They weren’t the ones who came home first to close up my brother’s room because they didn’t want their parents to be upset when they came home. They’re not the ones who sat in the living room numb as their birthday creeped in. The sorrow I feel when my parents decide to watch the slideshows I made for my brother and the fury I have to swallow down to not scream, “I shouldn’t be the one doing my brother’s slideshow at 26.” That I shouldn’t have lost my brother at the age of 23. The horrible thoughts that tell me: It should have been you. No one would have cared if YOU were the one dead. Daniel had a job and a family, you? You’re just a failure. You can’t die now though, why put your parents through the hell of losing BOTH their children.

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    • Jessi  July 14, 2019 at 5:41 pm Reply

      I just wanted to say thank you for posting your experience. I was 21 when my brother suddenly passed away in a car accident. He’s my only sibling. As hurt as my parents and I were/are, I (thought) it was my responsibility to take care of them. After all I was the older one who was in grad school for my Master’s in social work. I was the one who knew what songs he would want played at his funeral. He was my absolute best friend.
      My best friend (and some times my only friend) who would make sure he spent time with me after each of my serious brain/spine surgeries before going out with friends on a Friday/Saturday night. Again, I was left to wonder why it was him and not me as I was the sick one.
      Fortunately my parents were aware of this and made sure to always check in on me as much as I would check in on them. My brother died on July 15, 2011 and it still doesn’t always seem real. I still occasionally go to grab my phone to text him either something funny I heard or a new song from a band we both liked. The worst is when I hear part of a joke or see/hear something similar we liked because no one else gets it. You can explain it as much as you want to other people, but it just isn’t the same. <3

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    • Jazmia  December 10, 2019 at 11:58 am Reply

      I feel the exact same way. I feel as if I should’ve been the one to die. I should’ve gone to sleep and not have woken up. My brother died three years ago and my family feels it every day. If it was me, it wouldn’t have been this way. He was better than me in every sense of the word. Even though I know my family would be sad, it wouldn’t have been like this. Now I have to live.

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      • Fenella  December 15, 2019 at 6:22 am

        Ditto to every word. My brother died on 3rd Dec 2019. He got hit off his bike by a car fleeing police at high speed. 8 days in a coma then taken off life support. He was superman. Successful, fit and sporty, driven and generous and kind, had a great career, wife and son who he adored. He was the useful one. I’m the burden, single mum with health issues, no career to speak of. And now I can hardly bare to be in the same room as my parents because the pain is staggering. The loss is staggering. I can barely get through the day myself, let alone support anyone else. I’m so angry with him for leaving me.

  198. Nathan  June 25, 2019 at 12:32 am Reply

    My sister is not here anymore. And neither am I.

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  199. Kellyn  June 12, 2019 at 10:22 am Reply

    As a fellow bereaved sibling (my sister died in August, 2017), I very much agree that we are forgotten mourners.

    Case in point – my dad died in 2004 and afterwards, I considered myself to be fairly knowledgeable on how to support people in grief (I wasn’t right, of course, but because I was the first of my friends to lose a parent, peers often turned to me when terrible things started happening to other people).

    A high school friend who I hadn’t spoken to since graduation lost her sister…and I learned about it about 6 months after the fact. I wrote a card to her parents with this really beautiful memory of their daughter, but NEVER CONSIDERED sending a card to my old friend (seriously, WTF!).

    For sibling out there looking for community – there is a story sharing group on instagram group for brothers and sisters. You can find it here:

    https://www.instagram.com/survivingoursiblings/

    I think there is a lot of power in writing your story with your sibling – and a lot of comfort in reading the stories of others.

    • Kim  July 6, 2019 at 4:00 pm Reply

      I cannot thank you enough for sharing the information on the Instagram group. Finally, I feel connected to others experiencing the same kind of pain. Thank you!

  200. Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:31 pm Reply

    On April 29th, 2019, I lost my younger brother. He was 19 years old. Mother’s Day was May 12th, and his birthday was May 31st. The grief is overwhelming at times. I am the oldest, while the brother I lost left behind a twin. I feel as if my grief isn’t as important as the twin, or even my parents. I feel responsible for taking care of everyone else, while my parents, especially my mom, are unable to take care of me. I’ve lost two grandparents before this, and neither of them felt this horrible. I know it is still fresh, but it’s making me feel crazy. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of him. He was the “youngest” and I feel responsible for not taking care of him like I should have, even though there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I hope one day I can become a “normal” person again, but until that time, I’m a former shell of the person I once was.

  201. Briana  June 4, 2019 at 2:09 pm Reply

    I lost my younger brother May 12, 2019. He battled cancer for 4 years, including one relapse, and he would have been 20 on May 21st. May 12 this year happened to be mother’s day and that just really sucks. I feel like my grief and feelings have been overlooked the whole time he suffered with cancer, but especially after his death it feels like I don’t matter. People keep telling me that they’re glad I was home to take care of my parents like I was unaffected. Who was supposed to take care of me? My parents have been great, but even they constantly talk about how parents should never bury their children and how hard it is. I is very hard, and parents shouldn’t have to bury their children, but at 22 years old I shouldn’t have had to bury my 20 year old brother. My best friend for 20 years. The only thing that comforts me is that my last words to him we’re “I love you”, but I still wish school and work hadn’t prevented me from coming home to see him as much as I wanted.

    • Sher  June 6, 2019 at 7:33 pm Reply

      I lost my brother shortly before you lost yours, and they were only 10 days apart in age. I understand your loss, and I wish you well, even though life may suck right now.

  202. Kala  May 30, 2019 at 5:47 pm Reply

    After reading some of the posts on this site, I felt compelled to share. I lost my younger (and only) sister, along with one of my childhood friends 3 weeks ago on May 9th, 2019. We grew up in a small, isolated town in Alaska and went to high school here. My sister and I had an age difference of nearly two years (I’m 18, she was 16), and she was my absolute best friend. She was in her boyfriends truck with our friend. They were driving on a mountain when he lost control of the truck near the cliffside. He managed to jump out and survive before it tumbled down a 900 ft steep ravine and broke into pieces. It was fatal. My sisters body was found 700 ft down the ravine, and my friends body was 400 ft down the ravine. It was unexpected and unnatural. There was no warning, no time for me to tell her how much I love her, and how much I care. Our future is destroyed. She never got to go to prom, or see me graduate high school. She’ll never be able to meet my children or attend my wedding. I’ll never be able to hug her and talk about silly things again. Without her in my life, everything feels dull and I’m completely lost. I don’t want to be alone, but I know she’ll always be in my heart and would want me to live my life to the fullest. I’m not mad or hateful towards her boyfriend, as I’ve known him my whole life, and I know that my sister loved him very much . My family and I have been talking to a counselor, but I have so many questions that no one can answer… I just wish I could have protected her from this.

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  203. Nichole  May 28, 2019 at 4:11 pm Reply

    Hi My name is Nichole
    I just lost my brother suddenly due to a heart attack age 44.we had just lost our father 2 years ago.i am completely lost.my best friend is gone.he is my middle brother. I am the oldest 46 and my youngest brother 40.i have not been the same since may 5th 2019.i don’t know how to feel.

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  204. Lisa  May 21, 2019 at 3:02 am Reply

    My older sister, and only sibling, died on May 21, 2016. She was diagnosed with AML (a form of Leukemia that is fast moving) she was almost 59 years old. She fought hard to beat the AML. I was her 100% match for a stem cell transplant which we did on May 26, 2015. Her doctors told us I was her best chance. All went well with the sure cell transplant, and no cancer was in her blood as of September 2015! We all breathed a huge sigh of relief…. Then her numbers began to crash again by Dec, and they didn’t know why. We had to wait 1 year to the date to do another stem cell transplant… By February she was back in the hospital, and was back to getting infusions and transfusions… She stayed there in the hospital until The 15th of May. I kept asking if the Stem Cell Transplant had failed. I was told her blood was still clean, no cancer present in her blood. Then before sending her home around May 10th or 12th… We were told that although there were no cancer cells in her blood, the AML cells had formed tumors in her esophagus and lungs. She was not strong enough for more chemo, and another SCT couldn’t even be tried until the 26th… And because the cancer had formed cells outside the blood system it wouldn’t help. My strong, brave, fighter of a sister lost her battle on May 21, 2016. I miss her and mourn her daily 3 years later. I can’t find my footing and get back on my feet. I was once very social… Now going out doesn’t interest me, I no longer very daily, but at least 1-2x a month when alone I will break down. I have learned that survivors guilt is real, and it is devastating! (I am not selling diagnosing, I went to counseling for 3-4 months at some point during the first year without her b/c my husband and daughters thought it would help, and that is what my counselor said I was suffering from) I agree with the counselor…I honestly love daily with the regret of my stem cells not being good enough to save my sister. I hate today and transplant day (May 21st & May 26th) every year! I cut off all contract, go dark in social media and just hide away for the day!

    My sister was more than my older sister, she was my best friend, my confidant, & my partner in crime! We had so many inside jokes… And now it’s just me… When she gained her wings her pain ended… But sadly my pain started. I’m tired of hurting, I’m tired of missing her, and I’m tired of being the ” strong little sister” that handles everything and manages her grief well!! Guess what!!! I don’t handle my grief well… I’m a friggin basket case… And have totally lost myself!! I need to find my feet again, and I know I need to move on… But along with there being very few grief support groups for siblings… Try finding one for siblings who have donated from their body to save their sibling and it failed! That is the group I need? SCT failures unite… There is honestly no group out there for us!

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    • Kelly Dubois  June 11, 2019 at 3:38 pm Reply

      Let’s make a group !!!!
      I lost my little sister two years ago today June 11, 2017. She is no longer in any pain but I too feel like my pain started the day she left??
      I feel exactly like you do
      I relate to everything she was my whole world. 13 Months apart and we spent 36 years together. As she was 36 when she passed away. She had diabetes that led to a very bad kidney and heart disease. She had her toe amputated and was devastated that she couldn’t work anymore. I’m so angry that the doctors didn’t give her dialysis for her kidneys. She called me on Saturday and told me she couldn’t walk that her ankles look like elephant ankles they were so full of water. The hospital released her two days ago because I asked her why are you not in the hospital Keri?!?!
      I still can’t believe the hospital released her 2 days before she passed! I’m so angry I’m so upset I have so many emotions all of them! I am completely broken

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    • Kate  June 15, 2019 at 8:19 am Reply

      I donated my stem cells to my brother. 13 months older than me. He died on Tuesday. (2 months post transplant.) Desperately need to join a group of people who have experienced the same. Survivors guilt, just utter devastation, anger….all sorts of emotions coming up.
      He was 42. It’s his birthday next weekend…. I have never known life without him. All the photos are killing me. We were always together.
      So sad.

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    • Miranda Clayton  August 24, 2019 at 1:08 pm Reply

      I lost my youngest sister also, she too was my BEST FRIEND, MY CONFIDANT, MY COMPANION, MY ADVISER and I lost her. I made so many many many mistakes at the time she suddenly fell ill and within 3 weeks she was dead and I was DEVASTATED. It was like being hit by a high speed midnight express train and I have NEVER RECOVERED FROM THIS and I am lost without her. She died three and a half years ago, but to me, it seems LIKE YESTERDAY and my mind keeps reliving the HORROR, THE DRAMA, THE TRAUMA. I will NEVER forgive myself for acting upon the advice of that EVIL GENERAL MEDICAL PRACTITIONER and he CAUSED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED starting on Christmas Eve morning at 10am in 2015. My father had just die ONE MONTH EARLIER and we were ALL still grieving and that was the LOUSIEST CHRISTMAS I had ever had in my whole life. Now I HATE Christmas and it makes me feel sad, distressed, lonely and GUILTY. Twelve weeks following my BEST PAL’S DEATH, my mother died. And last year, I lost the LAST SURVIVING MEMBER of our family which was our MIDDLE SISTER, he death too was sudden. She died Christmas last year 2018 on the 27th and she was dead before she hit the ground. So now I am left all alone on a hostile planet, with NO family, NO real friends and plenty of enemies and stalkers.

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  205. Alain Beaudoin  May 11, 2019 at 11:30 pm Reply

    I lost my youngest sister on my very first Father’s day.
    I mention that because I was 57 years old and my son was 8 months old. Yes my wife is much younger and we also have a 13 month old little girl who will never know her auntie.
    I can tick off most of the grief feelings listed. However, the guilt I feel feels insurmountable. Back in 2006 my sister took me in while I tried to recover from a nasty divorce. I had taken a 3 month medical leave . I lived 2000 kms away from my sister and eventually I sold my condo, gave up a lucrative job and started my life over surrounded with her love and understanding. Today I have a great wife, kids, large house and have travelled around the world. I owe her more than I can ever say….her patience, understanding, her efforts guiding me through the divorce as my proxy, care and love etc.….when she went to the hospital in spring 2017, I was unavailable due to work, moving, and young family issues plus she was 3 hours away. Her new husband kept us in the loop but in retrospect I had no idea what the hell was going on. At the end, I was at her bedside the same way we were together at our mother’s in 2001. We always had a special bond with me being the oldest and her the youngest. We understood each other.
    I went to therapy to work through my issue but nothing alleviated the guilt. Triggers are everywhere and I compartmentalize. I will start therapy again, it’ll be two years this June. I was disappointed in the lack of information and studies regarding sibling loss. My personal relationship with my wife is suffering. Unless you experience sibling grief you have no idea how profoundly it affects your thoughts, your behaviour, your soul.
    My other sister is made of sterner elements. I am not. It’s as if I want to self-flagellate with the pain I feel.
    Shortly after passing, , my x- brother in law told me my sis used to wake up and say she dreamed her dying was a nightmare and she’d wake up relieved it was a bad dream and then she would actually wake up and the opposite would be true.
    That kills me every time I think of it.

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  206. Karen Nicole  May 11, 2019 at 5:00 pm Reply

    These stories are eye opening. I wish I had read them sooner…. although, I don’t know what else I could have done to support my boyfriend who lost is brother. My boyfriend whom I loved very much, lost his brother a year and a half into our relationship. Prior to the death, we had an amazing bond and love for each other.

    I’m speaking in the past tense because a few months after the death….. things changed dramatically. He completely changed. He was unloving, mean, dismissive, hurtful, unkind, sarcastic, and turned against me. I was suddenly the enemy.. He saw a grief counselor for one visit and decided that was all he needed…. and apologized to me and blamed the change on his brother’s death…… and then shortly after that the behavior started again and became worse.

    At this point, I can see that he is very intentional in the pain that he is inflicting on me. We were so close… and now we share nothing. We were best friends who had a very intimate bond… Soulmates. …. We shared everything, and now, we share nothing. He completely shut me out… I used to trust him – now he lies all the time.

    So now, I am also grieving, because the man that I loved, is a monster that I do not know. I thought I was being supportive to him… but I guess it wasn’t enough. As much as I was in love him; I had to cut the cord. The emotional abuse is off the charts. Now, I have to take care of myself. He is a 30 year sober recovering alcoholic and addict. Whether he is pushing me away so he can use… or if he has already started using again – I can no longer be a part of the destructive road he is on. My heart is broken – but the situation was getting even worse. He turned into a liar, a gaslight, and a womanizer,

    Can anyone tell me what I was missing, or if there was anything I should have been doing?

    • Lili  June 5, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply

      Your friend is grieving in his own way, be it destructive to himself and others. I suggest you let him go. He will continue to grieve in this manner until he realizes that his brother would not want him to continue in life in a destructive manner.

  207. Esther  May 10, 2019 at 4:45 am Reply

    My brother was killed 2 years ago on Thursday, May 11, 2017 by a drunk driver who crossed into his lane head on and killed him instantly. One block from his work, which he commuted an hour to daily. I was woken up with a phone call telling me he was gone. I was still half asleep when they told me and I sat right up in bed and my world came crashing down. I still have nightmares about it and the pain was and is still so unbearable so much of the time. We were a year and a half apart. Extremely close. He was my best friend my entire life. He was everything to me and now he is gone. I feel that the second year has been far worse than the first year, because the first year you are just trying to endure it. Then the second year, there are no more firsts and it sinks in even more that this is forever and it hurts even more. He was 41 and had 4 young kids, 7, 9, 11, and 15. The guy got the minimum- 4 years jail time when he already had a previous dui, was driving on a suspended license, in a car that wasn’t his, that had no insurance on it. He had numerous arrests his whole adult life and was a well known drug dealer in the area but knew how to play the system. He was being followed by a police officer that witnessed the entire accident. I always wonder why he didn’t pull him over. He was 3 times over the limit. I feel like people just don’t get it. Like at 6 months people think you should be over it already. It’s been 2 years and it is still a struggle and I still can’t sleep or concentrate so much of the time. And I feel like I have no one because most of my friends haven’t even lost a parent yet, much less a sibling. I lost my Dad a year and a half before that.
    I also feel like everyone downplays your grief as a sibling. At the funeral and right after, (even now they still do this), everyone would ask me how my mother was doing, or how my sister-in-law was doing. They never asked me how I was or how I was doing. It was always about my mom or my sister-in-law. Like it didn’t matter what I was going through. I just wanted to scream what about me? Why don’t you ask me how I am doing? Not that it wasn’t hard for my mother or his wife. But you are completely overshadowed and no one seems to get it that you are in pain also and are oblivious to the destruction the loss of a sibling brings to YOUR life. Yes, it destroys the life of the spouse and mother who loses their child and the kids he left behind, of course, but it also destroys the life of you – the sibling. Forever. I just feel like no one gets it. They trivialize sibling losses, when they are in fact, significant and tramatic to those that are close to their siblings. You lose your past, your present, and your future because all the family history with your sibling- no one else knows or will ever understand. I had all these inside jokes with my brother that were just ours alone. I could be myself with him and be stupid and silly and he accepted me 100% in a way no one else does or could. I have memories of growing up together that no one else has because it was just the two of us together. I have other siblings but we were the ones closest in age to each other and were each other’s constant playmates and companions as children and as we got older, our bond just got stronger. I was robbed of a future together because of the irresponsible actions of someone else. I am indifferent to the guy to a point most of the time but also angry that he lived and my brother didn’t. It should have been the reverse. And yes I just said that. It’s always the innocent people that die in drunk driving accidents most of the time. My brother never drank in his life and the irony of it is stifling. Just wanted to share my story.

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    • Kim  July 6, 2019 at 4:30 pm Reply

      I lost my only sibling about 9 1/2 months ago to a massive heart attack. It’s still so hard to fathom. She was my best friend. We had been through so much together. Our mom died when we were young (I was 15, she was 20). She, being the older one, took over the mother role and did the best she could. She married and was so unhappy. He was and is such a jerk. I helped her through as best I could. She helped me in the struggles (which are continuing) of my being married to a pastor. My grandmother (we were very close to her) died Sept 30, 2017 (on my birthday-how cruel is that!?). My sister and I were with her when she took her last breath. But we were going to be okay. We had each other. Then, I got the call on Sept 23, 2018. It was the absolute worst day of my life. My sister had died of a massive heart attack. My husband says the scream he heard come out of me was something you only hear in horror movies. I was in total and complete shock. I’m angry, so freaking angry! She left behind 2 kids, 20 and 11. Her husband treated her horrible. And now, he’s playing the grieving husband. I know how you feel. Because it should have been him that died…not her. Her kids need her, not the father they have been left with. I help as best I can with them, but I can barely function myself. I fear losing someone else. I’m so sick of death! I fear dying myself, but at the same time, I just want to go on. At least there would be no more pain.

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  208. Hailey  May 3, 2019 at 10:34 pm Reply

    Hi, my name is Hailey and i am only 11 years old and at age 8 i lost my older sister and she was only 14 years old, my sister died from a brain hemmerage and i am the youngest of 7 children, i feel horrible because i could not save her and i will never see her again and possibly never hear her voice again, it is very hard because my friedns are kids so they don’t get it AT ALL!!!

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    • Claire  May 11, 2019 at 12:07 pm Reply

      Hayley I’m sorry for your early loss . I can only say that keeping the good things, let go of the horrible things and allow yourself to randomly smile at sweet memories will be lifelong but the strength you’ve got to express your feelings is fabulous. Sadly there are no why, your sister ,answers but only that you were the special person to become her sister. Keep close to your family.

    • Courtney  August 30, 2019 at 3:18 am Reply

      Hailey,
      I’ve carried a pain similar to yours for a very long time. When I was 10, my little sister passed away at 17 months old. When you go through the loss of a sibling at that age, devastating isn’t a strong enough word to describe the struggle. I had feelings I couldn’t explain, not even inside my own head. I felt guilty if I was to talk to my parents about my pain, because I knew they had to be going through a pain worse than mine. I remember the thoughts that crossed my mind that as an adult, concerns me more than when I was a child. I remember thinking to myself if I just hold my breath, I could see her again. As an adult, I still can’t bring myself to tell that to my parents. It would only bring them guilt of being fooled by the kid I was trying to be, the kid that was okay, the kid they didn’t have to worry about because they had enough to deal with. To this day, I have never seen my parents so lost. But I was lost too. We all were. But I thought I couldn’t let them know because it would only make it worse. I have realized that isn’t true. I should have told them what I was experiencing but I didn’t because I didn’t want to break them and they seemed so broken at the time. My older sister was 12. She told them everything and showed them all her feelings. I saw them cry because of what she told them and I took it as she was hurting them more. That wasn’t true. They were crying with her because they were feeling the same as she did. Sometimes crying together helps. It makes you feel not so alone. Truth be told, my older sister came to accept my little sisters death before I did, but that’s because I bottled it up inside and grief doesn’t go away when you do that. Grief has to be faced, which is so incredibly hard when you feel so empty. I wanted to stay sad because I thought she deserved it. I cried so much that I still believed I cried all the tears out of my body. It was like I felt my eyes pushing out the tears, but I was shocked when they didn’t come out. I also just wanted to feel happy again, like a child should at that age. That also made me feel guilty for ever wanting to be happy without her. Even though I knew she would want me to be happy. None of my friends understood. I didn’t feel comfortable talking with them about it because they were too young to know what to say, and I always would end up feeling embarrassed by causing the awkward feeling. The only person my age I could talk to was my best friend who missed my baby sister very much too. We cried together many times. For many years. Because grief is not something you get over but something that makes you stronger, because you have no other choice. I would never want a child to experience that pain and I am so so sorry that you have. I wish more than anything that you didn’t. It hurts in ways that words can’t explain. What did help me was a bunch of little things. Find a journal. Write to your sister. No need to catch her up on what’s happened because she is watching every day. She is living life through you. She will get to experience the fun memories to come because she is watching you. And as an older sister, I’ve wished so many times to have been able to take her place. That is a very normal feeling. Without a doubt, I know how much a big sister deeply loves her baby sister. Trust me. It’s a painful love I’ve lived with and would choose to continue to live with so she can live life through me too. I have to admit, it’s hard to read comments about people who lost their siblings after so many years of being able to live life with them. It’s hard because I’m jealous. Being so young, my memories are not very clear and that’s really really hard when you feel that is all you have left of your sister. I remember kissing her pacifier many times after she died because it was the closest I could get to kissing her again. Grief makes you do some things that people who haven’t experienced it would see as strange. I remember talking to a friend at school about kissing her paci, and she looked at me like I was very strange. And I looked at her like she just didn’t get it because she didn’t have to carry such pain. It does get easier. Your sister will let you know she is still with you, and I can only explain it as you will feel her hugging your heart. The day will come. Stay strong. Talk with your other siblings if they are wanting to talk. And if you don’t feel comfortable talking with them, you have a sister who is in Heaven listening always. Talk to her. Mine gave me goosebumps when I would talk to her. That’s how I knew she was listening. You will feel happy again. As big sisters, we want our baby sisters to know that we will never forget them or ever leave them. They stay with us in our hearts. I used to think my heart hurt so much because she had to climb inside where I couldn’t see her anymore, but when I would think of her, I would feel her hugging my heart. And it was hard at first because I wanted to hug her back so much. Now I take the hug with a big smile on my face because she is reminding me that she is still watching. This past year has been a hard one. She would have turned 18. Moments when I find myself being sad at what we didn’t get to do together, I then talk to her about what I think it would be like. I joke about things and how much of an overprotective big sister I would have been. Many people who know me now, don’t realize I am a big sister. And that’s ok, because she knows I am. She is with you sweetheart. Give her time and she will show you that. You don’t have to say goodbye to her. I like to think of my sister as being like the wind. I can’t see it, but I can feel it… Just like I can’t see her but I can feel her. It gets better. I promise with all my heart, it gets easier and better. And no matter what any of your classmates might say, she is still your sister. Ignore the kids who just don’t understand. It’s not their fault they don’t know. And it’s not your fault that you do.

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  209. Debbie  May 2, 2019 at 6:33 am Reply

    I miss him.

    I should have spoken to him more often.

    I feel so much guilt.

    I hope he knows I loved him and continue to do so with every breathing moment.

    • Paul  May 3, 2019 at 7:51 pm Reply

      Exact same feelings. I still miss my brother.

    • Michelle  May 14, 2019 at 11:22 pm Reply

      He knows. He’s still in your heart like he was before he died. Dearh didn’t break that bond. My sister died 8/31/2016 and is still in my heart. I’ve heard that writing letters is effective.

  210. Dawne  April 26, 2019 at 8:04 pm Reply

    My sister passed away May 23, 2017. My mother had 5 children within 6 years. My sister was the oldest of the five and she died at the age of 54 of a heart attack. On our side of the family, she leaves behind a spouse, they were married for ~30 years, 5 children, 4 girls and a boys, 1 grandchild, twins on the way, her mother, 2 sisters, 2 brothers, 2 nieces, 4 nephews and several relatives on both sides of the family.

    The most difficult thing about her death at this moment for me, is that there is not a lot of communication between my sister’s children, her spouse between my mother, my siblings and me.

    I lost a sister, my kids lost their aunt, my mother lost her daughter, my brother-in-law lost his wife and so on.

    In my mind, I thought we were close as family. I thought my sister’s children would reach out to me for comfort, share their grief with me, tell me stories of my sister that would comfort me. Everyone grieves differently, that is for sure.

    We got together for holidays, my sister and her husband and children, we would call each other on our birthdays, holidays etc. My mother is saddened, because she did not receive calls on her birthday from all her grandchildren or family members. Are we all too busy to communicate with one another. Is it grief that draws us further apart from one another.

    My mom was always there for all of us. I miss the closeness. I see and feel time passing me by, and becoming further from family than ever before. This article has explained a lot of why this is happening. The dynamics of all changed. My sister used to run the “show” she was the captain of the ship. She is gone. I pray that we will all be connected once again, but also know we will all be together again some day.

    I miss my sister terribly, she was my life line, my children’s life line, he loss is felt even more so by the woman who gave birth to her.

  211. Shelley  April 14, 2019 at 9:39 pm Reply

    Wow. I always felt alone. I lost my mom and dad by the age of 21,within 2 years, but losing both sisters was so completely different. I thought was alone in my feelings that I had. I became a different person when my sisters died. I wish I could be the happier version of myself, but the reality of life, the innocence of youth was lost when my oldest sister died. I had remorse, I had guilt and even now, almost 20 years later, I would give anything just to see or hear her. She was my best friend, my everything and I realized I am not alone in this depth of despair and grief. Thank you to all who share their stories and thoughts. I realize I am not alone in this battle with loss. We hide it everyday because no one understands and no one can understand the loss we have endured. May we all find something to remind us of who we were, who we will never be again and who we must attain to be years later. Even if it doesnt fit the narrative of what others expect. Somehow we can overcome the grief. Somehow.

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  212. Daniel  April 12, 2019 at 11:43 pm Reply

    Man… I don’t even know where to begin. I just lost my older brother, John, (37 years old) on Friday, March 30th, 2019 but he was taken off the respirator a couple days later on April 2nd… It was a very tragic and sudden event and I’m at a complete loss of words and don’t even know exactly how the events unfolded completely as I’m hearing it all 2nd hand b/c I live in another city. John was the most courageous person you could ever meet. One of those tough as nails guys on the outside – a former 173rd Army Airborne (1 of 2 Airborne units in the Army, the other being the 82nd Airborne) soldier that fought in Iraq and saw some pretty crazy stuff to put it succinctly to people who don’t have relatives in the military. He came back with PTSD and some substance abuse and unfortunately there isn’t a whole lot of help for military members suffering issues/injuries that aren’t as visible. He was also one of the kindest, caring people you’d ever meet; completely unselfish and willing to give you the shirt off his back if you needed it – completely fearless as well. Just to give you an idea, he reached a high degree in Judo and one time in high school someone came at him with a K-bar knife and he neutralized him swiftly using a Judo throw that he learned when we lived in Japan where my dad was stationed for the Marines; but hated to hurt people even if they were threatening him – that’s just the type of person John was and now I don’t have him. I feel completely at fault – I hate myself so much – I’m extremely angry at God and myself and my family for not more readily recognizing the signs. One thing that really irks me is that he was sent to the ER room 3 months prior for a similar incident but the next of kin wasn’t notified – which I’m still unable to answer as to why as I thought it was required by law to notify next of kin? The event that happened 3 months ago; he was revived and became conscious and supposedly told the hospital not to contact my parents but I thought it was required… I guess not. I’m angry about it as that could have been a ‘signal’ to us all slapping myself and my family in the face to wake the hell up and get him some serious help instead of just rolling with the punches and assuming things will be fine – no they weren’t and I’m upset at myself the most about it. I’m also angry with the handling of his final moments. The paramedics did a terrific job getting his heart beating again – knowing the warrior John is he was stabilized but considered brain dead as he was found without breathing for up to 12 minutes so the damage to the brain was just too much – how can the person (his so called girlfriend) have been with him but not know he wasn’t breathing for 12 minutes? I have so many unanswered questions and am upset he wasn’t given a few more days (at least a week minimum) on the respirator just in case a miracle were to occur as there are several cases of people being declared brain dead who have made full recoveries. The hospital system works in an surprising way that I didn’t know until now. The team that works on reviving you is different than the team that declares brain death and subsequently organ donation. There are incentives for the 2nd team that declares brain death to quicken the process of organ donation as they’re telling potential receivers that there “may be an organ available”… Well when they say this quote, this means they have someone on a respirator and they’re just trying to convince the parents to stop the respirator so that they can “legally” take the organs after the heart stops beating b/c otherwise it would be a homicide.. I get it, they want to save other lives – but this is MY BROTHER, they’re HIS organs. HE HAS NO OBLIGATIONS TO ANYONE ELSE. I didn’t like being made to feel like cattle prodded along b/c of the entrenched interests of the donor team that doesn’t care 1 iota about my older brother. Disturbing way to handle someone’s final moments when science doesn’t even understand a millionth of a percent of human consciousness or where the soul goes on a subatomic level when in moments of comas or brain trauma. There are cases of people being declared dead (boy in Alabama) and other cases of people officially flatlining on a heart monitor who came back to life – She (Kim Clark) described she saw their body on the operating table, looking at the team of doctors and nurses and then their soul rising to the top of the hospital and seeing a blue shoe at the top. Then when they came back to life she told the attending nurse of the shoe that was found exactly where they saw it, on the 3rd floor ledge. You can watch that on youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPXK2Ls-xzQ … my point of saying all of that is that even though to our eye they look like they may be not with us or in a coma , their soul, their consciousness, is very much alive…. this is what I believe is spoken of in the New Testament that can not be destroyed.

    Regardless, I just wish John was given a week minimum. It’s difficult for me but ultimately even though I’m in the beginning stages of healing and am angry at God, I have to trust God is doing the right thing and that John is in a better place where his warrior spirit is running free…. Please pray for me and my family.

    • Elyse  April 13, 2019 at 5:15 am Reply

      First, I am so sorry for your loss, what a horrible experiences you have had. I really feel for you. I am to interested in whether the hospital has to contact the next of kin. My brother passed a couple of days ago, we don’t know exactly when as he was found asleep. My brother had many admissions to hospital and non of the family were notified, I feel so sad because of we were notified we might have been able to help. I am really sorry for your loss. What a tragedy.

      • Daniel  April 15, 2019 at 10:32 am

        Thank you Elyse for your kind words as I’m sorry for your loss as well. I really wish there were some kind of law requiring next of kin to at least be notified. It just doesn’t make sense as the hospital knows whatever brought them there is serious enough for loved ones to know in order to prevent it from happening again. I get that they’re trying to privacy but when a family member is at risk they may not be quantifying that risk properly and it needs attention and care to be identified and dealt with properly – at least given the chance to do so. I hope the days to come bring a new understanding about life to us and everyone here – it’s never easy going through something alone and I am thankful for this website and for everyone sharing their thoughts. May peace be with you.

    • Kim  July 6, 2019 at 7:12 pm Reply

      Daniel, I know exactly what you’re talking about…the anger at God, the anger of not being there to help. My sister died of a massive heart attack. According to the coroner, she was dead within seconds. No one was home. Her 11 year old daughter found her. I’ve been a Christian all my life. My dad is a retired pastor; I’m married to a pastor. But I can honestly say, this is the single most hardest thing I have ever experienced.

      I blamed myself for her death (that’s a whole other long story). My mother passed when I was 15, my dad kinda lost his way during that time and my sister and I were pretty much left to take care of each other. Then, I lost my grandmother and now sister within a year of each other. I refused to pray. The only reason I went to church was because it was expected of me. I wouldn’t sing or bow my head to pray. I was hollow (still am in a lot of ways). I was having panic attacks and meltdowns on my kids. I’m still a mess, but I finally prayed…just this week actually. And I can’t explain the peace.

      I’m still having my meltdowns and panic attacks, but I know I’m not alone. Anyway!!! I say ALL this to say that I draw comfort from Psalm 139:16. God knew before we were born when we were going to die. I still miss her terribly. I want to hear her laugh, see her getting to my house late (as she always did), go to concerts together, share secrets with her. But in it all, I’m comforted in knowing that God knew when he was going to take her home. I hope this doesn’t upset you. I’m just determined to try and help others and accept help myself. Because honestly, it’s the only way I feel like I will survive this. Praying for you and your family.

  213. Miranda  April 10, 2019 at 3:23 am Reply

    I lost my little sister at 21 on the 16th of March this year. She would be 22 on the 12th of April (this Friday.) We learned 6 years ago that she had been suffering from seizures in her frontal lobe when she had a grand mal seizure on the school bus. Only having 3 total ones in her life we thought the medication was working and we didn’t think much more about it. She had just started her first job and though she hated it, she loved making money. We were best friends only being 3 years her senior we have always done everything together. My mom and I found her in the morning trying to wake her for work… she never woke up. She had a seizure in her sleep. We learned later that day she had been forgetting to take her pills. The pills she was afraid not to take, she would come home from work so tired and fall asleep on the couch and forget them. I can’t help but be so angry at her, why didn’t she ask for help remembering to take them. Why didn’t we notice the bottle and that she wasn’t taking them. It hurts so bad that I lost my best friend! We were just planning a trip to Africa in a year. Now my mom and I are going with out her,,, and are ganna spread her ashes in the land she loved so much with out ever going…

  214. Megan McGrath  April 8, 2019 at 5:33 pm Reply

    It’s been just over 3 months since my younger brother Matthew died on January 1, 2019, he was 22. I’m older than him by 9 years (31) and 6 years older than our sister (she’s 25), so I always felt like I had to be their protector because I’m older.
    He was camping with friends and got separated from the group while riding ATVs (4Wheelers) and when trying to make his way back to their campsite his 4wheeler hit a ditch filled with water on the side of the road and flipped on top of him, pinned him underneath and he drowned.
    I’m struggling with the thought of having to attend a New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day celebration this year and the years to come, as they will always be the anniversary of his death.
    And I know that life moves on, but I’m still at the point where every day I think of “what might have been” and the things my sister and I will both miss out on without him in our lives anymore.

  215. Soph  April 8, 2019 at 12:18 pm Reply

    I lost my brother in June 2018. With work and everything else going on, I’ve been in survival mode ever since. The shock is finally going away. I feel so angry, guilt, sad, and frustrated at the same time. I try so hard to shield my mother from how I feel and only tend to her needs. When does this feeling go away? Does it ever go away?

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  216. Ren  April 6, 2019 at 4:41 am Reply

    I lost my sister a yr ago today to ARDS @ 340p!
    We were very close! I haven’t been able to deal with it fully! A part of me died as she took her last breath! I miss her TREMENDOUSLY!!
    After our mother died in 03 to ALS, SHE WAS THE GLUE THAT HELD OUR FAMILY TOGETHER!
    I WISH I IT HADN’T BEEN HER THAT DIED THAT DAY!
    SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, MY STRENGTH, MY LIGHT, MY EVERYTHING!
    I miss u T!

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  217. Sabrina  April 1, 2019 at 2:52 pm Reply

    Last night i figured out that My mom had lost out baby that was still in the womb. I am only 13 years old and experiencing this is really hard for me. I have been very depressed lately and did not want to wake up for school. My mom had a doctors appointment today and they confirmed that the baby is gone. My mom and I are really sad because I am the only child in the family and we were very happy to find out that she was pregnant.When the baby passed my mom was only 6 weeks pregnant. If you have anyway to make this work please E-mail me.

    • Annalisa  May 14, 2019 at 3:40 pm Reply

      Wow, that’s crazy. Im 13 almost 14 and my mom lost my baby sibling who was still in the womb 3 weeks ago. I know exactly how you feel. I had wanted another sibling for years and when I finally had another sibling, they were taken from me. Its so hard.

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  218. ks  March 27, 2019 at 10:28 pm Reply

    Its been a year, today, since she died and I am still unable to accept it. I am angry more then anything, at God, at her, her husband, life. Its a big old mess. I thought this would break me but it hasn’t. I don’t know what will, maybe I am broken but unable to see it. I have felt broken before and you just continue, resign yourself to the pain, mistrust. I think I thought this loss would be different, too much.I don’t know how I feel honestly, or what to show to others. Showing strength isn’t always the best- it’s okay to feel shaken and want to be held. I am who i am and no one is going to tell me how to feel, judge me, call me selfish right now- not even my family, friends. I feel I am wearing a mask and holding so much already in, so if I crack a little it’s alright. I’m not superwomen. I can’t explain my emotions or calm them down. I think I could fill a while notebook trying to explain this heartache I feel. Anyways, it’s come and past and it has to be acknowledged. I am not grieving too much- something profound and life altering happened- and you can’t put that behind you. Its something we will have to learn to live with everyday.

  219. ks  March 25, 2019 at 8:38 pm Reply

    In 2 days it’ll be a year my oldest sister will have passed away. She was only 37 and died of cancer throughout her body. It happened fast, or rather- was ignored and then happened fast after she couldn’t ignore it anymore. I am struggling. I don’t seem to be grieving the same as my family. Every month has been hard, lots of crying. I can’t get over how fast everything changed and yet nothing changed- life goes on, and I don’t understand that… Why did this happen?! I’ve lost a lot of people, and I wasn’t even close to this sister- but she was My sister! She wasn’t just anyone, she was someone who knew me since childhood. I am still struggling to process the timeline, the last months she had, the details that bring anger and bitterness. Mostly just the fact that she is permanetly gone and I’ll never get that chance to be close to her. And she seemed okay with that. I am struggling not to talk about her too much but also to not let myself talk at all. People act like it didn’t even happen- they did 2 months after! I am okay, I will be fine- but I don’t think I’ll ever be the same Again, my family won’t quite recover. Its too much baggage. Right now I seem better then I have any of the previous months, but it’ll hit me. I am afraid of how I’ll be when it does.

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    • Marlene  May 27, 2019 at 3:07 pm Reply

      Reading your post I relate so much. My brother, 42 was diagnosed 17 months ago with advanced colorectal cancer. And as it happened with your sister it was ignored by him probably by at least a year or so. Everyday he is with us is a gift, right now his tx is palliative, due to the extension of the tumors is not curable. He is not coping well either and most of the time is in pain. As you I haven’t been close to him prior to dx because he didn’t wanted me to. I’m the youngest by 3 years and I work in healthcare so I have tried everything to keep him alive. I know the end can come in any moment and although I have been resilient till know and don’t know about tomorrow.

  220. Betty  March 22, 2019 at 2:54 pm Reply

    I’m going too kill myself when my older Sibling did this to me now. She’s been bulling us to long that Her Lawyeers take Her side . So I’m going to kill myself to make it better for her. She’s been abusing by taken Her Alzimer Parents Money to bias a big House & a big bran new big car wow it’s big. All from Her Parents Money not her own. She didn’t have a job.

    • Paula  May 9, 2019 at 4:31 pm Reply

      Betty, please do not kill yourself!! Your life is precious! Please get help with your feelings from a counselor and also maybe a pastor who is good at counseling. Suicide is never the answer. You can get help to rise above the difficult situation. Even though it can feel differently sometimes, there are people who care, and Jesus cares. He experienced sorrow and betrayal, and he cares. You can talk to him, too. I hope the best for you.

  221. Tressa McAndrew  March 20, 2019 at 3:51 pm Reply

    Fade to black, this is me now. A mere shell, a ghost. My beloved Sister, Tracy, is now gone. She had a cardiac arrest, brought on by severe allergic reaction at 58. Her sick lungs not able to breathe. She survived a week onlife support, in a coma. I held her hand till it was ice cold. I am devastated. It’s been almost a year.
    She was taking care of my elderly Mother. She neglected herself to her own death. She was my Sun and my moon. My Family was dysfunctional before her death, now , I fear it it is beyond repair. They expected me to be her, to take the whole enchilada on of caring for my Mom, without my input or feelings. There is much more to this story.
    I knew my Sister was struggling with my Mom’s care, and I gave her little to no help. My reasons, my own. I knew of her unhappiness . I feel ashamed. We hadn’t spoken in months, I was hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. My grief now all consuming. My husbands patience waining. Why can’t you snap out of it? Booze numbs the pain temporarily. Then it returns with a vengeance, taking my to the dark side. I cannot taste my food. I do not want to get out of bed. My adult children cannot understand, at all. I am angry at everything and everyone. I cannot move forward.
    No one understands how I feel, only Tracy could and did. She was my best friend, my Sister, my keeper, my Mother, my ass kicker, my world , my everything. She was the family glue. The only comfort I have, is that she is free. When I think of her now, it is as a Wild Horse, running free. I miss her with every breath I take, and will, until I breathe no more.
    Thank You for listening. ?

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    • We are a small family and I feel so alone now in the world nobody knows me like she did anyway I just want to say that everything you said resonated with me so much thank you  March 21, 2019 at 9:00 pm Reply

      Hi
      Your comment touched me so much. I lost my oldest sister a month ago. She was also caring for my sick mother. She was the glue. She was my best friend. She was divorced and I never married. Being the free spirited artist that I am never wanted to be tied down. I’m 55 and she was 57 were so close she died waiting for an organ transplant. We are a small family and I feel so alone now in the world nobody knows me like she did anyway I just want to say that everything you said resonated with me so much thank you

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  222. MARLA NICOLETTI  March 7, 2019 at 8:27 pm Reply

    I just lost my brother to a Heart Attack yesterday afternoon. He was only 53 years old and it was a shocked to all in the family. I am grieving extremely hard. Everything that is listed on the home page is all true tohow I am feeling. See on March 1st my brother was in a bad car accident the resulted in his vehicle rolling over and now it is totaled. At the time of the accident, we were unsure as to how it came about, while in the hospital we found out it was his heart that was bad. My brother is very stubborn, he is married to a woman who has been hateful to my family for years. My brother waited on her hand and foot, never was concerned about his health always hers. I wanted him to stay in the hospital to get better, he insisted on going home to take care of his wife( who is a double amputee), now because of all this my brother is no longer with us because of her selfishness. I have offered to help her in anyway I am able to do, but she and her daughter ( my brother’s step daughter)has refused help and basically has not called about anything. I am upset that I may not hear anything and that my mother and me and family will be left out. Right now, I have so many unanswered feeling, regrets, loneliness, etc.

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    • Melissa  March 30, 2020 at 9:07 pm Reply

      You may be left with unanswered questions. How ever I know for a fact that no one denied any help that you offered. Yes he had heart condition that no one knew about till the accident. I’m the DAUGHTER in our home we did not use step. When I called to tell you that the ambulance was called again to the house the day he passed you said “what the hell you want me to do” . He took care of his wife like another spouse would care for a loved one. And then you impersonated my husband wife on the phone to his work to try and get his life insurance policy. Then when you found out that his wife chose to have him cremated. You decided to call me every name possible (I will forgive because we all were very upsetandgrieving)and to tell me that you wished my mother died instead of my dad (which I will never forgive or forget). So please prior to posting make sure everything is correct.

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  223. Ashlea  March 3, 2019 at 1:19 am Reply

    This article is one of the only relevant things I can even find. Thankyou
    I am 24 yo Ashlea. Oldest girl sibling of 4. Parents Sharon&jon still married 27 years later. Very very close knit hard working family.
    On the 7th of January my baby sister Leah only 19 was on her way to work as she did multiple times a week. A farmer had illegally left mud all over the country road that she often used. She suddenly twitched and fishtailed in the mud. Her dash camera footage shows her in control and then her fiat 500 traction control took over and launched her in to the path of an oncoming transit van. Passenger side impact, her car looked like it was hit by a train. Only one of her passenger airbags went off, even with the force of the impact. If her curtain airbags had gone off she would still be alive. How ridiculous that the car doesn’t think to protect the driver, who will evidently be thrown towards her window and hit her head so hard she had brain bleed and a skull fractures. Her bleed was minor and she could have recovered if not for an air embolism which caused a stroke. She was pronounced dead at the scene. The ambulance took 30 minutes to get to her, she didn’t stand a chance. The road had been reported multiple times that morning. They had 3 hours prior to this accident to close the road and they ignored pleas from public that the road was lethal?
    I keep replaying in my mind getting a phone call from my 21yo brother josh. He was home alone at the time as he was on a break from university when police knocked on the door, and told him he needed to contact everyone and get them here ASAP. On the phone I was desperate to know because I had to know.
    When I said.. is it Leah. He said yes. I said is she alive? And josh said no. I erupted in to screaming and choking and actually threw up twice. I was at my boyfriends house when I found out, most of the day is a blur but not that phone call. It keeps haunting me over and over again. When I arrived my mom had just gotten home from work. She already knew in her gut what was going to be said to her but she broke down. My dad took another hour to arrive as he drives all over for his job. He was my first guess for why the police were there.. evidently not.
    We kept my littlest sister Emily, 17 at the time. In the dark as long as possible, she has autism and she was at college. I was supposed to pick her up but I couldn’t. She loved Leah so much, as did I. Leah was both of our best friends, being the middle child she always bridged the age gap between me and Emily and we had such a laugh together all the time.
    She was the glitter and the glue, the life and soul of the 6 of us. We would always have fun if Leah was there. Everything feels flat and boring, we are missing the very heart of our family. She was my angel and probably the closest person in the whole world to me. I am completely destroyed and broken.
    I don’t know what to do with myself, I don’t know what is normal anymore. It has barely been 2 months but it feels like yesterday still.
    I cannot get the sounds of my mom screaming when she and my dad went in the room to identify her body. I really wanted to go in but I wasn’t strong enough. She wasn’t in a good way, she was left as she was on the road because it was a crime scene. She belonged to the corroner. They were not considerate of us at all. I said to myself I will see her in the chapel of rest.
    When we did see her, she looked nothing like herself and I will regret not seeing her before that. I can’t un see her in that coffin. I don’t think il ever be able to view anyone else again. We even took Leah’s dog to see her, a little girl shihtzu called coco. She was Leah’s baby and she is missing her terribly. We can tell that she is pining for her. I really understand true heartbreak.
    My parents wanted to see everything, her car. The dash cam footage. I couldn’t bring myself to see either of those things. I later saw photos of the car but not in the flesh. It was covered in blood everywhere and it was half a car. We are lead to believe the other driver wasn’t speeding but I can’t believe that given the damage. Leah was going at least 25mph below the limit for the road due to mud. Pretty slow when she could have done 60.
    Now we have to wait months for an inquest. We can’t even register her death properly until then.
    Permanent limbo.
    Youngest sister turned 18 on the 23rd of January. We had all been waiting for Emily to be legal drinking age in the UK so we could go out together. We didn’t even get to do that together. Her birthday was a sad and ruined day of watching Netflix, crying and passing out on the sofas.
    Leah’s birthday is in a few days time, she should have been 20 on the 9th of March. No one should die a teenager. To make matters worse my brother josh is 22 on the 11th of March. His birthday will also suck because even though they were 2 years apart they always celebrated their birthday together because they were 2 days apart. Everything is ruined and I can’t imagine anything ever being okay again.
    We will probably visit a reputable Spirit medium to see if we can speak to her.
    I can’t imagine why sibling grief is overshadowed. Yes my parents are utterly destroyed. My mom can’t sleep and cries multiple times a day, sometimes all day, my dad is drinking and sitting at his computer all night looking for other crashes in fiat 500’s. Obsessing and researching.
    I almost forgot to mention the love of my sisters life Jareth. She lived with him and she worked near where he lived. They were meant to be, they were saving up for a house together and he adored her. He treated her like a queen. I couldn’t have picked a better person to love her. I fear he might not want to keep in touch with us eventually because it will be too painful but he would help us stay connected to her. We need him right now.
    To make matters even worse, jareths parents had a serious accident 10 years ago. On the very same road! It is an accident black spot! This left his mom with a broken back and she is unable to walk properly or move even to this day. His childhood was ruined already by his mom being disabled. She was in a coma for months as well. And then he looses his true love on the same road. I am worried about him so much.
    I know I have written a lot, people might not even read this but it helps me to get it all out and tell the story. Utterly tragic and I can’t believe that it’s happening to me. She was supposed to be with me when we are old. I needed her to be my bridesmaid, and me hers. I needed to hold her hand when I give birth, and hold her hand when she had her babies that she had already chosen names for.
    I am so angry that this has happened, if that farmer had cleaned his shit up then she would be alive.
    He will be prosecuted. And sued. This will do nothing for us except give us the satisfaction that someone is at fault.
    I struggle to sleep over it all. It’s 6:11 am and I haven’t slept yet. I have good dreams of her, then I have nightmares of her. I have grabbed a bottle of water while I was asleep and poured it over myself. I did not wake. Only later on when I woke and realised I was soaked and actually did soak myself. And it wasn’t a dream that I did it.
    I grabbed a carton of milk which was for my dog, next to me. Full of doggie vitamins, and I drank it in my sleep. I woke up and the carton was empty. I don’t know why my subconscious has a fascination with the liquids that I keep next to my bed.
    I’m worried I may try to drink something more harmful while I sleep. I have moved the mouthwash and the makeup cleansing water. Just in case..
    just don’t know how I will go on with the rest of my life without her. She was literally everything to me, I spoke to her every day. I have lost my best friend, one of the people I loved most in the world. Precious and irreplaceable. Beautiful angel. She was amazingly talented with makeup and had her own YouTube channel and lots of followers on Instagram. Lots of friends. Her funeral was bursting at the doors, everyone she met loved her. She made everyone’s day better and was truly a good person. I don’t believe in god but I hope with all my heart that she is still there and I will see her again. The alternative is too painful to contemplate.
    Thankyou to anyone who read this, and also sorry because like me you wouldn’t be here unless you had also lost a sibling too soon. ?

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    • Kai  March 6, 2019 at 2:29 pm Reply

      I am so, profoundly sorry for your loss. I know that there will always be a before, and an after, and that life will always be a bit diminished in the after. I know that the future without her is devastating to consider. I know that the present is almost physically unbearable. Someone told me that grief is something like a box with a buzzer attached to the inside…when it is fresh, the ball is large and fills the box, and the buzzer (the anguish) is pressed constantly. Over time, the ball becomes smaller and smaller, but still moves about the box randomly and hits the buzzer at random times ( a song, a smell, a memory that comes out of nowhere, a milestone in life without your loved one). I think this is true. That is what makes this survivable. Please remember that the ball is shrinking, but never your love or your memories. I hope that you will cling to one another and hold one another up, until it’s easier to float on the surface. You don’t have to do anything right, you just need to survive this. For her. So much love to you and your family, you all sound like beautiful people.

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  224. Marla Caver  February 27, 2019 at 9:05 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on March 9, 2016. She was hit head on in traffic and killed instantly. Not a day goes by that I do not think of her and that very tragic day. I had to tell my mother and my children. While I have found happiness and am learning to live a life without her, the heart ache never leaves me. There is a void that will never go away. I have learned that there is a fine line between faith and understanding. I will never understand why my sister was not granted surviving that accident, but I trust God will be glorified daily from the seeds that she planted while on this earth. I have no doubt where her spirit is at this very moment and it is that faith that has allowed me to go on and learn to live a life with out her presence. I miss her laugh and random phone calls so much. I want so badly to dream of her, but for some reason my mind will not allow me to do that. I do not know if anyone else does that, but that is a real issue for me. If I could dream of her, I could hear her voice, her laugh and her wit!!!!

    We planned on how we would take care of our parents, what we would do if something happened to my husband, but I never planned a life without her. Yes, the dynamics of my life changed on March 9,2016. My faith was tested and I truly understand how depression feels. I learned that the death of a sibling leaves you feeling very empty. Sometimes you feel really guilty. There are many reason that make you feel guilty. I really depends on how long you have been grieving, the time of the year, and your season of life. I cried so much for the first 6 months that I didn’t think I had any more tears. Eventually, I quit crying every day, but I still shed tears. I may be watching a movie and it hits me. I may be driving and it hits me. I go through her journals and I shed a tear.

    Thank you for allowing me to post my scattered thoughts and real pain. I miss my sister so much! She was my true friend and an amazing woman! I thank God that I had the time with her that I did; and I thank Him for the counseling and witnessing she gives me from the life she lived and journaled. While I do pray for myself and my family daily, I will be praying for those that find this page.

  225. AJ  February 27, 2019 at 9:00 am Reply

    This article has helped me tremendously and I can’t wait to read it over and over again. I feel for each and every story of loss written in the comments and pray that healing finds your hearts and you grieve. When I was 5 (36 years ago), my brother was killed in a car accident-he was 18. He was my best friend. He loved me so much. But I have just begun grieving his death as of this past weekend. At the time of his death, I cried in a bush for a few minutes, wiped away the tears and became the strength my family needed. I immediately accepted he was gone and that my life would never be the same, but my 5 year old mind went into action believing that I needed to be a support system and/or just take care of myself–I didn’t want to be a burden. My parents weren’t much help because they were grieving. I remember sitting on a chair by myself while everyone was whirring around the room tending to my grieving mother and grandmother. My dad was busy accepting guests and there I was, sad, but not able to show it. Throughout my life I had underlying anger and resentment because I felt like, I’m here, why do you have to talk about him. When people called me an only child, I let them because if my mom was around she’d say, No, she’s not, she had a brother but he was killed in a car accident which would take the attention off of me. But, this past weekend, I had my heart broken by a man I was falling in love with, and I realized in a peaceful moment after he relayed to me that we will just be friends, that I MISS MY BROTHER. Immediately, I realized that I never allowed myself to grieve. My heart was broken wide open in that moment and it felt so good and terrible at the same time to cry my eyeballs out because his love for me was perfect. I’ve been looking for that type of love since I was 5 and no one has come close. So, even though it’s 36 years later, the wound is fresh and I’m processing all of this emotion. What’s amazing is that the day after this revelation, a friend of mine asked me if I was the only child and I PROUDLY stated, No, I had a wonderful brother but he was killed in a car accident when I was five. That is the first time I acknowledged him in that way without hesitation. I’m proud to be his sister and his perfect love lives on in me. Now, that I’m working on myself (self-love), I know the love I desire from a significant other is soon to follow. And, if it isn’t I know that my brother’s love resides in my heart and is an irreplaceable gift!

    • Elizabeth Nelson  July 15, 2019 at 12:57 am Reply

      I kind of understand. My brother died 28 years ago in a car accident when he was 19 and I was 14. I always thought there was something wrong with me bc I still miss him. He was an athlete, attractive, funny, charismatic and popular. He could have cared less about the popularity. He was confident and didn’t seem to care what people thought of him. Opposite of me. He drove me nuts but would beat up anyone who bothered me. I overheard someone ask my mom after it happened how I was doing.
      My mom said I was doing ok. Not even close. I’m still dealing with the grief. A couple years ago I realized that I hadn’t really dealt with it. I tried to take care of my parent’s bc I wanted to make up for his death. I tried to follow in his footsteps. But I’m not my brother. I’m not as good as him and I never will be. Survivor’s guilt, 28 years later. I’m sorry for your loss and for what you have been dealing with. I pray you find peace. Take care.

      • Nate  November 23, 2019 at 6:11 am

        I was 15 when my 19 year old only brother died instantly after missing a curve on a random road. We never got along growing up and he constantly pestered me and I hated him for it. He’d been out of the house for over a year and I’d not seen him or spoken to him in almost that much time. I don’t have any memory of what our last conversation even was. It completely ruined my parents, who went on to divorce bitterly and will never speak to each other again. I’ll be 39 in a few months and I’ve started to realize how incredibly angry I still am at every single one of the hundreds of adults who had found out about his death hours before me and swarmed our house. After being pulled out of class in a shocking manner to be called to the principals office and find my father there in hysterics with the news, I couldn’t wait to get to the safety and privacy of my home. As the complete stranger driving my father and I home turned the corner on our street and I saw our large yard filled with scores of cars I couldn’t effing believe it. I know they were in shock too, and some of them did try and interact with me but I went right back to school the very next day to escape the absolute circus my house had
        turned into. All the adults had completely lost their minds and I felt like I was the only sane person left in the world. Over 200 flower arrangements were delivered to our 1700sq ft house in the first 24 hours. We had a stock hundreds of 2 liter bottles of soda people had dropped off that lasted for YEARS after he died. It’s been 24 years and I’ve just realized I’ll never forgive them for allowing me to be one of the last to be informed and invading my home while virtually ignoring me the entire time. I interact with very few of my family members very infrequently now. Lately my gut feeling is to estrange myself from my entire family by officially asking them to end all contact.

  226. Christine van Heerden  February 27, 2019 at 12:43 am Reply

    My brother tragically passed away on the 15 August 2018 in a helicopter accident. He was 33 years old, a Wildlife Veterinarian in South Africa. I was the one that had to tell my family, organize flights, deal with the finances and his estate. Words cannot describe the devastation. It feels as if we are left with a world of emptiness. I still dream that he’s alive. God has been with me every step of the way, but somehow I just keep wishing for him to come back. I just want everything to be like it was. My mom is a wreck and it’s killing me. The pilot survived but they have made no attempt to contact our family, we still don’t know what exactly happened. I was the only one in the family with whom my brother shared his deepest secrets, it just feels wrong. My sisters is the oldest, she struggled a lot in dealing with his death, but had the time to do so while I was keeping everything together. Sometimes it just feels like everyone is dumping everything on me because I know what to do and I want to help, it’s just too much. I feel like moving far away from everyone and forgetting it ever happened. My dad doesn’t talk about it anymore. My brother’s wife is also going through a rough time and my heart breaks for her. I’m trying to organize everything for her as well so that she doesn’t have to deal with that as well. I’m tired and sad and angry. And honestly I do wonder what God was thinking when he took my brother, I don’t quite see the purpose of His plan yet, although I know He is good and loves us dearly. I just wish my mom would get better maybe it would all be easier to deal with.

  227. Jade  February 26, 2019 at 8:23 pm Reply

    Hello & prayers to all mourning siblings. I lost my older brother Reed, age 54, on Monday January 14, 2019. He suffered a LAD heart attack while driving. He was courageous & strong and fought for his miracle for 10 days. I was utterly shattered, no living will at hand, and having to make the most difficult decision on his behalf. Reed was a free spirit, gregarious, funny man and lying in a bed, unconscious for the remainder of his days would go against everything his life represented. So the hospital chaplin said an extended prayer, we sang, laughed, told stories leading to a final goodbye. He would depart on his own terms,proving the Doctor’s weren’t know it-alls by surviving another 81 hours when they estimated 30 minutes. I have been haunted by how his life ended, him lying there and all that entailed, and having to make decisions on his behalf. I cannot seem to reach him by dreams, or feel him near wondering if he is angry at me. So this is just my story, a love for a brother taken too soon and too tragically.
    I pray for each of us to find comfort and loving hugs to embrace our pain.
    God Bless

  228. Michele  February 24, 2019 at 8:27 am Reply

    Hi, I was looking for a support group for losing my twin sister. Isaw this site & honestly hesitated to even type a word. I still struggle to even use the words loss or grieve. I’ve lost my everything, the other 1/2 of me. I’ve had not 1 person to say, “this is part of my support group “. I moved to a new area & into an apt. Complex, with great hope of finding just 1 person to call “friend” & I haven’t succeeded yet. I’m very friendly & outgoing, yet (tbh) very frustrated & tired of being alone, so after some time, i started looking to find a group of people that can relate. I’ve read some of your stories on here, each 1 breaks my heart, but it’s nice to see support & kind words shared. My life has changed in every single part. I know the 3 phrases that bring feelings of anger are, it’ll ” get better with time”, & ” I understand what your going through ” & the people that are not in my life now since that day, if I unfortunately run into 1 of them, I’ll get the ” so how ya doing”? I refrain from saying what I’m wanting to say. Thank you & God bless you all, Sincerely

    • Janet Lumb  March 18, 2019 at 1:37 pm Reply

      Hi Michele. I can relate to your loss of a twin as I lost my twin brother two weeks ago and literally feel as if a part of me has gone too. All of my life I was a protector of my sweet brother because he was intellectually disabled and I needed to make sure he was not bullied. To find him dead in his room two weeks ago will forever be marked on my heart. It was bad enough that God had to make his life more challenging than his twin but to take him earlier did not seem fair as well. He was a much happier person than I was despite his challenges. Please be strong and know there are others out there in the universe who know what you are feeling. No one can understand the bond of a twin and the thought you will not be seen as a single person leaves an emptiness inside. I have my doubts about God sometimes but need to believe my brother is being looked after somewhere just like your sister. Good luck on this journey going forward.

  229. MVenezia  February 17, 2019 at 11:28 am Reply

    Before my story I would like to thank everyone for sharing their’s! Your story has helped me and Thank You!
    My Eldest Sister Passed this Morning at 3am EST. We have 5 total siblings, 2 sisters and 3 brothers, I am the youngest Brother. My sister passed from a long cancer battle and is now not suffering. She is now the Sunshine upon my face that warms this dark day. She is the light to pull me through my many tears of restless agony of not visiting her prior to her death. I will wrestle with this forever. My relationship with the facts will be the foundation of my survival and knowing how strong our family is will build my peaceful temple of memories. May the coming days allow me to exist, function, create a lovely mosaic of thoughts. Cry on and remember we can only control what we can. I write this to pull myself up and be the best Father, Husband, Son and Brother I still need to be.

  230. Veronica Cole  February 10, 2019 at 1:06 pm Reply

    Thank you for this thoughtful piece. I endured the loss of two brothers, 3 months apart from accidents. Since I am a reader I attempted to find articles or books on sibling loss. I needed to identify with someone who had been down this path. Nothing – and I mean nothing. I came across two autobiographies which skimmed over sibling loss but lacking in the experience I needed to identify with and in that feel less alone.

    This prompted me to write about siblings deaths and how they impacted me. A professor at NYU read it and felt strongly about the need for this heartbreak to be circulated. She told me she submitted it to the Thanantology Association. Years later I was prompted to write about adult sibling loss. I have worked internationally as a psychotherapist serving the military. As a result I came in contact with many and began doing interviews with those enduring adult sibling loss. I am currently continuing with interviews for a book I feel is needed and wanted.

    I also offer workshops which have not been overflowing with participants but rich with connection. Articles like this help bring awareness to the heartache of sibling loss.

    • Bridget B  February 19, 2019 at 2:52 pm Reply

      Hi Veronica!

      My older brother died in October (I am 27, he was 29). I too have been searching for literature and have come up empty. Reading helps me understand things and I was hoping to find comfort in reading about someone else’s experience. Did you find any literature that you found helpful? I am obviously still very new to the grieving process and would love any input you have!

      Thanks,
      Bridget

    • Andi Bailey  February 24, 2019 at 8:33 pm Reply

      I lost my big brother two weeks ago to cancer. He was such a caring person and he was part of what made our family so “good”…we all could always count on him to be there for us any time. Now that he’s gone, I would usually turn to my mom for support, but she is dealing with losing her child, even if he was 54 and I’m almost 50. I just miss him so much and knew my family would never be the same; it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through.

  231. J  January 30, 2019 at 7:21 pm Reply

    It has been almost 2 years since my younger brother’s suicide. The fog has lifted. The pain isn’t as strong. I will never stop loving him. He has my heart until the end. I realize that he was just human, so I forgive him for whatever he was able to do or not do, during his life. I forgive his sins and omissions, and I forgive mine. I forgive myself for whatever I was able to do or not do during the time we had together. We both did our best, given the circumstances and the information at hand at that time. I know that he would want me to carry on with my own life. I think he would be proud that I will always remember his best qualities, attributes, and achievements. This is my job, as his big sister, and this is what I am going to do. Nobody can take that from me, ever. I will carry his memory in my heart and in my mind for as long as I will be able to, wherever I will go, for the rest of my days. I am hopeful that somewhere, wherever he may be, that he feels my love, in its truest form. The kind that never ends. I know he wishes me love, as well. Until we meet again, when it is my proper time, and not a day before, I wish him love.
    I wish all of you love, as well. You are not alone.

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    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 8:19 pm Reply

      Thank you thank you thank you J for this wonderful post. You have helped me immensely <3

  232. Stephanie Bajan  January 30, 2019 at 9:50 am Reply

    My eldest brother has just commited suicide, he was only 35 and had so much to live for. I keep running in circles in my mind of how much pain he must’ve been in, I sleep in his bed every night where he did it and just keep picturing him dying alone with no one by his side telling him they loved him. It was with pills and I just pray to god he didn’t experience any pain and he peacefully fell asleep. I keep going back and forth now of whether I should do it myself because I don’t want him to be alone and I can’t handle living without him, but I’ve seen what suicide does to a family and I don’t want to hurt more people. I just want him back so bad and to never let go of him again.

    • Jean Manifolds  February 19, 2019 at 4:26 pm Reply

      I to have lost my baby brother to suicide on Jan 7, 2019. I am feeling all of those feeling you have, my brothers name was Ken, he hung himself in the shop that he loved so much. It is Feb 18th, 2019 and it is still so real I can’t even work I feel paralyzed with grief. I loved everything about him, his zest for life, his smile, his dimples, his humor, his passion, I loved the ground he walked on. I feel for you!! His wife gave me one of his sweaters and I swear every time I hold it close to me I feel him. Do you have something like that?? My sister talks to him all the time , like he is right beside her. I wonder if this helps! I am still struggling with feelings of not being here, and going to keep him company. We will try to keep strong, right???

    • M  June 3, 2019 at 10:45 pm Reply

      My younger brother committed suicide by jumping off a bridge on January 14th, 2019. He was 29. I thought of him the morning he did it and hoped he was okay since he was struggling with depression and drugs. I brushed it off thinking nothing bad could happen.

      I was close to him growing up, but I grew apart from him because of his addiction and mood swings. He was difficult to talk to at times. I was mad at him.

      Now I feel so stupid. I’m a doctor and I couldn’t be there for my brother. He died alone in the freezing winter water at 5:30 in the morning.

      I power through work and let it be my distraction. At times, I feel dissociated and numb. At times, I want to scream.

  233. Jennifer  January 23, 2019 at 7:40 pm Reply

    Hello everyone, I too lost my brother to cancer on Dec 22, 2018. He was 43. The cancer took him so quickly. He left behind a loving wife if 9 years and 2 small children. It is heartbreaking. I struggle every day with trying to make sense of how this can happen. It helps to read all if your stories and know that I am not alone in my grief. Thank you.

    • Amy  May 6, 2019 at 11:48 am Reply

      Jennifer, I am sorry for your loss. Your story sounds very familiar. I lost my only sibling, my younger brother, to cancer on November 12, 2017, 4 days after his 42nd birthday, and 10 days after the birth of his youngest daughter. It is tragic all the way around. I have had an especially tough time dealing with self-imposed guilt about the struggles of my sister-in-law and her two young babies. It has also caused a real issue with my extended family members, as I feel very isolated in my grief. I hope you are continuing to allow yourself space for healing.

  234. Patricia  January 20, 2019 at 4:15 pm Reply

    “Grief, I’ve learned, is really just Love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just Love with no place to go. “ Jamie Anderson.

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  235. Npc  January 15, 2019 at 5:08 am Reply

    Hello my poor suffering friends. I have read so many of your heartbreaking stories and I feel your pain. We lost my beloved brother to cancer on December 5, 2018. He was 65. We were so close. I find myself going around still talking to him. It hurts so much everyday. My whole family are devastated. All I can say is to try and take good care of yourselves by eating healthy and be as active as possible. You can’t let your mind endlessly dwell on your loss all day long. It’s torture. You need the mental break. Bless you all.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 8:11 pm Reply

      Very wise words. Thank you NPC and bless.

  236. JTP  January 15, 2019 at 12:37 am Reply

    I lost my little brother August 21, 2018. He was 17. Jojo had Just graduated high school and I was making plans to have him move to the USA for a better life and education.
    It’s hard I keep pushing myself to stay busy and not think but then it hits me that something very important is missing “ the text messages encouraging me to be better, him seeking advice from me and telling me what he would like to study in college”.

  237. Catherine  December 18, 2018 at 11:25 am Reply

    Here we are in the midst of the holiday season once again, a season I dread. I lost both of my parents when I was young. My mom died at age 50 the day before my 14th birthday, my dad died at 58 when I was 21. We were a family of six girls but I have already lost three of my sisters at relatively young ages and a fourth sister is now battling stage three ovarian cancer. This is why I cannot stand the holidays but my husband just does not understand. His mother is 90 and though he did lose his father a few years ago, he lived well into his 80s. My husband has one sibling and every year I get into an argument about not wanting to go to his family’s homes for Christmas. But each year I am denied the right to just stay home and get through the days. I have two sons and would like to just relax and be with them without a lot of stress. They are young men now and don’t live in the same city. My youngest sister died one year ago, November 8th, 2017. Tomorrow is the 5th anniversary of another sister’s death on Dec. 19, 2013, and my other sister has now been gone for 11 years. She died Oct. 27, 2007. I have tried to always put my best foot forward and work through the grief but it has actually gotten worse rather than better. There are so many days when I am so depressed I can’t concentrate. I do everything to make myself feel better from exercising each day to working on projects in my home to getting together with friends, etc. I set up as many distractions from the grief as I can but losing a sibling is so painful. Bad enough my parents missed decades of my life and I theirs, but losing my three sisters with another very ill is truly killing me. Anyway, I am sorry for all of the losses of the many people who wrote on this site. I truly get it and I do feel your pain. It’s just like mine. Happy New year to one and all. May we all fell better.

    • Joy  December 28, 2018 at 3:50 am Reply

      I can completely relate with your story I lost my dad when I was only 18. I lost my older sister to cancer in 2011 she was 52 and it was a quick and sudden death. 2016 my 5 year old dog suddenly got cancer and died less than a month after his diagnosis my younger sister was diagnosed with cancer that October she took a stroke in January 2017 passed away April 23 a day after my 50th birthday she was 47. backing up to January 2017 my 22 year old nephew hung himself. In the midst of all of this my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer July 2015 she had previously had breast cancer in 2004 so she had done chemo and had surgery and more chemo. My mom passed away in March of this year. I dislike the holidays last year was the worst ever to get through my younger sister and I were best friends we talked every day lived close did lots of things together losing her really wrecked me I used to like Christmas and I hope some day I will again but it’s a hard time for me and my husband doesn’t understand either I don’t have a good support system. I was in counseling after my sister passed away haven’t been in a while I went after my mom passed away. It helped a lot and I do want to go back sometime soon.

  238. John  December 12, 2018 at 10:23 pm Reply

    Hi All, I have found all your losses extremely sad, I lost my Older Brother 2nd December 2018. It was unexpected and he was only 51 yrs young. The feeling of emotion at times over whelms me. I just turned 46 so 8 days before my birthday he passed of a heart attack. I have now tried and stopped talking about him in the passed tense as I believe he is with us always. He is the eldest Brother I have a Sister and younger Brother. What really helps me is keeping up communication with my other siblings, Talk of the good and laugh at the silly stuff. No point in entertaining the If’s and the Buts, The should of, could of, or would of’s, We are here for the time we are here. How lucky I feel to have an older Brother like Dave. He is the best. I truly wish you all the best and hope your Christmas and New Years can be as happy as possible.

  239. Twyghla h  December 12, 2018 at 3:42 am Reply

    Im 20 and my sister recently got killed in a fatal car, on site.. with my 7month old neice in the car, a week that week she also passed away while in the hospital. My sister’s name was Anjelika lynn Holland and my neices name Arista star Holland. My grief of her never seems to fade away. It feels like yesterday still and it she died on September 24, 2018. I’ve never gone this long without hearing her voice or seeing her face. She’s gone and I only see her now in pictures and recordings. The saddest part is I found out before my mother and I had to pick her up to go to the hospital. She died aorund 8-8:30pm. Traffic slowed down heavly and she was going the speed limit and didn’t see it coming. Ahead of her on the I-90 freeway. She was on the way to drop Arista off with my mom before going to work. Its hard to think about that there’s only 2 days in your entire life that aren’t gonna be 24 hours long. That night before anyone knew about what happened I was sitting on my couch and had this abnoral erdge to stand up and walk to the window, when I did I looked up and I saw the moon. That night it was so beautiful, It was so big and bright. I remember staring at it for a good 5 ish minutes and I’ve never felt so peaceful and free while looking at the moon but for some reason I felt so comforted from it. 20 minutes later I get a call from my aunt crying over the phone and told me ” It’s your sister, there was a car accident. She is no longer with us. Arista is in the hospital in critical condition” in that moment I knew. Here on Earth everything’s will be different, everything good is gone. And I’m so sad. My mom told me that night in the hospital, anjelika had came to her while she was sitting alone in a conference room and said to her “Mom, I’m taking my baby with me. But im lost, I’m in the dark and I don’t know what to do.” My mom told her “Its okay baby, take your baby and go to the light, we love you and we will always love you. Go be free be happy and safe. Arista is waiting for you” and ever since that night we stopped getting any kinds of signs from her, I got sad and asked my mom if that was a good thing. She just shook her head and yes. Because she’s up in heaven enjoying herself always and forever and she will always be looking down on us. But she will always be there. I miss her. And it seems like I’m the only one who’s having trouble moving forward in my life. Veeryone keeps doing what they do every day and it seems like it doesn’t effect them. I can’t eat, I can’t work. I’m breaking down and cry every single damn night, scilent tears so my boyfriend doesn’t know. I have this werid survivors guilt even though I know I wasn’t there. Its going away now kind of, but I keep having nightmares about what she saw in her last breath. Breaks my heart every time. Because it was so tragically and she was founds many feet away from her car when the wreck happened and we had to cremate her because there was no way in hell anjelika would want us to see how she died and what she looked like in an open casket. It was auful. And to add in to it, Arista is the baby of a deadbeat father who wanted nothing to do with her when she was born.. he’s benefiting $50,000 from aristas death. And took her off life support to get the money faster. And theyre family doesn’t like us either. Arista and anjelika were supposed to be cremated together but the family made it to where that didn’t happen and we can’t even be there for my neices funeral. We get a half a teaspoon of her ashes splitted between me and my family. And I know death brings out the worst in people and money is the route of all evil. How do I learn to live with this with love instead of hate and anger.

  240. Madeline  December 7, 2018 at 5:55 pm Reply

    I lost my brother when I was 18 years old and he was 20. He was my only sibling. Our father passed away two years prior which caused both of us to go down dark paths. On Christmas morning I found his body in our office. He had accidentally overdosed. A couple hours before, I thought I heard him on the phone so I quietly snuck back to my room. I didn’t want him to bother me with something stupid, but now I’d do anything for him to bother me! I feel a crazy amount of guilt, if I just opened the door he might be alive today. Since he passed on Christmas, the holiday season sucks for me. Everyone is so happy and “jolly”. People post count downs till Christmas and all I see is a countdown to my brothers death. My family is very small and they chose to ignore it all together (for the most part) but it’s different for me. I have no support group. My friends only feel sorry for me and my husband rather not discuss it. Christmas time is supposed to be the best time of the year, but all it is to me; is a reminder that I am basically alone in this world. I’m slowly trying to like Christmas more but I don’t know if I will ever be in the “holiday spirit” again. I’m 24 and have lost my brother, dad and grandfather. I am hoping to find a Support group, but most I have found are for older people.

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    • Emily  December 19, 2018 at 8:38 pm Reply

      You aren’t alone.

      Our stories are very similar.

      My mum found my brother (15 mos older than me) dead in his bathroom a couple of days before Christmas, with no known cause of death, two years ago. This happened four weeks, almost to-the-day, following the death (by heart attack) of my best friend, who understood me better than anyone, in-exception for my bro.
      Neither my brother or my best friend lived past 31 and I just turned 32 last month.

      My dad died suddenly when we were 15 and 16; He was 49.

      My Fiancée is struggling with my grief and is understanding/supportive, but doesn’t seem to be able to grasp the concept that she won’t know the hardship I’m experiencing until she has to experience it herself.
      Just as the articles mention, with the loss of my brother, it sometimes feels like I’ve lost my mother, as well. The relationship changed almost instantly. This is to be expected, though.
      My friends are growing increasingly unavailable, despite the offerings to talk anytime.

      Have you tried therapy? My fiancée really thinks that it will help immensely, although I have coping strategies, it’s a matter of creating habits and putting them to use. Execution? Beyond coping strategies, support groups seem like a more effective form of “therapy.”
      Just because someone did school work on grief counseling doesn’t mean they’ve experienced the grief and know the mechanisms they preach will actually work.

      Time, I find, is the only thing that fixes loss. Or, at least, the loss over the past 17 years of my life.

      Why don’t you just join a group of old folk? I would give almost anything to not feel disconnected and misunderstood at this point.
      Good luck.

    • Diana  January 23, 2019 at 6:44 pm Reply

      Hello Madeline, I don’t know you, but I lost my older brother almost 3 weeks ago, he was my only brother, he had a car accident. Our father died 3 years ago , we were very close to him , so we had a very hard time going through it ?
      My brother and I grew up together, and we had an amazing relationship, I was trying to find people with similar situation as a way to help each other.
      I hope you can rext me back

  241. jentri barton  December 6, 2018 at 2:33 am Reply

    i’m seventeen years old and i lost my brother almost either years ago this upcoming february, which is also my birthday month. it’s been a long time and i can’t understand why it still feels as if it was yesterday. my story is a little different than others because my brother is still alive. because of a car accident and the incompetence of the nurses my brother is now a traumatic brain injury victim. he can’t walk, talk, or control his limbs very well, along with the mental capacity of a child. he no longer looks the same. he no longer smells the same.. it feels as if he died, as if it’s not the same person. i miss him more every single day. i don’t know how to move on or have a normal life. i expected so many tomorrow’s, so many i love you’s, and many more hugs. i’m starting to forget what his voice sounded like, what he smelled like. and many other things. i havent felt this distraught in a very long time.

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  242. cks  December 3, 2018 at 2:13 pm Reply

    My brother, Charles died 1 year ago tomorrow (12/4/2017) just a few days after his birthday, turning 58. I am 50. I have some similar health issues and cant help to wonder will i die in 7 to 8 years. Our dad died 3 months later (3/6/2017) and i was living and caring for him for a few months until he took his last breath. My brother was in hospice, which i do not support and only visited once before the morphine juicing and slow death began!
    I just lost my 14 yr old dog 11/8/2018. I have lost a total of 5 people and 1 beloved pet in a year. The pain i feel daily bounces from one person to another to the dog. I question the universe on why this all happened at once? Will they see each other?
    The rest of my family- my mom, sister and another brother (i am the youngest) has fallen apart for me personally. I dont have the connection with them. I feel anger, resent, sadness and feel i am being judged when i communicate with them like my grief is “taking to long to get over it”. I honestly never want to go to my mothers house again where my brother was so sick and his empty recliner sits. I also dont want to speak to these other two siblings that moved when i was young and know nothing about real life here in town or about me at all. My life has changed forever. My Dad at 87 was expected and natural progression, the dog as well. My brother was not! Wont even go into how the wrong handling of estates afterward has affected even my ability to speak about it or share any grief at all. Now holidays are ahead. I skipped a family reunion and Thanksgiving and plan on working on Christmas. The family structure is gone for me. Like what was written my safety nets are gone. I am so grateful to be my age and have a career, son and my own life to help hold me up! I have tried to tell my Mom these things. She is losing more than my brother. She begs not to lose the family connection but she fails to admit there really wasnt much of one to begin with. To those of you that wrote comments: I read your posts! You are not alone in this sad complicated world! You may be right next to the grieving at work, in a store, at school and never even know it. My new mantra in life is just be kind to people you may never know what they are going through. Love.

  243. Whitney Adams  December 2, 2018 at 1:56 am Reply

    I was 12 when I lost my sister. She was 14. She was sick, but it wasn’t expected. I’m now 37, and I’m more sad and more angry about her not being here than when we were younger. I miss her every single day. So many things I wish she could have seen, and people she could have met (my daughter, for one). Sometimes I feel like I’m still that 12 yr old little girl and I can’t get passed there. ? She left me an only child, and it’s not fair! I’m so mad hurt confused. .and although it isn’t constant like it once was, it is still debilitating. I find myself avoiding my parents and friends and family. I see my friends or cousins and their sisters, and those feelings rush back and take over. Why did They still have each other? How come They got to grow up to adulthood together? Why did They get nieces or nephews, or get to be aunts? They have each other to be there for the other one. I get so jealous. It’s not fair at all.

  244. Unknown  November 29, 2018 at 3:43 am Reply

    my elder brother died when i was only 1st grade q-q.
    i ended up suffering from personal borderline disorder and others. i also have no friends.

    since i was only so young, i hav nu idea wat happened dat time.
    We went swimming and came back to shower. After that, he suddenly started to say that his head hurts and parents brought him to hospital. Few days later, he past away. When I asked how or why, they’ll say he wants to return to God’s side…. . . . . . . .

  245. Linda  November 24, 2018 at 10:59 am Reply

    My eldest brother shot himself 14 years ago in his early 40’s while on a drunken binge. It shattered my mother who was already an alcoholic. My second eldest brother who lived a few hours away came back to Johannesburg in a state & from that moment I have had to be there for him through thick & thin. My mother died 2 years ago. Last week after years of hell & trying to help him we put him into a rehab clinic. I was so sick & tired of all the drama by this stage (And trying to work) I did not visit him. After 6 days the rehab phoned to tell us he needs to go to hospital for a drip – he is not doing so well. I phoned the hospital (an awful state hospital as he never had medical cover) they wouldn’t give much info but said they would call me if there was a problem. They did not call. We phoned early the next morning to be told we should get there quickly. By the time my younger brother (also an alcoholic) and I arrived he was in a coma with multiple organ failure & sepsis from pneumonia. His heart stopped minutes after we got there. The grief & guilt & remorse, regret & absolute despair that I feel is indescribable. I feel I failed him and he died alone and afraid & stranded on an island of despair & insanity with no comfort. I cannot work, eat or sleep. Nothing has rocked me to the core like this. The death of my eldest brother was agony but I don’t recall it being as painful and debilitating as this grief. I feel I will never recover.

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    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 7:59 pm Reply

      I guess it always happens like this with troublemaking siblings huh?
      Just when I distanced myself from my sister’s self – inflicted drama she gets admitted to the hospital and she’s gone in two days. Regret and guilt can’t even describe the numb and empty pain nested permanemtly in my core. Thank you for making me feel less alone with your story.

  246. Sue Doe Nimus  November 19, 2018 at 5:17 am Reply

    I am a former hospice RN. I helped people face thier impending death without pain or fear. I helped the family members through the shock and distress that occurs regardless of the fact that the death was anticipated for some time.
    My brother was a paramedic and a hospice RN. This should be easy. It isn’t (or I wouldn’t be here.) My brother died 4 days ago after being given Humira for ulcerative colitis.
    It doesn’t matter how much you know about grief. It still hurts and I want to be numb. I was doing a good job of keeping the truth of his death in a quiet corner of my mind, until I got the small black ribbon pinned over the heart. It is always there, a constant reminder. I don’t want to think. I also don’t want to remove the ribbon. Ritual is important. My sisters and I have been sharing songs. Music is very important right now. I have been playing Elton John’s, “Daniel.” and “I Guess it never hurts to Hurt Sometimes.” By the Oak Ridge Boys.
    Music and rituals and writing. Just putting it all on paper is helpful, but I am not ready for that yet…..although I am here writing. Laughter is good. Sharing the funny memories with other family members is like getting a bit of fresh air after being shut up inside for a long time.
    I was a nurse for several years before my brother became a nurse. I had more nursing education and experience than him; but my parents were all about the sons. The girls didn’t matter much. It was most evident when every hour spent with my parents was spent on praise of the brother. HE was an RN, but I just, “Worked in a hospital” according to my father. It rankled. One night after I had driven for 7 hours to visit them my father insisted I go to my brother’s house rather than spend the time with him, (talking about how smart and well educated an RN is, and how brother was the best nurse ever.) I left, but after hours of listening to them sing his praises, I was NOT happy about being sent to him. My young grandson was with me. He asked where we were going. I blurted out, “To see Saint David, the All Knowing.” Of course as soon as David opened the door the little one asked, “Are you Saint David the All Knowing?” David burst out laughing, and we had a great visit.
    That’s all I know about losing a brother.

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  247. Nani  November 18, 2018 at 9:47 pm Reply

    My older sister died 3 weeks ago and it was the hardest thing ever. I mean I’ve went a house fire, having to say goodbye to a foster baby sister (that felt like my actual sister) for stupid reasons….But it was okay, because I still has ALL of my family with me. Me and her were super close and when I got to the part in the article that said “you’re surrounded by people, but you’re not with the person you could truly be yourself with” I felt that so much. I’m 16 and my sister was 22, but she was….well I mean this might sound kinda corny or something but she was in a way “everything”. She was/is my favorite person, and even though I feel like I’m coping okay with this, I break down at randomn times. I can barely be alone because then I have too much time to think. And when I think, I think about my sister. I was literally talking to her that day before she died. We found out in the middle of the night. 2 cops were knocking on our door and my parents were the 1st to know (She moved to florida last christmas btw and we had to call the chief down there to find out what happened to her) Then they woke me and my brother up to tell us what happened. I was in denial for a long time. It didnt feel real!!! How the hell could my sister be dead.We had so many plans, and I wanted her to be there when I graduate hs, get married. But I’m not gonna see her in the stands cheering me on, or saying how my head looks big or elbows look ashy or something *lol* I know there are a lotta people on here that lost a sister or brother but in a way it feels good to write this. I can talk to my friends/teachers/adults but so far none of them have gone through this. And with the comparing…Ya, that happens a lot. And with my mom mixing our names together, or my other sister…it’s hard. I’m gonna try to be everything I want to be, and who I was when I was with my best friend/ sister, because even though a part of me wants to just do nothing and be with my sister…I have others that need me (my mom, dad, brothers, etc.). I still want to do things in life. Ya, I’m just writing what’s on my mind right now>>> after my sister died I was actually considering dying with her, I’m not gonna lie. Or even dying at 22 (like sge did). Maybe that’s normal, idk but it took about 2 weeks before my mind went back to being optimistic (in a way). Gosh! I’m pretty sure my sister’s death made me even more emotional when it comes to movies too. I cried so much at “Meet the Robinsons”. Like, is that even a sad movie to anyone else??? This probably won’t be read, but if you did read this mahalo

    • Rita  December 8, 2018 at 9:57 pm Reply

      I read your entire comment, and I think you worded perfectly some of what I’m currently going through. I just lost my sister on November 24, 2018. Heart failure and septic shock from a bad case of pneumonia. I was at her side in ICU, and held her hand as she passed, and even seeing her die, seeing her body, I am still in a bit of denial. Because really, HOW could she be dead? Just how? She was only 29! This doesn’t happen to people that young!
      I am really so sorry you have to feel this type of heartache at such a young age. Your sister was so young too. It’s just senseless.
      I also understand when you said she was “everything”. I have uttered these very words multiple times over the last two weeks, because simply, Robyn was everything to me. We were extremely close. Grew up referring to each other as “twin”, though we have two years between us.
      I really only came here to see if my grieving is “normal”, whatever that even means. I think just in a way it’s comforting to know that someone out there in this world knows exactly the feeling in our broken hearts.
      I hope with time you find some peace, and your heart can mend as best as it can without your sister. I know for sure I will always carry an emptiness without my “twin”, but I will also do my best to carry her with me wherever I go in life. I also have the duty of never letting her very young children (one being a premature newborn) ever forget her.
      Sorry if I am rambling. Just know, your comment really spoke to me, and you are not alone in your feelings. I totally understand and wish you peace, love, and healing.

  248. Douglas  November 4, 2018 at 11:18 pm Reply

    My sister passed July of 2014. She was 44. She never saw it coming. She was doing laundry and just passed out of the clear blue. When they got there they said she was the only person they ever saw that was smiling as if she was laughing right before it happened. This should make me feel better but it doesn’t. This has devastated my world. I can’t go a single day with thinking of her. It hasn’t gotten any better. I miss her so much my heart is literally broken. I have decal on the back of my truck in rememberance of her and guys at work will ask me about it and I will just break down. I miss that my daughter didn’t get to meet her. I can’t get over it. I can’t move past it. All I want is to hear her laugh one more time. Watch her order haddock at a restaurant bc she knows I hate it and she would just do it on purpose to try to make me sick. I never thought it would be this hard. Everyday is a challenge and most days I just want to give up
    She was my friend and I don’t know where I am anymore. I feel lost even though im right where I’ve always been. I’m 44 now and I’m a single dad working and providing for my family. I put on a good show but inside I’m broken and I can’t move on. I have faith that I’ll see her again and that is what pulls me through everyday when I just want to end the hurting. Sad, lonely and lost in NH. Goodnight.

    • Phillip  November 28, 2018 at 6:34 am Reply

      Doug, I believe you’ll see her again. Wherever she is, my younger brother Thomas is there too. He was 22.

    • Kendra  December 3, 2018 at 5:33 am Reply

      In October 2016 I lost my only sibling, my best friend, the only one who shared my same blood, grew up with the same parents and everything. I miss him so much! I am not scared anymore of death, I will embrace it when that time comes because when that time comes i will see him again, i will get that big hug I’ve been waiting for and I’ll hear him laugh again. Stay strong because one day we WILL see them again!

  249. Devanshu  November 3, 2018 at 1:40 am Reply

    Yesterday or today don’t know exact day but I lost one of my good friend who is very respected to me and to all and very innocent he was l u brother ………………..

  250. Rachel Rinkel  October 26, 2018 at 8:35 pm Reply

    I lost my sister on 12th of July 2018. She had gone to sleep like every day on the 11th and had just never woken up… a friend went to her place to check and eventually he called the police, together with another friend… Tomorrow, 27th of October we will pick up her ashes and right now I can’t sleep. I cry every day and I feel like a piece of me died with her. I am not complete anymore. I am 24 and she was 22, we don’t know what happened, they couldn’t find anything in the autopsy so it’s very hard to accept. We had a very tough childhood and were taken from our homes by childcare after our dad left us. And we didn’t have the best relationship for a long time and lived 3 hours by train away from each other, but I went to study in a city where she would also go to study two years ago and she even moved in the same student building and we got so incredibly close. We knew pretty much all of each other’s friends because sometimes they would hang out at one of our places and we would always invite each other to those “parties”. We didn’t say “I love you a lot” but for some reason I sometimes did it anyway and she was like: yeah whatever kbai but the last time I saw her (also at one of those spontaneous parties at hers) she came to me and said: I might be not sober now, but I still mean it!!! I love you too.
    It’s like a memory from a fairytale but it shouldn’t have to be the fucking last. I miss her so much.
    I know rationally that I have things in my life that give me purpose but it feels like my life has no purpose anymore.

    I do have another younger sister, she’s 18 but she’s not so interested in talking with me. She was supposed to come to the same city for studying this september as well but she quit after 3 weeks because it was too much. I love her just as much, but unfortunately I will have to wait, I know we will become closer in the future but it’s hard like this. The bond between my deceased sister and me was so strong and I don’t know how to go on without her. But I’m trying. I made a little place for her in my room, with pictures and candles… but nothing can take this pain away…

  251. jeli  October 25, 2018 at 5:31 am Reply

    My sister died on February 21,2010. she’s on her last year of highschool. She’s a year older than me. Even though we’re sibling, we have different hobbies…. you can say that I’m the straight forward type and she’s the reserve one. I like her though annoying her on a daily basis is one of my hobbies. After she died, i always get compared to her like “why can’t i be like her?” I don’t understand because we both do good in highschool. she’s actually rank 1st in highschool and 3rd on my year. Even her friends have the guts to talk to me straight to my face that my sister is so much better than me. one time though, this “friend” got told by my bestfriend that she would so tell good things about this “friend” when she’s also 6ft under. Can’t believed that even after 10yrs i’ll still hear others comparing me to my sister… i got used to it but sometimes I’m asking myself if i ever do something wrong to them. they can see me always ignoring them but i hope they know that deep inside I’m still hurting. It affected me psychologically that’s why I become introvert and have few (but real) friend in the present-day. I love my sister and i always think that what i beautiful world it would be if i’m the one who left and not her.

  252. Tina  October 24, 2018 at 5:24 pm Reply

    My baby sister, Jen, passed away May 20, 2015 from a brain injury. A year later on the same exact day, I was hit by a tractor trailer and sustained the same exact injury. She died, I survived. My grief and guilt are unbearable at times. I’ve done therapy and know it’s life and nothing we can do about it but grief doesn’t have logic. At this point I’ve realized that the grief will never go away but the guilt has subsided and I’ve realized I have a 2nd chance at life and should use it to celebrate her every chance I get. My father died, then my mother, then my sister. I have 3 brothers, who I adore, but I’m lonely for my girls.

  253. Hajar  October 23, 2018 at 4:28 pm Reply

    I lost my little Brother of 19 years old in a car accident. I am still in total shock. I am in denial. Its too painful.

  254. Cyndi Pleasants-Scott  October 21, 2018 at 8:57 pm Reply

    My only sister died on May 14th, 2018. Just 4 months after our dad died and almost 11yrs to the day that our mother died. She was my past, present and future all in one person. She was my anchor and my everything, My life will never ever be the same. She was the only person who knew me the way she knew me. She knew all my hopes, dreams, fears, and heartaches. She not only knew them, but she lived them with me. She was the 1st person I told anything to. I can never trust anyone the way I trusted her. I have no one to share any of my emotions with. I have no one to check myself with. So I just go through life holding it all in and praying that God takes me home sooner than later.

    • Avril Hillson  November 2, 2018 at 4:50 pm Reply

      Hi Cyndi, so sorry for your loss.
      Everything you said is me, 4 years on. Sorry, but its hard, they say time is a healer but it ain’t. She was my world, she was me. Six years between us, me being the older, now 50. When she died she took most of me with her, not sure what I’m trying to say here but it hurts , still hurts bad. Sorry, can’t write any more, to tearful xx

  255. Andrew Belcher  October 19, 2018 at 3:34 pm Reply

    Im an Identical twin. My Brother Keith was older than me by 5 mins. Oct 21st 1993-Dec 16th 1993. He got sick and passed away a few days short of 2 months old because we were born 14 weeks early premature, he spent his short life in an incubator. So i never met him in person after birth. To this day i feel guilty for being the twin to survive, ive heard rumors growing up that with each pair of twins either identical or fraternal there’s a good and evil twin, i feel like i am the evil twin and so Keith would’ve been the good twin. I feel that way and i dont know how to get rid of the guilt. i feel like maybe i did something in the womb to cause this to happen to him so i could survive but i have no idea. Our 25th birthday is in 2 days and i want to do something special in his memory but i have no ideas.

  256. Carol white  October 16, 2018 at 3:20 pm Reply

    My younger only sibling Samantha passed away this July aged 51 only 7 weeks after her cancer diagnosis. It is still so raw . I have 3 daughters who miss her terribly. And she too has a young daughter. I sometimes…. not forget she’s gone. It’s more like I suddenly remember. Then i get hit by another wave of grief . I wake in the night sobbing for all the things that we won’t now share.

    • Sherry LaRosa  January 14, 2019 at 3:24 pm Reply

      Hello, Carol. I am so sorry for your loss. I recently lost my brother who was 57 years old (I’m 61). He walked into the hospital on November 12, 2018 and died two weeks later. He was an urgent walk-in, diagnosed with stage IV esophageal cancer that had spread to his spine and abdominal lymph nodes. He lived in Florida for many years and the rest of our family lives in Pennsylvania. I had to call my 85-year old father and younger siblings to tell them that we had to get an emergency flight to Florida. My brother never knew we were there as he was “brain dead”. We let him go 48 hours later. I’ve been a total mess, trying to work my nursing job. All I see are sick and helpless people. I wish you and your loved ones all the best, and hope God gives you the strength to get through each day.

  257. Leigh  October 12, 2018 at 1:29 am Reply

    My younger sister was 23 and died in a car accident in 2012. Every since then I have tried to take care of my parents and try to make them smile once in a while. It wasn’t long before I realized my mom was already gone, and my dad is just keeps himself occupied. My dad can cope a lot better than my mom. My mom just isn’t the same person anymore. My younger sister was her joy and now its gone. I always felt overshadowed by my sister when it comes to my mom, but never mentioned it. I loved my sister so much it hurts, because I don’t have a friend anymore. Its even worse now. I know if my sister was here both my parents could go on. I can’t get excited about anything that goes on in my life because it is met with indifference. My mom just wants to sit in the house so no one will see her. When she does go to the store she is paranoid she’ll see someone she knows. All it takes is a conversation or something she sees to go into a rant. It breaks my heart because she believes she is the only one who is grieving. I prayed for my sister to come back but my faith failed.

  258. A Grieving Sister  October 11, 2018 at 9:27 am Reply

    I don’t know how I’m supposed to manage the loss of my brother. I just miss him SO much, and it hurts too much. I wasted the time I had with him. He lived quite far away and I never made the effort to see him. I spoke to him on the phone but I would always tease him, and I just wish I’d made more of an effort with him. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I lost him, but it feels like a whole other life. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the same again, I just feel numb and empty inside. I have this hurricane of sadness and it keeps tearing at my heart, making it hard to breathe. Everywhere I look I just see memories of him, and I hate that he died so young. I’m never going to get to be an auntie. And he’s never going to get to be an uncle. And I can’t just give him a ring when I want to hear his voice, and although I have so many memories of him, they’re finite. I’ll never get another moment with him, and that really, really sucks. I just want him back, and I feel like screaming, or crying, but instead I’m just cold and empty. I miss him, and I miss the person I used to be too.

  259. Kenneth Teasdale  October 9, 2018 at 10:33 pm Reply

    I lost my brother on 9-29-18(35). He was on a motorcycle and someone turned right into him from a flashing yellow light. No charges will be brought against the driver at fault. But now my brother is gone and family and friends are shattered. Our relationship was very unique since I was put into an orphanage at 12 years of age. He was left with my mom after our parents divorced and our father left us to never be seen again.

    We kept in touch as children and eventually reconnected and lived together as young adults through our mid twenties. We had a lot of struggles to overcome but we did it together, and I felt he was in a good place just before he passed. I saw him the day before it happened. I was happy to see him and felt like he was doing well. Which makes it harder now that he was finally figuring things outs and suddenly he is gone.

    I went online seeking help with my loss and I realized that it helps me to talk about him. I do it a lot now. I don’t know how this will effect me long term but I know I will never be the same. I will do my best to be happy eventually but I don’t think this sadness will ever go away.

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  260. Nancy Gordon  October 6, 2018 at 2:32 am Reply

    I lost my brother December 2,2017 to gun violence he was murder he was 28 years old with two boys he wasn’t even a gang member he was targeted because when he was younger lived in a different town I miss him so much I miss his smile his voice his presence

  261. Bridget Polson  October 4, 2018 at 1:23 am Reply

    My sister, 38, was murdered in a mass shooting at church just over a year ago. High profile, all over news, still awaiting trial. I still after a year feel so lonely and like a piece of my heart is gone. Add violent crime to the grief and it is so much to deal with.

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  262. Manda  October 4, 2018 at 12:53 am Reply

    On December 3/2005 my father died . I was 18 years old little did I know my life was in for a major major major turn around… for the worst. I didn’t realize how precious family was I was being selfish and only thinking of myself and always going out and not spending my time with the people who I loved most. I continued this life style till I found a guy who swept me off my feet and I eventually moved with him to another town away from my family who was still on this earth. On January 28/2012 my sister committed suicide. She was 17 years old I was her older sister and I wasn’t there for her. I had to leave again and just handle this on my own because I didn’t want to burden anyone with my sad life. I should have just stayed with my family and spent more time with all of them. But I didn’t ….. On August 28/2014 my brother who was a year younger than me killed himself in my mother’s washroom. This is where my heart felt like it literally broke in two. I honestly don’t think I will ever recover from losing him. I miss him so much … I’m sorry we lived the lives we lived and I’m sorry you had to go through that last little bit by yourselves. I should of been the big sister I was growing up. But I wasn’t . I just wanna say sorry and I love them .

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  263. Joe  October 3, 2018 at 1:38 am Reply

    Back in June of this year my brother was murdered. Only 24 years old and now he’s gone. He was an uncle to his two nieces who love him so. He was my other half considering we been through everything together. 24 out of 27 years of my life with him in it…now he is gone. I cant put words on here to describe the pain. I miss him so much and never even got a chance to say goodbye. How does one learn to live with this…help!

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  264. Leslie Adkins  September 20, 2018 at 2:56 pm Reply

    I lost my sister who was only 30 years old a couple weeks ago to pneumonia after her beating cancer two different times. I am so angry and hurt that she is gone after fighting so hard to stay with her three little girls who are 8 years, 5 years, and 18 months old. She was my only sister and we talked all the time. I miss her so badly.

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  265. TJ  September 16, 2018 at 4:25 am Reply

    Lost my Mom,lost my Dad, and just lost my Brother. Wow. Who knew he would be the most difficult?? Feels very different and very…. different. Sucks.

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  266. Ana  September 15, 2018 at 2:17 pm Reply

    I lost my baby sis 9 months ago to brain cancer. She was only 8 and had her whole life ahead of her. The guilt of being the surviving sibling is so real. And what makes my suffering even worse is watching our whole family in pain. And there’s nothing I can do to help them or help myself.

  267. John Ruggles  September 11, 2018 at 11:37 am Reply

    I lost my brother to liver failure 4 weeks ago. Even though I’m married and have 3 kids, it is the loneliest feeling in the world. It changed everything. He was going to move in and take care of my dad when he can’t take care of himself anymore. Now I’m the only one left.

    Lost sibling resources are few and far between.

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  268. Emily  September 6, 2018 at 10:05 am Reply

    I am sorry for everyone’s loss. It is not an easy thing to go through. When I need somewhere to turn or someone to talk to, I use https://www.compassionatefriends.org/about/. It’s The Compassionate Friends. They have support groups, you can post online etc. It’s a great site. Not sure how nationwide it is.

  269. Pam  September 1, 2018 at 12:03 pm Reply

    In late April of this year the youngest of my two older brothers lost his fight with cancer. I spent time with him the day before he passed for which I am grateful. That visit was beyond painful for so many reasons. I was witness to his wife of almost fifty years say to him why are you leaving me to which he replied ‘I have no choice’. As a child he and my oldest brother and I were like the three musketeers having adventures together. Just yesterday I learned my much younger sister has cancer my heart hurts beyond description.
    I come from a very large extend family growing up in a small town with grand parents, great aunts and uncles, a great grand mother, cousins as I would say by the dozen. I have known death for many years. I helped bury my parents. Not long ago I lost a cousin. As painful as those were the loss of my brother and perhaps my sister is almost to much. I have searched for a support group but have come up empty handed. I am in therapy which helps a lot but I know what I need is to share this with others who have gone through this same loss. I have been trying to be grateful that I have an older sister with whom I am very close to and an older brother who always has protected me.
    I have read a number of posts, would love to read them all but the writers pain is my pain. I would like to respond to all who have opened their wounds to share for it helps me to understand the feelings I am dealing with are not unique to me.

  270. Val Fatal  August 27, 2018 at 7:51 pm Reply

    The worst feeling ever to lose a sibling. I lost my sister almost three months ago. Life has never been the same.

    • Donna  December 2, 2018 at 4:02 am Reply

      I woke up August 14 to find out my sister had died in a car accident. Her back left tire blew out.
      It has been 3 & 1/2 months and I still hurt like It was today. I am 4 years older than her and she and and called each other and had a good loving relationship. I miss picking up the phone just to talk and tell her the little things and the big things. I love you for ever sister.

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      • Erin  February 22, 2019 at 5:35 pm

        Donna, I lost my younger brother August 14th as well. He died suddenly and unexpectedly at 29. He was my only sibling, my best friend and my partner in crime. As his older sister I feel like I failed at looking out for him – even tho I know that’s not true. I have my own family and thankfully he didn’t have a family yet (I would hate him leaving behind a wife and kids). It’s now February and I still think about him SO MUCH it hurts. It physically hurts. Each sibling relationship is different, but just know there are others trying to figure out how to navigate thru losing their brother/sister. It’s okay to grieve.. but how much longer will it be SO painful.

  271. Meli  August 5, 2018 at 11:24 am Reply

    Just yesterday night my mom got a call from my cousin saying my uncle aka his brother had pass away she started screaming and crying later we came to my grandmas house I was only able to go upstairs with all the other kids there were polices all over the block and surraundeing the house.since my mom has lots of brothers and sisters the house was packed. We stayed there for the whole day. Today my mom and my aunt went to go check for places for his funeral

  272. Hiroko K  August 3, 2018 at 10:22 am Reply

    I don’t really know how to say this, it only feels like life is playing cruel games on us. I had only recently lost my nephew who was 27 this December 2017 to suicide. Before we could have done it was too late. It wasn’t even as if we weren’t aware of his mental health. The entire family was aware of his delicate mental state. We tried everything ever since we got a hint that he is capable of doing something harmful to himself. But we couldn’t save him. My heart aches for all the children around his this young who go through such difficult time, as time went on through his suicide note and old suicide it become clear that nothing could have changed his mind. One thing that was very evident that he continually felt gulit of leaving his mother and his sister behind, and as well as our daughter. They both were incredibly close ever since they were young with only four year gap between them. It was clear very his passing had affected our daughter severely, than it had to us. She was devastated. After he left it was like the daughter I knew was lost. She became a complete person. They were in very ways similar, after a month of his death I started getting concerned about her. As she was just numb. After two weeks of leave from the college she started going to her college, but something that she enjoyed just become a chore to her. It was as if she was living just because she didn’t have any choice. My daughter also suffered from mild depression and it became worst, there were numerous times when she would just sit and stare at nothing for hours. Just as much I was concerned about her life, I believed her enough that she wouldn’t harm herself. As one more month passed she seems getting better, as march came by it was my daughter had in a way made ammends with the situation, as she started seeing a therapist and was doing fine. And for the rest of the family we all were again going back in our daily lives. What came for us in April was the worst nightmare for all, it was as if god was testing us in the worst way possible, we had only recently started to heal from the loss of one family members death. That we received a call from the hospital at 3 in the night that she was in a critical condition and had gotten in a car accident with one of her friends while returning from a frat party. My daughter didn’t drink and neither did her friend who was who was driving. It had rained heavily that day and accoring to the police investigation they had somehow lost the control of the car on the highway and the car flipped. My daughter suffered third degree spinal injury and her friend was lucky who only suffered form a boken hand and jaw. My daughter died due to excessive internal bleeding during the operation. There was nothing they could do to save her. She died just a day after her cousin’s birthday. And just two days before his birthday she went to visit his cemetery because she missed him. Even that day after she got home after her visit from the cemetery, she cried endlessly in my arms on how she blamed herself on her brother’s death, and that she couldn’t do anything to save him m knowing his mental condition. Or how she missed his call for the last time when he called her before the night he died.

    And the biggest irony was that my nephew’s suicide note was found in his car, right on the front passenger seat. Was this some sort of sign? I don’t know.

    When I think of it, I can’t really make sense of anything. Not as a mother nor as a aunt. Being the exceptionally religious person I was this has made me question everything. My entire existence. What in the hell was this? Could I have done anything differenr to avoid, both the deaths. I don’t truly know what I mean to say by this, but I miss them and my god it hurts.

    I’m just a parent trying to make sense of it all so that I can move on and be at peace. But I cannot seem to find any asnwer.

    My only question to God is that the both one them do to deserve this ? What did we as a family do to deserve to loose not one but two of our children?

    • Erin  February 22, 2019 at 5:43 pm Reply

      Listen guy, congrats on writing a FICTIONAL story on loss – but how dare you come onto this forum and hawk your book left and right under damn near every post of people who ACTUALLY lost siblings for your monetary benefit cloaked in worry and compassion. It’s EXTREMELY clear you’re here to sell your fake story to people with post after post after post.. you’re only making it worse. A fake story doesn’t even begin to compare to what we are all dealing with. Get lost.

  273. Nikki  July 24, 2018 at 10:18 am Reply

    My baby sister, just passed away on July 19th. I am still in total shock, she was my best friend in the world. She had been diagnosed with leukemia in 2016 and had beat it. It came back this year and came back while she was still on chemo. She fought so hard, but her heart gave out on her. I feel so lost and keep telling myself this is some god awful dream. I can only hope the pain becomes more bearable as time goes on. I know deep down it wont.

  274. Teresa  July 19, 2018 at 9:54 pm Reply

    I lost my brother back in June 23 i’ve been nothing short of being lost right now . His death was very unexpected I remember getting a That phone call like it was yesterday . When I was told that my brother died of a drowning my life Stopped. I’ve been trying so hard to find the good memories. I was on the phone with my sister-in-law this big beautiful red cardinal staring at me in the face. I knew it was brother my brother never liked to leave me alone . We always talked on the phone three times a week it feels weird not being able to talk to him . Everyone tells me I should think of the good times I had with him. It’s so hard not to miss him so much he meant the world to me.

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  275. Arin  July 17, 2018 at 1:37 pm Reply

    Hello my name is arin. I just lost my 11 year old son this past March 2 2018 . He was my bestfriend . I miss him so much . He was killed in a horrible way .

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  276. Caroline  July 17, 2018 at 12:31 am Reply

    I lost my twin brother a few months ago, no answers no known anything and I am his twin sister and he died a month after our 20th bday. I dont know what to do or how to describe what I am feeling. Can anyone help.

    • Bobbie Miller  November 8, 2018 at 6:16 am Reply

      I lost my twin brother in January, 2015. He had a heart attack and was gone before he got to a hospital. I can’t believe he is gone. It has blown up my life. He was the only one I knew loved me and was my rock, my safe port in the storm. Why is he gone and I’m still here I will never know. We were 61 when he passed. Love and miss you so much Billy

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  277. Brandy  July 16, 2018 at 11:27 pm Reply

    I cant even fathom the rest of my life without my baby brother and if this feeling in my chest and stomach is ever gonna go away..its only been 4 months since he passed after being shot in the chest on 3/3/18 by some POS coward and fighting for 8 long hard days in ICU with all of us pushing for him to pull thru… He finally gave up the fight on 3/11/18 in the hospital with all of his family by his side still fighting , but now for eachother because we were all so confused and destroyed by this.He was young, only 24 and strong and just an all around good hearted young man.. We knew he would fight thru it as he did every obstacle he had not only in his everyday life but ever battle or issue he fought thru in the ICU.. We knew he would fight for his kids.. All 5 of them, 2 his biological and 3 who he stepped in and took over that father, and financial role and never thought twice about it.. I miss him so much.. I am the oldest and only girl of the 3 of us and he is the youngest, our baby that was 6’1 and gave the most gentle, soft loving hugs.. He was stolen from us over nothing, an argument he was just trying to diffuse and and head home… I don’t know what to do most days…

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  278. Pat Donah  July 16, 2018 at 6:40 pm Reply

    I lost my brother in 1979 and it wasn’t until just recently, after the loss of both my parents, have I realized how I was affected by his death. He was born very sick, we didn’t think he would live 3 months, but he lived 5 years because we cared for him at home. I was the oldest of my sisters and having a brother was something we all wanted. I remember having to be the strong for my sisters, helping my parents as best a 16 year old could, but all the while, keeping my grief to my self. For years, when asked how many siblings I have I would say two sisters, but I now say two sisters and one brother who passed. I don’t want to make people feel uncomfortable, but for so long I just hid my grief and now I speak openly about it. Your blog is always a great source of comfort and I find myself quoting things I have read here. Keep up the great work.

  279. Chantal P  July 15, 2018 at 4:53 pm Reply

    My older brother was killed in a bike accident a few weeks ago. He was hit by a lady, who was drunk, on the 8th of June and was pronounced brain dead on the 12th, just two days after my birthday. It was just the two of us. He was 39. I just turned 38. We were very close, didn’t talk every day but we were there if we needed each other. He was my back up. I would do anything for him and would follow him anywhere. I had to plan his funeral and sort out all of his affairs because my parents couldn’t. I am not coping very well, I miss him so so much. I cry every day and it is just really tough. My husband just can’t understand what I’m going through. I try to carry on with a form of “normal” but I don’t feel normal. I feel like there is something missing all the time. I know it will get better but for now it’s just extremely difficult.

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    • Fenella  December 15, 2019 at 6:52 am Reply

      I literally feel your pain. My only sibling, my younger brother (39) was hit off his bike by a car fleeing from police on the 25th Nov 2019. We withdrew life support 8 days later and he died on the 3rd Dec. I find myself shaking my head, it cant be real. It can not possibly be real that my big little brother could be gone. He meant the world to me. We didnt talk every day, we were quite different but we knew we had each others back. He believed in me when I didnt. He was my superman. How does life go on. How is it I still have to make meals, and drive my kid to school and pay my bills. I’m walking nimbly through days and stumbling through wet blurry swollen eyes at night. How do we find the strength to survive our own grief let alone support others through theirs.

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  280. Martine  July 14, 2018 at 1:03 am Reply

    I lost my two years older brother many years ago when he was in his mid 20s. He was a few years out of the Air Force and was killed in a single car accident that may or may not have been suicide because no one can figure out why he crashed. He was my only sibling and for many years, the closest person in my life.

    Our father had been divorced from my mother since I was two and he started a life with another woman and never tried to get in contact with us again. Our mother was in a romantic relationship with her boss and wouldn’t come home several nights a week. My brother and I only had each other by the time I was 7 or 8 because our mother effectively turned over the responsibility of taking care of me to him by then. He was the one who would cook dinner for us, help me with my homework, walk me to school, read to me, etc. He was the only person who was paying attention to me. I was bullied at school until my brother almost got expelled for hitting the kids who were doing that until they left me alone. In short, he was the only person I felt actually cared about me, so he was my entire world for a long time.

    He was also a very shy and lonely boy who didn’t really have friends I don’t think. He was friendly with some people at school, but no one who was his friend I don’t think. Unfortunately, this led to us getting too close and we started doing sexual things together. Not full-blown intercourse, but if I hadn’t put a stop to it when I was starting junior high school, I have no doubt that would have happened. I kind of liked what we were doing, but it scared me at the same time because I knew we shouldn’t be doing it. I was mostly doing it to make him happy because he wanted it. After I told him I didn’t want to do it anymore, he was sad, but he never treated me badly or ignored me after that. In fact, it was the other way around. I made friends and spent more time with them. As I got older, I saw him more as pathetic than anything else. I had a couple of boyfriends and was sexually active with them when I was 15, which I think is why he would occasionally try to get me to do stuff with him about once or twice a year, but I refused.

    After he graduated from high school, he did a year at community college and worked part-time before our mother said he needed to move out because his grades were not good. So he enlisted in the Air Force before I graduated from high school. I saw him perhaps four times before he died after that. He was cremated and his ashes were scattered. I now sometimes wish he had been buried instead so I could have a grave to visit. I was quietly sad that he died for a long time. But it wasn’t until about 15 years after his death that it really started hitting me hard. I had a boyfriend who had a son from a previous relationship and he reminded me of my brother in many ways. He was quiet, responsible and withdrawn. He had few if any friends and seemed starved for affection, but shied away if someone tried to get close to him. He didn’t have any siblings, or I would have been really concerned if he had a younger sister. Eventually, his father and I broke up and I never heard from him again. But it brought all these feelings I had about my brother to the surface. Despite what I have been told by the few people I told about what my brother did, I don’t believe he was a bad or abusive person. I just think he was lonely and depressed. I think he felt I was the only person who would love him. I guess our mother loved us, but it was an indifferent love and we were pretty much an extra responsibility for her because of a choice she made when she was young that didn’t work out. I call her on her birthday, mother’s day and she calls me on my birthday and Christmas. Our calls last less than five minutes and we primarily email each other if something comes up and send amazon.com or Khols gift cards for birthdays and Christmases.

    Anyway, I miss my brother. I miss him reading to me. I miss the same stupid five main dinners he used to cook for us because he didn’t know how to cook anything else more complicated. I miss him holding me on the bed or couch and snuggling. I even sometimes acknowledge that I occasionally miss the erotic feeling of his smooth, bare flesh on mine and him kissing and sucking my breasts (to make them grow). I miss that feeling that I could come to him about anything that I didn’t understand and even if he didn’t know it either, would work with me to try to figure it out. I wish he was alive and married with kids I could spoil. I wish he were alive for just two minutes so I could tell him that I loved him because I’m probably sure that he died believing I no longer did.

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  281. Brandi  July 9, 2018 at 5:08 pm Reply

    I feel crazy most of the time because I was supposed to have anew older brother but he died before he was even born so I never got to meet him and all I’ve wanted since I was little was an older brother. when I finally found out it hurt so much and the reason I feel crazy is because I feel like I was so close to him (i still feel close to him, I sing up to him sometimes at night) and it hurts so much even tough we never met. is this normal?

  282. Loretta  July 6, 2018 at 5:03 pm Reply

    Thank you for the article and to everyone who has shared their stories of losing a sibling. Sibling loss really is very different than any other. Our siblings are our first teachers of real-world relationships with others, and those sibling relationships are complex and fraught. My sister Karen died December 2015, leaving behind 2 young adult sons, 2 stepsons, and a step-grandson. She loved them all so much. Her husband, though, is one of the worst people I have ever met — abusive, vulgar, a psychopath — and it breaks my heart that she had him in her life. Karen was the only person I have ever met that fully accepted and loved anyone and everyone she ever knew or met. I will never have such a generous heart. She had a difficult life because of the abusive psychopathic husband, always having to move as he lost jobs and fell out with neighbors. But she had a brilliant sense of humor and could make fun and laugh in any and every situation, no matter how desperate it seemed.
    We used to text during early AM mornings when neither of us could sleep. Even now, 2.5 years later, I want to text her, to hear her voice and often cannot sleep until dawn.
    After she passed away, about 3 months, her eldest son committed a horrible crime, a murder. This would have broken my sister’s heart completely, so I am glad she is not here. She also would have stood by him and defended him to the end. I have tried to replace her but of course I cannot. I despise the crime and my heart breaks for the family who lost a beloved daughter and sister themselves. For no reason other than selfish desire, drug use, and the fog of his own grief. After my sister Karen passed away and her son was jailed for murder, stories and facts started coming out of things my sister had hidden from us. Her son’s mental illness and violent thoughts and tendencies. Another possible murder he may have committed that she may have covered up. It is so conflicting to love someone so much and also be so furious at them and the decisions they have made.
    When Karen passed away, she was in a ‘coma’ in hospital for 2 weeks. I say ‘coma’ because I sat and slept at her bedside for that entire time and could see her face — physical pain registered there, joy when her sons visited, even when she tried to mouth the words to a song we sang. But right before she died, she opened her eyes and looked at me. Such unbelievable love came across her face. It was as if I was looking into the face of Jesus. 2 other people were in the room, including her abusive psychopathic husband, but didn’t see the love that I saw. There was no longer pain nor fear nor sadness nor stress. Pure love came through her face and eyes and it was a look that I had never seen on her face in 50some years. That was her gift to me and I am so thankful. Because now for 2.5 years I have been trying to love her sons as best I can and deal with the abusive psychopathic husband.
    I am so sorry to all of you who have lost a loved sister or brother and hope that you have such a moment to remember, somewhere in your time with them, as a cornerstone to hold your love, when things get hard and you feel so alone.

  283. Anne Rogers  July 6, 2018 at 1:53 am Reply

    My brother died at the age of 14. My parents were so wrapped up in their own grief that they couldn’t be bothered to remember they had another child that was still dependent on them for child rearing. I quickly learned not to rely on them for anything and started earning my own money as soon as I could so I could move out of a very unfriendly ‘home’.

    I occasionally receive pathetic attempts at contact from so-called ‘parents’ who apparently have finally remembered they had a daughter as well, but I neither want nor need anything from them and can only hope they are miserable in their declining years. I don’t blame my brother but his death certainly showed me who was the ‘important’ child of the two of us.

  284. Anita Lake  July 2, 2018 at 6:54 pm Reply

    It’s been 14 years since my little sister was killed in a car accident at 23. She was the youngest of the four of us, and I’m the oldest. I was 11 when she was born, and I fed her and rocked her, and read her stories. We shared a room and a big double bed when we’re were both at home. She’d met a boy and moved to Northern Ireland to be with him. She was a nurse and was going to work in the hospital there. She’d only been there two days when the accident happened. A stupid turn onto the highway, at a level intersection that has since been turned into a proper interchange.

    The night before she left she called me and said she was feeling nervous about going. I gave her the standard big sister encouragement about just being nervous, but it was going to be an adventure…
    I always wondered if I’d sent her the email i said I would, would that extra minute to read it have made enough of s difference in timing that the two cars would never have met?

    I always felt cheated because although we were close when she was small, I had left home by the time she was in high school. So it was my youngest brother who was closer to her then. And when she graduated from nursing she shared an apartment with our other brother for a couple of years. So he knew her as an adult. I never got the chance to know her well as an adult.

    Now that I have children, I miss the chance to share that with my sister, like my mom and my aunts when we were growing up.

    It’s a rainy drizzly day here, unusual for the prairie, but common on the coast where I’m from. Even after living here for decades it’s days like these when I feel homesick a little, and lonely and miss my sister so much.

  285. Anonymous  June 26, 2018 at 4:08 am Reply

    I lost my big brother in 2016 the day before my 16th birthday. I have several other siblings but the two of us were always close. He was my best friend, the only person I could tell everything to. It’s been over two years now and I cry every single day. I tried to commit suicide on my birthday this year because the one person that I wanted to see I couldn’t. I would give anything to hear his voice or see his smile. I miss him so much, I know I’m letting him down by how I have been dealing with my depression. I’ve been told it gets easier with time but how much time do I need?? Everyone seems to have moved on with their lives except for me.

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    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 1:39 pm Reply

      Please make your brother proud and don’t harm yourself.
      The pain doesn’t go away, we all just have to learn how to deal with it. It does get easier, just hang on and get help. Trust me.

  286. Stephanie  June 9, 2018 at 12:05 am Reply

    I lost my baby brother on January 1st 2018 he was only 30 years old he was the youngest of six, he died in a car accident hitting a telephone pole, I miss him and think about him everyday of my life and will forever, I know now what the feeling of having a broken heart feels like. I car across this site because I do strongly believe losing a sibling some just don’t understand and think you should after just a short while move on and in lack of better words get over it, me and my siblings are so close we are all close in age and we’re just raised to love one another,we grew up into adulthood as each others best friends, only friends acually. I never thought something like this would happen to my family but it did, and all I know is it has taught me how precious life is and to be great fun for each day because tomorrow isn’t promised, I still just can’t wrap my head around how one day someone is here and poof they are gone forever, I just can’t accept my brothers death I can’t. Grief is a roller coaster that I don’t want to be on, days that I feel ok I feel guilty for feeling ok , it just makes no sense. I just want my baby brown eyes brother back. His presence is no longer here and we all feel it, it just sucks? I just pray one day it gets easier.

  287. Valerie  June 8, 2018 at 7:38 am Reply

    My little brother Emilio had just turned 21 , he was so excited about his new job he just wanted to make more money so that he could spoil my son, his only nephew. Emilio left work on April 21st 2018 and was hit and killed by train while walking home. He told me that he would often walk along the tracks late night after work because he felt more safe claiming that no one takes that route so he never worried about being robbed or bothered it was a straight walk home… I told him to just call me and I would pick him up whenever he felt that way but he lost his phone the day before and he couldn’t reach me I didn’t know, I would have been there for him . I was the person who had to decide whether Emilio was going to have an open or closed casket. I walked into the room hoping that someone else would be laying on the table hoping that they somehow made a mistake that it wasn’t my only brother, I opened the door and Emilio was laying dead on a table, his whole body was broken and bruised his left side of his face was smashed in. Immediately I started screaming uncontrollably, I collapsed on the floor next to my brother I couldn’t stop screaming my whole body was shaking and I was just so confused I couldn’t understand why… he was just a baby only 21 he never wronged anyone how could this have happened I protected him my whole life and when it really counted I wasn’t there. I stood up and grabbed my brother’s fragile body and held on to him, it took 3 workers to pull me off of my brother’s body I didn’t want to leave him there alone . Emilio was all I had as a kid , we grew up in foster care it didn’t matter how many different homes and beds I slept in as long as my brother was nearby I was happy. I’m a single mom but my brother always made sure I didn’t feel that way he was my biggest help, my biggest support, my best friend, my family. I feel like I lost my first child, it’s an agonizing excruciating pain I love him so much and I’m not ready to accept that he’s gone. I don’t want to live in a world that my brother no longer exists in, when he died I died too.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 1:35 pm Reply

      Dear Valerie, I’m so very sorry fort your loss. Your account of the facts is just heart -wrenching.
      My spiritual beliefs say we gotta keep up for the living and fight with the cards we’re dealt. Please shower that baby with the love it needs from you.

  288. Megan  June 6, 2018 at 12:07 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother Feb. 17th after he endured a 12 year battle with early Parkinsons and Multiple systems atrophy. He was only 46! What a miserable disease~ watching him suffer was unbearable and in the end even worse. I sat with him every day during his last week in hospice. There are 3 sisters left…we re all riddled with grief, along with our parents. It comes and goes randomly and I have changed drastically…I just can not accept I will never see him again~ I pray there is an afterlife and like to believe we will all be together someday. I miss his gorgeous smile, his sense of humor, our great “hanging” out sessions and someone that was a constant reminder of my past and someone who really understood who I am and why I am the way I am. I feel like my family is broken ( we are not) no fighting or anything like that~ just sadness and a void. One of our pack is gone…Mothers day was horrible, I dread Fathers Day…grief is so hard to explain, you just feel it. I do get random reminders from him..a red cardinal once, and weird signs of the numbers 1419, which was the street number of our family address., that has happened several times. It brings me a sense of peace, but also episodes of sobbing. My personality is dimmed, I cant find myself really laughing anymore and I feel constantly annoyed or irritated over little things. I feel like I need to give myself a few days in solitude to remember him, cry as long as I want and not have to answer to anyone here. I also feel a sense of detachment from something, not my family, but from life itself. I worry about my parents dying soon, they are not the same either. We let his ashes go last weekend at the beach as a family,that was heart wrenching, but he loved the ocean and the beach,so we feel like we set him free…and can visit as often as we wish. Losing my brother has been life altering…..something I was not prepared for~ I miss him so much. I hope he is watching me right now….I was lucky to have him by my side for 46 years, for that I am blessed.

  289. Misty  June 5, 2018 at 10:40 am Reply

    Just want to say Thank You so very much to everyone who wrote about their loss. I too have lost a baby sister August 16, 2017. She was pronounced with esophageal stomach cancer when she was 59. Just watching her slowly die was just devastating. I never want to lay witness to seeing another one pass from cancer again. It is almost a year and I am still grieving – Just can’t seem to get past it. It has calmed my spirit just by reading everyone’s message. A blessing to know that I am not alone in trying to cope with my grief. Thank you all so very much and God Bless each and everyone one.

  290. Mary Lou  June 2, 2018 at 2:52 pm Reply

    I just lost my last sibling May 2nd, 2018. He died at on hospice care in my home after being diagnosed Feb 20th of this year with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, metastatic to his bones. He was 59, I am 58. He had not spoken to for a year due to my mother’s will, I was her caregiver and she left me a larger share. I am grateful that I was able to be there for him, and we worked things through, got to say I love you, I forgive you, I am sorry, and please forgive me to each other. But, I would rather he be alive and hate me, then be dead. I was one of 4 children, as my mother would say when people asked, “Is this the baby?” Her answer was always “She’s the last one thank God.” I never felt wanted. Well, mom, I am now officially the last one. And I’m not thanking God. We, my siblings have died in birth order. My brother Jim May 25th, 2009 (Memorial Day) at 55 suddenly, we found him dead on his apartment floor, from complications of diabetes, a heart attack. He had a good life despite being in a wheelchair. Got around in his van, was out the night before. I felt guilty as I always went to the shore with him every Memorial Day for Fried Clams. I cancelled that day. Would it have made a difference? Would I have been there when he had his heart attack? My only sister died July 3rd, 2012 at 54 in her sleep. Her cause of death was deemed SUDEP. Sudden unexplained death in an Epileptic. She had a very minor seizure disorder. She lived in another state. I begged the paramedics to do CPR, get her on life support solely for organ donation purposes. She was very healthy and wanted to be an organ donor, they refused. It seems her husband waited a half hour after she died before calling 911. Nice of him. He died alone in Feb 2013. Karma. He had a heart condition, Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome…sudden cardiac arrest. My sister had taken care of him and saved his life many times. So here I am. The last one. Devastated. Wondering when my day to die is. By the way I am helping to raise my nephews stepsons. Their mom, his wife Julie died May 19th, 2015 after a 5 year battle with cancer. I took care of her while she as on hospice. His stepsons, my great nephews not only lost their mom, their dad died Father’s Day 2014. I realize I am fortunate, that life can always be worse. I appreciate this opportunity to tell my story, act totally my siblings stories. Rest in perfect Peace Gerry on your 1 month anniversary. R.I P. Jim, Jayne, Julie. I love you all, miss you like crazy. Send me signs. I watch for them. ?

  291. Mary Lou  June 2, 2018 at 2:52 pm Reply

    I just lost my last sibling May 2nd, 2018. He died at on hospice care in my home after being diagnosed Feb 20th of this year with Stage 4 Lung Cancer, metastatic to his bones. He was 59, I am 58. He had not spoken to for a year due to my mother’s will, I was her caregiver and she left me a larger share. I am grateful that I was able to be there for him, and we worked things through, got to say I love you, I forgive you, I am sorry, and please forgive me to each other. But, I would rather he be alive and hate me, then be dead. I was one of 4 children, as my mother would say when people asked, “Is this the baby?” Her answer was always “She’s the last one thank God.” I never felt wanted. Well, mom, I am now officially the last one. And I’m not thanking God. We, my siblings have died in birth order. My brother Jim May 25th, 2009 (Memorial Day) at 55 suddenly, we found him dead on his apartment floor, from complications of diabetes, a heart attack. He had a good life despite being in a wheelchair. Got around in his van, was out the night before. I felt guilty as I always went to the shore with him every Memorial Day for Fried Clams. I cancelled that day. Would it have made a difference? Would I have been there when he had his heart attack? My only sister died July 3rd, 2012 at 54 in her sleep. Her cause of death was deemed SUDEP. Sudden unexplained death in an Epileptic. She had a very minor seizure disorder. She lived in another state. I begged the paramedics to do CPR, get her on life support solely for organ donation purposes. She was very healthy and wanted to be an organ donor, they refused. It seems her husband waited a half hour after she died before calling 911. Nice of him. He died alone in Feb 2013. Karma. He had a heart condition, Wolf Parkinson White Syndrome…sudden cardiac arrest. My sister had taken care of him and saved his life many times. So here I am. The last one. Devastated. Wondering when my day to die is. By the way I am helping to raise my nephews stepsons. Their mom, his wife Julie died May 19th, 2015 after a 5 year battle with cancer. I took care of her while she as on hospice. His stepsons, my great nephews not only lost their mom, their dad died Father’s Day 2014. I realize I am fortunate, that life can always be worse. I appreciate this opportunity to tell my story, act totally my siblings stories. Rest in perfect Peace Gerry on your 1 month anniversary. R.I P. Jim, Jayne, Julie. I love you all, miss you like crazy. Send me signs. I watch for them. ?

  292. Adrian  May 31, 2018 at 11:26 am Reply

    I lost my sister recently due to a health crisis in my country, she had a form of epilepsy and at times it was exceedingly difficult to find her meds, she was mother of my incredibly adorable nephew whom i love as a son, one Monday morning she woke up and started seizing it never stopped, we hospitalized her and they had to get her in a sleeping state to stop the seizing after a very worrying week of somewhat hopeful news (she’s getting better, her scans are amazing there’s no damage on the brain she’ll pull trough, she’s been waking up here and there… she will be discharged very soon) I got a call form the hospital where i was informed she died of lung failure. i was always the type to pride myself on remaining calm and stoic during emergencies but nothing ever prepared me that kind of news, my baby sister with only 29 years old whom i thought would be around for years to come suddenly left us and due to the nature of my job i couldn’t even be with her to comfort her my reaction was just visceral my legs failed me and i collapsed on my knees on teh phone repeating you’ve got to be kidding me, please tell me it was somebody else and after they confirmed it I had to break the news to my parents It felt awful as though i was the one causing them pain directly instead of the horrible tragedy that was unfolding…

    We had a beautiful service, neighbors who loved her and mourned with us and dear friends that went out of their way to make sure i was doing alright since for some of them it was even the first time i publicly cried and whaled over the loss of someone… a week has past and my grieve is still ongoing I do my best to rationalize what happened and how it couldn’t be helped and i find some solace on the thought that she is on a better place, but often times pain hits like a truck i take breaks to break down and cry her loss at work when i’m able to smile and feel better even for a moment just right after her image flashed in my head and an overwhelming gilt sets in as though is not fair for me to feel “good” while she’s gone, as though i’m forgetting about her as though i should be in constant pain to honor her memory this guilt has been the hardest thing to work around of in addition to the fact that i’m helping my parents the best i can to get in a better palce emotionally, which in turn has left me putting my feelings aside to take good care of them and my nephew… I’m well aware of the horrible pain my parents are in right now… i mean it was their baby girl! the apple of their eye, the one who made us laugh so often the cheery one in spite of her disease she was very up beat even tho as the closest person to her without a word from her i could see the light on her eyes bleak a little while facing mistreatment or even special treatment for having a medical condition… she always made sure to try and convince everyone that she was functioning person in spite of everything and there’re so many more little things, secrets jokes we shared… we were 5 years apart in age and she was always my weak point, i defended her, went to her aid, gave her as much comfort as i could, helped her study which really wasn’t her strong suit but she made it trough college and became a teacher i think i was even more proud than my parents because they always saw her as someone who needed protection, but in my eyes she was just normal and perfectly capable often times i think of how unfair the whole thing is for us the ones left behind… i often times feel as i would trade my own life just to have her back.
    my words will probably be forgotten in this post but i guess my point is for the ones reading this: your parents’ grieve is not more important than yours nor yours is more important than their’s remember you lost (depending on how close you were) one of the people who knew you the best, who understood you and accepted you with the good and the bad even when they couldn’t understand so it’s okay to reach out… it’s okay to cry and break down and eventually heal don’t make the mistake i did and compartmentalize your grieve because you think you’re parents need all the help they can get… you are in pain too and what makes it worse is that by avoiding your own grieve when you’re alone or at night or when you’re buying groceries during a normal day all these feelings will come to you full force and the depression that comes with it is not easy to overcome.

  293. Adrian  May 31, 2018 at 11:26 am Reply

    I lost my sister recently due to a health crisis in my country, she had a form of epilepsy and at times it was exceedingly difficult to find her meds, she was mother of my incredibly adorable nephew whom i love as a son, one Monday morning she woke up and started seizing it never stopped, we hospitalized her and they had to get her in a sleeping state to stop the seizing after a very worrying week of somewhat hopeful news (she’s getting better, her scans are amazing there’s no damage on the brain she’ll pull trough, she’s been waking up here and there… she will be discharged very soon) I got a call form the hospital where i was informed she died of lung failure. i was always the type to pride myself on remaining calm and stoic during emergencies but nothing ever prepared me that kind of news, my baby sister with only 29 years old whom i thought would be around for years to come suddenly left us and due to the nature of my job i couldn’t even be with her to comfort her my reaction was just visceral my legs failed me and i collapsed on my knees on teh phone repeating you’ve got to be kidding me, please tell me it was somebody else and after they confirmed it I had to break the news to my parents It felt awful as though i was the one causing them pain directly instead of the horrible tragedy that was unfolding…

    We had a beautiful service, neighbors who loved her and mourned with us and dear friends that went out of their way to make sure i was doing alright since for some of them it was even the first time i publicly cried and whaled over the loss of someone… a week has past and my grieve is still ongoing I do my best to rationalize what happened and how it couldn’t be helped and i find some solace on the thought that she is on a better place, but often times pain hits like a truck i take breaks to break down and cry her loss at work when i’m able to smile and feel better even for a moment just right after her image flashed in my head and an overwhelming gilt sets in as though is not fair for me to feel “good” while she’s gone, as though i’m forgetting about her as though i should be in constant pain to honor her memory this guilt has been the hardest thing to work around of in addition to the fact that i’m helping my parents the best i can to get in a better palce emotionally, which in turn has left me putting my feelings aside to take good care of them and my nephew… I’m well aware of the horrible pain my parents are in right now… i mean it was their baby girl! the apple of their eye, the one who made us laugh so often the cheery one in spite of her disease she was very up beat even tho as the closest person to her without a word from her i could see the light on her eyes bleak a little while facing mistreatment or even special treatment for having a medical condition… she always made sure to try and convince everyone that she was functioning person in spite of everything and there’re so many more little things, secrets jokes we shared… we were 5 years apart in age and she was always my weak point, i defended her, went to her aid, gave her as much comfort as i could, helped her study which really wasn’t her strong suit but she made it trough college and became a teacher i think i was even more proud than my parents because they always saw her as someone who needed protection, but in my eyes she was just normal and perfectly capable often times i think of how unfair the whole thing is for us the ones left behind… i often times feel as i would trade my own life just to have her back.
    my words will probably be forgotten in this post but i guess my point is for the ones reading this: your parents’ grieve is not more important than yours nor yours is more important than their’s remember you lost (depending on how close you were) one of the people who knew you the best, who understood you and accepted you with the good and the bad even when they couldn’t understand so it’s okay to reach out… it’s okay to cry and break down and eventually heal don’t make the mistake i did and compartmentalize your grieve because you think you’re parents need all the help they can get… you are in pain too and what makes it worse is that by avoiding your own grieve when you’re alone or at night or when you’re buying groceries during a normal day all these feelings will come to you full force and the depression that comes with it is not easy to overcome.

    • Salle  November 20, 2018 at 5:35 pm Reply

      Hi I have just read your post, apologies if this brings back heart felt feelings but I just wanted to let you know your words have made me feel like I’m not alone.
      My sister was ill in hospital and we thought she was going to be ok and all that you said in your post is how I felt or what I’m having to deal with it just comforts me that I’m not going mad.
      I hope you have found your way to deal with the grief now and have the support you need.
      I’m still very much supporting everyone else and having the wave hit me when I’m cleaning or shopping, we still have the funeral to face it’s been a month since she passed so it’s been hard playing the waiting game.

      Just thankyou

      Sallie

  294. Barbara Pond  May 29, 2018 at 7:08 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister on Jan 25 2018. She had cancer. I begged her to not leave me alone. She was my person whom I was the closest to. We told each oher everything. She was my best friend. We went through divorces and having kids and raising them. I had cancer and struggled to survive for 5 years. She simply fell apart afraid I was going to die. now 10 years later she gets cancer and does die. I am left alone with parents in thier eightys and 2 brothers that I love but am not close to as I was with her. I am not doing well at all. We were suppose to live together as older women. MY sister was 56 and I am 53. My sister cancer was not caught when It shoud have been. Her Doctor really dropped the ball. She came and lived with me for about 7 or 8 months until she died. Now I have no peace at home all I see is her, hear her voice , hear our laughter, hear our tears, and miss her to the point of wondering what I am here for. I dont want to think of a future without her. I feel so lost and alone. I am told this is grief. I am sure it is. My life has changed in a way that I cant even descibe to anyone. I go to work, church, see friends and family and put a smile on my face and act ok. Inside I am very far from ok sometimes I can barely breath from my missing her so badly. I dont know how people don’t just cry all the time when a person they are that close to dies. I do cry all the time. I just want my sister.

  295. Barbara Pond  May 29, 2018 at 7:08 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister on Jan 25 2018. She had cancer. I begged her to not leave me alone. She was my person whom I was the closest to. We told each oher everything. She was my best friend. We went through divorces and having kids and raising them. I had cancer and struggled to survive for 5 years. She simply fell apart afraid I was going to die. now 10 years later she gets cancer and does die. I am left alone with parents in thier eightys and 2 brothers that I love but am not close to as I was with her. I am not doing well at all. We were suppose to live together as older women. MY sister was 56 and I am 53. My sister cancer was not caught when It shoud have been. Her Doctor really dropped the ball. She came and lived with me for about 7 or 8 months until she died. Now I have no peace at home all I see is her, hear her voice , hear our laughter, hear our tears, and miss her to the point of wondering what I am here for. I dont want to think of a future without her. I feel so lost and alone. I am told this is grief. I am sure it is. My life has changed in a way that I cant even descibe to anyone. I go to work, church, see friends and family and put a smile on my face and act ok. Inside I am very far from ok sometimes I can barely breath from my missing her so badly. I dont know how people don’t just cry all the time when a person they are that close to dies. I do cry all the time. I just want my sister.

  296. Becky  May 28, 2018 at 12:19 am Reply

    I lost my mom Jan 2015. My dad Aug2017. My older brother feb 2018 and my younger brother may 2018. My grief is beyond anything any article I can read. I miss them like hell was the closest I could find. We all got together June of 2016 for moms memorial. We were going to get together in June for dads. Then the older died and now last month my younger. What do I do for any of their’s memorials. I have no one….

    1
  297. Becky  May 28, 2018 at 12:19 am Reply

    I lost my mom Jan 2015. My dad Aug2017. My older brother feb 2018 and my younger brother may 2018. My grief is beyond anything any article I can read. I miss them like hell was the closest I could find. We all got together June of 2016 for moms memorial. We were going to get together in June for dads. Then the older died and now last month my younger. What do I do for any of their’s memorials. I have no one….

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 1:27 pm Reply

      Becky if you’re reading this, I’m paying for you <3

  298. Erin De jarnette  May 26, 2018 at 5:57 pm Reply

    I lost my Sister on May 8, 2018. She died suddenly and unexpectedly of leukemia. She was diagnosed in May 7, 2018. It was too late and the cancer was very aggressive. Losing her has changed me. It’s been so hard to understand. She was an amazing Sister and person. I hope one day the pain of losing her eases. I love you Stacey!!

  299. Erin De jarnette  May 26, 2018 at 5:57 pm Reply

    I lost my Sister on May 8, 2018. She died suddenly and unexpectedly of leukemia. She was diagnosed in May 7, 2018. It was too late and the cancer was very aggressive. Losing her has changed me. It’s been so hard to understand. She was an amazing Sister and person. I hope one day the pain of losing her eases. I love you Stacey!!

  300. Becky Sue  May 22, 2018 at 6:07 am Reply

    Please, if there is anyone out there reading this that can relate to me…My sister was killed February 19, 2017 (supposedly hung herself with a bedsheet), was brought to Tomball, TX Regional Medical Center until February 21, 2017 when she died, while on life support.) Her organs were donated because that’s just who she was…always giving until the end. She worked out twice a day. NEVER showed any signs of depression, AT ALL! Christina had friends/acquaintances that committed suicide. And these friends/acquaintances had children. Christina was devastated to find out that her friends did this and that they left their children behind. She would NEVER! She started all over after leaving Dan , the father of her first daughter, Paris, now 23 years old. He was a bit abusive and Christina wasn’t dealing with it any longer. Paris was 4 years old. Christina and Paris moved in with my parents in Poydras, LA…Lind’s Trailer Park. But, in the house in the front of the street, not a trailer. That lasted a few months until my mother and Chris got into an argument about curfew and shit, and Christina and Paris moved in with me in my trailer a few doors away from my parents. I had just kicked Jimmy out a day earlier. That lasted a few more months, Chris met Mark Surmik and Christina got an apartment in Chalmette, on Jean Laffeate, right behind J&R’s Grill. They dated for a few years then got married in 2004. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill. Got divorced in 2005-2006. They built a house together in the mean time but Chris didn’t want any part of it after the divorce. Mark will testify on Chris’ behalf. He gave me his current number and address as of 2018. So, after all of this in Christina’s life, she did not ever speak of suicide. She just kept on keeping on! Hurricane Katrina happened and Chris had just gone through a divorce (or was still going through one) and she met Zeid Amarri. They truly loved each other. They were together for over 5 years. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill and she wanted to be married the next time she had a child. Zeid and his family are from the country of Jordan and have a strong faith in Christianity. In his family’s eyes Zeid and my sister could never marry because my sister had a child out of wed-lock and was already married and divorced. They do not believe in this. Chris decided she could no longer spend her days with Zeid knowing she could never marry him. His family wanted him to have a wife and children and Christina was not going to be a part of that. She took a job offer in Houston to make more money and to get her mind off of Zeid. This is where she HIM (DP). 10 years younger than she was. She realized early on in the relationship how much of an asshole he was and ended it. But he only moved in 2 doors away, with some friends he had made when he was with Chris, in her condo. How can you avoid an ex when he lives 2 doors away. DP knew this. This is why he moved in…with Janie and Moises Rodriguez, in their condo. He eventually weaseled his way back into my sister’s life. 2-3 months later, she was pregnant. Before she got pregnant, she told me that when she would go to take a birth control pill, it was already gone. She knew she didn’t already take it because, like she had been doing for the past 20 years, she had an alarm set to remind her to take her pill because it was most effective if taken at the same time every day. She told me her method and I was doing the same thing. Well, she called me several times before she got pregnant saying that her bc bill was missing before she would take it….therefore, she was always skipping pills….which is how you get pregnant if you are taking birth control pills! Although, at first, she was upset and taken back by her pregnancy, she soon became overwhelmed with joy at the thought of her having another baby! We all were excited!!!!! She had 2 baby showers…one here in LA and one in Houston. DP attended both. (He didn’t attend her funeral here in LA, though…because he had work) She saved the money all on her own to have the baby while DP saved his money to upgrade his truck that he traded in just after Mila was born. He had it lifted, leather interior, sunroof…..all while Chris was saving for her hospital bills for the baby. Her doctor visits were ridiculous because she was considered high risk due to her age. He gave her grief and stress all throughout her pregnancy, going out for 12 hours to a bachelor party in another city while she was 8 months (high-risk) pregnant and would not answer her phone calls! Keeping her awake because HE is trying to adjust to his nighttime schedule, so, he is watching basketball games and playing playstation in bed while my sister is trying to sleep because she had work in the morning (it is after midnight) and she is 7 months pregnant!!! She had to go downstairs to sleep because he refused to leave or turn off the tv! She also purchased all of Mila’s furniture on her own and even picked it out without him! He was a burden to her. I am her sister! It was just her and I…no other siblings. I know her best. She left for Houston in June 2012. Met him in 2014 and started dating him. Figured him out in 2014 and kicked his ass out. He weaseled his way back in 2014. She announced she was pregnant in December 2014, during her baby girl’s baby shower. Paris had her baby girl in January 2015 and Chris had her baby girl in July 2015. She was head over heals!!! She just kept working hard, saving money, trying to get that dream house of hers. She worked from home when she needed to, because she was sick or the baby was sick, DP was no help with anything….but she did it alone, just like she always did. Worked a full-time job, worked out twice a day, took care of her baby girl and brought her every where with her, including pedicures, grocery shopping, hair salons, etc. All her and DP did was fight and she told me and all of her friends that she would be better off without him, he was just a thorn in her side. He did not help at all with the baby, he did not help financially, he did not help with duties around the house…he was just there to complain every time my sister asked him for any help. They fought tremendously the week before her death and her friend heard much of this over bluetooth in the car. My sister was fed up with having to do everything on her own, like DP wasn’t even there. Mila was 19 months old. That is more than enough time to get adjusted to having a baby. Oh, I did not mention that they just moved into my sister’s brand new $300,000 home! YEP! Only in her name! We are from Louisiana and we do not recognize common law here. Christina and I’s parents were together for 26 years and then split up….unmarried. Christina was a planner and planned for everything. Had she known that TX practiced common law, she would have made sure she had something legal to keep DP from trying to take everything, just in case of divorce. She never imagined death! Which is why she did not have a beneficiary. She wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. Her birthday was 2/24/17. She would have been 41 years old. She called and made an appointment on 2/19/17, Sunday, to have botox done for her birthday on 2/24/17, that upcoming Friday. Texted her friend that was visiting family in California to tell her the news of the botox. They first had a brief discussion about whether or not DP was in the house, wherein my sister replied, “Yes. I’ll fill you in later.” This meant that Chris would talk to her later about what they had spoke of the week before, when that same friend heard all the arguing on the car bluetooth. Chris wanted DP out of the house. The house that he bragged about so much to all of his friends. Her gay friend, David, spent the weekend at her newly built house and arrived Friday evening. They hung out in the newly installed heated swimming pool and hot tub outside of my sister’s home. They went and had pedicures and wine and just enjoyed each other’s company while DP FINALLY watched Mila. The first time since she was born….19 months! He knew Chris was at her wits end, so he was trying to butter her up. David left Chris’s house at approximately 4:13pm. Chris called Paris and spoke with her until approximately 4:43pm. David texted Chris that he made it home safe and Chris responded at 4:48pm “Ok love.” Meanwhile, Mila, just 19 months old, is playing around inside the house where DP and Chris are. Now, remember, Chris and Mila are ALWAYS together. Chris made so many sacrifices for Mila and to have Mila in her life. Now, Chris takes a bedsheet and hangs herself in Mila’s closet, not even an hour after her friend David leaves. She’s not even elevated. She is able to kneel and manages to asphyxiate herself with a bedsheet right after her friend leaves, she talks to her 20 year old daughter, and her 19 month old daughter is playing RIGHT THERE!?!? Oh, she just got a promotion that Friday, February 17, 2017, 2 days before she “hung herself.” But when the police arrived to her house they were greeted by DP who told them that she was severely depressed, stressed out with work and had a drinking problem. Here it is, 5/22/18, and the police still have yet to call me and ask me any questions. Even though we were there in TX, at the hospital when she died, 2 days later, we told the ME that she needs to treat this as a homicide because we know my sister did not commit suicide, even though we called the cops, the DA, anyone we could think of in Harris county to notify, we notified that this was a homicide. They all told us that it was just heresay. They ruled it as a suicide. What about what DP told the police? Wasn’t that just heresay? I have been researching online and everywhere else that police have to treat a suicide as a homicide until they can prove suicide. No one ever called my sister’s friends or family to question any of us on my sister’s mental health, her behavior or anything! They just took DP’s word! The day after my sister’s death, DP went to an attorney and claimed to be my sister’s common law husband. He emailed paper work to Paris, my sister’s 22 year old daughter, with instructions to sign and have notarized ASAP and if she had any questions she could call him or his attorney. She called me instead, THANK GOD! He was trying to have her sign over all her rights to anything of her mothers and give 75% to him and she and Mila split the remaining 25%. Mila is his own child! Now, not only do we have to plan a funeral, but we have to hire an attorney to fight for Paris and Mila! Chris’s friends had a funeral in Texas, DP had to pay nothing. He attended that funeral. We had one here in Louisiana, where my sister was born and raised and where all of her family and most of her friends were. DP did not show because he said he had work. He, still to this day, has yet to speak to my Papa, and has only spoken to my mother once….the day my sister passed away. He does not let us have visits with Mila. He blocked all of Chris’s friends and family from her facebook page…..and the list goes on and on. Guilty activity!!!! If anyone has any advice for me, please reply. I am so desperate and tired!

  301. Becky Sue  May 22, 2018 at 6:07 am Reply

    Please, if there is anyone out there reading this that can relate to me…My sister was killed February 19, 2017 (supposedly hung herself with a bedsheet), was brought to Tomball, TX Regional Medical Center until February 21, 2017 when she died, while on life support.) Her organs were donated because that’s just who she was…always giving until the end. She worked out twice a day. NEVER showed any signs of depression, AT ALL! Christina had friends/acquaintances that committed suicide. And these friends/acquaintances had children. Christina was devastated to find out that her friends did this and that they left their children behind. She would NEVER! She started all over after leaving Dan , the father of her first daughter, Paris, now 23 years old. He was a bit abusive and Christina wasn’t dealing with it any longer. Paris was 4 years old. Christina and Paris moved in with my parents in Poydras, LA…Lind’s Trailer Park. But, in the house in the front of the street, not a trailer. That lasted a few months until my mother and Chris got into an argument about curfew and shit, and Christina and Paris moved in with me in my trailer a few doors away from my parents. I had just kicked Jimmy out a day earlier. That lasted a few more months, Chris met Mark Surmik and Christina got an apartment in Chalmette, on Jean Laffeate, right behind J&R’s Grill. They dated for a few years then got married in 2004. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill. Got divorced in 2005-2006. They built a house together in the mean time but Chris didn’t want any part of it after the divorce. Mark will testify on Chris’ behalf. He gave me his current number and address as of 2018. So, after all of this in Christina’s life, she did not ever speak of suicide. She just kept on keeping on! Hurricane Katrina happened and Chris had just gone through a divorce (or was still going through one) and she met Zeid Amarri. They truly loved each other. They were together for over 5 years. No pregnancies. Chris was on the pill and she wanted to be married the next time she had a child. Zeid and his family are from the country of Jordan and have a strong faith in Christianity. In his family’s eyes Zeid and my sister could never marry because my sister had a child out of wed-lock and was already married and divorced. They do not believe in this. Chris decided she could no longer spend her days with Zeid knowing she could never marry him. His family wanted him to have a wife and children and Christina was not going to be a part of that. She took a job offer in Houston to make more money and to get her mind off of Zeid. This is where she HIM (DP). 10 years younger than she was. She realized early on in the relationship how much of an asshole he was and ended it. But he only moved in 2 doors away, with some friends he had made when he was with Chris, in her condo. How can you avoid an ex when he lives 2 doors away. DP knew this. This is why he moved in…with Janie and Moises Rodriguez, in their condo. He eventually weaseled his way back into my sister’s life. 2-3 months later, she was pregnant. Before she got pregnant, she told me that when she would go to take a birth control pill, it was already gone. She knew she didn’t already take it because, like she had been doing for the past 20 years, she had an alarm set to remind her to take her pill because it was most effective if taken at the same time every day. She told me her method and I was doing the same thing. Well, she called me several times before she got pregnant saying that her bc bill was missing before she would take it….therefore, she was always skipping pills….which is how you get pregnant if you are taking birth control pills! Although, at first, she was upset and taken back by her pregnancy, she soon became overwhelmed with joy at the thought of her having another baby! We all were excited!!!!! She had 2 baby showers…one here in LA and one in Houston. DP attended both. (He didn’t attend her funeral here in LA, though…because he had work) She saved the money all on her own to have the baby while DP saved his money to upgrade his truck that he traded in just after Mila was born. He had it lifted, leather interior, sunroof…..all while Chris was saving for her hospital bills for the baby. Her doctor visits were ridiculous because she was considered high risk due to her age. He gave her grief and stress all throughout her pregnancy, going out for 12 hours to a bachelor party in another city while she was 8 months (high-risk) pregnant and would not answer her phone calls! Keeping her awake because HE is trying to adjust to his nighttime schedule, so, he is watching basketball games and playing playstation in bed while my sister is trying to sleep because she had work in the morning (it is after midnight) and she is 7 months pregnant!!! She had to go downstairs to sleep because he refused to leave or turn off the tv! She also purchased all of Mila’s furniture on her own and even picked it out without him! He was a burden to her. I am her sister! It was just her and I…no other siblings. I know her best. She left for Houston in June 2012. Met him in 2014 and started dating him. Figured him out in 2014 and kicked his ass out. He weaseled his way back in 2014. She announced she was pregnant in December 2014, during her baby girl’s baby shower. Paris had her baby girl in January 2015 and Chris had her baby girl in July 2015. She was head over heals!!! She just kept working hard, saving money, trying to get that dream house of hers. She worked from home when she needed to, because she was sick or the baby was sick, DP was no help with anything….but she did it alone, just like she always did. Worked a full-time job, worked out twice a day, took care of her baby girl and brought her every where with her, including pedicures, grocery shopping, hair salons, etc. All her and DP did was fight and she told me and all of her friends that she would be better off without him, he was just a thorn in her side. He did not help at all with the baby, he did not help financially, he did not help with duties around the house…he was just there to complain every time my sister asked him for any help. They fought tremendously the week before her death and her friend heard much of this over bluetooth in the car. My sister was fed up with having to do everything on her own, like DP wasn’t even there. Mila was 19 months old. That is more than enough time to get adjusted to having a baby. Oh, I did not mention that they just moved into my sister’s brand new $300,000 home! YEP! Only in her name! We are from Louisiana and we do not recognize common law here. Christina and I’s parents were together for 26 years and then split up….unmarried. Christina was a planner and planned for everything. Had she known that TX practiced common law, she would have made sure she had something legal to keep DP from trying to take everything, just in case of divorce. She never imagined death! Which is why she did not have a beneficiary. She wasn’t planning on dying any time soon. Her birthday was 2/24/17. She would have been 41 years old. She called and made an appointment on 2/19/17, Sunday, to have botox done for her birthday on 2/24/17, that upcoming Friday. Texted her friend that was visiting family in California to tell her the news of the botox. They first had a brief discussion about whether or not DP was in the house, wherein my sister replied, “Yes. I’ll fill you in later.” This meant that Chris would talk to her later about what they had spoke of the week before, when that same friend heard all the arguing on the car bluetooth. Chris wanted DP out of the house. The house that he bragged about so much to all of his friends. Her gay friend, David, spent the weekend at her newly built house and arrived Friday evening. They hung out in the newly installed heated swimming pool and hot tub outside of my sister’s home. They went and had pedicures and wine and just enjoyed each other’s company while DP FINALLY watched Mila. The first time since she was born….19 months! He knew Chris was at her wits end, so he was trying to butter her up. David left Chris’s house at approximately 4:13pm. Chris called Paris and spoke with her until approximately 4:43pm. David texted Chris that he made it home safe and Chris responded at 4:48pm “Ok love.” Meanwhile, Mila, just 19 months old, is playing around inside the house where DP and Chris are. Now, remember, Chris and Mila are ALWAYS together. Chris made so many sacrifices for Mila and to have Mila in her life. Now, Chris takes a bedsheet and hangs herself in Mila’s closet, not even an hour after her friend David leaves. She’s not even elevated. She is able to kneel and manages to asphyxiate herself with a bedsheet right after her friend leaves, she talks to her 20 year old daughter, and her 19 month old daughter is playing RIGHT THERE!?!? Oh, she just got a promotion that Friday, February 17, 2017, 2 days before she “hung herself.” But when the police arrived to her house they were greeted by DP who told them that she was severely depressed, stressed out with work and had a drinking problem. Here it is, 5/22/18, and the police still have yet to call me and ask me any questions. Even though we were there in TX, at the hospital when she died, 2 days later, we told the ME that she needs to treat this as a homicide because we know my sister did not commit suicide, even though we called the cops, the DA, anyone we could think of in Harris county to notify, we notified that this was a homicide. They all told us that it was just heresay. They ruled it as a suicide. What about what DP told the police? Wasn’t that just heresay? I have been researching online and everywhere else that police have to treat a suicide as a homicide until they can prove suicide. No one ever called my sister’s friends or family to question any of us on my sister’s mental health, her behavior or anything! They just took DP’s word! The day after my sister’s death, DP went to an attorney and claimed to be my sister’s common law husband. He emailed paper work to Paris, my sister’s 22 year old daughter, with instructions to sign and have notarized ASAP and if she had any questions she could call him or his attorney. She called me instead, THANK GOD! He was trying to have her sign over all her rights to anything of her mothers and give 75% to him and she and Mila split the remaining 25%. Mila is his own child! Now, not only do we have to plan a funeral, but we have to hire an attorney to fight for Paris and Mila! Chris’s friends had a funeral in Texas, DP had to pay nothing. He attended that funeral. We had one here in Louisiana, where my sister was born and raised and where all of her family and most of her friends were. DP did not show because he said he had work. He, still to this day, has yet to speak to my Papa, and has only spoken to my mother once….the day my sister passed away. He does not let us have visits with Mila. He blocked all of Chris’s friends and family from her facebook page…..and the list goes on and on. Guilty activity!!!! If anyone has any advice for me, please reply. I am so desperate and tired!

  302. Ann  May 16, 2018 at 4:50 am Reply

    I was 5 years old when I lost my 14 month old brother. There was no explanation given to me then or over the years. It was never talked about, never discussed. When I would bring it up for discussion, I was told there was nothing I could do … just let it go. The one thing I was never able to recover was that the loss of my baby brother blew up our family and every thing I knew about safety and security. As the years went by and more siblings arrived, I felt less and less important and valuable. This has crippled me in ways I am unable to convey. The family was never a tight unit, because the younger children were being raised in an environment where the heaviness of the loss was palpable, or at least it was to me. As I grew into a teenager, my mother insisted that I wanted attention, was spoiled and acting out when all I really needed was to figure out how to process this feeling of not really being here. In my late 30s I was brave enough to bring it up to each of my parents separately by letting them know that I came to the realization that if I was feeling this pain, I believed that every time they looked at me, I had to be a reminder of the loss of John and that was why the family I once knew is unidentifiable. My father acknowledged this, my mother dismissed it. I have always had a difficult time with relationships my whole life and if this is why we’re here, then I’ve really missed out on long term enriching relationships. No matter how much I know that I am worthy and deserving, there is no emotional pain that hurts and inhibits you more than the feeling that you really aren’t present and accounted for.

  303. Ann  May 16, 2018 at 4:50 am Reply

    I was 5 years old when I lost my 14 month old brother. There was no explanation given to me then or over the years. It was never talked about, never discussed. When I would bring it up for discussion, I was told there was nothing I could do … just let it go. The one thing I was never able to recover was that the loss of my baby brother blew up our family and every thing I knew about safety and security. As the years went by and more siblings arrived, I felt less and less important and valuable. This has crippled me in ways I am unable to convey. The family was never a tight unit, because the younger children were being raised in an environment where the heaviness of the loss was palpable, or at least it was to me. As I grew into a teenager, my mother insisted that I wanted attention, was spoiled and acting out when all I really needed was to figure out how to process this feeling of not really being here. In my late 30s I was brave enough to bring it up to each of my parents separately by letting them know that I came to the realization that if I was feeling this pain, I believed that every time they looked at me, I had to be a reminder of the loss of John and that was why the family I once knew is unidentifiable. My father acknowledged this, my mother dismissed it. I have always had a difficult time with relationships my whole life and if this is why we’re here, then I’ve really missed out on long term enriching relationships. No matter how much I know that I am worthy and deserving, there is no emotional pain that hurts and inhibits you more than the feeling that you really aren’t present and accounted for.

  304. Jake Philipak  May 11, 2018 at 10:50 pm Reply

    I lost my brother on April 19th, 2018. He committed suicide after struggles with anxiety. He was 16 and I am currently 13. I miss him so much. We used to play Call of Duty: Black Ops 1 together and troll people on Zombies. He was always so good at making me laugh. It just hurts so bad. He was always so protective of me. I miss you Kyle. I want to be with him so badly.

    2
  305. Jake Philipak  May 11, 2018 at 10:50 pm Reply

    I lost my brother on April 19th, 2018. He committed suicide after struggles with anxiety. He was 16 and I am currently 13. I miss him so much. We used to play Call of Duty: Black Ops 1 together and troll people on Zombies. He was always so good at making me laugh. It just hurts so bad. He was always so protective of me. I miss you Kyle. I want to be with him so badly.

  306. Kathryn A Huntington  May 9, 2018 at 10:33 pm Reply

    I lost my sister almost a year ago. It is an unbearable loss because we are so close in age. It is hard, damn hard to go on. I do it with a lot of prayer and still a lot of tears. Loosing a sibling is different than a parent or grandparent. I planted a garden from flowers my sister had given me. It keeps me close to her. Also, I do not have children, she had 2 and has grand children also. The kids are close to me to keep that connection with their Mom. It’ OK to miss her and cry but try to remember that it’s also OK to miss her and laugh.

  307. Kathryn A Huntington  May 9, 2018 at 10:33 pm Reply

    I lost my sister almost a year ago. It is an unbearable loss because we are so close in age. It is hard, damn hard to go on. I do it with a lot of prayer and still a lot of tears. Loosing a sibling is different than a parent or grandparent. I planted a garden from flowers my sister had given me. It keeps me close to her. Also, I do not have children, she had 2 and has grand children also. The kids are close to me to keep that connection with their Mom. It’ OK to miss her and cry but try to remember that it’s also OK to miss her and laugh.

  308. Kathryn A Huntington  May 9, 2018 at 10:24 pm Reply

    I tried to write about my sister but gave up. The whole point is, I thought we would be little old ladies together. Now I will be alone. Damn you to hell cancer

  309. Kathryn A Huntington  May 9, 2018 at 10:24 pm Reply

    I tried to write about my sister but gave up. The whole point is, I thought we would be little old ladies together. Now I will be alone. Damn you to hell cancer

  310. KK  May 1, 2018 at 2:33 pm Reply

    I lost my sister (37) four weeks ago after a nine week battle with terminal cancer. I really truly and genuinely do not believe it and cannot begin to begin to fathom how on earth I would begin to begin to get over it

  311. KK  May 1, 2018 at 2:33 pm Reply

    I lost my sister (37) four weeks ago after a nine week battle with terminal cancer. I really truly and genuinely do not believe it and cannot begin to begin to fathom how on earth I would begin to begin to get over it

  312. Jeannette  April 30, 2018 at 2:22 am Reply

    I lost my sister in January of 2016.. She was one of eight siblings.. I thought I was doing quite well in my grieving process in spite of the tremendous anger I felt and often still feel for my brother-in-law who was just a couple months after her passing asking other women out on dates.. Just 8 hours after her passing his daughter called my sisters and asked us to please get over to their house because he had pulled a dump truck up to their house and was literally filling it with her belongings that he felt needed thrown away.. My sisters and I loaded her clothes in the cars to donate to Hospice.. It was so weird and I truly chalked it up to him loosing it, after all they had been together for 35 years.. As the weeks passed he continued with taking all of her crystal, teacup collection and even the furniture out of the house and leaving it outdoors in the elements to get damaged.. He was so careless about everything that he broke beautiful pieces that we had gotten her as gifts throughout the years.. He even went as far as gutting the entire house.. There was not a wall or piece of flooring that he did not change in that house in some way.. We don’t even know where half of her stuff went.. He was desperately chasing a women in another country just a couple months after my sweet sister died.. He was engaged in a matter of months and even went as far as temporarily moving to another country to secure his relationship with this person he barely knew.. He left his own daughter and grandchildren to pursue this other relationship just 1 week before Christmas.. My nieces children felt totally abandoned and even said they felt like they lost both their grandparents.. My siblings and I were confused but had no choice but to accept the changes taking place.. I feel that he disrespected my sisters memory and I don’t believe he has properly grieved.. 3 weeks ago after being stuck in another country for over a year because the women he married didn’t have a visa he moved back to the states with his new wife.. We have met her and she seems nice.. I thought I was going to be okay and that I was much farther into my healing process than I now
    realize I am.. I am in so much pain seeing him all happy and moving on the way he did.. I don’t want him to be unhappy but his presence along with hers causes me grief and suffering.. Why did he handle everything so horribly and why hasn’t he apologized to us for it? Where are my sisters memories in that house? When his daughter and the grandkids go over their where is her memory? The one place I get to be with her daughter and her grandchildren each week is church and now he and this new women are going there, even though he promised to go to another church.. I just knew he would let us down.. Why can’t they find another church to go to.. My sisters brothers and sisters go to this church.. Doesn’t he ever think about anyone but himself.. I have had confusion about all of this from day one and slowly have been getting anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, the list just goes on.. I pray and God does grant me peace but every time I think of him and this new women together I hurt so much.. I know the circle of life all too well and I know life is for the living.. But I’M HURTING and it seems that everyone thinks it’s all about him and his pain..

  313. Jeannette  April 30, 2018 at 2:22 am Reply

    I lost my sister in January of 2016.. She was one of eight siblings.. I thought I was doing quite well in my grieving process in spite of the tremendous anger I felt and often still feel for my brother-in-law who was just a couple months after her passing asking other women out on dates.. Just 8 hours after her passing his daughter called my sisters and asked us to please get over to their house because he had pulled a dump truck up to their house and was literally filling it with her belongings that he felt needed thrown away.. My sisters and I loaded her clothes in the cars to donate to Hospice.. It was so weird and I truly chalked it up to him loosing it, after all they had been together for 35 years.. As the weeks passed he continued with taking all of her crystal, teacup collection and even the furniture out of the house and leaving it outdoors in the elements to get damaged.. He was so careless about everything that he broke beautiful pieces that we had gotten her as gifts throughout the years.. He even went as far as gutting the entire house.. There was not a wall or piece of flooring that he did not change in that house in some way.. We don’t even know where half of her stuff went.. He was desperately chasing a women in another country just a couple months after my sweet sister died.. He was engaged in a matter of months and even went as far as temporarily moving to another country to secure his relationship with this person he barely knew.. He left his own daughter and grandchildren to pursue this other relationship just 1 week before Christmas.. My nieces children felt totally abandoned and even said they felt like they lost both their grandparents.. My siblings and I were confused but had no choice but to accept the changes taking place.. I feel that he disrespected my sisters memory and I don’t believe he has properly grieved.. 3 weeks ago after being stuck in another country for over a year because the women he married didn’t have a visa he moved back to the states with his new wife.. We have met her and she seems nice.. I thought I was going to be okay and that I was much farther into my healing process than I now
    realize I am.. I am in so much pain seeing him all happy and moving on the way he did.. I don’t want him to be unhappy but his presence along with hers causes me grief and suffering.. Why did he handle everything so horribly and why hasn’t he apologized to us for it? Where are my sisters memories in that house? When his daughter and the grandkids go over their where is her memory? The one place I get to be with her daughter and her grandchildren each week is church and now he and this new women are going there, even though he promised to go to another church.. I just knew he would let us down.. Why can’t they find another church to go to.. My sisters brothers and sisters go to this church.. Doesn’t he ever think about anyone but himself.. I have had confusion about all of this from day one and slowly have been getting anxiety, depression, insomnia, anger, the list just goes on.. I pray and God does grant me peace but every time I think of him and this new women together I hurt so much.. I know the circle of life all too well and I know life is for the living.. But I’M HURTING and it seems that everyone thinks it’s all about him and his pain..

  314. Suzann  April 26, 2018 at 3:10 pm Reply

    Your article has really helped after over 30 years of missing my older brother and only sibling, every day. I was a teenager when he died of cancer and I was always treated as if my grief was worth less, so I don’t think I’ve ever truly let go. He was always the one I could rely on and looked out for me. I have felt without an anchor ever since but didn’t know how to verbalise it. Thank you.

  315. Suzann  April 26, 2018 at 3:10 pm Reply

    Your article has really helped after over 30 years of missing my older brother and only sibling, every day. I was a teenager when he died of cancer and I was always treated as if my grief was worth less, so I don’t think I’ve ever truly let go. He was always the one I could rely on and looked out for me. I have felt without an anchor ever since but didn’t know how to verbalise it. Thank you.

  316. Richelle Lambiris  April 16, 2018 at 10:28 pm Reply

    I also lost my youngest brother suddenly when he was 27, I was 35. Over the past 3yrs I have learned a lot about myself and how to work through grief personally and with my husband and 2 daughters. I remember feeling like a shadow on the 2nd Mother’s day that passed, wanting my Mom to appreciate spending time with me- saying to myself “I am still alive, let me celebrate with you.” I also remember feeeling shocked one night waking from a nightmare where my surviving brother had died and I was terrified to be left alone without a sibling- a fear I had not had consciously to that point. Thank you for honoring this grieving process and the unique often overshadowed grief of a sibling loss; I especially resonated with the missing them paragraph. Keep talking everyone, much love.

  317. Richelle Lambiris  April 16, 2018 at 10:28 pm Reply

    I also lost my youngest brother suddenly when he was 27, I was 35. Over the past 3yrs I have learned a lot about myself and how to work through grief personally and with my husband and 2 daughters. I remember feeling like a shadow on the 2nd Mother’s day that passed, wanting my Mom to appreciate spending time with me- saying to myself “I am still alive, let me celebrate with you.” I also remember feeeling shocked one night waking from a nightmare where my surviving brother had died and I was terrified to be left alone without a sibling- a fear I had not had consciously to that point. Thank you for honoring this grieving process and the unique often overshadowed grief of a sibling loss; I especially resonated with the missing them paragraph. Keep talking everyone, much love.

  318. Spagmon  April 13, 2018 at 1:49 am Reply

    The only person who ever gave a S#! about me just died. Rest in peace mom. My dad left when i was a little kid, I have no brothers or sisters, I never married and have no children. My relationship with my mother was strained at best, she was physically and emotionally abusive most of my childhood but i just marked that up to her being a kid when she had a kid (me) she was 20 years old when I was born. I was put into the foster system when i was 13 for 3-4 years 4 different families. I didnt have any contact with my mother for 30 years until the last 7 years of her life when i moved in with her and her partner out of necessity. Now I am stuck here with her partner who doesnt like me but will allow me to stay here out of commitment to my mom (this will not last). I do not know what do.

  319. Spagmon  April 13, 2018 at 1:49 am Reply

    The only person who ever gave a S#!+ about me just died. Rest in peace mom. My dad left when i was a little kid, I have no brothers or sisters, I never married and have no children. My relationship with my mother was strained at best, she was physically and emotionally abusive most of my childhood but i just marked that up to her being a kid when she had a kid (me) she was 20 years old when I was born. I was put into the foster system when i was 13 for 3-4 years 4 different families. I didnt have any contact with my mother for 30 years until the last 7 years of her life when i moved in with her and her partner out of necessity. Now I am stuck here with her partner who doesnt like me but will allow me to stay here out of commitment to my mom (this will not last). I do not know what do.

  320. ISBN  April 12, 2018 at 11:02 am Reply

    I lost my brother 3 years ago. He was my older brother, closest in age, with two other brothers much older. We fought, we got along, he was the only one of my brothers who was overprotective of me…he was also a recovering alcoholic when he passed. He had been clean about a year and was found with one puncture mark from heroin overdose. I practiced “tough love” with him in my own way: just disappeared him from my life. Didn’t pick up when he called collect from jail. Didn’t write letters back–even though sometimes I meant to. I had three young kids, newly married, living several states away, but I’d cut him out before that. Today I don’t know why. Today I know he was self-medicating for whatever mental illness comes out in your 20s. No matter what he was on, he never stole or treated us badly. He was kind and cried, full of shame a lot. He gave everyone whatever he had. He had a dog named “Chance” because he got my brother outside and active again and was his chance at a fresh life. He was always, always good. He was one of the people for whom the world was too much. His heart was too full of love, and ached too much with pain he couldn’t block out. I am the one ashamed, now, that I didn’t walk through his dark night with him.

  321. ISBN  April 12, 2018 at 11:02 am Reply

    I lost my brother 3 years ago. He was my older brother, closest in age, with two other brothers much older. We fought, we got along, he was the only one of my brothers who was overprotective of me…he was also a recovering alcoholic when he passed. He had been clean about a year and was found with one puncture mark from heroin overdose. I practiced “tough love” with him in my own way: just disappeared him from my life. Didn’t pick up when he called collect from jail. Didn’t write letters back–even though sometimes I meant to. I had three young kids, newly married, living several states away, but I’d cut him out before that. Today I don’t know why. Today I know he was self-medicating for whatever mental illness comes out in your 20s. No matter what he was on, he never stole or treated us badly. He was kind and cried, full of shame a lot. He gave everyone whatever he had. He had a dog named “Chance” because he got my brother outside and active again and was his chance at a fresh life. He was always, always good. He was one of the people for whom the world was too much. His heart was too full of love, and ached too much with pain he couldn’t block out. I am the one ashamed, now, that I didn’t walk through his dark night with him.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 1:17 pm Reply

      So many similar stories make me feel less alone. Thank you for the heartfelt sharing <3

  322. Sue  April 11, 2018 at 3:25 pm Reply

    This article helped me more than words can say. My big brother, my only sibling, passed away suddenly two years ago at the age of 58. Since that day, I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I have a great circle of friends and extended family but often find myself dreading spending time with my friends or cousins and their siblings. I suppose that is another layer to the guilt. The guilt over feeling resentment toward people enjoying time with and even arguing with their siblings.
    I recently lost my Mom and although I didn’t think it was possible, I miss my brother even more now. As hard as it is to lose my Mom, I knew she wasn’t going to live forever and I know I was blessed to have her as long as I did even though it never would have been long enough. However, when my Mom was gone, I was supposed to have my brother.
    I am aware that I was also blessed to have a brother that I loved and liked enough to miss and grieve for this deeply and on good days I can actually feel badly for people who have siblings that cannot fathom missing them. Anyone who believes that their is an expiration date to grief has never lost a piece of their heart and soul.

  323. Sue  April 11, 2018 at 3:25 pm Reply

    This article helped me more than words can say. My big brother, my only sibling, passed away suddenly two years ago at the age of 58. Since that day, I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I have a great circle of friends and extended family but often find myself dreading spending time with my friends or cousins and their siblings. I suppose that is another layer to the guilt. The guilt over feeling resentment toward people enjoying time with and even arguing with their siblings.
    I recently lost my Mom and although I didn’t think it was possible, I miss my brother even more now. As hard as it is to lose my Mom, I knew she wasn’t going to live forever and I know I was blessed to have her as long as I did even though it never would have been long enough. However, when my Mom was gone, I was supposed to have my brother.
    I am aware that I was also blessed to have a brother that I loved and liked enough to miss and grieve for this deeply and on good days I can actually feel badly for people who have siblings that cannot fathom missing them. Anyone who believes that their is an expiration date to grief has never lost a piece of their heart and soul.

  324. Addie  April 10, 2018 at 11:12 pm Reply

    I lost my baby sister alostv9 months ago on July 30th, 2017. She took her own life and I know I will never get over it. She was 26 years old. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. I recently found out that she won an award for her work with the local youth, I can’t label all the emotions that I felt since the announcement. I appreciate this article, I knew I was the only one out there dealing with this type of grief but this is another good reminder.

  325. Addie  April 10, 2018 at 11:12 pm Reply

    I lost my baby sister alostv9 months ago on July 30th, 2017. She took her own life and I know I will never get over it. She was 26 years old. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her and miss her. I recently found out that she won an award for her work with the local youth, I can’t label all the emotions that I felt since the announcement. I appreciate this article, I knew I was the only one out there dealing with this type of grief but this is another good reminder.

  326. Denise maldonado  April 10, 2018 at 10:00 pm Reply

    I lost my baby sister March 20, 2018, she was only 49 Years old. She had knee infections over 2 Years and was on antibiotics so many different times. Cuz of that she had got another different infection in her stomach called C-Diff and within having c-diff for only 3 month it slowly took her life. She wasn’t just my sister she was also my best friend. We would always talk to each other every day and now I feel that it’s was tooken away from me. Love and miss you my baby sister so much

  327. Denise maldonado  April 10, 2018 at 10:00 pm Reply

    I lost my baby sister March 20, 2018, she was only 49 Years old. She had knee infections over 2 Years and was on antibiotics so many different times. Cuz of that she had got another different infection in her stomach called C-Diff and within having c-diff for only 3 month it slowly took her life. She wasn’t just my sister she was also my best friend. We would always talk to each other every day and now I feel that it’s was tooken away from me. Love and miss you my baby sister so much

  328. Rita Gray  April 10, 2018 at 7:29 pm Reply

    My little sister age 19 died in a fatal car accident due to speeding and not wearing a seatbelt. I am. 8yrs older than her bit she was my light. We bonding because our older sister was bossy. I miss her beyond words and I don’t know how to deal with this pain. I feel like a peice of me is missing.

  329. Rita Gray  April 10, 2018 at 7:29 pm Reply

    My little sister age 19 died in a fatal car accident due to speeding and not wearing a seatbelt. I am. 8yrs older than her bit she was my light. We bonding because our older sister was bossy. I miss her beyond words and I don’t know how to deal with this pain. I feel like a peice of me is missing.

  330. H  April 8, 2018 at 6:28 pm Reply

    I was 11 he was 21 my older brother was my everything and I feel as though everything is worthless. its been almost 3 years i need him in my life i need him to say something again. i need my Noah.

  331. H  April 8, 2018 at 6:28 pm Reply

    I was 11 he was 21 my older brother was my everything and I feel as though everything is worthless. its been almost 3 years i need him in my life i need him to say something again. i need my Noah.

  332. NoLongerQuiet  April 6, 2018 at 1:50 am Reply

    My older sister died after a long battle with cancer. My brother in law has been creepy and inappropriate for the last twenty years, making comments about marrying the wrong sister and rubbing himself on me at every family function. I didn’t get anywhere telling him to back off repeatedly or avoiding his special style of hugs, so I asked my sister for help and she told me to deal with it myself. She did not protect me. I stopped seeing her when I told her that I wouldn’t see him any more and she said they were a package deal, if I wanted to see her I had to see him.

    First, I’m really angry that she brought this predatory pervert into my life.
    Second, I’m angry that she died and he didn’t because that means he’s still a factor at family functions.
    Third, I’m angry that I even have to decide not to go to her funeral because the pervert will be there.
    Fourth, I’m angry that someone in my family gave him my phone number because he’s calling and my phone doesn’t have blocking capability.

    The family has protected him and made me to feel like I’m the one at fault (“will you be civil?” “Don’t make a scene”) So I feel some guilt at walking away but I’m not okay with keeping this predator in my life.

    I guess if they are a package in life so too in death. I’m staying home.

  333. NoLongerQuiet  April 6, 2018 at 1:50 am Reply

    My older sister died after a long battle with cancer. My brother in law has been creepy and inappropriate for the last twenty years, making comments about marrying the wrong sister and rubbing himself on me at every family function. I didn’t get anywhere telling him to back off repeatedly or avoiding his special style of hugs, so I asked my sister for help and she told me to deal with it myself. She did not protect me. I stopped seeing her when I told her that I wouldn’t see him any more and she said they were a package deal, if I wanted to see her I had to see him.

    First, I’m really angry that she brought this predatory pervert into my life.
    Second, I’m angry that she died and he didn’t because that means he’s still a factor at family functions.
    Third, I’m angry that I even have to decide not to go to her funeral because the pervert will be there.
    Fourth, I’m angry that someone in my family gave him my phone number because he’s calling and my phone doesn’t have blocking capability.

    The family has protected him and made me to feel like I’m the one at fault (“will you be civil?” “Don’t make a scene”) So I feel some guilt at walking away but I’m not okay with keeping this predator in my life.

    I guess if they are a package in life so too in death. I’m staying home.

  334. Lizard  April 5, 2018 at 4:35 pm Reply

    My younger brother killed himself on February 8, 2018 and yesterday would have been his birthday. He would have been 22. When he was alive I always felt like we were very close, but sometimes his suicide and the way he hid his pain from me and the family makes me feel like I didn’t even know him at all. I go through my day or week and everything will seem ok, but then I see his picture or some random song will play in a store or on the radio and I will feel a lot of pain. I miss him and I wish I could see him again. I don’t understand how this could have happened but it’s slowly becoming clearer as the days go by, I guess. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like he’s dead, it just seems like I’ll never see him again. I feel like everyone else just wants me to move on. I don’t want to talk about him to other people because I feel like talking about his suicide robs his memory of who he really was. He wasn’t a (seemingly) “depressed” person or someone who “had a serious problem” like other people try to explain to me now. I wish I could give his importance and significance to others but I don’t think anyone else wants to know about it.

  335. Lizard  April 5, 2018 at 4:35 pm Reply

    My younger brother killed himself on February 8, 2018 and yesterday would have been his birthday. He would have been 22. When he was alive I always felt like we were very close, but sometimes his suicide and the way he hid his pain from me and the family makes me feel like I didn’t even know him at all. I go through my day or week and everything will seem ok, but then I see his picture or some random song will play in a store or on the radio and I will feel a lot of pain. I miss him and I wish I could see him again. I don’t understand how this could have happened but it’s slowly becoming clearer as the days go by, I guess. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem like he’s dead, it just seems like I’ll never see him again. I feel like everyone else just wants me to move on. I don’t want to talk about him to other people because I feel like talking about his suicide robs his memory of who he really was. He wasn’t a (seemingly) “depressed” person or someone who “had a serious problem” like other people try to explain to me now. I wish I could give his importance and significance to others but I don’t think anyone else wants to know about it.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 1:05 pm Reply

      Oh Lizard, what you talk about punishes my soul every day. My sister also was depressed and nobody around her knew she was living her darkest hour. That attitude robbed us from the opportunity to help and we feel guilty. I also feel guilty because when I try to move on, I feel I’m betraying her memory. Living with this on my conscience is heavy 🙁

  336. J  April 3, 2018 at 6:05 am Reply

    I lost my brother, two years my junior, to suicide over a year ago. I was in a complete fog for months. I knew he had issues, but never did I think it would get so bad. I feel a lot of emotions, including guilt and sorrow. I did not get a chance to say good-bye, I’m sorry, or I love you. I think he must have known that I loved him deep in his heart, given a life-time of memories together, but I fear that he was also in a fog and felt all alone at the end of his life. I did not call him, and I will have to live with that. My other siblings have moved right along as they did not love him quite as much as I did. My mother is a mess and although I have tried to help her in her time of grief, she has turned blame upon me. She tells me that she no longer cares about anyone or anything. She blames others for times they hurt him during his life. She does not acknowledge the depth of my grief. My husband and kids and in-laws don’t get it if I am “not myself”. They think it is over now. It will never be over and I am not the same person. I had thoughts of my own death–one for all and all for one–early on. I know that this is not a good plan. I have my own life to live. I know he would want me to live it fully, even though he could not. He did not mean to pass on his pain to us, and I forgive him for that. He was not thinking clearly and could never have known the depth of the pain he would cause us for the rest of our days. I could not have known either. Love comes at a great price when you lose it, but I would still love again. I will hold him in my heart forever, even when most others forget, even if I grow to an old age. He believed, and I believe, that he and I will meet again. I hope that all of you come to some level of peace with the deaths you are experiencing, cherish the memories and love you shared with the person you lost, and come to see that we will all die some day. Maybe that realization will help you to live your own life to the fullest before it is too late. We always think there will be more time, but sometimes there isn’t. Love and death are a part of life, though some kinds of deaths are more tragic than others. Please love yourself every day, and love those who are still around you while you still can. Life has many great things to offer still, if you don’t give up.

  337. J  April 3, 2018 at 6:05 am Reply

    I lost my brother, two years my junior, to suicide over a year ago. I was in a complete fog for months. I knew he had issues, but never did I think it would get so bad. I feel a lot of emotions, including guilt and sorrow. I did not get a chance to say good-bye, I’m sorry, or I love you. I think he must have known that I loved him deep in his heart, given a life-time of memories together, but I fear that he was also in a fog and felt all alone at the end of his life. I did not call him, and I will have to live with that. My other siblings have moved right along as they did not love him quite as much as I did. My mother is a mess and although I have tried to help her in her time of grief, she has turned blame upon me. She tells me that she no longer cares about anyone or anything. She blames others for times they hurt him during his life. She does not acknowledge the depth of my grief. My husband and kids and in-laws don’t get it if I am “not myself”. They think it is over now. It will never be over and I am not the same person. I had thoughts of my own death–one for all and all for one–early on. I know that this is not a good plan. I have my own life to live. I know he would want me to live it fully, even though he could not. He did not mean to pass on his pain to us, and I forgive him for that. He was not thinking clearly and could never have known the depth of the pain he would cause us for the rest of our days. I could not have known either. Love comes at a great price when you lose it, but I would still love again. I will hold him in my heart forever, even when most others forget, even if I grow to an old age. He believed, and I believe, that he and I will meet again. I hope that all of you come to some level of peace with the deaths you are experiencing, cherish the memories and love you shared with the person you lost, and come to see that we will all die some day. Maybe that realization will help you to live your own life to the fullest before it is too late. We always think there will be more time, but sometimes there isn’t. Love and death are a part of life, though some kinds of deaths are more tragic than others. Please love yourself every day, and love those who are still around you while you still can. Life has many great things to offer still, if you don’t give up.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 12:59 pm Reply

      Dear J,
      Your experiences resonate so much with mine, specially all around how you did not have the chance too say goodbye, etc.
      Your post has helped me and brought me peace.
      I love the way you are handling it despite everyone around you not understanding.
      THANK YOU FOR SHARING THESE COMFORTING WORDS <3

  338. Jackie  April 3, 2018 at 2:51 am Reply

    My brother just passed away on March 10th. He was 26 and was in his way to the ER to see his best friend who had collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. I believe that he still made it and was by his friends side as an angel. His last phone call was made to the hospital and then he passed in a car accident. I don’t know how to do life right now and I feel as though I am going crazy. I miss him every second.

  339. Jackie  April 3, 2018 at 2:51 am Reply

    My brother just passed away on March 10th. He was 26 and was in his way to the ER to see his best friend who had collapsed and was rushed to the hospital. I believe that he still made it and was by his friends side as an angel. His last phone call was made to the hospital and then he passed in a car accident. I don’t know how to do life right now and I feel as though I am going crazy. I miss him every second.

  340. Laura  March 28, 2018 at 9:39 am Reply

    I’m sorry for everyone’s loss I too lost a brother to sudicide Jan 30 of this year he was found dead but he was missing a few days before but they put the day we found him dead as if he died on the 30th he was 32 and I’m 31 it’s so hard for me me and my brother fought so much but I guess that’s how he showed his love in the one who found him hanging from a tree he left a note but still don’t help w my pain my sister told my parents I wish I knew how Laura is taking our brother death so well but I’m screaming inside and falling apart but I have to try to help my family cope threw this they have no clue that the guilt I feel I can’t stop thinking what if I was a better sister to him then maybe he would have confined in me instead of him feeling like he has no one yes he made me mad enough that I wanted to kill him and I never thought losing him like we did would Tear me a part Like it is . It’s like he made me who I am today by showing his live the way he did made me strong and could say no to any drug or to anything I was against now that he’s gone it’s like I lost myself I don’t no how to live anymore how to love again I don’t know how to be the mom my kids need so much cuz the day he died I lost my rock and it just shattered in to millions of pieces now everything I was against on I’m doing now cuz I would do anything to stop the pain to do anything to not to fall asleep or close my eyes cuz every time I close my eyes I see him hanging and all I want to do is try so hard not to hate him and to ask him why u wanna do this to us in ur note u said all u do is hurt us and its best to make one sin than to make more I want to yell at him cuss him and tell him what we’re u thinking u don’t want to hurt us anymore what the hell u think u are doing now Danny this is the worse hurt u can do to us yes we fight but that means we love each other . I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m falling apart till there is nothing left of me and I know not sleeping is not helping me at all but the same night I found him I finally fail asleep and I had a nightmare in the nightmare it was like I was spiritiually in his body and he went up the tree and I saw him jump and when he fail my whole body jumped and it woke me up my sister said he wanted me to no since I found him that way that it didn’t hurt him he was showing me he wasn’t in pain but ever since that day I turned to the main drug I was against my whole life refuse to try it and I awlays dish the people that did it was stupid but look at me now I lost someone that I thought was gonna be the worse painful death that I could ever go threw w but I was wrong my brothers death is the worse I was wanting to tell my sister that I’m not taking it as well as she thinks that I may look ok to u but that’s only cuz I’m trying to look ok around my family but when I’m alone at night when everyone is asleep I fall hard like I can never get up I been talking to god it helped just a tad but not enough for me to want to go to sleep I don’t care about life no more I can’t feel love no more I don’t want to push my husband away but I do and he don’t deserve what I’m putting him threw he’s to good I feel like I should leave so I wouldn’t hurt him like I am now I feel like my kids deserve someone who is able to give them attention cuz I don’t no how right now and it’s braking me cuz I want to so bad to snap out of this but how when every time I barley close my eyes I see him that way and mom and dad and the family is really falling apart so I have no one I can’t bring myself to talk to my kids or my husband about it cuz there all hurting to so what do I do I’m lost I got to stop but how?

  341. Laura  March 28, 2018 at 9:39 am Reply

    I’m sorry for everyone’s loss I too lost a brother to sudicide Jan 30 of this year he was found dead but he was missing a few days before but they put the day we found him dead as if he died on the 30th he was 32 and I’m 31 it’s so hard for me me and my brother fought so much but I guess that’s how he showed his love in the one who found him hanging from a tree he left a note but still don’t help w my pain my sister told my parents I wish I knew how Laura is taking our brother death so well but I’m screaming inside and falling apart but I have to try to help my family cope threw this they have no clue that the guilt I feel I can’t stop thinking what if I was a better sister to him then maybe he would have confined in me instead of him feeling like he has no one yes he made me mad enough that I wanted to kill him and I never thought losing him like we did would Tear me a part Like it is . It’s like he made me who I am today by showing his live the way he did made me strong and could say no to any drug or to anything I was against now that he’s gone it’s like I lost myself I don’t no how to live anymore how to love again I don’t know how to be the mom my kids need so much cuz the day he died I lost my rock and it just shattered in to millions of pieces now everything I was against on I’m doing now cuz I would do anything to stop the pain to do anything to not to fall asleep or close my eyes cuz every time I close my eyes I see him hanging and all I want to do is try so hard not to hate him and to ask him why u wanna do this to us in ur note u said all u do is hurt us and its best to make one sin than to make more I want to yell at him cuss him and tell him what we’re u thinking u don’t want to hurt us anymore what the hell u think u are doing now Danny this is the worse hurt u can do to us yes we fight but that means we love each other . I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m falling apart till there is nothing left of me and I know not sleeping is not helping me at all but the same night I found him I finally fail asleep and I had a nightmare in the nightmare it was like I was spiritiually in his body and he went up the tree and I saw him jump and when he fail my whole body jumped and it woke me up my sister said he wanted me to no since I found him that way that it didn’t hurt him he was showing me he wasn’t in pain but ever since that day I turned to the main drug I was against my whole life refuse to try it and I awlays dish the people that did it was stupid but look at me now I lost someone that I thought was gonna be the worse painful death that I could ever go threw w but I was wrong my brothers death is the worse I was wanting to tell my sister that I’m not taking it as well as she thinks that I may look ok to u but that’s only cuz I’m trying to look ok around my family but when I’m alone at night when everyone is asleep I fall hard like I can never get up I been talking to god it helped just a tad but not enough for me to want to go to sleep I don’t care about life no more I can’t feel love no more I don’t want to push my husband away but I do and he don’t deserve what I’m putting him threw he’s to good I feel like I should leave so I wouldn’t hurt him like I am now I feel like my kids deserve someone who is able to give them attention cuz I don’t no how right now and it’s braking me cuz I want to so bad to snap out of this but how when every time I barley close my eyes I see him that way and mom and dad and the family is really falling apart so I have no one I can’t bring myself to talk to my kids or my husband about it cuz there all hurting to so what do I do I’m lost I got to stop but how?

  342. Donna Ivie  March 27, 2018 at 9:10 am Reply

    My little sister passed away in July 2009 she was 17 yrs old I was 23 she had an asthma induced heart attack she was found on her bedroom floor by my man and dad. I never felt overly close to my parents growing up. My sister was always so sick and in and out of hospital. I had to grow up quite fast and learn how to look after myself. I find it very hard every year on her anniversary and birthday I get really bad anxiety and can’t be around a lot of people my mam drinks quite a lot and gets very bitter and upset (she has been the same since before my sister passed away) she likes to take her annoyence out on the people around her. Every year she plans a huge get together to mark my sister’s anniversary and birthday and no matter how many times I tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with big groups of people she gets irate and screams and shouts. I thought when she lost her sisters to cancer that she would somehow understand a little how i feel but no she still has 7 surviving sisters I lost my 1 and only sibling and every year it gets harder and harder to deal with it

  343. Donna Ivie  March 27, 2018 at 9:10 am Reply

    My little sister passed away in July 2009 she was 17 yrs old I was 23 she had an asthma induced heart attack she was found on her bedroom floor by my man and dad. I never felt overly close to my parents growing up. My sister was always so sick and in and out of hospital. I had to grow up quite fast and learn how to look after myself. I find it very hard every year on her anniversary and birthday I get really bad anxiety and can’t be around a lot of people my mam drinks quite a lot and gets very bitter and upset (she has been the same since before my sister passed away) she likes to take her annoyence out on the people around her. Every year she plans a huge get together to mark my sister’s anniversary and birthday and no matter how many times I tell her that I don’t feel comfortable with big groups of people she gets irate and screams and shouts. I thought when she lost her sisters to cancer that she would somehow understand a little how i feel but no she still has 7 surviving sisters I lost my 1 and only sibling and every year it gets harder and harder to deal with it

  344. Anne  March 25, 2018 at 10:41 pm Reply

    My brother Jim died December 10th of cancer. Sadly he seemed to be fighting his battle and didn’t think he was done fighting, but suddenly things quickly changed and the battle was done. I felt guilty for not being there more to help him, he never asked for help, thought he was doing fine. I’d see him weekly, he was miserable with chemo and mean and crabby (can’t blame him) but at times was hard to be with . Man I miss him every day, we did things all the time. We fought too – that part wasn’t great, my dad died when I was 17, he was then in charge (9 years older)… not always great. But I miss him and just hurt so much. I keep waiting for my memories to fade so I don’t feel sad, wishing I could bring him back to have helped him more and when I was tired I would have made more time. Damn just thought he was battling it… not losing the battle.

  345. Anne  March 25, 2018 at 10:41 pm Reply

    My brother Jim died December 10th of cancer. Sadly he seemed to be fighting his battle and didn’t think he was done fighting, but suddenly things quickly changed and the battle was done. I felt guilty for not being there more to help him, he never asked for help, thought he was doing fine. I’d see him weekly, he was miserable with chemo and mean and crabby (can’t blame him) but at times was hard to be with . Man I miss him every day, we did things all the time. We fought too – that part wasn’t great, my dad died when I was 17, he was then in charge (9 years older)… not always great. But I miss him and just hurt so much. I keep waiting for my memories to fade so I don’t feel sad, wishing I could bring him back to have helped him more and when I was tired I would have made more time. Damn just thought he was battling it… not losing the battle.

  346. Nicole  March 22, 2018 at 10:47 pm Reply

    I lost my older brother 2 years ago today. He was shot by an officer while resisting arrest. He left behind 4 kids, only one of which I get to see. My mother acts like she was the only one to lose anyone and that mine and my other brother’s feelings just don’t matter because we haven’t lost a child. My brother was 33 and I was 29 when he died. I was his emergency contact and they failed to contact me. My brother died all alone in another state in SICU. That’s what hurts the most. He was alone. Myself and my surving brother are the “forgotten mourners”. Our mother doesn’t care and truthfully has never cared about what we are going through. She didn’t raise us and had nothing to do with my brother before he died because he was always in trouble. It angers me the way she acts. And of course, the pain of losing my brother is hard, we were so close. Of the 3 of us, we were the closest.

  347. Nicole  March 22, 2018 at 10:47 pm Reply

    I lost my older brother 2 years ago today. He was shot by an officer while resisting arrest. He left behind 4 kids, only one of which I get to see. My mother acts like she was the only one to lose anyone and that mine and my other brother’s feelings just don’t matter because we haven’t lost a child. My brother was 33 and I was 29 when he died. I was his emergency contact and they failed to contact me. My brother died all alone in another state in SICU. That’s what hurts the most. He was alone. Myself and my surving brother are the “forgotten mourners”. Our mother doesn’t care and truthfully has never cared about what we are going through. She didn’t raise us and had nothing to do with my brother before he died because he was always in trouble. It angers me the way she acts. And of course, the pain of losing my brother is hard, we were so close. Of the 3 of us, we were the closest.

  348. Katie Favaro  March 21, 2018 at 8:57 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling in 1999. After all these years without him, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was my hero.

  349. Katie Favaro  March 21, 2018 at 8:57 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling in 1999. After all these years without him, I still can’t believe he’s gone. He was my hero.

  350. Kayla Gennett  March 20, 2018 at 11:53 pm Reply

    I am stuck. I lost my younger brother in the early hours of March 19th, a few days ago. A day that also happens to be my birthday. A day that I can’t see myself celebrating ever again. The amount of guilt I feel is so consuming. Its my fault. We were out celebrating my birthday (by celebrating, I mean hanging out at my fiance’s parents house and playing/learning to play Dungeons and Dragons with my fiances siblings). It was late, whn I decided that I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. My brother had ridden his motorized bicycle out there. Its about a 45/50 minute car ride. He decided he was going to go home as well. He lived with my fiance and I. I stayed behind him for like 10 minutes, and then went around him because I had two cars riding my butt. I made it home. He never did. He was struck by a truck and killed on his way home, a hit and run. At some point after the first incident, he was struck again, and that is what prompted the 911 call. My guilt is consuming me, and I dont know how to escape it. I have a lot of anger as well. Anger at myself. Anger at the driver who hit him. For hitting him AND for not stopping. Our parents will be here tomorrow, and I have done all I can do. Figured out arrangements. Reached out to people. Having to make that phone call to my mom and then to my dad was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do. How am I supposed to move on?

  351. Kayla Gennett  March 20, 2018 at 11:53 pm Reply

    I am stuck. I lost my younger brother in the early hours of March 19th, a few days ago. A day that also happens to be my birthday. A day that I can’t see myself celebrating ever again. The amount of guilt I feel is so consuming. Its my fault. We were out celebrating my birthday (by celebrating, I mean hanging out at my fiance’s parents house and playing/learning to play Dungeons and Dragons with my fiances siblings). It was late, whn I decided that I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep in my own bed. My brother had ridden his motorized bicycle out there. Its about a 45/50 minute car ride. He decided he was going to go home as well. He lived with my fiance and I. I stayed behind him for like 10 minutes, and then went around him because I had two cars riding my butt. I made it home. He never did. He was struck by a truck and killed on his way home, a hit and run. At some point after the first incident, he was struck again, and that is what prompted the 911 call. My guilt is consuming me, and I dont know how to escape it. I have a lot of anger as well. Anger at myself. Anger at the driver who hit him. For hitting him AND for not stopping. Our parents will be here tomorrow, and I have done all I can do. Figured out arrangements. Reached out to people. Having to make that phone call to my mom and then to my dad was the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do. How am I supposed to move on?

  352. Natalie  March 19, 2018 at 2:34 am Reply

    We lost my big brother on December 20, 2013.
    They did knee surgery on him about a month or so before that day. He’d had a skateboarding accident and shattered his knee so bad, so they had to operate and try to repair it. He was also bipolar and it was not always easy with him. Well long story short he was having problems sleeping and night sweats and they didn’t catch that he had an embolism which killed him suddenly. I came home from my job and saw him just moments before his death. The whole family was surrounding him and the ambulances came to help. They tried but they couldn’t save him.

    The autopsy revealed he was developing heart disease as well.

    I worry about my younger brother. He’s not doing so well, has no friends and stays in his room or in the house pretty much every single day.

    He needs a friend, some type of physical activity, but he’s very “oppositional defiant” -always has been. On top of that, he’s prone to horrible outbursts and hates to do anything for himself, expects my mom to just bring him food and wash his dishes, and really just has no clue about life experiences. When my older brother wasn’t manic, he’d warn my younger brother not to keep being this way. Sadly now my younger brother is nearly 27, has little education, terrible communication skills, and a very difficult temperament— nobody in the family can help him.

    I’m just hoping one day he will snap out of it. I’ve tried to help but it always backfires on me.

  353. Natalie  March 19, 2018 at 2:34 am Reply

    We lost my big brother on December 20, 2013.
    They did knee surgery on him about a month or so before that day. He’d had a skateboarding accident and shattered his knee so bad, so they had to operate and try to repair it. He was also bipolar and it was not always easy with him. Well long story short he was having problems sleeping and night sweats and they didn’t catch that he had an embolism which killed him suddenly. I came home from my job and saw him just moments before his death. The whole family was surrounding him and the ambulances came to help. They tried but they couldn’t save him.

    The autopsy revealed he was developing heart disease as well.

    I worry about my younger brother. He’s not doing so well, has no friends and stays in his room or in the house pretty much every single day.

    He needs a friend, some type of physical activity, but he’s very “oppositional defiant” -always has been. On top of that, he’s prone to horrible outbursts and hates to do anything for himself, expects my mom to just bring him food and wash his dishes, and really just has no clue about life experiences. When my older brother wasn’t manic, he’d warn my younger brother not to keep being this way. Sadly now my younger brother is nearly 27, has little education, terrible communication skills, and a very difficult temperament— nobody in the family can help him.

    I’m just hoping one day he will snap out of it. I’ve tried to help but it always backfires on me.

  354. Diana Betz  March 17, 2018 at 10:32 pm Reply

    I’ve been lost for the last 3 weeks. On Feb. 23 my 34 year old sister had wrist surgery. Her heart stopped during surgery, but was revived. The Dr said because of her age they saw no reason to keep her for observation, they sent her home. The next day my mom got a call from her husband saying she was in the hospital because her heart stopped and she was shocked 6 times. She spent the last 3 weeks on a ventilator. It was removed yesterday. She hasn’t passed yet but she could anytime. Out of all my other 5 siblings I was the one she talked to the most. I know the last year we didn’t see much of each other but she’s my little sister. On top of losing her I know we won’t get to see much of her 3 kids either. So I’m kinda grieving for all of them

  355. Diana Betz  March 17, 2018 at 10:32 pm Reply

    I’ve been lost for the last 3 weeks. On Feb. 23 my 34 year old sister had wrist surgery. Her heart stopped during surgery, but was revived. The Dr said because of her age they saw no reason to keep her for observation, they sent her home. The next day my mom got a call from her husband saying she was in the hospital because her heart stopped and she was shocked 6 times. She spent the last 3 weeks on a ventilator. It was removed yesterday. She hasn’t passed yet but she could anytime. Out of all my other 5 siblings I was the one she talked to the most. I know the last year we didn’t see much of each other but she’s my little sister. On top of losing her I know we won’t get to see much of her 3 kids either. So I’m kinda grieving for all of them

  356. Emma  March 15, 2018 at 10:57 pm Reply

    It’s been a year and a half since my brother was murdered. He was 19, I was 16. As children we were best friends but we grew distant in our teenage yeats. I always wonder if things would have turned out different if I had made an attempt to keep in touch with him after he moved out. I miss him endlessly, it still haunts me.

  357. Emma  March 15, 2018 at 10:57 pm Reply

    It’s been a year and a half since my brother was murdered. He was 19, I was 16. As children we were best friends but we grew distant in our teenage yeats. I always wonder if things would have turned out different if I had made an attempt to keep in touch with him after he moved out. I miss him endlessly, it still haunts me.

  358. Saras  March 9, 2018 at 3:49 am Reply

    25th August 2014, I lost my brother in a car accident. The car got into a lake, so he drowned. He was only 11 (I was 20), but he knew how to swim. I once taught him. Maybe not good enough.. The thing is, unlike almost everyone here who can say confidently that their sibling was their best friend, I can’t. I was the only child for 8 1/2 years before he was born, so I think that got me this selfish and immature character. My relationship with my brother started okay, I was actually kinda close to him. I forgot exactly when our relationship was strained, I guess when I got into my 3rd year in Senior High School. Since then, I stopped playing with him. I barely spoke to him, and when I did, I didn’t do it nicely. I often ignored him. I often gave him this nasty look. We fought often. And I never said that I love him. But, inside, we care for each other, he looked up to me, and I cared about his school and all. Sometimes I would teach him, and I would always got him something for his birthday. But those nice moments are small and rare, the bads drown them easily. 1 week before he died, we got into this nasty fight. Not even a fight, I was furious at him out of jealousy, he totally did nothing wrong. When he died, the guilty feeling was overwhelming. The dream that one day we would live in a perfect harmony was over. What’s worst about it, is that I can’t grief. My parents were devastated, and me-griefing wouldn’t help the situation. Besides, everyone knows how nasty I was to my brother, it leaves me no right to grief. So, even until now, no one knows how much I was devastated over his passing. I went through all of it alone, I don’t permit myself to grief in front of others, not even my parents. It’s hard, and it doesn’t get easier even after 3 years.

  359. Saras  March 9, 2018 at 3:49 am Reply

    25th August 2014, I lost my brother in a car accident. The car got into a lake, so he drowned. He was only 11 (I was 20), but he knew how to swim. I once taught him. Maybe not good enough.. The thing is, unlike almost everyone here who can say confidently that their sibling was their best friend, I can’t. I was the only child for 8 1/2 years before he was born, so I think that got me this selfish and immature character. My relationship with my brother started okay, I was actually kinda close to him. I forgot exactly when our relationship was strained, I guess when I got into my 3rd year in Senior High School. Since then, I stopped playing with him. I barely spoke to him, and when I did, I didn’t do it nicely. I often ignored him. I often gave him this nasty look. We fought often. And I never said that I love him. But, inside, we care for each other, he looked up to me, and I cared about his school and all. Sometimes I would teach him, and I would always got him something for his birthday. But those nice moments are small and rare, the bads drown them easily. 1 week before he died, we got into this nasty fight. Not even a fight, I was furious at him out of jealousy, he totally did nothing wrong. When he died, the guilty feeling was overwhelming. The dream that one day we would live in a perfect harmony was over. What’s worst about it, is that I can’t grief. My parents were devastated, and me-griefing wouldn’t help the situation. Besides, everyone knows how nasty I was to my brother, it leaves me no right to grief. So, even until now, no one knows how much I was devastated over his passing. I went through all of it alone, I don’t permit myself to grief in front of others, not even my parents. It’s hard, and it doesn’t get easier even after 3+ years.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 12:44 pm Reply

      Sarah, listen to me, my older sister (nine years older) and older brother (12 years older) were exactly the same with me as you were with your little brother!
      And you know what, I did not hurt me or made an impact in my life because everyone was an adult around me (I was a surprise, unplanned kid) and behaved similarly except my mom, so it was the norm for me. I remember more the happy moments instead. Seriously, don’t feel bad, is super normal. Promise? I swear to you that for such an age difference its really hard for teenagers to relate to younger children. That young child is telling you from her own experience 😉

  360. Deborah  March 8, 2018 at 5:53 am Reply

    I see a bit of myself in all the comments posted. My sweet sweet younger sister dies from medical negligence and being a doctor myself I can’t get past the guilt of not being around to set things straight for her. I feel responsible for her death. She was many years younger than I but we were very close, we were still making plans the week before her passing. I have been totally devastated and not bothered to try to be strong. Everyday I pray to God to turn time back to the. morning before she went to the hospital so I can call her and prevent her from the events that led to her death. It’s comforting to know that my grief is normal. It’s sad to learn that the feeling of missing something will never go. I feel like someone stole something from me.
    Somewhere in the book of Corinthians in the Bible talks about not grieving as though we have no hope. There is a hope of resurrection and this encourages me that though I won’t see my beloved sister in this dispensation, I look forward to the resurrection when Christ returns.

  361. Deborah  March 8, 2018 at 5:53 am Reply

    I see a bit of myself in all the comments posted. My sweet sweet younger sister dies from medical negligence and being a doctor myself I can’t get past the guilt of not being around to set things straight for her. I feel responsible for her death. She was many years younger than I but we were very close, we were still making plans the week before her passing. I have been totally devastated and not bothered to try to be strong. Everyday I pray to God to turn time back to the. morning before she went to the hospital so I can call her and prevent her from the events that led to her death. It’s comforting to know that my grief is normal. It’s sad to learn that the feeling of missing something will never go. I feel like someone stole something from me.
    Somewhere in the book of Corinthians in the Bible talks about not grieving as though we have no hope. There is a hope of resurrection and this encourages me that though I won’t see my beloved sister in this dispensation, I look forward to the resurrection when Christ returns.

  362. Laura Zenkner  March 4, 2018 at 6:52 pm Reply

    I am very sorry for anyone who has experienced the same as I did and shared their story here. I remember how desperately I searched attention and a community after my brother died and how overwhelming my feelings were.
    My brother died almost 3 years ago, I was fifteen and he was twelve. I still have another brother, his twinbrother.
    I was the last person he spoke to, before he fell out of the window of his bedroom.
    I am convinced this is the deepest pain I can possibly feel and am sure this will kill me one day. I am too soft to handle this reality. Yes, I grew as a person because of this incident. But that fact is like scratching a wound with a needle.
    I can’t smile with my eyes anymore. Strangers that observe me a little immediatly get the sense that something drags me down. They notice how apparant my feelings are before I do.
    All I wish for is this to stop. I can’t handle it. It feels like I will never be able to escape this dilemma.
    I wish you all the best

  363. Laura Zenkner  March 4, 2018 at 6:52 pm Reply

    I am very sorry for anyone who has experienced the same as I did and shared their story here. I remember how desperately I searched attention and a community after my brother died and how overwhelming my feelings were.
    My brother died almost 3 years ago, I was fifteen and he was twelve. I still have another brother, his twinbrother.
    I was the last person he spoke to, before he fell out of the window of his bedroom.
    I am convinced this is the deepest pain I can possibly feel and am sure this will kill me one day. I am too soft to handle this reality. Yes, I grew as a person because of this incident. But that fact is like scratching a wound with a needle.
    I can’t smile with my eyes anymore. Strangers that observe me a little immediatly get the sense that something drags me down. They notice how apparant my feelings are before I do.
    All I wish for is this to stop. I can’t handle it. It feels like I will never be able to escape this dilemma.
    I wish you all the best

  364. Erika  March 4, 2018 at 12:13 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister on February 12, 2018. She had gotten into a car accident in January and knowing how she is she wouldn’t tell us how and what happened. Eventually she admitted that she was drinking, luckily no one else got hurt. She had hit a barrier/ guardrail at a high speed. Honestly my sister’s life was spiraling out of control her drinking, eating and impulsivity. I remember being the last person she saw when she was in the rehab facility she had broken both of her ankles, her sternum, and had to get surgery on her face from the air bag deploying. Oddly enough she never says I love you but she did that night. The next day I get a call saying that my sister passed away. It’s a fucking nightmare that I have every night. Running in there and feeling how cold she is. I had to shield my parents from seeing her body being put in the van by the coroners. It turned out that my sister passed away from a blood clot that traveled to her heart. So much emphasis is put on my parents and I’m constantly being told to be strong for them but where does that leave me? My sister and I were thick as thieves but I hated how stubborn she is and I realized she didn’t want treatment for anything but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s my sister and I love her. It’s hard for me to get out of bed and I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I’m not in constant pain. I miss her, I miss calling her and just going out with her. A part of me is mad at her for being stubborn and finding out she had a double life. If there’s any support groups out there help would be appreciated.

  365. Erika  March 4, 2018 at 12:13 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister on February 12, 2018. She had gotten into a car accident in January and knowing how she is she wouldn’t tell us how and what happened. Eventually she admitted that she was drinking, luckily no one else got hurt. She had hit a barrier/ guardrail at a high speed. Honestly my sister’s life was spiraling out of control her drinking, eating and impulsivity. I remember being the last person she saw when she was in the rehab facility she had broken both of her ankles, her sternum, and had to get surgery on her face from the air bag deploying. Oddly enough she never says I love you but she did that night. The next day I get a call saying that my sister passed away. It’s a fucking nightmare that I have every night. Running in there and feeling how cold she is. I had to shield my parents from seeing her body being put in the van by the coroners. It turned out that my sister passed away from a blood clot that traveled to her heart. So much emphasis is put on my parents and I’m constantly being told to be strong for them but where does that leave me? My sister and I were thick as thieves but I hated how stubborn she is and I realized she didn’t want treatment for anything but it doesn’t change the fact that she’s my sister and I love her. It’s hard for me to get out of bed and I don’t think there’s a day that goes by that I’m not in constant pain. I miss her, I miss calling her and just going out with her. A part of me is mad at her for being stubborn and finding out she had a double life. If there’s any support groups out there help would be appreciated.

    • Esther R.  October 19, 2019 at 12:31 pm Reply

      Oh Erika, I can relate so much. My sister’s life was also out of control and that just makes it harder because I will always feel guilty my life turned better and because I wish I would have helped her more. :,(

  366. Meggie  March 4, 2018 at 1:08 am Reply

    I dont even know how to start…. I lost my sister on the 5th of March from Aneurysm.. she was 25.. i was 23….. she died in my arms.. tomorrow is a 3 year of bullshit life without her… those who say that it will pass.. it wont.. I will never understand we were watching tv shows… she fell asleep and bam.. shes gone.. my parents got lost in the moment.. i had to be the strong one for them that night.. so i was. And after that night.. i got lost.. me and my sister .. we are soulmates.. when ever she was feeling bad.. i had that feeling right away.. Even the symptoms you suppose to have before the aneurysm makes the chaos, they were transferred to me.. like someone is playing games with us, she didnt even had a sign of something wrong going on.. and i had a dream about her… i should known better.. I dont even deserve this air..my sister is my everything….she is the most peaceful person i know.. she never argues .. she will remain calm and smile at everything.. its like she isnt even real.. i dont understand how could this happen to a person like her.. i wish no one never ever experiences this… this is a hell of life.. i cant go at her .. i even ignor everything.. i get drunk and then hell starts.. i guess alcohol gets out all of the pain.. and i know its not a way.. but it helps in some way.. the bottom line is that this is hell, and if u want to yell at someone do it.. if u can cry .. cry.. cos i cant.. and trust me not being able to release your own anger and sadness or just the missing part of not being able to listen to her voice again or seeing that magnificent face , its a mess … this is so much painful to even write it down .. my days started with her, and ended with her.. so when she was taken from me.. who ever took her, took my life away too..

  367. Meggie  March 4, 2018 at 1:08 am Reply

    I dont even know how to start…. I lost my sister on the 5th of March from Aneurysm.. she was 25.. i was 23….. she died in my arms.. tomorrow is a 3 year of bullshit life without her… those who say that it will pass.. it wont.. I will never understand we were watching tv shows… she fell asleep and bam.. shes gone.. my parents got lost in the moment.. i had to be the strong one for them that night.. so i was. And after that night.. i got lost.. me and my sister .. we are soulmates.. when ever she was feeling bad.. i had that feeling right away.. Even the symptoms you suppose to have before the aneurysm makes the chaos, they were transferred to me.. like someone is playing games with us, she didnt even had a sign of something wrong going on.. and i had a dream about her… i should known better.. I dont even deserve this air..my sister is my everything….she is the most peaceful person i know.. she never argues .. she will remain calm and smile at everything.. its like she isnt even real.. i dont understand how could this happen to a person like her.. i wish no one never ever experiences this… this is a hell of life.. i cant go at her .. i even ignor everything.. i get drunk and then hell starts.. i guess alcohol gets out all of the pain.. and i know its not a way.. but it helps in some way.. the bottom line is that this is hell, and if u want to yell at someone do it.. if u can cry .. cry.. cos i cant.. and trust me not being able to release your own anger and sadness or just the missing part of not being able to listen to her voice again or seeing that magnificent face , its a mess … this is so much painful to even write it down .. my days started with her, and ended with her.. so when she was taken from me.. who ever took her, took my life away too..

  368. Bri  February 26, 2018 at 2:47 am Reply

    Im 17 years old and my brother (21) was killed in a hit and run incident on February 24 2018. I dont know what to do and keep picturing how he died all alone at 2 am in the darkness. What he was thinking or how he might have felt. When an officer came to my door I was alone at the time. He spoke to me and said they couldnt tell by looking at him who he was (he was “unidentifiable”) but he had his ID. My brother was 6 foot 4 and had a swimmers build. So when the officer said he was a “big boy” and was wearing a wooden thumb ring as well as a bracelet he gave me and my sister to match on Christmas. I knew it had to be him. He was killed in san diego on I-5 freeway and the hit and runners have not been found. Every night i cry myself to sleep and have the same vivid nightmare of him getting hit and regrets of not saying i love you frequently (as well as painful headaches). I was hoping writing it out would help even just slightly. His dog had also just died from diabetes and i cant help but to think death is much more closer than i thought possible. I thought crying was supposed to help you not make you want to cry more.

  369. Bri  February 26, 2018 at 2:47 am Reply

    Im 17 years old and my brother (21) was killed in a hit and run incident on February 24 2018. I dont know what to do and keep picturing how he died all alone at 2 am in the darkness. What he was thinking or how he might have felt. When an officer came to my door I was alone at the time. He spoke to me and said they couldnt tell by looking at him who he was (he was “unidentifiable”) but he had his ID. My brother was 6 foot 4 and had a swimmers build. So when the officer said he was a “big boy” and was wearing a wooden thumb ring as well as a bracelet he gave me and my sister to match on Christmas. I knew it had to be him. He was killed in san diego on I-5 freeway and the hit and runners have not been found. Every night i cry myself to sleep and have the same vivid nightmare of him getting hit and regrets of not saying i love you frequently (as well as painful headaches). I was hoping writing it out would help even just slightly. His dog had also just died from diabetes and i cant help but to think death is much more closer than i thought possible. I thought crying was supposed to help you not make you want to cry more.

    • Elle  March 2, 2018 at 2:40 am Reply

      I just lost my brother. He was also 4 years older than me. He was my only sibling, he always took care of me. I miss him so much. He died alone in a car accident. I don’t know how I can adjust to this and go back to ‘normal.’ I can’t stop seeing his wrecked car. I just want to be in an alternate reality.

    • Amanda Webb  March 3, 2018 at 10:13 pm Reply

      Bri,
      I also lost my younger brother, on the same day. He was 25. And he was more than a brother, he was a piece of my soul. i know your pain. The deep sadness and despair. It is strange how the rest of the world just carries on when you hurt so much. Stay strong, dear girl. I keep hearing this and i know how hollow those words are and how nothing anyone says can make the pain lessen. Just know you are not alone
      amanda

  370. Denise  February 24, 2018 at 8:10 am Reply

    My 31 year old son lost his 33 year old brother Jan. 2017. He was present when the accident happened.
    David was going to help Chris move into his first home and Chris was looking so forward to showing his brother what he bought. I think it was good that Chris was with David because I told him to lay next to David, hold him, tell him it would be ok and of course I love you. He and Davids girlfriend were both holding him in the end. It was a terrible phone call to receive from my son about my other son but God was in this in every way possible. I made to the hospital and knew right away David was dead. I’m sure Chris knew that too but he didn’t tell me. I was more concerned about my elderly parents and Chris.
    I’ve been around death a lot working in an ICU, was I better prepared? I think I was more prepared than anyone else in my family because I had seen so many different deaths and grieving of other family members over the years. I was numb but we all were.
    I worried about Chris as much as he worried about me. You see I lost a husband and Chris lost a father 16 years before to suicide. We’ve been through a lot together and know we’re the only 2 left out of our family of 4. I still have my siblings and parents who are in their 80’s. My job prepared me for death and I prepared my sons as much as I could for it as well by telling them I love them and hug them before they leave me and to always treat each other as if was the last time they’d see each other. I still worry more about Chris and I have to outlive him so he’s not the last of our family to go. I’m so sorry for all your losses and families who get caught up in their own grief and forget about you the sibling and in many cases you the best friend like my sons were..

  371. Denise  February 24, 2018 at 8:10 am Reply

    My 31 year old son lost his 33 year old brother Jan. 2017. He was present when the accident happened.
    David was going to help Chris move into his first home and Chris was looking so forward to showing his brother what he bought. I think it was good that Chris was with David because I told him to lay next to David, hold him, tell him it would be ok and of course I love you. He and Davids girlfriend were both holding him in the end. It was a terrible phone call to receive from my son about my other son but God was in this in every way possible. I made to the hospital and knew right away David was dead. I’m sure Chris knew that too but he didn’t tell me. I was more concerned about my elderly parents and Chris.
    I’ve been around death a lot working in an ICU, was I better prepared? I think I was more prepared than anyone else in my family because I had seen so many different deaths and grieving of other family members over the years. I was numb but we all were.
    I worried about Chris as much as he worried about me. You see I lost a husband and Chris lost a father 16 years before to suicide. We’ve been through a lot together and know we’re the only 2 left out of our family of 4. I still have my siblings and parents who are in their 80’s. My job prepared me for death and I prepared my sons as much as I could for it as well by telling them I love them and hug them before they leave me and to always treat each other as if was the last time they’d see each other. I still worry more about Chris and I have to outlive him so he’s not the last of our family to go. I’m so sorry for all your losses and families who get caught up in their own grief and forget about you the sibling and in many cases you the best friend like my sons were..

  372. Krystle Whitaker  February 24, 2018 at 12:46 am Reply

    Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 62 days and i wish i could bring her back everyday.

  373. Krystle Whitaker  February 24, 2018 at 12:46 am Reply

    Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 62 days and i wish i could bring her back everyday.

  374. Krystle Whitaker  February 24, 2018 at 12:42 am Reply

    Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 92 days.

  375. Krystle Whitaker  February 24, 2018 at 12:42 am Reply

    Why does it hurt so much!!!! She was supposed to be turning 35 this year. My birthday came without her here!!! I’m totally devastated!!! My baby sister. My only friend. Gone overnight. What am i supposed to do now!!! No one should ever have to hurt like this. I got through my fathers passing in 2014 because i had to be strong for her. She was being strong for me. Always thinking she was the big sister lol. I love her so much. She’s been gone 92 days.

  376. John  February 23, 2018 at 4:01 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling, my older brother, on June 29, 2016, at the age of 53 to a heart attack. I’m still grieving. He was my best friend, although we were 9 years apart. I still tear up every time I think about him. He was such a proud uncle to my 4-year-old son, and he was planning to do so much with him. He’s left a huge hole in my life that I cannot fill. We lost our father suddenly in 1995, also to a heart condition, and my brother was who I always looked to for advice — the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever known.

  377. John  February 23, 2018 at 4:01 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling, my older brother, on June 29, 2016, at the age of 53 to a heart attack. I’m still grieving. He was my best friend, although we were 9 years apart. I still tear up every time I think about him. He was such a proud uncle to my 4-year-old son, and he was planning to do so much with him. He’s left a huge hole in my life that I cannot fill. We lost our father suddenly in 1995, also to a heart condition, and my brother was who I always looked to for advice — the smartest, kindest person I’ve ever known.

    • Lianne  March 6, 2018 at 2:26 am Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my big brother, my only sibling, my hero, my conscience, my mentor, my friend in August 2017. He too was a wonderful uncle to my two pre-teen kids…. I understand your devastation and don’t wish it on anyone. I find myself trying to steal time from some elusive future moment when things don’t hurt so much. Sometimes this helps… sometimes I think I’ve lost my mind. His death was unnecessary, and that doesn’t help. I am truly so sorry for your loss.

      • Lianne  March 6, 2018 at 2:28 am

        (He was 58, also eight years older than me; and we had lost my dad 2 years earlier.)

  378. Tina  February 18, 2018 at 5:42 pm Reply

    I lost my younger sister 10 years ago. It never gets any easier. I went from being the oldest child, to being the only child. Still having a hard time coping with this transition and family dynamic. It only gets worse as I get older. Does anyone have any suggestions for me , how to cope with this or how to help improve my relationship with my parents? I miss my sister deeply and I still have a hard time discussing this loss.

    Thank you.

  379. Tina  February 18, 2018 at 5:42 pm Reply

    I lost my younger sister 10 years ago. It never gets any easier. I went from being the oldest child, to being the only child. Still having a hard time coping with this transition and family dynamic. It only gets worse as I get older. Does anyone have any suggestions for me , how to cope with this or how to help improve my relationship with my parents? I miss my sister deeply and I still have a hard time discussing this loss.

    Thank you.

    • M  February 21, 2018 at 1:11 pm Reply

      Hi Tina… Am in the same boat. Lost my sis more than 20 years ago…Feels like yesterday. She was 16, I was 10. She was sleeping. I was in a bed next to hers, reading a book. It was morning. She started making some funny sounds, like heavy breathing…I didn’t wake her up though as she hated that.. the sounds stopped soon. Then mom came to wake her up..And she never did. Oh..I dealt with all that fine enough.. had lost my dad at the age of 4.. but still I did ok. But since the last 4-5 years, something happened. I can’t even bear thinking of my sis without tearing up. Any reference to her or thought of her and the tears don’t stop flowing. Even if I want to tell someone about her, or the fact that I used to have a sis, I can’t. And I don’t like crying in front of others, so it’s hard. I have to avoid such topics. I don’t know why this is happening after so so many years. What the trigger point was.. but am struggling. I tell myself it’s ridiculous. And yes, the guilt is there too. No one knows yet I heard her make some noise. Why didn’t I just wake her up then and there? Did I kill her? I can never tell mum. The survival guilt is there too as she was honestly far more deserving of life than me… Seriously. Pretty, loving, full of life and more. You know, nowadays I read about people freezing their eggs and sperm etc. I even imagine if somehow I had her eggs… I would make sure I impregnate myself with them and give birth to another form of my sis. So many ‘what ifs.’ what if I had woken her up that day
      Sorry, but am clueless how to deal with our grief, Tina…. Even as I type, I have to keep wiping the tears off and my nose is stuffed. But this site has already helped by making me feel am not the only one dealing with such issues. Am glad someone somewhere is reading this…for I can never let out my feelings so much in person to anyone. Meanwhile, I can only hope my tearing up phase stops one day magically.

      • amanda  March 3, 2018 at 10:19 pm

        I do hope you can find a way to talk about it. my brother just passed and it is all i think about. it is all i want to think about, i feel like moving on is forgetting him and i too have delusional thoughts about how to bring him back. i also keep trying to find a meaning in it all. like somehow this was his destiny and it was chosen. but, even that does not ease the pain.

  380. K harmon  February 12, 2018 at 9:56 am Reply

    I just lost my best friend….my brother. He died Jan 12, 2018. I’m having trouble just getting through a day. I’ve lost both parents, and the emptiness, is just overwhelming.

  381. K harmon  February 12, 2018 at 9:56 am Reply

    I just lost my best friend….my brother. He died Jan 12, 2018. I’m having trouble just getting through a day. I’ve lost both parents, and the emptiness, is just overwhelming.

    • Diana  February 22, 2018 at 7:42 pm Reply

      Hi K Harmon,
      I feel your pain I just lost my only sibling sister Jan 20, 2018.. I watched her die she should never have died from having a couple of lymph nodes removed from her neck..she was suppose to go home the next day..that turned into 9 days ..I am having so much trouble grieving over her death because he daughter is just making trouble with my sisters husband and myself..( mind you this daughter never visited her Mother in3 years) all the family had offered plane tickets so she could see her mom but the dog was here excuse! (Husband son daughter friend all could have cared for the dog..just saying… she thinks I want all her mothers stuff..I don’t ..I like a single keepsake ..I don’t see a resolution to this and to top everything my husband has dementia and I can’t leave him..
      thanks everyone for listening Ive really needed to vent…

  382. Peggy Greer  February 10, 2018 at 9:00 am Reply

    I came across this site on Pinterest while I was looking for things about sibling loss. It helped to read this. To know my pain counts. I lost my little brother on May 18 th 2017 to a massive heart attack at age 48. I got the call at 2:30 in the morning from my sister in law that he was not responding to hurry there. I live less than five minutes away. U see my brother was a diabetic and I’ve had these calls before and left knowing I would fix this and he would be ok. But when I got there and saw two ambulances and police cars I knew something was bad wrong. Within ten minutes of being in my brothers home with his wife and kids. They came out of his bedroom room and asked where my parents lived I remembering saying why why do u need to go there. That’s when he said I’m sorry he’s gone. I had the hard task of going to my moms house first at 3:00 in the morning to tell her her son was gone. Then to only go to my Dads house to do the same and then the task of calling my two other brothers who live out of state that whole day is a blur. I’m miss him more and more as time goes on. I feel that I left him down that his Sissy as they call me didn’t fix this for him. I just can’t wrap my head or heart around the fact that he is really gone. The feeling of wanting to know WHY him WHY now. I’m the oldest I’m suppose to go first. This pain is too hard to bare. My parents have shut down. My Dad has become quite and not wanting to leave his house. And my mom has become angry and needing to blame someone for his death. Neither will talk. I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying very hard to keep our family together. Because family was everything to my little brother ?? no one for me to talk to because I just may be the sister but my brothers are my world and I don’t know how to deal with this missing piece to our puzzle I call family

  383. Peggy Greer  February 10, 2018 at 9:00 am Reply

    I came across this site on Pinterest while I was looking for things about sibling loss. It helped to read this. To know my pain counts. I lost my little brother on May 18 th 2017 to a massive heart attack at age 48. I got the call at 2:30 in the morning from my sister in law that he was not responding to hurry there. I live less than five minutes away. U see my brother was a diabetic and I’ve had these calls before and left knowing I would fix this and he would be ok. But when I got there and saw two ambulances and police cars I knew something was bad wrong. Within ten minutes of being in my brothers home with his wife and kids. They came out of his bedroom room and asked where my parents lived I remembering saying why why do u need to go there. That’s when he said I’m sorry he’s gone. I had the hard task of going to my moms house first at 3:00 in the morning to tell her her son was gone. Then to only go to my Dads house to do the same and then the task of calling my two other brothers who live out of state that whole day is a blur. I’m miss him more and more as time goes on. I feel that I left him down that his Sissy as they call me didn’t fix this for him. I just can’t wrap my head or heart around the fact that he is really gone. The feeling of wanting to know WHY him WHY now. I’m the oldest I’m suppose to go first. This pain is too hard to bare. My parents have shut down. My Dad has become quite and not wanting to leave his house. And my mom has become angry and needing to blame someone for his death. Neither will talk. I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying very hard to keep our family together. Because family was everything to my little brother ?? no one for me to talk to because I just may be the sister but my brothers are my world and I don’t know how to deal with this missing piece to our puzzle I call family

  384. Nobody to Write Home about  February 9, 2018 at 7:59 pm Reply

    lost my brother on November 13, 2018. He would have been 44 this past December.
    we were close as kids, but grew apart, and he moved far away and married someone who is not nice to me. pretty much treats me like i do not exist. our family is very dysfunctional. i had an uncle who abused me, well he was invited to my brother’s college graduation AND his wedding. my brother knew i could not be in the same room with my ex uncle. he invited the uncle anyway so i stayed home. maybe that’s what caused his bitterness towards me? he also had a kid with a total psycho, (not his wife, this was before he met her) and once called and exclaimed “you’re an Aunt!” to which i declined. heartless? maybe, but i never have liked kids, never wanted them and after being abused by an Uncle and Aunt, did not want to be an Aunt. he might have held this against me too. but, regardless, emotional distance between us grew. he was always very critical of me, he reminded me a lot of my mother who died too, a few years back. he told me he misses Mother, well, Mother was abusive towards me too, very emotionally abusive, I was never good enough and on top of that, she had adopted me…anyway, my brother got Cancer (they say anger, guilt and resentment can cause it, wonder if any of that factored into it) He acted angry and bitter. We were both adopted. He never wanted to find his birth parents but I did and my birthmother ended up rejecting me all over again by not wanting to have anything to do with me or meet me. She died. So my birthmother, brother and adopted mother are all dead. And people wonder why I have no interest in having kids, or being near them, and I wonder why I have serious intimacy issues and only involve myself with emotionally unavailable men. In a way I’m relieved two of the most critical people in my life (mother and brother) are gone. adopted father is still here but he’s not a father. i can’t talk to him about anything deep. he is distant, unloving, and anti social. I cried when my brother died and now, all I feel is numbness and jealousy towards those who have close, loving family members. i’m never going to know what that feels like. 🙁

  385. Nobody to Write Home about  February 9, 2018 at 7:59 pm Reply

    lost my brother on November 13, 2018. He would have been 44 this past December.
    we were close as kids, but grew apart, and he moved far away and married someone who is not nice to me. pretty much treats me like i do not exist. our family is very dysfunctional. i had an uncle who abused me, well he was invited to my brother’s college graduation AND his wedding. my brother knew i could not be in the same room with my ex uncle. he invited the uncle anyway so i stayed home. maybe that’s what caused his bitterness towards me? he also had a kid with a total psycho, (not his wife, this was before he met her) and once called and exclaimed “you’re an Aunt!” to which i declined. heartless? maybe, but i never have liked kids, never wanted them and after being abused by an Uncle and Aunt, did not want to be an Aunt. he might have held this against me too. but, regardless, emotional distance between us grew. he was always very critical of me, he reminded me a lot of my mother who died too, a few years back. he told me he misses Mother, well, Mother was abusive towards me too, very emotionally abusive, I was never good enough and on top of that, she had adopted me…anyway, my brother got Cancer (they say anger, guilt and resentment can cause it, wonder if any of that factored into it) He acted angry and bitter. We were both adopted. He never wanted to find his birth parents but I did and my birthmother ended up rejecting me all over again by not wanting to have anything to do with me or meet me. She died. So my birthmother, brother and adopted mother are all dead. And people wonder why I have no interest in having kids, or being near them, and I wonder why I have serious intimacy issues and only involve myself with emotionally unavailable men. In a way I’m relieved two of the most critical people in my life (mother and brother) are gone. adopted father is still here but he’s not a father. i can’t talk to him about anything deep. he is distant, unloving, and anti social. I cried when my brother died and now, all I feel is numbness and jealousy towards those who have close, loving family members. i’m never going to know what that feels like. 🙁

  386. Kayla Procise  February 8, 2018 at 5:37 am Reply

    I lost my 19 year old brother May 7, 2016. He was my very best friend, as we are only three years apart. We were arguing that night because my mom told him to bring her car home by midnight and it was an hour past. I just knew something was wrong when he never made it home so I jumped in my car and drove down the road to find him in the woods and the car in the trees about a mile from our home. I started CPR as I called 911, but he was already gone. Now 21 months later I am still a complete and total wreck. My parents are the same. I am the only child left. I don’t even know how to express my depression or anxiety. My heart hurt so badly. All I want us to have him back. I have read all the books I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist every week.. nothing can take this pain away. I can’t function daily anymore, my mind is gone. I’m not who I was at all. I was so confident the leader and now I know nothing, nothing at all..

  387. Kayla Procise  February 8, 2018 at 5:37 am Reply

    I lost my 19 year old brother May 7, 2016. He was my very best friend, as we are only three years apart. We were arguing that night because my mom told him to bring her car home by midnight and it was an hour past. I just knew something was wrong when he never made it home so I jumped in my car and drove down the road to find him in the woods and the car in the trees about a mile from our home. I started CPR as I called 911, but he was already gone. Now 21 months later I am still a complete and total wreck. My parents are the same. I am the only child left. I don’t even know how to express my depression or anxiety. My heart hurt so badly. All I want us to have him back. I have read all the books I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist every week.. nothing can take this pain away. I can’t function daily anymore, my mind is gone. I’m not who I was at all. I was so confident the leader and now I know nothing, nothing at all..

    • Elizabeth Doe  February 15, 2018 at 11:49 pm Reply

      Hello Kayla, I wanted to express my deepest condolences to you on the loss of your brother. I lost my best friend, my brother, on October 27, 2017… he passed away from colon cancer at the age of 23. It is painful to realize that not many people can truly understand your pain, and especially when you lose someone that was so important to you in your life at such a young age. I can’t comprehend my future without him, we used to talk all day long about how successful our lives would be, but I truly believed he had a chance of having a great life. There’s this overwhelming guilt of “why couldn’t it have been me” and there’s nothing to soothe the pain. The pain hasn’t gotten any easier over time. I wanted to reach out and say how sorry I was and that the two of us are on the same road travelling the same journey without our beloved brothers. I hope that we can both find some solace some day and time in the future.

    • Michelle  February 21, 2018 at 1:09 am Reply

      Kayla, I want to say so sorry you are feeling this pain. I just lost my brother January 13, 2018. He was only 24 and it was sudden. He was murdered. It has been the hardest time in my life. I live in pain everyday. Pain when I look at my mom who lost her only son, pain for my 4 year od niece who doesn’t have her daddy, pain for my kids who were so close to their uncle. It hurts so badly. I have lost the one person i grew up with, who I remember mom being pregnant with, watching him as mom had to work, I was suppose to watch him grow more as a person. I feel my heart can’t take no more. I feel so many thing at this point. Regret is one I struggle with daily. Prayers to you and thank you for sharing your story.

      • Justin  February 26, 2018 at 2:23 am

        My sister also passed away at age 24 last early march. She was a nurse in Beverly Hills and was headed home and got into a car accident. She had a very bad brain injury and the nuerosuregons were saying there was no chance, it was a catch 22. We kept on praying for a miracle but they weren’t being answered. I sometimes go on Microsoft word or google docs and just sit and write to her. I also put on our favorite music that we used to listen together and meditate/say positive things and think of our favorite memories that we shared. I smoke weed (CBD) to help me and it has been helping me, sorta. I had a very vivid dream recently of me and her singing. The feelings that you get from dreams with your siblings are like nothing else. One thing that she told me was to always live here in the present moment, to live your best life, and always put my mom first. That has inspired me so much and I see a lot of these comments and would like to pay it forward and tell you to think about the things your sibling has shared with you that you can live by. My sister has helped me to live through her and help me with my entrepreneurial ventures. Everyone has a different way of experiencing grief and I hope this has given you some kind of value to cope with yours. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Don’t pray for an easier life pray for to be stronger.

        P.S- Studying stoicism has helped me get out of depression! I would recommend it to anyone especially if they are in the business world as it is very competitive and could use the additional emotional fortitude.

        Justin.

  388. Louise  February 7, 2018 at 10:33 pm Reply

    This is such a great thread, and it’s really helping me, reading all these comments. I lost my brother 3 months ago to an aggressive cancer that took his life in 10 weeks. We thought he’d have six months, so we were shell-shocked after it was over, albeit grateful that the lingering painful death of many pancreatic cancer sufferers had been avoided. He was 61, never married, and had lived with mum for the past 20 years. I moved in with mum for 6 weeks to help her get used to her new life of living alone, and yes I was the sibling out of the remaining three who took charge and sorted everything out. Now that I’m home, however, I still can’t seem to grasp that my brother is gone. When I see photos of him or he comes into my mind, I hear my own voice in my head saying “Where are you?” as if he’d gone on a holiday and I wasn’t quite sure where he was. I guess this is the denial phase of grief, but frankly I’m not sure how to move past it. I didn’t see him die, so I hoped for closure at the funeral, but that just felt like a dream I was experiencing. I’m the executor of his estate and dealing with paperwork and talking to people about his death each week so I should “get” it, but as time passes and I can’t seem to accept what happened, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Will I never accept his death? My father died 30 years ago and I had no trouble believing he was dead. Ditto my grandma and other family friends. My brother’d death, however, just won’t sink in.

  389. Louise  February 7, 2018 at 10:33 pm Reply

    This is such a great thread, and it’s really helping me, reading all these comments. I lost my brother 3 months ago to an aggressive cancer that took his life in 10 weeks. We thought he’d have six months, so we were shell-shocked after it was over, albeit grateful that the lingering painful death of many pancreatic cancer sufferers had been avoided. He was 61, never married, and had lived with mum for the past 20 years. I moved in with mum for 6 weeks to help her get used to her new life of living alone, and yes I was the sibling out of the remaining three who took charge and sorted everything out. Now that I’m home, however, I still can’t seem to grasp that my brother is gone. When I see photos of him or he comes into my mind, I hear my own voice in my head saying “Where are you?” as if he’d gone on a holiday and I wasn’t quite sure where he was. I guess this is the denial phase of grief, but frankly I’m not sure how to move past it. I didn’t see him die, so I hoped for closure at the funeral, but that just felt like a dream I was experiencing. I’m the executor of his estate and dealing with paperwork and talking to people about his death each week so I should “get” it, but as time passes and I can’t seem to accept what happened, I’m wondering if there’s something wrong with me. Will I never accept his death? My father died 30 years ago and I had no trouble believing he was dead. Ditto my grandma and other family friends. My brother’d death, however, just won’t sink in.

  390. lilly hoffman  February 1, 2018 at 12:10 pm Reply

    My twin brother died at 5 month old and i just found out about him 2 or 3 years ago. it is painful

  391. lilly hoffman  February 1, 2018 at 12:10 pm Reply

    My twin brother died at 5 month old and i just found out about him 2 or 3 years ago. it is painful

  392. Gregory Houston  February 1, 2018 at 12:57 am Reply

    My little sister was murdered january 14 2018 I cant focus at work I feel guilty i was to busy notice she was in a abusive relasonship now its too late I keep looking at are messages on facebook she is my little sister shes given me advise on setting a example for my kids and being the bigger person she is so smart since this happen to her my mom not answering her phone and didnt come to her funeral im not mad her

  393. Gregory Houston  February 1, 2018 at 12:57 am Reply

    My little sister was murdered january 14 2018 I cant focus at work I feel guilty i was to busy notice she was in a abusive relasonship now its too late I keep looking at are messages on facebook she is my little sister shes given me advise on setting a example for my kids and being the bigger person she is so smart since this happen to her my mom not answering her phone and didnt come to her funeral im not mad her

  394. Sara  January 29, 2018 at 6:13 pm Reply

    I lost my oldest brother, Jeff, to suicide on March 3, 2015. I have never been so shocked it my entire life. He was 47 years old. No one suspected he was suicidal, even his best friend cant believe it to this day. I then lost my other brother on August 17, 2017. I was at home and the police came to my door and informed me that he had passed away. Well, second major shock of my life! He was 48 years old. They did an autopsy and we are still waiting for the results.
    I am the youngest of the 3 of us and I have always been the care taker. So that is what I have done ever since my brother Jeff died is care for others, my mom, my niece, my sister-in-law, my brothers best friend! I dropped everything in my life to make sure that things got handled where he lived, making funeral arrangements and decisions that others weren’t willing to make.
    Then my brother Jamie passed away unexpectedly as well. Same things happened, I put my life on hold to make sure things were handled, dealing with the coroner, funeral arrangements etc…
    It is the most lonely feeling in the world to know that my two older brothers who I championed, looked up to and detested but loved so much are no longer on this earth. They knew me and they got me, They would hug me when I needed it and they would let me know when I was being a bitch!!!! I miss them both so horribly!
    I am really having a hard time in the last week or so and I am wondering if the reality is finally hitting me. I do really feel that sibling grief is overlooked because I am very rarely asked how I am but am almost always asked how my mom is! This is so hard for me because I don’t know how to respond because she wont talk about it with me. She thinks that crying is weak and she just keeps it to herself.
    And it is sad that people don’t see what a loss it is to lose a sibling! I have spent more time with my two brothers than mostly anybody. They were a safe place for me and now they are gone.

  395. Sara  January 29, 2018 at 6:13 pm Reply

    I lost my oldest brother, Jeff, to suicide on March 3, 2015. I have never been so shocked it my entire life. He was 47 years old. No one suspected he was suicidal, even his best friend cant believe it to this day. I then lost my other brother on August 17, 2017. I was at home and the police came to my door and informed me that he had passed away. Well, second major shock of my life! He was 48 years old. They did an autopsy and we are still waiting for the results.
    I am the youngest of the 3 of us and I have always been the care taker. So that is what I have done ever since my brother Jeff died is care for others, my mom, my niece, my sister-in-law, my brothers best friend! I dropped everything in my life to make sure that things got handled where he lived, making funeral arrangements and decisions that others weren’t willing to make.
    Then my brother Jamie passed away unexpectedly as well. Same things happened, I put my life on hold to make sure things were handled, dealing with the coroner, funeral arrangements etc…
    It is the most lonely feeling in the world to know that my two older brothers who I championed, looked up to and detested but loved so much are no longer on this earth. They knew me and they got me, They would hug me when I needed it and they would let me know when I was being a bitch!!!! I miss them both so horribly!
    I am really having a hard time in the last week or so and I am wondering if the reality is finally hitting me. I do really feel that sibling grief is overlooked because I am very rarely asked how I am but am almost always asked how my mom is! This is so hard for me because I don’t know how to respond because she wont talk about it with me. She thinks that crying is weak and she just keeps it to herself.
    And it is sad that people don’t see what a loss it is to lose a sibling! I have spent more time with my two brothers than mostly anybody. They were a safe place for me and now they are gone.

  396. Elizabeth  January 17, 2018 at 5:38 pm Reply

    How to deal with this ? I found my brother dead in bed on Christmas Day 12/25 17. 68 yrs old almost 69 on 1/13. My nephew in law had to break into the house. He saw my brother first, and it was his father n law too. I walked into room afterwards and was shocked and just couldn’t believe my eyes, I still can’t believe he is dead. We were close. After I saw my brother, my neice (goddaughter) arrived and that was her dad, my brother. Then a few hours later my brother’s son got to the house. My brother there Dad looked so peaceful . How does one work this out as I am the aunt/Godmother as well as a sister to the deceased. WE are close. But being that he is my brother, they have only experienced the death fo their father. I sometimes am at a loss of words and my grief is different as a sibling then a dauther/son. I miss my brother immensely since he was my true support in life then my other 5 siblings. He was always there for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

  397. Elizabeth  January 17, 2018 at 5:38 pm Reply

    How to deal with this ? I found my brother dead in bed on Christmas Day 12/25 17. 68 yrs old almost 69 on 1/13. My nephew in law had to break into the house. He saw my brother first, and it was his father n law too. I walked into room afterwards and was shocked and just couldn’t believe my eyes, I still can’t believe he is dead. We were close. After I saw my brother, my neice (goddaughter) arrived and that was her dad, my brother. Then a few hours later my brother’s son got to the house. My brother there Dad looked so peaceful . How does one work this out as I am the aunt/Godmother as well as a sister to the deceased. WE are close. But being that he is my brother, they have only experienced the death fo their father. I sometimes am at a loss of words and my grief is different as a sibling then a dauther/son. I miss my brother immensely since he was my true support in life then my other 5 siblings. He was always there for me. Does anyone have any suggestions?

  398. A grieving sister  January 10, 2018 at 11:22 pm Reply

    I have to agree the overshadowed grief has to be the hardest part of losing a sibling. When I was 11 my 6year old brother was killed in a tragic car accident. (We lost my aunt as well— October 1997) My parents couldn’t function for years and so being the oldest, I was the one who had to care for my younger brother and sisters. For years I just wanted someone to acknowledge my grief, my loss and tell me everything was going to be ok. So I learned how to cope and adjust to being ignored. I’ve heard some much about my mom’s loss, but I didn’t lose just my brother that day, I lost both of my parents too. They’ve never been the same. Just as I was adjusting and accepting that I will never be asked if I’m ok, we lost my sister last year to an overdose. Today was the anniversary of her death, no one thought to ask me how I was doing. My mom told me before Christmas that I didn’t even care that my sister was dead. I’m raising her child, who is one of the biggest blessings in my life, but I apparently don’t have get to grieve. It was so nice finding this site and knowing that I’m not the only one.

  399. A grieving sister  January 10, 2018 at 11:22 pm Reply

    I have to agree the overshadowed grief has to be the hardest part of losing a sibling. When I was 11 my 6year old brother was killed in a tragic car accident. (We lost my aunt as well— October 1997) My parents couldn’t function for years and so being the oldest, I was the one who had to care for my younger brother and sisters. For years I just wanted someone to acknowledge my grief, my loss and tell me everything was going to be ok. So I learned how to cope and adjust to being ignored. I’ve heard some much about my mom’s loss, but I didn’t lose just my brother that day, I lost both of my parents too. They’ve never been the same. Just as I was adjusting and accepting that I will never be asked if I’m ok, we lost my sister last year to an overdose. Today was the anniversary of her death, no one thought to ask me how I was doing. My mom told me before Christmas that I didn’t even care that my sister was dead. I’m raising her child, who is one of the biggest blessings in my life, but I apparently don’t have get to grieve. It was so nice finding this site and knowing that I’m not the only one.

  400. Marie  January 2, 2018 at 10:03 pm Reply

    I lost my Brother on the 3rd of December 2017. He was 44 years old. I am Roy’s only sibling and 20 months older. We are yet to find out why.. I am broken and living day to day in a haze switching from extreme heartbreak to denial that’s he’s truly just no longer with us. I feel part of me has gone and I am forever changed. My brother was a loving and caring soul and we always looked out for each other .. Christmas and New year came and went I’m hiding away from the real world and struggling to speak to anyone that knows me. I have 3 grown up children who I feel I am failing terribly as I usually look after everyone else but I’ve crumbled and if I’m honest I don’t want to feel any different as if somehow that would mean I love him any less.. My partner has been very understanding and is helping me but nothing is ever going to change what’s happened.
    I feel my future lies empty I miss his love laughter and loyalty he will always be my best friend.
    It’s so sad to read so many others are going though the same pain .. love to you all

  401. Marie  January 2, 2018 at 10:03 pm Reply

    I lost my Brother on the 3rd of December 2017. He was 44 years old. I am Roy’s only sibling and 20 months older. We are yet to find out why.. I am broken and living day to day in a haze switching from extreme heartbreak to denial that’s he’s truly just no longer with us. I feel part of me has gone and I am forever changed. My brother was a loving and caring soul and we always looked out for each other .. Christmas and New year came and went I’m hiding away from the real world and struggling to speak to anyone that knows me. I have 3 grown up children who I feel I am failing terribly as I usually look after everyone else but I’ve crumbled and if I’m honest I don’t want to feel any different as if somehow that would mean I love him any less.. My partner has been very understanding and is helping me but nothing is ever going to change what’s happened.
    I feel my future lies empty I miss his love laughter and loyalty he will always be my best friend.
    It’s so sad to read so many others are going though the same pain .. love to you all

    • Karen  January 11, 2018 at 1:51 am Reply

      Hi Marie,
      My name is Karen and before I go on please except my deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. I too lost my brother in December, December 14 after a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. He was 47 years old and had been fighting this Horrible disease since March of this year. The doctors were so optimistic with his progress he was scheduled to have the tutor removed on Dec 17th but on the 14th he went in to cardiac arrest and passed away. Like you, my brother was my only sibling. I have also lost my mother and my father to cancer. I tota like you, my brother was my only sibling. I have also lost my mother and my father to cancer. When reading your feelings about your brother, I felt like I was reading my story! This horrible feeling of being alone so prevalent it’s scary! I just wanted to reach out and say how sorry I was in that the two of us are on the same road travelling the same journey without our beloved brothers. I hope that we can both find some solace knowing that our brothers for special people and they are now looking after us.

      • Donna  January 28, 2018 at 4:38 am

        Hi Karen and Marie,

        I cannot believe this. I too lost my brother in December (13th) 2017. He was 46 and died of non-Hodgkin lymphoma. It was very aggressive and the doctors were unable to find it. I didn’t find out until the day of his wake. This whole situation does not seem real. I keep asking myself how could this happen. I keep thinking he is coming back. I lost my sister 10 years almost to the day and she too was 46. I am alone now with just my father who is 81 and lives on the other side of the country. No words can truly express the pain inside. .

  402. Lori Friend  January 1, 2018 at 10:24 am Reply

    I was adopted as a small child and my adopted parents always were open with me about it. 8 years ago my mom helped me try to find out any information about my biological background, but we were unsuccessful. I lost my momma 2 and a half years ago and my desire to learn more about my biological background became very important to me. With persistence and help from momma and the good Lord above I was finally successful. I finally located two half brothers that I never even knew existed, not knowing there were more siblings out there. The one who answered my first email with a phone call changed my life. His name was Randy. Randy responded to me with a phone call that resulted to contact on a daily basis. After we first talked we couldn’t get enough of each other. I was the big sisters he dreamed of and he was my baby brother I totally fell in love with. We communicated on a daily basis through hours of messaging or phone calls. I couldn’t get enough of him and his knowledge and acceptance. I yearned for the relationship we had gained. We were counting down the days til we were scheduled to meet. We were 6 days and 13 hours away from the biggest and best day of our lives, when we would be able to hug and look into each others eyes for the first time face to face when the worst nightmare possible came true. I sent him a message and he didn’t respond so I figured I missed him, I had a gut wrenching and confused feeling as I sent him a second message telling him I love him and would catch up with him tomorrow. Then I got a message from my sister in law telling me to call her, first thought was a bad accident and that he was in the hospital or something like that, not that he had died of a heart attack. We had our week together all planned only a week away, I felt so robbed and broken. Going down to Tennessee was Not the trip I had planned, it was supposed to be a joyous trip . Life has not been the same since. Yes there are other half brothers but I am scared to death to get to know them even though they said they accept me out of fear of going through this pain again. Randy was the baby, I am the oldest, my children are grown up and he had young children to home. I felt so robbed and guilty because their daddy is gone and I am older and still here. This happened September 6th ,2017 . I don’t know how to get past the biggest loss of my life, he was my baby brother and I love and miss him so much.

  403. Lori Friend  January 1, 2018 at 10:24 am Reply

    I was adopted as a small child and my adopted parents always were open with me about it. 8 years ago my mom helped me try to find out any information about my biological background, but we were unsuccessful. I lost my momma 2 and a half years ago and my desire to learn more about my biological background became very important to me. With persistence and help from momma and the good Lord above I was finally successful. I finally located two half brothers that I never even knew existed, not knowing there were more siblings out there. The one who answered my first email with a phone call changed my life. His name was Randy. Randy responded to me with a phone call that resulted to contact on a daily basis. After we first talked we couldn’t get enough of each other. I was the big sisters he dreamed of and he was my baby brother I totally fell in love with. We communicated on a daily basis through hours of messaging or phone calls. I couldn’t get enough of him and his knowledge and acceptance. I yearned for the relationship we had gained. We were counting down the days til we were scheduled to meet. We were 6 days and 13 hours away from the biggest and best day of our lives, when we would be able to hug and look into each others eyes for the first time face to face when the worst nightmare possible came true. I sent him a message and he didn’t respond so I figured I missed him, I had a gut wrenching and confused feeling as I sent him a second message telling him I love him and would catch up with him tomorrow. Then I got a message from my sister in law telling me to call her, first thought was a bad accident and that he was in the hospital or something like that, not that he had died of a heart attack. We had our week together all planned only a week away, I felt so robbed and broken. Going down to Tennessee was Not the trip I had planned, it was supposed to be a joyous trip . Life has not been the same since. Yes there are other half brothers but I am scared to death to get to know them even though they said they accept me out of fear of going through this pain again. Randy was the baby, I am the oldest, my children are grown up and he had young children to home. I felt so robbed and guilty because their daddy is gone and I am older and still here. This happened September 6th ,2017 . I don’t know how to get past the biggest loss of my life, he was my baby brother and I love and miss him so much.

  404. Cammy  January 1, 2018 at 12:44 am Reply

    Hello ,

    Well I had to speak to someone who knows this horrible feeling I am sorry for all of us who are in this grief group it’s a terrible place to be.
    So I lost my sister Nov 5 , 2017 at 57 years old to cancer she suffered for a year . And I can’t believe she is gone she helped me my whole life always protected me always had all the answers for me
    How am I suppose to go through life without her ?
    All the major life events that she won’t be apart of why did this have to happen… why did God take my sister she also died the same day as our Dad did 14 years ago and how did I get through that I had her .
    Now I have crazy anxiety worry about everything scared of death and what’s to become in life .
    I hate to even write this on New Years part of me wants to forget 2017 but I feel sad that was the last year I had my sister in my life .
    Thanks for listening
    Cammy

  405. Cammy  January 1, 2018 at 12:44 am Reply

    Hello ,

    Well I had to speak to someone who knows this horrible feeling I am sorry for all of us who are in this grief group it’s a terrible place to be.
    So I lost my sister Nov 5 , 2017 at 57 years old to cancer she suffered for a year . And I can’t believe she is gone she helped me my whole life always protected me always had all the answers for me
    How am I suppose to go through life without her ?
    All the major life events that she won’t be apart of why did this have to happen… why did God take my sister she also died the same day as our Dad did 14 years ago and how did I get through that I had her .
    Now I have crazy anxiety worry about everything scared of death and what’s to become in life .
    I hate to even write this on New Years part of me wants to forget 2017 but I feel sad that was the last year I had my sister in my life .
    Thanks for listening
    Cammy

    • Marie Cunliffe  January 2, 2018 at 9:36 pm Reply

      I lost my Brother on the 3rd of December2017 he was 44 and healthy. We are yet to find out how. I am broken and in some kind of horrendous haze. I am still waking every morning to the realisation that it’s true. I feel like part of me has gone we were so very close i looked after him the whole of my life as I am 20 months older.. I have always supposedly been the stronger one as Roy was such a fun and loving soul. But he was my rock the one who could always make me smile someone I could trust like no other.. We where a team and this was not suppose to happen. We had plans for the future he was going to spend Christmas at my daughter’s house and had planned holidays I spoke to him daily I have so many wonderful memories of him yet I want more.
      In the first couple of weeks I just wished I’d of gone with him as I can’t imagine a future without him. I never ever realised that so much pain was possible.

    • Kim Bolton  February 9, 2018 at 9:32 am Reply

      Cammy I am so sorry… I too lost my sister 9/25/17… I feel like I died with her… I miss her so so much and even more terrible she had lost her son a few months before in June…. I only have a younger brother left.. my mom and dad died young at 54 and 59 13 months apart and my oldes brother died 10 years later of a brain aneurysm at 40…. I cry all the time and just want her back so badly…. she was always getting sick a
      I think it was stress from taking care of her son who contacted encephalitis at 6…. she had open heart surgery 3 Times ; most of her colon removed; diabetes and them a kidney disease so in 2016 I started doing my annual testing so I could donate my kidney but what happens they find out I had breast cancer: luckily stGe one but I could not give her my kidney right after they decided she couldn’t have the transplant surgery anyway because of her heArt… all kinds of issues with her kidneys after that and then complications and she passed away… I was with her and I thought I was having a nervous breakdown and her poor husband and other son losing both of them… I just don’t know how I can live without her… she was my best friend too… I am sorry for your loss because I can only imagine if u feel as I do.. my heart is bronen hugs to u my friend!! I hope u see this!

  406. Becky  December 28, 2017 at 3:32 pm Reply

    Hello All, My first post on this site was July 27, 2017. At that time I was facing the reality of loosing my baby sister. On December 7, 2017 at 0226 I lost her. I prayed that she would be able to make it to Christmas for the kids but she just couldn’t hold on… I talked to her several times everyday and seen her at lest 1 time a day…. what am I going to do without her? She was my best friend, my baby sister. What do I do with all this time I have on my hands? How do I cope. I do spend time with her kids as much as I can but they spend a lot of their time with their friends. I just miss her so much, I often read the messages she sent me. My poor hubby don’t know what to do with me because there is nothing he can do to help me, I do feel bad for him because he has to deal with my break downs, mood swings and my utter craziness. People say I understand, I have lost my Mom and Dad, well NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, TRY LOOSING A SIBLING!!!!! I is NOT the same. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with her and her children, oh how I loved that day… I planned on doing the same for Christmas but our time was cut short. I hated Christmas this year, it took me 3 days to put a stupid tree up, I didn’t want to listen to Christmas music and I did all my shopping In 1 day and I love Christmas. I had lunch with her kids today and it made me very happy to see them. How do you stop crying? I just miss her so much, I love you Racheal.

  407. Becky  December 28, 2017 at 3:32 pm Reply

    Hello All, My first post on this site was July 27, 2017. At that time I was facing the reality of loosing my baby sister. On December 7, 2017 at 0226 I lost her. I prayed that she would be able to make it to Christmas for the kids but she just couldn’t hold on… I talked to her several times everyday and seen her at lest 1 time a day…. what am I going to do without her? She was my best friend, my baby sister. What do I do with all this time I have on my hands? How do I cope. I do spend time with her kids as much as I can but they spend a lot of their time with their friends. I just miss her so much, I often read the messages she sent me. My poor hubby don’t know what to do with me because there is nothing he can do to help me, I do feel bad for him because he has to deal with my break downs, mood swings and my utter craziness. People say I understand, I have lost my Mom and Dad, well NO YOU DONT UNDERSTAND, TRY LOOSING A SIBLING!!!!! I is NOT the same. I was able to spend Thanksgiving with her and her children, oh how I loved that day… I planned on doing the same for Christmas but our time was cut short. I hated Christmas this year, it took me 3 days to put a stupid tree up, I didn’t want to listen to Christmas music and I did all my shopping In 1 day and I love Christmas. I had lunch with her kids today and it made me very happy to see them. How do you stop crying? I just miss her so much, I love you Racheal.

  408. Anonymous  December 26, 2017 at 7:16 pm Reply

    My brother passed on the 25th of december 2017.He fell off from a 2nd floor building after his friend pepper sprayed him when they were fighting..He couldnt see and he was feeling dizzy resulting in his fall.On the 19th of february 2016 l lost my father.Life doesnt seem to give me a break.lm broken,lm lost.l feel like l have lost the battle,the pain is too much to bear.l have lost hope in God.l feel like he doesnt exist

  409. Anonymous  December 26, 2017 at 7:16 pm Reply

    My brother passed on the 25th of december 2017.He fell off from a 2nd floor building after his friend pepper sprayed him when they were fighting..He couldnt see and he was feeling dizzy resulting in his fall.On the 19th of february 2016 l lost my father.Life doesnt seem to give me a break.lm broken,lm lost.l feel like l have lost the battle,the pain is too much to bear.l have lost hope in God.l feel like he doesnt exist

  410. Jason  December 25, 2017 at 2:49 am Reply

    My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother. He was quiet, and gentle, and funny, and so so weird. He once pretended he was Canadian for six months. When we were kids, he got mad at me for the way I played video games.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

  411. Jason  December 25, 2017 at 2:49 am Reply

    My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother. He was quiet, and gentle, and funny, and so so weird. He once pretended he was Canadian for six months. When we were kids, he got mad at me for the way I played video games.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

    • Tracy  December 30, 2017 at 3:54 pm Reply

      I know exactly how you feel. My brother was killed the day after yours in a tragic car accident. It is definitely the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. I feel so many emotions especially guilt when I catch myself laughing at something. Please know that you are not alone and take all the time you need to heal. It is really hard I know, but I have found that resuming my regular activities like work and such has helped me a great deal. I have also found solace in surrounding myself with people who are not involved whatsoever. I find it easier to talk and open up about how I am feeling. Right now things aren’t better for me, they are different. Thinking of you!

      • Kapil  February 8, 2018 at 4:17 am

        Hi Tracy

        I am extremely sorry for your loss. May you find peace soon.

        I too lost my 39 yr old brother on 28 Jan 18 who happened to be my identical twin. I am so devastated that I can’t put it in words.

        Reason for his death is still not certain. He was perfectly healthy..used to gym 5 days a week..no previous health condition..used to drink socially and smoke a bit.

        He was playing cricket on the field and suddenly complained of breathlessness. He came out to rest for a while and suddenly collapsed holding his chest. The other players put him in a car and took him to the hospital only 12 min away. But the doctors couldn’t revive him.

        I was so close to him and being twins we spent the maximum time in last 39 yrs with each other. I didn’t have to speak to him to know how he felt anytime.i just had that connection with him. I just can’t accept that he’s gone.

        I’m in a mess right now..don’t know if I even want to come out of it. Feel overwhelming guilt for being alive. I was with him on a boy’s night out the day before. I can’t get his lifeless face out of my mind.
        We look similar and sound exactly the same which comforts his friends but makes me miss him even more.

        I see his car, his kids ,his other stuff everyday and I can’t take it. I loved him so much.

        What should I do? I choke sometimes just thinking of him. Where do I get solace???
        May God give you peace and please keep him in your prayers.

      • Esther R.  October 18, 2019 at 2:13 am

        I also feel awful about laughing or enjoying anything. It feels disrespectful to her memory.

    • Sarah  January 1, 2018 at 6:49 am Reply

      Jason, I am so sorry to read your post. I see a lot of similarities with the loss of my sister, with how you have dealt, with the christian/atheist thing. The first year is the worst. And I thought it got easier or better. The ten year anniversary just came, and it’s like the wound is now bleeding fresh blood. Worse than before even, as if my survival had to kick in and the real pain had no space. It gets easier. And then it gets harder. Christmas will never ever be the same for you. She died two days after my birthday, so that’s always forever stamped. But. It isn’t always horrible. You get used to it. People help you grieve sometimes when it feels impossible to understand the weight (and therefore you hold it like water off a duck’s back.). I returned to Australia this Christmas and New Year to really talk to my family about it, to talk about her, and her loss, and what that wretched Christian memorial did to me, and how dishonoured she was at it (she was gay, and my dad’s best friend minister said she was going to hell). But family around this sort of thing is like a dark Scandinavian film. There is no depth, no real talk. We grieve separately and differently. I don’t know what to say to you, only that I am so sorry for your loss.

  412. Jason  December 25, 2017 at 2:20 am Reply

    My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

  413. Jason  December 25, 2017 at 2:20 am Reply

    My brother Josh died in a motorcycle accident on December 20, 2017. He was 33 years old, and he was my best friend.

    We buried him yesterday, the day before Christmas Eve. My family is just destroyed. Before I left to fly cross country for the arrangements and funeral, my father said to me (my brother and I have different dads, but it didn’t matter, because we were raised together all our lives) that I had to be the rock for my family when I got back to my hometown. I said, “Dad, I am not a rock. I can’t be strong right now. I want to just lie down and die next to him.”

    The day of his death was and had always better be the worst day of my stupid little life.I don’t think I could even get through any day worse than that. Just heaving sobs, chainsmoking on the back patio, avoiding phone calls from distant cousins and aunts and uncles because I couldn’t even speak and didn’t want their thoughts and prayers. I found myself angry: at myself for not knowing what was going to happen and calling my brother the night before and saying, “Bro, call in sick to work tomorrow,” or “Take a different route to work tomorrow.” I was angry for not being the one who died. I was angry at my brother’s exes and at my father for never having known my brother well. I was angry at my own family for turning toward their Christianity for solace when I knew for a fact my brother was an atheist, just like me.

    Now though, I’m not angry. I am just lost. I have another week in my hometown to see to his affairs and be with my mom and grandparents through all this. My family is pretty conservative, and handle their grief differently. My mother is taking Xanax and other medications to numb her pain. My stepdad is taking care of the family affairs. Grandma makes food and tries to still do Christmas. My uncle turns to Scripture. And me, the oldest brother who moved far, far away a decade ago…all I want to do is just smoke cigarettes and drink beer and cry on my friends’ shoulders and tell stories about my brother. Other times, I don’t want to say anything at all, and just listen to all of my brother’s music alone in the spare room of my parents’ house. When my uncle read from the Bible tonight at our Christmas gathering (I can’t believe they even had the annual family thing this year, considering, but oh well), I quietly got up and left the room till the baby Jesus story was finished. It just infuriated me this time, for some reason, even though he does it every year.

    I miss him so much. Every single place I go and everything I see in my small hometown reminds of some hilarious day or night I once had with my brother.

    Some uncle the other day said, “It gets better. You will move on.” I looked him right back and said, “I don’t want to move on. I don’t want to ever forget this, because it wouldn’t be right if I did.”

    Nothing is ever going to be the same for this family again.

    • Shel  December 25, 2017 at 11:32 pm Reply

      So sorry Jason for your loss
      My 54 year old brother passed away 10 days ago. We found out he had cancer and passed within 7 weeks. Just aweful. No words. We just buried him last Thursday. I have avoided all the Christmas everything. I feel like I’m in hiding. I only see who I know know how I feel. Unreal. Still can’t believe it. He is my only brother, my mothers only son. Killing me. 1 day at a time. I keep saying 1 day at a time. I started therapy. Family has been very kind in leaving me alone, and waiting for my ques. But I don’t like to leave the house. I was in bed for days after.

    • sandy tesar  December 28, 2017 at 3:19 pm Reply

      I am sorry, I lost my sister on Dec 20th 2017. as well, she had a fatal heart attack on Dec 16th and we found out she was full of cancer , she never regained consciousness we had to remove her from life support due to all her organs shutting down , it all happened so fast and I still cant wrap my head around it and I feel lost and miss her so. my family kind of did the same thing we had a get together for Christmas, I guess it helped her kids to be around the rest of the family. I cant say anything is helping me right now all I think about is how much I want to tell her one last thing and how we will not grow old together and all I have is this gut wrenching feeling and want to burst out into tears constantly

  414. Arlinda  December 19, 2017 at 2:58 am Reply

    My youngest sister died of a gunshot wound to her forehead on October 15th 2017, she was killed by her boyfriend. No matter what happens to him, whether he goes to prison, gets death or they set him free, none of that even matters because my heart, my family and all of our lives will never be the same. I’m 47, about to be 48 this month, I have never in my life experienced such pain, loss, sense of loneliness, feelings of sheer “scatteredness”. I’m up now because today has been “one of those days”. Her insurance billing ,of that day, arrived through the mail today, I took them so my parents won’t have to see them. I called the insurance company and asked them to please stop that from coming to their home in the future and had to explain why. My faith in God can never be shaken, I trust Him completely, even with this, but my heart is so broken…never knew feelings like this existed. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU LINDA?

  415. Arlinda  December 19, 2017 at 2:58 am Reply

    My youngest sister died of a gunshot wound to her forehead on October 15th 2017, she was killed by her boyfriend. No matter what happens to him, whether he goes to prison, gets death or they set him free, none of that even matters because my heart, my family and all of our lives will never be the same. I’m 47, about to be 48 this month, I have never in my life experienced such pain, loss, sense of loneliness, feelings of sheer “scatteredness”. I’m up now because today has been “one of those days”. Her insurance billing ,of that day, arrived through the mail today, I took them so my parents won’t have to see them. I called the insurance company and asked them to please stop that from coming to their home in the future and had to explain why. My faith in God can never be shaken, I trust Him completely, even with this, but my heart is so broken…never knew feelings like this existed. I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU LINDA?

    • Shel  December 25, 2017 at 11:38 pm Reply

      I am so sorry to read this about your sister. There are no words, Life as we know it will never be the same. Everyday is a struggle. Loosing my brother 10 days ago has been the closest person time ever to have pass away. I have all alone. No one understands until they lived in our shoes. Just know I’m sory. And I hope we all can find whatever we need to make it til tomorrow and then the next day

  416. Dee  December 18, 2017 at 7:58 am Reply

    I have lost my older brother November 25th 2017
    It’s amazing how grief can take over your entire life in a split second: shock, numbness, anger, regrets, guilt, sadness, emptiness, disbelief, and many more emotions in single pack, how do we continue with our lives?
    My brother was 52 just little over a year older than me, my younger brother is 50 and my sister is 55. Me and my sister took a lead in helping our parents and our younger brother to grieve. Our brother can’t accept the reality and refuses to let go , they were inseperable living in same house their entire life. My younger brother is not married which makes even more difficult to deal with situation. I’m every day at their house trying to play a role of collected and strong one but when I get home and any chance I’m alone I cry and cry. I can’t sleep I worry so much about my parents and brother I feel as it’s my responsibility to make sure they find the reason to live. Both me and my sister are married with kids and we know we have to go on, but trying to help parents and brother. We don’t know the reason of his death, he never had health issue and he was home with wife and daughter when they found him lifeless sitting as if he hadn’t had a chance to even move. We still waiting for autopsy results. I had brain shunt placed and living with brain tumor for over 15 years , I have had some serious back issues and surgery 2 years ago. I have delt with extreme pain and I don’t know much more I can handle. I had anxiety issues before all this now I’m in shock I’m just afraid that I might wake up one day and realize that I can’t take it anymore. The truth is that none of us know how strong we really are until we are put to test. I have read many of grieving stories and I am truly sorry for everyone’s loss. May we all find strength and reason to live on until it’s our time to go. It’s vicious circle of life, sometimes it’s good but it always ends. The only thing we can agree is that faith prevails. And we all hope that life will get better!

  417. Dee  December 18, 2017 at 7:58 am Reply

    I have lost my older brother November 25th 2017
    It’s amazing how grief can take over your entire life in a split second: shock, numbness, anger, regrets, guilt, sadness, emptiness, disbelief, and many more emotions in single pack, how do we continue with our lives?
    My brother was 52 just little over a year older than me, my younger brother is 50 and my sister is 55. Me and my sister took a lead in helping our parents and our younger brother to grieve. Our brother can’t accept the reality and refuses to let go , they were inseperable living in same house their entire life. My younger brother is not married which makes even more difficult to deal with situation. I’m every day at their house trying to play a role of collected and strong one but when I get home and any chance I’m alone I cry and cry. I can’t sleep I worry so much about my parents and brother I feel as it’s my responsibility to make sure they find the reason to live. Both me and my sister are married with kids and we know we have to go on, but trying to help parents and brother. We don’t know the reason of his death, he never had health issue and he was home with wife and daughter when they found him lifeless sitting as if he hadn’t had a chance to even move. We still waiting for autopsy results. I had brain shunt placed and living with brain tumor for over 15 years , I have had some serious back issues and surgery 2 years ago. I have delt with extreme pain and I don’t know much more I can handle. I had anxiety issues before all this now I’m in shock I’m just afraid that I might wake up one day and realize that I can’t take it anymore. The truth is that none of us know how strong we really are until we are put to test. I have read many of grieving stories and I am truly sorry for everyone’s loss. May we all find strength and reason to live on until it’s our time to go. It’s vicious circle of life, sometimes it’s good but it always ends. The only thing we can agree is that faith prevails. And we all hope that life will get better!

  418. Steven  December 18, 2017 at 6:11 am Reply

    My older brother, the oldest of 5 siblings, died in August 2017. He was found dead in his apartment on August 14th by his old roommate and his the landlord. But the last time he was heard from was the afternoon of August 11th, when he called in to work complaining of a stomach pain that was so unbearable he could hardly move. Reports state that his death was on the 14th, but he could have very possibly been dead since the 11th. He lived 2 hours from where he, my family and I have lived our whole lives, and it took 3-4 days for his body to be transferred here, and a total of 10 days till we got to see him, for the last time, on August 24th at his viewing, and before his cremation over the following days. Today is December 18th, 4 months and 4 days since that unforgettably horrific night when my family and I got the call that forever changed us all, and we still have no idea what happened to him. The night we were told that he had been found, we were told his death was of natural causes. He was 34 years old… And an autopsy showed no obvious signs of anything natural. And so for over 4 months my family and I have sat here, waiting for a reason why my brother is gone from our lives. And toxicology reports can take 6-9 months, or even longer, to be complete. It’s been the hardest part of all of our lives and I know it will only get worse before it gets any better. I am the second oldest of my siblings and have felt like I have a new set of responsibilities to handle, but have felt like I cannot handle even my own. My brother is dead and i couldn’t do anything to help him and i can’t do anything to bring him back and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t. I can’t believe any of this is still real. I don’t… It’s not….I can’t comprehend it all. I don’t know what happened to my brother. I’m losing my mind.

  419. Steven  December 18, 2017 at 6:11 am Reply

    My older brother, the oldest of 5 siblings, died in August 2017. He was found dead in his apartment on August 14th by his old roommate and his the landlord. But the last time he was heard from was the afternoon of August 11th, when he called in to work complaining of a stomach pain that was so unbearable he could hardly move. Reports state that his death was on the 14th, but he could have very possibly been dead since the 11th. He lived 2 hours from where he, my family and I have lived our whole lives, and it took 3-4 days for his body to be transferred here, and a total of 10 days till we got to see him, for the last time, on August 24th at his viewing, and before his cremation over the following days. Today is December 18th, 4 months and 4 days since that unforgettably horrific night when my family and I got the call that forever changed us all, and we still have no idea what happened to him. The night we were told that he had been found, we were told his death was of natural causes. He was 34 years old… And an autopsy showed no obvious signs of anything natural. And so for over 4 months my family and I have sat here, waiting for a reason why my brother is gone from our lives. And toxicology reports can take 6-9 months, or even longer, to be complete. It’s been the hardest part of all of our lives and I know it will only get worse before it gets any better. I am the second oldest of my siblings and have felt like I have a new set of responsibilities to handle, but have felt like I cannot handle even my own. My brother is dead and i couldn’t do anything to help him and i can’t do anything to bring him back and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t. I can’t believe any of this is still real. I don’t… It’s not….I can’t comprehend it all. I don’t know what happened to my brother. I’m losing my mind.

    • Blair  December 18, 2017 at 9:13 pm Reply

      My brother passed away May 3, 2017. He was also 34. It will be 8 months in January and I would love to tell you it gets better but it doesn’t, it does become different. Right now it is probably just really sinking in and the reality of what has happened is heartbreaking. I had so much guilt and still do to some extent because it wasn’t me, I still can not wrap my brain around why him? The only advice I really have is focus on his life and not his death. I can talk about his life all day long but talking about his death seems redundant and is upsetting. Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel grief unfortunately is a path all your own, no two people grieve the same. You and your families life will never be the same but you will get through it. Even though you feel like you won’t or that you don’t want to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I pray a lot. Pray for my brother and my family. ❤️

  420. Kristin  December 17, 2017 at 11:52 pm Reply

    My baby sister passed away on Friday, December 15,2017 at 11:26am. My heart physically hurts and I don’t foresee it ever getting better. I sob and have horrible anxiety. She was sick on Monday, went to the hospital on Wednesday, ended up with sepsis and died on Friday morning. She was super tiny, but was 5xs her size when she passed. Her body was so swollen from the organ failure. It was horrible to watch. I talked to my sister everyday and saw her5-6 times a week. She was38 and I’m 41. We have a younger brother who is 36. My sister always did so much for us and our children. My brother is paralyzed with grief. I don’t know how to go on. The pain is real and heavy and empty all at the same time. I have never in my life felt pain like this. My heart goes out to all of you and I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

  421. Kristin  December 17, 2017 at 11:52 pm Reply

    My baby sister passed away on Friday, December 15,2017 at 11:26am. My heart physically hurts and I don’t foresee it ever getting better. I sob and have horrible anxiety. She was sick on Monday, went to the hospital on Wednesday, ended up with sepsis and died on Friday morning. She was super tiny, but was 5xs her size when she passed. Her body was so swollen from the organ failure. It was horrible to watch. I talked to my sister everyday and saw her5-6 times a week. She was38 and I’m 41. We have a younger brother who is 36. My sister always did so much for us and our children. My brother is paralyzed with grief. I don’t know how to go on. The pain is real and heavy and empty all at the same time. I have never in my life felt pain like this. My heart goes out to all of you and I’m terribly sorry for your loss.

  422. Riley  December 17, 2017 at 2:46 pm Reply

    My Dad just lost his sibling (who committed suicide) and I came here to try to understand how he is feeling.
    If anyone has advice or wants to share, please comment.

  423. Riley  December 17, 2017 at 2:46 pm Reply

    My Dad just lost his sibling (who committed suicide) and I came here to try to understand how he is feeling.
    If anyone has advice or wants to share, please comment.

    • Sam  December 21, 2017 at 4:00 am Reply

      I can give you some advice to maybe get him more support and help… things I would like to have myself. Understanding. Support by helping him do things around the house unless he likes doing that still. Little things like spending time with him. Also look up some books about grieving the loss of a sibling “surviving the death of an adult sibiling” it’s on amazon and super inexpensive . Also be understanding if he isn’t excited or happy. If the loss is recent like you say… then he needs time to cope and deal. Ultimately seeing a therapist is a good idea. Out of my whole large family… only my two grandmothers have experienced loss of a sibling. But neither of them seem to know how to support me. It’s definitley a difficult situation for most people. They just don’t know how to help. This article or entry is definitely helpful for me. I just want more. I need more support. I feel like nobody really knows what it’s like to lose their sibling until they do.
      You’re a good kid and you’re already being supportive by looking at things like this. Sending love your way to you and your dad and your family.

  424. Henok  December 13, 2017 at 4:24 am Reply

    Thanks for those who shared their stories and I say to every one that we will always remember, as there is nothing worth sharing and remembering as the love of a sibling, and a part of us feels dead with the loss of some one so close, but we also keep a part of them alive in us.

  425. Henok  December 13, 2017 at 4:24 am Reply

    Thanks for those who shared their stories and I say to every one that we will always remember, as there is nothing worth sharing and remembering as the love of a sibling, and a part of us feels dead with the loss of some one so close, but we also keep a part of them alive in us.

  426. Kristie  December 10, 2017 at 9:21 pm Reply

    5 years ago my sister Wendy went to work and died at 35 of a major heart attack November 19th 2012. On Wednesday my dads brother died in surgery thought it was the most painful week. With both deaths we then had a very sad thanksgiving. My other sister and I started seeing cardiologists my sister Sarah died 89 days later in her sleep even after having a normal ekg on that Friday she was 33. It started the next 5 years of sadness and loss my dad lost his 2 brothers and his sister within a year my father went into complete kidney failure and lost that fight May 26th 2016. Have not had a good nights sleep in 5 years. I’ve done therapy, grief counseling and psychiatrists still sleep about 4 hours with ambien and seroquil.

  427. Kristie  December 10, 2017 at 9:21 pm Reply

    5 years ago my sister Wendy went to work and died at 35 of a major heart attack November 19th 2012. On Wednesday my dads brother died in surgery thought it was the most painful week. With both deaths we then had a very sad thanksgiving. My other sister and I started seeing cardiologists my sister Sarah died 89 days later in her sleep even after having a normal ekg on that Friday she was 33. It started the next 5 years of sadness and loss my dad lost his 2 brothers and his sister within a year my father went into complete kidney failure and lost that fight May 26th 2016. Have not had a good nights sleep in 5 years. I’ve done therapy, grief counseling and psychiatrists still sleep about 4 hours with ambien and seroquil.

  428. Kendrea Pitts  December 7, 2017 at 2:38 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling on October 9, 2017, my brother. He went to the hospital September 17,2017, from a gun shot wound. The doctors said he would make it, because of his age! He was healthy, but he suddenly passed three weeks later from being in ICU. Everything was unexpected, my brother was my bestfriend. So, it’s like I lost 2 people in 1. 🙁

  429. Kendrea Pitts  December 7, 2017 at 2:38 pm Reply

    I lost my only sibling on October 9, 2017, my brother. He went to the hospital September 17,2017, from a gun shot wound. The doctors said he would make it, because of his age! He was healthy, but he suddenly passed three weeks later from being in ICU. Everything was unexpected, my brother was my bestfriend. So, it’s like I lost 2 people in 1. 🙁

  430. Tina  December 4, 2017 at 3:55 am Reply

    I lost my brother upon arrival at the hospital on September 1st 2017, it is the most painful thing i have ever experienced and i am still struggling with it. Everything seems empty, i even developed anxiety attacks, the only thing that keeps me going is the Rosary and booze.

  431. Tina  December 4, 2017 at 3:55 am Reply

    I lost my brother upon arrival at the hospital on September 1st 2017, it is the most painful thing i have ever experienced and i am still struggling with it. Everything seems empty, i even developed anxiety attacks, the only thing that keeps me going is the Rosary and booze.

  432. allie  December 2, 2017 at 10:49 pm Reply

    My brother passed away 3 weeks ago after committing suicide at the age of 21. Firstly, I am still in a complete state of shock and have forced myself to pretend nothing ever happened. I still refer to him in the present tense, and there are so many traces of him all around me. I feel so bad because he never told our family about any of his problems, but he had been acting unusual for the past few months. I am in my first semester of university, and I only have class 3 days a week. He was in his last year, and went to school every day, but I had been seeing him at home every day I had off. I confronted him about skipping classes, and he said it was no big deal. His life was always none of my business, and that was OK. All of his friends, though, knew he was suffering from mental illness. A friend even told my parents after his death that my brother had been hearing voices in his head, and another friend said he had been talking about suicide a lot. I blame them for his death, and I wish nothing but the worst upon them. I genuinely hope they die a terrible and painful death, and suffer the wrath of God in the afterlife. Everyone in my family is hurting. My older sister, who was only 11 months apart from him, is very angry about his death, so she never wants to talk about it. She has also been getting out of the house and hanging out with friends often, something she used to not do. My younger sisters are taking it hard. One had a complete meltdown at school yesterday. The youngest one, his favourite sister, only says she feels sad when I ask her how she feels. She’s only 7, so I don’t think she has the words. She has also been feeling angry and getting frustrated with herself easily. I just feel so bad for my brother, and it is unimaginable that I will have to walk through the rest of my life without him. When the rest of us will be getting old, having children, and growing up, he will forever be a beautiful 21 year old. And it is also crazy to me that even though I have spent so little of my life with him if I live into old age, he will have had a profound effect on my life, but nobody else will care about him except for us. I wish he would come banging up the stairs again, slam my door open, and call me all sorts of names for thinking that he was actually dead. Please come back.

  433. allie  December 2, 2017 at 10:49 pm Reply

    My brother passed away 3 weeks ago after committing suicide at the age of 21. Firstly, I am still in a complete state of shock and have forced myself to pretend nothing ever happened. I still refer to him in the present tense, and there are so many traces of him all around me. I feel so bad because he never told our family about any of his problems, but he had been acting unusual for the past few months. I am in my first semester of university, and I only have class 3 days a week. He was in his last year, and went to school every day, but I had been seeing him at home every day I had off. I confronted him about skipping classes, and he said it was no big deal. His life was always none of my business, and that was OK. All of his friends, though, knew he was suffering from mental illness. A friend even told my parents after his death that my brother had been hearing voices in his head, and another friend said he had been talking about suicide a lot. I blame them for his death, and I wish nothing but the worst upon them. I genuinely hope they die a terrible and painful death, and suffer the wrath of God in the afterlife. Everyone in my family is hurting. My older sister, who was only 11 months apart from him, is very angry about his death, so she never wants to talk about it. She has also been getting out of the house and hanging out with friends often, something she used to not do. My younger sisters are taking it hard. One had a complete meltdown at school yesterday. The youngest one, his favourite sister, only says she feels sad when I ask her how she feels. She’s only 7, so I don’t think she has the words. She has also been feeling angry and getting frustrated with herself easily. I just feel so bad for my brother, and it is unimaginable that I will have to walk through the rest of my life without him. When the rest of us will be getting old, having children, and growing up, he will forever be a beautiful 21 year old. And it is also crazy to me that even though I have spent so little of my life with him if I live into old age, he will have had a profound effect on my life, but nobody else will care about him except for us. I wish he would come banging up the stairs again, slam my door open, and call me all sorts of names for thinking that he was actually dead. Please come back.

    • Kayla  December 4, 2017 at 3:32 pm Reply

      Hi Allie,

      I know how you feel I am still angry to this day that no one helped my brother, and honestly I blame myself too. Honestly, it is normal to feel the way you do. I still do he was my only brother. It is so hard to think about your future without him, but he is always with you, and wants you to LIVE. I hear that a lot, I am a mom of 2 children, and my brother was an amazing Uncle. I am so sorry that this happened. It’s been 2 years for me, and honestly I struggle still. I am having a hard time right now with just the holidays I hate that anyone has to go through this pain. Take your time, and grieve and try your hardest to be strong. I will be praying for you.

  434. Rebecca  November 30, 2017 at 6:44 am Reply

    I loved my sister I pray she is out of pain and wrapped in Gods loving arms. Suzanne was loved by her family and the church family at Mt Zion she blessed many children there. My little sister went to heaven November 28, 2017
    She was found by her neighbor outside yesterday face down unresponsive. 59 yeas old my baby sister. My mom is is 83 and she was crying oh lord of lord. My dad is in he beginning stages of altimeters one week ago exactly m daughter was sentenced o prison. I’m raising her son and led god help me Christmas is coming. I’m broken

  435. Rebecca  November 30, 2017 at 6:44 am Reply

    I loved my sister I pray she is out of pain and wrapped in Gods loving arms. Suzanne was loved by her family and the church family at Mt Zion she blessed many children there. My little sister went to heaven November 28, 2017
    She was found by her neighbor outside yesterday face down unresponsive. 59 yeas old my baby sister. My mom is is 83 and she was crying oh lord of lord. My dad is in he beginning stages of altimeters one week ago exactly m daughter was sentenced o prison. I’m raising her son and led god help me Christmas is coming. I’m broken

  436. Catherine Mc Elhatton  November 29, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply

    My sister is in a care home in the last stages Alzheimer’s. Watching her deteriorate with this terrible disease is killing me. I can’t help her or do anything to relieve her suffering. A few days ago she lost the ability to swallow. We tried everything to get some food into her. Then she had a stroke in the middle of the night and now she is lying there with a drip in her arm unable to move or communicate. We know it’s only a matter of time now. All I do is cry. I have family support but this grief is so bad I can’t get any rest from it. My sister is the kindest person I know. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. Watching her suffer is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I sit with her and hold her hand and tell her how much I love her. She has her own family and we are all grieving. Nothing anyone says helps me. I keep trying to find a way through this and I’m not succeeding.

  437. Catherine Mc Elhatton  November 29, 2017 at 10:21 pm Reply

    My sister is in a care home in the last stages Alzheimer’s. Watching her deteriorate with this terrible disease is killing me. I can’t help her or do anything to relieve her suffering. A few days ago she lost the ability to swallow. We tried everything to get some food into her. Then she had a stroke in the middle of the night and now she is lying there with a drip in her arm unable to move or communicate. We know it’s only a matter of time now. All I do is cry. I have family support but this grief is so bad I can’t get any rest from it. My sister is the kindest person I know. She’s my best friend and I love her so much. Watching her suffer is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I sit with her and hold her hand and tell her how much I love her. She has her own family and we are all grieving. Nothing anyone says helps me. I keep trying to find a way through this and I’m not succeeding.

  438. Beth  November 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm Reply

    I lost my 46 year old brother to a hemmorraghic stroke after 36
    days in a coma. We were the only two kids in my family. We had to make the decision to withdraw his care which was a decision that I never in my life would have to make with our family. I was so strong during the initial emergency and hospitalization, even during his funeral services. It has been five months since it all started and now I am feeling the loss. Physical and emotional feelings are happening daily. I am on an antidepressant and antianxiety medication. I know
    this is all part of the process but it is tough. I have a strong faith. I guess I am looking for suggestions that might have worked for others.

    • MTG  October 20, 2017 at 3:05 am Reply

      No one can tell you how, or how long to grieve. Each one of us are different. It takes time. You never really get over, you just learn to deal with it! So, you take all the time that you need. We laugh, we cry. Just pray and try to carry on……..within your own time!! Be bless

    • Kim  November 20, 2017 at 6:49 pm Reply

      Reading your post, I thought I was reading my own story. My older brother passed away August 3; because of the same; heroin laced with fetnal. I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss. My brother was supposed to go to rehab the next day. I remember having to wait for the autopsy to come back to find out that it was laced. As angry as I was, I found relief in this; knowing that he didn’t overdose. He had a history of attempted suicides. It was just before his 32nd birthday, we are only four years apart. I didn’t have that close of a relationship with him, that’s the one thing that I find I struggle with the most right now. That and that he never got to meet my baby boy born a week before he passed. I wish we were closer, I go to the cemetery to see him and talk to him to try and keep that relationship. He had a 13-year-old son, who I am just devastated for but have no idea how to help him.

  439. Beth  November 28, 2017 at 2:00 pm Reply

    I lost my 46 year old brother to a hemmorraghic stroke after 36
    days in a coma. We were the only two kids in my family. We had to make the decision to withdraw his care which was a decision that I never in my life would have to make with our family. I was so strong during the initial emergency and hospitalization, even during his funeral services. It has been five months since it all started and now I am feeling the loss. Physical and emotional feelings are happening daily. I am on an antidepressant and antianxiety medication. I know
    this is all part of the process but it is tough. I have a strong faith. I guess I am looking for suggestions that might have worked for others.

  440. Catherine  November 23, 2017 at 10:16 am Reply

    Hello, everyone. Today is Thanksgiving day and I am still in a state of shock after losing my younger sister, Nancy on November 8th, 2017, just two weeks ago yesterday. Nancy was the baby in our family of six girls, no brothers. We were all very close growing up and had wonderful times together. We also had amazing parents but they both died young. Mom at 50, dad at 58. Maybe that is why we had such an incredible bond through the years. We shared life’s ups and downs and held each other up, but Nancy suffered the most because she was so young without our mom and dad. But Nancy was resilient. She had guts and determination. She managed to get a good education all on her own and she became a very successful businesswoman. What makes me so sad today is, not only do I miss her tremendously and everything about her, but she is the third sister our family has lost in recent years. Nancy was given a deadly cancer diagnosis on September 22. She was told she had stage 4 adenocarcinoma and it had spread through her entire spine, hips, neck, stomach and liver. The pain I watched her endure for six weeks will never leave my mind. But she never lost her sense of humor, her infectious laugh, her determination to keep fighting (even though her case was hopeless) and she never lost her faith. I am heartbroken that I can’t call her today and spend the holiday together. I can’t believe we will not be able to hang out anymore, enjoying movies and TV shows we loved to watch together, take gorgeous rides through the country, talk for hours about the news of the day, just everything. I will never meet another person like Nance, she was an original. Nancy, I know you are out of your pain. Please, pray for Anne ,Mary Grace and me that we gain the strength to carry on without you. Have fun with our sisters, Pat and Carole and mom and dad. I hope to see you again someday and we can laugh together in heaven. I love you, sweet Nancy.

  441. Catherine  November 23, 2017 at 10:16 am Reply

    Hello, everyone. Today is Thanksgiving day and I am still in a state of shock after losing my younger sister, Nancy on November 8th, 2017, just two weeks ago yesterday. Nancy was the baby in our family of six girls, no brothers. We were all very close growing up and had wonderful times together. We also had amazing parents but they both died young. Mom at 50, dad at 58. Maybe that is why we had such an incredible bond through the years. We shared life’s ups and downs and held each other up, but Nancy suffered the most because she was so young without our mom and dad. But Nancy was resilient. She had guts and determination. She managed to get a good education all on her own and she became a very successful businesswoman. What makes me so sad today is, not only do I miss her tremendously and everything about her, but she is the third sister our family has lost in recent years. Nancy was given a deadly cancer diagnosis on September 22. She was told she had stage 4 adenocarcinoma and it had spread through her entire spine, hips, neck, stomach and liver. The pain I watched her endure for six weeks will never leave my mind. But she never lost her sense of humor, her infectious laugh, her determination to keep fighting (even though her case was hopeless) and she never lost her faith. I am heartbroken that I can’t call her today and spend the holiday together. I can’t believe we will not be able to hang out anymore, enjoying movies and TV shows we loved to watch together, take gorgeous rides through the country, talk for hours about the news of the day, just everything. I will never meet another person like Nance, she was an original. Nancy, I know you are out of your pain. Please, pray for Anne ,Mary Grace and me that we gain the strength to carry on without you. Have fun with our sisters, Pat and Carole and mom and dad. I hope to see you again someday and we can laugh together in heaven. I love you, sweet Nancy.

    • Jean Rice  November 28, 2017 at 5:43 am Reply

      Catherine I am so sorry that you have lost Nancy, I lost my baby sister and best friend 8 years ago and I miss her so much. Nothing I can say will ease your pain but remember that your love for each other will never die. Someday you will be able to think of her without the pain tearing you apart and you will remember all the happy times, for now just be kind to yourself x

  442. Jenny  November 23, 2017 at 5:45 am Reply

    Hi, my big Brother died on 28th July 2016, some 16 months ago of a GBM4 brain tumour, he was 46. He was my only Brother and meant everything to me. We lost our Mother some years ago to hideous cancer too, and since then became even closer. He was absolutely my best friend and totally looked out for me always. Our Dad is still around and I know he loves me but I feel very alone in my grief. I am lucky that I have a great support network of true friends and do not know how I would have coped without them. I miss my Brother more than I can say, and I cry a lot still. Sometimes I wonder if that’s normal because the hurt I feel is as bad as the day he died.

    He left behind a Daughter of 3 at the time (my beautiful niece), and of course her Mother who has a mental illness so is difficult to deal with. I sometimes feel overcome with it all. That said, I still manage to function, go to work and do things I enjoy, but when the feelings of missing and yearning come over me I feel so alone in my grief. Thank you for letting me post this.

  443. Jenny  November 23, 2017 at 5:45 am Reply

    Hi, my big Brother died on 28th July 2016, some 16 months ago of a GBM4 brain tumour, he was 46. He was my only Brother and meant everything to me. We lost our Mother some years ago to hideous cancer too, and since then became even closer. He was absolutely my best friend and totally looked out for me always. Our Dad is still around and I know he loves me but I feel very alone in my grief. I am lucky that I have a great support network of true friends and do not know how I would have coped without them. I miss my Brother more than I can say, and I cry a lot still. Sometimes I wonder if that’s normal because the hurt I feel is as bad as the day he died.

    He left behind a Daughter of 3 at the time (my beautiful niece), and of course her Mother who has a mental illness so is difficult to deal with. I sometimes feel overcome with it all. That said, I still manage to function, go to work and do things I enjoy, but when the feelings of missing and yearning come over me I feel so alone in my grief. Thank you for letting me post this.

  444. Monica  November 21, 2017 at 7:41 pm Reply

    Hi everybody,
    I am so sorry for everybody’s lost . I also lost my beautiful ,younger and only sister on June 12 . Her ex partner of 7 years, murdered her .
    This happened Mexico City, so as you know that country is very corrupt . Cuauhtémoc, ( the murderer), was able to pay lawyers, and even the judge and he got out of jail . Since then, I have been fighting to bring justice for my little sister …and every day I’m losing hope . I feel profoundly angry, sad, depressed , powerless, hopeless and disgusted with that man whom I knew and with the justice system in Mexico . I also feel that my sister still had a lot of dreams, plans and time to live. But this evil, envious, ambitious person, decided how, where and when my little sis was going to die. It is not fair !! this piece of garbage is out , still fighting for everything that my sister worked hard for . He is a piece of trash as I am concern , and I feel that I don’t have control over everything that its happening .
    I had to hire a criminal lawyer and I have been also trying to defend my sister’s estate . But I am fighting a criminal, a disgusting justice system that it is completely rotten in Mexico …and I feel that my life , my heart and my soul also went with my sister ,. I don’t have my parents anymore as they died in 2011 and 2013 and I don’t have any other family member . I have some good friends , but they have their lives . This has been the worst and most painful time of my life !!!

    • Monica  November 21, 2017 at 7:49 pm Reply

      I also wanted to say that I truly HATE the man who murdered my sister . He is living like nothing happened . He has his family and friends supporting him, while I have lost my beloved sister .

  445. Monica  November 21, 2017 at 7:41 pm Reply

    Hi everybody,
    I am so sorry for everybody’s lost . I also lost my beautiful ,younger and only sister on June 12 . Her ex partner of 7 years, murdered her .
    This happened Mexico City, so as you know that country is very corrupt . Cuauhtémoc, ( the murderer), was able to pay lawyers, and even the judge and he got out of jail . Since then, I have been fighting to bring justice for my little sister …and every day I’m losing hope . I feel profoundly angry, sad, depressed , powerless, hopeless and disgusted with that man whom I knew and with the justice system in Mexico . I also feel that my sister still had a lot of dreams, plans and time to live. But this evil, envious, ambitious person, decided how, where and when my little sis was going to die. It is not fair !! this piece of garbage is out , still fighting for everything that my sister worked hard for . He is a piece of trash as I am concern , and I feel that I don’t have control over everything that its happening .
    I had to hire a criminal lawyer and I have been also trying to defend my sister’s estate . But I am fighting a criminal, a disgusting justice system that it is completely rotten in Mexico …and I feel that my life , my heart and my soul also went with my sister ,. I don’t have my parents anymore as they died in 2011 and 2013 and I don’t have any other family member . I have some good friends , but they have their lives . This has been the worst and most painful time of my life !!!

    • Monica  November 21, 2017 at 7:49 pm Reply

      I also wanted to say that I truly HATE the man who murdered my sister . He is living like nothing happened . He has his family and friends supporting him, while I have lost my beloved sister .

    • Lovany  November 29, 2017 at 6:13 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. It makes grieving all that much more difficult when you are dealing with the fact that someone else was responsible for taking the life of your loved one. The hospital my 19 year old sister was at neglected her severely which led to her passing. The last most she happened to watch was with our mother and it is called “The Shack”. We have watched it over and over as it’s a great movie to watch to help deal with some of that anger and terrible greif. I suggest it to anyone who is dealing with loss, especially that of murder. Not sure if you are someone who believes in God but this movie consists of faith and dealing with it after loss. Hope you can find rightful justice for your sister.

  446. Eiman  November 19, 2017 at 12:53 am Reply

    I lost my brother on Oct 29,2017. Which was 22 days ago. He died of a heart attack. They did an autopsy on him and found his heart was abnormal. What was shocking to us is that he was only 23 yrs old. I can’t forget how I saw him laying there in the emergency room. I cried and cried along with my parents and brother and sister. He wasn’t only my brother, he was my best friend. What more can I say? I’m gonna miss him so much and waiting for the day that I can look at his picture without suffocating. I send my condolences to whoever lost a loved one.

  447. Eiman  November 19, 2017 at 12:53 am Reply

    I lost my brother on Oct 29,2017. Which was 22 days ago. He died of a heart attack. They did an autopsy on him and found his heart was abnormal. What was shocking to us is that he was only 23 yrs old. I can’t forget how I saw him laying there in the emergency room. I cried and cried along with my parents and brother and sister. He wasn’t only my brother, he was my best friend. What more can I say? I’m gonna miss him so much and waiting for the day that I can look at his picture without suffocating. I send my condolences to whoever lost a loved one.

  448. AFC  November 14, 2017 at 10:48 pm Reply

    Thank you for writing this.

  449. AFC  November 14, 2017 at 10:48 pm Reply

    Thank you for writing this.

  450. Vanessa  November 10, 2017 at 11:51 am Reply

    It’s amazing reading everyone’s sharing, and how closely we relate in our pain and experiences despite the differences. I lost my sister on July 27, 2017, a week after she was hit in a pedestrian accident. My sister had survived cancer and gangrene at an early age, and yet it was one careless driver that ended her life. For years, she took the same afternoon walk for simple reasons of health and fitness, one day wasn’t as lucky as the others. She was struck by a driver who claimed the sun was in his eyes. I live in the memories, in the wondering of what could have, would have, and should have been. I question the episodes of the day, time and time again, and rearrange the events in my head to how the whole thing could have been avoided. I can’t help but wonder what were the final thoughts in her head. Did she hear us the week she lay in a coma? The doctor’s confirmed she was brain dead, but our faith held us to believe otherwise. I, of all my family, had the hardest time “pulling the plug,” such a horrible phase you hope to only hear in movies and stories from strangers. Something we never imagine living for ourselves.
    Three months have past and on most days I’m still very near to wear I was that night of the call. That night, our lives changed forever. An officer called minutes before midnight to indicate that a phone had been found at the scene of an accident. He couldn’t give me any details other than the phone number of the phone in question. My whole way to the hospital I tried to imagine every possibility that could explain why my sister’s phone was at the accident location, and she wasn’t. After all the person I was going to identify at the hospital couldn’t be her. It couldn’t possibly be her. We had lived together our whole lives, and we had so many years left to live. We were experiencing the love of a daughter for the first time. My sister who could not have kids of her own, had rejoiced for the last year the joy of being an aunt to my own child. My daughter who is only one, continues calling her “tia” to this day. We were stolen, stolen of years and memories, that can’t be replaced.

  451. Vanessa  November 10, 2017 at 11:51 am Reply

    It’s amazing reading everyone’s sharing, and how closely we relate in our pain and experiences despite the differences. I lost my sister on July 27, 2017, a week after she was hit in a pedestrian accident. My sister had survived cancer and gangrene at an early age, and yet it was one careless driver that ended her life. For years, she took the same afternoon walk for simple reasons of health and fitness, one day wasn’t as lucky as the others. She was struck by a driver who claimed the sun was in his eyes. I live in the memories, in the wondering of what could have, would have, and should have been. I question the episodes of the day, time and time again, and rearrange the events in my head to how the whole thing could have been avoided. I can’t help but wonder what were the final thoughts in her head. Did she hear us the week she lay in a coma? The doctor’s confirmed she was brain dead, but our faith held us to believe otherwise. I, of all my family, had the hardest time “pulling the plug,” such a horrible phase you hope to only hear in movies and stories from strangers. Something we never imagine living for ourselves.
    Three months have past and on most days I’m still very near to wear I was that night of the call. That night, our lives changed forever. An officer called minutes before midnight to indicate that a phone had been found at the scene of an accident. He couldn’t give me any details other than the phone number of the phone in question. My whole way to the hospital I tried to imagine every possibility that could explain why my sister’s phone was at the accident location, and she wasn’t. After all the person I was going to identify at the hospital couldn’t be her. It couldn’t possibly be her. We had lived together our whole lives, and we had so many years left to live. We were experiencing the love of a daughter for the first time. My sister who could not have kids of her own, had rejoiced for the last year the joy of being an aunt to my own child. My daughter who is only one, continues calling her “tia” to this day. We were stolen, stolen of years and memories, that can’t be replaced.

  452. Tshepiso  November 3, 2017 at 11:11 pm Reply

    My elder brother was shot and killed o the 5march 2017, we were not really close but we did speak from time to time, loved him to bits, he was a very funny guy. I received a call at about 1am that he had been shot and when I got to the scene his lifeless body was laying on the ground. I can’t take the picture out of my mind. I immidiatly got into projects that mode, organizing that his body gets transported home and arranging the funeral, I didn’t want my mom to deal with all the stress or any of my siblings to see me cry. Felt like I have to be strong for them so I don’t think I actually ever cried. I speak about him a lot but I’m always so calm don’t it as if he is still alive. I feel bad that I didn’t cry for him at his funeral and that I kept postponing going to visit him. Now tears creep in whenever something happens like a simple bad day, I cry myself silly. I don’t know how I feel really

  453. Tshepiso  November 3, 2017 at 11:11 pm Reply

    My elder brother was shot and killed o the 5march 2017, we were not really close but we did speak from time to time, loved him to bits, he was a very funny guy. I received a call at about 1am that he had been shot and when I got to the scene his lifeless body was laying on the ground. I can’t take the picture out of my mind. I immidiatly got into projects that mode, organizing that his body gets transported home and arranging the funeral, I didn’t want my mom to deal with all the stress or any of my siblings to see me cry. Felt like I have to be strong for them so I don’t think I actually ever cried. I speak about him a lot but I’m always so calm don’t it as if he is still alive. I feel bad that I didn’t cry for him at his funeral and that I kept postponing going to visit him. Now tears creep in whenever something happens like a simple bad day, I cry myself silly. I don’t know how I feel really

  454. Talentt Tanatswa  October 28, 2017 at 4:53 am Reply

    hie…i lost my sister on the 26th of December 2015..i cant seem to be able to move on from the pain…the wounds are sooooo fresh seeing two siblings chat or walk together actually affects me now,i get jelous and wish and wish if only my sister was still around too…iv only just begun to find courage to accept that i have a problem hence iv started looking for solutions on the internet..more like therapy…upto now in family we have not yet sat down and actually shared our grief together…i really want to but somehow i feel like i might arouse more grief on my parents….

    im hoping this page helps me…because i need help

    • Esther Deshaut  October 28, 2017 at 7:49 am Reply

      Hi there

      You may have to grieve by yourself. My only sibling passed away on October 2015 but every time I get emotional in trying to talk about her my mother stops me and closes it down. I understand to cry all the time about her daughter is painful but I need/needed to do it outwardly sometimes. So I have to be sad by myself and accept she has other ways to grieve. For her it is prayer that has kept her for the last two years.

  455. Talentt Tanatswa  October 28, 2017 at 4:53 am Reply

    hie…i lost my sister on the 26th of December 2015..i cant seem to be able to move on from the pain…the wounds are sooooo fresh seeing two siblings chat or walk together actually affects me now,i get jelous and wish and wish if only my sister was still around too…iv only just begun to find courage to accept that i have a problem hence iv started looking for solutions on the internet..more like therapy…upto now in family we have not yet sat down and actually shared our grief together…i really want to but somehow i feel like i might arouse more grief on my parents….

    im hoping this page helps me…because i need help

    • Esther Deshaut  October 28, 2017 at 7:49 am Reply

      Hi there

      You may have to grieve by yourself. My only sibling passed away on October 2015 but every time I get emotional in trying to talk about her my mother stops me and closes it down. I understand to cry all the time about her daughter is painful but I need/needed to do it outwardly sometimes. So I have to be sad by myself and accept she has other ways to grieve. For her it is prayer that has kept her for the last two years.

  456. Katie  October 21, 2017 at 4:10 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother on May 22, 2017 in a car accident. He was 15. I’m 19. I have not felt the same since it happened and on the worst days all I can imagine is the sound of my parents crying and screaming as they identified his body at the funeral home. I chose not to see him because I didn’t want that to be the last time I saw him. Five months later and I still cannot recall the last thing I ever said to him but I do remember one of the last conversations we had and how it was about him wanting to name his future daughter after me. One of the worst parts following his death was definitely the backlash from the media because the minute they realized three teenagers were in a car together, it automatically meant they weren’t being safe. My brother was riding passenger and wearing a seatbelt and the only peace I get is knowing that he died immediately on impact and didn’t feel anything. I miss him so much and I’m really looking forward to the day I can look at pictures of him without feeling like I’m suffocating. Thank you for this post. It’s the first time I haven’t felt alone since it happened.

  457. Katie  October 21, 2017 at 4:10 am Reply

    I lost my younger brother on May 22, 2017 in a car accident. He was 15. I’m 19. I have not felt the same since it happened and on the worst days all I can imagine is the sound of my parents crying and screaming as they identified his body at the funeral home. I chose not to see him because I didn’t want that to be the last time I saw him. Five months later and I still cannot recall the last thing I ever said to him but I do remember one of the last conversations we had and how it was about him wanting to name his future daughter after me. One of the worst parts following his death was definitely the backlash from the media because the minute they realized three teenagers were in a car together, it automatically meant they weren’t being safe. My brother was riding passenger and wearing a seatbelt and the only peace I get is knowing that he died immediately on impact and didn’t feel anything. I miss him so much and I’m really looking forward to the day I can look at pictures of him without feeling like I’m suffocating. Thank you for this post. It’s the first time I haven’t felt alone since it happened.

    • Lori Schumaker  May 22, 2019 at 2:26 pm Reply

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  458. Cameron  October 18, 2017 at 6:40 pm Reply

    Hey there. My sister died about 2 weeks ago in a car accident along with the love of her life at the age of only 18. I am 16 years old and have just lost my best friend. She was in her way back home in a car with her boyfriend when they crashed.my sister fought in icu for 3 weeks before she died. They where planning to leave about 2 days ago on a plane to the no phi phi don islands in Thailand to start there career as scuba diving instructors and travel the world . I feel like every time something funny is said or I get exited about something I just get brought back to the fact that I don’t have my best friend with me anymore. I don’t have her advice which I’ll need. Her name Samantha.id give up everything I have on this earth just for 5 seconds with her.

  459. Cameron  October 18, 2017 at 6:40 pm Reply

    Hey there. My sister died about 2 weeks ago in a car accident along with the love of her life at the age of only 18. I am 16 years old and have just lost my best friend. She was in her way back home in a car with her boyfriend when they crashed.my sister fought in icu for 3 weeks before she died. They where planning to leave about 2 days ago on a plane to the no phi phi don islands in Thailand to start there career as scuba diving instructors and travel the world . I feel like every time something funny is said or I get exited about something I just get brought back to the fact that I don’t have my best friend with me anymore. I don’t have her advice which I’ll need. Her name Samantha.id give up everything I have on this earth just for 5 seconds with her.

  460. Kenzie  October 11, 2017 at 11:36 am Reply

    My heart is heavy reading all these comments, but sadly comforted in the fact that others feel the same excruciating and immobilizing pain that I do. My younger sister Kate was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on Valentine’s Day, and after a cancer journey that felt like lifetimes, she died 5 months later. It’s been almost 3 months since her death and I still find myself going to text her or walking in to her room to tell her something, only to find an empty space where she should be. While I believe that Kate was created to only live her very full 13 years of life, I can’t help but dwell in all the things she won’t get to experience – and all the things I was supposed to help her with as her older sister. I know that I will learn to live with this grief, but it still physically hurts to be without her. Hopefully someday it won’t hurt like this.
    Much love to all those who know this pain.

  461. Kenzie  October 11, 2017 at 11:36 am Reply

    My heart is heavy reading all these comments, but sadly comforted in the fact that others feel the same excruciating and immobilizing pain that I do. My younger sister Kate was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia on Valentine’s Day, and after a cancer journey that felt like lifetimes, she died 5 months later. It’s been almost 3 months since her death and I still find myself going to text her or walking in to her room to tell her something, only to find an empty space where she should be. While I believe that Kate was created to only live her very full 13 years of life, I can’t help but dwell in all the things she won’t get to experience – and all the things I was supposed to help her with as her older sister. I know that I will learn to live with this grief, but it still physically hurts to be without her. Hopefully someday it won’t hurt like this.
    Much love to all those who know this pain.

  462. Josh  October 5, 2017 at 11:31 am Reply

    Thank you for this post. Last Friday, 9/29/17, I lost my little sister in a car accident. She was only 21 years old and so full of life. She had so many opportunities ahead of her in life and none of this makes any sense. She was my very best friend and just knowing that there are so many things that she will miss out on in the future hurts so bad. I know that God needed her more than we did, but it just wasn’t enough time. These past few days have been almost unbearable, but my family and I have had so many people reaching out and praying for us so I know we will get through this, it’s just going to take time and a lot of healing.

  463. Josh  October 5, 2017 at 11:31 am Reply

    Thank you for this post. Last Friday, 9/29/17, I lost my little sister in a car accident. She was only 21 years old and so full of life. She had so many opportunities ahead of her in life and none of this makes any sense. She was my very best friend and just knowing that there are so many things that she will miss out on in the future hurts so bad. I know that God needed her more than we did, but it just wasn’t enough time. These past few days have been almost unbearable, but my family and I have had so many people reaching out and praying for us so I know we will get through this, it’s just going to take time and a lot of healing.

  464. Nicole  October 5, 2017 at 4:06 am Reply

    I lost my brother almost 2 years ago November 20th not even 2 months after his 40th birthday. He was the most loving person you could ever meet. He was my very best friend. Someone I could talk to about anything. Him and his wife and my nephew live beside me so me and him were inseparable. We did everything together. Unfortunately him and his wife were having some problems so he was staying with one of our friends. He was devastated. He had only seen his son a few times since he had left home. The last time he seen him was his 40th birthday and they had a ball together. The day he passed was the weekend to get his son. As a suprise our friend picked his son up and when they walked in to suprise him he was dead. My nephew was 14 years old. I cant imagine the hurt that came over him. They were each others world. When I hot to the house I ran in to see what was going on. Only to see my brother lying on his bed with dried up foam in his mouth. That is the image I have when I close my eyes. He was my protector, my big brother and now he’s gone and I am so very lost. I still cry. Im still greiving even after almost 2 years. Watching them put my best friend in the ground did something to me. It broke me. A piece of me died with him that day and im not the same person I was and I don’t know how to get me back. Im so lost abd lonely and depressed. I feel like everybody has moved on and im stuck in the same place I was that day.

  465. Nicole  October 5, 2017 at 4:06 am Reply

    I lost my brother almost 2 years ago November 20th not even 2 months after his 40th birthday. He was the most loving person you could ever meet. He was my very best friend. Someone I could talk to about anything. Him and his wife and my nephew live beside me so me and him were inseparable. We did everything together. Unfortunately him and his wife were having some problems so he was staying with one of our friends. He was devastated. He had only seen his son a few times since he had left home. The last time he seen him was his 40th birthday and they had a ball together. The day he passed was the weekend to get his son. As a suprise our friend picked his son up and when they walked in to suprise him he was dead. My nephew was 14 years old. I cant imagine the hurt that came over him. They were each others world. When I hot to the house I ran in to see what was going on. Only to see my brother lying on his bed with dried up foam in his mouth. That is the image I have when I close my eyes. He was my protector, my big brother and now he’s gone and I am so very lost. I still cry. Im still greiving even after almost 2 years. Watching them put my best friend in the ground did something to me. It broke me. A piece of me died with him that day and im not the same person I was and I don’t know how to get me back. Im so lost abd lonely and depressed. I feel like everybody has moved on and im stuck in the same place I was that day.

    • Sarah  October 15, 2017 at 12:48 am Reply

      I am so sorry. Truly. I don’t have the words to comfort you but just want you to know I’m sorry. My brother is 39, he is alive but was diagnosed with a rare form of brain cancer and has been given 3-5 years. It’s unknown. I try not to think of the future without him but I’m scared. He is the only person that truly knows me and I struggle to think of my life without him. I don’t have a lot of true friends. I don’t feel like people understand when I tell them my brother is sick. He’s not just my brother, he is more than that. Anyway, I am so sorry you are in this. I started to say “going through this” but it feels wrong somehow.

  466. Jenelle  October 4, 2017 at 1:37 am Reply

    I lost my only brother in March this year after a six-year battle with cancer and already I agree with so many points on this post. He was only 17 at the time and I was 19 and I really struggle to comprehend what’s happened because it’s just so unfair. This feeling of unfairness has overshadowed most of my life and I really see what you mean how we experience ‘missed opportunities’. I feel this so deeply because although I now grieve that I never got to share his 18th with him, or hit adult milestones with him, I still grieve about all the things he never got to do when he was alive, because he was so sick. It brings feelings of guilt to a whole new level, especially how you mentioned we feel guilty for being the one that survived, I still feel so guilty for being the healthy sibling. You are right, there aren’t many support recourses for siblings but for once I find myself agreeing with most things on this post, because its so honest, you don’t try and play down the harsh reality of sibling death.

  467. Jenelle  October 4, 2017 at 1:37 am Reply

    I lost my only brother in March this year after a six-year battle with cancer and already I agree with so many points on this post. He was only 17 at the time and I was 19 and I really struggle to comprehend what’s happened because it’s just so unfair. This feeling of unfairness has overshadowed most of my life and I really see what you mean how we experience ‘missed opportunities’. I feel this so deeply because although I now grieve that I never got to share his 18th with him, or hit adult milestones with him, I still grieve about all the things he never got to do when he was alive, because he was so sick. It brings feelings of guilt to a whole new level, especially how you mentioned we feel guilty for being the one that survived, I still feel so guilty for being the healthy sibling. You are right, there aren’t many support recourses for siblings but for once I find myself agreeing with most things on this post, because its so honest, you don’t try and play down the harsh reality of sibling death.

  468. Linda  October 3, 2017 at 2:59 pm Reply

    I found two months ago that my baby brother died. He was gone two weeks before I found him at the medical examiner’s office. They had identified him but didn’t care to notice because he is one of the many who have been dying to overdosing on heroin mixed with other drugs. He was born when I was 16 years old and he was always like my own. I tried to give him a long leash after our mom died and he went to live with his dad. His dad basically started him in this lifestyle. Now that we have the death certificate, I have to stop denying that he’s actually gone. He will never bug me again. He will never call and say Hey sis- sorry I haven’t called. I miss his ladies man smile. His laugh. His passion for helping others. What will I do this year without him to serve the needy on Thanksgiving? He was 24 short years old.

  469. Linda  October 3, 2017 at 2:59 pm Reply

    I found two months ago that my baby brother died. He was gone two weeks before I found him at the medical examiner’s office. They had identified him but didn’t care to notice because he is one of the many who have been dying to overdosing on heroin mixed with other drugs. He was born when I was 16 years old and he was always like my own. I tried to give him a long leash after our mom died and he went to live with his dad. His dad basically started him in this lifestyle. Now that we have the death certificate, I have to stop denying that he’s actually gone. He will never bug me again. He will never call and say Hey sis- sorry I haven’t called. I miss his ladies man smile. His laugh. His passion for helping others. What will I do this year without him to serve the needy on Thanksgiving? He was 24 short years old.

    • Michelle  October 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm Reply

      Wow I’m so sorry for your loss
      Like you I too found my baby brother and only sibling who was 9 yrs younger than me dead from the same horrible drug that was laced with deadly fentanyl on Aug 2nd this yr
      He was just 24 yrs Old and I miss him so much
      My heart aches deeply he had been clean and relapsed
      My children also are grieving as he would come stay with us to stay away from that group of people
      I seen him the night before he passed and wish I would have said so many things I’ve been told I’m grieving to much and should be moving on by now but my heart just can’t

      • MTG  October 20, 2017 at 3:05 am

        No one can tell you how, or how long to grieve. Each one of us are different. It takes time. You never really get over, you just learn to deal with it! So, you take all the time that you need. We laugh, we cry. Just pray and try to carry on……..within your own time!! Be bless

      • Kim  November 20, 2017 at 6:49 pm

        Reading your post, I thought I was reading my own story. My older brother passed away August 3; because of the same; heroin laced with fetnal. I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss. My brother was supposed to go to rehab the next day. I remember having to wait for the autopsy to come back to find out that it was laced. As angry as I was, I found relief in this; knowing that he didn’t overdose. He had a history of attempted suicides. It was just before his 32nd birthday, we are only four years apart. I didn’t have that close of a relationship with him, that’s the one thing that I find I struggle with the most right now. That and that he never got to meet my baby boy born a week before he passed. I wish we were closer, I go to the cemetery to see him and talk to him to try and keep that relationship. He had a 13-year-old son, who I am just devastated for but have no idea how to help him.

  470. Kyla  September 23, 2017 at 2:28 pm Reply

    I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results, to give some insight as to how public the tragedy was. My life and family changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to extend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a hole in your heart in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla

  471. Kyla  September 23, 2017 at 2:28 pm Reply

    I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results, to give some insight as to how public the tragedy was. My life and family changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to extend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a hole in your heart in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla

  472. Kyla  September 23, 2017 at 2:02 pm Reply

    I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results. My life changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to lend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a broken heart, in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla.

    • Xenye  September 26, 2017 at 6:07 am Reply

      Hi kyla,

      I lost my 22 year old brother on the 3rd March 2017 unexpectedly and I’m 25. I have not found anyone who could share in what I’m going through. If you feel the same , feel free to get in touch . Xx

  473. Kyla  September 23, 2017 at 2:02 pm Reply

    I find comfort in this post. I’m 19 and lost my 16-year-old brother when he drowned in the Atlantic Ocean June 11, 2017. If you search his name (Eric Clark), the news articles are some of the very first returned results. My life changed forever, in the blink of an eye. I’m commenting to share, to let other siblings like me know they are not alone, and to lend my support. Sending my love to each and every one of you living with a broken heart, in which only your lost sibling could fill… Kyla.

    • Xenye  September 26, 2017 at 6:07 am Reply

      Hi kyla,

      I lost my 22 year old brother on the 3rd March 2017 unexpectedly and I’m 25. I have not found anyone who could share in what I’m going through. If you feel the same , feel free to get in touch . Xx

      • Kyla  October 13, 2017 at 2:05 pm

        Xenye,
        I can relate to you as my sibling was younger than I and we were about 2.5 years apart. It’s very hard at times. Some days I don’t even believe my brother is gone. How are you doing today?
        Kyla

  474. Barbara Berry  September 15, 2017 at 3:14 pm Reply

    Good afternoon everyone. It has been one week today that i lost my younger sister 51 to a massive heart attack. It is still a shock to me and im still having a hard time dealing with it. We have had some differences, and was getting our relationship back on track. We had been estrange for 7 years, and i saw her for the first time in August again and we were just starting to talk again. I had even invited her to my daughter in law and feature daughter in laws baby showers in Oct. When i saw her in August at my ex-husband house, she was here with her husband, i broke the ice and started the conversation first. And the same 2 weeks later. I planned her furneral, and it was on Wednesday Sept 13th, and then my birthday the next day. Her 4 children are still in shock, so that is why i took on the funeral planning. I never dreamed that i would be burying my little sister. We have a older brother, who i had not seen since 1988, so i feel like right now, my sister is all i had. And now with her gone, i have no siblings. Alot of people that have never lost a sibling, don’t understand how we feel. Like a tell everyone, loosing a mother, father and grandparents, the feeling is alot different from loosing a siblings. It hurts, and with me, it like when she died and drew her last breath, part of me went with her. Even though im here and Im still alive and i wish i could have at least told her that i love her, a part of me is gone too. It will never been the same again. My husband has lost a sibling too, so he knows where im coming from, but like i told him, he didnt have to plan a funeral. My mom died in 1970 when i was 12 and she was 4. My grandmother (my mom’s mom) took us and raised us, untill i got married and then my sister came to live with me after i got marrie at 10 years old, and lived with us untill she got married and moved out. I was there for her, through the birth of 4 beautiful children. And im glad that they had their mother into adulthood, and that my sister got to see her 1st granddaughter. There will always be a big hole in my heart that i dont think will every heal. And some i of the suggestion that hat have suggested on here, i have been there, as far as the feelings and emotions. And yes i wonder why im the surviving sibling, and yes i have thought am i going to go the same way she did, and yes i am afarid that im going to loos another family member. I know she is in a better place and she is with family and friends that have gone on before us and she is having a wonderful time. Her birthday is coming up here in a couple months, and it know its going to be hard on me.Like i said its been a week today and i thinking she will come through the door. Loosing a sibling is hard, cause they are a part of you and now she ‘s not coming back.

    • Noreen  September 18, 2017 at 4:49 pm Reply

      Barb, your story sounds so much like mine. My younger sister went into the hospital August 14th. ( Our mothers birthday) She was at work and she collapsed at work. She came around and told a co worker to call mom. My mother arrived at her place of work as they were putting her in the ambulance. My mom asked her to help find her health card. She did as mom could not find it in my sisters wallet. They took my sister to a local hospital and at this point my sister became unconscious. They told my mom it looked like an aneurysm and it didn’t look good. They started prepping my sister to airlift her to another hospital.
      My mother called me with all this information as I live 4 hours away, and I was instantly thrown into a daze. My son picked me up and we drove to the hospital. Without going further into too much detail they did an operation and my hopes were lifted only for a short period of time. My sister never regained consciousness.
      They called my sisters death August 19th.
      We were suppose to go on a wine tour this weekend. She was suppose to come to my new place for a visit. She was suppose to attend my sons wedding next month.
      So yes I am still in disbelief by this. I feel the anxiety, worry, and cry off and on when I think about certain things.
      The group that were going on the wine tour wanted to know if we should cancel. I told them “No” My sister would have wanted us to go and enjoy it as she would have. I’m trying to move forward with life but at times feel guilty. I know it is a normal feeling. It that it is still so fresh in my mind.
      I will miss my sister.

  475. KJD  September 14, 2017 at 5:21 pm Reply

    our oldest son took his life last november. he jumped from a 200-ft bridge while away at navy school, where he was working to be a machinest. my husband and i have an 8 and 9 year old, both boys. our oldest was 18. we have not told them what really happened, just that there was a terrible accident. today, while eating lunch with the boys at school, my youngest told me that he was writing a book about his brother, about how he knew awesome yoyo tricks and went to the navy, among other things. he also told me that he is writing about how no one will tell him how he died. after much deliberation, i said i would talk to daddy, but that i didn’t want to lie to him, the truth of how he died is just quite scary and im not sure he is ready for it. he told me he was ok with that, but now i wonder if i really should tell them the truth. he was such a good boy, and a wonderful big brother. he had a lot of issues at his birth moms house (i am his step mom, ive been with his father since he was 3). my husband and i feel that he loved her so much, he didnt want to dissappoint her. she has had many problems of her own, and he handled that life, but he shouldn’t have had to. we spoke to him the night he died, and everything was fine. if i am correct, which i believe i am, he spoke with her after us and he confessed he was failing at school (a common occurance, which is why he attended so many different schools). i realize that some of these points seem irrelevant, but i wonder if they contributed to his suicide? i cannot imagine he would have willingly jumped. he NEVER would have done that to his dad, our boys, even his mom. i feel like we dont have any answers, and we never will, and it scares me to share with the boys.

  476. Emily  September 9, 2017 at 4:03 am Reply

    thanks for doing this page. i lost my older sister 2 years ago to breast cancer when she was 28 i had an op 2 days before she passed away so i didnt get chance to say goodbye..and i miss her soo much there was only 4 years between us but we was always togethor weither at each others houses or on the phone. i feel like i cant really show my grief to my mum as she lost her child and she was only my sibling and your expected to be just be strong for them so the forgotten morner does come into play on that one..so i feel guilty whenevr i do and funnilly enough i felt the guilt of why wasnt it me at the time? my son talks about her all the time which is as expected cause hes only young but it breaks my heart and itll be her 30th birthday on friday the 15th of september so its feeling like im grieving all over again.

  477. Maryjo  September 3, 2017 at 11:12 pm Reply

    My brother Tom Pottebaum at the age of 22 took his life on February 18, 1989. He died 2 weeks after i was supposed to pick him up from college in Ames, Iowa. He didnt want to go home with me that night because i got there tok late!! I felt for years …if only i could havw brought him home that night he would still be alive today…talk about survivors guilt for years. I was the last one in my immediate family to see him alive. It took a lot for me to realize that…he would have done it anyway regardless of what i did that night…i dont think you can stop a suicide unless the victim tells someone…essentially – it’s up to them to go through with it or not…just my thinking…this comes from a personal experience from attempting suicide myself…

  478. Synnissa  September 1, 2017 at 6:30 pm Reply

    Wow. Reading these post and seeing just how many people have lost their sibling(s) literally makes me weak. It’s heart breaking. I lost my only sibling 26 years ago. My brother was 18, three years older than me. He was my best friend, my idol, my everything. It was a total shock to me. I can remember listening to a song on the radio and then turning it off and then just laying on my bed in silence for a while. Sometime later my phone rang. There was a voice on the other end saying, your brother just got shot. I can’t remember what else they said. My response was “No he didn’t, stop playing on my phone. ” and I hung up. They immediately called back and said it again. I repeated, “No he didn’t” and they said “don’t you hear the ambulance?” They told me they were at the high school sock hop. I denied a final time and hung up. Laid back on my bed again and cried. I had to gather myself enough to go tell my mom without breaking down , which was inevitable. After watching her fall apart in disbelief we put ourselves together enough to make it to the hospital. I don’t know which part was the worst, waiting to see him, seeing him with his eyes taped shut and a breathing tube down his throat, or being told he was recovering and sitting on the floor in the hallway waiting for him to come out (seemed like an eternity. Just to be sent to another room full of dying people on life support machines following my mom who could tell which body was my brothers from the bottom of his sockless feet. I can replay the entire day like watching a horror movie. From the time I was in school that day and talking to him on the phone after contemplating going home because my zipper broke. I got to tell him I love him , but I should’ve gone home. That way I would’ve seen him before he left or been able to stop it from happening somehow. (his death). Like I was saying my brother was the best thing to ever come into my life. Next to my maternal grandparents. My grandmother and my brother we’re my support system. Paw paw passed when I was 9. My grandmother passed 16 years ago. She my brother and I were like the three amigos. Always telling jokes, making each other laugh, providing each other with moral support and hanging out shopping, just enjoying life. Anyhow sad to say I haven’t been the same person since brothers death. (Cutting short my life story)
    I still haven’t gotten over it. I found this website because I am trying to find out how to let him go, how to let go of my pain and confusion and anger. Because it’s caused me to not be able to love anyone and I do mean anyone Completely. If I don’t push people away then I find ways to hurt them and that’s not what I want to continue do. I want to be able to give and receive love, the way I was taught to and not go bazerk when someone does something I don’t understand or like.
    I’m a loving person but I just feel used and unappreciated because out of all the kindness I’ve shown to people ( one being my mother) who I always wonder why I was left here with because she was and is nothing like my brother and grandmother. My support and loyalty and genuine love has never been reciprocated without her knowing she would receive something in return.

  479. Robin  August 31, 2017 at 7:47 am Reply

    My brother drowned 47 years ago. He was 8 and I was 9 at the time. I loved and still love my brother very very much. I feel so guilty though because I was not always good to him. I didn’t want to give him a hug as he left for summer camp because I was too shy in front of my friends. I was anxious for him to leave so my friends and I could go swimming at the pool. God how I wish I could hug him now. That still haunts me to this day and just breaks my heart. No matter how many years pass by, you’ll always, always miss your sibling.

  480. Wen Yi  August 21, 2017 at 1:18 am Reply

    Both my brothers passed away on the 8th of August 2017 due to drowning.

    I was back in my home country when that happened. They passed away in foreign land.

    I still cannot believe I have lost 2 brothers (14 and 16 years old) when I am bearly 18.

    The process of waiting for all sorts of reports so that the body can be transported back was the most disturbing

    • Laura  September 4, 2017 at 10:16 pm Reply

      I am so sorry to hear if this tragedy in your life. Your two brothers at the same time. I encourage you to get support professionally like through hospice. It would be very very hard to go through this alone. Prayers to you.

  481. Utami  August 20, 2017 at 1:36 am Reply

    Hi all. I lost my little brother 1 week ago. He is my best friend too and only 15 years, while im 21 yo. I live on different city because i have to go to college and only go home every 5 months. He passed away 7 days after i arrived home. During the 1 week before he died., i always hang out with him. Waitung until 2.30 when he came from his school and planned to eat and finding every fancy olace to go. On 12 August, 1 day before he passed away, i took a long tri pi with him. We go to several food stores and he loves it so much. He said hes very happy. And i still cant believe hes not here anymore. He drowned due to swimming practice on 13 auguts 16.30. Its very hard. It hurts the most. I also cant let tears fall down because my parents will sad. I m feeling alone because i cant tell anyone here at home since i dont want my parent to feel sad too.

    Please pray for my little brother and my family

    • Wen Yi  August 21, 2017 at 1:21 am Reply

      I can totally understand your feeling.
      Both my brothers were drowned too, recently.
      It was shocking, considering they were young.

      Will pray for your brother.

      • Mary  August 31, 2017 at 2:54 pm

        I find it hard to believe all these drownings one week away. People making up these stories need help! But not on this forum.

    • Michelle dorf  August 22, 2017 at 10:30 pm Reply

      Im sorry for your loss, I understand how you feel my sister died in march this yr. Its hard to talk to my siblings about it bc they become upset so I keep quiet. Feel better! I also lost a brother in 911. He was my best buddy! He was 39, and he was older than me by 2 years…he taught me so many things. I get it but in time you will learn to cope. Be well and safe!

  482. Rachel Auguste  August 3, 2017 at 11:05 am Reply

    My sister passed away July 26 2017 a week ago she was 39 years old with 2 children 4 and 6 they don’t know exactly why she passed gotta wait for autopsy results my grief is unbearable I’ve lost my best friend my right arm we are only a year and a half apart we did everything together I had a child at 17 she was there and walked with me through all of it I just don’t know how to deal with this my heart is so broken now I have 6 kids whom witch they love there Aunt so very much and now I have 8 kids because I could never be without my niece and nephew

  483. Rachel Auguste  August 3, 2017 at 11:02 am Reply

    My sister passed away July 26 2017 a week ago she was 39 years old with 2 children 4 and 6 they don’t know exactly why she passed gotta wait for autopsy results my grief is unbearable I’ve lost my best friend my right arm we are only a year and a half apart we did everything together I had a child at 17 she was there and walked with me through all of it I just don’t know how to deal with this my heart is so broken

  484. Riley jean  August 2, 2017 at 5:00 pm Reply

    I’m 21 and my sister is 16. We have different dads, but our mom has had custody of us our entire lives and my sister and I are very close. Yesterday, her 2 1/2 year old brother on her dad’s side drowned in the backyard pool her dad and stepmom had. All I want to do is protect my sister but I don’t know how. She shouldn’t have to deal with this at her age. I don’t know what to do, I love her so much, and my entire family is grief stricken.

  485. Jug  July 31, 2017 at 12:02 am Reply

    My 31 year old sister died unexpectedly on July 24th, 2017. She was the mother of 3 young kids, 2 boys and 1 little girl. I am overwhelmed with sadness, hopelessness at times, numbness, fear and more sadness. She was working at a nursing home, outside about to lead an aerobics class for some of the patients. She was fatally struck by a car being driven by someone who mistook the gas for the brakes. My sister pushed some residents out of the way, saving them with her own life. She is a hero. I wish she never would’ve gotten that job. I wish she wasn’t walking outside at that time. I wish she wouldn’t have pushed the others out of harms way. I have so many resentments and am consumed with worries about her children. I wish I could have them but it’s not an option right now due to their living parent. I want the memory of my sister to live on forever. She was a bright shining soul who was never unkind to anyone. She was the best mom I ever saw. She was absolutely gorgeous. I hate that this happened. I want my sister back.

  486. Margie Garland  July 30, 2017 at 8:52 pm Reply

    I have a different situation. My sister and I were seperated when I was about 5 and she 8. I never got to know her. I met her again when I was 40 but it was hard to bond. It was nice having a big sister though. Now 20 yrs later she passed away yesterday and I dont know how I feel. I am named in the obituary as a sister. I dont know if I am suppose to grieve or what. I could cry when i think about her being gone but we werent really together. can anyone relate

  487. Becky  July 27, 2017 at 2:03 pm Reply

    I sit here reading all the posts, I feel for all of you. I am not yet in your shoes but will be soon. My baby sister Racheal who is 48 years old has small cell lung cancer that has metastasized to her liver and now they think her brain. The Dr. has already told us all we are doing now is giving her a little bit more time with the chemo but as soon as the chemo stops the cancer starts to grow again and more spots are found. Soon the chemo will stop working. I have 3 sisters, 2 older 1 younger. The 2 older ones are very close and me and Racheal are very close. Both our parents are gone and I just don’t know how I am going to deal with it when she leaves me. I am the one to go to all the Dr. visits, scans, chemo and radiation. We are very close. She has 3 children, 2 sons and 1 daughter. They are young adults. Her oldest son is in collage, he wont take a break because he wants his mother to see him graduate before she dies so he has doubled up on his courses so she can see him. She has asked me to love and hold her grand Children for her because she will not be here when they are born, she has asked me to be with her daughter and sons when they get married because she wont be here. I don’t know how to feel about all this, I still have her and it is killing me, how will I be when she is gone? I love her so much and she is my best friend… How will I deal with this when she is gone

    • Vanessa Salcido  August 8, 2017 at 9:04 am Reply

      Hello, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and it’s got to be hard to know that her life is drawing to an end. I don’t usually reply to comments but I think a higher power is at work here. I happen to be watching Dr. Oz, today and I don’t really often but wifi was down for a few hrs. The segment of cancer breakthrough in which involves precision medicine w/ immunotherapy for cancer patients have been unbelievable successful even in patients that have had chemotherapy and unsuccessful. If there’s a chance i encourage you to never lose hope. I will add the link below for you. God bless You, Your Sister, & Family.
      What You Need to Know About Immunotherapy: https://www.doctoroz.com/article/what-you-need-know-about-immunotherapy

      • Becky  August 29, 2017 at 1:39 pm

        Thank you so much Vanessa

    • Earleen  September 7, 2017 at 3:42 pm Reply

      Hi Becky – my little sister died July 19, 2017. She had colon cancer. She was diagnosed in 2008 – fought for almost ten years. She turned 41 in June. It hasn’t been two months since she died and I can tell you at the beginning it’s an hour by hour thing, and it’s starting to work into a day by day thing. There are three of us – brother 3 years older than me, and my sister was 6 years younger. She and I have sons 4 months apart – her son is in jail right now. There are so many layers to my journey, and I hope yours is much more straightforward. She spent her last ten days in a hospice pain-management facility. She didn’t have a will or POA, so it’s been a real mess dealing with everything. I have no regrets where she is concerned. I made sure to tell her everything I could think of that I wanted to tell her, or that I thought she needed to hear. I always did the best I could for her. So I have that, even if sometimes it doesn’t seem like enough. You’ll be in my thoughts. Give your sister a hug for me. <3

    • Sue  November 9, 2017 at 1:54 am Reply

      Oh Becky, your post hits so close to home. I lost my younger sister and best friend last April from breast cancer that has metasticized to her liver. She was diagnosed as Stage 4 about 18 months before she passed at age 53. Her daughter (my Goddaughter) was engaged at the time she was diagnosed, planning her wedding for a year later. The dr told my sister she had better move it up a year. We threw ourselves into planning a wedding and reception within a 4 month time period. My sister LOVED babies and children, and took care of my daughter as well as several other nieces, nephews, great nieces and nephews, etc. Once my niece was wed, she and her husband tried soooo hard to get pregnant so that my sister could meet her grandchild before it was too late. My niece miscarried twice, then couldn’t get pregnant at all. One month after my sister passed, my niece became pregnant. She is due in February. I’ve been planning a shower for her, and it’s so bittersweet because my sister would have loved helping me with this. I feel like such a baby sometimes, the loss is so overwhelming. I’m dreading Thanksgiving and Christmas. She and I planned Thanksgiving every year. She knew me better than anyone. My advice to you, if I may, is to spend as much time with your sister as you can. Be there for her whenever she needs you. My sister really appreciated that, and I have no regrets because I know I did all that I could for her. God, I miss her. God bless you and your sister, Becky.

  488. Jenn Howard  July 26, 2017 at 2:15 pm Reply

    I lost my brother, my best friend, 3 weeks ago to lung cancer. I feel like my life has shattered in to a million pieces, that I have lost a part of my heart and my soul. We were supposed to retire together. I want to call him, to text him and I can’t. I was the one who told them to stop resuscitating him at the end, and although it was the right thing to do, I feel awful and I can’t get the images out of my head. I tried everything to advocate for him, I attended all of his appointments, helped take care of him when he was really sick. I tried so hard to get him healthy again. I would never wish him back in the state he was in, the best thing that I could do was let him go. I know it will take time, but I am just so, so sad. We did everything together. How do yo move through this kind of grief?

  489. Jenn  July 25, 2017 at 2:43 pm Reply

    Hi,
    This article was a great read. I lost my 33 year old younger brother (as well as only sibling) on March 8, 2017. I have experienced every emotion, and then some die to this tragedy. My brother and I were very close. We lost our Dad in 2014, and our Mom is very sick and doctors said her time left is limited. We don’t have a large family and hardly ever see our extended family. Therefore, once my mom passed it would just be my brother, myself and my son left. He also was very close with my son as well. Therefore, when I got the call from my mom that my brother had passed….my world turned upside down. We were prearranging everything for my mom……yet my brother passed. It was all backwards. I can’t even put a word to what I felt the first month or so. I was in denial….this wasn’t real. He had dropped me off at my house after a great dinner not to long before his death. Due to an argument between my brother and his girl, my brother was alone when he passed. His girlfriend at a hotel close by. So by the time his landlord found him, he had been gone for days. The funeral home said we had to have a closed casket service. That makes it so much more hard for me to process he is gone, because I was unable to view his body and let my brain process that he was dead. Anyway I am currently a list soul…still expecting him to knock at my door. I feel that the grieving of my brother is so different from when my dad, grandparents, etc. Passed. Very different and no one understands that. I wish there was a place I could go to find support in the grief of my brother. General groups won’t do the truck because of how different I feel. His death has changed me and my entire look on things. I will never be the same person I was before. I’m just taking one day at a time….trying to see what my purpose is. Before I had a clear plan and outlook. Its like I’m a high school senior all over agai n trying the world on my own for the first time.

    • Tina  July 31, 2017 at 12:22 pm Reply

      Hi jen, I just lost my brother who was only 26 unxepectedly too, May 14, 2017. situation similarly I just left him home and he was not speaking to his girlfriend at the time. Finding him in his room two days later keeps coming in my head. I don’t know what to do at times and I think Im going to lose my mind. I need some kind of help to get past this stage of grief.

      • M  August 1, 2017 at 11:16 pm

        My brother, aged 33, and also my only sibling, passed away suddenly in May. The official “date of death” is May 19th, 2017, however we were told he was deceased for days before the police found him, at the prompt of his landlord and my father, because he had not paid his rent. We were able to have a “private visit” with his body at the funeral home, however it didn’t look like my brother, it didn’t feel real. He was a fiercely intelligent yet humble, funny, kind-hearted human being who we were all incredibly proud of, working in the Canadian federal government straight out of college. We had an amazing childhood. He quit his job in January 2016 due to conflicts with managers, and other things he never shared with us because he felt like he had to “spare” us from everything negative in his life. His mental health began to deteriorate and he was unable to find work, isolating himself from everyone, feeling like he let us down. We tried to help him as much as we could, but he would never accept it. The police tell us it was a drug overdose, mentioning the fentanyl crisis, white powder they found near his body. Besides dabbling in marijuana, he showed absolutely no signs of abusing drugs, ever. It will take 5-6 months for toxicology results to come back to us, which will provide some kind of answers, as his autopsy just established that he was physically healthy when he died. My parents (very fervent Catholics) are viewing his death as an accidental overdose, while I believe he acted to end his own life. I have struggled with mental illness myself in the past and I understood him on this level, saw the anxiety, mental anguish and exhaustion he was going through. He would degrade himself when I saw him, saying that he should be married at his age, with a good career. Every time I told him it was the disease in his head, we all loved him as he was and would do anything for him, and things would get better in time.
        It tortures me to think, which I very often do, of what was going through his head the night he died, isolated from everyone in his lonely apartment. The feelings of guilt at myself for not reaching out more, and anger at the world for how it moulded him and made him see it as unbearable, are overwhelming.
        My brother was the smart one, the one who had his life together. It makes no sense to me: how I feel like I have gone through his same struggle at a different period in my life, and somehow I made it through and I am still here, while he is not.

  490. Colleen Mason  July 18, 2017 at 3:48 pm Reply

    I recently lost my younger sister, while I was very sick. My health is improving with medical care.
    I will always remember her and carry the memories in my heart. She was always caring when I
    would become ill and would help me. I hope she knows how much I miss her with love.

    I appreciate and thank you for this website.

    • James  July 22, 2017 at 3:52 am Reply

      These posts are helpful, it’s going on a year and a half and I’m still hurt, angry, lifeless at times because I lost my beautiful baby sister unexpectedly. I feel like I should have been the one because she left a beautiful 10 year old behind and it kills me to hear her and my nephew asking where she is. I’m not myself and I isolate myself from other people and I don’t want to be like that. I don’t sleep and all I can hear is that phone call over and over. I’m just trying to get my life back just a little. It’s not the same in any way. I miss her so much

  491. Bethany  July 10, 2017 at 2:44 am Reply

    I grew up with two sisters (I was the middle child, my older sister was 2.5 years older than me and my younger sister is closer to 3 years younger). My older sister was raped by a friend’s mother’s friend during a sleepover at 15 years old. My older sister was beautiful, popular and one of the kindest people – she never bullied and always stood up for others who were vulnerable, she brought people together: I was an overweight bully who excelled in academics. We loved each other without question and in all are differences were very alike (and butted head and knew how to push each other’s buttons). We never had a older sister/younger sister relationship – we were always peers to each other. After the rape, my sister rapidly declined starting with bulimia and anorexia and then alcoholism and drug abuse. By 20 years old, my sister already had significant liver disease and my parents had remortgaged their house twice to send her to treatment. She was 5’3 and weighed 64 pounds with ascites and when you hugged her, you could feel the bones in her back bend with fragility. After witnessing years of denial, fear and absolute insanity from my parents and my older sister, I left on a scholarship that college 8 hours away. Prior to that, I had witnessed my sister disappear for months without explanation, locked my younger sister in the bathroom and threw my older sister across a room in panic when she was chasing us around the house in some kind of altered state with a butcher knife, watched my dad physically take down
    My older sister and pin her to the floor to control her out of desperation, found my sister passed out in slum houses, tried to keep up with my sister in drinking just so I could be around her, begged my sister to stop if she loved me and being filled with anger when I thought she wouldn’t stop for me, watching my parents in absolute dispare all while having way to much freedom for a teenager because though I was internally completely hopeless, depressed, practicing self-harm and alcoholism, I wasn’t dying and my sister was so my problems were not even acknowledged let alone a priority. During college, I made multiple midnight drives to hospitals near my hometown when I was advised my sister was dying from end stage liver disease. I acknowledge years prior my sisters case my pretty hopeless and she was dying, my parents were in denial until the end. My sister always pulled through somehow however there was no chance of recovering in her condition so it was only a matter of time (patients with liver disease due to chronic alcoholism are not on the top of the list of a transplant list). My sisters last stent in the hospital was bad. Her skin on her legs was literally rotting away, she couldn’t walk, she was almost green in appearance and couldn’t control her bowels. She was 22 years old. I stayed home that summer to care for her in a hospital bed in our old bedroom. I helped bath her, wipe her and cooked for her. Eventually she was able to walk again and when she could, she left my parents home to a trailer park with a man I had never even heard of. I felt so angry, as I got older I realized that was really deep depression. I didn’t see my sister for at least a month when I came home (completely drunk) from a fishing trip with friends. There my sister was in the living room, I was shocked and again, had a deep sense of anger. My sister told me she loved me and I gave her a dirty look and walked out without responding (I was 19). I blacked out that night but fortunately woke up at my parents. As soon as I woke up, all that was in my head was guilt about how I treated my sister. I remember thinking she was dying and I need to go speak with her now and tell her I love her. When I went downstairs I saw her on my parents couch sleeping (both my parents were at work and my younger sister was out getting haircut). I nudged my sister and her whole body rigidly turned. She was dead. All I could remember was a buzzing sound and fullness in my ears and I walked outside in a daze. My sister was not in that house, it was just a lifeless body. In all my numbers, I started hearing a whimpering and felt a warmth on my left leg. I looked down and there was my dog who meant so much to me attached to me. She never left my side and she snapped me back to reality. I remember thinking in my head that I needed to go back inside and take the opportunity to say goodbye to my sister without anyone else around. I went over to the couch and sat at the coffee table in front of it. I told her I loved her and kissed her forehead. I still can’t remember everything and never have been able to. That was in 2004. I called my mom and said briefly, “mom, it’s ______”, my mom must have heard something in my voice because that is all I said and my mom was on her way. I hung up and called my dad who was strangely nearby and told him Kenzie was dead and I had already called mom. My mom got there first and I watched as my mom found her daughter dead. She was yelling so loud and was on top of her body. My dad came in next and I watched as he shrunk into a chair and saw the life literally drain from his body. I think seeing my parents see there daughter dead for the first time was more traumatic then finding her dead initially. I left the living room and went to the phone, I remember knowing I had to wait before calling 911 to give my parents time but I eventually did call and watched as they took her body from the house. My younger sister did not arrive until my older sisters body was gone. To this day, no one really acknowledges what happened that day. Only two years ago, a little over ten years since her death did my mom’s sisters know I found Kenzie dead. I can’t talk to my parents about it and when I try they get very defensive in that they did everything to shield us from what was happening with our older sister so I have stopped trying to talk about it. I have seen a variety of therapists since then, some that specialize in PTSD. I have gotten in significant legal problems due to alcoholism myself after the event. Luckily, I was put in rehab within two years after her death for four months instead of jail, it saved my life and I wish my sister would have had the same opportunity. I am a RN now and work in the substance abuse field. My sister’s suffering was not in complete vain, through the experience, empathy and passion learned throughout this ideal, I have been able to help hundreds of other people struggling with addiction but I still struggle myself. Especially around this time of year. I wish I knew where to start to work through this or find peace in that I never fully with. Or control the way I feel and my impulsive around the anniversary of finding her dead. Every year, I think I am going crazy and don’t know why until I am reminded that on 6/30/2004 at 19 I woke up to an empty house to find my sister dead and then witnessed my parents finding her dead all while remaining completely calm and taking control of the situation because I knew I had to.

    • Carolyn  July 28, 2017 at 9:05 pm Reply

      Bethany, I can relate to your experience.I am so very sorry for your loss.My younger sister just drank herself to death in a 20 month period, after her youngest son shot himself while away at school. She truly believed that she could “find him”.I was with her when she died, and it was a horrible thing to watch.It was July 8 of this year, and I learning to live my life without her in it.It is the most difficult thing I have ever done. I must say though-when her spirit left her body, she was the most at peace that I had seen her in since her liver and kidneys failed her…(actually, technically she failed them). I am happy that you went on to help others and that you are taking care of your own addictions. If you wound up with liver disease, it’s like her life will have been in vain.I decided to stop drinking after my sister died, even though I don’t drink a lot.

  492. Shelby  July 5, 2017 at 12:24 am Reply

    I lost my 3yr old little brother on May.29.16. We were at my aunts house who had a swimming pool. Next thing I know I am standing at the hospital and everything looks like a blur. We had adopted him and even though I only had him for 3 years it felt like the candle of joy in my heart had just died. I felt guilty and I felt like I missed opportunities and I felt angry at god and at myself for not looking after him. One thing that this article didn’t put in is that a child watching mother lose her baby is the worst thing in the world. Watching her smile just fade everyday is the worst. It’s almost been a year and it’s harder and this article wrapped up almost everything that I have been dealing with.

  493. Gamu  July 1, 2017 at 10:23 am Reply

    I lost my big sisetr on the 27th of December 2016. She died during Labour n her little girl died a few days later. Pain and hurt can not begin to describe wt I hv bn feeling. I relied so much on my sister she took take of me since we were little girls. I was looking forward to receiving our new angel planning a baby shower for the 8th of Jan 2017. We were living together but on 20th of Dec 2016 i travelled to be back in two weeks. While I was away on the 25th she went into Labour she was at the hospital for 2 days n gave birth on the 27th that’s when she bled to death. While I was waiting 4 The call to say the baby is here I receive a call saying the only friend n sister had been snatched from this earth. I haven’t gotten over the shock and guilt of not being with her in that moment. Growing up I ws the weaker sister always sick but her I can count the number of times she was sick, I managed to hv 2 kids bt her being as strong as she was could not survive having 1. I have lost my Faith I am failing to understand what kind of God would put us through this. I see my sister in my dreams telling me I should let her coz she hasn’t moved on, I am trying to bt it has not been easy. I didn’t jus loose a sister but I lost a best friend, confidant, my strength, my adviser n a shoulder to cry on. The biggest thing has bn that the one who would hold my hand thru everything is the one that’s gone.

  494. Vanessa Guzman  June 18, 2017 at 11:27 pm Reply

    On the 23rd it will be 6 months since I lost my baby sister Olivia who was 20 years old to a tragic accident. All I can say is that God is getting me and my family through, we’ve had numerous signs and visions of my beautiful sister in heaven. A few months ago my mom went to go hear this preacher and he went up to her and said they say goodbye from heaven, he had no idea we lost someone. Keep faith and keep on pushing because there is an afterlife where you will be reunited with your siblings, I can’t wait for that day, until then I have peace in knowing my sister is cheering me on to make it to the finish line. I recommend this book called, “within heavens gates” by Rebecca Springer…life changing. God wants to use our grief for grace so that others may make it by our stories. ❤️

  495. SHIBU  June 18, 2017 at 11:33 am Reply

    With high density of sorrow in my mind due to the demise of my younger brother at his 45 years on 08.06.2017. It is an unexpected event in my life. He was a lever patient and suffering from a couple of diseases. On the fatal day, he joined with his parents in heaven at 5.00 pm. I was so shocking; I couldn’t even understand that. Where is he now? Today evening, I had a haunting memory of him. I couldn’t resist the feeling. I didn’t know what to do. Where is he now?

    • Anna  October 17, 2017 at 11:42 am Reply

      Hi Shibu, I am with you here. it’s now 17th October 2017, and I lost my 41 years old brother on the 20th Sep 2017, no even 1 month ago. And I cannot find myself in ‘this world’, this is not ‘the’ world I was living in a month ago. I cannot find my brother in it. I have a folder in my laptop with his name and I have been writing him letters each other day, as a way to do something with my pain and see his name.

      I still haven’t come to terms with him not existing. I saw him deceased, I attended his funeral, there should have been closure, but there isn’t. I am still trying to know what to do with myself in this kind of parallel reality that doesn’t feel real at all.

  496. Lee-Ann  June 17, 2017 at 10:49 pm Reply

    My younger brother died unexpectedly on April 28th 2017. No one had heard from him for 9 days so we called the police. After a few hours the police came to our house to tell us that my brother has passed away at his home. Foul play and suicide were ruled out. The cororner and pathologist are involved in my brother’s death as an autopsy did not show cause of death. A special blood test had to be done to look for a cause. We r still waiting for the results. My life will never be the same. There is a hole in my heart where my brother was. I am very traumatized and cannot wrap my brain around it.

    • Heather  June 19, 2017 at 12:51 am Reply

      My younger sister passed the same unknown way. She was alone nearly two weeks. It’s so horrible to think about. I wish I had answers

  497. courtney  June 16, 2017 at 8:03 am Reply

    Three weeks ago today I lost my older brother. I’m 17, he was 18. He committed suicide. Everyday I feel so sad because we used to talk about everything to each other and he never mentioned that he was not in a good place and never reached out to me for help. I know it’s not my fault, but I just can’t believe none of my family realised anything was wrong. I feel so sad thinking about all the things we would have done together in the future and I still feel so much pain realising that I will never do these things with him. I don’t know if this feeling will ever go away but I miss him so much it hurts. I just feel so sad thinking that his final moments must have been so horrible. No one that I know closely has ever lost a sibling so it’s so hard to talk to my friends because they don’t understand, and I don’t expect them to. It’s just so hard watching the world carry on around you and see people carry on with their normal lives meanwhile my life has been changed so dramatically forever. I’ve been finding it really hard to accept his death because I miss him so much and my mind keeps wandering, thinking maybe it didn’t really happen and maybe there is some way you could go back in time and change things. I know it’s not a healthy way to deal with things and I know I need to accept that he’s died and I will never see him alive again but it’s so hard to imagine it because I have the rest of my life ahead of me, and so far he’s always been a part of it and now suddenly he’s not. I know i’ll be okay eventually even though I know I will always miss him forever, but I’ve just been reading peoples post and it’s so reassuring knowing there are others out there who understand the pain I feel and who have experienced it before and have said that it will slowly become easier over time.

  498. Diana Tejo  June 13, 2017 at 4:12 pm Reply

    I lost my big brother April 18, 2017 He was 64 years old. He died from Glio Blastoma (brain cancer). Tragically, his wife had already been diagnosed with the exact same thing almost two years ago. She died March 15, 2017. I am my brother’s trustee so was left to plan two funerals, try to console his two sons (one of whom is emotionally challenged), and sell his home and manage the assets. I feel completely empty and alone right now. He was the only person that always truly understood me. We were a lot alike, still fought sometimes, but always there was intense love and support between us. He would vent to me and I would vent to him. I just don’t know where to go from here. We were supposed to retire together and buy a couple of town homes in the same area and live out our retirement lives together (with my husband and his wife). We were in constant contact every day via text or telephone. I look at my phone now and there’s nothing…no texts from David anymore. Just so incredibly sad.

    • Amy  June 22, 2017 at 9:54 am Reply

      I feel the same. Lost my 54 year old brother to cancer18 months ago. We texted every single day and he was my only sibling. I have no one that understands me like he did. He was my rock. I don’t know how to go on but somehow do. I feel like a limb has been amputated.

  499. Alina  June 1, 2017 at 4:51 pm Reply

    My big and only sister 47 (7 years my sister) fought stage 2 breast cancer and come end of September 2016 we thought she had beaten it. She had a month where she was ok and then things deteriorated. At first we thought she had belspalsy as her face dropped and speech was affected but after a few weeks her balance went and she had to walk with sticks, kept falling then within 2 weeks she went completely deaf. I couldn’t sit and chat to my best friend anymore and she couldn’t hear her 6 yr old daughter laugh and sing. December 10th I had to get her an ambulance as she was in so much pain. Brain scans showed nothing but she continued to decline. I spent the next 11 days pretty much with her as my mum was also in hospital at the same time and my dad looked after my niece. My sister started hallucinating and her personality slowly faded away into someone else. Occasionally she would shine through. I watched her deteriorate in front of me eyes. Then we were told the cancer had spread to the lining of her brain. They wanted to try treatment but by then she was so agitated they couldn’t move her. They made her comfortable and good and fluids stopped. I slept beside her at the hospital and only left her for 10 minutes at a time – I didn’t want to leave her alone. Her daughter came in with my mum and dad on the 21st December so that my niece could say goodbye. My sister was heavily sedated now. They left and I stayed with my sister – I wouldn’t leave until she did. Later that afternoon she died and my world collapsed. My heart broke and I don’t know how it will ever heal. Ive lost my best friend and sister. We were supposed to grow old together. I’ve not had much time to myself as had to arrange everything as my parents couldn’t, my mum is destroyed by this. I’m now mum to my niece and had no children of my own. My work had to change to more suitable hours in a different department. I now live in my sisters house with my niece and currently fighting her absent for 5 years Turkish dad and as after he heard of my sisters death decided he wanted my niece (and her money).
    This isn’t my life, I don’t want this life. I want my sister back. I’d switch places with her if it would bring her back. I can’t forget how much she suffered and I couldn’t do anything to help her but hold her hand and cuddle her. There were times I had to restrain her when she got agitated and tried to pull out her tubes and I hated myself for having to do that. I miss her so much and the pain is like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I’d rather not be here anymore, I’d rather be with my sister but I can’t as she wanted me to look after my niece and it would kill my folks. I’m forced to live a life I don’t want and isn’t mine and everyday miss my sister and despite people around me I just feel so alone. I also look at my family and at the moment I couldn’t care less if everyone else died – it’s like my facility to love my family is no longer there. I feel nothing – I don’t know why but I feel nothing for them and everything for my sister. I’d give up the rest of my family to have her back. I know that’s horrible but it’s how I feel. My life is forever changed and I hate it.

    • Amy  June 22, 2017 at 9:45 am Reply

      Alina your post broke my heart. My brother was my best friend. He was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and moved in with me to die. He lasted 7 months. I value that time we had but it was horrid to watch and deal with. I miss him every day and can’t imagine life without him. It’s been 18 months and although it’s “better” I still want him back and would do anything to have him back. We texted every morning over coffee and at night too. We lived together most of our lives. Siblings are so overlooked when grieving. People always ask how my mom is doing…what about me? Thanks for sharing as it makes me feel a little normal

    • Amber silva  June 27, 2017 at 9:14 pm Reply

      The amazing thing about what you said is that I totally got you . You don’t need to apologize for saying it . It’s THAT painful ! I felt like when you were describing your relationship and love for your sister you were talking about my brother Ricky and I . Amazing Amazing friendship ! Nothing even close and I have two amazing Best Friends !
      But Ricky was my biggest fan and I was his . Always there to say something kind to me or anyone and make them smile with a silly one liner or something . He was cool ! I miss him , he passed on May 22, 2017. Unexpectedly from multiple myeloma . I love you Ricky your sister Amber

  500. Grace  May 29, 2017 at 9:24 pm Reply

    I lost my only sister a few months ago down to Sudden Death Syndrome. I have had no idea how to be able to grieve properly as I am only 20 years old so this type of life experience is new to me. With the death being sudden and completely unexpected, it took us 2 months after the death for us to be able to find out the cause therefore we couldn’t have her funeral until we knew the cause. Those two months were the hardest, being stuck in limbo whilst trying to grieve at the same time. But like I said I still have no idea really how to address the fact that my sister is no longer with me. I am sad yes but I think I am more confused and lost than anything and to be honest I am a little worried if the grief is going to hit me later on in life like a brick wall.

    • Jenny  June 25, 2017 at 12:54 pm Reply

      I was also 20 when I lost my sister – that was 7 years ago now. She was 18 and it was also sudden, for her the cause was SUDEP (Sudden unexpected death in Epilepsy). I feel for you and your uncertainty about the way to grieve. I can’t say I have the answer but I completely relate to that- at 20 I had no friends who had experienced anything like it, and most people’s thoughts and attention were with my parents. I didn’t know what to do. She was my only sibling. Looking back I wish i’d done some more soul searching… I think i was in such shock that I repressed my feelings rather than address them. I wish you all the best.

      • Anna  September 18, 2019 at 6:12 am

        Hi Jenny,

        I lost my sister to SUDEP nearly 7 years ago too. She was 36 and apart from epilepsy which was mainly under control she was healthy and lived a very full life. I had some counselling last year and I found it impossible to talk about her death without crying. The counsellor realised I had never dealt with the shock of that day and was still stuck in the trauma, it was really helpful to talk about that day and work through it and I am less panicked about it now.
        I miss her everyday and know I will never not think about her, every time something good or bad happens I want to share it with her.

  501. jane  May 29, 2017 at 3:00 pm Reply

    I lost my elder brother 40 years ago, on 3 June. He died in a dreadful car crash and seemed to take my future with him. He was highly intelligent and quite good looking; certainly girls seemed to like him. Back then there was no grief councilling, or if there was it hadnt reached the north west of England, where we lived at the time and though our little brother was given a lot of leeway I certainly wasn’t. I had to grow up and comfort my parents and brother. It was very difficult and in many ways stunted my emotional development. I was 17 for years and even now, getting on for 60, the affects of his abrupt disappearance still resound for little bro and I. We don’t ever expect any relationship to last and I am convinced that something awful will happen to people I love. I wonder if I will ever really be free of that car crash and the damage it did all of my family.

  502. Amanda  May 22, 2017 at 10:25 pm Reply

    My brother Patrick died two years ago of a drug overdose. The last 10 years of his life were filled with turmoil and pain. The last 4 years of his life were in-survivorable. His substance abuse started in his early teens and so did his emotional and physical abuse of others. Patrick managed to maintain and create new relationships despite the fact the most important ones in his life were either crumbling or destroyed. Like most drug addicts, Patrick was able to be codependent and carry the role of caregiver. He would cook and clean for others to survive without working. Until the very end our mother had faith that Patrick could survive. It got to the point where he knew if she stayed with him in his last weeks alive she would either find him dead or would find him holding onto life and would take whatever measures required to keep him on this earth. He forced her to leave his side so he could embark on the end of his life alone.

    Patrick died one day after his 36th birthday. He was two weeks sober, having spent time in the hospital. Upon his birthday he reconnected with his dearest and oldest friends. He ate well, told old stories and was hopeful of his own road sobriety. Patrick experienced a natural high, a feeling one isn’t accustomed to feeling after a decade of hard drug abuse. The next morning, that feeling was gone. And the fact was he knew it would take too much to feel that good and that loved. Patrick lashed out at those around him that morning. Started arguments, insulted those around him and holed himself into a room and came to the conclusion he was going to use. He didn’t know that would be his last bad decision. He didn’t know that last cocktail of heroin and meth he shot into his failing body would kill him. He didn’t know he was destroying his family. That he would be killing part of his little sister, his little brother or his parents. He just knew he wanted to feel better.

    Two years later, we remain the same. Withdrawn, isolated and as siblings the original set has been broken. There’s a missing part of the our trio. We resent our parents for not doing enough. We are angry when our mother says “I’m Patrick’s Mom”. We are utterly furious he could be so selfish, so mean and narcissistic as to leave us here with all of the pain. The truth is he experienced far worse pain, every minute of every day. Until that last moment when the pain was gone.

  503. Libby Nugent  May 17, 2017 at 6:35 pm Reply

    I lost my baby brother and only sibling on the 20th of November last year. It’s nearly 6 months and the grief I feel consumes me.
    The thing is I never wanted to live and now I’m stuck living a life I hate and feeling so alone and lost because my parents have already lost a child and don’t know how I could do that to them.
    So I’m stuck.
    In limbo.
    Not able to end this life of mine I hate so much.
    But merely existing.
    Thom deserves to be here more than me. He died of a brain cancer which left his body wasted but his brain conscious of everything happening around him. It was gut-wrenching

    • Jenny Lee  May 20, 2017 at 11:43 pm Reply

      Libby I am sorrow struck to hear this.. I am crying for what I would feel for my brother if he had to endure that. Please think about how he would want you to carry on in his place.. i am sure you already thought about that a million times in 6 months. My brother killed himself just a few weeks ago Libby… all I can think is how crushed he would be if I did that too… for their sake we gotta keep going till one day.. please one day let it get easier. Libby stay tough… be in the world he was denied, what would he have wanted to do? Travel to Thailand or surf or…. is there something you can do in his memory? I hope you find strength to do what he would have wanted for himself and or for you. We must choose to live Libby.
      -Jenny

    • Deborah Godfrey  June 12, 2017 at 9:51 am Reply

      Libby, I understand how you feel. I lost my baby brother almost 8 years ago. Sometimes it feels like a million years ago and other days as though it was yesterday. No one seems to understand the pain of losing a sibling and they act as though there should be no pain. The pain is so overwhelming at times it feels like an ocean and I feel like I’m drowning. A part of me died that day. Even though I was 44 at the time (he had just turned 38) another part of my childhood also died. We were friends, we were enemies, we hated each other and yet we loved each other. We felt like killing each other at times, but yet no one else should ever mess with the other one. His anniversary would have been June 10. As I walked down the aisle as one of the bridesmaids I looked at him and he winked at me. The tears began to flow and they didn’t stop. The night he left us after an almost 5 year battle with rectal cancer, I promised him once again that I would take care of him by making sure our family would be ok. My prayer is that I haven’t disappointed him. My prayers are with you Libby.

  504. ellen goldsmith  May 14, 2017 at 3:16 pm Reply

    Reading all of these posts has helped me because I realise that Im not alone in the way that I’m feeling. I lost my sister, who was my soul mate, mum and best friend nearly 21 yrs ago. I miss her so much. I struggle with an eating disorder as a result. I constantly beat myself up. I wish that it had been me that died in the car accident instead of her. I’d of hoped in that way it would have been easier on the family. I’m nothing compared to her. I am destroying my own life as a result yet I achieve so much….nothing is good enough. I long to have one last hug with her. I relate certain foods to her and don’t eat them as a result… It’s too painful. Yet again I find myself seeking help. I hope that it will help me to live my life for her as I have that opportunity… At the same time I feel guilty though. I hope that by eating the foods I associate with her I’ll be able to let go and move on to a healthier and happier life.

  505. Cyril Bihary  May 13, 2017 at 10:39 am Reply

    I am sorry for the losses that you all have decided to share. I have recently found myself grieving the loss my twin sister. We are 44. I am her brother. In a way it still doesn’t seem real. But I am feeling the void, the twin connection I had with her. I am sad that I was not able to do and say more to her. I am sad that I will not be able to do and say more to her. I just can’t properly express my feelings right now, it’s only been less than 2 weeks since I lost her.

    • Alan Brewer  June 1, 2017 at 1:08 pm Reply

      I am so sorry for your loss. I am not a twin but I lost my older sister a little over a month ago. She was 49. It was sudden and unexpected. My mother had been trying to call and text her all morning and I went to her house to check on her two dogs and I found her dead on her sofa. She had died the night before. The autopsy report said she died of a heart attack. It hurts so much. I miss her so much.

  506. Namrata Jani  May 12, 2017 at 9:43 am Reply

    I lost my brother 25 years old on 25th April 2017 it was such a horrible day. A car accident we could do nothing at all. Just pray for him he shall always live in my heart people pass away but memories always remain.

    • Carol  July 20, 2017 at 1:46 pm Reply

      Im so sorry for your loss. I lost my younger brother on the 11th of June 2017 from a tragic accident, he was just 18. After staying with him unconscious for almost 4 hours they had to then the machines off. I hate living without him I just know this isn’t going to get any easier. There’s so many unanswered questions I have. Where do you to from here? I believe his tried to let me know his still here but I want him back

  507. bob phillips  May 12, 2017 at 6:35 am Reply

    My baby sister died on the day she turned a month old 1 month and 2 days ago from SIDS I wish I could of protected her.She didn’t live long I could’ve spent more time with her thank you for this post it has helped me understand more.Alot of my friends don’t understand so its good I can read this and know what else is happening.

  508. Michelle  May 10, 2017 at 11:27 pm Reply

    I lost my older sister when I was 15 and she was 18. She was murdered while working an overnight shift at her job. It’s been almost 5 years and it hurts more now than the day it happened. I miss her more than anything. She was my best friend.

  509. Denise Serrano  May 6, 2017 at 7:20 am Reply

    I lost my big brother 4 months ago. He was a 16 year cancer survivor that caught pneumonia for the last 6 months of his life in both his lungs and his lungs shut down. Throughout the years we never lived together but always kept in touch. He was about 12 years older than me. we had the same father, and along with him I have 2 other older brothers, the youngest of the 3 died 18 years ago, the oldest is still alive, but neither of them meant as much to me as the one I just lost 4 months ago, as terrible as that sounds. Frank was the only one who reached out to me from time to time, who made any effort to try and see me or be there for special occasions. Frank was the glue to my other family members, and now that he’s gone I feel like I lost more than just my big bro, but that I lost the rest of my family. Family meant everything to him, and he tried to always get everyone together while he was alive. I feel like I took the time for granted while he was here because he survived for 16 years when he was first diagnosed with cancer and the doctors only gave him 1 year, maybe I should have made more of an effort to see him more, or be there for the good times, and not only when I got a phone call that he was sick and or in the hospital. And now that he’s gone there’s no getting that lost time, lost opportunities back…. and its eating up inside of me. The other family members that I no longer speak to I’ve tried to fix that and try to be in there lives, but I feel like its only me trying, only me reaching out, and it gets tiresome. Its bad enough that I lost the most important man in my life, but them too… but then I say to myself… they weren’t really there while he was alive, so I really only lost the best big bro ever. No matter what I do, no matter what I try to do… its never gonna bring him back or get the lost time back, but I’ve been finding it hard to be happy, and move on with my life and continuing to live and keep him alive within me. I’m so depressed. I don’t know how to let him go. I will be 40 years old this year and it will be the first time I don’t get a HBD baby sis from him, no more text messages, no more calls… and its a hard realization.

    • Rozanne  May 31, 2017 at 12:08 am Reply

      I’m so sorry for your loss – losing a brother is so hard. My older brother, by 15 months was my rock, I still miss him all the time but I’m thankful that he was so
      Important to me- many people go through life never experiencing the bond we were blessed with. He’s been gone 5 years and there’s that part of my heart that never stops aching. There are days now that I can laugh (and cry) at some of the memories. The memories become such a treasure. Wishing you good memories …

  510. Autumn  May 4, 2017 at 11:57 pm Reply

    I lost my little sister 2 months ago. My sister was only 19 and she was my best friend. She was born with health issues has over 5 open heart surgery and had so many other health battles that she had won in her short life. This last health battle was so unexpected she was in the ICU for 3 weeks we still don’t know what caused her to get so sick but this would be her final battle. She started recovering and getting better then it all went down hill and was gone. We never expected something like this to happen so suddenly with my sister. She was my everything I saw her everyday and hung out for a few hours a day. I pretty munched raised my sister I feel like I have lost my child. I can’t even explain the pain my whole body aches I even feel it in my bones. I cry everyday I visit her grave 2 or 3 times a week. I can’t imagine life with out my little sister. I feel like I have gone an eternity without her already and it’s only been 2 months. I’m ready to see her again I just want to be with her so bad. How am I supposed to move on from this? The pain is so miserable I don’t know how much longer I can take it. How do you continue to live life with such pain?

    • Lynette  May 29, 2017 at 7:54 pm Reply

      Dear Autumn,

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I too lost my sister 8 months ago. She was 33 when she passed, and I know she was much older than your sister, but I had always considered her my baby sister. She was 2 years younger, and when we used to fight, I would always remind her that “Even when you are 100-years-old, I would still be 102 and older.”

      My sister died quite quickly from end-stage stomach cancer. Our family didn’t have any history of cancer. Both our parents passed away more than 10 years ago, so my sister was all the family I had. Even though I was the older sister, she was the one who was more matured and more grounded. She was my rock. When she passed away so suddenly, I was in alot of shock and denial.

      All the body pains that you are describing, I had those as well. I had chest pains, back pains, pains in my legs, wrist, bones (I even thought I might have bone cancer), tightness in my throat for 3 months, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I did alot of blood tests, utrasounds, scans, and they all came back fine. I have been having headaches on my left side, numbness in my left arm, irritation in my left eye for more than 2 weeks now. Everyone tells me it’s due to stress and grief. I don’t know when my life would go back to normal.

      I am not in your exact same shoes, but I have some idea of what you’re feeling. You have to take good care of yourself, because your sister (and other family members) would want you to be happy and continue to live life. Our sisters are no longer suffering and I believe my sister is in a better place. We miss our sisters, but the love, memories and good (and bad) times that we have had with them will never disappear.

      I don’t know if you have a religious belief. Someone once shared this story with me. Suppose you and your sister went to a party. For some reason, your sister had to leave first, but she told you she would see you at home later. She wants you to stay at the party and continue to have a good time. In this case, would you cry or miss her? Some religions teach that we will all re-unite after death.

      I tried to find answers online about “Why” did it happen to my sister, and found the below articles quite helpful. I read everything, whether religions or non-religious and would like to share them with you. I hope you will give yourself time to heal, and do whatever it takes to help you get better and move on.

      https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1388654/jewish/Why-Do-Some-of-the-Best-Die-Young.htm
      https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/im-heaven-now-brave-boy-9184928

      Hugs,
      Lynette

    • Nikki  May 31, 2017 at 3:42 pm Reply

      Dear Autum, I lost my youger sister almost the same way she was going into her 5th open heart surgery. There was complications and within 2 weeks she passed, I watched my sister get better and get worse. I know the pain you are going though because i had the same. Not being able to help her, I watch her grow up as I grew up. At the time my sister was 12 and this year she will be 14. the pain never goes away only become mangable

  511. George  April 28, 2017 at 4:51 am Reply

    I lost my 54-year old brother on Monday to bone cancer. He has always been and will always be my best friend and the person I have cherished most in my life. The giant hole ripped from my heart will always miss him badly and it will not be filled until we are together again in the hereafter as we were in this life. He was 21 months older than I was and so we shared pretty much everything together – bedroom growing up, our friends, a few girlfriends(!), life’s dreams and downfalls, and our triumphs and tribulations. I am totally and simply lost in extreme sadness. My body and mind keep reminding me of the loss of my brother no matter what I do, and while I am trying to think of all the good and wonderful times we had together as a celebration of his life, I remain paralyzed in frozen sadness. I just can’t stand the emptiness and loneness I am experiencing. I am broken.

    • Gilly  April 30, 2017 at 6:51 am Reply

      George …

      Thank you for sharing.
      I lost my best friend my brother on the 26th April 2017 and he was 54 years old.
      I have no idea how I am suppose to keep going. I can’t imagine my life without him in it.
      We did so much together and I just don’t know how to go on.
      I can’t believe that someone so precious can be suddenly taken away, no warning, just gone.
      The shock and the emotional rollercoaster I am on feels like this is what it will be like until I am with him again.
      He was my big brother and I am devastated,. I can’t imagine how to get through his funeral…………
      I can’t imagine anything without him
      Its only 4 whole days and it feels like forever already……:-(

  512. Xiomara  April 18, 2017 at 12:36 pm Reply

    Back in the days I was afraid to die. I was terrified I was unable to go sleep without covering my body from head to toe with a sheet.
    Now after I lost my only brother my baby brother my everything the one who supported the one who looked after me. I feel like nothing matters to me. My brother and I grew up together and he went through hell we grow up without our parents living with relatives , but my pain is not our past life or being rejected from our parents; my pain is the death of my
    Baby brother and words cannot describe how much love I feel for him moreover how much I miss you. Can’t wait to meet again manito . RIP Fernando Ortega 10/292015

  513. Juliann  January 7, 2017 at 12:39 pm Reply

    Thank you for sharing ?

  514. Melissa  January 7, 2017 at 8:01 am Reply

    My brother Matt died on 07/15/16. He was only 39 years old. Him and his wife were coming home from a Harley-Davidson bike night. A truck pulled out in front of them. Matt was killed instantly, his wife was life flighted and is still recovering in a facility. I miss him like crazy. So many years ago when Mom brought him home after giving birth, I was convinced she had brought this precious little boy home just for me. We became best friends, built a trust like no other, got in trouble together, never told on one another. As our childhood grew into adulthood we still gave each other hard times and also true loyal compassion. We talked openly. We kept in contact daily, even during challenged timed. What I wonder is WHY my spouse will not let me grieve? Why does he think that my life will EVER be the same? How can he even think about intamacy right now, AND truly want to have relations? That is the last thing on my mind. My life will never be the same since this beautiful and unique man left my life. He was my brother.

  515. leslie  January 3, 2017 at 6:35 pm Reply

    I am so glad to have found this site. I just lost my older brother two days ago and am devastated…..I held his hand and hugged him for 26 hours while watching him die. He had no wife or girlfriend, no children. I had no idea he was so sick; he kept on working up until two weeks ago w/no complaints. Not only am I devastated but I feel so guilty that I was not more supportive of him. I had jealousy issues w/him over the years because our mother really loved and doted on him and did not have much time for me. And I let that jealousy affect how I viewed him sometimes. So now I’m going through this stage of beating myself up for this. I’m glad though that he had that love from our mother all his life. Having that love made him the wonderful person he was.

  516. Sarah  December 13, 2016 at 4:01 pm Reply

    I LOST MY MOM IN AUG 2012 THEN LOST MY DAD 13 MONTHS LATER , I have a really big family as you no we was all distraught , l have 7 brothers & 3 sisters we all live separate got our own family’s we were all so close , but September this year my brother was killed in a motor bike accident he was married with 1 sibling & 2 step sons was on married 12 months , but I’m so angry I have fell out with half my family even the wife of my brother don’t really want to go in to to much detail , let me just say she’s gone back on her word some days I don’t feel angry but I have had argument with most my brothers even the 1 brother I’m really close too & I don’t even feel guilty about the rows iv had either , because what iv said I feel is true to me it’s like no one as listened even if I shouted it from an hill top

    • Litsa  December 13, 2016 at 8:20 pm Reply

      Ah, so sorry it has been so difficult Sarah. I am not sure if you have seen it yet, but you may want to check out our post on family conflict after a death. It is very common, for a lot of reasons, but that doesn’t make it any easier to cope with! Here is the link: https://www.whatsyourgrief.com/family-fighting-after-a-death/

  517. Bev  November 23, 2016 at 3:03 pm Reply

    Hi. Today 22 years ago I lost my eldest brother to a heart attack he was 21 and I 12. I was the one to find him. He was my all. My heart is still very much torn. 4 years ago I lost my last brother he 32 and I 29. I feel totally lost. I often feel angry and that unfairness. Try to be a soldier but boy it is hard. Questions like I’m not the one supposed to take care of my parents and to do their funeral arrangements Ect. My whole life is over. Folks live with me I take care of them financially and physically. Dad had a stroke a year ago leaving him like a todler. I’m 34 and no where to go. Won’t be able to live my life eva.

  518. Amy P  November 21, 2016 at 6:19 pm Reply

    I am so devastated. My baby brother died 3 weeks ago from today at the age of 19. I call him baby because he was special needs, unable to speak or hear, and I was his caregiver for the past 6 months while my parents were working. He was my favorite person in the world, he had such a pure innocent heart and such a wonderful personality. He was always smiling and laughing, regardless of how many surgeries he had gone through. He was the person I spent the most time with and vice versa. We were extremely attached to each other. I don’t know what to do without him here anymore. It felt like he was my purpose in life and I had always pictured my future with him in it. He made me a better person and I am so sad I will never be able to see him or feel him again. I would do anything to hug him one more time. He stopped breathing in my arms after an epilepsy attack and he then passed away in the hospital as I held his hand. I keep reliving his death and I don’t know how to get the horrifying memories and feelings out of my head. His presence in the house leaves a large void and everyone is heartbroken. We all feel like something is missing and it leaves us all depressed. I hope I can get better but the pain is the same as the day it all happened.

  519. Phil  October 16, 2016 at 8:08 pm Reply

    My big brother passed away on Friday and I’m a broken man 🙁 He was my pillar and the person I could always go to for advice.It feels like a part of me died and life without him would not be the same. I cannot sleep and just burst out in tears when I think of him. I’m just glad I had a chance to say goodbye and I will never forget our last handshake. I keep asking myself why it wasn’t me ?? He has two beautiful boys and they need him and I have no family of my own and I would do anything to change places. I suffer from depression and I’m in a dark place at the moment but I know I have to get myself together as I promised I will always be there for the boys and be the man in their lives. Thank you for the article

    • Min  January 1, 2017 at 10:44 pm Reply

      Hello Phil,
      As I’m on this site looking for support, guidance, just anything to help. I came across your post and feel pretty much the same way. Last week I unexpectedly lost my older sister. She has one daughter and I just feel that if someone had to go it should of been me. Her daughter needs her, my parents need her. But being the sibling I feel left out and not so much needed. Sigh maybe it’s just too new. I can’t think and I cry at just about anything. I noticed you posted a few months ago now, Does it get any better? Is there something that you’ve found that helped? I don’t really have many friends so I am struggling here.

      • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 9:33 pm

        Min, don’t go this alone!
        Find help! To me it has made a world of difference to go to counseling, an spiritual leader, and grief groups, a WORLD of difference.

  520. Cindy  October 16, 2016 at 5:07 am Reply

    There is a wonderful book. “Surviving the Death of a Sibling” T.J. Wray

    • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 4:20 pm Reply

      Many thanks! My public library has it!

  521. Kaitlyn  September 13, 2016 at 1:52 pm Reply

    I’m glad I came across this article. I lost my younger sister to a heroin overdose in March of this year. Every day since has been a roller coaster. I can really relate with a lot of the things written about- survivors guilt is a big one, even though I’ve never done the drug and am not worried I will pass in the same manner– it’s just a question of why her, why then? I grieved her passing before she was physically gone because of her lifestyle, and came to terms with the fact that choosing to live her life the way she did was a risk, and she knew that. When she passed away, it was during her longest stretch of sobriety in her adult life. I had no idea she was back into using. Even though I know there was nothing I could have done… I’ll always question–what if there was? Looking forward to checking out the support groups mentioned.

    • bella  September 20, 2016 at 8:35 pm Reply

      kaityin im so sorry for your loss. i understand what you’re going through. my brother passed away last year. that was the day i stopped living. he had a very bad substance abuse problem and pain pills. he fell down his stairs. it was a couple of hours before anyone found him. not a day goes by that i dont think about him i miss him so much. i wish so badly that we could have got him help. i blame myself i didnt try hard enough. he was my best friend

      • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 4:14 pm

        Oh dear Bella, I feel the same way. Please dont feel alone. We’re so many feeling the same way.

    • Daniel  April 13, 2019 at 12:19 am Reply

      I just posted above about my older brother John that I lost on March 30th to a substance abuse problem (meth and sleeping pills). I too had the same feeling that he lived his life a certain way and it was a risk but I came to accept it over time… I’m now completely angry at myself as I sit here and think constantly of “what if I had my brother come live with me and just learn to invest (I’m a finance guy) and workout and go to the beach everyday while I work then come home in the evenings” …. I never envisaged myself doing that while he was here but man oh man had I known the danger he was in would I do that in a heartbeat…. I keep thinking that this is all some crazy dream and that I will wake up and John will be here, then I realize this is reality…. I keep asking “why God?” “why not allow him to survive this but give me and my family a chance to correct things once and for all with a major wake up call”… You have to know there is a reason and purpose for everything that our human minds can’t quite comprehend on earth in our limited dimensions. The Book of Job describes some serious loss of sons and daughters (siblings to them) and how he was made to even feel better and given more success and more enjoyment. I know that sounds weird having lost children, but God does make a promise to us not to hurt us but to love us.

      I’ve also done a great deal of research since the loss of John and it is comforting knowing that death itself seems to be a “welcome home experience” as weird as that sounds. There are several well known NDEs of people who like Dr. Mary Neal who was underwater not breathing for over 30 mins and she described that she wished she didn’t come back b/c of the complete feeling of being at “home” and the complete love that enveloped her and the spirits of other people that she knew surrounding her. Death to our human senses is a very traumatic experience but it is comforting knowing that for those that pass to the next life – it is the ultimate in peace.

      • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 4:12 pm

        Thank you for saying your frustration about rehashing the past and your frustration for not helping more. My experience exactly. Reading your words made me feel less alone.

    • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 4:18 pm Reply

      Oh Kaitlin, my sister died of a different substance abuse (tobacco and booze plus neglect). I also had no idea of her state.
      Nothing helps mitigate my guilt and pain for not reaching out, I just have accepted them as atonement and I’m trying to get close to other family members and support them.

  522. Sloane  September 12, 2016 at 10:45 pm Reply

    My older sister died in a snowboarding accident on December 7th, 2015. I will always be a little bit lonely without her and although life may be good at times, I know it would be even better with her here. It saddens me that people (strangers, friends, family-to-be) will never meet her, for she was one of a kind. I miss everything about her, even the way she yelled at me when she was angry. I am lucky to have the most supportive parents, but at times still nothing helps and I know that my grief is a burden I will bear forever. I have tried counseling but it all seems redundant and there is no ‘fixing’ to be done. I simply wish I could talk to her, hug her, hear about her new adventures, meet her new friends and loved ones. My parents and I have a saying that helps sometimes “we may be broken, but we are still good” we use this quote to help us realize that we must still stick together. My sister died instantly at age 23. I was 20 at the time. Now I’m 21. I’m so scared for the day I turn 23 because I don’t want to be older than her. sharing and receiving love are the only things that help me through. I try to live my life as if she is guiding me.

    • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 4:06 pm Reply

      Thank you for sharing the quote; it does help.

  523. Samantha  September 12, 2016 at 2:26 pm Reply

    Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. My younger sister died when I was seven and I’m still coming to terms with it, partly because I had no counselling or other support (other than my loving family). I’m writing a book about it. I’d be happy to talk to anyone who’d like to share their experience too. Thanks for all the wonderful work you do, WYG.

    • Christina  July 6, 2017 at 2:08 pm Reply

      I think thats wonderful that you are writing a book. Our daughter was 5 when our son passed away from brain cancer at age 3. They were only 20 months apart and she lost her best friend. I noticed that there aren’t many books at all on sibling loss. Its a shame and it would be nice if there were more.

  524. Billy  August 28, 2016 at 10:20 pm Reply

    My brother was killed in a car wreck March 24 2016 i don’t know how to handle it well i think about it constantly everyday it’s hard for me to sleep and i stay depressed my heart was ripped to shreds on that horrible day.

    • Trudy  September 13, 2016 at 10:54 am Reply

      reach out if you need to talk to someone

  525. Bea Cervantes  August 25, 2016 at 10:22 am Reply

    My younger sister died 3 months ago. She was one of my best friends and I miss her every single day. I had a few very bad days, when getting out of bed was a challenge. But I went to see my former therapist and that helped. I think the worst is over but I know I will mourn for my sister until I die.

  526. Pamela Vitale  August 18, 2016 at 9:40 pm Reply

    My only sibling, an older sister, died 5 months ago. Both our parents are deceased. I also agree there is not much information available that addresses adult sibling grief. Most people do not even acknowledge your grief. I received few sympathy cards or calls. People who I thought were friends have fallen away. After her death, I volunteered to send out the thank you notes for my brother-in-law and helped him with discarding some things at their home. This kept me busy for several weeks. But now I am feeling the extreme loss of her death. I tell myself that I had over four years to prepare for her loss but you are never prepared for that final day. I have taken a grief recovery class which helped very little and have read a variety of books on grief. Keeping busy helps for the moment but find I have many “memory embraces” that leave me in tears or sobbing. This loss of my sister has affected me much more deeply than either the loss of my parents. She was part of my history and even though we were six years apart in age, she was always there for me. She was a strong individual and seemed to be able to handle almost all type of crisis, even stage four cancer. I know I will get through this but don’t see it happening in the near future.

  527. Viv  July 2, 2016 at 7:33 am Reply

    As a grandmother I watched as my grandsons siblings grieved as their brother battled through his cancer journey
    They were with him as he died and spoke at his funeral all at the tender ages og 13, 9 and 4

  528. Chelsea  June 18, 2016 at 3:06 am Reply

    I lost my older sister 3 weeks ago, it was unexpected. She died on the operating table during a surgery that was supposed to save her life, not end it. There were 26 years between us, so she was an aunt as much as a sister. We always used to scheme and surprise our dad with something big and epic on Father’s day, like a new set of tools or a room full of worlds best dad equipment. Crazy maybe but in addition to doing something nice it was our chance to bond. Flying solo this year I just feel lost and wish I could drag her back down from heaven to remind me what this year’s plan was. All I do when I’m alone is sit and listen to ‘Sissy’s Song’ by Alan Jackson miss her and cry

  529. Corey  June 10, 2016 at 4:15 pm Reply

    I am 27 yrs old, my younger brother was 25 when he passed away two months ago now. I don’t know how or even what I feel yet other than pain and sadness almost every day. He was in a sudden car accident where he died very quick. I wish I could comprehend what’s flowing through me right now, the feelings, the rush of air leaving me when I think of him, the tears that suddenly flow when I type this. I hate that I feel so much pain and it angers me at times when I think about not being able to see him and or share our futures together any longer. I truly hate accepting his death and I’m not sure how to come to terms with it, I just want to be able to go a day without losing my breath and not being able to stop my tears no matter where I am. Half of me was suddenly stripped away from me and taken forever without warning, he was my guardian as I was his, and it’s extremely hard to shake the feelings of complete loneliness. I need help, I know I do.

    • Pam  August 20, 2016 at 7:10 am Reply

      Corey: I am so sorry for your loss. My sister died in March. Although she was 67, it’s still difficult. I remember feeling like my heart was breaking and wondering if my chest would explode because the ache was so severe that day and all I could do was hug a teddy bear and sob. 61 years old! But thst bear helped comfort me. We just take each day momemt by moment. Hopefully, the pain will lessen.

      • Jennifer  October 26, 2020 at 10:56 am

        Hi, I am grieving the loss of my only big sister Michelle and My sweet Son Brady. My sister was only 32 and my son Brady was only 19 when they were Murdered! My heart is in so many pieces and I know that my mom and other 2 children are very broken to…what can I do?I don’t know what to say I’m so lost…

      • IsabelleS  October 27, 2020 at 10:51 am

        Jennifer, I am so so sorry for your loss and for this immense pain you are being made to endure. My heart truly goes out to you. I know you are unsure how to be there for your mother and other two children… I would recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grieving-friends-and-family/. Above all else, know that you must be there for yourself first. Be gentle with yourself throughout this grieving process. All the best!

  530. jillian  June 8, 2016 at 3:57 am Reply

    having lost my older sister recently whom i was her carer suddenly and having no other relatives to count on nobody seems to understands my grief as i found her dead in bed in the house we shared feeling lost and alone now its 6 months and i still miss her and sometimes don’t feel like getting out of bed just want to be on my own people just don’t understand how i feel they want me to get out and meet people get a job but i can’t do it

  531. Cindy  June 4, 2016 at 7:04 am Reply

    I lost my sister 42 days ago. She was the middle one, i have an older sister of 45, I’m 36 and my sister who died was 42. She gave birth to twins 5 months ago and on 24 April 2016 she.just. died. Her husband and I tried to resuscitate her but we didn’t realise at the time that she had suffered a quick death and that whilst I was blowing my air into her lungs, she was gone already. It’s 42 days later and i miss her every day. People support me but im amazed at the uncomfortability people feel when you grieve. My cousin in her innocence told me last night wow! You are really grieving for your sister. I thought to myself, what do you mean? Of course! My heart is broken, i MISS her, my life will never be the same again. We lived in the same gated community and i went to her every day. We chatted every day, we sat next to each other and sang silly songs, i told her my secrets.. and now.she.is.no.more.. my eldest sister lives in the Netherlands so I have become the manager of everybody’s feelings. I help where I can, i comfort everybody. But even though I have friends who listen to me etc, i feel alone in my grief. I’m sad and i miss my sister so much.

  532. val  April 30, 2016 at 6:39 pm Reply

    this is so hard to talk about. i still cant believe my brother is gone he was my best friend. he was 47 when he passed away. he had a substance abuse problem and we had tried for years for him to get help but he wouldnt . the night it happened he fell down his stairs and died of positional asphyxia . he suffered for a couple of hours before he passed. i feel like im going crazy i wake up every morning hoping its been a horrible nightmare then realize its not.. i try so hard to be strong for my parents and my kids but its so hard. i feel like i have to cry alone. i know life will never be the same ive lost part of me. i just dont understand how this happened no one is ever prepared to lose someone. we were so close we talked everyday when my phone rings i still think its him. i dont know anyone who has lost a sibling or have a support group where i live so im glad to have someone to talk to that understands.

  533. Kathy  April 13, 2016 at 1:34 pm Reply

    Great post on the subject! Even though it’s been a long time since I’ve lost my siblings, the subject is very much in my experience recently. A dear friend of mine just lost her sister. We felt it is important to talk about the subject. So we’re going to do so on blab.im. If anyone wants to watch or join us, you’re welcome to with open hearts. You can go to https://blab.im/WakingKathy and look for the scheduled blab called Processing Sibling Grief is a Unique Journey on April 24th at 5:00 pm EST ♡

  534. Mom to an angel  April 12, 2016 at 2:23 pm Reply

    I commend you on the post. It’s true there are not many resources for sibling loss. If I may, I would add a few points based on my son’s experience after his brother’s passing.
    Especially with small kids there is fear (could this happen to me or someone else in our family), guilt (for those times they weren’t nice to their sibling or jealous of them). With children their grief evolves as they grow as they begin to process and understand death, love, what it means to have a sibling or not have one. In a way they relive the loss as they mature

    • Stefanie  April 12, 2016 at 9:37 pm Reply

      Yes, there is fear, guilt, sadness, and the overwhelming feelings that you can’t make things better for your parents or the children left behind. What makes it worse are the words left unsaid. I’m on rollar coaster and can’t get off….

  535. Kirsti  April 12, 2016 at 12:40 pm Reply

    Thanks for posting about sibling grief my eldest brother was killed 3 years ago I was expected to support everybody and when I tried to grieve was told by my parents I was selfish so I didn’t grieve until last year when I had a breakdown and ended up trying to take my own life my family no longer talk to me as iam the bad one the one who should’ve died not him even though no one could’ve saved him that day and I wasn’t even there is have been vilified and had all my parents anger and bitterness directed at me until I finally said enough I’m done and refused to have anything to do with them my brother was I years older than me and was like a father to me he was my hero and I looked up to him so losing him felt like the end of the world and being told by my father that he had no kids anymore as the only one that mattered was dead hurt me even more siblings are overlooked in grief I know I have but I have now got support through doctors cruse bereavement and my partner and my baby who I was pregnant with when my brother died was born with ginger hair just like my brother so I will always have that reminder it never gets easier you just learn to live with the constant pain and heartache

    • Jenny Lee  May 20, 2017 at 11:59 pm Reply

      Kristi, i am truly sorry to hear about such cold rejection: parental rejection is cruel. My Mom experienced this as a young baby girl. The damage can devastate one’s future relationships … even though you know it is wrong for the parent to have been so cruel, even if you forgive them and see them as the child they act out. I am glad you recognize this and even though you cannot be 100% … 100% of the time you have a head start on many people when it comes to understanding authority and love. Try if possible to see the gifts you have which you would otherwise not know if you had not experienced such pain from you father, of course, layered with the pain of loss of your brother. You are special and there are people who need the gift of understanding in you. I hope you try to reach out to people and help them. My Mom grew to become an empathic loving person through her pain… I hope you find the gifts within you that stand along side your pain then transform them into tools to help others and counter the damage upon your heart by bringing love and light to others, (no matter how small, or how unnoticed, an act of kindness is a seed that grows), sending you love

  536. Karen Donald  April 11, 2016 at 6:48 am Reply

    My sister and I are the only siblings in our family. I’m 4 years older than her and she died in a car accident 30th December 2013. I’ve never known life without her…apart from the first 4 years of my life we’ve been there for each other, so being without her is a very alien existence. My parents don’t talk to me much anymore. ..they don’t visit me and it’s as though the grief of her death is all theirs. ..they have never comforted me and they don’t let me be involved with anything pertaining to her…this sounds harsh. ..and it feels harsh for me because it was never like this when my sister was alive…but on reading this article I now relate and understand why it is like this. ..I have tried talking with my parents and visiting them weekly and hoping that love from me could change. ..but it’s making no difference. ..so I’m having a break from them to get my head together because I thought I was going crazy…my adult children and husband have always been there for me and I have to remind myself that this is a wonderful thing. ..but I miss my sister terribly and existing without her is pretty empty and a huge challenge for me daily. ..I have had some counseling but it was only telling me the obvious. .that I miss my sister and time will help. ..your article has helped me more identify and understand the loss of a sibling. …x

  537. Roxane.  April 10, 2016 at 11:27 pm Reply

    I’ve lost two sisters in three months. I am devastated beyond words. I cannot accept that they are gone. I never got to say goodby. I miss them both so much.

    • Eleanor  April 11, 2016 at 8:39 am Reply

      That is a lot of loss in a very short period of time. I’m so sorry for everything you must be going through. 🙁

    • Anne Hallows  August 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm Reply

      I am 82 years old and grieving the loss of my brother who passed away at 78 years very recently. My younger brother passed 22 years ago. There is nothing to compare to the loss of a sibling..very different from one’s parents passing..even though that is painful. I truly feel for all who are going through this unique pain.

      • Litsa  September 4, 2016 at 12:29 pm

        Anne, I am so sorry for your losses. It is hard to imagine adjusting to a world without a person who has been part of your life for 78 years. I hope you find some support here on our site. Take care.

  538. Joanie Kramer  April 10, 2016 at 7:44 pm Reply

    My only sister died in 1953 at the age of 12 from a kidney disease. I was 4 at the time. I have memories of her. I remember seeing her look at me and wave through the glass of a window in her hospital room. I was not allowed to see her. Within 2 months she was dead and I remember seeing her in her casket and asking my mother why was my sister sleeping there? My mother could not answer me and told me to go to my father, who said nothing. Over the years I had asked questions, but very little information was given to me. My aunts talked with me in later years about “things,” and how “fragile” my mother was. Even now, I feel like the left out one. I miss my sister and the times we should have shared. A couple years ago I did put together a scrapbook of what pictures I had of us together and I wrote little notes along with the pictures. Healing….maybe. My parents are both gone now and life was never the same after my sister died. It was a sad household. My father would sometimes talk about my sister (about something she may have done) and my mother would look at him with knives in her eyes. The conversation stopped. And so it went…………………..

    • Eleanor  April 11, 2016 at 8:45 am Reply

      Oh Joanie, I feel so sad for you. I feel sad for your parents as well, but I can only imagine what it must have been like to be 4-years-old and to have so many unanswered questions about your sister’s death. I’m sure you also had questions about her as a person as you grew older, but it sounds she wasn’t a topic of conversation. Although it sounds like you have looked for ways to grieve her and remember her in your own way, you unfortunately never had the opportunity to freely share, remember, and grieve as a family. This had to be tough 🙁

  539. Linda Cope  April 10, 2016 at 6:59 pm Reply

    I had 2 sisters in my family, my younger sister was murdered in Florida in 1980. My older sister died in 2009. I lost my only child, a daughter in 2005. I do have a younger brother in California. It’s really hard for me

    • Eleanor  April 11, 2016 at 8:47 am Reply

      I’m so sorry Linda. You have experienced a lot of loss and these experiences all compound each other in one way or another. I’m sorry for your pain.

  540. Joy  April 10, 2016 at 6:40 pm Reply

    Other than my older sister, my brother knew me longer & better than anyone. When he died, I felt like many memories died too. He helped me remember things I had forgotten.

  541. Robyn  April 10, 2016 at 10:13 am Reply

    Thank you for this post. I am actually writing my dissertation on unexpected adult sibling loss. I really struggled with the literature review in terms of finding sibling specific resources. Everything you said is spot on and helpful to this kind of loss. I feel as if you interviewed my participants. Everyone loss was unique, but the patterns are similar. I am so grateful that someone else is trying to shed light on the loss of a sibling.

    • Eleanor  April 11, 2016 at 8:49 am Reply

      Hey Robyn,

      I’m shocked how little there is for supporting people through the death of a sibling. You’d think there would be more, considering how many people leave behind one sibling at the very least. I’m glad to hear you’ve been looking into this, everything helps!

      Eleanor

  542. Nancy Moore  March 26, 2016 at 9:15 pm Reply

    My sister was killed in a tragic car accident 39 years ago today…..it was Easter Sunday. I was nine years old and I still suffer from this loss. This past week I have been struggling to just be……missing work, staying in bed and reliving the horrific event over and over. My brother was 11 and he too suffers but bottles up his pain but I know him so well. We were kind of just pushed aside….I’m sure folks thought because we were “just kids” we would be fine…neither of us have ever been fine. I have sadness creep up on my suddenly when I least expect it and sometimes it lasts for days and days. Just today a close friend asked me if I have ever considered grief counseling…..at first I thought it was a crazy idea because it was so long ago and then I thought maybe I can find some help with this sometimes unbearable pain. So here I am….looking for help and maybe some relief from this never ending pain.

  543. Sophie  March 3, 2016 at 6:55 pm Reply

    We are definitely the forgotten grievers. My sister had been terminally ill for 11 years, she died 3 years and nearly 3 months ago, she had just turned 20, I was 3 weeks from my 17th birthday. I was forgotten about almost straight away, even by friends…always the question ‘How’s your mum?’, even my mum has forgottten, we argue a lot and she always throws in my face ‘I’ve lost a daughter’…yeah well I’ve lost my sister but you don’t seem to care about that? The guilt, anger, regrets are all there of how I treated her, I did get a chance to say ‘I’m sorry please forgive me’ and ‘I love you’ before she passed as she was in a hospice for a week receiving palliative care so I knew she was going but she wasn’t able to respond but I feel she knew and I sat by her bed all day and night that week,keeping her company and telling her it was all okay and she was going to stop suffering and get to see her dad again. I can’t comprehend what losing my sister has done to me and I know no one I know will even ever slightly understand because of the way I come across…like I’m not bothered and that I’ve forgotten about her because I don’t like talking about her but that’s only because it’s too painful. I recently turned 20 so I am not officially the age she never got past, I find that so weird and struggled on my birthday to deal with that, I tried talking to my friend but felt like I was bothering her so I changed the subject. My whole life has been changed/affected by my sisters illness and then death…my family is not a family, we are far too damaged and broken now. I will never forget my sister and I love her to bits, sleep easy Rachel and party hard up there with grandad and your dad…and the other family we have up there <3

    • Stefanie  March 3, 2016 at 10:12 pm Reply

      I’m glad you found a forum where you can express yourself and not feel guilty. Your feelings are valid and it’s okay to get them out. I don’t really have any advise for you, as my own grief has changed my life irrevocably. But I am thinking of you and I’m so sorry for your loss. Keep in touch.

    • Esther R.  October 17, 2019 at 2:21 pm Reply

      I hope that by sharing my story I can also help the way your story has helped me. I feel all you say and wish you whatever you need to acjieve peace.

  544. Stefanie  February 17, 2016 at 10:30 pm Reply

    It was nice to find this site, I don’t even know where to begin. I guess I can start with my sister died suddenly, almost as if it was a bad dream. We spoke on the phone and she had a horrible cough. I had begged her to see a doctor. The next evening, her husband had called me and told me she was dead. She was 46 and left behind two young children with two different fathers. She left behind my parents and me….no warning….no time to express our love. A year or so has passed. I have spent the last year trying to hold everything together, my parents health and grief, the blending of my niece and nephew and their new family dynamics which is forever altered. I have realized that my own grief has been pushed aside. I have so many regrets and words that were left unsaid. As the world keeps going forward, I have to keep moving as well. Although, there are many days that I would like to curl up in a ball and simply replay my memories of my beautiful, older, only sister.

    • Eleanor  February 23, 2016 at 10:57 am Reply

      Stefanie,

      I’m so sorry for your pain and the stress you’ve been under. I worry so much about the person in the family who everyone looks to to hold things together, because this is often the selfless person who seldom gets a chance to focus on his or her own feelings. Now that you’ve realized this, I hope you find some time to really acknowledge and work through some of your own grief. And I know we all have to do what we have to do in life to get through, but you deserve a day once in a while to feel sad and to remember your sister. Please let us know how we can help.

      Eleanor

      • Stefanie  February 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm

        Thanks Eleanor for your support. If you know of any grief groups in the Philadelphia area, let me know.

  545. Maria  February 13, 2016 at 11:07 am Reply

    Thank you for writing this. I have read many articles on grief but only now realize it’s the type of loss (sibling) and with whom I was closest to of all my siblings – because of that I feel terribly lost. My true confidant and literal soul sister died almost a year ago. I find myself crying a lot again after months of bottled up tears. I suppose as the anniversary approaches I am reflecting on the final weeks & days with much clarity. I miss her. My other sister has tried to fill that void and I do love her deeply and she’s here but it doesn’t change the fact that my deceased sister is not. You would think I’d embrace the living sister the same but that seems shallow and false and I suppose could mean I hurt less. I also feel passionately that the deep pain I endure proves my love and loss is real. We should be honored to feel so much, however debilitating it is. It’s ours, we should embrace it with fullness and intensity.

    • Litsa  February 16, 2016 at 9:16 am Reply

      Maria, I am so sorry for the pain of losing your sister. The reality of losing someone is that they can never be replaced. Though new relationships might form and grow, though perhaps it may even bring you and your other sister closer, that will never fill the void. Those new or strengthened relationships can be a huge comfort and support in grief, but it is important to know that we should embrace those relationships for what they are and what they can be, not to replace something/someone.

  546. Mari  February 13, 2016 at 6:56 am Reply

    My eldest of 5 Sister’s whom I was closest to passed unexpectedly in 2014. Being the oldest Sibling now I felt a sense of responsibility to keep it together snd coordinate the final plans, I did not want to burden my parents, other siblings or the children, nieces. nephews. I was surprised at how alone I felt in my grief. I did find one book on sibling grief but did not find it helpful. The first 6 months were a secret nightmare for me, I think I suffered a nervous breakdown. Had I been able to turn to s support group I think I would have survived the immediate grief much better. I will be checking out Mourning our Brothers snd Sisters on facebook as a previous post suggested. Thank you for this post

    • Litsa  February 16, 2016 at 9:19 am Reply

      Mari, I am glad you found this of some help. I am so sorry for the pain you have been though over the last couple years. Out of curiosity, what was the book you read? We are always looking at grief books and wanting to know what people found helpful or unhelpful and why, as it helps us guide others. Please share if you happen to have a chance.

  547. John  February 12, 2016 at 1:11 pm Reply

    This is a great post and has hit on almost all of the emotions and issues that I have dealt with since the loss of my sister and her husband in a plane crash over 30 years ago. Many times time does not heal, but we learn to deal with over time. When the accident occurred there was not a lot of resources available for siblings.
    With all the issues that were going on with the loss as well as grandparents decline in health made it even harder for my parents to deal with their emotions as well to be a support to myself.

  548. Bethy  February 12, 2016 at 12:06 am Reply

    Thank you for this post, it always helps to be reminded that we are not alone out here in this world. I was 24 and my brother was 29 when he was KIA in 2006. Being a military brat growing up my brother was a big support for me and always stepped in when my parents were gone at work, busy with friends, or out at a bar. He was who I went to when School got extremely hard for me and I wanted to drop out and just give up. When I lost him it tore my heart out and I felt like I was lost at sea because my father acted like my sister and I didn’t exist or need support. It became all about his “widow” (who my brother hadnt even known that long before he married her). I was left floundering having so many questions and not knowing who to ask or go to with them about what happened to him. When I turned 29&30 were 2 of the roughest years after I lost my brother because all I could think about is why do I get to make it past 29 and his life was cut short. Without the help of TAPS ( Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) being there when I needed them I dont think I would still be here. I believe that more people need to realize that sibling grief is real and painful as well as other types of grief.

  549. Amanda  February 11, 2016 at 6:23 pm Reply

    Two days ago was the 6 year anniversary of my little brothers death. I can never seem to find words to explain what losing a sibling was and is like. My brother was KIA in Afghanistan by an IED and even now I still try to wrap my mind around the fact he is never coming home. I tell my self it wouldn’t hurt so bad if it wasn’t so tragic or if he had been sick and we had expected it but the truth is nothing would make it better. I want to let you know though. For siblings, parents, children and spouses that lose someone in the military there is an amazing program called T.A.P.S. ( Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) they have so much to offer and get you linked up with people going through the same things. It doesn’t matter if your loved one was KIA or as a result of PTSD they offer help for everything. I encourage you to check it out. I know it really helped being around other siblings that knew how I felt.

    https://www.taps.org/?gclid=CLn9_Znt8MoCFQgxaQodlDoIjQ

  550. Nancy  January 9, 2016 at 3:39 am Reply

    This poem by the author of the Sibling Connection, for me, expresses perfectly how to embrace one’s grief rather than try to push it away:

    Sorrow

    She rises out of nowhere, like a wave from the sea,
    Slowly at first, silently, then crests and peaks;
    Still I have a choice
    I can turn away, go to work, watch a movie, play a game…
    But I know sorrow well.
    Though I turn away, she will wait,
    Perfectly patient,
    Until I am still,
    Then crush me with all of her accumulated power.
    Once I had angry walls to shut her out,
    But her incessant pounding tore them down.
    So now, when she rises,
    I turn to her and say,
    Here I am, I know you, sorrow.
    She crashes on my shoreline,
    And sorrow and I are one
    Until, trailing frothy whitecaps,
    She sweeps away.

    by P.G. White

  551. Nancy  January 9, 2016 at 3:31 am Reply

    Oops, sorry for some of the jumbled sentences in my previous post, can’t edit. “…socializing when other people your age don’t get it…” “It covers the complex expectations…”

  552. Nancy  January 9, 2016 at 3:28 am Reply

    Hi, I lost my sister when she was 19 and I was 18. Many, many hard years later I finally found this website on sibling loss, which helped tremendously:

    https://www.counselingstlouis.net

    It is extremely thorough and so on target, covering the issues that arise for loss of a sibling at different stages of life, if you are a child, a teen, a college student, or older. Issues such as challenges with socializing when there people your age don’t get what you’re going through, or when your parents are needing you emotionally so you neglect your own needs to become an independent adult. It covers are the complex expectations around being the surviving sibling. It also amazingly covers a lot of the stupid things people say to people who have lost a sibling. This site helped validate what I went through at a college that had no services for bereaved students. It also clarified for me how to accept my grief in a society that has a cultural habit of keeping mum or denying grief. I highly recommend it for anyone who has lost a sibling. I only wish I had come across it much earlier.

  553. Esther  December 20, 2015 at 8:33 am Reply

    My only sister died on 4 October 2015. I miss her so much and I am not sure where my future is going without her. Naturally she looked after me when I was a baby and was my biggest supporter, my confidant and my mentor. She helped me so much with many of the issues in my life and as an older sister she guided me too. Before she died I felt the pressure of stepping into her shoes as I felt I wouldn’t know what I had to do to help and support out widowed elderly mother. I am doing what I can for our mother now as I have to. I’m hoping she will guide me into making the right decisions and choices for our mother.

    Already I am getting a sense of people thinking I should be over the grieving period. It’s so hard especially at this time as Christmas approaches.

    The only beautiful thing that exists in all of this is that I was with my sister when she passed away, I held her hand and she gave me the job of informing others who were there also when I realised her breathing was changing and death approaching. She seemed to hand the reins over to me. X

    • Eleanor  December 21, 2015 at 9:41 am Reply

      Esther,

      I’m so sorry about the death of your sister; I am sure you miss ever all day every day. I am glad you can hold onto the beautiful final moments that you shared. I am sorry you’re feeling subtle pressure to move on. People don’t know what the right thing to say is and they want you to feel better because it makes them feel better…just remember though that they aren’t right. Grief takes time, it’s something that we cope with little by little every day. You can and should continue to feel the pain of this loss for as long as you need to.

      Eleanor

  554. Daisy  October 7, 2015 at 9:04 pm Reply

    Thank you for addressing this issue. My brother died unexpectedly and suddenly a number of years ago and for some time, I felt as though I was the forgotten mourner. It felt as though others didn’t recognise my grief as being relevant or as important as the grief of my parents. I distinctly recall being approached by friends and family after the death and asked, “How is your mother? How is your father? It must be so hard for them”. This question/statement was repeated time and time again. It was rare for anyone to say, “How are you? This must be so hard for you” – and in the meantime, my heart was broken. I’ve slowly worked through the “if onlys”, “I’m sorrys” and other “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” as I like to call them. It has taken time and required me to be vulnerable and ask friends for help and support but I now feel that I’ve waded through the immediate grief, have pulled myself up onto the shore and can now breathe and look forward to the future. I know that my grief journey would have been made a lot easier if sibling grief was recognised and appropriate resources had been available.

    • Judy Powers  April 11, 2016 at 10:25 am Reply

      I just discovered this site this morning, and was profoundly affected by several of the posts. I’d like to have my children read several of these comments, but they’d realize how much of a failure of a mother I was when their brother died. Roger was the oldest son; right in the middle of 7 children. He had asthma all his life (as did several of the others, but none quite as bad as Roger) and spent a year at the Children’s Asthma Research Institute and Hospital (CARIH) in Denver when he was 10. He was supposed to be there for 2 years, but we missed him too much. That was probably wrong of us also. Parents aren’t supposed to have a “favorite child” but he was mine and his siblings knew it and didn’t resent it (at least outwardly) because he was their favorite sibling also. Everyone who knew him thought he was a fine young man; a great friend, a good athlete (in spite of the asthma) and a shining example to others. When he died from an asthma attack at the age of 17 (35 years ago) from what we thought was just a routine trip to the emergency room, our whole world fell apart. My husband and I went to grief counseling, but he wasn’t comfortable with it.I went once without him because I DID get some comfort. I don’t think we even knew about any sibling counseling. They say some couples divorce after the loss of a child, but we knew we had to go on for the sake of the other kids. Unfortunately we really didn’t know how to HELP them cope, although we did try. We even moved to another state (for 5 months) to attempt a “fresh start” with the three other boys, but that was a disaster. I’ve said several times over the years that our family wouldn’t be as dysfunctional as it is if Roger had lived, because he wouldn’t have allowed it. Now I realize that we should have tried to do more to help them cope instead of letting our OWN grief overwhelm us, but it’s 35 years too late. My husband died 14 years ago, and I’m still dealing with that. At least he and Roger are together in Heaven, breathing free.

  555. Adrienne  September 1, 2015 at 3:16 pm Reply

    Thank you for this. I recently lost my 26 year old little brother and, six months later, my 30 year old big sister. My sister died of an overdose but I think her heart was already broken. When my brother died it felt like losing a limb. I stilldon’t feel like a whole person anymore, and even when I’m around friends, I often feel lost and lonely. I don’t understand how everyone else can just carry on as if nothing happened. I think they are tired of my grief, they think I should be better now. I don’t think I’ll ever be better, because parts of me are gone.

    My siblings were my closest friends, and now I find myself without many others. It’s hard to figure out how to be close to people, to make new friends. I don’t talk about them around others because I know it makes people uncomfortable, but it’s always on my mind. It colors everything I do. Losing a sibling is unimaginable and I wish that no one else had to feel this.

    I haven’t found many resources or any support groups in my area, but I did buy a book called “Angel Catcher” that I have found helpful at times. It’s a journal with helpful prompts and supportive ideas and quotes. I bought one for a friend who lost a sibling and for my youngest brother, who I know is having a hard time of it all too. I’m grateful for this website and I listen to the podcast often. Thank you for putting all of this out there.

  556. Anna  August 25, 2015 at 9:16 pm Reply

    All I can say is I just love this article it really hit home. Me and my brother WERE thick as thieves. I also couldn’t protect him and I didn’t get to say I’m sorry. Also, I knew him inside and out, I knew his heart, but I didn’t know his struggles, I thought I did but it was more than I could comprehend. It was way over my head. I thought I knew but I didn’t even after. I still don’t know. All I know is that I miss him horribly every day.

    • Tiffany Manci  July 11, 2016 at 8:27 am Reply

      Thank you so much for your comment. My brother passed away less than three weeks ago, and I am still in shock. I had no idea how sick he truly was, and never got to say I was sorry for not realizing his pain. Diabetic and in renal failure, he passed away suddenly and at 38. I was naive about his health and his quality of life, and regret minimizing his struggle. He was my best friend and I can’t believe he’s just gone. Your comment hit home with me and I had to write. I am sorry for your brother’s passing.

      • Tiffany Manci  July 16, 2016 at 5:25 pm

        My brother passed away less than three weeks ago, and I am still in shock. I had no idea how sick he truly was, and never got to say I was sorry for not realizing his pain. Diabetic and in renal failure, he passed away suddenly and at 38. I was naive about his health and his quality of life, and regret minimizing his struggle. He was my best friend and I can’t believe he’s just gone. I had been approved to be his kidney donor; he just didn’t get healthy enough to have the operation. I should have taken a more active role in his care and maybe he would still be with us. Life for me will never be the same. Knowing he is gone.

  557. lindamarie  August 25, 2015 at 8:14 pm Reply

    My brother died almost 3 years ago and so much of me died with him. In fact, the family sort of fell apart. Who knew this wonderful man was what held us together in so many ways?

  558. Vicki  August 25, 2015 at 1:24 pm Reply

    I only know one person who lost a sibling and she never says anything outside her family about it.
    I’m a member of a club nobody asked to be in; the ‘People who know relatives and friends who died by homicide’ group. Her brother was murdered at Columbine High School in the library. That’s where most of them were killed but not Daniel Rohrbough. He was killed outside and laid there for 3 days before anyone would claim his body. I never understood that but oh well.
    Christine never says a word about it beyond helping with gun safety and keeping firearms away from absolute lunatics like Dylan Roof, who killed 9 people in a Charleston, South Carolina church.
    The only comment she’s made is was to say that certain comments from so-called well-meaning people make her crazy. The ones who say things without having any idea that their words might be construed as insensitivity of the speaker.

  559. Jean Rice  August 24, 2015 at 11:52 am Reply

    These comments are very hard to read because they resonate so much with my own feelings and experience. In 1974 our mother died of an overdose, the last of multiple attempts. My brother was 13, my sister 9 and I was almost 15.

    From about the age of 8 or 9 I knew what was happening when our mother went into
    hospital and became complicit in keeping her depression and suicide attempts secret from my younger siblings. I knew what the warning signs were which indicated that she was sliding into depression and also the subtle hints she gave before taking
    another overdose. More than once I had to accompany her to the local hospital and wait while her stomach was pumped out. When she was in a local psychiatric hospital (a horrible former asylum with naked old people wandering around screaming and faeces smeared on the walls) we would visit her and I don’t think my brother and sister ever questioned why she was there or why (as a result of ECT) she often forgot our names and appeared to think we were her siblings.

    I discovered my mother’s body beside my sleeping father and had to wake him and phone for an ambulance. I had to tell our neighbours who took my sister back to their house before the ambulance and the police arrived. I had to tell my brother and try to comfort him while my father dealt with everything else. I became a very poor substitute for my mother at the age of 14. My father was obviously grief stricken and was subsequently prescribed antidepressants which triggered epileptic seizures and again I ended up taking a parent to hospital and wandering if they would be coming home but not knowing what would happen to us if they didn’t.

    My brother became very angry and withdrawn and my sister just wanted to be comforted because she wanted her mother back. We became very close but our relationship with our brother was never the same again.

    We all survived and went on to marry and have children but my brother’s 2 marriages broke down, mine ended after 12 years and eventually my sister’s did too. She developed a severe depression and sadly in 2009 she hanged herself in her garage, knowing that I would be the one to discover her body and deal with everything, from telling her ex-husband to phoning my poor brother with the news. My brother was very angry with me for not telling him she’d become so ill and the fact that she’d begged me not to tell him was, in his eyes, unforgivable. He remains quite distant now, but we do sometimes talk and he was very supportive when I became depressed in 2011. He has also experienced depression himself since that time.

    When my sister was initially diagnosed with depression the team treating her suggested that her reaction to her marital breakdown was as a result of the huge sense of loss she experienced when we lost our mother and her extended family who blamed my father for my mother’s death. He was very distant from his own family so we felt very much alone, just the four of us of whom now only my brother and I survive. We became estranged from my father about 10yrs after my mother’s death because his new partner was a very domineering person who preferred to keep my father to herselfmand he would meet us in secret but the meetings were very brief and he was never able to spend time with our children, she didn’t even tell us he was ill, I saw his name in the “Death Announcements” in our local paper and once again I had to tell my siblings of the death of one of our parents. Shortly before she died my sister managed to track down both my mother and father’s families and sadly we were all reunited at my sister’s funeral.

    I’m sorry this is such a long post but what I really wanted to say was that you can overcome such loss, it takes a long time and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but I am so grateful I had my beautiful mother and baby sister for as long as I did. The love we all shared didn’t die with them, I carry it with me always.

    • Patti  April 11, 2016 at 12:04 am Reply

      Your post conveys a very sad and poignant story. I feel like the untimely death of my mother, and then of my sister, have been quite significant in shaping my adult life.
      My mom took her own life at the age of 55, by carbon monoxide poisoning in the garage of our home. She had run away from home twice and tried to overdose on sleeping pills in nearby motels when I was a senior in high school. She was in the psych ward at St. Anthony hospital for a few weeks. She killed herself on the day I came home from my first semester at college and I believe she wanted my father and me to find her.
      I am still angry that she bottled up and would not talk to the family about her troubles and discontent, and that she didn’t leave a note, which might have shed some light on her despair and dissuade some of our guilt.
      My angelic older sister died of advanced leukemia at the age of 33. She was petite, popular and charming, and also fragile. She lived 9 months after her diagnosis, leaving behind an immature needy husband and a very bright 2-yr-old son. The husband remarried a jealous wife, who tried to murder my sister’s son for insurance money. She left him with permanent brain damage and multiple other injuries. It is up to me to provide for and love my beloved blind and bed-ridden nephew, and I know my sister is his guardian angel.
      Had my sister survived her son would never have been injured. He would have enjoyed a normal life and have been able to be an independent person.
      I have most of all missed not having had an adult relationship with my sister. It must be a wonderful thing to go through life’s seasons with the one person who knows you best, your sibling. I will always miss Cheryl.

      • Eleanor  April 11, 2016 at 8:37 am

        Oh my goodness Patti, I am so sorry for everything you (and your family) have been through. That is a horrifying story about your nephew. It’s hard to believe such evil and greed exists in this world. I’m glad your nephew has you, although I know being a caregiver can be stressful at times. I hope you have people around you for support.

        Eleanor

  560. Chris  August 20, 2015 at 10:44 am Reply

    Thank you for talking about this subject our siblings matter there is a bond there no one can fill, I to have suffered the lost of both my brothers , back in 1981 my brother Mike was playing with a gun in front of his friend it went off and killed him he was only 13 died on May 13 I was 14 yrs old and my other brother Bobby was 15 yrs old it was hard but to young to really understand everybody pushed us aside family drifted away our school friends helped us get through it and really they dident even know they were helping us by just wanting to hang out is what we needed cuz we just weren’t getting it from the family now looking back on it in a adault point of view everybody was just broken and so were me and my brother me and him always vowed to never fight again and we never did we loved each other and only us two knew we had each other and we both understood were we have come from and what we have been through well 3 years ago when Bobby was only 47 he got colon cancer and he passed on Aug 13 at 47 years old i now was faced with losing my soul my brother my only sibling left I was and am still broken I had to watch these two young healthy strong brothers die on tragic deaths and I am sick inside people think your crazy but they don’t understand everything you have endured and everything that goes through your head like why am I still here watching them die killed me watching them being so young it takes you back to your child hood you handle it then and you as children I felt like I was still a child watching my brothers die and they were my brothers dieing . Another for me they both died on the 13 I’m scared every month the 13 th day comes up , I go through every day alone knowing I will never grow old with them watching my mom broken burying two children also again what little few family left watching them disappear you get scare what do you who is going to help take care of me if something is to happen all kinds of things that go through your mind . We need more support with cancer hitting the world as hard as its hitting there are going to be more of us out there and when it hits you at a young age you find ways to bounce back but when Bobby died 3 years ago I got hit hard with mikes death to from 1981 . Please we need to have people focus on this subject and I would love to help in anyway I can . Please anybody reading this love your brothers and sister cuz once they are all gone your childhood is gone . Parent are not suppose to bury there children and siblings aren’t suppose to go through it alone .

  561. Sarah  August 20, 2015 at 2:20 am Reply

    Thank you for so much time put into this. My younger sister passed about three years ago and I have yet to see anything like this out there ! Keep it up id love to see where this can go in the future!

    • James  June 5, 2016 at 10:53 pm Reply

      How long did it take. It’s been only 3 days for me. I lost my baby sister and she left behind a beautiful smart 9 year old and every time I see her I see my sister. I break down one day the next I feel calm. I don’t know how to handle it.

  562. Shannon wiegand  August 20, 2015 at 1:23 am Reply

    My brother shawn died on August 2 2015. We were so close and I miss him with all my heart and soul. I do feel siblings are the forgotten mourners and we feel as though we have to support our parents more than ever. Which isn’t a bad thing but I would like some support too as I get weak and saddened behind closed doors and just fall apart. Siblings may feel they need to protect their parents sense it is the first time they ever see them helpless and lost. It’s a difficult time. My brother was amazing the bible has helped me so much with comfort.

  563. Shibby  August 19, 2015 at 11:58 am Reply

    The forgotten grievers. I lost my half brother 5 years ago, he was 12, I was 23. He had a freak accident. We didn’t live together, and I think because of that my sisters and I were totally forgotten. Friends of my dad and stepmum’s family would write condolence cards without mentioning my sisters and I. It was always oh your poor parents, never how are you coping. I was coping shit. But no one asked, it seemed no one cared. And I felt guilty for the times I called my dad because I needed him, but knew I was taking him away from my brothers mum when they needed each other.
    There was no help or support from anyone, they and my stepbrother had councilling while my sisters and I had nothing. I now admin a Facebook group with a lovely small community of brother and sisters. Everyone is friendly, everyone helps each other, and I am grateful that I along with the group members am able to offer the support and advice to other bereaved siblings, that I needed so much.

  564. Soli Aguilar  August 19, 2015 at 10:33 am Reply

    Thanks for sharing this great article. It’s been five years since I lost my brother, KIA in Afghan. He left a wife, a son at 5 mos. (now 5yrs.), my mother and younger sister. I’ve been and still are the backbone of this family, never having the time to deal with my own grief. It’s hard to care for yourself when so many people depend on you. Just because you seem to keep things together and functional for everyone else, they forget that you’re torn inside and also grieving. I was close to my brother, we were only a year or so apart, it’s been hard for me to keep my own personal life together. It’s true, Guilt is something that never leaves you, from wishing to have protect them to remembering the last hug or good bye. Surprisingly a lo of support systems, including military, are for spouse, parents, or children of the deceased. Siblings for some reason are always forgotten …

  565. Pat  August 19, 2015 at 8:18 am Reply

    Thank you for talking about this…my brother was not expected to live when born and lived five wonderful years…his death, although, expected was still very hard. It is something, that honestly I have finally started to really grieve 35 years later. Knowing that my parents are reunited with him is what keeps me going. Thanks for the great blogs.

    • R  April 10, 2016 at 7:07 pm Reply

      May I ask how old you were when he passed? I worry about my other children since their sister died. We go as a family to grief counseling since her passing.

  566. L  August 19, 2015 at 1:31 am Reply

    My husband lost his sister when they were in their teens. His entire family still grieves over her but he really can’t even talk about her. It’s been 23 years. I have watched his parents go from not celebrating holidays to embracing them and enjoying them. They are able to talk about her and share stories about her. They are gradually working through their grief but he is not at all. When our children ask questions about her he can’t talk about it. I encourage them to refer their questions to their grandmother (I never met his sister) because it causes him pain to even mention her. I truly believe he could benefit from a sibling loss support group.

  567. Patrick  August 18, 2015 at 11:20 pm Reply

    It is horrible that people forget about the friends of the deceased. Friends are important in our lives

  568. Raymond  August 18, 2015 at 11:16 pm Reply

    Wow, you covered it extremely well, I can relate to so much of this. My only brother was 5 years younger, we lost our dad about a year before him. I already felt that patriarch role falling on me after Dad passed, but I had my bother to share it with. After he died I had his wife, kids, my Mom, my sisters and others coming to me. At least that’s how it felt. (which is okay) There was a tremendous out pouring of support for his wife & kids and my Mom. Which was great, but I kept looking around for my support and it just wasn’t there. I eventually found your site and a couple of sibling loss on-line groups but nothing local.
    Thanks for this post.

  569. Chelsea  August 18, 2015 at 10:53 pm Reply

    Wow, you really know how to hit the nail on the head with the great and awful timing. 12 yrs ago tomorrow, my best friend and for all intents and purposes brother, died of sepsis, he was 7 yrs old. He and I had the same medical issues and bonded as we fought the same battles and went through the same things. We were closer than many blood siblings. When I woke up that morning twelve years ago and found out that he was gone, it felt like someone ripped my heart right out of my chest and ran it over with a truck. I felt so guilty that I was still alive, that there was nothing that I could do, and that I would never have the chance to tell him how much he meant to me, I was angry because he deserved a heck of a lot better than what he got, because the doctors at the hospital had failed to save him… I was lonely because I seemed to be the last person on earth anyone expected to miss him… I hated, and still hate everything he missed out on, that he never got to play real baseball, he would never go to high school, let alone college… I wanted us to grow up together thick as thieves the way it had always been… now that future, all those years we had ahead of us, I would have to spend without him… I ask you… how is it any different than if Matt and I had been brother and sister by blood?

  570. Shannon  August 18, 2015 at 9:47 pm Reply

    My only sibling Sean died 16 yrs ago. And you are right, we are the forgotten ones. Everyone focuses on the parents and that is it. We are pushed aside. Some of us are told to forget our grief by our parents I know I was. My parents told me to get over, stop talking about it that I was driving everyone around me crazy. I ended up having a nervous breakdown over my brothers death, because I had no one to talk to, no therapist or anything. I have learned over the last few within myself that I can put him in a safe place in my heart where I can deal with my emotions. I haven’t forgotten him, but I can cope now. I still have my bad days every now and then, but I know now how to deal with them. I know he wouldn’t want to self destruct.

    1
  571. Rainee Carlson  August 18, 2015 at 3:10 pm Reply

    Thank you for posting on sibling grief. I agree, there are little resources for sibling grief, let alone adult sibling grief due to loss of sibling via suicide. Not only is sibling grief overshadowed and downplayed, there are few sibling support groups out there for this type of loss. Suicide is still a societal stigma and it makes grieving a prolonged pain. In the Bible Belt area, for example (where I live), my grief was compounded by a polarizing general attitude of judgement and isolation. I was actually shocked by some of the comment my mother and I received (even from Christians), like, “was your brother on drugs”, “you don’t go to heaven when you take your own life”, or “that is so selfish and sinful”, or “God doesn’t forgive those who commit suicide”, and the list goes on. It was very difficult at the time, now it has been 11 years so I am well through the acceptance process, (but still, the pain is a wound that never really heals, especially since it happened on my birthday). I feel for anyone who has gone through this type of grief. Thank you so much to Eleanor and Litsa for all of your work to keep this website up and running.

    • Patricia  April 11, 2016 at 11:15 am Reply

      I am the oldest of 6 (now 5 ) lost a brother 3 years ago to suicide. He was an identical twin, and 47 years old. My brother’s death will be my catharsis for starting a group for people who need grief workshops and resources, and I welcome any input from those who have experieced this horific situation in their lives. I agree that there is a stigma on the word “SUICIDE” and not a lot of resources pertaining to this topic out there. I also agree that people in general say some non comforting things when this happens.
      Let us all pull together with this experience in our lives, and learn to share and love one another, and to not take anything for granted. Thank you all for this insightful website, and for those who were brave enough to share their feelings.
      It was definitely a GOD WINK – as my brothers anniversary was 4/9 and here it is 4/11.

      • Ronnie Nail  September 24, 2016 at 1:36 am

        My twin passed April 2016 and now it is September 2016 and I am at a loss. My twin and I are 47 years old and I feel a loss I cannot fathom. I have many thoughts about him dying and finding him lying on the floor I cannot explain. I do not know where to turn and feel ashamed to a point that I am a 47 year old male and cannot handle my brother’s unexpected death. I do not know if anyone can understand how important he was in my life or if I am able to find a substitute.

      • John  November 29, 2016 at 1:04 pm

        Ronnie – I am a 47 year old twinless-twin. There is no age appropriate response. Pain from loss does not consider age. Pain is pain and it hurts. Some days are harder than others… Especially when you have a tough situation and feel stress, because we are primed to turn towards our twin for comfort… Only to feel the sting over and over again that you cannot connect with them. Grasping for breath at that point. We have to walk around and pretend that everything is alright everyday… Even though you may not even feel dignity. It is a hard life man. I pray that you have happiness and nice times while you are here in this world. Alafia.
        John

  572. Sarah  August 18, 2015 at 12:16 pm Reply

    A very well-written and accurate post — thank you. There *are* so few resources on sibling grief, especially for adult or (bare) adult siblings. “Overshadowed grief” is a new term for me, and I needed a term for this. It’s not that my grief was unacknowledged, just that it’s always treated as less significant, less earth-shattering, less life-altering. Just “less”. In the shadow of your parents’ mountain of grief, it’s always less.

    • Joy  April 10, 2016 at 6:32 pm Reply

      That was my exact experience when my brother died almost 9 years ago.

    • Lauren  August 2, 2016 at 5:24 am Reply

      My brother died a year ago in May and it’s been really hard. I’m so glad I found this, because it’s really hard to talk to my parents because I see the anguish they’re in, and when I talk to my aunts, they basically say, “Yeah we’re sad too but how is your mom?”

  573. Marty Tousley (@GriefHealing)  August 18, 2015 at 11:29 am Reply

    You’ll find a long list of resources I’ve assembled on my “Death of a Sibling or Twin” page, here: https://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-sibling-or-twin.htm

    • Eleanor  August 18, 2015 at 11:35 am Reply

      Thanks for sharing Marty. I’ll link to this on our resource page as well.

    • Liz  May 13, 2016 at 4:42 am Reply

      I lost my sister in January this year. She was diagnosed with cancer and died 8 weeks later. She was a teenager when I was born and became my mentor , my confidant and my friend. I feel angry towards those in our large extended family who were dismissive even mean during her illness. My niece has just been diagnosed with cancer and I reacted badly to the news. She will be ok as she is young and string. Not being understood by some and losing my beautiful sister has changed me for ever and left a hole that will never be filled.

      • Barbara  November 13, 2016 at 1:13 am

        I lost my sister to Cancer and feel the same way. Misunderstood by my other brothers and sisters who were not there for my sister during her 4 years of suffering, Lymphoma. I was her caregiver in the end and my sisters millinial sons now have diss connected from me. I was never paid during my time of caregiving. I rented my own home close to my sister. It has been 4 years now since she died. I am only now getting my financial life back in order career wise after moving from New England to Chicago. I know your hardship and emotional heartache. Losing a sister has been harder then losing both my parents who I loved with all my heart. Today my sisters oldest son married at 37 a successful man he is. I cried most of the day, all these years later as I was not invited to his wedding. My sister his Mother talked about this day for his entire lifetime. I also have another Sister…she also was not invited. We came from Educated happily married parents and my sister was happily married as well, until she became a widow at 47. I want to understand as well as you, why family detaches from us.

      • Barbara  November 13, 2016 at 1:14 am

        I lost my sister to Cancer and feel the same way. Misunderstood by my other brothers and sisters who were not there for my sister during her 4 years of suffering, Lymphoma. I was her caregiver in the end and my sisters millinial sons now have diss connected from me. I was never paid during my time of caregiving. I rented my own home close to my sister. It has been 4 years now since she died. I am only now getting my financial life back in order career wise after moving from New England to Chicago. I know your hardship and emotional heartache. Losing a sister has been harder then losing both my parents who I loved with all my heart. Today my sisters oldest son married at 37 a successful man he is. I cried most of the day, all these years later as I was not invited to his wedding. My sister his Mother talked about this day for his entire lifetime. I also have another Sister…smhe also was not invited. We came from Educated happily married parents and my sister was happily married as well, until she became a widow at 47. I want to understand as well as you, why family detaches from us.

  574. Deborah Lambo  August 18, 2015 at 11:21 am Reply

    Adult sibling loss – where ones’ sibling dies when both are adults–is perhaps the least supported and written about. There are few resources for this phenomenon, which happens all the time. It is made more complicated precisely because of the changes in roles, the need (often) for the surviving sibling to assist their grieving parents (who have by definition lost a child), as well as other family members. Having lost both my sisters, as adults, I am working on a book to help other adult sibling loss people. The grief is, in many ways, a different kind of grief.

    • Cindy Kelly  April 13, 2016 at 7:25 am Reply

      I have, over the years lost two siblings…one was 33 and the other earlier this year was just 59…I really relate to the “forgotten mourner” comment early in this article. Mine especially felt and feels trivialized as my brother lived several provinces away…after returning home from going to his home town with my other siblings and family to lay him to rest and look after his affairs I felt “flat” for several weeks… Life is busy and the only option is to move on with life but I think about him daily, feel a deep loss and am profoundly sad for his struggles.

    • michelle  April 13, 2016 at 10:45 am Reply

      please do work on a book, I am still surprised at the lack ofm information and resources regarding adult sibling grief.

  575. Aileen  August 18, 2015 at 11:17 am Reply

    Thank you for this post – especially today.
    In a few weeks it will be exactly seven years since my sister committed suicide, but as I struggle to help my sons cope with their lives since the death of their father, my husband, the person I miss most is my sister. In addition to her professional insights and her wonderful sense of humor, she loved my sons and they loved her, and my sister and I basically raised our sons together. I miss being able to talk the problems through with her, figuring out how to deal with all the hard things together.
    This is one of the blog posts I wrote about missing her: https://livingwithplanb.derieg.com/2013/05/sisters/

  576. Nicole  August 18, 2015 at 10:45 am Reply

    I’m so happy you made the distinction between types of loss. My younger brother (and only sibling) died almost 4 years ago. It is true that you reevaluate your support circle. I have found there are some people I feel safe opening up to, and some I don’t. Something that helped me was finding a support group of other surviving siblings who truly understood what I was feeling and I could open up to. And since I’ve found them, I have become an active member. There is the online support group (via email) called Mourning Our Brothers and Sisters/MOBS. We also have a Facebook page.
    Thank you again for this post.

  577. Clif Martin  August 18, 2015 at 10:37 am Reply

    Thanks for dealing with types of loss.I think about that a lot and how strongly it affects how we grieve. How about more?

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